#death concerns. since i. yk. didnt care if i lived or died vs caring SO much-
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#mental illness sucks so much kuz ur friends are all out experiencing beautiful things and sometimes even sending you pictures#and yet you cant reply because unbeknownst to them you are stuck in a Friday night lay-in-the-dark-and-spiral episode#asking yourself like 'will the fact that I have to take so much benadryl cause me to get early onset alzheimers and rob me of my old age?'#'will my body break down before its time because of how hard it has always had to work just to keep me alive with my disabilities?'#'will i some day get ovarian cancer and die because it kept getting written off for a decade like my pcos did?'#'is my birth control going to kill me? apparently the brand I'm on is really dangerous'#'what if after everything ive done and fought through. i don't even get to live the life I've been working towards?'#and other shit like that on repeat until you like. throw up or pass out#sometimes i almost miss being severely depressed because at least in a way i almost had more peace then. at least around the future and#death concerns. since i. yk. didnt care if i lived or died vs caring SO much-#vent#personal
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