#deathscam

[sallyastral]

Dan Heng: "Fuck the Stellaron Hunters!"

Sampo and Stelle taking it a bit too seriously:

[laseratingfist]

Oh, now I'm curious.

Sampo x Blade for the ship bingo :D

sallyastral is definitely more on the actively thinking about them train than me, but!! aughhhh i love them. both silly and serious angsty potential....

[heartburstings]

wait a minute what do you mean explains a lot fROGGY

oh u kno

[crimefuck]

Man I got death scammed 

[sallyastral]

They’re being arrested for tax evasion, space terrorism and being very very gay

(Posting the doodle in case I never finish this)

[sallyastral]

the type of pic Sampo would send to Blade

@mochinoodle

[sallyastral]

ship opinion on.... hm.... sampo x blade? :3

FUCK YEAHHHHHHHH

...

Ahem. I am totally normal about them. I am absolutely calm and collected while writing this as you can clearly see. So, let's begin with the bingo!

[More, way more under the cut.]

I can make it SO fucked up <3: c'mon. Just look at them and then look at me straight in the eyes and try to tell me they're not two of the most fucked up human beings in the whole game. I barely have to do anything, they're doing it on their own!

In my mind, their dynamic is pretty... I wouldn't say toxic, I'd say complicated, but we'll get to it with the next points. The angst potential is very strong and I'll make the worst best out of it.

They're fucking the same guy: mainly a joke about RenPo+Jing Yuan.

They make me feel INSANE: It's been a whole month and they're still living in my head rent free. With the amount of fanfic, art and other stuff ideas I have I'm either on the brink of insanity or ascending to Aeonhood of Crackships.

They enable the worst of each other: this is what I meant with "complicated" three points ago.

To put it simply: Blade thinks Sampo would be better off forgetting him, but Sampo actually wants to be with Blade. Sampo thinks he can somehow help Blade, but he doesn't want to be helped even though he loves Sampo. By doing this they both try to achieve what they think is best for the other miserably failing and enabling each other's worst traits because they got it totally wrong.

Their dynamic could be resumed with:

"I can fix you." "I can make you worse." [and he succeeds.]

Most codependent bitches on earth: While staying together is already a mess, being apart is even worse, because that's not what they want despite it being what's best for them.

I don't think they're at the "I can't live without him" level, but each other's absence surely does bring a difference to their lives. I believe Blade would hide it better, while Sampo would get... less chatty, less flamboyant, would stop joking around that much. People around him would almost immediately notice there's something wrong with this guy.

I like it in very specific scenarios that only exist in my head: considering RenPo is a crackship, there's nothing in canon to back it up so the only place where it can exist is in my mind and the ones of those who also enjoy it - so roughly two other people. This post as a whole is a smoothie of very specific scenarios based on thin air and my wild imagination running miles during sleepless nights.

The reason I started to ship RenPo is because, somehow and in some very specific scenarios, they are two polar opposites.

Sampo wants to help people -> Blade is the only person he can't help. High emotional intelligence -> emotional intelligence below zero Unstoppable force -> immovable object (extra funny points because Blade sees himself as an object [credit to @mochinoodle for this incredibly cruel yet fun take, ily])

Oh there's no way this will end well: I can't find a single scenario where these two will eventually be fully happy.

Worst case scenario: Sampo gets accidentally killed during a mara flare-up.

Best case scenario: Sampo dies of old age or whatever other reason and Blade eventually outlives and forgets him. And it's not even an "I'll meet you again in the afterlife/I'll come to find you in my next life" because Blade is immortal, and unless you play the reincarnation card Sampo will never have a second chance to see him ever again.

Another thing is that the circumstances they live in are totally incompatible: either Sampo gets used to having an extremely complicated long-distance relationship with the hunter, or he joins the Stellaron Hunters to go with Blade and both have their set of terrible consequences.

In a relationship. Not sure what the relationship is but they're in one: They don't know what's going on between them either. I wouldn't say they are in a relationship, but rather a situationship. I don't think they'd be the type to go through all the formalities like a full declaration, ring, or anything. They're not exactly dating but aren't just friends either.

They're sweet: As much as I love angst, these two also have rights to their moments of happiness. I think they can be very sweet if they try hard enough, especially Sampo. An example that I had already mentioned some time ago is this.

Oh, the devotion...: Mainly on Sampo's part. Again, this post.

Compatible brand of freaks: silly man x chronically silly man. Do I need to elaborate more?

Inherent eroticism of attempted murder: I am not expanding on this one as it's, again, another joke.

Oof this took more time than expected.

[sallyastral]

No but hear me out on this silly RenPo thought

Blade falling for both Sampo and Brughel. Like, Sampo managing to have the wet cat fall in love not once but twice in a row

[sallyastral]

No thoughts head empty, just thinking about Sampo combing Blade's messy hair in the morning

[sallyastral]

what type of dates do you think renpo would go on? who pays? do they dine and dash? 🤔

I don't think they'd be the type to go on dates honestly, but if we want to consider going places together as dates then it's mainly Sampo to suggest places to go. Sampo often finds himself traveling a lot for his business, so I imagine he sees a lot of nice places and thinks "You know what? Next time I'll come with Blade" (in most cases Blade has already seen them)

In case they have to eat out or buy something, Sampo always insists on paying. He knows full well that Blade probably has more money than him, but he refuses to let him shell out even a single coin. Which is why Sampo keeps aside a nice sum of money dedicated to these occasions. And yes, they have dined and dashed once... twice. Maybe thrice.

[sallyastral]

Sampo would be the type to buy Blade a black cat plushie and go like "he looks just like you, I had to get him"

[sallyastral]

Blade is the strict mom, Sampo is the jokester stepdad and Firefly and Silver Wolf are their kids

[sallyastral]

Sneak peak at some chapters' names of my upcoming RenPo fanfic

[sallyastral]

Blade eventually forgetting about Sampo was exactly what I needed to ruin my Tuesday

[sallyastral]

hey what if we gave renpo a silly alt name like how argenthill is guns n roses or raturine is golden ratio. sadly i don't have any good proposals rn (though smoke bomb was a consideration) but i'd love to hear anything you might have!

Oooh, that sounds interesting eheh!

I asked a friend of mine for advice and he came up with Death Scam, which is pretty fitting considering how I'd view their dynamic, with them expecting to be somehow happy and instead getting each other's lives ruined. It might not be as romantic as Guns N' Roses, but realistically speaking I guess RenPo doesn't leave any space to fluff. Only angst, whump even.

I'm open to suggestions though, they really deserve an "official" ship name :')

Also, where did all these RenPo shippers come from?? I was sure I was the only one

[sallyastral]

I'm not a fan of Aha!Sampo (in the sense that yeah I like the headcanons but I'd like to see something different for him in canon), but.

But.

Aeon x human RenPo. The classic trope of the deity who gets head over heels in love with a human and uses a disguise to get closer to them.