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aharrypotternerd · 3 years

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Unexpected Christmas Love

Part one

All of my friends had gone home for the holidays and I'm spending Christmas at Hogwarts. My parents was on a ship in the middle of the ocean on a top secret mission that I don't even know the details too, so I can't spend it with them. My parents are muggles and I was lucky enough to get a letter inviting me to this school seven years ago. Hogwarts was shut down over the summer due to the damage that was cause by the war.

Over the course of the summer, strange things happened. Dead people started living again. Nobody knows who was doing this. Whoever it was, they brought back Colin Creevey, Lavender Brown, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Fred Weasley, Lily and James Potter, Severus Snape, and Albus Dumbledore. Maybe the person who did this feels guilty and was trying to fix things by bringing back people who died for the greater good.

I'm glad that Professor Snape is back because he is my favorite teacher, even though I wouldn't admit it out loud. Everyone is more hostile towards him since he got back, not only him, but all the death eaters. I think there is more to it than everyone is letting on. I think there is a good reason why he became a death eater.

It was late at night, Christmas Eve. I couldn't sleep, so I was roaming the halls, not going anywhere in particular. I turned the corner and bumped into something rather big. I staggered back and a pair of strong, sturdy hands appears on my shoulders steadying me. A deep voice says, "Are you okay?"

I looked up and met Professor Snape's deep, dark, cold, black eyes. I swallowed and nodded. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I couldn't sleep." I admitted. Looking into his eyes makes me shiver.

I think he noticed because he took off his robe and placed it around my shoulders. The gesture was unexpected. He says, "You should get back to your room. It's cold in these hallways. Wouldn't want you to get sick."

"Worried about my health, professor?" I asked teasingly. I saw a flicker of a smile in his eyes.

"You wouldn't want to miss any holiday fun, would you?"

"I'm sure it wouldn't be anything a potion couldn't cure. After all there is an excellent potions master at this school. It shouldn't be a challenge for him to make something."

The corner of his mouth moved up a little bit. I don't think I've seen him smile genuinely before. It's quite a sight to see, even if it's only small. I asked, "How come you're roaming the halls? Are you patrolling?"

"I suppose you could say that. I'm suppose to keep students in their beds."

I softly smirked. His eyes flickered to the movement and back again. "How would you keep them in their beds?" I challenged.

A flash of an emotion I didn't catch flash in his eyes. It was gone as soon as it appeared. He asks, "Are you flirting with me?"

"Maybe." I acknowledged. Apparently I was.

He immediately masked his emotions and became distant again. He orders, "You should go back to bed." I knew I was being dismissed.

My smile slowly disappeared and I swallowed. I took off his cloak and handed it back to him. Before I turned to leave, I informed, "Just so you know, I didn't shiver because I was cold." I walked away.

As I was walking away, I had realized I have a crush on Professor Snape and I'm determined to see his smile again. I want to see a real genuine smile and I will see it.

I know there is a part of him that is softer buried deep down inside of him. I want to see and know that side. I think he's misunderstood. He closed himself off because he didn't get the love he deserves. I'm going to give it to him. The only problem is that I don't know how deep it goes.

No matter how deep the pain and scares go, I will give him the love he never got, the love he deserves.

Hello, I haven't written a fanfic in a while. I hope you enjoy this one. There is more parts to come as soon as I write it, I will put it up.

#professorsnape #christmas #deservingoflove

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unhinderedthoughts-xx-blog · 5 years

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I once believed that the darkness inside of me was permanent. I believed that every violent and aggressive transaction was embedded deep down within me. And because of that I believed that maybe I was unworthy...because how? How could someone love the dark and twisted thing that was evidently comprised of well, me? I stood there and listened to people telling me how much they liked me, cared for me, loved me... but I sabotaged so much of it. I remember sabotaging friendships and relationships because I felt it was unfair for a broken person to love or care for someone who was not broken. I believed that everything was a performance rather than genuineness. And I realize now that I lost out on friendships and I lost out on love because of it. I pushed and made excuses to terminate any type of feeling that didn’t make sense to me. “She couldn’t possibly like spending time with me”, “He’s just really nice” ... I thought of everything except for, “S/he really likes me”. Looking back, I wish I could’ve said “Thank you for the friendship” or “I care about you too”. But truthfully, that’s where I was at a few years ago. I’m not there anymore. Today I can say that I care about you and that I love you. I can apologize for being hardheaded and letting my doubts and fears get the best of me. So to all of my passings, I’m sorry I didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m sorry I pushed you away when you tried to be close. I’m sorry that I neglected your love and your care. I hope wherever you are in the world, that you’re doing well and that you are loved and happy. I hope the people around you realize how much light you give, especially to people who didn’t necessarily deserve it or know it at the time. But I know now, that I am worthy of love. I know now that the darkness that may linger sometimes, but I will not reject love because I do deserve it. I am worthy.

#growth #darkness worthy unworthy love deservingoflove itsokay

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