#despite definitely having seen it around during its heyday

[coldgoldlazarus]

I'm sorry to the handful of people who followed me because of that one vampire post

And then discovered I mainly just talk about lego action figures from the 2000s, and a niche video game series that gets a new game an average of once per decade, except for a brief weird cluster of rapid releases... also in the 2000s.

[kristinarambles]

Cheeseburger Backpack

Analysis Four

Two more players are introduced in this episode, Jamie the Postman and the Cheeseburger Backpack!

"Hey Mr. Postman bring me a post, bring me the post that I love the most" I love that Steven sings all the time. Me too man, me too. Waiting is always easier with some music lol. Obviously his love of music mostly comes from Greg, last episode he sings along with his CD so enthusiastically even though Greg is kind of embarrassed. Considering later on Steven says that Jamie is the only one who knows where he lives I wonder at what exactly his address is, and how Jamie found it in the first place. We know Barb is also a mailperson and the way she talks there must be other mailpeople around even though we only see Barb and Jamie.

Jamie's sense of humor leaning towards the dramatic is apparent even this early in the game, pretending like he doesn't know what package is for Steven lol. I guess he could just be messing with him because he's a kid, but I like to think that Jamie just knows that he can be himself around Steven. He does have a way of drawing people in and making them feel comfortable. Jamie is absolutely right that it's reasonable that the Gems want Steven to learn to control his powers before he helps out but I don't think he realizes just how real it is. The people who live in Beach City are pretty used to weird things happening, and the Gems being a part of that, but I don't think they realize that it's global. Part of that is probably because the Gems generally like to track down the corrupted ones in the wild before they find the temple, thus keeping them away from people as much as possible. The rest is probably just the general centrism most of us humans are guilty of. We get our first mention of Barb here, in the context of her being Jamie’s boss. I was just as shocked as Steven when I found out she was Sadie's mom, but that's another analysis. I love that little exchange though "Do you know how you can save my world?" Plus Steven's signature with the stars? So cute. And he really must be comfortable with Steven to tell him Barb yells at him, you don't just talk about your boss like that casually, even if it's true and she would probably laugh at you for sharing it anyway. Barb isn't exactly easy going, but she's pretty accepting and she's got a good sense of humor. Jamie is definitely surprised to see the warp pad go off, but not concerned enough to say anything about it, he just wants to know what a Whacky Sack is.

That egg that Amethyst has got opens up my questions about gem reproduction again, Centipeetle had her centipeetle babies and now we have a giant bird that we assume was also a gem that lays eggs? No naturally occuring birds lay eggs that have stars on them, and none that large. I'm leaning towards thinking it could be a gem creature similar to the crystal shrimp we see later in this episode or the lizards that Lion eats regularly. After all there are feathers everywhere and generally when a Gem, corrupted or otherwise, poofs it completely disappears with only the gem remaining. We don't see a bubbled gem either, although it could have already been sent into the temple. I also have to wonder why the bird had the Moon Goddess statue if it wasn't a real Gem. It makes me think of the bubble bird we see later in Giant Woman, who collects other gems and gem artifacts within itself. So many questions about something we never even actually see. And Amethyst's fake caution in getting that egg in the fridge never fails to entertain me.

The Moon Goddess statue comes with a whole other set of questions. I've wondered, and mentioned before, if gem tech was powered by poofed gems for a long time, and there is for sure something to that after what we've seen on Homeworld. Is it a gem that is trapped in a statue, held in its tiny hands? Is the statue perhaps growing out of the gem from the bottom? It's obviously tied into keeping the Lunar Sea Spire intact. I've seen speculation as to why the Gems would even have a goddess of any kind considering they answer to the Diamonds and those are their supreme beings, but I'll talk about that in a little bit. I think there's pretty good evidence that all gem structures have some sort of lodestone, so to speak. There's the Crystal Heart, this statue, there's a large gem powering the hand ship that Peridot uses. Even the gem that kind of takes over the lighthouse. The warp pad even looks like a huge gem that's been embedded in the ground. Not to mention all the walls we saw on Homeworld. I hope this is something they address in Season Six.

This conversation with Pearl about the statue and the Spire has so many hints about both the future of the show and the past from before Steven was born. Pearl is so expressive that we can glean a lot from that short little speech. First she supports my lodestone theory in saying that without the statue the Spire will fall apart, although it would seem it stood mostly okay for quite some time without it, and I wonder how the statue was removed from it in the first place [I think it was removed during the rebellion and if the bird was in fact a corrupted Gem it stands to reason that she's the one who removed it]. Then another hint that the Gems are aliens in her saying the Spire was an oasis for gems on earth. She shows us her power of holograms/projections to give him a visual of what the Spire used to be, including a statue of what appears to be a cross gem fusion since it has two sets of arms. Which, what the heck, cross gem fusions are supposed to be illegal. Her tone of voice when talking about how the Spire used to be is very similar to how she speaks about Rose and is in stark contrast to the flatness in her voice when she says it's abandoned now. It says that she still loves Homeworld in some way and misses the Gems she used to be around, although I'm sure mostly Pink. It's highly probable that it was with Pink she was at the Spire during it's heyday. She wants to save it so bad, and share with Steven it's history. Clues galore about her partnership with Pink and her desire to tell Steven the truth about his mother and himself, but none that we could put together or even fully understand until we actually knew the truth.

We know now that the Spire was a test, I think they probably discussed it thoroughly while Steven was packing his cheeseburger and I really like Amethyst being the one to suggest bringing him along because it would be educational. This is the first time outside of the theme that we actually see the warp being used, as well as getting an idea of what the warp stream really does and the fact that you can leave it, and I have to say that Amethyst in the warp is probably the most elegance she ever shows. Gorgeous.

Seeing the Lunar Sea Spire is pretty impressive, and time really does mean very different things to the gems. A hundred years isn't much to Pearl at all, and yet the last fourteen have changed her more than all the thousands before. The spire probably degrades faster closer to it's deadline to return the statue, although we really have no idea how long it's been removed despite my theory that it happened during the rebellion.

Garnet has to be so careful with what she says so as not to give away the fact she can see the future. She's "sensing" structural instability, it must have been so much easier for her to just say as little as possible even though we get a signature shades adjustment. It had to have been difficult knowing that it was keeping her from bonding with Steven on a deeper level though. Pearl too, keeping Pink's secrets the way she did when she wanted to share, to expose Steven to his heritage. The little nod to Full House was fun though "You got it, dude", and Pearl having no idea what he's talking about. I guess Steven watches reruns lol

It's pretty interesting how Garnet became the leader even though Pearl had been with Rose/Pink the longest, although we didn't know it back then. There's really so much to unpack in the Pearl/Garnet relationship. Some of why Garnet has moved up to being the leader has to do with how Rose was following her, as put forth in Now We're Only Falling Apart, but I think some of it was subconscious on both Pearl's part and Garnet's herself. Sapphire is an aristocrat and at least partially used to being in charge, and even though we've seen no hint of it it's entirely possible she's even had her own pearl at some point. This is both tempered by Ruby's lower class and station being used to being bossed around and exacerbated by her impulsiveness. Then there is Pearl's feelings of being inadequate by herself, needing someone to tell her what to do. Both of them later address and begin to handle these issues, but we see how their former lives seep into their current ones. That comes into play with how they choose to educate and expose Steven as well. They are who we get most of our information on who and what the gems are in the beginning, but they're informed in very different ways. I'm sure there's some former knowledge on Garnet's part just from what Sapphire and Ruby what have seen and experienced before they were and since they’ve been together, but I also think that her future vision plays a large part in the details that she knows. It is the hand with Sapphire's gem that Garnet lifts when she tells the others to stop before they attempt to cross the whirlpool [after touching her two hands together briefly though], and although most of her actions are purely Garnet and not Sapphire and Ruby taking turns or whatever you can see their separate personalities occasionally in the things she does. Like eloquently explaining about the magic that sustains the Spire and then throwing a rock into it to demonstrate. Pearl however doesn't have a magical way of knowing any of this information, she only knows what she's directly experienced and only has one consciousness of memories to draw from. Being a Diamond's personal pearl she had access to a lot of information, managing Pink's day to day activities and working her screens and stuff, but even that is limited and after what happened to the original Pink Pearl Pink Diamond didn't share as much with our Pearl as she could have, and being a Pearl I'm sure no one else thought to explain things to her. Our Pearl couldn't even work the doors at the Zoo.

Before Steven uses his sweaters to jump he gets diamond eyes, and I wonder if that has any significance. I've noticed too that a lot of the backgrounds have diamonds, and not just the architecture like above the arches when the first enter, but throughout the whole show just like, representing light and whatnot. He's so eager to prove himself though, and it seems like Amethyst has more faith in him then the other two.

After the jump Pearl freaks out, Garnet does the hair ruffle I love so much, Amethyst bumps him with her shoulder, and then Pearl compliments him. All of them showing him affection and pride in their own ways, which for Pearl means talk talk talking lol. She goes on quite a bit about the damage, we see on the walls what appears to be tigers because of the stripes but are definitely cats of some kind. Lots of diamond and triangle imagery, statues that are falling apart. The one with the crystal shrimp climbing on it looks very much like another fusion statue. Typing this now I'm formulating a rough theory that they were cross gem fusions that were punished maybe? I don't know exactly how they would statue-ize them, but I suppose it's possible considering what they did to Lapis and the wall Gems we saw on Homeworld. Although, I suppose then Pink would have heard more about cross gem fusion other than that it's unheard of. I don't know, something to think about anyway.

Now, those damn crystal shrimp. Besides Steven continuing to ace his test so far, every time we see some of these gem creatures [not monsters] I start thinking again about how they came to be and am driven crazy. How do they know what to call them, are they like the centipeetles, and if so then why isn't there a mother around? If the mother were to die would all the babies, because the drill gem babies didn't work that way. Peal calls it an infestation. Are they just regular creatures that mutated due to proximity to the Gems magic? I suppose that could solve the lizard dilemma as well as explain Rose's moss. Oh geez I'm kind of getting off the plot of this particular episode, but there's just so much still left unanswered. And here people though that Change Your Mind solved everything. Ha.

Steven starts a downslide with the raft, good idea in theory as evidenced by everyone's reaction [also, how cute are Amethyst and Pearl chanting "cheeseburger backpack"?] but executed badly due to the rapid water. But that's not nearly as bad as realizing he left the statue at home. I said earlier I would talk about why the Gems needed a goddess later and I would like to address that now. I think that it's more of a title than anything. Operating under the assumption that the statue holds a sentient gem of some kind, or is at the very least modeled after one, it obviously has some sort of magical tie to the moon. We know that Gems get their energy from light, so I think this particular one gets special energy/magic from the moonlight. Thus it is referred to as a moon goddess, the fact that it's the lodestone for this particular spire is why it's the Lunar Sea Spire. I do wonder if Garnet really didn't know what would happen or if she was just letting Steven try it to encourage him somehow. I know that's what Amethyst was trying to do in telling him his ideas succeeded 50% of the time, and obviously Pearl was trying to make him feel better. I thought the raft popping back up was a nice touch though.

This time the star closed in on Steven with his tongue out lol, and it's still instrumental Love Like You

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

A Look Back on the Twilight Saga

I have never felt older than I have this year, in which the film adaptation of the first book in the Twilight Saga turns ten. Ten years ago, that movie came out, three years after the book. And what a book and movie they were! They inspired so much rabid devotion and equally rabid pushback, with people gushing over the beautiful romance in equal amounts as people saying how the books were offensively awful and filled with misogyny and romanticization of abusive relationships. Golly, I sure am glad discussion of fiction has improved since then and we don’t have dumb arguments like that anymore!

All joking aside, it is pretty interesting to look back on the series. With the passage of time, and the release of so much young adult fiction in cinemas between then and now, I have to say that looking back… Twilight is a pretty good film and, for the most part, a pretty good series.

Now, such a bold statement could never have been made in that period during the heyday of the series, where the popularity of the series was slowly souring and people began openly rejecting the series as trash. But I feel that rejection was just part of an obnoxious cycle I’ve seen a lot in recent years, where anything remotely popular with audiences (such as Frozen) becomes hated at the peak of its popularity, seemingly because of the sole fact that it is popular and not really due to anything having to do with the actual overall quality.

See, here’s the thing: despite the series having a reputation for being poorly written tripe, it really is a lot better than anyone gives it credit for. Now, I’m not going to say the writing is on par with other young adult fantasy series of the time, like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson, because that is just patently untrue. What the Twilight Saga was, and what it always seemed to aim for, was the level of quality of a tacky airport romance novel you pick up while waiting for your flight to kill time. It’s nothing but wish-fulfillment fantasy in which an unhappy young woman becomes the reason for living for several unfathomably hot supernatural men, a sentiment that quite frankly resonates with the modern atmosphere towards supernatural romance and the prominence of self-proclaimed “Monsterfuckers.” Bella’s situation is pretty much a dream come true, is it not? Among tacky supernatural romance novels, Twilight and its sequels are easily the queens of the genre.

Here’s the thing that really sets the Twilight Saga apart, though: there is actually a serious amount of thought and care put into nearly all aspects of the romance’s universe save for the actual romance. Every single member of the Cullen family has a fascinating backstory: Carlisle was a vampire hunter turned vampire who proceeded to venture across the world in the ensuing hundreds of years building up a family and practicing a different way of living; Alice was committed to an asylum and has a past shrouded in mystery; Jasper was a soldier in the Confederate army who was turned into a vampire and tasked with raising a vampire army; Rosalie’s backstory is Kill Bill, BUT WITH VAMPIRES!; and Emmet, while easily the least impressive of them all, still died apparently fighting a bear, and considering how he is one can only imagine what on earth he was doing. Esme is the only Cullen without a deeply fascinating backstory, but even what little we do get is a bit tragic: she lost her child and so committed suicide, or attempted it anyway. There’s absolutely no need for all of these rich, complex backstories for characters in a throwaway romance novel, and yet here they are. And that’s not all.

The rest of the world and overall vampire society is presented in a very interesting way. The Volturi in particular are a fascinating idea, a secret cabal of vampires who rule over all other vampires with an iron fist, but one that is, while a bit tyrannical and unforgiving, seemingly necessary to preserve the existence of vampire society. Hell, their rules don’t really seem TOO harsh, and they only really spring to action when there are vampires fragrantly and blatantly exposing themselves to human society. They wish to keep the vampire world hidden in the shadows, where they can feed in peace away from prying eyes. Their position is understandable in a lot of ways. They also have a very interesting history to them, having apparently wrestled power over vampirekind away from a sect of Romanian vampires. Now, I did say they are a fascinating IDEA; in execution, they always tended to be a bit… useless. Their appearances in New Moon and Breaking Dawn are ultimately wastes of time, as they are never really opposed in any sort of meaningful way and get away in the end with the status quo wholly unchanged. No impact is ever made on vampirekind when they’re involved, which almost makes me wish that they were kept in the shadows and used far more sparingly. Their influence over events in Eclipse, where they only send out their powerful agents, showcases that Stephanie Meyers could use them very effectively when she wanted to.

The werewolves are a bit less effective. While they do have an intriguing backstory, there is something a bit… problematic about shoehorning a bunch of fictional elements onto the real Quileute tribe. On the other hand though, a positive and heroic portrayal of Native Americans in fiction is never a bad thing, and Jacob Black is easily one of the more sympathetic characters until halfway through Breaking Dawn. It’s a very tricky, mixed bag. I kind of wish that the issue with the handling of Native American folklore was the biggest controversy with the series, but there’s actually one far worse and even stupider.

The Twilight Saga has come under fire for being a negative influence on young women, for romanticizing abusive relationships and stalking, and for being some sort of massive insult to feminism. Now, these arguments aren’t wholly without merit, but the issue is that they are being filtered through human understanding and imposed on fictional creatures in a fictional universe. If a real-life human acted as clingy, impulsive, over-protective, and obsessed as Edward is towards Bella, yes, it would be absolutely terrifying. Here’s where I let you in on a little secret, though: Edward Cullen is, in fact, not a human. He is part of a race of ageless semi-undead beings who live off of blood and glitter in the sunlight. He immediately sees his soulmate in Bella and goes out of his way to ensure they end up together, acting on the instincts granted to members of his kind. Trying to fit all of his actions into a human narrative is as fruitless as if an ant tried to explain humanity to his colleagues filtered through his ant experiences. The fact is, Edward operates on a far different moral code than humans. This is not uncommon for vampires in any fiction; Marceline of Adventure Time fame is a vampire who is certainly not above doing some rather sketchy stuff, for example. While Edward’s actions can come off as bizarre and creepy to humans, for a vampire, Edward is actually downright romantic and even benevolent. One also needs to take into account that Edward is a kissless virgin who has spent a hundred years doing nothing but reading romance novels and listening to classical music, which would go a long way to explain his awkward and sometimes offputting ways of trying to replicate human courtship rituals with Bella.

The criticisms leveled at Bella are rather unfair as well; while she often finds herself a damsel in distress, it rarely is something she doesn’t want. When Bella is in danger, it’s because she wanted to be there and put herself there. Yes, she does get into trouble, but that’s mostly due to her being a stupid horny teenage girl with zero impulse control. Recall New Moon, where she constantly did dangerous stunts so she could have hallucinations of Edward chastise her. Bella is, quite frankly, an adrenaline junkie, and I feel she’d rather resent being called a damsel. Even the times when she is in danger, it is no real fault of her own, but rather the fact she is a normal human out of her depth in a supernatural world. Bella is not Blade, she is not Van Helsing, she is not Alucard; she is Bella Swan, normal teenage girl, and she tends to be as effective as your average teenage girl in situations where superpowered monsters are hunting her. Imagine if we applied these sorts of criticisms to other characters in fiction… “John Conner in Terminator 2 is such a worthless damsel in distress character, why does he not just fight off the T-1000?” or how about “Why do the kids in The Goonies not take the Fratellis head-on? Why do they constantly flee from them when they cross paths? And Chunk, getting captured by them, what a pathetic damsel moment.” People not being successful in areas where they are out of their element is not some horribly evil thing. I also resent the idea the series is some horrible, anti-feminist work, particularly because the entire series revolves around Bella’s choice, and when she is not given agency she goes out of her way to take that agency. For all the flaws of Breaking Dawn, and there are many, I will give it this: presenting Bella as being in the right for wanting her choices respected is a good thing. With that in mind, I think the entire series is a lot more feminist than many are willing to admit.

And look, I’m not saying this book is a flawless masterpiece or anything like that. I have mentioned this is definitely a book more impressive for the world it creates than for the actual romance it centers around. But I do feel that, generally speaking, the books never descended to the point many who criticized the books say they did. I say “for the most part” because I cannot even muster up enough good will to say a single good thing about Breaking Dawn. But generally, the writing quality is decent. Even some of the twists on vampire lore are interesting and refreshing.

For instance… the sparkling. This is one of the most infamous additions to the lore of vampires in Meyers stories. When in the sunlight, rather than bursting into flames as vampires tend to do in fiction, their skin sparkles and glitters as if it was encrusted with diamonds. It does sound silly, and it really is, especially when they show it off in the movies… and yet, it is actually far more accurate than just about every depiction of vampires in nearly 100 years. You see, the idea vampires are killed by sunlight is actually a relatively new addition to vampire lore, being created for the famous silent masterpiece Nosferatu because they couldn’t come up with any other way to kill the vampire. In the original novel of Dracula, for instance, the titular count strut about during the day with no ill effect. So, by accident or perhaps by some better understanding of the creatures than most writers, Meyers was more accurate than nearly all contemporary portrayals of the characters. Also interesting – but not nearly so to the point I feel the need to dedicate a whole new paragraph to it – the idea of vampires having a sort of “love at first sight” thing that allows them to discern their soulmate was copied by Hotel Transylvania, so I feel like that addition to vampire lore has its merit as well.

The film adaptations tend to not truly fix the flaws with the storytelling, but instead to paint over them with some truly inspired silliness. The utter apathy Robert Pattinson exudes for his role as Edward Cullen is palpable in how he acts, and it tends to make Edward’s creepier actions actually less threatening than the were in the books – and I’d argue there he wasn’t particularly threathening, despite his angsting. Taylor Lautner’s oft-shirtless portrayal of Jacob Black seems a lot more genuinely, but equally cheesy; his and Pattinson’s onscreen chemistry really gives them the feel of two romantic rivals, which makes it easy to see exactly why there was such a devoted following rooting for one or the other back in the day. Then we get to Bella.

As usual, Bella is a horribly misunderstood character here. It’s easy to blame the books for how one-note Bella appears in the movies – as a romance protagonist, Bella has enough personality for you to care while still being enough of a blank slate that you can put yourself in her position so that you can fantasize about the outcomes – but I almost feel like her portrayal was a deliberate choice. Kristen Stewart is actually a very good actor when in the right role, and I feel like even in the past I’ve been too hard on her portrayal of Bella. I think I might go so far as to say her version of Bella is better than the book, because Stewart actually does inject some vapid, awkward teenage girlishness to the role. That’s something wonderful, especially about the films – the teenagers, more than a lot of other series, tend to feel like real people. They say the dumbest stuff imaginable, but really, is that not what being a teenager is? Everyone was a stupid, vapid idiot as a teenager, it’s just how teens are. So all t hat combined with everything else that has been said, does any part of Bella’s characterization truly feel THAT abnormal for an otherwise normal, brooding teen thrust headfirst into the world of the supernatural? I personally don’t think so; Bella is actually one of the most real characters of the series, an anchor to humanity in a sea of supernatural strangeness, a character that is absolutely perfect in her dull, flawed, overly-romantic personality. She may not be the strongest, or most interesting, or even the most pleasant character in all of fiction… but she has an air of realness to her few other characters can hope to achieve. Perhaps this is why a lot of people rejected and mocked her; it’s so much easier to dismiss and belittle something than accept that it is something real, warts and all. No one wanted to accept the less pleasant parts of Bella, and so she was rejected by all except the fans of the book; meanwhile, seemingly disinterested goth girls would be fought over by two equally strange men for her affection, all while she talks in a sort of half-awake near-monotone.

I was in that situation myself. It’s all real teenage bullshit.

I feel like this more than anything explains why the Twilight Saga ended up being violently rejected by so many people: too many people saw through the supernatural elements and into the real life teenage angst and did not like what they saw, as it reflected their own experiences. It’s so bizarre to say, but Stephanie Meyers may have been too real for her own good, and her portrayal of angst-ridden teen love triangles may have been just too close to home for a lot of people. I’m sure a lot of older people had negative experiences in high school as I did, so anything that reminds them of those stupid, painful years is not going to seem pleasant. With other stories that feature realistic elements with supernatural settings, such as Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, and so on, they never really faced this kind of scrutiny and rejection as while they also are grounded with realistic portrayals of their teenagers, they also take place in overtly supernatural settings; there is no place where an experience could be like that of Hogwarts or Camp Half-Blood. But there’s probably of plenty of places like the dismal, dreary town of Forks, Washington, a perpetually cloudy town out in the sticks where nothing ever seems to happen. Reading about teen angst in such an agonizingly depressing setting will not go over well with anyone who has had negative experiences in regards to the elements portrayed, supernatural dressing or no.

Looking back at the Twilight Saga, after years of imitators of varying quality and numerous attempts by mediocre young adult franchises to capture this saga’s lightning in a bottle, the stories sans Breaking Dawn seem to have aged quite well, and hold up a lot better. Removed from the rabid fandom, overwhelming hype, ad constant mockery, the series stands as a solid and kind of cheesy young adult romance series, one with superb worldbuilding that I have yet to see any young adult series after it match and an absolutely fantastic ensemble cast that is just rife with fanfiction potential. I find that even the lead trio, be it in the films and in the movie, have a lot more layer and depth to them than initially thought, with Bella in particular a character I feel deserves some serious reevaluation. And while I’d never call the series a masterpiece to rival Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, or Lord of the Rings, I do think that the series is good enough to unironically be enjoyed. While there is of course plenty to snark at here – it’s a story featuring a rather honest depiction of teenagers, after all, and teenagers are idiots – I think there is a lot more to like than the insane hatedom of the book ever gave it credit for.

And even if you can’t bring yourself to admit the series is genuinely good (albeit cheesy), there’s no denying that it had a pretty good impact on popular culture. Aside from being the basis for Vampire Sucks, which has the honor of being the only genuinely good Seltzer and Friedberg film, it put supernatural romance stories back into the mainstream again. The biggest example of a supernatural romance film that I can see got a lot of mainstream recognition was 1990’s Ghost, which is held up as a romantic classic; while there were plenty of supernatural romance films between then and Twilight, none of them seem to be recalled fondly or even at all, and none of them can even come close to saying they had the sort of cultural impact Ghost did. Twilight, though… it had a huge impact. Without Twilight, we probably wouldn’t have gotten Warm Bodies, we probably wouldn’t have gotten Horns, and honestly? We probably wouldn’t have gotten The Shape of Water, or more realistically, the movie would not nearly be as accepted. Twilight for better or worse conditioned us to see the humanity in supernatural entities and find attraction in them (not exactly a new idea as far as vampires go, I know, but it definitely put it in the minds of young adults). I can easily see the genesis of the modern crowd of people lusting after the Asset, Pennywise, Godzilla, and Venom being the Twilight Saga; it was a gateway drug that put in the minds of youths “Hey, monsters can be really sexy. Like, REALLY sexy.”

The Twilight Saga is truly a fascinating work, for better and for worse. There is a lot in it that I really admire, and there’s plenty in it that I resent, but even at its worst I can never say that the series was boring. For all the flack I give Breaking Dawn, it is still far more readable than any of the garbage Cormac McCarthy has ever shat out, and nothing in the series was as overtly misogynistic as some of the dialogue in Ready Player One. As cheesy as the film series got, the first was a surprisingly effective indie supernatural romance and the third was a gloriously Gothic cheesy delight, with the second being the awkward but still enjoyable middle film and Breaking Dawn: Part 1 being the only genuinely awful film in the series; nothing positive could be said for the slew of imitators that crawled in this film’s wake, such as Beastly, Red Riding Hood, and even some of the would-be successors to this franchise such as the cinematic adaptations of Percy Jackson, Divergent, and The Hunger Games among others, which despite them being based off of books of far greater critical acclaim had absolutely no respect for their source material the way the Twilight Saga films did. As silly as some of the acting in the movies was – and it got very silly, considering the lead three all seemed to actively despise their roles – none of their acting was as painfully bad to sit through as Jennifer Lawrence’s attempts at acting in the first Hunger Games film, or the entire cast of the Percy Jackson movies. I would never say that Twilight is the absolute pinnacle of young adult literature, but I think a lot of us had our judgment clouded back in the day, and with the benefit of hindsight I think it’s safe to say the franchise was a lot of fun; I’d even go as far to say that it is an underrated work of genius in many aspects.

Removed from the climate that created it and put into a world it helped shape, I think the tale of Bella Swan and her romance of the angsty immortal Edward Cullen resonates quite a bit better. So thank you to Stephanie Meyers and everyone involved with the film series, because without your work, the world we live in would probably be a much less interesting place, with far fewer people horny for monsters. I really don’t think I would want to live in that world.

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND April 5, 2019  - SHAZAM, PET SEMATARY, THE BEST OF ENEMIES, PETERLOO

Sadly, this is yet another weekend where I wasn’t able to see two of the three new movies, but that’s because I’m in Las Vegas covering CinemaConfor The Beat, but I do want to write a little more about a movie coming out this weekend that I want to put a little added focus on. Back in the day, I used to include a “Chosen One” in each week’s column, and I’m getting to the point where I’d like to try to do something like that again… and so, after the jump, you will get my review of one such film.

That movie is PETERLOO (Amazon), the new movie from director Mike Leigh, an eight-time Oscar nominee whose work has garnered him much respect and whose work I’ve especially enjoyed, particularly Vera Drake and Happy-Go-Lucky. The first of these is significant because it’s one of Leigh’s rare historic pieces but his last movie Mr. Turner went one further by telling the story of a real person, in that case, painter J.M.W. Turner, as played by Tim Spall.

Peterloo is somewhat of a departure for Mr. Leigh, since it isn’t focused on a small group of two to four characters, instead telling a massively complex storyline about a peaceful rally in Manchester that was racked by violence when politicians decided to disperse the crowd.

I have to admit that as Peterloo began on the battlefield of Waterloo, I wasn’t sure to expect, thinking it might be Leigh’s attempt at a war film, but the story follows a young bugler, Joseph, whom we see on the battlefield before he returns home to Manchester with a case of PTSD.  His family, and in fact, the whole town, is suffering from poverty and hunger, and there’s a growing desire to be represented in the Parliament in London so that things might improve. The city’s grew white hope is one Henry Hunt, played by Rory Kinnear, and he’s going to travel up to Manchester to talk to the people who will presumably vote for him.

Once it gets going, Peterloo is such a fascinating film. I’m really curious to see how Americans will react to it, because while it’s just as typically British as Leigh’s previous work, it’s a movie that’s more about British history and British politics, and I’m just not sure if that’s the sort of thing that will connect with Americans.

I can completely understand why some might be frustrated with Leigh’s latest, because it is very long, it does take some time to get going, and a lot of time you might not know exactly what is going on or what is being discussed.  I certainly wasn’t exactly sure what was going on or who some of the characters were as they flew through the vast ensemble cast moving from one character and location to another. Eventually, you get used to this pace and start seeing familiar faces that makes things much clearer.  Leigh also uses this tactic to create layers that build and build to the climactic last half hour of the film where violence disrupts an otherwise peaceful day. It’s quite the counterpoint to the war scene that opens the film, but don’t worry. Joseph doesn’t get lost in the shuffle, as you might suspect, because it really follows his journey despite often focusing on others.

One of the things I especially liked about Leigh’s latest is that while it does often get somber and serious, there’s still a wit to it, especially in the way it deals with the stupidity of the politicians and magistrates who seem to have little care for the people they’re supposed to be representing.

Oddly, two days after seeing Peterloo, I saw the Broadway musical Hamilton, a historical piece that takes place in America earlier than the events of Leigh’s film, but it offered a similar resonance to me, even though it did so with musical numbers rather than talking.

Leigh’s screenplay is another masterpiece, but I was equally impressed by the casting of such a large ensemble, many with British actors whom few on these shores will have ever seen or heard of. I’m really curious to know where he found them, because he’s become so known for working with the same small group of actors over the years, and almost everyone in this movie is new to the Leigh camp.

Personally, I think this is Leigh’s best film in many, many years, possibly on par with some of his best work even though I know it deals with a far more difficult (and localized) subject. Regardless, it’s also a film I will gladly see a second time just to catch some of the nuances I may have missed the first time around.

Rating: 8.5/10

Now, back to your regularly scheduled preview column…

As far as the wide releases, I’ve only seen one of them and that was SHAZAM! (New Line/WB), the latest DC Comics character to be brought to the big screen, in this case by Swedish filmmaker David F. Sandberg (Lights Out). I already reviewedthe movie for The Beat, so I don’t have much more to say about it (other than my Box Office Preview, which is ALSO at The Beat), but I did enjoy this quite a bit, maybe not as much as Aquaman but definitely as much as Wonder Woman. It’s a good movie that shows you can do something different with supereheroes and still make a movie work on its own merits (rather than connecting to future movies)

The other movie I’m really looking forward to seeing (when I get back from Vegas) is the new version of Stephen King’s PET SEMATARY (Paramount), directed by Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer, who found some fans in the horror crowd with their earlier film Starry Eyes.  I guess the cast could be more interesting, although I do love John Lithgow and Amy Seimetz has been a favorite of mine from the indie work she’s done. And I don’t hate Jason Clarke either, although some of his choices in films (other than last year’s Chappaquidick, in which he was great) sometimes leaves me scratching my head.

Robin Bissell’s THE BEST OF ENEMIES (STXfilms) is a civil rights drama that one would normally see during Oscar season, since it stars Oscar winner Sam Rockwell and nominee Taraji P. Henson. This story is interesting to me as someone who loved last year’s Green Book, mainly because there are stories like this (and that) from the ‘60s that deserve to be told. Unfortunately, I’m missing this due to CinemaCon as well, so hopefully I’ll have a chance to see it when I’m back in New York.

LIMITED RELEASES

Besides Peterloo, reviewed above, there’s a few other films I recommend seeking out, and hopefully the first three of these will expand into other places than big cities after this weekend:

Correction: Oops!! It looks like I missed the fact that Teen Spirit will not open in select cities until April 12, so I’ll rerun my write-up on it next week

Seemingly a lost project/movie, the late filmmaker Sydney Pollack was commissioned by Warner Bros. Records to capture a concert by Aretha Franklin singing gospel songs for a movie, but it was shelved due to technical difficulties. More than 45 years later, that concert is presented in AMAZING GRACE (NEON), and if there ever was any doubt in your mind about what an amazing singer Franklin was, this movie will certainly change that. It opens in select cities.

Opening in New York, L.A. and other cities is Emma Tammi’s Western werewolf movie THE WIND (IFC Midnight), which played at TIFF and Fantastic Fest last year and the more-recent What the Fest in New York. It stars Caitlin Gerard from Insidious: The Last Key as a rugged woman who has moved into a cabin on the American frontier in the early 19thCentury, where she immediately starts feeling as if there’s a sinister presence, possibly tied to the only other couple who lives out there. Her husband (Ashley Zukerman) doesn’t believe her.  If you like Westerns and want to see one with a dominant female presence (both in front and behind the camera) then you’ll want to check this out.

I guess this is as good a place as any to mention that one of my favorite filmmaker Terry Gilliam’s new movie The Man Who Killed Don Quixote will be available to see nationwide on Tuesday via Fathom Events. The movie, starring Adam Driver, Jonathan Pryce and a number of amazing European actors who I was unfamiliar with, is one that Gilliam has been trying to make for over 20 years and no surprise, it harks back to his great films like The Adventures of Baron Munchausen and The Fisher King, which came out during the filmmaker’s heyday. I’m just so happy Gilliam was finally able to make this movie, and it actually turned out quite well.. maybe a little weird for some tastes, but not too weird for lifelong Gilliam fans like myself. 

Hilary Duff stars in the title role of Daniel Ferrands’ THE HAUNTING OF SHARON TATE (Saban Films) about the murder of the 26-year-old actress who was pregnant with Roman Polanski’s baby when she was murdered by Charles Manson and his cult.It opens in theaters and will be available On Demand starting Friday.

Jordan Downey’s The Head Hunter (Vertical) involves a medieval warrior who is protecting the kingdom from monsters, collecting their heads as he slays them. The one monster he hasn’t killed yet is the one that killed his daughter, so he travels on horseback to try to get revenge. It opens in select cities and On Demand.

Jai Courtney stars in Shawn Seet’s adaptation of Colin Thiele’s Storm Boy (Good Deed Entertainment), an Australian drama in which the retired businessman Michael Kingley reflects back on his past life. Some of these memories including a story about how as a boy, he rescued an orphaned pelican and named it Mr. Percival.

Filmmaker Emilio Estevez’s latest film, the political drama The Public (Greenwich), will also open Friday after playing TIFF and a few other festivals. It stars Alec Baldwin with Estevez, Jena Malone, Taylor Schilling, Christian Slater, Gabrielle Union, Michael K. Williams and Jeffrey Wright, and with a cast like that, do you really need to know what the movie is about? Okay, fine. It takes place in a public library in Cincinnati where a number of homeless patrons take it over during an Arctic blast, seeking shelter from the cold but also staging an act of civil disobedience, in the process.

Showing FREE OF CHARGE at New York’s Film Forum (as part of their annual Free Movie Week) starting Wednesday is Cam Christiansen’s animated doc Wall, which looks at the decision by Israel to build the 435-mile long wall to separate the Palestinian West Bank from the rest of Israel. Building that $4 billion wall meant the confiscation of 4,000 acres of Palestinian land and the destruction of 1,000 trees…and that area is still in disarray. So yeah… building walls is a bad idea.

Stephanie Wang-Breal’s documentary Blowin’ Up (Once in a Blue) deals with the first-ever court created to deal with prostitution in Queens, New York, the Queens Human Intervention Trafficking Court led by the Honorable Toko Serita. The purpose is to help deal with the women and girls arrested for prostitution who are illegal Asian immigrants or are black, Latina or trans, so they get shuffled through the system without it ever dealing with the complex reasons why they turn to prostitution. The doc opens at the Quad in New York Friday and then in L.A. on April 12.

Opening at the Metrograph in New York City is Qiu Sheng’s feature debut Suburban Birds (Cinema Guild) involving two narrative strands, one involving land surveyors who are laying subway tracks, the other involving pre-adolescents who rove the streets of the town unsupervised. It sounds…um… interesting?

Josh Stewart from Criminal Minds writes, directs and stars in Back Fork (Uncork’d) as family man Waylon who is struggling to keep his life together after tragedy, becoming more dependent on pills. Also starring Agnes Bruckner, the film will open in select cities and be available On Demand starting April 9.

LOCAL FESTIVALS

First up, on Tuesday began the 11th Annual ReelAbilities Film Festival at the JCC Manhattan, celebrating those who have fought past what would normally be considered “disabilities” to greatness. It kicked off with the Opening Night Gala and Screening of Irene Taylor Brodsky’s Moonlight Sonata: Deafness in Three Movements, a documentary about a boy with genetic deafness who grew up with cochlear implants whose grandfather is adverse against using such technology in his old age. The festival runs through April 9 where the Closing Night film is Nick Kelly’s The Drummer and the Keeper about a drummer dealing with a bipolar diagnosis. In between is a full line-up of narratives and documentaries exploring different disabilities from blindness to mental disorders, and it’s quite an amazing array of films, many which might not ever get distribution, sadly. Screenings take place all over the city including Bellevue Hospital, Lincoln Center and the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens.

Although the 22nd Annual Full Frame Documentary Film Festival takes place in Durham, North Carolina – home of Duke University -- starting Thursday, I do have a love for the documentary genre that makes me want to mention the amazing programming, which will include a thematic program called “Some Other Lives of Time,” curated by Oscar nominee RaMell Ross (Hale County This Morning, This Evening). Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert’s American Factory is the opening night film while the Aretha Franklin concert doc Amazing Grace (released this weekend in other cities) closes this year’s festival. There’s an amazing line-up of docs in between, some that have played other festivals like David Modigliani’s Running with Beto  and Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am, and others that are premiering at Full Frame. American Factory  directors Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert are getting a tribute with all of their earlier features and shorts shown, as well as their new film about a General Motors plant in Dayton, Ohio that closed, forcing 2,500 people into unemployment. This is a festival I’ve wanted to attend for so long and I do have friends in the Durham area that would make this worth a visit, but it’s only four days from Thursday through Sunday, so can’t do it this year.

Also, the Havana Film Festival New York begins at the Museum of the Moving Image on Sunday.

STREAMING AND CABLE

This week’s big Netflix release is Brie Larson’s directorial debut UNICORN STORE, in which she plays a 20-something artist named Kit, who is kicked out of art school, forcing her to move back home with her parents. Just as Kit decides to finally grow up, a salesman, played by Larson’s Captain Marvel co-star Samuel L. Jackson, shows up to offer Kit her heart’s desire. Based on a script by Samantha McIntyre, the film also stars Joan Cusack as Kit’s mother.

Netflix also has a number of new series starting on Friday including Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (from Riverdale showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa) and the eight-part nature series Our Planet, narrated by Sir David Attenborough.

I didn’t go to Sundance so I haven’t had a chance to see Rashid Johnson’s Native Son, starring Margaret Qualley, Nick Robinson, Kiki Layne, Ashton Sanders, Sanaa Lathan and Elizabeth Marvel, but that will premiere on HBO this Saturday night.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

On Friday, Metrograph will open a restoration of King Hu’s little-seen 1973 martial arts film The Fate of Lee Khan (Film Movement Classics) but the real winner this weekend is the Playtime: Family Matinees screenings of one of my childhood faves, Ken Hughes’ Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968), starring Dick Van Dyke. Late Nites at Metrograph will show Sion Sono’s 2016 film Anti-Porno, which I may have seen before or maybe I just saw the trailer at Metrograph when it screened there a couple years back. I can’t remember! Also, the Total Kaurismäki Show continues through the weekend with Leningrad Cowboys Go America  (1989) on Thursday, more esoteric films like Juha  (1999) and Take Care of Your Scarf, Tatiana  (1994) on Saturday, Leningrad Cowboys Meet Moses (1994) on Sunday and then his recent The Other Side of Hopeon Monday. That series continues through next Wednesday. Thursday also continues the Academy at Metrograph series with a screening of the 1959 rom-com Pillow Talk.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Weds and Thursday are double features of  Jack Nicholson’s 1971 film Drive, He Said  with the 1972 John Wayne movie The Cowboys. Friday and Saturday, the New Bev does a sci-double feature of Silent Running  (1972) and The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant (1971). This weekend’s KIDDEE MATINEE is Tom Hanks and Joe Dante’s The Burbs (1989), the Friday midnight screening is Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight (Multiplex version) while the Saturday night midnight offering is John Landis’ 1978 comedy classic Animal House. A 4-track mag print (whatever that is) of Carl Foreman’s war movie The Victors (1963) will screen on Sunday and Monday. Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia (1999) will also screen on Monday afternoon.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

Besides debuting an uncut (220 mins. With intermission) version of Franesco Rosi’s 1979 epic Christ Stopped at Eboli (Rialto Pictures), the Film Forum is screening the 1968 war film Where Eagles Dare introduced by British author Geoff Dyer (who wrote a book about the movie) on Saturday, and then John Boorman’s 1967 film Point Blank on Sunday, also introduced by Dyer.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Noir City: Hollywood – The 21stAnnual Los Angeles Festival of Film Noir continues through the weekend with chronological double features of 1955 films The Big Combo and Bad Day at Black Rock on Weds, the 1956 films A Kiss Before Dying and The Harder They Fall on Thurs, and then 1957′s The Midnight Story and Monkey on my Back Friday, Clara Bow’s Call Her Savage from 1932 with a Forbidden Hollywood presentation on Saturday, along with Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil and Louis Malle’s Elevator to the Gallows, both from 1958. The series ends on Sunday with I Want to Live (1958) and Cry Tough (1959). 

AERO  (LA):

I wish I lived in L.A. right now because the Aero is launching a Mike Leigh retrospective called “Bleak, But Never Boring: Life According to Mike Leigh” starting Friday with a double feature of Naked  (1993)and Meantime (1984), Saturday is Secrets & Lies  (1996)and Vera Drake (2004), then Sunday is Life is Sweet  (1990)and High Hopes (1988).   On Thursday, the Aero is ALSO showing Animal House… but with guests!

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

Strange Desire: The Films of Claire Deniscontinues through the weekend with Bastards and The Breidjing Camp on Thursday, Towards Mathilde (2005) with the 2002 short Vers Nancy and US Go Home (1994) & the doc Claire Denis, The Vagabondon Saturday. Denis’ fairly recent film Let the Sunshine Inwill screen again on Sunday, as will Denis’ 1994 film I Can’t Sleep.

MOMA (NYC):

Modern Matinees: B is for Bacall continues with 1966’s Harper Weds, Woman’s World  (1954) Thursday and Robert Altman’s Pret-A-Porter (Ready to Wear) (1994) on Friday.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

Besides taking apart in a few film festivals mentioned above, MOMI will also screen Antonio Tibaldi’s On My Own (1991) with Tibaldi in person.

QUAD CINEMA  (NYC):

Bertrand Blier’s Get Out Your Handkerchiefscontinues…

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

Friday’s midnight screening is the anime classic Akira.

The IFC CENTER in New York seems to be in-between repertory programs, while FILM SOCIETY OF LINCOLN CENTER is still focused on New Directors/New Films through Sunday.

Next week, Lionsgate revives Mike Mignola’s Hellboy, this time played by David Harbour, Tina Gordon’s comedy Littlestarring Regina Hall and Issa Rae, and LAIKA Studios returns with their latest stop-motion animated film Missing Link.

[silverhawk]

kdsldsaldsasmkdsk dsmkmdsf can i gush about like. the way i think of the dark forest for a moment because i have,,,, never comprised an entire list or anything of how i think abotu them and their relationships to one another so buckle up people this will be long and it’ll probs get 5 notes because everyone will be like “oh man there goes blaine w/ his stupid special interest characters” and ur totaly right

[youtube letsplayer voice] HHHHEREEE WE GOOOO

tigerstar - so tigerstar, by all accounts, would be considered the leader, but its not because he was exactly nominated or anything. he didnt accomplish as much as brokenstar had, he’s not the oldest in terms of the age he was before he died; he’s really only the leader because he’s the one who decided to ban others together and because he’s the most in your face about how dominant he is. he couldn’t handle someone being above him in rank and it shows. i’d like to think tigerstar has battled other cats who’ve tried to surpass him and he ruthless about it; he doesnt want to be second in command. it’s also a headache to consider even talking to him about it - brokenstar often calls him a kit or a ‘paw because not only is tigerstar much younger than him, but he acts like it. despite this, though, the members of the df who are younger in years than him and who have only heard about his poweress as a warrior admire the hell out of him. cats like snowtuft, sparrowfeather, and of course darkstripe trust him with their lives because they’re totally convinced that he knows what he’s doing and that he’s smart. the fact that he’s rather handsome still and still the best manipulator/talker there was helps, too.

mapleshade - now mapleshade to me is….not a leader. she’s not a leader anymore, she doesnt want to be. mapleshade is more of a lone wolf in my mind, but she is ruthless. she’s feared in the dark forest by everyone - including tigerstar, although he’d rather die than admit he was scared of anyone - but she has no need to become leader. she has a goal in mind of course, but she’s not interested in making friends. the only reason she’s apart of the dark forest circle is to get a means to an ends; tigerstar has a plan and a way to execute it, and mapleshade is like “well okay fine things did pick up with him here”. that doesnt mean she wont give him a hard time though; mapleshade & tigerstar respect each other as former thunderclan warriors who were powerful in their heyday, but as allies? no. mapleshade sees him as irresponsible and self absorbed, tigerstar thinks she’s lazy. the only cats who mapleshade would ever consider allies are those younger and smaller than her; sparrowfeather and darkstripe are close to her because they’re cats who need protection (she gives darkstripe a hard time tho)

brokenstar - the oldest in terms of years lived and he’s considered a huge veteran by cat standards. brokenstar is respected by the older df members (mapleshade, shredtail, clawface) who know that he’s more accomplished, decorated, and essentially more powerful than tigerstar. brokenstar doesn’t let tigerstar lead alone exactly, but he knows that tigerstar is an important ally to have; without him this wouldn’t have been accomplished. brokenstar is definitely that silent muscle of the group; he does things without telling tigerstar (killing beetlewhisker was a huge one; he did that on impulse and tigerstar was furious to not have been consulted) and he has his own chain of command par say. brokenstar is in no way afraid of tigerstar, but he’s a much weaker spirit than tigerstar is. his connection with starclan was never strong and it shows in the df; he’s fading in a faster rate than tigerstar is and it makes him angry. he’s extremely respected in the dark forest, in a way that’s different from tigerstar - it’s not out of fear or because they just have to get along with him, it’s because many cats see him as an accomplished and strong leader.

darkstripe - now darkstripe is, for all intended purposes, kind of the screw up of the group. he’s not a strong fighter and he’s not tough at all; he’s small and thin and he’s lost more battles than he’s won, in life and death. the reason he’s important? he is an excellent tracker and always has been. tigerstar told brokenstar that darkstripe can smell a drop of rabbit blood over the shadowclan border, and he almost can do just that; he’s excellent at hunting and tracking. darkstripe isn’t chosen to fight or to even train, but he’s used to scout out potential trainees all the time. he tries very hard though, he’s younger than many df members so he doesnt have the experience, but he sticks close to sparrowfeather and snowtuft and has friends in them, at least. he’s also the joker of the group alright; you can bet if theres ever a moment of seriousness, darkstripe shows up like “whaaats up with the long faces my dudes” and is promptly kicked out of the convo.

hawkfrost - now hawkfrost is the kid of the entire df. like he’s the baby and he hates it. he’s accomplished and fearsome, and he tries bossing around younger and lower ranked cats, but it doesn’t really hold weight. often when he attempts to tell snowtuft something to do, snowtuft is like “oookay” and then just laughs about it later liek really that kit is trying to be a big tough leader? hawkfrost is. well not very happy in the dark forest, nor is anyone; he knows that he failed in his plan and that the only reason he’s noticed is because of who his father is. he and tigerstar don’t,,,, talk as much as hawkfrost would like; i imagine that hawkfrost breaks his stoic character around his father, trying to get attention and some sort of affection, but tigerstar is so wrapped up in revenge plots its hard for him. many cats take pity on him for that, because it’s obvious he just wants his fathers attention; i can imagine clawface being like “hey go talk to your son for like two minutes i’ll take over this, go away”. hawkfrost is feared and respected, but he’s also the baby of the group and many think it’s sort of adorable how he tries to be a big baddy.

sparrowfeather - now sparrowfeather….has a complicated place in the dark forest. she’s not a warrior or a fighter; in life, she was actually a medicine cat. it shows in her fighting skill; she is a lot like darkstripe, having to pull stops and having to sneak her way around because she is simply not a good fighter. however, she’s respected for her medicine cat skills; she’s the only healer they have in the dark forest, and therefore her connection with the living world and her ability to get close enough to starclans border is stronger than anyone elses. she’s also as much as a joker as darkstripe; sparrowfeather has the same attitude as him, trying to make friends in a place where no one wants friends. sparrowfeather absolutely believes in making friends and allies to survive, which is why she sticks with darkstripe, snowtuft, and mapleshade so much - mapleshade is like a protector who is,,, very soft on sparrowfeather. yes mapleshade is in love with her. sparrowfeather has a tough warrior to keep her safe.

snowtuft - snowtuft is only a few moons older than hawkfrost, making him the second to youngest and it shows. he’s not tough or strong at all; he’s got this fluffy white coat and everyone takes note of it. with the older and meanest of the dark forest warriors, snowtuft is seen as a hindrance - “that white coat is going to get you killed in battle” “you can’t cake it down with mud or anything?” and he often avoids groups because he knows he’s small and can, quite literally, get stepped on. he hangs around sparrowfeather and darkstripe because, like him, they’re not very strong and the small ones got to stick together.

silverhawk - now silverhawk is not a fighter. he’s not tough; he comes from riverclan, and his silky fur and plump body show it. his reasons for being there, tho? silverhawk thinks he’s smarter than starclan themselves. he’s a little genius that one; he’s the planner of the group, and even tigerstar values his planning skills in retrospect to his. silverhawk is smart and was second in command when his leader during his lifetime used him to plan invasions of other clans. silverhawk doesn’t fight and no one forces him to, not anymore; he has his own space where he can lend tigerstar and brokenstar advice. he’s the nerd of the group and absolutely is respected for his skill.

thistleclaw - now thistleclaw has a complicated relationship in the dark forest. many younger cats respect the hell out of him for the fact that he’s tough and knows his way around a battle; he’s strong and just as much as a fighter as tigerstar and mapleshade, and he’s second oldest after brokenstar. however, it’s his relationship to tigerstar that stops him from being in a leader position; tigerstar is uncomfortable with letting his old mentor surpass him, and he can’t let himself be comfortable around him. thistleclaw doesn’t understand it, but he’s old and tired and lets tigerstar give him ideas and things to do. 

shredtail - an older member of the df whose probably just as scary and ruthless as brokenstar. shredtail does not give a fuck. not even tigerstar can really control what he wants to do. shredtail is rumored to have been a warrior from shadowclan, thunderclan - no one knows for sure, who murdered warriors in their sleep. no one can confirm it, and he changes the story every time. point is? you dont want to piss of shredtail. at all. he’s not exactly a joker or light hearted, but he’s not as quiet as brokenstar or mapleshade; he intimidates others and many are scared of him because of how unpredictable he is.

mMMmmmMMM well thats what i got for now!! i am. so sorry because this is sort of embarrassing, how much effort i put into this. oh well at least You Know Now how much i think about this kind of stuff, and this is how the dark forest goes for me so YEAHH

sorry mobile users

[storiteller96]

TV Talk: Are TV Revivals Worth Seeing It?

Not long ago, I posted an article that describes which show I would like to see revived at some point–if the original actors are still alive. Today, I am posting a sequel to that: Are TV revivals worth seeing it or not?

Does It Take The Original Glory From the Original Series?

In 2011, I saw a revival of an MTV series–it was okay, but still awful because it took away some of the original glory that the show had during the 1990s–which they had music videos being played–but it quite somewhat funny to watch.

Despite not watching a revival of The Powerpuff Girls last year, its animation looks terrible and the looks of the girls’ face were not too good–taking away some of the glory away that the original series had when I was growing up.

In recent months, I have been watching Will and Grace and it was moderate to great because the producers brought back all of the original stars of the original series and the jokes are still funny despite some flaws along the way. In fact, the show has already been secured for another season to air later this year (it is expected to be announced at this May’s Upfronts for the 2018-19 season).

Some TV revivals might be okay, but there will be flaws along the way. However, most of the time, TV revivals fail to resonate the new generation of viewers because it was targeted for that time period’s audience and it gets yanked not long after it premiere.

Pros: Why TV Revivals Are Beneficial?

A TV viewer would want to see previous episodes of a past TV show online via Amazon Prime, Hulu, or Netflix.

A fanbase could grow substantially than it did during its original run.

A TV viewer might be interested on learning more about the history of the show’s original run.

It may prompt for the viewer to buy a DVD boxset either physically or iTunes.

It can gain viewership figures thanks to a new generation of people who might not have seen the first time around or they weren’t alive at the time.

It can bring back a loyal TV viewer’s childhood memories back to life.

Cons: Why TV Revivals Aren’t Good?

It might lose loyal TV viewers who had watched during its original run.

The quality of the program might not be at its core than it did back in its heyday.

TV viewers may rely on newer, modern-day programs that didn’t even exist during the show’s respective run.

Some of the TV viewer’s fan favorite character might not appear because the actor or actress who portrayed on the original series might have died prior to the revival series.

On a final note of the pros and cons of TV shows getting a second life is that it all depends on the viewer. Personally, I prefer to watch a show that is currently running because I like to see newer content than shows that ended in the past.

Is Hollywood Running Out of Ideas?

There isn’t an exact answer. In addition, there have been newer, modern-day shows that had success in recent years and are doing well in the Nielsen Ratings. Sadly, Hollywood is consistently bringing back shows that were hits back in the day–which rejoices any old-school fan–and it can take the creativity of any TV producer away and it isn’t going away anytime soon. More TV revivals are expected to begin over the next several months and that trend will likely to continue into the 2020s and later, so nostalgia can definitely come in 20 years later or so.

Will Any TV Revival Be Officially Announced At the 2018-19 Upfronts This May?

I don’t follow any TV shows that are currently in development, but there might be a few shows that are already in the works already. It has yet to be announced by the networks, but only if it impresses with the executives come May. I may read the full fall schedule when it is announced in May, but if not, then I’ll read for sure when the premiere dates are most likely to be announced sometime in June.

The Verdict

A TV revival might be great for a TV viewer who might have seen because they were big-time fans during its original run of the series. However, those looking for nostalgia may have to look for somewhere and watch the original series instead. On a final note, watch a TV revival might be good, but it depends on the reputation of the show’s previous season(s)’ storylines.

[jonathanbelloblog]

Classic Drive: 1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV

High school sucked. So, was there a better way to arrive at my 30-year-reunion than in a 1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV? Didn’t think so. Southern California restaurateur David Houston was gracious enough to lend me his ’80s icon, so I, the semi-known weirdo girl whose best friend went to another school, finally had a reasonable shot at being cool!

The Lamborghini Countach, originally designed by Marcello Gandini while at Bertone ( who was also the youthful genius behind the Miura and Espada), first made brains fry at the Geneva motor show in 1971 and went into production in 1974. From the scissor doors, to the wedge-shaped front end, to the geometrically impossible greenhouse, the Countach is a rolling study in impracticality. But its bravado is also the source of its instant appeal.

Countach is a fairly profane expression in the Piedmontese dialect, though Google will politely tell you it means “wow” and, for the sake of propriety, I will only say, “Holy countach, I’m driving a Countach!”

Nuccio Bertone allegedly used the expression when he first saw Gandini’s car. If I’d ever gotten near this car as a 17-year-old in my rad slip-on Vans, I’d have said the same thing. Hell, I said it as a 40-something that wears rad Vans slip-ons when Houston first came around the corner. The name stuck.

After falling into the slipperiest leather ever to cover a driver’s seat, my photographer jammed a backpack full of camera gear behind me, because while the seat moves forward, it doesn’t stay there.

Driving this bull requires leverage. The Countach might have a clutch heavier than a WWII Sherman tank, and this one in particular isn’t quite right.

“It’s been slipping since I left Pacific Palisades,” Houston informed me after surrendering the driver’s seat. He drove the car for 21 nervy miles from his coastal home to Burbank’s John Burroughs High School, from which I couldn’t graduate fast enough in 1987.

Awesome, a wonky clutch that feels like it weighs 300 pounds.

“Hopefully it will make it to your reunion,” he says through a smile. I’m only driving it the equivalent of 24 laps around the football field where I quit the track team because running was too damn hard. “Fixing the clutch will probably cost me about $20,000. So, I’m holding off for now.”

Houston’s opinion of his rosso space ship with gold wheels is as unabashed as the classic itself.

“This is technically the first and only supercar ever made,” he says.

His claim starts with the longitudinally mounted V-12, an innovation copied by many subsequent mid-engine supercar architects. It extends to the aluminum body over a tubular-steel frame, mimicking technology used in racecar construction at the time. He also points to Gandini’s eye-exploding design, including elements such as the scissor doors, which on this particular example won’t stay open when parked on even the smallest of inclines. Oh, and it’s temperamental, another crucial supercar trait.

“Every car since is an imitator,” Houston asserts.

It doesn’t take long to understand why Houston couldn’t stop sweating when he first got out of this pointy razor of a sports car. The windows only open about three inches, and you dare not turn on the air conditioning.

“You’ll definitely overheat the engine,” he explains.

That afternoon was a merciful 80-degrees, instead of your garden variety, 90-degree-plus September day in Southern California. After five minutes I’m sweating, too, and shortly, my reunion dress was soaked through with sweat, not that I cared.

“If you stick your hand out the window and aim it just right,” he says, “you can get some fresh air into your left armpit.” Houston’s right; happy armpit, happy driver.

As my noodle arms heaved the steering wheel around a right turn, we went past storefronts unchanged since I cruised them in the ’77 Datsun B210 I drove in high school. Though truthfully, I couldn’t see them— or much of anything else, for that matter—given the Countach’s extremely limited visibility. Look behind you only if you think the b-pillars are attractive; otherwise, don’t bother.

From a dead stop, turning the tiny wheel was more like turning a locomotive valve from the 1800s than steering a 3,500-pound car. But get moving and the four-valve-per-cylinder Quattrovalvole V-12 moves this bull through San Fernando Valley traffic easier than a Ginsu knife through a beer can, mostly because everyone slows down and moves aside to look at it.

Advertised numbers 30 years ago have it making 420 horsepower, and revving to around 7,000 rpm. That may not sound like much by today’s 700- to 800-hp standards, but in its heyday, the Countach was a buzz saw with a tiny wheelbase of 96.5 inches. A lot of folks, Houston being one of them, believe the 5000 QV, 610 of which were built between 1985 and 1988, to be the best version of the Countach. When the engine turned over, every dog in Burbank started to bark. They seem to agree.

This isn’t the type of car generally seen in the quiet Southern California suburb made famous by Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show, which was filmed in its beautiful downtown. So when that riotous cacophony of an engine sound charged up Buena Vista Street, heads turned. Just in case you miss it with your eyes, the Countach wants to be sure you catch it with your ears. It won’t be ignored.

Changing out of my high heels into tennis shoes to drive was a great idea but not 100-percent necessary. The pedals are painfully close together for the average hairy-footed hobbit guy, but my petite feet fit fine.

“A lot of men have to drive without shoes on, so this was pretty much made for you,” Houston remarks. Damn straight.

“Don’t flip this switch,” Houston warns me, pointing at the wiper lever, as the rubber blade from the larger of two windshield wipers had somehow ripped off. “That part doesn’t actually exist anymore, so I have to get it special ordered, and that will cost probably a couple grand.”

The same holds true for the tires. The original Pirelli P7 rubber, 225/50ZR15 up front and 345/35ZR15 at rear, is long out of production, though there have been several special order re-issue runs. According to Countach-owner legend, when a set comes up, you have to snatch them up quick, because there are serious hoarders in the exclusive bunch. England was the closest place I could find a set to get a sense of cost. After the currency conversion, it appears the rubber bits would show up on the Centurion AMEX as a two-grand sneeze. Houston’s car wears the more modern Pirelli P-Zeros that are the closest equivalent.

To say the Countach offers a smooth ride would be a lie. This thing is rougher than losing your virginity in the back of a limo at homecoming—and that’s exactly the way you want it. Hey, it’s Italian. You expected something genteel?

There’s nothing smooth about the manual five-speed transmission, either. You don’t shift it so much as demand it submit to your will with brute strength. And Houston was right; the clutch was indeed an uncooperative SOB.

Lamborghini claims the top speed to be 183 mph, but the jacked-up clutch on Houston’s car dictated otherwise during this trip and I barely clocked in at 45 mph going up the final hill to my reunion. Still, I was driving a red Countach and couldn’t care less how slowly.

Despite my hair being ruined and my deodorant heavily tested, when I successfully arrived to the reunion at the DeBell Golf Course in the foothills of the Verdugo Mountains, I didn’t want to get out of the car. Thirty years ago, I didn’t really know those people with huge feathered hair that well, so I stayed for an hour, said hi to the few I did know, and left.

Turns out two guys got in a fight. It was high school all over again, just take away the lockers and add alcohol, money, and a middle-aged fear of insignificance. Burbank’s finest showed up, helicopter and all, to break it up. Guess I wasn’t the only one to arrive in style.

Best-laid-plans notwithstanding, only about three people saw this weirdo girl roll up in the Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV, so driving it did zero for my cred with the populars. Yet, I swear I’ve never felt cooler in my life.

1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV Specifications

ON SALE Now EXPECT TO PAY $460,000 (Hagerty insurance average value) ENGINE 5.2 DOHC 48-valve V-12/420 hp, 369 lb-ft TRANSMISSION 5-speed manual LAYOUT 2-door, 2-passenger, mid-engine, RWD coupe EPA MILEAGE 6/10 mpg (city/highway) L x W x H 165.4 x 78.7 x 42.1 in WHEELBASE 96.5 in WEIGHT 3,500 lb (est) 0-60 MPH 4.2 sec (MT, 1990 test) TOP SPEED 183 mph (est)

[jesusvasser]

Classic Drive: 1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV

High school sucked. So, was there a better way to arrive at my 30-year-reunion than in a 1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV? Didn’t think so. Southern California restaurateur David Houston was gracious enough to lend me his ’80s icon, so I, the semi-known weirdo girl whose best friend went to another school, finally had a reasonable shot at being cool!

The Lamborghini Countach, originally designed by Marcello Gandini while at Bertone ( who was also the youthful genius behind the Miura and Espada), first made brains fry at the Geneva motor show in 1971 and went into production in 1974. From the scissor doors, to the wedge-shaped front end, to the geometrically impossible greenhouse, the Countach is a rolling study in impracticality. But its bravado is also the source of its instant appeal.

Countach is a fairly profane expression in the Piedmontese dialect, though Google will politely tell you it means “wow” and, for the sake of propriety, I will only say, “Holy countach, I’m driving a Countach!”

Nuccio Bertone allegedly used the expression when he first saw Gandini’s car. If I’d ever gotten near this car as a 17-year-old in my rad slip-on Vans, I’d have said the same thing. Hell, I said it as a 40-something that wears rad Vans slip-ons when Houston first came around the corner. The name stuck.

After falling into the slipperiest leather ever to cover a driver’s seat, my photographer jammed a backpack full of camera gear behind me, because while the seat moves forward, it doesn’t stay there.

Driving this bull requires leverage. The Countach might have a clutch heavier than a WWII Sherman tank, and this one in particular isn’t quite right.

“It’s been slipping since I left Pacific Palisades,” Houston informed me after surrendering the driver’s seat. He drove the car for 21 nervy miles from his coastal home to Burbank’s John Burroughs High School, from which I couldn’t graduate fast enough in 1987.

Awesome, a wonky clutch that feels like it weighs 300 pounds.

“Hopefully it will make it to your reunion,” he says through a smile. I’m only driving it the equivalent of 24 laps around the football field where I quit the track team because running was too damn hard. “Fixing the clutch will probably cost me about $20,000. So, I’m holding off for now.”

Houston’s opinion of his rosso space ship with gold wheels is as unabashed as the classic itself.

“This is technically the first and only supercar ever made,” he says.

His claim starts with the longitudinally mounted V-12, an innovation copied by many subsequent mid-engine supercar architects. It extends to the aluminum body over a tubular-steel frame, mimicking technology used in racecar construction at the time. He also points to Gandini’s eye-exploding design, including elements such as the scissor doors, which on this particular example won’t stay open when parked on even the smallest of inclines. Oh, and it’s temperamental, another crucial supercar trait.

“Every car since is an imitator,” Houston asserts.

It doesn’t take long to understand why Houston couldn’t stop sweating when he first got out of this pointy razor of a sports car. The windows only open about three inches, and you dare not turn on the air conditioning.

“You’ll definitely overheat the engine,” he explains.

That afternoon was a merciful 80-degrees, instead of your garden variety, 90-degree-plus September day in Southern California. After five minutes I’m sweating, too, and shortly, my reunion dress was soaked through with sweat, not that I cared.

“If you stick your hand out the window and aim it just right,” he says, “you can get some fresh air into your left armpit.” Houston’s right; happy armpit, happy driver.

As my noodle arms heaved the steering wheel around a right turn, we went past storefronts unchanged since I cruised them in the ’77 Datsun B210 I drove in high school. Though truthfully, I couldn’t see them— or much of anything else, for that matter—given the Countach’s extremely limited visibility. Look behind you only if you think the b-pillars are attractive; otherwise, don’t bother.

From a dead stop, turning the tiny wheel was more like turning a locomotive valve from the 1800s than steering a 3,500-pound car. But get moving and the four-valve-per-cylinder Quattrovalvole V-12 moves this bull through San Fernando Valley traffic easier than a Ginsu knife through a beer can, mostly because everyone slows down and moves aside to look at it.

Advertised numbers 30 years ago have it making 420 horsepower, and revving to around 7,000 rpm. That may not sound like much by today’s 700- to 800-hp standards, but in its heyday, the Countach was a buzz saw with a tiny wheelbase of 96.5 inches. A lot of folks, Houston being one of them, believe the 5000 QV, 610 of which were built between 1985 and 1988, to be the best version of the Countach. When the engine turned over, every dog in Burbank started to bark. They seem to agree.

This isn’t the type of car generally seen in the quiet Southern California suburb made famous by Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show, which was filmed in its beautiful downtown. So when that riotous cacophony of an engine sound charged up Buena Vista Street, heads turned. Just in case you miss it with your eyes, the Countach wants to be sure you catch it with your ears. It won’t be ignored.

Changing out of my high heels into tennis shoes to drive was a great idea but not 100-percent necessary. The pedals are painfully close together for the average hairy-footed hobbit guy, but my petite feet fit fine.

“A lot of men have to drive without shoes on, so this was pretty much made for you,” Houston remarks. Damn straight.

“Don’t flip this switch,” Houston warns me, pointing at the wiper lever, as the rubber blade from the larger of two windshield wipers had somehow ripped off. “That part doesn’t actually exist anymore, so I have to get it special ordered, and that will cost probably a couple grand.”

The same holds true for the tires. The original Pirelli P7 rubber, 225/50ZR15 up front and 345/35ZR15 at rear, is long out of production, though there have been several special order re-issue runs. According to Countach-owner legend, when a set comes up, you have to snatch them up quick, because there are serious hoarders in the exclusive bunch. England was the closest place I could find a set to get a sense of cost. After the currency conversion, it appears the rubber bits would show up on the Centurion AMEX as a two-grand sneeze. Houston’s car wears the more modern Pirelli P-Zeros that are the closest equivalent.

To say the Countach offers a smooth ride would be a lie. This thing is rougher than losing your virginity in the back of a limo at homecoming—and that’s exactly the way you want it. Hey, it’s Italian. You expected something genteel?

There’s nothing smooth about the manual five-speed transmission, either. You don’t shift it so much as demand it submit to your will with brute strength. And Houston was right; the clutch was indeed an uncooperative SOB.

Lamborghini claims the top speed to be 183 mph, but the jacked-up clutch on Houston’s car dictated otherwise during this trip and I barely clocked in at 45 mph going up the final hill to my reunion. Still, I was driving a red Countach and couldn’t care less how slowly.

Despite my hair being ruined and my deodorant heavily tested, when I successfully arrived to the reunion at the DeBell Golf Course in the foothills of the Verdugo Mountains, I didn’t want to get out of the car. Thirty years ago, I didn’t really know those people with huge feathered hair that well, so I stayed for an hour, said hi to the few I did know, and left.

Turns out two guys got in a fight. It was high school all over again, just take away the lockers and add alcohol, money, and a middle-aged fear of insignificance. Burbank’s finest showed up, helicopter and all, to break it up. Guess I wasn’t the only one to arrive in style.

Best-laid-plans notwithstanding, only about three people saw this weirdo girl roll up in the Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV, so driving it did zero for my cred with the populars. Yet, I swear I’ve never felt cooler in my life.

1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV Specifications

ON SALE Now EXPECT TO PAY $460,000 (Hagerty insurance average value) ENGINE 5.2 DOHC 48-valve V-12/420 hp, 369 lb-ft TRANSMISSION 5-speed manual LAYOUT 2-door, 2-passenger, mid-engine, RWD coupe EPA MILEAGE 6/10 mpg (city/highway) L x W x H 165.4 x 78.7 x 42.1 in WHEELBASE 96.5 in WEIGHT 3,500 lb (est) 0-60 MPH 4.2 sec (MT, 1990 test) TOP SPEED 183 mph (est)

[eddiejpoplar]

Classic Drive: 1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV

High school sucked. So, was there a better way to arrive at my 30-year-reunion than in a 1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV? Didn’t think so. Southern California restaurateur David Houston was gracious enough to lend me his ’80s icon, so I, the semi-known weirdo girl whose best friend went to another school, finally had a reasonable shot at being cool!

The Lamborghini Countach, originally designed by Marcello Gandini while at Bertone ( who was also the youthful genius behind the Miura and Espada), first made brains fry at the Geneva motor show in 1971 and went into production in 1974. From the scissor doors, to the wedge-shaped front end, to the geometrically impossible greenhouse, the Countach is a rolling study in impracticality. But its bravado is also the source of its instant appeal.

Countach is a fairly profane expression in the Piedmontese dialect, though Google will politely tell you it means “wow” and, for the sake of propriety, I will only say, “Holy countach, I’m driving a Countach!”

Nuccio Bertone allegedly used the expression when he first saw Gandini’s car. If I’d ever gotten near this car as a 17-year-old in my rad slip-on Vans, I’d have said the same thing. Hell, I said it as a 40-something that wears rad Vans slip-ons when Houston first came around the corner. The name stuck.

After falling into the slipperiest leather ever to cover a driver’s seat, my photographer jammed a backpack full of camera gear behind me, because while the seat moves forward, it doesn’t stay there.

Driving this bull requires leverage. The Countach might have a clutch heavier than a WWII Sherman tank, and this one in particular isn’t quite right.

“It’s been slipping since I left Pacific Palisades,” Houston informed me after surrendering the driver’s seat. He drove the car for 21 nervy miles from his coastal home to Burbank’s John Burroughs High School, from which I couldn’t graduate fast enough in 1987.

Awesome, a wonky clutch that feels like it weighs 300 pounds.

“Hopefully it will make it to your reunion,” he says through a smile. I’m only driving it the equivalent of 24 laps around the football field where I quit the track team because running was too damn hard. “Fixing the clutch will probably cost me about $20,000. So, I’m holding off for now.”

Houston’s opinion of his rosso space ship with gold wheels is as unabashed as the classic itself.

“This is technically the first and only supercar ever made,” he says.

His claim starts with the longitudinally mounted V-12, an innovation copied by many subsequent mid-engine supercar architects. It extends to the aluminum body over a tubular-steel frame, mimicking technology used in racecar construction at the time. He also points to Gandini’s eye-exploding design, including elements such as the scissor doors, which on this particular example won’t stay open when parked on even the smallest of inclines. Oh, and it’s temperamental, another crucial supercar trait.

“Every car since is an imitator,” Houston asserts.

It doesn’t take long to understand why Houston couldn’t stop sweating when he first got out of this pointy razor of a sports car. The windows only open about three inches, and you dare not turn on the air conditioning.

“You’ll definitely overheat the engine,” he explains.

That afternoon was a merciful 80-degrees, instead of your garden variety, 90-degree-plus September day in Southern California. After five minutes I’m sweating, too, and shortly, my reunion dress was soaked through with sweat, not that I cared.

“If you stick your hand out the window and aim it just right,” he says, “you can get some fresh air into your left armpit.” Houston’s right; happy armpit, happy driver.

As my noodle arms heaved the steering wheel around a right turn, we went past storefronts unchanged since I cruised them in the ’77 Datsun B210 I drove in high school. Though truthfully, I couldn’t see them— or much of anything else, for that matter—given the Countach’s extremely limited visibility. Look behind you only if you think the b-pillars are attractive; otherwise, don’t bother.

From a dead stop, turning the tiny wheel was more like turning a locomotive valve from the 1800s than steering a 3,500-pound car. But get moving and the four-valve-per-cylinder Quattrovalvole V-12 moves this bull through San Fernando Valley traffic easier than a Ginsu knife through a beer can, mostly because everyone slows down and moves aside to look at it.

Advertised numbers 30 years ago have it making 420 horsepower, and revving to around 7,000 rpm. That may not sound like much by today’s 700- to 800-hp standards, but in its heyday, the Countach was a buzz saw with a tiny wheelbase of 96.5 inches. A lot of folks, Houston being one of them, believe the 5000 QV, 610 of which were built between 1985 and 1988, to be the best version of the Countach. When the engine turned over, every dog in Burbank started to bark. They seem to agree.

This isn’t the type of car generally seen in the quiet Southern California suburb made famous by Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show, which was filmed in its beautiful downtown. So when that riotous cacophony of an engine sound charged up Buena Vista Street, heads turned. Just in case you miss it with your eyes, the Countach wants to be sure you catch it with your ears. It won’t be ignored.

Changing out of my high heels into tennis shoes to drive was a great idea but not 100-percent necessary. The pedals are painfully close together for the average hairy-footed hobbit guy, but my petite feet fit fine.

“A lot of men have to drive without shoes on, so this was pretty much made for you,” Houston remarks. Damn straight.

“Don’t flip this switch,” Houston warns me, pointing at the wiper lever, as the rubber blade from the larger of two windshield wipers had somehow ripped off. “That part doesn’t actually exist anymore, so I have to get it special ordered, and that will cost probably a couple grand.”

The same holds true for the tires. The original Pirelli P7 rubber, 225/50ZR15 up front and 345/35ZR15 at rear, is long out of production, though there have been several special order re-issue runs. According to Countach-owner legend, when a set comes up, you have to snatch them up quick, because there are serious hoarders in the exclusive bunch. England was the closest place I could find a set to get a sense of cost. After the currency conversion, it appears the rubber bits would show up on the Centurion AMEX as a two-grand sneeze. Houston’s car wears the more modern Pirelli P-Zeros that are the closest equivalent.

To say the Countach offers a smooth ride would be a lie. This thing is rougher than losing your virginity in the back of a limo at homecoming—and that’s exactly the way you want it. Hey, it’s Italian. You expected something genteel?

There’s nothing smooth about the manual five-speed transmission, either. You don’t shift it so much as demand it submit to your will with brute strength. And Houston was right; the clutch was indeed an uncooperative SOB.

Lamborghini claims the top speed to be 183 mph, but the jacked-up clutch on Houston’s car dictated otherwise during this trip and I barely clocked in at 45 mph going up the final hill to my reunion. Still, I was driving a red Countach and couldn’t care less how slowly.

Despite my hair being ruined and my deodorant heavily tested, when I successfully arrived to the reunion at the DeBell Golf Course in the foothills of the Verdugo Mountains, I didn’t want to get out of the car. Thirty years ago, I didn’t really know those people with huge feathered hair that well, so I stayed for an hour, said hi to the few I did know, and left.

Turns out two guys got in a fight. It was high school all over again, just take away the lockers and add alcohol, money, and a middle-aged fear of insignificance. Burbank’s finest showed up, helicopter and all, to break it up. Guess I wasn’t the only one to arrive in style.

Best-laid-plans notwithstanding, only about three people saw this weirdo girl roll up in the Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV, so driving it did zero for my cred with the populars. Yet, I swear I’ve never felt cooler in my life.

1988 Lamborghini Countach 5000 QV Specifications

ON SALE Now EXPECT TO PAY $460,000 (Hagerty insurance average value) ENGINE 5.2 DOHC 48-valve V-12/420 hp, 369 lb-ft TRANSMISSION 5-speed manual LAYOUT 2-door, 2-passenger, mid-engine, RWD coupe EPA MILEAGE 6/10 mpg (city/highway) L x W x H 165.4 x 78.7 x 42.1 in WHEELBASE 96.5 in WEIGHT 3,500 lb (est) 0-60 MPH 4.2 sec (MT, 1990 test) TOP SPEED 183 mph (est)

[thebookofdave]

The Lure of a Festival

Recently I’ve been persuaded to once again brave the mud, deprivation and dubious alcoholic beverages of a British Festival, Download in fact.

For the unitiated Download is a rock festival based out of Donnington. Somehow I’ve never previously been, even during my rock/ metal heyday which I can only put down to the close proximity of Reading festival which had the benefit of being near enough for rescue in the likely event of my car failing and having my Gran living nearby for the well needed shower.

Reading was in fact the first festival that I went to, initially only on a day ticket. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I finally made the transition to the full camping experience. Back then it was perfectly acceptable to have a blazing fire around the tents. Tim put me in charge of firelighting (almost certainly a terrible mistake) and I remember happy evenings spent drinking around various peoples campfires and a less happy occasion where I set fire to my walking boots.

The second memory I have of Reading were how good the bands seemed to be, there was Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, System of a Down, bands that could really perform live when the pressure was on them. It was perfectly feasible to spend the whole day at the main stage and enjoy virtually all the acts that came on.

The third memory I have of Reading is Tim’s horrified face at my attempt at shaving with a 25p bic razor at the festival site. I was, in my defence, hampered by the lack of shaving foam but all the same there were an extremely impressive number of cuts and a fair amount of blood loss.

In fact slightly horrified moments feature quite strongly at Reading, the portaloos, our friend Bethan ordering a cup of fat from the Hog Roast café, the colour of my underpants once we’d dragged the bag through the mud.

Reading is not what you’d really describe as a ‘nice festival’ in, this it stands very much in opposition to Secret Garden party which I went to and certainly in its first year, was a very nice festival indeed.

The Secret Garden Party is on its last ever year this year and I think sadly its expansion was definitely for the worse but the first time I went it was an incredible experience. It was actually a festival that was very little to do with the bands, instead it was all about the entertainments which for me ranged from riding a childs unicycle off a ramp to mud wrestling in a pit and dancing in a horsebox. It was definitely on the quirkier side, there are few places for instance than you can stroke grown adults dressed up as animals without getting concerned looks or enter a competition only for people called Dave (I didn’t win). It’s as if someone wanted to transplant a sort of hippy Woodstock crossed with Camden to the UK.

Festivals all tend to feature some sort of deprevation, normally the toilets, almost always sleep and frequently weather. In fact the only time I’ve not had to worry about any of these things was when I went to End of the Road festival with some friends. It’s basically the Guardian newspaper of festivals, everything is very nice and extremely safe. It is, for example the only time I’ve ever seen Mum’s pushing babies around near a festival dance stage in the woods. It’s definitely the only time I’ve ever been to a festival and everything was shut down by 11pm, earplugs were entirely surplus to requirements.

Download is going to not be a nice festival, nor do I expect it to be that quiet despite the old man in me ordering the ‘quiet camping’ ticket but I do think it’s going to be a lot of fun. Partly this is because of the company I’m going with, Tim, is my veteran festival companion, a grumpy instigator of me getting myself in trouble who is an excellent conversationalist on important issues like the lack of decent rums, the terribleness of all bands other than the ones he likes and why he definitely won’t be joining me in the fancy dress. He also has sense of geography which makes him invaluable for finding my tent again.

Alex, his wife has also done a few festivals with me and is the quieter, darker horse out of the two. Once she’s spotted a cocktail bar, trouble normally follows and usually the latest nights, dancing in random places like the absinthe club or jumping off haystacks are from her instigation. She’s also responsible for the difficult task of prying Tim away from the bar and to the main stages which she performs admirably at.

Cousin Iain, our newcomer leaves me in no doubt he’ll be an excellent festival companion. Gregarious and cheerful, Iain could make friends with just about anyone and with his bushy beard and laid back stance he’ll easily slip into the Download festival scene. Iain unleashed after a few beers is a sight to behold and he and I will both be dressed in the below outfits which I can only see going well…

There will of course need to be someone fractionally more sensible than Iain and I combined at a festival, someone who asks the important questions like ‘What should I actually bring, how long will it take to get there’. I’m not fooled however by these statements from Helen who I’ve seen partying after a few drinks and I suspect Iain and I will look positively tame once she and Alex locate a cocktail bar. As a former party goer at the Agincourt, Helen can also provide some actual rhythm to the dancing in the late night club that I will sorely lack.

This year at Download there’s medieval combat, wrestling, comedy clubs and just the small matter of some of the headline bands I’ve been most excited to see for a long time, I’m really looking forward to it and it reminds me again of why I can’t resist the lure of a festival. I wish I’d got that damn portaloo upgrade though…

[theopenbookofdavidsmind]

The Lure of a Festival

Recently I’ve been persuaded to once again brave the mud, deprivation and dubious alcoholic beverages of a British Festival, Download in fact. For the unitiated Download is a rock festival based out of Donnington. Somehow I’ve never previously been, even during my rock/ metal heyday which I can only put down to the close proximity of Reading festival which had the benefit of being near enough for rescue in the likely event of my car failing and having my Gran living nearby for the well needed shower. Reading was in fact the first festival that I went to, initially only on a day ticket. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I finally made the transition to the full camping experience. Back then it was perfectly acceptable to have a blazing fire around the tents. Tim put me in charge of firelighting (almost certainly a terrible mistake) and I remember happy evenings spent drinking around various peoples campfires and a less happy occasion where I set fire to my walking boots. The second memory I have of Reading were how good the bands seemed to be then, there was Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, System of a Down, bands that could really perform live when the pressure was on them. It was perfectly feasible to spend the whole day at the main stage and enjoy virtually all the acts that came on. The third memory I have of Reading is Tim’s horrified face at my attempt at shaving with a 25p bic razor at the festival site. I was, in my defence, hampered by the lack of shaving foam but all the same there were an extremely impressive number of cuts and a fair amount of blood loss. In fact slightly horrified moments feature quite strongly at Reading, the portaloos, our friend Bethan ordering a cup of fat from the Hog Roast café, the colour of my underpants once we’d dragged the bag through the mud. Reading is not what you’d really describe as a ‘nice festival’ in, this it stands very much in opposition to Secret Garden party which I went to and certainly in its first year, was a very nice festival indeed. The Secret Garden Party is on its last ever year this year and I think sadly its expansion was definitely for the worse but the first time I went it was an incredible experience. It was actually a festival that was very little to do with the bands, instead it was all about the entertainments which for me ranged from riding a childs unicycle off a ramp to mud wrestling in a pit and dancing in a horsebox. It was definitely on the quirkier side, there are few places for instance than you can stroke grown adults dressed up as animals without getting concerned looks or enter a competition only for people called Dave (I didn’t win). It’s as if someone wanted to transplant a sort of hippy Woodstock crossed with Camden to the UK. Festivals all tend to feature some sort of deprevation of some sort, normally the toilets, almost always sleep and frequently weather. In fact the only time I’ve not had to worry about any of these things was when I went to End of the Road festival with some friends. It’s basically the Guardian newspaper of festivals, everything is very nice and extremely safe. It is, for example the only time I’ve ever seen Mum’s pushing babies around near a festival dance stage in the woods. It’s definitely the only time I’ve ever been to a festival and everything was shut down by 11pm, earplugs were entirely surplus to requirements. Download is going to not be a nice festival, nor do I expect it to be that quiet despite the old man in me ordering the ‘quiet camping’ ticket but I do think it’s going to be a lot of fun. Partly this is because of the company I’m going with, Tim, is my veteran festival companion, a grumpy instigator of me getting myself in trouble who is an excellent conversationalist on important issues like the lack of decent rums, the terribleness of all bands other than the ones he likes and why he definitely won’t be joining me in the fancy dress. He also has sense of geography which makes him invaluable for finding my tent again. Alex, his wife has also done a few festivals with me and is the quieter, darker horse out of the two. Once she’s spotted a cocktail bar, trouble normally follows and usually the latest nights, dancing in random places like the absinthe club or jumping off haystacks are from her instigation. She’s also responsible for the difficult task of prying Tim away from the bar and to the main stages which she performs admirably at. Cousin Iain, our newcomer leaves me in no doubt he’ll be an excellent festival companion. Gregarious and cheerful, Iain could make friends with just about anyone and with his bushy beard and laid back stance he’ll easily slip into the Download festival scene. Iain unleashed after a few beers is a sight to behold and he and I will both be dressed in the below outfits which I can only see going well… There will of course need to be someone fractionally more sensible than Iain and I combined at a festival, someone who asks the important questions like ‘What should I actually bring, how long will it take to get there’. I’m not fooled however by these statements from Helen who I’ve seen partying after a few drinks and I suspect Iain and I will look positively tame once she and Alex locate a cocktail bar. As a former party goer at the Agincourt, Helen can also provide some actual rhythm to the dancing in the late night club that I will sorely lack. This year at Download there’s medieval combat, wrestling, comedy clubs and just the small matter of some of the headline bands I’ve been most excited to see for a long time, I’m really looking forward to it and it reminds me again of why I can’t resist the lure of a festival. I wish I’d got that damn portaloo upgrade though…

[thewisemankey]

The Wise Mankey Commission: Part The Sixty First by AlanES

In the next installment of “Alan finally works on his best friend’s commissions,” here’s a little something that is the start of a series of pics I’m doing.

It’s part of an unofficial collection of playlists I got going on of songs that relate to the cast of the timeless webcomic The Rogue’s Gallery, soon to be Rogue Neo in the hopefully not TOO distant future. A small cadre of 8 songs for each one that were either used by Alan before in the past or hand-picked by me that I feel closely relates to each individual character. Why 8? Because it’s my favorite number. And the pics that will accompany each playlist features the character will illustrate how they listen to music. As if they were listening to the playlists themselves, so to speak.

So of course I start off strong with my #1 in all of Alan’s creations, Destiny Rule. What can I say, I’ve been fond of her for ages and that feeling ain’t gonna die. She kinda set a standard for me in what I look for in women, if I’m totally honest. Not that I’m looking for anyone who’s EXACTLY like her, but I’d like to think I’ll find one close enough. ANYWAY, enough fawning. Under the cut I’ll go into detail about why each individual song is included for Des’ playlist...and hopefully other people will give the songs a listen and even recreate them on their own!

1. “Gemini Salsa” by McVaffe

-Hopefully longtime TRG fans like me remember where THIS one came from. But here’s the refresher, a while back in TRG’s prime, (and there was MOST DEFINITELY a prime even if Alan would never admit it. XP) there was an semi-animated flash bio that told more about the cast in-depth. Before it was made, the comic was in the middle of the mini-arc where Helldandy (Belldandy’s evil form) cut off Destiny’s former long hair in an act of revenge. (Wonder how many people remember THAT?) Before Des’ new do was officially done in the comic, the bio flash came out and basically showed it ahead of time.

I never forgot how I felt when I first saw her new look up close and this song hit. If I was carrying a glass, I woulda dropped it. If I had a monocle, it woulda flown off my eye. If I was working at a Nuclear Power Plant and glanced at her, I’d have imagined her recreating the Venus De Milo with my coworkers taking the form of cherubs asking if I’ve never seen a naked chick riding a clam before. (Hey, maybe THAT will be my next commission idea! XD) But you get the point. It symbolized the first time I legit fell for her. And that’s the origins of my Madness for Des. So yeah, that’s what makes the song the tops here.

2. “La Femme d’Argent” by Air

-For those not familiar with the band Air, they’re a French electronica duo who are NOT Daft Punk. (I think they were both under the same record label at one time, tho. If they still aren’t.) My brother introduced me to them when he’d play the album “Moon Safari” in the car and I was basically hooked on how relaxing the songs were. Especially THIS one in particular which I honestly felt was VERY fitting for her. It’s relaxed, but upbeat. It definitely paired together well with that donation desktop image of Destiny lying across the ground with one of her legs upwards. WHEN THE SONG HITS THAT IMAGE JUST RIGHT...

*ahem* So yes, even if you’re not as hardcore a TRG fan as I am, I definitely recommend this particular song at least. It’s good for a nap on a rainy day.

3. “Magnetman Goes West (OC Remix)” by Disco Dan

-Here’s one that predates “Gemini Salsa,” this here’s the song that was played during Destiny’s scene in the TRG Episode 100 flash special. Amazing what Megaman songs do for the TRG cast, eh? But yeah, this song just carries that magical essence for a magical woman. I know it sounds slightly country, (hence the name “Goes West”) but I don’t think that matters, it just adds more to the relaxed/upbeat contrast this playlist is centered around with this gong in particular leaning more towards the upbeat portion of it. Of course if you NEED justification of this being a little country, you can always turn to my pic of Des dressed like Nico Robin. :B

4. “9 P.M. (’Til I Come)” by ATB

-Over a decade ago while I was living in West Palm Beach with my dad, I very often listened to a local techno radio station called “Party 93.1″ which sadly doesn’t exist anymore. But during its’ time I recall hearing this song and it made me think of the previous one “Magnetman Goes West,” It had that familiarity to it, maybe with the essence of slightly being the opposite of said song. Try listening to one and then the other and you’ll probably get what I mean. Either way, it made me think of Des and THAT’S why it’s here.

5. “Electra” by Airstream

-NOT to be confused by Air, this is a different artist altogether. This one goes WAY deep into the relaxation factor. I actually discovered this song a while back when an artist I follow on DA recommended this as a song to be paired up with a VERY NSFW pic they did of Luffy and Nami from One Piece getting it on. Despite the purpose, I easily heard this as a song that Destiny would listen to during her downtime. Maybe trying to take a nap or do some yoga. Definitely helps when I’M napping and/or thinking of Des, that’s for sure.

6. “Ordinary World” by Aurora

-Here’s another song I overheard of Party 93.1 ages ago, a cover of the hit song by the band Duran Duran except more stylish and spiritual, JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT. Hearing this song makes me think of an image of Des standing atop a building on a cloudy day every time. (An image I think Alan SOMEWHAT produced during the chase for Helldandy arc if I recall correctly.)

I er, also might have picked this song because it made me imagine an alternate reality where Jorge Amingo died and Des turned to me for comfort.

GIVE A GUY A BREAK IN REACHING FOR THE LOW HANGING FRUIT. XP

7. “Underneath It All” by No Doubt

Something about the singing styles of Gwen Stefani always put me at ease, especially in THIS song. It was chosen in particular because in my heydays of The Fallout Shelter, I did a bunch of custom wallpapers for both the people of the forums and whatever characters they had. When i did Destiny’s wallpaper, I used this song. Because loathe as I am to admit it, it fit into her unrequited love for Jorge. Seriously, most of the lyrics relate to her. I believe Alan also had some reservations about this song for various reasons once upon a time (assuming he still does) so that’s also why it’s there. =P

8. “Somnias Memorias (Platinum Edition)” by Keiichi Takahashi and Shani Rigsbee

Finally to the meat of the matter, the CURRENT theme song for Des that Alan has assigned her and GOD ALMIGHTY IS IT PURE SEX OR WHAT.

Of course that’s natural, it was used for the game Parasite Eve and Alan has VERY often compares Des to the game’s leading lady Aya Brea. He’s even done a Halloween pic of her dressed like Aya. (I dunno if that’s still visible in his DA gallery these days but IT’S REAL, IT’S DAMN REAL.) It definitely fits her to a T. Or a D for the sake of Yanging it up. HURHUR.

It’s magical, enchanting, smooth, and sultry. I don’t even need to describe it or justify why it’s in the playlist any more than I have to at this point JUST LISTEN TO IT.

So that’s only the first step in this series. THERE WILL BE OTHERS. And anyone who knows me will probably have an idea of who’s next up to bat after this one...