#deviezrah.txt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kittusera · 2 years

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why ocd tryna trick me so much? like I'll be driving past a green light and my brain will be like "lol u just went color blind for those 3 seconds and the light was actually still red you're getting a ticket 🤣" and I'll actually believe that until I'm like...wait that is not Fucking Possible??

or when i drive over a pothole or a pebble or whatever tf and my brain goes "that was someone you just ran over you're going to prison enjoy" even though there's nobody there??? WHAT????!

like I can't even fully trust my senses

#deviezrah.txt #ocd #actually ocd #please i hate it so much #it doesn't always happen when i drive but it happens more than id like it to #since I started driving in 2018 🤣#bro ocd can take over legit everything you do #i think its the worst when i dont get that feeling of realizing whatever happened literally can't happen cl #cuz then im just freaking out indefinitely #so for days or weeks #at worst like around 2 months

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kittusera · 2 years

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why the fuck the rest of mlp not on Netflix anymore 😔

#deviezrah.txt #my marathon coming to an end soon #time to pirate

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kittusera · 2 years

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whyd i see on my period calendar that my period is in 14 days and ignore it

then hours later im hit with a heavy but familiar wave of sadness that doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon

and of course its always the absolute worst timing since i got shit to do this week 😍🥳

#deviezrah.txt #pmdd #actually pmdd #negative #my uterus don't want me winning its trying to get me to quit the game fr #wtf

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kittusera · 2 years

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me: *joins avpd discord server in an attempt to be more social*

*writes an introduction* ok, its going well and everyone is nice

*says nothing else for the next 3 months*

...

me: oh well i tried

#deviezrah.txt #avpd #actually avoidant #[insert stuff ive said in tags verbatim before]

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kittusera · 14 days

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i will i will i will get good at drawing birds i will i will i will i will

#deviezrah.txt #i must #i shall

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kittusera · 2 months

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zashyboo ---> kittusera

why?

idk lmfao

#deviezrah.txt #interesting......

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kittusera · 3 months

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literally what did i do to deserve pmdd bro this is so ridiculous plsssss

#deviezrah.txt #pmdd #after 2 months....looks like i need to up the dose 😑#i feel like the antidepressants worked well for like 6 months then shit went downhill lmaoooooo #then i upped the dose and it was better for a while #but its coming back now #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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kittusera · 6 months

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im glad that plurality is becoming more well known because many years ago as a kid i was thinking that i was never gonna be able to speak about it to anyone

like the CIA could not get that info outa me

its also helped me come to terms with my fucked up brain anyway

#deviezrah.txt #pro endo #i think this is the first time I've talked about plurality on this blog #i think....#on other blogs its a different story but those blogs are private lol

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kittusera · 1 year

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therapy working because i actually want to talk to people online more

like i actually want to do so more than i fear it

almost...

but still thats pog

#deviezrah.txt #in talking in discord severs im in more for often at least #baby steps #also leaving the house too

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kittusera · 1 year

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deviezrah→ zashyboo

*just felt like changing i 🤷🏾

** it annoyed me on how similar(ish) it was to another sideblog i got

#deviezrah.txt #might change that tag too if not too lazy #HAHAAHHA naaaaah thats not happening any time soon #it be like that

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kittusera · 2 years

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my god i haven't played mabinogi in months i miss it

#deviezrah.txt #i should boot it up sometime soon I've been meaning to do that #yes i said months

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kittusera · 2 years

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why am i afraid to reblog more than 1 post from the same person right now

the avpd acting up

#deviezrah.txt #example 307738 of me being afraid of doing the most tiniest simple thing because im afraid that its annoying #except me being afraid of being annoying has basically wiped away my personality in public #omg that reminds me of how when i was on fb when i was 11 i would be afraid to make posts in general #so id write one like once every 6 months #idk why i thought id be under such scrutiny when nobody would even see them lol #oh

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kittusera · 2 years

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gonna try and not be on here as much as before, because idk why it just hit me now (or i guess im just re-remembering it), but me being on Tumblr like every hour is basically another ocd compulsion

and i know that bc i get anxious if i dont check here and check my blogs and bla bla bla

#deviezrah.txt #therapy been opening my eyes even more tbh #next session we're gonna work on exposure therapy #or something like that i don't remember what she said entirely

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kittusera · 2 years

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i sent the paper i wrote a while ago about my symptoms and basically trauma dumped on to my therapist, she thanked me for sending it and read it

I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about on Monday...and for the next couple of Mondays lol

#deviezrah.txt #im embarrassed i was so personal writing that #not like completely informal or anything but there's stuff on there i never told anyone 😭#now im even more scared to go than i was for the first appointment 💀

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kittusera · 2 years

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need that Broly weed sticker...

#deviezrah.txt #i saw it and fear ill never see it again

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kittusera · 2 years

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i start therapy on Monday and im horrified

#deviezrah.txt #im literally terrified #its not even in person and my heart is trembling #lmao

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