#dex and sean the lax bro

[likeshipsonthesea]

Oooooo. Im a going to jump in here, So like Dex represses even more?!? Jeeze can you imagine him going up to Bitty and being like all quiet staring at the floor and saying "Bitty... I, uh.... I cant help you bake anymore" because hes got the vibe that for him its 'not ok to be gay' for other people yes but for him no. And then he just slowly withdraws and becomes this totally different person just shutting down because of all the stress and him trying to figure out whats 'ok' for him to do... :(

Thanks for this dude. I totally needed these emotions rn. You brought this on yourself. Warnings for internalized homophobia to the max. (Also I’m not gonna go this dark in the fic, Jesus this was A Lot.

“Would you like to help me make a pie, hun?”

It makes sense that Bitty is gay. Not in the effeminate, likes-to-bake, just seems gay kind of way. But the way he speaks, acts, all sweetness and comfort wrapped around something darker and deadly. It reminds Dex of how it feels, how touching and kissing and loving can feel like the closest fucking thing there is to magic, but underneath it all is the ever-looming whisper of wrong, failure, danger.

“I swear that you’re lyin’ to me when you say you’ve never baked before,” Bitty says, around a small laugh, as he pulls ingredients from the cabinets.

Lying. A sin, or whatever, but so small in comparison to what lies underneath it. It isn’t until afterwards, when Dex is lying there, panting and sated, that he remembers how every touch, moan, moment, was betrayal. To the team, to his parents, to God, to himself. Sometimes Dex wonders if the whole time he’s just lying to himself about how good it all feels, because if he knows the horror of his actions, they shouldn’t feel that way, should they? But he’s not lying, and that’s probably the worst part of it all.

“None of these boys are anywhere near as good as you in the kitchen,” Bitty says, turning to offer Dex a grin over his shoulder. “It’s like you were made for it.”

Those are the times when Dex’s faith shakes the hardest, when his thinks I was born this way. Because if God made him this way, he would be the cruelest thing imaginable. Putting him here, giving this mistake to his parents who work harder than anyone, placing him on a team that accepts him so wholeheartedly only to have him betray them.

No, it’s easier to pretend as if all his mistakes are his alone. He is the one that’s letting down his parents. He is the one that’s betraying his team. And he can’t stop, because he is the kind of monster that keeps going even after it realizes it’s own destruction.

“I don’t really want to bake today,” Dex says, and wishes more than anything that it was true.

[likeshipsonthesea]

Sorry for being unclear, the dex/lax bro fic that you said you were leaning twords angst on. Does that help?

Anonymous asked: Hey would your ‘ships on the sea’ fic ever curve around to nursey/dex? Would it even work in that world?

This ask is a clarification to the above ask, just for those who don’t know.

Some backstory before I answer this question: I kind of hc Dex/Sean the lax bro in every one of my fics, as a one-night stand or a friends with benefits thing or whatever, but I don’t always address it. I typically don’t, actually, because it usually doesn’t come up in the fics I write. (An example of this is the existence of Luke, an OC I created, Dex’s captain and lover (ew) and complicated person, who doesn’t appear in every one of my fics, but in my mind is always part of the reason Dex is the way I’m writing him). 

So simply put, the answer is yes, I think nurseydex could happen in this world, because in all my fics where nurseydex does happen, Sean and Dex were already a thing.

As far as the fic I am currently writing (the one with the angst, sorry), the relationship between Dex and Sean is kind of turning a lot more emotional and romantic than I’d expected it to be. This fic takes place early in Dex’s frog year, right when he gets to Samwell and really before he unlearns any of the bad habits he’s been given growing up, before he’s had the chance to grow and see himself as he wants to. In this fic, Dex is still heavily closeted (aside from the men he has sex with/dates), very angry and restrained, and I don’t think Nursey could genuinely be romantically attracted to this kind of Dex.

(Like, I know there’s the trope of people falling in love with people they hate or whatever, but I think with something like this, not just Nursey’s perception of Dex as an ignorant person but also Dex’s stubborn-ness and unwillingness to change, turns Nursey off too much to allow for any attraction to really form, beyond physical or whatever, until Dex starts to grow.) (Also, not saying that Nursey doesn’t also have things to grow about, but speaking just about Dex’s lack of experience in the world, this is how I feel about their relationship.)

So what I’m getting to, is that in the fic I’m currently writing, with Dex and Sean and angst, the portion of Dex’s story in this world will not get to the point where Nursey could start to love Dex, nor do I think Dex could really let himself love Nursey in the place I’m probably going to leave him in the end of the story. I think, further down the line, nurseydex could definitely happen in this version of their world that I’m creating, with the growth I envision for Dex (and Nursey) in their later years, but in the fic I’m writing, nurseydex will likely not be a thing (and I’m not sure if I’ll ever really even hint at it, which is gonna be hard for me, lemme tell you)

((Also I realize that the absence of nurseydex and the fact that it’s gonna be angst and not the pseudo-comedic thing I had with the original unfinished fic pieces is probably going to decrease its popularity significantly, but I’m writing this fic because I’m having fun with it and some people seemed interested in it and I’ve been trying to get more into OCs and stuff for my own personal writing development, so though I know a lot of people probably won’t be into it, I hope, when and if I do post it, people will enjoy it!))

Thank you for your original message, and the clarifying one! This is actually really fun, to think about my fics and thought process and stuff. I’ve been doing it a bit more lately, privately and on here, and it’s really been helping me when it comes to planning out the stories and journeys I want to go through in my fics. If anyone wants to send in messages about things I’ve written, I’d definitely enjoy that! So thank you for this message and getting me to think :)

[likeshipsonthesea]

my favorite past time (1/?)

         It happens because of a frat party, surprisingly not a Haus one. It’s a party at one of the nerdier frats, many of the inhabitants of the house being science majors of one kind or another, and Dex gets dragged there by one of his comp-sci friends, a guy who he doesn’t really even like that much. The party is loud and the liquor is shitty but effective and Dex’s “friend” disappears ten minutes after they walk in the door. Because of this, Dex finds himself wandering aimlessly from room to room, desperate for something to do. There was flip cup in one room, beer pong in another, and what is either an orgy or a large body shot session in a third room. Dex, a little buzzed and confused, feels overwhelmed.

         Then this pretty boy with great skin, soft looking hair, and a wide, charming grin walks up to Dex.

         “Hey,” the pretty boy says. “I’m Sean.”

         Dex blinks at him. “Dex,” he replies simply.

“You look just about as lost as I was at my first frat party,” he says.

Dex smiles sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his head. “S’not my first, actually, but the ones I’m used to usually have more people I know.”

Sean hums thoughtfully. “Well, you know me now, right?” He grins, his bright white teeth blinding and enticing. Despite himself, Dex finds himself charmed by Sean’s blatant and flirty banter.

He and Sean end up talking for the better part of an hour, leaning against a wall and laughing over their almost-empty red Solo cups. Sean is funny, easy to talk to, and downright hot, so when he leans in and softly asks Dex if he wants to go back to Sean’s place, Dex says yes without a second thought.

         Apparently, Sean lives at a frat, too, and they stumble up the stairs, attempting not to make any noise, until they reach Sean’s room. Sean shoves Dex up against his bedroom door and sucks pretty bruises into Dex’s neck, making Dex huff and moan and squirm with anticipation. Dex lets his hands wander, drifting under the hem of Sean’s shirt, brushing against his skin- he has great skin, Dex can’t stop noticing; it’s the kind of skin that makes Dex want to put his mouth on it. Sean huffs warm and wet against Dex’s neck, pulling back to grin deviously at Dex with a spark in his eyes that screams sin.

         Oh yes, Dex thinks, letting his eyes shut, tonight is going to be good.

         Dex wakes up in someone else’s bed, feeling sated and sleep warmed with Sean’s arm around his waist.

         After checking the time on his phone, he gets out of bed and starts looking for his clothes, as he has practice in an hour and needs to shower before he gets to Faber. He’s pretty sure that he has cum drying on his stomach and he would never live it down if the guys saw it. As he pulls on his t-shirt, getting a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he decides that he’s going to get a bunch of chirps no matter what because Sean left a multitude of hickies on Dex’s neck.

         “Mm, where’re you going?” Sean asks sleepily, his face pressed into a pillow.

         “Probably to be teased to death by my teammates from all the marks you left on me, dude.” Dex shimmies into his jeans, the good ones; Bitty says they accentuate his hockey ass. This seems to be true, if the look Sean is giving him is any indication.

         “Teammates?” Sean inquires as he drags his eyes away from Dex’s ass. “What do you play?”

         “I’m on the hockey team.” As soon as Dex says this, Sean’s eyes bug out and the sleepy soft expression on his face dissolves. “What? What’s wrong?”

         “You’re on the hockey team?” Sean asks. Dex nods slowly.

         “Yeah, why?”

         Sean groans and drops his face back into his pillow. He says something, but it’s muffled by the fabric, so Dex asks him to repeat himself. Sean picks his head up and says, “I’m on the lacrosse team.”

         Dex’s blood turns to ice in his veins. “I’m in the LAX frat?”

         “Mhmm.” Sean’s horrified expression represents exactly how Dex is feeling.

         “Fuck.” Dex takes a seat at Sean’s desk, covering his face in his hands. “I fucked a LAX bro. Shitty’s gonna kill me.”

         “Chad R. is going to kill me. So is Chad S.”

         “You have two guys on your team named Chad?” When Sean nods, Dex groans again. “What did I do?” Dex covers his face again.

         “Look, no one has to know,” Sean sits up a little in bed. “I won’t tell anyone, you won’t tell anyone. All you have to do is sneak out without anyone noticing.”

         This is how Dex ends up shimmying down the gutter on the side of the LAX frat house without his socks on. He would’ve put his socks and shoes on, but someone knocked on Sean’s door and neither of them wanted to take the chance. He runs to the other side of the street as fast as he can and hopes to God that no one sees him. He makes it back to his dorm without being spotted, his heart racing a mile a minute, and hops in the shower to wash away his shame.

         And, really, that should be the end of it. But things don’t always happen the way they should.

[1] [2] [3]

[likeshipsonthesea]

Sean the LAX Bro

four score and many a year ago, i wrote this. a fun, one-off ficlet about the start of dex’s tryst with a lax bro. since then, it has continued to be a hc of mine that dex is one of two people on the team, prior to whiskey, who has in fact fucked a lax bro (the other is holster, that is Another Story).

until now, that has been the whole story. BUT NOW i will be posting the beginning of the Canonical Sean the LAX Bro fic that i started a long time ago and never got the inspiration to finish. it is not as cracky/playful as the original, but every time i’ve read it over i’ve really liked it and as a part of the WIPitgood thing going around the fandom, i’ve decided to post what i have

some warnings for homophobia and age difference in a relationship (my oc Luke is back y’all) but otherwise it’s p tame

i hope y’all like it :)

         It happens because of a frat party, surprisingly not a Haus one. Instead, it’s a party at one of the nerdier frats, a street over from the road where the Haus sits. It’s not a terrible party—it’s got pretty good music, efficient booze, enough people attending to shake the floors—but, after a kegster, a regular old party just won’t hold up anymore.

         Dex is not having a good time. Aside from the fact that he misses the bone-deep thrum of a kegster like a physical ache, the only person he knows at the party is some guy from his comp-sci class, John or Jake or whatever, and he left Dex alone within ten minutes of arriving. Now Dex is stuck wandering aimlessly through the house looking for something to do. He finds an uptight game of pong in one room (too many physics majors calculating trajectories instead of just going off skill) and, in the next, he finds either a body shot competition or an orgy, so he hurries to get through there real quick before he gets sucked in.

         The door he finds lets out into a quieter but still full room of—surprise— even more people he doesn’t know. He takes a long sip of his drink, which doesn’t take the edge off like tub juice but does the job well enough. When he pulls his cup from his mouth, it reveals a pretty boy with a big smile standing right in front of him.

         “Hi,” the pretty boy says. God, he’s gorgeous. Big blue eyes that twinkle with his pristine white smile, perfectly clear skin and angular features, soft in just the right places. Dex feels his fingers tighten around his cup. He vaguely wonders if his reaction is due to his generally little experience talking to pretty boys with the potential of actually doing something about it, or if Dex would be this Shook no matter what. Pretty Boy says, “I’m Sean.”

         “Dex,” he responds, a second too late, his voice rough. Sean’s grin impossibly widens.

         “You look about as lost as I did at my first frat party,” Sean says, leaning in closer, as if he’s sharing a secret only Dex gets to know. Breathe, Dex, breathe.

         “S’not my first, actually,” Dex says, rubbing at the back of his head. Did Sean’s eyes track the movement? Dex must be hallucinating. “The ones I’m used to just usually have more people I know.”

         Sean hums, and Dex can hear it over the music only because of their proximity. “Well,” he says, a thoughtful look on his face and a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “You know me now, right?” He knocks his cup lightly against Dex’s, his smile wide and enticing, and Dex finds himself listing forwards as if he’s being physically pulled.

         Within minutes, Sean has Dex snorting unattractively into his cup, laughing so hard his chest aches. Dex has no idea why Sean is still talking to him, as Dex is making an absolute ass of himself, staring blankly into Sean’s face like a middle-schooler with a crush. Still, Sean talks and jokes and—flirts? Dex doesn’t exactly have experience with flirting with men, but he’s pretty sure all of this—the soft teasing, Sean finding a reason to reach out and touch Dex’s hand, arm, chest, Sean’s eyes filled with heat—it has to mean something, right?

         They talk for an hour or so, slowly filtering into other areas of their lives. Dex talks about how he’s adjusting to being away from home for the first time and Sean shares tips he’s learned since being here for a year. They talk about their families, a little, Dex mentions his asshole of a brother and how he misses him anyway, and Sean shares a story about when his sister shaved off one of his eyebrows in his sleep. Dex finds himself sharing fears about college that he hasn’t even told the team or his family back home. Sean is funny and kind and easy to talk to—not to mention he’s fucking hot.

         Sean finishes his drink and knocks his empty cup against Dex’s matching one. His has been empty for the past twenty minutes but he hadn’t wanted to stop talking to Sean. He leans in closer and, his voice soft, he asks, “Would you like to get out of here?”

         Dex may have little experience with the flirting thing, but this, at least, is familiar territory. He grins. “Definitely.”

         It’s just starting to get cold out, so they make the walk back to Sean’s place pressed together, shoulder to shoulder. Dex is tipsy but not drunk, just a pleasant buzz under his skin, anticipation building in his chest. They cut through the backyard towards a frat house, as Sean apparently lives in one. They go in through the backdoor and climb the stairs, trying to be quiet so they don’t wake up Sean’s housemates. Finally they reach his bedroom and Dex follows him inside only to be pushed up against the inside of the closed door.

         “You okay with this?” Sean asks, already a little breathless, and in the semi-darkness of the room, the only thing Dex can see is the moonlight reflecting off of Sean’s wide smile. He presses his hands into Sean’s tense abdominals and there’s little to no give.

         “More than okay,” Dex says, and leans down to finally get a taste of that wide, enticing smile. It hasn’t been a ridiculously long time but kissing Sean reminds Dex of how fucking good kissing can be, even when it’s like this, a bit tipsy and messy but hot. Dex feels like he’s being consumed and he’s completely fine with it, wants it, wants to disappear under Sean’s lips and teeth and hands.

      ��  Dex throws his head back to try and suck in a breath, and Sean takes this as invitation to drift lower and suck pretty bruises into Dex’s skin. “Fuck,” Dex exhales, shaky, and feels Sean’s mouth spread into a grin against his neck. “Don’t get cocky,” Dex says, digging his nails into Sean’s shoulder, realizing then that he wants Sean’s shirt off more than anything else.

         “Thought that was the point?” Sean says into Dex’s collarbone, stifling his giggles, and Dex groans because how the fuck. How can Sean be hot and seductive and delicious, while also being ridiculously endearing? It isn’t fair.

         “Oh God, shut up.” Dex pushes his hands up under the edge of Sean’s t-shirt, rucking it up until Sean gets the message and pulls back to tug it over his head and throw it somewhere behind him. Dex sighs at the sight he makes, skin gone soft in the moonlight, muscles tight and defined, slightly crooked grin on his face.

         Oh yes, Dex thinks, stepping forwards to push Sean back towards the bed, tonight is going to be good.

 *~*~*

           Dex wakes up with the sun in his face, a heavy arm around his waist, and a satisfied warmth running throughout his whole body. He stretches, sitting up, and Sean grumbles, pushing his face into Dex’s hip. Dex smiles faintly, brushing his fingers through Sean’s hair as he reaches for his phone on the bedside table. It tells him that he has practice within the hour, so he pulls himself from Sean’s bed and clinging limbs to try and collect his clothes.

        He finds his briefs hanging from Sean’s desk lamp and puts them on, hopping around to find his t-shirt on the ground. He scratches at his stomach, where cum has dried to his skin and left it hard and flaky. He grimaces, pulling his shirt on over it. He’ll definitely have to go home and take a shower before practice and or he’ll never make it through the chirping. Then he looks up, in search of his pants, and sees himself in the mirror, neck covered in marks that drift down under his collar and most definitely spread even further. Guess the chirping is a sure thing no matter what, then.

         “Mm, where’re you goin’?” Sean says, muffled, into his pillow, and Dex huffs.

         “Probably to be teased to death by my teammates for all the marks you left on me, dude.” Dex spots his pants on Sean’s bookshelf and grabs them, bending over to pull them on. They apparently make his ass look great, or at least Bitty says so. He’s right, if the way Sean’s eyeing him as he pulls them on fully is any indication.

         “Teammates?” Sean asks, dragging his eyes back up to Dex’s face, where he’s grinning knowingly. Despite his blush, Sean asks, “What d’you play?”

         “I’m on the hockey team,” Dex says, searching idly for his socks and shoes. When he looks back at Sean in the bed, he’s lost all the mugginess of sleep and is staring, wide-eyed and horrified, back at Dex. “What? What’s wrong?”

         “You’re on the hockey team?” he asks, voice much higher than before.

         Dex nods slowly. Hadn’t that come up last night? Maybe not. “Yeah. Why?” Sean groans and buries his face in the pillow in front of him. Dex shifts in his spot. “Dude, c’mon. Why’s that a big deal?” Sean says something into the pillow that just sounds like a series of anxious grunts to Dex. “What’s that?”

         Sean sighs and turns his head, staring up at Dex with something half-sad, half-terrified. “I’m on the lacrosse team.”

         Dex freezes in place. He can feel as his face mirrors Sean’s worried expression. Fuck. “I’m in the LAX frat right now?” Sean nods gravely. “Fuck.”

         “Yeah.”

         Dex takes a seat at Sean’s desk chair and puts his face in his hands. “Fuck. Fuck. I fucked a LAX bro. Shitty’s gonna kill me.”

         “Chad R. is going to kill me. So is Chad S.”

         “You have two guys on your team named Chad?” Dex looks up to give Sean an incredulous expression.

         Sean says, “Three, actually.”

         Dex groans. “What have I done?” He shakes his head. He thinks back to last night, talking with Sean, opening up, laughing. God. It had been good, okay, the talking and the banter and the everything. Dex liked Sean. Still does, if he’s honest, but he’s a LAX bro. Even if Dex didn’t agree that they were all kind of assholes—which he does, the LAX team is a petri dish of toxic masculinity and misogyny and they’re also just huge dicks—trying to date a LAX bro would never work.

         He looks up from the floor and stares back at Sean. He can feel the weight of all the dead possibilities between them, heavy and suffocating. Dex swallows roughly and takes a deep breath. “Okay,” he says, and he shouldn’t be this sad, they haven’t even known each other for a day. But they could’ve been—no, it doesn’t matter. Not anymore. “Okay,” Dex repeats, “this’ll be fine. No one has to know. I won’t tell anyone, you won’t tell anyone. I’ll leave now and it’ll be fine.”

         “Yeah,” Sean says, and his lips quirk up at the corners, the horror in his expression draining, leaving behind a soft melancholy that Dex wants to kiss away. He says, “It’s been fun, Dex.”

         Dex grabs his socks and shoes and offers something like a smile back. “It could’ve been,” he says, and turns towards the door.

         Suddenly, there’s a knock. “Sean, brah, get the fuck up! We’ve got practice!” Dex jumps, turning to share a panicked look with Sean, and then they both simultaneously look at the window.

         This is how Dex finds himself shimmying down the drain pipe on the side of the LAX frat without his shoes on. He makes it to the bottom and hops down, the cold dew of the grass freezing his toes. Sean sticks his head out of the window and grins down at him. “I’ll see you around.”

         “Probably not,” Dex calls back up at him, and then runs to the other side of the street, pulling on his shoes. He makes it back to his dorm and showers, changes, and then leaves for practice. The whole while he tells himself that this is fine, it was a one-off, good time and that’s it.

         It should be it. It’s not.

 *~*~*

           Team breakfasts are loud. Dex doesn’t really know what to do with them, sometimes, so he tries to keep to himself at the end of the table. The hickies on his neck still haven’t disappeared, though they’re now nearly gone. Still, whenever any of the guys see them, they make a face like they’re proud, or want details or something, and Dex doesn’t know how to say it was a guy let alone it was a lax bro so he ducks them whenever he can.

         Bitty takes a seat on Dex’s left, talking a mile a minute about something back home that his mother told him about, and Dex listens to his voice, if not the words. Something about Bitty’s lilted and slow tone is comforting to Dex, and he lets that cover him like a blanket as he tries not to fall asleep into his cereal.

         Vaguely, Dex hears someone call, “Shut up, already!” from one table over and he doesn’t think much of it until Holster and Ransom are standing from their seats and yelling back.

         “What’d you say to him?” Holster asks, his usual playful expression gone with a second. For a 6’4 dude, Holster almost never looks intimidating, but right now Dex wouldn’t even get near him.

         “He won’t shut up and it’s fucking early, man,” the same guy says, and Dex turns to see he’s sitting at the LAX table. Sean isn’t there, which Dex can’t help but be grateful for.

         “Then fucking plug your ears and leave us the fuck alone,” Ransom yells back, and the surrounding tables do not seem pleased with all the commotion and Dex would be embarrassed but these dicks are harassing Bitty. Bitty. The embodiment of everything good in the world.

         “Just tell your girlfriend to keep her mouth closed,” the guy says, smirking all shittily, and Dex knows that kind of grin well, knows the kind of taunts that come from between those lips, and his blood boils before he can help himself and he’s going to hit something, he knows it—

         “The fact that you use gender as an insult just reinforces the lack of confidence in your own masculinity,” Shitty says, using his matter-of-fact asshole voice that Lardo says is the closest he can sound to his father. He only uses it when he wants to piss people off.

         “What’d you say to me?”

         “He said you’re just a part of a broken machine aimed to eviscerate the emotional capacity of masculine people,” Ransom says, catching Shitty’s condescending tone.

         Holster continues in the same vein, “Yeah, you’re just part of the problem, man. Don’t you get tired having to assert your dominance over every fucking situation? Just take a seat, dude, let your emotions out.”

         The LAX bro mutters something that sounds like, “Fucking hockey team,” and turns back around to his table. Bitty is now completely pink and hiding his face in his breakfast, but his lips are upturned in the corners.

         “Y’all didn’t have to do that,” he says, quiet, and Holster ruffles his hair softly, softer than he usually is.

         “Of course we did, Bits,” Ransom says with a wide, handsome grin.

         “Got your back,” Shitty says, resolute, and they all go back to their breakfasts.

         After a minute, Dex prompts, “So what did Mrs. Henderson do about her missing begonias?” and Bitty starts talking again, not even a degree softer than he’d been before.

         Walking home from the dining hall, Dex tries not to make comparisons to his old team, how they’d wait until he turned his back before they called him any number of slurs that cut at his skin, how that had been the most respect they could’ve held for him. There are an endless number of comparisons to make—the difference between chirping and insulting, how having your back on and off ice is more than just a means to a win, the way Dex smiles more than he ever thought he could—and Dex could tire himself with trying to evaluate them all, but still.

        It’s nice to have the difference.

 *~*~*

           The next time it happens, Dex really can’t be blamed.

         Samwell is very big on making sure there are an infinite number of spaces for someone to acquaint themselves with. Only a month into the school year, Dex is a part of a program for first-generation college attendees, athletic scholarship awardees, financial aid awardees, STEM oriented students, and student athletes. And those are only the ones sponsored specifically by the college. Dex is in a handful of other clubs and organizations meant to aid his transition to college.

         Mostly, Dex hangs out with the team, some friends he made from class, and people from the tech club he’s in. People from the other organizations are mostly acquaintances. If he sees them on campus or in class, he’ll give them a nod, but they aren’t planning any kegsters together or anything. Still, Dex attends the soirees they invite him to, standing scratchy and uncomfortable in a suit that doesn’t fit quite right—“You should get something tailored,” Nurse would say, infuriatingly—and sips at his sparkling cider and counts down the seconds until he can leave.

         He’s having a particularly boring conversation with a trustee or an alumni or a donor or whatever when Dex sees Sean from across the room. It’s been a few weeks since Dex climbed out his bedroom window and he hasn’t thought about him constantly or anything, he’s not obsessed, but. Well, sometimes he’ll pass the LAX frat on the way to the Haus or he’ll see a couple of guys tossing a ball around on the Quad or he’ll be trying to fall asleep to no avail, and he’ll think of Sean, of his laughter and his hands, and he’ll miss him, just a little. A tiny, manageable amount.

         Now, now Sean is talking to his own donor/trustee/alumni, throwing his head back slightly in a beautiful laugh, and Dex wants way more than a manageable amount. He excuses himself from the conversation and heads for the bathroom to cool down and get ahold of himself. He grabs a paper towel and soaks it in some cool water, dabbing lightly at his face to try and stave off his blush. He huffs as it doesn’t go down at all and throws away the towel. He looks at his reflection, tugs his collar straight, stares himself down.

         “You will be normal,” he says, firmly, just as a man leaves a stall. Dex’s flush gets deeper as the man gives him a short look before washing his hands and leaving. Great. The being normal thing is going just gr—

         “Dex?” Dex looks up and there’s Sean, standing half in the doorway of the bathroom, staring at Dex’s reflection with an open-mouthed, soft expression that Dex wants to touch.

         “Sean.” Dex swallows. “Hey.”

         After a few loaded moments, Dex realizes that he hasn’t turned around yet, so he steels himself and does it. Sean cleans up nice. Like, really nice. His suit looks tailored, if the way it fits him is any indication, and he might not have a hockey ass but damn is it a good one. His tie is a soft blue that complements his eyes. There’s one stray curl at his collar that Dex wants to smooth out but he doesn’t. They just stand there staring at one another until Dex can’t handle it anymore and coughs.

         “I’d better—”

         “Yeah, I don’t want to—”

         “—get back to the—”

         “—keep you.”

         “—party.”

         They seem to have only managed to gotten closer, as Dex tried to leave and Sean tried to move towards a stall. Now they’re so close that Dex can see a spot where Sean missed when he was shaving and all Dex wants to do is brush his thumb against it. “Fuck,” he hears himself say, and in the next second Sean is kissing him.

         (See, Dex really can’t be blamed.)

         “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Dex manages to get them behind a stall door before he lets himself melt into it. It still is a school sponsored function and he really doesn’t want an alumni/donor/trustee walking in to find Dex shoving his hands up the back of another student’s button down.

         “God, you’re fucking huge,” Sean mumbles against Dex’s mouth, his hands curling around Dex’s shoulders. Dex hums and surges even closer, wrapping his arms around the small of Sean’s back, pulling him tight against Dex’s body. “Couldn’t stop thinking about your arms,” Sean says, pushing his hands inside Dex’s jacket to scratch at his chest through his shirt. “Bet you could hold me up against the wall and just—unngh.”

         Sean trails off as Dex finds a spot on the hinge of his jaw to focus his attention on. He really does have great skin—fucking LAX bros—and Dex has no reservations about staying there and working on making a deep pink-purple bruise like it’s his job, but he hears the door to the bathroom open and realizes that two pairs of feet in a stall are very suspicious. Looks like Sean’s going to have his fantasy come true.

         “Jump,” Dex mutters into Sean’s cheek, and then picks him up, pinning him against the wall, in one fluid movement. It knocks the breath out of Sean, but apparently in a good way, because he immediately rolls his hips against Dex’s.

         “God,” Sean says on a breath, and Dex kisses him to keep him quiet. He pulls back after a second or two to muffle his hiss into Sean’s shoulder as Sean reaches down and cups Dex through his slacks.

         “There’s someone in here,” he whispers, furious, into Sean’s ear.

         Sean simply grins. “You’d better be quiet, then.”

         About ten or so minutes later, they leave the stall, both thoroughly flustered. Dex’s flush is a complete lost cause and Sean can’t seem to get the stupid, smug grin off his face, so it’s very obvious what he’s just been doing. God, they’re hopeless.

         “Okay, so, that happened.”

         “Yeah it did—”

         “Sean.”

         Sean’s smug grin softens into something sheepish, kind. “Yeah. Sorry. I’ve just, kinda, been thinking about you.”

         God, that’s gay. Why does Dex like it so much? “I—I guess I have too.” He shakes his head. “But this would never work. We couldn’t tell our teammates, we couldn’t be seen together, I—I…”

         “Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Sean steps forwards and puts his hand on Dex’s hip, comforting. “I don’t want to force you into anything. We don’t have to do this again, we can control ourselves.” He smirks a little. “I hope, at least.”

         Dex looks at him for a few moments, thinking about the possibility of it all. He likes Sean, for his looks, sure, but more than that, he’s a nice person, kind and funny and interesting. Dex could see himself dating Sean, like actual, out-in-public, playing-footsie-under-the-table dates. He never thought he could have that with a guy. He wants it so much it aches.

         But the idea of sneaking around, like he had to back home, not telling any of the guys, his friends…. Dex doesn’t want that.

         “We can,” Dex says, and he must be imagining the fall in Sean’s expression. “We have to.”

         Sean smiles, but it’s heavy. “Yeah,” he says, leans up to press a kiss to the corner of Dex’s mouth. He leaves the bathroom with a lingering look and Dex is left alone, wanting.

 *~*~*

           Being alone in the halls of an unknown rink is creepy. Dex is half-exhausted and half-keyed up from their win tonight, and he finished showering and redressing faster than most of the guys in his pseudo-state, leaving him to walk the path back to the parking lot alone. It’s quiet, so the only thing he can hear are his footsteps echoing around the halls, and he’s got nothing to focus on except his thoughts, which are worrying enough that he wants to actually run from them. But that would just be weird so he walks, contained, tense, and hopes more than anything that no one—especially one no one— will find him.

         His prayers must fall on deaf ears.

         “Dex!” Jogging casually down the hall comes Luke Rossi. He’s got on the same grin he always wore back in high school, wearing a tight, soft-looking t-shirt that reads Cornell across the chest. Dex swallows down whatever feeling has lodged itself in his throat. “Hey,” Luke says, slowing to a stop in front of Dex. His brown eyes look a shade softer in the fluorescent lights, deceiving. “Long time no see.”

         Long time is a bit of a stretch. They saw each other over the summer. It was similar to every time they’ve seen each other over the summer for the past four years. Dark car, quiet beach, hands over mouths to stifle whatever sounds came out. At once, it feels both like it’s a million years away and as if Dex is still living that same moment. Luke has that effect on him.

         “Yeah,” Dex says anyway. He shifts his weight, nervous. “How have you been?”

         Luke laughs, bright, cheerful. Dex wonders if it always looked that fake or if he’s learned Luke too well by now. “Oh, you know. Hockey, school, the works. You actually know now! Finally in real school.” He claps Dex on the arm. “Samwell, whoa. I always knew you’d go somewhere smart.”

         Despite himself, the praise warms Dex. “Yeah, it’s been nice.”

         “I bet the folks back home lost their shit,” Luke says, with another laugh, this one shorter, more pointed. He knows better than most the rumors that clung to Dex’s back all through school, and going off to the Gay Ivy did nothing to alleviate them.

         “Yeah,” Dex says, and looks down.

         “But hey, you played a good game tonight. An assist and everything. We should go out and celebrate, I know this great place—”

         “Dex?” Dex looks up and over to see Ransom and Holster coming down the hall, both of them frowning. Dex shrinks down without thinking. “Is everything okay?”

         “Who’s this?” Ransom asks, coming up on Dex’s right. Holster takes his left. Dex feels even smaller between them.

         “This is Luke,” Dex says, half-gesturing towards him. “He was my old captain back home.” Luke grins, charming, at the introduction. He sticks his hand out.

         Holster hesitates. “I thought you were your team’s captain,” he says, frowning.

         “He was captain when I was a freshman.” Dex fidgets, pulling at the material of his sweatpants. “I took over when he left.”

         “Oh,” Holster says, nodding exaggeratedly. He takes Luke’s hand and Dex sighs out his relief. “So you just want to catch up?” Holster directs to Luke.

         Luke grins wider, more charming, more plastic. “Yeah, man. Just thought I’d take him out with some of the guys, talk the game, stuff back home.” He shakes Ransom’s hand next, who returns his grin with a flat stare. Luke falters and looks back to Holster. “You know how it is, old teammates, I’m sure.”

         “Oh, I know—”

         Dex cuts Holster off. “I’ll see you guys later, okay?” He takes a step forwards and turns so he’s facing Ransom and Holster and standing next to Luke. They both shoot him downturned-lip-furrowed-brow worried expressions. “Tell Chowder I’ll be back at the room a bit late.”

         “You sure?” Ransom frowns, staring unflinchingly at Dex.

         Dex—he doesn’t know what to do with this. The protectiveness. The care. It makes him fidgety, nervous, almost itchy. He doesn’t know if he likes it or not yet, and though he doesn’t really know how to describe the way he feels about Luke either, that pit in his stomach is at least familiar.

         “Yeah,” Dex says, and Luke throws a casual arm over his shoulders. It’s uncomfortably heavy, but it’s a weight Dex knows how to deal with.

         “I’ll have him back by midnight, boys,” Luke says, joking, though the looks on Ransom and Holster’s faces seem to imply they would appreciate just that. Luke nods. “Alright then.” He turns and starts walking them down the hallway towards the exit Dex had been looking for earlier. “Your teammates are a bit strange, Dex,” Luke says with a laugh, as they make their way out.

         “They’re just big on taking care of each other, at Samwell,” Dex says, and identifies the curl in his chest as guilt for not defending them.

         Luke laughs. Dex can see the exit clearly from where they are now. “Of course the sissy school is big on caring shit.” Luke’s arm tightens around his shoulders. “You must hate it there.”

         They’ve reached the exit to the stadium. It’s too late to turn back, so Dex just says nothing and follows. Luke always liked it best that way, anyway.

 *~*~*

           Within half an hour, they’ve reached a secluded field. Luke turns off the car. He gets out and flattens the backseats so there’s one big opening in the back. Dex joins him, quiet, and begins taking off his shirt.

         They say nothing for the next twenty minutes. Luke keeps his fingers pressed tightly over Dex’s lips even though he’s long since trained himself to be silent. The soft sounds of skin against skin and choked-off breathing fill the humid air. It’s cold outside but it’s boiling inside the car. It was always like that, too, back in Maine, the car so hot it almost felt like he couldn’t breathe. At one point, Dex convinced himself it was probably the closest he’d ever been to Hell.

         They dress in silence. During, Dex usually thinks of nothing except guilty, horrible pleasure. After, there’s nothing else to focus on but the adjectives. He sits in the passenger seat in rumpled clothes that stick to his sweaty skin, quickly cooling into something uncomfortable.

         Dex thinks of Sean, ridiculously. Of walking back to his dorm with cum drying on his stomach and going through a school function with slightly dirtied underpants. Both times he was dirtier, physically, than he is now, and still right now he’s the most uncomfortable.

         Sean didn’t make him uncomfortable. Sean made him giddy, made him smile, made him happy. Dex forgot, somehow, the desperation of being with Luke, the guilt and the fear. Now Dex remembers the way he used to pray, afterwards, ask God forgiveness for his sins, his inability to stop making them. His tongue tastes like communion wine gone sour and his body feels stiff with disgrace. Even now, all he can think of is how wrong he is.

         Twice he was with Sean and both times Dex had forgotten to repent.

         It wasn’t guilty with Sean. It wasn’t dirty or something to hide. Even when they had to be quiet, it was fun. There was laughter in his fingertips, a smile tucked under his tongue for Dex to find, to enjoy. Enjoy.

         Dex had never found joy in having sex with a man before.

         The weight of the aftermath with Luke lifts, then. Because it doesn’t have to be like this. Dex isn’t bad when he’s with a boy, he’s just bad when he’s with Luke. Maybe that’s unfair. Maybe he just tied all his childhood fears up in Luke and he can’t separate them now. Either way, Luke isn’t good for him, not anymore. Maybe he never was.

         “See you,” Luke says, when they pull up in front of the motel the team is staying in for the night.

         “Goodbye, Luke,” Dex says, and means it. He gets out of the car.

         Dex can like a boy. He can like a boy without his tongue curling itself into knots out of self-preservation. He can like a boy without looking over his shoulder for the godly reprimand he can’t help but anticipate coming. He can like a boy without hating himself for it.

         The lightness in his chest carries him up the walkway. He can like a boy. He can like a boy.

         The lightness fades, decently, when Dex remembers that he can like any boy but Sean. Then again, he thinks as Luke pulls away before Dex reaches the front door, he was never really destined for happiness anyway.

 *~*~*

           It’s too fucking cold to be lugging a laundry basket back from the Haus, but Dex’ll be damned before he coughs up cash for the dorm washers when there’s a perfectly shitty washer and dryer at the Haus. Poindexters are nothing if not stubborn to the point of physical injury. Which he’s dangerously close to accomplishing, at this very moment, as he attempts to get his dorm key out of his bag while squishing the laundry basket between his hip and the door.

         He gets the key out right before the basket slips and he triumphantly shoves it in the lock. Letting himself in, he drops the basket on his bed and turns around to shut the door only to see Sean standing in the open doorway.

         What.

         “Dex,” he says, breathless. “Hi.”

         “Uh, hi?” Dex is still kind of stuck at what. “What, uh, what are you—why are you here?”

         “Yeah, um.” Sean swallows. “About that.”

         “Sean?”

         “Okay, this is going to sound really creepy, but remember I’m cute, okay?”

         “What?”

         “Okay, so, uh. I saw you leaving the hockey frat with your laundry and I sort of, followed you and, fuck. I can’t stop thinking about you?” He winces at himself. “This is sounding so much creepier than it’s meant to. I just, I really like you, okay? I think we can get past the team thing. It’ll be kind of like Romeo and Juliet, right?”

         “They killed themselves at the end,” Dex points out.

         “Well, as long as you don’t take drugs from any priests and I don’t kill your cousin, I think we’ll be pretty okay.”

         “Sean,” Dex tries to say firmly, but he’s smiling.

         Sean half-smiles back. “I think we can do it. I really do.”

         “Sean…”

         “And remember how cute I am,” Sean adds quickly. “Also remember that I just ran up three flights of stairs because the elevator was full just for you.”

         “How did you even get in the building?”

         Sean grins. “I am very cute.” Dex gives him a flat look. Sean relents. “Okay, I pretended like I lived here and went in behind someone who opened the door.” He points at Dex. “But I am cute.”

         “I feel like you’re searching for validation here.”

         “And the polite thing to do would be to give it to me, wouldn’t it?” Dex looks at him, standing there a little short of breath with a small, crooked smile. Dex thinks about destiny and bad decisions and how it feels to like a boy.

         Dex takes half a step closer to Sean, and then two quick full steps until they’re kissing, soft, smiling. Fuck destiny. Dex is going to be happy if it kills him.

[likeshipsonthesea]

an Idea

it’s a few years after samwell, everyone has kept in touch, maybe not as much as they’d like but they meet up once a year at least all together, and then out of the blue with no warning they all get invitations to a wedding

you are invited to the wedding of connor whisk and chad white

they are all surprised but they knew whiskey was still with chad from college and it’s been a few years now so a wedding isn’t out of the question, but still, he never mentioned it. tango says he’s known for months and wasn’t there something in the gc??? he could’ve sworn connor said something

anyway, they all go, because they love whiskey despite his weirdness and once you win a ncaa cup together there’s no going back. it’s awesome to see everyone again, as it’s been a few months since their last reunion. bitty is (in his southern way) a lil peeved that he and jack weren’t the first wedding of the group but IT’S FINE also who made the cake?? oh, well, it looks lovely. when I make a cake, you know... yes, yes, bitty we know.

tango is the best man but no one else is in the wedding party and that’s fine. they all get there around the same time, sit in the same row during the ceremony. shitty holster and ransom sit at one end glaring at the lax bros on the other side of the aisle and at the reception they’re all sat together, drinking and reminiscing and telling good whiskey stories while whiskey and chad look all moon-eyed in the background

and dex, sat between nursey and chowder, begs off and gets up to go refill his drink only to be approached by none other than Sean the LAX bro.

sean, who dex may or may not have had a Thing with in college.

sean is friendly, says hi, asks how dex is doing, and dex is a goober but he’s not a dick so he responds, asks in kind, and they start chatting and it’s really nice. back in college, they had a Thing that was sort of dating, sort of wasn’t bc it’s hard to date someone you can’t be seen with in public, and maybe sean makes a joke-- really, just a joke-- about how if things were different they might’ve really been something

and dex-- well. it’s been years, and he liked sean and enjoyed what they had, but since then he’s come to understand the real kind of love he can feel for another guy in a way he wasn’t prepared for when he was with sean (frog year, for dex) and dex agrees, says maybe, and sean smiles (crinkly eyed, the way he always did) and begs off to go to the bathroom.

“i’d invite you with me for old times’ sake,” he jokes, referencing a time when they may or may not have done something in a bathroom stall during an alumni meet-n-greet for samwell athletes, “but i doubt you could hold me up that long again.”

dex, affronted at having his strength questioned, says, “i definitely could.”

sean laughs and walks away and dex turns back to the bar to re-refill his drink and finds Nursey on the other side of him.

nursey, who despite being dex’s roommate and best friends for several years at this point, never knew about Dex and Sean the LAX bro.

nursey walks away without saying anything and, once dex has his drink, he follows, and it’s tense. dex isn’t really sure why-- he’s awkward at having nursey know this secret, but really nursey should be chirping him right now, not sitting there sullenly and refusing to eat the extra croutons dex gave him in exchange for some of nursey’s tomatoes.

the night goes on in much the same way as before, except now nursey and dex aren’t talking, and the other guys notice it-- chowder for sure-- but they’re not in college and they don’t interfere with nursey and dex’s relationship (they all had a meeting at one point and said we don’t get involved and despite drunken antics at christmas parties and rambly phone calls they might get from nursey or dex about how pretty he is and how i love him so much they refuse to get involved)

there’s drinking, dancing, cake that’s good even if bitty didn’t make it, and they all get back to the hotel (the wedding’s in whatever city whiskey’s playing hockey in now but i can’t really decide where, may be the coyotes bc i’m p sure whiskey’s from there, may be the bruins idk) and they all go to their separate rooms, which leaves nursey and dex in the double-bed room they reserved together

and it’s tense in the room, tangibly, as they take off their fancy clothes and get into sweats and t-shirts and, look, they are not teenagers anymore, they’re adults with jobs and a lease and their very own menagerie of plants ( i know menagerie means animals but the plants are pets to them) and so when nursey curtly says, “do you mind if i turn out the light” dex very calmly and maturely says

“what’s wrong”

in a voice that is Not higher than his normal pitch Nor is it laced exceedingly with Emotion

“nothing”

“nursey”

“dex”

“nursey.”

nursey sighs. “nothing’s wrong. it’s stupid.”

“if it’s making you be a dick it’s probably not stupid.”

nursey glares.

dex stares back without remorse.

nursey turns away. “you had a thing with a lax bro.”

dex squints. “really? this is about that dumb rivalry?”

“no.” nursey crosses his arms over his chest. “no. it’s-- i don’t know.”

“nursey, why does it matter than i had a thing with a lax bro more than half a decade ago?”

“i don’t know--! i--” nursey shakes his head, ducking his chin to his chest. muffled, he says, “i don’t like it.”

“what? nursey--”

nursey picks up volume, words tumbling out alcohol tinged and hurt. “i don’t like that you never told me, i don’t like that he was there tonight, i don’t like that he was flirting with you, i don’t like that you were flirting back, i--” he softens, unfolding his arms to pick at the seams in the comforter. “i know i can’t get mad about stuff like this. it’s not fair. i guess the whole thing tonight just made me--” he shrugs. “i mean, whiskey. emotionally stunted whiskey’’s got fucking monogrammed bath towels with a guy from college and i’m still here in unrequited love with my best friend.”

dex stares from across the space between the beds. the comforter is too heavy in his lap. his mind swims with alcohol and confusion. it somehow decides that saying the following is a perfectly good response to nursey’s proclamation of love. “the towels aren’t really that impressive,” he says, “they already had the same initials.”

nursey, half drunk and half to tears, bursts into laughter that sounds like it hurts.

dex gets tangled in his bedsheets pushing the blankets from his legs but manages to stumble over to nursey before the laughter turns to tears and he collapses on nursey’s bed. “nursey, i--” dex shakes his head. “i don’t want sean. i haven’t wanted sean since i was 18.”

nursey glances up, face awash in self pity and sadness and--

“i--i haven’‘t wanted sean since i started wanting you,” dex says. nursey looks up, sad eyes widening slowly. “it’s been you for years, asshole. i thought you knew.”

and then there’s kissing and crying and a little bit of lamenting time lost but mostly just elation for the time to come and it’s a wonderful night all around.

a few weeks later, in a nice apartment in whatever city whiskey plays in, a little envelop with the return address for derek nurse appears in the mail.

whiskey frowns down at the thank-you note. “they’re all so weird,” he complains, reading through nursey’s explanation of what whiskey’s wedding did for him and dex.

“it’s sweet,” chad says, pressing a kiss to whiskey’s frowning cheek. he plucks the card from whiskey’s hand and puts it on the fridge.

[likeshipsonthesea]

I love the Dex/lax bro ficlets you have. They are amazing and id love to see a whole fic as this. Honestly it feels like a fic but i would love love love to get as much as youre willing to give me!!

Haha, thank you so much! To be completely honest, I never planned on continuing it, but I wrote the second two parts when I was bored one day and I’m not sure if they’ll be kept in the actual fic (which I’m unfortunately coming to realize will probably be an actual thing) but we’ll see!

The only thing I have to figure out now is if I’m going to go full-angst and have them fall in love only to end tragically or if I’m going to keep it as a fuck-buddies type situation that peters out over time….

If anyone wants to weigh in, feel free ;)

[likeshipsonthesea]

Not really the fic, but sean the lax bro.

i LOVE that sean the LAX bro will be my legacy!! if y’all don’t know who sean the lax bro is, here’s basically all the stuff i’ve posted about him on tumblr. he’s also featured in my fic The Arrangement and unless explicitly stated otherwise is in the future or past of whatever dex i’m writing. basically, Sean is a LAX bro that dex has had a Thing with that none of the other guys know about.

i don’t know if there’s a secret about him-- i mean i could tell you that he has a little sister who he loves dearly and who sasses the pants off him every time he goes home, that his teammates don’t know he’s gay but he’s not all that bothered about it (half of them are closeted too), and he’s a history major who’s thinking about minoring in classics just bc he loves them and he co-founded the casual art club on campus that gets together once a week to throw paint together for fun-- but if we want to get really saucy i could tell you that there’s a scene in the WIP i have about him and dex where he taunts dex into fucking him in a public bathroom during an alumni event and it’s... A Lot

Tell me a fic you associate with me and I’ll tell you a secret about it :)

[likeshipsonthesea]

Dex sleeps with a Lax bro is, I think, the fic that made me start following you! Since then I've read you other fantastic works, but this one kinda stands out in my mind as something really special! I always thought it would be funny if really everybody but Shitty had slept with a Lax bro, so here is the hockey haus trying to keep that from Shitty, while over at the Lax house they are all trying to keep it from Chad R. And S. lol. Anyway, thanks for writing and bringing it back on my dash!

This is so sweet, thank you!!! I think the thing I’m most amazed at is that I posted that fic, like, years ago and you’ve stuck with me this long, like wow. What a trooper!!

I had a lot of fun with that fic and, in the expansion that’s in my drafts, the fun just continues! I’ve written some things I think are really fun in that draft so far (a bit of it can be found here) and I love the OC, Sean the LAX bro, that I’ve gotten to play with. I’m kind of stuck with what I want to do with it from where I left it, but I do hope to return to it and finish it one day.

To tell you the truth, I HC that Dex and Holster are the only two players (besides Whiskey, obvs) who’ve slept with LAX bros and I almost wrote out Holster’s whole thing once-- the first two paragraphs sit in my drafts to this day. So, what I mean to say is, that in any fic I write, even if it’s not explicit/relevant, you can assume that the Dex I’m writing has slept with a LAX bro (Sean, to be specific) at one point. It even turned into a plot point in The Arrangement, which I didn’t plan but it was fun in the end.

Anyway, thank you for your wonderful message, I’m glad to hear you still enjoy that ficlet thing years later and that you’ve somehow stuck it out through my ever changing interests and chaotic tagging system. :)

[likeshipsonthesea]

Fic asks: F, M, K (I was just going to do those first two, but then the pattern amused me, so I had to throw K in after all.)

From this Fanfic Ask Game list!

F - Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Ah, okay, so my current favorite bit of dialogue I’ve written is from an as-of-yet unposted fic, so I’m going to put that under the cut for anyone who wants to read it.

As far as finished fic goes, I can’t really think of any off the top of my head other than any interaction I wrote between Dex and Whiskey in The Arrangement, but after some sifting I was pleasantly delighted to reread this ficlet I wrote about Dex and Nursey after 4.08 where my shipper heart tried to fix what Ngozi so lovingly shattered. Cutting out the narrative, the dialogue reads like this:

“The washer’s free.” - Dex

“Thanks.” - Nursey

“Need help?” - Nursey

“You can do the socks” … “If you want.” - Dex

“I used to do that.” … “For my mom,” … “when she did laundry.” - Dex

What I like so much about this ficlet, and the dialogue in it, is something I’m big on in my writing, which is that the words people say almost never really get across what they mean/feel, and so with Nursey and Dex specifically I really like when I can give them a good, loaded, important interaction with very little actual dialogue, and I think with this fic in particular I did that pretty well.

M -  Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Does it count as the back burner if it’s technically been brewing for upwards of a year?

I have so many WIPs and AU ideas that have been somewhat written but never finished, including but not limited to a Nurseydex stripper!AU which I’ve talked about before, a Dex/OC LAX bro story that I LOVE, how the Haus dryer got Nursey and Dex together, a fic about Dex’s experienced as a First-Gen Low-Income student at Samwell, and a very long fic from Nursey’s frog year to beyond Samwell about his slow and inevitable descent into love with Dex.

…I need to get writing.

K - What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

As you and everyone who’s ever read my stuff know, I am– as I’ve been called before– an angst monster. I live for the angst, I eat sleep and breathe angst. I have never met an angsty idea I haven’t liked.

As far as story ideas, I think the angstiest thing I’ve ever come up with is an AU with Dex’s parents dying and him quitting college and moving back to Maine to take care of his siblings. It never really got legs, but I thought about it before falling asleep for a while and currently have a short, poorly written WIP in my Abandoned Fics folder.

As far as HCs and such, my backstories for Dex and Nursey are plenty angsty– Dex’s being that he was outed to his town at ten years old, bullied for most of his life, and was somewhat taken advantage of by his hockey captain (who was four years older than him) from the time he was 14 until his freshman year at Samwell. Nursey’s super sad backstory revolves around him developing an anxiety disorder from a young age and– though his parents are loving and try their best– he learns to be “chill” and “fine” because he knows it upsets them when he isn’t, and basically becomes hella repressed, which Andover Does Not Help.

.. I swear I like these characters, I promise.

*

Under the cut is a snippet of dialogue from an as-yet unfinished and unposted piece about Dex’s relationship with my OC, Sean the LAX bro. Enjoy! :)

(a little context: Sean is trying to convince Dex that they can make a relationship work, after kind of breaking into his building to talk to him. It’s chill, I promise. I cut off before the dialogue is tagged, so just know the first line is Sean’s.)

        “Okay, this is going to sound really creepy, but remember I’m cute, okay?”

         “What?”

         “Okay, so, uh. I saw you leaving the hockey frat with your laundry and I sort of, followed you and, fuck. I can’t stop thinking about you?” He winces at himself. “This is sounding so much creepier than it’s meant to. I just, I really like you, okay? I think we can get past the team thing. It’ll be kind of like Romeo and Juliet, right?”

         “They killed themselves at the end,” Dex points out.

         “Well, as long as you don’t take drugs from any priests and I don’t kill your cousin, I think we’ll be pretty okay.”

         “Sean,” Dex tries to say firmly, but he’s smiling.

         Sean half-smiles back. “I think we can do it. I really do.”

         “Sean…”

         “And remember how cute I am,” Sean adds quickly. “Also remember that I just ran up three flights of stairs because the elevator was full just for you.”

         “How did you even get in the building?”

         Sean grins. “I am very cute.” Dex gives him a flat look. Sean relents. “Okay, I pretended like I lived here and went in behind someone who opened the door.” He points at Dex. “But I am cute.”

         “I feel like you’re searching for validation here.”

         “And the polite thing to do would be to give it to me, wouldn’t it?”

I just really love this interaction? Sean is a really fun character for me to write and I love his lines in what I’ve written so far, and every time I go back to read this WIP, whenever I get to this part I want to finish it just so I can post this bit.

.. I guess this means I don’t have to finish it now? Ah, I’ll do it anyway.

[likeshipsonthesea]

Okay, I just found your dex/Sean stuff and I demand moreeee

Oh man, yeah. I haven’t looked at that fic in a while. I started rewriting it, idk, about the time I started writing The Arrangement, but that got finished and the Dex/LAX bro stuff did not.

I meant to take this month to finish all the little WIPs I started before I left for college and during, but it hasn’t happened. I guess I kind of lost inspiration for my Bittydex stuff now that I have the chance to write it, and a lot of things I write lately have felt very hit-or-miss. For the Dex/Sean stuff in particular, I just don’t know what to do next.

But hey, I haven’t read it over in a while, so maybe I’ll take this fine Christmas Eve alone to reread and maybe get re-inspired. Thank you for your message! :)

[likeshipsonthesea]

my favorite past time (2/?)

A continuation of this because I have way too many feelings about Dex fucking a lax bro. Inspired by a part of a WIP I’ve been working on nonstop, so this is my break. Also if something I post later down the line seems familiar, just ignore it, thanks.

(Title from the person who reblogged the original post and added the Hamilton quotes, which I cannot find atm, sorry!)

*

March, Dex’s frog year, Bitty gets on a muffin kick so hard that the entire kitchen fills up with them. Dex can only assume that Bitty is going down a list of different muffin flavors and is literally trying to make them all, because the sheer number of various kinds of muffins nearly makes his head spin. They’re damn good muffins, don’t get him wrong, but there’s only so many of them on the team and it’s impossible for them to eat all the muffins before they go bad. They try pawning them off on the volleyball team but then the captains growl at them for ruining the team’s diet plan, and they have three illegal bake sales before campus security catches on and follows them if they’re carrying anything more than a backpack.

It takes about three weeks for Bitty to give in and let the guys have the leftover, stale muffins to do with as they’d like. Holster and Ransom quickly come up with a game, the point of which is to pelt unsuspecting LAX bros with muffins. Not all that complicated, but very fun. In between finals, they keep a score going, the rookies worth two points, softies and juniors worth three, and seniors worth a whopping five points. Winner at the end of the week gets pie choice for Sunday brunch, and though Bitty shakes his head at them, he humors them and does as they ask.

It’s all good fun for a while, mostly payback for that time the LAX bros went around spraying shaving cream down the hockey players’ shirts just around campus, but then, as teenage boys are wont to do, someone takes it too far. Holster, in a moment of brilliant innovation, decides to freeze one of the stale muffins overnight, and, in the morning, proceeds to pelt the captain of the team with it as he’s exiting the LAX frat.

The only problem? Holster isn’t wearing glasses or contacts, misses completely, and breaks a window.

Even though Dex refused to join the game (too worried it might give him away if he hesitated throwing a muffin at Sean) he is enlisted to fix the fucking thing, though Jack thankfully pays for the supplies, and, on top of that, Bitty has to bake three apology pies to make sure they don’t tell the dean about the whole thing.

Dex is hoping to just get in and out (ha!) as he’s replaced dozens of windows before (his brother’d had a baseball phase a couple years back, and let’s just say Holster had better aim, sans glasses) and reckons he can make the repair without running into Sean. One of the stipulations of the repair is that none of the LAX bros can bother him while he’s doing it, so Dex is blissfully alone downstairs in the LAX frat when Sean walks in.

They’d hooked up a few times since that first time, mostly after parties or, that one memorable time, in the afternoon when no one was in the Haus. (He’d fucked a LAX bro in the Haus, fuck, he was going to have to take that to his grave or Shitty would put him in an early one). It was nice, Sean was good at sex, and Dex needed a release every once in a while, but fuck, did he have to be a LAX bro?

Sean smirks, shittily, because he is, in fact, a LAX bro and incapable of not being shitty. “Hey.”

Dex rolls his eyes, focusing on the repair. “We’re not fucking, your teammates are right upstairs.”

“And have sworn not to come down here, correct?” Suddenly Sean is right behind him, mouth close enough to breathe over the back of Dex’s neck. “I bet I can get you off without them knowing. You just have to be quiet.”

“I’m not the one with volume issues,” Dex says, but turns around anyway to face Sean. He’s just a little shorter than Dex, pretty with one of those wide grins that knows how attractive it is. He’s very much not Dex’s type, but somehow he keeps finding himself here, time after time.

“I bet I can give you volume issues,” Sean says, cheeky, and Dex looks heavenward.

“That was so bad, I don’t even-”

Sean cuts him off with a kiss, which, out of all the ways he could have responded, is probably among the top three. Dex curls his fingers into the hips of Sean’s under armor- seriously, wearing under armor as a shirt in March, God, such a LAX bro- and tugs him closer, getting deeper, melting into it. Finals have been kicking his ass and maybe a quick one-off in the LAX frat kitchen is just what he needs-

“William Dexington Poindexter.” Dex pulls back from Sean’s mouth to see Shitty standing in the doorway to the kitchen, frown deep and horrified. 

Dex groans, letting his head fall back against the wall behind him. “Fuck.”

[1] [2] [3]

[likeshipsonthesea]

Hey! So I love the premise of your dex hooks up with a lax bro story! I love what you've produced so far and can't wait for anything else you choose to share with us about it! But I was wondering how you feel about others writing about the same premise? I've got some ideas that have been jumbling around in my head, and it wouldn't follow yours exactly or use your oc, would that be okay to write? It's fine if you say no, I wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes!

Dude, totally, go for it! I have no issue with anyone writing or creating any kind of content that follows the same theme as my Dex/Sean the lax bro story. The only thing I’d be a bit err about is if someone used my OC (just ‘cause he’s personal to me or whatever) but totally, to you or anyone else who wants to write something, do it! I’d love to read it, if and when you post it, if you wouldn’t mind messaging me or something if that happens :)

[likeshipsonthesea]

So i just had a horrible thought thinking about your Dex/lax bro fic... When Shitty is confronting Dex in front of the whole team, what if Bitty happened to not be there? (Class, test, study group, skyping jack etc) and so isnt there to say that they arent mad at Dex for being with a guy? I mean its already sort of implied that he doesnt really believe bitty, but can you imagine if no one had said anything? Yikes...

Definitely yikes! Originally it was just supposed to be a silly little thing, something like the court we saw with Chowder and his fines, but the more you look at it, it’s kind of, like, hella problematic? Especially considering (in my head) that this is the first time anyone has found out that Dex likes dudes at all, and he’s probably been terrified of them finding out anyway…

Yeah, that is really horrible to think about. I think, for Shitty particularly, that sometimes he can get caught up in his own stuff and forgets to think about other people’s feelings (i.e. confronting Jack about a possible girlfriend in front of a whole party of people he doesn’t know very well). Bitty’s small assurance that it isn’t because of Dex being with a guy reminds Shitty that people (Dex) still might have hold-ups about their sexuality and that this kind of thing could be really damaging.

Also, thinking about this more, it reminds me that these guys are still really young. They’re frat boys in college. They’re dumb sometimes and they’re gonna make mistakes, and unfortunately I think the way I wrote it could definitely happen realistically in that situation. (Fortunately, in the fics I write where Sean the lax bro/Dex happened, none of the SMH found out and nothing like that happened.)

In the fic I’m writing now, I’m dealing a lot more with Dex’s inner turmoil regarding his sexuality and liking a guy romantically for the first time and him hiding it from the team, his burgeoning relationship with the team and how his relationship with Sean affects that, and all that stuff. It will be a hefty bit more serious than the original fic pieces were and (for better or worse) will probably delve into the feelings Dex would have been experiencing during that moment where he was on trial (so to speak) for his “crime”.

(Edit: shit now I’m thinking about if Dex compounded the guilt he felt at betraying the team or whatever by dating a lax bro with the guilt he might feel for being attracted to guys at all, and all of that guilt just choking him and suppressing him and what the fuck dude this was supposed to be a funny little romeo and juliet thing with fuck buddies and no emotions and NOW I’M HAVING ALL THE EMOTIONS)