#did I base the entire conversation of Logan and his brother over a convo I had with my own brother years ago?

[lily-janus]

What I Wish We Can Be

Summary: Logan's story!

Characters: Logan, Fred (OC), Chris (OC), Patton.

Warnings: invasive questions, implied sex (not graphic at all), heavy angst, crying in public, alcohol mentions, internalized aphobia. Lemme know if I missed any.

Word count: 2,350

Woow! Finally done! Ngl this took me a while to write... but it's finished now! I really struggled to portray alloaro folks in the most validating and respectful way possible so I hope I didn't accidently offend anyone💛

P.S: I hope you don't mind me tugging you but this was the WIP I sent that paragraph from for the WIP game @naminethewitch

@aro-sides-week day 5 Aroace/alloaro/non-SAM-aro

...

Logan listened to the other's stories with great interest, everyone finding the term that fits for them in their own way. In Emile's case he was even questioning for years before he found a label that sat right with him.

He had to admit it was quite… inspiring, and a bit comforting if he's being honest, to hear others struggling with this when he originally felt like he was alone in his confusion.

He wonders… Can sharing his own experience  be beneficial in easing his guilt? It's a theory worth testing, afterall, there are numerous studies that show how talking about things to a willing ear can help with processing emotions better.

He nodded decidedly to himself, fixing his glasses before raising his hand to catch Patton's attention.

"Hey there, fellow glasses wearer." Patton smiled at him. "Wanna go up next?" 

"Indeed." He confirmed as he stood up.

"Well then, the floor's yours buddy!" Patton stepped aside from the center, giving Logan space to stand and face everyone.

"I do not wish to own this floor, but I am willing to share my own experience." He cleared his throat, fixed his tie and started his story…

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"Good morning sleepy-head."

Logan blinked as his mind regained awareness of his surroundings, rubbing his eyes and reaching for his glasses before putting them on and bringing everything into focus.

"Morning" he said simply as he tossed the covers and started getting dressed.

"How'd you sleep? I had a great time last night!" Fred smiled at him from the doorway to the bedroom.

"I slept well, thank you for asking. Last night was indeed quite pleasurable." Logan agreed, slipping his arms into the sleeves of his suit jacket and buttoning it up.

He noticed Fred has gone quiet and looked at him from the corner of his eye, noticing he's staring at him.

Fred noticed him looking and blushed. "Sorry you're just… really pretty."

"Oh um… thank you, you're quite attractive yourself." Logan said as he reached for his tie.

"Oh, let me help you with that, here." Fred walked over taking Logan's tie and standing before him. They locked eyes for a moment before Fred looked down to tie it around Logan's neck.

"You know I… I think I'll like seeing you again." Fred said hesitantly, tightening the knot and smoothing the tie when he's done.

"Are you saying you would like to copulate again?" Logan asked blantly.

Fred flushed. "Um… yeah… amongst… other things…" he stepped away, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Logan frowned. "Other things?"

Fred sighed. "I'm trying to ask you out on a date… I think I like you and… it'll be nice to know you better." He smiled hopefully at Logan.

Logan stared. "Oh… I…" he wanted to say yes, he did enjoy himself last night and Fred was attractive but… he just couldn't see them going farther, he didn't feel interested in being with Fred in that sense..  but how can he convey that without hurting him?

"Fred." Logan started.

Fred looked up at him hopefully "yeah?"

"I enjoyed myself greatly last night and I can tell you're a very nice guy. I do like the idea of us getting to know each other better just… not in a romantic sense, I apologize." He tried to explain in the nicest way possible.

Fred bit his lip. "Oh… I see. I obviously think you're nice too and in a different context being friends would be nice but… I just think it'll be weird ya know? After we… ya know…" he blushed again at the recollection of last night's events.

He didn't sound too hurt so that's a good sign. "Well then, in that case, it seems our ways will be departing today." Logan said, reaching out his hand for Fred to shake.

Fred stared at the hand then snorted. "Are you always this formal with your hook ups?" He asked jokingly but shook his hand anyway. "Oh ah and…" he walked out of the bedroom for a few minutes before returning with a piece of paper he handed to Logan. "Here's my number in case you change your mind about the dating thing." He winked.

Logan gave him a half smile, taking the phone number and putting it in his pocket. Fred walked him to the door and they waved each other goodbye before he walked out and closed the door behind him.

…

"You did what?" His brother demanded when he finished telling him about this morning.

Logan frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"

His brother stared at him in disbelief. "Wow, okay, let me walk you through what you told me."

"I don't see how walking will help-"

"Just… shut up, listen for a minute. You met a cute and attractive guy who's nice and thinks you're cute too. You hooked up with him, so far so good. Then, in the morning after he asks you out on a date because he wants to get to know you better and he might be developing feelings for you…. And you friend zone him? Have you lost your mind?!" His brother said in disbelief.

Logan's confusion deepened. " 'friend zone him'?"

His brother just groaned in frustration, shaking his head. "You're hopeless bro, why didn't you just say yes?"

"Because I wasn't interested… I don't understand, was I supposed to lie about the way I felt?" Logan tried to understand why his brother was so upset by this

"It's just one date, Lo-bro, how do you know you're not interested if you haven't even given the poor guy a chance?" His brother asked pointedly.

"I just… didn't see him in a romantic sense." Logan shrugged.

"You said you found him attractive!" His brother countered.

"Physically attractive it has nothing to do with romantic feelings and interest, I don't see why this bothers you so much." Logan said truthfully.

His brother sighed. "Bro, how long since you lost your virginity?"

Logan frowned. "10 years? I don't see how this is related-"

"And how many romantic partners have you had since then?" He cut him off.

"None." Logan said. "I don't see how this is-"

"You see why I'm worried about you now?" His brother interjected again.

"Um… no? I don't think I see the issue you seem to see." Logan said honestly.

"Logan… eventually you're going to need to find someone to settle down with and… with the way you're currently handling it… I don't see it happening. I just don't want you to end up like aunt Rose." His brother took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"What's wrong with aunt Rose?" Logan asked, desperately trying to understand.

"Nothing, she's great… she's just over 50 and living alone, you don't want that, do you?" His brother said.

"I mean… maybe not but… is that really that bad? You don't have to be with someone to be happy and aunt Rose looks pretty happy to me." Logan countered.

"Look, I'm just trying to help you so here's what you're going to do, you're going to call Fred and tell him you changed your mind-"

"But-"

"Let me finish, you go on one date with him okay? Just one, see how it feels, if it's nah then just say so and you'll never have to see him again, and if it feels like it might be going somewhere then great! You found your first boyfriend! Deal?" His brother looked at him expectantly.

"I don't know about this, Chris… It feels too much like lying for me to be comfortable with it." Logan hesitated.

"You're gonna have to step out of your comfort zone at least a little if you want to find a boyfriend, bro. It's not like one is going to waltz into your house one day." Chris pointed out. "All I'm asking for is one date."

Logan sighed. "Okay."

…

"Logan! Over here!" Fred waved him over with a smile. "I was so glad you called to change your mind! A little surprised but very glad."

Logan swallowed, he can already tell this is not going to work… but then again, Chris might have a point… he is inexperienced in that regard so maybe he shouldn't judge the situation so quickly..  Besides, it's not like he can turn him down again before the date even started.

He took a deep breath and sat in front of Fred, managing a slight smile. "Yeah I figured it's worth giving this a chance of at least one date..  just to 'test the waters' as the saying goes. Though I'm very inexperienced so this still might not work out." Logan said truthfully.

Fred raised an eyebrow playfully. "One date to win you over? Alright, I'll accept that challenge." He smirked slightly.

Logan chuckled at Fred's charm, he is pretty fun to be around..  Maybe this night will go by well.

After they placed their orders they started conversating. "So what do you work at?" Fred asked curiously. "Wait, wait, lemme guess… you're a teacher! No wait… a lawyer! Eh… something that requires that big vocabulary of yours and those formal ties you wear." Fred chuckled.

Logan smiled. "Close, I'm a professor at the local university here. Nice job, pays well, and I get to educate and lecture people which I always enjoyed since I can remember. What about you?" Logan took a sip from his wine as he waited for Fred's response.

"A professor! Huh… somehow that makes you even hotter." Fred giggled. "My job isn't nearly as impressive… I just own a small bar not far from here." He shrugged.

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Owning your own business is quite the accomplishment, there are not many who will be able to achieve such a thing." 

Fred blushed at the compliment. "Oh… ah, thanks… it's just a bar… I just like making people happy, you know? Help them let loose for a while… everyone needs that from time to time."

Logan nodded. "Indeed they do. Do you happen to have any good wine there?" He asked with interest, perhaps he can pay this place a visit sometime.

Fred's face brightened as he nodded. "Oh yeah! We have almost every kind of alcohol you can think of! I like to appeal to as many people as possible so I…" Fred happily chatted about his bar, how he trains his bartenders in making almost any drink out there and even encouraging them to make up their own.

Logan smiled as he nodded through his rumblings, being with Fred just felt so easy and effortless… he desperately wished he could feel those romantic feelings everyone keeps telling him about so their relationship can work in a way that appealed to the both of them… but those stubbornly stayed out of reach.

Fred already mentioned his disinterest in a platonic connection with Logan after their sexual encounter, so if Logan can't recipicate his romantic feelings towards him… they'll have to say goodbye…

"...You should come and see it, drinks are on the house." Fred winked at him, reaching a hand to grab Logan's and gently rub over his knuckles with his thumb, looking up at him with a bright blush. "...Perhaps on our next date?" He asked hopefully.

And it was the morning after their copulating all over again… but somehow way worse, because now he cared about him even more and wanted to keep seeing him… just - frustratingly so - not romantically like he does.

"Um…" Logan hesitated, how can he turn him down now?

"I get this might be scary since it's your first time but… now I know I really like you, Logan and… we can take it slow okay?" Fred's hand was still holding his and he gave it a light squeeze, smiling softly.

"I'm sorry I-" the waiter suddenly arrived with their check and Logan quickly grabbed it before Fred had a chance, glad for the momentary distraction as he put the credit card inside and handed it back to the waiter.

Fred's hopeful eyes were still on him. Logan's heart ached as he opened his mouth to say no to this sweet guy he wishes he could fall in love with. "I'm really sorry I just don't-" the words got stuck in his throat.

The waiter handed his credit card back to him with a receipt and Logan quickly snatched it and stood up.

"Logan?" Fred frowned at him with concern.

He needed space… he needed to think… he can't think…

His breath quickened. "I'm just… really busy…" he stammered and he was bolting away from there before he even realized it, only stopping when his legs couldn't carry him anymore and he leaned on a nearby wall, panting heavily.

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Logan didn't realize he was crying until Patton wiped his tears gently.

He backed away, embarrassed, furiously wiping his tears on his own. "I… I didn't have the courage to reach out to him again after that… he's probably better off without me anyway…" Logan struggled to finish the story and regain whatever little composure he had left.

"For the longest time I felt like I'm such a shallow 'jerk' who only likes people for their bodies I… I didn't know about… all the different kinds of attractions or how people can feel and not feel some of them… I didn't know what aromantic was or allosexual I just… felt broken and… guilty…" 

Logan took a deep, calming breath, skimming through the faces looking back at him. Patton rubbed his shoulders gently in a comforting gesture.

"Hey, it's okay, I promise. Like I keep saying, this stuff is very confusing, thank you so much for sharing." He smiled sweetly at him. "Do you want to go back to your seat? Drink some water?"

Logan took another deep breath and nodded, going over to the table with water bottles behind the circle and taking one before sitting back at his seat. Feeling emotionally worn but also… relieved.

He supposes his original theory was correct then, a fact that made him smile slightly as he awaited the next person to speak up. 

[randompony03]

Not In Kansas Anymore

Heyooo! So a bit ago, I had a little convo with @spiderversetweets and then I decided to make a fic based off of it, because I'm hella cringey. This might be bad, but whatev. This is the refined version, it's also posted on Wattpad and some of the writting is different.

Wattpad link:

Characters: Helena/MindFang (oc), Virgil/SpiderGale, Roman/Royal Slinger, Patton/LoveBite, Logan/Arachne, Thomas/Rainbow Weaver, MJ (oc)

Summary: MindFang gets stick in a certain spidey boy's room, and is ultimately stuck in his dimension as well. How will she get home?

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MindFang opened her eyes and groaned. What the hell had just happened? One minute she was swinging through Laurence and the next she was zipping down a tube of big time acid trips only to wake up in pain and...in a dark purple room? She sat up and looked around. There were band posters, black clothing items scattered about, and black out curtains. "What kinda emo lives here?" She mused to herself. "Where are we?" Asked the tiny voice of Rosie as she scuttled up MindFang's arm. "I have no clue." MindFang responded. She pulled down the hood of her cloak and took off her mask. A confused look came over her round, freckled face. She pulled out her phone and opened Twitter.

'MFangOfficial: Ok y'all, don't panic (I'm already doing enough of that), but I'm suddenly in someone's room. It's dark and really purple, but I have no idea how I got here.'

With that, she posted it. She signed and scrolled around until she started getting blown up with notifications. 'OMG, you ok?' 'Sis, you need us Topekans to rescue you this time?' '@MFangOfficial idk why, but mood.' She smiled and replied to any and all of them. One in particular grabbed her attention. 'SpiderGaleOfficial: Don't touch anything, I'm on my way.' She stared for a moment at the response. SpiderGale? Was that..a YouTuber? Or was she not alone? 

'MFangOfficial:@SpiderGaleOfficial I give you my word. I like your spider though. Also, thanks.'

 MindFang thought a moment. Could there really be someone else with abilities like hers? Well, outside her family that is. She watched as Rosie climbed up the leg of the table with a spider tank resting on it. The rose-knee curiously peered through the glass. The spider on the other side scuttled up to her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: He's a chill little dude.'

 MindFang glanced back up at the spiders with a smile as they began to chatter at each other.

'MFangOfficial: Indeed he is. I kinda wanna hold him, but I promised. He's a tarantula right?'

 She sat down on the floor. Holding up her mask she rubbed a thumb over it in thought. MindFang pulled the mask back on. She didn't know if this person was actually a superhero. They could be some Average Joe. The last thing she needed was some civilian finding out her identity. That would only add on to the stress today had brought her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: Yes, he is. If he lets you hold him go ahead.'

 MindFang smiled brightly under her mask. She gently lowered her hand into the tank and offered it. The tarantula inside came closer. He hesitated before gingerly walking onto her hand. He happily chirped at her a greeting as she held him up. Rosie jumped onto her and made her way to her new buddy.

'MFangOfficial: You're a real pal. Oh he's so sweet.'

"Who are you texting, Helena?" The tiny voice of Rosie asked. Helena looked up from her phone. "The owner of your new friend." She told her. "Ask them for his name." Rosie said glancing back to the other tarantula. Helena cocked a brow. "Can't you ask him?" Rosie giggled at her. "Yes, and I already did, but you may as well make conversation." She said with a playful smirk in her voice. Helena sighed.

'What's his name btw?'

'SpiderGaleOfficial: I'll tell you when I get there.'

'MFangOfficial: 👌'

 Helena eyed her spider companion. "You're a little shit, ya know." She said. "Don't forget it." Rosie laughed. Helena chuckled a bit herself. She felt a tingling sensation in the back of her head. "His name is JD." Came a new voice.

 The masked girl turned around to see a boy in a purple and white onesie climbing in through the window. Helena's eyes widened as his did as well. The rest of the world seemed to tune out as an aura of purple and dark grey with bolts of bright lightning seemed to surround him. "..you're just like me." They spoke in unison. Helena went over and began to circle him. "That can't be right. I thought it was just me and my siblings. Is that hoodie built in?" She stopped in front of him, "God I love your suit." SpiderGale chuckled. He extended his hand and she shook it. Helena took off her mask once more. "By the way, I'm Helena." She told him, a smile settling onto to her freckled cheeks. The boy removed his own mask and shook out his purple hair. "Virgil." Helena couldn't help but chuckle. "Nice to see we have similar taste in hairstyles." She said, pointing out their heads being shaved on the same side, hers being wavy and auburn while his was straight and naturally dark with the longer part dyed. 

 Virgil took his turn to pace around her. Studying her. The two tarantulas on her shoulders, one of them being JD,  the silver lining on her suit and cloak, the cool color scheme, the thigh-high Nightvale purple boots. "How did you get in here?" He asked. Helena ran a hand through her half a head of hair. "Well, that's the thing. I'm not entirely sure. I was sucked into some colorful tunnel and then woke up in here. That probably makes me sound like a crackhead though." Virgil stopped in front of her. "It sounds like you need to go home."

  "So you said you can clearly communicate with spiders?" Talyn asked Helena as they examined her. "Uh, yeah." Helena watched them. Joan stood back and took notes. "Interesting." Talyn mused. Virgil cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. "I think you're getting a little off topic." He said, raising a brow. "Oh, right. Sorry, it's just so fascinating is all." Talyn apologized, stepping away from Helena. They went over to join Joan and began quickly muttering to them.

 Virgil stepped over to Helena. "Sorry about that, they tend to get sidetracked when something tickles their curiosity." He explained. "It's fine, I guess. I just didn't think my powers were all that interesting or whatever." She shrugged. 

"Well, they are when my friends and I can only partially make out what they say."

"There's more than one of you??"

"Yeah. What, are you the only one where you come from?"

"Well, no. My sister got bit as well and my brother made something called a symbiote."

Virgil raised his eyebrows. "Huh, we have someone with a symbiote here too." Helena looked down at the floor. "What the fuck." She whispered. 

 Joan and Talyn came back over to them. "Ok, after talking it over we think we can get you home. Although, it may take a while to make the machinery needed." Joan told Helena. "How long would 'a while' be?" She asked. "About five weeks if we can get Logan to help. Interdimensional transport isn't exactly common or anything." Talyn explained. Helena felt her stomach drop. Five weeks? Oh God, what was she supposed to tell her parents? Could she even contact them? Tears began to sting her eyes. She turned around and walked a few paces away. No. God no. Not here. Not now. 

 "Helena, you ok?" She heard Virgil's voice ask. "YeAH." She replied. Damn it, that voice crack would give her away. Hesitantly, Virgil placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, look at me." Despite every red flag her brain was sending her about letting him see her like this, she faced him. "Breath with me. In for three, hold for four, out for seven." He instructed as he demonstrated for her. After a few rounds of this, Helena had seemed to calm down. "Better?" He asked. She nodded. "Better"

 Helena had been taken and introduced to Virgil's friends; Logan, Roman, Patton, and Thomas, who seemed more like a tired dad than a friend. Patton flopped down next to her on Thomas' couch. "So, if you're stuck here for five weeks, where are you going to stay?" He asked her. Helena's face fell. "Oh, uh, I hadn't really thought of that." Helena admitted. "And what are you going to wear? Don't get me wrong, I love your suit, but that can't be all you have, is it?" Roman added. "...My civilian clothes are back home." She mumbled. The boys all looked at each other before leaning in and quietly discussing the situation. Helena tuned them out and began to fret all over again. Where was she going to stay? Perhaps she could just bum around town and live like the homeless for the next few weeks? Did they have a homeless shelter perhaps?

 The boys stopped talking and turned back to Helena. "Well, I guess you could stay with me for now." Thomas offered. The girl was taken aback. "Oh no, I don't wanna be a bother!" She argued. Thomas shook his head. "You wouldn't. It's not like these guys don't frequently come and go from here." He insisted. Helena was about to debate the offer all over again when the door opened.

 A red-haired man walked in and over to Thomas. He slipped his arms around the other's shoulders. "Hey, guys." He greeted with a smile. "Hey, MJ." The boys replied in unison. The man, known as MJ, spotted Helena. The girl was caught off guard and ended up making eye contact. She nervously waved. "Who's this?" MJ asked, standing up straight. "This is Helena. She's a long ways from home." Thomas explained. 

"How far?"

"A whole other world far."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. I was just telling her that she could stay here with us until Joan and Talyn finish their transporter." 

MJ's eyes shined as he looked back up at Helena. "I think that's a great idea." Helena mentally sighed. It seemed there was no way of getting out of this.

 Living with Thomas and MJ turned out to be pretty nice. Thankfully she was able to give her parents an excuse for her absence. Since she had been at the library, last they knew, she had gotten some of her friends to agree to be her scapegoat. As far as her parents were concerned, she was spending the next few weeks at with the Loockes. Through her experience there, she had come to know the rest of the boys pretty well. Roman had insisted on taking her out shopping so she could look her best. Thanks to him, she had practically an entirely new wardrobe. Patton had shown her how to bake practically every kind of cookie. When Logan wasn't helping Joan and Talyn, she'd let him ramble about whatever topic he wished. She thought the number of things he knew was fascinating. Virgil was a lot like her in some ways. They often sat around sending memes to each other and discussing horror movies. By the end of it, they had all become good friends. The time did come, however, for Helena to go home.

 She had been sitting on the couch drawing with Roman and talking about cartoons they watched as kids when Logan came into the room. "Helena, it's finished." He informed her. She stared back at him in wonder and blinked a few times. "It is?" Logan nodded. She looked down at her sketchpad. "I honestly thought I'd be a little more excited to go home." She said with a half-hearted chuckle. Roman reached over and patted her back.. "We'll miss you too." A sad smile rested on his face. He understood what she meant.

 Helena went to pack what belongings she had. While folding and putting away all the clothes Roman had picked out for her, the door to the room burst open. Before she could fully process the outburst a pair of arms were hrown thrownaround her. "I can't believe it's over already!" Wailed the voice of Patton. Helena smiled when she realized who it was that attack-hugged her. She returned the hug, getting a bit misty-eyed. "I know. I'm gonna miss you,, Pat." She said softly. "Ok Patton, give her some space." Virgil laughed from his leaning position in the doorway. Patton pulled back with a slight whine and glossy eyes. "How did you guys know I was leaving right now?" Helena asked them. Roman stepped in. "I may have texted them." He admitted. 

 Logan came into the room as well. "Helena, could I see your phone?" The girl complied and handed it over to him. He took off the back and slid what looked like some kind of SD card into it. He popped the back on again and handed it back to her. "When you activate that, it should allow you to keep your contact with us." He explained. Helena smiled so warmly. "Thank you, Logan." Virgil punched him in the arm. "You softie." He teased. 

 Eventually, Helena had been all packed up, even between all the chatter. She had said her final goodbyes and received an especially long hug from Patton and MJ at the same time. With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of bright white. 

 After she had come back inside and spun a tale of what she had 'been up to with the Loockes, she went down to her room and flopped onto her bed. Her phone buzzed as Rosie crawled out of her pocket. Helena pulled out the device. 5 messages from SpiderGang. A smile crept over her face as she tapped on the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sings-A-Lot: With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of blindingly bright white.

 When she opened her eyes, she was standing on the corner of her block. Looks like those two had a pretty precise aim. She walked up to the front door of her home and knocked. Once her parents had finished interrogating her about what she and the Loockes had been up to, she escaped downstairs to her room. Flopping onto her bed, she felt her phone buzz. Rosie crawled out of her jacket pocket as she pulled the device out. 5 messages from Spider Gang. A smile crept onto her face as she tapped the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: @Bi-Stander Greetings!

Pocket-Protector: If the chip is functioning, salutations.

Dark-And-Stormy-Night: Yo

Could-Be-Gayer: Hey, kiddo

Tears of joy began to sting her eyes as she read over the messages.

Bi-Stander: Hey guys

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And that's all she (I) wrote! This is set in the world of the spiderverse au made by the lovely @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil . If you guys read this, I hope you like it!