#did that with lapis when i was in my 20s and i was already exhausted by it

[bhaalsdeepbat]

it's supposed to get dreary here again and i'm like. what if i go get local coffee and do an impromptu closet cosplay of christian girl autumn!orin

i have several long, blonde wigs i could play with and. i certainly could do the creepy makeup alkjfsdkl

[instantbreplay]

HELLO!

I HAVE A THEORY! And this is a theory regarding the newest character of Honkai: Star Rail, the rootin’ tootin’, flamboyant, brash, and trigger happy space cowboy of the Galaxy Rangers—Boothill! This will be posted on both Tumblr and AO3 for those who do not have either or for easier access! By the way, this theory contains mentions of leaks and in-game content, so if you don't want to get any spoilers, I advise not to read this theory at all.

For starters, I will admit that I haven’t played Honkai: Star Rail in a while due to…whatever reason I had, and one of those reasons was because of Twisted Wonderland! I was playing that for a while—still am—I was having a blast insulting Ace and having aneurysms over the students’ antics and methods of breaking people out (I’m lookin’ at you, Rook). It was great! Then, Star Rail showcases two new characters on their Twitter page for their newest planet known as Penacony, one of them being Boothill who a lot of people were upset with due to them wanting the characters, Sam and/or Firefly who unfortunately met her demise in the newest update, and…well, I fell head over heels for him and started saving for him (122 PULLS WITH 20 PITY BABY BUT HE’S MY FIRST FEATURED CHARACTER SO PRAY FOR ME). I kept up with leaks because I could care less about gameplay, stat kit, and character lore leaks since that’s the interesting part and helps me figure out if I want the newest character…like my Al-Haitham theory which did not age well, this theory about Boothill does stem from exhaustion from not sleeping, but I feel like this is a more coherent and sound theory than the last, and I have to say that I have to take this with a grain of salt—and I advise the same for you—because it’s merely a theory. I can be wrong on certain things, but without ado, I’ll start with what really feels like the backbone of this theory, and that is Boothill’s name: Boothill.

The Name

So, just to give a little context, prominently in Asian media—most notably Japanese and Chinese entertainment from what I’ve seen as I played HoYo games and watched a lot of anime—characters tend to have name pun which correspond with their personality, physical design, talents, etc., to give people a little laugh and be like, “Ooooh! I get what they mean!” For example, Zhongli, in HoYoverse’s most popular game, Genshin Impact, written as 钟离 in simplified Chinese, is a pun of his departure—his retirement—as Rex Lapis: 钟 Zhōng being a homophone for the word for “clock” as it’s spelled exactly the same, while 离 Lí is a common word for “leaving” or “away”. Putting it together, it can be taken as “time of departure/leaving” or “off the clock” which foreshadowed Zhongli stepping down as Archon of Liyue.

With that knowledge in mind, I looked at Boothill's name and decided to Google it because I knew it was a pun of some sort! My only thought was that his name could have been a reference to a western (cowboy) film I never heard of which, to me, made sense as Boothill is modeled after stereotypical cowboys, and HoYo loves pop culture references with the Genius Invokation TCG which is a reference to the ever-so-popular card game, Yu-Gi-Oh, and how March 7th and Caelus made a reference to the movie, Fight Club, when the Moles were talking about the first rule of Fight Club…never talk about Fight Club! So, I thought Boothill was a nod to an old movie!

…No! A lot of people have already Googled it, but for those who probably don’t know, Boothill’s name comes from a burial grounds for gunfighters—with headstones engraved with the gunfighter’s name or “unknown” if the identity of the person has not been found—in the Old American West called a Boot Hill, and that name derives from the phrase “those who died with their boots on”, meaning that the gunfighter died rather violently. I did see someone say that the phrase could also mean that they were hanged, and that part is correct as the context of the expression changed in the early 19th century. However, I don’t believe that Boothill was hanged—although it is a possibility that I will keep in mind! Again, I have to take this theory with a grain of salt so I don’t die on that hill again, but seeing Boothill’s situation that he’s metal and wires from the chin down, he most likely died in a very extreme battle in the past since the only thing human about him…is his head!

His body must have been blasted to oblivion to where it was beyond saving, beheading him from the impact of whatever and whoever killed him. Now, some people may think that they probably just beheaded him or he was shot multiple times in the chest: other possibilities I will keep in mind, but that would mean he could have resulted as some kind of Frankenstein instead because if the body was still there, the Interastral Peace Corporation or IPC (the people who rebuilt Boothill) would use that since he has things to salvage like a heart or liver, etc., yet if we look at another Star Rail character named Luka who hails from the Underworld, he is missing an arm which is replaced with a mechanical one. That is because Luka saved a child in a fire involving a monster possibly from the Fragmentum, and his arm was chopped off by the ax the monster wielded, giving him the prosthetic he has today. So, if we compare Luka to Boothill in terms of how bad the conflict in Boothill’s past was, Boothill lost too much of his body from the chin down for the IPC to even save, leaving him with a full body prosthetic.

The Light Cone

Now, the question that we have…why was Boothill killed? Who could’ve had such a grudge against him that they killed him off so violently? Well, that is where his Light Cone description comes in. Let’s focus on the middle of the description where it states:

“Some cruel memories resurfaced as the unforgettable hatred turned into a weak light in the darkness.”

The Light Cone entirely describes when Boothill was regaining consciousness and how he felt while briefly in a limbo before being greeted by a doctor in the IPC. What sticks out are these “cruel memories” and this “unforgettable hatred” that he has which calls back to what happened before he died. I’ll lead into this with another point I have to make this make sense a little bit: Boothill is a bounty hunter. Why do I think this? Well, we get a glimpse of this in-game in the newest update of Star Rail where Black Swan answers the phone to a mysterious Pathstrider of the Hunt who is part of the Galaxy Rangers (a gang who “swore to punish the wretched by any and all means”) who is tracking down Acheron, ready to kill her for reasons unknown as of right now: that was Boothill who has been confirmed to be a Pathstrider of the Hunt along with him being a Galaxy Ranger as he calls Acheron an “imposter” who is also a Galaxy Ranger, most likely hinting that Acheron is going undercover and infiltrating the group. We also know it is him from his line, “My bullets will find you”, since he is a gunslinger with a bullet motif on his hat and actual bullets around his waist and one hanging from his left ear.

Going back to the point I made, he’s obviously smart with pinpointing someone’s location such as Acheron’s and having at least some information on her like her being an Emanator. His Path, the Hunt, is said to “admire determination, ruthlessness, and tenacious behavior”, which fits Boothill’s Light Cone description as well as his possible reason for his alliance with the Galaxy Rangers and why his finger is ready to shoot Black Swan if she was an ally of Acheron stating to “get [her] forehead clean…and wait for [him]”. A bounty hunter would have to be ruthless with their target, showing little to no emotion as they are the person they are after, the person who wronged their client or the bounty hunter themselves, and it is obvious that Boothill is determined to gather any info from Black Swan to continue his hunt with Acheron.

Now, with that in mind…Boothill had to have been a bounty hunter in the past who was wronged as he had “cruel memories” returning to his mind, and he had anger in his heart that was weakening but helped him return to the living world. If I were to guess, he may have had a loved one who died at the hands of someone else and gained the skills to become a bounty hunter in his previous life to hunt that person down because he had “unforgettable hatred”, and that had to be at a level where he couldn’t let go especially if he had “cruel memories”, and those could probably be that he watched that same loved one get brutally tortured and/or murdered in front of him. As to who the loved one of Boothill could have been, it could have been anyone: his father, his mother, a sister, brother, a best friend—Unfortunately, we do not have the information to determine that for sure, but I truly believe that it could be someone he was very close to that was tortured and/or killed for, again, reasons unknown.

The IPC

From what we gathered in the leaks and what HoYo has already established, it was the IPC that brought Boothill back with unknown intentions, but to me for this theory, it’s because of his skills as a bounty hunter since he must have been the best hunter wherever he came from. However, Boothill has a new grudge against the IPC as the his reveal information stated that, “His flamboyant and brash actions were all to draw the attention of the Interastral Peace Corporation — the target of his revenge.” The man is very flamboyant as we can holler back to his Ultimate, his skill…the freaking JoJo poses—

—(somebody in HoYo is a JoJo fan—IT'S BECOME INCREDIBLY CLEAR NOW) so I can see him causing havoc and being flashy to purposely attract their attention so he can properly get his revenge on them due to them making him into a cyborg which he isn’t happy about.

However…if I go back to the Light Cone description…at the very end, it said that Boothill “would no longer live for himself.” Sounds a little strange, doesn’t it? Here he is greeted by the doctor that saved him, and he’s clenching his new iron fists (literally speaking) because he knows what the IPC’s intentions are. If he’s no longer living for himself, that doctor would most likely have a sadistic tone when he welcomed him back because they experimented on him, testing him and his new body and using him for unspeakable things against his will, and why do I believe this?

Think back to Boothill’s gameplay and the leak of his gun’s range. That could be a reason, and a way I can describe it is by using Bucky Barnes, a.k.a. the Winter Soldier, in the MARVEL franchise. In the movie, Captain America: The First Avenger, Bucky was believed to be killed during a fall off a hijacked train in WWII in an attack against HYDRA, a sub-Nazi group led by the Red Skull, Steve becoming devastated by his best friend’s death. However, in Captain America: Civil War, it was revealed that Bucky was actually brainwashed, gaining a prosthetic arm (like Luka), and became a Super Soldier under HYDRA as they experimented to revive Dr. Erskine’s research for the original Super Soldier serum. Plus, HYDRA knew of his friendship with Steven Rogers and that Steve was alive but was going to expose S.H.I.E.L.D. for their lies, making him a threat. So, they trained and used Bucky as their line of defense since he was the only successful experiment that remotely compares to Captain America in strength and combat.

Because of Boothill’s skills in gunslinging, the IPC possibly saw this as an opportunity to have an effective line of defense in case something were to happen in their facility or if there was someone they needed to eliminate; they would have Boothill who had those qualifications to be their guard dog, but hearing how Boothill talks in-game for the first time, you could hear a hint of insanity in him as he keeps insisting that he will kill Acheron and Black Swan with lines such as “My bullets will find you”, “you best find a casket store on Penacony, and ask the owner to reserve a good quality casket for you”, “I’ll leave a round for you, so get that forehead clean and wait for me”, and “Are you askin’ me to write your will?” He wants to kill anybody who hurts him, still having that anger. That must have been how he felt when he was trapped in the IPC facility, going through experiment after experiment that broke him to the point that he couldn’t take it anymore as he is still human; he still has emotions and a mind of his own despite being 90% iron and wires.

Boothill knew, from the sound of that doctor’s tone, that he would be seen as their Super Soldier, a little toy they could dispose of if he was deemed useless; he was nothing but a heartless, soulless object to them which most likely broke him. Boothill has calmed down since his possible escape from an IPC facility and killing people in order to have a successful breakout, but he still has that pain inside his heart because of the possible abuse he faced that he’s trying to protect himself from being betrayed or used again which is why he’s so expressive and flamboyant.

He wants to live for himself and show the IPC just how human he was. However, he’s still showing off how strong he is as a warning to others of what he can do to them if they ever crossed him.

Now, I cannot stress enough that this is just a theory (A GAAAAAME THEORY), and I have to take this with a grain of salt because there is still a lot we don't know about Boothill regarding his past or his relationship with the IPC. Heck, a friend of mine and I believe that Boothill may not actually be his real name, but there's no evidence of his real name to even prove that point. This is all speculation, and what I gathered and thought about using any resources I have at my disposal to produce this, so please—for the love of the QUEEN OF HEARTS HERSELF—do not take this as actual, confirmed, or leaked information on Boothill's backstory since there are many unanswered questions. For now, I'll stick to what I got until Boothill is finally released!

And hopefully not die on that hill like I did with Al-Haitham...

[bookworm411]

A Love Letter to Steven Universe

I was eighteen when I first watched Steven Universe. My friends had been trying to get me to watch it for...i don’t even know how long. Years maybe? Because it was a long, long time before I watched the show that they had me listen to Here Comes a Thought when I was feeling particularly anxious one night. I’m pretty sure I cried. I’d never heard a song describe anxiety in such a clear way, and I used it to help calm myself for a long time after, before i even knew who the characters were or what the episode it came from was even about. 

Then I started watching Thomas Sanders on YouTube, and he’s a big fan of the show. The more I watched his videos and heard him talk about it, plus the nagging from my friends, the more I thought about watching it. 

Now, this was after I’d graduated high school, and I wasn’t in the best mental space. I couldn’t get into/afford collage, I didn’t have a job or even know how to start finding one, or honestly have the urge to get one, so I was at home by myself a lot. All day every day, alone with my thoughts and my sense of, well, uselessness as a human being, with only YouTube, Netflix, and Hulu to keep me company while all my other friends were out doing something with their lives.

I’d been depressed for a long time without realizing it, but this isolation only made things worse. 

Thomas Sanders helped. His Sanders Sides videos brought me into a community full of amazing, supportive people. People who...also loved Steven Universe. 

So eventually on one of my long hours trying to decide what to watch after finishing Gravity Falls and trying to fill that void, i decided why not? There were a lot of episodes, it would fill the time for a while. 

Anyone who’s watched the first few episodes of the show know that it’s...interesting. The first season itself is something one of a kind, but those first few episodes with Cookie Cat and Frybo know that the first time experience of those episodes are something you’ll ever forget, for better or worse. 

There were things i didn’t like, of course. there were weird animation moments, Steven was a little bit too annoying at times, Lars was an asshole. 

But oh man, the great stuff. Garnet’s complete mystery, Connie’s introduction episode, Giant Woman, Amethyst's pure chaos, the absolute love between the gems and Steven, The Cool Kids being absolute sweethearts to Steven, Greg being so supportive even if he’s a little distant from the gems, Steven’s clear want to know his mother, Together Breakfast, Secret Club, Pearl and Amethyst slowly starting to understand each other and get along. Fucking Stevonie. Lion. the flashback episodes where we got to get to know Rose the same way Steven did, the songs. 

Don’t even get me started on the songs. 

I was singing along with the opening two or three episodes in. 

I started to loo forward to it, as I went through the show. My days went: wake up, get food, watch Steven Universe, probably do something else for a bit, go to bed. Repeat. 

(like i said, i had nothing else to do) 

I fell in love with the show. I saw a lot of myself in Steven (yes i know i said he was annoying but so was I). In fact i don’t think I’d ever related to a character more. His kindness, his absolute willingness to help anyone who needs it, the love he has for everyone and everything. He was everything i wanted that part of me to be. I was a very eager to please kid, always running errands for teachers, bringing presents for classmates, offering comfort to someone when they needed it. I’m not trying to brag or boast, that’s just...always been who I am. To a fault. 

So yeah, I saw a lot of myself (mostly my younger self) in Steven. It helped me connect to him and relate to him easily. 

But also, as a storyteller, I was enthralled with the world. The idea of the gems, who they are, where they come from, watching the Townies get used to the weird stuff always going on, watching Steven become a Crystal Gem. The art was beautiful and again, the songs. There were just so many things that I loved about the show that only grew the more i watched it. 

Man, I don’t think I’ll ever forget watching Jail Break. Everyone in the fandom talks about it, but it really is just an iconic episode. Meeting Ruby and Sapphire, realizing Garnet is a fusion (which was obvious in hindsight but shut up), Stronger Than You, the baddass fight between Garnet and Jasper. The Lapis and Jasper fusion, the shared feeling between me and the characters at the end of “well. that just happened. what now?” 

I loved learning about Beach City, how the gems were involved in the history of it, how different Steven’s Earth is to ours (39 states?) 

Then, oh man, Peridot, the growing realization of Steven learning how to deal with his mom’s shadow. I absolutely love the episode where he and the cool kids find Peridot’s escape pod. They had the guts to say to the gems what Steven didn’t or couldn’t or didn’t even know he should. 

I could go on and on, about all my favorite plot points, songs, characters, but this is already so long and I’m only on season 2. 

Watching Steven grow, go from this little kid who just wanted to be a part of the team to being the leader of the team was incredible. The show talked about real stuff and showed real problems. Everything from making the gems understand that Steven was still a kid to understanding that a step parent can love you more than your biological one. Even just dealing with loneliness and trying find your place in the world, which Steven goes through multiple times. 

I can’t count the number of times i re-watched the show. It was my pick-me-up show for when the depression was getting me down, when i needed some light in my life. 

During all of this, through every Steven bomb that came out after i finished season four, i started going through my own journey of trying to find my place in the world. I started to go to therapy, eventually. I’ve got a job now, which is nice (if exhausting). I’m 20 now, though, so it took a long time for me to get here, and I’m still trying. 

But there were moments that I always held onto. Watching Change Your Mind for the first time as it aired, getting so excited when a new episode was coming on (it reminded me a lot of when i was little, when i would do the same thing for Teen Titans or some other show. The times before you could just pause the TV were fun yet stressful for your bladder). settling down and watching new episodes with my friends when they came over. Singing Here Comes a Thought to my friend’s son when he was an infant, and then watching him watch the TV as the song played while i was re-watching Mindful Education, and then looking at me, like he recognized it as the song I’ll sing to him sometimes. Man I can’t wait until he’s a little older so we can watch it together. 

Steven Universe Future honestly reflected the person i was when i first started watching the show (on a very superficial level). Steven trying to figure out what to do now that the universe didn’t need him to save it, him trying to see where he fits in again. Him finally, finally coming to terms with the fact that he is not okay, and having that meltdown that finally led to him getting help, and that got through to his family that he needed them, not the other way around. 

I just watched the finale today. I cried like a baby. I’m not afraid to admit it. Watching something that means so much to you end is the definition of bittersweet. 

Seven Universe was there for me in my darkest times, when I needed that bit of light. He brought me closer to my friends, helped me make new ones. Gave me something to love when that was hard for me to do. 

Now, the show didn’t cure me. It didn’t snap something inside of me or anything like that. It was just a comfort. A warm blanket wrapped around me with a cup of hot cocoa on a snowy day. It didn’t make the snow go away, but it blocked out the cold long enough for me to remember what it’s like to feel warm again, and make me want to seek that warmth permanently. 

So thank you, Steven, for everything you’ve done. I’m glad you’re getting the help you need now too. 

And thank you Rebecca Sugar, for bringing this light into the world. For fighting for your vision, gifting us your talents, and being a true inspiration to me and many other creators. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do next (hopefully after you take a long deserved vacation). 

I can’t believe we’ve come so far. 

[change-your-mind-au]

Ch 14: A Dire Situation 

Steven's eyes widen as the words left Bismuth's mouth about the gems. His breath hitched in his throat as he continued to stare.

"W-what?!" Steven managed out.

Bismuth sighs. "You...were badly injured, Steven. We didn't really have time to try and find a way to save them at that moment. We...had to save you because...well you were bleeding out."

Steven continued to stare in shock as he looked down at his bedsheet.

"S-so...t-t-this is m-my f-f-faaauullllttt…"

Lapis's eyes widen."N-no it isn't. This isn't your fault."

"I-I...d-did this…" Steven muttered as if he didn't hear her.

Peridot looked at Steven, suddenly getting the bad feeling.

"Steven?"

"I...d-did t-t-thiiisss…"

Steven's breath started to quicken as he continued to stare at his bed sheets and grabbed his head, his eyes wide with panic. The heart monitor started speeding up at an alarming rate, which caused everyone's worry and panic to spike.

"St-Steven!" Connie exclaims.

Steven continued to hyperventilate and struggling to desperately get a good breath in.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry! I...I d-d-didn't mean t-to!" Steven gasped out. "Th-this is m-my f-f-fault!"

Everyone looked at him in worry and panic as Connie once again tried to reassure him, tears started to fill her eyes.

"St-Steven! I-it isn't your fault!"

He continued to hyperventilate, tears starting to stream down his face at this point, now sounding desperately to catch a breath. 

"I-it's my f-f-fault! T-they're g-g-gone! M-my f-fault! I'm s-s-sorry!" Steven muttered again.

With every gasp, Steven panics more as he got more desperate to get a breath in. He continued to mutter under his breath as he continued to gasp for air.

Greg suddenly ran to his bed and grabbed Steven's shoulder, which caused him to gasp and look at him wide eyed.

"Steven please! Breathe! It...it's ok! This isn't your fault!"

Steven continued to stare as he continued to gasp for air. Suddenly, his eyes started to glaze over as his eyelids started to flutter between open and close. His face started to look more blank as he continued to hyperventilate, and looking more out of it by the second.

"Steven!" Greg's voice cracked as he desperately tried getting his son's attention.

Steven started to heavily sway back and forth as he stared at nothing in particular, his breathing only getting worse.

"Steven! Nononononono! Please! Stay awake! Stay with me! Please!"

Steven rocked back and forth for a few more seconds before his eyes rolled on the back of his head and he fell back onto his bed.

The room suddenly went silent for a few moments as Greg's eyes widen trying to process what just happened. Tears formed in his eyes, and that's when he proceeded what had just happened.

"No…" he muttered before going into full panic mode and started desperately shaking his son. "Nonononono! Steven! STEVEN! P-PLEASE! WAKE UP! PLEASE! I...I JUST GOT YOU BACK! I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN! PLEASE! O-OPEN YOUR EYES! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! DON'T DIE ON ME!"

"GREG, STOP!" Dr. Maheswaran, who's been trying to get some medications ready, runs in and had to physically pull Greg back by his shoulders. "You're only going to hurt him! A few more seconds and you could've ripped out his stitches!"

Greg stared in shock at what she just said, and Dr. Maheswaran made a mental note to talk more to him about this later. For now she had to focus on Steven. 

She quickly turned to the boy, who's facial expression was a mix between pain and panic. His eyes were clenched up as he continued to gasp with each breath. His skin was also pale and clammy as well. She knew in his current condition, the only way to calm him down was a sedative.

"Steven, can you hear me?" Dr.Maheswaran asked in a calm voice, but got no response.

She figured as much as she sighed and quickly rushed to grab the oxygen mask to put back on Steven. Greg stared in shock at this before starting to run over.

"N-no! Stop-wha...hey!" as Greg ran over, Bismuth grabbed ahold of him and held him back. "Bismuth, let go of me! He...he needs me! I can't leave him! Let me go!"

"Greg, I know it's painful to see him like this, but we need to let Connie's mother take care of this."

"No! I can't leave him! Let me go!"

Connie watched the scene unfold in front of her and all she could do was stand there wide eyed and shaking. She just witnessed her mother pull out the same oxygen mask she just pulled off of him just a short time ago. Tears started to form in her eyes as she witnessed her best friend suffering again and struggling to breathe on his own.

She couldn't do it...she couldn't watch this happening again. With tears streaming down her face, Connie turned and ran out the door. Peridot and Lapis saw Connie run out, but they were too in shock to really move or process what was happening.

Meanwhile, Greg was on his knees at this point shaking and crying. Bismuth was kneeling next to him trying to comfort him the best he could.

"N-not again...please…!" Greg sobbed.

"Greg...I-I'm sure he'll be ok," Bismuth looked up at Dr. Maheswaran looking a bit worried.

Dr. Maheswaran finished adjusting Steven's oxygen before running over and grabbing a needle.

"I'll have to sedate him in order to calm him down. He's unconscious so this is the only way to calm him down."

She looked to Greg who looked tearful at her.

"J-just please...h-help him...!"

Dr. Maheswaran nods. "Alright."

She started to go over and about to insert the sedative, when she looked down and noticed something.

"Greg...I think when you shook him, you pulled out one of his IVs."

"W-what?!"

Dr. Maheswaran sighed. "It's alright I'll just reattach it. Just please don't shake him again ok? We don't want him to get more hurt than he already is."

Greg only stared horrified before staring at the ground again. Dr. Maheswaran reattached Steven's IV into his arm before injecting the needle into the IV. 

Steven continued to breath unevenly as his heart monitor continued to increase. Dr. Maheswaran frowned at him as she continued to try to get him to calm down. She watched as his pain filled face failed to calm down. She sighed as she continuously checked his monitors and checked to see if the sedative was actually working. Although even in a panic attack, it could take a while for Steven to calm down even with the sedative.

It took about 20 minutes for Steven to completely calm down as his breathing became more even again. His face wasn't exactly peaceful looking, but it didn't look panicked or painted anymore. However, even in his sleep, he still looked completely and utterly exhausted. Dr. Maheswaran sighed as she looked at everyone.

"He's ok now, but he's going to be out for a while."

Greg's eyes widen. "A...a while?! How long is a while?!"

"Probably a few hours."

"Probably?!"

Dr. Maheswaran sighed. "Yes. I can't tell exactly when he'll wake up, but certainly not 3 months. When he wakes up, he'll probably be out of it because of the sedative so it's probably best if you guys leave. He'll need some rest."

Everyone looked at each other before sighing.

"Alright," Greg said looking towards the others.

The others slowly nod as they start to leave the room, Bismuth having her arm around Greg as to comfort him. After they left, Dr. Maheswaran sighed before looking back at Steven.

"I'm sorry to have to do that to you, but you had to calm down. We can't afford your heart stopping again. I'll come check on you in a bit. There's something I have to do."

Steven didn't respond...not that she was expecting him to. With a sigh, Dr. Maheswaran went out to find her crying daughter.

[arielmagicesi]

often when a series ends and especially when there is such a show-stopping ending, before I can analyze how I feel, I have to first list everything that actually happened. Now I don’t know if Steven Universe is actually over but I just. what the fuck that was too much I didn’t have time to react before getting slapped with something else

spoilers below obviously

I was tempted to start listing from the point of “Gem Drill” because I’ve heard that only a year has passed since then and I mean, what a fucking wild year for poor Steven. I’m also tempted to start listing from “A Single Pale Rose” because shit moved FAST starting from there. But I’m just gonna list everything that happened in “Change Your Mind.”

It’s kind of what makes me suspect that this is the final episode of the entire series, because although plot pacing has been accelerating throughout the entire series (going from “Steven learns how to bubble” taking 10 episodes, to “diamond showdown” being a minor subplot of 1) and although the plot pacing went super-speed for this whole diamond arc, this episode shoved EVERY LAST THING IN.

stuff that could’ve waited (Lars and Sadie’s reunion) and stuff that should’ve taken vastly longer if it even should’ve happened at all (White Diamond’s lightning-speed reformation) was all put into one episode. now, it was deftly combined, and I liked almost every individual part, and there was some possibly-unintended comedy to it all (”she’s GOOOOONE!!!!” and White Diamond demonstrating the big ship’s pussy-out look, etc) but holy hell I would have loved for it to have gone at a slower pace so that they could have explored some of the stuff.

[also, my ability to react to things is lessened. meeting Sunstone would’ve been, I’m not joking, the highlight of my week just two years ago. now it wasn’t even the coolest of the fusions we met, and meeting the fusions was an incredibly minor point in the episode. also i have other things in my life now lol]

obviously, part of this pacing is due to the airing schedule of the show. on a normal airing schedule, I’d feel emotionally exhausted- this would have been, what, a month after the Pink-Diamond-is-Rose-Quartz reveal? but because this show airs in the dumbest way possible, we have like five hundred years between plot points. however, Steven did not? Pearl did not? Garnet did not? CONNIE did not? how the fuck are they getting along?

secondly, this was all in one episode, so yeah holy shit, some whiplash occurring for this here viewer

(one final note: I now take back getting annoyed that we got Watermelon Moana last week because it was so gentle compared to this)

anyway, my promised list of Crazy Shit that happened in one 40-minute episode:

1. Steven gets a flashback that tells him about a previous transgression of Pink’s, where we meet some other aliens. pointing to an old rebellion?

2. we see another Steven identity crisis with him flashing through Steven-Pink-Rose

3. Steven convinces Blue Diamond that she’s abusive and she immediately realizes the error of her ways and decides to help him and Connie out. (also, Connie talks to Diamonds a lot, I love her. damn girl)

4. we retrieve the bubbled Crystal Gems

5. Yellow and Blue have a big public diamond showdown

6. we discover that Yellow Diamond has emotions and tears, and feels pressured. shocking. if only the planets she’d colonized had thought to sit her down and chat

7. Yellow decides to join Steven’s side as well

8. they make a plan to escape via the leg-ship

9. White Diamond decides to show up and do her Creepy Act and she lands her big torso on the legs (confirming the obvious theory that the ships act as one big body)

10. Diamond Showdown Part 2, where Yellow and Blue attempt to fight White

11. Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot return. We see Lapis and Peridot’s new forms.

12. Bismuth has fixed the arm ships and upper-cuts an upper-crust for the first time in her life in a really cool way.

13. Steven manages to say words to White Diamond, and so do Yellow and Blue.

14. White Diamond GREY-IFIES BLUE AND YELLOW DIAMOND

15. which also means we find out exactly what the fuck is wrong with White Pearl (also may I say, this is something I wrote about in my fic, accessible on my AO3, linked in my About)

16. Steven falls dramatically with the gems of his friends in his arms

17. Steven finds out he can (and decides to) retrieve gems from their gems by fusing with them

18. We see Smoky Quartz form mid-air

19. We see Amethyst’s new form

20. Steven fuses with Pearl for the first time ever, and we see Rainbow Quartz 2.0 for the first time

21. We see Pearl’s new form

22. We see what a pink diamond/rose quartz forms with a garnet for the very first time

23. Steven’s own first fusion with Garnet

24. Sunstone attempts to start shit with the giant robot

25. We see Garnet’s new form

26. Bismuth presents the replacement for the Sword of Rose Quartz, as a gift to Connie

27. We see the full-blown temple fusion for the very first time ever

28. Steven has his first fusion with all the Crystal Gems

29. We meet Obsidian and she succeeds in starting shit with the giant robot

30. We see Bismuth, Peridot, Lapis, and Connie all contribute to the fight and survive horrifyingly dangerous scenarios. (still gotta wonder what the HELL Connie’s mom was thinking... she went from not letting her kid watch inaccurate TV shows to letting her nearly die countless times in outer space at the hands of alien dictator robots)

31. let me just add, I <3 Connie and she deserves the world. bravest kid in the universe

32. the Crystal Gems find a way to invade the robot

33. the four main Crystal Gems face up against White Diamond herself and her grey-ified pearl and grey-ified fellow diamonds

34. White reveals a bit to us via villain-monologue that we probably could’ve guessed already: she wants every gem to be flawless, to be identical to her essentially yet subservient- which she considers to be synonymous with flawlessness- and her theory about the way the colors of the diamonds informs their personalities. Including that Pink is part of White, despite White’s dislike of this fact.

35. White grey-ifies the Crystal Gems

36. Connie arrives, also fully ready to fight this bitch

37. the grey-ified Crystal Gems restrain Steven and Connie

38. Steven gets to have that full-fledged conversation he wanted with White, I guess

39. BIGGEST ACTUAL REVEAL OF THE EPISODE: We find out what happens when Steven’s gem is removed from his stomach!!! that’s been a question since episode ONE I think

40. we get to see a Pink Steven and a Human Steven, which is pretty cool. I compare it to what might happen if you got split into What You Got From Your Dad and What You Got From Your Mom

41. this is just my theory, but we find out, I think, that Steven’s general strength in everyday movement comes from diamond strength and that he turns weaker than a baby without it, which makes sense because he’s always had it

42. White Diamond attempts to grey-ify Pink

43. we find out, as Pink Steven so eloquently says, that Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz really, really is gone. she died in childbirth essentially. I think he might someday manage to access her full memories but I don’t think that persona is ever returning

44. we see what Steven’s bubbles/shield would look like in full diamond form

45. the badass scene of Connie CARRYING STEVEN TO HIMSELF?

46. we discover that either Steven is the most special boy ever, or White’s powers are no match for love or some shit

47. we get to see Steven...  fuse with himself?

48. everyone gets un-greyified. Including White Pearl. the white-pearl-is-old-pink-pearl theory is confirmed, though I think it may have been in a flashback in “Familiar” and hinted at during Steven’s flashback at the start of the episode when Blue said “she’ll take away your pearl”

49. we see Steven/Pink’s full empathy powers in play, I think? that’s what happened when he pink-ified the whole group? INCLUDING WHITE?

50. Steven gives White Diamond one of his lightning-round therapy sessions, and she decides to Be Nice Now, Actually

51. that’s right. THERE ARE NO VILLAINS I’M GONNA LOSE MY MIND

52. the ENTIRE GROUP GOES TO EARTH

53. meaning that White leaves Homeworld (and “her own head”) for the first time in eons, according to the other Diamonds anyway

54. we get to see Sadie and the Cool Kids’ new looks. minor I know, but Jenny looks great in a suit!

55. also minor but cool: they’re covering “Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart”

56. for the second time in like 2 weeks, Diamond Ships interrupt a townwide Beach City gathering

57. we find out that Beach City is full of fucking idiots who thought that the ship was like, a grand finale to the concert? instead of full-on panicking mayhaps? cause every time this shit happens it usually leads to mayhem?

58. the Off-Colors, coincidentally, finally arrive on Earth at the exact same time

59. Lars meets Lion for the first time as Pink Zombie Brothers

60. Lars and Sadie reunion, in which we also find out that Sadie is like a legendary figure for the Off Colors

61. THE OFF COLORS MEET THE FUCKING DIAMONDS

62. Greg and Steven reunite

63. The Diamonds meet and finally heal the Centipeedles

64. The Diamonds visit Rose’s fountain and get it working as a four-diamond extravaganza event

65. every gem from the temple is brought there to be healed. we see the healing of, I assume, p much every monster we’ve met

66. we get to see the Heaven and Earth Beetle, who are pebbles too, and lesbians!

67. callback to the memories of the four Diamonds having swimming pool time

68. Jasper gets healed and naturally tries to destroy Steven immediately, then looks up to see all three of her diamonds. She and Amethyst get to bond, I guess.

69. Callback to the intro itself with the “We Are the Crystal Gems” song and all the new Crystal Gems chilling on the beach

70. New song, “Change Your Mind” and it’s cute obviously

My feelings on the episode? So besides what I wrote above the list, re: whiplash, I think that from a realistic standpoint and a writing-fantasy standpoint, it is some wild shit. For all three diamonds to achieve a FULL redemption arc in one episode? Too much. For there to be NO villains? Come on. And for the lesson to be, we should just give heartless dictators love and they’ll grow hearts? Worrying.

However, as I reached the end of the episode, I thought about a time in high school when my teacher asked me which superpower I’d want, and then annoyed the class by seeming morally superior by saying he’d want to speak every language. Thinking on it later, I thought- I’d want more than every language. I’d want the ability to TRULY understand others, and to make them TRULY understand me- and each other. Because yes, OF COURSE every conflict can be boiled down to a lack of understanding, a lack of empathy. If we had superhuman empathy on our side, we really could do away with violence. But in the real world, we don’t have superhuman empathy, we just have regular empathy, and some don’t even try to use that. So saying “have a little empathy for your oppressors” is ghoulish.

But Steven DOES have superhuman empathy. In fact, all the Diamonds do. Blue can make others cry, White can make others be identical to her, and Yellow can give others fear and command. And they use it only for evil. But Pink can make others understand. And she had only used it for frivolous things until she finally combined with a non-gem life form. Then, human empathy met superhuman empathy, and did what it had to do. THAT is how Steven defeated the Diamond Reign of Terror.

That being said: I don’t know if the target audience of kids really caught that nuance, considering that the episode went so fucking fast. Additionally: some of that superhuman empathy could’ve been pointed at the legions of crushed, oppressed little gems- which I know it was- but the focus was SO intensely on, like, “poor Yellow never got enough credit for being SO good at imperialism!”

So yeah. Both writing-wise, pacing-wise, plot-wise, message-wise... I did love it, as I do the whole show, but I also thought it could’ve benefited from some space, some criticism, and some better organization down at Cartoon Network’s scheduling department.

Art-wise, well I’m not an animation expert, but Obsidian can get it <3 and I loved the designs for everything.

Character-wise... I’ll have to think on it more.

OK THE END I’M DONE REACTING TO STEVEN UNIVERSE. SHOW’S OVER

[echoeternally]

its okay im only asking for these ones :). Jk 2 5 6 9 10 11 12 14 15 16 17 18 19 22 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

Geez, that’s a lot. Well, 9, 12, 14, 26, & 26 were already answered in previous posts, so I’m skipping those. The rest? Uh…here goes.

2. Is there a ship you didn’t like at first but ultimately started shipping?

Hmm. Um. I guess Alex/Maggie of Supergirl. At first, I liked it better when Maggie rejected Alex, and thought they could go in a better direction for them after Alex came out, but was then rejected. And I still believe that. But, it’s a canon lesbian pairing, and they’re cute, so sure.

5. What is your most fluffy + happy ship?

…Nothing is. I have fluffy and happy moments that I enjoy and love, but ultimately, I don’t think that I have any pairings that started or will remain that purely happy at any time. Which leads to…

6. What is your most angsty ship?

Everything, probably. All of my ships are full of angst. My more known pairings that I support are gay, so easy gayngst right there. And then otherwise, I just like adding drama and struggles in for everyone. Because torture is good.

10. Is there a ship that makes your skin crawl?

Uh, not particularly. Like, you kind of have to reach for stuff that I wouldn’t think works, which most people either wouldn’t think of, or care about themselves.

For example, if anyone seriously shipped something like Fox/Pigma, kudos to you for going the distance on something so hideous and loving it, but goodness, that’s probably my limit.

Also, I guess stuff involving characters that are underage, but do nothing to age them up. Like, if Bowser Jr. is suddenly in an AU fanfic where he’s in his 20s and courting Peach’s daughter or something, ok, sure. But, if Bowser Jr. is paired straight up with Peach, as a child with an adult? Yuck.

11. What is a character you can only imagine in one particular ship?

The struggles of being a multi-shipper include that you’re typically good at pairing off characters and don’t need them to stay in their ships. Continuing on Star Fox’s examples, I guess, I’d pass Fox around to basically anyone else in the series that I think somehow works.

It’s pretty easy when characters aren’t defined enough, or if you’re not close-minded to headcanons like, “Fire Emblem’s Inigo/Laslow likes all the ladies, but would totally get with guys too, when he’s practiced enough.”

15. What is the first ship you had?

Isn’t this just a repeat of that “oldest ship” question? Whatever, I guess something basic. Mario/Peach, out of sheer laziness, because I liked them together as a couple a while ago, like around when the first games came out. I’ve paired them off since, and I did fall out of it at some point probably, but I don’t know, they’re a nice pair overall.

16. Is there a ship that made you realize something about yourself?

…As in…? I mean, I’ve realized that I love writing lots of pairings? And that I like cute, tender moments, amidst all kinds of hard, turbulent trials? Writing hero/villain things makes me realize how to be kinder to those that we don’t immediately understand? I don’t know, one of those should answer this.

17. Is there a type of ship you always go for?

Nerd/Jock or Popular/Shy have become my go-to pairs, especially gay ones, because yes.

Usual stereotypes in stories include some bigger, muscle dude in a bitter relationship/rivalry with a smaller, smarter guy, or otherwise a quiet, lonely girl that struggles to standout against a loud, popular girl.

So, whenever that happens and when I’m not rolling my eyes from it, I’m like, “But what if they secretly had crushes on each other instead?” And honestly, that’s so much more satisfying, like I can’t even begin.

18. Is there a ship the writers have ruined for you?

Oliver/Felicity, no contest. I think I still have it as a couple that I like, but the longer that Arrow goes on for, the more that I don’t like them together anymore.

It was a cute idea, it could have made for a cute endgame or fun one-off idea. But the writers of the show twisted it so hard to work throughout Season 4 and at moments in Season 3 and Season 5 that I literally can’t stand it.

When it gets to the point where Felicity gets a scene to punch not-Laurel, basically feeding into shipping war fans and siding with one over the other, that’s my limit. Shipping wars happen, but it’s best when writers and stories don’t go out of their way to side with one; you pick one to be canon in the end, not give them ammo to be jerks to other fans with.

19. Is there a ship the fandom has ruined for you?

Let’s stray from the above, because I barely touched into the Arrow fandom once to see Olicity shippers, and goodness, I don’t need to go back.

Hmm. I don’t think any Steven Universe ships have been ruined for me yet, but I feel a lot less comfortable supporting them like I used to. An official artist was chased off of Twitter by Amedot (Amethyst/Peridot) fans, and that was a pairing that I totally supported before I learned about that happening.

Outside of that, it’s not so much that ships get ruined as much as they grow stale to me. Keeping it with SU, I’ve grown very weary of Ruby/Sapphire. It’s like, the series has content that could go for any Gem pair-ups, but because they’re the canon lesbians, they win all kinds of cute and lovely fan art.

Like, I love them, but it’s exhausting to see and go, “Oh. Another fan art of Ruby and Sapphire being gay. How original.” It’s especially weird because they’re not main cast individually (Garnet is), so…yeah.

22. Is there a ship you’ll never admit you have?

Probably, I’m sure. By answering it specifically, that means that I’m admitting to it, right? So, good, I don’t have to think, lol.

24. What is one scene you want to see happen for all your ships?

Well, who wouldn’t want to see their OTPs get married? Isn’t that like the most obvious…really, why is that a question?

25. Is there a ship you wish you didn’t know existed? 

I guess not really. There are ships that gross me out. There are ships that bore me. There are ships that have fans that turn me off of them. But I don’t think there’s anything that I wish I didn’t know about. Otherwise, that would make me feel ignorant upon learning it, or I’d be missing out on some drama.

28. Is there a character you have several ships for?

Gosh, I really need to make it clearer that I’m a multi-shipper. Yes, I can ship multiple characters in multiple ways.

Mario, Peach, and Bowser are all in one love-triangle. I can pair that one off in any way, if not pairing all three of them off together. I don’t care.

Just because I would fight to have Machamp and Alakazam as a couple being a thing and actively encourage people to follow them, they’re not exclusive, and I could see either with other Pokemon.

I started Arrow and thought that the moments between Oliver and Diggle should have become romantic. Some episodes still make me think they should’ve been a couple.

Steven Universe has no “perfect” canon pairing outside of Ruby/Sapphire, and therefore everyone is open game. Do I like Pearl/Rose more than Greg/Rose? Some days. Sometimes Pearl seems better with Amethyst. Or Lapis. Or Peridot.

Every character I come across has a relationship with other characters that, if they have enough development, could be seen in a romantic light. Therefore, I like the idea of any of those.

29. What is the ship you ignore 98% of canon for?

Well, I guess that’s anything Pokemon, because Trainers are always needed, but I usually say, “screw them, go monsters.”

If it means anything with enough plot, then I guess nothing. I don’t really ignore canon, and like to work with it when possible.

If this means for confirmed canon ships, I usually acknowledge canon relationships, especially if it’s beaten to death with confirmation. It doesn’t mean that I’ll automatically like it, but I won’t pretend that it doesn’t exist.

30. Is there a ship you like but you dislike the fandom?

I think Steven Universe is the go-to for that. It’s most definitely not the entire fandom, but I’ve heard my fair share of stories.

Like in the above posts, I like many ships, and I like pairing off characters in Steven Universe any which way that I can. If anyone is looking to tell me, “No, you can’t do that, it’s not canon,” or, “No, you can’t do that, because this one’s better,” then that’s not ok.

The SU fandom is full of that kind of attitude, and the whole “shipping wars” type of attitude. I don’t approve of shipping wars, period. I like comparing and contrasting ships. I like that everyone has different opinions about pairings.

I like civil conversations on them, and people understanding differences and respecting different approaches to pairs. Even things that I’ve talked against, such as the earlier mentioned Fox/Pigma, I wouldn’t outright hate someone over. Like, do you really ship them together? Ok, cool.

There are all kinds of different flavors out there to try. Some you like, some you won’t. You shouldn’t be close-minded to that, and you shouldn’t hate someone for having a different taste from yours.

If the fandom thrives on debate topics that involve insults and rabid hatred of one another, that’s not worth the time or energy. It’s that simple.

There. Done. I feel like I completed the ask meme already, goodness.