#didnt even go to class today
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im normal no one look at me
#i will not be jealous that hes chatting with everyone and hasnt acknowledged any of my rp responses#yeah no its cool that hes responding to our friends art but has made no indication hes even looked in our server#no for sure for real yeah#i ignored my studying in order to make sure i had it all written before he woke up but he doesnt know that so why is it even a factor#in my thinking#and like. okay. im definitely just reading too much into it#but. 'hes never had a favorite person' followed by things he didnt used to struggle with but does now#which makes it feel like he DOES have a favorite person#and i know for a fact its not me and like yeah thats FINE but it still stings#even though i am almost positive thats not what she meant#wauhhh SAVE ME NICK FROM THE COUNSELING CENTER#SAVE MEEEEEEE#didnt even go to class today#i was up so fucking late i couldnt force myself out of bed and to that awful fucking room in time for class
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max mukbangs | mar 13 redline stream
#he eats like a cutie. didnt realize people could do that#i hate gifing twitch streams bc it's always horrible quality so i never do it but i made an exception today#max verstappen#f1#op#i can't even listen to this stream bc i'm in class so it's all guesses as to wtf is going on
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I see the Thai bl industry has reached a point where i can no longer safely open tumblr in public
#good but also i opened tumblr in class today and there literally was a kissing gif from a bl#i literally didnt even see what drama it was before i scrolled down and closed the app#and i thank my low brightness for (i think) saving me lol#will never again make the mistae of doing that#thank god at the time of#kinnporsche#we didnt have to go#or else imagine flashing someone with#vegaspete#i mean their loss but yknow#love in the air#lita#lita the series#the eclipse#the eclipse the series
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made my ocs in the sims lalalalaaa
#cam.txt#im having such a. fun time. so joyous#slashGenuine#i need to draw my ocs😓 i want to but my mind blanks when i try to even just doodle them. i cant even doodle this is dire#how do you come up with drawing ideas agajn#actually i had some ideas but those are for much bigger pieces than im willing to make rn#Omg anyway. time to use the tags to talk about my day. i watched this amazing video essay today#like for fun. instead of doing my work. jk i didnt have work. so i spent my asl class period watching youtube while practicing signs yk#anyway the video essay was so well written (/spoken??) and thoroughly researched it was just so good#it was about booktok and anti-intellectualism and critical analysis and to some extent oft about capitalism. also went over book bans#(FUCK book bans!!! i could go on and on about Just book bans and how horrible they are but i wont i suppose)#anyway. idk. does anyone want a link to the essay i feel like i have to share it it was so like. intriguing. also made me realize i need to#-read more. i signed up for goodreads bc of it lol#anyhoooo
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officially giving up on parts of this course #i'mjustoneperson
#went to bed last night. DID NOT complete the work i was meant to for class today bc i was too tired FULLY prepared to fight for my case etc#and then like. he didnt even go through ittt ahhhhhh LIKR CALM DOWN GIRL ITS!!!OKAY!!!<3#anyways... having some lunch and A BIG MUG OF TEA !!!!!! and will b finishing up(starting..) this assignment thing thats due in two. days...
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seeing info only about the kiryu and majima statuettes but absolute radio silence on the ichi one is utterly sending me. Theyre hiding the fact theyre gonna make ichi pale as a cracker again
#snap chats#theyre in the lab making a skin tone with melanin in it for once im SCREAMING#JUST LET ME SEE MY BOY PAINTED LET ME SEE HOW BAD THE DAMAGE IS#whether i spend $150 is entirely dependent on if ichi is pale or not and im so serious its why i didnt get his plushie#anyways i got hate crimed today i was getting lunch with my dumbass friend WHICH. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I DO#CAUSE WE JUST SIT IN DEAD SILENCE AND SHES TERRIBLE AT CONVERSATION RIGHT anyway.#we were getting lunch and her prof ask her like ‘oh are you on a date <3’ like prof i would rather kms !!!! then go on a date with this gir#literally my biggest fear i hope people dont think we’re dating id actually drop out#‘snap you make her sound awful’ because she is and i dont feel bad about bullying her anymore NO LISTEN#WE WERE PLAYING Y7 LAST NIGHT AND SHE BUTT DIALS HER FRIEND. LIKE A DUMBASS.#AND DEADASS ME AND HER FRIEND JUST TALK ON HER PHONE ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE SUCKS.. WHILE SHES SITTING RIGHT THERE.#i felt so validated cause everything he was complaining about id complain about like oohhhh my god i should meet him#hes the guy that called me that invincible character. and mystery man. i think i talked about this already wait—#ITS STILL FUNNY TO ME IDC ive never felt so seen in my life. why an i friends with this girl idk we’ll figure out one day#right now i want. ichi statue to be real and tanned#ok bye i have class soon
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8 pm beddy bye bc im so tired I'm nauseous got NO chores done today could just barely feed the cats. It's honestly rough in here. Running out of plates. I only have my giant plates left. Need to clean the litter boxes. But if I smell even 1 more stink I will hurl so I am in bed to rest up so that maybe tomorrow I will be less tired. We will hope!!!
#speculation nation#and tomorrow.. maybe i can actually do some chores before class or smth...#i need to take out my trash do the dishes clean the floors and clean the litter boxes. all of them. desperately.#wish i had the energy today but i do not. i feel like a crumpled ball of yarn. tangled. of course.#its so early my soul is protesting this but im just so tired... literslly nauseous about it lol#am i getting old. i keep getting so tired around like 9 pm. man what is this. im a night owl what is this.#must be bc i have to wake up 6:30-8:30 4 days a week. two each for each time#over half the week im wakin up shit early which meaaaaaaans my body is adapting. what is this. it's disgusting.#unfortunately my body wont listen to the soul on this one today folks. it is in Punishment Zone.#aka when i am exhausted enough i start getting Symptoms. ive got the aches and the nausea rn#i feel a headache threatening to appear. and if i try staying up even more well then thatd end up with like the coughs or some shit#primarily nausea tho. did i mention im nauseous? i feel like i didnt mention it enough.#lord help me im going down. 🫡 may my descent into unconsciousness be quick.
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I will read the most inane and useless stuff for hours just for my own interest/enjoyment, but reading academic papers is like pulling a tooth 😭😭 like I genuinely think I'd find the info interesting but the fact that ik it's in pursuit of doing an assignment somehow manages to kills my motivation 100%
#step 1. you pick a research topic you find genuinely interesting#step 2. you have to research and read papers abour this topic. hey dont you remember you find this interesting??#i just remember going on deep dives learning about random historical figures#but absolutely god forbid i read anything in the pursuit of actual schoolwork#i think its mostly that i feel constantly under duresss when im reading it yknow?#all i can think is: im going to have to write something about this#lol just need someone i can blab to about politics and maybe it would actually work out for me#but ugh yeah theres just such a palpable difference btwn reading smth for enjoyment and reading something 'for work'#here is an example!#in my one class i think my prof put The Prince as a reading#i didnt even look cause im liek yeah i aint reading all of that#fast forward a year later: oh my god! i wanna read machiavelli so bad! i wanna feel intellectual 🥰🥰#literally bought myself a copy of it .....#i think im too self aware. id like to remove all sense of context from my brain#literally spent hours today watching documentaries that are actually pretty relevant to my one course#<- but note. they werent FOR my course. i was just doing ir for fun! i wanted to learn!!#but if i got assigned a hour and a half docu for class....that shit would not be getting done#ugh yeah anyways i have two research papers this sem#and its so fucking annoying bcs its so open to my choices. like here. you can pick smth you find genuinely interesting#and you guys literally witness me constantly learn info and want to apply it#but the thought of having to write a paper for school(god forbid) literally keeps me awake at night#its just yeah. wish i could remove that particular barrier from my brain#bcs some of the things i do for fandom are literally borderline research papers#like. read and research a bunch. write about it to other people. apply the info(in fic/drawing/meta)#and really the topics are not so different from my actual coursework#but when i contemplate having to research and write for school it just flatlines my brain#need to start forcing people to watch me borderline seminar so that it feels more fun and in-line w what i do on here#the fernando card post???? practically a research paper. god. my brain is so bad#catie.rambling.txt
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i feel like one of the worst people in the world right now. but at least my semester is over
#vent#presentation didnt go well#i couldnt start talking without having a huge coughing fit first so i had to ask one of my groupmates to please present for me#even though i was confident i would be fine#i kept coughing during class though i was really trying to be quiet since people were presenting#my professor said to the class in general that if they need to go do things like cough to please go do it outside the classroom#multiple times. i knew it was directed at and because of me though#i felt so embarrassed. its not my fault im sick. i couldve stayed home and just accepted the few points taken off for not being there today#i feel like such a disrespectful asshole even if i couldnt control the coughing and the fact im sick#i might as well have stayed outside the entire class#and also that final project i got a zero on for a different class#i ended this semester on such an unbelievably bad note and i want to blame myself for getting sick even though that's not how it works#but god i feel so terrible#ill probably be fine later and get over this. who knows
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Today sucked ass and penis. Clearly the healthy thing ti do is repeat my self hypnosis trigger until i dont need to worry about having a brain or being a person
#raunchy rabble#it was whatever but i think i had to up my meds last week bc my doctors a dick#and so im onmy normal dose this week which is making me a sensitive hater#i keep trying to overcompensate for my shy nature and try to like grow as a person and shit#and bc everyone else in the class is shy and quiet i need to like try to ask questions for the teacher n shit#so he feels like hes like. doing his job#and i didnt even get to do the fucking art i wanted to do today bc everyone else was usong the printer#so i had to wait till after class to do the fiest step of my bullshit#and i stainrd the fuckin gel print thing and i kept making loud noises on accident#and there was an art exhibit and it was nice but it sas so hot in there and people kept taking pictures of the crowd#and i dont know where those pictures are going or how prominent im in them and ots wigging me out#and i did that stupid apologizing too much thing and its worse when someone calls it out#and there was a snack booth outside the art exhibit and someone kept encouraging everyone to take more#i thought everyone wouls but no. the stupid fat kid took 4 bags of chips and a handful of candy#christ. ohhhhh the devils posessing me (classic self consciousness which im not used to because i never fuckon go oitside)#anyways all that to say that i need yo be put down so deep i dont even know who or what i am and just left there
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...
#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
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just handed in the research essay that took soooo much time to make omg i hope its good
#salisha speaks#it took so much time but i like it i think its good#i think i will see a grade for it tomorrow aaahhhh#also sad moment bc i didnt go to class today i missed the hand in for the blouse so now im too late#to hand it in before the grading of the end of the semester and i wanna cryyyy about it#but i have to let it go bc even my prof said that in the big picture it wont affect me much bc im doing well#but it still sucks to work hard on something and then not being able to hand it in on time because of the weather and public transport#but it is what it is i suppose :(
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😍😍😍
#accidentally slept through my only class today#which whoops sorry. (my 9am english)#which kind of killed step 1 of a plan of mine but thats okay#anyways THEN i had to go downtown to pick up this award bc i forgot to show up to the ceremony like a dumb dumb#but the building was like a 25 minute walk and it was COLD (punishment for my dumb dumbness tbh) but anyways i got there early so i walked#around the block and then went inside and picked up my medal#and i was already far downtown so then i popped my head in a couple of stores as i slowly walked back#got a few things from target. new hair clip nail polish m&ms pens and then a mango. very excited to eat that either later today or tomorrow#then i popped in the calligraphy store and then the comic shop and looked around. saw some white ribbon in the calligraphy store which ive#been looking for but didnt get it because it was a bit wide and kind of expensive and i want a lot for my project idea#(want to write out some of my favorite poems on them in sharpie and then use it to accessorize)#and then i went to the comic shop and peeked around. saw a nubia issue and a few gl 2021s in the discount bin but i didnt get them bc#they were all middle issues and i havent read those books yet although i do want to someday bc my guys were in them. one of the gl 21s even#had simon on the cover so i was very !!!!!!!! thats my guy!!!!!#didnt buy anything there but i did ask the guy to make sure to order a copy of the spirit world tpb so ill stop by to get that in a few wks#and then i went to the bookstore cafe and got a cold brew and did a but of English there. they have tables in the stacks its nice. the one i#grabbed was just surrounded by old paperbacks of sci fi and thrillers lol. didnt see anything id read but recognized a few author names like#card (no enders game though) and the pern lady (idk her name i havent read it). anyways did half a blog post thats technically late (ill#backdate though dw) and then packed up and i grabbed a gyro from the halal cart on that block which i just finished back at my dorm <3333#anyways good times. now im gonna try and spam some work and go to freaking trivia team for the first time in a month later. oops#blah#oh and i think the halal cart guy may have given me a free soda. unsure abt that though bc its possible it came with and i was just being#silly again. so anyways i had a ginger ale too
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I'm a teacher and this summer I'm working afternoon summer school at a building that's known for not having enough parking. People will park along the side of the driveway or in other non-spots that aren't in the way when the proper parking spots fill up. There's also ample street parking behind the school.
There are 3 disabled spots and I believe a total 2 loading zones between the spots. For the past two weeks someone has either parked in the loading zone, or 2 of the 3 spots have been taken by someone without a placard or disabled plates. We have at least 3 people working in the building who are disabled and have parking placards but we don't get to park in those spots because they're constantly taken.
I get that you might not want to park farther away or whatever. But that spot is reserved for people who need it. And yes I know not everyone can get a placard or plates and these people might be disabled. I only recently was able to get mine despite being disabled for years. But never once did I park in the disabled spots that I didn't have a placard for. Never did I dream of parking in the loading zone that might be necessary for someone to get in or out of their car.
Today I drove in and saw that once again the three spots were taken, and I recognized two of the cars as the repeat offenders who don't have placards. I stopped in front of the spots to reevaluate where to park, when an older Black man got out of his truck in the third spot and came over to ask if I wanted his spot. When he recognized that I'm the person with the cane he immediately was like "I'll move it's no problem" even though he did have a parking placard. I'm so grateful that he did that. And I hope I see him again today so I can properly express that to him. But he shouldn't have had to do that. We should have both been able to park in the accessible spots. This isn't an instance of lack of accessibility but of (almost certainly) ablebodied people being inconsiderate and ableist and taking up a limited resource set aside to help disabled people.
Don't park in the disabled spots if you don't have a parking placard/plates (or whatever it is outside the US). DONT park in the loading zones! If I had brought my wheelchair to work and someone was parked in the loading zone I wouldn't have been able to get it out of my car. I don't care if no one ever parks there and they're always empty and you think you aren't harming anyone. I don't care if you don't understand why we need them or need so many or need loading zones or whatever. Its common fucking courtesy to not be an ableist asshole.
#host#disabled#cripple punk#cripplepunk#disability#vent#rant#for those who are going to tell me i should do XYZ i already have#i told administrators and theyve apparently made announcements#i left a note on one of the cars and they actually didnt park there today#so many that actually helped#i refuse to call the cops to report them#this community and the staff who work here are majority POC and working class people#i dont want to endanger anyone by forcing them to interact with cops#even if that wasn't the case ACAB#i just want them to stop parking there so myself and this guy dont have to pick which one of us has to suffer each day
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national bf day on twitter that means i get legal rights to finish my cringe masadai fic where daigo meets masato's dad(s)
#masadai#snap chats#casually trying to ignore the casual transphobia i overheard today hi guys <3#no my day was so nice. before that. there was a nerf archery event and im really surprised my wrist wasnt being a fool#i actually forgot my wrist was fucked up when i went there but when i went to shoot I Immediately Remembered#but over the course of the like. two hours i didnt even notice anymore and i was shooting like how i did back then#sooo Unwarranted Wrist Update we're SOOOO back... had so much fun it was crazy LOL#oh yeah. the post. let me cook hang on put the tomato down#i AM writing a sequel to that cringe masadai fic i did last year and i was writing it this morning. i didnt even know it was bf day#its a sign i oughta finish it...... im like halfway through it maybe i can actually finish something for once#idk it depends on the vibe im trying to go for im still fighting myself on it but we'll get there. i hope#i have like two hours before class but we always do fuck all there SOOOOOOOO <- is insane#ok bye <3 reminder to be happy for your trans friends when they transition <3 if you dont you oughta fall down some stairs <3
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sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school
#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful#did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w#possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting#plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there#my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh!#not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO#i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig#need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn#but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :)#like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends.#even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP#idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus#yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted)#a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay!#im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid.#he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party#and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate#and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :)#and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING#good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT
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