#disappearing and leaving TK behind and TK asked to be TK not Tyler soon after this happened because then it felt Different and --

[parameddic]

thinking about tk in his grade 3 classroom close enough to have a view of the towers, watching them come down, knowing his dad is in there. Thinking about TK refusing to just sit there, he has to go find his dad!, thinking about gwyn arriving by car or bus or train at 7.38pm that night because the planes were grounded and she was interstate and she fought and pled and begged for the last seat ("My son is alone still at his school with his teacher in New York. My husband is a fire captain,") and she arrives and it is pitch black because the entire city is pitch black and TK is trying to escape (to go Look for him!!!) Or he is getting into Fights or he is completely numb (he's 7, 8 years old) and his mum says Tyler! and he. completely breaks down.

tk remembers the day vividly. grew up With that experience not just Close to it. thinking about that

[buckybarnesalways]

Title: could we both stop keeping score

Warnings: mentions of suicide attempt,relapse, and slight past homophobia

Title is from would you come home by Tyler Blackburn

Part 4 of my Tarlos series

The next morning Carlos woke up and for a moment he forgot that TK wasn't there with him. Groaning to himself he hauled himself out of bed and stumbled his way to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror he sighed, he was a mess. If he looked and felt this horrible he could just imagine how TK must be feeling. He hated himself for being away from his boyfriend but every time he thought of TK his heart was overcome with inescapable fear. Frustrated, he stormed back into his bedroom just as his phone pinged with a new message. Sitting down on the bed, he picked up his phone. 

"Hi babe!" The message read. 

Smiling to himself, Carlos typed his response, "Hi yourself, beautiful."

His finger hovered over the send button. Was this really going to be the way he greeted his boyfriend after he had, by all accounts, been dead? Tossing his phone next to him on the bed, the message unsent, he scrubbed a hand down his face wishing that he could just make his worries disappear. 

TKs heart shattered when no reply came through. I've really done it this time he thought to himself? The love of my life can't even stand to speak to me. Why did he have to be found? It would have saved everyone the pain of having to deal with him. 

Having been unhooked from all the machines late the night before, he climbed out of his bed and walked over to the window. He laid his head against the cool glass and began to cry. He wanted so badly to run to Carlos, throw his arms around him and never let go. Unfortunately though after an attempt like he had made, they kept you in the hospital for a few days to make sure you were stable enough to go home and not try again. The door to his room opened and his heart soared and then crashed just as quickly when he saw it was only his doctor. 

"Hey there TK." Dr. Jones said in an overly cheerful voice.

"Hi there, doc." TK answered, wiping his eyes as he shuffled over to the bed and sat down. 

"How are you feeling this morning?" his doctor asked. 

That was a loaded question, he wanted to say he was feeling great but that would be a lie so he answered as truthfully as he could.

"I feel like I've ruined the best thing I've ever had in my entire life and it's like the one person who I need the most is never going to be able to forgive me or himself."

"Who are we talking about?" Dr Jones questioned. 

TK glanced around nervously. He always hated questions like these, he never knew how people would react when he told them he was gay. 

"Ummm..." he began "my boyfriend, Carlos."

He refused to look up at the doctor, terrified that this doctor would be like so many others and try to blame his problems on the fact he was homosexual. 

"Carlos... Is that the nice young man that sat with you while we waited for you to wake up?" the doctor replied. 

TK looked up finally and smiled shyly to himself. 

"Was he devastatingly handsome, the sweetest soul you ever could meet and……. Absolutely in love with you?" dr jones interrupted.

TK blushed.

"Yeah that sounds like my guy." he answered. 

"Why do you think you've ruined things with him?"

TK sighed, "He blames himself for what I did, we had an argument and I ran out. In his mind though, if we never would have fought then I never would have tried to hurt myself..."

"I see..." the doctor replied, "And was he the reason?" 

"No!" TK said quickly, "Well i mean…. I don't blame him for it. I blame my ex." 

He groaned inwardly and he ruined things again...

Before either man could speak again, a nurse entered, informing TK that he had a visitor. TK’s heart pounded as he waited for whoever it was that had come to see him. He never expected to see Alex walk through his door.

"Seriously" TK sighed, "Haven't you done enough?"

"TK," Alex began, "I went by the firehouse and I heard what happened and -"

TK cut him off, "And what? You wanted to come here and rub it in my face that even after all this time you can still cause me so much pain?

No, that's not it at all, TK!" Alex answered, "i wanted to come and apologize..."

TK looked at Alex incredulously. "You're joking right?"

"I never should have come back here looking for you." The other man spoke. "We were not good for each other. I guess I just wanted to feel loved again after what happened with Mitchell..." Alex replied. "I guess I hoped that you would still feel something because i hated myself for throwing away something that was real for something that i wished was there. I’m so sorry TK, for everything. For coming back here, for hurting you, for cheating on you, all of it. I know you'll probably never believe me but it's the truth and to make it up to you. I'm going back to New York tonight and i'll never bother you again."

Tk looked away biting his lip. 

"It wasn't all you, Alex. I knew things were bad, i just didnt wanna accept it. I should have let you go way before that night. I know that now..."

"TK, I really do wish nothing but the best for you and i hope that i didn't ruin that chance for you. " Alex said sincerely.

"I think that was all me, Alex. I just pray that Carlos can forgive me. I don't know what i'll do if he doesn't..."

"Carlos? Is that your boyfriend?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, he's the love of my life... I didn't know what love was until i met him, no offence." he said.

"None taken." Alex replied, "Look I'm gonna get out of here and leave you alone."

He stepped forward extending his hand, "Goodbye, TK."

He hesitated for a moment before shaking Alex's hand goodbye. Letting his hand fall back to his side he watched his ex walk out the door. Sitting back down, he resigned himself to doing whatever it took to get out of the hospital and back home. Even though he wasn't completely sure where that was anymore.

Three days. That's how long they kept him but it was finally the day they were going to release him. He still hadn't heard from Carlos so his dad was picking him up. He walked out to the waiting area and smiled when he saw Judd waiting there. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he walked up. 

"Hey brother!" Judd said, reaching out and taking his bag from him, "Your dad is talking with the docs. Soon as he's done we can get out of here."

"That doesn't answer my question, Judd." TK smiled.  

"I asked to tag along today, wanted to see you walk out of here myself."

Owen walked up and gave his son a hug.

"All set? Let's head home."

The three of them walked out the hospital doors, TK opened his mouth to ask his dad if he had talked to Carlos but before he could Owen turned to him.

"I called him, TK, and told him you were coming home today. I'm sorry i couldn't bring him here for you."

"It’s ok, Dad, I told him he could take as much time as needed. He’ll talk to me when he's ready." TK answered back. 

At that moment there was a shaky voice from behind them. 

"Hey..." the voice spoke.

TK's eyes grew wide as he spun around, coming face to face with Carlos. He looked smaller than TK had ever seen him, almost as if he was trying to shrink into himself, his gaze focused on his feet, refusing to look at TK.

"Hey back." TK said. 

Carlos dared a glance up and it almost broke TK. Those eyes that were always so full of strength were filled with tears and fear.

"Ummm I'm really sorry I'm late, Ty..." Carlos said to him.

TK knew he wasn't just referring to today.

"We’ll give you two some time." Owen told his son walking away with judd.

Both men stood there looking at each other, neither one of them saying a word.

TK was the first to break the silence, "I'm so glad to see you, I've missed you."

Carlos’ eyes filled with sadness.

"I should have been here sooner, I know but I needed to say my peace to you and I wanted you to be able to scream at me and hate me without hindering your recovery."

TK swallowed hard before he spoke, "Why would I need to scream at you."

"I've made my decision, Tyler..." Carlos whispered.

"Oh.", was the only word TK could manage to say, "I see...

[toosicktoocare]

prompt:  Ok what if TK is injured on a call (somehow idk) and then his dad and carlos are really worried? 😘😘😘

prompt:  How bout a TK whump fic where he gets injured on the job and the team and Carlos are super worried?

Did either of you ask for Carlos to stupidly go and save TK? No. Did I write that anyway? Yes.

Carlos will never understand how Owen can keep a calm composure when he sends TK running headfirst into danger day in and day out. He knows the 126 is working under cautious orders to ensure everyone’s safety, but he can never shake the pit of anxiety that builds in his stomach each time he watches TK’s back as the latter rushes into his job. 

Today’s no different, a one-story house fire that he and the 126 have been called to. The house is practically engulfed in flames by the time every one arrives, bright reds and oranges dancing around smoke that’s pouring from shattered windows. Owen barks orders the second the truck comes to a stop, and Carlos is able to steal a quick kiss to TK’s lips, a small peck that TK smiles against, before TK pulls away and shoves his helmet over his head. 

“How do you do it?” Carlos asks Owen when TK and Paul start into the house, with Marjan and Probie ready at the hose. 

“Do what?” 

“Send him,” Carlos mutters, nodding to TK right before he disappears against the smoke. 

“TK’s good at his job.” Owen’s answer comes with practiced ease, and Carlos wants to cling to that confidence. He knows TK’s a good firefighter, but they’ve been growing closer, spending five out of seven nights a week together, and though neither’s said it out loud, they are toeing the line to boyfriend territory. He’s not pushing it, choosing instead to move with TK’s movements, play his game, ride his ride until he’s ready to take the next step. 

“We’ve got the girl, Cap.” 

He perks up when he hears Paul’s voice over the comms, and just moments later, Paul’s stepping out of the house with a young girl clinging tightly to him. He expects to see TK right behind him, but he doesn’t, and he leans forward, arms crossed, fingers digging into his arms, and then he hears a loud crash over the comms. 

“TK?” Owen’s got his comm to his mouth, and he’s tense beside Carlos, and Carlos spares a single moment to see Marjan, Judd, Probie, and Paul all sharing glances from Owen to the house, struggling to wait for their next orders. 

“TK, do you copy?” 

Carlos can’t breathe, his lungs unwilling to take in air, and then he hears harsh coughing and groaning over the comms, and his muscles tighten, going almost rigid, as he puffs out a small breath of air. 

“Yeah, floor collapsed. Think I’m in the basement.”

Owen’s face is unreadable as he processes each work punctuated by a cough. “Are you hurt?” There’s rustling on the comms, a few more groans, and then a low sigh. 

“Yeah, my foot.” There’s a pause, another, longer sigh. “And my head. I’m a little dizzy.”

“Concussion,” Michelle says, and Carlos jumps, not having heard her come up to them. “You need to get him out of there now.” 

“Already on it,” Owen says, and Carlos’ ears fade to a low ringing that mixes with a rapid heartbeat, and then his feet are moving toward the house, toward the narrow opening of the front door that’s not completely engulfed in flames. 

“Carlos, what are you doing?”

“Carlos, stop!” 

The continuous shouts fade against the roar of the fire, and he holds one arm up above his eyes and tries to only suck in small, short breaths that aren’t too deep. “TK!” Smoke begins to pour down his throat, and he coughs lightly as he approaches a hole in the floor. He looks down to see TK lying on his back. 

“TK!”

“Carlos? What the hell are you doing? Get out of here!” Carlos is the last person TK expects to see above him, back lit by dangerous orange flames, and he makes to sit up, pain grinding in his head, black dots dancing across his vision. He grits his teeth, swallows back nausea, and starts to slowly get to his feet. 

“No, TK, don’t! I’ll come to you!”

“Like hell you will,” TK grumbles under his breath, angry, worried, confused, and he tests the pressure on his feet. His right foot is fine, but his left foot twisted when he fell, and it stings the second he leans on it. He looks up to yell at Carlos again, to order him to leave, to let his team handle this, but there’s a loud explosion above them, and Carlos has to dart to the side when more of the floor caves in, burning, charred pieces of wood just narrowly missing TK. 

“Shit,” TK mutters. They’re running out of time. He can hear orders being made over the comms, but until his dad is properly geared up to come in... It could still be at least a minute, and he’s not sure they have that time. There’s an old table to the right of him, and he drags it over, stumbling, blinking past the grayness creeping at the edge of his vision, and he climbs atop it, coughing until he’s gagging. “Can you pull me up?” 

Nodding, Carlos drops to the floor. His eyes are burning just as bad as his lungs from the smoke, but TK’s so clear in his vision, so clear and alive, and he reaches down, both arms outstretched, and TK’s fingers curl around them, and he pulls, muscles trembling, fueled solely on adrenaline, and he manages to get TK up enough to where TK can grab onto the ledge, and between the two, TK’s back on the first story only seconds later, curled to his side, panting, coughing, and Carlos is urging him up to his feet. 

“Let’s go.”

TK crumples as soon as he’s upright, and Carlos catches him. “Woah, TK!” He scoops him up into his arms, turning to cough away from TK as he starts back out of the house. TK’s barely lucid in his arms as soon as he moves out of the front door to meet the 126 and the EMTs, and Michelle and Owen break past first, with Michelle gesturing for the gurney as Carlos carries him safely away from the fire. 

“Start hosing!” Owen shouts, and Paul, Judd, Marjan, and Probie hesitate, all eyes glued to TK’s almost whimpering form in Carlos’ arms, but they finally oblige, working together to tackle the fire as Carlos carefully sets TK on the gurney. 

“Are you riding with us, Captain?” 

Owen’s eyes are glued to TK, his hand gripping TK’s like a lifeline, but he shakes his head, shoulders sagging. “I can’t leave my team.” He’s reluctant to drag his gaze away, but he does, moving to Carlos’ eyes. “Go with them. I’ll meet you there.” 

Carlos fades in and out of focus, moving with Michelle when she wheels TK to the back of the ambulance, only catching snippets of med talk, about TK’s foot, his head, smoke inhalation concerns, and then he’s seated on the bench in the back of the ambulance, and another paramedic is slipping a breathing mask over his mouth and working through a small examination. 

*****

It’s hours until TK’s released on crutches and with strict instructions to not sleep for more than three hours at a time, and Carlos volunteers to drive him home after Marjan, Paul, and Probie head home for the night. Owen only agrees so he can pick up his prescription at a twenty-four hour pharmacy and get TK’s room settled for him. Carlos is a little unnerved at TK’s silence as he helps the latter into the passenger seat of his police SUV, but he doesn’t push, too unsure on how to approach TK in such a passive state.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” TK mutters, breaking the silence after endless minutes of quiet that’s sharp enough to break skin. His head is dropped against the window, too tired to hold it up, and he closes his eyes, the trees whipping by making him nauseous. 

Carlos knows what, but he feigns ignorance anyway. “Done what?” 

“Go in after me. That’s not your job.” TK coughs lightly, lungs still a little strained from smoke inhalation, and he groans when the coughing brings pain to his head. “You’re a cop, Carlos.” 

Carlos grips his steering wheel until his knuckles go white, and he pulls off onto the side of the road, flipping his hazards on and leaning his head back with a sigh. “I know I’m a cop, but you can’t tell me that wasn’t my job.” 

TK opens his eyes at this, a frown pulling at his lips, and he turns to Carlos, brows furrowed. “What the hell does that mean?” 

“It means that protecting you is my job, Tyler.” Carlos finally pulls a sharp gaze to meet TK’s tired eyes, and TK’s mouth opens and closes, stunned surprise pulling at his face, widening his eyes and catching his words in his throat. 

“That’s not... You could have died, Carlos!” The cogs in TK’s head begin turning, and once they start, they don’t slow despite the pain it brings. “You didn’t have any gear! My team would have--”

“--I know your team would have saved you, TK,” Carlos sighs, eyes moving from TK to the dark road ahead of them. “I don’t know what happened. As soon as I heard you were hurt, I just moved.” 

TK’s hand finds his thigh, and though Carlos doesn’t pull his eyes from the windshield, he moves his hand to cup TK’s, thumb ghosting over TK’s smooth skin. “I know what I did was stupid, but I’m not sorry I did it. I’d risk my life a thousand times over if it means saving someone I love.” 

TK’s mind short-circuits, a wire snapping out of place, a cog jerking to a stop, leading toward a possible explosion that he’s forced to breathe sharply through because they haven’t said this. They haven’t talked about this, only just barely treading into this type of territory, yet it doesn’t feel wrong, the opposite actually. 

“You love me.” It’s not a question, but Carlos nods anyway, and TK wants to chase this, but his head is beginning to throb enough to have his stomach churn, and his phone’s vibrating in his other hand, multiple messages from his father, from his team, and he leans back to face the front, head tipping against the headrest behind him. 

“We should go. My dad’s worried.” 

Carlos’ face falls, his shoulders sink, but he nods anyway and carefully maneuvers the car back onto the road, and the rest of the drive is silent, with only small coughs occasionally filling the quiet between the two. In a moment, Carlos wishes he could know what TK’s thinking, just for a second, just a glimpse behind his wall, but then he’s pulling into TK’s driveway, and Owen’s already standing in the open doorway waiting. 

“Thanks,” TK mutters, massaging his temples, yet he doesn’t reach for the door handle right away, instead twisting in his seat to lean toward Carlos, lips brushing against Carlos’ cheek. “Oh, and I think I love you, too.” 

The smile’s devilish yet shy, and Carlos’ cheeks flare hot in a blush as TK opens the door, offering a wave before he closes it and starts toward his father. Carlos watches, more-so because he can’t move, but then Owen’s waving at him before guiding TK into the house with an arm around his shoulders, and he waits a few moments, eyes glued to the closed door, TK’s words playing a beautiful melody in his head, before he finally puts his car in reverse and starts back to his apartment.

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Dinner Date (Jowen)

Summary: When Owen said he wanted TK to have dinner with the person he’s been seeing, this isn’t exactly what he expected. (Judd/Owen, background TK/Carlos)

WC: ~1.3k

TK sets the table in companionable silence, at ease for once. It’s okay that his dad is seeing someone, especially because Carlos is there beside him setting glasses of water on the table. No wine and no beer, even though Carlos enjoys both and TK knows his father would love to open a bottle of red for this awkward little “meet-the-family double-date” thing that they’re doing. Sure, it’s nice to know that Owen and Carlos get along, and he’s excited for the warm risotto and tender meat, but there’s a part of him that worries about his father finding someone new. What if they hate him, like his dad’s most recent ex-girlfriend from New York? Or worse, like him too much, like his father’s second wife?

“Breathe,” Carlos reminds him, wrapping an arm around him gently and kissing his temple. It’s something small. But it helps. “You’re okay. I’m sure his new girlfriend will love you.”

“That’s not reassuring,” he mumbles as Owen looks up at the two of them.

He’s dressed nicer than usual. A button down, dark jeans. He spent almost two hours on his hair. He must really like the girl he’s seeing, and TK swears he’s happy for him. It isn’t that he doesn’t want his father to be happy, he’s just afraid. When it comes to women, he just doesn’t really have good judgement when it comes to pretty faces.

When the doorbell rings, Owen asks TK to get it. He takes Carlos’ hand and brings him forward too, just so he has something to hold onto. If it turns out the girl sucks, he still has Carlos and the 126. With a deep breath, he opens the door.

For about five seconds, TK just stares at Judd. His hair is combed flat, his clothes actually nice, and his arms full. In one hand, a full arranged bouquet with lillies and other small flowers and whatever else goes into those things. In the other, a pink bakery box with a clear window to a chocolate cake, his favorite. It’s too much at once. Judd opens his mouth.

TK slams the door in his face.

“TK-” Carlos starts.

“What the fuck, dad?”

“Open the door please,” Owen sighs. “Don’t make him stand out there.”

It’s Carlos who opens the door and apologizes, takes the cake from Judd to set on the counter while Owen gets a vase, kissing Judd’s cheek as he accepts the flowers. It isn’t right. TK thinks he might be dreaming, or hallucinating, or something. This doesn’t make sense and he’s barely able to breathe until Carlos helps him sit down and hands him water. He even asks if TK needs his inhaler. If only this was something so simple as asthma and not a meltdown because his dad is seeing someone.

And it’s not like Judd is a bad person; he’s kind and loving and a teddy bear, and he would never hurt either of them. If he thinks hard enough, he’s seen the way Judd looks at his father. He’s a good man. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s dating Owen, didn’t tell TK, and decided that just showing up was a good idea. And his dad hid this from him too, because he knows that TK would be upset by it. They conspired to keep this from him.

Owen serves four plates at the table and smiles at the flowers Judd brought. Carlos holds TK’s hand under the table and shoots him this look like he knows he’s desperate to run fast and far, avoid the pain that rushes through him in a reminder of what it’s been like in the past, even if he knows Judd is a good person and he knows his father loves him.

“This is really good, sir, thank you,” Carlos says a couple bites into the meal.

Everyone else is quiet. 

Judd looks at Owen and Owen looks at Carlos and Carlos looks at TK and TK looks at his food, willing it all to disappear so he can pretend this isn’t actually happening. He eventually gets out that he thought Judd was married to Grace, which earns a sharp rebuke from his father and Judd’s shoulders going tense and angry, like when he shoved TK that one time after the grain silo. 

The next attempt at conversation is Carlos again, mentioning that TK has started a little garden in his backyard that they both tend to on their off days. When Judd asks TK what they’re growing, that’s the last straw.

“I’m not hungry,” he announces, even though he’s practically starving and he’s always loved his father’s risotto and his mouth waters at the thought of the cake Judd brought. “I’m going to bed.”

“TK-”

He stands up, still holding Carlos’ hand, and looks at him. Asking if he’s going to come with or stay. This is what he does instead of looking at the hurt on his father’s face or the worry on Judd’s. If he does, it’ll be about them, and he’ll feel too guilty to be angry.

“Tyler, please sit down.”

The use of his first name actually makes him flinch, as well as reinforcing his decision to leave. His father knows better than to call him that, especially now when they’re with someone he’s seeing, someone TK is seeing- it hurts worse than getting shot, and that had felt pretty shit.

“Fuck you,” he says, staring at his father. “And fuck you,” he adds for Judd, before storming off toward his room.

Behind him, Carlos murmurs an apology and his chair scrapes across the hardwood flooring. His footsteps are quick until he catches up. Then they’re slow, like the hands that cup his shoulders to stop him before he can lock himself somewhere private and safe. It isn’t like he’s going to do something stupid, he just can’t deal with this.

“Take a deep breath,” Carlos says to him. His voice is far too calm. “It’s okay. Do you wanna talk about what just happened?”

“I want him out of my house.”

From downstairs, his dad calls again. “TK, can we please talk about this?”

He doesn’t want to push this to the wayside, but he’s also angry, and TK knows he has a tendency to say things he doesn’t mean when he gets angry. He looks to Carlos and knows what his boyfriend thinks he should do, so he reluctantly heads back down the stairs to where they’re waiting. Judd’s eyes are red and a little puffy, and his father’s rubbing his back.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” Owen says first. “I didn’t want you to know until we were sure it was serious, but maybe it would have been better to warn you.”

Judd clears his throat and wipes his face briefly. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to- trying to be something I’m not, TK. I love you, kid, and I get that this is weird, but it’s not like I’m movin’ in, or I’m gonna suddenly be your dad.”

Carlos’ face is unreadable. No comfort and no anger, nothing for TK to use to figure out how to navigate this without upsetting him, a response leftover from tiptoeing around Alex all the time. As soon as he realizes that’s what he’s doing, he looks back at the lukewarm plate in front of him. 

“I know this is hard for you, especially because I haven’t dated in a long time. But nothing is going to change, you hear me?”

His dad reaches across the table to squeeze TK’s hand. 

“Nothing is changing. I’m still your dad, and I love you more than anything, and just because I’m seeing someone doesn’t mean that you’re not my priority. If you need time, that’s okay, but I’m not going anywhere, and neither is Judd, alright?”

The best TK can manage is a nod.