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wangxianficfinder · 11 months

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Fic Finder

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1. Excuse me, but could anyone tell which Wangxian fic has Wei Wuxian as someone who works as a cursebreaker in a modern setting and meets Lan Wangji when his laptop got cursed? I really want to reread it again, please? @kaitou-cure-prism12

FOUND! Crossed Wires by stardust_and_sunlight (T, 20k, wangxian, modern cultivation, college/university au, meet-cute)

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2. I'm hoping you can help me re-find a fic I read a while back. It was a WIP at the time, a modern AU, and it started with JZX calling in a favor from LWJ to help him find a good present for JZX's fiance's brother (WWX). LWJ researches WWX online and gets intrigued and also recommends that JZX give WWX a dizi. Thanks! @marbleglove

FOUND! The Trials of Purchasing Gifts for a Gremlin by MavisMelisande (T, 3k, XuanLi, WangXian, Modern AU, LWJ Has Friends, Social Media, Christmas Presents, POV LWJ, POV JZX)

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3. hello, thank you for all your hard work! I was on twitter following this thread a few months ago then forgot and now twitter is glitchy but i rmb the author said she will poster on ao3! She has a small following then and it’s so hard to find it on ao3 might be incomplete I’m not sure but I really want to know how it ends cause it’s k wording me

- it’s about lan zhan writting to himself from a different universe? wei Ying dies or something in another universe and Lan zhan is trying it to prevent again

- high school setting

- no it’s not the space one!!

thanks in advance guys, you all the backbone of the fandom 💛 @meedorin

FOUND? 至少还有你 | in another life by nagiusagi (T, 16k, wangxian, modern, high school au, LWJ pov, heavy angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort, pain, hurt WWX, student WWX, student LWJ, letters from past, implied/referenced child abuse, character death (JYL), grief, misunderstandings, teenage wangxian, WWX’s hair ribbon, forehead ribbon exhange, pianist LWJ, parallel universes)

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4. Hey I am looking for two fics !

I have searched many tags but i cannot find them

A) this is set in post canon where lwj and wwx visit a village for nighthunt I think but they find lwj's mother's family ? It was a oneshot ig

B) This is a modern au fic again a oneshot ig? The only thing i remember is that lwj was a fashion icon here and very sassy . Oblivious Wwx as usual ! i think wwx implied lwj like mianmian and later lwj talks to his brother and says " brother do i not look gay enough?" .I do not remember anything else . Also it had good friendship dynamics with almost everyone.No angst but again i can be remembering wrong . Also !!!!! Lwj wore heels ( it wasn't a genderbend fic )

4A)

FOUND? Gentian Seeds by yuyu_finale (T, 9k, WangXian, Thirteen Years of WWX’s Death, at first, Post-Canon, later on, Mentioned Madam Lán, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, but literally, some elements of character study, Soft WangXian) LWJ discovers his mother's hometown

FOUND? The Same Cloth by x_los (T, 8k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Case Fic, Aftermath of a Case, Family Feels, Family Drama, Family Bonding, Family Secrets, Clothing Porn, Worldbuilding, Government, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Married Life, Character Study, Post-Canon)

4B)

FOUND? Turn the Other Cheek by Minyoongiisacatuwu (E, 19k, WangXian, Unreliable Narrator, Modern, Oblivious WWX, Panties, LWJ flirting very hard, Rabbits, Rimming, Mutual Pining, LWJ is a top in a Thong, LWJ in heels, Fashionista LWJ, Friends to Lovers, Aftercare, Porn with Feelings, College/University)

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5. Hello, I'm looking for a fic where WWX thinks he has a miscarriage in the burial mounds and then ends up giving birth at the end of the war.

FOUND? Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal)

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6. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where wwx is a single parent to lwj's child. They knew each other in school and were friends, but wwx disappeared after yzy kicked him out. Wwx has been sending letters to lwj to tell him about their child but lwj never saw any of the letters. The meet again after some years and lwj gets to know his child and it turns out that it was lxc who intercepted all the mail and destroyed it before it could get to lwj. I think lxc was angry that wwx was stringing along his brother and disappeared without a word, but didn't realize that wwx had snuck into the house to see lwj one last time. Thanks!

FOUND? Nothing but your heart by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, First Time, Getting Together, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Whump, Breeding Kink)

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7. I was wondering if you can help me find a fic. It was so long ago I'm ngl. I remember it was stormy and the cultivators had to seek shelter or they saved someone. In return that someone a 'fortune teller' could show the future. I remember I think Qiren was wary. She showed the future to the previous generation like cangse sanren and lan qiren. I think she also showed the future to Wei wuxian generation. It might have been in Portuguese or spanish maybe. It could have been in english. @whitewoodwalker

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8. Hi, I'm looking for a certain fic where Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli send Wei Wuxian to Gusu after the end of the Sunshot Campaign because they're worried about him. WWX really doesn't want to go and I think they end up drugging him?? He is in a really bad headspace for part of the fic. @noxgold

SIMILAR Swordless by WithBroomBefore (G, 32k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Canon Divergence, WWX goes to Gusu, Golden Core Reveal, Trans Character, AFAB LWJ, philos) and "Rescue" by the same author also has some similaritis

FOUND? but I think you're looking for if i had the strength by agloeian (M, 16k, wangxian, post-sunshot, hurt/comfort, getting together, fix-it, tgcf style gods, mental health issues, recovery, accidental baby acquisation)

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9. Hi could you pls help me find a fanfic I read about wangxian in which Wei Ying was stoic and lan Wangji was shameless I thing Wei Ying grew up in Gusu in that fanfic it was basically a personality switch au

I this one was a deleted fic but I can't remember the name rn 😓

FOUND? Uno Reverse by A_flower_in_the_snow (M, 62k, wangxian, lan WWX, OOC, role reversal, not JC friendly, not Jiang friendly, time travel fix-it, WIP) Deleted but can still be found in wayback machine. The author goes by xinXiniieboo currently afaik.

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10. Plz help me i'm looking for a fanfiction And all I remember is a time travel on another fanfiction named the rise of the divine oracle 😭😭it was like after they dead they were sent to the past to try and change there future with madam yu being to be nice to see ying

well rise of divine oracle was by Blak_Salt and is on ffnet and ao3 but is post canon not time travel (tho an excellent fic). I wonder, is ur time travel fic the one where post canon everyone dies so wwx tries to send himself back in time but it messes up and goes too far - prior gusu lectures, and it makes him sickly and he doesn't actually consciously remember the future. Instead events trigger memories from the future that he (& everyone else) thinks r visions. Madam yu becomes nice.

This probably fits here too:

whateverweilanlovechild: #12 haha i believe you are looking for the fic I wrote. I'm sorry to inform that it's discontinued and only 2 chapters are there as of now

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11. Hello mods!! I've been looking for a very specific fic for a while now but I can't find it with the usual tags. It's wangxian, post canon and mpreg, where LSZ, studying the gold cores, tries to help WWX form a new one by dual cultivatition (with LWJ) but instead accidentally gets him pregnant. I hope you can help me and thanks in advance! @jenaerith

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12. Plz help me 🆘 im looking for a time travel fanfiction was about the wy an lz who time traveled to the past from the original fanfiction named "the rise of the divine Oracle” @bunnychwan

whateverweilanlovechild: #12 haha i believe you are looking for the fic I wrote. I'm sorry to inform that it's discontinued and only 2 chapters are there as of now

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13. Hello, (this is not a WangXian fic but a Xichen fic) I Think it was set in modern world. It was some kind of party and the OC's was an adopted foreigner who is a designer for clothes. Xichen then invited her to like some kind of stargazing that night that's all I remember about the first chapters but like in the middle of the plot(?) He found out that OC needed him that's why she accepted his proposal

Hi, I just want to find a fic it's about a Xichen x OC set in Modern world (I think) Oc was an adopted rich heiress or something but she is a designer(?) They met a party and Xichen asked if they could go on stargazing(?) Then Fast forward to the middle of the story, Xichen and Oc are in a relationship then Xichen found out that OC needed him to marry her inorder for her to adopt the kid she was set to adopting.

FOUND? His Mistress, His Wife by PhoenixLumen (E, 26k, LXC/OFC, wangxian, check all the tags from the work before reading, smut, porn w feelings, porn w plot, modern, attempt at humor, BDSM, bondage, bottom LXC, submissive LXC, brotherly bonding, businessmen, safe sane and consensual, implied/referenced child abuse & neglect, multiple pov, strong female character, marriage proposal)

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14. This is a bit of an obscure one but I'm trying to find a fic: I don't remember if it was time travel or something else but something happened that led to Lan Zhan having to immobilize Wei Ying like Wen Qing did to him after Qiongqi Path, despite Wei Ying telling him he wouldn't survive it if it happened to him (again?) and then when they meet again they have to deal with the fact that Lan Zhan did it anyway. I can't remember the context so hopefully someone recognizes it anyway @vulpestars

FOUND? If You Forget Me by DivideTheSorrow (Not Rated, 189k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, YZY/JFM, WIP, Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Build, Relationship(s), Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Alternating, Original Character(s), Angst)

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15. Hello, I'm looking for a fic if you have the time.

It's during the yiling patriarch era, not sure if it was during the war, it feels like it but the burial mounds and the wens are involved so I'm not sure. Wwx basically gets an Infection and is forced to amputate his leg. The wens do the amputating in (not sure) the burial mounds. Another Wen creates a wooden prosthetic leg for him.

Later, I think it was on the battlefield which is why the exact timelime is confusing me, wwx gets shot with an arrow in his prosthetic. Jin zixuan is there, gets worried and wwx is forced to reveal that he lost a leg. Or it could've been just a foot idk.

Thank you and goodbye.

FOUND? we’re starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Golden Core Reveal, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Starvation, emaciation, Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Amputation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunshot Campaign, let JZX and WWX be friends club)

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16. Hi, mods! Pls, Im looking for a fic (Modern AU) in which WWX (still alive) left LWJ (for now reason) & he goes mad, desperatedly looking for him in different men who look like WWX, but ends up killing 'em all during sex (it's BDSM, kinda gore, dark/obsessive LZ), until he meets real WY in a pub w/o knowing it's him (he introduces himself as Moxuanyu, but doesnt have Mo's appearance) & both end up together, sharing the same kink. LXichen, WQin & WN show up briefly, only 'cleaning' LWJ mess. TYSM @einherjermineord

FOUND? Dead Ringer by Regency_Bunny (E, 7k, WangXian, Modern AU, Dark LWJ, Dark WWX, Dark WangXian, Dark LXC, Murder, Sadism, Masochism, no kink shaming in this household (this is not your average healthy bdsm this is actual murder), Identity Porn, Doppelganger, Obsession, somnambulism, Minor Character Death, Mention of torture, Choking, Lan typical unhealthy relationships, identity theft, reference to suicide, Drunk LWJ, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Knifeplay, LWJ Swears, Happy ending (for some), Mildly Dubious Consent, Mention of illegal domestic imprisonment (not WangXian), Future murder husbands in the making) i just finished reading it and the description is on point <3

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17. Hello!! I was looking for a certain fic where Wei Ying turns into a child by accident and the juniors take care of him.I can't find it anywhere :( I hope you could help me with it!! But if you couldn't find it then a fic with similiar content can help too 😚 @for13years-i-play-inquiry-foryou

FOUND? most likely grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon) Easily the most famous of the fics with that description.

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18. Hii <3 I'm looking for this fic where wrh kidnaps wwx and is all nice to him because wwx is some kind of phoenix and well he shows wwx that the Jiangs are being killed and well wwx goes crazy and actually turns into a phoenix and the ans take wwx and imprison him because they know he is dangerous as the phoenix is wwx but not quite. @thatperson0-0

FOUND? Breathing Firestorm by ladyshadowdrake (M, 110k, wangxian, angst, fluff, captivity, creepy WRH, no non-con, dreamsharing, politics, people making the best decisions they can, epic length, mythical creature WWX, canon-typical violence, dark, happy ending)

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19. Hii I'm looking for this fic where wei ying and lan zhan form some kind of bond that makes them read each other's minds and feel how the other feels and in the end they try to sacrifice themselves to some kind of fight but instead they end up forming the same bond with meng yao, nie huaisang, jiang cheng and wen ning

FOUND? We Can See a New Start by preciousbunnynoiz (M, 127k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, soulmates, angst w/ happy ending, PTSD, hurt/comfort, communication, check all the tags)

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20. For FF, I can't recall if it was time travel or not, but the scene I recall: CR arc, WWX refusing to copy his punishment texts in the library. He confessed to LWJ that he wasn't planning to complete the copying because the punishment was unfair. He said something like: it takes more than 1 to cheat (I think it was the cheating bit) but I'm the only one being punished. And that opened LWJ's eyes for the punching JZX scene. Can't remember where it went after but I really want to read LWJ's realization again. @mreisse

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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phoenixrsing · 3 months

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your muses aesthetic. list your muse’s aesthetic from tastes, smells, outfits, and sceneries. add as many subjects as you like, it can help with people tagging you in aesthetically pleasing things towards your muse.

tastes: traditional fire-nation cuisine. spicy fire-flakes, roasted pork, and hot tea infused with jasmine. dragon fruit, lychee, and mangoes, grilled sea pawns. aged fire nation wines with complex flavors of oak and spice. fire nation whiskey, intense and smoky, with hints of charred oak, toasted spices, and a touch of volcanic ashroasted chestnuts. green tea ceremonies, delicate jasmine tea, and rare white dragon jasmine tea leaves—a specialty of his father. rare spices from trees that are native to fire nation, including cumin, saffron, and cardamom.

smells: a scent of smoldering cinnamon, cloves, and star anise in the air. jasmine blossoms, lotus flowers, and orchids from the royal gardens. the crisp scent of autumn leaves and the smoky aroma of fire pits. herbal notes. a hint of sage, lemongrass, and mint leaves in herbal teas. sandalwood incense burning in meditation rooms. crackling hearth fires in the royal palace.

sights: volcanic landscapes. volcanoes looming on the horizon, with smoke rising from their peaks. intense flames swirling, casting shadows against the red walls. royal palace. opulent halls decorated with gilded ornaments, tapestries depicting ancient fire nation legends, and imposing thrones. fire nation technology—advanced warships, steam-powered machinery, and towering factories billowing smoke. traditional fire nation dances—graceful movements accompanied by the flickering light of torches and lanterns. colorful celebrations featuring elaborate firework displays, traditional music, and performances. endless amount of war memorials. monuments honoring fallen soldiers of the fire nation, with eternal flames burning in their honor. regal crimson robes with intricate gold embroidery, adorned with the fire nation insignia. messages of propaganda, supremacy, and strength through firebending. a recruitment poster featuring a soldier, with the caption, join the fire nation army and defend our sacred land.

sounds: the rhythmic sound of flames dancing in fire pits and torches. trumpets heralding the arrival of fire nation royalty, accompanied by drums and cymbals. war drums—thunderous beats echoing across training grounds, inspiring troops before battle. lightning crackling in the foreground. melodic tunes played on traditional fire nation instruments, the pipa and guzheng. the chirping of fire nation birds, the rustling of palm trees, and the distant roar of waterfalls. war machinery—clanking gears, hissing steam, and the rumble of warships off the shorelines. moments of quiet contemplation, where the only sounds are the soft rustle of leaves and the gentle crackle of embers. practicing the dizi, traditional flute in between training sessions.

sensations: the comforting heat of firebending flames against the skin during training sessions. luxurious fire nation silks and satins, smooth against the touch. intense warmth radiating from the earth's core during visits to volcanic hot springs. humid, sea breezes brushing against the skin from the coastlines. tactile connection—a sensation of firebending energy pulsing beneath lu ten's fingertips, responding to his every movement and command. resilient spirit and unwavering determination. a deep sense of connection to the spirits of fire. commitment to serving the fire nation. isolationism, a loneliness you cannot shake. failure is not an option. reluctant heroism, internal struggles between morality and obligations. inside of me, there are two dogs. one is mean and evil and the other is good and they fight each other all the time. when asked which one wins, i answer, the one I feed the most. ambiguous loyalties.

tagged by — me. tagging: @hotknickers, @denouemente, @linghung, @hookedswords, @dropovers, @fearbend, @kniveds, @yourideaguy, @bowbend, @rotpoetry

#[ aesthetics. ]

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fabrizio-art · 1 year

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Welp that got my attention.

So the title of Aşk-ı Memnu came up while I was doing the dizi university assignment that plunged all my family into Magnificent Century but I had never looked into it, besides perhaps noticing the hilarious Twilight reference in the posters (i don't even know if I had associated it with the title, I just think I saw it before today)

And then I discover @faintingheroine's profile, which leads me to Google it just cause and VALIDE SULTANA IS HERE WHAT DO YOU KNOW-

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moodypetrichorlove · 2 years

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The Dizi Tag Game

1. Your first dizi & how you discovered Turkish dramas

The first dizi I ever watched (that was not dubbed and shortened) was Sen Çal Kapımı in 2020. I binged 7 episodes only to discover it was currently on-air, and by then I was hooked so while waiting for episode 8 to air, I started Her Yerde Sen, lol. So, to sum up, SÇK is how I started my dizi adventure, and HYS was the first show I ever watched in its entirety. Both were good decisions. 🤗

Ironically, 2 years later I still haven’t seen Bizim Hikaye which is what I was trying to watch when I came across SÇK’s significantly captivating poster.

2. Show(s) you’re currently watching

Ooof, I wasn’t sure I’d watch any new ones, but now I am and it’s too much, but it’s a hyperfixation, so, 🤷‍♀️. Anyway, I’m watching Afili Aşk, Seversin, and, Senden Daha Güzel currently. 🙈 Oh, and Inadına Aşk, which is basically my “I don’t really care about you, and can’t concentrate on shows I watch for fun rn but I’d like some background noise on so you’ll have to do” watch. 😂

3. Your favorite genre of dizi (romcom, mafia show, contemporary drama, historical/fantasy, etc.)

Romcom (shocker, I know 😱).

4. The show you rewatch (parts of) the most

Her Yerde Sen, Doğduğun Ev Kaderindir, & Seviyor Sevmiyor.

5. Favorite Turkish actor and actress (feel free to pick multiples)

Kerem Bürsin, Çağlar Ertuğrul, Engin Öztürk, Burcu Özberk, Elçin Afacan, Demet Özdemir, Yusuf Çim, & Elçin Sangu.

6. A show you quit before finishing

Kiralık Aşk, Aşk Yeniden (idk, maybe I’ll watch it completely someday), Gülümse Yeter, and El Kızı.

7. Favorite song(s) you’ve discovered in dizis

Güneş + Aşk Lazım – Aydilge

Sen Çal Kapımı – Başak Gümülcinelioğlu

Olamazsan Olmaz – Güliz Ayla

Aşk Mı Lazım – Buray

Beni Biraz + Bakma Bana Öyle – Nova Norda

Ne Olur Kal – Tuana

8. The show whose plot disappointed you the most

Kiralık Aşk. El Kızı. To be fair, each dizi, at some point, disappoints.

9. A show that was cancelled too soon / ran too long -

I think Iyi Günde Kötü Günde deserved a few more episodes; it had potential. And call me biased, but Ateşböceği was a fairly sweet series and should’ve run longer.

Kusura bakma, but Kiralık Aşk ran way too long.

10. Favorite Character(s)

Serkan Bolat, Barış Tunahan, Kerem Yiğiter, Ayşe Yiğiter, Demir Erendil, İbrahim Tunç (Ibo in HYS), Melo (SÇK), Gölge/Adem (50m2).

11. Your favorite romantic pairing(s)

Serkan Bolat & Eda Yıldız – Edser

Demir Erendil & Selin Sever – Seldem

Barış Tunahan & Zeynep Göksu – Zeybar

Ozan & Deniz – Bay Yanlış

Kerem & Ayşe Yiğiter – Afili Aşk

12. Favorite side character(s)

Volkan (Afili Aşk) & Ozan (Bay Yanlış – honestly, liked him more than the male lead), Melo & Fifi (Sen Çal Kapımı), Emine (Doğduğun Ev Kaderindir), and Deniz (Bay Yanlış).

13. Best kiss

As someone who looks away or skips these scenes 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈, I’ll do my most favourite love confessions from diziland (which, I know, no one asked for) instead.

This entire scenario, from Serkan chasing after Eda to the actual confession will always be number 1 for me. Always! Serkan’s frustration, exasperated fondness translating into that “deli gibi aşık oldum”? Gold! 😍

Next up are my second most favourite confessions: Kerem’s sweet, wholesome confession with the swan origami and then Ayşe with the angsty reveal in response to Kerem’s confrontation. These two pulled it off so well! ❤️

14. An underrated show more people should watch

Her Yerde Sen.

Seviyor Sevmiyor (it has moments where you’d be annoyed, but the two mains have really good chemistry and they’ve done angst well).

Seversin, being a currently on-air show, deserves more attention because it’s a lighthearted watch, even if there’s not much new there – which I believe is the way of dizis lol. Ilayda and Burak are doing a good job, BTW.

15. A show everyone loves that you aren’t interested in

Erkenci Kuş.

16. A show you want to recommend right now

I’d say watch Seversin, and Senden Daha Güzel. Good shows, good acting, even greater potential. I’d like to see each reach at least 13 episodes before cancellations.

17. The next show on your list

I think I need to finish the off-air dizis, like Afili Aşk (and many more), before I watch anything else. 😂

@thescorpioracer tagged me in this ages ago (like last year, perhaps) and I'm embarrassingly late to doing this, but here I am. So, thanks for the tag!

Anyone following me who wants to join in, consider yourself tagged, please!

#The Dizi Tag Game #tag games #dizi #turkish shows #turkish series #turkish dizis #turkish actors #sen çal kapımı #doğduğun ev kaderindir #afili aşk #bay yanlış #senden daha güzel #seversin #her yerde sen #seviyor sevmiyor #kiralık aşk

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dangermousie · 1 year

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GDI this poster is FIRE!!!

Even one ep, this is by far my favorite airing Turkish show.

Engin is terrifying in a way I rarely see even in dizis and Demet is so strong, and the chemistry between them is so dark and intense.

#engin akyurek #demet ozdemir #turkish tv #adim farah

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mecnun1cinar · 10 months

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Bu filmi kesinlikle izleyin izlettirin,izlediğim en iyi biyografik macera dram türünde filmlerden bir tanesi alaskada bir kasabayı ölümcül bir virusun etkisi altına alması sonucu tek tedavinin serumlarini alabilmek için 600 mil yol kateden ve bir sürü insanın hayatını kurtaran bir insan ve sevimli köpeği togo'nun hikayesi ben izlerken baya etkilendim ve çok sevdim sizede izlemenizi tavsiye ediyorum film 1 saat 54 dakika nasıl geçtiğini anlamıyorsunuz

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harepare · 2 years

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merhaba. ciddi olmaya çalışarak yazacağım çünkü canım istedi. ama bozadabilirim. yani canım öyle de isteyebilir. on sekiz hazirandan bu yana değişen birçok şey vardır eminim. son zamanlarda içim çok daralıyor. mutluymuşum gibi davranarak mutlu olacağımı sanıyorum. bu yüzden kötü de olsam neşeliymişim gibi gülücükler saçıyorum. bu sabah bunun çok gereksiz olduğunu düşündüm. kimse bana gülmediğim için kızmaz çünkü. kendime gereksiz konularda baskı yapıp gereksiz konularda çok rahat davranıyorum. mesela biraz daha disiplinli olmam gerek. düzen olmayan bir hayatın güzel olması imkansız gibi geliyor. gelişi güzel yaşarsam güzel gelebilecek olaylar yok. belki ondandır. spora yönelmek istiyorum. hem kilo vermem gerek hemde changbin ve jungkook'a çok özeniyorum bu konuda. hafta içi okula kayıt olmaya gidiyorum annemlerle. okulların açılmasına iki ay belki de daha az kaldı ve benim hiçbir bilgim yok ders konusunda. bayram tatili girdi gireli sadece yatıyorum. ablamların kedileriyle ilgileniyorum ya da resim yapıyorum, o kadar. birde captive'yi yeniden okudum. boş olmak beni yıpratıyormuş onu fark ettim. annemler bugün amcamlara gittiler ve kedilerle oturmayı seçtim. biraz rap yapmaya çalıştım. şimdi de yatarak bunu yazıyorum. mutlu değilim, üzgün değilim, belki biraz hırslanmak istiyor olabilirim. sosyal anksiyete konusunda da berbat olduğumu belirtmek isterim. kuzenlerimin arasında bile konuşamıyoken okulda ne yapıcam bilmiyorum. sanırım yarra yedim. neyse. ağlama isteği geldi geri kovmaya çalışıyorum şuan. bi şeyleri düzeltmek için belli şeylerden uzak kalmam gerekiyor ama öylede çok sıkıcı. dizi izlerken sıkılıyorum, fic bulamıyorum, kitap okurken ya da hayal kurarken kafam dağılıyor, çizecek bir şey yok, kendimi bazen fazlalık gibi hissediyorum. ama bunların hepsinin dönemsel olduğunu düşünüyorum. şimdi mina gelecek onunla ilgilenip o uyuduktan sonra program yapar ders çalışırım. hafta içi göz, diş ve cilt doktoruna da gitmem gerekiyor. ablam sakaryadan gelecek. bilmiyorum şuan bazı şeyler karışık. hem fazlasıyla umut ve neşe doluyum hemde ağlama isteğiyle ve öfkeyle dolup taşıyorum. umutsuz olduğum zamanlar çok iticiyim. ablam doğum yaptığı süreçte bizde kalacak. yaklaşık bir ay falan. bu benim için büyük bir psikolojik savaş olacak çünkü ablam odamda kalacak. yatağımda yatması ya da odamı kullanması sorun değil. sorun, benim odamda kalamayacak olmam. çünkü ben vaktimin nerdeyse -aslında tamamen- hepsini odamda geçiriyorum. ayrıca izinsiz eşyalarıma dokunulması sinirim çok bozan bir durum. ablamla zaten anlaşamıyorum bide defterlerimi açıp kurcalarsa çok saçma şeyler yaşanabilir. neyse. mina uyuduktan sonra ajandamla biraz vakit geçirmek bana iyi gelebilir. dün beşli maske, lip balm ve taehyung 95 yazan bir poster sipariş ettim. sonra ki harçlıklarımı da biriktirip woohoobox almak istiyorum. başka ihtiyaçlarım varken saçma ama napayım. diğer ihtiyaçlarımdan biri de albüm bu arada. bir albümüm olmadan ölürsem gözlerim açık giderim. öyle işte. birçok şeyi YİNE düzene sokmaya çalışacağım bir döneme YİNE başlıyorum. bunu sürekli yapmak sıkıcı oluyor ama yapmayalı iki üç ay oldu sanırım. son olarak başta namjoon ve yoongi olmak üzere tüm bangtan adamlarına en büyük güç kaynağım oldukları için teşekkür ederim. keşke teşekkür borcumu başka bir şekilde ödeyebilsem. neyse. mono albümü için sağ ol namu. neyse bay.

"sırtım acıyor çünkü kanatlarım filizleniyor"

#i collect #on beş temmuz.#Spotify

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