#do I try and get into film again
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Personal
Hi.
How did you get over your quarter life crisis?
Because I’m trying not to fall into the vast unyielding void. And I’m failing hilariously.
#TAG RANT. CAN IGNORE. YOON JUST NEEDS TO GET HER THOUGHTS OUT.#filler tag to push the rest of the rant down past the cut off point.#i literally don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and I can’t decide anything.#do I stay in flowers#do I leave flowers#do I try and get into film again#do I move to Europe#or delay that and go back to school for the one thing that’s always brought me pure happiness#or do I move out of my city#but in all of this I have to consider my partner and what he wants#but I don’t know what to do. i don’t know what the right thing for me is and I can’t afford a therapist so I ramble on the internet in hopes#of a shiny beacon of something rings into my head and figures everyhting out for me#like. I’ll be 25 in April. a ways off. but I’m 25 and I haven’t done anything. i don’t know what I’m supposed to do?? i had a life plan that#was derailed so hilariously hard by COVID that cannot be mended. and this is the first time I haven’t had a plan or a solid goal and so now#I’m floating in the middle of the pacific wondering which direction to turn in hopes of finding land#i have nothing to work towards and I miss who I was. i want to be that again. i wanna be her again. but it’s so difficult to do that.#anyway. rant over. needed to get that out. thanks for reading if you did.#this actually made me feel a lot better hope moly.
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no but for real not to beat a dead horse that i havent seen and dont plan to but they keep trying to do live action atla and i just Do Not Get It? its already been done? quite well? the original cartoon is very good and it doesn't feel like its actually really lacking in a way that a remake would improve upon, and it doesnt seem like either remake has improved upon it, and it doesnt feel like they ever get the tone right either? and why are they only ever trying to adapt atla? why not the comics? or korra ? the adventures of fire lord zuko. i mean fuck i dont even like that they turned toph into a cop but they could do a Toph crime drama procedural. probably shouldnt i dont think that would be good but at least it would be like. a new idea. fucking, adapt the kyoshi novels maybe. i wont forgive you if you fuck them up of course, but im already not forgiving the live action ATLAs so like idk. why not try something new. something a little more original.
#toy txt post#i dont understand why it has to be adapted to live action in the first place honestly but like maybe even just try Something Else#maybe even like a brand new show even. could try that. how many different original new shows have the streaming services#filmed and produced and then didnt release for weird tax cut reasons again even tho i thought that was one of the things the writers and#sag aftra were trying to fix with the strike? and then the companies all just keep doing it anyway...? cool?#fucking do a live action about The Cabbage Guy and his life#why does it have to be a retelling of the original show that was already good? i dont get it#im trying not to be too harsh here bc im sure theres plenty of one piece fans who feel that way about the live action vahgddjsvuvdjevj
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my cancelled-able trait from the queer community would be that i really apparently love messy endings. i love u happy endings and i also love u such sad, messy, ambiguous endings . . . i love u endings where u have this weird pit in the bottom of your stomach because you know that there's love here but u have no idea what to do with it and u just have to deal with the fact that someone is profoundly affecting your life and you're not gonna get closure from it anytime soon . . . i love u queer love stories where it's really just "u don't always get to see the sunshine and rainbows at the end of it . . . sometimes all that's left is just one big question mark and the quiet hope that they get their shit together" . . .
#caroline talks#don't get me wrong. i love u happy endings. esp when it comes to queer love stories#but i also just. love endings where it's just like. well. u DON'T know for certain whether the characters#are truly going to ride off into the sunset together.#the only thing u know for certain is that they love each other and that they're going to have to grapple with that forever.#maybe it's also just bc like. idk. i took too many film classes and so my head's forever stuck#on this one essay about how some really happy endings feel lifeless.#like how in some ending shots. the characters look like they've had their happy ending. but there's also some weird unease and confusion#and it's like. well yeah. because for every happy moment u get in life. u are still already thinking 'well what's next. what now.'#which is fascinating to me. but also me @ me: god maybe u can just be happy and it's not that deep.#but also. i do love the wonderful ambiguity of just. 'there is so much more to live. so much more to do.'#and i guess it's not just for queer love stories. i think a lot about the ending of my mister.#with lee ji an and park dong hoon walking away from each other but they're happy. u have no idea how their relationship will pan out but u#do know that they love each other.#or like. columbus. with jin and casey. they hug each other and thank each other for being in the other's lives.#and jin says goodbye to casey and casey says goodbye to jin and u have no idea if they'll see each other again. but u know they love each#other so very much. even if they'd only known each other for a second.#or like. beginners. anna and oliver love each other so much and u get this sense that. they're still a little bit uneasy/nervous about how#the rest of their lives are going to go. but they'll try.#or. god. the swearing jar.#the last shot. i think about it a lot.#there is love!!! but u don't always know how the rest of it is going to pan out!!! u just know that it'll pan out somehow!
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Faren
#Touden father#dungeon meshi#laios would never set foot in his hometown ever again but in my dreams he visits Melini for some reason#and him and Laios reenact Bergman’s film Autumn Sonata#my favourite genre is the domestic drama and so naturally his Everything entranced me#the entire Touden family could easily fit in among Ibsen’s dysfunctional nuclear families (toshiros too for that matter moreso even)#and BEFORE non-Ibsen heads who only know A Doll’s House think I’m comparing him to Torvald I AM NOT#ITS A NONSENSICAL COMPARISON BUT I CAN SEE SOMEONE WHO ISNT CRAZY ABOUT HIM OR IBSEN THINKING THAT#so i needed to nip that in the bud NOW!!! because just the thought of someone thinking I feel that way makes flames crawl up my face#anyway Im really obsessed with him…what hes doing now that his children are grown doing their own thing what were his dreams long ago….#what is his relationship with his frail and severely nervous wife…do they even really have one? how did he learn about elf mythology?#did he go to school? Does he have any magical aptitude? what are his plans now that his children have flown away?#who will lead the village when hes gone? Is he trying to find a suitable replacement? Does he have any extended family?#What kind of letters did him and his wife write to Falin? How long until they stopped writing Laios?#Did they ever stop or has Laios just stopped reading them?#How often do he and his wife write Falin? Does he really not have any friends or is that another of child Laios’ misconceptions?#ahhhhh so many things….so many feelings in my heart….#Also “Faren” is father in norwegian :) since that is where i hc toudens from#bc of the mountains and vibe the other parts of scandinavia cant even compare it wouldnt make nearly s much sense to be any of the others#lol i just move on when I dont agree with certain interpretations but i get so heated seeing them hc as another scandi country lmao#like BE SO SERIOUS#NORWAY IS THE MOST TEXTUALLY SUPPORTED AND ITS NOT EVEN CLOSEEEE
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youtube
*incredibly nerdy screaming*
#corridor digital#as someone trying to get into indie film & who has virtual production training & knows its limitations & cost this is VERY VERY exciting#and I sincerely hope more ppl get into trying to make this technique a thing again#TIL that while corridor do have a linkedin page they never post on there even tho they could literally go viral on linkedin#with shit like this which is a flex on industry I can only aspire to lmao#but also unfortunate bc it means I can't just share their post on there I'll just have to make a post of my own#if I want to show this to my virtual production etc ppl smh
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i told myself i wouldn't post this because i think it's most impactful within the context of the movie itself, as well as having gotten to know the characters a bit beforehand... but i can't Not post it because every time i watch it (which is often) i bawl like a baby and i just need people to see this. literally astounding that the same franchise that has a kid taking his pants off and flirting with women can be this emotionally profound. this movie is the hardest i've ever cried at any movie before!!! nostalgia is the central focus of the story too which really hit me hard... likewise, Hiroshi's been shaping up to be my favorite (maybe even because of this very sequence! who knows) so just. AGHHH. even without a solid understanding of the characters of movie-specific context, i hope this moves you as much as it moves me (from Movie 9: The Adult Empire Strikes Back)
#the waterworks always start for me at the part where baby Shin runs over to him :'))))#Shin isn't a character to be like 'mom dad you're the best parents ever i love you' and so i like that when in these more emotional sequenc#s when he kinda shows it instead through his body language and acting. such as being a toddler and running up to his dad#it's so cute#i also wonder if the butterflies that fly into the shot are representative of Shiro and Himawari who have yet to enter the picture but are#just as important to the Nohara family dynamic#also also really like when Hiroshi approaches the hospital that he's running but when he sees someone coming out he slows down#as if he's embarrassed to see someone that's caught him in a rush#and then resumes right to running again. wonderful character acting#aw man im trying to remember what else. im copying old observations i had from when i first watched the film but im getting weepy again LOL#i was so scared watching this for the first time i was terrified they would do the same with Misae and my heart literally wouldnt be able t#handle it#csc#vid
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I remember talking to a friend last week and saying that if I'm reading obsessively it either means I'm extremely happy or extremely in need of help. alas goodreads my good pal you have GOT to be kidding me
#i have hit 60 books this year. we are three days into april. i have not been at the pinnacle of happiness this year so it is not that lol#ah well we hit rock bottom we bounce back up! i am trying to claw my way to the surface again!#granted this has been a series of not great distracting tactics to get my mind off the Horrors (i.e. through the mass consumption of#stories in book and film form) but at least i'm recognising and acknowledging it now#i need to actually deal with the Horrors so that there's a chance they'll actually go away!#but i am glad that i HAVE been surrounded by good stories. it has helped. it has been a method of conflict avoidance#in all areas of my life but it HAS helped to have those stories of hope hammered into my head and heart#anyway it looks like i HAVE lost a friend or am very close to losing one because it has been 1.5 weeks and there has been zero response#and there's a ton of Decisions i have to sort through this week#along with other mental health assessments my GP wants me to do#but God is good and He has been very patient with all the bouts of despair and loneliness and frustration etc etc#i just need to keep holding on and keep clawing my way upwards#despite all my failures as a friend and student and probably as a daughter as well this year there has been a lot of grace#and i am trying not to dwell on the past#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21
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Just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you and pre-emptively empathizing with the nonsense you are no doubt being flooded with and the psychic damage it must be causing. Keep stanning the king ignore the weirdos <3
thankg u.,, i feel like ive been trapped in a fuckign . Torture Labyrinth these past coupl days . but. wwe will. We Will Yet Persist onwards w/ our hand on the left wall till we;re either out or at the center i swear 2 fucking GOD,
#talking tag#asks#th pain is forever the Horrors r unending the lack of media comprehension on all sides is Disappointin But Also My Goddamn Life I Guess lol#though i will say ppl in my inbox have actually been.. surprisingly polite overall? if not outright rather kind as a whole. um. post-atsv.#but. god. i have not Talked About so much of that movie because i kind of just.#..ok actually i realize this is gonna sound rude as hell lmao. but. hhaha i Kinda Just. was fool enough to Assume that everbody would yknow#like. Comprehend The Film yk yk yk. since it is a well-written movie that doesnt try to Hide any of what it;s abt? yk?#i come On Here onto tumblr dot bumblr and i make my stupid esoteric gddamn complaints abt 2099 Themes for Me Only so my head doesnt blow up#n silly ol me i really do like earnestly honestly in my Heart think. like. we all saw the same movie. right? mayb thingsll calm down.#but oh oh oh oh oh no no no No No. they do Not calm down they get So Much Worse.#and now hypothetical Internet Strangers might be Passing Judgement bcuz we look like an Apologist 4 assuming Everyone Knew Media Literacy#CHRIST. do people think i think mig was. like. In The Right. in atsv. no ive known he would be Wrong for years dudes.#why do yall think i was so low-key Disappointed he was placed in a role that couldve better suited. like. Superior Spider-Man.#public image. DING-DONGs. man he is Never Going To Be In Movies Again After This Hes An AU SPIDER-MAN FROM THE 90S. LORD!#i had SO MUCH FUN watching atsv!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont like the choices it made to put miguel in the situation that it did. Bizarre Thematic Changes to 2099 that Only I Care Abt. but like#that is SUCH a fuckin SMALL and insanely autistic nitpick like i earnestly loved the hell out of the film and its mig is--#--Earnestly One Of His Better/Best Adaptations despite bein within the limited confines of th plot nd setting he is In & w/o his inner mono#..i just. Hate So Much That This Movies Version Of Miguel Will Be The Only One That Anybody Knows For The Next Seven Years At Least. yknow.#i lov watching that fuckers trainwreck of a slowmotion mental breakdown for two hours but the movie gave practically Zero Context 2 newbies#BTSV please save me BTSV please save me BTSV PLEASE save me PLEASE please please please PLEASE BTSV youre my last hope....#(arthur clenching his fist meme) ppl r Already so shitty 2 ppl w/ Messy Symtptoms i could Handle losing MK but SM2099 means too much 2 me..
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Stuart Damon guest stars as Texan oil baron (and Simon's new bff) Rod Huston in The Saint: The Ex-King of Diamonds (6.17, ITC, 1969); this episode was the direct inspiration for Roger Moore's subsequent series The Persuaders! (ITC, 1971 - 72)
#fave spotting#stuart damon#the champions#craig stirling#the saint#the ex king of diamonds#itc#1969#the persuaders!#classic tv#something about the formula of stiff upper lipped english gent with new money American wiseguy really appealed to the production team#producer Robert S. Baker and ITC head honcho Lew Grade seem to have begun planning The Persuaders! almost immediately from this point#bringing Moore back (and with a much greater creative control than he'd had even on The Saint); alas not returning was Stuart Damon#i mean i don't think it's any reflection on him or his performance here; they replaced him with goddamn Tony Curtis‚ a bona fide Hollywood#legend. but it is a shame bc Stuart is so so good here; he's absolutely having a ball with it‚ from his thick Texan accent to his over#sized cowboy hat‚ from the little subtle comic business he's doing (he sits at a table for a fancy pants high stakes card game without#waiting for their host and there's a beautiful little moment he does of realising everyone else is standing as the host enters and trying#to get back up again before everyone sits down). it's a beautiful performance‚ genuinely one of the best guest spots‚ i think‚ that the#series ever had in its 100 plus episodes. when this aired The Champions would have been roughly in the middle of its run#given the fairly lengthy production on The Saint‚ it's possible he filmed this before starting work on The Champions; then again‚ he has#top billing and is the main guest‚ which might suggest he was expected to be a familiar tv star by the time this went out#hard to say without a Pixley bible... regardless he seems to have very good chemistry with Moore. but then Curtis appeared to as well and#they apparently did not always particularly get along during filming of The Persuaders so who knows#with just 3 eps left this could quite probably be my final fave spotted in the saint; it's been quite the journey but I'm grateful to the#familiar faces who popped up along the way and made it a little easier whenever it started to feel like a bit of a slog!
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youtube
#diana's music diary#🌗#hello it's Di again... today has been the worst day in a while#yet somehow it turned out okay despite everything#I don't want to get into it really either way... it's just scary when your reality doesn't line up with actual reality.#my partner and I watched a movie at least... getting her to watch Akira Kurosawa films with me... it's nice.. I'm so excited to do more!😊#I'm a bit melancholic but I'm still trying. I'll be okay I think. Let's keep trying together n_n;
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I need a massive sudden hyperfixation shock to happen again
#that era when i'd just got out of the onceler divorce of summer 2021. and then listened to everywhere at the end of time in october#and it was ruining my life and i couldn't sleep and there was nothing really good happening#like it wasn't Bad bc at least i wasn't depressed anymore like i was in the summer but it was still just dead. and i couldn't get#the last 6 minutes of eateot out of my head#and then. suddenly. got shot with the *blurry screenshot of stan and kyle as adults* beam#south park post covid trailer released. everyone who had ever been in that fandom was awakening from their graves#it was like 'future episode??' 'why have they got noses' 'what the fuckkkk' 'is anything real anymore?' etc#it was such big news that it instantly shocked me out of my existential crisis and reawakened that hyperfixation for the 9347384th time#and i vividly remember going on tumblr the morning after it aired and trying to avoid spoilers bc i hadn't watched it yet#but i accidentally saw a sentence something along the lines of 'kenny's a billionaire philanthropist now' and. ok i had to see a picture?#so i did and he looked like the epitome of a cool uncle#and then i was walking to uni that morning probably looking like i was crying or something bc like. kenny successful future#and the whole thing just brought my general mood up so much?? so by the time it was 2022 i was absolutely fine#and then 2022 was so good. up until like august and september#and things got a bit dangerous again like my mood was alright but the slightest thing could bring it down#and then my best friend/housemate got a girlfriend and it was that whole drama and her existence basically ruined my last year of uni#and since then i've become so bitter and cynical and all victimy and it's so annoying and i don't even realise i'm doing it#so now i only ever notice negative things happening and have done since like the end of 2022#and i just need one of my old hyperfixations to do something insane again. like sp post covid.#i need. idk victor hugo to come back to life and publish notre dame de paris 2. or something#or for pip to come back to south park. that would actually fix me forever tbh#or the golden ratio to announce they're touring the uk for free. okay no ykw that would fix me#orrrrrrrrr idk. secret history made into a film but it's actually good#anyway. the south park kids as adults with noses set off an entire like 8 months of Pure Optimism in 2022 and i need her back more than ever#ramble
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being a creative sucks never do this. (vent below sorry)
it's constant swinging of i love what i make and want to make it i need to make it now now now and FUCK FUCK FUCK MY LIFE I wna to die a little bit, everything is pain and tiring and the world sucks and why can't i just do things and im selfish and terrible and not even that good at art
#anyways. im fine i guess not really idk.#im not sobbing like i was yesterday!!! Im just tired and sick of this#aka im trying to find filming locations but u need permits and insurance of like 2mil and huh what do I even need that stuff#is someone gonna shoot me and take me to jail cause i want to film on my campus that iim not even a student at anymore#but one of my actors is and idk. i don't want to get him expelled. i don't want to get my friends fined#or sent to jail#or whatever. idk legal scares me#and maybe im just over thinking everything and hate the world and i wish i was a child with a camera again cause children can do whatever#but now im an adult with no job or schooling who just wants to shoot a silly little fan film of a fan project like idk#it feels like there's cameras everywhere and security and cops everywhere and it'd probably be a bad idea to try and film on campus#esp after the encapment fiasco from a month ago#but also i need a good industrial indoor location to film! I feel like taking photos is a different story#I feel like just going out with other cosplayers is a different story but im taking people who don't cosplay often and idk im so stressed#and anxious about everything i feel like a dog that just needs to be put down.#anyways.....#vent
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Uploading the Three Musketeers edit that I mentioned in the tags of my last post bc I spent 40-60 minutes on it and sacrificed all of my tablet storage space and I’m very proud of it
#if tumblr lets me upload it that is#the three musketeers#d’artagnan and the three musketeers#д’артаньян и три мушкетера#soviet cinema#I know no one’s gonna care about this but I’m posting it anyway#bc it’s my blog and I do what I want#it is currently musketeer hours in my brain#idk why#kuviren are very confused as to why they sometimes get a bunch of new roommates#it’s because my obsession with this film series comes and goes every few weeks whenever something triggers it#and then it goes away again after a couple days#ANYWAYS#this was actually a very fun exercise in colour and composition#I just scrolled back and forth on the 4 hour compilation of all three episodes on youtube#trying to spot scenes that fit each colour#I find it funny how there’s a very clear theme with each part#like cardinal richelieu is the only one who consistently wears bright red so he dominates the red scenes#milady is in a lot of yellow bc she’s blonde and her skin has a warm undertone and her main dress is yellow and black#green is just scenery mostly. fun fact movie was filmed in ukraine#and then blue is musketeer uniforms#*insert intense stimming here* I am Completely Normal about this#making this was really fun#I kinda wanna do it for some other fandoms but it takes so much storage space and effort#for very little feedback#I might if inspiration hits me idk#we’ll see#rant over
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2, 29, and 53 for the asks :))))
2. what would you name your future kids?
Haven’t thought about this in AGES tbh not sure anymore
29. favourite film(s)
Anastasia , Encanto , Treasure Planet
53. 5 things that make me happy
1. Music 🎶
2. Spending time with loved ones ❤️
3. Apple scented candles
4. Homemade cookies
5. Fuzzy blankies
#ok ok ok#I was definitely the type of kid to have a lil notebook of future kid name ideas#😂😂😂#also dreamed about my future wedding#and all the things I wanted to do when I grew up#L O L#gonna ignore that tonight#but my sister used to write stories growing up and she would research what name she would want to name each of her characters#and I always thought it was fascinating where each name came from and what it meant and all of that#so I would write down names that I thought were unique and had a cool meaning#buuuut#*heavy sigh*#I haven’t thought of actually getting married and having kids and all of that in fucking YEARS#I used to dream about it all the time but idk maybe I just lost hope or something#hoping once I meet that special person than I will be able to dream about it again#those are the films that came to mind right away 🥰#I was trying to think of any real people movies but I couldn’t think of any 😂😂😂#Anastasia is probably my all time favorite movie though#those are the first 5 things I thought of that made me happy#took me a second to think of things but the first 2 came instantly 🥰🥰🥰#I think music will always be my true love#I need to get back into music and music theory#anywayyyyyyyyy I’m sure this was a lot more info than you were expecting haha#thanks for the ask lovely 🥰🥰🥰#ask#lovely mutuals 🫶
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i'm not saying this to make any sort of point but as someone who works in canadian theatre, the wga strike is going to have an interesting effect on live entertainment too, like i know multiple people who have lost their jobs or will lose their jobs soon because so much american television is produced here and obviously the iatse union is standing with the wga which it should and i also know that when film crew are out of work like this they often turn to theatre because it's a different local of the same union (and a lot of them started in theatre) and they wind up pushing permits out of work because film crew are usually members which means they get first dibs on all calls even if they don't have much live entertainment experience and even though attitudes in theatre and film are VERY different. And i really really hope the wga gets everything they want, they deserve that and more, but i also hope it happens quickly before young iatse permits get priced out of this city and we get into into another situation like the one right after the pandemic
#when the pandemic hit and live entertainment pretty much died for a few years#most established theatre iatse guys moved into film so when theatre started up again there was this huge crisis#and iatse was so desperate for permits they were literally advertising for them on facebook and weren't requiring advocates or anything#which is a massive fucking deal and also how i got my permit#but it also means theres a ton of experienced film iatse members who aren't averse to jumping ship to a familiar field#and all those new permits who found their opening in that crisis are now in danger of being out of work#in the most expensive city in the country#and as someone who works at a theatre that's labelled a learning theatre by the union (we get all the green permits)#it's going to be very interesting to see what happens next#fortunately we don't pay as well as many of the other venues in the city#but we're more likely to offer steady work#so film guys who want cash will take the jobs at the high paying venues doing dailies and weeklies#and the ones who just want to keep busy will wind up here#i have two very good friends who work for the film union#one decided to take a vacation during the strike (good for her) and the other was let go from star trek and intends to go back to theatre#but knowing the attitude of the well established members and people who got used to film there are going to be Problems#so depending on how long the strike lasts this could actually have some serious ramifications for a lot of people outside of the wga#again i'm not trying to make any sort of point here just getting my thoughts in order in the wake of all these tumblr posts about the strik
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#again this is all my fault i had a week to do this i just can’t seem to do any work unless the deadline is within like . 24 hours#otherwise i can’t get myself to focus or care#thanks brain.#the film one will be easy though i can bullshit it bc my profs give out B+ as the highest grade apparently so i should stop writing A papers#for them and just get the same grade for less work . unfortunately i love writing papers (even though i hate it) and can never actually#like phone in a paper like even when i try to i end ip getting into it by the end#i’m so bad at just being like yeah let’s write a B paper. i canyyyyttttyt ! which is so annoying bc i’ll get a B in this class anyways bc#it’s 300 ppl and they don’t read the papers they just give everyone a B+ so WHY DO I BOTHER#praying that for the first time in my life i write a mid paper on purpose and it takes an hour or so#then i can focus the next 12 hours on the paper i both want and need to do well on#well maybe not NEED like i’d prob get an A in the class if i got a B+ or even a B maybe on the final#but it’s my last class ever (transferring😬) with my favorite professor in the world . i have never gotten below an A- from him on a paper#and that was only in my first class w him like i’ve gotten all As since so i NEEEEED to go out w a bang. seriously. i like him too much not#to!!! it’s also a topic i’m rly interested in except also i still don’t actually know my thesis. i just have 20 pages of brainstorming and#research. don’t know what i’m doing w it yet tho#agggggghh#so mad at myself — went to bed at 7 FUCKING PM by accident bc i hadn’t slept in 40 hours and forgot to set an alarm for like 6 to try and#make up for all the work i didn’t do yesterday so now here we r. aaaagggggggh#sorry for the personal vent in the tags but this is my blog i can vent if i want to (to the tune of that one song)#i’m actually insane why am i subjecting myself to this. and even worse why am i (ADHD#depression insane) transferring to one of the like 20 schools in america that’s more academically demanding than the one i’m at rn. why am#i making things worse for myself.#except blah blah blah not really i’m fine academically and honestly except for finals (which is always just a procrastination issue w me)#cld provably use smth a little more demanding at times like i need classes hard enough to actually convince my brain that i need to do yhe#readings lolll like i genuinely always Want to do them bc they’re things i am honestly super interested in i just a) am so bad at focusing#and b) am Disturbingly good at bullshitting like i typically am one of the most talkative ppl in classes despite doing 1/2 or less of the#readings.. and like not even to get a participation grade. just bc i can skim it and immediately have things to say ab it#that’s why i won a like national award in high school for a paper on a book i didn’t actually read😬 except i had WANTED! to read it!#that’s the issue like. if u know u can bullshit something how do u get ur adhd brain to get the message that u actually want to read it#raAaagh ok personal rambling over o know it’s prob annoying bc like i Do do well in school n i am grateful i just wish i was healthier ab it
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