#does anyone even read these it's like 2am for me so im just typing anything

[ephemeralgalaxies]

Just something about the Aurinko Crime Family learning to love themselves and each other, to trust one another. Something about them realizing they don't want to die. That they actually WANT to live. Not just for someone else this time, but because they actually want to live. To see things, do things, feel things.

Connect with people again, forge better bonds, heal past wounds. To look back only to see where you have been, that you are going somewhere new.

That surviving is the hard part, surviving is constant and painful and frustrating. But sometimes, "doing good" isn't easy. Sometimes it's really damn hard. It tears you apart, plagues your mind, begs you to turn around and give up.

That people... are just people. And they all have their own issues. They are cruel and precious, horrible and caring. Gone and... and yet still so very present. Like they'll never truly leave you, the memories always stored away just a bit more disorganized and scattered until you decide to go through the effort and sort some shit out.

Because you can't always help people, sometimes they need to do things themselves. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just let them know you're there, that you'll stick by them, never goin' anywhere.

That sometimes we can't truly trust our minds. But that doesn't make us worthless, useless, a burden. It makes us brave — for facing ourselves every day and still carrying on. Even when we can't love for ourselves, finding something or someone else until we find our own strength again.

Because we all do bad shit. Sometimes, really bad shit. And we may never forgive ourselves. We shouldn't have to. But that does not mean we cannot still do some good. We may never right our wrongs, but that does not mean we should stop for fear of inbalance. What mercy would that be?

That we must take care of ourselves, that we cannot help anyone if we are gone. That we can be weak and vulnerable and scared. We should be. We must be. For that will keep us alive. A legend is great, but legends are of the past. We are alive.

That maybe, just maybe, life hurts. It kicks us over and over and never seems to get enough of it. Because sometimes we'll put on a show and mask and watch the world cave around, bend to this smoke and mirrors. Because sometimes it's all we can do to protect ourselves. But... sometimes we simply don't need to. Sometimes we need to feel more, be honest — at least — with ourselves. Sometimes we don't need to let go. Sometimes we just need to be.

That something can be nothing, everything, anything. That family can be rocky. can be shit. That we're all just trying to figure ourselves out and how (long) we want to spend this life. If it's all really worth it.

And that's something no one can tell us but us. No one can force you towards healing, towards changing or confronting. Only to wait until you're ready.

We have to fight to live. We have to live to fight. And one day, we'll fade away back into the ground. But why not bring along a little spark of life — all the emotions and connections and nothingness of it all — back with us?

Why not live? Why not try.

[shotorozu]

hellooo,, i saw another tiktok video(and since ur like the elite on writing this type of reqs im requesting to you aha) https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSJYsk4CY/ for shoto, kaminari and monoma (if u write for him) ty 💕

‘bae lol’

(the greenscreen heart, then kiss tiktok trend)

character(s) : todoroki shouto, kaminari denki, monoma neito (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] for monoma reader’s a part of class 1-A, they/them pronouns used, quirk’s not specific

headcanon type : fluff (x reader)

note(s) : oh, i absolutely love AND hate this trend, it’s mostly bc im single though :,) not like i can get a partner in the pandemic. anyways! i love your thinking, anon <3 also no proofread bc its like,, 2am here </3 will edit later!

»»————-　♡　————-««

todoroki shouto

he’s very aware of your tiktok antics, but out of all of the ones you’ve pulled on him, and asked him to do

he loves this one the most.

because shouto doesn’t have to get the lights scared out of him, and it doesn’t have a chance in ending terribly.

you brisk towards your room, knowing that shouto rests inside— “shou!” you call out to him, and he tilts his head up

“Y/N, tell me it’s not—”

“no, i swear!” you drop next to him on the bed, and you play the video. “this would be fun to do, right?”

he doesn’t say anything at first, but he definitely wants to do it, judging by the fact that he’s replaying the tiktok over and over again.

abruptly standing up, he tugs at your wrist “let’s do it.” he says with determination hinted in his voice

you’d think that he’d get the hang of doing tiktoks because of you but LMAO NO— the greenscreen failed you both multiple times in a span of 40 minutes.

the first take, the heart was blurry, the second take, the kiss was captured seconds before the kiss, and the third take— your phone fell 💀

plus, his movements were a little stiff the first few times, but after the third try— he definitely got the hang of it.

and,, he doesn’t understand tiktok effects, not even the slightest.

on the brighter note, he has more excuses to kiss you so,, it’s a win for him! he won’t get sick of doing any retakes :))

you knew the moment he focused on making the perfect heart, as he firmly pulled you close to kiss you

that, would be the perfect shot there. he almost forgot that there was a camera recording

shouto is seen replaying the filmed tiktok over and over again— and it might’ve looked odd to anyone else

but not to you, definitely. for you, it’s the norm to see him like that.

“do more trends where i could kiss you more.” he pecks you on the lips, before he leaves you be temporarily only to edit the tiktok, ofc

the tiktok itself blows up by a ton, gathering 2M likes, and 5M views, in a surprising amount of time, and you didn’t even notice how he placed his hand on your hip

until the comments pointed it out to him. which shouto replies with “i always do that. you just didn’t seem to notice.” it’s fine bc you do now

the comments consisted of “where can i find a guy like this 💔” “haha that’s so cool *blocks*” “okay but we sEE THOSE HANDS 👀”

nonetheless— please do more trends like that with him. don’t be afraid!

shouto rates the entire ordeal a ♾/10. can and will do it again. oh— and he saves his home and lockscreen as the final outcome from the tiktok. he did a screenshot it, and decides to keep it like that for a very long time

kaminari denki

again— this man is ALWAYS on tiktok, so he’s aware of most of the trends there. but that doesn’t make them any less scarier

but oh wow, he loves this trend. denki was just praying that you’d see it— and ask him to do it with you.

he was grateful that luck was on his side, since he was ecstatic when you skipped over to him— asking him to do a tiktok trend

“oh, what tiktok trend? wait— please tell me it doesn’t involve me breaking up with you for a week so you could listen to drivers licenses—”

“what? no— let me show you” and when you showed him the tiktok, he showed you this cheeky little smirk

“let’s do it! the sooner the better!” he says, and he seems more excited that you 💀

denki’s so enthusiastic, to the point that the first few takes are a total fail— as he makes you fall over your feet, as the result of quickly pulling you onto him for a kiss.

“denki— one of these days, you’re going to shatter my face”

“sorry, sorry!” he grins sheepishly. and it’s a miracle that he didn’t accidentally short circuit!

you guys try again, still persistent in getting at least a decent video, and this time— when he yanked you, causing you almost slip

he tightened his hold on you, a hand pressed against the small of your back and another hand dangerously close to your bank

the kiss is eager, passionate— and he holds you like you’re on the verge of death

and this flusters you because MAMDKWDK what happened to the goofiness 💀 i suppose that’s what happens when you have an eager denki kaminari.

you upload the video, thinking it would only get 5 likes at the very most— but it exceeds your expectations

though most people couldn’t get a clear view of your relationship dynamic with him, denki’s enthusiasm did attract the attention of 2.8M people

and in a good way, because the video did get 800k likes

the comments consisted of “when he caught you when you almost fell :,)” “damn he was EXCITED” “hey, have you told us where you got your boyfriend? i need the link to find someone like him NOW‼️‼️”

the bakusquad fawned over the video weirdly, but it quickly gets overplayed by denki— since that’s all he watched for a week or so 💀

monoma neito

bruh </3 as much as he loves you, you’re going to kill him with pranks one of these days.

he’s totally in on it if HE’S not the one being targeted, but most of the time,, neito’s the subject of your pranks

so he thinks it’s another silly prank, where you make him pick a number between 1-5 and ghost him for that many hours.

but when you show him the video one day, when you guys were chilling in your room— as per usual, he declined :,)

“sorry dear Y/N! but no. that’s my answer”

“but whyyy?? it’s so harmless!”

“the class is going to tease me for being a part with a silly tiktok like that.” and besides,, he’d be a hypocrite for participating in that kind of tiktok with someone from class 1-A.

in reality, he did want to do it. he wasn’t so sure on why he said no— but he does want to show that something so easy isn’t really a bother to him.

“oh- don’t be so sad about it! you know what?” he gently pulls you up, “let’s do it. i don’t care what those silly class 1-A kids will say anymore.”

“what? i thought you said you didn’t want to.”

“have you ever heard of a lie?” he clicks his tongue, but he’s glad that you’re feeling much better than you did 10 seconds ago.

when it comes to it, he’s actually really shy about it. not like a ‘i don’t want to be seen with you!’ more like ‘gosh, how many takes is this going to take? will i be able to kiss them properly?’

“what if i end up accidentally copying their quirk? neito— focus, damnit.” he thinks to himself, brushing the anxious feeling away.

he’s determined enough to stay focused— but man struggled a bit with cooperating with the heart shape.

“neito— not that heart!” “well, you said to make a heart, so i did!”

it takes a few tries for the greenscreen to cooperate, and for you guys to get in sync

and when he finally has to kiss you, he grins at you— a very obvious blush adorning his cheeks, as he smashes his lips with yours

then he remembers that he actually has to break free from you— and forces you guys apart, still trying to play it cool

“wow! i look awesome. only i could kiss you like that, right? i don’t need an answer, because i know it’s true!” he says with that proud laugh of his, but it immediately dissipates after the second replay

neito leaves you be, not only for you to upload the tiktok— but also because he needs to THINK WHAT JUST HAPPENED he’s running laps in his mind rn

you upload the tiktok, not worrying too much about it— as you wanted to let it sit for a while, before checking up on it

however— when you open your phone again, you get bombarded with multiple text messages from kendou, and the other class 1-b students.

“you and monoma went viral!” is what you can sum up about most of the messages, and you have to see for youself— wanting to know if the tiktok really did get 800k likes and 1.9M views in a short amount of time.

spoilers ‼️ — it did

the comments were mostly like “why can i smell the dynamic from a mile away 💔 i want that.” “he’s definitely annoying to everyone but you” “sHEESH the way he smirked before he kissed you 😩✋‼️‼️😔”

monoma flexes on a daily that he did that to your class— but he HATES how class 1-b wrecks havoc on him, by teasing him

in short— he does prefer this more than being scared. and! he didn’t have to verbally ask you for kisses 💀

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[levisgirll]

oki it me again uWu back with another request because I really enjoyed the first one!!!💗💗 couldn't find the exact words to phrase this but what about aomine (from Kuroko no basuke) as your boyfriend in university. I look forward to what you will write!!

𝐀𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

text: hello again!! thank you so much for reading my posts and the fact that you like them makes me happy c: 💗💗 I'm glad you enjoyed the other request so, I hope you enjoy this! (also, aomine is my second fav in knb ^^ he's just so attractive oml-)

synopsis: aomine daki, the great basketballer player at your university is your boyfriend! how is it like to have aomine as your boyfriend though? and how does he act with you? (get ready for this-)

Once Aomine is your boyfriend, get ready cause this guy will show off and flex a lot when it comes to you. Whenever you stay and watch his practices, he flexes a lot with his back muscle and he would turn around if YOU saw that. You are just sitting there, all blushed while covering your face, "Oh god, this idiot..."

Sometimes, the basketball club would invite student for 'Learning the basics of Basketball' and the first person he wants to invite is, of course, his girlfriend. While he is waiting for her, he would just sit in the bench and lots of people go to him for help, but he would ignore everyone and say he is tired and to leave him alone. But once he sees you, y/n, entering he is all energetic and comes running to you. "Aomine, let me change wait" , "But darling, I was waiting for like 10 minutes...you have to make up for that."

Once everyone leaves and its just you two, he gets all hyped up cause he loves it when you are alone with him. He gets extra clingy towards you and keeps on hugging you and you can feel his tensed muscular body. "Sweetheart, you looked amazing today."

Okay but this guy, would fuck up and beat any guy that even showed any sort of disrespect. He is not standing there with a glare or bumping into them if someone laughs, or says something mean to you. He will go up to that person and hold them up while saying "Okay, you started this. Come here."  You have to stop him before he gets physical towards them, "Aomine! Stop!! They just said to me to move". "Yea, 'Move you', what the fuck is that? Asshole, learn some manners! Do you know who you even spoke to!"

This guy is smart, so he knows all your university spots, so don't be surprised if you see him out of nowhere. "Hey its that guy! He is always following you!" Kagami would yell out, "Fuck, you have some stalker Y/N" Kagami would say while glaring at him, he was your university best friend. "That's my b-boyfriend."

Your man will also buy you a lot of snacks, and if you say you skipped breakfast. He is dragging you to the university café and will force you to eat after he buys you food.

Oh my god, your boyfriend loves to tease you A LOT. Like there wont be a day he wont tease you. If you somehow changed up your hairstyle, he will make a huge scene. "No WAY! Sweetheart, you look so good! Wow, that's my GIRL! You all heard that??!"

Aomine makes you laugh like crazy, and there also wont be a day he wont make you laugh. He just loves it whenever he hears your beautiful laugh and small giggles, he founds it so cute and you really warm his heart whenever he hears that.

He will never forgive himself if he ever made you upset or cry. Aomine will probably think about it the whole day and he will keep spamming you "I'm sorry" multiple times. If you don't reply back, he would come to your lecture hall and he is gonna make a scene. "Y/N I SAID IM SORRY!"

You definitely boost his ego, like crazy. Whenever he feels low before a match he would call you and he just wants to hear his girlfriends voice motivating him. "Aomine, don't worry you got this! Besides, didn't you tell me the only one who can beat you...is you?" "Fuck, you are right. Darling, I'm gonna win this and I'll come and hug u after this match. Wait for 20 minutes" And he actually does it.

This guy sticks with his words, so if you tell him meet up at 2 pm. He is there at 2pm waiting for you. If he says he will do literally anything for you, he fucking will.

Once he got, really upset and emotional and he said to you during a call at midnight. "Y/N, Dont leave me like how everyone does.". You then recalled about him telling you about this past and how his old teammates left him, so you would say "I wont, I'm your girlfriend aren't I?" And he is up on his bed all hyped hearing that, "Can I see you now!" "Aomine it's 2am and I have a quiz tomorrow bye, shutting my phone love you!" But this guy wont leave you and spam you in EVERY social media. "Nice try, but I know you have discord on your laptop. Wait, I see you online I'm calling you now."

One time, he came to your huge lecture hall and he sat right next to you, and he would just turn and look at you, focusing on what you are doing, and play around with your stuff and hair. "Aomine, I am trying to focus!" You say all blushed and can't even write anything on your notebook. "Of course, cause you are focusing on me right? Sweetheart, I know, I know I am great." Now you wanna smack him.

Whenever he sees you, he gives you that hot smirk of his and it gives you butterflies. "Ha! Wow literally everything I do, you love it don't you?" . Y/N then turns to him and gives a small chuckle, "Don't get ahead of yourself, Aomine." He then goes near you and lays his arm on your shoulder, bring you closer and he would whisper to your ear "Why not? your my girl so, I want to impress you."

You both love it whenever you guys hold hands around university, this guy is really tall so you always feel so relaxed and also great when your boyfriend squeezes your hand, and walks you to your lecture. "Okay now try to focus on your lecture and not your mind all about me alright?"

He actually loves it when you cheer for him and that really boost not only his ego but rather his self-confidence. "Y/N! I'm gonna win this match for you!" He would yell out during the match and everyone is looking at you.

He would go for academic help for you sometimes and you guys meet up in the library to study. You are the reason he passed some subjects, don't get me wrong, he is intelligent but super lazy.

His wallpaper is a selfie of you both and he looks at that before every match. He sometimes pecks his phone when he finds a picture of you.

Speaking about his phone, this guy has a folder with just you, all your pictures, screenshots of chats, even screen records of your voice notes and videos. He just loves you dearly, and he gets so fucking mad if someone touches or even goes near that gallery. He protects that with all his life, your pictures are important and he is not the type of guy to show his friends your pictures, in fact he hates that! "My folder, my girl, and no one gets to see that. Go away."

Whenever he is bored or isn't doing nothing, he would open his phone, and check every social media app to see your online status. "Oh OH, I see you online darling! Answer me, wanna go out and get ice cream? Please say yes."

He is actually such a great motivator and brings your mood up whenever you feel like giving up during university. He won't allow that, like never. "What so you will just give up? Stop? After all this time, you let this one test fuck you up? Don't you dare let that bring you down, you idiot." He actually even inspires you.

Before you go for the whole day cause you had to work on your report he would say "Smile for me one last time?"

When he sees you from afar, he would yell out and say "That's my girl! Don't move, I'm coming for you!" And this guy jumps at you with his embraces and sometimes picks you up. "L-Love put me down!!"

He actually loves teasing you like that in public, he wants everyone to know that are are HIS girl and his only.

He messages you during his practices and even would skip practice to see you.

Y/N: Oh you don't have practice today?

Aomine: Nope! And besides, I am the captain so doesn't matter. (He is not the captain- its akashi but lies)

He says that and then goes on how he knows everything about basketball and the team and he keeps doing that till you can compliment him ‘Please Y/N say anything’ he would think and you know that but tease him back not saying anything.

*meanwhile in his basketball groupchat* 

Kise: aomine, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!

Akashi: Probably ran off to see his girl.

Atsushi: Whatever, my chance to leave and eat outside.

Kuroko: Can I join you?

Atsushi: No.

You would treat his injuries and he would just sit there, looking at you with a smirk.

Aomine: "Oh yea, here even hurts darling!"

Y/N: "Love....you are lying aren't you?"

Aomine: "What! No!...Maybe?" 

You let out a sigh "Ah, you are an idiot...stop hurting yourself all the time." He would suddenly lift your chin up and say "You know...that I love you yea? You also better tell me everything and if you need help, just say it" He can be really soft and sweet sometimes, but he gets all cringy and shy about it and he gets up rubbing the back of his head. "I-I mean that's what a boyfriend does right?! Come on, get up I'm taking you out."

Okay, I hope you enjoy this and anyone who did! Aomine is such a dork but a sweetheart and I can see most of this happening :,) 

If anyone enjoyed reading this, please then leave a like or a reblog! It means a lot and have a great day <3

[lenniewip]

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

//

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

//

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

//

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

//

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October’

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

//

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

//

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

//

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

//

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

//

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

//

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

//

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

//

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

//

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

//

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

//

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

//

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

//

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

//

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

//

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

//

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

//

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

//

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

//

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

//

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

//

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

//

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

//

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

//

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

//

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

//

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

//

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

//

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

//

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

//

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

//

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

//

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

//

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

//

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

//

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

//

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

//

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

<?

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

//

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

//

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

//

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

[flirting-with-psychology]

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? He was celebrating thanksgiving with his parents during my birthday but he called me

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? I

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’ve gotten more anxiety and gotten fatter

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? I Almost Do, Red, and If This Was A Movie (all by taylor swift). Yes I still listen

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? Not in the post I shared, but in my last original post I tagged my boyfriend

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Usually giggly and overexcited

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Disappointed that the gym won’t let me cancel over the phone and might still charge me for february

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? Not always

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Get into bed with him

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Being annoyed at my dad’s snoring through the walls

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

Are you okay right now? I haven’t been okay this whole year

What time did you get up today? Like 1:30

When was the last time you saw your mom? The other day

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Donald trump and Mitch McConnell

Where is your best friend right now? At home I assume

When will your next kiss be? As soon as we get negative test results

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No

Does anyone completely understand you? No

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? I don’t remember, it’s been a long time

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Probably wasting time

How often do you straighten your hair? Never now, I used to when it was short

What are you currently looking forward to? The costume sale that hopefully I will be able to go to

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Lol probably not

Who did you last hang out with? My dad

Did anyone see your last kiss? No

Could things possibly get any better? I fucking hope so

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I assume it will be my boyfriend

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Stress

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? Not sure

How often do you see your ex? Rarely

Who was the last person to text you? My boyfriend

Did you like anyone last summer? Yes, my boyfriend

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My boyfriend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I enjoy having one

Are you currently in a relationship? Yes

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Most days

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? I would like to reconnect with my friend Shaina

What are you planning on doing after this? Idk

Is there a girl you would do anything for? No

Who IMed you on facebook last? My mom

How old are you? 26

Do you love dogs? Yes

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Probably

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I have cowboy rainboots

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Apple

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? If I could do either of them, a backflip in water would be cool

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, just didn’t have anything in common with them

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Lol no

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Watching TV. Listening for music needs to be accompanied by another activity

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Theater is fun, but right now at home

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White

Do you like spaghetti? I love spaghetti

What about lasagna? No, I don’t like red sauce

Do you celebrate Christmas? No

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? Who does that?

Do you like chocolate bars? Yes

what about ice cream? Mostly, although sometimes the plain flavors are boring

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Wasps a few times

Do you get tired easily? Only in the morning

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? No

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered as a teaching assistant What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but it made my vision all swimmy

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? Maybe if I got some that worked

Are your ears pierced? How many times? One on each ear

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but I don’t believe it’s god-given

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I don’t think so. Both of my parents kept their hair color for awhile so hopefully I got that gene

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Yes, on my arm

Have you ever been screened for STDs? Yes

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I'm not sure. If it was someone I loved and there wasn’t one already on hand, maybe

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? ewww no

Do you like Harry Potter? Yes

What about Twilight? It was ok, I liked it at the time I read it How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I like the movies

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I did

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? I have a bunch of shotglasses from places I visit

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7.5-8 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Kind of dorito-shaped, so some shoe types just don’t fit

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Probably bright color

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? Decently

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m probably a little closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was like 5 the first time I put a word to it and his name was Aidan, but I probably had sort-of crushes even before that

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Blond, bowl-cut at the time. He actually grew up to be really hot so I guess I knew how to pick em

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Maybe

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? A little

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I might have had some minor things

Do you collect DVDs? Not as a collection, but I buy movies I like a lot

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, those are like twice as much

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No, I was bad at it

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Only roly polies

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes but not well

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? Yes

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? A little

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter for a sandwich, nutella for eating straight out of the jar

Have you ever stepped on a snail? No

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? I can’t remember

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t have one

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Probably not

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Yes

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, but I do wear short sleeves year round

What state were you born in? Colorado

Have you ever had a nose bleed? All the time

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 15 minutes

Do you have a weak stomach? No

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? Yes

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Slightly but not really

Do you *really* like donuts? Yes

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? At some point

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Yes

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Jewelry and nerd stuff

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I am talking to him right now

What do you usually order on a pizza? No sauce, cheese, garlic, pinapple Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? Not really

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? Mac

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Kitten

How old will you be on your next birthday? 27 yikes

What color are your underwear? Turquoise

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s messy

[scorpcorpse]

5/18/20 - type time 732-822pm

so yesterday i went on tinder just like i always do when im feeling extra bored and lonely. well anyway i matched with cute looking boy so he messages me. 

PS im writing all of this here because i feel weird telling my friends what was all said. i told them a bit but not everything.

so we end up talking, and surprisingly it was a good conversation. it was very random though. im laughing and smiling at my phone. my conversations die fast or are about topics i dont really care for. im always into the conversation though no matter what especially because i like talking to people. moving on, you cant send picture on tinder so he sends me his number while reassuring me that he wont be sending dick pics (yay). he’s ranting on and on, flooding my phone with compliments. we’re talking this whole quarantine to him thanking the universe he’s glad he’s talking to a person who is pretty and cool. we talk about all the weird interactions we’ve had on this app and how everyone is soooo horny. he goes to tell me he loves my hair, he says i look like the type of girl, in a show, if i had just gone through hell, and i were to run my fingers through my hair it would just fall back into over my face so perfectly. i was like wtf. i didnt know what to say because that is very very very far from the truth. i would just look like hell. we go on to talk about our personalities and whether we are more introverted or extroverted. he’s more introvert while im more extrovert. i told him though it kind of changes depending on the situation like if i was on a date or getting serious with a person. we talk about how we hate it when people are mean to others by telling others to be quiet when theyre being too loud when it isn’t bothering anyone (does that make sense) like if youre having a good time by yourself and someone tells you to shut up or be quiet because it’s annoying them. he said he would never ever tell me to be quiet. he’s only really loud when he’s excited or passionate about something. we talk more of our dating life, he has a bigger dating pool than me though. he asks me again for the fifth time later; how am i doing, are you bangin, are you sewing sweaters? he wants to know everything. this all has me confused and intrigued. is it weird that i feel like he is very interested in actually talking to me. he asks me if i would be willingly to break quarantine to hang out. i tell him quarantine is okay eh.. im holding up okay, i do need to worry about my big head that only has two brain cells left. i also tell him im the biggest broke bitch he’ll ever meet. he says i wont ask you to pay for anything so dont worry your big head. he understands i dont want to go out. he says we can just talk and hangout over facetime. he proceeds to ask if he can ft me right now. its 2am and i look like a fucking mess. i say im a catfish he says fuck it, im half awake and im not looking for looks. next thing i know he’s calling. we talk for three hours. 

what happens in those next three hours is weird. i dont even know what happened. well immediately i ask him about his tattoos so he gives me the whole run down of his tattoos on his arms. there super cool i like them. my favorite word is yuck and apparently that’s his too because he has that tattooed on his wrist. the meaning is sad kind of he said thats how he felt about himself when he was younger so that drove him to doing that tattoo to himself. he has another arm tattoo where he throws a small detail of him having it to remind him of his friend, his old life of being on the streets and being addicted to drugs. this threw me off because he brushed over it like it was nothing. i didn’t know what else to say. i said uh okay. i wanted to scream are you okay? are you sober now? how are you? but nothing came out. he talks of his other tattoos. conversation changes to him complimenting me again. he wants to see my while face instead just my eyes and nose. i tell him about piercings. he talks about his band. he talks about the punk community. he’s rambling but it doesn’t bother me because i like how soft and soothing his voice is. he continues telling me how pretty i am, like he doesn’t stop for like two minutes. at this point i tell him im not going to respond to you anymore, im not going to take it. he tells me to take it. i take it. i dont believe him though. he can’t see my body, he can barely see my face. i have ance and my face is fat. i know i look disgusting. as he continues to say nice things about me i feel like he’s lying because no one does that. i feel like he’s saying to just make fun of me. im hating all of this. i try not to blush. im smiling. i always change the subject when he makes me feel weird and uncomfortable by saying okay or alrighty anyway. he asks me where are you from, whats make me, me? i try to think of things to say. i tell him about my being in california with no family. i tell him that the one thing that matters the most to me if my relationship with my little sister and all my friends. he agrees because same. he goes on to relate and tells me he’s all alone too. he tells me his dad is gone, his mom is too. he’s an alcoholic. he’s sober now he’s been sober for a year now. he’s okay. i tell him im sorry. im proud of you and how far you have come. im always here if you want to talk. he says no no no no dont say any of that stuff. i tell him again and that i mean it. i really do mean it too. (IF NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE AND YOURE STILLING READING THANK YOU AND ILY, IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH OBSESSIVE OR ADDICTIONS please be there for them, it gets super hard to be there but try and help them push through another day) we go on to more random talking. before i finally get sleepy and he says he’s gonna let me go and sleep. he asks if we can see each other. he tells me when he first saw me he wanted to fuck me but he knew that wouldn’t make him feel any better. he’d still be alone. he then decided to message me because he actually felt like putting in the effort to get to know me. not just for sake of fucking me but to know me like he seems to do a little now. he doesn’t much know about me though. he asks if we can talk tomorrow. he says i hope we can actually meet up and im totally cool with just hanging out with you and just vibing. we dont have to do anything. i just want to chill with you. i tell him thanks for telling me all of this. i appreciate it because many guys dont say any of this. i say yes we can talk tomorrow, i’ll text you. we can be friends and once this all settles down maybe we can meet in person. he then tells me, im only going to say this once and im never going to remind you again. im cool with friends with you but that’s not my intention. i want to be more than friends, i want to your person, your boyfriend. but until youre ready after a while of us talking and when it crosses your mind where you like me and think of me differently then we can move on to being more. i was just sitting starring at my phone in shock. i didnt know what to do or say. i was confused. in my mind i wss like okay yes we have a 2 hour text convo and a 3 hour phone call but what. you cant say of this after that can you. i agreed because it was the only that could come out of my mouth at the time. he says okay, my name, i’ll you go and sleep. goodnight. i tell him goodnight. we hang up the phone. now i turn my body around to my back on the bed starring at the ceiling saying what the hell just happened. i fall asleep. 

IM sORRY for my ramble. i was in shock and im confused and scared like what if turns out to be bad for me. but all the compliments, the soothing voice, the small hints well actually big hints of his battle with addiction. ps he also tells me about his anger issues and therapy. i feel weird. i slowly started to be seduced by him, like he started to seduce me. iykyk lmao. 

[critical--veins]

Answer all the get to know me questions :)

oh jeez tht’s so many I’m sorry u all have to scroll past this but I’ll do it for u anon 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I genuinely don’t even remember my hands r lonely

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

SO SHY3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my familyyyy & best friend when I go home for spring break :)4. Are you easy to get along with?

yah man I’m chill with everyone5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yes ! (I hope)6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I like ppl who are genuine & kind!7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nooooo (I wish but no)8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

this boy I’ve been talking to on & off cause he wants to see me when I come home :)) 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not usually I guess it depends who it’s with tho10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend paulina last night at 2am after getting back from a party lol11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“yah girl what’s up”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

quixoticelixer- red hot chili peppers

hello euphoria- turnover

all my friends- knocked loose

hurt- trophy eyes

control- citizen 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

UH HUHHH 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I mean this is an interesting question bc in the universe things happen that seem lucky or miraculous but are just due to chance so in a way yes, but NO15. What good thing happened this summer?

I met my family in honduras for the first time & they were so amazing16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ooooh this questions fun idk maybe!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

ABSOLUTELY18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope19. Do you like bubble baths?

hell yah soak me up 20. Do you like your neighbors?

my across the hall neighbors in my dorm building are mean21. What are you bad habits?

NEVER LEAVING MY BED22. Where would you like to travel?

alaskaaaaa I wanna hike around denali 23. Do you have trust issues?

a little24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

all26. What do you do when you wake up?

sigh rlly dramatically27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I wish I had pretty pale skin, but I like being tan too! so both28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my little sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope30. Do you ever want to get married?

OH YES SO BAD31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Harry Styles for sure, Awsten Knight from waterparks is also v dreamy33. Spell your name with your chin.

L.JCYH (mood) 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I used to be a cheerleader !! (I competed so miss me with that not a sport shit) 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

OH YES37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I don’t break awkward silences bc IM AWKWARD38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone smart! also just someone who can be chill all the time I hate fights & pettiness so like idk just be chill39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I luv going into furniture & decor shops like home goods or kirklands lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?

 I’m in college rn studying to be a conservation biologist!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

no some people are genuinely bad42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

usually nothing bc I’m always quiet lol43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah sometimes!44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space 100%, I wanna see the earth from outer space I think that would be the most life changing experience!!45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

fuckin class I need to earn my degree46. What are you paranoid about?

never finding the love of my life 47. Have you ever been high?

yah like once lol48. Have you ever been drunk?

oh yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

nah50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey!51. Ever wished you were someone else?

every FUCKING day52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

one thing?53. Favourite makeup brand?

I dont rlly have one! but I guess I use a lot of it cosmetics 54. Favourite store?

there’s this record store called the sound garden & I used to go to it in baltimore all the time cause I live like an hour from there, THEN I FOUND OUR THEIR OTHER LOCATION IS IN SYRACUSE WHERE I GO TO SCHOOL so like idk I love that store cause it’s my lil home connection

55. Favourite blog?

too many! ily all56. Favourite colour?

green :)57. Favourite food? 

MAC & CHEESE TILL I DIE58. Last thing you ate?

toaster waffles I didn’t even toast I just microwaved bc I’m lazy59. First thing you ate this morning?

the toaster waffles60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yeah I’ve won a photography contest & a poetry contest, and I got second in an art show for my dorm lol61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I was suspended in the 6th grade for telling a boy I wanted to punch him in the face lmaoooo 62. Been arrested? For what?

nooo63. Ever been in love? 

I don’t think so 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

fucking awful cause it was new years eve so I knew it was coming but I didn’t rlly want to, so the nerves just built & built the whole night so yeah not good not good at all65. Are you hungry right now?

nahh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

ya’ll don’t talk to me (the ones that do I luv u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?

both!69. Are you watching tv right now?

no70. Names of your bestfriends? 

maddie & brandon71. Craving something? What?

affection always72. What colour are your towels?

blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

nah74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I don’t think I have any anymore75. Favourite animal?

BEARS I WANT A BEAR TATTOOED ON ME RN76. What colour is your underwear?

dark grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough every time79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black 80. What colour pants?

no pants! all day long!81. Favourite tv show?

friends is one of my faves, but I also rlly love rick & morty which is a lil embarrassing but it’s the best

82. Favourite movie?

ya know I don’t rlly have a fav movie83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

the goth bitch janis 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush the sea turtle is the best character87. First person you talked to today?

a BOYyyyy who I’m rlly into 88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend paulina!89. Name a person you hate?

lol this girl me & my friend just started going out with, she’s so awful & we’re trying to figure out how to cut her off without being mean :/ 90. Name a person you love?

my parents91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself?92. In a fight with someone?

nope93. How many sweatpants do you have?

I have like 5 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANy95. Last movie you watched?

I watched nerve but I didn’t rlly like it lol96. Favourite actress?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯97. Favourite actor?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯98. Do you tan a lot?

not rlly but I tan easily so I don’t have to99. Have any pets?

I HAVE 3 CATS & THEY’RE ANGELS100. How are you feeling?

sleepyyyy101. Do you type fast?

yah 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes103. Can you spell well?

I tell myself I can but actually probably not104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah my friend from last year who I kinda drifted apart from I miss her a lot105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yeah106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes whoops 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

YEAH I LOVE TRAIL RIDES 108. What should you be doing?

writing my speech for my public presentations class & studying lol109. Is something irritating you right now?

no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah 111. Do you have trust issues?

a little112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I mean my friend emily but I was laugh crying113. What was your childhood nickname?

 my friends in middle school called me Lulu lmaooo 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah I go to school out of state!115. Do you play the Wii?

no I used to tho116. Are you listening to music right now?

yah dude listening to being as an ocean rn 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yup118. Do you like Chinese food?

I fuckin LOVEEE chinese

119. Favourite book?

idk I haven’t read for pleasure in a rlly long time 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes lol121. Are you mean?

no I try to be kind as fuck122. Is cheating ever okay?

noooOoOooo123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

nOOOOOOO124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

NOOOOOOOOOO125. Do you believe in true love?

yah I want to126. Are you currently bored?

yesssss127. What makes you happy?

sunday phone calls with my parents128. Would you change your name?

nah my names pretty unique I’ve never rlly met another Lucy 129. What your zodiac sign?

leo!130. Do you like subway?

yah subways dank131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uhhhhhhh idk that’d be weird132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend Paulina 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”when I sit alone come get a little known but I need more than myself this time”

snow by rhcp is like one of my fav songs of all time & I just love that line idk 134. Can you count to one million?

who would ever135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I DON’T LIE TO PPL BITCH136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed ew wtf who sleeps with their door open137. How tall are you?

4′10138. Curly or Straight hair?

curlyyyy139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette140. Summer or Winter?

summer absolutely141. Night or Day?

BOTH 142. Favourite month?

I like may cause the weather is nice & also I get to go homeee143. Are you a vegetarian?

no I’ve given up meat for a while tho & it wasn’t bad! also I eat vegan some days just bc I like doing it but I love mac & cheese too much for that shit (I know vegan mac & cheese exists but easy mac) 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

I didn’t leave my bed so yah147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

anything carl sagan has said ever I fucking love him but one of my faves is from pale blue dot that says

”The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.”149. Do you believe in ghosts?

idk I’ve never had a ghost experience but I like the idea of it so sure150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The plant cell typically consists of a more or less rigid cellwall and a protoplast.”

It’s the textbook for my plant evolution class lmaooo 

tht deadass just took me so long lol thanks for occupying me for like an hour

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

On a post where I talked about my nephew (and the difficulties with my brother)

runningbarefootthroughtheforest said: No ideas, just wanted to say Im glad your nephew has someone like you in his life, even if you are ‘banned’ from him. It sounds like you bring sunshine to his life, and even if thats a rare occurence it may make a world of difference to him <3

Thanks for being so kind. 

I wasn’t planning to really reply (thought I REALLY appreciated hearing that), but I was in a mood tonight. I got started writing, and now it’s 2am and I’ve got this endless rambling about my relationship with my brother no one in their right mind wants to hear about. Rather than erase all that typing (and venting) I’m just going to put it safely behind a click to continue....l

Being there for him used to be one of the ways I would make myself go to my brother’s when I knew what was in store for me there. (The other was to help my parents with that construction job building the extension to my brother’s house.) I had my nephew described as “lighting up like a Christmas tree” when I showed up and that he seemed so much more engaged when I was there. I dunno how much I credit that to me, but I did feel like it was worth enduring a heavy dose of verbal abuse. 

The thing is, it has been so long since I have been able to see him I expect he has forgotten me now. I got to see him for a minute over a year ago when took Mom half way to spend time recovering from her hospitalization at their house (I’ve mentioned our living conditions...). He didn’t show any signs of recognition anymore. Yesterday Mom called me while my sister-in-law was out (Mom won’t call me when they are around to avoid ranting) and I could hear my nephew talking to himself as he played, his voice like a little bird chirping. I realized that I have never actually heard him speak in person because he was a totally non-verbal then. I’m afraid as far as he is concerned I don’t exist.

I know people wonder why I was banned from my brother’s house. “what did you do?” Saying, well the first time I was told never to come back I played a Wallace and Gromit DVD. It was so baffling how me playing it in a room alone could get him shouting I was “the most selfish bitch alive” for my choice of DVD, but there you go.

A few months later I did start going back, but that time I tried to photograph my parents beside the house extension we were putting in, and my brother thought I wastaking a photo of him andmy nephew. He hates photos being taken and threatened to smash my camera, started with the insults, called me a coward when I went into the house to get away from him rather than fight, then mocked me when I came  back out rather than wake my napping sister-in-law. I started crying (trying soooo hard not to) and he lay into me for that. I always told my parents not to defend me since it would reinforce my brother’s peculiar “you love her more” narrative and it would make him more vicious, but it made me feel extra alone as he was attacking me, all in my face and snarling like he would get. I muttered “Sometimes I could just  kill you” which was NOT meant as a real threat at all, and he knew that very well. Still he announced I was to leave or he would call the police and he could say I threatened his life.

And that was that. At first My parents and I thought it would blow over. It didn’t. We thought holidays would be an exception. They weren’t. We thought when Pop got sick he would relax about it. Nope. So that’s been that.

The thing is, it shouldn’t be a surprise. For years he’d been saying he loved Mom, loved but also hated Pop, and just hated me. I think partly Pop and are were disappointments to him, like we should be whatever fantasy he had of what we should be and if only he could bully us right we’d change. Pop and I did tend to think alive, where Mom and my brother thought a bit more alike, the basic mental wiring. But it was a way of seeing us, Mom the one who sacrificed (like about getting a PhD) to join Pop here, Pop the person working so many ambitious projects (like the submarine or the journey round the world in the boat) that never actually were finished, and me the smart sister turned utter loser (and college drop out to his multiple degrees). I knew he hated me, and maybe he was right to at least have no respect for such a pathetic creature, but I somehow had managed to believe that down deep he loved me.

You know, when he was a teenager he pointed a loaded gun to my head saying he was going to kill me, and I was totally calm about it. Part of it was the adrenaline, but part of it was a trust that while he was emotionally freaking out and might accidentally kill me, he did not really want me dead. Would I be so fearless now when I no longer trust his love is in there somewhere waiting to be talked down? I dunno.

Now, for the record, my family was NOT physically or emotionally abusive. Heck, my parents never even spanked us. We were never grounded, given time outs or bullied. While my father would break things when really upset, he NEVER, EVER hurt anyone or threatened to hurt anyone. My parents were  confused how sibling rivalry and child defiance of a father could become so monsterous. They wondered what they did wrong. The thing is, it really wasn’t entirely some failing in out part.

Amazingly my brother was an incredibly sweet child. He constantly told us he loved us, gave us drawings he made and wrote “I love you” on, hugged us, kissed us, laughed and ...  He was exactly the opposite of what he is now.

I can track it, the step by step path that led to this point.

It begins at school. When he entered first grade to be precise.

In first grade my brother got good grades, despite my parents questioning whether he was having difficulty reading. The teacher would reassure them that he was doing just fine....and then he failed first grade. When my parents wanted to know what had happened, the teacher said my brother had seemed so smart she had assumed it would work out. **sigh**

So my parents did what you would expect. They started working with my brother. They had always read to us (and I read as long as can remember) but now they started using work books, flashcards, and anything else that they thought might help. To my brother this was like being punished while I was off doing other things, and how he felt about me began to change.

Now I get this bothering him. I was bothered too. I knew my brother needed help, but I also knew they were spending all this time with him but so little with me. No one helped me with my homework, because I didn’t need it. I was “fine”, I was always “fine”. Where as my brother as a toddler would try to run (and made it once!) across highway 64 with all it’s traffic, laughing as we chased him, toddler me (when I couldn’t find my father and grandfather who were working and supposed to be watching me...the place it big) decided to walk home and famously was spotted by people carefully crossing that crazy busy highway and walking back along the side of the road. I was seen as gaving good judgement, bright, blah, blapg. Stephanie is always “fine”. 

The difference is that while I saw the attention my brother got when no one even cared what I did in school, (they even let me sign my own papers because they were busy and knew I was doing fine...I HATE that word fine!) and was unhappy, I didn’t get angry at anyone. I understood, and other than a few bouts of grumpiness at my parents wishing that they would pay atrention to me a bit. But to my brother it was different. He was angry, and most of that anger settled on me because I was “fine”, a sort of feeling he had that I must be loved more since I wasn’t the one suffering.

Then it got worse.

His second grade teacher was horrible to him. She picked on him and bullied him continually. In front of the whole damn class she would called him stupid and mock him. He was NOT stupid! He was dyslexic!

My parents had to work to persuade then to have him tested. This was not even on the radar of out hick town school in the early 1980s. They had to bring someone in to test him, and when it proved the suspicions it proved no help at all. See, the teachers had never heard of such a thing, so to them “dyslexic” meant “stupid”.   They considered kids “normal”, “smart”, or “stupid” with no nuisance at all. And that damn teacher kept at it, more intently than ever.

Worse for my relationship to him, the teacher and her aide had another angle of attack. “He’s not smart like his sister!” Do you know how horrible that is, constantly comparing a kid to another kid? In first grade my tracher had started that, telling the class “Why can’t you all be like Stephanie?” “You should try to be smart like Stephanie” Do you know what that does? It does NOT make the kids you want to change change, instead they glare at that kid you are comparing them to with pure hate. And now the little brother that had loved me, was being bludgeoned with me as a weapon. 

He didn’t tell us any of this at the time. He was far too scared of her. It slipped out bit by bit over then next few years.

One day he hid to try to avoid going to class. I found him and talked to him, trying to be reassuring and comforting. You see, I was having an awful time in school, being bullied every day. I thought, three years older than him, I understood and I was being encouraging when I was saying if I could do it I knew he could. And then I told Pop where he was.

My brother still brings this up as a huge betrayal. It is one of the worst things I ever did to him, though I did it out of love and ignorance.

So it began. My brother’s resentment and hostility. A bubbling rage began to build. He started seeing as opposite, if something was tough for him he would insist it was easy for me. To this day he insists I was popular and happy in school! It’s nuts. Mom laughs at the thought. In that one year in kindergarden I went from so outgoing I spoke to anyone to so introverted I couldn’t make eye contact or order in a restaurant. I went from normal weight to the fattest kid in the class, for the first time in my life started wetting the bed, began to jump at the sounds like someone with PTSD, and would come home crying, begging my parents to tell me why everyone hated me. I was picked on for everything including my breathing! But he didn’t remember preschool me so he didn’t know I’d changed, and he was so lost in his own pain he couldn’t see mine.

And it went like this. Now I am NOT minimizing what he went through. While I had many teachers that openly delighted whenerever I made a mistake and, bafflingly, saw me as some sort of threat, clearly what he went through with that teacher was worse.

Let me be clear again, my brother was NOT stupid! He was one of the top five students by graduation, in college he studied chemistry where he was the only undergraduate working on a project, one a national prize, and after getting his degree went right back to get a degree in computer programming. He could very well be smarter than me!

But elementary and high school were hell. For both of us, to be honest, we just manifested it differently.

 I can only imagine the constant “she’s smart, you’re not” pressure he was under. I know even as an adult his default when upset was to call himself “Stupid!” “Idiot!” Or “Moron!” No matter how often my parents and I tried to tell him otherwise, he never believed us. He was constantly tense and chewed his fingers until they bled. And behind his eyes you could see the pain and rage. He got so he would not want anyone to see him show emotions, even taking his gifts at Christmas into his room to open. He got aggressive and growly, not just in a teen boy way. He would let anyone hug him anymore, not even Mom. We wanted to hug him, we knew he needed a hug, even wanted a hug, but if you tried he’d slug you and leave a bruise. 

With me his aggression just got worse. Violent, not just slugging. Not when our parents were around, of course. Then it was just verbal.  He was disgusted by me. I’d become withdrawn more, fatter, and, as I used to say, “terminally insecure”. Maybe he couldn’t stand my increasing loser status because if I was supposed to “better” than him according to the teachers, then how terrible must he be? He needed me to be better than Inwas, just as he always blamed our parents a bit for not saving him from that teacher, despite the fact they hadn’t known at the time what was going on.

One quick point: what happened to my brother inspired Pop to run for school board right after that. He thought it was the best way to help both my brother and others like him. I think the last straw was seeing that abusive teacher won “teacher of the year” the next year. When Pop asked why they said it was because they were all sorry for her  because just before the vote she has a baby that was born with a serious birth defect. Sympathy is one thing, but “teacher of the year” for a woman that tormented my brother and changed him so completely? In one year he went from loving me to hating me, smiling to scowling, not questioning his own intelligence to never believing in it! So Pop went to the school board, became chairman, and what to you know, the way they treated my brother turned around over night (though how he felt didn’t)! But what about other kids without elected parents?

Anyway, the school years were not happy. Add my brother’s tendency to hold grudges and to lash out when hurt to the target painted on my back by the big mouthed teachers and I became his verbal, and sometimes physical, punching bag. Our parents would be working and he would go into jerk mode. Locking himself in my room to trash it. Calling me the most hurtful things he could. There are still holes in my door from a sword. (Yes, sword. We have a few...) When he would start getting rough I’d pin him, because though we did eventually end up the same height, I was bigger than him. He was skinny and I was just plain stronger. But once restrained, then what? In his rages he would snarl he would hit me when I let go, and eventually I’d have to. My dilemma was I was the big sister, the one that had always tried to protect him and never wanted to hurt him. When I was about 8 I got a blood vessel in my eye busted fighting a bully that was picking on him. I couldn’t hurt him, but when I’d let go he’d keep his promise. As my parents and I would say, he would never pull a punch.

Now my parents would try to get him to stop being such a jerk to me, but it only ever made him meaner. If they were defending me, he semed to think, that must prove they loved me more. They were working and we were on our own, but together out here on the farm, much of the time. Oddly being unsupervised had worked out great when we were little, but as we got older and the relationship got worse it was not great at all.

It’s so weird, looking at old photos. All those happy ones when were little. There isn’t a photo of me NOT smiling until I started school, and there isn’t one where he isn’t smiling and usually hugging me until that year with the teacher. Like OMG! He honestly seemed a different person. By our teenage years there are almost no photos of me smiling, and the few that show my brother smiling are rather threatening. 

We did have one powerful bonding moment one day. We just started talking, just spilling out all the horrible things and bullying we went through at school, that hell hole. We ended up sobbing and just holding each other. It was so intense I actually believed it was a breakthrough, a turning point out of the darkness. Nope. I made that mistake many times over the years.

And yeah, the gun incident happened. I survived, and between that and another incident when he nearly shot trespassers (that had permission we didn’t know about) when scared, I let my folks know I didn’t think he should be around them anymore. It was atypical for the family so it was startling, but his judgement worried me. 

But then came what was the worst turning point for many years. I dropped out of college. It would take a while to explain, but it would make me the sole non-college in the family and the source of shame. It was unforgivable sin. While my brother had given up physical violence (and never hit me again) the verbal abuse got ....unrelenting. How bad did it get? When he would drive home I would hear the car and feel a full on hyperventilate “run away!” panic attack. He’d come home from college and I’d shake at the sound of his voice. I won’t list all the things he said, but it boiled down to my worthlessness.

That said, he still would seem to love and want my company. He asked me to go on trips, like to Germany and Montreal, and despite the fact I would always swear never to travel with him again afterwards. He gave gifts that showed thought, cards, and moments of sweetness would slip out.

Still, I began to notice something else. When things were good, he was wonderful, but when things were stressful he’d get mean. 

Believe it or not, there were a few years I got my hopes up that hehad outgrown it, or worked past it or let go of that childhood rage or...something. He was great, no longer tormenting me. The only teasing was affectionate, without the cruelty. He did little kindnesses, joked, showed concern, and smiled. It was like having the little brother that had been so close to me back. Even at his wedding the two of us kept giggling uncontrollably every time we looked at each other. 

It didn’t last. It took a few years, but it started building up all over again. I expect it was the stress he was feeling with a new marriage to someone with rather set ways ,interpersonal conflict on the job, a new house he’d bought, eventually fatherhood, and the initial denial anything was wrong with the nephew followed by the difficult reality. Then there was the fact that had set in that I was no longer the fattest in the family, but he was...something else to hold against me. 

So the point is, by the time he had a lot of things eating at him. He was having health problems I worried were stress related, that certainly didn’t help his mood. And there I was, unmarried, no kid, only working with Pop not a “real” job as far as he was concerned (HA!), none of the things weighing on him. Clearly, he would assume, my life must be better. That ignores my lived reality, but he always has ignored my point of view. As far as he was concerned I’d somehow cheated. And if my parents let me get away with it, well then, they must love me more.

So he promises to make my newborn nephew hate me. He picks on my continually. When I have a breathing attack and my heart goes nuts, he says to film it if I’m dying so he can watch it over and over laughing. He refuses to help us more than five minutes on the house extension, shouting “I can’t work with you people!!” And on and on. So why did I not see this final break coming? 

He isn’t happy. Even hearing about him through Mom I can tell that. I wish I could help him, but I never could. 

What’s strange is the fact I didn’t feel relieved by the break. Not seeing him meant sparing myself the weekly emotional rollar coaster, the walking on eggshells waiting for the moment he’s have a go at me. Instead I fell apart. I used to never cry, but I started then. I’d have meltdowns over it, thinking my life had hit the lowest it could get...the loss of my brother and nephew.

Of course, Pop started getting sick almost exactly then, and six months later he was diagnosed. It’s all been down hill from there! So I guess when you think you’ve hit rock bottom it might just be a bounce along the rock face as you keep plummeting.

My brother is still furious at me, and honestly I would  apologize whether I feel I did anything wrong or not if I thought it would do any good. But I know him. If I apologize he would take it as proof he was right. He doesn’t do forgiveness, more like gloating and justification for further jerk behavior. I’m not even exactly sure what he would want me to apologize for.

I’ve tried asking Mom for advice, but he baffles her and she says there is nothing I can do. Pop couldn’t help when he was alive either, not only because he didn’t understand it but he was enduring his own continual insults from my brother. I watched Pop sit there sobbing after a phone call with my brother, while Pop was sick but not diagnosed. That makes me angrier than any of the things my brother ever did to me. Apparently, to this day my brother is angry at Pop for not finishing the extension. Well he died damn it!

 The point is, all these experts that lecture how you must go to any length to have a good relationship with your siblings, tell me how the hell I can fix this. All those years of putting up with it, trying to make peace, trying to talk, reflexively saying I was sorry, occasionally arguing back intently and generally enduring sure didn’t help........

[sincerely-amyd]

july 2017 updates

a boring title just for organizational purposes... 

currently listening to fa ru xue by jay chou. its like almost 2am aka my fav time ??? i always get these random nostalgic weird moments where im like woah what am i doing with my life and who am i??? k gonna type properly now lol

So I kind of just need to journal it all out to figure stuff out. It makes me feel like I’m being myself. That doesn’t really make sense but when I’m listening to my favorite songs and just typing whatever comes to mind, I feel so at peace. It makes me remember how much I miss thinking. I literally love just thinking. When I visualize it, I see a tree being watered and the water going to each of the roots and the tips of the roots... in the same way I have to think through all my thoughts to water them all. Then I feel replenished. Some times I know I have all these thoughts but I don’t have time to think through them. I rush through life too much. I miss being me. Happy, simple Amy.

I feel so bitter about my past 4 years. Everyone had so much fun in university and I feel like I’ve been robbed of the experience of could of have. I f*cking hate U of T with a passion. I feel like a teen mom. With countless expectations. I’m tired of living for my parents. I just want to do what makes me happy. I want to be selfish. I’m tired of being bad cop. I’m tired of being the one who cares the most. I wish I was carefree, easy going. I want to be happy. I feel like I’m not happy. I have this huge desire to travel and see more of the world. I feel so insignificant and tiny.

I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. When I listen to mando pop it does make me wish that Jeff was mando and that he could understand how much I love Taiwanese music. I feel like we don’t connect over the same songs. The songs that make me feel so much he can’t understand. I guess its the same vice versa. I kinda want to watch another Taiwanese drama. 

Updates on my life: Jeff and I have a good relationship. Things are stable, I’m happy. He treats me well. I know he cares. I trust him. I hope we get married. I still overthink but I can sleep at night and I don’t get anxiety anymore. I know he would never say anything to hurt me and that he means what he says. I do appreciate that he’s being honest but I need to be more trusting of him verbally. One thing is that I wish he would cook for me and be more like... wifey???? I don’t want to be the only one taking care of the house. Also, I really want to travel and I’m scared he doesn’t want to go. 

I want to have a love that is passionate. I want to make out randomly and be so in love.... I know its supposed to be a “high” or the honey moon phase or all emotions but I think I could literally be like that forever. It’s built into me. I’m so...intense with my feelings. I feel like I have all this love and I just want to love hard. It should hurt hard too when I’m sad, but that’s how I know I love hard. I like feeling emotions some times because it makes me feel alive. When I feel sad, I feel real. I feel likes its life. I’m scared what if I’m tricking myself that I want to be married? I want to ask Jeff to watch my fav dramas with me. I want to be able to share this side of me. I want to side in a field of grass on a sunny day and just be held. I want to just enjoy being with him and who he is. 

I want to learn how to cook and bake. How to write mando and speak canto. I want to be fit and look good naked and run 5k under 30. I want to be confident. I want to discover who I am and be that. I’m tired of living for people. I need to grow on my own.

Jeff has taught me a lot over this past year and I’ve learnt how to be more mentally stable. He’s shown his love to me in so many ways that I never expected before. He never lets pride get into the way when we fight. He makes me feel pretty and loved. I do wish he was more “in the moment” but maybe its also good his not? I just want to have random makeout seshs..... and be pushed against a wall lol. But he always does stuff in a joking way that its not cute but its funny. Funny isnt bad but still I want to be romanced???

Also I dont know if I want to consider david a good friend anymore. Looking at bad at our relationship, hes been very selfish. Hes never been there for me when I truly needed him, he turned his back on me and I feel like he still is. He only cares about himself and his own needs. I don’t want to invest anymore time in him. I do think Neil will be a good friend. I think hes over me. I think we can be friends. I mean not too close but I’m willing to help him and I know he would be there for me. I legit see him as family now its weird. I dont hate him, some times I get a little cringe from before but I think its okay.  

I want to be more confident. I want to be me and discover what that means. I’m tired of being SHY. I want to be HAPPY. I need to make hobbies and do stuff more. Some times I wonder how Eric is doing. It’s such a shame we aren’t even friends, I don’t get why he had to block me everywhere. I think I would like to catch up....some day when hes more mature. I don’t want to just do it now its like “I have a doctor bf” or show off. I genuinely want to see where he is. I fully don’t feel bitter, its been so long I cant remember the happy or sad anymore.... I do recall feeling so happy when he texted me in the very begining, I can remember him yelling at me a lot, the lies, the jealously, the hurt. Then reading tumblr reminds me of how much it was an up and down rollercoaster. The 3 hour long fights over skype where I bawled my eyes out until 4 am.... waking up at 7 the next day for school with swollen eyes and seeing him do the same. I remember we kept skype on all night. We were pretty in love. But it was ... too young ?? I mean we got along in a spiritual slash soul like way. But living life with him would be hard. We were too emotional and similar. He was manipulative. He stopped caring first. When I looked at him sometimes when he was crying....I felt ....disgusted. He always cried. It was unattractive. He got angry so fast it was scary. Idk it wasnt as cute as I reembmer. Oh well. I learned lots, I don’t regret it. I hope he figures out his life and finds a girl who will complement his personality. I genuinely wish the best for him.

Ugh I can’t imagine being not with Jeffrey. Like thinking about not being married = breaking up which is like .......losing my best friend and best everything. He is so funny and I’ve never met anyone who has the same humour as me....pervy humour??? I don’t liek to admit it. I like how I dont have to be fake nice and pretend like I don’t like seeing fat people fall. I love how honest I can be with him, it feels so good to be me. I love how cute he is lol. Then how hot he can be too. He eats like a little fatty. He literally is the cutest thing in my life. I wish he looked older though cause people think I’m a pedo dating a high schooler -_- I can’t wait to be able to see him everyday, to share our lives together and build a family together. 

I am not depressed anymore. I am happy. I go to the gym 4-5x a week. I eat ok. I love Jeffrey. I need to figure out my spiritual life but that can be an update for another time. Pce.

[shrimpcache]

Journal entry 6/6/21

Feeling lots of things, thinking lots of thoughts, remembered my idea to do journals here. id rather you didnt reblog but i cant exactly stop you either, and its not like anyone important to not see this is really on tumblr. anyways.

I hate this stupid situation with this passport- i want to go to italy, id love to be anywhere that isnt the piedmont anymore. at least anywhere that isnt the same suburb with the same roads and street signs and city design and construction where i used to see forests and fields. I want to see where my best friend grew up, im excited to see this new side and learn something new about someone so familiar to me. im excited to meet people whos language i dont speak, to just look at store signs and roads and cars that are unfamiliar without being frightening because theres someone next to me who knows what to do already. imagine me traveling and not stressing about how i need to know where i am at all times lest i get lost, or keeping track for my group of friends who is equally unfamiliar with somewhere that looks just like every north carolina town. new mountains, new people, new norms, new sounds in the morning, new sounds at night. will i miss the cicadas this summer? will it even matter?

the sad part is i dont know if my passport will get to me in time. I might have to take a day trip to vermont where i cant even explore national forests or non-chain restaurants. Ill have to walk into a passport facility without all my necessary documents and hope theyll see in the system that the fucking government still has my birth certificate. I want to go to europe. I want to get out of here so bad, but i never got my passport because things like that didn;t just happen to me.

Im not the one who gets the interesting summer trips. Always too broke, working, or i just cant justify to myself why i would just drop everything to go somewhere where i know nothing and know no one. Why that thought is so sad to me, “things that fun and cool just aren’t meant for me” 

Maybe its the insinuation that it is for other people. Does it just tie into this image i have of myself? this barely human person who just copies and mimics until people read me as one of them too? I think i really understand that artist now who makes adhd comics and draws herself with little alien antennae- i really do feel like an alien. even when I take adderol, it only really helps with the energy and executive dysfunction. Which is great!!! i love my adderoll and im so glad that i can feel a little bit more like a normal person, and im proud of myself pursuing it until i got it. But it doesn’t change that i wont ever be able to just relate to most people. Its like growing up with undiagnosed adhd created a Me and Them venn diagram, where everything that makes me who i am can never be in the center of the interlocking circles. The way i speak, how fast, how slow, how hesitant, how exuberant- i never realized how much i masked until i started talking with people whos brains worked at the same pace as mine. people who thought the strangest, unhelpful thoughts too. Im not trying to make myself special or some sort of ‘other’ in society -im a little white girl who grew up in a house with two floors and my own room, nothing was really working against me outside of myself. But having something inside of you that is unquestionably you and it just seems like youre the only one whos like this for no reason was just so hard. its kinda...harder now that i know none of it was because there was something inherently wrong with me.

sigh. this is all over the place. anyone who cares to read congrats on seeings how my brain connects thoughts in real time. i dont have aphantasia or anything but my imagination and thoughts have always been more word and language based than visual, so rather than having racing thoughts of intense images of memories my brain just produces sentences ed nauseum or whatever. Thoughts that i might not even agree with but they rile me up and pull me under anyway- if im stressed the stress just manifests as a tornado of sentences and phrases happening concurrently, like theres some sort of crowd in my head saying vaguely similar things out of time. or harsh things. or mean things. but i think thats kai’s fault. like when i was spiraling over a failing grade in chemistry in my dorm at 2am where i couldnt stop thinking that the only reason i hadnt killed myself already was because i was such a financial drain on everyone around me and i couldnt waste their money by dying. maybe theres a hint of truth in there but its so exaggerated. i havent killed myself because i want to live and experience my life as much as i experience the lives of others, but i also always feel this heavy burden of wasted money, wasted time, wasted potential, constantly stirring up my brain. 

this started with my passport, right? thats my stressor right now, and its pretty big so it bleeds into other parts of my life so easily. my therapist says i have this habit of replacing one stressor with another, and sometimes i can recognize it, but i dont think its getting replaced as much as its being amplified. Im waiting on my passport, which probably wont get here before my travel date, so ill have to fly to vermont and get one the day before i travel even though i already have one in processing. I spent $1400 on my ticket and i cant even transfer it to anyone without getting a refund or something, and i spent that much money without even knowing if i could travel. can i even get a refund? i worry about it as soon as i wake up, whenever i have a free moment to think, when im going to bed, when im playing games. when im doing anything that isnt working on getting my passport, even though i cant really do anything but call the same phone number and wait on hold for hours. but because im ‘not trying hard enough’ to get my passport, im too overwhlmed to do my laundry. to clean my room. to exercise my dog properly. im irritable. i just want to see my friends but i dont even talk about whats bothering me because im afraid to cry in front of them. im crying right now because this is the only outlet ive given myself to feel in literal months. writing always does this to me, drags me into emotions i dont realize im pushing down until the words just come out against my own will. i missed typing on my keyboard though. i missed thinking and seeing it in front of me, so i guess this is a sort of catharsis. i put some clothes in the laundry, at least. good job me. 

maybe this will all work out in the end and itll feel great. maybe ill get on a plane with my original ticket and have a fun few weeks away from everything ive always known. maybe ill set foot on a sidewalk ive never touched before! maybe ill get that tattoo. maybe things will be okay. i can focus on stuff working out too, if i try hard enough. i think im done writing now. half way through this i worked some stuff out with my friends and there are a few things that are less scary now than when i first started writing. see you next time

[imnotsebastiansten]

9

When was the last time you had a slurpee? no idea

What is your favorite television show? the magicians and mr robot

What holiday will be coming up next? christmas

Have you ever done hard drugs before? nah

What is the worst name anyone has ever called you? hmm no idea

What color are your eyes? hazel

What does the last text you sent say? ”we love a legend”

When was the last time you cried out loud in front of someone? cant remember dude it was a long time ago because i aint showing my weaknesses in front of others anymore

Where is your favorite place to eat out? i usually eat at taco bell if i eat out because i cant afford real food oof

Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or 'sir?’ no i guess?

Have you ever been obsessed with a television character? too many to count

Do you ever wish you had powers of invisibility? fuck yes

What was the last thing that changed your life completely? the fact that metallica announced they are coming to my city i still cant believe it

Do you have any step siblings? nope

Did you partake in senior skip days? in what

Do you have Showtime? nope

When was the last time you went to Wal-mart? never went to one because im not from america

Have you ever read the Christian Bible? well i read a kids version when i was smaller because i had to read it for school

Is there anything you’d like to say to anyone at the moment? hmm i guess, but its mostly just frustration i wish i had the balls to let out

Do you tend to cry a lot? nah man

When the holidays come around, do you help decorate? yess

Would you say you have more common sense or book sense? probably a mix of both

Would you ever consider having an abortion? depends on the situation but probably yes

What does the majority of clothes in your closet look like? fucking black

Has someone ever promised not to leave you? yes and they did

Do you have a part-time job? nope

Do you order clothing offline quite often? i dont really order clothes online because i wanna see how they look before i actually buy them

Are you the type of person who likes to buy gifts for your friends? yess i love it, i wish i could afford it more often tho

Have you ever lived in an apartment before? yes and i am still living in one

Have you ever been questioned by the police? nah

In which state / country were you born? romania

Are you close to your parents? with my mom yes i guess

Have you ever had to be put on medicine for a mental disorder? no

Would you say you have impressive grammar skills? nah, they are just average

White chocolate or milk chocolate? why choose?

Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? yes i guess

Does your television connection ever go out during your favorite show? i dont watch stuff on tv

Would you rather be part of a team or alone? a l o n e working in teams with people i cant cooperate with is so fucking annoying

Do you have a Tumblr? um

Do you ever eavesdrop on people in hallways? do i what

Have you ever been punched in the stomach? yes

Is there anyone you’d like to be cuddling with at the moment? maybe

Would you consider yourself a crafty person? ehh maybe yes

What would you say is your favorite color of all time? green

Chinese or Mexican food? chinese definitely

What do you normally drink when eating at a fast food restaurant? it depends idk man sometimes a smoothie sometimes hot chocolate 

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? sort of but its mostly platonic i think

Is there something important that you should be doing as of now? i should wash my hair

Have you ever participated in Black Friday shopping? yes

Describe your favorite outfit? i dont even know im in a teenage crisis where i dont like my current style anymore and i wanna change it and im really confused

What color are your nails painted right now, if any? they are not painted

Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? uhhh sort of, for a pets..

What is your biggest fear? i have abandonment issues buddy

What is your favorite website to go on in your spare time? hmm probably tumblr idk or youtube

What do you normally order when you go to Taco Bell? griller beefy, is this what it was called

Do you ever spend the night with your significant other? i dont have a significant other oof

What is your favorite number? 11

Do you know a lot about serial killers? more than i should

Has your life ever been challenged by something huge? hmm i dont think so

Have the police ever been looking for you? no

Where do you get most of your accessories from? hmm well just random places usually

Have you ever been in a car accident? not a major one

Do you cuss more than any one else you know? not more than everyone but more than some people that i know

When was the last time you kissed someone who was younger than you? hmm i dont think i ever kissed anyone younger than me

How old is your youngest cousin? i literally have no idea

Are you currently in a happy relationship? i fucking wish

Where did your last kiss take place and at what time of day?

during a school trip at the mountains at like 2am i think idk

How do YOU download music? i used to do it with youtube converter but now i have no idea how because i got an iphone and idk how this works but i have free apple music until november so im fine for now

Do you tend to talk on the phone a lot? nah

Have there ever been any serial killers around your hometown? i dont know

When was the last time you went to a museum? .hmm idk thats actually pretty sad

Is heartbreak as bad as it sounds? yes

What was your first job? i worked at some film makings

Do you prefer shades or mini-blinds? idk what those are

What is the weather like outside? its actually gotten really cold 

Do you ever find yourself talking to someone who isn’t even there? duuh

Do you normally have nightmares or good dreams? i dont really have any kind of dreams which is really annoying

What do people compliment you on the most? my hair

Are you jealous of any of your friends? of literally all of them

Are you more of an open person or closed to communication? really fucking closed oof

Do you know how to shoot a gun and hit a target? no

Are you a good listener? i think

What is your favorite drink? prigat de capsuni

What is something you always tend to lose? my hair ties

Do you buy more things for yourself or others? myself

If you chew gum, which kind is your favorite? apple one

Is there anyone you know in which you’d like to simply punch in the face? i guess

Do you like listening to foreign music? yess

What turns you on the most? idk man

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? no

[weholyperfectioncollectorme-blog]

Cluttered house - Will home insurance pay?

"Cluttered house - Will home insurance pay?

I walked into a house a few days ago to help clean up. The house is disgusting.   Clutter everywhere, cat piss and **** all over the place, you cannot see the floor in some rooms.    I almost threw up when I saw this.    I am wondering if his home owners insurance will pay for repairs/damages to the house?   It seems to be the only option, and I am wondering if the home owners insurance company simply say no and close the policy since it is not caused by environment/accidental or outside influences.   Thanks.""

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I walked into a house a few days ago to help clean up. The house is disgusting.   Clutter everywhere, cat piss and **** all over the place, you cannot see the floor in some rooms.    I almost threw up when I saw this.    I am wondering if his home owners insurance will pay for repairs/damages to the house?   It seems to be the only option, and I am wondering if the home owners insurance company simply say no and close the policy since it is not caused by environment/accidental or outside influences.   Thanks.""

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If I am insured but I drive another car (included on policy) but that car is not insured by owner will ANPR pick up car has no insurance and do I commit offense? And if I am not insured but drive a car that is insured by owner does it come up on ANPR as being insured and therefore I wont get caught? Is the driver insured or the car???

What is the best car insurance company out there today?

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Cluttered house - Will home insurance pay?

I walked into a house a few days ago to help clean up. The house is disgusting.   Clutter everywhere, cat piss and **** all over the place, you cannot see the floor in some rooms.    I almost threw up when I saw this.    I am wondering if his home owners insurance will pay for repairs/damages to the house?   It seems to be the only option, and I am wondering if the home owners insurance company simply say no and close the policy since it is not caused by environment/accidental or outside influences.   Thanks.""

Backdates homeowners insurance?r=1268786067?

Can an insurance company back date homeowners insurance?

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Car insurance premium went up because of the state?

I noticed that my monthly car insurance bill increased by about $40. When I called my insurance company to ask why my premium went up (since there were no accidents, changes in cars or policy/discount changes), the rep told me that it was because of the state. I knew he meant government and he said it's been happening all across the country but the increases are highest in California, New York, New Jersey and Florida. I live in California. Has anyone else experienced this? Can someone explain to me in specifics what the government may have done that lead to the increase?""

Proof of insurance California?

I recently had my car fixed and for some stupid reason I pulled all my documentation out of the car. Well, I got pulled over one day and was cited for not having my proof of insurance. (Stupid, I know.) The cop was really nice and said I just needed to go down to the court and show them that I was covered during the period I was pulled over. He said the fine would be at most 10 bucks. Today I get my notice of bail and it says that if I show proof of insurance, I can get the bail reduced to 756 dollars! Am I reading this right? Thanks""

Are there emergency health insurances in California?

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Can I insure a car that is registered and has license plates from arizona?

I live in California and am about to buy a car that has its license plates from arizona and is registered there as well. Would i Be able to insure it? And if not what would the process to get it good over here? Just so you know, Its a 1995 Nissan Altima, and is going for $1500.""

How much will my insurance go up?

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Do you have health insurance?

Do you have health insurance?

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How much would car insurance cost me as a teenager?

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How much is an average car insurance?

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Is international health insurance worth it?

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I'm going to be traveling for a month, during which nobody will use my car. My insurance expires right before the month starts, and I want to switch providers after that, but is there any good reason to continue paying insurance for that month at full rate when nobody's even going to touch the car? Or, is there another way I can save money?""

How much is insurance for a mazda rx8 if....?

my dad is going to buy me a used 2005 mazda rx8 for my 16th birthday, since i'm going to be a new driver and it's considered a sports car, is the insurance going to be super expensive?""

Whats the cheapest bike insurance for a 1st time biker - 21 yrs - 125cc only CBT done?

Any gd experience to pass on? (Honda CG125)

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basically, i wish to start learning to drive and i personally would prefer to be put on my mums insurance (50 moth quote from her insurance people with me as a learner) as i want to be taught by my dad rather than an instructor (many with dad then instructor after a few months) my question is; if i crash the car, with me driving with L plates with my dad/mum in passenger could or would i effect their no claim bonus OR put their premiums up? they only have a small 1.2""

What is the cheapest car insurance in queens ny?

What is the cheapest car insurance in queens ny?

Other driver was not covered under insurance?

I was in a car accident where the other driver (to be referred as The Idiot) was at fault. The police were called and The Idiot was given a warning citation. The insurance company called me today to inform me that the claim was being denied because The Idiot was not an authorized driver under the policy. It appears that The Idiot borrowed the car from his father. Now I am stuck with thousands of dollars in repairs that it appears will be billed back to me. What are my options?

Cheapest car insurance???

what is the best place to get the cheapest car insurance???

Car insurance question regarding friends car?

(This is in Ohio). My friend let me drive her car when the roads were kind of bad due to weather. At an intersection, the light turned yellow, and I began to slide on the ice. I had control of the car, however, if I would have continued to slide straight I would have been hit side on by the incoming cars coming through the intersection. Instead, I had to turn the wheel and I hit a pole. No damages were done to the pole, any other cars, or people. Unfortunately when we took the car to an autobody shop, getting an estimate without the use of insurance, we got an average cost of $2,200. There's NOT that much damage on the left bumper to make the cost so expensive. Both me and my friend are insured, however, MY insurance company is saying it's her car, so her insurance has to pay for it. How will this work? If I ask her to pay using her insurance, I don't want her to pay any out of pocket. I would pay the deductible. Will this hurt her insurance, or my pocket? Any other good ideas? Thanks so much.""

Which car is the cheapest to buy and who are the cheapest to insurance with?

i thinking of taking my driving lesson!! i just wonder which car is cheap and who is cheap to get insurance with!

Insurance questions?

I have a 99' silverado LS 5.3 liter truck. It was hit in the parking lot by some fool at work and now all the body panels on the passenger side are dented. I took it to a dealer to get an estimate (since the guy has insurance) they quoted it at 7500 dollars worth of damage. I know that the truck doesn't actually book for much more than that. The truck still drives fine just that it is beat up on one side and the door won't open. I still owe about 3k on the truck. I have yet to get an adjuster to come look at it from state farm. Do you think the truck will be totalled? What are my options and how much will they sell the truck back for if it is a total? If it is a total what value will they go off of and how much should I expect for my truck which was in fair condition? Will the adjuster make a check out to me or will he send it to my bank or both? Any help with this from someone that has had a vehicle totalled by someone else would be greatly appreicated..I really don't know.

Cluttered house - Will home insurance pay?

I walked into a house a few days ago to help clean up. The house is disgusting.   Clutter everywhere, cat piss and **** all over the place, you cannot see the floor in some rooms.    I almost threw up when I saw this.    I am wondering if his home owners insurance will pay for repairs/damages to the house?   It seems to be the only option, and I am wondering if the home owners insurance company simply say no and close the policy since it is not caused by environment/accidental or outside influences.   Thanks.""

""Health Insurance 15 years, now NO health insurance!?""

I've had insurance since I've been on my own now, roughly 15 years. However thanks to Obamacare my insurance plan has been cancelled, so now I don't have insurance. Obamacare requires maturnity care, which of course mine didn't cover because I am a male. I looked into Obamacare but it was like 400 a month for me versus my other Blue Cross plan which was 175 a month and had almost little to no co-pay and a very low deductible. So someone explain to me how after all these years of hard work and having GREATTTTTT health insurance I have NO health insurance and basically don't want this bronze OVER priced piece of crap high deductible health insurance. If your broke, then you can't even afford the bronze because the deductibles are so high that it will bankrupt you and you won't get the subsidies until end of year so you can't afford it anyway LOL. Kinda sad I lose my health insurance so some low life can now finally have something they can't afford to use any way.""

Whats the average cost a month for car insurance in california for an 18 year old?

Whats the average cost a month for car insurance in california for an 18 year old?

How to get dirt cheap Car & Medical Insurance ??

Looking for a CAR with in $ 500, Car Insurance & Medical Insurance for 1 Male of 31 years, 1 Female of 26 years & a Child of 2 years. Should cover Medical. Vision & Dental not reqired. Looking for real dirt cheap insurance for Car, Family""

How much would the insurance cost for a 2004 Subaru impreza wrx. Not sti.?

Im 17... So it normally costs more for me anyway. My dad and mom has had geico for a while now. My dad says I can't get it cuz the insurance will cost too much on a turbo car. I can't live without a turbo car!!!!!

Car Insurance for a 16 year old in California?

I am gonna get either a Used 03-04 Nissan 350z and would like to get a rough estimate of how much insurance is gonna cost. Thanks in advance. Also what would happen to my insurance if the car is on a salvage title?

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old female ?

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Would it be cheaper to insure a van (SWB transit size) or a Car (fiesta/Clio size)On 08 Plates.?

Ive tried insurance companies buy they wont tell me anything unless i give reg no's and stuff, and i havent got it yet so i cant :s so just a basic geuss would be good, i assumed a van would be cheaper as their arnt as many luxuries and such in them?""

Texas driver got speeding ticket in Washington state? Will my insurance know it?

While on a business trip I got a speeding ticket (5 over limit) in Washington state. I live in Texas and my license is issued by Texas. If I pay this ticket, ticket says it will go on my driving record. I assume they will send it to Tx. In that case, would my insurance rate increase because of this out-of-state speeding ticket? I am ok with paying the ticket, but I don't want to see my insurance increase. What are my options? Should I hire a traffic lawyer in WA to get rid of the ticket? Again, I live in Tx! Any re ommendations for me to get this issue resolved without insurance getting the ticket info.""

Car insurance for teens. Do I NEED to be listed on my parents policy?

My parents have triple A auto insurance and I have recently gotten my drivers license. I have tried to research the requirements for insurance by law on the California DMV website and the most concrete statement I found was some numbers that cover various damages and injuries (DMV website is not working properly so I cannot look it up). My parents insurance obviously covers the basic and more. However, my parents policy states that Any relative that has consent of the owner to use the insured vehicle is covered by this policy - These are not the exact words as I don't have the policy on me, but it is pretty damn close. In the definitions portion of the policy, it states a relative as anyone related by blood, and some other stuff. I am my parents son so I am obviously related by blood, thus their policy coverage extends on to me when they give me permission to use their vehicle. I did not find ANY California laws that required me to be on the policy. i only found information that said I only need that minimum coverage which my parents policy does provide. We did contact triple A about this and they did not give us a reasonable answer. All they said was that they WANT my parents to add me because THOSE ARE THE RULES. Seems like they just want more money in their pockets. Can someone give some advice? Thanks.""

Home insurance cost in auburndale ny zip code 11358?

I am in the process of purchasing a new house in auburndale, queens ny. i wonder how much is the average home insurance cost in this area? it is a tudor building, 2 and half floors.""

Cheapest car insurance in ontario?

Cheapest car insurance in ontario?

Will insurance be cheaper for our 2010 Hyundai Elantra than our 04 Tahoe?

We just bought the Hyundai Elantra yesterday and were looking to see how much of a difference we could expect .

""If I finance a new car, how much insurance do I buy?""

I know it will have full coverage, but how much? I'm trying to get an accurate quote through geico to see if I can afford it before buying the car.""

Till what age can we get health insurance?

I want to know the upper age limit for purchasing health insurance.

Can I add a person to my insurance if i dont own the car?

Okay, my live in boyfriend just got a car and is leasing it through an auto dealer, and making payments. The car is in his name. I would like to know if he can be added to my insurance policy? Does the car have to be in my name to be on my insurance policy?""

What is the estimated home insurance cost of $500000 home in littleton colorado?

What is the estimated home insurance cost of $500000 home in littleton colorado?

What kind of health insurance should I get?

I'm 20 I live with my parents we have U visas I know I don't qualify for Medicaid but I know we have to get insurance or pay the fine. What are my best options? Something affordable. Any advice would help because I know nothing about this! Thank y'all

Florida car insurance question?!?

I'm 16 and have my driving permit, I want to get my license but since the insurance here is SO EXPENSIVE I'm looking for ways to reduce it. I would be put under both divorced parents insurance plans as soo as I got my license. My questions are: 1. If I get my own car, will I still have to go on both parents insurance? 2. What kind of driving school will aid in discounting the insurance, and do you know of any in Jupiter, FL or online? Thanks!""

What medical insurance should I get in California?

I am 27yrs have, single, have no children and need medical insurance. I live in California so I have to have it by the new laws. I have no clue who I should sign up for. I don't care too much about benefits too much right now (deadline is coming up). I just want the lowest priced one I can get right now so I can say I have something. I looked at the Medi-cal website and it said you have to be 65yrs or older or have children so it does not seem like I am eligible even though I am low income. Any clue on what I should get? Thanks.""

I only have liability insurance and was hit by another car?

I only have liability & when the other guy hit me he ran away on foot leaving the car. I made a police report and they gave me the other party's info. Now his insurance is saying they can't help me until they know who was actually driving his car. What can I do to get my car fixed because it is not drivable? Can I get a rental car? Can his insurance deny me completely if they don't find the driver?

""Average utility and insurance cost Orland Park, IL?""

I'm planning on buying a townhouse in Orland Park, IL and was wondering what the average utility (water, electricity, heat, disposal) costs are? Anyone have any estimates on insurance? The association fees cover common insurance but don't think it covers anything within the four walls of the house. Know what insurance requirements the lender puts on mortgages? Trying to estimate how much home ownership really is.""

""Will my car get tow,i change the insurance to my father name.?""

I financed a car and all the paperwork is under my name,but i change the insurance under my father name.now i received a letter saying i don't have insurance,and i told them is under my father name.they want me to change it in my name,but i don't want to.if i put my name in the insurance it will be high. can i leave it under his name,or put my name in it.""

Car insurance question?

Can someone get insurance on a vehicle when their name is NOT on the title?? The insurance is in VA. My husband owns the car and was letting his little bro drive it, but we've removed the insurance and told him NOT to drive it, and found out that he has put insurance on it with his insurance company! Is this possible or legal even?""

Why is car insurance so expensive of or young people ?

I don't think it is fair it seems like a lot of things are expensive for young people I mean it is even unfair when your in a job and you get paid less becaues your young

Cluttered house - Will home insurance pay?

I walked into a house a few days ago to help clean up. The house is disgusting.   Clutter everywhere, cat piss and **** all over the place, you cannot see the floor in some rooms.    I almost threw up when I saw this.    I am wondering if his home owners insurance will pay for repairs/damages to the house?   It seems to be the only option, and I am wondering if the home owners insurance company simply say no and close the policy since it is not caused by environment/accidental or outside influences.   Thanks.""

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tip-cheap-car-insurance-new-drivers-under-21-violet-campos/"

[lazytacomoon-blog]

Car insurance for married couple!?

"Car insurance for married couple!?

Hey there! My wife and I both used to have our own car insurances until a few months ago when we decided to drop hers and add her to my policy to save some money. She got into an accident the other day; everyone's okay and it hasn't been determined who was at fault yet. I was wondering if this is going to affect MY driving record as well considering that we are sharing a car insurance policy? I realize that our premium might go up but I guess I want to know if the premium would go up even if we decided to get her off of this policy and find her a separate one with another insurance company. Do insurance companies look at which driver and which vehicle (we each have our own car) was involved in the accident or does it all just go by the policy number?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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in california? my mother is on a stupid hmo, i was wonderingif i paid for a better insurance if it would get better.""

Insurance RSX vs S2000?

Hi there, my dad is planning to buy me a car by the latest the last week of March. I asked him for an RSX simply because I like the reliability of a civic, but i feel that a civic is under powered. So I'm opting for an RSX. No, i will not be getting the type S because I know insurance rapes you for it. Well my dad said he'd rather buy me an S2000. I think it's cause he wants to drive it around so my mom doesn't have to nag at him for buying a sports car. I was wondering how the RSX BASE model will compare to the S2000? I know the Type S RSX's insurance is much higher than the S2000. I was wondering how about the Base model? My dad will be helping me with gas and insurance up until I graduate which will be in a few months. So I just want to start being smart about everything. Please help!""

Do you have to have car insurance just because you have a drivers license?

My mom is bent on the idea that just because I have a drivers license I have to have car insurance as well. I go away for college and I dont drive all year long. We have a family car that I drive once or twice over the summer but other than that I don't get behind the wheel of a vehicle. I don't have any problem with just not driving at all. Am I really legally obligated to have car insurance even though I do not drive? Will it somehow make me less likely to get insured in the future if I remove myself from her insurance package now?

A question about insurance on a car?

ok i live in england, and i am 27yrs old, i drive and have my own insurance which is fully comp, as i am over 26 i can drive any car third party, my boyfriend is just starting to learn to drive and since neither of his parents drive, hes going to have to get his own car with his own insurance on, which is obviously going to be quite high as hes a new driver, hes 20yrs old. we got told that if he put me on his insurance as a second driver then it would work out a bit cheaper for him, but im wondering if this is true, as i can drive his car anyway on my insurance, so im not sure if its legal to go on his or if they will let me. any advice would be appreciated.""

How to get a comparative car insurance quote.?

Had an accident November 2010. I fill in car insurance quotes but they want to know how much the accident cost! My current insurance company only told me it was my fault and slashed my no claims bonus from 65 to 40% and quoted me with a 200% increase on last year. Internet quote sites want information I don't know.

Car insurance for married couple!?

Hey there! My wife and I both used to have our own car insurances until a few months ago when we decided to drop hers and add her to my policy to save some money. She got into an accident the other day; everyone's okay and it hasn't been determined who was at fault yet. I was wondering if this is going to affect MY driving record as well considering that we are sharing a car insurance policy? I realize that our premium might go up but I guess I want to know if the premium would go up even if we decided to get her off of this policy and find her a separate one with another insurance company. Do insurance companies look at which driver and which vehicle (we each have our own car) was involved in the accident or does it all just go by the policy number?

Can I get car insurance for my work place way from home?

can I get car insurance for my work place way from home

Which insurance company should I chose? Which one is better State Farm or Liberty Mutual? ?

Which insurance company should I choose Liberty Mutual or State Farm? It's mostly concerning claim payouts and handling.

Car recommendations for a college student?

I'll be getting my first car in the spring of 2012. I'm staying in an apartment near the campus, and I'll have a bike for that. The majority of my driving will be errands around town, and driving the 117 miles back home occasionally to visit family. Low insurance, high gas mileage, and safety are top priorities. I've got about $15,000 to spend on the car. I will have a part time job to pay insurance/gas/etc. So far the only car that appeals to me is the 2010+ Mazda3 because it has a nice exterior, and I love the interior and features compared to other small cars. Gas mileage is decent, but not the best. Also, if I go for the hatchback, will that raise my insurance costs? Do you have any other recommendations? The Mazda3 has the best interior that I've seen so far, that's the basic factor that's keeping me from other cars.""

Cheap Car Insurance for a 20 year old...?

I'm 20 years old I live in Houston, Tx 77045 I have a 2003 Toyota Corolla CE. I never had accidents, or traffice tickets. I need a insurance that will not be so high. Any suggestions? Thanks..""

""How do I pick a car that's cheap to insure? I'm in NY and need a cute, reliable 4 door '03-'05 car.

I have been driving a little more than a year and can't afford to spend $500+ a month for insurance so I want a car that's insurance friendly. Thanks.

WHO HAS THE CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE (FULL COVERAGE) AND THAT'S NOT GEICO?

I just had geico and I would like to change car insurances. Whose rates generally have lower down payments and monthly?

Does anyone know where i can get cheap and affordable health insurance from in wisconsin?

Im looking for cheap or affordable health insurance ,, sure cant seem to find any .. does anyone have an answer""

Where to get cheap full coverage car insurance in san mateo california?

Where to get cheap full coverage car insurance in san mateo california?

""Which company offers the cheapest auto insurance in Snohomish County, WA?""

It's my first time having to get car insurance - I know there are a lot of factors, but I'm just looking for a general answer - not just Geico, Allstate, State Farm, etc..... Thank you :)""

Whats a good cheap health insurance for a college student?

Whats a good cheap health insurance for a college student?

How much is normal insurance coverage for a ATV?

I just found out my parents had this amount of coverage on their ATV. 100/300/50 both comprehensive and collision with a $100 deductible anyone else think they have too much? That is the same as my car except with a higher deductible.

Does anyone actually know if AIG/21st Century Insurance has been sold to Zurich?

Does anyone actually know if AIG/21st Century Insurance has been sold to Zurich?

Can you drive your parents' car without insurance?

i am 16 and live in Washington and I was wondering if I had to pay my own insurance to drive their cars.

Will I loose my parents health insurance if I fail one of my college courses?

All too soon I'm going under the knife and I'm worried to death that me failing my online english will cause me to loose my parent's health insurance. Does anyone know if I will or not?

Which company has the best deal on maximum coverage car insurance?

I live in Ohio, and I have a lease which requires that I have extremely good car insurance. I was paying 140 a month on my fathers plan with a discount which was ridiculous in my opinion. Now I have to get my own policy, which places would be the best to get quotes from? I need it asap.""

""17, first speeding ticket, is insurance going up?!?

Got my first speeding ticket and I'm 2 months from being 18. I live in Washington and I'm on my dad's state farm insurance. I was caught 11 mph over the limit (25) and I'm not sure if it was in a school zone but it probably was. The fine is $154. I think my dad's been w/ sf for several years. How screwed am I?? If rates go up even one cent my dad is going to murder me

Car Insurance?

Im Thinkin Of Buyin My First Car, but my Insurance Is costing 4000, my mates is getin it for 1300, when i tried the same insurance company as him, i got 2500, How could i lower this?""

What is the best affordable dental insurance.?

How much for 1 person and is there a deductible? (Wow I actually have a serious question.)

Car insurance?

HI there, I have been without car insurance for about three years, I used to have continuous coverage but sold my car and used one of my girlfriends cars since then. But now I am going to buy / or finance another car. Will I face some sort of penalty, or increased insurance rates for not being insured these past few years, even though my driving record is immaculate and I am almost 30 and besides I had no car? Thank you.""

State Health Insurance?

Other than Mass, are there any other states that provide free/cheap health insurance?""

How do I find health insurance if I have been told we are uninsurable?

I am asking this question for my m-in-law. Retired early, had extensive back surgery, f-in-law has diabetes and possible heart issues. Going to be coming off of COBRA in California, and are looking for health insurance. Aren't there health insurances like Medicaid/Care that cover hard to insure people that are in > 50yr age group?? What if they change their residency from Calif. to Texas?? Does it matter??""

Affordable health insurance for pregnancy in Washington DC or Maryland?

Do anyone know of a good affordable health insurance that cover pregnancy I mean everything from appointments and labor and delivery besides medicare?

Insurance question please answer if you know?

my friends husband has colon cancer the health insurance is about to run out she is looking for morer health insurance does anyone know any health insurance that will insure him?

Car insurance question?

I'm 17 and still living with my parents. I just got a car and now I need to find insurance. My dad doesn't want me on his because then, if I got in an accident, his rates would go up. My question is, if I were to cause his rates to go up and then got kicked off his plan, would his rates go back down? I'm curious because I really would rather not get my own insurance, being on my dad's would be much much much more affordable.""

""Would any car insurance(allstate,geico) insure an international student who doesn't have a PA licence?

I have my country licence and an international driving permit. I would like to buy a car in Pennsylvania as I am staying for about a year in this country. I would like to know will car insurance companies insure me?

Car insurance for married couple!?

Hey there! My wife and I both used to have our own car insurances until a few months ago when we decided to drop hers and add her to my policy to save some money. She got into an accident the other day; everyone's okay and it hasn't been determined who was at fault yet. I was wondering if this is going to affect MY driving record as well considering that we are sharing a car insurance policy? I realize that our premium might go up but I guess I want to know if the premium would go up even if we decided to get her off of this policy and find her a separate one with another insurance company. Do insurance companies look at which driver and which vehicle (we each have our own car) was involved in the accident or does it all just go by the policy number?

How much insurance would be if i bought a 1994 honda civic dx?

i am 18 and i plan on buying a car next year so i just wanted to know how much insurance would cost

240sx insurance?

will the cost of insurance for a 1995 nissan 240sx be high or low?

Did you see the left/right coalition letter against the health insurance mandate?

March 19, 2010 Dear Member of Congress: On behalf of our organizations and the millions of people we represent, we strongly encourage you to oppose the individual mandate in the Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Act of 2009. Our groups and members may disagree on what are the best solutions to our health care problems, but this unprecedented coalition of organizations from across the political spectrum agrees that forcing individuals to buy insurance from private companies under the threat of fines or jail is not the reform we need. The individual mandate is a section of the bill that requires every single American to buy health insurance-whether or not they want it or feel they can afford it-or break the law and face penalties and fines. Consequently, the bill does not actually cover 30 million more Americans-instead it makes them criminals if they do not buy insurance from private companies. We hope you agree that it is unconscionable to force people to buy a product from a private insurer. This would effectively be a tax-and a huge one-paid directly to a private industry. Enacting this mandate would be a major victory for the insurance companies at the expense of the American people. It should be no surprise they support the government forcing everyone to buy their product. Imagine how the hamburger industry would respond if the government forced everyone to have hamburgers for lunch or pay fines? According to the President's Council of Economic Advisers, the average annual premium for single coverage is $4,321. If the 46 million uninsured are forced to purchase private health insurance at that price, then the insurance industry stands to bring in up to $200 billion in new insurance premiums per year. The Senate bill also includes an estimated $630 billion in corporate welfare for private insurance companies in the form of subsidies over the next 10 years, creating even less incentive than currently exists for private insurance premiums to be lowered. To make matters worse, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services estimates that 19 million Americans would not buy insurance and as a result would be forced to pay $29 billion in taxes/fines. The Joint Committee on Taxation has made it clear that failure to pay these fines could result in jail time. Thirty-six states have passed or are considering measures that would allow their residents to opt out, including Virginia, Utah, Pennsylvania, Florida, Minnesota, Michigan, Georgia and Ohio. Given these fact, it is not surprising that a recent NBC News poll finds 57 percent of Americans do not want the government to create a law that requires everyone to have health insurance coverage and that only 38% of Americans favor the mandate, making it the least popular part of the bill. The American people stand in firm opposition to the individual mandate. We stand with them. We hope you will, too. Sincerely, Americans for Tax Reform, Grover Norquist, President Democrats.com, Bob Fertik, President Healthcare-NOW!, Katie Robbins, National Organizer FreedomWorks, Matt Kibbe, President and CEO Progressive Democrats of America (PDA), Tim Carpenter, Director Campaign for Liberty, John Tate, President 60 Plus Association, Jim Martin, President Liberty Tree Foundation, Ben Manski, Executive Director Hector Barreto, Chairman, The Latino Coalition National Taxpayers Union, Duane Parde, President National Coalition of Organized Women, Consuela Sylvester, Ohio Director Citizens for Health, Jim Turner, Chairman Competitive Enterprise Institute, Gregory Conko, Senior Fellow American Association of Small Property Owners, F. Patricia Callahan, President U.S. Bill of Rights Foundation, Dane vonBreichenruchardt, President Institute for Liberty, Andrew Langer, President Santa Monicans for Safe Drinking Water Coalition, Gene Burke, Founder, Director Alliance for Natural Health USA, Gretchen DuBeau, Executive Director Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, Dr. Jane Orient, Executive Director Fairfax County Privacy Council, Mike Stollenwerk, Chairman The Rutherford Institute, John W. Whitehead, President Pain Relief Network, Siobhan Reynolds, Executive Director American Policy Center, Tom DeWeese, President Justice Through Music, Brett Kimberlin, Director Velvet Revolution, Brad Friedman, Co-Founder After Downing Street, David Swanson, Co-Founder Project Vote Smart, Mark A. Adams, Founder Democracy in Action (DIA), Dorothy Reilly, Organizer Squadron13.com, Gordon Sturrock, Founder Democracy for America - Tucson Chapter, Richard Kaiser, Co-chair DownWithTyranny.com, Howie Klein, Publisher Center for Financial Privacy and Human Rights, J. Bradley Jansen, Director DownsizeDC.org, Inc., Jim Babka, President Cyber Privacy Project, Richard Sobel, Director Citizens For Legitimate Government, Lori R. Price, Managing Editor Republican National Hispanic Assembly, Minnesota Chapter, Rick Agui""

""Just moved to Louisiana, do I have to change my address, driver's license, and transfer my car insurance?""

I moved from Minnesota a couple weeks ago and I'm afraid it's going to be expensive to change all of these, especially my insurance due to the increased crime rate here in New Orleans. Is this illegal to leave be? I am really quite clueless. What about when my tabs expire in December? Also I bank with Bremer bank which is only available in the midwest, do I need to change it? Can I keep my checking and savings accounts and open a checking account here at a Chase bank as well?""

""17 year old learner, got my own car - Do I just need learner insurance for now?

I'm a learner driver with my test next month and I now have my own car. I want to practice in my own car up until my test and I'm not sure whether I just need learner insurance or if the car itself needs to be insured as well? Learner insurance is around 80 for the month and for 'proper' insurance then it's around 2000. Any help?

Does my son have to be put on my car insurance?

My son is 16 and he is driving my husbands car and my husband tells him that he cant drive the car everyday because he is not on the insurance. Does he have to be on the insurance?

Will a 'C' Licence make my insurance cheaper....?

I currently hold a normal car licence (I'm 18) But I passed my Category C test today. For those of you who don't know what a category C vehicle is. I doubt you will know the answer to the question so please don't make up some rubbish... Will this make my car insurance cheaper considering I can drive a vehicle about 5 times the size? Also, I'm hoping to get my Artic licence next year, Will this make my insurance go down even further? I mean for my car, I already know my Lorry insurance is going to be INSANE. But I've got in the army as a Driver anyway so that doesn't really matter.....""

How much money can i get from a car accident?? it was not my fault?

i was in a car accident. the other driver crashed into me & did a hit and run. i was in the car with my g.f . my g.f ended up with back pains & neck pains. i ended up with two broken fingers & a cast in my left hand. in addition i had back pains too. it appears that the driver that hit me was d.u.i and did a hit and run and got caught. after that, the insurance from the driver salvaged my car. just paid me what is was worth 3k. ive been going to therapy for 2 months now with my g.f. i spend about 500-600 in medical bills. i was off work 3 months. im 21 years old and i live in the state of california. i have an attorney working on my case. so how much can i get from the insurance company and my g.f ????""

Insurance company won't let me upgrade to Fully Comp. Why not?

Hey Guys, I'm a new driver (23 yo) who has a 3rd party fire & theft policy under Kwik Fit Insurance. I went for this policy pretty much because it was the cheapest because I'd spent all my money on the car, haha! After a couple of months I've finally managed to sort my finances out and I'm ready to upgrade to fully comp. I drive around 30 miles a day to work and back and would just like that little extra knowledge that incase anything does happen. So I email KwikFit (who take 2 weeks to get back!!) to ask them what the deal is. How do I do this? To my dismay, I got the following email back: In response to your email, I can confirm that your policy can only be upgraded if you are making another permanent change to your policy eg a change of vehicle/address/driver, alternatively your policy would need to be replaced to another insurer. Are they within their rights to do this? Surely upgrading to fully comp means an extra wad of money from me monthly? Thanks :-)""

HELP! Car & Insurance for 17 year old.?

Hi, I'm 17 in a week & will be starting my driving lessons. I have my theory booked for a few days after & aim to pass in around 6 weeks, depending on the waiting list for the test, having 3-4 lessons a week. Driving a car isn't a problem for me, have had plenty of practise on tracks in my dads weapon ;) & have for the last 8 weeks or so been going to an empty industrial estate one or twice a week, driving my mums cooper S or occasionally my uncles M3. Just need practice with the ways of public roads from my instructor. Anyway, as you can probably tell I've had a fair bit of experience driving fairly fast cars, so thats where i need advice - can anybody suggest any fairly fast cars that are reasonable to insure? or any cheap insurance company's, or any ways to get insurance down, as long as they aren't completely ridiculous lies, I want to keep it as legit as possibly ideally. So far I've been quoted 1600-ish on a standard golf on my mums insurance, but ideally want something a bit quicker then that. My budget for a car + insurance overall is 4-5k. My ideal car would be a GTI, anybody know where i can insure one cheap-ish? ALSO, *PLEEEEASE* no do-gooder's telling me it is 'fronting' to go on my mums insurance, I am well aware of this, however I am also aware that if the car is registered in my mums name with the DVLA, then they don't have a leg to stand on. I have checked this with one of my mums friends, a solicitor. Also, nobody telling me that I 'wouldn't be able to handle the power' or that I'd 'kill myself', believe me, I'd smoke you ;). Sorry its a bit long, please help! :-)""

Health Insurance - too expensive - should I ditch it and will it get cheaper in 2014?

So I got health insurance about 6 months ago - BCBS. As a 38-yr-old female with a BMI that is(was) borderline obesity, I pay $278 per month (about twice the original quote on the website which was about $140.) I freelance. One of my jobs collects contributions from my employers into an account that I can use to reimburse my premium payments, and I was hoping that I'd be able to make enough to use that account to really pay toward my monthly health insurance. My financial situation has plummeted, however, and I am really struggling to keep my head above water for the first time since I moved out. Just looking for some outside input here. Should I ditch my health insurance? Will the options be more manageable for me in 2014?""

Does anyone know of cheap insurance?

I just recently found out I have a nodule on my thyroid but I have no medical insurance. Its causing me relationship problems. I need help quick. I had a lung removed three years ago due to a cancer scare the doctors all thought it was cancer. The first place thyroid cancer matastisies to is the lung now Im afraid.

CAN YOU GET UNDER YOUR PARENTS CAR INSURANCE IF YOUR CAR IS UNDER YOUR NAME?

I'm looking to buy a new car but I wont be able to afford car insurance on my own plus paying for a car. If i get a car under my name can i still be placed under my parents car insurance? Im 21 btw. Thanks

Car insurance - if 2 people are going to drive the car are 2 seperate insurance policies required?

My roommate is looking into getting a car and wants to give me access to driving it. Do we need to get 2 seperate insurance policies to drive the car. How does insurance on a car work?

What is car insurance for a first time driver?

Okay i am 18 and have never had my license before and am going to be getting it at the end of this month...soon we are going to start getting insurace quotes for my car, we have been talking about what would be the best way to go about getting the cheapest insurance...so would it be best to put the car in my name but then just be added to my parents insurance and have me as the primary driver OR would it make a difference if we put the car in one of my parents name and then had me listed as the secondary driver for the car ? OR maybe you know a better way to go about this please give me all the advice you know about this! thanks""

Do you need insurance to register a car under your name?

Im a bout to buy a used car but im curious to know if you need insurance before the dmv can register the car under your name? thanks alot for taking the time to help me out, its all appreciated""

Does anyone have HealthNet insurance?

I'm wondering if anyone else has HealthNet insurance and what it covers as far as diagnostic and fertility treatments? I'm considering switching from my Blue Cross&Blue Shield...just to something that will cover at LEAST diagnostic and maybe an RE I'm in Southern California

What does insurance mean?

Well I'm 16 and I don't know what insurance means : so I heard that louis' bum has insurance? What does that mean

If my camera is in my car and it is stolen will my auto insurance cover it?

If my camera is in my car and it is stolen will my auto insurance cover it?

What is the cheapest car for a 17 year old to have?

So I'm 17 and just got my drivers lisence! Woo! I'm trying to find what the cheapest car to have is? Like to buy, insurance and maintaining all together of you get me?""

Double up on individual health insurance?

Can you have more than one Health Insurance Plan for your self? I have to buy my own insurance, but even the best individual insurance is crappy and I wanted to now if people ever buy two insurance plans? The insurance i have now only lets me see the doctor twice a year. If I got another insurance plan would it pick up where the other left off?""

Getting braces...switching insurance?

Hi I am thinking about getting braces...but I may be switching insurance providers. Right now, I have this discount plan that gives discounts on medical, vision and dental services or costs called Ameriplan. But I am getting married in a year and my husband/fiance is in the military so I will be switching to his healthcare insurance, which I believe is Tricare. If I switch insurance companies will my new insurance(tricare) providers care for my braces even though it was preexisting? I do not mean that cost, I only mean the exams, the tightening that needs to be done with braces and etc? Thanks.""

How much does sr-22 insurance cost for a DUI conviction in the state of TN?

just wanted to know if anyone knew what i'm looking at to pay for this to get a restricted lisence because i couldnt find it on the interet

Want an awd turbo car with low insurance?

Im looking for an awd turboed car that has low insurance. Evos and sti insurance is 400 a month. I don't want an audi. I want something fast tho. What do you think. Thanks

""Insurance on parents car, learner?""

basically, i wish to start learning to drive and i personally would prefer to be put on my mums insurance (50 moth quote from her insurance people with me as a learner) as i want to be taught by my dad rather than an instructor (many with dad then instructor after a few months) my question is; if i crash the car, with me driving with L plates with my dad/mum in passenger could or would i effect their no claim bonus OR put their premiums up? they only have a small 1.2""

Car insurance for married couple!?

Hey there! My wife and I both used to have our own car insurances until a few months ago when we decided to drop hers and add her to my policy to save some money. She got into an accident the other day; everyone's okay and it hasn't been determined who was at fault yet. I was wondering if this is going to affect MY driving record as well considering that we are sharing a car insurance policy? I realize that our premium might go up but I guess I want to know if the premium would go up even if we decided to get her off of this policy and find her a separate one with another insurance company. Do insurance companies look at which driver and which vehicle (we each have our own car) was involved in the accident or does it all just go by the policy number?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/young-male-looking-answers-car-insurance-brenda-harrison"