#don't be a creeper to your servers

[theminecraftbee]

"Well hello there Secret Keeper!" Scar says, chipper. "It's a bea-ut-i-ful day today here on the Secret Life server, and I'm here for my daily hearts for winning! I have to say, it is gorgeous today. Really a lot easier to keep the rain away without other players, what with sleeping through the night not being a problem at all! Did you know, by the way, that sleeping and rain are connected? I didn't until recently, but by golly, they sure are! Can you imagine? The world is full of so many strange things."

The Secret Keeper, being a big dumb stone statue, doesn't reply. Scar's beginning to think it's just rude. It sure replies whenever he hits the button, which is the first step in his morning routine these days. He's gotten better at dodging damage, really, even with the nearly infinite hearts! He's just not so good at dodging skeletons and creepers and such that he shouldn't top off every day.

He hits the button. He feels his health return to him. He gets a new task: Win Secret Life.

He snorts, a little bitter, to himself as he reads it and folds it into his pocket. "You know, I don't know if I'm lucky or unlucky that you're such a moron that you don't know what winning means. Your machine is broken."

No response, again, because the Secret Keeper is, as established, a big old dumb rock. Well, whatever. Besides, if he lingers on resentment and upset for too long, it might catch up with him! He's certainly let it catch up with him before. Why, a few days after he'd won, when he really had it sink in that he was for-real alone on a server covered in lightning burn marks and blood, he had a bit of a breakdown! There was sobbing, screaming, yelling at the world, the whole works! And when no one responded then, well--

"Did I just call you a moron? I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!" Scar says. "You know how I get sometimes. The world is beautiful and warm, but sometimes it gets a little hard to breathe around here! Now, where were we... oh, right! The trading post terraforming project! Now, we hit a bit of a snag the other day, what with the wandering traders I'd caught all sort of--dying--and all that, but luckily, more of them might show up any moment, and they really are vital to making the place feel alive and breathing. So today we're taking a break from that to build up some trees!"

He waves his arms like someone is listening. He'd like to imagine someone is. Grian told him he won--just because all the ghosts are quiet now doesn't mean they aren't there! And if that was a moment of temporary insanity, well, he probably--he needs to think it's not, is the thing! He absolutely needs to think it's not.

He hums and gathers more logs. His makeshift tree farms are pretty nice, if he does say so himself. He pauses as he hears distant howling and sighs. "I guess we will also be spending today cleaning up the wolf population! I swear, I have no idea what those people were thinking making a wolf spawner. A man takes a nap for a day and then the entire server is overrun with stupid white animals! And you know, I do hate having to cull the things, but, well, you know me. I've learned how to kill pretty well, I think, and really, dogs are easier to kill than people."

He grabs a sword from his chest and sharpens it. He keeps it perfectly clean so that there isn't too much blood on it. Good thing, too; most of the blood would probably be his. He's a bit clumsy, after all. He cuts his fingers on it all the time. No matter how well he bandages up his hands, he just keeps making them bleed, drip, drip, dripping blood on every path he walks down. No matter how hard he works to clean up his massive building projects, the little splatters of blood follow him, so he's sticking to dark colors where he can.

The flowers will probably show the blood, he thinks. The flowers and trees he's building. Hopefully, the blood doesn't stand out too much. It feels wrong, in a world where there are no bodies.

He stands up. He heads in the direction of today's pack of unwanted pests. He sighs. "You know, I know your question is, well gosh, Scar! All the previous winners died. When are you going to finish it off and kill yourself? And wow, that's a pretty dark question. You should be ashamed of yourself for asking, really." He laughs. It's not funny. Who cares.

Instead, he shakes his head.

"And, well, you have to understand. I'm not done building yet! I can make my base so much nicer looking! And besides, you're still handing me hearts. If I get hurt, I can just come back and get more from you! If you want to die, you have to kill me yourself. You fucking cowards!"

No response.

He sighs. "Well, that's enough of that for today. Sorry, I'm feeling kind of morose. It's all this sunshine! Can't be good for a man. Did you know populated servers rain more often than unpopulated ones? It's true! It's because people don't sleep enough. But here I am, getting all the sleep I need. Now, time to go kill some dogs and build some trees! I can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon, can you?"

His hands hurt. He ignores it. He ignores a lot of hurt, these days. It's not like it's hard.

[astronomical-bagel]

also, scar's ploy for this episode? Not new at all. So often he tries to make allies by saying 'you see everyone else? I hate them, they probably hate you too, we should team up bc that makes sense. I will also give you nice things in order to be your ally.'

sometimes it kinda works, but then he so often ruins this by doing this to every single team on the server, and so everyone knows that he's conning them and they don't trust him and he ends up with very many enemies!! this happens in basically every season to varying degrees-- with last life obviously being the most severe.

but today.... holy shit today... he gives Joel a kill and therefore ten hearts, he gave Bdubs that creeper spawner a little bit ago, he agrees to burn down the globe with the Heart Foundation and then tells on them, cementing him as trustworthy in everyone's minds. Near the end both the mounders and gem & the scotts are trying to convince scar to be on their team.

Despite being the designated 'villain of the server', being alone and pathetic made everyone less wary of him and contributed a lot to him winning the game. I'm so in awe that this plot of his finally worked, and I'm so fucking proud of him bc he so deserves this win so much. Everyone give it up for the one and only goodtimeswithscar <33

[floef-likes-everything]

The chances of something like a 'Hermitcraft Open Day' are unlikely but you don't understand how badly I need this.

Imagine Tubbo and Aimsey running around Scarland, amazed by every small detail Scar put in. Sausage can see the small spaceship build he did for Scar again, but now amongst a finished park.

In the meantime, on the other side of the server Skizz keeps dying in Decked Out but he is having the time of his life! Can you imagine Hbomb running Decked Out if only for one time?? Sands of Time eat your heart out!

Only for everybody to be scared off the server by Doc shooting charged creepers at them because he wants his peace back.

[hermitprankwar]

HERMIT PRANK WAR: BRACKET

The nominations are in, and we have a bracket of 24 of your favorite pranks on the Hermitcraft server! The full list of pranks is as follows:

Covering the Perimeter (S9)

Free Glass (S7)

Boat Bomb (S8)

"Don't Attempt Murder" (S6)

Door Thief (S7)

Filling Biffa's Bowl (S1)

One Fateful Sign (S6)

The Jingler (S6)

Ravager Bomb (S8)

Treeza (S8)

The Hall of Atonement (S6)

Poultry Man (S6)

The Dirty Molly (S6)

Creeper Suit Jumpscares (S9)

Tree Attack (S8)

Secret Fools Ghasts (S9)

Mini Cleo (S9)

Museum to Aquarium (S2)

Giant Boat (S8)

Lag'Em Pole (S8)

Nether Death Loop (S7)

Hermit Gang (S6)

Iskall's Demise (S6)

Buying the Throne (S7)

Round 1 polls will go live Sunday, September 17th, at 7PM EDT!

[kingscourthouse]

hold up i NEED to know more about your Xisuma Views thing.... I just saw the art with Joel and i'm obsessed

Well it's just how it sounds, it's Xisuma's view of the world. Unlike other players, he can't see the layers they have to hide.

Lemme put it like this. You're making a minecraft skin and have your second layer, yeah? That's their base layer. And then there's a second layer that's more heavily concealing.

Xisuma isn't from minecraft and his code is glitched, so not only do layers not work for him, but he can't see the layers either. Some people use only base layers to hide "actual forms" if they have one, and others use a second layer to hide scars or parts of their body that don't need a heavy cover.

So Xisuma sees people in a bit of a weird way. He thinks how he sees people is how everyone sees eachother. He sees their true character.

Skizz is a really nice guy. He's always looking out for people, tries to be there for someone, some people say he acts like an angel.

And so Xisuma never questions it. He sees Skizz as an angel, other people supposedly see him as an angel. Skizz is just an angel, why would anyone see anything else? It's just Skizz.

Though the Skizz people actually see is his layers with the torn suit and brown hair. The layers also affect his interactions with people too. If he's around Skizz, he tends to squint alot or avoid looking in his direction if he's not in his armour. Skizz is blinding to Xisuma, so he has trouble looking at him. Though Skizz does have features, but he's too bright to see any of them.

Xisuma also has a type of layer as well, but it's not on him. He's too broken in the games code (that's a whole 'nother can of worms) for him to use layers. So what does he do? He adds a layer to everyone else.

Xisuma doesn't leave hermitcraft too often, so everyone outside it will see what he really looks like. In the server though? Everyone has a layer that covers Xisuma from their eyes. He's lucky his admin panel isn't from minecraft or else he'd be screwed.

What's fun with Xisuma seeing people's real forms is that (in my au at least) he's kind of a grey character. If there's ever a fight or spat between hermits, he can have trouble taking sides. Not all Hermits are angelic or aliens like Skizz and Joel. There's hermits who are monsters and beings who do or did bad things in the past. Not all Hermits talk about those things.

He can get better insights to people's decisions or just things about them. Joel has a habit to make things around bright areas or access to a lot of light. Maybe because he's made of it. Skizz only ever keeps one pair of elytra. Maybe because he's missing his second pair of wings that can't glow anymore.

He can see people for who they were. Keralis is an eyesore (literally) and can hurt to look at. Grian has too many evenly split scars across his body and Xisuma knows what's behind them. Doc isn't a creeper.

There's a lot to Xisuma's View thing and I do wanna eventually start drawing how everyone looks to him, but I'm indecisive and don't know where to start. So idk maybe I'll open ask box for hermit requests. Can be interactions between Xisuma and specific hermits (both ones seen and not) or it can just be their design.

Idk but feel free to ask about them, I have designs for every hermit, empires member and even everyone in the life series. So he's got plenty of people to show you.

[judasgot-it]

Hellooooooo! I would like to request, how do you think hunting dogs would be when they play Minecraft with their s/o🤭

I have so many asks in my inbox so I'm now getting to them. Also, minecraft time babyyyyyyyyyyy

Headcanons: playing minecraft with the hunting dogs

Jouno

He can't really play along with you since it's point-and-click, so sometimes he'll partake in listening in on your Minecraft sessions that you play with everyone else

He gives unnecessary advice and will insist on killing any mob you spot. Even the sheep :(

Jouno also named all of your dogs. He was heartbroken when Teruko killed one on accident and demanded retribution

You give him a play-by-play of the shenanigans that go on in the community server. He tries to get you to kill Tecchou and if you're playing during work hours he'll mess with Tecchou or Tachihara occasionally.

You built a house for the two of you in game. There's a homemade torture chamber inside just so he can enjoy the sounds of pistons and villagers being pushed into lava.

It's constantly being repaired due to Teruko's griefing

For the most part he does his own thing and adds commentary. Does cuddle with you when it's a more chill game.

Tecchou

You are the classic "builder vs. Miner" couple

He collects flowers for the two of you and gets distracted a lot

Insists on building iron golems for villages and fighting pillagers

You will get distracted EASILY with this guy

He won't play easy mode with him he has to do it hard mode. He needs the challenge

Tames every dog he sees and is sad when he loses one

Treats them like they're your kids

Your house is overrun with them. Stop him please.

They're all named after foods.

His builds aren't aesthetic, definitely a dirt hut kind of man. He'll mine diamonds for you though

If you're a miner then good luck

You'll have a beautiful dirt hut. Or a pretty cave ♡

Probably beat the game in like 3 minutes and is now just fucking around

Has no idea how potions and enchantment work tho. You need to build that shit for him, since he probably has more levels than you and can enchant all your stuff.

Dude is just gonna use some random iron sword he found in a villager's chest anyway. He cares about providing for you more than himself.

Rip to whoever he robs. Probably local villages. He lives like he's homeless. Probably is.

Most likely he would just live in an old desert temple or village if it weren't for you

Also insists on riding a horse everywhere. Doesn't matter if there's a faster method. He wants to be a cowboy ○]:)

Loves the Minecraft farmer life

The one building he does have is a stable. His horses deserve the best life. He doesn't even have a bed most of the time.

Will gift you all of his goods tho. Anything you want? He'll get it. Only the best. Man will go to the ends of the blocked earth to get you a mushroom cow if you want. He's that guy.

Tachihara

Redstone god

Literally will automate the whole game

Find him a dungeon and BAM automated

Don't try and test him, he's just good

But he's hopeless in the beginning, he runs away screaming and crying from creepers

Protect him

After you beat the game and go to the ender he is PROVIDING

THIS MAN KNOWS HIS SHIT

Literally, don't let him go mining he will die 30 different ways

If you do at least protect him. Seriously.

He will most likely die from a creeper. they are his mortal enemy. Creepers? Awwwwwww man.

But do let him build. He's just a natural genius

Probably builds like the notre dame in a day

you guys have the cutest house. builds you whatever you want, wherever you want.

Puts your beds next to each other and is like :3

Cries over creepers tho. They destroy his builds all the time. He loves his Minecraft cats and names them after his friends ♡

Has a dog named after you. He's sentimental like that

He built half of the buildings everyone uses. Is at war with everyone else since they keep letting mobs destroy them

HE DOES NOT SLEEP IN THE GAME

And then has the audacity to cry about phantoms attacking him even when he has OP armor.

When he's building you need to be there other wise he'll 100% die from fall damage probs. He just always does.

Getting materials with him is great, you find the best spots for your Minecraft dates

Teruko

She's the worst

Literally has nothing

She will just keep getting flint and steel and burning shit

or finding TNT and blowing up random shit

With nothing she will keep fighting whatever she can

Lives off of raw meat and villager farms

Please keep her alive

If it's a community server she is a serial griefer

Seriously someone stop her

She relies on everyone's leftover stuff from their mining trips

Will follow you when you go down and demand a 50/50 split

Does protect you from mobs tho

Best person to take to the nether for some reason. She's just immune to fall damage and lava.

Will always luck out and find exactly what you're looking for.

She will never destroy Tachiharas Redstone farms. But will destroy his house. They are at war rn

She declared war on everyone and took over several villages. She's trying to establish a tax system

Fukuchi

Played for like 3 days

Has a house that's abandoned

Teruko lives there sometimes

Tachihara put up a poster of two guys kissing right by his house and no one has taken it down

Fukuchi doesn't even know the chaos his Minecraft home causes on the daily

There's now a giant dick-building contest right next to it and no one wants to admit a loss.

It builds morale

everyone plays when he's gone on some special meeting. It's unspoken.

[askzloyxp]

If you don't mind, what is R3SPAWN?

(animation by Th3Pooka)

I'm glad you asked! Because I actually can talk about it, finally! R3SPAWN is a closed playerlist LIFESTEAL server that starts Jan 7th 8pm GMT (and will be streamed from immediately after lol) with around 30 participants, all streamers or youtubers!

The twist is that every player has two extra lives given to them in the beginning and no more. BUT these lives are also actively items in their inventory that can be traded, given or stolen! BUT ALSO when you die, your inventory is deleted, so having more than one on you will burn it up, meaning people will have to stash their extra lives somewhere on a server where someone may be just desperate enough to steal 'em! And you would want to have as many as possible because in 3 weeks, the final week is an all out slaughter with PVP and traps enabled and encouraged.

The list of creators we have also seems very promising because the skill ranges from BrunoDanUy (beaten hardcore minecraft with only half a heart MULTIPLE TIMES) to someone like me, whose last hardcore run ended when I dared step foot in a regular forest and was blown up by a creeper. There's also a lot of people who are just pure talent like Pixlriffs, Kafers, Th3Pooka, MrBeardstone, Silentwisperer and so many more!

It's gonna be a lot of fun! Some people are already forming alliances before it even begun XD

[fountainpenguin]

"I wanna hold you, baby, 'cuz I'm gonna miss you like crazy even if I'm halfway around the world~!" (x)

One and a Half Birds

💙 Read on AO3

🧡 Complete! - 15/15 chapters - 113k words

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

A server hub story about Mumbo proposing the soul-eating dynamic to Grian before they roleplay it... and Grian fretting over what might happen when he reveals his soul is purple, not blue like everyone else's in this world.

Newbie pictures, creeper biology, hungry phantom hybrids, Watcher Grian drama, and Minecraft surgery await in this hurt/comfort story of friendship and communication.

ft. platonic Buttercups (Grian, Mumbo, Scar) with flirty Ahasbands (Martyn/Mumbo) working out their post-Last Life relationship on the side. Super pleased with how it came out. Enjoy!

(First 1,000 words below the cut)

One and a Half Birds

Baby Pictures

💙  🧡  💚

The thing about Grian is that he has a tendency to buck his head, throwing it back any time he explodes in laughter. It's better than the feel of his jagged fingernails curling tight against your arm and only slightly easier to duck than his flapping wings. Mumbo leans sideways, clutching his drink near his chest, as Grian does exactly what he always does: which is, of course, all three. "Pfffft! Oh, Scaaar! Wow… I never- I never knew you were such a little nerd back in your newbie days! What is up with your hair? Is that white dye?"

Careful, Grian… I really, really don't want to spill this all over your lovely couch. Grian's actually got a nice flat for someone who rarely lingers here while in Between. Mumbo cups one hand around his wooden cup, catching a droplet before it can splatter on a throw pillow.

"Hey, hey," Scar protests, leaning forward. Grian and Mumbo are on the couch, but Scar is standing with one hand inside his jacket pocket. Grian's still got a finger jabbing at the screenshot in the scrapbook. It probably looks upside-down to Scar. That fits.

The sheepish boy in the picture (who's dangling upside-down himself from an oak branch) is grinning at his own reflection in the pond below. He's a whole lot younger than the Scar standing in front of them now. If you squint, you can see the places he hadn't quite grown into his own skin. The blue wings flapping at his shoulders are smaller, but much brighter in color. Definitely an allay hybrid in a way the vex standing before them isn't.

"You look like Victor Frankenstein."

"That was 700 years ago! Don't be picking on a man's looks. Little Scar can't even defend himself!"

"Little Scar can't do nuttin' to me. I'll talk about his silly hair all I like."

Scar surges forward, scooping Grian behind the back and under the legs. Grian's wings snap out. He hardly has time to yelp before Scar flips him backwards off the couch. Mumbo's brows shoot into his hair. Grian scrabbles with his fingertips, howling and gasping, and Scar springs knee-first on the cushions to grab his wrists. Their pixels slam together, spurting sparks, and Grian (knees already on the ground) tilts back his head. Scar draws in close, breathing slow, until his mouth is practically brushing Grian's ear.

"Long… live… the king."

With that, he shoves Grian to the floor with a thud. Grian doesn't get up, but lies there like a fish, crumpled in his own jumper. Mumbo chuckles.

"Never a dull moment with you two, huh? … You wanna see my newbie pictures?"

That does get Grian off the floor. Scar drops down on the cushion beside him and Grian pops up from behind the couch, arms folded on the back of it. Mumbo flips through the pages in his own book, looking for one in particular he's not even sure he still has. He's only a couple in when Grian slams down his hand, crowing laughter.

"You're younger than me, Mumbo! Why do you look like an old man?"

It's true. He sort of does, doesn't he? Wrinkled forehead, dark and squinty eyes… He's even wearing a bowtie in most of these, though back then he hadn't picked out the three-piece suit he often wears in public now. Mostly white button-ups. Occasionally his full wandering trader robes. Mumbo got his start much younger than Scar did, though he's not sure he can say the same for Grian.

He squints, running his thumb down the corner of one screenshot in particular. Unlike Scar's pictures from his first singleplayer, most of his were taken in the Between dimension. Huh. His home village of Little Sun has changed quite a lot, actually, from what it used to be… but the spawn temple with its little teal and turquoise banners is still the same.

And yet… I still have Double-U and Buzz. His llamas have stayed beside him all his off-server life. Their white wool still flourishes, accented with familiar pale brown spots like chunks of cookie dough in vanilla ice cream. The spots shift around between their respawns, but the long lashes and affectionate headbutts are always the same. Speaking of the girls, he should send False a whisper to confirm she actually did check on them tonight. He doesn't doubt her… His comm just hasn't pinged with an incoming message yet.

"You look like Etho," Scar observes, indicating the red scarf wrapped around his mouth in one screenshot on the next page.

"Sorry- I just can't get over how old and tired you look, Mumbo… I doubt you'd even made it to the Far Lands back then, but this fella already looks like he's seen too much."

"Oh, go on, then!" Mumbo claps the book shut. "Let's see your newbie screenshots."

All the energy whirls out of Grian chest in that moment. "My what?"

"Yeah! Let's do that!" Scar throws an arm around him, double punching Grian in the shoulder so hard, he flashes red. "C'mon, G! Get the book! You know, I half believe you spawned into existence without ever being a newbie account. I've literally never heard you talk about your spawn temple."

"Um-"

Mumbo concurs with a lift of his drink, like making a toast. "Look, you can't talk smack and then leave us hanging, bud. That just ain't bro!" (Is he saying that right? The whole 'dragon bro' bit was always a mite difficult to wrap his head around).

"… Right. Uh, let me just…" Grian pushes away from the couch, sliding his hands into his pockets. Mumbo watches his tongue press against the inside of his cheek. "Right, okay… Let me just ask Two where he last put it…"

Mumbo and Scar let him go, both craning their heads to follow Grian along the corridor with their eyes anyway. Two, BadTime, and Drone are all in Two's room frosting cookies and making party plans. Mumbo watches Grian twist the doorknob, then returns his attention to the book of screenshots in his lap. You know, there are some really nice ones in here. His only regret may be not taking more while he had the chance.

I like to think I grew up nice, actually… And then, Why aren't WE having a party in pajamas? Don't get him wrong, because he loves his suspenders and Scar likes his jacket (and Grian is, well, Grian), but…

"Scar? We're missing out, bud."

"S'cuse me?"

"No pajamas."

"Oh… Next time!"

[Full story on AO3 - Link at top]

[badboyfriends]

Hermitcraft Fic Rec!

HELLO. i have hundreds, HUNDREDS of hermitcraft fanfiction bookmarked and living in my brain without rent. Breaking this up into categories for some of my PERSONAL favorite fics in the fandom- including categories for shipping, crossover, and worldbuilding.

Some of these fics are from 2019 but generally speaking you don't need knowledge of past seasons you should be able to pick up on just about all of them. a lot of these are mostly included BECAUSE they're older and therefore, harder to accidentally stumble upon. put in no particular order.

If your fic is on here and you'd like it removed, send an Ask with the fic, a dm, etc

World Building

The Parting Glass / To Pass The Jungle You Have To Go All The Way Around - Sekrap.

Doc has been trying to forget. He has done everything everyone told him he should do to make the memories go away. And still the jungle calls for him. / He was a monster. Then, a man. Now, a machine. Doc, once a normal Creeper, was not meant to live. Let alone become a Player. He learned to speak, he learned to fight, he learned to build. Some things stayed the same. aka- the Domestic Creeper au.

____

Carpet Trick - CrazyCatMeow

You all know the double carpet trick right? What happens when that joint with a tired mad scientist meet.

Mob hybrids can't see carpets <3 extra silly and very lighthearted

____

Window Pane - blueticked

Tango and Impulse discuss the brand new presence of Helsknight.

It's not a coincidence that all the evil personas have red eyes.

Tango is a Hels, struggling with self-acceptance and his place in Hermitcraft, which was never meant to be for him. in my head ALL THE TIME

____

"I know" - KindaJustHere

Bdubs was used to death. He was used to being killed by his fellow hermits. He was very used to being killed by Grian. Maybe a little too much.

(This is based off Grian’s episode 61 of hermitcraft season 7 where Bdubs says “I know” and shoots himself) BDUBS SELF ESTEEM ANGST!! Griangst !!!! Emotionally fucked up Grian from YHS !!

____

Hiss and Scratch - TheNerdyTurtle96

Doc is a mad scientist who isn't afraid of anything. Actually, that's not true. His only weakness is cats.

exactly like it said it is . SO GOOD AND CUTE

____

For the Record - Anonymous

Tango shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I did. Xisuma’s teaching Impulse some Galactic Standard so he can cheat at enchanting or something. Apparently Xelqua’s, like, some sort of god in Xisuma’s culture? It was kind of unclear, I wasn’t paying attention when Impulse told me.”

“Huh,” Grian said vacantly. “How about that.”

oops! Grian is Xisuma's god. amazing

____ GrianMC - SixteenthDays

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Techno says frankly.

“You know,” Grian says again. “Your- Watchers.”

Techno squints for a moment before understanding visibly dawns behind his eyes. “Ohhh, you mean Chat?”

(On watchers, and Watchers.)

This IS technically a crossover but its more worldbuilding than anything else. its literally so funny. i love it

Crossover

These Days I Don't Feel Like Myself At All / Mercury (No One Can Unring This Bell) (Series Ongoing) - RoguishOne (DarkWolfMoon)

TommyInnit had died. Again. To Dream. Again. And it sucked exactly as much as he thought it would because he'd wanted to move on and have a chance to actually live this time. Seems he won't be getting that.

Then he gets pulled out of Limbo, but he doesn't wake up back in the cell with Dream or next to his bed on the server. He doesn't wake up on the Dream SMP at all.

Little does he know that this is the least of his worries.

i want to scream and cry and hypervenilate thinking about this fic series. literally cannot recommend it enough. your life will be ROCKED. THE WRITING IS SOOOOO OGOOOD . i just want to shake. i cannot put into words what this fic makes me feel.

____

Shells in the Foam (a Hermit!Tommy fanfic) - Cedarwhisp21

When Dream attacks Tommy in Logestshire, Tommy runs. Badly injured, he somehow manages to slip between worlds and wakes up in a badlands biome, on a server far from home, with no other players in sight.

The Hermits are surprised when a new player logs in, and confused when no-one's at spawn. Five days later, after waiting for the new player to introduce themselves, Xisuma uses his admin abilities to access their coordinates. He takes Impulse with him to welcome the new player to Hermitcraft, but instead of the beginnings of a base, they find something a lot more concerning.

NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. the NUMBER ONE kudo-ed hermit fic . by my beloved. and using the one of the beloved au by pertrichormeraki . its so good and im sooo glad i was here for the ride of seeing it unfold <3

____

let me give you a piece of my mind - Interjection

Dream and Grian practice building for MCC, and hold a conversation in the process.

Or,

Grian gives an outside perspective on Dream’s actions. Dream is having none of it.

Grian is a fucked up lil guy <3 Dream is a piece of shit

____

He would not die - Nicoforlife

If phil could save only one person from this place, that would be enough.

Tldr I made phil a watcher :)

Watcher Phil and Grian !! ! !!

____

Scared as hell - Nhi_theuserof_this

Grian was one of the closest people to Fundy at this point. He wants to be honest, really, but with the rest of his family history being a total train wreck, he spends an awkwardly long time dancing around what he wants to say.

Tldr; Grian is Fundy’s uncle, Fundy comes out to him

OK SO THIS ONE. WAS BASED OFF ONE OF MY AUS but i had to include it. ok .short and sweet

It was just a game - QuasarsFaults (UNFINISHED)

Taurtis Has been on the server awhile now, he's made new friends, a really tasty toritos shop, a new job working with Concorp, and he's even made this really cool pirate rollercoaster. So why did his and Scar's idea go so wrong?

OK. so i honest to god cannot remember if this is my au or if i just partook in it. i think its my au. who knows. either way seeing this again makes me want to work on my own Taurtis-Became-a-Hermit-Instead-of-Grian fic

Shipping

heartfelt confession - mysteryguest

it shouldn't come as a surprise to iskall, he thinks, when he finally settles on a term that feels just right. and yet, it is. and it's dreadful, feeling that urge, that need to tell someone, without knowing if they would accept you or not.

at least he knows the person he can trust the most with this info is his boyfriend, mumbo.

non-binary and bigender Mumskull !!! coming out. finding identity. finding pronouns.

____

I Hate You (I Promise I Don't) - BewitchingNotes

If someone asked Grian why he was relentlessly pranking Etho now that he was finally back in Hermitland, he'd say it was just for pure fun.

To Etho, it meant Grian was mad at him.

To everyone else, Grian had a huge crush on the redstone user and obviously didn't know how to communicate it.

OR: Grian just wants Etho's attention, Etho misreads this as Grian being mad at him, Grian thinks Etho hates him because of his pranks and everyone else just wants these boys to communicate properly already. Grian's love language is pranks...i love it

____ A Study Of Love in the Universe Itself - 2point5

Love had a strange meaning on Hermitcraft, where everyone loved each other. 

OR

Joe looks into the different ways he loves some of his fellow members, and what that means for him as a human.

ITS A SERIES TOO AND ITS SOOOO GOOD i love it . Joe x Cleo x Bdubs x Etho . what more could you want. and their sexualities and how they perceive love is . OAUGHHGHGGHHGHGHBHGHFHHVIJXFSHDF IUSDHIUSAHDUIA

[silverskye13]

“I never got the chance to congratulate you,” Jevin laughs, and his voice is one of those mischievous smiles that makes it hard to tell if he’s about to make a joke, be facetious about something, or if he’s just in good spirits. Normally facial cues would make that easier, and Doc has gotten a little better at reading slime expressions, but given Doc has problems with facial expressions anyway... he’s still a bit lost. That was why he and Ren got along so well: dog ears and tail went a long way to convey mood. All that to say, Jevin is in a good mood with dubious motives for it.

“Congratulate me?” Doc asks, quirking his voice up in a smirk that doesn’t make itself visible on his face. The button on his elevator has shorted out - hopefully not Pesky-Bird related, or this repair might suddenly become more complex than it should be.

“Yeah, most deaths-by-creeper on the server for Season 8.”

“I thought Scar held that record?”

“Scar doesn’t count dude. He’s Scar.”

This time the smirk does make it to Doc’s face. “Hah... yeah. He does have a habit of falling into misfortune a bit.”

Jevin slides into his peripheral vision, leaning against the closed elevator doors. He watches Doc fiddle with the button for a few seconds. Intrigue makes his expression tilt sideways, like he hasn’t quite gotten the questionable head-tilt right. Or maybe that’s just how he’s chosen to do a head-tilt. Doc figures if his own features could shift around a bit more, maybe he’d let them.

“Do I win a prize for most creeper deaths?”

“Well, I thought about bringing you a creeper mob head, but you’ve got a charged creeper canon. You can probably get those all on your own.”

Doc clicks the button and waits. When it becomes clear the elevator doors aren’t opening, he hisses out a sigh through clenched teeth and levers his screwdriver beneath it, popping the button off smoothly. The redstone circuit behind it is a baffling maze. Jevin takes one glance inside and lets out a long whistle that reverberates oddly through his form, obviously impressed.

"Yeah, it's a bit of a mess," Doc chuckles, and he keys in a command on his redstone arm. His redstone eye lights up brightly, scanning for breaks in the wiring.

"It's a pretty cool mess, though," Jevin says, watching for a few seconds longer before slipping his hands into his hoodie and turning to look out at the perimeter below. An updraft rumples his hoodie as he leans closer to the edge. There's a bit of mischief in Doc that wants to turn around and shove Jevin off the edge, but the slime doesn't have his elytra on, so the prank would probably be unwelcome.

"You think it's kinda ironic, the creeper deaths thing?" Jevin asks after a long pause passes between them, and Doc can't tell if Jevin is genuinely curious or just bored.

"Ahm, not really," Doc answers, reaching his arm through the panel on the elevator to swat at a loose wire. It takes a couple tries to grab it. "Just proves I'm not that great at listening for them. They're very quiet when they want to be, you know."

"I guess. I just thought it was funny, you being a creeper and all."

Doc chuckles. He gently loops the wire around his finger and follows it upward, trying to differentiate it from the wiring of its surroundings. He really should get better at labelling this smaller scale, finicky redstone. It would make repairs easier.

"I'd ask if you hear every slime coming, but they're a bit more toothless than creepers."

There's a pause and ruffling of clothing as Jevin shrugs. "Their voices are kinda soft, but yeah they get loud when they get angry at ya."

"Oh. I didn't know you could hear the other slimes." Doc glanced briefly over his shoulder, past Jevin down to the perimeter, where green flashes of color in the morning sun marked the movement of dozens of slimes. "Do they ever say anything interesting?'

"I don't speak their language."

"Really?"

"I mean, it's all pretty similar speech." Jevin said thoughtfully. He'd shuffled down to sit with his legs dangling over the edge of the platform, and he started kicking his feet idly. "It's all dialects of the same language, but every mother slime has a different dialect. There are recognizable noises, but holding conversation is rough."

Doc stops his fiddling with the redstone to watch Jevin. The slime seems at ease, still stuck in that odd half-mischief-mood he came here with. There's a question on Doc's teeth he can't decide if he should ask, for fear Jevin's mood would sour. But he's always been too curious for his own good, so he asks it anyway.

"Ahm... Doesn't that make slime farms difficult?"

"Well, I dunno Doc," Jevin counters, shrugging, "are creeper farms difficult for you?"

"Oh. The circumstances are different I think."

"How so?"

"I cannot hear the other creepers anymore," Doc says, and he turns back to work on his redstone at about the same moment Jevin tries to make eye contact with him. "Obviously. I never hear them coming. New record holder that I am."

"You used to though?"

"Yeah. It was never... Ahm... Their thoughts are different that a player's. We think in colors and letters and symbols. They think in emotions and impressions. You get gut feelings of things, like you were feeling them, and then you move on. I remember it used to get overwhelming sometimes, especially when several creepers were gathered in one place, you know."

Doc starts looking for the disconnected wire again, tracing a finger through the tangle of redstone.

"What changed?"

Doc found what he was looking for, a single loose wire in the back of the panel, yanked out of place by the weight of all the others, an inefficiency in an otherwise perfect system. It sparked angrily, caustic redstone biting explosively at the air with nowhere to go. "I stopped being a creeper, I guess."

Doc plugged the wire back in. The elevator dinged and the doors pulled open. Yes, he much preferred the simplicity of machines, the clarity of thought, of one action leading logically to another.

Jevin was standing behind him again, watching keenly as Doc closed the elevator panel and popped the button back into place. "Do you ever miss it?"

Doc tilted his head to the side thoughtfully. "I don't know?"

Jevin shrugged, like that answer was enough. They tested the elevator, marveling at the changing numbers as they went down. Doc smiled at the rising horizon. Ah well, the silence didn't really matter. It's not like he was alone.

[theminecraftbee]

Skizz slams the door open. "Am I late? Guys, am I late?"

"Relax, relax," says Impulse. "Grian still hasn't actually started yet, so like -"

"Oh, thank goodness. I wanted to put six diamonds down on 'soulenemies'," Skizz says, slumping into a couch in the corner of a coffee shop he definitely, definitely isn't supposed to have been able to get into. It's just, like, if Grian gets to open a ridiculous rift in reality, there's nothing stopping the rest of them, right?

"Okay!" Scar says, brightly. "That's long-shot odds you know. 'We don't get to know how many lives we have' currently has the most diamonds on it, you know."

"Yeah, Grian's not that boring," Skizz says, as Scar marks it down on the chart. To the side, Martyn snorts. "If he were gonna do that, he'd do some other twist too."

"I wanted to bet for reverse life but Impulse wouldn't let me," Pearl says.

"Pearl, I'm not letting you waste your diamonds on 'the guy who dies the most wins'."

"Jimmy deserves the win!" Pearl says.

"Yeah, that's why Grian wouldn't do it."

Martyn snorts and takes a sip of a drink. Skizz squints. He's... pretty sure that's actually just milk. He's not sure why Martyn is drinking it like it's wine or something, but like, sure.

"I still say 'we're doing it underwater' this time," Martyn adds.

"Can you do that? Tango, you're technically an admin, right?" Impulse asks.

"Uhhhhh.... I don't know," Tango says, shrugging. "I think we'd drown."

"Underwater, but we don't drown. We can test it," Martyn says. "The pool is mine."

"Long odds," Scar says.

"Listen. If you all insist on using MY COFFEE SHOP for these - these illegal activities," Bdubs starts.

"Awww, Bubbles," Etho says.

"Y - You don't get to try to sweeten me up!" Bdubs says. "If you're using my coffee shop, you'll keep it down, so -"

Cleo comes barreling down from outside. "Grian's in the shopping district," she says, deceptively calm.

"SCATTER!" Impulse says, not calm at all.

Scar flips the betting board over. Someone jumps out a window. Before Skizz can figure out what to do, he and Martyn are shoved under a table on top of each other.

"Take me out to dinner first," Martyn says.

"Come on man," Skizz says, and then the door opens.

There's a long silence. Then, Skizz hears Grian speak.

"You know, I'm not an idiot. I know when you're hiding stuff from me. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Whatever prank you're planning? I will have both eyes open. Doc's been throwing creepers at me! I'm ready!"

Another silence.

"Yeah, okay, sure," Bdubs says.

"Why did you say that so suspiciously," Grian says.

"Oh, yeah, actually, Grian, what's your opinion on elytras?"

"...Bdubs, you've been on the same server as me for how many years?" Grian says, baffled.

"Just wondering! Have, uh, have..."

"You know what? I'm not asking," Grian says, and it's silent for a bit before there's a shuffling and Skizz is pulled out from under the table.

"Sorry about that, precautions, you know? It's not fair if he sees what we're betting on, then he won't do it," Scar says. "Anyway. You know, Bdubs, your theory that we're doing it this time with wings? Good theory, good theory! I see potential in that. It is easy to forget how much that man likes his wings. Looking far more promising! Any takers?"

"That would be the worst to fight with and I don't think he'd do it," Cleo says, and the conversation begins again.

[celestesparlour]

if bursonas play minecraft;

argbur's avatar standing there dumbfounded when simpbur keeps stuttering and trying to tell him that he can't JUST place his bed next to his own bed while argbur just doesn't understand what's the big deal since hes new to minecraft entirely

simpbur is more experienced with minecraft and thought if he wow'd argbur with his knowledge then surely argbur would think he's cool! unfortunately, moments after thinking this, he has fallen into a pit of lava and died in front of him

people have no idea why simpbur's avatar and argbur's avatar just stand still in the game, looking down until they realized they were just sleeping in call together

simpbur once pranked pogbur and lmanbur by putting their beds together, and then later saw in chat that they both died at the same time, and then died again due to smacking each other when they respawned

revivebur would put way too much effort into gathering lots and lots of materials, and hoards a lot of them in his already full, disorganized storage space— has too many building projects scattered across their land that were just left unfinished; they have no idea where revivebur is, most of the time, because he's always deep into the mines or exploring in other biomes.

whenever he comes back, its always to the craziest shit ever. he was days late into finding out that lmanbur and pogbur had just divided the land into two sections but then proceed to grief each other's builds + houses

revivebur always asks for someone to accompany him though, which is usually ghostbur. gets very anxious when playing alone; ghostbur and revivebur are oddly much more sweet to each other in chat, since revivebur allows himself to verbally reciprocate

only times revivebur stays longer at their base is to help ghostbur with building + tending the flower garden, bee farm, as well as the enclosures for friend.

revivebur had to build him a house bc "you sleep outside because you placed your bed out the fences— of course you need a house!" whenever revivebur returns, they would put the flowers he got into their garden (revivebur being stingy with his stuff but giving/sharing ghostbur any of his doesnt surprise all of them)

ghostbur hadn't slept for days because he spent all his time fixated on this one thing (building his area) and kept expanding on it; does not even have the essential materials. does not even wear armor. they shut off the server for breaks daily bc of this

phantombur brought capitalism in that server all so they can scam everyone; grinds a lot, and is the richest there— they give discounts for ghostbur and revivebur (only cuz ghostbur insisted too)

phantombur gets shy whenever playing with people with the full intent to befriend them, so they think bribery would help

one night limbobur was playing with just lmanbur and pogbur, he was reading the chat where they had this massive argument— heard the door slam from another room, before hearing an noisy, aggressive make-out session and then—

they didnt log back on for weeks

simpbur's the one that dies a lot to the point that a lot of people come with him just to regularly hold his stuff; argbur is the least trustworthy with his stuff because he keeps stealing it to tease him. argbur got his armor once, worn it and never taken it off again even when simpbur kept whining in call

ghostbur and simpbur have this thing where they both crouch and jump up and down while nodding their heads like they're having a conversation

pogbur kept hissing like a creeper; they all lightly tease him for it, but lmanbur said out loud that he genuinely thinks it's cute— proceeds to get bullied by revivebur while pogbur is silent on call, face red bc he thought the compliment was lmanbur mocking him

when they get together, it feels weird to the other burs to watch them on the new minecraft server— and they don't start any fights or grief-offs, or anything; they just build their dream house together and kept acting like they're married

[gatitties]

Please please please part 10 of the seijoh manager!!!

Manager Miniseries

─Aoba Josai x fem!reader

─Summary: you were trying to have a relaxing afternoon playing minecraft with the team and ended up making a new friend

─Warnings: none

It's your lucky day because I was thinking of updating this miniseries soon so… 👀

9 < 10 > 11

You sat on your chair, turning around a couple of times until decided that you should enter the Discord voice chat that you shared with the guys on the team, you didn't use it much, but it was fine when you all had to discuss some things about training. But today you weren't here for any of that. You clicked on the group icon, immediately being greeted by different voices.

"Are we all here?"

"I don't understand why I'm doing this."

"It will be fun Iwa-chan!"

You sighed silencing the group until you could enter the game,you had been very addicted these last few days playing Minecraft, so much so that you proposed to create a server to be able to connect with friends and play. You clicked on the logo waiting several minutes, when it was loaded you went back to Discord to let them know that they could enter the world now but you only heard screams and screams from your classmates calling you.

"(N)?"

"(Nn)? Have you forsaken us?"

"She's been online the whole time."

"Is she muted? It doesn't surprise who would want to listen to shittikawa?""

"Hey! shut up, I'll make a better house than yours and then I'll hunt you Iwa-chan!"

"That, that! Show him who's boss Oikawa."

Matsukawa's laughter was heard, encouraging the rivalry between friends.

"I don't think Iwaizumi will be defeated so easily, right?"

"I'll kill that idiot and have the best house."

"I bet on Oikawa."

"Huh? Really Makki? then I go for Iwaizumi."

"Oi don't bet on us!"

"Makki you have made a good choice! but what exactly are we betting?"

"Mmh, now that you mention it I don't know, any ideas guys?"

"Whoever loses pays for a dinner for the whole team."

Both parts agreed with the proposal that Kunimi had made, immediately reaching a deal, chaos would return to the chat if it weren't for a grunt and a blow, creating a silence, which you took advantage of to speak.

"Guys, you can join the server now."

"I'll win against Iwa-chan so that he and Mattsun pay!"

"I don't think it was a good idea to agree to join."

"Yahaba, don't be so negative, I'll help you with your house and get materials."

"Thank you (N), I really adore you."

"Could I also have some help?"

"Sure Kindaichi, I guess I'll have to help you with the main thing."

You all started with the basics, gather some wood, kill a couple of sheep, create a small house until it got dark. Right now you were playing alone without using voice chat, you were concentrating on mining until you heard an explosion followed by a message in the in-game chat.

[King_Oikawa has been blown up by a creeper]

You couldn't help but giggle as watched your companions foolishly die one after the other because of the creatures of the night.

[Makkinotfound has been killed by a zombie]

[Yahaba_pro has tried swimming in lava]

[xXKentaroXx has drowned]

[Mattsun777 exploded]

[Iwaplay has fallen from a very high place]

You came out of your house armed with a stone sword, killing some zombies and skeletons, you met the first year boys who were trying not to get killed by a mini zombie that was running around like a demon. You got into a voice chat where only the three of you were, you were trying to help them.

"Help us please, we haven't finished the house yet."

"Sure, what do you need?"

"How do you make a torch?"

"Oh, Kunimi, let me guide you while Kindaichi finishes filling that hole with this."

You tossed Kindaichi some wood, then you explain to his partner how to craft some things, Kunimi really got interested in how to build a bed while the turnip boy was trying not to get hit by arrows. After a long while and ending up helping the third year pranksters a bit as well, you muted the voice chat again. You frowned looking at the game screen where a new message had appeared, apparently no one had noticed that another person had entered the game.

[Applepie has entered]

'I forgot to put a password to the server? what if they're a hacker or something? Nah.'

[(N): hello??]

[Applepie: oh I think I got the wrong serv]

[(N): don't worry, at least you're not a hacker or something]

[(N): or so I hope…]

[Applepie: I'm not]

[Applepie: Some servers are down and I thought this would be fine, your IP was open]

[(N): well it's just a server between friends, but you can stay and play :)]

[Applepie: thanks]

[Applepie: I think I'll stay, no lag here]

[(N): feel comfortable in Seijoland]

[Applepie: I will]

[(N): maybe we could talk on discord? If you don't mind of course]

[(N): I would like to have a internet friend]

[Applepie: ok]

You practically spent the whole afternoon playing with the boy named Kenma, you both had a good time, apparently had some things in common.

"Then he left me in the tree for an hour."

"I should meet your friends, they seem interesting."

You laughed at Kenma's story, according to a very tall boy from his club, he left him on the branch of a tree to take a picture of him as if he were a kitten but forgot to come back for him.

"Your friends also seem… curious."

"Believe me, you couldn't bear to spend much time with them."

[King_Oikawa: i just finished my house]

[King_Oikawa: mattsun and Iwa will be paying the team a dinner!!]

[Mattsun777: sorry dude, i don't think so]

A 'tss' followed by an in-game explosion was heard, the characters of Kenma and you looked at each other silently wondering the same thing in their minds.

"Did they just blow up the house of that 'King Oikawa'?"

"Yeah, they're betting."

"I guess they take it very seriously."

"No one wants to pay a dinner for the entire team."

"Understandable."

You two continued to ignore the boys chatting about Oikawa's house, while you asked your online friend for help to build something like an area so they could fight for that dinner. The rest of the team seemed to be starting to understand the game more so they were exploring everything without any help from their manager.

"Kenma, are you playing again?"

A faint voice came over the call, as Kenma's character stopped.

"Don't you have to bother Lev or something?"

"No, I like to bother you." the voice was getting closer to the microphone "Are you playing with someone else?"

"Yes."

You laughed at the clear irritation of your recent friend, catching the newcomer's attention.

"Hey? Are you playing with a girl?"

"Yeah, and she's listening to you, so shut up."

"Hello! I'm Ku-"

There was a blow followed by curses, several whispers, and finally Kenma spoke again, irritation spilling over his tone.

"I'm disconnecting now, my friend is very annoying."

"Okay, see you Kenma."

"Bye (N)."

Before he could hang up you heard a scream over the line.

"Now I know her name!"

Returning to your team who were still arguing over who should pay, you decided that was enough. You went through all the houses not understanding how Mattsun and Makki had built a bunker out of diamond blocks, Kunimi and Kindaichi had accidentally burned down their house for trying to make a Nether portal, or how Kyotani was chasing Yahaba with a bucket of lava because apparently he had accidentally killed Kentaro's dog. You blinked a few times to laugh out loud hitting your desk and inadvertently joining the voice call again.

"What is (N) laughing at?"

"From your trash home Iwa-chan."

"The only garbage here is you."

[Iwaplay has killed King_Oikawa]

"Hey! That's cheating."

When your laughing fit stopped, you were able to speak correctly, still with a mocking smile on face, trying to stabilize yourself, since it began to hurt your chest from laughing so much.

"Guys, why are your houses totally blown up?"

Apparently neither Iwaizumi nor Oikawa were near their houses because just hearing what you said they screamed in surprise.

"WHAT?"

"NOO my house dude!"

[poll-life-smp]

SESSION 8 - THE RED WARS

After the crimson eclipse rose above everyone, the crimson empires, allied with the crazy girls, declared war on the rest of the server

After barely escaping the rascals' base with squiddo and oli, fundy decided to hide in his starter base, not realising captainsparklez was following him. Cornered between the walls and his father, fundy can do nothing but plea.

"don't make this harder son, i'm so sorry, but you are the true heir to my crimson throne, please, please join me, we could be together again!' sparlez said, holding a netherite axe, "i want you to make your own choice..."

More info about the creators:

Captainsparklez:

🎶Creeper, Aw Man🎶

Fundy:

The man the myth the furry. Codes Minecraft so it becomes Worse for his own entertainment. Helplessly pathetic but tries his darn best. Literally won the “Most pathetic mcyt” poll. Canonically eats and sleeps on all fours. Was trans for a while. Played it fully straight that his mum was a Minecraft salmon mob. I think he’s CG5’s dad now. Brought Iskall onto the dsmp once. Has worn a maid dress in front or his dad and his dads buddies. Has a terrible mic that peaks whenever he screams, which he does a lot. Once almost drowned The Blade. What a man

[epicfranb]

DNI if you call stone "smooth stone", if you call slabs "half-slabs", if you grow your giant spruce trees right on the ground and spread podzol everywhere, if you like to get elytra as soon as possible, if you leave trees floating, if you don't fill in creeper holes, if you hate diorite, if you let your fish and axolotls live in a small aquarium, if you make your sniffer enclosures 20 blocks or less, if you understand redstone, if you aren't overwhelmed by large public servers with tons of buttons and chat messages, if you don't keep your first wooden pick as a memento, if you use wooden logs as fuel instead of converting them into planks, if you break spawners, if you know how to use worldedit, if you prefer mending on a bow, if you kill random endermen that are just passing by, or if you don't light up your area (and especially if you complain about the mobs BUT STILL don't light it up)

[box-architecture]

It hadn't taken long to come to an understanding with his female counterpart. The mask alone was hard proof. Made exactly the same, down to the last rune? Only he knew every enchantment the thing had acquired over the years. It certainly wasn't something you could fake. The same axe, the same armor, the same green eyes that inspected him just as closely? She was him, and he was her.

It certainly wasn't the strangest thing he'd dealt with.

The information they shared was tentative at first, before it rapidly began to expand as they realized the extent of their similarities. A plan shared. An enemy the same. Only the little details changed, and that fascinated Dream. How did gender influence a persons actions, thoughts, and feelings? How much did they differ as people simply by a quirk of birth?

If it was an experiment, it wasn't perfect. Too many variables, too many genders changed. Only one at a time should be changed to get an accurate measure, but still. This was incredibly interesting, and he could see by the gleam in her eyes that she felt the same.

They could have talked for several hours about it actually, but as usual, their server members couldn't stay still.

"Dream!"

Both Dreams turned their heads as a woman's voice cried out in relief, but only the female Dream was bowled over. A large creeper centaur who looked remarkably similar to his Sam crowded his other self like an overbearing cat, brushing their cheeks together and slipping her hands beneath her armor.

"Sam!" She laughed, sounding relieved and exasperated. "You're okay. Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine. But when that light hit and I couldn't find any of you-" The Sam broke off, before placing a kiss in her Dream's hair. "I was worried."

"I'm fine," Her Dream reassured her. "I didn't see anyone else where I spawned, so I assume everyone must have spawned separately. We can go look for them."

Her Sam seemed happy with that, and Dream quirked his lips at the strange, outside point of view of what it looked like when his Sam was in an affectionate mood. He knew their lives had been mirrors, but both had 'conveniently' forgotten to mention their personal relationships. If prison had happened the way it did in his world (and judging by the mangled state of her fingers, it had) then it was likely she had made the same deal with Sam that Dream did, and continued it afterwards. Which meant that-

His train of thought was abruptly derailed by Sam locking eyes with him. She had pulled her Dream into a hug and glared over her shoulder. Her gaze was empty of the warmth she had afforded her own Dream, replaced by a coldness that made his instincts scream in an old, horrific knowing.

He couldn't breathe.

He needed to get out. He wasn't safe here. He had to-

"Dream!"

He flinched, turning as little as possible and backing away to keep all parties in view. The figure approaching at rapid speed slid and slowed until he was only a few feet away, turning into an anxious shuffle. Dream's vision tunneled. (Don't let them know you're afraid. Keep it together.)

"Dream?" His Sam asked hesitantly, glancing at their counterparts. Sam reached out thread their fingers together, whining low when Dream's hand remained limp and his breath shallow. The whine turned into low, rumbling growl that he directed at the other two.

"What did you do to him?" Sam hissed angrily as he summoned his trident. The blood left the other Dream's face, knuckles whitening as she attempted to keep herself still. Her Sam looked at her in alarm and chirred, concerned, before she turned and sent a growl of her own.

"Put your weapon away."

Sam did not. He blocked Dream from their view and began to carefully herd Dream away, never taking his eyes off the perceived threat. The other Sam mirrored him, pulling her Dream with her until they were both on opposite sides of the room. When they reached a corner, Sam coaxed Dream into sitting on the floor with him.

"Are you hurt?" He asked. His hands hovered over Dream's body like he wasn't certain he was allowed to touch. Dream exhaled. It was fine. Everything was fine. His Sam was here, and his Sam promised to keep him safe. He wouldn't-

I could keep writing this but at this point it just descends into both Sam's trying to loaf on their Dreams and growling at each other until their respective Punz's show up and pull them away by the ear

-

"Well. This isn't really what I wanted to be doing today."

"Same." His female counterpart bit into a gapple. "I don't suppose you've seen a beautiful woman or a green fluffy centaur?"

"… No. I could ask you the same, but male?"

"Nothing." She sighed, and tossed him a gapple for himself. "Let me guess. They're tall, ridiculous, and worth more than diamonds and netherite."

"Yeah, it really is like that." He didn't take a bite right away, and he saw her smile in approval. "I don't think you can con me into helping you find yours first."

"If I could, then you wouldn't be me, and I would be disappointed." She casually took a knife out of her inventory and twirled it between her fingers. It was an eye-searing blue, incredibly gaudy.

"And you won't let me hire you." He took his own knife out and flipped it. It was equally blue, and equally gaudy.

"My current employer pays more than you ever could."

"He always does."

"So," She put the knife into its sheath, ever present on both their hips. "New plan. We both look, and the first one to find theirs has to help the other."

It was reasonable, although the thought of having to deal with a Dream and Sam that wasn't his gave him a twitch of discomfort. He pushed it aside. "Sure. Sounds good. Are you leading the way?"

"If I'm you, shouldn't we both want to go in the same direction?"

"… True. Left?"

"Left. This will be interesting."