#hermitfic

[theminecraftbee]

Wels hums as he walks through the shopping district. He doesn't need much, but with the recent release of Overlord, he wants to hear if any of the establishments are playing it. He doesn't expect it somewhere like the Permit Office--Grian's spent too much time and money getting a song that was as perfectly annoying to be put on hold to as possible--and if it is playing in the log shop, he will laugh. But music tends to spread around Hermitcraft fast, and sure, this isn't about anything specific, but who's gonna miss a good opportunity to dunk on Doc?

He hears the backing beats from a nearby shop and hums along with them, walking down the path--

--then turns a corner and leaps back.

"You," Wels hisses.

Hello. Awfully rude of you not to include me, you know, says the specter.

"No, there's absolutely no reason for you to be here. None at all!" Wels says, throwing his hands up. "The last time I saw you was--gosh, I don't even know. Season Seven?"

Yes, yes, and the only time you saw me, you aren't lying to yourself at all, the specter says agreeably. Come on. We both know I was haunting you for what little of Season Eight you bothered to be around for.

"If you were on Eight then you super shouldn't be here," Welsknight says. He shakes his head and looks up at the shop playing his song. Joel's? Huh. Wouldn't have thought he'd have a reason to make fun of Doc. Welsknight removes his shaking hand from his sword hilt again and starts walking.

On account of you leaving everyone there to die, yes, we're both aware, the specter says.

"Oh, screw you, you wouldn't have done any different, get new material," Wels says. "Also, you aren't real? You're like, all of my insecurities or whatever. You don't even have a real body right now, no one's made you one."

The specter shrugs. I mean, if I'm the worst parts of yourself, really, you're the one who needs better material. Abandoning all your friends to die and then abandoning them altogether--it's a wonder they let you stick around!

Wels rolls his eyes and forces his hand to stay out of his inventory. Wouldn't do to give away that still even gets him. He peaks at another shop. They're playing the song too, but it's ever-so-slightly out of sync, which is kind of terrible. As he does, Cleo waves at him. Their eyes sort of stutter right past Helsknight, which definitively tells him exactly how much body the specter even has to possess right now.

"I'm actually having a great time with my friends this season, so like, the whole 'abandonment' song and dance isn't going to work this time. Started the season with them and everything; hard to even go for 'they'll forget me at the first opportunity' or whatever."

The thing is, the more Wels says it, the more its true. None of the insecurities and pain points that the specter is echoing back at him are what he was actually thinking about. He's been like... fine? Sure, he's definitely still got repressed negative traits, but nothing like "Xisuma's evil twin brother playing around with his head" or "the moon crashing and killing everyone" or "too depressed and burnt out to get out of bed" or "sort of considering abandoning everyone because that's like, his thing" these days. None of the things that should bring the specter that had haunted him since Beef's cloning machine back to him without a body. But Wels is careful about clones outside of something like Vault Hunters, where they're explicitly under his control. He, like, doesn't even armor stand much. So that can't be this either; Helsknight clearly doesn't have a body to be messing with Wels yet!

...Helsknight doesn't even have a body or an actual insecurity to be poking at Wels with yet.

He stops. He puts his hands in his pockets, and turns around to face Helsknight. He is no longer shaking at all.

"Dude, why are you even here?" Wels asks.

I told you, it was rude to leave me out, Helsknight says.

"What," Wels says.

The final bars of Overlord play over the speakers. Welsknight hums and nods before it suddenly clicks.

"What," Wels says again.

Honestly, you're not normally this much of a moron. It was rude to leave me out. Rapping is also my thing.

"Dude," Wels says.

I could totally destroy Docm77 any day. I would obliterate the fool you call a "friend" in ways you cannot comprehend. You invoke a sacrificial goat? I know ways he'd never recover, gods he'd never be able to retrieve himself from. It would be laughable. And you left me out.

Wels stares at the demon from his nightmares.

"You're mad at me because you didn't get to be in my diss track," Wels says.

You let me be in the last one, Helsknight says.

"Dude," Wels says. "Dude, that's pathetic."

Helsknight sniffs. I'm your worst qualities. What does that say about you.

"I didn't even write this for this season," Wels says.

That makes it worse, Helsknight says.

"I don't even know where to start? For one--no, I still don't even know where to start," Wels says. "This is like, the lamest reason you could possibly have to come haunt me. Go away, I'm basking in my like, top 3 charting hit on the Hermitcraft server."

Top three? Pathetic. There are only three songs. You'd be the top song if you'd simply included my power, Helsknight says.

"I can't beat the streaming minutes Grian puts on that hold--look, uh, dude. You're, uh, a very scary representation of my fears and worst qualities and all. Appreciate that. Next time I need to do a diss track, I don't know, maybe I'll invite you? First you've got to stop appearing solely to make my life worse, though. Bring me a cookie or something. I don't know, whatever demons do."

I'm not a demon, I'm a Shadow. We're different, Helsknight says. ...I'll think about it.

When Wels turns the next corner, Helsknight has vanished again. Wels stops in the middle of the street, looks around, confirms the specter has vanished, and then bursts out laughing.

"What the Hels," he says, somehow feeling lighter and more bemused than before. That's a new feeling with his doppleganger. Then, he goes to visit Big Wood. While Doc definitely isn't playing the song of his own accord, Wels figures that Beef just might, and given the day he's having, that would feel like a kind of irony Wels isn't sure how to describe. Besides, he wants to see if Doc will notice if Wels sets the song on loop or something. What can he say--the man's reactions to being taunted are spectacular, and Wels loves seeing them. Call it a bad quality of his or something.

[wren-kitchens]

so shiver, but shiver with a friend

1034 words

the boat is creaking. that's not even remotely abnormal; the boat spends more time creaking than it does staying silent—gem built it so it would do that. sure, it took a lil' getting used to, but it didn’t take long for the rhythmic rocking and gentle creaking to become conducive to sleep, and now gem finds it far more difficult to sleep in silence. after all, silence means something is wrong—the engine rumbles if it's working, the waves splash against the sides of the boat if it's still afloat. a creaky boat means gem is still alive, and the boat is still running. but this isn’t your average ambient creaking. like she said, gem knows the noises of her little fishing boat like the back of her hand, and this is not a normal creak. this is a suspicious creak. and- sure, that might sound silly, but have you memorised every sound this boat can make? didn’t think so. 

this fic exists for two reasons, which are stiff stiffyck's love for qpr elven duo (gem and scar) and also me overthinking scar's wheelchair worldbuilding in the hermitcraft world

this could be a lot better but alas I have been consumed by depression writers block, so honestly i'm just proud this ended up as a finished fic

btw this is one of my first times writing wheelchairs, and whilst it is fantasy so things are gonna be a little different, I would appreciate if someone could tell me if I did something wrong/insensitively!

the boat is creaking.

that's not even remotely abnormal; the boat spends more time creaking than it does staying silent—gem built it so it would do that. sure, it took a lil' getting used to, but it didn’t take long for the rhythmic rocking and gentle creaking to become conducive to sleep, and now gem finds it far more difficult to sleep in silence. after all, silence means something is wrong—the engine rumbles if it's working, the waves splash against the sides of the boat if it's still afloat. a creaky boat means gem is still alive, and the boat is still running.

but this isn’t your average ambient creaking. like she said, gem knows the noises of her little fishing boat like the back of her hand, and this is not a normal creak. this is a suspicious creak. and- sure, that might sound silly, but have you memorised every sound this boat can make? didn’t think so.

anyway, all of this to say that gem is pretty sure someone is on her boat at the middle of the night for what she deeply hopes are not nefarious reasons. although, she cannot think of any reason someone would be sneaking onto her boat at two in the morning—nefarious or otherwise. maybe it's grian trying to lag some things out of her chests? but why on earth he wouldn't do that in the day when she wasn't on board, gem has no clue.

there's a new noise now, one that suggests against the idea of nefarious deeds, but only confuses gem more: a kind of squeaking, like a rubber ring being taken off, or an air mattress being slept on. okay, that doesn’t rule anything out at all, and only serves to make everything far more complicated. who is bringing a rubber something onto her boat at 2am? what is happening here?

overtaken by an amounting curiosity to whatever the hell is actually going on, gem climbs out of bed and pads softly along the floorboards in her slippers to her door. she regrets not installing one of those peepholes, because now she actually has to engage with the something that's happening outside in order to investigate. gem is sure there isn’t anything especially dangerous that could be going on, but she pulls out her sword preemptively as she opens the door slowly to find-

to find..

well, she's not sure what she's found.

"gem!" says a cheery scar, who is. on her boat? how is he on her boat- he uses a wheelchair, and the boat is in the middle of the river.

except- no, hang on, his wheelchair seems to be completely lacking wheels, which gem would argue is the main point of a wheelchair. where the wheels should otherwise be, there are floatation devices—seemingly rubber, which explains the noises gem was hearing earlier—in patented hotguy colours, so she assumes that's intentional. okay, that's- that sure is something.

"you-" gem scrambles for any words to express how bizarre this situation is and fails miserably. "you’re on my boat." is all she manages. void, it is way too late (early?) to be trying to figure this out.

"I am on your boat!" scar says, looking rather proud of himself. it's kind of sweet, to be fair—even as it only adds to the crazy situation. "y’know, I didn't think i’d actually manage it. last time I tried, I sunk."

gem blinks, giving up on making sense of the situation now and letting herself just go with the bizarre. "yeah, I can imagine why scar." she gestures at the rubber wheels (they look a bit like wheels, anyway). "how did you get those?"

"cub helped me!" scar smiles, as if this was a normal conversation to be having. does he even realise how strange this situation is, or is this just normal for him now? "see- you know how my chair has an elytra mode?"

"uh huh."

"well, now it has a swimming mode!" scar says, and he clicks a button on the underside of the seat. within an instant, the floatation devices deflate, replaced swiftly by the regular wheels. "ta da!"

"that- I mean, that's very cool." gem says, and she means it, despite how unenthusiastic she knows she must sound. in her defence, it is the middle of the night. "I just- why are you here?"

something changes in scar's expression immediately, and gem panics a little until scar says meekly, "it- okay, well. now it sounds silly."

gem snorts. "because showing off your inflatable wheelchair at two in the morning is normal?" she tilts her head, and her voice is fond when she says, "you know you can tell me anything, right?"

a smile tugs at the corners of scar's lips, and gem feels something warm in her chest to see it. "I know, I know." he hesitates for a second, before giving a huff of exasperation. "I wanted a hug." scar admits, glancing at the floor.

"wh- scar." gem finds herself beginning to smile. "do you really think I would ever turn down a hug from you?"

scars grin is almost shy as he opens his arms, and gem practically falls into them, burying her face in his jacket. man, she has missed hugs from scar; she loves the way they fit together so well, like pieces of a puzzle, perfectly matched to one another. there are very few places where gem feels entirely at home—she's been pretty much everywhere, so she knows what home feels like—and scar is closer to home than any place has ever felt to her.

before she knows it, scar has scooted forward just enough to unbalance her, and she lands on top of him. gem scoffs playfully as scar laughs to himself, holding her closer.

"I can't hug you properly if you’re stood up, y’know." scar mumbles into her hair.

gem rolls her eyes, fond as anything. "well, i’m not complaining." she's quiet for a moment, letting herself appreciate the moment—breathing it all in. "I love you." gem murmurs.

scar squeezes her, and gem can almost hear his smile when he says, "I love you too."

[vivitheanimaxen]

Tango couldn't remember the last time he slept.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd worked on a redstone project either.

That was irrelevant! He was perfectly fine. There was a reason he was down by Gem's docks. Right?

"Tango?"

Speak of the devil and she shall appear! That was Gem herself, pulling Tango around. He didn't want to, there was something about the--

"Tango. Tango, hey." Gem forced him to meet her eyes, "Don't tell me you've been possessed again. After last time? C'mon man, you said you'd. . . do. . ."

Tango didn't know what Gem was talking about. He wasn't possessed. Tango knew what that felt like and that wasn't this.

Gem got an odd look in her eye, before latching her hand around his wrist and dragging him back up the path towards his house. But--

That wasn't home anymore.

Not when his place was down by the water-- in the water-- he was waiting for someone to come back--

"No-- Tango-! Ugh." Gem planted herself between Tango and the mists over the water-- the place where he had promised to be.

Tango found himself sitting at the edge of the dock. There was something tied around his wrist, but he didn't mind. The tips of his boots were dragging in the foam.

"Tango, homie-buddie. It's freezing out here, you should come inside." Skizz had rested a hand on Tango's shoulder.

"Can't you hear it?" Tango asked, breathless as it came back.

The song was promising him the answers to everything. He just had to be here to hear it. To decipher it's song.

"Hear what?"

Tango was fighting against the pull of hands, trying to take him away. His friends-- not friends anymore-- they wanted to take the music for themselves-- "I promised! I promised--"

His mouth was full of the taste of blood. Blood and cotton and he couldn't hear the rush of the waves anymore. He was too warm. There were voices nearby.

"How is he?" Oh, Tango recognized that voice, that was Xisuma.

"Still unresponsive. Is Ren-?" That sounded like Impulse.

"The same way."

Impulse sighed, "He's too quiet. Tango's never been this quiet."

"I'm listening." Tango had to listen otherwise he might miss the music.

He couldn't remember who the music went to, but-- It was someone he needed to be there for. How long had it been? He needed to get back to the water.

Tango was on his feet, trying to push past the arms holding him back. There was a snarl pooling on his tongue, frustration sparking deep in his bones. He needed to get back to the water.

He yelped as someone slammed into his back, knocking Tango off his feet and into the grass. He writhed, kicking, his tail lashing and sparking as he struggled to get free. There was nothing in his inventory. He had nothing but his hands and his fire and the grass around him and they were closing in--

Tango was floating in the bay, Gem's conduit letting him breathe like he should be able to. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears, his fire was sputtering, angry about being underwater.

Well too bad fire, cause Tango was right where he was supposed to be.

As evidenced by who was in front of him.

The someone, the who he'd promised to be there for when he returned.

The song wrapped around him like a blanket, smothering the chill from the sea and guiding Tango close. He didn't quite remember where he'd met them before but he knew that this was the right thing.

Until he was out of the conduit's range.

Until the water that was so welcoming before now choked at his air and bit at his warmth.

Until the song that'd promised him everything suddenly disappeared.

A hand hauled Tango out of the water by the back of his shirt, dumping him in a sopping heap on the sand. He spit up half the ocean by the time he was able to breathe again.

He was hearing words, but he couldn't figure out what Skizz was saying. Or Impulse for that matter. The music was gone though.

It had abandoned him and now?

Tango didn't know what to do next.

[chipperchemical]

even demons deserve little treats :3

skizzpulse coffee shop au snippet! chapter 1 is coming along nicely :)

[thefireintheshadow]

“What do you want, Etho?” Joel huffed playfully as he shoved yet more glow ink sacs into one of his chests. “You’re so obsessed.”

Etho leaned in the doorway, arms crossed, quietly staring, that little twinkle in his eyes that the shorter man definitely did not notice nor find attractive at all.

“What?” Joel sighed, crossing his own arms defiantly. “Take a picture if you need something to stare at later.”

“All the pranking, all the banter,” Etho said, sounding almost wistful, and his smile was in his voice beneath his mask. “This is getting out of hand, Joel.”

Joel rolled his eyes, throwing up his hands. “Well if you weren’t so blummin’ obsessed-” His words choked off as Etho was suddenly so close to him, how the hell had he moved so fast?

“So what if I am obsessed?” Etho said, voice low, breathy. “What are you going to do about it?”

[finish on ao3]

inspired by @kotikaleo and their freaking awesome boat boys comic

[frozenjokes]

From The Crew Of The Flying Jellie, Our Final Moments. Signing Off.

IMPULSE - PEARL - GRIAN - MUMBO - SCAR

Scar, pirate captain of The Flying Jellie, murders his crew for seemingly little to no reason, betrayal and anger keeping the members of boatem from truly moving on. This fic contains blood and violence and your blorbos not being very nice to each other

Impulse couldn’t stop staring. He couldn’t stop staring at his body, slumped forward, the only evidence of the slash through his throat being the cold blood that still leaked out from under his limp, hanging head.

Dead. Well and truly dead. Why- damn it. He was so stupid.

But was he, really? Stupid? Scar had surprised him, slipping in and shutting the door behind him. Scar hadn’t even looked particularly different, not beyond those gently narrowed eyes, tightly pinned frown, and of course, the dagger in his right hand, knuckles white around it.

But that didn’t make sense. It did not make sense. Of course Scar would have come to check on Mumbo, Mumbo who was-

For the first time, Impulse managed to tear his eyes away from his own corpse and toward Mumbo’s.. well, Mumbo wasn’t quite a corpse yet, was he? Yet. This wasn’t- no..

Of course Scar, their captain, the captain of The Flying Jellie, would have come to check on Mumbo. Mumbo, who had fallen from the crow’s nest, his body cracking against the deck enough to jolt the rest of the crew awake in the early morning. Mumbo hadn’t screamed, but Scar had, Scar had wailed, and Impulse had been the first person out of the crew’s quarters, Grian like a flash behind him, slowed to second only by his fever. Impulse would never forget the way Grian shrieked, pushing past Impulse in a flurry of limbs and collapsing at Mumbo’s side, right under where Scar was standing, frozen stiff.

Shock, surely. Scar had been in shock. That’s why he was just standing there, staring, not doing a thing.

Impulse remembered peeling Mumbo from the splintered floorboards. Mumbo was alive, he was still alive, shallow and quick as the breaths were. He remembered Grian trying to help, getting in the way, clawing at his arms. He remembered Scar yanking Grian back, screaming at him, and it was so damn cruel, Impulse remembered thinking how cruel Scar was acting, but he hadn’t had the breath to speak.

“Scar.” That’s what Mumbo had said, so quiet, Impulse could hardly hear him over the rain- yes, that’s right, it had been starting to rain.

Presently, Impulse turned away from his corpse, from Mumbo, and faced the door, now swung wide open. It was raining harder now, much harder. It was so dark. Impulse heard a gunshot. Grian screamed. And only then, Impulse saw Pearl as she flinched, previously hidden by the shadow of a few large crates, invisible in her stillness. Impulse shut his eyes.

Mumbo’s eyes had been wide open when Impulse had scooped him off the ground. Mouth hanging open, chest heaving to speak words that would never leave his chapped lips. Mumbo hadn’t been looking at Impulse, even when he was cradled in Impulse’s arms, when looking elsewhere would have been such a strain. Mumbo wasn’t looking at Grian either, which Impulse had previously thought he’d been trying to do. Impulse thought Mumbo wanted Grian as a comfort, that the screaming match beginning to erupt over the broken floorboards was distressing him greatly. So Impulse had taken him away from it all, back to the crew’s quarters, out of the rain where it was warm and comfortable until they could get back to land, get Mumbo to safety.

“Sca..” Mumbo had uttered the words a second time when Impulse laid his limp body across his bed. Mumbo’s last words. Scar’s name.

Impulse didn't think Mumbo was trying to look at Grian anymore.

He turned away from the open door where the rain was beating down on the deck and back to Mumbo. Still alive. Still breathing. Impulse hoped with all his heart that Mumbo wasn’t in pain.

It had been fine before. Impulse had no doubt that Mumbo would be okay, and everything would be alright. Just as soon as Scar and Grian stopped screaming at each other, it would be fine, because Scar was a doctor, he had an extensive history in medicine apprenticed under his father- Scar was a doctor, and he could save Mumbo’s life without having to go to land.

Impulse had been so angry. So, so angry as he sat by Mumbo’s bedside, listening to Scar and Grian tear into each other- this was not the first time they had fought, and it wouldn’t be the last, but couldn’t they see that now was not the time? Mumbo was- he wasn’t- Mumbo was going to be okay, but they needed Scar. The only thing stopping Impulse from going out there and breaking them up himself was Mumbo- he couldn’t leave him here, not alone, and he hadn’t seen where Pearl had gone. He only prayed she would snap the two of them out of it.

She didn’t have to.

Scar hit him. Impulse didn’t know how he was so sure that Scar had hit Grian, Scar wasn’t- well, Impulse wasn’t about to say he wasn’t violent. Scar had his moments, but never with his crew, and for all his disagreements with Grian, they were just as close as the rest of them. But there was just something about the snap of skin, Grian’s silence, Scar’s continued fire- Impulse remembered how shaken he’d been. He was just so scared.

But he hadn’t- he hadn’t been afraid when Scar entered the crew’s quarters. He had been so.. Relieved. Because Scar was here, and Mumbo was going to be fine.

Impulse wasn’t sure if he screamed. He didn’t think so. It just happened too fast, and he couldn’t stop staring at Mumbo (staring at Scar) and suddenly he was being pushed and something sharp had grazed the hairs across the back of his neck. Instinct had him rolling away, he’d been in fights before, he knew what to do, just not-

Impulse was a better swordsman than Scar. Many pirates were; so long as you didn’t get caught up in the charm, the talk, Scar was distractable, his footwork was clumsy. Scar knew his weaknesses, and played to them well, but his closest allies knew exactly how to beat him, and when it came to a spar, Impulse and Pearl and even Mumbo from time to time could beat Scar easily-

Scar knew it. Of course he knew. So he caught Impulse off guard, let him fumble around the crew’s quarters before holding him by the shoulder and cutting his throat in the corner of the room.

Impulse never had a chance.

Had- had Mumbo seen it? Seen him die? Suddenly, more than anything, Impulse wished Mumbo was dead. Wished the fall had killed him, instant, painless, and that he wouldn’t have to see this.

Mumbo’s eyes were still open. Lidded now, but open, looking.. directly at the place Impulse now stood. The realization stopped Impulse in his tracks, paying closer attention, meeting Mumbo’s eyes. Mumbo met his. Looking..

Mumbo was looking outside. The door was wide open, and Impulse was simply in the way. It was raining so hard now there wasn’t much to see out there, but Grian was still screaming. Could Mumbo hear it? A crack of thunder drowned out all other noise, and when Impulse turned back to Mumbo, his eyes were closed. Not dead, not yet. But maybe.. hopefully soon.

(One way or another, Mumbo wouldn’t have to hear Grian much longer. This, Impulse had no doubt.)

Grian.

Impulse wasn’t sure when exactly he had died, but it wasn’t right away. He remembered the feeling of Scar’s breath against his forehead, the soft half-chuckle that held no sound. He remembered when Scar had taken a step back, flipping the bloodied dagger in his fingers as he turned to Mumbo with the same murderous intent. That’s when Impulse saw Grian. Impulse was sure he was still alive then, when their eyes met. When a shuddering breath was pushed from Grian’s chest, halfway between a sob and a scream.

“Ah.” Scar hadn’t sounded alarmed when he turned around, caught literally red-handed. “Well that’s unfortunate, isn’t it?”

Grian ran, slipping on the slick boards, and Impulse couldn’t quite remember if Grian spoke or screamed, but Impulse must have died soon after, because he did remember Scar’s face, expression pinned in a disturbing display of disappointment. Disappointment. Impulse was sure of it, even more when Scar spoke, quiet words for no one else but himself, “Come on, now.”

And then he sighed, flipping his pistol from the holster on his hip, an actor’s flair. “Sorry, Mumbo, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait. Won’t be long now, though, promise.” And then Scar had left, kicking open the door and shooting into the air, seemingly for fun. And that’s when Grian had started screaming. Scar had fired one or two more shots since then, but the noise from outside was so shrill, Impulse couldn’t tell if Scar had hit his mark yet, or if he was just playing around.

Impulse sat at the side of Mumbo’s bed. He didn’t.. he didn’t know entirely what he was, or why he was still here. He was bleeding, even in death, and the choking sensation remained ever still. He did not move.

He didn’t know what was happening outside with Grian and Scar, and maybe Pearl. He didn’t know if he wanted to. But he did know, no matter what, that he would be here with Mumbo if no one else could be. He would stay, so that in a world so suddenly horrible, Mumbo would not have to die alone.

by the way, if you didn’t know, this is a rewrite of one of my first fics, and if you’d like to read the original or anything else from the series, you can do so here

[leopardmask-ao3]

You say that you're the real deal, but what good have you done?

Wels escaped the falling moon. But he can't escape the stowaway on board, giving voice to all the ways that he failed his knightly promise.

At around 4k words, my first of at least two fics for the @diabolical-on-ao3 event/collection!

[mawofthemagnetar]

Here's a little snippet of the Eldritch Iskall fic I'm tinkering with. It's a little rough, but, you know. Enjoy?

“So…I guess…is it rude to ask again? Dude, what ARE you?” Mumbo’s voice trembled a bit.

“I mean, sure. You can ask. If you’re cool with me talking circles around it. There’s not really words, you know? Like, you’re a spoon, Doc’s half-creeper, Keralis is a weirdo, but…me…” Iskall shrugged.

“-There’s a hole in language where your word should be.” Mumbo finished, and Iskall nodded. 

“Okay. So. Let me try. You know, when a butcher has all his sheep or cows all fattened up, and it’s time for them to go to slaughter? He could waste hours chasing animals around the yard, or he could get some help. So, he goes and gets a special friend- a Judas goat. And the Judas goat’s job is to make friends with all the other animals, and come when the butcher calls. And the Judas goat trots over to his friend the butcher, and all the other animals follow.”

“...And?” Mumbo said, something cold prickling at the back of his neck.

“Well, then all the other goats have their brains smashed, or their throats cut, or however you want to kill them. But the Judas goat, the butcher puts them back out to pasture with a pat on the head. Because, you know, the Judas goat did their job. See?” 

Mumbo nodded slowly. 

“...So are you the goat,” he asked carefully, “or are you the butcher?”

Iskall smiled.

[rosenbergamot]

“You’re annoying me.” Gem says to the mysterious shape in the water that’s been watching her fish for the past… oh, I don’t know, five days. Usually the thing will swim away quickly, or sometimes it will disregard her ire and continue to sit there as if it relished in her annoyance. Today it slaps its tail against the water, sending waves towards her.

“That was childish.” She blows a raspberry at it because she herself is the pinnacle of maturity.

It slaps the water again, splashing her and giving her a mouthful of briny seawater. She spits it out, unamused. Its tail is large, with deep blue scales that sparkle in the morning sun. Whatever this thing is, it's big and it loves to watch her talk to herself.

“You know we’re on the same side here, right?” This is a lie and they both know it. Fisherman and fish could never be on the same side. “Hey, how about if I catch anything I’ll give you some of it. But you have to promise to stop scaring the fish away!”

The tail slowly raises out of the water. It does not slap down like it did before. Instead, slowly, so slowly, a head raises out as well. She sees two deep eyes stare back at her, a head of messy brown hair, a smile sharp and intelligent.

“What?!” She gawks.

“You promise, mate?” It has a playful voice, melodic and feminine, and when it speaks its gills flare at its neck. “I don’t take too kindly to people breaking their promises.”

“You’re a person?”

It purses its lips. “Not really? What, you think a person looks like this?” She unearths her fingers from the water. The sea drips off of her long sharp claws. “Couldn’t do much with these if I was a person.”

“Uh… yeah!” She recasts her line, her eyes wandering across the pale skin until she reaches the chest and— oh! The… person? Creature? Whatever it is, it’s shirtless, and Gem doesn’t want to be caught staring. That’s so rude! She fixes her gaze on her rod.

It swims closer to her. It gets so close she’d be able to touch if she wanted. It rests its head on the dock, stares up at her with vertical pupils. She’s got silvery patchings of scales on her face.

This is… only a little bit different from what they’d been doing before. She can still handle it. It’s just… right there instead of in the water. And instead of just being a fish it is a very pretty woman with very sharp teeth. That’s okay! Gem’s okay!

She goes back to fishing, those eyes still on her. Eventually she hooks a salmon and cheers. The creature blinks at her as she puts it in her bucket.

“None for me?” She pouts.

“Oh, no! You’ll just have to wait!” She grabs more bait. “I need to feed myself, after all. I’m a busy woman, can’t have some fish lady taking all my food!”

A miserable sigh. It bonks its head back down on the dock. “You’re lucky I think you’re pretty.”

That catches her off guard. She accidentally hooks a bit of her thumb as she’s trying to hook the worm. She curses and shakes the blood off. The creature’s eyes follow it.

“Uh-huh… and why’s that?”

When she responds, she’s not looking at Gem. She’s staring at her bleeding thumb. Her long tongue comes out to lick at her lips. She grins at her.

“‘Cause I’d have just eaten you already if I didn’t.”

When she swallows, it watches the way her throat moves with attentive eyes. They sit there in silence for the rest of the day.

It ends up swimming away with five whole fish in her grasp. As she’s disappearing, she yells back to Gem:

“See ya tomorrow, pretty fisher lady!” Her teeth reflect the sun. “I hope ya catch lots of stuff tomorrow! For both our sakes!”

Then it’s gone, tail the last thing to leave, and Gem is left to wonder if she’s just invited something horrible into her life…

And if so, why is she excited about it?

[riacte]

"It's rotten work," Ren says. His tail swishes nervously. He has the demeanor of a sad scolded puppy even though no one's scolding him.

False looks up from where she's placing down mud blocks in accordance to the roads that Ren lined out. Ren's theatre kid behaviour must be kicking in now, because to call her work rotten is dramatic and almost insulting.

"It's not rotten to me. There's stuff I would call rotten work, but this is no where near it."

False places down another block. Ren obediently shuffles out of the way.

"Rotten work is when I'm at a tourney and no one's listening to my strategy so I'm left all alone, but then they use my strategy and we actually win while everyone ignores me. Rotten work is when someone sabotages me and I'm the one left to sweep away the pieces. Rotten work is when someone attacks me on purpose and I'm the one who has to apologise for being mad and pacify everyone else. This?" False pulls out another mud block, "is building. And building is not rotten work."

Ren cautiously observes what False is doing, then also pulls out his mud blocks. He moves a few steps forward so he's placing blocks, but out of her way. "It's still work," he admits. "A lot of work, in fact."

False is nonplussed. "But that's what builders do, don't they? And I am the Minister of Transport."

Ren laughs, but it's a quiet laugh. He pauses like he's hesitating, then he mumbles,

"I'm a lot of work."

Now it's False's turn to pause. Her hands continue with placing the blocks, because that's what she does. Building. Grinding. Helping friends out. So on and so forth.

"It's peculiar work for sure," False says, her tone light. "Picking up your stuff when you spontaneously explode. Bugging you about MCC. Teaching you basic colour theory. You can't get orange from blue, Ren. It sadly doesn't work that way."

Ren chuckles at the jab. "Worth a shot, eh?"

False coughs. "Yeah, like I said, peculiar work. But it's fine. I like doing peculiar work because I'm a peculiar person and you're a peculiar person. But together we are normal. Very normal indeed."

Ren considers it. "What if I don't want to be normal?"

"Then we won't be normal."

"What if I want to be normal?"

"Then we'll be normal. Or at least pretend to be."

Ren laughs. "That doesn't make any sense."

False smiles wryly. "Come on now, Ren, when have I ever made any sense?"

He shoots her a grin. "But you're like the most sensible person in the Neighbourhood!"

False lets the silence hang between them for comedic effect. "... No."

"No?"

"If I were sensible, I would've left the Neighourhood long ago."

"Hey!"

"Just kidding. That's why I'm not sensible. That's why I like not being sensible. Besides, I'm not the one who organised the ministry or planned the roads. You did. You're the one with the vision. I'm just following it."

Ren looks around the paths and his tail wags in excitement. "But you're contributing to the vision! I saw the bits and pieces you added! It looks great, by the way!"

False nonchalantly continues placing. "Yeah, you see, that's part of the peculiar work. You draw up the canvas and I edit in the details. It's like how we did the raceway last time."

"Yeah, but I haven't grinded as hard this time around. Too busy with my permit, my dude."

False giggles. "Would you call getting the beacon permit drawing a short straw?"

"I mean, I was the second to die in Demise, but you won and everything worked out in the end, so I don't mind." A pause. "Also gives me a chance to kill those dastardly withers as revenge for all the times they defeated me."

"Right, it's a lot of work to kill them, never mind farm them."

Ren sighs deeply. "There's definitely a lot going on. Especially those buttons, man."

False glances up. They're both still doing the roads. She watches Ren shift up a step and place down a mud brick slab.

"Yeah, but it'll be worth it. I'll buy your beacons. Actually, you can go do your buttons. You can kill some withers. I'll take care of this."

She can almost hear his apologies— sorry that she's doing the roads that he was supposed to do, sorry that he didn't reply to her messages, sorry that he's the way he is.

(And maybe he picks it up too— the way she actually means "I'll take care of you". He always seems to instinctively know what she means under her contradictory and confusing words. In the same way she instinctively knows what he means.)

Ren softly chuckles. "It's peculiar work."

"It's peculiar work especially if it's me, and especially if it's you—"

False sets down a mud brick slab right next to the one Ren placed. Just one slight push, and the pattern of the bricks align like they'd been inseparable from the get go. The corner of her lips quirk up.

"— but that's why I do it."

[theminecraftbee]

"So, and I can't believe I have to be the guy to point this out," Doc starts hesitantly.

"Terrible start! Go on," Cleo says.

"But you seem to be one of the only sane people left right now," Doc continues.

"Even more terrible, although I appreciate your delusion," Cleo says.

"And I have to--you know, if you're going to make fun of me for bringing you a problem maybe I just won't. I can solve it myself. I basically solved the moon thing myself," Doc says. "I am trying to be responsible before this turns into a whole thing."

"Doc, you came to me. Did you want anything that wasn't me making fun of you? Because you know, if so, I really feel bad for you. I already feel bad enough for you that you think you actually managed to do anything at all about the moon thing."

Doc throws his hands up. "I am trying to warn you the ocean is evil! It's important! This is important!"

"The deep sea being evil isn't new," Cleo starts, "I was building Atlantis last season--"

"It sent, sent, salmon people to kill me!"

Cleo stops. They look Doc in the eyes. They search for any signs of deception at all. It's a little hard to tell, on account of Doc only having one eye even capable of expressiveness, and his face being the opposite of human, but...

"What?" Cleo says dumbly.

"It was like, like, Beef and Skizz, they were crazy! They were talking about a giant fish and how I shouldn't defy it. And I was like, what is a Big Salmon? I don't know, man, but they're ocean mobsters. And then I started looking. It's not just them. It's not just them Cleo, it's everyone. The ocean, man, it's evil, it's getting everyone. I've, I've made a list. Grian. Have you looked at Grian lately?"

"I think if we were worried about every time Grian got possessed then we wouldn't have any free time," Cleo says hesitantly.

"Right, right, but it was supposed to be Demise. The killing each other, all of the killing each other. I thought, oh, that'll get it out of their systems. But it's not just him Cleo! It's--have you seen Gem? She's all, oh, I will build a boat. Oh, I'll provoke the creatures of the deep. And then. Do you know what I saw all of Team ZITS doing? Fishing!"

"Doc," Cleo says, increasingly concerned for him. He looks... disheveled.

"And not just fishing, oh no. They were standing in the water fishing! And Pearl! Have I mentioned that Pearl is dressing up as a salmon? I mentioned that, yes? The salmon Pearl?"

"You hadn't, unless that was the big fish thing," Cleo says.

"No, that was something different, I think Pearl is maybe a different salmon."

"Sure, okay, more than one salmon, that makes sense," Cleo says dryly.

"And everyone, they are fishing each other around the ocean, yes? Etho is in the ocean! XB is in the ocean! I think I saw Joe crawl out of the ocean earlier, he was all wet and haunted! Surely that is a sign the ocean is evil."

"No, he's just like that," Cleo says. "Also, I did the fishing rod thing too. I think it's just... normal fun."

"They're getting you too. My assessment that you're the sane one. I've said too much."

"I think you need sleep," Cleo says. "Doc, there isn't an ocean-based conspiracy. It's the start of the season. You know we're just like this."

"That's the thing, I can't sleep," Doc says. "I can't. I sleep and I see it. I see it, lurking beneath the waves. It's calling for me Cleo. It's calling. And when it calls, it seems so--kind. But then. But then! I wake up, and I remember the shape of it, and..."

Doc shudders and stops talking. Cleo looks at him a moment longer and then, like comforting a nervous animal, takes his shoulder.

"You should take a nap. It's the start of the season. You're over-stressing yourself. Too much too fast?" they say, as soothingly as possible.

"It's coming for us," Doc says. "It's coming. I don't want to ignore it this time, yes? What's coming for us. We should--we should--"

"Even if it is, Doc, I don't think we can fight the ocean. Come on. Maybe sleeping in my base will help reset your brain."

Doc shudders, but lets Cleo guide him inside. They watch until at last he falls asleep fitfully before shaking their head and sighing.

"A giant fish that was trying to kill him. Honestly. I don't know where he gets these things from. Always a conspiracy with him..."

They decide to go to Ren. Ren knows how to humor Doc. Surely they can get in their ridiculous games again, and Doc will forget all about this. Doc would enjoy the Ministry of Ministries. Maybe he can be an anarchist or something. That would be good for him.

Doc cries out in his sleep. Cleo turns to him.

Then again, they have this strange sinking feeling in their stomach. Doc's... awfully worked up.

But it's Doc.

Surely it's nothing.

[convexicalcrow]

When False opened her briefcase, all she saw was water. Well, that was expected, where else would the rivers come from? The waters were all different shades of blue, green, and brown, with all different temperatures and feelings. When False touched them, she saw in her mine what the river wanted to be and where it should go. This never seemed like a weird thing to her. Wasn't that where rivers came from?

Honestly, the gentle slooshing and dampness of her briefcase was rather comforting. She felt weird if she was away from the water, or had left her briefcase behind because she had other work to do. It was a bit weird? But no weirder than, well. No, she's not going to think about h- that.

Sometimes, she thought it was the island she'd settled on. She'd built her starter home near the coast, just off the island she wanted to build on. Something about the water felt calming to her. She found herself swimming more often than she thought. Unlike other hermits who'd become obsessed with fishing, False found herself at one with the fish, reaching out to touch their little bodies as she swam by them, and diving through the sea grasses that were like little forests, their leaves waving in the currents.

Cleo had once jokingly suggested the water on this world was haunted, and False had laughed because that was a silly thing to say. But deep down, perhaps she laughed with a little more nervousness. I mean, rivers in a briefcase wasn't ... that wasn't normal was it? And that's before she got to whatever was haunting Gem and Grian. It was-

She took her briefcase, and smiled at the familiar sounds of the rivers greeting her. These babies needed homes! They needed to live! To be free from this briefcase and flow freely across the lands. She reached in a little, letting her fingers brush against all the different waters, seeing where she should go next. Xisuma, two of them whispered, and she could see them flanking his base, cutting the land out from his neighbour's bases. She grabbed her hat, messaged Xisuma, and set off to meet him. After all, these rivers wouldn't build themselves!

[hermitscratch]

Joel & Etho - 21, for the writing ? :3

Send me a pairing + a number! || Accepting

21. A kiss to shut them up, Joel/Etho, 957 words

[ Inspired in part by this lovely artwork by @plumadot ! ]

"So I've got a theory," Joel started.

It was a nice day; temperate in a way that heralded the approaching warm season. A lot of hermits were taking advantage of it to check the things off their to-do lists that weren't easily done in cold or wet weather. Etho had broken off from the others for just that purpose, but as soon as he mentioned needing coral, Joel invited himself along.

Which meant a return to form in the shape of them, once again, sharing a boat.

"Do I have to listen to your theory?" Etho asked. The answer didn't matter much when he was a captive audience, but their conversations up until this point had been general, casual nonsense. How they spent their morning, how they liked their steak cooked, what ore they'd most be willing to eat. Time killers at worst, amusement at best.

Joel scoffed. "Don't act like you don't want to know what I'm thinking," Etho felt an elbow land against his ribs without any real force. It might have been rougher, if they weren't currently faced away from each other. Joel liked watching the wake the boat left behind, so they were pressed back-to-back. "It's about your obsession."

"My obsession? Don't you mean yours?" He retorted. Joel snorted, and Etho could imagine the smug grin that'd be accompanying it.

"This projection is getting embarrassing, Etho," Joel said with thinly veiled glee.

Etho rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. Just tell me about your theory," He said through a chuckle.

From behind him, Joel wiggled like he was trying to look over his shoulder. The boat rocked hard to the left, and Joel stilled before crowing, "I knew you wanted to know!"

Etho stopped rowing to peer over the boat's edge. The ocean here was deep, illuminated only faintly by magma pockets and the occasional rogue glow squid. They'd made a lot of headway, but there was still a ways to go to reach an untouched reef. "I wonder if I could swim back to shore from here..."

"I'll push you overboard myself if you don't let me get a blummin' word out," Joel griped, even as he fisted a hand in the back of Etho's shirt. It wouldn't do much if Etho decided to move, but the idea that Joel might want him to stay was more than enough for Etho to do so.

Not that Etho would ever tell him that; his ex-soulmate's ego was big enough.

"You're the one stopping, though?" Etho answered, rebalancing the boat and adjusting the oars to continue rowing. Joel's inhale was audible, and before he could argue, Etho urged, "Let's hear your theory."

Joel crossed his arms with a huff. Etho grinned. Joel was probably pouting and everything. "D'you remember what Gem said this morning?"

"Hmm," Etho had to think the question through. They'd been hanging out with Gem, Impulse, and Scar that morning, a lot of things were said. "Mmmmaybe?"

After a few minutes of fruitless sifting through snippets of conversation that Joel might have found noteworthy, he threw Etho a bone. "When we were arguing about who built a better cherry tree, still me by the way, she said-"

Ah. "'Just kiss already', or something?" Etho offered.

Joel clapped once, "Exactly."

Etho laughed, pitching his voice up in a mockery of Joel's, "Oh no, I'm not obsessed, I'm just chasing him making smoochy sounds and thinking a lot about Gem telling us to kiss-"

"That first thing was literally your fault!" Joel argued, "And I'm not thinking about it, alright? There's nothing to think about, it's just a thing that is!"

"What is?"

Joel seemed to shrink, curling forward so their backs were no longer touching. "If we kissed, the world would sorta collapse, wouldn't it?"

Etho stopped so abruptly that he almost dropped an oar. What? "Uh. No?"

"Of course you'd say so, it's stupid how bad you wanna kiss me," Joel scoffed. The turn in conversation was so jarring that Etho didn't even argue the point about wanting to kiss Joel. "But the stir it'd cause would be massive. Gem would explode. Bdubs would probably explode, maybe Grian? Scar and Skizz, definitely, we'd never hear the end of it."

Etho locked the oars and turned around in his seat. If Joel noticed, he gave no indication, plowing relentlessly forward as if he'd realized there was no going back now that he'd started. Etho recognized that habit from their time together in Double Life- an anxious Joel with no other outlet would ramble himself breathless.

"Your mask as well," Joel continued, "Nobody's seen you without it-"

Etho tugged his mask down.

"-that's probably grounds for server obliteration in itself-"

He put a hand on Joel's shoulder.

"-if the first time anybody saw your face was for a kiss like that, then-"

He turned Joel to face him.

And before Joel could say another word, Etho kissed him.

Silence. Bliss. Etho's lips were dry from the mask, and he kept the press of them soft until he felt Joel's stiff body melt, meeting Etho's lean halfway. He tilted his head, and he could feel the flutter of long lashes against his face as Joel's eyes shut. The world kept turning, and Etho let it, stealing a moment just for them.

It only ended when Etho pulled away, leaving a dazed Joel to process what had just happened. Etho didn't bother putting his mask back up when he grinned. "Still alive?"

"Wh- y-?" Joel floundered. Etho chuckled, and Joel scowled, even as a dusty blush painted his cheeks pink. Even as he turned to face Etho properly, dropping his head against Etho's shoulder. Even as Etho felt lips against his racing pulse.

"Oh, shut up, Etho."

[floef-likes-minecraft]

Work

“Good moring~!” Pearl started as she crossed the DHP parking lot with a pep in her step. It was a beautiful day, she had been up since the crack of dawn riding around the Server on Donkey (who is a mule) to deliver all sorts of letters and parcels. While Tango and Etho were still busy getting the entire mailing system online, she was happy to deliver more by hand.

Recently, the DHP had gotten an influx in mail having to be delivered to them and Pearl had made friends with the somewhat grumpy clerk that was sometimes maybe around. Today he was, for which Pearl was happy because that meant she could give him the mail personally instead of trying to get it into the building by shoving it under the broken door. The office was still under construction, so Pearl could forgive them for not even having a small mailbox.

“We’re closed,” Grian said. He was lounging outside, sitting against the white wall of the building and taking in the sun that crested just over the trees. He looked like he could use a bit more of that sun, but not everybody was as blessed as Pearl to have the best job in the world as a Postmaster and be outside all the time.

“Oh, I’m just delivering the mail,” Pearl answered cheerfully as she dug into her postbag. Everything was perfectly organized so it didn’t take long for her to grab out a stack with at least ten letters bundled together. “There you go, mister Grian, it’s always such a pleasure coming out here!”

When Grian didn’t take the bundle Pearl handed out to him, she just but the them carefully on the pavement next to him. He looked at them like they had said something foul to him, which he wouldn’t know until he actually opened them. Then, Grian looked up again to Pearl and a frown appeared on his face.

“Why are you still here?” he asked, rather rudely.

“It’s just that we barely have the chance to properly have a chat,” Pearl simply explained. “I’m not actually sure if the mailing system will be operational this far out, so I might have to keep coming here myself. Isn’t that great?”

“You really don’t have to,” Grian argued weakly, as he grabbed a paper cup with a steaming liquid from his side and set it to his lips to take a little sip. He pulled a face as if he didn’t much like the beverage, but didn’t say anything about it.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s my job and I do it with pleasure,” Pearl assured him with a smile. “Isn’t it just great how a job can be a calling?”

“Can’t say I share that sentiment,” Grian sighed. He had to squint against the light of the sun to look at Pearl. “Look, if there is anything you want from me you’re going to have to come back when we’re opened.”

“Oh, no, don’t you worry your little cotton socks,” Pearl answered, waving her hand. “That is the beauty of mail, you can tend to it whenever you have the time! You can do it first thing when you open again, some work to look forward to!”

Grian opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but ended up just shaking his head slowly. He must’ve had a rather bad night of sleep to be in such a mellow mood, Pearl assumed. She couldn’t imagine moping around at her job like this, it was way to wonderful to waste a day with a bad mood.

“So… do you have any mail to send?” she continued when Grian wasn’t pushing his conversation forward. “Any replies you need to send out from the letters I’ve brought you last week?”

“Haven’t gotten to them yet,” Grian answered dryly. “We were closed.”

“Oh,” Pearl was caught of guard by that but regrouped quickly. “Well, just know that you can count on the Hermit Post & Co to deliver anything you need. I can even deliver important documents if you want, with signed handover and everything. I’ll give it my extra secure, personal attention.”

“Great,” Grian answered with a sigh. “Don’t you have more mail to deliver? I was kind of in the middle of something.”

He took another sip from his drink, which seemed to be the ‘something’ he was in the middle of doing.

“Nope,” Pearl answered cheerful, shifting to sit next to Grian with her face turned towards the sun. “But I can enjoy this wonderful sunlight together with you. Isn’t that great?”

“… I don’t get paid enough for this.”   

[zedif-y]

omg!!!! joel + "afraid" maybe???

Joel isn't afraid of water.

He grits his teeth, forces a smile when Grian looks over at him, head tilted in question. He shakes his head.

" 'm good," is what comes out of his mouth, casual as anything. "Don't wanna get wet."

Which is true, you know. He's not lying. He's just... Kinda not feeling the whole swimming thing right now. Even though he said he would. Multiple times.

...Nothin' wrong with that. A guy can change his mind, can't he?

Grian looks unimpressed, "You went to a beach party to people watch?"

Ugh.

"You went over here to judge?" Joel fires back. An itching something creeps under his skin. "I'll put sand in your wings, Grian, don't think I won't." Grian huffs.

"Someone's tetchy today," He mumbles. He stretches his wings, large swaths of red feathers that catch the sun, "Whatever. Call me if you need me, I'll be over by- Mumbo, are you sunburnt already?!"

Joel watches him go, amusement on his lips as Grian runs off. He lets out a breath.

Why'd he agree to this, again?

("Hey," Impulse says. "So, the other hermits and I were planning something, and we were wondering if you'd wanna-")

("Yes," Joel blurts out, then— "I mean no- I mean! What're- what's the plan?")

(Joel fights a wince.)

(Nice save, idiot.)

(But Impulse just smiles—thank the gods—and goes, "Well, it's nothing fancy or anything. Just a hangout at the beach. Grian found this awesome spot-")

And Joel promises he was listening. He was. It's just, you know. Exciting? 'Cuz he's one of the new guys and it's a whole new server to get used to and they actually want him to hang out, and that's great and he's got plans for builds, farms, and, and.

Maybe, just- maybe. He wants this to work out. Really wants this to work out. Wants to be here to stay.

Because like— Joel's a Hermit now. A real, bonafide Hermit, even though it doesn't feel real. Even if it hasn't quite sunk in yet.

So. You know. What's the harm, right?

("I'll be there," Joel says at last, grinning in a way that he hopes is casual and not painfully eager. "When's it happening?")

Joel can't help but wonder if this is turning out the way he wanted it to, though.

The heat prickles at his skin, leaves him sweating and uncomfortable in his rolled up shirt and pants. He fans himself with the front of his shirt, just watching the others pass the time.

Hermitcraft's got a variety of members— Jevin laughs as xB drenches Keralis in a spray of water, halting when sand is thrown his way in return. ("You know that sticks to me!") Xisuma's in swim trunks and his usual helmet, fanning himself with his hands like it'll stave off the heat. Tango doesn't even break a sweat.

Something worms into his chest, an ugly, twisting feeling that curls around his lungs.

Joel grimaces. Oh, what the heck.

Biting his lip, Joel looks down at his chest, under his shirt. He doesn't exactly grimace, but there's nothing happy about his face, either.

Again, ugh.

Joel sighs, shaking his head. He goes back to people watching, ignoring the prickling discomfort under his skin. This is fine. This is fine.

At the corner of his eye— Pearl stands by the side, cracking jokes with Etho. They're both still wearing jackets. It makes something in Joel unfurl, just a little bit.

He tears his eyes away before they spot him.

The thing is— Joel doesn't, like, hate himself or anything. Not anymore, or at least not right now. And he's not afraid of water, despite how intensely he stared at the sea. It's just, it's...

Joel chews on his lip, picking off dried skin. The small tears bleed, droplets of blood on his tongue as he licks them away. He barely realizes he's doing it— and by the end, his lip twinges a little, reddened and sore.

Sweat makes his clothes cling to his skin. Joel wishes he hadn't agreed to any of this at all.

"You got room for one more?" A voice asks, jolting him out of his thoughts.

Joel turns to look— "Zedaph," He says, surprised. He scoots over his (frankly, way too large) beach blanket, "Yeah, I've got- yeah. You can sit."

Zedaph grins, "Just Zed is fine," He tells him, sitting next to Joel.

He's not in his usual getup right now, Joel notes. Not that he'd know. He's only talked to the guy twice, seen him in meetings. But something about the lack of a cardigan, although understandable, strikes Joel as a bit off— it's like seeing your teacher in casual wear outside of school. Makes sense, but it's kinda weird.

"You gonna swim?" Joel asks, just for something to fill the air. By the water, Scar gets pinched by a crab. Joel snickers.

Zedaph watches on, amused. "With how hot it is, I feel like I already am," He huffs. He rifles through his inventory, a pink fan appearing in his hand, "But no, I don't think I will. It's a nightmare on the wool."

Joel hums, makes sense.

"How about you?"

Joel frowns— he doesn't mean to, it just kinda happens— and says, "Uh, dunno. Maybe? I don't-" He makes a face. "I said I would, but now 'm not sure."

After a beat, Zedaph shrugs. "Well, you've got time," He says at last, and that's that.

They settle into people-watching, for the most part. Just watching the other Hermits bask in the sun, laughing and splashing around as the day goes on.

It looks— it looks fun. It looks so fucking fun.

Joel grits his teeth, the hand gripping the front of his shirt tightening without his notice. What the heck. What the heck.

Frustration gnaws at him, eyes caught on the way they all carry themselves, loose and carefree. Not at them, obviously, it's at his stupid, like, brain—

Joel lets out a breath, deep and measured.

He wanted to come. He said he'd come, join in and swim and whatever else. But now he's here and he's sitting in the shade and not even talking to Zedaph because he can't get a hold of himself, too worked up over nothing as he agonizes over the fact that his shirt is clinging to his skin and it's wrong and it's weird and it feels like, like.

Joel lets his gaze drop to the sand at his feet.

It feels like if they knew, if they saw him the way he saw himself, then they'd, like, regret inviting him here. Or something. Here being the server and the world and not just beach party.

Which, which is stupid and he knows this, but it's so hard to shake— like, how did he even get here, again?

Joel bites back a groan. Today is an awful day to have blummin' imposter syndrome.

For goodness' sake, now he's sulking.

After a while, Zedaph speaks up.

"Are you alright?" He asks, eyebrows drawn together. Joel wants to evaporate on the spot.

He shakes his head, then grimaces. Now he's acting like a toddler.

"Oh," Zedaph says, looking a bit lost. Joel can relate. "...Thirsty?"

Joel blinks. "Huh?"

"Sorry," Zedaph's cheeks flush pink, shaking his head, "I'm not very good at this. D'you want to talk? I can listen if you want."

Joel thins his lips, weighing his options.

He thinks that in another world, another time he probably would've just kept this to himself. 'Cuz he can handle this, he's not a kid. But somewhere along the line— the line of repeatedly bottling shit up, having it rattle and shake and eventually explode— he sort of. Well.

Maybe he realized that that doesn't work. Anymore.

So, "It's stupid."

Joel winces. Great start.

"I mean, it's not. I guess. It's just, new guy jitters, you know?" He tries to explain, watching as understanding dawns on Zedaph's face, a knowing smile that puts a balm on the static-y feeling in Joel's veins. "I'm sorta freaking out about, everything? Even the ones that don't make sense."

His cheeks burn red, "Like the way I'm all sweaty and gross and— I kinda don't want people to see, my body—?" He cuts himself off, his face pinched like he swallowed a lemon. "It's, you know. Not just because of gender things, but it is kind of that, but it's... Gods, Zed, just tell me they aren't gonna kick me out."

The last words come out in a rush, high-pitched and not squeaky as they tumble past Joel's lips. Zedaph blinks.

"Before I joined Hermitcraft, I was falling through the sky with my own sick on my head," Zedaph starts. Which. "Before that, the first ever thing I did was dig a hole in the ground and call that my home. And make an egg farm. But mostly the digging."

Joel tries very, very hard to find where this is going. (A fool's errand, from what he's heard about Zed, but still.)

"When I was asked to join Hermitcraft, my first thought was— really? Me?" Then, he laughs. "But they were serious! And I even asked Tango, then, if it was some elaborate prank. But it wasn't! They really wanted me on here!"

Zedaph gestures around them, "It's easy to get caught in your head, I get that. But we know what we're doing—" He pauses. "When it comes to this, at least. When the Hermits invited me, they knew what they were signing up for— vomit and worms and holes in the ground. And possibly a hint of death and malpractice. Of all sorts."

The knot, slowly unraveling in Joel's chest, starts to loosen up.

Somehow. What was that about death?

Zedaph nudges him, "So lighten up, yeah? Nobody's getting kicked out." Joel manages a smile.

"Thanks, Zed-"

"I mean, if people got kicked out for being sweaty and gross, there'd be no one left!" Zedaph leans in to stage-whisper, "What, you think Impulse didn't sweat in season 9? With all that lava?"

Joel snorts, "Point taken."

Zedaph grins. He leans back, resting on the base of the palm tree they've settled under.

"Take your time to figure out if you're swimming or not," Zedaph tells him, purple eyes glinting under flecks of sunlight. "But nobody will mind if you just stay here. Promise."

Joel nods. This time, smiling comes easier.

"Okay," He replies. He lets out a breath, watches as the sun shines down on the beach, "Thanks, Zed."

"Not a problem."

---

(Joel doesn't, in fact, end up swimming.)

(He watches the sun set on the horizon, eats barbecue at the makeshift grill Skizz brought. It's only the best thing he's eaten all day.)

(Joel laughs at something Gem said, so hard that his lungs kind of hurt.)

(Sitting around a bonfire, shirt smelling like smoke, his anxieties lay forgotten, for now.)

(Joel doesn't swim. Maybe he won't for a while.)

(But there will be more opportunities to try.)

[sparxwrites]

“Grian?” calls Mumbo, pushing the door to his friend’s precariously-perched cliffside home open. It hadn’t been an easy climb up, not without elytra, and now he’s up here he’s half-worried the whole thing might collapse underneath him. Not that elytra would really help with that if it did. “You in here, mate? Just, uh – friendly friend check-in! I mean, neighbour check-in! Friendly neighbour check-in! I mean– look, no one’s seen you for a couple of days, and I just wanted to make sure–”

Then Mumbo registers what he’s actually looking at. Or, rather, registers that he’s looking at something, anyway. It’s not entirely clear what the something is. 

“Grian. Mate. What on earth are you doing?”

Grian’s head perks up, from the middle of a truly bewildering pile of clothing, all bright and beady-eyed. His wings perk up too, an odd little raise so the elbow-joints are higher than his head, the wings themselves slightly flared. Mumbo’s never seen him make that gesture before.

“Mumbo!” Grian says, brightly – and then, blissful, says “Nest.”

“I can see that.” Mumbo can, indeed, see that. It’s definitely a nest, for a given definition (‘bunch of stuff piled up approximately in a circle’) of nest. It’s also technically an answer to his question, but it feels very much more letter of the law than the spirit. And not that it’s unknown for Grian to be an obstructive pain in the behind, or to be a rules lawyer, but this feels… different. “Why’re you in a nest, buddy?”

For a moment, Grian considers that, head cocked to one side. “Nest,” he concludes, eventually, conclusively, which– again, doesn’t really answer the question, but answers a few others. “Give me your jacket.”

Mumbo sighs, and starts shrugging off his jacket. He knows what happens if he tries to refuse; his moustache is only just recovering from the last time he attempted to preserve his clothing in the face of Grian’s nesting instincts. “That time of the year?” he asks, sympathetically. “Something made you broody? Based too high up and now you’re all bird-brained?”

“Jacket,” says Grian, holding out both hands expectantly, which is a firm yes on the bird-brained and a vague who knows on everything else.

Mumbo sighs, and hands the jacket over. He watches, pained, as it immediately gets shoved in amongst all the other clothing lining the nest. The fabric gets, undoubtedly, horribly creased by the inclusion. He just hopes he doesn’t lose a button again this time.

“Okay,” he says, as Grian chirps happily, arches his wings higher and starts fussing further at the clothing. “Okay, bird-brain. Fine. I’ll put out a call for clothing, see if Scar can run us across some golden–”

“Scar,” says Grian, suddenly, head turned in Mumbo’s direction and beady eyes locked on to Mumbo’s face.

“Uh. Yeah? What about him, buddy?”

Grian hums, and then holds out his hands, expectantly. “Scar,” he says, with a single-minded intensity. “Give me your Scar.”