#don't look at me i'm experiencing cringe emotions

[blueraineshadows]

Hi! So this is the request, if I can actually put it into words 😅

MCs first time (Ever) and it happens with Garreth.

They've all left Hogwarts and gone on to do their own thing. They are around the age of 20/21?

All through their time at Hogwarts Garreth and MC had strong feelings for each other, but neither of them had the courage to actually act on them.

MC is working somewhere in the ministry and so she had moved to London. Garreth maybe pursued his passion for potions but stayed close to Hogsmeade or one of the surrounding Hamlets. They lost touch for a few years. I'd like Garreth to have had a few romances with other witches, but none of them really stuck because he still thinks about MC often.

One of their Hogwarts mutual friends holds a party and invites them both. (Poppy? Natty?)

MC and Garreth reunite and get drunk together, having loads of fun. There's obvious sexual and emotional tension between them.

They end up confessing their feelings and things start to get heated between them, but MC is very worried and embarrassed because she's actually a virgin. She just didn't feel right being with anyone else that way.

Basically I need Garreth to give her her first time, him being experienced and she's not. But it will be lovely and sexy and beautiful because its with him. 🙈🫣💖

Love you! 💖

What a lovely Garreth request!! 😍 ❤️ A perfect fic for Weasley Wednesday ❤️

Garreth Weasley x F!MC ❤️🌶

Fluff - lots/virginity loss/smut

Garreth lay awake, watching the dawn light break around the edge of the curtains at his window, the steady sleeping breaths of a woman beside him. He looked down at her. She was pretty. Raven black hair, full lips. Last night had been fun.

But, that's all it was. Nothing more.

She had hopes for more, if her hints were anything to go by, but he just couldn't bring himself to make that next step. Not with her, nor the others that had come before her.

Maybe he was a rake, happy to bed them, but never to wed them. But he didn't want to 'settle' with just any girl. None of them made his heart pound that little bit faster, none of them had ever made him ache to be with them again once parted. None of them were her.

He was making tea when his bed mate came down, wrapped in a bath robe. He frowned a little. He had hoped she would have dressed by now. He had to open the shop this morning and he hated these awkward mornings after the night before. Guilt was a slippery thing and he didn't think it suited him.

She moved towards him, slipping her arms about his waist. He tensed a little. "Tea?" He asked. "I can pour you a cup. But I can't hang around I'm afraid. I've got to open up."

She pouted. "No more time for fun?"

"No, sorry," he said. He hated being so cold, but he stepped out of her grasp.

He tried not to focus on the disappointment clouding her face as she tugged the robe a little tighter about herself. She took the offered tea mug and sat at the table. She picked up an invitation card that was laying there. "What's this? A party?" Her eyes grew hopeful. "Do you have a date?"

Garreth inwardly groaned and leant forward to pluck the card from her fingers. "I wasn't going to attend. I'm...er...that's a busy weekend for me."

She eyed him, sipping her tea. He shoved the invite into his pocket, cringing at his terrible lying, and drained the last of his own tea. He glanced at the clock. He was going to be late.

She got up with a sigh. "Don't worry, I will see myself out."

He winced. "Sorry," he said, awkwardly.

....*....

After a long shift pouring over ancient parchments, MC was looking forward to a soak in the bath, and some sleep. If she had to read the words 'Ancient Relic' one more time, she thought her eyes might actually start to burn out of their sockets.

Usually, she loved her job. Keeper of Ancient Archives had it's moments, turning up some fascinating history and lore. But, just lately, MC had felt like she was sinking under it all, losing her passion for it. Maybe she spent too long in her cramped office. It was that, or face her time alone, because that was the truth of the matter. She was alone.

The last man who had tried to court her had been sent away, tail between his legs, her cold refusal ringing in his ears. She wasn't interested. And half the men who tried were only interested because of who she was, because of what she had done when she was 15. It was tiresome.

Not even the handsome ones turned her head. It was hard not to compare them to the one she had regretfully let slip through her fingers. But, she had to stop dwelling on him. No doubt he had married some comely witch, set up home and maybe had a child already.

She wouldn't know. After chasing a career in the Ministry and moving to London, she had slowly severed most of her ties with her teenage past. If Garreth Weasley had indeed married, then she would rather not know. Her heart didn't want to be reminded of what she had left behind.

Her apartment was small, piles of books leaned precariously on every surface, clothing was draped over a chair. She was a tad untidy, easily distracted, but mostly, it just didn't feel like home and she lacked the enthusiasm to care for it. She attempted to tidy the table, shuffling papers and books. A pretty card slid to the floor and she bent to retrieve it.

It was the birthday invitation from Poppy. MC smiled down at it. The one friend from school she had kept regular contact with. She looked at the date. It was this weekend! MC bit her lip. Poppy would be most cross with her if she didn't attend. MC made a mental note to go shopping. She needed to buy a gift, and perhaps even a new dress.

....*....

The shop had been busy all morning and Garreth stifled a yawn as he restocked some Potions on the shelf. Up half the night entertaining, and then watching the day break, was catching up with him.

The bell above the door rang and he turned, his face lighting with a smile. "Good morning, Poppy!" He said. "What brings you to sunny Hogsmeade today?"

"Party preparations, of course," she said. She moved towards the counter. "You are coming aren't you?"

His hand fumbled over the pocket where he had stuffed the invitation just that morning. "Oh, yes, of course. Wouldn't miss it."

She beamed. "Great! It will be lovely to catch up with old friends."

He moved towards the counter, his step slowing a little at her words. He stared at her, a little nervous all of a sudden. "Who else is going? Anyone I know?"

Poppy's smile was excited. "Quite a few from our classes, actually," she said. "I can't wait to see them. I'm a little sad that Natty can't be there though, but her baby is due any day now, and she didn't want to travel."

He shook his head and flashed a small smile, his bachelor lifestyle seeming rather lonely at that news. "It's hard to believe sometimes that we're all grown up and starting families."

"I suppose it is, yes," she said. She gave him a curious look. "Did I mention that MC is coming too? She is actually going to tear herself away from the Ministry for the weekend."

Garreth's heart picked up it's pace. "MC? Gosh, I haven't spoken to her in years," he said. "I suppose she is married now, too."

Poppy tilted her head a little, her lips twitching into a smirk. "Actually, no," she said. "She is far too buried in her books and work. She works far too hard that one. I'm always telling her she needs more fun."

Garreth was surprised. MC was beautiful, powerful, well liked. One of life's great achievers. How no charming wizard had snapped her up yet was a mystery. If he hadn't been such a coward, perhaps he would have tried to win her heart himself. Merlin knows she had his. If only she knew it.

But then, he was just a humble shop keep, not some fancy Ministry man. What did he have to offer her?

Clearing his throat, he served Poppy her Potions she required and then went back to stocking the shop. He hadn't given a lot of thought to this party, but now he was suddenly nervous. Perhaps a visit to purchase a new jacket would be in order. It wouldn't hurt to look smart now, would it?

....*....

The large white tent had been enchanted to keep warm against the chilly evening air. Garlands of flowers decorated the poles, firefly lanterns and floating candles lit an ambient glow, and a five piece band were set up in front of the dance floor.

Tables laden with food were available, along with a bar for drinks. Guests were milling around, chatting, some at tables, whilst children ran and played outside, making the most of the fading sunset.

MC hovered in the entrance way, her hands on the skirt of her dress. It was a deep blue silk, the neckline much lower than she was used to, the sleeves delicate and just off the shoulder. She had worn long, black gloves too to compliment the lace on the dress. There were a few others wearing similar necklines, but MC felt a little self conscious, exposed.

Opting for some courage, she headed for the bar in search of something that would burn on the way down.

"MC!"

She turned and a little flurry of white and yellow hurtled to embrace her. A laugh huffed from her lips as she hugged the birthday girl back. "Happy Birthday Poppy!"

Poppy beamed up at her. "It is so good to see you! It seems such a long time since Ominis and I visited with you in London."

"And where is that devilishly handsome husband of yours?" MC said, gazing about them.

Poppy pointed Ominis out, her face unable to hide her adoration for him. MC felt a pang of envy, not because of who, but more a case of what, she was missing. Ominis was as dapper as ever. He was chatting with another man and her jaw dropped. "My goodness, that's never Sebastian Sallow with Ominis."

"Ooo yes!" Poppy said. "Doesn't he look utterly handsome! I never thought he would come, but here he is! Last I heard he was working in America as an Auror. He has quite the reputation I hear, for duelling, and with the ladies!"

MC huffed a laugh. "Some things never change, he was always quite the charmer."

"Didn't he charm you?" Poppy raised an eyebrow.

MC laughed. "He may have tried, but I wasn't falling for it," she said.

Poppy hummed, thoughtfully. "No, you were far too busy pining for a rather impish Gryffindor, if my memory serves me correctly."

MC felt a blush warm her cheeks, she took a sip of her firewhiskey, her eyes not quite meeting Poppy's. A cheeky little smile lifted Poppy's lips. "Speaking of which...Garreth over here!"

MC nearly choked on her firewhiskey, she coughed and spluttered, patting her chest with her hand. "What?" She squeaked.

Poppy gave her a wink and waved over the man in question. MC turned watering eyes in his direction, trying to steady her breaths as he headed their way. Taller, broader, his hair as unruly and glorious as ever, Garreth Weasley still had the power to turn her insides into a flurry of butterflies.

His eyes widened at the sight of MC, his cheeks colouring up a little, but he smiled.

Oh, gods, that smile!

"Well, look who it is," he said. He took her hand, dropping a kiss onto the back of it. She cursed herself for wearing gloves, wishing she could feel the press of his lips on her skin. "MC, you look absolutely stunning."

Poppy was practically beaming with glee. She gave MC's arm a squeeze. "I'll leave you two to catch up," she whispered. Then she turned and disappeared into the crowd.

"Garreth," MC said. "How good to see you. And thank you, you look rather dashing yourself!"

Did her voice really sound as breathless as she thought? She wasn't really one for being giddy or flirty, at least she didn't think she was. It had certainly been a long time since she had tried.

"How's the Ministry treating you?" He asked.

MC gave a little sigh, and then they were chatting away, just like they used to at school. The years between then and now melting away as she told him about London, her work, laughing as he made funny quips.

"Would you like another drink?" He asked.

She looked down at her glass, empty for the third time, and nodded. "Why not?"

He got up from the table they had managed to secure and went to fetch more drinks. She watched him go, admiring the way he moved, her eyes dropping for a daring peek at his bottom. She blushed and quickly averted her gaze. It suddenly felt very warm in the tent and she fanned her hot cheeks.

It was then that the band began to play. They struck up a lively jig, the singer had a pleasing voice and MC found herself tapping her foot along to it. People began to drift onto the dance floor, taking up partners to dance with, their steps quick and lively with the beat.

Garreth returned with their drinks. "This band is rather good," he said. He had to lean closer to her ear to be heard, his breath warm against her skin, sending tiny flutters to her pulse points. "They played at my brother's wedding last summer."

She sipped her drink, her gaze dropping to his left hand. "You're not married yet, then?"

He shook his head, his eyes lingering on her. "I've not been lucky enough to catch the right girl," he said. Their eyes locked and her heart did a little flip. "What about you?"

"I haven't even been looking," she said, quickly.

He nodded. "Poppy said you work too hard."

"You and Poppy were talking about me?"

He grinned. "Only good things. She said you needed more fun in your life."

"Did she now?" MC gave a little frown. Then she gasped as Garreth took her glass from her hand and set it on the table. He clasped her hand in his and tugged her up to her feet, a playful grin on his lips. "Come on."

"What are you doing?" She asked.

He leant in close to her ear again and she shivered deliciously. "Having some fun. Let's dance."

Then his hand was at her waist and he was twirling her onto the floor. Her heart was in her mouth, she didn't dance, and the music was lively, a thundering beat. Couples swung by them, MC glancing about, a little nervous, to make sure they didn't collide. Garreth just laughed, lifting their arms to spin her about, her dress fanning outwards.

MC was getting breathless, keeping up with the pace, her heart was pounding, her face was flushed, and Garreth kept going. When the song was over, she took a breath, a hand to her chest, thinking they would stop now. But then, the band struck up the next song, the chap on the fiddle stomping his foot energetically.

Garreth caught her up in his arms again and she found herself laughing, her head falling back as they spun wildly. Her hair, once neatly coiled and pinned, was now slipping free of it's bonds, strands framing her flushed face.

MC thought of the few stuffy gatherings she had attended in London, people sipping their drinks and making polite chatter. It was a whole other world. Here, people were dancing as if their lives depended upon it, laughing freely. The room felt alive, and slowly, MC was beginning to feel the same way.

One dance had couples linking arms, spinning in light footed circles, before switching to a different partner to skip in the other direction. Men and women switched back and forth across the floor, delighting in the friendly exchange. MC tried to track where Garreth had spun off to, but it was hard, the pace of the dance making her lose track.

Then she found herself linking up with Sebastian, her eyes met his brown ones as they spun. He gave her a wink and a smirk, just like he used to years ago, and she giggled delighted, her heart feeling lighter than it had in years.

Then he was gone, and she was linking arms with a woman she didn't know, the sound of dancing feet, and the thrum of the drums keeping them forever on the move. She had forgotten what it felt like to be this free, this caught up in a moment, and it felt good.

Finally, the song ended, and the dancers could catch a breath. Panting, but smiling, her and Garreth finally paused to take a drink and a breather. She looked up at him, smiling as she met his sparkling green eyes. "You're right, this is fun," she said.

....*....

Garreth washed his hands in the bathroom, taking a quick glance at his flushed face in the mirror. He tried to calm his unruly locks, but sighed, knowing it would always be a losing battle.

MC had said she was having fun. He wasn't going to lie, holding her in his arms was the highlight of his evening so far, and he didn't want it to stop. That last song had meant sharing her with everyone else on the dance floor, and all he had wanted was to get her back in his arms where she belonged.

He had caught the moment when Sebastian had been holding her, the way she had looked up at him, delighted laughter spilling from her lips. He felt 16 again, watching her from afar, always with the Slytherin by her side.

Garreth didn't dislike Sebastian, but it certainly made his hackles rise whenever he got close to MC. He couldn't help it. He had no right, but he felt a strong sense of protection when it came to her. It was laughable really, she was blessed with her Ancient Magic, powerful and strong. And yet, he wanted to hold her like she was made of the finest porcelain.

He shook his head. Gods, he had it bad.

Returning to their table, he found her gone. He scanned the room, his eyes narrowing when he saw her, dancing with Sebastian. The music had slowed a touch, enough to mean they were moving together, closer than Garreth liked.

Sebastian was speaking into her ear, she laughed, her head bowing to graze against him. Garreth's mouth tightened. Jealousy bit at his insides. He turned away, snatched up his whiskey and downed the lot in one go.

He should go over to them, cut in, take her back in to his own arms. But he didn't. Why would she want to? Why dance with him when she could dance with a renowned Auror? Instead of going to her, he decided he needed some air, and he left the tent.

....*....

When the song ended, Sebastian gave MC a little bow and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "Thank you for dancing with me," he said. "It really has been good to see you again."

"Same to you," MC said. She gave him a little curtsy.

Sebastian released her hand, placing his at her elbow as he escorted her back to her table. "I meant what I said, by the way," he said. "If London and the Ministry are not living up to the dream, then it's not too late to make changes."

She nodded. "I suppose its taking that leap into the unknown," she said.

"Speaking of which, isn't it about time you put Weasley out of his misery?" He smirked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I reckon you and him are the only two in the room who can't see it," he sighed. He leant closer to her ear. "Go and give him a damn good snog, for Merlin's sake!"

MC flushed scarlet. "Sebastian!"

He laughed and began to back up away from her. He pointed a cheeky finger at her, and dropped her another wink. "I guarantee he won't say no."

MC sat, her tummy fluttering at what Sebastian had suggested. She drank her whiskey, eyes seeking out Garreth but he was nowhere to be seen.

Could she suck up the courage to kiss Garreth? Her heart pounded so fast at the idea that she almost felt dizzy with it. She pressed gloved fingers to her lips. How would it feel to press them against him? She felt the breath in her lungs dissipate, her chest heaving in air at a quickened pace.

She stood. She needed to find him.

....*....

Poppy had sent her out into the cool night air in the direction she had seen Garreth go. She had given MC a squeeze on the arm. "Don't be afraid to grab happiness with both hands, MC," she had said.

MC wandered across the grass towards some trees, the trickle and gush of a stream drifting through the night. When it came to dark wizards and creepy forests, she would charge right in, wand blazing. But seeking out Garreth had her gritting her teeth, nerves making her feel foolish and well out of her depth.

He was sat on a fallen tree, head down, hands clasped. Her heart clenched. He looked rather dejected. Nerves forgotten, she hurried towards him. When he looked up, he looked surprised to see her there. "MC, everything alright?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," she said. Her heel sank into a soft piece of grass and she wobbled, staggering to right herself. "Oh, these blasted heels," she hissed.

He smothered a laugh. "MC, you are not drunk, are you?"

She straightened and swiped at the strands of hair around her face. "Absolutely not!" But she struggled to keep up her attempt at being a sober, proper young lady and a giggle burst from her mouth.

Garreth got to his feet, his hands reaching to cup her elbows. "Well, well," he said. "What would the Minister of Magic say?"

She looked up at Garreth realising that standing here with him like this felt more real than anything in London had ever been. "Fuck what he thinks," she said. His eyes widened. "In fact, we should go inside and get more drinks, many more, until we are rip roaring, filthy drunk. So drunk, I could dance on the tables, lifting my skirts and not caring who sees my ankles."

Garreth laughed, his head tilting back. "I would pay to see that."

She laughed with him and her hand was now gripping the front of his smart jacket, the fabric pleasantly smooth against her gloves. "I suggest you get your wallet out then, Weasley. Because I am feeling the urge to be reckless and wild."

He stilled, staring down at her, lips parted. She stared at that mouth, thinking about what Sebastian had said. She could kiss him. Now, that would be reckless and wild. Just do it, woman! He is so close!

"Have you ever been in love, Garreth?" The words rolled off the end of her tongue to hang in the air between them. His fingers tightened at her elbows and she looked up at him, heart in her mouth, his eyes a starry glitter in the dark. "You know, the kind of love that steals the very breath from your lungs."

His mouth moved, but no words came out. She saw his throat work as he swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing beneath his skin. With a will of its own, MC's hand smoothed up the front of his jacket, a distracted thought in the back of her mind wondering what his skin felt like there. The soft silk of her gloves brushed against his throat and a strange, strangled breath left his mouth.

Her eyes flew to his. "Sorry," she muttered. "Forgive me."

She made to pull her hand back but he caught it with one of his own, grasping her fingers tightly. "No, wait," he said. He looked at her hand and then began to slowly tug the silk from the ends of her fingers. She watched, mesmerised, as he slid the glove free from her arm, goosebumps chasing the silk as it slid free. "Try that again," he whispered.

Anticipation made the ends of her fingers tingle, a fiery rush of warmth beginning to gather deep inside of her. It made her feel a little lightheaded. Recklessness wasn't the word, and she felt a deep, ravenous craving claw at her.

Slowly, she pressed her finger tips against the warmth of his neck. He swallowed thickly. She slid them against the slight roughness there, upwards towards his jawline. She was trembling, but couldn't have stopped if she tried.

Her thumb swept along the curve of his jaw, her fingers beginning to welcome the softness of his hair near his ear. He closed his eyes, savouring the feel of her delicate touch.

"There is this one girl," he whispered. She paused but kept her hand where it was, reluctant to leave his warmth. "In answer to your question, there is this one girl. She stole my heart years ago, and I don't think I will ever get it back, in fact I don't want it back. It's hers, for always. Even if she doesn't know it."

MC tried to swallow down a wave of disappointment. She cleared her throat and he opened his eyes to look down at her. Her heart squeezed tightly, wishing more than anything to know that kind of devotion. "Then she is incredibly lucky," she said. She lowered her gaze.

"MC," he said. He caught her chin and guided her back up to face him, but she kept her gaze lowered. "It's you. It was always you."

This time when she looked at him she could see the fire, the open honesty on his face, and the fear. Her breathing stilled. "Me?"

His face lowered to hers, so close she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. But she still couldn't breathe, her fingers gripping up into his hair as his mouth brushed softly against hers. A tingling shock speared right through her at that touch. And then, his lips pressed more firmly into a proper kiss and the air rushed from her, all at once.

One hand on his jacket, one in his hair, she tugged his whole body closer. She inhaled sharply, the scent of him driving her pulse into an untamed, wild thing. The feel of him pressed up against her made her moan against his mouth as he kissed her more firmly, his lips claiming hers for his own.

As she breathed out again, lips parting, his tongue swirled in to taste her. She had never been kissed so intimately, never wanted or trusted anyone enough to allow such a thing. Her tongue tentatively moved against his, nerves making her tense a little. What if she did it wrong?

He eased the kiss, reigning in his lust to press soft kisses against her lips. She whimpered, the ache building deep within her feeling abandoned. She slid her tongue out, catching his bottom lip. "Don't you dare stop," she breathed.

But he did stop, breathing a little harder, his forehead pressed against hers. "I don't want to take advantage of you," he said softly. "We have both been drinking..."

She took his face in her hands. "I am feeling so much right now, all kinds of reckless and madness, but I do know one thing for sure. I love you, I've always loved you, and to hear you say the same makes me want to burst into a million pieces."

He huffed a laugh. "Well, don't do that. Think of the mess!"

She giggled, the fingers of her bare hand moving to his lips. "You always were good at making things explode," she murmured. "When you kissed me just now..." She closed her eyes and sighed.

"You really love me?" He asked.

The vulnerability in his voice made her eyes burn with tears. She nodded.

He hesitated, wincing a little. "What about Sebastian?"

MC gaped. "What?"

He looked awkward, looking anywhere but at her. "I er...well, I always thought you and him...You looked so happy dancing with him."

MC laughed. She couldn't help it. Poor Garreth, he looked so awkward, so pained by his words, but she couldn't stop her giggling. "Oh, no, no, no," she laughed, shaking her head. "Oh, Garreth, absolutely not! He was the one who sent me out here after you, for Merlin's sake!"

Now, it was Garreth's turn to gape. Another giggle erupted from her mouth and she buried her face into his chest. She quietened her laughter, breathing him in, her hands holding on to him, terrified to let go. "There has never been anyone else," she said into his jacket. "Only you."

If she had thought the previous kiss rather heated then she wasn't prepared for this one. If she hadn't been clinging on to him, she would have melted to the ground, a thoroughly hot mess. He pulled her hips against him, grinding against her and she gasped at the feel of it, her own hips wanting to writhe and flex with his.

A flush swept up her chest and neck, warmth blazing in deep secret places, threatening to devour her. She let herself drift into it, welcoming the abandon, starved for it.

Forgotten was the party, her friends, the whole world. It was just Garreth, his scent, his taste, and his hands on her body.

She felt the scratch of tree bark against her back. She hadn't even realised they had been moving. Garreth began to spread his teasing kisses along her jaw, his mouth sucking at the flesh of her neck. Her most secret, most entoxicating dreams, were being realised, and she moaned desperately at the feel of his tongue along her collar bone.

He pressed her against the tree, his hips grinding, and she felt the hot, throbbing press of his arousal, thick and hard. The ache between her thighs sharpened, her heat desperate to claim that wicked lust, her mind spinning at this wholly new feeling. "Oh!" She cried, breathlessly.

He paused, his eyes searching out hers. "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No, no, it's just..." She felt her cheeks flush hotly. "This is all so new. I...I'm afraid I am not very experienced with...all of this."

His brows drew together. "You're...a virgin?"

She nodded. "I'm so sorry."

He gasped. "Whatever for? Don't you dare be sorry!" He kissed her nose, her forehead, her lips. "Don't you dare apologise for such a thing. I'm so glad you told me before I took this any further."

She gripped him, eyes wide. "You're not going to stop are you?" Her voice had an edge of panic.

"I am not going to let you be taken for the first time up against a blasted tree!" He looked shocked. "You deserve so much better than that."

Her breath hissed through her teeth as she gritted them against her desperate need to have so much more from him. He was so damned lovely, so perfect, so everything and more that her heart desired. She thought she might even cry at how much she ached for him.

"Well then, Mr Weasley, seeing as you are trying to be the perfect gentleman. I suggest you take me somewhere much more to your liking, because I am fully expecting you to finish what you have started before I really do explode everywhere."

A startled laugh left his lips. She gripped the front of his jacket. "We need to relieve you of some clothing as well," she breathed. "I wouldn't want to make a mess over such a lovely jacket."

He kissed her, hard, demanding, his teeth catching hold of her bottom lip. The groan he made into her mouth made her toes curl. "As my love commands," he said roughly.

He held her firmly, and with a crack through the air, they were gone.

....*....

In romance novels she had read, it was always so charming, so perfect, flawless one could say.

When MC and Garreth arrived at his home, they stumbled, both of them gripping each other and reluctant to let go. Their balance was shot and they tumbled, a heap of limbs, onto the wooden floor.

MC landed on top of him, he grunted at the impact, her face mashed into his chest, her skirts wrapped in an awful muddle around her legs. "Oh, fuck!" She exclaimed.

She scrambled to check on him, writhing against him and he tensed, his hands grabbing at her hips. "Are you alright?" She asked.

He peered down at them both squished together on his kitchen floor, an eyebrow lifting at the delightful view down the neckline of her dress. "Well, this is sexy," he quipped.

She paused to consider their predicament, her lips pressing together against the laughter bubbling up her throat. He grinned before his face transformed into a mockery of seriousness. "Don't drink and Apparate," he warned.

Her laughter burst free, loud and joyous. He laughed too, holding her against him, pressing a kiss to her hair. Then he was giving her a nudge. "Come on, get me up, the floor is not where I'm planning on deflowering you," he said, cheekily.

She lifted herself up onto her arms to look down at him. She tilted her head slightly. "Deflowering me? How very proper!" She giggled. She leaned down, feeling much braver now and kissed him slowly on the mouth. She whispered against his lips. "I'm not feeling very proper right now."

As if to emphasis her point, she flexed her hips, grinding against his hip. The friction sent flame swirling outwards and it hit harder than any firewhiskey.

"Oh, fuck...Oh, fuck," he groaned. His grip on her tightened. "Upstairs now!"

MC tugged her heels from her feet, not wanting to risk any more tumbles as they ran up the staircase, hand in hand. Once in his bedroom, he paused, taking her face in his hands. He wasn't laughing now, his eyes were burning with an intensity that stole her breath.

"This feels like a dream," he said. "If it is, don't wake me, not yet."

She put a hand over one of his, the one without the glove, she stroked his knuckles, sliding tenderly along the backs of his fingers before turning to press a kiss against the inside of his wrist. "It's a dream come to life, and I'm not going anywhere," she said quietly. "This is right where I am supposed to be."

She looked up at him, her heart stuttering at the tears that shone in his eyes. "I love you," he whispered.

She moved his hand down to her chest, placed it right over her heart, thudding madly. "I love you, too."

His kiss was slow, deep, and she could feel his hunger for her. She moaned, her very bones melting into him. Piece by piece, clothing was dropped to the rug beneath their feet, mouths barely parting, fingers tugging blindy at fastenings.

The feel of his palm sliding up her bare back made her shiver, her head tilting back to allow him access to her throat, his kisses burning into her skin. Then he was releasing her hair, the freedom of her flowing locks adding to the vulnerability of her nakedness.

She felt a shyness, a lack of confidence in her own body, but his eyes were hungry, his mouth eager to press his affection against soft curves. He whispered his appreciation, breath hot against her skin, and she returned the favour. She kissed him on the neck where he had kissed her, wanting to make him feel the same burn she had.

Laying with him on the bed, his warmth a comfort and an irresistible pull, she wanted to press herself as humanly possible against him. Her breasts were crushed against his chest, the friction making her gasp. She wound a leg around his waist, hungry for something deeper, to be even closer.

He shifted, leaning on his elbows to look down at her. "Are you nervous?"

MC stared at him. "I've never felt safer," she said.

He smiled softly. "Do you have any expectations? I want you to feel comfortable with everything."

"I trust you," she said. "I know the basics, obviously, but as for the rest..."

He nodded and kissed her. "I'm going to touch you. Stop me at any point if it hurts."

She nodded, her breath shaky, and his hand slid downwards, ghosting across her skin, and gently guiding her leg outwards. His fingers brushed gently upwards against her heat, not probing, just the briefest touch. Her breath hitched and she licked her lips.

He did it again, but this time, he started lower, pressing a little more firmly, and the tip of a finger slipped between the folds, catching against her slick. Her lips parted and her eyes fluttered closed, a soft sigh leaving her.

Each stroke of his hand saw him dip a little more, spreading her, until she could hear what he was doing to her. A cry left her and her hips rolled against his hand. He pressed soft kisses to her neck, her shoulder, his finger pressing more firmly to swirl against her most sensitive part.

Her hand fisted into the bed sheets. "Garreth," she gasped.

He did it again, the ache of it so sharp and intense that she arched her back, and he wasn't stopping, in fact he swirled faster. "Ahh...oh..."

He swirled a tongue over her nipple, mirroring his fingers and a cry left her throat.

"Is that good?" He whispered into her ear.

She nodded, words a forgotten concept as she felt the fire of his touch twist sharper and faster, she felt her legs begin to tremble and she panted. She could feel the grip on her control sliding, she was climbing ever higher and the fall gaped beneath her, she just had to let go and she would fly.

"Garreth," she panted. Her hand gripped his shoulder, fingers sinking in. "Oh...I'm going to...I can't hold on anymore."

"Let go," he urged. His fingers worked even faster and her eyes flew wide. She let go, and the flames consumed her, rolling up and outwards, leaving her a panting, flushed wreck in his arms.

She tried to catch her breath, watching him, stunned, as he shifted between her legs, two fingers sliding slowly inside of her, pumping slowly before spreading her arousal all over her folds. She moaned at the feel of the intrusion.

"I need to make sure I don't hurt you," he explained. She stared at the swollen length of him, watching in fascination as he took hold of it, swirling his soaked fingers along it and up over the tip. She swallowed. "Will you fit? That looks rather big."

He chuckled and kissed her. "Well, thank you."

She bit her lower lip, smiling up at him. He settled between her legs and she felt the tip of him brush against her. She twitched her hips and he held one, steadying her. "Easy now, just relax, let me do the work, okay? You just concentrate on relaxing your muscles."

She nodded. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Eyes on mine," he said.

She met his gaze. Oh, how she loved those eyes! She steadied her breathing and then he began to push into her, his other hand holding himself steady. She felt the stretch, the sting, and gasped.

"Breathe," he whispered. "Just keep looking at me."

She did, unable to tear her gaze away as he slid slowly, carefully, deeper inside of her. Her body welcomed him, the sting easing, her walls clenching around the pressure of the intrusion into her most intimate place.

Fully seated, he exhaled a long breath, pausing to savour the moment and she brought her hand to his face. "You didn't hurt me," she assured him.

He smiled and kissed her, long and slow. She arched a little, the movement felt deep within and they both moaned. "I can't wait any longer," he said, tightly. "You feel so fucking good."

It felt kind of empowering knowing that she had that kind of effect on him. A naughty smirk curved her lips and she flexed her hips, he grunted in surprise, his eyes growing dark and dangerous. Anticipation made her breathe a little harder.

His gaze burned into her hers as he slid back and thrust deeply, a satisfied smirk spreading across his mouth as she cried out. "Again," she panted.

He began to roll his hips, his lips parting, colour flooding his cheeks as she began to moan beneath him, her hands reaching to grasp at his back and shoulders.

The pleasure of his thrusts washed over her, reawakening that burning ache for him that felt so good, too good to let go of, but she found she was building right back up towards that limit again.

Watching his own pleasure play out across his features was just as arousing as his touch, and they climbed together, Garreth gritting his teeth as he barely contained himself. He shifted her hips, his arms winding around her to support her at this new angle and he thrust harder, cries spilling from her lips as she felt the limit rushing towards her.

Her head fell backwards as she abandoned herself to it, her climax making her bear down onto his length, clenching tightly around him as he groaned into her ear.

....*....

Rosy dawn sunlight filtered through his bedroom window and a lazy smile tugged at his mouth as he turned his face into the soft spill of hair on his pillow. He bent to nuzzle his nose under one delicate ear, his lips pressing softly against the warmth of MC's neck.

She moaned and shifted in her sleep, but she wasn't going anywhere, he would make sure of that. His arm wrapped tightly around her, pulling her back up against him, his growing arousal settling snugly under her arse cheeks.

Twice now he had taken her, each time making him more sure that she was the beginning and the end of him. She was just the most perfect fit.

Her hand smoothed up his arm and she sighed his name, snuggling against him. "Is it time to get up?" She mumbled.

"No," he said, immediately. "We're never getting out of this bed, ever again."

A little frown creased her brow. "But I'm hungry," she said. She turned to look up at him, blinking sleepily.

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, humming thoughtfully. "Breakfast in bed?"

She smiled, twisting to face him, her hand sliding down his chest, lower. The feel of her fingers around his now solid length making him groan. "Does breakfast come with dessert?" She teased. Her mouth pressed kisses to his throat.

Garreth tugged her leg up around his hip, rolling her flat against the mattress. "Breakfast can wait," he said. "I've always been a sucker for something sweet."

She giggled and wrapped herself around him, soft and willing. His dream come to life.

[siilvan]

Solitude

Characters: Mylène "Petra" Scholten de Ridder

Summary: The feeling of being alone. (Or something like that.)

Genre: Light angst? Idk, it's just sleep-deprived rambling lol

Warnings: Semi-proofread, light cursing, some mentions/allusions to canon-typical violence, again it's just random shit

Word Count: 1.5k

Note: I wrote this in a few hours because I've been an emo bitch lately and figured I'd do what I always do when I'm sad, AKA take it out on my oc (◡‿◡) I might leave it up, I might cringe after I wake up and delete it, who knows honestly? I promise I'm working on things people actually want to read, btw

If Petra was one thing, it was a woman not easily phased by trivial matters. War, violence, exhaustion, death – all things she was experienced with. All things she knew how to handle on any given day. She earned both her call sign and her position for exactly that reason, even.

Now, if Mylène was one thing, it was a woman constantly weighed down with the things she faces on any given day. War, violence, exhaustion, death – it haunts her every waking moment. She had learned to deal with it over the years, how to put a pin in her emotions for the sake of getting the job done. People needed her to be the steady hand, so that’s what she became.

She never quite learned how to deal with the loneliness, though.

"Just call me if you need me, okay? Any time, I don't care when or where. I'm there."

The words felt foreign as soon as they left the captain's lips. She wasn't used to hearing that. She was always the one people came to rely on.

A heavy sigh escapes Mylène's lips as she unceremoniously flops down on the sofa with her old scrapbook in-hand. It was a hobby her mother had, one she didn’t understand until it was too late to even tell the woman that she learned why she loved it so much.

That's another thing she was. Sentimental. All she ever seemed to do when she was alone was reminisce. The good days, the bad days, the moments that she was sure went right in and out of anyone else's brain – her first sniping lesson with Price, the first time Nikolai called her "Mila," the first time she heard Ghost's genuine laugh, when she and Soap discovered their mutual love of art, the one single time she almost beat Gaz in a race… small moments, but ones she held close to her heart.

As she flips the near-overstuffed book open, she's immediately greeted with another memory. One she was honestly surprised she could still recall so clearly, considering she was only six years old during it.

A photo, taken in the dead of winter. Her family was in the states, visiting her aunt and uncle for Christmas. They were at the dinner table – her aunt was to the left, her honey blonde hair tossed over her shoulder as a few streaks of silvery grey finally started to show, with a three-year-old Emiel sitting in her lap and babbling away to her. To the right was her uncle, the grey in his dark hair and beard far more visible as he leaned back in his chair, a soft smile resting on his lips as he watched the six-year-old in his lap frantically scribble away on a piece of paper with a crayon. In the back, standing in the backyard and visible through the half-open glass door, was her father – younger, not yet the man she knew him as – and her two cousins, tossing a football back and forth and laughing away. Even her childhood dog was there, a blur in the picture as she ran after the ball.

Her mom wasn't in the photo. Judging by Emiel pointing somewhere behind the camera, she was the one taking it.

The more Mylène thought about it, the more it almost became funny. There was a point in time when she was surrounded by people, almost too many for her to keep up with. Her gaze lifts from the page; she tries to ignore the wetness clinging to her eyelashes as she looks around her living room. Other than her, it's empty. Her brother was somewhere else in the world, surely finishing another sensitive mission that Laswell assigned to him. "I want the best for the job," she always says. Her aunt and uncle were still in the states, but every time she thought about them, all that seemed to come to mind was how they lost fifteen years to the anger of her father.

After years of losing people left and right – allies, entire teams, patients in her care, civilians, friends – maybe it was for the best that she was alone. Even the task force had some close scrapes over the years, moments when she worried about losing one of the people she had come to consider a second family.

Mylène closes the scrapbook with a heavy thud and sets it down on the small coffee table in front of her. She shifts, pulling her knees up to her chest and eyeing the cellphone sitting next to the book. It was silent, save for the occasional spam email or update from her superiors. If she wasn't a woman ruled by her sense of pride, she'd consider sending someone a message.

Maybe she could text Freya and ask about her progress with the recent training exercises she gave her. Or, maybe she could text Christine for an update on the new batch of recruits. Maybe she could even come up with some lame excuse to text Olga, ask her how she's doing after her company rapidly expanded out of the blue.

No, no… She's a woman with too much pride for that. Johnny, Kyle, Simon… She didn’t have a viable excuse for bothering any of them. Between their work and their partners, she doubted any of those three had time for her, anyway.

Price? No, definitely busy with the missus. Nikolai? She can never predict what he's up to, but she assumed it was probably work or his own love, too. Laswell? God, what weak excuse could she even come up with in that scenario.

"Any time, I'm there."

She lowers her head and lets her chin rest on top of her knees. She was only home because she had to be – the captain claimed she was working herself to the bone and needed the time off before she ran herself ragged.

"You can take a week off," He chuckles, patting her shoulder before squeezing it in a firm grip. "Everything'll keep running when you're gone, I promise. We won't fall apart without you."

She laughed at the time. "Just give me a call if Johnny blows one of his fingers off, he's already almost done that three times this month alone." She said.

Was she selfish for feeling a pang in her chest? "It's natural to want to feel wanted," she can already hear someone wiser than her saying. Who could she actually say that to, though? Everyone around her was too busy and too interested in their own lives. She was just… well, herself. Lieutenant Petra; always stable, always the guiding hand, always the last one to complain when times get tough.

Her phone buzzes as the screen flashes to life. She picks it up and sees her brother's name in the notifications. When she clicks into their messages, it's a picture of him sitting in the back of a helicopter, his gear half-stripped off but his mask still on, covering the lower half of his face and leaving his smeared eye black and messy hair on display as he gives the camera a little thumbs-up.

Always his way of telling her he's okay after a mission. Whenever she was sent out, she'd do the same. Mylène sends a quick reply – "Try and spend more than three days at base when you get back." – and turns her phone off again.

It would be easy to message someone at this point and tell them the truth. "I'm feeling lonely, do you have time to chat?" are just nine little words. She was always the one telling her teammates and the soldiers under her command to reach out if they ever needed her, and yet the thought of doing the same felt like an impossible goal.

She turns her phone on its face and leans back against the cushion. After years of being her own shoulder to cry on, why was she suddenly feeling so lonely? She didn't need to be coddled, she didn't need to be someone's baby, she was always capable of relying on herself and no one else. She promised herself that the last time she broke down in front of someone else would be the last time she let herself do something like that. She didn't need it. She could take care of herself.

Mylène pushes herself off the sofa, worrying at the inside of her cheek. Everyone has their priorities and people they're already focused on caring for. She has herself, and that's all she needs. She doesn't need a shoulder to cry on or someone who knows how she's feeling all hours of the day.

"Verdomme…" She lifts her hands up and presses the heels of her palms to her eyes. "Get it together, Scholten…" She mutters in the empty room, drawing in and releasing slow, deep breaths until she can lower her hands to her sides once more. She handles it, just like always.

She has herself, and that's all she needs.

[shyminmin]

༄𝐁𝐓𝐒 𝐗 𝐟.𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | Fantasy, Mermaid AU | ༄𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 5.3k ༄𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : Slight conflict/confrontation

There was a golden blur and the sound of a tail cutting through water at an astounding rate. The next thing Jungkook knew, he was seized from behind, the nape of his neck bearing the weight and grip of his lieutenant's hand. Nerves coming to life, they in turn cause tiny shockwaves to encompass him.

"Move."

The word came out eerily calm, however the stunned Kook knew that it was anything but. The simple syllable being riddled with obvious venom and incomprehensible anger.

Nudging him forward while keeping his hold on the young merman's neck, both of them manoeuvred through the blueish depths, not another word spoken. Every now and again Hoseok would indicate to him to either veer left or right by firmly yanking on his nape in said direction.

This is it. Jungkook thought.

Hobs has finally lost it...

I'm gonna be turned into fish bait!

Grimacing, he continued to think the worst as they neared the outskirts of the colony. They passed one or two stone towers along the way, moss and algae climbing up their rocky sides where they in turn were trimmed to create intricate, decorative patterns. Beyond them, silhouettes of mer could be seen gliding between the natural structures, most likely heading towards their respective home dwellings for the evening.

Jungkook shakily exhaled, as he looked in the direction of his own home, which was non-visible from his current position.

His mother would be expecting him very soon, no doubt just starting on dinner. Oh how she would react if he was even the slightest bit late... He cringed just thinking about it, she'd lose it for sure! One of these days he feared that her heart would give out from all the excess amount of stress and unneeded worry she constantly put upon herself. He prayed for Poseidon's sake that she would stop thinking that the world was out to get them and instead be more carefree and relaxed.

Though, he knew that wishful thinking.

She wasn't fooling anyone when she hid those emotions behind a mask of a smile. Her movements always just that bit too stiff and her breathing noticeably shallow and forced. Sometimes he would wake up to her crying, her unsettling whimpers and shrieks echoing around their home while he could do nothing but hopelessly listen. Trying to comfort her would just earn him a response of 'go away', 'go back to sleep' or 'don't worry about me'.

Yeah...Her experiencing genuine happiness...Wishful thinking indeed...

A few more rocks and a curious onlooker of a fish later, his surroundings spontaneously darkened as he felt the pressure on his neck get released. His face met the ocean floor from the result of Hoseok shoving him into a tight crevice in the side of a mountain slope.

After taking a deep breath as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he cautiously pushed off of the hard ground, righting himself to face the daunting topaz scales of his companion. The Lieutenant in question hovered in the entrance, effectively blocking the merman's chance to escape.

Oh gods.. he was done for...

Not daring to look his superior in the face in utter fear of what he may find, Kook proceeded to wait in painful silence, focusing his gaze instead on a lone seashell embedded in the mostly barren sea floor. Oh how he wished he could just disappear and dissolve into seafoam right about now, anything to get away from an enraged Hoseok.

Said merman's voice ruptured through the waters once more, causing Jungkook's fins to stand on edge.

"Look at me."

Completely under the male's control at this point, Kook's head had no choice but to snap up, him gulping as he came into contact with Hoseok's eyes.

He flinched.

Oh holy mother of Circe.

Gone was the light behind them, the golden flecks of amber replaced by a dark, raging storm devoid of any warmth or comfort.

No, this was the sight of someone dangerous.

They remained like this, in a silent stare-off, just waiting for the other to react in some way. Either Jungkook out of obvious fear or for Hoseok to finally break and send poor Kook over to writhe forever in ‘The Shallows.’

"Give me one good reason... one very very good reason why I shouldn't renounce you of your position this very instant?"

Silence swallowing up the tight space, tension climbing and thickening as the words evaporated.

The younger's heart dropped to his stomach as he blinked a couple of times.

No...Oh please no!

If he was no longer deemed a soldier then it was goodbye to the little freedom that he had fought tooth and nail for all this time. He gazed into the hardened eyes of Hoseok imploringly.

"No! Y-you can't- Anything but that! Please... don't do this to me! Come on Hobs.."

"Answer the damn question Jung–kook."

The way he addressed him stung. Hoseok practically never called him by his full name and the fact that he said it with such spite and lack of remorse did nothing to alleviate the jab of pain in his chest.

"I'm still waiting for an answer."

"I..I uh...I-I can do..." He stalled, blinking back a few angry tears. "Urgh – Please! I need this role! You know more than anyone how much this means to me! If not for the good of the tribe then for my own bloody sanity!"

The last of his pleads bounced off the cavernous walls, seeming to mock him of his current state.

"Sanity huh?.." Hoseok conferred, crossing his arms, continuing to eye the boy with contempt.

"If that's the case, then what about the state of my own sanity whenever I hear about another one of your foolish escapades, hm? What's to stop you from going against the rules once more? Or the time after that?" He moved forward a fraction, tail flicking behind him as he gazed down on Kook with intimidation. "Convince me why it would be worth my while to keep you in the guard, for you to finally be disciplined enough to abide by your duties without me thinking otherwise."

"I..."

Jungkook paused, pondering.

The wise decision in this instance would be to go along with his superior's wishes, to just tell him the answer he wanted to hear and get a measly slap on the wrist. Then he could hopefully go on as normal and continue to venture out in secret.

But he realised that resorting to that would be pointless.

Yeah..

Something as simple as a lie, Jungkook concluded, stood no chance at getting past the all too observant Hoseok. He would know whether he is being genuine or not. Lies wouldn't work this time round, his elder's demeanour proved as such.

With all of this running through his mind, he mustered up the strength to state his real answer, no strings attached.

"No."

....

...

The lieutenant furrowed his brow, certainly not expecting the boy to go against his own self.

"No?"

The younger was quick to elaborate.

"Yeah... I don't think...no, I can't promise you that.."

"Not when you yourself refuse to be completely honest with me. You talk about trust and loyalty...heh well... how can you expect me to be compliant and rule abiding when you yourself fail to fess up about why I'm basically treated like a caged animal!"

"So no, I can't promise you that you can fully rely on me to be obedient in terms of where I can and can't go... not when I myself can hardly trust you in return.. oh great Lieutenant."

There was a brief pause as he fought to maintain eye contact, his superior's lack of warmth ever present contradicting the subtle flicks of his lively, golden fins.

"I see..." he uttered. "Looks like we're at an impasse."

The elder idled forward once more causing Jungkook to back up in response. He realised he was slowly being cornered.

Crap, now I'm really done for.

"You wanna know why you're treated as such, why you aren't allowed to roam free? Well this right here is precisely one of the reasons. I don't know if the red in your scales contributes to your hot headedness, or if you're just plain reckless at times – never mind, that's besides the point – no, the fact is that you let those pent up emotions of yours blind your awareness and as a result your decisions become sloppy."

Jungkook's back hit the cave wall, having ran out of space to get away. The lieutenant now looming over the boy displaying his dominance.

"Petulance isn't going to get you anywhere," he continued. "You've got to grow up and face the fact that the world's oceans don't revolve around you, so stop thinking that you have it so tough. Acting selfish like you did earlier and going off to Delphin knows where will only heighten the risk of potential complications – ones that we can't afford to have and could jeopardise the whole round scope of things."

"There you go again." Kook hesitantly spoke up as his jaw ticked.

"You keep diverting the subject by right out skimming over the details. What aren't you telling me!? How am I supposed to obey without question when I don't know what the hell is going on!? Why am I the only one who has to be so cautious?"

"Look, I'm telling you it's not that simple."

"Well it obviously isn't when you won't even attempt to make me understand in the first place."

"Believe it or not Kook, this has got to do with more than just you. However your very position in all of this can either make or break everything if it is wrongly breached. The situation you're in stems from something far greater than you can possibly grasp."

The red-finned mer groaned in frustration at the vagueness of his reply, it was like he held an exotic treasure that could solve all of his life problems just out of his reach. All the lieutenant had to do was lower his hand to offer it to him but he time and time again refused.

Hoseok shot forward, filling the last remaining gap between them by locking his hands onto Jungkook's shoulders, giving them a tight squeeze. This conversation he realised was becoming pointless as they were just going around in circles not getting anything across.

He took in the fired up state of his red-scaled companion, noting how his body instinctively shrunk under his gaze while at the same time wanting to fight against the submission. His chest rising and falling from getting worked up and the tendons on his neck becoming more pronounced.

"Look Bu- Kook..." he resolutely sighed.

"If there's one thing you can take away from all of this... that you can put your utmost faith into... is that when it comes down to it, you're my brother, the one I never had, no... who am I kidding, blood or not you are my brother." He stated that last declaration with the utmost confidence, now giving Kook's shoulders a more comforting squeeze.

Those twenty or so years ago, when he encountered the young Madam trailing along a very rambunctious, buck-toothed Kook, he knew that things would never be the same again. Their refuge meant the dawn of a coming war, one which he and like-minded others so desperately wanted to avoid...or hopefully delay.

His gaze ever so slightly lost its hard edge. The lieutenant hated getting even remotely angry, especially towards his fiery Bun. He just felt it went against his entire nature of love and light, as juvenile as that sounded.

"When have I ever not taken your well-being into consideration, put your life in jeopardy or led you astray? I promise everything will come together when the time is right. But for now, please.... please continue to trust that I have your best interests at heart. You're family to me and I protect my family."

Kook's head rose at that, as he none too kindly removed Hoseok's hands from his shoulders with a harsh shove.

"You're not you know.." he gazed at his elder.

"My real brother died a long time ago. He, unlike you, would have never kept anything from me."

With that the younger merman shouldered past him, his scarlet scales nicking the side of his waist as the lieutenant solemnly allowed him exit.

"I'm warning you Kook, don't do anything stupid!" He called out to his departing figure. "Go straight home, you hear me. Best not to keep your mother waiting any longer."

He huffed, pausing briefly before continuing.

"Do yourself a favour for once and have a good hard think about things."

The now red dot that was his Kook, never spared him a glance.

"Oh Bun.." he breathed out heavily, as guilt reared its ugly head. "Soon... Your time will come soon."

"Just hang on a little longer.."

Hang on for me, for your Ma...

" For Val.."

The last name barely whispered from his lips as he remained hovering in his place just outside the crevice opening. He looked out upon the blue world before him, processing all that had occurred beforehand.

Well, that was until..

*cRacKle*

....

*CrAckLe* *cracKLe*

"Huh?"

Mysterious noises made themselves known, filling the once silent void and causing the lieutenant become alert. Sensitive ears easily pinpointing the exact location of the sounds.

*cRacKLe*

Behind me.. he concluded. These noises.. They're coming from the crevice.

Schooling his features, he squared his shoulders, gearing himself up for a potential confrontation. Being the second to the Captain, he was far from being afraid; he'd already been through enough life threatening situations to ever feel even remotely frightened.

He could take on whoever dared to challenge him, it'd be their death wish. He'd make sure of that.

A sudden chill crashed into him, the drop in the water temperature making goosebumps arise on his toned arms and back, scales minutely shifting.

*cRaCkle* *CrAckLe*

It's now or never.

Having enough of this, he swished his scaled appendage, rotating to face the disturbance. His nails sharpening to provide further leverage and teeth bared to appear more threatening.

However.

What he assumed to have been a not so silent intruder, turned out to be further from the truth.

For it wasn't a who but rather a what.

An unnatural anomaly.

"By the gods.." he voiced in slight awe and uncertainty.

There, covering the rocky walls of the cave... was a rapidly growing layer of ice.

"Madam Vanora, are you in?"

A chorus of high pitched voices sang outside the entrance of a particular home on the border of the Nephtis colony. They belonged to four mermaids with varying shades of greenish scales and long, flowy hair styled to perfection. They all waited with bated breath, hoping that the occupant was inside so they could get on with the real reason as to why they were here.

What separated them from just blindly entering the place was a thick and heavy piece of drapery, which in human terms, acted as a door. It hung over the entirety of the cave opening and was dyed a beautiful shade of red with accentuating golden embroidery at its edges.

"Do you think she's away somewhere?" One of the females spoke up after a good two or so minutes had passed and no one had answered the 'door'. Not a slither of movement was heard from within either, it was almost as if no one lived there at all.

"Oh don't be so stupid, the whole of Nephtis knows that the old lady never moves even an inch outside of this hovel. She's practically a hermit crab in a mermaid body."

"Shhh, she'll hear you!" The girl beside her whisper shouted, nudging her shoulder.

"And rude! She's not even that old anyway.. she's barely 900," One interjected, waving her hand about dramatically. "Oh, and I swear I saw her once at the Pledge to Selene Festival," Another with a more emerald coloured tail butted in.

"Whatever, if she is inside as you say then what's taking her so damn long?" The female who had first spoken up whined. "I'm suffering here! Why did she have to give birth to such a good looking son, that should be forbidden!?" She fake-gasped, clutching at her chest as if it had been pierced by one of those stereotypical love arrows, the female beside her patting her arm with understanding.

They all as a result spiraled into a deep conversation of gossip, not noticing that about midway through their very important debate on whether Madam Vanora's son's scales were more of a scarlet or deep crimson colour, that said mother of a supposed fallen god had graced them with her presence.

They were still in the midst of their life changing talk when she was forced to clear her throat, instantly shutting them up. Turning hesitantly with their eyes wide and some possessing beads of sweat, they all gave their elder synchronized bows.

"Why uh.. greetings M-madam Vanora, how are you this evening?"

There clutching the drapery in a tight fist and sporting a stiff smile, hovered a beautiful mer woman. Her tail bearing delicate rows of snow-white scales swayed keeping her in place as her turquoise orbs looked at each of them, giving the visiting mermaids a forced friendly nod.

"Hello girls. How may I help you?"

Even though she asked this, she already knew fair well why they were here. It definitely wasn't the first time that this same pod of mermaids had come by unannounced, hoping to interact with a certain someone. Her inquiry was more a way of being polite, a common courtesy if you will.

Looking back and forth between each other, two of the females pushed the one in the centre of their group forward, forcing her to be their spokesperson – or I guess you could say – spokesmer?

"Is um perhaps... your hunk of a- *cough* erm I mean.... is uh, Jungkook back yet?"

And there it was, the older female predicted, inwardly sighing.

How her son had gained the attention of a significant portion of the tribe's female population was beyond her. She knew for a fact that he wasn't one to willingly go chasing after them himself, if anything she would even be bold enough to say that he was a little intimidated by the opposite sex. Maybe that aspect was what drew them to him, oh and of course how could she forget about her dear Kookie's striking looks. There was no doubt that he inherited them from his equally as handsome father – Poseidon rest his soul.

"I see... well I'm afraid he is not, I am expecting him back soon. Though, may I ask as to what your intentions are with my boy, and at an hour or so before Helios departs at that? Shouldn't young girls like yourselves be at home instead and not off trying to seduce a certain mother's son?"

The pod of four, clearly caught out, froze, their faces turning stark white.

"No, no it's not like that! We're nothing more than his friends...we just wanted to check in on him, make sure that he is doing well you know. That's all we swear!"

"Hmm..." Not convinced in the slightest, she regardless, played along with their reasons. "Well I can assure you he is in fairly good health, he might even earn a promotion soon. But for that to happen he'll need some space and privacy to focus. Now that you know, best be on your way before your folks become worried."

"But wait Madam.. can't we at least wait for him inside? We promise we won't be in your way. You won't even know we're there. Please."

She clicked her tongue, gosh they were persistent.

"As I have previously stated, it is already far too late and I hardly have enough dinner prepared for more than two if I were to host guests, so I'm sorry but you'll have to come back another time."

The leader of the pod audibly huffed, no longer afraid to broadcast her annoyance at Madam Vanora's words, her patience having clearly run out. Flipping her hair over with more force than necessary, she turned away. "Urgh, it's useless. Come on girls, some individuals are clearly too stubborn."

She was stopped though by a second clearing of a throat.

"While you're at it, would you be so kind as to return this little guy back to his home. Poor thing seemed to have wandered in here by accident. Must've mistaken me for his family, we are after all said to be one and the same aren't we?"

The mermaid turned and gulped when she was handed a certain crustacean, that of a hermit crab, its beady eyes darting back and forth before hastily sinking back into the safety of its shell. It dawned on her then that the older female had overheard their insults towards her. She as a result paled further.

"Yes m'... L-let's get going everyone," she voiced and the next instance was zooming off in a trail of bubbles and foam. The others proceeded to follow their unofficial leader, giving the Madam a meek farewell out of respect.

Watching their outlines blend into the far distance, the mer woman couldn't help but shake her head in distaste at their clear desperation to earn her son's affections. Ah young love, she deduced, with an empty chuckle.

She was about to head inside again, however, much to her surprise, visiting hours didn't seem to be quite over yet; for amidst the ripples of retreating fins, one such scaled figure remained. No, an entirely new visitor altogether. A fifth mer which, unbeknownst to her had been concealed behind the back of the little group all this time.

Delight surged through the mer woman as she instantly recognised the lone mermaid.

"Mirren." She smiled, hovering forward towards her.

Now there was a sensible mer if she ever saw one. Not anything like those love struck fools eyeing her son down like he's prey ready for the taking. Mirren, a girl with such a kind and caring soul that the Madam had warmed up to her almost instantly upon their first meeting not all that long ago.

It couldn't have been more than four or five months ago that she along with her small familial pod had tumbled upon this little area of the sea, seeking out a place to start afresh. Next thing the mer woman knew, the mermaid was knocking on her 'door' and offering her a basket full of her delectable fish cakes. Even Jungkook seemed to get along with her which was a definite plus.

"Ms Nora!" she greeted jovially, pearly whites on full display as she enveloped her in a tight hug. "I hope I'm not intruding... not after that whole fiasco I just witnessed! You ok?"

The elder couldn't help but playfully scoff, patting her on the back before pulling back to look at her properly.

"Oh silly girl, it's always a pleasure to see you around here. Your presence has already done its magic and lifted my spirits."

"Aww shucks, I'm glad! Now be prepared, for I come bearing gifts!"

"Oh my!"

The mermaid known as Mirren reached down, picking up a displaced sack as big as the top half of her body, grunting at the slight weight even though the water naturally alleviated some of it. It proved to be quite unsteady in her hold as she fought to stay upright. Thankfully the elder was there to help distribute the weight.

"What on earth have you got in here, a baby whale? Why, it's huge!"

"Oh you know, some of this, some of that."

"Mhmm.." her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

They slowly backed into the Madam's home, careful not to drop the sack or bump into anything. Thankfully, they managed to complete the task efficiently enough, depositing the large mass into the centre of the main living space.

Looking at the young girl quizzically, Madam Vanora slowly undid the far too extravagant ribbon at the top of the present, careful not to tear it. Smiling, she ran her fingers over the thin strip of fabric, simply admiring it. She may or may not have a box full of these from all the past gifts she's received from her friend, but that's just between her and a rather weirded out Kook whenever he saw her discreetly adding to it. No, Mirren didn't need to know anything about her little ribbon collection or the next thing she'd have was a way too enthusiastic mermaid busting through the entrance with mountains full of the colourful strips.

Moving along, she placed the, this time, baby-blue ribbon, off to her side gently while getting back to the main attraction at hand which was the gigantic sack; it finally opened to reveal the contents to her more than curious eyes.

Oh holy father of flying fish sticks! She mentally swore, eyeing it all in disbelief.

Well, looks like she and her Kookie won't be going hungry for the foreseeable future, or lifetime at that, for within the enormous monster of a gift were piles upon piles of Mirren's freshly made dumplings. A golden outer layer fashioned into a spherical shape and stuffed with crab meat while others held different types of scrumptious seaweed.

The Madam's mouth couldn't help but water at the sight, though, she was quick to snap out of her reverie, turning to face the young female with a rather perplexed expression.

"Mirren, dear, I love you my sweet, but...this...." She motioned to the extensive food supply, "Are you trying to give us both an eternal stomach ache, how much is in here!?"

Her companion chuckled, amused at her reaction. "No, nothing of the sort!"

Her hand went into the pile of delicious goods, taking one in her hold. Breaking it in two, she offered one half to her older friend with hopeful eyes.

"Come on, try some, I know you want to."

Not able to refuse such a look, the Madam soon found herself nibbling on the golden treat, an instant dance of flavours gliding along her palette all complementing one another. She let out a content hum. Gosh, when it came to Mirren and food it was nothing but the best.

"Yay!" Mirren voiced with splendour. "I'll take that reaction as my go ahead."

"Go ahead?"

"Oh right! These were just leftover practice batches. I'm trying to perfect my skills for the upcoming Servitude to the Sol celebration, you do know it's in less than a week right?! These offerings need to be perfect!"

Right, the mer woman nodded thoughtfully. It's already that time of year again, gosh how time flies. The days tended to blend into one another when all she ever did was remain cooped up in her home, restricting interaction with most of the tribe. She had no one else to blame but herself for being out of the loop.

The humans recognised this event as the Summer Solstice, where the day outweighs the night, bathing the earth in its prolonged reverent light. For mer though, it was slightly more equivalent to a birthday, that being of Helios, the divine brother of the more favoured and influential Selene.

While his sister's domain was that of the sea and its inhabitants, he was more affiliated with the land above and tasked with watching over its dwellers, humans. With that being the case he didn't associate himself with merkind all that much and therefore was deemed less important.

That wasn't to say then that merfolk were obligated to forget about worshiping him. After all, he was family to their luna goddess and it wouldn't be all that respectful to her holiness to then disregard her next of kin.

"You'll come right? Jungkook too? I know you don't go out all that often but it would mean so much to me if you did. We could go together! I'm sure Helios will thank you for it."

Dithering, the Madam was at a loss as to whether to concede with Mirren's request. No doubt her son would be itching to go, he had all the previous years; anything to get out of staying cooped up inside for extended periods of time.

The mother wouldn't deny that she felt bad for restricting his freedom, that he should be allowed to go out and experience the world and what it has to offer like most others his age; but at the end of the day it was for his own good.

She would not lose another one of her boys... never again.

Rifling through the pros and cons she settled on a reason that could play out in both their favours. If she were to go then she'd be able to keep an eye on her Kookie, diminishing her fears of his safety as he'll be in her direct line of sight most of the time. He'll in turn be able to go and mingle amongst the tribe at his leisure and enjoy the celebration. Hoseok would most likely be there too as further support. He never let her family down in the past so that put her heart at further ease.

She looked at the currently pouting Mirren.

"Guess I'll have to repay you somehow after this generous donation of food.." she sighed, earning an excited cheer from her fellow mermaid.

"Yes!! Thank you! Oh Poseidon, we're gonna have so much fun! I promise you won't regret it!" The girl smiled from ear to ear, practically tackling the mer woman into another one of her tight hugs.

The mother playfully teased her at her overexcitement, patting her head.

"I'll hold you to that."

Long after Mirren had left, thoughts of her son plagued her mind, drawing upon the fact that he still hadn't shown up.

Maintaining a suffocating grip on the doorway's drapery, the Madam craned her neck to view every possible angle, searching for that familiar scarlet tail.

But alas, no one met that description.

"Oh Delphin, where is that boy?" She muttered to herself with terse effort. His dinner is going to lose its freshness at this rate!

In the back of her mind though she knew the quality of his nightly meal was the least of her concerns, not when her dear boy was still out there, possibly alone....

..and vulnerable...and exposed...

Where everyone could see him....

Where they could potentially see him..

Out there where he could get caught, where he could get hurt....

Where he could get potentially k– Her chest tightened.

NO!

She shook her head in denial, refusing to finish that last horrid thought. Patrols are just going a little overtime...that's all...these things happen.

He's fine. He'll be here soon!

He's safe.

He's fine.

But what if he isn't... darkness interjected her affirmations once more, what if..

All the fears due to his lack of return continued to fill her mind.

She kept scanning the outside from their home entrance, grabbing tufts of her auburn hair in obvious worry. Still nothing!

Why isn't he back yet!?

By now she observed that night had befallen the colony, Helios long having made his daily exodus.

Her body shook as she let go of the red fabric to hide away once more in her tight spaced home.

One whole mackerel – her son's favourite dish – lay flat on the tiny dining table in the room's far corner, just waiting to be eaten.

She sank down to the floor, curling up her tail. Her eyes shut as she played a mantra of a prayer in her head, never relenting.

Please Kookie, my son, come home.

Please Kookie..

My son..

Come home!

| 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 | ༄⋆

[eilidh-eternal]

HOW DO PEOPLE WRITE SMUT??

I've been trying to write a chapter in a fiction book I'm writing and idk how to do it properly 😭😭

I've read copious amount of smut, and yet I'm stuck, help 😰

-🌈💋anon

Hi love! I'm not sure how much help I can really offer, but here's some advice from a reader-turned-writer.

I wanna start with this: It's always going to feel a little cringe when you're learning, and that is Completely Normal!

It could be the most tame, vanilla, soft sex, or the kinkiest, hardcore smut you can't even believe you dreamt up. It's going to feel really weird writing it because you have to think about it. You're plotting and planning and deciding how these two, or more, people are gonna get down and dirty, and that really isn't something that happens when you actually do it.

Sure you daydream, fantasize, imagine what certain positions might feel like, what your partner will look like—but you're not really planning anything.

Sex is, largely, a spontaneous act. Our brains receive and perceive external stimuli and translate it into desire, desires that take shape in many different ways from person to person. We act on what we feel in those moments of desire, let instinct take over, so It's the thinking that makes the process feel, at least for me and in this particular context, awkward and stilted. Thinking about what's happening too much can pull me, as a reader, writer and participant, out of the moment and ruin the experience. Hence why the thinking part of writing it makes it feel so... meh. Embrace the spontaneity of the act when you're writing and focus your thoughts instead on the most important part, in my opinion—how what's currently happening feels for your characters.

The second part of this is going to be personal because sex is just that—a highly personal experience that we all have boundaries and personal preferences for which dictate how we experience it. Those boundaries, preferences, or a lack of experience with a certain kink, lifestyle or even position can also contribute to that awkward feeling.

Don't shy away from drawing on your own experiences for inspiration or guidance either, even if you haven't done the exact things you're writing! Fall back on the emotion you experienced, let your characters feel the same things you felt, and build off of that. If something feels good you probably don't want it to stop, right? What did you do to chase that particular feeling? What stimuli did you respond to in that moment that made you feel that way and how did you get more of it? These are the main factors that lead to changes in or the maintaining of position, pace, power dynamics, toys, etc..

It will take some practice, as all writing does, to learn how to let these scenes flow out of you naturally instead of trying to map out every single thing your characters do in detail. In the meantime, focusing on feelings rather than mechanics will help you avoid a lack of emotion and prevent you from neglecting the inner monologue or omniscient narration of what's going through a characters mind when they're in the moment. leaving out this context makes the scene feel more robotic, less organic, when the only thing being described is what's happening mechanically and nothing is said about how a character feels emotionally or physically; i.e., “going through the motions.”

This last bit is a very nit-picky subject, but the wording you use to describe anatomy can make your writing feel too clinical or immature depending on what you choose. For me, things like "cunny", "goey", "gummy" and "spongey" used in reference to the female anatomy feels more immature, lacks the finer details that could more vividly describe the experience. Using proper anatomical terms that you wouldn't normally use in the bedroom, like penis, labia, vagina, vulva, etc., will make it feel too clinical, though this isn't an absolute. Phrases like "silken walls", "velvety warmth", "slick heat" and "glistening folds" tells me soooo much more about what's being seen/felt and has more vivid imagery.

You can, however, go overboard with this. I'm sure we've all seen those tiktoks talking about the wild ways some authors have described anatomy; e.g., "love tool" and "pleasure canal." In this case, just call it what it is. Pussy and cock. Cunt and dick. Manhood/member and nether folds/lips if the style of writing or the time the story is set in is more conservative and you want to adhere to that. I know we have been societally conditioned to view these words as lewd and unacceptable due to some negative connotations, but I would much rather have a partner tell me they want to fuck my pussy raw than "take a ride on my pleasure canal." I cannot stress enough how much of this is a matter of personal preference and that this all my very biased opinion on anatomical descriptors.

I am by no means an expert, but I do hope some part of this helps you feel more confident about your writing! Remember that what works for some authors won't work for others, so if the advice I've given doesn't help it is not an indication of your writing abilities. The more you write the more comfortable you’ll feel, and you’ll start to get a sense of what does and doesn’t work for you!

[akseliholt]

There will be a lot of letters because that's what I wanted. You don't have to read it, just know that I am an obsessive person. hdd

But I will say thank you in advance for following me, supporting me and my shizo. :,D

I feel an irresistible urge to hug this character. When I see him, I play for him, I hear this voice acting voice, I don't understand what I'm experiencing. This character, just his very existence, helped me in the most difficult moments of my life. In really difficult times. And you know, when I play it and lose, I feel hurt for him, not for myself. I can't explain it, it must be strange from the outside. Yes, it's weird, yes, I'm a cringe, but I'll keep going because I like it. When I see, hear, and play Viego, I experience a wide range of emotions and feelings that I don't even understand. I would like to hug him, pat him on the head and many other things that I won't even voice, ahahah. In general, when I draw it, it's easier for me, sort of. Yes, I don't get it perfect, I can't exactly display his look, which I like so much, because of those eyes I fell in love with him. Because of the pain in those eyes, which I understand so much…

I just threw the main colors on the art, I didn't have time to do anything more.

[lovecatsys]

so i want to preface this by saying I am very new to marvel comics fandom, only a couple months over a year, and i used to be an MCU fan (regrettably) and that as a system, when the Moon Knight Disney + show came out, everyone in my community was talking about it and how well the representation of plurality was done. I watched it myself and immediately fell in love. I hadn't read any Moon Knight comics yet so I didn't know any of the story. But I was amazed by how sensitively they had portrayed a DID system, when usually the kind of representation we get is just. horrific. The story about two headmates who had such an intense dissociative barrier between each other, one trapped in repression and repressed memories, the other believing himself to be a monster because of his own trauma, keeping himself locked away so that his headmate could live a life without having to deal all of that, finally being pulled together and having to deal with each other's existence, working through their childhood trauma, and coming to love each other and appreciate what each has done for their collective as a whole for all these years, was absolutely profound. It brings me to tears every time I watch it. The show in general is incredibly well done, I honestly think it may be the greatest thing the MCU has ever put out. Oscar Isaac's acting ability when it came to going between Steven and Marc was superb. I was completely awed by this show.

But also, there were certain parts that were insensitive and made me cringe. Having Oscar Isaac, a goyische actor, desecrate a kippah, was a huge Yikes moment. And the portrayal of Wendy Spector's abuse was particularly insensitive. I didn't realize that there was such a thing as an "abusive Jewish mother stereotype" until after I watched this show but now that I have and have seen people talk about this subject, I can see it now plainly as a stereotype in society.

I've also gotten into comics now. I've read several Moon Knight runs, and seeing how Marc is written in the comics and how significant his Jewishness is to his story, makes the show's portrayal and the casting of Oscar Isaac look bad.

In all honestly I didn't like the version Marc and Steven's trauma in the show. It felt almost unrealistic and a little cliche. Which isn't to say that some people haven't experienced the type of abusive parent that Wendy Spector is portrayed as here, but in the context of a show along with the stereotype it felt insensitive, and overall bad. The emotional aspects to that episode were well done, but the story of the trauma in itself is something I would change personally.

I'm not Jewish and I want to acknowledge the insensitive portrayal of Marc's Jewish identity. It was bad, and I understand really not being able to like the show because of it. But I still really do love it, it has such a special place in my heart. The story of a DID system formed from child abuse finding out about and working through their trauma, learning to accept each other, and appreciate the roles their separate headmates have played in their survival, and coming to love each other, hit so close to home for me you wouldn't even believe it.

So I don't... know what to do about this. I guess that's what this post is leading to. Because every time I see someone discount the show, it makes me sad and want to defend it. Because as a system i honestly think this may be the Best mainstream representation we have out there, where the story is so focused on the system, and multiple headmates are both main characters. And the moral of the story isn't that Marc is insane or a monster and needs to be fixed, but that Steven is what has kept him going for all these years, and the two of them can become better, happier people when they learn to accept each other and incorporate each other's lives together. I can't even express how much that this Is the goal for the treatment of most DID systems, and is the goal for almost every plural collective out there. It's called "integration" and despite the implications of the name it does Not mean "final fusion". it just means the point where a system/collective is functioning healthily and everyone is working together.

So what do I do when the portrayal of Marc's jewishness is terrible, because naturally it is, its the MCU, and I am not Jewish and have no ties to the culture, but the portrayal of the system is so well done that its become such a beloved piece of media in my community, the plural community? I guess keep loving it while criticizing it. If anyone has any input id like to hear it tbh.

[dearweirdme]

i’m sending this to a few tk blogs bc i’d like multiple people’s perspectives…

im a taekooker but i rlly have these moments where i think we all must just be deluded (jkkers, tkkers, other shippers etc) bc everyone believes SO strongly that their ship is right and we all feel like we can back it up w “evidence”. jikookers genuinely see something btwn jm and jk and us taekookers genuinely see something between v and jk. i do feel like taekook makes the most sense logically (especially during the solo era) and i feel like i did a lot of research to come to that conclusion (including watching videos on a lot of other pairings like jikook), but i could rlly just have underlying biases that are making me see things between tk that my brain wants to see. to other shippers and fans tkkers r insane, to tkkers others r insane. so honestly aren’t we probably all insane lol ? ik it’s POSSIBLE that tk are together but it just seems so improbable. i often try to talk myself out of taekook bc like rly what r the chances of two members in the biggest band in the word actually secretly dating for like many years ? and they’ve been able to successfully hide it all this time ? and we believe they still are together ? idk it sounds too good/far-fetched to be true and like i can’t imagine a day coming way later on down the line where it would actually be confirmed or like super super obvious even without confirmation. but i can totally imagine a day where it comes out that jk is officially dating some girl or something like that and then we’d all be proven wrong. ik that leans into assuming heterosexuality is the default which is not good and i don’t believe that but i can’t help but to feel like nah we’re all just delusional and fantasizing and tk r not together. i do definitely believe v is queer in some way but maybe that’s all.

Hi anon!

I think it's important to realize that it's okay to not actually believe in Tae and Jk being together (or any ship for that matter). Them being together or not does not actually effect your own life. So if you're in a state of "well, I definitely see some stuff going on, but I have no clue what it is exactly" that's totally fine. Uncertainty isn't a bad thing, you just have to be able to cope with it in a healthy way. Sometimes uncertain shippers do not know how to cope with the uncertainty very well, those are the ones who scrutinize every detail of every moment we get.. trying to find proof. I get it, but it's not the way to go, because that uncertainty will always return and you'll end up in a loop with no end. I think there's people that get actual anxiety because of this at times.

I know to non-shippers we (and other shippers) must all look insane. I don't think we actually are. Even though there are insane-ish tkkrs out there, that doesn't mean there can't be some truth to it as well. When you look around on twitter, youtube, instagram, Tumblr, you find all sorts of different Tkkrs. While we all fall under the term 'Taekooker' i'd say there's many different categories, which very different outlooks on the situation. For instance, technically I'd rather call myself a Taekook believer, while I suppose you are an actual shipper. There's also those that believe, but do not ship.

I'll tell you my reasons for not thinking I'm insane (😂😂). This sounds super stupid and arrogant (and I'm actually cringing while typing this up)... but I consider myself smart and insightfull. Have been all my life, and others have also told me they think of me the same. Basically, I trust my instincts and judgement. I've gone through life experiencing many different feelings, emotions, situations.. and I feel I just understand life and people. When it comes to Tae and Jk, I don't need all the overanalyzed stuff. I just see the way they look at each other and the way they interact and I feel I recognize romantic love there. I understand why it must seem 'too good to be true', but is it really? People so often fall in love with people they are in close proximity to. Coworkers falling in love isn't odd, best friends falling in love isn't odd, celebrities falling in love isn't odd... so why would Tae and Jk be the exception? It isn't even weird for two members in the same band to fall in love or be married... it is just odd to see two members of a K-pop band in love... but is the reason that it doesn't happen, or that it isn't made public?

When you look at celebrities that have come out, you will very often see that they as well have kept it a secret for many years. Idols are expected to keep their relationships hidden anyway, so for Tae and Jk this isn't very much different in that aspect, only there's an added reason. I don't think Namjoon, Jimin, Yoongi, Hobi, and Jin have been single the last ten years.. and we know nothing of their relationships either.

I don't think their relationship has been easy and I expect there have probably been many difficulties along the way. But when I see how they are together this year.. I definitely think their love was stronger than the things that got thrown in their way.

I think it's good to be sceptical. I try to be as well.

[nyx-umbrakinesis]

This is an A/N post, why my writing is delayed currently, CW: health issues, (heart), mental health, mentions of trauma.

I am trying to write, most of you don't know but amongst my health issues I've recently been having heart problems, and when I get an attack it literally feels like I'm having a heart attack, I had one such attack late last night and early this morning (as well as last week which means the frequency is increasing) and I had to medicate myself as when I go to the hospital they do nothing (also I can't sit in A and E in agony for hours on end to receive no help and be sent home again, and I'm too anxious once the pain is gone to call the GP the next day to try to find out why I keep having these attacks as I always get treated poorly at the doctor's and I don't have an advocate🥺) but the meds I took, they make me so drowsy so I can barely focus for more than five seconds intervals right now before my eyes keep closing, often times it's either my health or mental health that slows down my ability to release content quickly, but I am trying guys, life permitting I really am and I haven't forgotten about you all.

I just feel guilty that this week has been a rather bad one for me (I have alot of trauma based around my birthday too which was last Friday and the days surrounding it so my mental health also spiralled and caused a burn out over the weekend, plus I had alot of socialising with people I'm not comfortable around who aren't always very nice to me which was another thing that set off the burn out as it was for several days I had to be around them...

Sorry if I'm rambling or being too erratic I can hardly focus for more than five seconds at a time as I've said earlier, so writing this is difficult, but I want you all to know, I haven't abandoned my works, I will still be doing them, I'm just experiencing a lot of issues simultaneously rn...

Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and enjoy my work, I can't believe how many people have liked my stuff so far, especially as a new writer I feel so humbled at how many of you have left me notes, I honestly never thought I'd be any good but I've been blown away and emotional about all the love I've received for my little one shots and even the little quips I occasionally post and I just wanted to say I love you all so much.

(please excuse grammar, spelling and punctuation issues in this post as I've said I'm not with it from the prescribed tablets I had to take to stop the pain).

(If anyone wants to send me anything to brighten my day I'd really love that 💜💜💜, it can be anything, art, a meme, a short message, a short story, even an ask, on here or on my main blog (@nyx91 where you can see a pic of me if you wonder what I look like and there's posts on there too more personal where you can get to know me better if you're interested in me as a person and not just my content 💜 if you're not that's fine too 💜💜) even a message to get to know you or me better, I'm just feeling rather mushy and vulnerable so no doubt when I'm back in the right mindset I'll completely cringe at this post lol. 💜💜💜💜)

Anyway thank you for listening to me ramble, if you got this far because it's not actual content thank you that means so much to me. 💜💜💜

[ghostie-ghoulie]

Hey there! I'm Ghostie-Ghoulie. I have had this app for years and always wanted to post, so here I am!

Currently, I'm obsessed with anything Until Dawn or Resident Evil related. I can't ever shut my mouth about them.

My content will either consist of possible art or my fanfiction about certain fandoms I enjoy.

This is an 18+ blog! So, if you are a minor, please, in the most polite way possible, leave my page.

These Fandoms that I am a part of happen to be:

Until Dawn

Resident Evil (a personal favorite)

Horror movies (Ghostface, Hellrasier, Chucky, IT, Etc)

The Wolf Among Us

Mortal Kombat

Cyberpunk

Arcane

Team Fortress 2

Star Wars

Star Wars: The Bad batch

Ghost (band)

Sallyface

Bendy And The Ink Machine

Spiderman (mostly the spiderverse movies)

Dark Deception

Devil May Cry

More fandoms can be added later!

I will write Smut, oneshots, small imagines, and multichapter stories. I'm a sucker for smut, so you're gonna get that out of me once I finally get the hang of it.

Important note: I only write XReaders for now. I know that might suck for a lot of people, but it is something I heavily enjoy. I know people don't like it (Y/n, I'm looking at you), but the stereotypical cringe XReader stories that drive me up a wall will not be here. I will try my hardest to make the apperence vague, but personality might be a challenge. Though, hey! Everyone needs their practice. I can't go writing an emotionless reader, eh?

The readers I write for will mostly, if not entirely, be gender neutral or feminine. I'm sorry if this is a major letdown, but I do not trust my abilities to delve into a male reader just yet. I most write for male characters in general, and as love interests, but I can write for women when it comes to romance. I am both for ladies and gents.

Another very important note: I have a major history regarding mental health. Stress comes to me easy, and with stress comes heavy burnout. My brain gets fried, and my creativity goes down 6 feet under. All I ask is that you be very patient with me until I recover. This might mean small breaks or long breaks. Requests may be hard to handle, but if I'm ready, I'll think about doing them. You are able to send in asks! I may not be able to do full requests, but maybe some thoughts for a writing I could possibly start off with.

I am very understanding when it comes to emotional and mental related things because I have experienced my fair share of dealing with it. These topics will show up sometimes in various writings. If these bother you, worry not! Warnings will be placed.

This is a page friendly one towards everyone. I do not stand for hate of any kind. Sure, we're through a damn screen, but I still won't tolerate it. So please, no hate or arguments. If opinions differ, it doesn't mean we need to clash.

Characters that I could possibly write for consist of:

Until Dawn

Chris Hartley

Mike Monroe

Josh Washington

Matt Taylor

Resident Evil

Leon Kennedy

Karl Heisenburg

Luis Sera

Jack Krauser

Albert Wesker

Devil May Cry

Johnny Cage

Vergil Sparda

Dante Sparda

Nero sparda

Mortal Kombat

Syzoth (Reptile)

Tomas (Smoke)

Bi-han (Sub-Zero)

Kuai liang (Scorpian)

Liu Kang

Cyberpunk

Johnny Silverhand

Viktor Vektor (he needs more love and attention. I love him sm)

Team Fortress 2

Spy

Sniper

Medic

(Possibly the rest)

Star Wars

Captain Rex

(Probably will write for a bunch of clones, tbh)

Hondo Ohnaka

Darth Maul

Darth Vader

Boba Fett

Din Djarin

Hunter

Crosshair

Tech

Wrecker

Echo

The Wolf Among Us

Bigby Wolf

I think that's all I've really got for now. More of course can be added later to masterlists. I'm just giving you good ideas on who I would love to write for.

(I will probably reform this because damn it looks jumbled, but hey, I'm inexperienced with actually posting on Tumblr.)

[moonnue]

20 Questions ♥

Thank you @anisaanisa for tagging me! ♥ I've been meaning to do these tag games but I'm always busy-- I'm actually free at the moment! And it's cool that it's a fanfic quiz, since I've just gotten into posting my stuff hahaha

How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 6 so far! I've got lots in the works but I don't like sharing 'till I'm done :3c

What’s your total AO3 words count?

29,294

What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for InuYasha, Portal, and for the little Toothfairy fandom but as far as what I've posted I'm currently, and very obviously, into Baldur's Gate 3. Other fandoms I've written for are Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun, Jujutsu Kaisen, and Spice and Wolf

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Hands On A C(l)ock (441) Portrait of a Vampire (366) Shower Break (337) Cheeky Little Pup (73) Erotica of a Vampire (51)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I don't orz. I first posted to Ao3 in 2020 and then walked away so when I came back to post the next part I was like !!! oh shit!!! people left comments LOL I felt embarrassed for just letting them sit there and now I'm kind of stuck. Plus, I feel weird going to everyone and just saying "thank you!" I REALLY APPRECIATE IT I'M JUST…….. AH!

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Not posted but it's going to be the KagKik fic I'm writing :3c Otherwise I don't like angst oops

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Shower Break, I guess? or Cheeky Little Pup? Idk, I'm even looking at my WIPs but I'm not sure how some of them are gonna end yet!

Do you get hate on fics?

Technically I experienced my first recently when I had a person try to accuse me of stealing their fic and then went on to try and drag my name through the mud. That was exciting! (sarcasm)

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

it's………. it's my main thing. oops. i write second person f/o x reader fic cuz i'm cringe and free <3

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

SOOO NOT WRITTEN! YET! But I do have a ton in mind. I think the craziest one I'd ever want to write if I got the balls to do it would be an RSK x Madoka Magica fic cuz I just think. It would be fucking funny. Given RSK are real people so I'm like ehhh maybe not. Otherwise I think the only other one is an InuYasha x Labyrinth crossover but that ain't too wild. It's been done before!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of! Also, I can't help but find it strange, the idea of stealing fic. Do people actually do this lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Technically? Friend of mine write together from time to time, but again, nothing posted.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

You x Your Favorite Character

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a story started that's about Naraku getting isekai'd into another world where he's the hero of it. I think it's pretty funny but getting myself to start it has been a little tough.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at capturing character voices. I also think I'm good at describing emotions.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I think my sentences could stand for a bit more of a unique structure. I don't like writing place descriptions very much, I'm very character focused.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Sure…? Why not! Do it!

First fandom you wrote for?

InuYasha <3

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Care For A Wet Dog, oddly enough, even though it's unfinished. I don't know, there's something about it that I really like. It's older and I think I kind of miss how my writing used to be? Then again whether anyone else sees a difference, I wouldn't know.

not tagging anyone just cuz i...... i don't know who to tag! uh! i dont want to bother anyone lol! so if you see this and wanna do it please do! and tag me in it because if i inspired you to do it i would love to read it! (and maybe keep you in mind for any future tags? maybe? hm? *nudge nudge*)

[worthlessandembarrasing]

Even tho I'm not really a fan of Olivia, I find it interesting that there was a lot of talk about the thematic content of Guts being immature when it came out.

Like, yes, it draws from rock and punk elements (Idk shit about music, don't kill me) to express a sense of teenage angst in some of her songs - which are often playful and edging on embarrassing bc of their self-deprecating context.

But, ironically, to look at the album and its subject matters and call them immature ultimately plays into the theme of all-american bitch. It describes the ideal, the box that teenage girls are told to fit into without ever given the space to properly grow and nurture their own emotional needs.

People want a girl who is already emotionally mature but they aren't willing to be patient with their journey to get to that point.

This album feels a lot like that journey, like someone who's trying to figure out what their place is in the world. It's about struggling to find your own worth. It's about the confusion that comes from being thrown into a new environment and having to catch up to everyone else. It's about reformatting your entire life to switch from teenager to adult. It's about making mistakes and being forced to take accountability for them bc nobody else can solve your problems but yourself now. It's about anger and sorrow and understanding that feeling those emotions is okay. It's about defining one's boundaries and giving oneself the space to process the hurt you've experienced. It's about forgiving oneself for falling victim to a cultural ideal, and realising that directing all of that shame and pain and desperation towards yourself is pointless.

If this album feels childish and immature then maybe it's bc it's about GROWTH. It's cringe and petty, and dramatic at points, bc that's just what growing up is like and we all have to go through it (as unfortunate as that might be).

[mikuni14]

I have a bit more time this week and decided to catch up on watching BL series, but whenever I watch 2 episodes, I feel like another 3 new ones jump in their place. Today, seeing the Korean version of Why R U just killed me lol 👀😭💀 I guess I'll never catch up 🤷‍♀️. Especially since very few series really interested me so I feel like I'm dragging. Most are engaging but like "ok, I'm watching, because maybe the next ep will be interesting" or to just see how it ends...

At the moment I am watching the following series (starting with the ones I like the most): Laws of Attraction this series has it all, a beloved couple, an interesting and engaging plot, romance presented at a high and satisfying level. It's perfect, it's what I want, I look forward with excitement to each new episode 💖 Jun & Jun the series started great, it also has a nice couple, unfortunately the last 2 episodes lost "steam" due to the appearance of as many as 2 (!) rivals and devoting LOTS of time to scenes with them, which made the romance fall into the background (you don't do that, as Chains of Heart has taught us). But I think the end of episode 6 got the series back on track 💖 My Personal Weatherman it's actually quite nice, very old school yaoi Hidden Agenda hm, I don't know what it is about this series, but I enjoy watching it, although it has many flaws. I guess I just like actors 😎 Love in Translation It's only the first episode, but it's looking good. I like the main couple (especially Offroad, I liked him a lot in Our Days). The trailer suggests a nice series, although the Step by Step trailer also suggested it will be good (it wasn't), so I'm optimistic, but cautious 😉 Kiseki: Dear To Me the series so far is trope after trope, cliché after cliche, and all the old school yaoi manga i've ever seen packed in one product. And we see so many familiar faces! It's fine. Love Class 2 it's fine. Be Mine Super Star I just don't feel Ashi's emotional commitment to the relationship, also the series itself is very silly. And I keep waiting for a good script for JaFirst. They were almost there in Remember Me. They just deserve something good, not another series "feeding" on their good chemistry Only Friends I've only watched the first ep so far, and I'm waiting for the right mood to watch the next ep. TBH I'm not really interested in this one, might drop it if the second ep feels the same as first 🤔 Wedding Plan I also only watched 1 or 2 episodes. I WANT to give it a shot, but the plot, which I understand is pretending to be getting married to hit on a wedding planner instead of just going out with him like a normal person, is so incredibly stupid and cringe to me that I had to take a break lol As I mentioned, I WANT to give this series a second chance, I like the couple, but it may take time, I have to be in a special mood for it 😄 Stay by my Side dropped Stay with Me dropped, but maybe I'll come back to it someday :) Why R U I honestly couldn't even get past the first episode

I plan to watch Dinosaur Love and maybe Dangerous Pleasure, although I'm not a fan of PerthChimon pairing.

I probably missed half of series being aired now lol

There are so many series, but in my opinion quantity does not translate into quality. There were times when there were fewer series, but actually more of them pulled at my heartstrings and I spent hours on tumblr reading awesome meta and experiencing, analyzing meaningful scenes, words, gestures. I don't have it now. Only LoA does that to me, a bit of Jun & Jun.. it breaks my heart, that one wonderful BL, Sing My Crush, aired all at once recently, making it easy to overlook and not getting the recognition it deserves. Idk... I just want to be emotionally (and a bit intellectually) invested 🥺 OR JUST HAVE FUN 🥳

[gaykey]

Hiya! just wanted to give u a wave from a couple counties left of london and a big thanks. I stumbled on your blog this morning (legit not sure how, i dont look at kpop on tumblr thats what my heavily biased explore page on insta is for) and ended up in a deep dive in your tags experiencing the symphony of emotions that only Shinee can produced.

I also learnt So Much and saw so many new member interactions and beautiful interactions - which I'd missed entirely despite being a shawol since 2010 as I only really watched mv's and some performances, and never interacted with fans/fandom (until more recently) as I was uh... busy with jpop idol group drama tbh.

also my dash has improved tenfold with all the beautiful gasoline Key gifs, truely I chose the best possible day to start following you. (double triple thanks with thanks sprinkled on top)

you really did chose a day to follow me lol. you really dived in at the deep end. i'd say sorry for the key bombardment that's no doubt flooded your dash, but you don't seem to mind too much 😂💕

woah, how far back in the tags did you go? every now & then i see people liking a bunch of my posts from like 2010 which throws me.

sometimes i have a look back at my really old posts and they're super cringe. but i have had this blog since i was about 17, so i let the cringe slide. i was a kpop fan in the 2010's of course i was cringe......i still am tbh.

but yeah! no need to thank me! i just stay posting shit about these five men i don't know, and have tried to keep a coherent archive of it over the past 12 years of having this blog...

see? cringe.

anyway i'm rambling! thank you for this lovely message, and i'm glad you've decided to get involved a bit more in the fandom. it can be good sometimes lol. ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[fear-tear]

Ten years ago, a not so funny story about me joining a Sonic Community for the first time

I should have known it wasn't a good idea.

Picture this: a "naive" young man who watched every Sonic game and every cutscene on youtube, a young man who enjoyed everything he saw, who didn't know about the people working behind it, who never saw the drastic change in character between Sonic and the Black Knight and Sonic Colors.

Ten years ago, Sonic Lost World came out.

That was the first time I ever saw Sonic showing emotions. Look at him, look at the poor hedgehog in the darkest moment of his life:

This scene right here actually made me cry. Like a freaking baby.

I was caught in a Sonic hyperfixation so severe I HAD to share my thoughts with someone else. What better place than a Sonic dedicated forum, right?

...yeah.

It was an Italian forum, so everything I'm about to quote is translated by myself the best I can.

So, I joined in for about a single day, and there was a thread named "(THE CHARACTER) Sonic the Hedgehog", and the opening post saying "What do you think about this character? What do you like or dislike about him?"

Many users said their own opinion, so I decided to share my pure genuine feelings with them. Here is my poem (a bit cringe nowadays, but I was absolutely sincere):

Only a month ago, for me Sonic was "simply" a great friend to spend time with, a hero moved by a beautiful mindset, to admire and to take example from.

But, you see, to this day I always looked at Sonic through the eyes of his friends. I put myself in the shoes of Tails, Blase, Chip. Shahra, in all those who met him and thanks to him they change their view on life for the better.

But Sonic, by himself, how is he exactly? What is in his mind? What does he do when he's all alone, in desperate situations? Does he still play the part of the brave and optimistic hero, to the point of being close to perfection?

NO.

Take his friends from him. Take his world from him. Take his reason for keep on fighting evil, take everything he LIVES FOR.

And you'll find out that Sonic is just a normal person. A person capable of experiencing human feelings. A person capable of being SAD.

I don't remember the last time I projected myself into a character like I'm doing with Sonic. I felt his loneliness, I felt his desperate desire to have someone to talk to, I cried for him.

And I realized that Sonic is, excuse me for repeating myself, a very normal person.

A person like us.

A special person.

...so. After I poured my heart and soul into this declaration of Sonic-ness, I expected at best a reply saying "nice post, it's obvious you adore Sonic!" or something like that.

But, no.

The reply I got was a flat, detatching reality check from none other than THE ADMINISTRATOR of the forum. Here it is:

If youn like the "human" side of Sonic, then forget about the videogames and go read the comics... The best of Sonic's personality is right there. SEGA has no idea how to use Sonic as a character... He almost feels nothing!

In the comic, you can see him cry, get angry, go nuts, and be an asshole.

At the end of the day, Sonic's reaction in Lost World, was already seen years ago in the Archie comics^^

Wow. What a way to welcome a newcomer in your community.

I could have accepted the suggestion better if they said "I suggest you to also check the comics", but to tell me to completely "forgot about the videogames" was kinda distasteful...

[rairakku24]

Letter to A.

Hi.You'll never read it.

This is my appeal to you, all that I could not say.

You are the best version of me, I thought so.I admired you, your movements, smell, gait, look, style of clothing.

I have often said that we are Siamese twins, we were so similar, so many emotions and feelings are similar.

We were close for 7 years, but I didn't let you get closer.I didn't let anyone.

I couldn't say some things to you, I thought it was a cringe or just unnecessary stupidity.

I wonder how I looked from the outside, how you perceived me and what you thought about me then.

You always came first.

And I paid for it very bitterly.

One tragedy and you changed, what happened to you?I started to dig into myself, suddenly I changed, what happened to me?

But I was the same as I always was.

What did you feel?I felt that you had become a stranger to me, fear and anxiety accompanied me on our walks.

But I didn't say a word to you, that's my main mistake.

It's very hard for me to do this, I do not know why.It's like tearing your heart out and showing its insides.

My friends have already abandoned me before, I know what kind of feeling it is and one day I experienced it again.

It's as if the chest is clamped in a vice, and prickly worms are swarming inside.

Tell the truth?I was mad at you.Very.

But I'm more angry with myself that I allowed it again.It's funny, but it's a vicious circle.

I trust and regret, trust and regret.....

A ray of light in this darkness is with.

But I can't tell him the things that torment me either.

Sometimes I let out barbs about you, I need to put my anger somewhere.

Over time, it became all the same, I was scared of this indifference.

Once and 7 years is a moment, once it was, and now I don't care.

I think my consciousness protects me from traumatic events like this.Thanks to him.

I repented to J.

I'm so sorry.I hope you do too.

But his death marked your transformation from A to something I do not know and do not understand.

Tell me, was I bad?Did I say something that hurt you?

Forgive me, I loved you as a sister, as a native person, as a mother loves an adopted child who is not her own by blood, but her own soul.

I've gone through all the stages of acceptance.

Denial:"It seems to me", "Yes, everything is fine, I worry in vain."

Anger:"Here she is a bitch, what a bitch", "An egoist and a creature, a friend on a stick, everything is clear."

Bargaining: "I wrote to her, she said that everything is fine, you need to go for a walk more often?Or can he write?Maybe you need to pay more attention to her?"

Depression: "It's always like this, I'm a terrible person, I have no place anywhere or with anyone, everyone abandons me, I'm a jerk, I'm a terrible friend, she did the right thing."

Acceptance: "I can't do anything about it, let it be so."

Maybe I could fix something, At least I could figure things out with you, but I chickened out.

But you didn't need it either.

You have distanced yourself from me, A., not me from you.

Only you know the reason.I'll never know her.

I forgive you for everything and you forgive me.

[afeatherinthewind]

It's been an emotional day. This group of friends playing my favorite game together, joking, forming beautiful friendships, encouraging fans to be themselves and love cringe things even when people are shitty, building stunning digital monuments, telling powerful incredible stories that will always stay in my heart, all of it... I'm going to miss it. I already miss it. I cried a lot today. Happy crying and sad crying. Saying goodbye to some of Technoblade's biggest best projects and him not being there... really fucking hurts.

It's just a silly game, and a bunch of strangers I parasocially love, I know that. But watching these people's streams, interacting with them daily, has kept me in decent spirits through covid and breaking up with a toxic person and job changes and everything I've experienced in the last 3 years. It's been insane. I'm so grateful to have spent so many hours experiencing this thing live, I don't think it will ever truly be replicated. A perfect storm. And now it's over... and I'm looking forward to whatever I get obsessed with next! It's inevitable! Neurodivergence woo! (Seriously I learned so much about ADHD and autism because of this fandom and yeah not sure exactly where I land but yay neurospicy).

Man. I don't think I'm ever going to forget today. Wild.

Thank you dsmp, thank you fandom, thank you artists, musicians, streamers, theorists, etc. Farewell ❤️