building off of this post, people love to say that “trans men want to keep going into in women’s spaces after they transition because they just want to have the best of both worlds!” but in my experience, there are four main reasons that a trans man might use a “women’s space” after they transition:
it’s an important resource that’s being arbitrarily gendered and we need to use it regardless of which gender is “supposed to” be using it.
it’s a public facility where we’d be significantly less safe in the men’s version and we have to choose our safety over our desire to not be misgendered.
it’s a social space that we’ve been in since before we transitioned and we don’t want to suddenly be cut off from our friends and support system.
the trans man in question is multigender and is also a woman, or maintains some other kind of connection to womanhood alongside their manhood.
do any of those sound like “evil men rubbing our dirty little hands together making plans for how we’re going to get male privilege without losing access to women’s spaces” to you? they sure don’t to me!
i think it’s pretty reasonable that we want to transition without losing the ability to access the resources we need, keep ourselves safe, keep up the relationships we’ve built, and express all facets of who we are. all of those are really, like, pretty basic parts of having good life and we shouldn’t be expected to give them up when we transition.
and honestly, if you claim to care about trans people, you should not be so attached to the gendering of these spaces that you’re willing to deny trans men those things for the sake of upholding gender restrictions. anyone who prioritizes the sanctity of gender segregated spaces over the safety, health, and well-being of trans men is a fucking transphobe. (yes, even if you’re trans yourself.)
and that’s what really gets me about all of this — the vehemence with which people are willing to defend those spaces being entirely and inflexibly gendered, despite how enforcement of gendered spaces has hurt trans people time and time again. gendered spaces have literally always been set up in ways that force trans people to break the rules; some trans men might break those rules in ways that don’t make sense to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for us to do so! it just means you might feel weird about it and that’s okay, discomfort won’t kill you.
“but using women’s spaces after transitioning to male defeats the purpose of transitioning! the whole point of transitioning is to be able to live as a man!”
and who are you to tell trans men what the point of our transitions should be? what if the purpose of us transitioning is just to live the happiest and most fulfilled life possible, and forcing ourselves into unsafe spaces or denying ourselves access to important resources or cutting ourselves off from important people in our lives or pushing down the more complex parts of our genders would “defeat the purpose of transitioning” for us? what if being able to go where cis men go is just one part of a much bigger journey, not the end goal?
if you really want to talk about “defeating the purpose,” let’s talk about how policing which gendered spaces trans men can access defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from policing which gendered spaces trans people can access, because it allows the policing of trans people in gendered spaces to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether. let’s talk about how using “evil men invading women’s spaces” rhetoric against trans men defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from using it against trans women, because it allows the rhetoric to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether.
the point of saying “let people decide which gendered space is right for them” isn’t to make sure everyone uses the one aligned with their “true gender,” it’s to let people do what’s best for them without punishing them for their choice. sometimes the best choice is one that seems wrong from the outside, and you need to learn to live with that.
i just think we as a community need to be more hostile toward people who think upholding the sanctity of a gendered space is more important than giving trans people the freedom to move through the world without being punished for existing in those gendered spaces. that kind of thinking is fucking dangerous and it’s weird as hell that some of y’all are so comfortable with it being directed at us.
moral of the story: stop giving so much of a shit about where a trans man decides to piss or see a doctor or hang out or whatever else. even if you think he doesn’t belong there, he probably has a good reason to be there anyway, and that reason is frankly none of your damn business.
2K notes
·
View notes
If you have ever wondered how I handle being in classes with younger people, just know that a group I was assigned to is currently having tension issues because one person has been openly shit talking everyone to their face and apparently when asked what the problem is, just said they don't like our group because "the vibes are off" (read more because I am complaining and I feel rude sigh)
1, I don't know what the fucking means and 2, now actively dislike this person because they have made me and everyone else feel like we did something wrong!! To the point where one of them approached me to tell me all this and ask how I felt about it because 3, apparently I had been apologizing constantly when we were working together last week and didn't notice, and she felt bad because I wasn't doing anything wrong but clearly was picking up on this person's rancid fucking vibe (yes I am being a hypocrite)
and when I tried to apologize for any perceived slight in a different class, because yes I have to share more than one class with this person, they literally just said "it's fine, I don't really give a shit about other people's opinions" and I just????? Brother me correcting you on information was not an opinion, A, and B, what the fuck is your problem lol
9 notes
·
View notes
Beloved Husk
Here I stand in her scorched remains.
This is not the first time, nor will it be the last, and her vacant body has acclimated to my presence.
No longer do her damp, wooly tissues squelch beneath my feet-
they have long since dried out, compressed into a single mass of dull, cotton-candy pink.
In some places, her flesh has completely burned away, leaving nothing behind but blackened, splintering bone. There is no ink in the world rich enough to match the soot that clings to her skeleton.
Sun rays filter through her blown, empty eye sockets, and the daylight is no less beautiful for its thoughtless transgression.
How dare you illuminate her suffering so callously! You have made her into a spectacle- a cadaver to be prodded and studied, rather than a soul to be mourned.
My cheeks are wet, but I can't be sure if it's from grief, or the ever-present haze of smoke. The cause doesn't matter- I am weeping all the same.
7 notes
·
View notes
forgot my cane in my buddy's car when he dropped me off last night which a) damnit but also b) ..... whoops new kink
the inherent eroticism of someone else handling my cane, this extension of my body that is both so visible and yet so intimate. sure, its pretty common for strangers to "help" me by picking my cane up when i drop it, but that is very much a thing done out of pity, not something kind or fond or understanding of the importance of my cane
and im really glad i had that realization to a *picture* because i think i woulda absolutely horny blue screened if i had opened the door cold to seeing this dude, who is aggressively my type and also unbelievably kind, standing there leaning on *my* cane like he had every right to
9 notes
·
View notes