#drye rambles

[deliriuxe]

Dominant feminine men are the closest thing that can get me to ever feeling something.

[moontale-official]

Don't have a lot of energy as of late so I can't make anything big (asides from chipping away at the fic) but I still want to post so how would y'all feel about me rambling about character info or answering questions every now and again? Have any questions abt Ivis or the AU you want me to answer specifically?

[deliriuxe]

I feel like I make people excited for things I'm just not able to live up to. I make too many promises and plans for things that I think in my head should be no problem following through on, only to then not be able to even come close to reaching that seemingly simple goal and disappointing everyone I hyped up, along with myself.

This is more relevant to my activity on my main blog than here (honestly this blog feels more like an escape from the responsibilities I've made on my other blogs), but for personal reasons I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it there. Maybe one day, but not now.

For the many of you who likely don't know... I was a part of a collaborative AU/AM known as AccidentVerse: the one with the fusions of outcodes like Vantablack (nightmare!ink) and Silence (dream!error). It was a relatively popular au at the time and I was the official artist for it.

I broke off from the team for reasons that I currently don't have it in me to go into any meaningful detail about (I'm still working through therapy to fully understand what happened to me when I was a part of that group; I'm sure it'll come with time), but one thing I'm now coming to terms with after 3 whole years... is that I constantly felt the need to justify my existence online through my work. I believe I had that issue even before I joined AV, but working for that team certainly made it much, much worse.

I was very young at the time, and I didn't have a whole lot going for me in the vast new social circle I was introduced to (like with any socially awkward 13 year old kid), so my only source of value was through the art that I made for AccidentVerse. And everyone loved it. Everyone I met was amazed at the skill I had for being at such a young age. I was valued, essentially put on a pedestal...

...as long as I was working.

Long story short, it burnt me out. This mindset still carries through to today, where I feel as though I have to maintain my prominence in the UTMV community by continuously working and pumping out new content, because... who would I be if I didn't? It was what I was good at, it was the reason I was so valued by the AV admins in the first place... because without that, I would've been nothing to them.

...

...Working on AV today, after adopting it as the sole owner... it's a struggle. I toil desperately for an ounce of motivation for a project that I just cannot seem to find. Don't get me wrong, I love AV. I love the characters dearly... but I'm starting to question if focusing on AccidentVerse is even healthy for me, with all the trauma I've gained from the people I worked under.

I just... I don't know. All I have is a half finished fic for AV that I practically have had to force myself to work on for the better part of 6 months, even if I genuinely hold some passion for the ideas in it.

I'll remind myself to not make as many promises going forward.

[deliriuxe]

Thanks for 200 followers btw

[deliriuxe]

100 FOLLOWERS BABY

[deliriuxe]

So I'm still relatively new to the adult sphere but I should be making it known sooner rather than later that I do not condone minors interacting with this blog.

I'm not gonna be going out of my way to check the user of every reblog, like and follow since I simply do not have the time of day, but if I do happen to catch any minors? I'm blocking on sight.

Nothing personal, but that's what's gotta happen for everyone's safety. If you want to interact with me as an artist, my SFW blog is linked here. But do not mention this blog or any content from here over there. This is a separate space.

[dex-ter-ous]

WAY AHEAD OF YOU

Wheely Tired