#and speaking of...

[deliriuxe]

I feel like I make people excited for things I'm just not able to live up to. I make too many promises and plans for things that I think in my head should be no problem following through on, only to then not be able to even come close to reaching that seemingly simple goal and disappointing everyone I hyped up, along with myself.

This is more relevant to my activity on my main blog than here (honestly this blog feels more like an escape from the responsibilities I've made on my other blogs), but for personal reasons I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it there. Maybe one day, but not now.

For the many of you who likely don't know... I was a part of a collaborative AU/AM known as AccidentVerse: the one with the fusions of outcodes like Vantablack (nightmare!ink) and Silence (dream!error). It was a relatively popular au at the time and I was the official artist for it.

I broke off from the team for reasons that I currently don't have it in me to go into any meaningful detail about (I'm still working through therapy to fully understand what happened to me when I was a part of that group; I'm sure it'll come with time), but one thing I'm now coming to terms with after 3 whole years... is that I constantly felt the need to justify my existence online through my work. I believe I had that issue even before I joined AV, but working for that team certainly made it much, much worse.

I was very young at the time, and I didn't have a whole lot going for me in the vast new social circle I was introduced to (like with any socially awkward 13 year old kid), so my only source of value was through the art that I made for AccidentVerse. And everyone loved it. Everyone I met was amazed at the skill I had for being at such a young age. I was valued, essentially put on a pedestal...

...as long as I was working.

Long story short, it burnt me out. This mindset still carries through to today, where I feel as though I have to maintain my prominence in the UTMV community by continuously working and pumping out new content, because... who would I be if I didn't? It was what I was good at, it was the reason I was so valued by the AV admins in the first place... because without that, I would've been nothing to them.

...

...Working on AV today, after adopting it as the sole owner... it's a struggle. I toil desperately for an ounce of motivation for a project that I just cannot seem to find. Don't get me wrong, I love AV. I love the characters dearly... but I'm starting to question if focusing on AccidentVerse is even healthy for me, with all the trauma I've gained from the people I worked under.

I just... I don't know. All I have is a half finished fic for AV that I practically have had to force myself to work on for the better part of 6 months, even if I genuinely hold some passion for the ideas in it.

I'll remind myself to not make as many promises going forward.

[mutt-boy]

lets overthrow mama

[hungry-skeleton]

Can't be sincerely dark without being called edgy, can't be sincerely emotional without being called melodramatic, can't be sincerely silly without being called stupid. They're gonna hate every emotion you put in your art no matter what so make it anyway and be as sincere as you can be

[your-dads-filing-cabinet]

[rubbishraven]

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

post/artist

[kyra45]

“Rayban charity glasses event” is a scam don’t click any link in a post that says that.

Old tumblr users remember this scam back when it first went out.

(Posted March 28th, 2025)

April 21st, 2025 edit to prove it’s real via a post where someone who got tagged in it shows the image in full without any phishing links:

(Don’t go the scam website for fun, it’s not funny when you get hacked.)

[plant-based-person]

had a fascinating english class that resulted in the notes header “the forcefeminization of victor frankenstein”

[pokedolls-mizuki-43ds]

huehehehehe... if i had a website i would spell things in dancing unown gifs... that's why the other 20 or so unown dance party gifs are non eixstent to my knowledge... it'd make me too powerful hehehe ^^

everyone SHUT UP.

it's time for UNOWN DANCE PARTY.

[apollos-boyfriend]

[lennyjamin]

spoke deeply to me.

[buried-in-stardust]

Okay so I got Rednote because I heard about the whole migration thing and I never bothered to sign up before, and the cultural exchange has just been really fascinating

[darkesttimelinesblog]

Spread the word.

[townhulls]

my d.b. cooper theory is that the rapture happened while he was falling and he was the only christian worthy of heaven

[monkeyislandtwo]

this callout couldve been a block button

[gods-special-little-lobotomite]

im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin