#dude has got to have the worst paranoia known to man & with good reason

[campgender]

in s1 “bugs” dean saying john used to swing by stanford to keep an eye on sam whenever he could vs s5 lucifer revealing that some of sam’s friends, classmates, teachers were demons…. you can never actually get away you’re never free you’re never safe

[itawonka-creates]

Seabourne Burnouts: Chapter 12 - Low Tide

A Maribat! On Deck AU  

I’m so sorry for the wait. I was terribly sick. Thank @battysorciere and @particularlygeeky for being awesome beta readers! 

Start [Here] [Part 11]  [Part 13] -OR- [AO3] 

“Why am I getting dressed up again?”

“Because Damian got some leads and those leads are all going to the VIP dinner tonight.” Jason pulled at his collar like a dog pulling at a leash. Tim rolled his eyes as he fixed her cuffs, “Just be lucky it’s not black-tie formal, as long as we show up in a nice shirt and dress pants then we’ll be fine.”

Dick checked himself out for the fourth time in the mirror, “I like having a reason to fix myself up. I look great in these kinds of outfits.” He took a quick photo of himself and texted it to Kory, a smile on his face as he anticipated her response.

Damian stepped out of the bathroom and straightened out his shirt. He shook his head, finally noticing Dick in front of the mirror. “Move.” He bumped Dick out of the way and examined himself. After a brief moment, he nodded and felt satisfied with his current look. “Alright, let’s go.”

“Wait, Damian! Your hair.” Dick walked up and grabbed some hair gel off the dresser, “Seriously, you can’t just-”

“Leave it.” Damian watched as all three of his brothers tensed and turned to him, “What?”

“Okay. I know you found love and crap, but first you told her you’re Robin, then about the Titans, and now you aren’t going to style your hair?” Jason hit the side of his head, a small ‘bonk’ could be heard, as if he was trying to make sure he was really there. “You never go outside without looking like a weird midget businessman.”

“Don’t say that. Alfred lectured us about that word. He’s going to find out.”

“Right! Right. Sorry.” Jason scratched his chin and shuddered, “Never mind. He knows.”

Tim watched his brother as his paranoia set in, “Oh yeah?”

“Shut up, that old man knows everything. He knows, I can feel it.” Jason shook his head and sighed, “A lecture is waiting for me back in Gotham. I just know it.”

Damian pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned, “You’re hopeless.”

Tim laughed and nudged Jason. He sighed and turned back to Damian, “Seriously though, what gives? We’ve been trying to get you to change your hair for forever.”

Damian smirked, “Hey Dick, text Marinette to mentally prepare herself to meet us at the dinner. She’ll know what I mean.”

“He finally gets a girlfriend and now thinks he’s hot sh-”

“Alfred.”

Jason shuddered and rushed to the door, “I didn’t say anything! Nope! Nothing!” Dick and Tim laughed at their brother currently pleading to nothing in particular to have mercy. They made their way to an upper deck and looked around the dining hall. It’s the same hall from the award dinner, but the tables were set up nicer with both speakers and some musicians for a variation of music. “Why the quartet?”

“Because George is here.” Dick motioned for the old man, easily in his 80s, in a wheelchair rolled around by one of his granddaughters. “He’s one of Bruce’s dad’s old acquaintances and stockholders. The dude is ancient and super old school. He’s only supposed to be here for tonight’s dinner to speak to Bruce for their quarterly check-in.”

“He’s still alive?”

“Jason!” Tim smacked the back of Jason’s head before walking up the old man. “Hello, George. Do you remember us? We’re Bruce’s sons.” The old man didn’t react and his granddaughter sent a sympathetic smile.

“Hey, grandpa? Look. It’s the Wayne boys.” The old man finally reacted and smiled at the girl before turning to the boys. He gave a polite wave before staring off into space again. She sighed, “I’m sorry. The older he gets, the more he does this. Don’t be fooled though, he loves seeing your dad.” She held out her hand, “How are you guys?”

Dick chuckled, “We’re fine Ciara. It’s good to see you again. How’s the fiancé?”

Ciara smiled brightly, “She’s great! She’s currently showing off her art in a Chicago art gallery.” She giggled, “Once we figure out the date, you’ll all get invitations.”

“We’ll hold you to that doll face.” Ciara pushed Jason playfully and Jason smirked, “Glad to see you’re doing well.”

Ciara nodded and turned to Damian, who continuously looked around the room throughout the conversation, “Damian? I didn’t even recognize you with your hair is like that! You look a little like Dick when he was younger.”

Damian sighed, “Why does everyone say that?” Damian smiled politely at the girl, “Still, good to see you. Glad things are going well for you.” Ciara nodded and Damian turned his attention back at the various entrances. His brothers noticed him visibly perk up and turned to the main entrance to see Marinette walk in with a gaggle of girls alongside Adrien and Nino.

Alya and Alix weren’t in dresses, choosing a nice blouse and dress pants. The other girls wore dresses and pushed a resistant Marinette forward. She was yelling something over her shoulder, her cheeks red and expression desperate, as they egged her on. Her dress was less formal, but the way she wore it was just as elegant. Simple pink dress, hair down, light make up that brought out her fair features, all tying together in a nice little bow similar to the one on the side of her waist.

Adrien laughed, turned her head to the four brothers, and pointed at Damian. The two made eye contact, staring at each other for a brief moment before Damian’s face held a light pink tint and Marinette’s red face became even more saturated in color. Marinette turned on her heel and tried to leave, but the group locked her in. She turned back, her body rigid as she made her way over to the boys.

Ciara nudged Damian, “Oh my god, you fancy her don’t you?”

Damian sent her a small glare before bracing himself. The others were wondering why he became so stiff until Marinette reached up for his hair and he held her arms away. Looking at the two, you could tell they were struggling against each other and Damian sighed, “Marinette, we have to stop this. We’re in a VIP dinner.”

“You-”

“I warned you didn’t I?”

She growled and yanked her arms back, “Fine!” She stared at him for a few moments before she shook her head, “Nope! Nope! No! I can’t get used to it!”

Jason smirked and nudged the youngest, “So that’s why you didn’t fix up your hair! You sly dog!” Damian glared at his snickering brothers. Jason waved him off and turned to Marinette, “You look adorable.”

Marinette blinked and started hitting his chest playfully, “You can’t start too! I’m already embarrassed as it is!” She held her fists to her sides and she huffed, color never fading from her face.

Dick laughed, “Oh my god! Is that supposed to be intimidating?”

“Watch it Grayson! I will throw you overboard!”

The boys all blinked and Tim glared at Damian, “You corrupted her.”

Damian smiled in pride and put his arm around Marinette, “I did no such thing.” He grinned at her and she just looked annoyed, “You do look cute, though. Did you make that dress too?” She gulped and looked away. She nodded and he praised her, “It’s very well made.”

Tim pulled Marinette out of Damian’s grip, “Okay. Okay. You’re going to kill the girl. I mean, if any more of her blood rushes to her head she’ll need to be placed in the infirmary.”

Adrien waved to most of the girls as they left, leaving him to lead Nino, Alya, and Chloe over to Marinette. He continued laughing at his poor friend. “You seem to be doing well.”

“I will not hesitate, Adrien.”

“Oh, we know.” Alya nudged Damian, “Marinette told me you looked good with your hair down, but dang dude! Nino, you’re in trouble!”

Nino waved her off and motioned to Adrien, “I have an actual model in my court. You ain’t got nothing on me.”

Chloe rolled her eyes and looked over the boys, “I forgot you could clean up well. Seriously, why don’t you dress like this more often?”

Jason groaned, “And feel as stiff as I look? No thank you, Chloe.”

Ciara giggled, “Friends of yours?”

Dick nodded and motioned to the group, “These are kids from the French class who got the spot on the trip. The one who caught Damian’s eye is Marinette, the winner.”

Ciara motioned to the group and spoke to her grandfather, “Look, grandpa, it’s the kids Bruce chose!” The old man looked up and smiled at the group. The girls all lurched forward and crouched in front of him, doting on the old man.

“He’s so cute!”

“You’re British or something? What’s your name, sir?”

“And how do you know Bruce?”

Ciara blinked in surprise and laughed, “He may not respond. He has a habit of spacing o-”

“George.” The group turned to the old man as he held out his shaking hand, “Nice to meet you.” Marinette gentle took it and smiled sweetly at him.

“My name’s Marinette, George. This is Alya and Chloe. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The old man seemed to have a long-forgotten glimmer in his eyes as he smiled back at the girls. Ciara laughed in disbelief, “That’s the most he’s said to anyone outside the family who isn’t Bruce!” She walked over and hugged Marinette, “You’re a miracle, aren’t you?”

Marinette giggled, “No, I’m just Marinette. You are?”

“Ciara. My grandpa here has known Bruce for ages. We’re here to visit him.”

“And I’m here to see him too.” The group turned to Bruce as he walked up and crouched down to George’s level. “Nice to see you again.”

George’s smile grew, “Bruce! I met your daughter! She’s very sweet.”

“My daughter?” George motioned to Marinette and Bruce laughed, “She’s not my-”

Alya snorted, “I mean, in-laws count don’t they?”

Damian and Marinette tensed and scolded the girl, “Alya!”

Bruce rolled his eyes, “Let’s go talk, George.” Bruce and Ciara rolled George away, leaving the kids to their own devices.

Jason and Alya high-fived, “That was awesome!”

“I keep telling people, I’m hilarious!”

“You’re annoying!” Marinette let out an exasperated sighed and rubbed her temples, “And in front of Bruce too. You’re the worst.”

Alya laughed as her best friend whined, making the others in the group laugh with her. Nino took a second to listen to the song played and smiled, “Hey! It’s your song, dudes!” While the boys were confused, Adrien and Marinette paused and looked at each other.

“When was the last time we heard this song?”

“It’s been years!” The two laughed as they remembered the teddy bear themed Akuma of that night. Marinette turned to Damian, “The first time we danced together was to this song. It’s been one of my favorites ever since!”

“Wasn’t that at my party?”

“Yes. Yes, it was. It was the same party I pulled possibly the BEST wing-woman move in history!”

Nino snickered, “We both did that, Alya.”

Adrien held out his arm and winked at Marinette, “Wanna dance for nostalgia?”

Marinette was about to agree before pulling back and stepping next to Damian, “I’ll pass. You should ask someone else to dance. I’m sure no one is going to pass you up.”

Adrien blinked before realizing her reasoning, “Oh yeah! Sorry Damian, complete forgot for a second.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously while Damian jaw tensed.

Damian felt a tinge of jealousy as soon as Nino brought up the fact that it was ‘their song’. However, seeing the way Marinette move towards him and knowing Adrien’s apology was genuine made him relax. He sighed and nudged Marinette, “Go ahead. I’ll take the next dance.”

“You dance? Since when?” Damian glared at Tim who just held his hands up in surrender.

Marinette and Adrien looked at each other for a second before turning to Damian, “Seriously, it’s fine. We don’t-”

“No. Go dance with Adrien, Marinette. It’ll be fun.” He gently pushes her forward and smiled politely at the two. Marinette and Adrien sent him an unsure look before the hesitantly walked onto the dance floor.

Alya nudged Damian, “That was nice of you, but you know you can say if you are uncomfortable with them dancing. You don’t have to be okay with everything she wants to do just because you’re dating.”

“I’m not in charge of her.”

“I’m not saying you are. If you try to control her, that’s different. That’s telling her she can’t dance with anyone other than you or people you approve of. You saying ‘I think I’d feel weird seeing my first girlfriend dance with an old crush’ is completely understandable.” Alya sighed and smiled at the boy in pity, “You usually have no filter. You have it bad for her, don’t you?”

Damian watched as the two danced around the room. A simplified ballroom waltz, nothing inappropriate and completely platonic. He could’ve relaxed except the looks on their faces as they talked were incredibly serious. Damian sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, “I don’t know how any of this works.”

Dick watched his brother in pity, “You have us to help you out, you know?”

Damian let his shoulders fall, “I don’t like feeling like this.”

Nino chuckled, “Love can be awesome and love can suck. I will say this, you won’t find someone better to love than Marinette.”

Chloe hummed in approval, “He’s right. That girl’s heart is too big for her own good and she’s so loyal. You never have to worry about that one.”

Jason smiled at his brother, “Sounds like you couldn’t have picked them better, baby bird.”

Tim snickered, “Only the best for Damian Wayne.”

Damian glared at his brother before turning back to Marinette and Adrien. Marinette happened to look over and noticed him, sending him a loving smile his way. Damian felt himself relax and smiled back. Dick sighed, “You’ve got it bad.”

“So bad.”

“It’s ridiculous.”

“It’s sickening.”

“It’s hilarious.”

“I swear if you all don’t-”

“She’s coming over here.” Damian turned his attention back to the two to see Marinette and Adrien walk back.

Adrien grinned, “That was fun. She’s all yours, Damian. Thanks for letting us dance to that song again.”

Before Damian could say anything, the speakers turned off and the quartet began playing some ballroom music. Marinette grabbed Damian’s hand and pulled him to the dance floor. Adrien turned to the three oldest of the group, “Does he even know how to dance?”

“Luckily, only to this type of music because of Bruce. He made us learn for galas and stuff like that.” Tim watched as his brother gently guided Marinette through a dance she was unfamiliar with. He smiled and took a picture, “This is so weird.”

“It’s sweet. I haven’t seen her this excited for anything in such a long time.” Alya’s smile fell and hugged herself, “I should’ve-”

“Alya, you have to forgive yourself some time. You didn’t know. She didn’t want you to know.” Chloe huffed and turned to Adrien, hand out. “Let’s just dance and enjoy the night before tomorrow. There’s sure to be a fight.” Adrien nodded and took her hand, leading her out onto the floor.

Alya sighed and turned to Dick, “Marinette said you’re good with feelings. Help.”

Dick blinked, “Why’d she say that?”

Alya shrugged, “She didn’t tell me how she knows that and I have a feeling you won’t either.”

Dick snorted, “Damn right I won’t.” He nudged her, “You’re a good friend Alya. You look out for her the same way I look out for these idiots.”

“Rude.”

“True.”

“As I was saying,” Dick placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze, “I don’t think she holds anything against you. I know you feel terrible. You feel like you betrayed her and you let her down and now you’re wondering if she should even be friends with you. If you’re having all those thoughts then I’d say you’re still being a great best friend. You’re looking out for her, you feel bad for hurting her. You’re trying to make up for it.”

Alya’s eye began to water and Jason jumped in, “Alya, you’re a good kid. Smart, too. Marinette is lucky to have you. Just like you’re lucky to have her. Still, that guilt will stay with you until you talk to her about it. Marinette and you need to take care of that unfinished business because, let’s face it, you did hurt her. But, she still loves you. That counts for a lot.”

Alya wiped her eyes and turned her attention back to her best friend. Marinette and Damian glided across the room and she looked like she was in a fairytale. It put a smile back on her face and she sniffed, “Now I know why Marinette came to trust you guys so quickly.” She laughed, “Not that I don’t trust you guys, but she trusted you all almost immediately. She was always a good judge of character.” Nino nudged her and Alya smiled gratefully, knowing he was letting her know he was there for support.

Tim smiled at the two before sighing, “Guys, remember, we’re here to do a job too. Michael Aaron is standing by the west entrance with his wife. Darius Azreth is sitting at table 8 with some colleagues.”

Alya nodded curtly, going back into a reporter persona. Nino was used to her split-second changes, but the other boys were taken aback for a second seeing the quick change. Alya looked over her options, “We’ll take Aaron. It’ll be easier to start talking to a guy and his wife than a board meeting.” Tim nodded in agreement and they all separated, the boys taking Azreth and the couple taking Aaron.

Meanwhile, Marinette and Damian continued to be in their own little world. “You know I’m still tempted to ask Dick to give me his hair gel right now.”

“Still not used to it?”

“No, not at all.” She hummed, “You know if you don’t want me to dan-”

“I don’t control you. If you want to have fun with your guy friends, then I can’t stop you.”

Marinette smiled softly and leaned towards him, “You know you’re important to me too, right? I want to know what you think and how you feel. It’s a two-way street, Damian.”

He smiled and spun her around. She laughed before they came back to face each other. Damian sighed, “I’m not good at this. I’m not used to any of this. I don’t know how this works or how it’s supposed to work. My mother was a terrible role model when it comes to healthy relationships. I don’t exactly watch my father closely for dating tips and Grayson has been in a relationship for a long time. I can’t exactly use him and Kory as a way to model my first, new relationship with someone.”

“Who said we needed a model?” She watched Damian for a reaction as she continued, “Damian, there’s not one way this is supposed to work. Otherwise, everyone would find love and divorce wouldn’t even exist. As long as we talk things through and make sure we keep each other’s best interests at heart along with our own, I think we should be okay.” She stopped and squeezed his hand, “If it helps, I’m scared too. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or how this is supposed to work, I’m just playing this by ear.”

Damian’s lips pressed into a hard line, “I’m am too, but I’m worried.”

“About?” The music’s tune changed into something a bit darker, a melody that oozed gothic romanticism, and Damian began leading them into a new waltz. She felt like she was stepping into foreign waters, “This is new.”

He listened closely, recognizing the crescendo and surprised the musicians were so bold to attempt the piece. He noted how more people came to play this specific song, making their own small symphony, and he knew why. “This is called the ‘Waltz of the Damned’. An intense piece for sure. You think you can keep up?”

“As long as you take the lead and catch me if I fall.”

Damian smirked and started leading her through more fluid turns and steps. Marinette struggled to keep up but he kept her attention. “Just keep looking at me. I’m not going to let you fall.” Marinette nodded and relaxed as he led the dance. “I’m worried about us. Our other lives.”

She bit her lip, “I’m worried about that too. While Hawkmoth is still on the loose, I have to stay in Paris.”

“The Titans need a Robin too.” Another turn and he caught a glimpse of his father watching them proudly. Damian sighed, he knew it was meant to be taken positively but it only served to be an ominous presence forever lingering over him. Lots of things lingered when it came to him. “I have a lot of baggage, Marinette.”

The ensemble started to play a darker tone and Marinette felt something in her gut. “I figured.”

“Lots of sins I need to atone for.”

“You already told me that before. Am I supposed to run?”

“Marinette-”

“Damian, whatever you did-”

“No, Marinette, you should know.” She stopped talking and he bit his lip, “Marinette, my mother and grandfather were part of a very elite group. That group hurt people. A lot of people.” While she didn’t outwardly react, her eyes were looking for any sign of lying. She didn’t find it. He leaned forward and he lowered his voice, “Marinette, my family killed people. I killed people.”

Her brows furrowed as she processed the meaning of the words, “But how-” The music suddenly got more intense and instinctually Damian guided her through this more aggressive part of the dance. Hours of lessons forced upon by Bruce hammered in dances like this until they became muscle memory. Marinette couldn’t register everything going on around her and she felt dizzy. The more they span the more overwhelmed she felt as the gravity of his situation really hit her. He didn’t say anything, fearing he was one word away from her turning heel and bolting away.

A few sudden moments of Forte in the song, a few sudden movements in the dance, a dip to top it off and Marinette really couldn’t tell what was real anymore. He brought her back up and the music went back to a slower, slightly more playful tune. His expression never changed, neither did hers as she continued to be shocked by his confession. She felt her mouth go dry, unwilling to respond as the music picked up again, gentler this time around as the piece was coming to a close but a crescendo nonetheless. New thoughts filling her head as she realized what this meant for her.

The eye contact never faded and neither did the tension. If it wasn’t for the fact that the music was already conveying the chaos inside her head she would’ve screamed. A few more steps, a few more turns, and one last pose. The waltz ended and while the room around them erupted in applause, they continued staring at each other unaware of the world around them. It wasn’t until Adrien came up and placed a hand on Marinette’s shoulder that she finally looked away.

“You guys, that was incredible! I’ve never seen anyone dance to that!”

Chloe nodded beside him, “Very impressive. I honestly would’ve thought you’d lose your footing and fall somewhere along the line.”

Marinette just licked her lips and forced a smile on her face, “Thanks Chloe.”

Adrien walked over to Damian and put an arm over his shoulder, “We’re going to go get something to drink. You want anything?”

Chloe grabbed Marinette’s arm, “No, no, you boys have fun.”

Adrien started to drag Damian away. Damian protested, “Wait, we-”

“Let’s go, Wayne.” Damian’s attention was immediately switched over to the blond on his arm and felt a menacing presence in the place of the otherwise happy model. He looked over his shoulder and saw that Chloe had already dragged Marinette away. He wondered if a part of him was trying to scare her off. As far as he could tell, it probably worked.

They got to a more secluded part of the room and Adrien spoke, “What did you say to her?”

Damian could feel himself get defensive, “None of your business, Agreste.”

“The only time I’ve ever seen Marinette make that face before was when I told her something that made her mad at me for days.” In reality, he saw that face plenty of times before as Aspik. Whenever he tried to confess his identity to her, she would make the same shocked face. Her eyebrows furrowed, her pupils constricted, and her face contorted. She was so expressive, everything that she could do to convey something was wrong she did. Every little muscle, every little wrinkle, everything screamed “NO”. He hoped he’d never have to see that face again, but when she realized his identity he saw it again. It infuriated him that he caused that reaction. It infuriated him more that she was having this reaction now. “Now, what did you do?”

Damian glared back at Adrien, “I told her something. Something about myself that I won’t tell anyone else.”

“Must’ve been a doozy of a secret to get her to make that face.”

“Watch it.”

“No, you watch it.” He ran his finger through his hair and looked over to Chloe. They made eye contact and he watched as her eyes relayed uncertainty and worry. “Look, Marinette is a really good person. The best. Out of anyone and everyone, she chose you. That means a lot. Whatever you told her, fix it.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know. Not my problem. Just know that she’s good friends with both Ladybug and Cat Noir and Cat Noir’s Cataclysm can destroy anything.”

He narrowed his eyes at Adrien, “Is that a threat?”

Adrien didn’t falter, “Depends on what you do next, Wayne.” Adrien looked over Damian’s shoulders and saw Jason coming up, “Careful, you’re going to get interrogated again.”

“What are you-” He suddenly felt his collar tighten as he was dragged away towards a nearby exit. Adrien sending daggers all the while until turning to get drinks for the girls. Damian huffed as he saw Dick and Tim also make their way over. Jason dragged him outside and to a private area outside the dining hall and slammed him against the wall. “Well, hello to you too.”

The three looked around, making sure they were alone, before turning back to their interrogation. Jason’s eyes narrowed at the teen, “Don’t get cute with me. What the hell did you say to her?”

Damian chose to stay silent and Dick frowned, “Please tell me you didn’t-”

“Shut up.”

“You can’t tell someone that right off the bat Damian! Jesus, no wonder she looks terrified!”

Tim groaned, “I know you’re clueless at this, but you aren’t stupid Damian. What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking she probably deserved to know.”

“Oh yeah, great first date topic. ‘Hi, I’m Damian. My family is head of the League of Assassins. Also, my favorite color is black. Tell me about yourself.’” Jason’s face deadpanned, “Seriously?”

Damian rolled his eyes, “Look, she was going to find out sooner or later-”

“Yeah, a few months into dating when you guys are ready to talk about these things. Not one day into dating! That’s like proposing on the first date!” Tim groaned, “Look, its good and all that you feel comfortable enough to share with her but oversharing is bad to do. Especially just starting out.”

“Yeah, Damian. You guys are at a point where you guys are testing the waters. You read into the relationship and slowly make your way into the deep end. Dumping that info on her is like throwing her into 9 feet of water without a life jacket, not knowing if she could even swim.” Dick pinched his nose and muttered something to himself.

Damian just growled, “I didn’t tell her that to share, I told her that to warn her.” He sighed, “You guys know as well as I do that I’ve done some bad things. I have a lot of things hanging over my head and lots of things that may or may not come back to bite me.” He frowned, “She should know what she’s signing up for.”

Jason groaned and let go of the teen’s collar, “I mean good point, but also you don’t tell her that now. There’s a time and a place and this isn’t it, man. If you were really worried about that then you tell her in private where you guys can talk about it. Not in a crowded party, in the middle of a dance floor, doing some crazy ass waltz. She was probably really overwhelmed.”

Damian grit his teeth, “Look, if I’m causing so many problems maybe I should just head back. The Titans probably need me anyways.” He tried walking away but Tim blocked his path, “Move.”

“No.” Tim rubbed his temples, “Best and worst part about being in the open waters? You can’t run from your problems.”

“Watch me.”

“Damian, you’re sabotaging yourself.”

“I am not!”

“Oh really?” Dick started to list off things, “You told her you were a hero. You told her about the league. You argue with her when you can. It sounds to me like you’re trying to scare her off. Why?”

Damian growled, “Because I’m not like her! I’m not like any of them! I’m not normal or happy or anything like them!” He panted and leaned against the wall, “She’s going to get seriously hurt around me. I just know it. There’s no way I can logically make this work without ruining her chance at something normal. Something safe.”

The boys stood there for a few moments in silence before Dick groaned and smacked Damian upside the head. “You idiot!”

Damian snapped, “I will rip your arm off!”

“Seriously Damian, if she cared about that kind of stuff she would’ve ran when she found out about you being Gotham’s little baby bird.” Tim grabbed Damian by the shoulders, “She is probably one of the best things to happen to you and you just chased her off.”

Damian shoved his brother off, but before he could do anything he was forcefully turned around. He caught a girl’s wrist before her palm could make contact. She glared at him and he heard himself gulp, “What on earth did you say to her? Seriously, I leave for five minutes and she’s catatonic! I thought we had a moment there about healthy relationships and you do this?” She smacked her forehead and groaned, “You are giving me migraines, Wayne.”

Damian blinked, “Alya?”

“Yes, Alya, me, Marinette’s best friend, and the one you need to beg for forgiveness so you can even look at her.” Alya tucked some hair behind her ear before sighing, “Now tell me what you did.”

Jason stepped forward, “He told her something about his past that was not appropriate whatsoever.”

Alya blinked and gulped, “Something about your past?” Damian opened his mouth to answer, but ended up holding his tongue. The lack of an answer gave her some possibilities she would rather not think about. She pushed the thoughts out of her head, “I mean, I’m sorry for whatever happened. That sucks, but he’s right. You can’t just drop that on someone. She isn’t your counselor. She’s your girlfriend!”

Alya paused for a second before she shook her head, “Backtrack. It’s okay to tell your partner secrets about you and to trust them, but trust takes time. You work up to it. Throwing that kind of baggage on someone right away isn’t a healthy sign, Damian.”

Damian’s eye twitched, “Oh and you’re a couple’s counselor now?”

Alya huffed, “If a reason a person was akumatized goes public, we talk about it and try to prevent it from happening again. An Akuma due to bullying, we learn about prevention and intervention. An Akuma due to a panic attack, we learn about anxiety and things to do in a crisis. An Akuma because of an abusive relationship, we learn about the signs of abuse and about co-dependency. Over-sharing right away is a sign of co-dependency.”

Damian rolled his eyes. He knew about the subject. He made himself learn after a particularly bothering case where he couldn’t figure out why the man kept going back to his crazy fiancé. He checked in on him every week to make sure he was okay until the guy finally built up the courage to leave the crazy woman. He thought for a moment and realized that, to anyone else not knowing the context, his over-sharing might be considered manipulative. He was reminded of the sob stories or the intimidation tactics that woman used to use on the guy to test his loyalty and keep him in her corner. Unintentionally comparing himself to her made him shudder. Damian sighed, “I was just telling her about some of the consequences of dating me might bring. Let’s just say I have some enemies.”

Alya’s expression showed him that she didn’t entirely believe him, but she didn’t press. “Damian, are you trying to scare her off?”

“That’s what I said!”

“Grayson!” Damian turned back to Alya, “Look, Alya-”

Alya wrapped her arms around the boy and Damian tensed in her hold. He didn’t reciprocate, something inside reminding him that she wasn’t the one he wanted to hold. Alya pulled away and rubbed her eyes, giving him a look of pity. “You know, you need to talk about what’s bothering you. I can tell you’re holding in a lot.” She snorted, “And while Marinette is a great person to talk to, your timing is a bit off. Besides, you’re rich enough to buy your own private counseling center if you wanted to.”

Damian narrowed his eyes at her and she remained unfazed much to his annoyance. Damian was unnerved that these kids could read things about him. He never met a group of kids who could call him out the way they did, not in such a short amount of time at least. No magic, no shared trauma, no long hours of living and training together, they just could tell. He’d never admit it made him both anxious and oddly reassured.

Alya grabbed his arm and gently led him away from his brothers. Damian looked over his shoulder to his brothers, unsure of what to do, but found all their expressions unreadable. Dick just called out, “We’re going to continue what we were doing. You fix this.” Jason looked between his two brothers and Damian and ran to catch up to the youngest.

“What are you-”

“Shut up. You’re going to need help.”

Damian ground his teeth, he’s never felt this lack of control in anything. He’s always lead the group and never let anyone push him around, not even his father. Yet, right now, he was being yanked around by this group of French students and his brothers. How many times has this happened within the last 20 minutes? Four? Damian could feel his frustration rise and resisted the urge to shove her off.

Alya led him to Marinette’s room, outside the door stood their other friends. Chloe glared at him, but before she could say anything Alya shook her head. This gesture forced Chloe to stand down and step aside. She knocked on the door and yelled through it, “Marinette, I have your boyfriend here! Open up! You need to talk to him!” The lack of a response hurt more than he would like to admit. “Marinette, I’m throwing him in!”

“Wait, what?” She pulled out a keycard and unlocked the door, throwing him and Jason in and shutting it behind them. “Alya!”

“Fix this, Damian! Otherwise, I will get Ladybug and Cat Noir to personally obliterate you!”

He slammed his fist on the door and sighed. “Idiots.” He turned back to the room and looked around.

“Empty. Marinette?” Jason walked around and noted that while the bathroom door was open, the den door was not. He knocked, “Marinette?”

No answer but they heard some rustling from inside. Damian frowned and sat down in front of the door. He groaned and leaned his head against the door frame, “Marinette, we need to talk about this.”

Jason frowned at the sight of his brother, in his own way this was groveling. He knocked again, “Marinette?” Again, the two were met with silence. Jason groaned and sat down next to Damian, “Damian, why’d you tell her that?”

“I keep telling you, she should know!” He ran his fingers through his hair and he huffed, “Look, I’m not a good person-”

“Shut up.” Damian snapped his head up and faced Jason. Jason held a steady glare aimed at Damian, “Shut the hell up. You aren’t a bad person.”

“How the hell are you going to tell me that?”

“Because in this family, I’m the bad person. Not you, Damian.”

“Jason-”

“No! Listen to me!” Jason examined Damian for a second before letting his shoulders fall. Frowning, he proceeded with caution, “Damian, you are not a bad person. You were just a kid put into a bad situation. I should know.”

Damian wiped his nose against his sleeve, “Stop trying to make me feel better, Todd.”

“I’m trying to get you to see that you’re wrong, dumbass.” Jason’s expression softened slightly, “I didn’t realize you thought of yourself like that.” He paused to ponder over his next words, “Damian, you were unlucky enough to be born to a psycho bitch and her murderous, power-hungry father. You didn’t go up to God and demand he make you Talia’s baby, you just happened to be hers.” He stopped and narrowed his eyes, “Although I can actually see you doing that.”

Damian put all of his energy into killing the laugh that was ready to pop out in response to his comment. Instead, he rolled his eyes, “Get to the point.”

“When I think about the league, I don’t think of you. I think of all the bad stuff you were put through, but never you as a person.” Jason ran his fingers through his hair, “My point is that you didn’t know any better. You did what you did because you were taught to get on your mother’s and grandfather’s good sides no matter what. You didn’t know anything else but the league, so you can’t keep holding that against yourself.”

Damian pursed his lips together, letting the words sink in for a second before shaking his head, “No, I-”

“Tell me something, have you killed anyone out of spite since getting out of the league?”

“No.”

“Did you, or did you not, actively try to be better and follow Batman’s no-killing policy?”

“I did.”

“Damian, you’re a good kid.” Jason placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder, “You’re a good person. The only way any of that would really matter to who you are is if you knew better.” Jason looked away and frowned, “That’s why I’m the bad one in the family. Everything I’ve done, I knew better. I was old enough, I’ve seen enough, I knew enough to know there was another way. A better way. Still, I chose to do all that bad stuff and I can’t ever take that back. Everything you did, you did before you were ten and while you were being groomed by Talia and Ra’s.”

Damian licked his lips before forcing himself to smirk and respond, “And when did you get so wise?”

“Dick’s not the only one good with this emotional stuff. I’ve been through enough crap to learn a thing or two.” Jason sent his brother a comforting smile, “You were the one good thing that came out of that place. You should be proud of that, Damian.”  

The silence was deafening and he could feel his heart squeeze in a way it never had before. He didn’t know what these feelings were, but they were overwhelming. He wanted to scream, he was afraid of opening his mouth in case he did just that. He suspected Jason could feel the hurricane developing inside him because Jason knocked on the door again, “Marinette? Please, open up.”

Damian couldn’t keep sitting there, he was going to explode. He reached for the doorknob and, to their surprise, it was unlocked. He jumped up and slowly opened the door. Inside, the room was in dismay and he saw her purse thrown onto the floor. “Marinette?” The two began looking around, confused and growing a sense of dread neither wanted to address. Damian knelt down and looked inside the purse, he saw Kaalki’s box, but Tikki wasn’t there at all.

“Did you find anything?”

Damian pressed his lips together in a fine line, “She took her miraculous.”

Jason sighed in relief, “Okay, so she probably just left or something.”

Damian let his brother bask in his ‘realization’, but Damian’s tension only grew. “Why is the room a mess then?”

“I mean, when I freak out I can get destructive.”

“And you really think she’s like that?”

“I’m guessing here, man. I don’t know.”

A crash interrupted any response Damian was about to give to Jason and the two froze. Both boys sprang into action, sprinting out the door and through the hallways. Sounds of a struggle louder and soon the two met up with some familiar faces. “Adrien? Nino?”

Adrien looked around, frantic and panting, “Marinette isn’t with you?”

Jason shook his head, “She wasn’t even in the room. We’re guessing she took her miraculous and left.”

Adrien and Nino looked at each other before shaking their heads. Nino adjusted his hat, “No way, dude. Marinette wouldn’t use the miraculous like that. She wouldn’t abandon the ship if she thought Hawkmoth was on the ship.” Another crash demanded the four boys’ attention and they continued their search for its origin. More running passengers and crewmembers caused the tension to rise and awful feelings stir in their guts.

Adrien yelled at the other three, “It has to be an Akuma!”

Jason jaw tensed, “Where the hell is Marinette?”

“Adrien!” The four skid to a stop and they saw a small group of girls running up to them, against the crowd. Lila came to the front and panted, “We think Marinette caused an Akuma. She was talking with that redhead crew member and next thing we knew, everyone was running.”

Before any of the boys could say anything, mainly things to try to dissect what they assumed was a lie, Alix nodded. She gulped, “We all saw it. Marinette bumped into her and made her drop her clipboard. To be fair, Lila thinks the lady was already upset but she wasn’t akumatized until Marinette knocked into her.”

Lila nodded and frowned, “Marinette was probably the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

Rose sent Lila a look that Nino and Adrien have never seen cross her face before, “Lila, Marinette would never cause an Akuma on purpose!”

Juleka nodded, “She probably just fell. She’s clumsy.”

“I never said she did it on purpose!”

Damian growled and grabbed Rose by the shoulders, “I don’t have time for this! Where is she now?”

Rose blinked and her brows furrowed. With a shaky hand, she pointed down a hallway that was now bare of people. Most of them already hiding in their room or running into a different part of the ship thankfully giving them less resistance. Damian let go and started running, leaving Nino to thank the girls before following.

Running towards an open area of the ship and they caught a glimpse of a girl, in a familiar dress, being held by the said Akuma. A chorus of boys yelling could be heard echoing in the adjacent hallways, “Marinette!”

The Akuma turned around, revealing to be a woman wearing neutral colors. Her hair’s saturation was dulled down as well and she just looked numb. However, her eyes were cold and calculating. She narrowed her eyes at the boys and frowned. Marinette looked between the boys and the Akuma and shook her head, terror clear in her face. Before any of the boys made it out of the hallway, the entrance to the main atrium was suddenly attacked. Years of fighting and dodging kicked in and the boys all did what they could to avoid the impact of whatever was throwing the punch. The floor cracked under the pressure and Jason was the first to get a good look at the attacker.

He yelled, exasperated, “Another one?”

The second Akuma was an almost perfect mirror to the first one. It was clearly the same person, no differences in their physical features, however, the aesthetics were opposites of each other. This one was vibrant in her colors, the clothes changing and swirling with different hues of red and orange reminiscent of the fire in her hair. Her rage seeped through every pore and her snarl was front and center.

Adrien shook his head, “No, the same one. Different version.” He pushed himself off the floor and looked behind the woman in front of him to get a better look at his partner, “Marinette!”

Marinette tried to shake her arm free from the Akuma, but her grip was too strong. Marinette called back, “Just go! Get Ladybug!”

Jason and Damian circled the more colorful of the two Akumas carefully. Jason growled, “We can’t you took the miraculous!”

She looked confused for a moment, but Damian maneuvered his way around the Akuma and kicked her in the back. The Akuma stumbled forward and Jason punched the woman, effectively knocking her down. The one holding Marinette frowned, her voice stayed monotone but threatening, “You’ll pay for that.” A flash of panic passed over Marinette’s face and she threw herself onto the Akuma, grabbing somewhere along the woman’s collar. The woman scowled and threw Marinette to the side, the extra strength the akumatization provided caused the girl to fly across the room and the crash of the impact caused almost everyone in the room to freeze.

“Marinette!” Damian made a b-line to the limp body on the other side of the atrium, but he was intercepted by the Akuma. Damian scowled at the woman’s speed and got into a defensive stance. He could hear some struggles behind him, meaning the other one must’ve picked herself back off the ground. “Marinette, answer us!” While the silence in the suite hurt, the silence here could’ve been enough to kill him. His eyes locked onto the woman’s before him and he threatened through clenched teeth, “Let me through.”

The Akuma didn’t flinch and her Irish accent bled through as she spoke, “What a poor crature. Your emotions are clouding your judgment.” When she intercepted his route to Marinette, he made the mistake of thinking that was her top speed. He didn’t even see her make the final few steps into his personal space. Instead, he blinked and she placed two fingers on his forehead. Things went white as she whispered into his ear, “Separate.”

“Damian!”

Nino was accustomed to his normalcy. His calm demeanor didn’t alert people to enemies for the most part and he used the distractions to make his way to Marinette. Adrien was relieved that one of them could make it over to his lady, but didn’t know who to help first. He wondered briefly if he should transform, but knowing Marinette was still here he had no alibi. Their identities were compromised enough, if only to each other, but they valued their secrets. He knew better than to jeopardize it on an impulse. Adrien watched as Nino turned Marinette onto her back, but it unnerved him to see her move like a rag doll.

Jason tried to watch the girl in front of him. Her colors mixed around like a lava lamp in her clothes, making her hard to look at. He noted the flash of light and looked past the Akuma’s shoulder and noticed two boys slumped on the floor. “Damian?”

The two boys stirred and looked back, one of them examined the room and the situation with an unreadable face and the other looked around confused before snarling back at the woman. “What the hell did you do to me?”

The unfazed one looked around before sighing, “I get it now. She divided us into two beings, the logical one and the emotional one.”

Nino put his hand in front of her nose, relief coming in waves when he could feel her soft breaths against the back of his hand. Nino looked over at Adrien and nodded, making the tension in his shoulders dissipate. Adrien called out to Damian, “Hey, she’s still not waking up!”

The two boys tensed and looked behind the uninterested Akuma who was now setting their sights on Jason. Both had their brows furrow and eyes widen at the sight, but the emotional Damian was the one to yell out her name and make another run for it. The Akuma allowed this and made her way over to a struggling Jason. Adrien ran to Jason’s side and got into a defensive stance, ready to fight alongside him.

Meanwhile, the two Damians skid to a stop and dropped to their knees in front of the body. A loud grunt and subsequent bang made the three look back. Nightwing, Red Robin, and Batman all stood between Jason, Adrien, and the Akumas. Nino sighed in relief, “Perfect. Let’s get her out of here.” The emotional Damian didn’t hesitate to try to pick Marinette up. Normally, he wouldn’t break a sweat. Now, he was winded before he even brought himself to his feet. The analytic Damian watched his counterpart struggle and yelled over at the vigilantes, “Don’t let them touch you! If she splits you, you’ll weaken in power! The neutral one is speed-oriented!”

The masked men all nodded as Adrien and Jason made their over to Marinette. Adrien picked her up with ease and they all started running away and down the hallway. “Why isn’t she waking up?”

“No clue, but let’s take her to one of the lounges to lay her down. We can watch over her and you guys can go find the girls.” A silent agreement passed over them as they adjusted their route to the nearest lounge. Adrien laid her down carefully on one of the sofas and frowned before Nino pulled his friend away and out the door.

Jason put a hand on the emotional Damian’s shoulder, “Hey, how are you-”

The analytical Damian cut in, “Go change into Red Hood and help. We’ll stay here.” Jason hesitated for a moment, but ultimately nodded and ran off.

Left alone, one half pet the girl’s head down while the other paced. The emotional one frowned, “Marinette, wake up. Come on, we need you.” He groaned and felt the exhaustion from the day hit him, “It’s not even 6.”

One completely ignored the other as they continued to ponder, “Where’s Tikki?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why was her room a mess?”

“I don’t-”

“Why isn’t she waking up?”

“It was a hard throw!”

“Not hard for her. She’s been through worse, we’ve seen worse.”

He flinched thinking about all the hits he’s seen her take in the recent Akuma attacks. “That was when she had magic.”

“Even so, she shouldn’t have been knocked out.” A few beats passed and he snapped his fingers, “Unless, she’s like us.”

“Like us?”

“Split.” Both boys looked at the door and a tired, stern-looking Marinette stood in the doorway. She looked at herself laying practically lifeless on the couch and didn’t react. Instead, she walked over and looked over the body. “Tikki?”

The red kwami flew out from under the girl’s skirt, “I’m sorry Marinette, it was the only place to hide after you threw the purse.”

“You’re fine. Just tell me if I can still become Ladybug.” The red kwami nodded and the girl nodded back with a newfound determination.

“You can’t fight!” Marinette turned to the boy doting over her counterpart and the emotional Damian continued, “We’re weaker in this state!”

“I know. I’m hoping the miraculous will counteract that.”

The other Damian turned to her and hummed, “You really think that’ll work?”

“Can’t afford not to try.”

The boy by the couch looked over the unconscious girl and Damian frowned, “Can you at least come up with a plan first? So you don’t end up like her.”

Marinette looked at the analytical Damian and narrowed her eyes, “Fine.” She pointed at the body and addressed the emotional half, “You look over the body.” She turned back to the analytical half, “You need to fill me in.” He nodded and motioned for them to walk back towards the Akuma as they discussed.

He filled her in on what he saw, which included her other half being thrown against the wall and the Akuma’s power. They walked at a brisk pace, knowing that they were needed but hesitant to throw themselves in. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I need to see what the situation is and get Cat Noir.”

“How are you going to do that? You left Kaalki in the den.”

She didn’t show any outward reaction, but her voice held a new sense of tension, “I’ll figure it out.”

“He’s on the ship then?”

She stopped and turned to face him, “Damian, I don’t think now is the time to play detective.”

“I’m just trying to help you work out your plan.”

She didn’t change in expression, “Between your brothers and Cat Noir, we can overwhelm her and use my lucky charm. She shouldn’t be too bad. She doesn’t seem to be trying to take revenge against someone, she seems to just be having a bad day.” She hummed, “She also isn’t talking to Hawkmoth.”

He watched her thoughts become overtaken with thoughts of the villain and snapped his fingers in front of her, “We have to figure out this Akuma first Marinette.”

She nodded, “Like I said, we’ll be fine.”

“Will we?”

She examined his expression, neutral in nature but his question was a double-edged sword. “I think I can beat Tess. I doubt she’ll be the one who finally beats me.”

Damian nodded and paused for a moment before asking, “Marinette, are we going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.” She looked up at the ceiling as she thought, “I never thought I’d hear that from you. From anyone. I was scared. To be honest, I’m a bit scared of you now.”

He nodded, “Understandable.”

“Logically, I should run. I know that.”

“So why aren’t you running?”

Her neutral expression hid uncertainty, “You know what it’s like when your mind is screaming one thing and your heart is pulling you somewhere else? It’s infuriating.”

“Where was your heart pulling you?”

“Back to you.” The silence was sweet for a moment, if only to her because she didn’t have to go into further detail, and she turned back to Tikki. “Are you ready?”

The kwami blinked, almost forgetting the urgency of the situation and jarred by how open the two were without their emotions. Tikki nodded, “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Spots on.” The transformation consumed her and she felt normal. She felt like she had the same amount of energy she usually had as Marinette, but not the same level of energy she normally had as Ladybug. She knew this was going to be tricky, but she sent Cat Noir a quick message and got ready to take off. She figured as soon as he saw her, Adrien would transform and see it.

“Wait.” She turned back to Damian, both still stone-faced, “You’re telling Marinette to run, the girl on the couch is telling Marinette to stay, what exactly is Marinette going to do when we’re back to normal?”

Ladybug’s eyes darted around the room as she pondered the question, “I think the reason this is so hard is that I can tell you aren’t a bad person. Knowing that you did that is hard for me.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Probably because I don’t have one for you yet.” She licked her lips, “I need to think about it more. You have to admit, that’s a lot to process.”

Damian gave her a curt nod and made some steps forward until he came face to face with the heroine. She examined his every move as she waited for his reaction. He simply leaned down and placed a kiss gently on her cheek. His monotone voice broke through the heavy air suddenly engulfing them, “I only told you that because I’m worried. I don’t want my bad karma to affect you too. I didn’t want anything to happen to you and I want to give you an out before you got too attached.” When he pulled away, neither showed any outward signs of affection or embarrassment, able to only examine the other.

Ladybug didn’t react, she couldn’t without her other half, but she knew as soon as she was whole she’d become even more conflicted. “You’re going to give me whiplash.”

“But you’re still here.”

Ladybug didn’t say anything in response. She just stepped back, the two having a few moments of eye contact as if to supplement the lack of communication, and Ladybug ran towards the direction of the main atrium. Damian just watched her run off, knowing he really couldn’t help her in this state and waited until she was out of sight to walk back to the lounge. He had a lot to think about.

*******************************************************************************************

ALSO: There is a new thing about tags for this ship and Maribat au in general! Please read this [post]! I have added the new tags suggested here and will continue to not use the names of the characters and the shows/franchises! Please REBLOG and Thank You!

To those who want more Seabourne Burnouts content, @itawonka-creates is specifically dedicated to my writing (which is just this story rn) so you can just follow the blog and set it up to be notified just in case the tags do not work!

Tag List (Bitch I have a tag list whAT!?!?!):

@maribat-archive @ozmav @thornangelic727@imfreakingmagical@constancetruggle @chloe-bourgeois-is-big-gay@someone-ev   @zazzlejazzle @tinybrie @mewwitch @rhub4rb@saphiraazure2708 @never-neverland @unholykrow @slytherinhquinn @literallytryingmybestbutok @redscarlet95 @grimmhallow31 @fandomkitten9653 @myriad-of-passionate-pettiness @fanboy7794 @mystifiedgal @shizukiryuu @ vixen-uchiha @resignedcatservant @mystery-5-5 @miraculousl4dybug @blackcanary13 @origamieater @moonlitarchangels @mochinek0 @imfreakingmagical @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @derpingrainbow @unabashedbookworm @skyel0ve @northernbluetongue @cadencehood @sizzling-fairy-oil @crazylittlemunchkin @saphiraazure2708 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @ginamarie1512 @kae690 @ivette0712 @zalladane @ellerahs @auradonfairy @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @scribblinggraveyard @nyctamaximoff @snow-swordswoman @maude-zarella @thebookwormfairy @melicmusicmagic @zalladane @ivette0712 @ginamarie1512  @bookreader20003 @silvergold-swirl @celestiacq @themcclan @amethyst-starr5 @tamoni112 @lunar-wolf-warrior @alexzandria-747 @nataladriana9 @moonlitarchangels @iglowinggemma28 @hunter-shyreen @mermaidofthelost @jessigurl-design @vgirl-10123 @lunar-wolf-warrior @casual-darkness @xxmadamjinxx @normal-piece-of-shit @tinyterror333 @romanoff-queen @schrodingers25 @alessialeone6997 @mindfulmagics @slytherin-heartthrob @da-tasuky @asianfrustration13 @eliza-bich @kuhakuanon @my-name-is-michell @theatreandcomicfreak @interobanginyourmom @starry-bi-sky @etheralentity @creator-josie @kurogaya913 @st0rmy-w1th1n @casual-darkness @vgirl-10123 @poshplumcot

Let me know if I missed anyone and message me! I’ll be sure to see it then!

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #7- Just in Case You Forgot Decepticons Were a Thing

While the Lost Light gets all of Rung’s appointments in order, our narrative is going to take a little shift, so we can get to know some pretty neat dudes.

And by “neat dudes” I mean completely morally and ethically reprehensible bastards.

But first, here’s a brief history of the Phase-Sixer known as Black Shadow.

Very limber, Mr. Shadow. Also, note the abstract sort of Decepticon insignia shape going on with the panel. That’s just neat.

Now, Black Shadow’s kicked a lot of keister in his long, storied career as a ‘Con, which makes his current situation all the more bleak, as he’s in the final throes of a visit with the Decepticon Justice Division.

The guy with the arm-mounted cannon that’s clearly compensating for something is Tarn, the leader of the DJD. His main character trait is he’s sapiosexual, but only for Megatron. He’s so devoted to the Decepticause and its rhetoric, he wears a mask of the insignia at all times.

Behind him are Helex and Tesaurus, who turn into a fondue pot and industrial-sized blender, respectively, and Vos, who turns into a sniper rifle, and was once fired by Megatron himself. I assume he’s only part of the DJD for the clout.

And then there’s Kaon, who turns into a wheelie chair.

Black Shadow’s looking pretty rough, but the boys haven’t killed him yet, and there’s a reason for that; the DJD’s sole reason for existing is to punish any Decepticon who stalls the glory of Megatron’s vision of a better tomorrow coming to fruition, no matter how slight the infraction, and simply killing their victims doesn’t exactly drive the point home, now does it? They’ve got to make an example, you know?

But really it’s so Tarn can pontificate. See, he considers himself a bit of an intellectual, as shown in his quoting of Megatron’s autobiography, Towards Peace.

Ugh, He’s a fanboy. It’s enough to make you want to puke. Which Black Shadow does. It’s mostly blood. Or is it? Hard to tell, energon is everything for these guys.

The DJD have had their fun, so now it’s time for them to say goodbye to Black Shadow. This is where Tarn’s special talent comes into play, and it’s a nasty one.

Tarn has a unique voice, one that, when matching the timbre and frequency of another ‘bot’s spark, can be used to affect said spark, even making it give up the ghost. This is exactly what he does to Black Shadow, but not before making him apologize for selling out the Decepticons for a butt-ton of money.

Speaking of unique voices, Tarn’s characterization is almost completely in his. It makes sense, given his power, that he have a way of speaking that stands out from everyone else. It’s smooth, and cool, and seems well-rehearsed; this is not a guy who stumbles on his words. He sounds like a Bond villain.

Roberts has admitted that he wrote these characters with English accents, and while I can’t say that I buy it for everyone in MTMTE, I certainly do for Tarn.

But maybe that’s just because I’m American, and a lot of the media I consumed growing up had the whole “the villain sounds British/camp gay” thing going on.

Anyway.

Black Shadow explodes, because we haven’t had one of those in a while.

With another tick put on their List, the DJD get ready to move on to their next target. We don’t get any names, but whoever they are, they’re about to have a very bad day.

Then we take a quick jump back to the Lost Light, since things were kind of a massive mess when we last saw everyone.

Rung’s not dead, by the way. I guess Swerve really is just that bad of a shot. Still, he’s not much more than a brain on a rope, and that means that Rung’ll be out of commission for a good while.

Poor Swerve. He feels so awful about this whole thing, even brought Rung one of his little ships to keep him company. The worst part is, now that Swerve’s shot the therapist, who will he talk to so he can work through having shot the therapist?

Speaking of guys who need therapy, Red Alert comes visiting in the dead of night, after visiting hours and in cover of darkness. He tells Rung about the little surprise he found in the basement, and bids him farewell, as he will surely be killed now that he knows about Overlord.

Who the hell programmed that drone to be so menacing?

Red Alert, again showing that this ain’t his first paranoia rodeo, slips a data slug full of Overlord bondage footage into the hole where Rung’s thumb should be- guess it got lost in the helter-skelter when he got shot- then walks out of the medibay, presumably to die.

Anywho, that’s enough of the Autobots for a little while. Let’s see what the Decepticons are up to.

On a planet far from wherever the Lost Light is faffing about, a Decepticon wakes up to a bunch of dudes hovering over him, insulting his looks, and stealing his organs. He reacts accordingly.

This is Fulcrum. No, not the Decepticon medic from Eugenesis, different guy. This Fulcrum’s primary function is probably about as removed from healing as it gets.

The guys trying to harvest him are the Scavengers, and they’re pretty surprised that he’s not dead, because, well…

Yeah.

Misfire- the dude who got kicked in the face a second ago- does both Fulcrum and the reader a solid by introducing all the members of this merry band of assholes, starting with the surliest of their ranks.

Crankcase was first introduced into the IDW run in Stormbringer #3, where he shot at Thunderwing and spouted off a couple lines ripped straight from a porno.

Stormbringer is really just… something else.

Spinister, who can and will shoot anything that meets his unpredictable criteria of being a threat, is the only other Scavenger who isn’t debuting in the comics with this issue. He was in Stormbringer #4, not that he really did anything of note there.

There’s Flywheels, who can’t tell a lie without transforming, and is a born-again evangelical. His character is a removal from his previous iterations, as he’s a triple-changer instead of a Duocon, a robot that only exists if two separate sentient vehicles combine. So, in his case, tank + plane = giant robot. Transformers is weird.

Then there’s the leader of this group, the ever-stressed, glorified babysitter, Krok.

Krok takes the opportunity to save Fulcrum from the verbal barrage, explaining that the Scavengers are expropriation specialists, meaning that they take people’s shit for their own benefit, and that includes bodily fluids. Misfire was supposed to be siphoning energon from the corpses in the area, but accidentally got high on another dude’s supply in the process. Misfire may be hopped up on drugs at the moment, but he’s only a bit more put-together sober, so this really is roughly par for the course with him.

Back on the Lost Light, Chromedome pays a visit to Brainstorm, who is currently hanging from the ceiling. Not in a suicidey way, mind you, just in a Brainstorm way.

He wants to be noticed so badly.

Chromedome’s here because he managed to steal Skid’s weirdly forgettable gun back in issue #4, while Skids was busy harassing that bar drone. He handed it off to Brainstorm to try and figure out what the deal was. Problem is, the gun blew up the moment Brainstorm cracked it open, only allowing him to get a quick look at the internals thanks to his super-futuristic robot eyes. All he can really say is that it looks like something that came from The Institute. Back at it again with the ominous proper nouns.

Getting back to the Scavengers, it looks like the boys have set up a little campfire for the evening. It’s a gorgeous night.

In love with the colors this issue.

We get a very brief history lesson that shows us why reducing your workforce to a spreadsheet instead of living, free-thinking creatures isn’t a super great idea, and then Krok drops the bomb on Fulcrum about the war being over. This is pretty wild to Fulcrum, probably because after 4 million years of that nonsense, you don’t really expect it to ever actually end.

Of course, when the impossible turns out to be possible after all, there’s only one question to really ask: who won?

Now, none of the guys really know how everything ended, only going off of the pulse wave that Vector Sigma shot off during the reformatting of Cybertron. They figure it was probably the Autobots, because they’re at least a little genre savvy. Bummer for them, considering they’re technically part of the bad guys. Just ask the campfire.

You know, I don’t think this is what President Roosevelt had in mind when he started doing fireside chats.

And so our location is finally revealed to us- this is the planet known as Clemency. Hey, wasn’t that the place Tarn said their next target was? Man, that really sucks for these guys. Hope they’ve got their wills in order.

Meanwhile, in the medibay of the Lost Light, Rung has another late-night visitor. This guy takes the data slug from inside his thumb hole, thus removing any hope of Red Alert’s fate being found out. Well dang.

Back on Clemency, the boys have made it through the night, and are using the light of daybreak to start scrounging up parts for their super sweet ship, the Weak Anthropic Principle.

Hold on to your butts, because this one’s a doozy.

The Anthropic Principle is based in the school of philosophy, and states that any and all observations about the universe- or any universe, really- have to be fed through the filter of realizing that said universe is only observable because it allows for sapient life to exist and observe it. There are two flavors of this principle; the strong anthropic principle states that the universe has some sort of compelling force which dictates it be able to house life which can observe it, while the weak anthropic principle basically says that the only reason we’re even considering the strong anthropic principle is because we live in a universe where we can.

Now, why exactly Roberts decided to bring this philosophical idea into the fold completely escapes me, unless he decided to, in a roundabout way, poke fun at the fact that we are currently observing a universe we don’t exist in through the magic of fiction- that theory doesn’t hold water, though, because there are still sapient creatures populating the universe of the IDW comics, and even humans at that. I’m curious where he even learned about this. What an odd, confounding tidbit of information this is.

But enough about that, because Misfire’s just seen a cryptid.

He transforms and blasts past Fulcrum and Krok, interrupting Krok’s explanation of what the device he keeps hidden in his fist is for, trying to catch up to the Necrobot.

The very same, Fulcrum, thank you.

Misfire is a firm believer in the Necrobot, while Krok is firmly not. Misfire’s tried chasing down this guy several times now, but he’s not caught him. The Necrobot is kind of like Bigfoot, if he were also a Catholic priest. This go doesn’t prove any different for poor Misfire, though it’s not all bad.

Flywheels’ only purpose as a character is so that Roberts had a stand-in for the word “fuck” for this issue.

Misfire’s found something very exciting, and he immediately calls Krok to bring everyone over.

Everyone’s super jazzed about finding this thing, and they break out the flashlights and break in to see all the fun stuff that’s inside this obnoxiously large ship.

Of course, this is a Roberts story, and we haven’t yet had any sort of scientifically experimental horrors yet, so we’re honestly a little overdue at this point.

But wait, there’s more!

Aww, it’s nice that Fulcrum and Krok already have each other’s contact info.

Everyone regroups and they weigh their options. Misfire fucking hates this ship, and wants nothing to do with it. Fulcrum however, isn’t so quick to throw this entire nightmare bus off the cliff. Fulcrum’s a little weird, and not just because he looks like he’s got a military pack on and no shirt.

Oh honey, you got a storm coming.

As if on cue, Krok starts hearing music, and asks around for a phone. He picks up a transmission from a familiar masked face. Tarn lets the fellas know that one of them has done a big no-no, and if the others hand the transgressor over, he’ll let them watch, because Tarn assumes that that’s something other people are into. Tarn is bad at people. The transmission ends, leaving the boys to panic, and also wonder where the leader of the DJD learned to count, until they find a very special friend deep within the bowels of the ship. The extra life signal, and the only other living thing on the Worldsweeper- Grimlock.

[mothmansfriend]

when i’m happy oh god i’m happy

TW: alcohol abuse, non-graphic sexual content, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self harm (in many forms), drug use, couchsurfing, mentions of delusions and paranoia, otherwise reckless behaviour

Note: this takes place in @illogicallyinclined’s hockey au and is a Prequel this is supposed to represent what Remus’s manic episodes look like everyone is different, but im using a mix of my own experiences with bipolar i and some friends who were willing to talk about theirs, then changing it to fit Remus’s existing Absolutely Feral personality, Jared and Payton are OC’s and teammates of Remus, the three of them are known for wrecking havoc at all times because none of them possess a braincell.

The art studio was empty, filled only by the assorted music of Remus’s sculpting playlist on the bluetooth speaker he brought in, and Remus himself. His hands glide through the wet clay and he basks in the slimy feeling between his fingers. Remus’s hair is held back by a small headband and he is wearing a tank top and jogging pants already covered in various mediums he has used through the day. He does not know where the energy to finish every project for this semester came from but he isn’t about to object.

If you were to look around this studio, there is a high contrast painting of a tentacle creature that is unsettling in an almost unidentifiable way, half of a self-portrait which uses resin teeth as the main element, as well as his current project of a large cup shaped like a decapitated head. In short, while Remus believes these are his best pieces, the chances of the university permitting them to be displayed are very low.

Remus gets frustrated that the music didn’t seem to be filling his inspiration in the way he hoped he changes the song revealing it to be approximately 4am, and no texts received since he sent D a picture if the teeth pile around 10pm.

—

“Can you go wake Remus up and ask if he wants any breakfast, he really shouldn’t sleep in this late, even if it is Saturday” D asks from the stove while Roman grabs his carton of milk from the fridge and doesn’t bother grabbing a cup.

D grimaces at him as he chugs back the milk, once again thankful that they have separate ones (even if that is at fault of Remus deciding to mix apple juice with milk in the carton without alerting anyone else in the household). “He actually headed out like, real early this morning, I spoke to him when I got up for a shower at like six. He said he’d be back today though?” Roman replied ignoring D’s look.

“Well, that’s even weirder. I’ll make extras so he can eat when he gets back, it's already eleven.”

“Sounds good,” Roman noticing D’s almost done slides a few plates next to him and accepts D’s soft ‘thanks’.

Suddenly they hear someone miss the keyhole three times before getting it and entering. Unsurprisingly, it’s Remus inappropriately dressed for a casual outing, surprisingly he seems to be holding several bags full of merchandise. “Helloo roommates! Look what I bought!” Remus shouts, slamming the door with his foot and bringing his bags to the couch.

“Are those... cups?” D asks turning off the stovetop to curiously check out Remus’s merch load.

“Hell yeah they are! I figured since you-” He pokes at D, “Took away all our glass cups after me and Roman went to that last party, I would take it upon myself to replace them. Look!” Remus proudly pulls the ugliest Jar Jar Binks cup out of one of the bags.

Roman visibly recoils as his brother parades the worst cup he’s ever seen around their apartment. D rolls his eyes but collects the cup and hesitantly places it into the dishwasher. “Thank you, Remus, these cups are horrid but they’re functional, which, I guess is good enough. Though, how much did these cost?”

“No idea, probably around sixty bucks total though, maybe. I went to three different thrift stores. Look at this one!” Remus holds up a vaguely terrifying cup that seems like it may have once resembled Spongebob Squarepants to Roman.

“That’s… Great, Remus, thanks” Roman says taking the offered item.

—

The three make it to practice 20 minutes early because Roman likes to prove he’s dedicated and a good captain. Coach Thomas and Joan greet them and Thomas talks to Roman briefly as Joan finishes setting things up. D and Remus do some stretches as others begin to show up, D comments on Remus being shaky and Remus hops around quickly explaining that he just woke up with a lot of energy for some reason.

Coach Thomas reminds Remus to take his time during practices speeding through everything doesn’t work if he keeps messing up before he even makes it halfway through.

—

D is going to kill Remus tomorrow morning. The repetitive sound of the bedframe slamming against their shared wall, and Remus wailing like a cat in heat at 1am is not something he wants to deal with right now. It’s a Tuesday night and D knows Remus has a class at 11am, one that D will not let him skip because he decided getting laid was more important. How does Remus even get a man to willingly enter that nightmare of a room? D rummages through his bedside table for ear plugs and regrets giving Roman the far room so easily.

—

“Jesus- Hello? Do you know what time it is?” The tired voice answers the phone after the third time of going to voicemail.

“Of course I don’t, Jared, I’m not a fucking nerd! I just thought I might extend my offer of filling the fountain in the middle of campus with bubble bath and a swim to you and Payton! D already said if I woke him up he would cut my dick off and feed it to his snake,” Remus audibly pouted at the end of his sentence.

Despite it being three am, it didn’t take a lot for Jared to wake up Payton and agree to meet him just off campus to run to the 24/7 convenience store for soap for the fountain. Remus leads the group in talking a mile a minute about something that Jared and Payton actually missed out on entirely. They try to contribute but realize Remus doesn’t notice when they have their own conversation anyways. They listen to him vaguely flit through topic after topic and get lost and confused in his own sentences, and once the soap is collected, they head to the large fountain in the middle of campus.

The fifth bottle of soap has been discarded and the fountain is sufficiently bubbly by the time the three hockey players strip to their boxers and begin their bath. There are attempted drownings, bubble beards, and the fountain change being thrown around.

At some point Remus stops talking for a second, observing the lithium bulbs through the fountain streams and bubbles floating across the courtyard. For a moment, he thinks he’s never been this happy in his life, these last few days have been the best days of his life. He lets Jared and Payton know this and like stare at him for a moment before teasing him about going soft and a few “I love you, bro” “Dude, you mean so much to me” and such were exchanged. They leave moments before campus security’s due to do their rounds in the early morning and laugh when about an hour later they receive a campus-wide notification to avoid the courtyard for repairs.

—

Remus spends most of practice being more annoying than usual. He gets a bit more of a stern talking to than he has in a while, in response says that he’ll try to do better to prepare for the game this weekend.

—

He did not succeed and got an even sterner talking to by Coach Thomas and Joan, and then by Roman separately.

—

Remus has a brief moment of clarity regarding his spending habits from the last week and a half in the middle of his current project. His solution is instead of buying the club size container of hot sauce, he makes a trip to the Taco Bell off campus. After dropping off the rest of his goods at the apartment, it was pretty late in the evening and he was dressed in nothing but neon green basketball shorts, slides, and a pretty badly stained grey tank top. Thankfully, Florida weather permitted this, though the looks he had been receiving all day disagreed. It likely did not help that if prompted, Remus wasn’t 100% on the last time that he slept, but if he had to guess it was two or three days ago, but that was probably a maximum of five hours. Surprisingly, he had never felt so good in his life. He’s also pretty sure he’s said that a lot this week.

He leaves Taco Bell with a small meal bag full of hot sauce at no cost.

—

D doesn’t ask any questions when he uses the bathroom in the early morning and is met with the sight of Remus in the bathtub. He is covered in a large variety of substances. The floor is covered in Taco Bell hot sauce wrappers, there’s a box full of water balloons of various colours and sizes. Remus waves with his available hand before he resumes filling the current water balloon with what may be a bulk container of banana lube. D pisses, not bothering to ask Remus to leave and just pulls the shower curtain over a little before washing his hands and deciding to figure it out tomorrow.

The next day, D woke up around 10am to a few texts saying some prick is throwing weird water balloons at first years off this academic building on campus. D didn’t think much about it until he was leaving his 12:30 lecture walking past splatters of mayo, egg, egg shells, hot sauce, and more, all separately. While observing the damage he found Remus asleep on some grass outside said academic building and had to call Logan for help to get him home. The two are used to this by now and D reminds himself to tell Remus to clear his ‘great ideas’ with someone containing a braincell.

—

Remus spends a good majority of his day listening to one song in the living room of the shared apartment. He was there when D left for classes, he was there when Roman left a little later in the day, failing to go to his own classes at all that day. The second D returns for lunch Remus is trying to explain a hidden meaning in the song, D brushes it off and reminds Remus, that to pass his classes he has to at least go.

—

This is Remus’s third night out in an area of town he really doesn’t know. He went home yesterday for early practice before coming back out. He knows it didn’t go well.

In attempts to make himself feel better, he blew a guy who’s name he already forgot but was hot as hell, he lost count of the shots he’s done, but at least there’s no practice tomorrow. He doesn’t have to worry about when he goes home, doesn’t have to worry about Roman or D and their weird concerned looks. He’s doing great! Why are they concerned, they just don’t get it.

At 2 am everyone gets kicked out of the club. Remus walks six blocks with his new friends with the promise of couch space to crash on and additional alcohol.

It’s suddenly 4:47 am and Remus is the only one awake and all the booze is gone. He is sitting under lithium streetlights smoking a cigarette on the porch of a strangers house with the humid Florida wind enables him to sit comfortably without a jacket. There is a moment, with sirens in the distance that Remus lets his eyes go out of focus. For the first time in who knows how long, he feels present. There is cracked cement under his feet, a dog barking a few houses down, and he wonders why he’s even here. The hidden Prince twin, here, in a city he has only been to once for a tournament, in a stranger’s house, drunk off his ass, his phone dead. He takes time to wonder, is this fun to him? It has to be right? Why did he just leave without telling anyone? Spending nights on the streets, or finding someone to go home with just so he didn’t have to find somewhere else to sleep. Is this who he is now?

He doesn’t know if he can answer that. Remus shakes himself before putting out his cigarette on his arm and deciding it doesn’t matter.

He still doesn’t sleep that night, but plugs in his phone and decides he needs to go home soon.

—

This is a different club than the previous night, someone sold Remus a few pills earlier and he figured why not? He feels better than ever. He lets the man he’s making out with know that and he lets out a kind of raspy laugh that Remus thinks is the hottest thing. He lets the other man know that too before sticking his tongue down his throat.

—

Remus is in the park yelling. It is almost 6pm, he pauses for a moment, completely forgetting what he was yelling about. He realizes that he is pretty drunk. Remus would normally like to say he only drinks with an excuse, but he doesn’t remember why he’s drunk, or how he got to the park. This isn’t near campus, he doesn’t recognize this park at all. He just stops yelling and googles the next bus to take him home.

—

Upon arriving home and greeting D, Remus falls asleep in his room for almost 12 hours to make up for the missing sleep from the last four days. When he is woken up for food and offered tylenol for his hangover, he tries to tell them he doesn’t have one. They don’t believe him, but he takes the food. Remus makes a joke recalling how the other day all he had eaten was some stale croutons he found in a pantry and half a bottle of Fireball he found in the fridge nearby. The joke did not land, but he was too busy laughing about it to notice.

The three eat their Sunday lunch with small amounts of banter and D switching between who he agrees with based on who’s statement didn’t sound like it came from a six year old. As they clean up, Remus starts excitedly talking about something that’s topic changed around four times in one sentence. Roman feigns interest but got lost and doesn’t care enough; D listens and has to ask Remus to repeat things slower every few minutes.

—

Several times throughout the night, D hears Remus loudly leave his room to check the front door. In the early morning D doesn’t hear Remus return to his room, but faintly hears netflix turn on in the living room.

In the morning, Remus seems wary of the door but does not say anything.

—

One day while messing around in the kitchen Remus is struck with the need to just go. The urge is so strong that the more he stands still in the kitchen the more his body just begins to tremble with barely contained energy. He doesn’t quite know where he’s going yet, but as he grabs his wallet, double checking he has his bus pass and ID, a jacket, his phone, and his keys. Without telling anyone, he walks to the main exchange near campus where he hops on the first bus that arrives. The bus isn’t particularly busy, and it makes it easier for him as he settles into the back of the bus bopping to his music, but not having the focus to listen to a song all the way through. He hits his hands softly on the very 90’s looking patterned seats to the beat of the song, watching out the windows with both legs bouncing. He rides this bus to the end of the line and catches the next bus to arrive at that bus exchange that takes him into a new smaller city. The sun is beginning to set and he finds a pub to grab some food and a few drinks at.

An hour and a half and four drinks later Remus is fighting some asshole in the pub and they both get kicked out. He wanders these smaller streets buzzed and poking at forming bruises while he smokes a cigarette. He walks by a convenience store and two homeless men outside ask him for a cigarette, he shares and spends a solid amount of time socializing with them and gets some booze for his troubles. They eventually part ways when one of them come out from the bathroom with a pack of stolen cookies. The store attendant chases them away and Remus finds himself wandering down empty streets again. Eventually, Remus decides to sleep for a few hours curled up in a stairwell, he doesn’t quite sleep, but does relax. Again, in the sounds of small city life, yellowed flickering light bulbs, and humid wind, Remus wonders why he’s out here.

—

The flashing neon lights and bass heavy music resonate through Remus’s bones like electricity giving him a never ending feedback loop of energy. Just before the club closes Remus sweet-talks a kind of nerdy looking guy into taking him home, while he’s mostly just hoping to not sleep outside tonight, getting laid wont hurt either.

—

Sneaking out of someone’s house before they wake up isn’t something Remus is necessarily proud of, but he doesn’t want to risk them doing something cheesy like make him breakfast. Sorry sir, Remus is a Manic Pixie Nightmare Boy, do not catch feelings, do not use for your own character development. He laughs to himself a little walking down the morning rush streets.

—

After waking up in bed with a man he doesn’t remember meeting the night before is a little jarring, but this is not the first time. It makes him wonder briefly if something is wrong with him. Remus is tired. Exhausted with himself and getting a little tired of this much fun. Instead of finding a diner for breakfast he catches a bus home and asks Logan if they can hang out tomorrow. If anyone will force him to go home, go to practice, sleep and not give him a choice to study or not without expecting him to explain himself. It will be everyone’s favourite Large Nerd. Remus doesn’t know what’s happening or why he feels like this, but he needs to go home and stop this for a little bit.Virgil, D, and Logan will help him get things a little back on track.

[emeraldembers]

Looloo’s Horror Rec List!

Tagging @eatingcroutons​, @monstermonstre​ as requested <3.

SO. I apologise for how long this list took, but as it turns out, I have watched a slightly silly number of horror movies, and with it being such a varied genre, I didn’t want to accidentally rec a bunch of things people would end up hating or spoil the heck out of them during the reccing process, so. But it’s finished now, and I intend to try and keep it up to date as time goes by and I encounter more horror flicks worth watching. I’m also going to stick a little italicised bit after any movies I remember having potentially squicky/triggery stuff in for people who are okay with horror but not That Kind Of Horror.

Behind a cut because this is Quite A Lot Of Movies My Dudes.

- - -

Movies I’m reccing because they actually scared me:

* Alien

Yo, it’s a classic for a reason, and if I’m doing a rec list of horror movies, I’m determined to address all the movies I’d rec, regardless of the likelihood of everyone having seen it already. Fantastic characters who behave believably, the cold cruelty of both monsters and capitalism, slow builds that pay off, it’s just - it’s so dang good, from start to finish, and all the spoofs and parodies and homages in the world will never fully diminish its success as a genuinely scary movie. CW: Soooooo much imagery suggesting sexual violence.

* The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Brian Cox is a frigging awesome actor, and he and Emile Hirsch absolutely and 100% sell you on the affectionate but strained relationship between father and son in this brilliant little flick that makes you root for the leads so hard. It’s claustrophobic and creepy and made by how the leads actually use common sense for the majority of the movie, and while I will admit the ending wasn’t my favourite, that by no means spoiled the film for me. CW: Animal death, references to human trafficking and sexual violence.

* Hereditary

Oh man. This film is absolutely brutal emotionally, one of the most intense (and imho, accurate) depictions of the pain of mourning I’ve ever seen on screen, and the horror happening around all this pain is just... torture. It’s almost unbearable to watch, but I can’t deny how incredibly well-acted it is, or how frightening it is. For quite a few people the ending doesn’t stick - people feel it over-explains itself - but I personally felt it worked. CW: graphic child death, graphic animal death.

* Jacob’s Ladder

This is such a weird and wonderful creation and I am so, so happy that I found it during the height of my Silent Hill fangirling days. It’s like watching a dream - sometimes quiet and comforting, sometimes loud and terrifying, and the movie just has this magnificent atmosphere of paranoia. It’s unlike any other horror movie I’ve seen in terms of it successfully pulling off the nightmare effect (controversial but true, I’m not a fan of Suspiria, though I appreciate several of the works it inspired). CW: Some imagery suggesting sexual violence.

* Kill List

Please, pretty please watch this without spoilers if you can. The less you know about it going in, the better. It’s a slow build, with the first half of the film playing out more or less like a kitchen sink drama with occasional bursts of explicit violence, but the payoff is worth it imho. CW: Mentions of paedophilia, violence against children.

* The Orphanage

This Spanish language flick is tragic, beautiful, and absolutely bloody terrifying on a first watch. It’s the only film that’s ever made me scream in fright, and is without a doubt the scariest movie I have watched to date: CW: Jaw trauma, child deaths.

* The Thing (1982)

God, I cannot describe how much I loved finally sitting down and watching this movie and realising that for all that I had seen the majority of the transformation and body horror sequences in it, it was still scary. Thanks to the sense of paranoia, and how many times you’re left waiting for something to happen, knowing something is about to happen, on a first watch it’s got some truly chilling moments and it deserves its status as a known classic.

- - -

Movies I’m reccing because they may not have scared me but they sure left a lingering something behind:

* Kairo (also known as Pulse)

Pretend there was never a remake because jfc the ball on that one got dropped harder than Vin Diesel’s voice during puberty. Kairo is utterly and completely bleak and depressing but the bleak and depressing nature of it is what makes the horror in it work. Watching the world in Kairo go quieter and emptier over time is distressing in the strangest of ways, and - fun fact - this film gave me one of the weirdest fears of all time, because now I have nightmares about windows and doors surrounded by red tape. As you do. CW: Suicide depicted explicitly and frequently.

* Lake Mungo

This flick and the Marble Hornets series on youtube are the only things I’ve seen using the found footage format that I felt really got its potential. Plenty of movies have had fun with it, and I’m grateful to The Blair Witch Project for popularising it, but a lot of the time it feels like long periods of nothing then suddenly All Of The Things. This one is a lot subtler about building an increasing sense of dread, and handling the subject matter in a way that feels very, very real for once. It’s fab.

* Let the Right One In

The English language remake, Let Me In, is apparently pretty good? But I haven’t seen it, so I’m going off the original here. And it’s a flaming beautiful film. It’s discomforting and its balance of achingly sweet and tender moments with brutally violent moments is perfect. There’s a bleakness to it that might put some people off, but it’s just gorgeous in my eyes, and I’m very, very fond. CW: Strongly implied paedophilia.

* The Mist

This is a perfect example of how you don’t necessarily have to have the best CGI if you have a great cast. I could never watch it again because it left me so shaken and upset at the end, but some of the imagery in it is just astonishingly haunting, like the best entries of SCP brought to life, and I have to commend it for being one of the classiest adaptations of Stephen King’s work to date. CW: Assisted suicides.

* Session 9

This is a bit of a weird one to put down on a rec list because I personally didn’t enjoy it, but I can’t say that it didn’t leave a lasting impression. There’s a sense of discomfort and wrongness that permeates the film, and it leaves a sort of... almost a slimy coating of creepiness all over you by the time it’s finished. CW: ~Creepy mental hospital~ setting, ableism ahoy.

* The Vvitch

I will admit that in retrospect, I do think this is a little overrated, but only a little, aaaaaand also I may as well admit that there is something about Kate Dickie’s acting that I hate. I have nothing against her as a person! I just don’t personally think she’s a good actress. That being said, everyone else in this movie, especially the children, did a brilliant job. It’s an uneasy watch from the start and only gets more uneasy as it goes on, and I love how straight it played its central concept. What elevates it for me in particular though is the ending, which I openly admit I did not see coming, and was delighted with. CW: Child deaths, strongly implied paedophilia.

- - -

Movies I’m reccing because they were just dang good and didn’t fit into the above categories:

* 28 Days Later

Not to be crude but I wish I could turn this film into body butter just so I could smear it all over me. Flawless cast, an adrenaline rush of a movie that I could watch a hundred times and never tire of, and the climax of the movie is straight up one of my favourite endings ever for its heart in throat intensity. CW: Suicides, threats of sexual violence.

* The Babadook

All Netflix categorisation jokes aside, I genuinely adored this movie. The leads are so well acted and I love their characterisation; it also has one of the best depictions of mental illness in childhood I’ve ever seen (second only to the little girl in Don't Be Afraid of the Dark 2010, whose portrayal of childhood depression resonated with me so strongly I couldn’t finish watching the movie). Also, for frigging once, the portrayal of mental illness is sympathetic, and people suffering from it get shown at their best, not just their worst.

* Coraline

To be honest, a lot of children’s movies are more successful at getting a reaction out of me than “grown-up” movies - All Dogs Go To Heaven’s hell sequence still unsettles me to this day - and Coraline is one of the rarities that plays out almost entirely as straight horror from start to finish. As per all things Laika it’s gorgeously animated, and the progression from eerie to nightmarish as the movie progresses is fantastic. CW: References to children’s deaths.

* Dog Soldiers, Ginger Snaps

It might seem an odd choice to pair these two up, but I couldn’t rec one without the other because to me they’re two sides of the same coin - violent werewolf movies with a wicked sense of humour, one focused on the relationships between men, the other on the relationships between women - and because of both the tone and the subject matter, I think Ginger Snaps makes a better pairing with Dog Soldiers than The Descent.

* Get Out

There’s very little I can say about this film that hasn’t been said already; it’s a film that uses humour like a knife, it’s a masterpiece in building discomfort and tension, and every single actor in it is top notch. It’s impossible not to root for the main character, and if you’re not cheering him on at the end, you may want to get your pulse checked.

* IT (2017)

Now this definitely terrified some of the people I saw this in the cinema with - one man peed himself, a woman fled the viewing, and I overheard people talking about smelling poop in the back of the cinema - but for me it wasn’t particularly scary. What it was, however, was moving, and funny, and had fantastic acting from all of the children involved. I was cheering the kids on constantly, and you could really believe their fear of Pennywise. I loved this so, so much. CW: Child deaths including on screen violence against children, depiction of bullying, heavily implied sexual abuse via parent/child incest.

* Pitch Black

It was a toss-up for a while whether putting this on here would be miscategorising it - is it more of a sci-fi action flick, or a sci-fi survival horror? - but based on the majority of the characters not being Riddick I’m going for survival horror. This is the perfect execution of a simple, brilliant concept, and it’s a delight. Plus, it has sympathetic Muslims in space, and I can’t ignore an excuse to cheer for that.

* [Rec]

This is another movie where I’ve heard good things about the English language adaptation but have only watched the original, and oh man, it’s fun. It’s not a film I consider particularly scary, but it has my hands down favourite protagonists of any found footage horror movie, and I love that the constant use of cameras makes sense in this one because it does start out as a documentary gone wrong. Also, the ending is a classic <3.

- - -

Movies I’m reccing but fully acknowledge their flaws:

* Candyman

Tony Todd is the man, dude, and it wouldn’t be right to make a horror movie rec list without having an absolute classic of his up on it. It’s wonderfully dreamy, packed full of that lovely late 80s/early 90s washed out aesthetic, and has one of the handsomest movie villains out there. 

* The Crazies (2010)

Virus outbreak movies are a dime a dozen, but for all that there’s little new here, it’s still one of the better ones, helped by a good cast playing the core group of survivors. Worth seeing if you’re a Timothy Olyphant and/or Radha Mitchell fan, and I love them both to bits, so.

* Event Horizon

A cult favourite with a ridiculously awesome cast (Sean Pertwee? Jason Isaacs? Laurence Fishburne? And more?), this does go over the top at points, but it is such a fun ride. You can see where games like Dead Space drew their inspiration from; it’s visually stunning, and the main characters are frequently (alas, not always) sensible. Also, regarding who dies/doesn’t die, if you haven’t seen it before, I think you’ll be quite pleasantly surprised? I know I was. CW: Explicit depiction of suicide, brief but explicit glimpses of sexual violence, references to child death.

* The Girl With All the Gifts

If you haven’t played or watched someone play The Last Of Us, this is well worth a watch. With the rise of zombies in recent media, no pun intended, it was inevitable there would also be a rise in how many showed the results of a zombie cure, or of intelligence in zombies. Cordyceps based zombies are rarer in media, and The Last Of Us used them brilliantly, but this is a good, solid film, bleak in some ways but hopeful in others, and I loved it. Also, Gemma Arterton is in it (as is Glenn Close, who is fab as always) and there are very few things I would not do for that woman.

* Grave Encounters

This isn’t a particularly good movie, but it is so much fun to play “spot the gif” with; there’s hardly a scene in it, once the ghostly shenanigans kick off, that hasn’t been put into gif format for use alongside creepypastas and the like all over the net. Girl turning around and face melting into blackness? Masses of hands pushing out through a wall suddenly? It’s just fun to spot them. Not to mention that, once in a while, it is fun to see a movie where the main characters are unironically Those White People In A Horror Movie and as such deserve pretty much everything that happens to them. CW: Ableism, ~scary mental hospital~ trope.

* Let Us Prey

This is a flawed film that could have been a great movie if it had been handled with a subtler touch. Some flashback sequences in it are more gratuitous than they need to be, and the end villain is just bizarrely over the top, but overall I love that it’s almost like a British-Irish take on Silent Hill? Liam Cunningham and Pollyanna McIntosh in particular, as the leads, are wonderful in it and bring a touch of class to something that could otherwise have just been a straight up hot mess. CW: References to child death, references to and flashbacks to sexual violence. Also, going to throw homophobia on here, because god knows I’m tired of the Evil Predatory Gay trope.

* Mandy

Placing this one anywhere on the list feels strange because it’s... this odd mixture of extremely beautiful and dreamlike, but also cult-classic over the top to the point of clearly being deliberately funny about it in places. I don’t quite know how it leaves me feeling on the whole, but I do know I absolutely love it. CW: Description of animal death, drugging, sexual harrassment.

* Silent Hill

This isn’t by any means a good movie, but I’d be lying through my teeth if I claimed it wasn’t one of my favourites regardless. It’s just ridiculously pretty, the music (courtesy of Akira Yamaoka being a genius) is amazing, and I will ship Cybil and Rose to the end of my days. Also, Pyramid Head, guys. Pyramid Head.

* Switchblade Romance (also known as Haute Tension or High Tension)

This French language flick is one of my favourite guilty pleasures. Most extreme horror bores me or leaves me cold, but there was something about this one I enjoyed despite it having plot holes you could drive a truck through; the lead actresses are fantastic, and it has some of my favourite uses of music in a modern horror movie. Please be warned though, this one has some very violent sequences, even in the cut version. CW: Child death, home invasion, continuous threat of sexual violence.

* We Are What We Are

This was a very unevenly paced movie, slow in parts and then jarringly fast in others, and some of the exposition felt clunky, but it’s overall a beautifully made movie and I was so drawn to the love between the siblings in this. I really felt like they were a real family, and was rooting for them so hard. CW: Cannibalism, threat of violence against children.

* The Wicker Man (1973, unless you want to watch the remake for so-bad-it’s-funny shenanigans. I won’t judge)

This is up there with Alien in terms of “even if you haven’t watched this movie, you have watched this movie” courtesy of pop culture referencing it every which way but loose, but it’s so worth a watch. I can’t recommend a particular cut because I’ve seen so many I wouldn’t know where to begin! It’s also kind of fun to enjoy it as a musical in its own way - there are so many songs in it that it’s hard not to sing along after a few viewings - and for all that the ending isn’t a shocker these days, it’s still so much fun to watch.

- - -

And a horror-comedy rec list to wrap things up:

* He Never Died

This is a great example of how you can do great things with a threadbare budget if you have a good idea and the confidence to commit to a concept. It is so, so funny, its humour sometimes dry, sometimes black as tar, and I just adored the main character’s absolute exhaustion with the world. I’m trying to sell this one without spoilers, because it’s another one where going in with as little info as possible is a good idea <3.

* Shaun of the Dead

It’s pretty much just the best ode to zombie movies and their inherent silliness that exists, and Simon Pegg is an adorable mess in it.

* Trick R Treat

My favourite horror anthology film by miles. It’s just fun. Aaaaaand the werewolf girls are hot af, soooooo. This also lets Brian Cox join Laurie Holden and Radha Mitchell on the list of people who managed to show up more than once in recced movies!

* Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

Aside from a few tonal missteps - references to sexual violence in the middle of a horror comedy, even if those references weren’t there as a joke, aren’t ever going to sit well - this film is hilarious, and frequently adorable too. Not to mention, it’s always nice to see a big guy get to be a hero.

- - -

Movies I need to update this list with:

The Lighthouse. CW: Explicit animal death, eye trauma.

Us. CW: Description of animal death, child deaths and self-mutilation.

The Endless. CW: Graphic suicide.

Midsommar. CW: Graphic suicide.

[ts-crossroads]

Episode Five - “All In The Spirit of the Game” - Johnny

And the resume has begun. I’m glad I can start to get some moves out of the way earlier so I don’t have to to balls to the wall at merge to prove I’m a player. I’d rather make big moves before merge, make people trust me, and then play a game behind the scenes at merge. I don’t wanna be the big guy at merge trying to make moves to have a shot to win. If I get some big moves done now I can lay low at merge. So let me just be cocky for a second. I take FULL credit for that Bran blindside. Johnny and John were voting Brandon. They didn’t wanna ruin trust with Ryan but I just kept throwing more seeds out there and it fucking worked. You know. I didn’t think this day could get better... but it did my friend. It so, so did. Ryan comes to me and blows Johnny and johns game up. Suddenly I now have so much idol info. John has an idol half, Johnny has an idol. Ryan even told me he’s got a half!! I ended up telling Ryan about my half. I figured he told me all this info. I had to tell him something. I gotta keep this dude close cause he’s my key to an idol. He told me I can have his half when we wanna combine it. My next move is to split votes and blindside John or Johnny. That is the best case scenario. Man I feel at the top of the world. I hope Ned and Dane are doing good. I really wanna reunite with those guys soon. If we can get me ned Dane autumn Haley Brandon and Ryan as a strong 7 we can very easily run the merge. Man I’m playing too far ahead but how can I not? Everything is falling into place. And last night I thought I was doomed if Brandon went home. Suddenly everything has changed. I feel like a king.

I'm kinda annoyed. Woohoo tribal went to plan, but the first fucking second Haley gets onto this tribe one of Stoner, Autumn or BDC were telling her that I saying all these negative things about her. Because I was telling people Haley was very OTT and caused paranoia on our tribe, essentially telling the truth, but also REALLY trying to convince people that the Fatum four wouldn’t be an issue if Ryan, John and I survived tribal council. So then I went to her about it, and I told her the biggest reasons I did it were because I didn't want anyone to suspect that we were close, and I also wanted to mask any thoughts on the fatum four to keep John, Ryan and I safe,, and she was like “I don’t believe what these people are saying because I know how close we are, and it’s just their attempt to swing my vote." And I was like SUREEEEEEEEEEEE...... She should definitely trust me because now i'm 100% sticking Fatum strong, and I am not backing down, because whoever did this really pissed me off, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it and make sure that person goes home! You won't like me when I'm ANGRY!!!!! I really trusted those three too, so it annoys me to see one of those three just jump at the opportunity to throw me under the bus.   I think it may have been Stoner, which would really piss me off to the core because I trust him more than I trust most people, even including some on my tribe. Honestly, stoner gives me a BIG manipulator vibe. Like a BIG one Because he's really good at building those relationships with people and people not realizing he's got that bind with everyone. He's come in 2nd 1st and 12th due to an idol play ffs, so he's clearly good at Tumblr Survivors, and I'm looking out for it AGAIN this time around, because I'm starting to really not trust him, and if I can manage to blindside Stoner if we lose another one, that'd be HUGE for my game. Also, John told me all of this Haley nonsense was going down so big shoutout to my man John. John also said that Bran, after tribal council, swore up down left and right that he never wanted something with Ryan, Stoner and Autumn, which is most likely Stoner making up another lie, and that being the reason we kept BDC over Bran. I get the feel that Stoner would do nearly anything to stay in the game, so I'm just going to continue to talk to him like he's got my trust more than anyone else's, but if we lose another tribal, I might wanna see his snake ass out the door

Ok. So I really don’t wanna lose this immunity challenge. The imperium majority of 4-3 is planning on sticking together but I really don’t wanna vote out Jake, rebecka, or Julia. I was thinking maybe Julia if it came down to it, but I’ve gotten closer to her now and wouldn’t want to see her go. Ugh. Hopefully I can just pull out a win in Simon.

I feel there are so many things to talk about since we've left off, and I've been thinking about so many of them since tribal ended, and I may or may not have forgotten if I made a confessional. Oh well... I'm just getting really over this, and this may be the most pessimistic attitude ever seen in a tumblr survivor ever, but this has really been ruining my night to the core. I have been to THREE tribal councils in a row, and the second the challenge got announced, I got really excited because it's about will power and getting good at challenges, improving your scores, and beating the other tribe in a head to head matchup, but of course, my tribe proceeds with the following: "I've never really played any of these games :/" "Sooooo just so you know ... I am known for getting the worst score in every challenge in my first season. Every challenge was a flash game So this won’t be good for me" "I’ll do whatever y’all want . I’m not the best at flash games" "I'm not great at flash games either. Tetris is my worst" This is from FOUR of the other SIX of my tribe members, to where Ryan is really trying, because he's a comp beast, but of course the rest of my tribe has pretty much thrown in the towel or they think that someone is going to carry them to this victory.. AND THEN OF COURSE in my state of depression of inevitably going to my fourth tribal council in a row, I tried to delegate to everyone what they should do for the challenge, but now this might put a target on my back, and they won't even try anyways, so what's the fucking point? Now here's the absolute worst thing that I am going to say tonight... I just KNOW that if this tribe continues to lose challenges, we're going to vote out BDC, and then probably Autumn, and then if we lose again it might have to be Stoner, and then guess what happens? The Fatum Four make merge woohoo, but we're the obvious targets. We're likely just going to get picked off like old school survivor, like a good ol' pagonging, and I'm about to get fucked. I don't really know what to do, and I'm sure I'll figure out something, but everything since this break has ended has really killed my mentality, and I'm not happy about it. I am fully prepared to lose this challenge, for a fourth straight loss, and then I'm going to have to vote out someone I don't wanna vote out, but whatever. It's all in the spirit of the game. *rolls eyes*

So i told autumn about my half idol. Merge is looming so I need people to know they can trust me going into merge. If it puts a target on my back so be it but I think I can trust Autumn. Ryan also knows about my half but I know about his half as well. I trust Ryan has my back, he seems genuine with me. I really wanna merge. I’ve merged every time I played and I don’t wanna stop now. I think I’m in a good spot. I seem to be good with the johnnies as well with my core 4 (autumn, Haley, brandon) with Ryan as a potential 5th. I am hoping a 3-2-2 split so we can avoid idols.

In the midst of me being all depressed and whatnot of our tribe losing, and knowing we're going to tribal, i get this: On 12/27/17, at 3:30 PM, Owen (Crossroads Host) . wrote: > You have been selected to receive this round's reward!! Here is your reward offer: you can choose to gamble an ANONYMOUS disadvantage to your flash game score, in order to receive a personal reward. If you choose to take the personal reward, your flash game score will be reduced by either 10, 15, 25, or 50 percent - this will be generated randomly. You must submit this decision by the time your score is due (10 PM EST), and you may NOT share this information with ANYONE. It will not be revealed that you have taken a disadvantage, it will just adjust the score shown. So what do I do? I obviously take it! I don't give a fucking shit anymore about this tribal stuff. If the people on the bottom don't want to try, then I'll gladly take a tribe disadvantage to make sure I can get an advantage for me and my alliance members. I would love for a vote steal or something like that.. idk, I'd just be excited with anything at this point. I've got an idol, and a resting idol, and now this, and I know Ryan has a full idol now too, so there are plenty of good things going on right now, but some secrets have to stay with me, so this is good. I should start making a chart with all the information I have saved in my brain because i'm starting to lose all of it LMAO

So I'm just shopping at Target and drinking my Smoothie King when I see a notification from Owen: "You have been selected to receive this round's reward!! Here is your reward offer: you can choose to gamble an ANONYMOUS disadvantage to your flash game score, in order to receive a personal reward. If you choose to take the personal reward, your flash game score will be reduced by either 10, 15, 25, or 50 percent - this will be generated randomly. You must submit this decision by the time your score is due (10 PM EST), and you may NOT share this information with ANYONE. It will not be revealed that you have taken a disadvantage, it will just adjust the score shown." Since I'm already a Tetris god (literally all I did in high school was play Tetris), I think I can risk having my score lowered. Most people wouldn't risk their already rocky connections on a swapped tribe for an unknown personal advantage. https://i.redd.it/ejeax09ea4vy.gif However, I've already TOLD my tribe my highest score- and I won't be home to try to raise it. In addition, nowhere in the message does it say that I am the ONLY person to receive the reward. For all I know, everyone has been given this same temptation, and if I take it, they won't trust me anymore. I think what I'll do is accept the offer, but use the challenge advantage I have stuffed in my back pocket to try and offset the disadvantage's effects. Hopefully this works out well.

I’m so happy we won whew but I’m also very nervous bc I STILL haven’t been to tribal yet (along with 5 other castaways-the original impala tribe members) therefore I’m not standing out whatsoever and I’ve had no chance to strategize or make moves. A FTC speech from me rn would not sound too impressive. I can’t believe we are at final 15 (?) though, that’s insane. Hopefully the other tribe having tribal gives me some time to relax. The break in this game literally ended after I started my Christmas vacation. I won’t be at my house (aka somewhere with access to WiFi) until January 3rd. That’s an entire week from now, so unless I can be excused or given opportunities for mobile play, I’m screwed on a personal level and I’d be putting my tribe at a disadvantage. I feel like I’m not contributing as much to my tribe as the other castaways, but I’m so busy! A few challenges ago, with the scavenger hunt, I sat out. And then this challenge, I was the lowest wager on our entire tribe, betting 1 point. The other tribe put their highest wager of 7 on flappy bird (my only mobile option) and gained 8 points for their tribe. It didn’t do anything, since we still won the overall comp 41 to 15, but still, I hate that me and Jake were the only ones not earning points for our tribe. I don’t know if the rest of the castaways look at me like that. And it’s a tricky time period in the game, because if they do, it could make them think in 2 different ways. The first would be negatively, because if we want our tribe to be strong and win, we don’t want someone bringing down the win streak, or the second being positive, because I won’t be a challenge threat when it comes to individual immunities post merge. Hopefully (if I’m still here by then) I can turn things around on them and show them I’m here to compete, but for now, I have to do the best I can with the resources I have. I also am excited about this coin advantage I received! I’m excited to see what it is. I hope it’s something big like a half idol, bc I’m pretty sure ned has the other half (?) I can’t actually remember. I hope the other tribe votes off an impala member. I know that sounds awful and I have been going back and forth for a while on it, but getting down to the end, I can’t be compared to 5 players with the same pre merge game, it’s not impressive to a jury. Between Chris and autumn, I’m torn. I have no relationship with autumn so her leaving would not hurt me at all. BUT even though I’m close with Chris and semi trust him, I know he has won and he has been playing hard this game. It’s tough, which I guess is why I’m glad Fatum is choosing it and not me. But if fatum doesn’t choose one of them, it’s their own faults if impala sweeps through merge and dominates the rest of the game. I still can’t believe all of us are here. And they have only had a few opportunities to get rid of us, but with how powerful we are, I’m really surprised they haven’t taken any chance they could. “They” being fatum members who were not original impala. I don’t know what Julia, rebecka, or Jake would do, but I really don’t think they would turn on each other. Not without a fight at least. 

Tag urself I'm me accepting a reward getting a disadvantage on my score that no one knew about and still winning it hehehehe my reward was a coin idk what that means this game is a doozy I don't have any allies I'm literally just here for the ride I guess wow 

BDC[12/27/2017 11:16:33 PM] BDC: I’m about to either make a big move [12/27/2017 11:16:38 PM] BDC: Or get myself voted out [12/27/2017 11:16:48 PM] BDC: We shall see [12/27/2017 11:20:07 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): :O [12/27/2017 11:20:08 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): what is it [12/27/2017 11:20:31 PM] BDC: Well first I just need  to talk to Ryan [12/27/2017 11:20:44 PM] BDC: And see if we can mend things [12/27/2017 11:21:34 PM] BDC: If we can, I know Ryan Johnny and Coffey are close [12/27/2017 11:21:43 PM] BDC: I wanna blindside stoner [12/27/2017 11:21:52 PM] BDC: For fun [12/27/2017 11:22:06 PM] BDC: And that og tribe hasn’t lost anyone [12/27/2017 11:22:19 PM] BDC: Like him or autumn has to go [12/27/2017 11:22:45 PM] BDC: John and Johnny saved me last round so maybe if I save them this round it’ll be even [12/28/2017 12:19:14 AM] BDC: I lied [12/28/2017 12:19:17 AM] BDC: Fuck Johnny 

I.... feel like I do so much acting on this tribe and play all sides. The guys are cool or whatever but at the end of the day I just want to go survive and see my original alliance aka Mystery Inc be reunited. Am I crazy about Chris' split vote plan? Meh cause the last split vote I did wreckt my game #athenahimalayas Do I care about saving Brandon? Not as much as I care about staying alive myself. Am I here for blindsiding John and Johnny? Not really but my loyalty is already spoken for I keep telling myself that I'm protecting me, Ned, and Chris rather than ruining other people's games. I'm a savage with a heart so I'm not exactly tribal material because I get caught up in mercy and pleas but also strategy and big moves. I actually have better relationships with John and Johnny than I do with Ryan and Haley BUT I don't see a future with John and Johnny. I think we've done all we can for each other and I believe me, Brandon, and Chris are preparing to go the distance. Chris is coming up with plans while Brandon actively secures relationships w/ Haley and Ryan so that the 5 of us can work together. Meanwhile John and Johnny are just asking me a bunch of leading questions. I JUST WANNA TALK TO NED AND BE BACK ON IMPERIUM!! FATUM ONLY KNOWS HOW TO FLOP AND THATS NOT APART OF MY BRAND BUT IM STUCK HERE http://media0.giphy.com/media/D3ggX9iWqOHza/giphy.gif

*Skips to another idol search* Owen: Johnny, would you like to insert a coin? Johnny: Hold on lemme ask my consultant. *Johnny runs to Andrew bae* Johnny: Hey Andrew, I have this coin that I got from a random person one hour ago, and now Owen wants me to insert a coin into a dead arcade machine to either get a prize or punishment. I have a 1/10 chance of getting a half an idol, but it's made public, or you get a a challenge advantage/disadvantage, blah blah blah, should I take it? Andrew: Meh. You can only play in a main so many times, so ya might as well. Worst thing that happens is you find a half an idol and they announce it publicly *Johnny inserts coin, gets half an idol, Owen announces it publicly* VDFJKLSNVJKLSNDFJKLNSVDJKLNFJKLNVJKLSVDNSNDFJKLVNSJKLDFNKJLVSFDSNVJKDFNSJKLVNSDFJLKNVSJKLDNVJKLNSDJKLFNVJKLSNDFJ WELP! I've got another half of an idol, and boy oh boy I wish people didn't know about this one. Here's my big dilemma here. Haley has previously given me a half an idol to form a whole one, so i feel I'm the biggest asshat in the world if I don't give her this one, but at the same time, I'm still sitting on this egg, where if I survive another two tribal councils, then something is going to pop out, which can be a good thing for me, and I'm really NOT trying to give that up, especially if the thing that pops out is a half an idol, because I would love to have two. It'd be a Survivor Dream come true, but I also don't wanna get too carried away. I think if Haley brought it up, I'd end up giving it to her out of .... y'know, not committing Survivor Suicide and pissing off an ally, plus I think this thing I'm sitting on in this egg is an advantage like a special idol, and it may not even be a half an idol, who knows? But I still wanna play every situation the best I can, so time will tell how this all pans out. I'm sure i'll write more neurotic confessionals about idols as time goes on until I find out what's in this STUPID egg! All for now! TA TA TA from Johnny xoxoxox 

DAMN! I have a lot to say.  I will start with last round because I got too busy to submit a legit confessional.  So I came into this new tribe completely frazzled and on the bottom.  I had Bran from my OG tribe who never spoke, Coffey who I voted out of a game like 3 years ago, and Ryan who I also voted out of a game and put up for nomination a couple rounds prior. So to put it nicely...I felt FUCKED!   But luckily my angel is on this new tribe.  Chris is my savior.  We had exchanged snapchats back during round one and he was the person I had talked to most that round.  So I put my entire game in his hands.  He definitely took control of the round and made sure he had Autumn, Coffey, and Johnny on our side.  This was easy because Bran came off CRAZY from the get-go. He was trying to pit everyone against me the entire round without even getting to know anyone first - which comes off as shady.  I, on the other hand, just got to know everyone on a personal level so when it came down to the vote, they WANTED to keep me over Bran.   I may have taken a back seat in this new tribe in the strategic aspect but I definitely did not stop my social game.   When the votes came out, the plan all worked out and Bran was vote out.  At the same time, Johnny and Coffey voted Bran and lied to Ryan all round which fractured that relationship.  I made sure to message both Coffey and Johnny directly after the vote to literally bow down to them and thank them for saving me.  I pretty much told them that I owed them my life. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHEZ! What an eventful holiday.  The entire family came together for a Christmas feast.  Obviously, the feast was nothing but dramatic.   Sitting at the head of the table was Chris because he thinks he's the old, wise father who can survive anything.  He is the most respected member of the family and literally everyone goes to him with advice and ideas. Next down the line was Autumn.  She is the only daughter to Chris and his prized possession.  She will do anything for her father and does not like when anyone talks bad about him.  She is definitely a daddy's little girl.  She is also a charmer; she is the sweetest girl you will find in the neighborhood. Next to her was me, Brandon.  I am the husband to Autumn and the son-in-law to Chris.  I managed to pick up Autumn when I moved into the neighborhood and it was love at first sight.  I also became fast friends with her father.  However, I am greedy and Chris is quite rich so I am pretty envious of his position at the head of the table.  There is nowhere I would rather be. Sitting right beside Chris on the other side of the table was Ryan.  He is Chris' youngest son and Autumn's brother.  He left home right after high school and never turned back.  He loves his family but he separated himself from them.  During the holidays, he tries to make mends which usually lasts for a month tops after the new year.   Right beside Ryan was his new girlfriend Haley.  This was Haley's first time meeting the family and she made quite the positive impression.  The entire family loves her almost as much as Ryan does.  However, not the entire family is quite as loving and accepting. Next to Haley was Johnny.  He is the first of the twins and he doesn't really get along with the family.  He tries to keep things on the down low by lying about his issues but they run very deep.  He had a flask in his pocket throughout the day so he could drink away his problems.  He stole money from Chris and tried to get Autumn and me divorced last year.  The family doesn't like him very much...they tolerate him. Finally, at the far end of the table was John, the other twin.  He is the nicer of the twins.  He tends to keep to himself and not really take sides.  However, everyone knows he will fall on the sword for his twin brother. ~~~~SECRET SANTA~~~~ Following Christmas dinner, the family headed outside to compete in the 66th annual neighborhood Christmas games.  We all tried to come up with our best strategies but we lost to the rich family next door.  (They win every year). So right after the loss, we all headed inside to do Secret Santa.  It was quite the tradition.  It was also quite shady because not everyone got something.  First was Chris.  He was given a disadvantage in the upcoming family game night.  Haley then received a huge advantage granting her half safety.  I received two disadvantages.  Finally, Johnny received half safety. ~~~~GAME NIGHT~~~~ In preparation for family game night, the family began to strategize (things got serious at game night).  Tired of the twins' antics, the entire family decided to put aside their issues to turn on the twins.  However, afraid of the advantage, we decided to make it look like nothing was wrong and that everyone was actually targeting the two new family members.  If everything works out the way they should then Chris, Ryan, and Haley will side together, myself and Autumn will side together and one of the twins will be the loser of Game Night. BDCFor real though, I have worked very hard this round to set myself up in a better spot.  I am the only one left from my tribe on this new tribe now that Bran is gone which puts me as an easy target. The second we lost, I messaged Chris and told him that we should create a chat with Autumn as the core three of the tribe.  I want Chris to continue to believe that I am his slave in this game.  I am the Natalie to his Russell.  He will not see me as a threat as long as I bow down to him.  At the same time, I made sure to message Haley and Autumn about their days.  I want to continue to work my personal connections with the girls so they trust me and like me.  The biggest news of the night though is that me and Ryan called and hashed everything out.   We agreed to put the past behind us and actually work together to get out the two people who are playing the game way too hard and being way too shady - Coffey and Johnny.  They saved me last round, but now they are after me for some dumb reason...don't come for me!!! So if everything works out the way I want it to, the votes will be split between the two Johns and one of them will be gone.  I am personally hoping to see Johnny leave because he is ~SHADY~.   As far as the game is concerned, I think I am setting myself up to be in a pretty okay position come merge.  I am probably perceived from the other tribe as being on the bottom because I am the only one left from my OG tribe.  I am perceived as having absolutely no power because of my strategy of bowing down to everyone's feet.  Plus everyone thinks me and Ryan hate each other so now that we are semi working together, that will help both of us make it further. I am hoping I can at least make merge at this point because I have tried really hard to solidify my relationships which will definitely come in handy at that point.  Hoping for the best, expecting the worst - like always!

I’m still shook that I haven’t gone to one tribal this season. Like. Whoa. But it also sucks a little cuz I’m not going to have as firm as a grasp on who is loyal to me and who isn’t come merge. But still. Being safe is pretty nice. 

I'm getting really nervous for tribal. No one is giving me straight answers. Stoner and Autumn said they wanted to vote for BDC way too quickly for  my liking. Haley has BARELY spoken to me since she's gotten back on this tribe, and Ryan hasn't spoken to me period since tribal council. I think I'm just going to tell Haley i'm giving her the half an idol I got last night, but waiting until after tribal, just in case, because I have no idea what's going to happen, and maybe if something is happening, she'll be more inclined to keep me because I haven't given it to her yet, and then if I make it past this tribal I think I'm going to give it to her. Tbh, she's the reason I have a full one in the first place, so it's only right of me to give her one too. I just wanna survive this round so bad because I'm feeling paranoid, and getting that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach i don't like getting in games premerge, but it's happening. oh well. only time will tell

STOP JOHNNY STOP!! YOU'RE BEING SO STUPID! Idk why I'm being so paranoid because like ..... this tribe is so easy. No one is going to do something that RASH this early in the game, and now I'm just getting the CRAZY PERSON EDGIC VNDFJKSLNVJKLDSFNJVKLSNDFJKLVNSJDKLFNVJKLSNDFJKLNVSJKLDNFJKLNSVDJKLNFJKLSNDVJLKNSDFJLKNVSLJKDFNVJKLSNDFJKLNVSDJKLNFVJL It's cool. i'm breathing again. After talking to BDC, he said it seems clear that him and Ryan are going to be targeting each other for their final showdown, and i'm ready for it. I just have this vision of me at tribal council, and then a Johnny pops up on a parchment, and I'm going to go home and cry, and I don't like crying, so I'm preventing that from being a possibility. We'll see. I just need to sit here and just wait and let people run around to figure out if it's BDC or Ryan. I'm hoping this is all truth and honesty right now. I don't see this many people turning on me this quick for no reason, and now that I have an idol CONGRATULATIONS OWEN YOU'LL BE GETTING THESE KINDS OF CONFESSIONALS FOR THE REST OF THE GAME

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=heew_FCZGLU

So, after last tribal Bran and I were blindsided with Bran leaving 5-2. Leaving me on the outs. So I go to Stoner and tell him everything I know. That the John's are using Haley, that they have 1.5 idols, that they were so messy on the last tribe we were on. I call Haley, we talk the second she came back. She literally told me Johnny PMd her while we were on call that "it's okay Ryan's not around right now" when I was around all day and night! It took a day for Coffey to PM me and two days (on Christmas dinner) for Johnny to PM me. So fuck them. I call with BDC tell them that they're targeting him, and it works since they're not actively talking to BDC anymore. Coffey gives me his idol half which lol I'm still going to fuck you over. So Haley/Stoner/BDC/me/Autumn and I decide to form a 5 person alliance to get Johnny and his idol the fuck out of here. It's probably not the best move for merge coming back I've felt so empty this game, like I already won and recently and I can't put so much effort into this game... but now I found my motivation, which is revenge. Love you as a friend Johnny but you don't fuck with me and I don't follow anyone.

my tribe won again twirls nothing much has happened really no game talk since we haven’t lost yet so um goes back to playing my switch 

i got half an idol in my pussyyyyyy @cole 

Well this round I definitely felt like I was going to be at the bottom coming back since I didn't really have my tribes trust. Turns out that I'm actually in the numbers and Johnny is so fake he thought this would be an easy vote this round but he's at the bottom. I'm just happy to have the fab 5 which is stoner, Ryan, bdc, and Autumn.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N2Kr9Qmhe3Q

It’s a FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC feeling to have a hidden immunity idol in possession. I have my safety net. Even better, Johnny gave Haley his idol half to earn trust... we’re one half away from a SECOND idol. Ned had his half from before swap so I could very bring these two halves together, and then I’ll know where another idol is. The plan is for Ryan, Haley, and myself to vote Johnny. If an idol is played, we have Autumn and Brandon voting John. It’s foolproof IF no one flips. And the only person who would possibly flip is Ryan and I quite frankly don’t see that happening. Unless  he’s playing me but I just don’t see it happening. He’s leaked so much info to me since last round. If by chance John and Johnny both play an idol, they should be voting Brandon... so I’m safe either way :)

Based on the abundance of people looking in the storybook this round, I think it's pretty clear that the "personal reward" was just a coin. I ended up not taking the temptation, because I quickly realized that it was offered to everyone, and I didn't want to look sketchy or avoid losing immunity. Regardless, I already had a coin, and I ultimately decided not to use it because I don't want to put a target on my back by accidentally rolling a public advantage. Seriously, the second Owen started screaming "HALEY HAS A HALF IDOL" and "BRANDON HAS A CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE" my brain just went: https://media.giphy.com/media/DdQJi7npuyvPW/giphy.gif Sam and I have also gone back and forth recently talking about how much we love each other. I really do think we have a lot in common and I think she's an amazing person. It's just... the only other time she's ever said such nice things to me, she backstabbed me that day. I'll keep her handy as a possible side ally, but unfortunately, there's literally nothing she can do to make me trust her again. I guess we'll keep up this fake front of "You're my best friend!!" until one of us blindsides the other, and I just have to make sure I'm the one who strikes first. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aTZsB3eg8_g/TnZgu37177I/AAAAAAAAAwQ/XfuJAgWQmOU/s1600/staceysurvivorsleep.gif Right now, my goal is just to win out until the merge and really start playing hard once that happens. Even then, not doing anything until the merge and riding to the end in a solid onion alliance probably won't net me the win, so I need to risk it for the biscuit and make sure I'm the one calling the shots.

WHY DOES THIS TRIBE SUCK. Why is fatum cursed. What did we ever do to DESERVE THIS?! Last round Johnny and I blindsided Ryan and I knew I would have some damage to fix. I talked to Ryan the next day and he was very upset that he was the only one to do what he said he was going to. I sent my half idol to him in order to let him know just because I voted against him then didn't mean I was against him. Haley came back, which is exciting yet scary. Idk what she's going to do or if I can fully trust her again yet. I got on call with her and she said people have been telling her johnny was going around calling her crazy. I am also a bit guilty of that because I told people about the nicole vote. I'm just hoping people aren't going to sway her because she could be easily swayed by someone like chris. We lost by a landslide and this vote is looking like it's Brandon vs ryan. Frankly I am terrified. Stoner says he is going to vote for Brandon but I'm terrified that haley might flip or Brandon could play an idol. This seems too easy. I'm hoping all goes our way tonight 

Well fuck this, I'm out. I saw this coming and just didn't play my idol, and I'm sure they were all SHAKING in their boots because of it too. The cast was boring as fuck, none of them are people I think I wanna be friends with after the game, except for John. Thanks for having me. Ryan is an overemotional cunt who needs to get outside and stop playing games. I play a game every three months and now I think it's safe to say I have very few left in me, and I'm glad this game happened to give me that closure.

So Bran got voted out and I’m so conflicted. On one hand I’m really sad because Bran was going to be loyal to me as being a fellow hunty of his, but on the other hand I’m glad he’s gone so now I can be more of a free agent. The only thing holding me back from being completely free is Ryan. He’s a huge competition threat and if people don’t get him out he will steam roll the merge. Also side note on this tribal: I have yet to converse with Brandon but I already know I don’t want to. His fucking introduction into the game was extra, his voting confessionals are extra, he is so extra and not even in the cute way. He uses “💁🏻‍♂️“ unironically and I want to throw up, our arsenic into it, and eat my throw up just thinking about it. ANYWAYS!  I’m immune again and honestly I’m getting really bored. Invite just tapping my feet doing challenges and waiting for the merge where I can finally socialize and strategize and fuck up my game like usual. I think I’m considered one of tumblr survivors worst players but this season I’m here to prove to myself and everyone else that I will play a game that will get me the win, it may not be flashy flip-floppy ways like the old days, but I will win.