#dude just wants to know what happened to Janey

[yformaldehyde]

He's into making pre-war references because it confuses the hell out of new people. As a walking encyclopedia, he aims to stir a little nostalgia for a time most of the people he deals with have never had the privilege to enjoy, and also catches them off guard juuuust a little to gain himself a couple of seconds to compose himself for his next action.

[papakhan]

Episode 1

Fuck it, I'm gonna do it anyway. Here's all the notes I took when watching episode 1 of the godawful fallout tv show. enjoy. I'm gonna run through this with notes I made while I watched the show so formatting might be kinda weird, I haven't done anything like this before so bare with me. I will try to explain things as if you the reader have not seen the show. This is gonna be very long and heavy on the hate and the spoilers.

Content warnings:

rape

incest

gif of the fight scene violence

self harming

Things I liked:

Vault Dwellers reusing the same wedding dress and everyone who'd worn it writing their names on the inside. that's sweet

"don't lose your head" vault poster during a firefight

Johnny Cash

I like Brotherhood Clerics but they totally fucked up the ranking system

The vault dwellers just painting over the blood on the walls

Horses are canon now

Goofy wasteland urban legends like "a feral ghoul does not abide a chicken"

That's literally it. Now it's time for everything else. I'll break it down into character bits since that's what the show does

Cooper

So Cooper Cowboy ghoul man is divorced and he's at this birthday party in I'm guessing Hollywood overlooking LA. It's a beautiful sunny day :) Bare in mind that in this scene the nukes drop so Bethesda has already fucked their own lore of the nukes dropping at 9:40am in Boston would mean that it should be 6:40am in California. Sunrise in California in October is 7am, btw. So already we're fucked. Real "design documents are a waste of time" behaviour on display here.

Anyway, nuke goes off. Now let me ask you something. What's one of the most infamous things about nuclear bombs? The flash, right? A nuclear explosion is bright enough to blind a person. Fallout 4 understood this, at least a little, where the flash of light from the bomb would fill your screen even if you weren't facing it, which is how nukes work. Closing your eyes in the face of a nuke would be pointless because the light would pass through your eyelids. There's even reports of people who held up their hands to shield the light and could see THEIR BONES THROUGH THEIR HANDS. That's how bright they are. They are horrifying weapons of mass destruction.

The nuke that hits LA is not a nuke, the flash of light on Janey's face (cooper's kid and the ONE SINGLE PERSON who notices a NUCLEAR FUCKING BOMB) is more akin to a camera flash. again. she is the only fucking person who notices a nuclear bomb go off, everyone else at the party is distracted by a TV of all things.

In the time between the ""flash"" of the bomb here's everything that happens before Cooper and co feel the shockwave

Janey notices the pathetic flash and looks up.

She holds up her thumb in the "vault boy" way

Cooper comes out of the house and walks over to Janey

He crouches down beside her and says some bullshit along the lines of "i got some cake for my favourite cowgirl"

Janey says "was it your thumb or my thumb?"

Cooper looks towards the source of the nuke and slowly stands up, watching it for a moment

He says "that's just a fire janey" as the smoke unfurls into a very obvious mushroom cloud

He realises that it was not. just a fire

then they get hit by a shockwave

This takes almost a full minute and none of the segments is supposed to be slow motion. Listen I know that light moves faster than sound and heat but come on. It's way too slow and also. dead fucking silent. also the shockwave comes before the mushroom cloud but who cares.

Anyway cooper gets on a horse with the girl and rides off down the road in the direction of LA. good job dude.

I've already read up about yknow who it was who wanted the nukes fired and I know that it was Barb who wanted the nukes dropped on America for?? vault tec profit??? so uh. why did she let Janey go to a birthday party with Cooper?

Lucy

x3 Incest jokes may not seem like a lot but it was 3 too many for me. I hate the "good karma" noise that played when Lucy got arranged married. I said I liked the vault poster of "don't lose your head" but I hate the way Lucy keeps getting her inspiration from Vault Boy I'm sorry but its annoying and dumb to me. Interconnected vaults in LA is also. dumb. you're telling me The Master didn't notice these fucking things? you're kidding. Look at it, it's not even hidden in a cave or anything its just out in the open.

Way to retroactively make the Master look like a moron, though I know they do this to Mr House later on. ugh.

Her intro makes it sound like she's supposed to have Tagged Skills in repair, speech and science but she displays none of this in the later episodes I have seen, in fact her speech seems like utter dogshit so what was the point in introducing her in a "game protag" way if none of that was gonna get used later?

Anyway, lets get onto the raiders. If you know me, you know I love raiders. They're a cool and interesting critique of individualism and "might makes right" and also aesthetically just kind of fuck.

Now, knowing what I know about Moldaver and her being the current ?leader of the NCR remnants, that implies that the people she has led into Vault 33 are former NCR citizens or soldiers, right? right?

So the ""fall of shady sands"" according to the show is 2277 and yeah sure okay that's during new vegas' time and sure okay right todd howard promised that this didn't de-canonise fallout new vegas. however. it's 2296 meaning it's been 19 years since Shady Sand's.......decline. and 15 years since New Vegas where we last saw the NCR. And i know that the NCR aren't exactly the good guys To suggest that in less than 20 years the citizens of shady sands have been reduced to Bethesda-style raiders who:

Are unable to use utensils such as knives and forks

Can't grow crops

Don't know how to use cups

Will rape a woman, wipe his dick on a curtain, and then try to murder said woman

Shoveling fistfuls of cake into their mouth during a firefight

Threatening a pregnant woman

In another episode one of these guys is interrogated/interviews and shows their asshole to the guy talking to him.

is fucking ludicrous

Anyway Monty looks like Jerma

RIP

Anywayyyy how come only Lucy's pipboy picked up on the radiation from these outsiders huh? everyone else was wearing a pipboy during the wedding, they sat next to each other, those geigar counters would have been going off. what? they had them on silent out of respect of a good Christian wedding? if you try to convince me that's the explanation I will eat your liver. Bethesda raider style

anyway no.2 girlypop (lucy) straight up pulls a knife out of her wound which is medical petpeeve no.9394328 for me but then its immediately resolved by a stimpak. I hate how stimpaks in the show are used exactly how they are in the game. I was under the impression that it was a video game mechanic and not how it actually worked in the narrative. What's next? Jet gives me extra action points or some shit? I'm so tired

the fight scene sucked. the choreography of the raider guy shooting a vault dweller through the head of another vault dweller just kind of looked like shit and seemed impractical, clearly just there to be like WOAH THATS COOL it wasn't cool it looked clunky and weird. do not fucking tell me that fallout is supposed to be clunky and weird I will kill you.

the doors cutting the raider in half was also dumb since its been routinely established that the dull and ominous "thunk. thunk. thunk" heard deep in the bowels of a vault is a door that's trying to close but there's something stuck under it, if they could just slice a whole man in half then they could cut through a table or skeleton in game. Also irl I'm a health and safety officer and that moment made my toes curl. lol

It jumps from Lucy to Max and then back to lucy but I'm just gonna continue talking about her shit here. quick fire round because I've been yapping too long already

Her little brother looks way too old to be acting like a teenager this much.

Chet (Lucy's cousin and ex boyfriend. gross) wants to come with her thank god he doesn't

why doesn't she give a shit about the sky

Why doesn't she give a shit about the ocean

Maximus

"stupid blimp is back" is at the very top of my notes, lol. anyway I still don't understand where they got this thing from

Latrines made out of stacks of tires is so dumb. like I cant even explain how dumb that is. surely rubber has better use for that. surely. just shit in a hole in the ground like everyone else please for the love of god

I know the twist with Daine and let it be said, having your first on screen transgender character cut themselves with razors to get out of the military is not, in fact, Bethesda trying to be on the side of transgender people, it is in fact them making fun of us, okay? do we understand?

hiding baby max is a fridge made me so angry I blacked out. do not remind me of "kid in a fridge" ever again.

Anyway Bethesda finds it so difficult to keep the BOS consistent to the point that they are all so different from each other with little to no explanation as to why they've changed so much. In fact it feels like to me that at some point between fallout 3 and fallout 4 Bethesda has totally mixed up the BOS and the Enclave, since now the BOS hate ghouls for no reason and want to colonise the wasteland. This is just that again. Once more, no design doc behaviour.

Quotes from the BOS i think suck ass

"Duty of the Brotherhood of Steel is to secure the wasteland"

"Flesh is weak by steel endures"

"Violence is a tool we use it to bring order to the wasteland"

When Max is getting interrogated for being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors, mentions "send me to Eden or wherever" and it confused me so much. The only Eden I knew about was John Henry Eden from Fallout 3. Turns out I think what they're trying to reference is New Eden a BOS base from. Fallout Brotherhood of Steel 2?? of all fucking things?? really strange I can't imagine what else he could possibly be referencing though. This is literally just thrown in for the loreheads and I hate it.

Anyway after being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors and also failing his classes Max gets a promotion! this is not explained. They also brand him which people a lot smarter than me have discussed at length about why branding a black guy on screen in your fallout show is a bad idea. Read it here.

I don't really understand why the BOS all do shit in latin now, I know some of them had latin names in fo1 but IIRC Frank Horrigan of the Enclave was the only person in the og games who spoke latin. it feels like Bethesda wanting to capture the interest of people who liked the Legion. maybe that's a reach but given how much right wing propaganda is in the coming episodes I wouldn't put it past them.

Cooper again

I am not calling this idiot The Ghoul that's fucking dumb. what like he's the only one? ever? dumb. whats up with him being buried huh? did Todd not want to tell Nolan that ghouls arent actually zombies and arent actually undead? that just wanted him to jump out a coffin because oooh spooky zombie. honestly just kill me.

My notes: "Don't tell me the ghoul is in that grave I can't take it"

this guy gets dug up once a year and gets pieces of him cut off and put back?? why? for what purpose? how is he down there without eating or drinking? is it a kid in a fridge moment where ghouls don't need to eat or drink, well he drinks a whole lot of water in episode 3 so that's afucking lie. get real. the glowing IV? what is that??

the yodelling is really gonna piss me off, isn't it.

Not him ending the episode on the same quote he said to his daughter. whatever.

Rating: 3/10

[pesterloglog]

Jake English, Dirk Strider

Page 47

JAKE: What in the flibergating fuck!

DIRK: That’s not a word.

JAKE: Dirk!

DIRK: ‘Sup.

JAKE: Am I still dreaming? I have to tell you my dream hangovers are not usually nearly this bad!

DIRK: I wasn’t going to say anything, but holy shit, dude. You’ve really let yourself go.

DIRK: Not to say the sloppy drunk look isn’t working for me, because it absolutely is, but come on, man.

DIRK: You passed out in a puddle of your own drool. And what the fuck is that on your face?

JAKE: My face? What do you mean on my face?

DIRK: The moustache, Jake. Who’s idea was that.

JAKE: Oh! You dont like it?

DIRK: I didn’t say that.

DIRK: Point is, you are a fucking wreck, and no amount of well-maintained facial hair is going to be enough to hide that. Not from me.

JAKE: Now see here buster you dont know the situation. You havent been here!

DIRK: We’ve had this conversation before, dingus. I’m you. And I’m me. But I only exist because of your powers. The fact that I’m manifesting here, in the new universe, outside of a dream, is evidence in itself for just how absolutely boned you are.

DIRK: What are you doing? There’s a war happening. All of your friends are out there fighting, and you’re just here, what...dusting?

DIRK: Taking care of a house that nobody actually uses?

DIRK: You’ve been a useless sack of shit for two decades. I’m here to kick your ass back into active duty.

DIRK: You’ve spent years feeling sorry for yourself, totally convinced you made the wrong choices and that it’s all over. And it’s easier that way, isn’t it? If you’re a lost cause you don’t have to try to be better.

DIRK: But you do want to be better. Remember all those dreams about adventure? Life? Love? Remember when Tavros was born and there were so many things in this world you wanted to show him.

DIRK: Beautiful things, Jake.

DIRK: But none of those are going to come from sitting around playing house-husband to your ecto-son.

JAKE: Well what do you propose i do if youre so gosh-darned brainy!

JAKE: Im a cracking good marksman and no slouch when it comes to fisticuffs but what good am i in a war??

JAKE: Ive got some panache but i can hardly hold my own in the face of an army!

JAKE: And what side am i supposed to be fighting on? for jane or against her?

DIRK: Against her. Obviously. What the fuck, dude.

JAKE: But you were the one who wanted her to run in the first place! You wrote her bloody speeches!

DIRK: Yeah, I did. And every single one of them kicked ass. I wanted Jane to be the democratically elected president. Not a cake-slinging Jeff Bezos with a great rack.

JAKE: Jeff who?

DIRK: Don’t worry about it. The point is, you have a chance to make a difference. You’re in the perfect position to infiltrate her operation.

JAKE: Like...a spy?

DIRK: Don’t try to tell me it doesn’t appeal to you. Sexy little suit. Slicked back hair. A bunch of weapons hidden in unlikely places. We’re both liking this idea more and more.

JAKE: Ahahaha well i do look fetching in a cummerbund.

JAKE: Wait! No! You tricked me with thoughts of spies and hijinks and two bros against the world!

JAKE: I left janey! Theres no going back now! She isnt exactly the sort to live and let live you know.

DIRK: That’s horseshit and we both know it. Jane would take you back in a second. She loves you.

JAKE: Psshaw. Not to be maudlin brain ghost dirk but jane hasnt cared about me in a very a long time if she ever did at all.

JAKE: I thought you knew everything i do.

DIRK: There’s a part of you that still hopes. You can’t help it. You’ll never be able to help it. You’re going to hope for a brighter future until you’re in the ground.

DIRK: Better you than me, honestly. Sounds exhausting.

DIRK: You’re going to do this, and we both know it. So why are we even still arguing?

[brawltogethernow]

a while back you said that you don’t think mj is cis, and that you have specific scenes informing that idea abt her.... do u mind if I ask what are the scenes? and what’s the gender diagnosis? 👀

I don’t have a concrete conclusion, just a vague impression and a habit of getting out my phone at five a.m. and texting my brother stuff like, “I feel like MJ would try out the label he/him lesbian but like, primarily on a personal Twitter account profile.” But yeah, she has two recurring traits that inform the bulk of this for me.

The first is her habit of inserting herself into traditionally masculine roles. I figure the writers were probably gunning for an exaggerated/comedic level of feminism. (It didn’t all age perfectly, but the other women of the cast were already written as feminist.) If you think speaking up for equal rights is cool, wait until you see...MJ try to singlehandedly destroy the gender binary? In practice you get this theme where MJ observes dubious male-coded behavior and then instead of going, “Stop doing that,” goes, “I am also going to do that.”

We see her take the reins of a date more than once on panel to literally go, “Wait, let’s do some very traditionally gendered date shit. And I am going to be the man.”

Physically taking Peter’s key to open his own door for him in ASM 136.

Playing out the ancient ritual of carrying his books for him in ASM 141. Both times she lampshades this as chauvinism and dramatizes the problematic subtext of how these are supposed to go down. In 1974 when these were published I’m pretty sure book carrying as a courting ritual was already considered a dated, cheesy trope living on only through media.

I wish guys pathologically trying to get the door had gone the same way, buuuut. Sigh. But personally, when dudes slow down our travel progress by stopping me and then making a big production of opening a door for me, I follow their lead by slowing us down even further and refusing to go through the door until after they’ve gone through, and when I’m with dudes who are not trying to do a gender at me I full stop don’t think about these behavioral habits unless a recent encounter has left me twitchy. But I don’t get a hit of gender euphoria from doing man shit, and MJ...might?

What other interpretation of this is there, really? Preemptively punishing Peter to get in ahead of it just in case he comes over weird and traditional on her, three in-universe years into their friendship? Nah, she’s literally just having fun with genderplay.

Also... Peter going along with it but very visibly not Getting it with a single bone in his body... RIP. Or not, because this read intensifies the ways MJ acts as a foil for Peter and Gwen by contrasting their traits.

Gwen’s way of addressing gender stereotypes, to have a point of contrast, were more along the lines of calling Peter a chauvinist when he tried to make decisions for her, and jabbingly cheerful reminders that she was a cute blonde girl and a science major.

The second trait is weaker evidence but still, like...noticeable? And less dismissable as a kink thing. That being MJ’s recurring tendency to parse emotionally complex situations happening to other people by zooming in on one of them and going, That one is the me of this situation and analyzing through that lens. Her pick is always a dude. If there are four women and one man, she’ll pick the man.

^literally recollecting her own sister’s divorce by her deadbeat husband, who if anything she should be comparing to their deadbeat father

SSM 96, ASM 259, ASM: Parallel Lives

This could just be the writers themselves overempathizing with men and discounting women! It’s definitely not deliberate. But also, there are lots of other women in this franchise, who don’t do this as far as I can think of. There are lots of women in these parts of MJ’s story who she is deliberately compared against, like, the Bechdel test is being passed.

And yet, most times I can recall where MJ compares herself to women are explicitly aversive, like how she’s terrified of ending up living a life like her mother’s.

Parallel Lives, incidentally, is wild, because it is simultaneously going “here’s how a man and woman met and got married👫” and dishing a condensed Mary Jane backstory that has every single “the one queer relative” marker. Young Mary Jane, inexplicably different from her family members in an ostracizing but decidedly stylish way, finds her mother and sister’s insistence she follow a normal path through life re: romance and relationships “suffocating” and generally existentially abhorrent. The only one willing to humor MJ is her unmarried aunt, though Anna's support is in the form of optimism about MJ’s potential within the expected romantic paradigm. Simultaneously MJ’s sister, whose trauma as a child of a bad marriage is identical to MJ’s, does hit all the life path checkmarks people expect to see from MJ. Okay. MJ’s main emotional conflict is literally: “A man: Is that my father, or is that me? (These are the only choices.)” ...Okay.

Bonus points granted for self-identifying by the gender-neutral nickname “MJ” over other nickname options that were available if she just wanted to ditch her uncool two-part first name. (Dubious for obvious reasons but we know her father calls her “Janey”, for example.)

Off in some other area of the great gender blob, MJ performs femininity with deliberate, studied exaggeration, and has clearly sampled what she likes from the chocolate box of womanhood and thrown out the rest. Citations: Literally every scene she is in from her introduction up until at least the 90′s Clone Saga.

What does any of this mean!? I dunno. Smells genderqueer tho.

[janeyseymour]

Silly Streaks

Someone had the idea that Jane makes all of the other queens break on stage because in an interview, the broadway queens said that Abby made Brit break a lot, and Brit and Sam both voiced that Abby is really funny, so uh... have a broadway SiX fic?

When the queens were out and about, each queen had their own place. Catherine of Aragon strutted confidently down the sidewalks of New York City, often leading the pack because she wasn’t afraid of the hustle and bustle of the city. Anne Boleyn was often bouncing between the front and back of the herd, trying to convince Aragon or Seymour to let her going into the M&M store or the Hershey store. Jane Seymour stuck to the back of the group, making sure that each of her fellow queens was in front of her. Being almost a head taller than some of them had its advantages. She was almost always able to catch Anne as she tried to sneak into the candy store for the millionth time that week. Anna of Cleves was often at the front of the pack too because she walked very quickly despite her lack of height. She wanted to be fit, lunge-walking almost anywhere she went. She also was not afraid to use her voice and ask people to “watch where they’re going because you really just almost trampled me”. Katherine Howard was more on the quiet side and wandered somewhere in the middle of the pack, airpods in and music blasting. Cathy Parr also found herself in the middle somewhere because she was just quiet. Never wanting to bother a soul, she let herself stay in the middle because she knew the first or fourth queen would clear the way for her while whoever was at the back didn’t mind the occasional shove they might get. 

When the queens were being interviewed, it was about what people expected. Catherine spoke with as much regality and elegance as you would think. She wasn’t queen for 24 years for nothing. She almost never spoke in slang (aside from the show). Anne Boleyn was always referring to more current things, and even showed off that she knew exactly who the “Spice Girls” were (“Anne, what the hell is a spice girl, and what kind of recipe would I even put it in?” Jane asked one day out of curiosity. “Oh Janey,” the second queen laughed. “They’re a band that came out in the 90s.” “Oh,” the blonde remarked, just a bit dumbfounded as to why they would name themselves after cooking ingredients.) Anna of Cleves had her own way with words, catchphrases of hers becoming quite apparent. (“Dude that’s sick!” “Punch it out! Punch it out!”) Katherine was a feisty one. She spoke with words that dripped with sarcasm, but she was never too rude about it. She offered her thoughts when asked, but for the most part she just played with the end of her ponytail. Cathy Parr was a quiet one. She spoke carefully; her syntax was impeccable even if she did stutter and stumble over her words every once in a while. She was not quite as graceful as her godmother, but she certainly wasn’t like Anne or Anna. And Jane Seymour, perhaps the quietest of the group, watched the others speak with a bright smile on her face- a clear sign that she was so proud of her girls. When she spoke, it was to agree with the others or express her gratitude for the support. Rarely did she add in her own thoughts other than “We are just so humbled by the love and support from the Queendom”. Occasionally after another queen would speak, she would quietly add on a “Yas Queen” or a simple “Preach”. 

Little did the Queendom know that the most reserved queen was actually the funniest when the cameras or spotlight weren’t on her. This came to light during a few interviews.

“Hey guys, a fan account just asked if we’d go live to do an interview with them? Are you guys all down?” Anne bounced out of her bedroom. The other five were quick to agree, so here they were. All settled down on or in front of their couch, laughing as the teen asked them questions.

“Okay, so who is the funniest queen?” All of the queens aside from Jane glanced at each other with knowing looks before the first queen spoke up.

“Okay, so we’ll let you in on a little secret. We know the queendom thinks that the funniest is probably Bo-loser, but it’s actually Janey.”

“I- What?” Jane sputtered out. “I’m not that-”

“Don’t listen to her guys,” the green queen laughed. “She’s hilarious.” Jane opened her mouth to object to this statement, but Kat beat her to it.

“You know, we all have our silly days, but when Jane does, it’s amazing. She’s like, always just like,” Kat giggled slightly. “saying that one thing under her breath, and maybe you’ll hear it, but not everyone will hear. And when you do hear it, you’re like ‘Jane what?!’ She is so funny.”

“Seriously though. Seymour makes me laugh on stage all the time. She’ll like, pop an eyebrow when I break and just go ‘baby’ before continuing on with whatever she’s doing. Or like, right before the curtain goes up for the beginning of the show she’ll say something that has me dying laughing. I have to like, get it together before my first line.”

“I had no idea you guys thought that way,” Jane admitted quietly, a small blush creeping up on her face.

“That’s hilarious,” the interviewer commented.

One night, a few days after the instagram live interview had taken place, the girls were on stage when something happened. Anna’s fake nail popped off.

“What the-” the fourth queen muttered. Instantly, Jane was behind her murmuring under her breath.

“Wait, I got you,” The third queen, feeling particularly silly that night, leaned away from her microphone for a minute and turned upstage before popping one of her own nails off and throwing it off stage.

“Jane what the-” Anna began to howl with laughter to the point where even when her microphone was held away from her face, the sound was being picked up.

Jane quirked an eyebrow, her eyes sparkling with a glint of mischievousness. “Baby,” she mouthed.

“Jane!” the red queen only continued to laugh, directing the attention towards her and the third queen. 

“Uh, guys? I’m kind of in the middle of my roast right now, so if you would let me continue, that’d be-” Katherine was cut off by more of Anna’s laughter. 

“I-I-I-” the fourth queen tried to catch her breath. “I’m so sorry. Seymour is just-” At the mention of her name, the blonde blushed. “-My nail popped off, and she literally ripped one of her own off. Who the hell does that?”

“Oh my god,” the other four queens started to laugh, as did the audience. 

“The magic of live theater?” Jane offered with a shrug of her shoulders. “So sorry Kat, you can continue now.”

“And Jane, dying of natural causes.... When will justice be served?” Katherine threw her hands up in exasperation, much like she did in every other show. Tonight though, Jane was still feeling a bit silly. In turn, she rolled her eyes like she did so often before retorting, “When will justice be served?”

The five other queens bit back a laugh before Katherine repeated her question. The two went back and forth a few times before Jane snorted, “Okay love, move on. We’ve beaten this joke to death.”

“What the-” Anna began howling again.

“Everyone notices Jane can’t dance!” The green queen exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with joy as she made this joke. The blonde had tripped a few times this show, once landing her on the floor in a heap. 

“And Anna can’t keep her fingernails on,” Jane chose to fake-scoff back instead of going about her stammering.

The queens had gone about finishing their show and heading to stagedoor as usual when Jane was met with a swarm of fans she usually didn’t find herself in. Most people normally flocked towards Katherine or Anne, fan favorites of the show. 

“I, uh, hi?” Jane waved awkwardly at the fans who were crowding her, not that she minded. Sometimes, it was nice for the docile queen to be recognized for being a bit more chaotic.

“Jane, you were so funny tonight. I don’t know how you thought of that stuff so quickly, but it was truly gold.”

“Oh that’s just me having the brain capacity of an onion,” Jane muttered to herself, but the fan in front of her picked up on it.

“I-” the fan laughed. “What does that even mean?”

“Did I say that out loud?” the blonde face palmed herself.

“Can you please write that on my playbill?” Another fan who heard laughed.

From that day on, the third queen would allow herself to voice her thoughts a bit more freely in the show; none of the other queens minded. It was nice to show the queendom that even in the stereotypes they had been placed in for the show, they were real people. Jane may have always been known as the quiet and most demure queen, but every once in a while, she released her inner chaos. And you never knew what was going to come out of her mouth.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

It’s always fun jumping into a movie I know next to nothing about, and this requested review for Wes will be no exception. All I know is that Girls Just Want to Have Fun is an 80s teen romp with the worst photoshopped cover photo I’ve ever seen. It looks like Michael Scott put it together. I know it stars girls, AND I know what those girls want. That’s half your narrative battle right there. So do they achieve the fun they seek? Well...

They do! A lot of weird shit happens along the way, but yeah, fun is had and that’s all that really matters. God, 1985 was a simpler time. I mean, I know everyone was living in constant fear that the Russians were going to invade Kansas and we’d be faced with a neverending nuclear winter, but in the face of all that existential terror you also get movies where the entire pitch is “So there’s this girl (Sarah Jessica Parker) who wants to be a dancer on tv, but her parents don’t want to let her. But she does it anyway! And her partner is chosen for her and, boy, they do not see eye to eye. But then they do! And they have to practice a lot. And then they win the dance contest!” 

You know some studio exec heard that and screamed at his secretary to hold his calls for the day so he could sign the contracts and then do a mountain of blow off them. 

Some thoughts:

It’s so weird to see Sarah Jessica Parker without curly hair! I was never a Sex and the City fan, so my exposure to SJP is purely Hocus Pocus based.

This dance sequence over the credits is incredible. Why do we not have shows anymore that are just a large group of young attractive people dancing in sync? No host, no dialogue, just the power of dance. I was born in the wrong decade. I would have appreciated the shit out of the 80s when I was alive.

Poor Helen Hunt - she must be one of those people who always looked like she was 35, even in high school. Granted, she was 22 when this was filmed and she’s playing a teenager, but still. 

Helen Hunt is wearing dinosaurs in her hair. 80s fashion was on a wavelength that I don’t think any of us living will ever see again.

Omg this rich bitch (Natalie, I guess? She’s not named for at least the first 30 min of the movie) had Claire’s closet from Clueless 10 years before the movie existed! This is already groundbreaking.

NOW SHE HAS A BUG ON HER HAT. A big plastic green grasshopper. This review is mainly going to be about the insane things Lynne (Helen Hunt) wears.

Speaking of - I’m getting big lesbian vibes from Lynne Stone and I am so here for it. The homoerotic tension when she acts like she’s gonna fight the rich bitch? Delicious. The immediate intimate connection she makes with SJP? Practically U-Hauling. 

I love an 80s dance montage, and this movie promises to contain basically nothing but that tied loosely together with some nonsensical dialogue in between. This is gonna be my new favorite movie. 

Ooh Nestle Quik syrup! I forgot about Nestle Quik. 

Favorite line: “There is a time and a place for calypso music, young lady.”

Ohhh I see what this is gonna be - Janey (SJP) is a classically trained dancer and gymnast, and Jeff (Lee Montgomery) is more of a rough and tumble music video kinda guy from the streets. You can tell cause he’s got a motorcycle and a leather jacket. And he wears cutoff sleeves! He’s a white guy in Chicago, who could be more street than that? And they’re butting heads! How will they ever be able to make it work for the big dance contest??

How did Natalie know Janey’s phone number? She specifically said it was unlisted. Unless she remembers it from overhearing it offhand after the dance tryouts...? That’s insane, I can’t even remember what I wore yesterday let alone a 7-digit number someone shouted in a crowd.

Lynne Fashion Alert: Is she wearing a belt made out of bullets? And a Davy Crocket hat. This is galaxy brain lesbian fashion. If the costume designer for this movie didn’t win 10 Oscars...

The music director on the other hand...not sure what is up with all these weird KidzBop covers of excellent songs like “Dancing in the Street” or the titular “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” but if you’re gonna include them, you gotta spring for the originals. This is just sad. 

I’ve never been at a party with an ice sculpture. I think that’s how you know you’re among the rich. 

Whatever happened to Jonathan Silverman? I miss when he was the nebbishy sidekick in every 80s movie. 

Who enters a party by catapulting through the damn window?? Punk does not mean that you no longer know how to use doors, sir! 

Who serves a full roasted turkey at a party? Is this how rich people live? This feels like the equivalent of using Google translate to identify rich people food in another language, then translating it back to English. 

Lynne Fashion Alert: Now I think she has space shuttles in her hair.

Wow we got a real 1-2 punch of sexual harassment in this club. Who wrote this Tune in Tokyo gag and was like “You know what would be hilarious? If this shitty little nerd convinced this girl to raise her arms so he can just grab her boobs full on, front and center. And then she gets upset and runs away. God I’m good at this *snorts another line*”

Lynne Fashion Alert: Now it’s two globes (like, two Earths) with crab claws on them? This is a choice that I don’t understand, but I think I may just not be seeing what it is clearly. I am digging her mirror sunglasses though. 

I know Janey is smart but when did she learn how to hotwire a security system? It’s not like Google or Youtube existed, and I doubt there was a library book about how to dismantle that specific system. MYTH BUSTED.

Oh god oh no I’m so gay for these Dixon sisters from Kansas City, these two gorgeous black women in tuxes and spandex leotards. They 100% should have won this dance contest. 

Why did guys stop wearing crop tops? Can we bring back slutty quarterback as a fashion trend for dudes? Seriously, the costume design here is everything. 

I really love Jeff and his little family - his sister and his dad are so proud of him and supportive. You never see that in dance narratives featuring guys. I like the reversal here of gendered expectations.

Did I Cry? No, but my heart was warmed at various moments. 

Honestly, why can’t more narrative arcs in movies be solved via dance battle? 

Lynne Fashion Alert: She’s now dressed as...Cleopatra? Wait why the fuck is there a horse here? 

Oh that’s it that’s the end! Man, you can’t be mad at a tight 90 min film like this - it gets in, it gets out, bing bang boom you’re done with enough time to read before bed. 

Is this a cinematic masterpiece? No. But is it good clean fun? Absolutely. Barring the brief [obligatory 80s] sexual harassment scene, there’s very little to be upset with here. Kids wanna dance, they’re told they can’t dance, they dance anyway! It’s the power of dance! You’re either into it or you’re not, but if you’re not, I ask that you search your heart and try to find one teeny tiny sliver of joy inside it. You’re gonna need to feed that joy if you wanna make it through 2021, and watching this movie is a darn good place to start. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[janeykath318]

All I Want For Christmas (Shieldshock)

When are you going to finally tell him?” Jane hissed at her assistant, whose eyes were following the departing figure of one Steve Rogers with a great deal of admiration, leaning into thirst. 

Darcy immediately turned her gaze back to Jane, affecting ignorance. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said primly. “Who wouldn’t admire The Star Spangled Hunk With a Plan?” 

Jane snorted. “That was more than the average “admiration.” I know you better than that.” 

Darcy huffed and affixed her gaze sternly on the screen she was monitoring, hoping to discourage Jane from any further conversation on the topic. It was absurd. She was just another casual fangirl. It was perfectly natural. Who didn’t have a slight crush on Captain America?

“Ohh, Janey!” She exclaimed, glad for a diversion. “I think you’re gonna like these readings! We’re getting some good data here!”

Science quickly took over and Jane completely forgot about her matchmaking interests for the ensuing thirty six hours science binge! 

When it was over Darcy dragged Jane to bed, and stumbled blearily towards her own room, soon falling into blissful dreams of a blonde haired super soldier.

She woke with a gasp after a particularly vivid dream where she’d swooped her up and kissed her hard, heart fluttering wildly.

“I’m in so much trouble,” she groaned, burying her face under the pillow and willing herself to think of something—anything else!

When she and Jane had first moved into the tower, the only residents they’d met had been Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff. Both were badass and very fun to hang out with. As for Steve Rogers, she’d seen him mostly from a distance when he’d been talking to Tony in a lab or working out in a gym. 

The first encounter was in the spacious kitchen that most of the Avengers shared. Darcy was searching  for some ingredients for her famous banana waffles when she came face to face with a very bedraggled, bruised, and battered Captain America.

“Dude!” she’d gasped out. “Are you okay? You look like Thor took his hammer to your face.”

He’d smiled weakly, then winced as if it hurt to use any facial muscles. 

“I’ll be okay. S’already healing. Looking for an ice pack.” 

“Lucky for you, we’ve got a fair selection. Clint and Natasha use them a LOT.” Darcy rummaged in the freezer and found one, which she offered to him. “This work?” 

He’d accepted it with a grateful look and a quiet “Thank You.” 

“Rough mission?” she asked, sympathetically.”

“That’s an understatement,” he’d said wearily. “I’m sorry for disturbing you, ma’am. I’m going to go sit down before I fall down. Thanks, again.”

With that he’d excused himself and limped away, leaving Darcy a touch concerned, but also, wowed. 

The next time she saw him was sopping wet, stalking through the halls with a murderous expression that made Darcy scamper to stay out of his way. She’d never seen Captain America make that expression before and it was rather terrifying. Someone was about to get it. 

“Hey, Cap! Who pissed in your Cheerios?” Tony yelled as the angry soldier passed them. 

Steve stopped dead in his tracks. If looks could kill, Tony would have combusted on the spot.

“Are you responsible for this, Stark?” He said through gritted teeth. 

“No, but I wish I was,” the reckless Tony replied cheekily. 

Seeing Steve really was about to lose it, Darcy stepped in to intervene before things got out of hand. Cap wasn’t the type to get mad over a simple prank, so she guessed whatever it was had to have been very thoughtless. 

Stepping back into his path, she gave what she hoped was a winning smile.

“Don’t mind him, Cap. He has no sense of self preservation or tact. If you promise to not kill him, I’ll help you track down the real perpetrator and get revenge. I am an excellent prank detective.”

For a moment, he stared at her like she had two heads, then the frown started to ease and his shoulders relaxed. He wiped at his wet face and sighed heavily. 

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have let it get to me. It’s…..been a…….rough day for me and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. I really don’t like ice water, especially when it’s randomly dumped on my head.”

Now it was Darcy’s turn to frown. The poor man had been frozen for seventy years and this stupid prank had probably triggered him. 

“Yikes, Dude!” She said with a wince. “This calls for teaching a lesson, alright. How about you get into dry clothes and meet me in the lounge? We can start plotting. I think I may know the idiot who would have done this.” 

“Sounds like a plan, Miss….”

“Lewis, Darcy Lewis,” she finished. “And You’re Steve Rogers?” 

“In the flesh,” he confirmed, with a crooked little smile that was all kinds of cute. 

“Well, Steve, I hope you’ll trust me when I say you’ll never have to worry about this kind of thing happening again,” she said firmly. “Just ask Tony what I did when he messed with my coffee supply.” 

She gave her most evil, villainous grin, which made Tony shudder and Steve smile. .

Her dastardly plan was successful enough that Steve was left well enough alone and though he never told her what had been bothering him so much, she did a little searching and the tidbit she found made her ache for the man again. It was the anniversary of the day he’d lost his best friend. 

Darcy commenced Operation Be Kind To Steve shortly after, which involved leaving funny notes in the common areas, making sure there were regular deliveries of his favorite Apple Crumble Pie, and regularly greeting him cheerily when he stopped by the lab. 

After three or four months of this, she was quite smitten and wished she had the guts to ask him out, but with the fall of Shield and Steve’s search for The Winter Soldier, the timing was all wrong. So, she continued to worship from afar and expanded Operation Be Nice To Steve to include Bucky as well. 

Steve, who was looking much happier these days, had been sent by Natasha to inform them their presence was required at the upcoming  Avengers Karaoke night: Holiday Edition. Darcy had instantly accepted for both of them, causing Jane to sigh and try to probe Darcy about her crush. 

After three more science binges and sleeping for twelve hours straight, Darcy was more than ready for some fun. She put on some very flattering dark jeans, a glittery green top, and very long gold dangle earrings which she only wore when she was on “the hunt” so to speak.

Jane grinned knowingly at her and gave her a thumbs up. 

“Go for it, girl!” she encouraged. 

Darcy flushed and headed to the bar to get a drink for courage while Tony crooned Blue Christmas badly. As she sipped her drink and covertly eyed Steve, a familiar redhead joined her. 

“Well, is tonight the night you complete your wooing of Steve Rogers?” Nat asked with a knowing smile, looking over at Steve, who was talking with a shaggy-haired man that Darcy guessed was Bucky. 

“What would give you that idea?” Darcy said coyly, crossing one leg over the other and acting like she was totally chill.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the way you’ve been doing all those nice things for him, and the way you can’t take your eyes off him. Plus, you’re wearing the earrings you only wear when you’re trying to land a man.”

“It’s really annoying to live with so many spies,” Darcy huffed, taking another sip of her drink. Nat laughed. 

“If it helps, he’s been looking at you the same way,” Nat told her.

“Really?” Darcy asked, trying not to sound hopeful or excited.

“Really. I hope you have a good song picked out.” With a wink, Nat slipped away from the bar and strode onto the stage, where she proceeded to bring the house down with a killer version of Silver Bells.

Darcy was glad she didn’t have to follow that up, because, wow! 

Clint ambled on stage and delivered a mocking rendition of “Last Christmas” that had everyone doubled over laughing. His ridiculous falsetto and facial expressions were priceless and Darcy forgot her nervousness in laughter. 

When Clint had taken his bows, Darcy approached the mic and told JARVIS her song selection. Boldly, she locked eyes with Steve and sang right to him. 

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need, 

I don’t care about the presents 

Underneath the Christmas Tree.

I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know, 

Make my wish come true, 

All I want for Christmas is you!” 

It was hard to see a reaction at first, but as she repeated the verses again, still looking at him, comprehension dawned, and his blue eyes grew wide, his cheeks started to flush, and a smile appeared that almost took Darcy’s breath away. 

Oh, wow. 

Had he just smoldered at her? 

“I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you!”

Before she’d even finished, he was on his feet and heading toward her. She could hear the other avengers giggling and whispering, but tuned it out once he got close. 

“Was that for me?” Steve asked.

Darcy’s face grew very warm under his searching gaze, and she slowly nodded.

“Yeah. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I just had to get it out there,” she said, heart in her throat. 

Steve looked at her and she looked back, mesmerized by his expression. 

Then, he bent down and made her dream come true by kissing her very decisively in a way that made her knees weak and left her in no doubt as to whether the interest was mutual.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” She gasped teasingly when they’d pulled apart. 

Steve nodded. 

“I Uh…..have been wanting to say something for awhile,” he admitted. “But I kept chickening out. Bucky here will tell you I’m no good at talking to pretty gals, and you are downright gorgeous.” 

Darcy’s heart fluttered at his compliment.

“You’re off to a pretty good start so far,” she told him, with a flirty eyebrow waggle. “How about we get out of here and find someplace more private?” 

“I’d like that,” Steve agreed, still holding her hand. 

[ask-the-party-god]

Ask The Party God - Timeline

the pre-terezi-gang timeline post is here

height references over here

hi, im jade! everyones favorite party goddess and trans doggy girl~ but you already know that! if youre reading this, it means youre interested in learning more about my reality, because paradox space is fucking weird like that and you cant really be sure all the time

as far as im aware, everything up to the point where we beat the game happened without deviations from the alpha timeline? so this is what rose has talked about as a ‘terminal timeline’, or ‘post-canon’, or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean

we got to earth-c, and i settled in the troll kingdom because trolls are cool, dave and karkat were in the neighborhood, and the caverns are close by so i can visit rose and kanaya speedily as well! i still do have my old tower out on an island, with my workshop and garden, but i almost never sleep in it, too far away and isolated from everyone...

then one day i found this old active server in the furthest ring keeping tumblr active and i thought, hey, why not have some fun? ;D

as for the others...

my darling sis june egbert! she lives in the consort kingdom, but has been thinking about relocating elsewhere lately! she went through a rough patch right after the game, unsure of what to do and full of all sorts of doubts and questions, but shes doing a lot better nowadays! specially now that terezi is back, shes been a lot more peppy and hanging around with the lalondes particularly!

rose rose rose rose~ happily married to her wife kanaya, duh, but that doesnt make her any less of a flirty cutie! a while back she got really sick for a bit, and weve been keeping an eye on her just in case it happened again, but its been all good ever since! she helps kanaya at the caverns a bunch, which makes her schedule busy busy... and you didnt hear this from me, buuuut words out on the street that she and kanaya may be warming to the idea of having a kid! <3 well see how that goes!

one cool dude~ daves a little bit of a shut-in honestly! and honestly i dont blame him? he must be tired after all the timeline and time travel shenanigans, so he spends a good chunk of his time hanging out in his and karkats house! hes kind of awkward about opening up with feelings and stuff, and ive been trying to nudge him to be more open for a while! but with all the craziness thats been going down lately, and more people coming and going and getting together, hes starting to consider things he hadnt before~ hopefully, some specific someones? ;)

janey! my uh... ecto-mom, technically, although we see each other more like cousins than anything else! she still owns crockercorp, but ever since jasprose has been around, she has been spending a lot more time at home and just hanging out with her friends, which really, sounds a lot healthier than the big business thing she had going on a while back! she enjoys teaching me baking stuff, but doesnt have much patience for my decorating skills ;p

grandpa! and grandson technically, hehe, jakes kind of a weird case, hes a mixture of a shut-in, a celebrity and an adventurer! he can spend up to weeks at a time without leaving his manor, but then hell have full weeks of interviews and hiking, and thats not to say anything of when he and dirk put out another episode or two of their dumb comedy talkshow... hes often busy with stuff, but hes still a good pal and can clear his schedule in seconds if we need him for something!

one sweet nb dude! rox really is... something else, really! fun to tag along at a party, fun to chill at home playing games, fun to talk about more serious stuff and open up with him, he really is just solid as they come! hes been hanging out a lot more with june since she got out of her depressive slump, but sometimes i wonder if junebug finds weird to get flirty with roxy, considering im pretty sure we made out in front of her at some point or two... hehehe

dirk! if daves a bit of a shut-in, hes a shut-in times two, which is weird because youd think someone stuck in post-apocalyptic earth for so long would want to hang out more? not to say he DOESNT, though! hes around jake often enough, and keeps close to jane, roxy and dave specially! we dont see each other too often, but we HAVE been messing around with robots and planning out to upgrade our respective self-bots for funsies!

aradia! we only met briefly in dreams for the longest time, but i knew already that she was a riot! she came with terezis group after she finally found vriska, and seems pretty happy just... kind of... being around and watching shenanigans ensue! i actually dont know where she lives, but she drops by occasionally, because im apparently pretty ‘fun’... cant say i disagree ;)

sollux is blind, and not dead, and WILL kick you in the shins if you keep prying about how exactly he ended up like that, which is fair enough! he spends a good chunk of his time with aradia, and im not sure if theyre dating or not...? but hes been around the other trolls a bunch! specially kanaya, apparently theyre good friends that go way back! i guess they both DO style their hair similarly, with the side spike thingies...

the other half of the dave-kat duo! swooooon~ really though, i cant remember the last time i said “dave” or “karkat” without talking about the other shortly after... buuut theyre just roomies, and hell get awkward and grumpy if you even so slightly IMPLY otherwise, despite the fact everyone knows they fall asleep leaning against each other during friday movie night! roooolling my eyes~ with the rest of the living trolls having arrived, hes been a lot more willing to go outside, which im glad for! its healthy to get some fresh air from time to time, and specially hang out with friends!

oh-la-la, miss maryam-lalonde herself! kanayas the matriarch of the caverns, and quite the busy gal, having taken it upon herself to supervise her entire species reproduction and well-being... in my opinion, she needs a good vacation from time to time, and to be less of a workaholic! >:o ive been helping her occasionally in the caverns, and as of late weve begun trying to mess around with ectobiology for some troll-human crossing experiments with... not good results so far... but hey, rome wasnt built in a day!

terezis back, yes! after spending YEARS out there looking for vriska, she managed to find her and come back, the madwoman! personally im not sure why anyone would go to such lengths for... her... but also, its not my bond, not my place to speak, she obviously really loves her a bunch! with vriska no longer lost in the middle of the furthest ring, shes started to catch up with everything going on with earth-c, and i think shes really going to like being around! specially with how much june and the rest have missed her ;)

troublemaker extraordinaire herself! shes... well, shes vriska, im pretty sure she stole that eyepatch from sollux? so you just know she up to no good already >:/ speaking of her eyepatch, im not sure WHY shes wearing it? whatever kinda wound she got, she doesnt like mentioning it, despite bragging about defeating english at every chance she gets! terezi says they found her popping in and out of consciousness in the furthest ring with some messy wounds, and that shed probably been hovering out there after the fight for years... doesnt seem to have humbled her in the slightest <.<

callieeeee! theyre super sweet and wonderful but also really shy and awkward! they live with roxy but manage to outdo dirk in terms of shut-in-ness... they also totally like roxy but is unsure about approaching those feelings considering the whole species thing and whatever, ive been trying to get them to open up for a while now! weve written fanfic together and drawn grids, so i can definitely tell theres some attraction there, even if theyre afraid of acting upon it just yet <3

jaspie is roses bane, and the one cat that made me get used to their smell enough that i dont bark at them instantly anymore! im pretty sure she crashes at janes often, and is just as outgoing and flirty as i am around earth-c parties and bars, which is saying something honestly! i wont let her dethrone me as the party god, though >:)

and finally davepeta! theyre staying with june for the time being until they can get settled around and see what they want to do here! theyve also dropped by dave and karkats a bunch, which i most certainly dont mind! i definitely appreciate some help in bringing a romantic vibe into those twos lives~ ;o

and thats about it! theres also the nannasprites and tavrosprite and arquius, but they pop by so sporadically and rarely that i dont know what theyre doing a majority of the time... we lost track of gamzee after the session so hopefully hes totally gone, and we havent heard any message from caliborn in years... and with the furthest ring broken and the black hole sealed, leaving a weird white empty space right in the middle of reality, im not sure what our chances of bringing back the other trolls are :( but still, we keep living on happily over here and having our fun slice of life ending together!

id say after everything weve gone through, we deserve a big break, dont we? hehehe <3

also, particularly important events that happen and are recorded in this blog will be tagged as timeline shenanigans!

[snappedsky]

Borderlands: Skies the Bodyguard 3

Lilith and the Crimson Raiders are hot on Skies’ trail.

*Links to previous and next chapters in reblog*

--

Chapter 16

           Lilith and the Crimson Raiders make their way through Thousand Cuts, across No Man’s Land, towards Control Core Angel. Lilith stops as they enter the Hyperion base, hesitating as she looks up at the building on top of the cliff.

           “You alright, Lil?” Mordecai asks.

           “Yeah,” she sighs and continues walking. “Let’s just find her.”

           The crew make their way through the base, eyeing the many bodies littering the road. There was clearly a big fire fight here recently, but that’s not the most disturbing thing.

           “Why are they all in Handsome Jack masks?” Gaige asks, prodding a corpse with her foot.

           “Who knows,” Axton replies, eyeing the Jack posters hung up on the surrounding buildings. “This whole place is weird.”

           “Keep an eye out for anyone from Skies’ crew,” Lilith orders, “maybe they got taken out in the fight.”

           They don’t recognize any of the corpses however as they make their way through the loading dock. They don’t see any living either, until they near the Bunker and start to hear voices.

           “Careful,” Lilith warns. They cautiously go around the Bunker and stop as they near the entrance to Control Core Angel, where a large group of people are gathered.

           “Stop trying the door!” one of them barks, “the security lasers will just keep shooting. We’ll just wait here until they leave. They have nowhere else to go.”

           One of the group notices the Crimson Raiders and shouts, “boss!”

           The whole group turns, revealing that they’re all in Handsome Jack masks.

           “Well, that’s disturbing,” Axton comments.

           The ‘Jacks’ ready their weapons. The Crimson Raiders do the same.

           “Hold!” their boss orders and exits the crowd. “You’re the Firehawk.”            

           “That’s right,” Lilith nods suspiciously.

           He lifts his mask, revealing his burned face. “Do you know who I am?”

           “Um….no…”

           “I am Mick Scabbers!” he snaps, offended. “You’re part of the reason I look like this!”

           “I did that to you?” Lilith asks.

           “No, one of your cult members, because I was sent to assassinate you!”

           “Oh. Uh, well…sorry, I guess,” she shrugs, “but I’m not responsible for what my old cult did. Besides, we took care of them a while ago.”

           “No, no, no!” Mick snaps impatiently. “You were their leader; you should’ve led them properly! I blamed Jack for not helping me when I needed it, but you’re just as much to blame. I will make both you and Jack pay for what happened to me!”            “Look, dude, it sounds like it’s your fault for wanting to assassinate her in the first place,” Axton argues.          

           “Yeah, besides, Jack’s already dead,” Maya adds.

           “No, we saw him with his bodyguard!” Mick insists and points at the control core. “They’re trapped in there now and when they leave, we’ll destroy them!”

           “With his bodyguard?” Brick questions.

           “So she is in there,” Lilith says.

           “Yeah, but we can’t get in,” Gaige points out.

           “I can,” she argues, “you guys just stay here.”

           “Be careful, Lil,” Mordecai warns.

           She nods before disappearing into her Phasewalk. She passes through the walls right to the main injector room before reappearing.

           It’s completely empty with no sign of how anyone would’ve gotten out. But the computer screens are on, showing a map with a blue dot on an island in the middle of the ocean.

           Lilith copies the information to her ECHO device and Phasewalks again. She reappears back outside, in the middle of a fire fight.

           “Ah, jeez!” she exclaims and ducks around the corner where the Crimson Raiders are. They’re all shooting at the Jack haters, who are shooting right back.

           “What happened?” Lilith asks.

           “That Mick guy completely lost it when you disappeared!” Mordecai replies, “ordered his crew to open fire.”

           “Ugh, we don’t have time for this,” she groans, “let’s just get the hell out of here!”

           “Did you find Skies?” Maya asks as they start backing away.

           “No, but I think I know where she’s going,” Lilith replies, “I copied the coordinates to my ECHO. Brick, we’re gonna need your buzzards.”

           “Hell yeah!” he cheers and they quickly retreat.

           When the shooting stops, the Jack haters lower their guns.

           “Sir, I think they’ve left,” one of them points out.

           “After them,” Mick orders, “I will have my revenge.”

           “What about Jack and his bodyguard?” another asks.

           “We’ll worry about them later,” he replies, “first, the Firehawk.”

           Meanwhile, at Helios, Janey has spent the last few hours working on the caravan. Skies, Vaughn, Sasha, Athena, and Timothy help how they can, mostly with bringing her supplies. Finally, as the sun just starts to peek over the horizon, Janey rolls out from underneath the vehicle.

           “Well, she ain’t pretty,” she comments, wiping off her hands, “but she’ll fly.”

           Only the shape of the caravan is recognizable. It’s now mostly held together with different pieces of scrap metal scavenged from the crash site. Even the inside has been completely remodeled, now with just seats to make it lighter.

           “Our poor caravan sure has been through a lot,” Sasha sighs.

           “Yeah, just like the rest of us,” Vaughn adds.

           “Let’s go,” Athena orders, “we’re finally on track to finding Fiona and Rhys.”

           “All aboard who’s going aboard!” Skies announces as she follows Athena inside, along with Sasha, Vaughn, Loader Bot, and Gortys.

           “I’m coming too,” Timothy declares as he steps through the door.

           “Really?” Skies questions, “you sure?”

           “Yeah,” he nods, “I’m kind of invested in this now. I wanna see how it goes. I mean, if that’s okay with all of you.”

           The others mostly nod indifferently but Skies smiles. “Yeah, that’s awesome.”

           Timothy smiles back.        

           “I’m coming too!” Claptrap exclaims and throws himself through the door.

           “Oh,” Skies grunts apathetically. “Cool.”

           Everyone takes a seat and straps in as Sasha starts up the engine.

           “Okay, let’s hope this thing really flies,” she says and activates the thrusters. Slowly, jerkily, but surely, the ship lifts higher and higher into the air.

           “Alright,” Skies cheers.

           “Is this a bad time to mention my fear of heights?” Timothy questions, gripping his seat.

           “I think you should be more worried about crashing,” Vaughn points out.

           “Don’t worry, guys,” Sasha grins, “she handles like a dream.”            She hits the gas and, with one final big jerk, the caravan takes off into the sky, leaving Janey to wave after them, crossing her fingers.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Bubble Shit (The Borderlands Series, Part 9.)

Series description: Not many people had the chance to see a vault or to mean anything in the world of Pandora. Will a hardly built relationship in the loneliness of the desert would have the potential to change anything in the world of anarchy and chaos - or will the friends try to murder each other?

Part Summary: Along with landing on Eden-6, you actually had to go through the plan to know how many people you recruted and how much of a chance you might stand.

Warnings: A lot of guns, violence, reader is a tough badass - not a vault hunter tho. They’re badass and don’t give a fuck. And Scooter is a dumb bitch, as always.

Word count: 2 K

Tagging: @notaliteraltoad​ @mayacaroni​ (maybe you’ll like the series and you’ll stick around, I just thought you might wanna get notified!)

Series master list:  H E R E

In every meaning of the phrase, it was sir Hammerlock to the rescue. It also turned out that sir Hammerlock was the one who Scooter had contacted and the one who was willing to go with you on the suicidal mission along with his lifetime partner, Wainwright Jakobs - who turned out to run the whole Jakobs company alter. Which was exciting you - you were just too furious to show any emotion.

"Thank for savin' our asses back there. I couldn't exactly handle the landin'." - Janey smiled at the duo driving the car while the rest of you sat in the trunk pressed on each other. It was rather uncomfortable for everyone, but everyone shut up so you wouldn't start another conflict.

"No problem, miss Springs. Wainwright and I knew about your planned arrival and as soon as you weren't on the spot on time, we knew something went wrong. Excuse us for arriving as late as we did, it wasn't the simplest task to find you in here." - Sir Hammerlock answered nonchalantly and you looked at that dude with a furrow. It wasn't that you hated him, but you were too angry to even say thank you. Scooter was pressed up to your side and you tried to scoop away to Rayray's side without a stroke of luck. That gross son of a bitch was just pressed to you and you could say that it makes him extremely happy.

"No problem, Hammylock! How had ya been? Ages since I saw ya for the last time!" - Scooter yelled directly to your ear and you were just ready to strangle him to death when the nearest chance comes by. That guy was just a pain in your ass.

"It was rather difficult, Scooter if I might say. I had a hard time accommodating here on Eden-6, but the fauna gives me much more choices than the Pandora's did!" - Hammerlock's big, rosy lips curled into a happy smile and you almost melted under the look he gave to Wainwright. These men were in love, there was no doubt about it. And you were with love at their idea of love.

"I have a new girlfriend, see?!" - Scooter yelled all over the car and suddenly, you two were the main interest of everyone. You were his what? He said what? Your patience was wearing thin and Scooter seemed to just make himself sure he'll piss you off as soon as he can. - "Ya have a similar arm, that's super cool!" - Athena was just as confused as you were along with everyone else in the car. Exactly since when you became his girlfriend? Did you miss that? Was he assuming this based on the fact you two held hands for about ten minutes? Was Scooter actually five? You moaned in distress and bit your lip.

"I see. Nice to meet you, miss! My friend's friends are my friends!" - Hammerlock turned at you with a smile and offered you a handshake. He had the metallic hand on the same side as you did - on his left. - "By any chance, are you two distantly related?" - Hammerlock asked with a furrowed face and you almost choked at the question once again.

"I haven't met this dude until two weeks ago. We're not even friends." - You yelled back at Hammerlock and he raised his eyebrows in wonder.

"I see, miss!" - He answered after a short while. - " You're stepping up your game, Scooter." - Hammerlock told the man beside you with a wink, whatever that meant. The rest of your way was almost awkwardly quiet since anyone knew why the hell Scooter would say that you two are in fact in a relationship. That dude seemed to be an actual five-year-old not having only severe brain damage, but showing a case of schizophrenia with seeing and feeling things that weren't based in reality at fucking all.

"This is some bubble shit." - You muttered out when you were getting off of Wainwright's car and almost hissed at when Scooter offered you his palm. No. Last time you held his hand, because you were scared to death, he figured out that you're dating.

But the amazement over Wainwright Jakobs' mansion was something that made you forget about everything as you tried to look at the house. Is was huge. Like fucking huge. You heard stories about this house being the foundation for every Jakobs rifle, revolver, shotgun, and stuff like that ever made. You loved to use the guns since you found yourself on Pandora’s surface, so this was like a beautiful dream.

"Are you shitting me?" - You looked at Athena and she gave an unknowing look back. - "This is the goddamn Jakobs mansion. Every Pandorian cowboy’s dream." - You whispered.

"That's true, miss. It's always nice to meet someone whos interest in my family's business... In a good way. And may I say, I haven't seen this shotgun for a long time." - Wainwright took the shotgun from your back and he skillfully flipped it between his fingers. - "I think that we don't make these for more than fifteen years. A true ancient one." - He put it back on your back.

"You-you’re... That Jakobs? Like that gunman Jakobs?" - You stuttered out, following him inside as Hammerlock offered everyone food and something to drink before a long meeting you were scheduled to have.  

"As far as I am concerned, I think I am. I can show you some of my wares and maybe give you a good-luck gun, how does that sound?" - Wainwright smiled at both you and Athena entering the meeting hall by his side. You almost suffocated. That Jakobs was willing to give you one of his guns as a gift? This adventure was slowly looking better and better.

"You won't be going with us?" - Athena asked when she saw you being on the verge of screaming, laughing, crying, smiling, and freaking out.

"No, unfortunately, I have a family business I have to keep my eyes on, but Hammy will be accompanying your little party. He already contacted a lot of people, so you don't have to be alarmed, ladies." - The man smiled, yet you barely got a word from what he said. You were still drooling and having heart-eyes because of the offer you got. A Jakobs’ gun will be given to you as a good-luck gift. Oh, dear Buttstalion, this was your best day.

It was kinda funny seeing Rayray and Blindy not being accustomed to such a luxury - any member of your party was, but in fact, you at least were living like normal people. These bandits were living in Ham’s Creek, one of the creepiest looking assholes you've ever had seen. Hammerlock offered you plates of fresh vegetables and fruits, which almost made you cry since it felt like centuries since you saw normal food for the last time. All you were eating on Pandora was Skag bacon and home-made bread, sometimes you didn't eat at all and drank vodka only. And they even had some normal water and juice. That house was heaven and you didn't want to leave. Ever.

"Now that we’re in safety and everyone's here, we might go through the plan Scooter and I had put together, shall we?"  - Sir Hammerlock smiled at everyone and adjusted the monocle with the broken glass he wore.

"We know that the distress call - if you wanna call it like that, came from Athenas. For those who might not know, this place was and is inhabited by sirens. So we knew that Maya is there possibly, which is why I didn't contact her for our cause - I'm sure she already knows what's heading their way." - He told you and suddenly, pictures of Athenas’ landscape appeared everywhere around you. It was a beautiful place - which you hummed to Athena while stuffing your face with slices of carrot.

"I tried my best with calling Brick, just as you said, Scooter, but he is off to his own business, I guess. Unfortunately, he won't be able to reach us. However, mister Mordecai had answered my call and he has only one condition - nothing shall happen to his new pet friend on our adventure." - Hammerlock smiled and when you saw pictures of these men, your breath got stuck for a moment. Youve only heard stories about Vault Hunters, since you were a child. But these men looked dangerous and unpleasant, especially Mordecai with his bottle of alcohol, just... Just like you were looking all the fucking time.

"I contacted miss Tina next, and I am courageous enough to say that she is more than thrilled to accompany us on our journey since she was screaming something including the world's bomb, mothersuckaz, and blowing up." - Another picture was showed to you and holy fucking christ, that girl looked insane. And that wasn’t meant to be a compliment. She looked nuts.

"Next on the list was mister Zer0, Marcus and Torgue, miss Gaige, mister Krieg, and mister Axton yet neither of them answered the call. And... The last one came to volunteer herself. This young lady’s name is Fiona and according to her words, she is a con-artist of sorts, as far as I was able to understand." - Hammerlock looked at Scooter. His eyes opened up and you didn't know what on Earth should be your response. You didn't know anyone from the names you've just heard.

"Naturally, I thought about the route we will have to take and to calm miss..." - He pointed your way since he hadn't even know your name. - "We won't be taking a flight by a rocket since our Fast Travel system is working just fine. We shall take a small detour to... Uh... Boom Town as it is called, to pick up Tina and mister Mordecai. Miss Fiona told me that she will meet us in Athenas. In my opinion, ten people, especially as dangerous as miss Tina, are enough to make a difference on the battlefield." - Hammerlock told each of you honestly. That sounded like a plan that someone thought about.

"And the attack, Hammerlock? How do we plan to do that?" - Athena next to you asked. Hammerlock nodded and pointed his finger at her, showing you other landscapes from Athenas.

"You had to notice that this terrain isn't exactly the most pleasant to have the surprise factor on our side. We talked with Scooter about this." - Hammerlock nodded and Scooter stood up.

"Janey and Pickle were using a thingy called Stingray on Elphis and I tell ya, man, that thingy is cool as hell. So, I thought about playin’ with the engine and gravity sensors a bit, makin’ it fly much higher than before! And we might need a machine to, ya know, even make us the damn car on that planet since I don't think it's connected to the network." - Scooter told Athena, and it could be heard that he's an expert in this area, and Janey jumped into the conversation with her engineering and mechanic talents.

"In that case, we have to do somethin’ about the core and the coverin’, mate, because I'm worried that this will be our biggest problem. Elphis didn't have atmosphere and Athenas do." - She said seriously and you looked at Wainwright with your heart-eyes again. Scooter nodded and both of them left the room to work on the machinery. Everything seemed to be too real for you. Just too real.

[stillpartofthisworld]

where to start-Ch 1(TAZ Amnesty)

Now on AO3!

I will be updating this every other Sunday, hopefully. Please yell at me if I don’t.

-----------

They choose Earth.

Well. Duck chooses Earth.

It's not a big decision for any of them-Aubrey follows Dani, Thacker follows his dreams. Mama and Vincent follow their occupations, settling back to defend their home planets from-well, nothing, anymore.

Duck just wants to go home.

He says his goodbyes to everyone, buoyed by the possibility of reuniting-but he's not holding his breath about it just yet. He thumps Vincent on the back, grinning at the goatman, this minister of defense who was too curious for his own good. He shakes hands with Thacker, thanking and congratulating one another for surviving the short while they fought together. "We'll be in touch, Duck," He says, tapping a thin finger to his temple. He doesn't doubt it.

He hugs Aubrey tight, pretending not to notice the tears pricking at the sides of her eyes. "Take care, okay?" He says softly, and she nods at him, smiling. "Don't do anything too crazy."

"Nothing is too crazy! I'm a literal goddess!" She jokes, waving her hands to produce sparkles that settle on both their noses before blinking out. He laughs, mostly to relieve the squeezing in his chest as she grins back at him. God, she's still just a kid, and she's been through so much. He hopes life treats her well.

His laughter dies down as she hugs him again, squeezing him hard and fast. "Take care of Ned's shit, okay?" She says softly. "He'll probably haunt us forever if the Cryptonomica gets shut down."

There's a lump in his throat, but he manages a nod and a squeeze of her hand. "I'll be seeing you soon, you arsonist."

"I was a camper! I was camping!"

"Eh, matter of scale."

Aubrey laughs, and he feels his chest relax.

He turns around and sees Minerva. She's staring at the two portals, a perplexed and thoughtful look on her face. He goes up to her, reaching up and tapping her on the shoulder. "Minerva?" He says, and she turns to face him. "Yes, Wayne Newton?" She replies, her voice booming through the room. "Have you made your decision? Which world shall you choose?"

"Well, the Earth is a bit of a no brainer," He says, gesturing to the dilapidated room shimmering through the space-time-whatever rip. "I mean, I got a cat to feed, rent to pay, a job, you know?" He ticks them off with his hand, one by one. "So as cool as Sylvain is, I can stand being away from it for-uh, a while, as Billy fixes it."

(At the mention of his name Billy perks up, waving and typing out a "Tight, dude," into his voice generator.)

"Hmm! A wise and thoughtful choice, Wayne Newton!" Minerva grins, and Duck manages to smile back at her through the cringe of being called by his first name. "And, uh, what about you, Minerva? Where you headed, hm?" He asks, and her face grows pensive again.

"Well, I am drawn to Sylvain." She looks back at the portal leading to the city. "Its' architecture and magic system are quite similar to my own, you see, and is an interesting enough place for a warrior such as myself." She mirrors his previous gesture, ticking off her reasons with her six fingered hand. All reasons to leave Earth. All reasons to leave him.

He is not surprised-Earth can be pretty boring by anyone's standards, especially an alien's. But it doesn't stop the pang of hurt and fear that flashes through his chest.

But then she looks at him, and her calculating expression softens, for just a moment. "However, I think I shall choose Earth, Duck Newton. I shall be coming with you." She puts a hand on his shoulder. "I think that I would much rather live in a world that has you in it."

He gapes at her for a second, and she hurriedly adds, "And I must taste those frozen waffles once more! They are a delight!"

He chuckles softly at this. "Yeah, I'll make sure we stock up on 'em once we get home."

They smile at each other.

And then they step through the rift.

Mama drives them home, pulling up to Duck's apartment complex after making a quick pit stop for one waffle box, paid for by the loose change that miraculously did not fall out of his pocket. She puts the car in idle as they step out, looking out at the two of them from the passenger side. "Minerva, you sure you dont want to stay at Amnesty for the time being?" She asks warmly. "I ain't got much, but I do have a bed and some hot springs that ya might find to yer likin'."

"Many thanks, Madeline Cobb!" Minerva replies, and Duck sees Mama visibly wince at the use of her full name. At least she got it. "But I will be staying with Wayne Newton for tonight."

He is not sure why she chose to stay with him, only that she did and that he preferred it that way, anyway.

Mama nods, and pulls out of the driveway.

-------

Duck takes a shower first, which leaves Minerva to toast the waffles. She's got the hang of it now-simply rip open the packaging and place the pastry into the double slotted box that Duck calls a "toaster". She pushes the little tab down-gently,gently-and waits. She can hear the pounding of water hitting the tiles from the bathroom. She focuses on it. She'd rather focus on it that on the nothing that clouds her mind, the void where there should be planning for the next battle.

There are no battles to plan. They have won them all.

The waffles pop up.

She's spreading some Nutella on them (a heavenly condiment! what an ingenious use of modern technology!) when she hears Duck come out of the bathroom and head to his room. She looks at the waffles on her plate and, loathe to give them away, puts two new ones in the toaster.

She spreads these ones with honey (Duck's usual choice, though she is not sure why anyone would pass up Nutella) and is just about to enter his room when she hears him saying something.

She peeks in. He's lying on his bed, back towards her and phone in hand. The phone screen is lit up, dancing with colors for a moment before a face comes into focus. It's a familiar face, but not one she's seen in person. It's the face that's on the photos that litter Duck's living room, the one that's smiling with him on his phone screen.

It's the one that she saw encased in glass, eyes closed and mouth slack as they floated in the liquid that was the organic printer.

"Hey, Janey."

Duck's voice is soft, tired. The phone crackles before the woman-Jane, answers.

"Hey hey, Ducky." She sounds tired too. "What's up?" She yawns. "Why're you callin' at 12 AM, doofus?"

"It's 2 AM here, goofus."

"Ah, semantics." She sees Jane smile through the screen. It's very similar to Duck's, all soft with teeth just barely peeking out. "So, what's up? Wildfire or something? I heard about the blockades." Her voice shifts, sounding more awake. "Wait, is something wrong? Your signal is good, did the feds pop up a signal tower again? What's happening over there?"

"It's all good, Jane. Nothing's wrong." Even with his sister's alarm, he's still calm-relieved, even. "Just...just wanted to see your face."

A pause. Then, she hears Jane laugh nervously. "God, Duck, you give me a heart attack sometimes, checking up on me like this," she says. "I'm worried about you, you know? You never used to do this."

Duck is silent for a while, contemplative. "Do you...can you get away for a while?" He asks her, and this time his voice is soft, timid in a way Minerva has never heard him be before. "A weekend. Come visit Kepler. I...I have some things to explain."

She agrees immediately, settling on a date two weeks from now. "I'll see you soon, Ducky," She says softly, and the screen cuts to black.

Minerva hears Duck sigh, and the rustling of a duvet. When she peeks back in again, he is laying on his side, away from the door.

She decides to eat the waffles.

[dresupi]

magic eraser

Darcy Lewis Crack Challenge 2019 |  Day 5: A Literal Eraser | 

Ship: Darcy Lewis/Loki |  Rating: T |  Prompt: Day 5: A literal eraser  |  Other Tags: Crack, Crack treated seriously, Mutual Pining, Crushes, Flirting, Eventual Date, Runaway Appendages, Swearing |  Word Count: 2303 | 

Summary:

How was he supposed to know the damn thing would actually erase her hand?

Well, not erase exactly…

But to hear her talk, it's close enough.

"Loki. Do I need to hire a babysitter for you or something?" Darcy asked, reaching over and gingerly taking the blinking black and green device from his hands.

He'd never seen anything like this piece of tech before, but if he had to guess, he'd say it had something to do with Dr. Foster's ever-changing star charts. "I know Janey's got some shiny blinkies, but you really have to learn to control yourself, babe," she continued, safely placing the piece of tech out of his reach.

Well, not really. He could have it if he wanted. That was the point, wasn't it? He liked irking Darcy Lewis.

All in all, he'd call what he had for Foster's lab assistant a 'mixed attraction'. A general fondness with a side of liking the way her voice sounded when she was annoyed.

"Who do you think they'd task with looking after me?" he pondered aloud, leaning over on the counter and cupping his chin in his hand as he gazed over at Ms. Lewis expectantly. "Do you think they'd hire some security officer to subdue me with brute force, or do you think they'd ask you?"

She frowned a little and looked at him. He liked the way her forehead wrinkled just between her eyebrows. "Knowing Jane, she'd ask me. She knows you can't stand being told what to do, and by someone so clearly your inferior, all the better. Or worse. Whichever." Her frown had disappeared by the time she'd finished talking, a triumphant little quirk in her smile tugged the corners of her mouth instead. He liked the corners of her mouth as well, so let her have her triumph.

"You believe yourself to be my inferior?" he drawled.

"No. I think I'm pretty hot shit. But I happen to know you don't agree," she countered. "So like… if it bothers you, I'm game."

He smirked slightly. If she only knew exactly what he thought of her. 'Hot shit' didn't begin to cover it.

"Go speak to Dr. Foster, then. If it would bring you such pleasure to boss me around."

Color rose in her cheeks and she glanced down at her laptop instead, stammering something about talking to Jane later if he didn't stop his nonsense.

As adorable as her blushing and stammering were, he already had his eye on another item from Jane's workstation.  This one looked relatively harmless. And if it urged Ms. Lewis to speak with Jane about his lack of supervision, all the better. He would simply adore more time spent in Darcy's company.

He pushed up from the empty counter and sauntered over to the table, making sure to ease his feet down on the floor as quietly as he was able. Too quiet for Darcy's Midgardian ears, at any rate.

Scooping up the device, he turned it over in his hands. "What does this do?"

"Seriously dude? You can't even wait five minutes before you're back on your bullshit?" She made a grab for the object, and he tossed it easily to his other hand, holding it behind his back so she had to reach around him.

He smirked. "Surely you've seen Dr. Foster use it before?"

"No, actually. I haven't seen that one in action. So for all I know, it blows up planets. Please. Give it back to me before it Alderaans us into oblivion."

Grinning, he held it just out of her reach. "Surely she wouldn't have something such as that in her possession. Just lying around for me to find."

Darcy pursed her lips and jumped up, grabbing for the device in her left hand. He'd let her have it in just a moment. "Whatever. Just give it back, dude."

"Since you asked so nicely--" he began, stopping short when her thumb and forefinger grabbed it, pressing against the front panel. Darcy screamed loudly a split second later when her hand disappeared.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!" she screeched, grabbing the sleeve of her sweatshirt and yanking it up to reveal a bare wrist. She turned it towards her face and immediately turned a horrible shade of puce. "OH MY GOD!" She wavered on her feet and Loki dropped the device on the table and slipped an arm around her, catching her just in time.

He peered at her wrist, seeing exactly what had made her queasy. Her hand was gone, that much he knew already. But, in its wake was a neatly sliced wrist. Not a wound, per se. There was no blood gushing. The flesh around it wasn't angry or inflamed. It simply looked like he was peering through a window at her bone and circulatory system.

"Are you in pain?" he asked, frowning before lifting her up and onto the counter in front of him.

"No… no? Am I in shock, FRIDAY?"

"Your heart rate is increased, Ms. Lewis, and you seem to be in a slightly panicked state. But otherwise, you seem fine. I'll continue to monitor your vitals just in case? Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's fine," she said absently, suddenly realizing she was still in Loki's embrace. She stepped to the side, swallowing thickly as she reached for one of the rolling stools.

"How does it feel?" he asked, nodding down to her wrist. "Are you certain you're not in pain?"

"No, I don't feel any different… it's like nothing's wrong… like my hand's still there… oh my god, is this what phantom limbs feel like?"

Loki frowned. "I'm sure I have no idea. What sort of… sensation do you have in the fingers??"

"My entire hand… the one that's gone? It feels... " She frowned, closing her eyes. "It feels like it's crawling."

"Your skin?"

"No. My hand. My fingertips are on something hard. It's moving. Like it's walking. Like 'Thing' from the Addams' Family."

"You're delirious…" he concluded, making to carry her to the med bay and alert the staff. He'd no sooner taken a step towards her than she stopped him.

"No. I mean it… Let me see if I can…" She frowned, deep in concentration.

A rapping sounded across the lab.

"There!" she said triumphantly. "That was me."

Loki's eyes narrowed as he took a few steps towards the sound. "Do it again."

The rapping continued and Loki darted off in the direction from whence it came. Darcy hopped off the table and followed him.

Once he'd reached the far wall, where the sound seemed to be originating, he knelt down, listening to a peculiar rustling and alternating raps until one of the large silver vents near him burst open and Darcy's hand skittered out onto the floor.

Or at least, he assumed it was Darcy's. He wasn't aware of any other rogue appendages running around the labs, but he wouldn't put it past these people. This one had lovely teal painted fingernails and a silver ring, so he was almost positive it was hers.

Loki jumped back and Darcy shrieked. "Grab it! Loki! Grab my hand!"

"If you insist," he teased, taking off after it, but the little bugger was too fast.

Darcy jumped up on the countertop, eyes scanning the floor and yelling directions for him. Badly.

"IT'S BY THE THING! It's over by the red blinky lights! The red blinky lights!"

"Where is that?" he countered.

"Never mind! THE DOOR! THE DOOR!" She yelped, pointing not to the front door, but the supply closet.

The hand leaped up and grasped the handle, opening it and running inside.

Loki quickly shut the door and spun, holding it closed. "There aren't any vents in there, are there?"

"Just the one on the door that ventilates the space," she replied.

"No others?"

Darcy glanced up at the ceiling. "FRIDAY? Are there any heating or cooling ducts that lead into this closet?"

"No. The only way in or out is through the door," Stark's A.I replied automatically. Loki was slightly jealous, the A.I wouldn't speak to him unless he tried to go somewhere he shouldn't.

"Good. It's trapped. Now, help me barricade the door…" Darcy hopped down off the counter and shed her hoodie as she placed her attached hand on a rolling file cabinet with locking wheels.

Loki took care of that one and one other for good measure, starting to roll them both towards the closed supply closet. He was at least partially responsible for her runaway hand, and he had two working ones attached to his wrists, so it was the least he could do.

But of course, at that precise moment, Jane and Thor reappeared in the doorway. Loki's stomach dropped. Having to explain this to his brother was bad enough. But Dr. Foster might slap him again.

He glanced over at Darcy, who, unprompted, jammed her hand into a nearby bag of potato chips just as they approached. An odd feeling swept through his abdomen. Almost as if he were falling from a great distance. Without the hard landing.

"What are you two up to?" Thor asked, warily reaching out to wave his hand over Loki's shoulder, slapping him in the process. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Just some redecorating," Darcy said, hand still in the chip bag. "And eating chips."

Jane and Thor gave them some odd looks but continued over to Jane's main work area.

There was a clatter from the bottom of the door as the grated opening at the bottom of the door came crashing out onto the floor.  Loki half expected Jane to start screaming as Darcy had, but nothing happened.

Perhaps the hand had remained in the room after seeing Thor out here.

If it could see. It was only a hand after all. Perhaps it sensed things. A soft tugging on his pant leg soon answered that question, however.

His eyes went wide as Darcy's runaway hand crept its way up the back of his leg. He glanced over at Darcy, who was also wide-eyed. "Sorry," she mouthed, shrugging slightly as it moved over the back of his thigh and up over the swell of his rear.

He shifted slightly and reached back to grab it, to perhaps stop it from feeling up Thor next, but when he turned to look for it, he saw nothing. Instead, he felt something tap his shoulder.

"Um… Loki. You seem to have an extra… hand," Thor replied, looking with a bemused expression as Ms. Lewis' hand tapped once more on his shoulder.

"Don't just stand there, help me catch it!" Loki growled.

Darcy squealed. "Be gentle, Thor, it's my hand!" She pulled her wrist out of the chip bag and Thor, without missing a beat, grasped the rogue hand tightly. It slipped from his grasp into Loki's, who laced his fingers and held it tight.

"If you wanted to hold Darcy's hand, you only need to ask her, brother!" Thor joked with a wink.

Loki sighed heavily, seriously struggling to not hold the hand too tightly, but also to keep it from bursting free once more.

"Darcy, how even…" Jane asked, reaching for the exact device that had caused the issue in the first place. "You cannot mess with my spacial modifier… it's not one hundred percent working correctly!"

"No kidding!" Darcy exclaimed. "It sent my hand rogue."

Jane sighed. "Yeah, mine takes a nap whenever I try to use it. Makes it easy to reattach, but I can't ever get anything done. Apparently, yours runs through the walls and gropes Asgardians. I can't say I'm surprised."

Darcy shrugged. "What can I say? I have a type." She winked at Loki and he felt that same sweeping feeling once more. He almost let go of her hand. Almost.

Jane eyed him, clearly amused at his clear discomfort. "Here, Loki… hold her hand still.  Darce, bring your wrist up to where it attaches. I'll get it back on there for you."Thirty seconds later and Darcy's hand was reattached and still clasped tightly in Loki's grasp.  She wriggled her fingers against his hand and he quickly let go, pressing his lips together as he took a few steps back."Woo, thanks, Janey!" Darcy wiggled her fingers and stared at it in wonder. "I should probably wash this, right? No idea where it's been."

"I know of at least one place," Thor muttered, chuckling when Loki glared in his direction.

"Close your mouth," he hissed.

"Close yours," Thor countered. "You're the one blindly flirting with a woman and doing nothing about it."

"I'm doing plenty."

"Sounds as if her hand has gotten further than you have."

"I've been biding my time," he said. "I want her to be certain she wants more before I--"

Thor's gaze flitted from Loki to where Darcy was standing across the room. He spoke loudly, "Loki should take you to lunch to make up for losing your hand!".

Darcy stopped in mid-scrub. "Yeah! He should! Lunch, Loki?"

He turned to face his brother, ready to chastise him for sticking his great big nose where it didn't belong, but instead, he simply mouthed 'Thank you' before turning back to Darcy. "That sounds lovely. Where to?"

"I dunno, but you lost my hand. I'm thinking something expensive. Maybe nothing that costs an arm and a leg. Maybe just an arm, you know?" she grinned brilliantly, and the feeling returned to his stomach.

"Whatever you'd like."

She raised her eyebrows. "Wow. Meek is a new color for you. I kind of prefer the snark, honestly."

If she wanted snark, he could definitely provide it. He smiled and offered his arm. "Here. let's put that hand somewhere for safe keeping." He reached out and placed it in the crook of his elbow. "Can't have you losing it again."

"Hey, buddy. I didn't lose it!"

"If I recall, it was you who pushed the button, so…"

[littleplebe]

A sweet nothing for one of my favourite human writing machines @dresupi. Happy birthday, my friend. You’re an inspiration. 💕

Shout out to the absolutely amazing @aenariasbookshelf for her cheerleading and hand holding.

Note: If I were you, I’d read Pietro’s lines with his signature accent. It helps. I think.

“This forest is dangerous place for girl like you.”

The accent. It was thick and heavy. Russian, she decided after some thought. The words sounded like a warning, almost a promise of something bad about to happen; but the face that went with the words was too young, too curious to be threatening.

“What about a boy like yourself?”

A slight curve of lips. A smirk that reminded her of the wolf in the fairytale Red Riding Hood. “I can take care of myself.”

“So can I.”

“Maybe so. But can you do this?”

There was a flash of something. The wind blew past her in an unusual sort of way and she felt herself falling… and falling… and falling.

Darcy screamed. Her eyes snapped open to find her fellow flight passengers looking at her in alarm. Beside her, Jane jerked awake, wild and alert.

“Wha… what happened?”

Darcy gulped. An apology was on the tip of her tongue but her body felt rigid and heavy, almost as if she was frozen in place, staring straight ahead as she tried and failed to hold on to the last vestiges of her dream.

“Hello! Earth to, Darcy.” Jane placed a hand on hers, trying to get her attention. “Woah, you’re freezing!”

“Sorry,” came out nearly a minute later as her body slowly relaxed and her brain regained enough awareness to realize that a member of the cabin crew was standing there with a glass of water and blanket in her hands.

“Don’t apologize,” Jane said, taking the blanket from the woman’s hand and draping it over Darcy’s lap. “Tell me what happened.”

“Bad dream, I think,” Darcy mumbled, gratefully sipping the warm water, feeling it slide down her throat all the way to her stomach. It felt unexpectedly good.

“You think?”

Darcy shrugged. She couldn’t remember what she had been dreaming about. She couldn’t even recall what she was feeling just a moment ago when she had woken up screaming. It should have frustrated her since she was just as confused as Jane, but it didn’t really. Darcy Lewis was someone who didn’t dwell on stuff. She preferred living in the moment. And this moment with Jane, where they were flying to a new location to live and work with new people, was pretty incredible.

“Darcy, are you sure you’re okay?”

Perhaps a change of subject was in order.

“Yes. Are we there yet?”

Almost as if he had heard her, the pilot’s voice rang out through the speakers, informing them all they had reached New York and would be landing soon.

Darcy grinned at Jane. “We’re gonna take the city by storm, Janey.”

It was nice to see the concern on her friend’s face melt into excitement.

-

“What’s a place like you doing in a girl like this?”

The accent. It was thick and heavy. Russian, she decided after some thought. The words made her smile even as the face made her heart beat a little faster. She turned so she was facing him, openly checking him out to see whether it would make him uncomfortable. It didn’t.

“You mean on this balcony or in this tower?”

“Tower,” he said after a moment, coming to stand next to her, resting his elbows on the sleek wooden railing as he studied her with interest.

She could sense his eyes linger on the fanny pack around her waist and the knee-length Capri she was wearing. She knew she looked like someone who was about to go off camping into the woods, but that is how she dressed now, ready for any type of world ending situation. She had started wearing the fanny pack after the Destroyer attack. It carried things important to her and things that would be helpful in difficult circumstances. Like her dad used to say, “It never hurts to be prepared, kiddo.”

“Let’s just say I’m attracted to opulence,” she replied with a straight face, uncaring whether he’d catch on to her sarcasm.

Surprisingly, he did and an amused little smirk formed on his face. It looked so familiar that for a second, Darcy thought she was having déjà vu. She returned his smile and let her eyes sweep over the stunning Manhattan skyline. The sun was about to go down and she had never seen a more orange sky. There were hints of pink and yellow here and there, enhancing the beauty of the scene, making it a perfectly wonderful sight to behold. Anyone who had clearance to this part of the tower was very lucky.

The stranger seemed to think so too because he casually revealed, “I come here to think.”

Darcy feigned surprise. “Oh, there’s a brain behind that pretty face?”

“Hah-ha.” He moved his elbow as if to nudge her playfully but thought better of it, tucking it back into his body at the last second. Maybe he wasn’t as confident as he let on. “You’re new, no?”

“Nope. Been working here for years,” she lied, silently admiring the brown locks of hair falling over his forehead. He was strikingly handsome, almost to the point of distraction. It was disconcerting.

He stared at her for a minute, then shook his head decisively. “I’d have remembered you.”

She hadn’t expected the compliment, hadn’t expected the flush of heat creeping up her neck or the strange flutter in her belly. She supposed, with a face like that, she would have remembered him too if they had ever crossed paths before.

But she wasn’t done messing with him yet. “Not if you have amnesia.”

“What’s that?”

“Memory loss.”

His brow furrowed. “I don’t have amnesia.”

“That’s what all amnesiacs say.”

She grinned when he rolled his eyes. It wasn’t a bad way to be welcomed to the Avengers Tower, by an attractive Russian man on a balcony watching a beautiful sunset.

-

“You again.” She would recognize that silver mop of hair anywhere. Then again, they had met just two days ago, so the memory of him was still pretty fresh in her mind.

He didn’t seem to care for her icy tone and continued looking at her with interest. His eyes flickered to the tent behind her, then to the bonfire she had built, and back to her. “What’s your name? Why are you here?”

She set aside the marshmallow she was roasting and scowled at him. “I’m not talking to you. You pushed me into the creek!”

He gave her a winning smile. “But I also pulled you out.”

“What, so you want me to thank you for that? Throw myself at your feet and refer to you as my savior?”

A look of confusion passed over his features. “Er… no.”

“There are other ways to show off your super powers, dude!” She huffed and went back to making s’mores. Silence reigned on them as she continued with her meal while he stood frozen in one spot, eyes fixed on her, looking utterly lost. It was unclear what was more disappointing to him: that she wasn’t scared of him or that she didn’t want to be friends with him. Well, excuse her for not being impressed. Thor was a literal God and he had nearly gotten her killed in New Mexico. She was done being friends with trouble. Super done.

The trees around them rustled, an owl hooted somewhere, making the hair on her arm stand on end, the fire crackled happily before her and he still stood there like a statue. It was becoming difficult to ignore his presence.

“Why are you still here?”

He blinked and then averted his eyes. “I don’t want to go back to them.”

“To whom?”

“HYDRA.”

-

“Why don’t you like Tony Stark?”

“He’s the reason my parents are dead.”

“Then why are you in his tower, working for him?”

“I don’t work for him. I work for SHIELD. I just live here.”

“I heard Stark himself sought you out and brought you here from Sokovia.”

“That doesn’t change my feelings for him.”

“But you don’t want him dead anymore.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

-

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

Darcy jumped, nearly falling off the branch she was perched on. She had climbed up a tree to snap some pictures of her tent and the landscape from above. God knew if she’d ever have a chance to experience something like this again. Nature in its true form. Unkempt and untouched.

She glared at the man before her. He hadn’t been there a second ago and had literally appeared in the blink of an eye. “We would if you stop following me,” Darcy snapped, reaching forward to swat his arm.

Pietro laughed. It was a genuine heart-melting sound of delight. Such laughs were so rare coming from him that Darcy had learned to cherish them. He scooted forward until their knees were touching and plucked a stray leaf from her hair. Butterflies immediately erupted in her stomach and her expression softened.

“If you wanted me to stop following you, why did you tell me where you were camping next?”

Darcy turned pink. He had caught her there. It sucked that he was aware of how much she enjoyed his company but it didn’t bother her as much as it normally would have. Pietro never used that knowledge to his advantage and that kinda made him more attractive to her.

She tried to divert. “You’re lucky there are no alarms on your cell block. Aren’t you worried what would happen if Dr. List found out you’ve been breaking out every so often?”

Pietro made a rude sound of dismissal. “List is mad. Idiot person.”

“He’s the one who gave you your powers.”

“No. My powers were asleep. He brought them to life.”

“Same thing.”

“Not same thing,” came the sharp response. He got upset, and rightfully so, whenever she tried to talk to him about HYDRA or the facility where he was imprisoned. She couldn’t, for the life of her, understand why he always went back. If he hated them so much and could escape so easily, why not run away for good?

She supposed he had his secrets, she had hers.

“Are you really going away next week?”

“To London, yeah. Jane needs me.”

“For what?”

“Science stuff.”

“I need you here.”

“No, Pietro, you don’t.”

“Do you even want to go?”

“I don’t know what I want.”

-

“Sometimes I feel like I know you.”

Darcy looked up from her laptop to find him watching her… rather intently. He did that sometimes, grew intense and broody and unusually focused on her. It scared her, his attention. She shouldn’t be getting so much of it when there was someone else in the picture.

She had seen him around the tower with another woman, talking to her, having lunch with her, holding her hand… it was like a knife to the heart. Darcy had never known such jealousy before. What was it about him that called to her? Why didn’t he feel the same way? And if he could never be hers, what gave him the right to look at her like she was the most fascinating creature on the planet and how dare he say things to her that made her heart beat out of her chest?

Sometimes I feel like I know you.

There was no way she was telling him she felt the same way. Like she knew him from somewhere. Like they were meant to be together maybe…

“You do know me,” she said instead, going back to her laptop. This data needed to be typed and categorized into separate folders before Jane returned from her break.

Pietro didn’t say anything for a while.

“Nevermind. I can’t explain it.”

-

They were in her tent and he had just revealed something new to her.

“You have a sister?”

“Yes.”

“She has super powers too?”

“Yes.”

“And you say she’s been using them to help you break out?” She did not give him a chance to reply. “Oh my God, why doesn’t she leave with you?”

“She can’t. She’s not ready yet.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid if you knew, you’d try to save her too.”

“Damn right I would!”

“Darcy, you have to understand, we chose this. Wanda and I wanted this.”

“Why?”

“To free our country.”

“Bullshit! I chose to camp in a Hungarian jungle. That’s a choice. There’s no such thing as willingly being tortured and imprisoned by a terrorist organization.”

“You don’t understand…”

“You’re right. I’d never understand.”

-

“Hide me!” A dark-haired young girl wearing a black shirt and red jacket scurried into the lab and crouched under Darcy’s desk.

“Wanda, what’s up?”

It wasn’t that difficult to accept that Wanda was Pietro’s twin sister and not his girlfriend. Maybe if she had ever looked closely, she would have noticed how platonic their relationship was. She had never even seen them kiss before foolishly assuming the worst.

“It’s the Captain,” Wanda whispered, peeking out to see if she had been followed. “He’s at it again.”

“Staring?”

“Hardcore staring,” came the annoyed reply. “He thinks I don’t know but I can sense these things. I always know when someone’s looking at me.”

Darcy slid down from her chair and crouched beside Wanda. “Why don’t you just talk to him? Tell him he’s being freaky?”

“Why should I? I don’t know the guy, never talked to him save for that one time in the beginning when we were introduced and he held my hand for eight hundred years and got choked up for no reason!”

Darcy snorted. Wanda sounded so much more American these days. It was fun to hear her talk.

“Dude creeps me out,” she finished with a shudder.

“Maybe he likes you,” Darcy suggested, waggling her eyebrows. “Maybe he wants to do dirty things to you.”

“Ew, stop!” Another shudder rippled through Wanda, making Darcy laugh. “He’s old, Darcy!”

“Not that old.”

“He doesn’t like me, not like that,” Wanda stated, sounding surprisingly firm for someone who had never spoken to the man. “And it’s not just him. Agent Romanoff sometimes does it too, looks at me like I’m some kind of a miracle, like I’m going to vanish into thin air if not monitored at all times.”

“Really? That’s weird.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What are you going to do?”

Wanda shrugged. “Don’t know. See if I can get myself transferred to a remote SHIELD facility. I don’t need to stay in Stark’s stupid tower to become a SHIELD agent. If I talk to the right person, I could maybe be placed directly under Agent Coulson.”

“Who’s the right person?”

“Pepper Potts? Director Fury?”

Darcy nodded along absently until a thought struck her and her heart sank. “What about Pietro?”

An impish smile spread across Wanda’s face and she gave Darcy a knowing look. “He can stay here if he wants.”

-

“I’m afraid I’ll never see you again.”

“Me, too.”

“When do you think they’ll let you out of your cells?”

“Once Wanda learns to control her powers.”

“What will you do then?”

“Go to war.”

“You’re gonna get yourself killed, aren’t you?”

“Have some faith, lapushka. If I’m lucky, I can even outrun death.”

-

“Tell me a secret.”

His answer was quick and playful. “I’d like to have super powers.”

Darcy rolled her eyes but couldn’t help matching his grin. “Wouldn’t everyone?”

They were lying side by side on the balcony where they had first met, pretending to star gaze while really just relishing this rare moment away from prying eyes. Darcy took his hand and laced their fingers together, bringing them to rest on her belly. She loved that she could do this. Hold his hand, hug him, kiss him whenever she wanted. After having pined for him for weeks, this new dynamic between them felt amazing. Darcy would even go so far as to say that apart from meeting Jane, being with Pietro was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

“No, I mean a proper secret,” she explained eagerly. “A deep, dark one that you haven’t told anyone.”

“My deep, dark secret,” Pietro echoed pensively. “Hmmm.” He tucked his other hand under his head like a pillow and regarded the stars with a thoughtful frown.

Darcy watched him, letting her eyes rake over his handsome face as she herself wondered if she had a deep, dark secret. She supposed she had secrets (who doesn’t?) but nothing deep, dark or worrisome. Definitely nothing too bizarre… save for the dreams she kept having every now and then that she could never remember.

“Don’t laugh,” Pietro began, pulling her out of her thoughts. “But there are times I feel like I shouldn’t be alive.”

Not knowing how to react, Darcy chuckled in confusion. “What?”

He laughed nervously. “Yeah. It’s difficult to explain.”

“Is it survivor’s guilt? Your parents died and you didn’t?” Darcy asked, trying to understand where he was coming from.

But Pietro simply shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint where the feeling comes from.” He sighed heavily, closing his eyes for a long tense minute before turning to her with raised eyebrows. “What’s your deep, dark secret?”

Darcy huffed out a laugh. “I don’t have one.”

“Then tell me something you haven’t told anyone.” He turned on his side and scooted closer to her, looking genuinely interested in what her answer would be.

“Okay,” Darcy said slowly, racking her brains. Something she hadn’t told anyone… hmm. “I’ve always wanted to go camping.”

Pietro gave her an incredulous look. “You haven’t told anyone you want to go camping?”

Darcy giggled. “No, I haven’t told anyone I was going to quit working for Jane so I could go camping.”

“Really?” He sounded impressed. “Why didn’t you?”

“Some time after the battle of New York, Jane got a call from Pepper Potts and,” here, Darcy grinned complacently, “what idiot would pass on an opportunity to work with the Avengers?”

“You say that now. Wait till you actually meet all of them,” Pietro mumbled wryly. “They’re an intense brood. Always alert. Always together. Sometimes they stare at you in a totally weird way and it creeps you the hell out!”

He sounded so much like Wanda in that moment that Darcy couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, I’ve only met Thor and Bruce and they’ve been nothing but nice to me. Besides, I like it here. You and I wouldn’t have met if I had left Jane to go live in the jungle.”

“Nah, I think we’d have found our way to each other even then.”

Darcy looked at him. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

-

“Do you believe in destiny?”

“No. I believe in serendipity.”

-

She entered Bruce’s lab to find him engaged in a serious conversation with Tony Stark. They were speaking in unusually low tones but Darcy still managed to catch some words here and there when she went in.

“… still in prison… can’t get a hold of Pym…”

“What about strange…?”

“… and the Maximoffs…”

Darcy started at the name and the question “What about the Maximoffs?” slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

Both men stopped talking and turned to stare at her in alarm. “Darcy!” Bruce exclaimed uncomfortably. “When did you come in?”

She caught a glimpse of a man with a goatee on the screen behind them but she blinked and the picture was gone.

“Just now,” she replied carefully. Maybe it had been a bad idea to barge into his lab like that but now that she was here, she wasn’t about to leave without knowing what they were saying about the Maximoff twins. “Is Pietro in trouble?” Her eyes flickered from one Avenger to another in concern.

There was a brief awkward silence before Stark responded, “No.”

“What about Wanda?” Oh God, why was she pushing her luck?

“She’s fine.”

“Then what…?”

“That’s classified, Ms. Lewis, I’m sorry.”

Darcy opened her mouth, then closed it. “You know my name?”

Stark’s lips curved up just a little. “I know everyone in my tower, honey. Especially those who walk around with fanny packs.”

Well, that was a pleasant surprise. Her respect for him increased tenfold, even though she didn’t appreciate the use of an endearment.

Bruce cleared his throat. “Darcy is Pietro’s… uh, that is to say they’re together.”

“In that case, you should join me,” Stark said, jerking his head to the door of the lab. “I was about to go and look for him.”

“Why?”

He exchanged a look with Bruce, who smiled. “Curious, this one.” To Darcy, he said, “Come on, Lewis.”

She followed him out of the lab, bursting with questions. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and seemed to drag his feet as he walked. It was oddly unlike what she had expected of him. But not in a bad way. He looked up at the ceiling and spoke to his A.I.

“Vision—I mean, JARVIS, is Quicksilver in the tower?”

“Yes, sir. He’s in the gym sparring with Agent Romanoff.”

“Good.” He gave Darcy a sidelong glance. “So, Pietro Maximoff, eh? How did that happen?”

Darcy’s brow furrowed. That was highly personal, not to mention rude. Eh, she had never been much for social etiquette anyway. “It just happened. How did you and Miss. Potts happen?”

He grinned. “I pestered her till she loved me back.”

“That’s not a promising start to a relationship.”

His grin widened. “You don’t say.”

Darcy didn’t know if anything could compare to kissing Pietro, but making Iron Man smile was right up there. In all the pictures she had ever seen of him in media, she had never seen him smiling. He was either smirking or looking smugly at the camera or shooting finger guns, but never truly smiling. It was a good look on him.

“Why does Pietro have a codename?” she asked thinking maybe now he’d answer her questions.

“Because he’s special.”

That was unarguably true. Pietro was definitely special, but Darcy doubted Stark meant it the way she was thinking it. So she asked, “How?”

Her question was met with silence. Stark studied her carefully, eyes boring into her as if looking into her very soul. Then he shook his head and said, “You’ll see one day.”

Darcy scowled but didn’t push it.

They reached the gym in no time. Four people were in there out of which two were engaged in a heavy hitting sparring session. Darcy had never seen Pietro fight and she couldn’t believe how amazing he was. The Black Widow was obviously stronger than him—it showed every time she landed a punch and he went stumbling back—but Pietro was definitely faster than her. He fought mostly in defense, weaving under her arms and breezing around her almost like the wind, dodging punches and being a little shit in general. Darcy was proud of him.

In the corner stood Wanda and Agent Coulson, watching the fight with muted interest.

“Hi,” Darcy said excitedly, bounding over to hug Wanda. “How are you? Are you back for good?”

Wanda shook her head. “I’m here for a ‘debriefing session’… like anyone knows what that means,” she said, doing air quotes and everything. Darcy laughed and Pietro promptly got distracted. The Widow spun around and kicked him in the chest, sending him sprawling.

“Damn that hurt,” he groaned, clutching his ribs in pain.

The Widow looked like she couldn’t care less. Giving a deliberate flip to her hair, she left him on the mat and came over to join the bystanders. Darcy started to run to him but Wanda grabbed her hand.

“Don’t. He needs to get up himself.”

“That was a nice show,” Tony Stark said to the Widow, who glanced back at her fallen opponent in disappointment.

“He’s weak,” she declared bluntly.

“He’s just a kid, Nat. He’s gonna get stronger.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Pietro grumbled from the mat, forcing himself up in a sitting position, blue eyes fixed firmly on Darcy.

She shot him a worried smile, every cell in her body telling her to go to his aid. But Wanda was still holding onto her hand. Eventually, he pushed himself up and limped over to join their little group, situating himself right next to Darcy.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” The surroundings blurred and melted every time she looked into his eyes. If she concentrated hard enough, she could imagine them alone on the balcony, just drinking each other in, sneaking kisses every now and then, without a care in the world.

“What are you doing here?”

Before she could reply, the iPod stealer loudly cleared his throat. “This is sweet and all but we have work to do,” he announced, looking meaningfully at Stark and Widow, both of whom nodded, suddenly businesslike.

“Right. I’ll assemble the Avengers in Conference Room 3,” the billionaire stated, pulling out his tablet and making a few quick taps on it. “Is Nick coming?”

Coulson shook his head. “He’s stuck in D.C. Now that Pierce has been taken care of, his responsibilities have fallen to Nick.”

“Gotcha. Now then, Maximoff and Maximoff,” Stark said, looking to Wanda and Pietro mysteriously. “Follow me.” Darcy had just opened her mouth to protest when he interrupted, “Not you, Lewis.”

Great. No one ever told her anything important.

Everyone filed out after Stark. Coulson deigned Darcy with a rare smile as he left. Wanda waved nervously and Pietro hung back to press her against the wall and kiss the breath out of the lungs.

“Do you know what this meeting’s about?” she asked him between kisses.

He made a negating sound, dragging his lips up her jaw and pressing them to her cheek. “I’ll find you after, okay?”

Those words triggered something in her brain and Darcy blinked rapidly, experiencing a horrible déjà vu. Tears sprung to her eyes for no reason and she was so confused by them that she let them slide down her face and soak into her sweater. Her hands tightened around Pietro and she burrowed herself into him for one desperate second before letting him go. “Okay.”

He stepped back and looked into her eyes searchingly, giving her the feeling that he wanted to say something.

When he didn’t, she whispered, “What is it?”

“Nothing.” He stole one last kiss and was gone.

-

“Hello?”

“Darcy?” The voice was muffled but she’d recognize it anywhere.

“Pietro… is that you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God!” Her voice cracked with surprise and relief and she slapped a hand to her mouth. “How… how are you?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m fine, too.” Tears unbidden welled up into her eyes. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed him until this very moment when he was calling her for the first time after their separation in Hungary. “Are you free?” From HYDRA was implied.

“Yes,” he replied after a second’s delay. He sounded okay, if not too cheerful. “I miss you.”

Her heart leapt into her throat at his words. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, happy ones. “I miss you, too,” she whispered. “I can’t believe you remembered my number!”

“How could I…?” There was disturbance at the other end of the line and she was unable to catch the end of his sentence.

“I can’t hear you. Where are you?” Darcy asked, raising her voice.

“I’m on a plane.” His words reached her low and broken. “Something bad… to happen… going to stop it… to you?”

Darcy stood up and went out of the room, ignoring Jane and Ian’s puzzled looks. “What? Pietro, I can’t hear you.” She was getting frantic, desperate to hear his voice, to know what he wanted to tell her. Why was he calling from a plane? Where was he going and with whom?

“I’ll find you after, okay?” The line went dead.

“Hello? Hello?”

-

The rest of the day passed in a haze. Darcy couldn’t concentrate on work, couldn’t eat, forgot to feed Jane, and accidentally knocked a cup of coffee over the star charts. Her nerves were on end and she was growing more impatient as the minutes ticked by.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jane hissed irritably as she cleaned the mess her assistant had made.

“I don’t know,” Darcy mumbled resignedly. “I’m gonna go home. Call me if you need me.”

She couldn’t help being worried. Pietro still hadn’t returned from the meeting and the wait was nerve-wracking. How long did debriefing sessions last anyway? Come to think of it, what did they even mean? And why only the Maximoffs were in attendance? Why not any other agents in training?

She couldn’t identify what it was that was making her so anxious but she had a dreadful feeling something bad was going to happen. The mere idea that the feeling was associated with Pietro somehow was causing her much distress. Her apartment was the only place she felt even remotely comfortable, so she kicked off her shoes and curled up on her bed, trying and failing to clear her mind of these morbid thoughts.

She had no idea when she fell asleep but at around midnight, perhaps even later than that, JARVIS woke her up to tell her Mr. Maximoff was at the door. She scrambled up and out of the room as fast as her legs would allow her, and threw open the door to see him standing on the other side, tired but smiling.

“What took you so long?” she cried just before he stalked forward and gathered her into his arms in a crushing embrace.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” he breathed into her hair, lips brushing against her neck as he spoke. “I’m here now.”

At first she thought he was apologizing for being late and making her worry, but he kept whispering the word over and over again like a mantra and Darcy wondered what it was that he was really apologizing for. She decided she’d have time to grill him later. Right now it seemed like he needed her, so she let him cling to her for as long as he wanted. It was something they had never done before, held each other in an intimate embrace for such long minutes… but it felt like coming home. And the moment itself felt like it meant something. Like there was more to it than just two lovers hugging.

“I told you we’d find our way to each other,” Pietro murmured, pulling away to cup her face with both his hands. “No matter what path we choose or decisions we make.”

Darcy didn’t want to ruin the moment because he was looking into her eyes and saying nice things that were possibly even deep, but she had no idea what he was talking about. “What are you saying?” she asked, staring at him in wide-eyed innocence.

It was the first time she noticed how red his eyes were, as if he had been crying… or maybe he was just exhausted and sleepy. It was the middle of the night after all and it had been a long day for him.

He ignored her question and pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course!” Darcy replied immediately, reaching behind him to shut the door. “You don’t even have to ask.”

She tugged on his hand and led him straight into her bedroom. There was no awkwardness, no fear of what would or would not happen. They were just so comfortable with each other, it showed in the way they held hands, shared glances, and lay close to each other under the sheets.

“You have no idea how much the world has gone through to bring us together,” Pietro said unexpectedly as he traced patterns on the back of her hand.

Darcy giggled. “What? Since when are you so cheesy?”

He broke into a big grin. “Since I discovered the truth.”

“And what’s the truth?”

Pietro hesitated, just for a second. “That I love you.”

Darcy punched his arm, unconvinced. “That is not the truth you meant. Liar!”

He frowned. “I just told you I love you. Aren’t you going to say something about that?”

“I already knew it. For an otherwise smart person, you’re clueless when it comes to matters of the heart,” Darcy teased, pinching his chin affectionately.

“Oh,” he whispered, taken aback by her candor. “Won’t you say it back?”

“Not until you tell me what happened in the debriefing session.” She did the air quotes just like Wanda had.

Pietro sighed and didn’t meet her eyes. “I can’t tell you. Sorry, Darce.” He did sound sorry but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Darcy’s face fell. “Why not? I won’t tell anybody.”

“It’s not that. It’s just… a long story and it’s hard to believe and also, knowing it could put you in danger.” Pietro shook his head firmly. “And I’m not willing to risk that.”

“What about you?” Darcy asked, now more curious than ever. “Doesn’t it put you in danger?”

His lips curled into a smirk. “I can take care of myself.”

“So can I.”

“Maybe so.” He regarded her with mischief in his eyes, reminding her of the wolf in the fairytale Red Riding Hood. “But can you do this?”

Before she could blink an eye, he had rolled on top of her and buried his face in her neck, blowing a loud raspberry below her ear. Darcy screamed with laughter, momentarily forgetting their conversation as he repeatedly made increasingly funny fart noises on her skin. She wondered how someone could go from being serious to totally goofy in no time. Pietro amazed her to no end and as she wriggled beneath him, unable to stop laughing, Darcy knew that he was right. When he said that they’d always find their way to each other, in his own twisted way he meant they were meant for each other. And to Darcy, that made a lot of sense.

-

He never told her what had happened in that top secret ‘debriefing session’, neither did Wanda. But a year later when a dangerous undercover mission triggered his latent super powers to life, Darcy found out why the top secret meeting had been called in the first place. The Avengers knew more about the Maximoffs than they let on and Darcy realized what Tony Stark had meant when he had told her Pietro was special.

Silver hair suited him and so did the codename Quicksilver.

I can tell you have questions. Throw ‘em at me. :)

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 5658

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TG: jakester

TG: guess who

TG: i cannot say who

TG: i am totes undercover here

TG: on derse

TG: up to my see thru butt in wily espionage

TG: it is getting so cloak and dagger in this bitch u dont even no

TG: the carapace men are all wearing jaunty suits

TG: its like i have become magically sealed in a lame spy fic and now im havin adventures that make no sense

TG: hell even i am dressed 2 kill too bad none of these gents can see what a fuckin fox im being

TG: i would get one to light my cigarette so hard, and then wink this whole bunch of times @ him

TG: and then seduce him for his secrets !!!!

TG: ooh la la this adventure is steaming up

TG: such a racy twist would surely fog up their shiny black shells

TG: nah but bangin a chess dude probably aint feasible or even remotely advisable to try

TG: i wonder how that would work, i dont even...

TG: well you seen em right they p universally do not wear pants

TG: like what is even down there

TG: not a whole lot

TG: ok jake we are getting sidetracked here lets FOCUS

TG: and yo...

TG: dont think that my present jocular attitude and introspection on the subject of chess guy dong means u are off the hook for ruining janeys b day

TG: ur still in some hot water for that pal

TG: you owe her something BIG to make up for your tooly ways

TG: lemme know if you want to brainstorm w me about how to make it up to her

TG: try 2 get your ass out of the dog house

TG: and if you wanna talk about what happened with dirk thats coo 2...

TG: i guess...

TG: i will fix all our shitty friendships single handedly if i got to

TG: like savin 3 dumb bawling teens from a burning building

TG: and then hose their stupid asses down while the building collapses behind me

TG: but enougha that

TG: it is not time for feelings it is time for action

TG: which means you are just the man for the job

TG: the job...

TG: of

TG: doing action

TG: shut up :p

TG: we need to get ready for a battle tomorries

TG: a big one

TG: some sort of like

TG: STRIFE ROYALE

TG: so its time 2 prepare

TG: u should get to prospit

TG: i can explain more when youre there but as long as you havent left yet

TG: i think we could use a bunch of new gear too

TG: gear which i think we shall agree must be diagnosed with THE SICKNESS

TG: ur years of medical training have all been leading to this moment

TG: 2 make sure our showdown shit is ill as heck

TG: so maybe

TG: you can get started on that?

TG: jake??

TG: jaaaaaake

TG: omfg

TG: what is going on

TG: why wont anybody talk to me???

TG: what am i fuckin invisible here

TG: wait...

TG: oh

TG: heheh

TG: no bullshit theres still no excusing ppl ignoring me!

TG: I D not G A fuck WHAT magic bling im rockin or how voidey im being

TG: u a holes are behaving straight up RUDE i dont need this shit

TG: fuuuuuuuck AAAAAAAAAAALL YAAAAAAAAAAALL

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

i have so many theories!!! theyre all screaming at me!!! i must write out them all!!!!! 

so here’s one that’s been knocking around my head since finals week began:

the Writing 3 Playlist on Spotify 

I think this bad boy is a hint at the game’s timeline

maybe not 100% explanatory, but I think we can guess certain parts of the game through this

and i just wanna tell y’all now, almost all of this is speculation, as honestly im 90% sure the playlist was created bc it had borderlands-y songs in it (although the last few have me scratching my head)

lemme explain why im writing this, though I’m very thirsty for lore

tl;dr: game goes like this: lilith powers stolen. go to promethea, go to jungle, find brick mordy and tina, get into a fight, lose fight, go find other VHs, get into another fight, Krieg shows up to save Maya, maya die. (oh no she ded), the twins have their we are GODS moment, the VHs get summoned to the Eridian homeworld, there’s a huge ass final battle, someone attempts to create an end-of-the-world scenario

so the playlist itself was created to help one of the authors of the game get into their borderlands jam 

it starts with a Cage the Elephant song, “Trouble”, the band of which we all know wrote the first song used in BL1. Not really much else to say here, but we do know the opening cutscene of the game involves our current team of Vault Hunters being attacked by the Children of the Vault. this is, of course, not indicative of any songs used in bl3, but we can assume it captures the general feeling of the game.

Second song: “Fire” by Barns Courtney (holy shit I love this guy so fucking much!! if you’ve never listened to his music, PLEASE do so! I really recommend “Rather Die”- I am in the process of making a bl3 animatic to it actually lmao). 

So anyway, I’m just sayin’, the lyrics of this song...

“Oh, a thousand faces staring at me Thousand times I've fallen Thousand voices dead at my feet Now I'm gone... And my mother told me son let it be Sold my soul to the calling Sold my soul to a sweet melody Now I'm gone... Oh gimme that fire ...”

Honestly, I would not be surprised if this song was about Lilith’s loss of her powers. I mean, she used to call herself the Firehawk because she burned the shit outta bandits. c’monnn.

The man, the myth, the legend himself even says that "[The song is] quite defiant as well, like this cannot be how it ends, it cannot be my situation."

Mooooving on

“Majesty” by Apashe and Wasiu

holy fuck i love this song so much. and its so very obviously about the Calypso Twins- at the very least its Tyreen.

“All the stars and galaxies address me as your majesty So better say your majesty, I might react erratically Throw you in a fire, purify you I'm the sire, my empire's on the rise You better find yourself a place to hide Your place to find, but say it twice My name divine, I'm aimin' high Don't look in my face or eyes Take a bow and save your life Glory to the emperor, my temperature is risin' Always hot, it's getting violent”

I mean come on if its not when we meet the twins for the first time after they steal lily’s powers, then its definitely when they do something absolutely badass and really show us why they’re revered as gods. Possibly related to the Holy Broadcasting Center?

“The Way I Do” by Bishopp Briggs 

this one honestly had got me stumped as to its purpose, i lowkey kinda think its getting Sanctuary 3 up and running (and possibly meeting Maya for the first time- still not sure about that). I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a whole thing for Scooter and this song fits pretty well. I imagine we also meet Vaughn and the Children at some point, so maybe here?

“Greeting the Menace” by Zack Hemsey 

yeah i uhhhh dunno. This sounds like a song about a dude getting tortured which scares me a bit lmao. 

I thought maybe this song and the next 2 could be VH-based songs, as the next 2 have no lyrics whatsoever and the third is called “Best Friends”, but who knows... If this is the case I could make the argument this is about Zane or Moze, leaning towards Zane cuz he’s pretty covered up, plus I think “Best Friends” would be more Moze’s style lmao

I could also see this being a song about Troy... could explain all the ‘body mods’ and the missing arm.

“ProtoVision” by Kavinsky

If we’re going with the idea that these next few songs are about the Vault Hunters, then I imagine this would be Fl4k’s. It’s got that synth and some guitar which I think fits perfectly with his robo-hobo aesthetic lol

Other than that, I truly have no idea what part of the story this song could reference since there aren’t any lyrics. Maybe Promethea’s city? I could kinda see it, it sounds pretty high-tech

Similarly, “diatribe.” by Oliver Michael

the beginning gives me a whole meditation vibe which I kinda associate with Amara and her phasecast skill which “sends out an astral projection” of herself. 

Then again, this could be the outskirts of the Promethean city... I could see myself wandering around the huge ass foliage and discovering an abandoned research base to this song idk

“Best Friends” by grandson

aaahh i love grandson. I think this could be a Moze-based song. I just get that vibe from her leather jacket... anyway

I also could totally see this as discovering Brick, Mordecai, and Tina in the research base (if that truly is where they are). Cause we saw them in the trailer hanging out there. 

tbh the lyrics themselves kinda remind me of pre-Tales Rhys and Fiona and all their friends

“All of my best friends Like to go and get fucked up Then they talk about all the lives they never got to live Oh, they're still waiting for some sort of invitation It's never coming along, oh no, you'll get just what you give”

but idk if that’s what its meant for

“Bap U” by Party Favor

hmm another ‘lyricless’ song. not really lyric-less but uhhh the lyrics are pretty nonsensical lol

I could see there being a fight scene with Brick Tina and Mordy as AIs helping out here, maybe exploring the abandoned research base?

“Not Human” by elegant slims 

oh you know what im going to say here hahaha

monster troy p l e a s e

i wouldn’t be surprised if Tyreen started accumulating more powers here, like perhaps the previous fight scene was over the Vault on Promethea and the twins were able to access it before us? and Tyreen gives the Vault Monster the succ

“Crack in the seams You're breaking through The animal inside of you You're not human anymore... Your eyes go black electric blue The animal inside of you Life on a string Watch it swing Hide your teeth”

and one (or both) of the twins start going feral lol

“Way Down We Go” by KALEO

one (1) fear and that’s that someone dies during the scene that corresponds to this song

hopefully its just the boys being depressed over a loss instead of a victory, but oof

anyway, you know what they say: “sometimes you gotta fall before you make it big” ;) thats a typhon deleon quote

“I’m a Wanted Man” by Royal Deluxe

I want to believe these next few songs are us recruiting the rest of the Vault Hunters not seen yet

I kinda associate this one with Axton since his whole History with DAHL, but who knows! It could be Gaige, too. or Maya since she looks like she’s being incredibly gay criminal on the Maliwan Monastery planet. Maybe both Axton and Gaige? I would love that

“The Devil You Know” by X Ambassadors 

Could also be Axton! I lowkey think its Salvador or Timothy Lawrence. The reason I think its Timothy is cuz the whole song gives me huge Handsome Jack vibes, but it could also be Sal cuz I totally imagine him becoming a bounty hunter to fund his gun addiction lmao

“00000 Million” by Ella Vos

this one also gives off Maya vibes imo. I wouldn’t be surprised if this one is about her and the introduction of Little Blue. I could also see Athena and Janey here, just living their lives out in a cottage somewhere. awww

“Jungle” by Tash Sultana

Ahh a love song [pukes] Hopefully this one is about Athena and Janey, cuz there is a depressing lack of both of them in all the trailers we’ve seen! It sounds lowkey sad, though. I hope nothing happened to them D:

“Don’t Wait Up” by Dustbowl Revival

this one gives me very big Fiona and Sasha vibes. 

Of course, there’s also the fact that the song is about a dad, and we still don’t know who the heck “the Father” is on all those Calypsos posters. We also dunno who in the heck “Mother” is, either. Sounds like Father left the cult, though, oof, and Mother stuck around. Wonder what that’s all about, maybe he felt like the twins were working fast/efficient enough and left to do things himself? Very lost on this idea tbh. the song seems very out of place, but it has to connect to something, yknow?

“Dies Irae” by Apashe and Black Prez

For those of you who don’t speak fluent Latin (the fuck guys?? lmao jk), the title means "Day of Wrath". Nice, nice, nice. 

the lyrics, you might be asking:

“'Cause I'ma beast. Where you at? I've been unleashed. Whatchu doin'? Sink my teeth. Y'all can't fathom I'ma beast”

me: [vibrating in my seat] monster twins monster twins monster twins monster twins

at the very least this is definitely a fight scene here. Probably with the twins again (hopefully). Maybe they found some way to imbue the cultists with fucked up powers and are sending them against the VHs as giant demon things and as we fight through the temple (apparently with some Guardians) we realize the final one is Troy and/or Tyreen?

I like to imagine this is where Maya gets her powers stolen, if only because the next few songs... I think she’s around because she’s now the only person with Siren powers on the side of the Crimson Raiders, so they might need her help with the Vault in some way

“RAMPAGE” by GRAVEDGR

y’all wonder why I seemingly forgot about Krieg in the above songs? Well, this is why. 

The only lyric for this entire song is “Bitch, I'm on a rampage- mask on my damn face”

I mean come on, Krieg with his psycho mask on, the fact his action skill is literally called “Buzz Axe Rampage”, the fact he loves Maya as shown in his introductory trailer... it’d be so perfect. And I bet badass psycho Krieg would be the only thing able to beat back whatever’s attacking at the moment. I’m just imagining him smashing down a wall and going apeshit

“Black Out Days” by Phantograms

Another song I think is about Krieg and Maya. I don’t think Maya does too hot in this game, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she gets the Roland treatment if you know what I’m saying. I wonder if this causes Krieg to devolve back into insanity cause the whole song seems to focus around that. I hope not D:

“Hide the sun I will leave your face out of my mind You should save your eyes A thousand voices howling in my head Speak in tongues I don't even recognize your face Mirror on the wall Tell me all the ways to stay away”

To be honest I could also see it being that Maya gets her powers stolen and thoughtlock-ed by the twins to fight on their side (as she’s seen fighting with the big demon elemental things), and maybe we have to kill her or hurt her in some way to get her to stop attacking us. God I hope not.

Let’s hope this is someway about the twins and definitely not about our favorite Siren and/or Psycho

“The Finishing” by Stavroz

oof i think somebody dies... If its not Maya, my best guess is Krieg or Lilith. Maybe Mordecai or Brick? Oh I hope not, I love both of them way too much for it to be healthy. But, hey, at least Tina learned some coping mechanisms :(

“Intro” and “Apocalypse Please” by Muse

merged these into 1 because Intro is like 15 seconds long and is literally the introduction to Apocalypse Please. 

Definitely reaching the end of the game here... 

“And it's time we saw a miracle Come on, it's time for something biblical To pull us through And pull us through And this is the end This is the end Of the world Proclaim eternal victory Come on and change the cause of history And pull us through”

I think the twins (or whoever may have become the main villain- perhaps the Eridians?) have claimed victory/gotten the ultimate power in one way or another, and/or this is the Crimson Raiders getting themselves ready for a final stand-off with the big bad evil guy. 

I would really love if there’s a scene right at the end of this where the Twins have their huge “BOW TO ME” moment and then they just get COMPLETELY obliterated by a new villain. Just absolutely decimated.

New villain, like if they opened a Vault and whatever was being imprisoned there just wipes the floor with them (something like the Destroyer, if not the Destroyer itself), or fuck shit maybe even Tannis? or the Eridians looking for help in the war. or the Eridians bringing war. Who knows!

Again, could just be the Twins having gotten their hands on the end-game material, like realizing they can turn troy into big demon fuck (no i am not letting this one go) and we are kinda fucked now.

“Free Animal” by Foreign Air

I... have no idea lol

maybe Krieg getting rescued, maybe (one of?) the twins getting recruited by the Raiders for the final fight? It could fit into the ‘Beast’ imagery. Fuck, maybe even rescuing/finding Typhon or something? Idk, im kinda in the party that Typhon is going to be coming back some way or another lol, I’d love to meet the guy

“Dreams” by ZHU and Nero

This definitely sounds like a new BBEG has just been introduced or the big bads just entered the final phase of their plan, like the Crimson Raiders just learned about something life-changing and this is their “oh shit” moment

i wanna believe that the Eridians or another alien race (like the Seraphs!) are going to come in at the ‘end’ of the game and the Watcher is gonna be like “bitch did you really think I thought these dumbass ECHOnet streamers were the epitome of War??” I imagine we’d be on the side of the Eridians here, since y’know, the Watcher came to us for help.

Of course, the twins could still be the BBEG and have gotten their hands on that universe-destroying power that was described on the website (”to recover a map to ancient Vaults and prevent a universe-destroying power from falling into the wrong hands”) so maybe the Eridians called us in in order to meet and get help against the COV?

“Beyond the Fray” by Cassandra Violet

personally i think this one is about the Eridian homeworld

“I'll mark the day When we can meet beyond the fray Don't lose the will to see your home You find the way so we can meet beyond the fray I'll fight to see that you get home Consider this small clue Look beyond your point of view Make a space for honesty hide“

Wouldn’t even be surprised if someone made a sacrifice so we could get there... I imagine its hidden somewhere in the alternate dimension or wherever the Vaults lead to so it couldn’t be found, so maybe Lilith’s got her powers back at this point and she sacrifices herself to send us there?

idk...

“Outside the Realm” by Big Giant Circles

ah yes, another reason I think the end of the game involves the Eridian homeworld in some way. Have you heard this?? huge “we just stumbled upon a long-lost-alien-planet” vibe. I love it. Maybe even just a shot of Sanctuary III slowly gliding over the giant planet, having just exited phasewalk. God yes

“Battle Royale” by Apashe

another reason i think the final fight is some giant battlefield/wave fight instead of just against 1 or 2 enemies. not to mention the fact that the VH skills we’ve seen so far are crowd control based instead of raid boss focused. 

Its likely the VHs against the Cult of the Vault, but if we defeat the Twins halfway through the game, then the Cult will dissolve on its own. Either way, I really really really really really want a huge fight against an army. I don’t care if its against the Children of the Vault, the Eridians/some Guardians, or if its against the Seraphs or a new set of aliens we’re gonna get (maybe whatever the Destroyer was/is?). idk idc i just want a huge battle. I imagine we’re on the Eridians’ side, as I said above, but who knows, maybe the Watcher went rogue. 

oh and also, the next song:

“Doomsday” by NERO

oh hey, I recognize this song, it’s giving me major BL2 flashbacks lmao

Also the last song in the playlist, which is giving me the big fear (tm)

I imagine that we wouldn’t have been brought to the Eridian homeworld if it wasn’t kind of a huge deal, and what’s more of a huge deal than the end of the universe?!

that’s what i’d call doomsday, anyway.

could be the reason the Eridians are coming out of hiding after all this time. Either to stop our dumb human asses from opening the Vaults, or to get help against these alien fucks because our dumb human asses keep destroying their first line of defense- the Vault Monsters.

If the twins actually DO remain the main villains throughout the whole game, then I imagine this is them prepping to destroy the universe

but maaaan i really want some aliens... maybe the universe destroying power IS the aliens? aw hell yeah

[janeyseymour]

Wine and Beer Night

Jane and Jenna have a girls’ night. Antics ensue. 

Jenna and Jane had become fast friends; that was something no one could argue about. The Pomatter-Hunterson clan could and would often be found at the queens’ house on many weekends. At least once a month though, the third queen and the baker would have “girls’ night” with just the two of them. The other queens were more than happy to watch over Lulu while Jim spent the night watching various sports and/or playing games and having a beer. 

This particular weekend, the pair had already gone through a bottle of wine together, delightfully tipsy. Whatever movie playing on the television had been long forgotten, the two chatting and giggling together instead.

“Wine’s gone!” the blonde giggled. “What are we going to do! We can’t go get more!”

“Oh no! What ever are we going to do?” the baker feigned panic. “What are we going to do in New York City at,” she paused to check the time. “7:30 on a Friday night?”

“I have no idea!” Jane stated with a serious tone in her voice. “I’m pretty tipsy though.”

“Well, you are over twenty-one you know. You can go out in public slightly tipsy.” The brunette tapped a finger to her chin. “Or I have more wine downstairs, or we could have a couple of Jim’s beers. I’m sure he wouldn’t care.”

“We could be like the guys!” the queen shouted excitedly. “Let’s have beer!”

And so, the two began to drink beer. They went the whole nine yards too: they turned off the sappy rom-com they were watching in exchange for sports. They changed from their blouses and jeans into tee-shirts and sweatpants. The hair went from cascading down their shoulders in nice curls to the messiest of buns. Instead of sitting properly, they opted to sit like men: legs spread apart, slouching, and one arm resting over the back of the couch. 

“Can we send a photo to Jim like this? I’ll tell him we’re just a couple of the ‘the guys’! He’ll think it’s funny!” Jenna asked once she got a look at how Jane was presenting herself.

“Oh my gosh! That would be so funny!” A sober Jane would never sit like this or willingly take a picture like this. An intoxicated queen thought it was just hysterical. 

The two posed for a few pictures before sending them to Jim.

“Wait, send me those! I’m going to post one on my Instagram!” the blonde was laughing so hard she could barely get the words out. 

“Are you sure? Your instagram is pretty... queenly.” The baker wasn’t nearly as intoxicated as her friend.

“Yeah! Everyone’s always telling me I need to get the stick out of my ass! This’ll show ‘em ol’ Janey knows how to let loose!”

“Only if you promise that when you wake up tomorrow you’re not going to regret posting it,” Jenna reasoned. 

“Anne’s posted worse pictures and videos of me on Instagram and uh,” Jane fell silent, a look of confusion on her face. “Tic Tac! She’s posted videos of me on her Tic Tac!”

The brunette fell into a fit of laughter. “Oh my,” she wheezed. “Oh my god! It’s TikTok!” 

JaneySeymour: just guys bein dudes @JHunterson

JPoms: Is this what happens when girls drink beer?

JaneySeymour: @JPoms excuse me we are LADIES

AnnieBoleyn: Is that my Janey IN SWEATPANTS?! #sorrynotsorry but @JHunterson we can no longer be friends

JHunterson: @AnnieBoleyn ...? I like being friends though?

AnnieBoleyn: @JHunterson I’ve been trying to get her to let loose like this for SO long, and you can just... get her to do it like that?!?! #sorryntosorry but @JaneySeymour I’m mad at you

Catherine_Aragon: @AnnieBoleyn nto    @JHunterson Don’t worry- she tells me we’re not friends in like 90% of the conversations we have. She doesn’t mean it.

JHunterson: @AnnieBoleyn ...what if I made you some pie as an apology?

AnnieBoleyn: @JHunterson ...Apology accepted. 

A few hours later both women were still sipping beers, but the sports game playing on the television was long forgotten.

“Did I ever tell you how I met Jim?” Jenna looked at the blonde who shook her head no. “I was married to another guy before I married Jim.” 

“What the-”

“Earl Hunterson. The only reason I kept his last name is so Lulu at least has some part of her father. He was a real piece of shit.” And so, Jenna began to explain her journey. Jane hung onto every word.

“Damn,” Jane muttered when the brunette finished her story. “He kind of sounds like Henry.”

“Kind of.”

“No! Like for real! Henry was abusive! I mean, he cut off Annie and Kat’s heads! And he was emotionally abusive too! And all he wanted was a son! That’s nuts!”

“Funny how our stories are very similar and from completely different time periods,” Jenna laughed awkwardly.

“Uh... my father told me I was going to be a disappointment and failure to the family if I didn’t move our family up in class? He ate my shit because I became queen!” Jane offered back.

“Oh dear God,” Jenna looked horrified. “Why don’t we move to other things to talk about?”

“Oh! I got one! But you have to promise not to tell any of the other queens!” The blonde held out her pinky finger and looked at her friend expectantly. Jenna laughed at her drunken friend’s antics but linked their pinkies.

“Okay, I won’t tell any of them. Pinky promise,” the baker affirmed. 

“I have a tattoo!” 

“You what?!” Jenna exclaimed.

“Yeah!” The blonde lifted her shirt to show the small tattoo on her ribcage. “It’s just a simple one, but it means a lot.” She pointed to it- a small “VI” in black ink. 

“SiX?” Jenna’s face softened. Jane would get something meaningful like that.

“Yeah! Because, like Cathy said in the show, ‘All I need is SiX.’ Don’t tell the girls though.”

“Why not?”

“Because if they find out ‘Mom’ has a tattoo, that means they’ll all want to get tattoos. Besides, I have my ‘Mom’ reputation to uphold. Tattoos are a bit chaotic.”

“I mean, I have a tattoo too.” Jenna took off her shirt so that she was sitting in her sports bra. “See?” She pointed to the daffodil on her right shoulder. 

“That’s so pretty! Does it have any meaning to you at all?”

“Daffodils typically mean rebirth and new beginnings. Got it after I had Lu and left Earl.”

“I love that!”

The two fell asleep that night on the baker’s couches, a rude hangover awaiting the two of them in the morning.

“I’m never drinking again if this is what a hangover feels like,” Jane groaned.

“Not until next month when we inevitably drink again on girls’ night.”