#due date is RIGHT on the cusp basically so it could go either way

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: Authority (The Southern Reach #2) (2014) - REREAD

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Horror, Science Fiction, Ecological Horror, Cosmic Horror, Mystery, Weird, Third-Person, Unreliable Narrator

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 1/05/2021

Date Finished: 1/10/2021

John "Control" Rodriguez, a disgraced former spy, is given an opportunity to redeem himself at the Southern Reach, the clandestine organization that oversees the mysterious and horrifying Area X. The director has gone missing following the disastrous "twelfth" expedition in Annihilation. Control is brought in to take over her job and fix the Southern Reach... and perhaps find a way to combat the insidious, paranormal effects of Area X.

But Control soon discovers just how deep Area X's corruption infects the place. Even worse, failures of the past-- both his own and those of the Southern Reach-- return to haunt him in disturbing ways. Badly outmatched within and without, Control will need to do everything he can to save not only the organization, but himself.

The last fragment of video remained in its own category: "Unassigned." Everyone was dead by then, except for an injured Lowry, already halfway back to the border.

Yet for a good twenty seconds the camera flew above the glimmering marsh reeds, the deep blue lakes, the ragged white cusp of the sea, toward the lighthouse.

Dipped and rose, fell again and soared again.

With what seemed like a horrifying enthusiasm.

An all-consuming joy.  

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: some body horror but way toned down compared to Annihilation. Mind control/hypnotic suggestion is still a thing. Non graphic sexual content. Disturbing images. Without spoiling the entire book, there are several scenes that come off as gaslighting, but do have an alternate explanation. As before, a pervasive sense of unreality.  

While Annihilation is a deep dive into the horrors of Area X, Authority takes a step back. It examines the situation from the perspective of the Southern Reach, the organization that oversees the expeditions we got to know so intimately in the last book. Control is a newcomer, so he functions as a natural outsider perspective. However, he's far from naïve due to his past experience in what I have to assume is the CIA (just called "Central" in the book). It's clear from the get-go that the Southern Reach is falling apart with its ancient buildings, circular and helpless theories, dwindling funding, and bizarre office politics. While Annihilation frames the Southern Reach as shady and possibly complicit in Area X's existence, Authority demonstrates the government would be predictably bad at handling an unknowable cosmic horror zone over any length of time.

Though I noted in my Annihilation review that most of the mystery surrounding Area X remains just that, Authority casually drops two major revelations in the first few chapters. First is... it's definitely aliens, right? Like, that's the only explanation that tracks-- why everything about the place is anathema to humanity, why it's impossible for characters to fully understand it, why mimicry is such a major aspect, etc. If you didn't suspect this already, it explains a lot. In particular, the "colonization" terminology and imagery in Annihilation hits different in that context. I have a lot of feelings about how this series approaches the extraterrestrial, but I'll save that for my Acceptance review.

The second reveal is that Control is taking over for the former director of the Southern Reach, who is MIA following Annihilation's "twelfth" expedition. Who is the director? The psychologist-- the pseudo antagonist of the last book, who we know got Super Killed Off. Turns out she's important and probably not actually evil? The biologist is also inexplicably back, but something is off about her, and she insists on being called Ghost Bird now. Did the biologist truly return (counter to the ending of the last book) or is this one of the shells Area X sometimes spits back out into the real world? If she's the latter, Ghost Bird seems to have much more personality and self awareness than the others. It is interesting to consider an entity of Area X would willingly name herself.

So, Authority is a weird book. The horror element is still present, but toned down. Instead, there's a lot of focus on the new character Control, his past, and the workings of the Southern Reach. In some ways this is refreshing. Annihilation (and the finale Acceptance) are so deeply entwined with Area X it's hard to see what "normal" looks like, and Authority brings that perspective. Relatively speaking. Second, and this is a spoiler, much of that normalcy is a facade. Control is basically mind controlled (heh) by a faction in Central, and is unaware of it for most of the book. It comes across in little ways, like the anachronistic storytelling and Control's confusion/disorientation at times.

We also learn that Area X doesn't just contaminate things inside it, but things outside it as well... and it's been doing this for some time. As a result, there's always a sense of Area X lurking in the periphery, manifesting in strange and unexpected ways. Something I like is the background chatter Control overhears being lines from Annihilation, which he isn't aware of, but the reader sure is.

I've read this book a few times, and while there are things I really like about it, it's probably my least favorite of the trilogy. I think the slower pacing and different narrative approach have merits, but just aren't as interesting to me as the rest of the series. It's noteworthy that my favorite bits in Authority are the disturbing video of the first expedition and the sudden End of Evangelion-esque return of Area X near the end-- not the espionage and philosophical tangents that comprise most of the book.  There are several ideas that seem interesting but don't go anywhere, and those feel like a waste of space. I think Authority could be pared down to half its page count and still get across the same feelings and general concept.

Control is also not the most interesting protagonist, especially compared to previous and later characters. He's not terrible, but he spends most of his time just thinking in circles and observing mundane office politics. While this is fine at first it starts to drag as the story goes on. As I said, a lot of tangents go nowhere, and there's not much going on beyond those until well over halfway into the book. Control does have a hidden tragic backstory, and it's interesting enough, but it barely factors into the overarching Area X storyline outside some symbolic comparisons. He feels out of place, perhaps intentionally.

I do like the dry humor and observations Control brings and how they contrast with the intense tone of Annihilation. I can also see the appeal of having a more ordinary character, if only to bring context to the extraordinary. But the problem is Control isn't ordinary. He's the youngest member of a dynasty of professional spies! Yet somehow I just don't find him exciting compared to an antisocial biologist. I dunno. Ultimately Control is a pawn in the story, used and manipulated by other people, and (spoilers) this doesn't change in Acceptance.

I had similar dilemmas with VanderMeer's Ambergris books, particularly book two, so perhaps it's a fact about his writing. When it's good it's GOOD, but sometimes the things I like get lost in rambling narrative fluff. The question is whether getting through the less interesting parts is worth it for the really good parts. With The Southern Reach trilogy, I'd argue the latter. I have no issues with the style or pacing in Annihilation or Acceptance, and the overarching story is fascinating.

I've mentioned many times before that I usually struggle with book twos in trilogies, and this one isn't an exception. However, I do appreciate what Authority is going for on a meta and lore level when viewing the series as a whole. It does establish a lot of things that either explain earlier stuff or pay off later; it just takes a while to get to them. The context of everything else bumps this to an 8.   

[jonsa101]

Sharpwin Recap/Meta of Season 2 Episode 10 “Code Silver”

Y’all I can’t get over this episode!!!!!! It’s not an exaggeration when I say that I literally screamed through the entire last scene of tonight’s episode. I CAN’T GET OVER WHAT I JUST WITNESSED!!! Before I dive in can we talk about Freema Ageyman’s acting tonight?! She literally knocked it out of the park! One thing that I love about Freema is that she’s able to spell out what Helen is thinking so clearly without saying much at all and it’s INCREDIBLE. I said this in a crazed, manic and (misspelled), way on twitter tonight but I’m going to repeat it here. Can we all take about the confidence Helen exudes tonight while talking to Max?! She is literally a whole ass WOMAN and her facial expressions alone was putting on game and putting the ball in Max’s court!

I mean the man was literally stumbling over his words in her presence while he was awkwardly/basically asking her out on a date. I’m 1000% convinced that the events that unfolded tonight only deepened his love for her and it was so evident in their conversation. Before I continue to frantically type all of my incoherent thoughts about Sharpwin on this post, still reeling and majorly fanfirling about this episode, here are a two of my biggest takeaways from tonight’s episode and what I think it means for Sharpwin for the rest of this season.

Helen and Max seem to be fully aware of the fact that they have feelings for each other (are in love) but they don’t know what to do with it. In my previous metas, one of my strongest arguments for earlier on in their relationship was that it’s entirely possible to be in love/fall in love with someone without fully realizing it. For the most part, I believe that has been in the case for Helen and Max. Consciously they are not “fully aware” or better yet completely surpressed the idea due to outside circumstances (Max marriage to Georgia, doctor/paitient relationship, etc.) and yet in their subconscious, the depths of their souls, they totally were. That’s why all of their interactions have been laced with angst and SUBTEXT and their are endless “conversations within a conversation” between them. After tonight’s episode this essence of their relationship has shifted. Do you guys realize how monumental it is for Helen to willingly choose to stay at New Amsterdam? It’s not about titles but everything that we as an audience know about Helen at this point we would have fully expected her to leave New Amsterdam. (This might still happen but that’s another topic for another post.) After all of her hard work and everything she’s put into that department, Helen is not the type of woman to easily take a back seat and allow this dent in her career to happen. And yes, I’m sure other factors influenced her decision to stay at New Amsterdam but we can’t deny that one of the biggest reasons she decided to stay was because of Max. That’s huge y’all and in more ways than none that’s her openly accepting/ admitting to herself that Max means something profoundly deep to her that she would put her career on the line. For Max, he’s definitely aware but for him it’s connecting the rest of the dots. It’s like he has all these feelings and doesn’t know what to do with them. He vocalizes it but does it in a way where it’s still “safe.” There’s no denying that he loves her deeply. His longing looks and constant declarations of his need and want for her tells us that but it’s at the cusps still and hasn’t fully broken through where the realization he’s deeply in love with her has smacked him in the face. It will soon but either way, for both of them the angst will be on level 10 and they won’t know what to do with their feelings.

This season will NOT be about Max and a potential new love interest but will more likely be about Max being a single dad while dealing with his growing feelings for Helen that he refuses to act on. Ever since David Schulner’s interview so many people interpreted that interview like Max was going to have a potential new love interest. First of all, I usually take all showrunner interviews with a grain of salt. Second of all, that has never been my interpretation of the interview. If anything I’ve always interpreted the interview as Sculner giving us hints of the upcoming angst between Max and Sharpe and Max coming to the realization that he’s in love with Sharpe despite his best efforts to resist it. Now that this episode has premiered, I could be wrong but I would confidently put money down and say that my prediction is where the show is heading. Also, that doesn’t mean that Max potentially dating someone new is out of the realm of possibility but it’s the context in how he does it. If Max does decide to date you best believe it’s going to follow true romantic trope form and be under the guise of him trying to get over the woman he’s truly enthralled with.

With that being said, I’m beyond exited for what’s to come for the two of them. One thing I will say though in regards to Helen is that despite love, I hope she chooses what’s right for her and her career. She owes it to herself and is completely worthy of that! I also hope that Max will continue to see her wants and needs. That he’ll listen to her more and continue to trust her and most importantly continue to fight for the things that matter to HER!

[thespacenico]

klance fic recommendations!

some good kl fics for the soul (more under the cut)

a bullet just to meet you (petalloso)

lance spiderman au!

completed (1/1)

“What color are your eyes?” “What?” “It’s just, I can’t tell. I think about it a lot, your eyes and the color. You know how we can only see the barest portion of the electromagnetic spectrum? Even bees can see more of it than we can. I feel like whatever color they are, people can’t see it, like it only exists on you.”

a mighty ocean or a gentle kiss (cityboys)

super soft keith comforting lance

completed (1/1)

"You don't have to keep coming here, you know." Keith frowns, settling back with his hands at his sides. "Are you sending me away?" "No," Lance says, too loud too fast. "Just—you know—you have a choice." Keith lets silence fall back for a moment. Then, flatly, he says; "And I'm choosing to be here."

and, we dream of home (mothpoem)

keith visits lance while he’s with the bom

incomplete (2/3)

Keith feels his breath catch at the sight and has to forcibly remind himself that he’s not staring down a desert mirage, that Lance won’t wink out of existence up close and at exactly the wrong angle. He’s real. Not a pipe dream. Real boy. Blue and breathing. And beautiful, Keith’s brain adds, almost unwillingly. “And beautiful,” Keith mutters ruefully as he approaches at a silent soldier’s tread, and then he has to repress a big, dumb smile.

aprovechar el sol (speaks)

keith meets lance’s family

completed (4/4)

"Because I love you," Lance said, and Keith was floored by the way it just fell out of his mouth like he'd said it a thousand times before, the way it carried the same inflection it had when he said it earlier to each member of his family. "And there's nothing in the universe that could change that.”

better than coffee (anonymous)

keith is a barista and lance suddenly needs boba every day

completed (4/4)

“What’s in a name?” said Lance. “That which we call a rose—” Keith wrinkled his nose (rather adorably, Lance noted). “Don’t call me a rose.” Lance clutched his chest on one hand and held out the other to Keith. “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Keith is the sun!” Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why did I ever give you my number?”

call me, beep me (orphan_account)

super sweet texting fic

completed (10/10)

(19:12) Update: Muffin is safe. (19:13) We found him in the park with a group of cats. Mildly worried he might be part of a gang. This big one with one eye tried to claw my face off when I went to grab Muffin. (19:20) This is the greatest news I've heard all day.

due west (europa_report)

krolia’s pov on keith’s and lance’s relationship

completed (5/5)

“Why did the blue lion choose you?” Lance’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. He was an expressive boy. He wiped the shock away quickly though, smiling easily as he took a small sip from the drink he held. “Dunno. We had a connection, I felt it the second I stepped into that cave. You know, the one Keith-“ “I know,” Krolia said tersely. “I found it.”

eternity (was in our lips and our eyes) (thespacenico)

post s7 feud episode

completed (1/1)

Lance feels like he's on the cusp of a life-changing revelation. "I told him not to tell you." And this time, Keith doesn't seem to have trouble asking the unavoidable question: "Why?" Lance looks at Keith, and everything falls into place. A life-changing, mind-blowing, head-splitting, earth-shattering revelation.

hearts don’t break around here (klancekorner)

lifetime best friends to lovers

completed (13/13)

“You could do the deep dish pizza place next to the park?” “Deep dish isn't sexy, Snickers.” “Does it have to be sexy?” “Of course.”

hey, mom, i met a boy (mothpoem)

keith sees visions of his future with lance

completed (1/1)

“What did you see?” Krolia murmurs. “Nothing,” Keith answers, voice rough. And then: “Everything.”

home is a feeling (thespacenico)

post s6, lance feels guilty about shiro and keith has nightmares

completed (3/3)

Keith has never felt so vulnerable. But in this moment, his head on Lance's shoulder, Lance's arms around him, he feels safe. He feels home.  He didn't know that home could be a feeling up until now.

if i had one wish (thespacenico)

for keith’s birthday; found family

completed (1/1)

Shiro seems to realize what's happened before Keith does. "You forgot," he says softly.   Keith stares at them. It's his birthday. He forgot his birthday. "Oh my god," Lance says.

just come to me once (laallomri)

keith writes lance letters on the space whale

incomplete (2/3)

Hi Lance. I hope you are okay. Today I hugged my mom for the first time. It wasn’t very good cause she’s kind of awkward about hugs and so am I. But I still liked it. I think I get it now when you said you missed your mom’s hugs so much. I hope you get to hug her soon.

let me melt under the heat of your sun (akaeijis, esbis)

lance and keith fall in love pre-kerberos mission

completed (1/1)

Keith’s lips are chapped, but they yield and they welcome and Lance feels like the ground gives way and he’s trapped in a freefall in slow motion. It’s so warm, the sun in his hands—moths burn up in flames, Icarus hurtles to the ground in a blazing trail, nothing gold can stay—Lance allows himself to burn.

mail me your heart (you already got it) (crystalklances)

basically a love, simon au??

completed (1/1)

You’re making me blush, Red. You don’t even know what I look like, how would you know I’m cute? Either you’re just messing with me, or you really are trying to flirt.

never saw you coming (dimpleforyourthoughts)

E M O T I O N A L   R O L L E R   C O A S T E R

completed (1/1)

If it were anyone else, Keith would figure he’d be dead in a minute. But he knows, as soon as he gives in to the beckoning unconsciousness, exactly what’s going to happen. He’s only been watching Lance’s stupid goddamned martyr complex play itself out for months now. He knows exactly how this story ends.

nothing’s quite as sweet (dimpleforyourthoughts)

keith is a barista and lance volunteers at a cat shelter

completed (1/1)

Keith grabs the collar of Lance’s hoodie and pulls him back down. Keith thinks, please catch me please catch me please catch me. And Lance does.

say my name (and every color illuminates) (talking_bird)

dream soulmate au

completed (1/1)

“Well, that’s what you are, right? My subconscious talking to me? That’s what my aunt says dreams are, but it’s kinda weird that my subconscious hasn’t seen the ocean before since I’ve been around the ocean my entire life.”

the light the water reflects (auras)

the softest and most poetic thing you’ll ever read

completed (1/1)

“You know,” Lance says, “When I think of home, I think of something that makes me feel content and warm inside. Metaphorically speaking.” Lance’s hand doesn’t move from his, even after the other boy dozes off, filling the silence with his gentle snores.  (It makes Keith feel content, and warm inside.)

the love you left behind (thespacenico)

adam, keith, and lance post-kerberos mission

incomplete (1/3)

"Do you still love him?" he asks quietly. Adam laughs softly. "Of course I do." He takes his glasses from the counter and pushes them back onto his nose. "Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed as hell." Keith snorts, and Adam instinctively brings his hand up to the chain around his neck as he looks back out the window, at the stars. "But, yeah. I still love him. That much hasn't changed."

the stars, the moon (they have all been blown out) (talking_bird)

hogwarts au

completed (1/1)

“You know,” Lance started, voice so quiet, Keith wondered if he even wanted him to hear it, “whenever I conjure my patronus, you’re my happiest memory…” In a ghost of a voice, Keith whispered, “And you’re mine.”

there, nestled against his pulse (hiuythn)

soulmate au that literally murders your soul. 

completed (17/17)

The words on Keith’s right wrist say, hey kogane you alright. The words on his left read, stop why are you doing this to me stop it stop it stop

when the lights go out (dimpleforyourthoughts)

date and a fifth

completed (1/1)

“You know,” Keith says quietly, “You’re not a bad dancer. I expected you to constantly step on my feet.” “That may be the nicest thing you’ve said to me all night.” “Don’t get too comfortable there, cowboy.” “Cowboy.” Lance grins, hopelessly endeared.

you’re lucky that’s what i like (zenstrike)

collection of absolute fluff

incomplete (12/?)

“Uh, Lance?” Lance felt his eyelids drooping. “Yeah?”     “I may have asked for tickets to the least crowded movie.”     Lance considered this. “And we didn’t even make out,” he said with a sigh. “...they didn’t tell me no one had bought a ticket.”     Lance smiled.

[ecsundance]

A very Long (yet very awesome) Week of Sundance

Organisers of Sundance say in Tryon’s discussion that “If a filmmaker wants to create his or her own idiosyncratic vision, it’s often not worth looking around for a big budget, waiting for others to say it’s okay to make it.  You have to stand up and make the film yourself…” (pg.164) and Kevin MacDonald in Tryon’s discussion talks about how basically all you need to make a movie is a laptop and a video camera, and how amazing it is that we live in a time which we can do this (pg.156)

This is similar to the idea that you can complain about not having enough time or experience to do something, but if you get over yourself and do it either you fail and learn, or you succeed and gain confidence.  If you have a great idea then nothing should hold you back from making it a reality.  Movies with billions of dollars behind them have fallen flat.  So it stands to reason that a movie made on weekends with only a couple bucks could be amazing.

According to Chuck Tryon’s discussion of “Reinvented Festivals” (pg. 160), because there are a lot more independent bloggers/critics now due to newspapers not hiring many, there is a consistent stream of new reviews being released even minutes after a film finishes premiering.  

Taking part in this class and festival and constantly thinking about what I thought about a film plays into this as I (along with my classmates) were some of the first to review some of these films.  It’s such a fun experience to think and talk about film as everyone will have various ways of perceiving and connecting to each film.

Favourite Film From the Festival

It feels hard to choose a favourite because there were so many incredible films which affected me in different ways like Coda, How it Ends, Flee, and honestly most of the films I saw in this year's festival . However, I fell in love with The World to Come when it wasn’t even a movie I initially planned on seeing.

The world to come felt like a poem. It made my heart ache deeply, marinating in feelings of melancholic love, and unexpected loss. Maybe it hit me especially hard because I lost one of the most amazing people I’ve ever had in my life along with family and pets (since they are family too) since the start of Covid: I have regrets and things I never got to say.  Maybe it’s because I’m fiercely fighting with my own identities right now.  Either way, it was hard to watch.  Parts of it still haunt me and still leave me breathless on the brink of tears.  It struck a chord in me which I have a hard time fully putting to words.  I didn’t originally even want to watch this film, it somehow ended up on my list of on demand films, and my mom convinced me to watch it (and I’m so glad she did).

It is a story which about two women which takes place in the 1800s, together in their loneliness who fall for each other behind their husbands’ backs.  They secretly rendezvous in the forest and tucked away corners of their homes when their husband’s are working.  It is beautiful in story and dialogue; it doesn’t get stale.  It feels modern somehow, though it is set in the 19th century, and I’m still processing it all to figure out why exactly.

Least Favorite Film from the Festival...

Eight for Silver by Sean Ellis wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it was certainly not the best;  I would not actively choose to watch this again.  It had interesting concepts such as only natural lighting being used throughout the film and those turned into the werewolf emerging, negatively changed, from the dead animal.  The movie would have gotten 4 stars rather than 3 from me simply by not having a CGI werewolf (unless it was so brilliantly terrifying and amazing it had to be shown) and by keeping the original plot of the Roma’s spells/curses (fueled from the massacre which the targeted village caused).  The scarecrow and buried teeth, and the strange dreams which followed were such a great piece, but they just fell away more and more.  The addition of the religious text (which mentions 30 pieces of silver is unnecessary, and just recycles old vampire movies/myth ) took this film from a great timepiece and cheapened it in combination with the subpar CGI creature, while also making it feel far too Hollywood in a bad way.  Again, some of the ideas, like the person within the wolf were great, but they could have kept it that way and not shown the monster otherwise.  

A list of All Feature Films I Saw:

During the 2021 Sundance film festival I have seen and rated the following:

Coda ***** Sian Heder

The story of a teenage hearing girl who wants to be a singer living with her otherwise deaf family who run a fishing boat.

Cryptozoo **** Dash Shaw

A woman’s attempt to protect mythical creatures in a world where everyone wants to harm them or use them as weapons.

Misha and the wolves ***** Sam Hobkinson

A chilling documentary about holocaust tale with a twist.

Users **** Natalia Amada

A mother’s view of the world, global warming, technology, her children and the relationship between all of this. 

Prisoners of Ghostland **** Sion Sono

Samurai meets the gunslinger Western World in this colourful action-horror (featuring Nicholas Cage). 

Censor **** Prano Bailey-Bond

The story of a woman whose sister disappeared as a child and how her job as a horror film censor helps her uncover the truth.

How it ends ***** Daryl Wein, Zoe Lister-Jones

A walk through the last day on Earth with a woman and her younger self as they make peace with their lives, relationships with others, and their own inner selves.

Strawberry Mansion ***** Dan Deacon

A dreamy/nightmarish surreal tale of a dream tax collector as he falls in love with the younger version of his client.

Cusp ***** Isabel Bethencourt, Parker Hill

A documentary on the lives of teen girls in Texas which delves into rape culture, poverty, and what it’s like to be a young woman.  

Eight for Silver *** Sean Ellis

Werewolf lore set in the 19th century. 

John and the Hole **** Pascual Sisto

A young teenage boy puts his family in a hole in the woods as he tries to deal with the stressors of being a kid and what adulthood holds, entwined with fable. 

R#J ***** Carey Williams 

A modern retelling of Shakespear’s Romeo and Juliet through the age of social media, with a twist or two.

Coming Home in the Dark ***** James Ashcroft

A horror story of  a family who are abducted by two strangers who they later learn they share a deeper, darker history with. 

We’re All Going to The World’s Fair **** Jane Schoenbrun

A showing of loneliness and desperation through an online roleplaying game and it’s after effects.

First Date **** Manuel Crosby, Darren Knapp

A story of a first date gone VERY wrong.

The World to Come ***** Mona Fastvold

A 19th century story of the growing connection between two farmhouse wives.

Violation ***** Madeleine Sims-Fewer, Dusty Mancinelli

A film about a woman’s trauma and how she… Deals with it.

Marvelous and the Black Hole ***** Kate Tsang

A story about how a young teen girl gets through the loss of her mother through forming a connection with a local magician.

The Blazing World ***** Carlson Young 

A traumatised young woman tries to bring her sister back from “the other side” but must really fight her own inner demons.

Mayday ***** Karen Cinorre

A story of a young woman overcoming trauma and fighting back against the man in a dreamlike state.

Night of the Kings **** Philippe Lacote 

A new storyteller is anointed in a prison run by its inmates and he must keep telling these stories until the moon sets to stay alive. (It helps to understand the specific culture more with this one, otherwise it sort of goes over your head.)

Life in a Day 2021 ***** Kavin Macdonald

A grounding compilation of scenes from across the world on the same day, July 25th, with scenes one after the other which either connect or contrasted in an impactful way.

Flee ***** Jonas Poher Rasmussen

A biography told through animation of a young gay immigrant. 

Short Films

Bj’s Mobile Gift Shop- Jason Park

A story of a young guy in Chicago who makes money to support himself and his grandparents by running a mobile gift shop out of a large suitcase.

Flex - Josefin Malmen, David Strindberg

A visual telling of a bodybuilder rubber-banding between insecurity and self obsession through surreal imagery and dialogue. 

The Affected- Rikke Gregersen

A retelling of a college student preventing the deportation of a man back to Afghanistan through the interactions of the bystanders.  

You Wouldn’t Understand- Trish Harnetiaux

A time-warp involving a picnic, a strange character looking for “horsey sauce” and a grocery store clerk armed with a food scanner.

Animations

Ghost Dogs- Joe Cappa 

A family's new dog is “haunted” by the family’s many deceased dogs in squishy colourful 90s/early 2000s style animated short. 

GNT- Sara Hirner, Rosemary Vasquez-Brown 

A woman obsessed with social media tries to make yeast infections popular.

Trepanation- Nick Flaherty

A showing of depression through a disturbing hole ridden entity emerging from a hole and taking the place of the house's owner. 

Little Miss Fate- Joder Von Rotz

A cleaning bird interrupts the fate of a couple going out on a date, leading to disastrous consequences.

Indie Series

I had really wanted to see Seeds of Deceit by Miriam Guttman and Would you Rather by Lise Akoka, (I tried viewing 4 Feet High by María Belén Poncio and Rosario Perazolo Masjoan but there was an issue which Sundance staff never got back to me about, sadly) but I ran out of time.  

However, I did see These Days by Adam Brookes which takes place in New York City during Covid, showing a young woman living alone and how she survives living alone and being unable to work as a dancer.  

New Frontier Experiences

Sadly, I kept thinking I’d have endless time.  I did not engage in the New Frontier experience except for in class on one occasion.  I think it was a great idea and fantastic opportunity and I regret not planning my time better for this specifically.

Talks or Events 

Ignite x Adobe featured shorts films from artists aged 18 to 25 and was very inspiring since I’m in the age range of these artists. 

A few I especially enjoyed were Vigincita, Personals, and Joychild (Although I honestly enjoyed the whole compilation).

Virgincita - A sexual coming of age/ look at mother daughter relationship mixed with religion.

Personals - A sexual encounter between two insecure individuals who find comfort with one another by the end.

Joychild - A documentary piece showing a child discovering and opening up about their gender identity. 

Q&As

I attended a few Q&As, but my favourite I believe was CODA’s.

They spoke about how they worked around language barriers and learned sign language before and throughout production.  Everyone just seemed at ease and like they had a great time in production of the film.

- - -

Overall, I’m quite pleased with how this festival went virtually.  It was a truly amazing experience which I am so glad I was able to take part in.  It was as Immersive an experience as I think could be created virtually and seemed to go relatively smoothly for the most part for having it be the first time this has happened.  

I’m also extremely grateful for the inclusivity which allowed for those who may not be able to travel as easily due to disability, financial reasons, or anything else.  I don’t know if I’d have been able to go otherwise.  

This experience was more amazing than I even hoped it would be.  I feel so inspired that I plan to find out how to submit to Sundance so that I can possibly try to get a short film idea I have done for the short film/18-25 year old category.  I feel like I can actually do this now and I have so many new ideas. 

Thank you!

Tryon, Chuck,

On-Demand Culture: Digital Delivery and the Future of Movies

,  Rutgers University Press, Copyright © 2013.

Mae McCloskey

[lotsofdogs]

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 37-38

Hi friends!! I’ve received more than a few comments on the blog and messages on Instagram letting me know a handful of you are officially on “baby watch” along with me and my family right now. I SO appreciate you following our journey so closely and will absolutely keep you all in the loop when things get rolling. (I’m assuming I’ll post some kind of an update via Instagram Stories first just because that’s easiest.)

I’m 39 weeks pregnant right now and already passed the point where I went into labor with Chase which means I’ve reached a point I never actually got to in my first pregnancy… The waiting game! I fully anticipated reaching my due date with Chase and never really played the “any day now” game but I definitely feel like we’re entering that territory right now and it’s really exciting.

Now that I’m 39 weeks, I wanted to share a recap of the last two weeks of pregnancy with you guys which you will find below!

Here are my past updates from this pregnancy if you’re just catching up:

A Miracle On The Way

The First and Second Trimester (So Far)

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 20-23

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 24-27

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 28-31

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 32-34

PBF Baby #2: Pregnancy Weeks 35-36

What I’m Going To Pack In My Hospital Bag

You may also check out all of my weekly pregnancy updates from my first pregnancy on the Pregnancy page of this blog.

And now for my most recent updates…

Baby Updates

37 Weeks

38 Weeks

At 38 weeks, baby is the size of a winter melon! He or she is roughly 19.6 inches long and weighs approximately 6.8 pounds.

Weight Gained

My weight has been all over the place during these final weeks of pregnancy.

I gained a decent amount of weight in the first and second trimesters (above average) and then I’m not sure what happened, but my weight began to stagnate and then fluctuate and decrease by a few pounds. I initially blamed nausea that surfaced again with a bang almost daily several weeks ago and a dwindling appetite around dinner time but in the same breath I feel like I’m eating a lot and snacking constantly throughout the day.

I’m still within the recommended weight gain for pregnancy but went from a 30-pound gain to a 26-ish pound gain (again this is still fluctuating) which concerned me a bit.

Couple some weight loss with my belly suddenly measuring several weeks behind and that was the recipe for some anxiety over the past two weeks. During my 37-week appointment I was up 27 pounds (down a pound from the previous week) and at 38 weeks, I was down another pound. My doctor wasn’t concerned about my weight loss (apparently this is actually quite common at the end of pregnancy) but recommended an ultrasound at my 38-week appointment to check on our baby’s size when my belly measured 35 weeks since I’ve been measuring ahead almost my entire pregnancy.

You may read more about some of the stress surrounding the ultrasound in my Instagram post, but I was so grateful to learn that our baby is looking wonderful and measuring in the 60th percentile. (At my appointment the sonographer estimated our baby to weigh about 7 pounds 2 ounces!) Apparently our little one is getting everything it needs and growing just fine which was the biggest relief. I know Chase was a little baby but since we attributed his size to previous placental issues I do not have in this pregnancy, I couldn’t help but feel worried about our little one.

Workouts

Workouts are all over the place right now and pretty slow-paced. I’m working out 3-ish days a week and doing some modified boot camp workouts or strength training in our garage or at the gym. I also try to get out for a 2-3 mile walk with Sadie when I don’t get a formal workout in which makes me feel more energetic. My workout motivation is rather low lately but I always feel 10 times better from a physical standpoint when I move my body a bit during the day.

Symptoms

The biggest new-to-me change that happened during the 37th week of my pregnancy is that I began experiencing semi-frequent Braxton Hicks contractions. They never feel painful but they are uncomfortable, especially when they happen in the middle of the night. My whole stomach will feel hard as a rock for just under a minute and then go back to normal. There’s no pattern or predictability associated with the contractions but they’re happening randomly on a daily basis right now.

(Ryan hasn’t cut his hair since we found out we were expecting and is growing it out until our baby arrives! Check out those waaaves!) 

I also noticed myself feeling more and more exhausted by the end of the day and that seemed to culminate around week 37. (Last week, during my 38th week, I thankfully got a random burst of energy!) During week 37, however, there was something about the arrival of 4 p.m. that made me want curl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of the day. That wasn’t possible with Chase in the mix and I think the exhaustion I’ve felt during this pregnancy can be largely attributed to running after a toddler all day long. There’s not a ton of sitting and relaxing when Chase is up and about, that’s for sure! (This is also one of the main things that intimidates me about newborn life this time around!)

As I mentioned above, a switch seemed to flip last week and I honestly felt better during week 38th than I’ve felt in months. I’m not sure what was going on, but I felt more energetic and my body felt more comfortable – less aches and pains – than it has in a long time. Some people said this could mean the baby is dropping and while I feel like this may slowly be happening, I don’t feel like labor is right around the corner just yet. Still, an unexpected burst of energy was a very welcomed treat, especially since I felt quite uncomfortable and rather cranky just one week earlier.

Food Aversions

Similar to the past two weeks, I don’t have any strong aversions but my appetite definitely decreases throughout the day. I often feel like I eat a decent amount before 11 a.m. and then have to stick with smaller snacks the rest of the day or I’ll feel overly stuffed. It’s almost like my food is sitting high up in my ribs if I overeat at the end of the day, so mini meals and snacks are key for me right now as the days go on.

I had a few days where I found myself snacking on crackers or a couple of pieces of bread before bed because my stomach felt like it needed something but absolutely nothing else appealed to me.

Food Cravings

Carbs, carbs and more carbs. I’m snacking on cereal, slices of bread and crackers like it’s my job right now. Oatmeal is my favorite breakfast and I’m eating a big bowl of it almost daily. I am also still on the fruit obsession train and eating my bodyweight in watermelon, grapes and berries. And then there’s always chocolate and ice cream which I find myself craving on a daily basis.

Sleep

I am still waking up constantly in the night to go to the bathroom (we’re talking five times which isn’t so fun) and struggled with a night or two of restlessness where I woke up in the middle of the night and tossed and turned for a couple of hours. At 38 weeks, I had a few more solid nights of sleep (maybe this is why I felt more energetic!?) which was so, so nice and definitely not the norm around here.

Any Baby/Pregnancy Related Purchases?

I started to organize my hospital bag and we brought a lot of stuff down from our attic that we used and loved when Chase was a baby.

This made me realize we don’t have a ton of newborn size clothes for either a boy or a girl. (Chase lived in a diaper for much of the summer since I basically hibernated at home with him for a while and it was SO hot outside that summer – record temps in Charlotte!) I ended up ordering a couple newborn-size baby clothes so our baby won’t be naked since I have a feeling I’ll be out and about with this little one a lot earlier than I was with Chase since I’ll have a toddler to entertain as well.

I also have two pairs of comfy nursing-friendly pajamas packed and ended up ordering the long sleeve + pants version of the short sleeve + shorts version of my previous favorite super-soft pajamas.

Belly Button In or Out?

My belly button is definitely out right now but not overly noticeable through clothing.

Feeling…

On a walk with Ryan and Sadie over the weekend, I told Ryan I’m feeling like my life is majorly in limbo right now. There’s so much up in the air which is just crazy! When will our baby arrive? What will labor be like this time? Will we have a boy or a girl? How will Chase adjust to being a big brother? What will blogging look like with two kids in the mix? How will our family dynamic shift? So many unanswered questions but this limbo time also feels really exciting!

I’m also feeling this odd sense of anticipation and a huge understanding of how completely my life is about to change in a very permanent way. I am on the cusp of meeting a little person who is going to completely capture my heart all over again and know that the feelings of love, devotion, protection and vulnerability I already feel will only grow by the day.

During my first pregnancy, I remember feeling so much love for Chase and excitement for the future but there’s something about this pregnancy that feels different. In a way, I spent a lot of my first pregnancy in disbelief (that’s probably the wrong word — but it was almost like an out of body experience at times if that makes any sense at all) and I spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like to have a child and be a mother.

This time around, I know what it’s like to have a child and be a mother and something about this understanding has made me feel more emotional, more in awe of the miracle inside of my belly and more overwhelmingly ready to have another baby. I feel like I have a very real understanding of how the intense love I’m already feeling is about grow and blow me away all over again when I physically hold my baby and watch his or her personality grow and develop.

I feel all the more grateful and very aware that there’s a very real baby in my belly… my son or daughter. Knowing that this little one is going to rock my whole world in the best way and make my heart double in size is simply awesome.  And knowing that I don’t know much about this baby at all right know — both his or her personality traits, physical characteristics, etc. — is also really cool. I can’t wait to learn about our baby and get to know every part of him or her. Any day now!!!

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