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tuiyla · 2 years

Note

DO IT I would love to hear your thoughts on Santa Baby (GCV)

OKAY so I mostly just wanna hear others' thoughts lol but my side of things is that the Madonna cover came on the radio and I just started thinking about how bizarre the GCV is? Bizarre on many levels, but in a curious way. Starting with the fact that it was cut but occupies a rather unique, canon-like place in people's minds as far as I can tell. And sure, that's because it was a fully filmed scene and because it's a Santana solo who is, without her big feature, sorely missing from the special.

But like, first off, having Santana sing this. It makes perfect sense and yet it doesn't. Naya nails it because of course she does and, at first glance, the song fits Santana. But that's just it, at first glance. Because Santa Baby is such a horny song about materialism and you know, all the connotations of those two things together. The trophy wife anthem? Maybe, something like that. And Santana is hypersexualized throughout this show with only the occasional self-awareness, but doesn't it feel extra weird to have her sing this to a bunch of salesmen just after having been outed as a lesbian to the state of Ohio?

Oh, and about that, the context of the scene. Many more layers here too because first of all, suspension of disbelief being higher in holiday specials and all but really, Santana singing this diegetically to a bunch of adult salesmen to... get a discount? What is this context. I remember being weirded out when I first watched the scene on youtube. Again, suspension of disbelief and this being Glee after all but this is such a lame excuse for a solo, and not the least bit borderline creepy. Santana's positioned as the one with the power in this situation, as she so often is in sexual situations with men. And make no mistake, this is a sexual situation, just a holiday edition. So she's positioned as having power, but am I supposed to believe the salesmen and the speaking one in particular was so impressed/horny that she was just... given a discount? Rip to me because maybe I'm just too asexual for this but it always came across as so awkward to me. Ngl, maybe the reason it was cut.

youtube

And then! And then, the Finn of it all. That Santana spends her free time shopping with Finn, for Rachel. The implications. The way this episode portrays Rachel's materialism as such a negative. The way they try to paint Santana as this shallow bitch, too, and yet she's kind enough to accompany Finn and help out of the goodness of her heart. I feel like I never use that phrase genuinely but no, really, it is out of the goodness of her heart. Santana's doing both halves of Finchel a favour. And, once again, this is just after her outing. You know, the one I'll always hate Finn for. So this buddy buddy scene between Finntana is already weird on that account because whatever IKAG tried to sell us, it's not like these two have ever been Christmas shopping together levels close.

In fact! The Santa Baby scene is arguably the one and only true Finntana friendship scene. The only one that has a strictly platonic context, the only one with just the two of them one-on-one, and crucially the only one where they aren't discussing Finn having outed her in the hallway of a conservative small town's homophobic high school. Finntana have no friendship scenes. Whatever happened ins season 3A, and trust me I'll never forgive never forget, this was the one opportunity to establish an actual Finntana friendship. And it's deleted. And it's in the context of Finchel. But also the context of Santana being a good friend, even to the one person she should, by all means, despise the most.

For the record, I very much doubt any thought was put into this scene. I think the thought process behind it pretty much boiled down to: a) Finn shopping for Rachel scene, and b) haha Santana sexy lady sing Santa Baby! Without much consideration of the incredibly complicated dynamic of Finn and Santana. Because the focus is Finchel, but it'd be cool if Santana sang, and she's materialistic anyway so this works out. And she's weaponized her sexuality to gain an advantage before so this works. But as my rambly mind has tried to explain on this fine Christmas Eve, there are so many levels to this. The Yikes factor of the sexiness. Santana's queerness being ignored for the sake of the scene, but being present nonetheless as we know it is a part of her. The scene involving Finn freaking Hudson, of all people. A representation of how little power Santana's actually had in the narrative of her own sexuality, if there ever was one. The "all the fellas I haven't kissed" line. I'm going feral over all of it. And I'm sure it's clear that I'm not doing so in a comprehensive way lol.

So, I mean, this is why I need Santa Baby discourse because there are so many layers of this from the song choice to Santana's perception as a hypersexualized teen and, of course, the Finn of it all. And I have too many half-baked thoughts to be able to make sense of this. Maybe we don't need to make sense of it. Most probably, in fact. But what the hell, I wanna.

To be clear, I don't think it should have been cut. And sure, that's the ardent Santana stan in me talking, but it is what it is.

#i feel like the show tries to sell santana as the aspiring rich bitch #but there's not much to support it? apart from literally just the christmas eps #so it become this really weird backhanded compliment to her this whole scene #gcv thoughts #i know i said i wanted to start discourse but mostly i just wonder what others think lol #anon #glee asks #santana asks #santa baby gcv #finntana #tagging as friendships seems like a stretch but like #there's something there #that's what itches about this whole deleted scene #there's... something #but then there's nothing of course because it was deleted so go figure

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wonderland-irwin · 4 years

Text

Neighbour!Ashton

Word Count: 1862

Warnings: None

Summary: Bella gets locked out of her house when a cheeky friend from her past pops up to her assistance.

A/N: This may become a bigger story, I’m not sure what will happen. Let’s see how much people like this one! Neighbour!Ashton is not the title, its the current concept lol until I find a title. Enjoy! Let me know if you want me to continue this story line! If you wanna be tagged in other parts, let me know! (Also I tried to remove unnecessary commas! I edited the best I could)

~*~*~

Unable to get my feet under me, I slipped on the towel I’d placed on the bathroom floor instead of the bathmat and as I fell to the floor, I grabbed the towel rack for aid, and it crashed loudly beside me. Muttering curses under my breath I stood, snatching the nearest towel and wrapping it around myself.

I fumbled with the lock in the door knob, then once I finally got it open, I hurled myself into the hall. Why was I never able to do anything? All I’d wanted was a shower to wipe the thin layer of sweat I could feel over my entire body off, but I’d barely stepped in and the dogs had begun to bark and howl at something.

I crashed down the stairs, spooking Olive, our grey tabby, and I raced into the front living room. Our shih-tzu’s - a breed of small dog that should be rather chil, however ours were far from - Peekley and Mushroom were standing on the back of the couch in the bay window, heads thrown back barking as loud as they could.

“Hey!” I hollered, pulling my towel tighter around myself, “shut up!” Usually when they did this there was a person walking past with a dog or the poor paperboy. The dogs refused to stop, and I collapsed on the couch, leaning over them to pull the curtain back. Their barking was slightly valid when I saw the white mail van pull away from our house.

“Stop,” I hissed at the dogs as the van drove around the crescent. They were usually good with their barking and stopping, but sometimes they got excessive. It was ridiculous.

I pat to the front door, pulling it open, stepping into the hot summer’s day, then pulling the door shut to keep the air conditioning in. There was barely a cloud in the sky and those home during the day were doing garden work. I grinned when I saw the box on the bottom step. A few days ago I had made a large order of novels I had wanted to read on my summer break, and it seemed to have arrived. I expected it to arrive at the house’s mailbox down the road, but it was so big that they had to deliver it right to our doorstep.

Adjusting the towel around me again, I bent to pick the package up when I heard the front door click shut. I shot up, sprinting up the steps and trying to push the door open. It rattled and I cursed. Our front door had an automatic lock that could only open with a key. My dad worked for a lock company and was testing it on our door, and long story short the thing was useless.

“C’mon,” I begged, rattling the door. It refused to budge and my key was hanging on the hook by the front closet. The dogs started barking from the window, and I shouted for them to stop, the horror that it was mid-afternoon and I was stuck outside in my front garden in nothing but a towel was occupying my mind. I realized I may have left the back door unlocked, and I leapt from the porch, adjusted my towel yet again and darted down the cobblestone pathway, across the hot driveway and up the side of my house to the gate. I reached over to find the hook on the gate, then my stomach turned hollow as my fingers brushed a hard padlock fastened to the hook.

I cursed, balling my hands into fists and I stormed back to the front door. As soon as my dad got home from work I would demand he remove that lock and burn whatever prototypes his company had created. What an awful design.

My parents weren’t going to be home until that evening, and my sister was out with her friends at the amusement park. I was going to be stuck out there forever.

“Bella?”

I whirled around, grabbing the top of my towel and clutching it to my chest in protection. I stared at the person. It was Ashton. I hadn’t seen Ashton or spoken to Ashton in years. He lived across the street, and we’d grown up as best friends. We got to high school and interests changed, our lives got busier, and we started to drift apart. I missed him sometimes. Sometimes someone would remind me of him, or I’d see him when he was home from college in the dark hours of the night lit by the street lights riding his yellow trick bike in aimless circles. Sometimes I saw his posts on Instagram, or I’d simply just think about him. And I missed him.

But mostly I tried to push that missing feeling away. Tried to pretend it didn’t exist.

“Hi,” I said quietly, staring at him. He was the same as the last time we spoke, which was at our high school graduation and our mothers demanded a picture of the two of us together. He still wore dark jeans and ripped band tees. He still wore black converse. Still had those pretty hazel eyes I knew every girl gushed over. He was a little older, had a couple of tattoos, but he was still recognizable as my old Ashton.

“You okay?”

Mm, he still also had that cheeky grin.

His eyes roamed up and down me, and I felt briefly violated before realizing he wasn’t looking at me in a way that meant he wanted to rip my towel off. He was being his usual cheeky self, and was probably very concerned why I was out in the street in my towel.

“It’s a whole thing,” I told him, “but my dad’s stupid lock locked me out of the house.”

“Ah,” he nodded. I nodded in return because I felt awkward, and a silence fell between us.

“Why don’t you come over to my place until your parents get home,” he offered.

I raised my eyebrow, “are you sure?”

“Of course. You’re family.”

“Thanks.”

I adjusted my towel again, and took the steps slowly. Ashton scooped up my large box of books and quirked his eyebrow at me as he tucked it behind a planter on my porch.

“Books?”

I smiled, “of course!” He chuckled as we made our way across the street to his house.

“The water droplets on your shoulders sparkling in the sun are very pretty, Bella,” he said as we walked up his front porch and he opened the door for me to step through.

“Oh,” I said as he pulled the door shut, feeling off guard, “um, thank you.”

He flashed another smile before calling out to his mum, “Bella’s over!”

Ms. Irwin appeared from the kitchen with wide eyes, “Bella?”

I wondered when the last time was that Ashton and I stepped through the Irwin’s front door like this.

“Hi Ms. Irwin,” I waved, my face flushing.

She beamed, “hi, Sweetheart. How are you?”

“I’m fine,” I nodded, “you?”

She just nodded and said, “you two be good,” before disappearing again.

Ashton rolled his eyes with a grin before putting a hand on my back between my shoulder blades and guided me towards the stairs. As we climbed, I looked at the photographs that lined the wall of Ashton and his little sister and brother. There were photos that had been hanging there for as long as I could remember, but some, like school photos, now showed them as older kids, Ashton as an adult.

There was one photo that made my heart stutter. It was Ashton and I when we were about six. We were at the zoo, sitting on a bench laughing, my head on his shoulder, his head against mine. We each held a melting popsicle, the red and pink syrup all over our hands, around our mouths and on our chins. I don’t think a photo has been taken of me where I’ve looked that happy since.

“I love this photo.” I pointed it out.

“Yeah,” Ashton who had been at the top of the stairs, hopped down the last few to join me, “that was a fun

day.”

We looked at it for a moment, then continued to Ashton’s room. I laughed when I entered.

“What?” He asked, rummaging around his closet.

“Ashton, it looks the same!” I wandered around the room. The room itself was painted a dark blue. Ashton’s bed was unmade, clothes were in piles on the floor. He had a desk, where his laptop sat, and in one corner his drum kit, the other a black bean bag chair. Knick knacks and odd belongings sat on shelves and in odd spaces on the floor.

“Like yours doesn’t?” He grinned, passing me one of his t-shirts.

“Okay,” I laughed, “it might be.” My room was still purple and green. The doll house my dad had made me that I made Ashton play with me numerous times still sat on its shelf. I still had fragments of LEGO upon my shelves. My books cluttered every corner. Posters from movies and musicians covered my walls.

He chuckled, moving to his drawer and rummaging around. I pulled on his shirt, a Guns N Roses shirt with minimal holes, and pulled it down as far as it could go. Ashton passed me a pair of boxers, and sat at his desk as I pulled them on and ditched my towel on his floor.

I felt better now I wore clothes and stepped over to him. Folding my arms across my chest, I leant over his shoulder to see what he was doing. A message appeared on the screen once he’d logged in, and he clicked it.

_dirtycliffo: log in!

I grinned, “Ashton, is that Michael?” I hadn’t talked to our old friends in a long time.

“Yes,” he frowned, typing back.

weeniebeanie: no

I suddenly exploded with laughter, clutching at my stomach. Then I leant over his shoulder so I could see his face.

“You still have your screen names from eighth grade?”

“Yes,” Ashton grumbled. He was avoiding looking at me, but I could see in his eyes he was smiling.

weeniebeanie: i hate that game

_dirtycliffo: c’mon. Luke n cal also suck

bread: heyy

“You still act like you're in grade eight too,” I laughed, resting my chin on Ashton’s shoulder as he logged into the game.

“Here,” he said, passing me a headset that was on his deck, “listen in.”

I twisted the headphones so we could both hear and Ashton could use the mic.

“Good, you’re here,” came Michael’s static filled voice.

“Yeah,” Ashton sighed, “but it’s not just me here.”

“Oh?” Calum’s voice came. It occurred to me that even though I wasn’t as close to them as I was Ashton, I kind of missed them too.

“Yeah. Bella-Wella is here too,” he replied, calling me my grade school name.

“Stop,” I laughed, nudging him, and he grinned.

“So it’s just like old times? Hey, Bella.”

“Hey,” I called back, and the boys started their game, talking about weapons and strategies. And I listened along. Just like old times.

#ashtonirwin #ashton irwin blurb #neighbour!ashton #5sos blurb #one shot #5sos one shot #ashton irwin one shot #bestfriend!ashton

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bnhascribbles · 6 years

Text

Partner

Bakugo x Reader

Angst, Humor, Dialogue Prompts (22, 47, 62)

I took artistic liberties lol. EDIT: Also may have forgotten one of the quotes...

Words: 4.4K

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Mentions of death

Hair, once light, is dark, matted with blood and sweat. Bakugo’s costume is in similar condition, still caked in a thick layer of grime from his last rescue. But he can’t stop, not yet. His practiced gaze scans over the rest of the debris, searching. Shattered windows, overturned cars, crumbling buildings–it was all the same stuff he’d expected to see in the aftermath of such a large attack. His heart races, nonetheless. Shit, shit, shit. Curses pour from his lips like prayers, uttered between bouts of panting. He focuses on getting his breathing under control before he moves on, planting a steadying palm against the wall of the alleyway. When he drags it down along the red brick, his gauntlet leaves a smokey trail in its wake. Memories flood in, even as he does his best to shove them back.

The scorch marks marring the dorm wall are obvious, to say the least. Faded grey rings branch out along the white plaster, all stemming from a single, intense patch of soot. One that, suspiciously enough, resembles a handprint,

“You’ve really done it this time, matchstick.” You lean in close, using your fingernail to scratch at the stain. Some of it flakes off, but there’s an obvious film of residue left in the blast zone. “Aizawa is gonna straight-up murder you when he finds out.”

To his credit, Bakugo at least has the sense to look a little nervous, one hand shoved deep into his pocket, the other tucked firmly beneath his armpit. Trying to avoid having another “misfire.”

“You think I don’t fucking know that?” He grumbles. “Just tell me if you can fix it.”

You scratch at your chin, seeming all pensive. But it was bullshit. Really, it was an easy fix–he already knew that, considering the fact that he’d come straight to you after his squabble with Midoriya escalated into a full-fledged explosion. But he also knew that you were going to try and draw this out; You had this thing about “leaving a lesson,” and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to make sure he learned a thing or two about dialing down his bloodlust.

“It’s gonna cost you.”

Bakugo’s mouth pulls off to one side of his face. “How much?”

“A month of cleaning my room–sweeping, dusting, polishing, and mopping. Plus an apology to Midoriya.”

He wants to argue, to barter. But he doesn’t–he doesn’t have the time or the patience to spend trying to convince anyone else to help him. So Bakugo just stands there, chewing on his lip and shifting his weight between his legs.

“Fine.” He sighs, bouncing on his heels. “Just fix it before anyone else sees.”

“What’s the magic word?” You ask, grinning wide and having way too much fun with the whole situation.

“Fix the damn wall before I–” A loud click from the double doors leading into the common area makes Bakugo flinch, twisting wildly, like some prey animal that’s about to be snatched up. When the knob twists, his eyes dart back to you, looking positively wild. You’re still grinning, thrumming your fingers against the stain. Waiting.

Your fingers tap, tap, tap against the plaster. Repetitive and rhythmic. And irritating–like Iida’s pencil sharpener whirring every evening at the same time. Or shitty-hair hitting his fucking punching bag at 3 am when the blonde trying to sleep.

As much as he wants to burn your hand to a crisp–to stop that grating sound–now wasn’t the time to go ape-shit. Bakugo couldn’t risk the consequences of pissing off Aizawa (again).

“Please!” He swallows his pride and hisses the word, even though it feels like it’s burning on his tongue.

Without another moment of hesitation, you tap the wall. It’s like hitting an imaginary rewind button–Bakugo can see the progression of the damage being played out in reverse. Rings sink back into the palm print until even that begins to fade. Within a second, all signs of his outburst have been erased. Dusting off your hands, you turn just in time to wave at Kirishima as he pushes open the common room door, strolling towards you. His lips twist upward when he sees a very relieved-looking Bakugo clutching at his chest.

“Was he being an idiot again?”

Bakugo barks out an irritated curse at his friend and stomps off into the hallway, never once peering back over his shoulder. Even so, your boisterous laughter bounces off the walls, reaching his ears as he turns the corner into the stairwell.

“Yeah, he was. But don’t worry about it; I’ve got him covered.”

The throbbing in his chest doesn’t subside, even after a minute of that “deep breathing” crap, so Bakugo decides to move on anyway. He scales the fire escape up to the roof, anxious to get a better idea of his surroundings. He already knew the area well–he spent more time patrolling the streets than he spent in his own damn home–but knowing where the corner store was wouldn’t help him find what he was looking for. People never stuck around in one place for too long during disasters like this. Not unless they were–

No, Bakugo shakes off the thought as he climbs the final step. He yanks his phone out of his pocket and an alert banner drifts across his screen, screaming at him with bold, obnoxious text.

...mass civilian casualties reported. Additionally, over two dozen individuals are unaccounted for in the Dagobah district alone. Counted among the missing is pro-hero, Retrograde, who was last spotted leading rescue efforts in...

Bakugo locks the screen before he has to read any more, running a shaky hand over the bottom half of his face. Reporters didn’t know shit anyway.

You step into the agency training room, following close behind Bakugo. Once the door shuts, you twist the lock to the right. Your partner scowls, folding his arms across his chest in a frustrated gesture.

“What the hell is this about?” He growls, looking down his nose at you.

You inhale deeply, staring into blazing red eyes, unfazed. There’s not an ounce of your usual, goofy self left to be found. He’s grateful.

“This is gonna hurt.”

He blinks, gritting his teeth. “What–”

Before Bakugo can even get a word in, your fist is slamming into his jaw. He stumbles backward, thrown off balance by the force of the impact. Once he regains his footing, it’s less than a second before he’s pouncing towards you. His teeth are bared, his lips pulled back in a tight, animalistic snarl. You hop left, avoiding a full-on hit by a centimeter. Still, Bakugo’s reflexes get the better of you; He throws out an arm at the last second and catches your ankle as he passes, dragging you down with him. You hit the floor hard, landing on your back. Groaning, you fling out your other leg, shoving it into his ribs (too conveniently, in the same side he’d bruised just last week). Bakugo winces, releasing his hold, and after a complicated moment, you’ve got him pinned–held down by his chest and wrists.

“You know why you’ll never be number one?” You pant, pressing more of your weight into him when he struggles.

He growls, feral. “Get the fuck off of me.”

You don’t.

“It’s not ‘cause you’re a terrible hero. Hell, you’re brilliant–everyone agrees on that much.” You lean in close, speaking slowly. “It’s because your image is shit, Katsuki. And it’s shit because every time you do something good, you manage to screw it up by losing your cool and doing something stupid.”

You continue, paying no heed to Bakugo’s eyes as they narrow, murderous. “Silverfish is a hero. He worked his ass off helping us clear out that warehouse, but the second he makes one comment about your way of doing things, you go apeshit. You get in his face and scream and throw a hissy fit right in from of the reporters.” Shaking your head, you stand. “Like they need any other reason to rip into you.”

It takes every ounce of restraint in him, but Bakugo doesn’t lunge at you the instant you give him the opportunity (even though he really wants to). He settles for watching you rub your knuckles as you stare down at him. He hopes they hurt–he hopes you’d shattered every damn bone in them when you’d punched him. People needed to stop telling him how to do his job–how to act, how to be “nice” and pretend that he was some happy-go-lucky do-gooder. He wasn’t, and he didn’t want to be.

Bakugo sits up, scowling. “Reporters don’t know shit. I don’t care what any of those dumbasses say about me.”

You laugh, but there’s no humor in the sound. “Yeah? Then you’re a bigger fucking idiot than I thought.” When Bakugo jolts up, you move in close to him. Too close. “The press can make or break you. Give ‘em an opening and they’ll take it–they won’t hesitate to make you into their seven o’clock special. ‘Breaking news: Hero Ground Zero threatens violence against critics.’ Does that sound like the sort of headline that helps you move up the rankings?”

“It’s a fucking lie.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a lie or not! It’s what they’ll say!” You’re shouting now. Red seeps up to your face, coloring your cheeks and ears. “And what they say is what the public will believe.”

You stop and breathe, shallow and ragged, through your nose. Tracing small circles over your temples, you shut your eyes and hum to yourself. Your shoulders slow, their quick rise and fall, melting into something more controlled. Bakugo half thinks you’ve finally snapped–that the pressure of dealing with hero work and him and the media has finally made you lose it. He’s about to shove past you when you finally open your eyes. The intensity is still there, but your breathing has calmed down substantially.

“That’s why,” you begin, holding up your hands in a placating gesture, “If you’ve got a problem with someone, you find me. If I’m not around, you breathe and wait it out.” The words are soft. But they’re also firm. Rational.

Bakugo wonders if you’re still angry. He is. Then again, he can’t think of the last time that he wasn’t pissed off at something. He stares at you, grinding his teeth. He’s surprised to find that the urge to pay you back for the cheap shot you landed on him has faded. Just a little, though.

You click your fingers against your wrist guard, thinking. After what feels like a century of the nothing but tapping, you finally speak.

“We’re partners, Katsuki. If we don’t watch each other’s backs, then nobody will.” You hold out your hand. “Think we can agree on that much?”

He glances down at your outstretched fingers, then up at your face. If he’d really wanted to, he could’ve knocked you flat on your ass.

But there would be opportunities for that later.

Barely even realizing it, he takes your hand in his own.

Bakugo meets up with one of his sidekicks on what used to be a commercial street–the sort of place that vendors sold overpriced knick-knacks to tourists that didn’t know any better. Now, it looked like a fucking mess, with stalls overturned in the panic to evacuate and banners burned in the blaze that everyone had been running away from. Bakugo lifts the remains of a larger display, peeking under it. To anyone that didn’t know him, it might’ve looked like he was searching for civilians that’d been left behind.

His sidekick knows better. Bakugo doesn’t even have to ask the question burning in his mind before the young woman shakes her head.

“No sign of ‘em. We ripped apart the whole street and found nothing.”

Bakugo clenches his jaw, chokes down the acidic taste in his throat. No news was good news; He tries to convince himself that those words you liked to repeat over and over again have some truth to them. It’s hard to do that when he knows the actual numbers–when he has facts to refute the hopeful little figure of speech. The truth was that with every moment he waited around, the chances of finding you alive decreased. Drastically.

“Clear out these buildings the second you’re sure they’re not going to collapse.” Bakugo commands. “There could be survivors hiding out in there. And don’t move on until you check everywhere.”

He fiddles with his gauntlet, concentrating on keeping his breathing steady–like you’d showed him. In and out. In and out. No need to lose his cool. Yet.

“Rip out the ceiling tiles if you have to. People get creative when they’re desperate.”

“Where the fuck were you?!” Bakugo nearly loses it when he sees you hobbling towards the ambulances, coated in dust and nursing more than a few nasty cuts.

“Sipping piña coladas down at the beach.” You shout with a shit-eating grin that doesn’t seem to fit the situation. “Where do you think I was? I was hiding, Katsuki. That’s what you do when you’re hurt and there’s a baddie trying to murder you.”

Seeing you standing there, hearing the playful tone of your voice–it isn’t enough to convince him. Bakugo pushes past the paramedics, the news crews, his sidekicks. He doesn’t stop until he’s standing right in front of you, grabbing your shoulders and looking over you from head to toe.

Real. Ironically enough, the word doesn’t seem... well, real.

“How?” Bakugo demands as he runs his hands down your arms.

Feeling for broken bones, he convinces himself, even though that wasn’t something he usually did. Usually, he let paramedics handle checking for injuries. But right here, right now, he feels this compulsive need to check you out for himself–to make sure you’re as alive as you seem.

“Everyone was sure you were dead. How the hell did you get out of that tower?”

“Did you know,” you muse, still smiling, “That those old buildings have this space right above the–” You hiss, obviously in pain when Bakugo pokes at a spot between your side and your stomach.

“I climbed into the ceiling and waited around until things got quiet. Then I just scurried out the service entrance.” You admit shakily. “I didn’t think I’d be of much help like this, so I decided to play it safe.”

Bakugo stops his fussing for long enough to peer up and meet your eyes. You looked coherent enough. Tired, but sane–well, as sane as you could be. He remains quiet for a moment, then sighs.

“Good. That’s probably the smartest thing you could’ve done.”

You quirk up an eyebrow. “Wow, ‘smart.’ Don’t make a habit of complimenting me, now, or I’ll start to think I’m actually having a positive influence on you.”

Bakugo groans. “I didn’t say it was a smart decision, I said it was the smart-est given the situation.” Despite his protests, he kneels down to examine your ankles, spending extra time checking the side you’d avoided putting weight on. Not that he’d been paying attention.

“Same, difference. The point is, you were a decent human for about five seconds. That’s progress.”

He doesn’t respond, pretending to be too be too engrossed in his search for injuries. What was he supposed to say? “Thank you?” Was he supposed to hurl an insult back at you?

What if he didn’t feel like doing that right now?

“Does this hurt?” Bakugo asks, pressing on a spot that looks a little questionable.

“No.” You answer without hesitation. But your expression looks odd, strained.

“Are you lying?” He makes no effort to hide the irritation in his voice. He was trying to help, dammit. “Why are you making that face?”

“Not lying. It’s just,” your voice is thin–from what, he can’t decide, “You’re being so careful, and I couldn’t help but imagine ‘what if he was a nurse instead of a hero?’ Then I imagined you in one of those old, stereotypical nurse uniforms and I–” Whatever self-control you had disappears and you erupt into a fit of laughter. “I’m sorry, I just–”

You flinch, face contorted in pain and hand clutching at your side.

“Ow, ow, ow. Okay, it hurts to laugh.”

Bakugo stands, rolling his eyes. “That’s because you probably cracked a rib, weirdo.”

“And he’s back to being a jerk.” You groan, but a hint of a smirk lingers on your lips. “Then again, ‘weirdo’ sounds much nicer than ‘dumbass.’ So maybe you’re learning a thing or two, after all.”

Gingerly, without saying anything, he loops your arm over his shoulder. Bakugo could’ve used the opportunity to make some snarky remark about you being “dead weight” or “useless,” but he doesn’t.

“I’m glad you’re not dead.” Bakugo mutters under his breath. He doesn’t mean to say it–it just sort of slips out as the two of you trudge along your way.

You don’t reply; You don’t give any sort of indication that this was anything out of the ordinary. Still, Bakugo wonders–if he glanced over at you, would you roll your eyes? Would you think he was being insincere? Or would you look surprised? Happy, even?

“Even though you’re a dumbass.” He tacks it on before he can overthink things too much.

Bakugo kicks over a trashcan, pissed and exhausted and anxious. Nothing even vaguely human-shaped rolls out–just candy wrappers and soda cans. A deep sound bubbles in his throat, growing until it evolves into a full-scale shout. Your name.

Nobody shouts back. Bakugo hears ambulance sirens echoing in the distance, the low groan and clunk of machinery as crews come in to clear out heavy debris, maybe even the creaking of some buildings that had yet to crumble beneath their own weight. Whenever he stops focusing on them for just a moment, they become less industrial sounding–more human. His hyper-focused mind makes it into something it’s not. He hears sobbing, distant and choked, but so familiar it almost kills him to ignore. Throwing his hands over his ears, he shuts his eyes tight and tries to block the sounds out–tries focus and force down the memories they bring.

“Please, don’t cry.” Bakugo pleads even though he knows it won’t do any good.

He’s terrible at comforting people–that wasn’t a surprise–but even that isn’t the reason why your sobs continue to rip through the eerie silence of the alleyway.

Every hero had to go through this at some point–had to grapple with the fact that they couldn’t save everyone.

His had come early on, during his third-year internship nonetheless. An old man, trapped beneath rubble from a roof cave-in. It hadn’t even been a villain attack that did him in, just a sorry excuse for a supermarket and an ill-timed tremor. Bakugo remembers the rush to carry him out to the ambulances, the head-pounding, gut-wrenching feeling of being fucking useless as the paramedics looked over the man. Then, the sinking doubt that crept in, long after the techs shook their heads and made their pronouncements. It was a silent beast that told him he hadn’t been fast enough. Smart enough. Good enough.

Now, it was your turn to deal with the same thing. Months–almost a year–into your career, and you still weren’t any more prepared for it than he’d been. Hearing about casualties was one thing. Looking people in the face, promising them you’d save them, then watching as the light faded from their eyes was something entirely different–something you couldn’t ever be ready for. He knew that as well as anyone else.

“It’s my fault.” You whimper into his shoulder. “My god, Katsuki. It’s all my fault.”

Bakugo tightens his grip on you. His dry cheek presses against your wet one, your hair ticking the edge of his nose as he grumbles into your ear.

“No it isn’t. You did what you could.”

You inhale once, then twice, then a third time, your entire body trembling. “And it wasn’t–”.

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Bakugo warns, leaving no room for argument.

And you don’t. You stand there, clinging to him, sniffling into his costume. When the brunt of it passes, neither of you move for a long time. He keeps his arms around your middle while you cling desperately to his neck.

Bakugo isn’t sure why he pulls his head back, but when he does, you do the same, staring up at him with puffy eyes. He breathes, long and drawn-out. His mind races.

Then, his lips are pressed to your forehead. He doesn’t know why the hell he does it–why he leans forward and kisses your skin like that. You were just standing there, looking upset and it felt like the right thing to do.

That’s what he tells himself.

But it was wrong. Bakugo knows that the moment he takes another look at your face. Your eyes have gone wide. Still wet with unshed tears, they watch him without blinking. Your lips trace imaginary words–probably questions. What was he doing? Why was he being so sweet? Where was the matchstick with the temper that tried your patience nearly every day?

He tries to look away, but your fingers tap at his neck, three times, demanding that he turn his attention back to you. You’re staring, insistent. Demanding answers.

This wasn’t right–now wasn’t the time. Not when you were a mess like this. The thought isn’t enough to keep him from hunching over again, stilling the frantic movement of your lips with his own. You gasp against his mouth, but don’t push him away. In fact, your arms constrict around him, pulling him in closer.

He’s not entirely sure how that makes him feel.

Phone call after phone call buzzes at his side, but Bakugo ignores all of them. Maybe it was one of his sidekicks checking in on him. Maybe it was the agency trying to convince him to do a press briefing. Maybe it was Kirishima, just making sure he wasn’t dead. Either way, answering would be a waste of what precious little time he had left.

Three hours–that’s how long it’d been since your phone started dropping calls. It’d been at least four hours since he’d heard from you last and six since he’d seen you with his own two eyes. If you’d been a civilian, he would’ve told anyone searching for you to go home–let the heroes handle it. Which was code for “they’re probably gone for good.” But you weren’t a civilian, and you couldn’t be gone. That wasn’t how this whole shit-show was supposed to go down. The two of you were partners, dammit. You were supposed to stick together–watch each other's backs. One of you couldn’t just go off and get killed without the other.

Right?

The thought makes Bakugo’s anxiety spike again, his hyperventilation returning. He braces himself against the first wall he finds. It belongs to some sort of warehouse, but he barely even notices. His main concern is calming the fuck down–trying to inhale and exhale without focusing on the fact that he might already be too late. He’s terrible at it.

Everything aches. His arms, his legs, his back, even his fucking mind. It’s a dull feeling, lingering. Agonizing and persistent. Not like a punch to the jaw, where you focus on it for a second then move on. With the added pressure of breathing, it’s almost too much.

Bakugo rams his fist into the wall, harder than he should. He can feel his knuckles crack on impact with the cement or concrete or whatever it was they used in buildings nowadays, but the sting that shoots through his fingers is welcome, a distraction from the rest of the pain and, more importantly, from his own morbid thoughts. It fades soon though.

He’s about to do it again–sacrifice more of his fingers to his own, temporary relief–then there’s a sound. It’s soft, like a pin dropping in a loud room. But something about it is familiar–too familiar.

Bakugo freezes, suddenly capable of holding his breath. He catches the back half of something–he can’t decide what–as it fades off into the ambient noise of the street. When he waits for a while and it doesn’t start back up, he smacks the wall again, sparing his fingers by using his palm this time.

Then, he presses his ear to the wall and listens. It begins again and his breath hitches involuntarily. He was right–he knows this sound.

Tap, tap, tap. Groups of three. Faint and weaker than ever before, but unmistakable all the same.

The wall crumbles away with a couple hard hits. Buildings weren’t supposed to do that–to splinter and crack like chalk. No doubt your quirk had some part to play there.

Knowing that doesn’t stop heat from pulsing in his skull when he finds your heaving, broken body nestled into a spot that should’ve been filled with concrete. Your limbs twisted at the wrong angles, eyes glazed over–open, but staring at nothing. Even as he lifts you out of your hiding place, you barely react. Quiet. No wincing, no witty remarks. Just shallow wheezing that grows weaker by the second.

“Breathe, dammit.” Bakugo commands, grabbing you and sprinting towards the triage area. “Come on, you need to breathe. In and out, remember?”

Each time your body stills–every moment your breathing falters for just a second–he finds himself holding his breath with you. Counting the seconds, making sure you’re actually listening when he tells you to inhale. He wishes that were enough, wishes that staying alive was something you could just decide to do–like rewinding damage on an old wall or fixing a bad attitude with a well-timed right hook.

It wasn’t that easy; Bakugo wasn’t stupid enough to think that it was. Still, even if it means babying you, monitoring each breath like he’s some sort of fucking life-support machine, he refuses to let you die. Not now, not ever.

You weren’t getting out of this gig that easily. You were stuck–his partner for life, whether you wanted to be or not.

Sweat pours down his face as he ups his pace.

“I’ve got you–same as always. Just keep breathing with me, okay?”

#katsuki bakugou #bnha bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou #bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugo #bnha reader insert #bnha #mha #bnha imagines #bakugo imagines #bakugou imagines #mha imagines #im so sorry #this turned out way longer than it was supposed to #requests #dialogue prompts

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littlecafe · 6 years

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this is a very condensed guide to superstar pledis! i have a few other basic tips that i will leave below, feel free to ask me if you need help with anything

important change to theme boost (specific only to superstar pledis!)

Unlike the normal 500,000 boost you normally get for R grade themes, superstar pledis gives you a bonus for groups with more than 3 member cards. You still get the 500,000 bonus for R grades but any group OVER 3 MEMBERS will get an additional 15k on top of the bonus.

So for example: After School or Orange Caramel who have 4 cards each will get 515,000 point bonus for an R grade theme. This makes Seventeen the group with the highest theme bonus, their bonus comes up to 650,000.

+tips:

edit: So I’ve learned that right now the highest cards can go is R50 and the highest weekly league seems to be Gold III. This is just temporary as the game is still new, in the other games cards can go to R99 and the highest weekly league is Master III so you can expect that to be added in the future.

edit: TOP 7 moves up not TOP 5 for weekly league. I think they might still have the bugged visual where there’s only an arrow for numbers 1 through 5 but 6 and 7 also moves up!

Another thing I noticed is that in the weekly mission you can get a 50% power up card. tl;dr SAVE IT!! I didn’t mention it in the guide because I thought superstar pledis won’t have this feature yet since these material cards come with another feature called Superstar League as well as another in game currency called Dalcom Coins (this will most likely be introduced to the game later as well).

These cards are quite rare (especially currently because we can’t buy them like we can in other superstar games) and you will need them later for upgrading those high rank R cards. 50% power up card is exactly what the name is, it’s a material card that has a set 50% success rate when used for upgrading, it also costs no RP to use. People generally use it in the last legs of upgrading (in the other games R90+). It will be a waste to use it now on any card even an R1 because upgrading currently is very easy compared to what you will be facing later on. This was someone else’s math but just for reference…going from R91 to R99 could cost 1.2mil RP per card alone so…yes please save your material cards! ; _ ;

1. Super perfect notes don’t actually say super perfect. The color for a super perfect is actually a silver, kinda holographic color and it just says perfect. The perfect notes are yellow/gold. I’ve read some new players mix up the two and try to aim for the “gold” perfects when you’re actually supposed to aim for the “silver” ones. ^^’’

Here’s pictures from the game. The super perfect looks gray only because I can’t show you the holographic flashes in screenshot form but if you record your screen and play it back slowly you can see that it actually flashes many colors hehe~

Expanding on the note information on the info graphic: If you were confused about the notes before this screenshot also helps since you can see visually the score I got for each note. The number underneath the perfect/good is your combo. It doesn’t really mean anything lol but it resets every time you miss. The yellow perfect note is +242 (full points), silver super perfects +485 (roughly 2x points), green goods +121 (half points), and the miss gives no points and took away my energy/rave bar and my combo. Misses also shakes your screen a little and makes a buzzing noise, you can see in my screenshot the miss screen is misaligned.

My combo did restart in this but it’s just I hit a super perfect after I missed so it’s not in the screenshots. (rip) My yellow perfect was hit after that extra note so that’s why it looks like it continued counting. ^ o ^;;;;;

2. Click your profile (your icon picture) and turn the sound effect off and change the sort from new to difficulty. It’s more of a personal thing but the sound effect for misses can be very loud and can scare you if you’re too absorbed in trying to hit the notes and don’t notice your misses so I just turn mine off in every superstar game. Also sorting by difficulty is best for new players so you can play the easier songs first and not have to worry about harder songs until you’ve played the easy ones! Here’s a picture from the game for the settings:

3. Reset your timing if you feel like it’s not right. The game really revolves around you being able to hit super perfect notes and if you’re timing is wrong it will be hard to hit those notes. Also a tip within a tip is that to focus on hitting the notes close to the center. Even if you hit the notes “on time” if you hit the note off center it will result in a perfect instead of the super perfect you’d want.

4. Play without cards at the beginning! There’s a song challenge system in the game that will require you to beat your own high score by a 10k point margin. If you play with your best cards, you’d have to upgrade them (or get more super perfects) in order to beat your score and get the bonus RP but if you play without any cards it will be easy to beat since all you have to do is equip a card.

5. Of course, hard mode gives higher scores than normal mode and normal gives higher score than easy BUT all songs within the same mode (easy, normal, hard) have the same potential score. Even if the song is longer or have more notes it will still have the same max score as a song that is easier or shorter. Play through all the songs first and remember which songs are easiest for you. You need 5 different groups and songs for your top 5 every week so figure out what songs will give you the best score and focus on them.

6. Don’t spend your diamonds so quickly! It’s really tempting buying those premium packs since you want all the shiny new cards but it’s best to save them for when a better deal comes around. In the other superstar games, there are sometimes special packs and deals like up to 50% premium packs so save them and wait for a good deal to come. The game is quite generous with just daily log ins and events and there’s a long, long road to reaching R99 so save these diamonds if you can!!

7. If you find your fingers sticking to the screen a lot of players recommend putting a bit of powder on your fingers to help it slide better. Some also say they use a thin layer of tape on the screen instead.

8. Start focusing your themes once you start going into R cards. At the beginning it’s ok to play your best card for high scores since we’re all starting with nothing, but once you start getting more cards and upgrading you should choose one theme for a group and stick to it to get the theme score bonus.

9. While this game can be pay-to-win, it’s mostly a grinding game. In order to get cards higher than R1 you MUST upgrade, you can’t buy them so we will all need a lot of RP and a lot of fodder cards. While you can buy diamonds with RP it’s just not viable, even for those with a lot of money because payout diamond to RP ratio is pretty bad. The best way to get RP is just by playing the game everyday.

10. Once you get to higher R card levels, you’ll find that it gets really expensive to upgrade and you’ll also fail a lot of upgrades. If you reach that state, then just save your RP. In the future, Dalcom has events where upgrades are half off so if you grind and save until then it will be more cost effective and make upgrading a little bit easier.

11. Talking about upgrades, even though you can use any card to upgrade any card…you don’t want to do that since you’ll need the higher ranked cards later for higher cards. Here’s a general consensus from most players about what cards to use for upgrading:

C1 to S4: Use C1

S4 to S5: Use C1 or B1

R1-21: Use C1

R21+: Use C1 or B1

R51+: Use B1 or A1 until R71

R71+: Use A1 or S1 until R81

R81+: Use S5

I think that’s all for now, I’ll try to add on if I think of anything else. Just have fun and play at your own pace, don’t feel bad if you can’t grind or if you can’t 3 star the hard songs now. Just keep at it and play for fun and collect your favorite artists’ cards! <3

If you still need help or need clarifications feel free to ask me or visit the superstar pledis reddit page.

#superstar pledis #kpop #the game is already in maintenance bc too much traffic asksdf

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cornfedcryptid-archive · 5 years

Text

WIP Wednesday

I got tagged by @ranawaytothedas...and for once I actually have something to share. Shocking, I know! lol

Imma gonna tag @bakedsweetroll, @dngrs-untld-hrshps-unnmbrd, @lesbianeliksni, and @ironbullsmissingeye, @elveny, and @roseategales.

It’s two things I’ve been working on off an on the past few weeks (neither of which have been edited/there’s bits that still need added). Both of which require me deep diving into lore...the problem is there’s very little on Mithrax! Why do you do this to me Bungo!?

Begin Again-a time travel AU I have with Raven and Solas

“Can you do it?”

“If it was all of you, yes. But what you’re asking is something entirely different. You’re asking me to rip you from your body and send it back to the you in the past. There’s no guarantee that it will work.” Dorian paced the length of Josephine’s old office in Haven. But it had been years since the ambassador had sat in the chair. Neither could remember the last time they had seen any of the others from the Inquisition.

The years following the Exalted Council had not been kind to Raven or Dorian. Years of thwarting Solas at every turn took everything they and what few allies still survived had. They all knew the end was drawing near and if they didn’t act fast, southern Thedas would fall.

Dorian stopped his pacing and turned to Raven. He studied his oldest and closest friend for several moments. She looked more rundown and haggard than when they had last seen each other four months prior. New scars, not from Raven’s blade, peppered her body telling more than their conversations did. The topic of her missing eye was avoided on pain of death. They were losing and Dorian knew Raven would go to even more drastic measures if needed, some of which would be worse than what Solas had done.

But not even Solas could have foreseen what would happen with the Veil fell. Her memories of Redcliffe paled in comparison to the atrocities that now spread across the land. The Evanuris were free and roamed the lands like a plague. Whatever plan Solas had had failed. It had been weeks since she had seen him on the edges of her dreams, and she feared the worst.

“There’s a small moment, when you’re harvesting a person when you feel their soul almost literally in your hands. All you would need to do is cast your spell right at that moment. We know where my body and Solas were at that time. It’s the only chance we have Dorian.”

2. Zero Hour-Just the start of something I’ve been wanting to do with Mithrax and a certain someone that hasn’t been seen in a while. *wink* *wonk*

“Something was pinging my scanners the last time I was on Titan, and I found this. Do you have any idea what it is?” Arete tossed a vaguely familiar device to Z-9, who caught it with his free hand.

“It’s a fallen transponder.” The exo studied the device, memories of this technology slowly coming back to the surface. “There’s an encrypted message on here.”

“Can you solve it?”

“I can. By why does it matter?”

“It was in the area where I met that captain who gave me the methane reactor. I had locked the door behind me and there were hive all over the place. It wouldn’t have been easy to regain access to that room. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I found it.”

“You and your hunches,” Z chuckled. He turned his attention back to the transponder, his own curiosity fueling his actions more than her request.

“When have I ever been wrong?”

“I know. I’m just giving you shit. Someone has to keep you humble, don’t want your notoriety going to your head.”

“If anyone has let my notoriety go to their head it’s you,” she snorted.

“Not everyone has the pleasure of being in the Pussycat Dolls. We’ve saved the Last City and galaxy how many times?” A ding from the device drew both of their attention to the screen. “It seems your hunch was right again. There’s definitely something important on here but it’s requiring six access nodes…whoever left this must have wanted you or someone to find it.”

“Why?”

“The clues point to areas we’ve patrolled that have known fallen activity.”

“I don’t understand the need for a scavenger hunt that sends us all over the galaxy.”

Three days later, Z and Ari found themselves at the ruins of the old tower. None had been back to the tower since the Red War. Repairs to the guardians’ home was nowhere near to being underway, the main focus of the city’s construction crews was the city itself. Guardians had to make do with hammocks and cots wherever they could stow them. Others, like Ari and Z, preferred to sleep in their ships or were off world too often that the makeshift sleeping arrangements didn’t bother them.

“I don’t like this at all,” Z grumbled. “This whole thing just screams of a setup.”

“That may be the case. But if the information we found on there is right, we can’t let SIVA tech fall into fallen hands. I am not in the mood to fight another Aksis.”

“I’d rather not deal with another zamboni of death. One is one too many!” Z loaded a clip into his sniper and followed behind Ari at a distance. Once through the door he took aim at the dreg that was squatting in their line of sight. Before he could pull the trigger, a captain materialized and killed it.

“Wait! Don’t shoot him!” Ari stepped towards the captain, but before she could take a step he had transmatted out of the area.

“What the fuck? I am seven kinds of confused right now.”

“You still think this is a set up?”

“Yes, but not the kind that I was originally thinking.” The transponder in Z’s pocket started to beep. He pulled it out, the screen illuminating his face.

“Looks like we only have about twenty minutes to get wherever we’re supposed to get.”

“Is it telling you where we need to go?”

“Yeah, hold on. Hey Ham, you know where this is?”

Ham materialized over Z’s shoulder and looked down at the transponder. “I believe I know the location. It is outside the Vanguard’s secret vault. The quickest routes have been blocked by layers of rubble.”

“Can we just fly there?” Z asked.

“That would be ill advised. If they are truly after the vault, we can’t simple fly in. We’d alert whomever is breaking in and they would destroy our ketch before we got close enough to transmat in.”

“Is there a route to get there that’s open?” Arete asked.

“The most recent scans I’ve received from the underground network plot a path. There will most likely be fallen along the way.”

“Is it too much to ask that the bad guys don’t do bad guy stuff for just one evening?” Z shouldered his sniper and took off at a jog behind Arete.

“Now Z, I thought you like the notoriety from doing things like this? You’ve been with me for every raid.”

“True. But a man’s gotta have a day off. I’ve been spending all my time whipping Glow Worm into shape.”

“He still letting you call him that?” she chuckled.

“I told him the day he can best me is the day I’ll stop calling him that.”

#My writing #wip wednesday #listen I know it's at the very end of the day #and I should have done this hours ago #but listen #my life is lowkey highkey midkey a big of a dumpster fire atm #so cut me some slack #let's all just be happy that I have something to share this week #that will hopefully be posted posted by the end of next week #*fingers crossed*

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theostry · 6 years

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TW Script liveblog - Season 1 Episode 1: Wolf Moon

Or, as it is otherwise known:

Teen Wolf Scripts!

Check it out, Wolfiends. This is a loooooong post consisting of screenshots of the Teen Wolf script alongside my own rambling commentary. I'm not here to review the show; finer minds than myself have got that covered. Nor is it a photo-recap; that has been done by crazier bastards than myself. What I am here for is scraping the bottom of the barrel so hard I'm eating splinters, give me that Teenage Lupine content, give me ALL OF THE CONTENT--

*ahem*

Excerpts have been selected based on the following criteria: 1) It did not make the final cut; 2) It substantially altered; 3) It offers extra detail not apparent from the show, such as description and direction; and 4) I felt like including it.

Fun times (and, obviously, a hell of a lot of spoilers) below the cut.

(What the heckie do these colours mean? We may never know)

So let's get started.

Answering the real questions here: Scott's shirtlessness was script mandated, not just a case of Posey being slightly allergic to clothes. Let's all take a moment to think about Scott's lithe frame and then go to jail reminisce over how it felt when we had no idea what he would come to mean to us. Sigh.

Aaaaand paydirt! Here is a lovely little scene we never saw on screen.

Doesn't really tell us anything we didn't learn soon enough, but any McCall family time is time well spent. And I'm not sorry they deleted the casual clumsiness from Scott's intro, so I can keep my headcanon that he had mad lacrosse skills from all his practising but just couldn't play due to asthma.

A wild Stiles appears!

And it is the perfect intro to his character, easy to see why they didn't change a thing. DOB nailed it.

Before long, we are introduced to--

-- Wait, hold up, who? Looks like Stiles's dad got a promotion sometime between "Double Buff" and filming. Congrats, John Michael Noah!

Seriously, though, consider the extra layer of politics and secrecy that would have been going on if he was just a deputy rather than Sheriff. What a different show it would have been, especially in later seasons.

WHY, JEFF DAVIS? WHY ARE YOU COMMENTING ON THE ‘BEAUTY’ OF A GHASTLY SEVERED CORPSE? HOW IS THIS WOMAN'S ATTRACTIVENESS OR OTHERWISE RELEVANT TO THE SITUATION? DID SCOTT PAUSE MID-PANIC TO THINK "WOW SHE IS HOT (ALSO DEAD AND BISECTED)"? /end rant

But now it's time for--

--and that means

Back to school time!

Setting the scene. Californians, is this a fair representation of your high school experience? Asking for research purposes.

Also, petition for girls and girls also to be able to hold hands. Down with the patriarchy.

It's everyone's favourite juice enthusiast! Looks like the Sheriff wasn't the only one who moved up in the world over the course of the script revision process - Jackson only had a BMW here instead of his Porsche.

As with Stiles's intro, we achieve Peak Jackson in his very first scene:

*snort*

And while we're doing intros--

But wait, this is a game changer -- you think you know how it does, right? Breezing past Stiles as if he wasn't even there, completely ignoring him? Well THINK AGAIN!

Yeah I lied.

So this is new - Scott's hearing was going to be much stronger here, perceiving the caller's voice as well from that distance! What secrets shall be revealed from the other half of this conversation?

Huh. Yeah, that contributed nothing, and would have had absurd implications for werewolf hearing. Also would have been a totally banal first glimpse of Victoria Argent, which is just unacceptable.

Did this happen? I don't recall it. Would have been a cool shot.

*Curiosity is piqued*

I confuse. Is this an editing fail? Two versions of the scene that got smooshed together? Or does Lydia swoop twice (possible Banshee prefiguring)?

I like the book-spilling version. It establishes Allison as kind.

But this bit --

-- I do not like. It seems to suggest that there was always something about Allison that helped Scott control his shift, or even suppressed it? Rather than it being his feelings for her that reminded him of his humanity and strengthened his will. Nopity nope.

Now for another intro:

It's Harley!

Yeah, I didn’t know either. I guess she got shafted for some reason…which is a pity, because the girl has got snark.

SHOTS FIRED.

Meanwhile…is Harley into Scott? Were we going to have a triangle of luuurve? Not sorry we didn't, triangles are an overrated romantical shape (unless they're equilateral ones, but for some reason teen shows are all about the isosceles and I am over it), but Harley could have been an actual character. RIP, girl I could have liked.

Also RIP Harley's heart, because

Thus far we have had character intros that were Peak Stiles, Peak Jackson and Peak Lydia ('s queen bitch façade). Now we have one that is a massive understatement:

Oh, sweet summer children. We ain't seen nothing yet.

Do you sometimes forget how mutually toxic Lydia and Jackson's relationship was? Ugh.

Excellent priorities, Scott. But so far so canon.

A FIGURE

Who's it gonna be, ohmigosh mysterious figure--

Ohmigosh, is it--

*ahem* sorry

Okay I think I'm beginning to understand why we absolutely had to know about the ravishing beauty of corpse-lady: Jeff Davis is simply incapable of giving a description of anyone without reminding us how attractive they are. HEY EVERYONE! THIS IS A SHOW FOR HOT PEOPLE! EYE CANDY OVER HERE!

…waitaminute, back the truck up.

WhaaAAAAAT?

*thinking forward to skeevy Kate plotline, Hale fire was 6 years ago, runnin' the numbers, doin' the math*

19 minus 6 equals …KATE you EFFING PEDO GET in the BIN RIGHT NOW--

--nah just kidding, they obviously decided to age him up sometime after this edit. Also, as has been observed, Jeff Davis inhabits a world blissfully innocent of such things as calendars.

Now I hope I have sufficiently distracted my audience with squicks and figures, because I want to sneak this one through without getting crucified.

Okay we're done here, on to--

Really, there's nothing--

One million hardcore Sterek shippers: *collectively lose their shit*

One innocent liveblogger: *hides*

All twelve Scerek shippers: *are validated*

Someone sensible: It's just one line of direction in a first meeting, it doesn't mean--

One desperate liveblogger: OKAY, MOVING ON

This is such a great scene -- the terror of all those panicking cats, Scott wanting to calm them but, realising he is the problem, freaks out himself -- and it just got even better, because there's something missing here that we saw on-screen.

While it could have come in a later revision, I choose to believe that singing "hey, kitties!" in greeting was just Tyler Posey's natural instinct upon walking into a room full of feline friends.

But now Allison is here, and Scott has passed off the panic baton to her.

Woooo Scott is getting his wolf on! But he doesn't seem to know it yet. I wonder from whose perspective Scott's calm is supposed to be 'odd', because I wouldn't have expected him to get worked up about an injured dog given his job. And how many wolves has Jeff Davis met? I don't think their eyes typically glow, outside of tapetum lucidum reflections. But what do I know, I'm not a zoologist.

Also -- they were supposed to have an umbrella? Budget cuts are brutal.

Do you ever forget how adorable Scallison were before things got complicated? Can I get an "Awww"?

It's also nice that they gave Allison reasons to be interested in Scott beyond 'he's cute' and 'he noticed me'. She admires him for his competence and gentleness here, she's seen him excelling at sports without being a douche about it, and their first interaction was one of generosity. This is why it's disappointing that they cut the bit where Allison helps a stranger with her books -- it's a pity they didn't show us Scott's reasons for liking Allison beyond 'she's pretty'. A sadly typical imbalance in Hollywood: boys are admirable for what they do, girls for how they look. Thank all the gods and little fishes that Allison subverts the hell out of this trope later on.

Is this or is this not the cutest interaction? It gets better:

Cats are one thing, Scotty, but you gotta think about your choices when dogs are judging you.

Now who’s being judgemental

'Litigious', Scott? And before the word-a-day calendar regime, too. Insert comment about American litigation culture here.

Scott is definitely talking about the dog not at all about himself why would you say that--

Okay so Scott's having his weird woodsy sleepwalking dream now, and I have to go back and check because -- white? Why are the Alpha's eyes white? Sure enough:

Did they retcon the Alpha red eyes thing after the Pilot/Wolf Moon was shot Even in the earlier scene where Scott was bitten:

White eyes. What gives, Jeff?

While we're here, let's just take a second to appreciate Peter the Cartoon CGI Gorilla-Wolf. LOL.

Get back to the scripts woman, the photo recap thing has been covered, stay in your lane

AWKWARD. Anyway that's the same as in canon, but I initially read that as 'mysterious smile' and freaked because was that pool owner person supposed to be significant??, but no, never mind, carry on.

Meanwhile, this ep is just FULL of iconic moments.

All together now,

*sighs happily*

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Later, at the lacrosse scrimmage:

I checked the episode, and…nope. No Derek stalking around on the field in this scene. That we saw.

Oh good, we hadn't seen a naked torso in a while, I was starting to worry

Who can get enough of Melissa--Scott moments? Not me, that's for sure. But wait--

Voices becoming TINNY what is happening

Someone's creeping

*sings* ‘Who can it BEEE no-ow?’

*snort*

In other news, Jackson is not the only one who got a vehicular upgrade. I don’t know enough about cars to discern the mystical significance of these changes. Experts please?

Ah, can't believe they cut this! Is he just embarrassed to have an inhaler in front of Allison, or does he realise on some level that his asthmatic days are over?

Oh yikes, is this another scene of which we were ROBBED? I want my absolute and agonizing awkward teen silence!

ROBBED, I say! Robbed of canon confirmation of Scott's dorky music taste!

Awww.

I liked Scallison well enough, but if these scenes had been included I would have been 200% sold on it from ep 1.

Confused Scydia moment! I wonder if Lydia greeted Stiles like that too, and if so how hard he flailed.

Harley again! In the version that made it to screen she and Stiles both ask Scott if he's okay. That girl should have stayed a character. *grumpy face*

"Deep black eyes"? "Strangely hypnotic"? Preeeeetty sure he was just standing there with his regular (insanely pretty) ambiguously green-hazel eyes; and while that was a fair attempt at a charming smile (for Derek), "hypnotic" it wasn't.

That would have been a cool visual.

“Powerfully muscular”; “strangely seductive”; “He's given into it”

I'll tell you who's into it, Jeff Davis is into it And you know what?

So am I.

*Curiosity intensifies*

A nice little moment of realisation we never got to see

This is changed up a bit -- in the show the dialogue comes before the wrestling, there's no throat-gripping (Derek holds Scott down with a hand on his chest), and we have yet to see those shiny blue eyes.

Also, demonic. *shivers*

That's interesting - obviously was going to be more support to the false lead of Derek being the Alpha, but they walked it back.

A bit of added urgency here

"Steps out of the darkness" -- from what we saw, Derek was just standing there next to Scott, no added drama. Add this to the 'hypnotic deep black eyes' we never saw -- can it be that the creeper-wolf that graced our screens was actually the less spooky version??

I guess they forgot to talk to the sun’s manager about their filming schedule.

Well that answers my question about how Stiles knew where to find Scott. Sort of.

Also: Aaaaaaaangst.

Aww, my heart. The bromance.

I love how it's "instantly recognisable," but in the final cut they can’t help throwing in a flashback to all of three minutes ago just to make sure we recognise him. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Teen Wolf.

Yes, apparently that is Chris Argent's idea of a 'friendly smile'.

Also, sworn enemy. Lol.

Great ending to a great pilot episode! And what extra-delicious and not-at-all mouth-perforating splinters of teeny wolfy goodness does our script-reading scrape up for us?

Well, we have extra delightful domestic scenes with the McCalls; extra adorable baby flirting between our star-crossed lovers (not that they know the heavens hate them yet, shhh); a wonderful character who could have been in Harley (will she show up more in future scripts? At what point did they decide to consign her to the trash can of oblivion? Or did she just disappear because she realised she had no chance with Scott now that Allison is here?); and honestly, it ws worth it for Jackson’s favourite word alone.

But clearly the most important thing we leaned from the Teen Wolf Pilot script (Double Buff edition) is that the

we know and love is NOT, in fact, the creepiest, most melodramatic, most stalkerish version of himself. He could have been worse. Watching Scott at practice earlier than we knew eavesdropping on him shirtlessly discussing sex with him mum, using strangely hypontic deep black eyes on unsuspecting teenage girls, emerging theatrically from the shadows -- just imagine, if he'd been behaving like that from the get-go, no way would Scott have trusted him. Good job toning it down, Jeff Davis!

Exeunt.

#teen wolf #tw season 1 #pilot #wolf moon #liveblog #long post #teen wolf scripts #theostry liveblogs the TW scripts

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nekhbetkhalid · 7 years

Note

anya/nekhbet !! h y p o t h e t i c a l i love it

also guillotine by jon bellion, makes me think of their hypothetical romance. since he’s an assassin and she’s a queen. ;3;EDIT; AHHHH I GOOFED I SAW THE EMELINE ACCOUNT AND MISREAD THAT LOL. I can redo it though give me a moment haha.DOUBLE EDIT: i figured i’d keep what else I wrote but it’s below the anya/nekhbet meme. ANAHBET //who is more likely to hurt the other?nekhbet, because anya is actual sunshine and nekhbet can be worlds more aggressive. that being said nekhbet is aware how good-natured the girl is and makes an effort more than he would with most people to not be as hurtful.who is emotionally stronger?anya is more aware of her emotions and in tune with others more than nekhbet is, while he knows what to key in on to manipulate people that doesn’t necessarily make him emotionally stronger. in fact he probably more self loathing deep down than anya could ever be.who is physically stronger?nekhbet, the man doesn’t just get paid to sit around, he’s constantly working out and when he’s not he’s just plain working.who is more likely to break a bone?nekhbet, his work takes a toll on him, although anya is more likely to get a cold due to being around the sick more often. she once gave nekhbet a cold she had and he complained for a week straight! that being said she did pamper and take care of him, he surely didn’t complain about that.who knows best what to say to upset the other? nekhbet, anya is too nice, too soft of a girl to say anything to hurt the vulture. him on the other hand….the first time he made her cry was also the last time, or at least he tried to make an actual effort for it to be. for nekhbet that’s good.who is most likely to apologies first after an argument? nekhbet partially because anya doesn’t start them and partially because nekhbet always comes crawling back to rearrange the pieces he’s broken with his words or actions.who treats who’s wounds more often? anya! not only is she a nurse, but nekhbet loves the attention, sometimes she thinks he comes back with so many wounds intentionally….who is in constant need of comfort? both, nekhbet is insecure at times about his worth as a man, while anya has occasional pity parties.who gets more jealous? anya, as the assassin is gone for days or weeks at a time. meanwhile nekhbet is rarely jealous when it comes to anya, for once in his life he actually found someone he trusted with his whole heart, mind, body and soul. she is someone who he truly believes is good in this world, so he doesn’t have to fret over the what if’s when it comes to her.who’s most likely to walk out on the other? neither really, even though nekhbet is often gone much to anya’s displeasure she can’t seem to tear herself away from him, he needs her after all. meanwhile nekhbet trusts her so much he couldn’t see himself ever leaving her.who will propose? nekhbet fears commitment, what he fears worse is anya leaving him when she realizes she could do better than scum like him. eventually he pushes everything aside and pops the question, she says yes. married life is often times difficult, but they are mostly happy nonetheless.who has the most difficult parents?nekhbet’s parents are dead but anya does have an adoptive mother. who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? anya, she thinks it does nekhbet some good to be more open, he protests the first time, somewhat anyway, but when he finally feels her hand curl into his, never again does he make so much as a complaining sound.who comes up for the other all the time? (what even is this…)who hogs the blankets? anya, nekhbet misses his layers when she takes all the covers, but eventually they decide to have two blankets on the bed but they always wake up under one somehow.who is better at cheering the other up? anya always cheers the assassin up, she just smiles his way once and it’s like the sun itself is beaming at him. when she skips towards him, flowers bloom in her wake and when she tries to kiss his worries away he swears his heart stops briefly, thankfully she’s a nurse so she could probably save him.who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?anya, she doesn’t believe in hitting others but she does playfully tease him often, meanwhile he finds himself scared to even touch her too roughly so he never even jokes about it.who is more streetwise?both, anya went without parents for so long that she knows how to take care of herself, meanwhile nekhbet has done the same.who is more wise?both, anya is smart enough to be a nurse, and nekhbet is smart enough not to end up dead. neither one of them are really wise by definition however.who’s the shyest? nekhbet, he’s less bubbly and open. while he may seem very open and doesn’t really hide much, to the trained eye he hides so very much. anya sees past it eventually, something not many have done.who boasts about the other more? both, they are so very proud of each other, anya especially; she really thinks that even though nekhbet has his flaws that he’s really grown since they first met.who sits on who’s lap? anya, nekhbet especially loves when she falls asleep there and he carries her quietly to bed.BONUS MEME: (because i goofed) EMEHBET //who is more likely to hurt the other?it varies, nekhbet tends to push away people with sarcasm, while emeline can have anger issues. usually nekhbet will say something mean and emeline will lash out in response. they hurt each other equally and often it’s when their both stressed.

who is emotionally stronger?emeline, while she has a tendency to lash out she’s also more mentally there than nekhbet who isn’t the strongest emotionally. deep down he’s still angry child who just wants to be accepted by someone, so when she accepts him as he is she becomes his rock more than he her’s.who is physically stronger?nekhbet, he may not be immune to fire or have a dragon but don’t let that fool you. he’s been training all his life, overcompensating his whole life. he’d sooner rip at throats than any dragon and would feel less awful about such an act.who is more likely to break a bone?nekhbet as he uses his body to fight far more than emeline, it’s all he has and due to this he’s more at risk.who knows best what to say to upset the other? emeline cuts him deep while nekhbet just cuts. she knows where to dig in at and goes for it when he says something cruel.who is most likely to apologies first after an argument? nekhbet often seems to know just what to say as much as he knows what not to say, while he tends to be harsh with his tongue he’s also normally the first to come crawling back with an apology, despite never saying the harsher words.who treats who’s wounds more often? emeline usually has someone take care of her assassins wounds, he’s come to her a number of times with scrapes and gashes. though on occasion when the wounds were smaller she’s rather lovingly tended to them.who is in constant need of comfort? both, emeline needs to be reassured that she isn’t a bad queen, that she’s as strong and wonderful as she could be for her people and nekhbet needs to be reassured he is the man he believes himself to be and that she loves him for that.who gets more jealous? nekhbet gets stupid jealous of royalty, being petty and thinking how emeline would be better off with someone more her status. that isn’t to say that emeline doesn’t get jealous either however she can’t help but worry when her vulture leaves her for a job.who’s most likely to walk out on the other? emeline, when she realizes nekhbet is a handful, they’d probably just keep finding their way back to each other though. the dragon queen would still love him with her hands around his throat.who will propose? neither, nekhbet fears the comment he craves and emeline is a queen who needs to focus on what her people need. it’s really a ship in the night sort of romance. they keep passing each other by never really setting port together.who has the most difficult parents?their parents are dead so it’s kind of a moot point.who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? nekhbet, he’d think it was funny but of course only do it when he was sure someone wouldn’t notice because he isn’t /that/ much of an asshole.who comes up for the other all the time? (idk what this means LOL)who hogs the blankets? nekhbet, he’s naturally more used to the layers.

who gets more sad? both about different things, emeline worries over making bad decisions and nekhbet broods.who is better at cheering the other up? emeline cheers up nekhbet more easily as he’s rather easy to please, so it would be her. however nekhbet loves to bring her unusual gifts from far away places to cheer her up, as well as lavish her with complements and surprisingly soft kisses when she’s down. who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?emeline, nekhbet is more of the one to joke and likes to tease her in other ways.who is more streetwise?nekhbet, he used to live his life on the streets after his parents passed away.

who is more wise?emeline, she’s more used to playing political games then the assassin.who’s the shyest? emeline, on occasion.who boasts about the other more? nekhbet, while he tends to shy away from affection and love he does truly want it and if asked would easily boast about his lover.who sits on who’s lap? emeline sits on his lap, although that normally doesn’t last for long, nekhbet is quite the heathen. ( wink )

#meme: answered

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

Text

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 24th November 2019

I know I say this every week but we finally did get a cooldown week and as I say whenever we don’t have many new tracks to review, this will actually be a short week, despite a pretty big debut. I don’t have much time to write this at all so I’m just going to flash past everything here, I apologise if I miss any detail.

Top 10

It’s Tones and I’s eighth week at the top with “Dance Monkey”, still stable at #1.

Similarly not moving at all is “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa at number-two, which I actually have qualms about considering it could potentially not hit #1 and just stall at the runner-up spot.

The number-three spot goes to a debut from Billie Eilish, with “everything i wanted”, which peaked at #8 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the US, and is Eilish’s fifth UK Top 40 hit and third top 10 entry. We’ll talk more about it later.

Sadly, that means “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean is down one spot to number-four. I’m surprised that song’s not already on its way out.

“Memories” by Maroon 5 makes its way up one spot to number-five.

Unfortunately, it takes Lewis Capaldi’s trite “Bruises” up with it, moving up four spaces to number-six.

“South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B seems to struggle down three spots to number-seven.

“Good as Hell” by Lizzo featuring Ariana Grande is up a spot to number-eight.

“Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez, on the other hand, is down a spot to number-nine.

Notably, and quite to my dismay, off of its debut last week, we have “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas up 14 spots to #10, becoming his first entry in the top 10... why?!

Climbers

There are none. Okay, no, I’m being insincere, there are some but they’re pretty unremarkable to say the least. “Pump it Up” by DJ Endor is up seven spaces off of the debut last week to #29, and seemingly due to album hype, “Lights Up” by Harry Styles is also up seven spots, rebounding back into the top 20 at #16.

Fallers

I know, this is where I usually say that the fallers are more plentiful, but they actually weren’t, well, they were to an extent but it’s a pretty miniscule amount this time. At #36, “Follow God” by Kanye West continues to flop down nine spaces, “Paper Cuts” by Dave does the same off of the debut down a whopping 15 down to #30, whilst “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” by Travis Scott and “Outnumbered” by Dermot Kennedy start off their downward spirals, down seven and nine spaces respectively to #24 and #23. “Buss Down” by Aitch featuring ZieZie may as well be doing the same down five to #21, and sadly, off of the top five debut from last week, “Must Be” by J Hus is now at #13, down eight spaces from the week prior.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

We almost always have dropouts, but it’s very uncommon for us to really have any returning entries since we only cover the top 40, however we do in fact have a returning entry this week with “Lover” by Taylor Swift returning to #38 thanks to the remix featuring Shawn Mendes. That’s all we have for returning entries – dropouts, on the other hand, we have a few of. First of all, “Be Honest” by Jorja Smith and Burna Boy experiences streaming cuts that lead it off of the charts from #25, while the others are just remnants of songs that kind of flopped. “The Last Time” by the Script is out from #32, “10,000 Hours” by Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber is out from #35, “Tell Me” by Krept & Konan featuring D-Block Europe and Ling Hussle is out from #37 and “Floss” by AJ Tracey featuring MoStack and Not3s is out from #39 as well. These aren’t very remarkable or good songs (Apart from “10,000 Hours”, which is good but not particularly notable or really anything worth discussing too in-depth), so not even the drop-outs here could be big stories. We could have a featured single even, this week is so boring, but alas, I have little time. Let’s get to the new arrivals.

#35 – “Watermelon Sugar” – Harry Styles

Produced by Tyler Johnson and Kid Harpoon – Peaked at #10 in Lithuania and #60 in the US

So, this is Harry Styles’ second single from the upcoming sophomore solo effort, Fine Line, where he seems to be continuing the classic rock formula he touched upon in his self-titled debut record, although from what we can gather, this album seems to be more focused on replicating the anthemic indie stomper than the slow, 70s soft rock ballad. I didn’t like the lead single, and it soon dropped down the charts pretty quickly before rebounding this week, so I’m curious and hopeful to see if this is any good. This is only Styles’ third UK Top 40 hit as a solo artist and that number would be a lot bigger if I counted the singles with One Direction... but is it any good? I mean, I wish it was. The riff here is pretty catchy and fun, and the production is appropriately lush, but the sheer amount of synth overdubs does cause a lot of clipping towards the end, and Harry Styles just sounds bored out of his mind here. I like the guitars here, especially in the second verse, but the transition to the chorus is abrupt and awkward, and the chorus is mind-numbing. It doesn’t work as an anthemic single because it acts as such as a lightweight, fluffy wasteful song, with a lacklustre performance from Styles, inorganic drum loops and a pathetic post-chorus where Styles reaches into his... vocodered falsetto? Yeah, whatever this is going for, it’s clearly failing for me. Sorry, but much like “Lights Up”, I don’t care for this at all.

#32 – “Jerry Sprunger” – Tory Lanez featuring T-Pain

Produced by Tory Lanez, Play Picasso and Papi Yerr – Peaked at #34 in Canada and #44 in the US

Tory Lanez is perhaps my least favourite rapper. He’s so infuriatingly boring and generic, more often than not he sounds nasal and gross whilst being completely inoffensive content-wise and sometimes just straight-up ripping off his influences like Kendrick Lamar, which Joyner Lucas pointed out and they had the whole diss track exchange that was supposed to prove Lanez as a “lyrical” rapper when really all it did was embarrass both parties, but I digress. Tory Lanez is aggravating and I hate near everything he’s put out, and he just happens to be oddly successful in the UK, but to an extent where I’m confused by it. He’s not a big artist in the UK – well, not really, he’s had only one top 10 album although hip-hop albums tend to suffer here anyway, and never a UK Top 40 hit on his own (He did get one with 6ix9ine last year, so this is his second and T-Pain’s 11th), despite appearing on Good Morning Britain to be interviewed about... nothing since he didn’t have an album coming out. Guess who finally got him that British breakout single? Freaking T-Pain. I have a lot of respect for the guy but even he knows he’s more than 50% a punchline the majority of the time, and plays to that by being a jokester. This is from Tory Lanez’s concept album (Yes, concept album) Chixtape 5. The loose concept is that he takes samples from mid-2000s R&B songs, makes beats from them, and puts the original R&B singers on them, which just sounds like a massive waste of sample clearance money to me, but again, I digress. I’ve heard one other song off of this album and it was as musically incompetent as a Goddamn washing machine so, is this one any better? Well, I like T-Pain’s verse, but I knew I would already, check out his album he released in January, 1UP, it’s actually pretty decent, especially “RIP to the Parking Lot”. This is actually his first UK Top 40 hit “5 O’Clock” featuring Wiz Khalifa and Lily Allen peaked at #6 in 2011. So, “I’m Sprung” was released in 2004 and it was T-Pain’s debut single, becoming his first top 10 in the US, and a Dizzee Rascal remix helped it get to #30 here in the UK too. I don’t really like that song in all honesty, it still sounds really primitive in comparison to his later compositions, and sometimes he just straight-up sounds offbeat.”Jerry Sprunger” might be worse, taking one loop from the little faux-acapella section of “I’m Sprung” and making a tone-deaf trap beat out of it. Tory Lanez, when he’s not mumbling, he’s making a gross and weedy Chris Brown impression, with no content whatsoever. The chorus just feels overwhelming and cluttered with so many layers of multi-tracked T-Pain. T-Pain is still incredibly charismatic, with carefree, easy flows that still sound impressive, and a random beatboxing break that’s hilarious. Oh, yeah, and for a straight minute, the sample is reversed and we just have some unnecessary Tory Lanez vocal riffing. Gross. This might have made me appreciate “I’m Sprung” more, actually.

#19 – “Before You Go” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by TMS – Peaked at #1 in Scotland and Ireland

...First Tory Lanez, a man who makes music I despise but I never expected to show up, and now Lewis Capaldi, an enemy to both democracy and REVIEWING THE CHARTS, shows up to spite me with a late deluxe edition single... even though that’s what “Bruises” is. I mean, okay, maybe they’re pushing this one to the US – oh, wait, lol it didn’t chart anywhere outside of Europe... or New Zealand, but I doubt Capaldi is desperately looking for his big Kiwi crossover. Capaldi himself has been very vague about his fifth UK Top 40 hit... and so will I, in fact, I will just recount my thoughts on Capaldi and detail my history with the man. I first met Capaldi on the 13th of January this year, when “Grace” debuted at #33 on the UK Singles Chart, and I referred to him breezily as a “Scottish dude” – such a simpler time, and admittedly had very little to say about the song, but I did come to the conclusion that he sounded like a Scottish post-hardcore vocalist trying to re-write “Fight Song”, which is the type of analogy I used to make earlier in this show, whilst now I just cynically ramble. The song dropped out the next week, 20th January, replaced by “Someone You Loved” at #29, and I made my first truly scathing review of the man, branding him as a boring person who doesn’t understand how music works. I continued on my analogy from “Grace”, stating he sounded out of place, and half-asleep on the droning, piano melody that “Someone You Loved” presents. I noticed his resemblance with James Arthur in terms of how they both strain their vocals, although I mistakenly declared Capaldi was a better vocalist, which is plainly untrue to me now. I said he was lacking in compelling content (Surprise, surprise, he still is), and that the UK outside of Scotland does not care about Lewis Capaldi or his music, since we made his hits interchangeable. I asked Lewis Capaldi directly, and I don’t often plead to the artists, to leave me alone. On both occasions, however, they were not granted Worst of the Week or even Dishonourable Mention (Although I did include him in the 20th’s “toss-up”, asking the reader to pick their own poison). On the 27th of January, “Someone You Loved” rose to #13 and I simply, quite politely said, I could not see this appeal. The following weeks, I would track Capaldi’s rise to the top (To my chagrin, of course). On 3rd February, “Someone You Loved” hit the top 10 and I said just that, not commenting on the success of the single. Despite this, the next week on the 10th, “Grace” returned at #40 and I felt the need to attack it again, saying that it sucks and, in parenthesis, “Who cares?”. On 17th February, I made my first prediction for Capaldi’s career as “Someone You Loved” rose to #3, saying that you should expect the song to reach the top, making no further comment. Again, I continued to follow the rise of both songs until 3rd of March, when “Someone You Loved” reaches #1, although I referred to the song as “some lame [...] song I heard once”, despite being slightly thankful for Capaldi as he was giving me less work by contributing to how dry the charts were. I would not be thankful for Capaldi ever again. I did not expect the song to stay at #1, saying on 10th of March that it was “hanging on”. On the 17th, I incorrectly reported it was its second week at #1 while it was actually its third. On 24th March, I ventured onto a full-on rant, saying, and I quote, verbatim:

““Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is still at the top for its fourth or fifth week and really? US pop music has been getting weirder, darker and more interesting, whilst the UK is lagging behind with boring pop ballads staying at the top for no reason other than the intense label push and some kind of pseudo-emotional strength that the track seems to be emitting to people. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, it’s supposed to be the other way around. This song is just lazy and feels like a total waste of studio time.”

Jesus, cactus. Here, I was comparing it to other more interesting songs still, and didn’t seem outright hatred for the man yet. On the 7th April, I made public my wishes for the song to be overthrown on its sixth week because I thought the song was painful and didn’t bear well with me after overplay. Then my situation continued to worsen as the prospect of more Lewis Capaldi songs debuting and lasting just as long as “Someone You Loved” is scary but perhaps too real. On 12th of May, “Hold Me While You Wait” debuted and in my review I not only called Capaldi the devil, but also a talentless putrid hack and, and I quote, verbatim, “a frog sobbing over its grandfather that had just flatlined”.

This new track is surprisingly okay, actually. I don’t care to analyse it any further, though, I mean after all it’s Lewis Capaldi and “okay” for him is the worst song ever made for most artists.

#3 – “everything i wanted” – Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS – Peaked at #1 in Latvia and Lithuania, and #8 in the US

No introduction needed for this song or Billie herself, let’s just talk about the song, and it’s no surprise that it is pretty good. It’s been a while since I’ve talked about a song from Eilish, but the melancholy piano chords paired with the almost dissonant whispery, reverb-heavy vocals create an eerie, almost paranoid atmosphere, one so good I think I forgive the bass clipping. The claps and percussion in general initially seem pretty unfitting but when the chorus hits, it gets pretty obvious that that’s on purpose, as the reverb drowns them in a form of distance, making sense for the song thematically. In the second verse, her saying “underwater” has some sort of vocoder effect that makes it sound like it’s being said underwater... and I like pointless touches like that. The panning airy synths in the chorus are gorgeous, and FINNEAS’ harmonies with Billie actually sound pretty great, although it’s odd to hear him so clearly on a Billie Eilish track. I like the song overall, but it does feel a tad underwhelming, or perhaps just too whelming, as it does go on for four minutes, which might be one too many, and I would have preferred more experimentation within the song, as its dry, minimalism does run... well, dry, by the end of the song. I respect the song’s lyrical matter though, as it works as a love letter to FINNEAS, her brother, and depicts a suicide attempt made by Eilish in a nightmare in which her fans turn their backs on her due to her attempt, which is actually really haunting to think about and the song reflects that – so, yeah, it’s pretty decent, and still miles ahead anything else from this week.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week is definitely going to Tory Lanez and, unfortunately, T-Pain for “Jerry Sprunger”, whilst Best of the Week should obviously be going to Billie Eilish for “everything i wanted”. Not a particularly good week, but hey, we’ll see what happens next week. “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey re-entered at #59 this week... it’s any minute now. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank and see you next week – it might start getting a bit Christmassy in here.

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