#either Liz and her family or Jimmy and his are the ones Jess has in England

[anxiouspotatorants]

Just in case nobody's come up with it before me: Literati AU set to French Kiss (1995) where Rory is an anxious airplane-taker flying to London to get her cheating fiance (Logan or Dean, you decide!) back and happens to sit next to an American-turned English con artist named Jess.

[frazzledsoul]

There's something so fucked-up about creating a cozy rom-com to redeem Jimmy Mariano, of all people.

Let's forget the first attempt at the backstory because it was obviously changed. Jimmy knocks up this teenage girl, somehow agrees to marry her, they have an apartment and a life set up and they're at least going to try family life, and he bails before the baby comes home. The show doesn't talk about it because the subject is supposed to be about the Gilmores and the betrayal of Lorelai running away and choosing a less prestigious lifestyle, as well as how it's always more important that Lorelai is embarrassed to tell her wealthy father she's sleeping with his wealthy business partner or how Jess won't plan for dates and how this is the worst thing in the universe or whatever comparatively trivial thing is often going on with the main characters, but the Danes really could not take the stress of Liz being left alone as a teenager with a baby. The business was failing, William Danes got very sick at some point, and Luke (also only a teenager when this started) was the only person to hold it together...Jimmy left Liz in the middle of that, likely knowing she didn't stop drinking while she was pregnant, knowing she couldn't and wouldn't stop partying, knowing the rest of the family couldn't handle it. He didn't come back for eighteen years (and I doubt he paid child support, either) and when he did exactly...what was he expecting? Liz is gone, Luke is barely holding it together, Jess at this point is something of a broken husk of a kid who's finally failed at keeping his demons at bay...what did you think would happen, buddy? You abandoned your kid to that, two decades ago. I guess you thought it's like giving a kid up for adoption and you'd show up and find out that he's done fine without you and you can stop thinking about it, but you didn't sign the papers to give him a better life, you just left. And once you find out that he's not better off, that you had a big part in making him what he is, you leave again.

And when Jess comes to find him, in a beach bum version of Stars Hollow where he will never fit in and that he's going to hate worse than the place he just left, he rejects Jess again, because he just can't handle it again and even after making all the effort to go and see him in the first place, he doesn't have any room for Jess in his family or his life, even if Jess has no one else. He has to beg to be given half a chance, and Jimmy barely takes it. Where's the shame, the guilt, the sense of responsibility? Why does the kid you abandoned have to beg YOU for a chance, Jimmy?

And I don't care if he's cute and charming and ASP thinks throwing a handful of la-la-las in this bucolic environment is going to cover up the ugliness here. I don't care if the excuse of being a teenage father is going to be what Jimmy keeps riding on, because Luke and Lorelai were children when they got the huge responsibilities of a small baby and a dying dad dumped on their laps, and they still tried to care for the people that needed them. I don't want to see THAT GUY, who has no shame or guilt over what he's done and seems to resent Jess for asking for anything, redeemed. Fuck you, deadbeat dad. Put in some effort. Oh, it might harm your laconic hot dog stand owner vibe. I forgot.

So I'm glad it never happened, because Jimmy Mariano didn't deserve it, and I don't think it was what Jess needed, and the fact that he comes back to Stars Hollow angrier than ever and still spitting nails at Luke, unable to offer either Luke or Rory any sort of an apology or explanation, is definitely an indication that things did not go well out there. I know ASP would likely have had all kinds of excuses for Jimmy just like she did for Christopher and fail to really account for the harm he caused the kid he left behind, just like she did for Christopher but I think...we had more than enough of that for this universe, especially with the attempts to wave away Liz's behavior that we got over the next few years.

We didn't need more of that. Let Jess silently hate his worthless dad. Rory didn't get to. There should be one character that does.

[saltygilmores]

Gilmore Girls-Season 2-Episode 5

In 2020, I reviewed Gilmore Girls episodes on Twitter. I'm reposting them here in all of their snarky glory.

*phone rings at Luke's diner* Oh the fateful phone call. Poor Jess. What did he ever do so bad to deserve getting sent to this Connecticut hell hole? Find it weird that Jess had never been to Stars Hollow and met the Gilmores at any point in his 17 years on earth. Lorelai says "Oh your nephew" like she kind of knows he exists but then asks Luke a lot of basic questions about him she should already have known since she NEVER stops talking to him. I can't believe in her many years of being Luke's most annoying and pestering customer she's never thought to ask him any questions about his family. I suppose you could chalk this one up to Luke and his penchant for not opening up to people.

They retconned this: here he says Liz and Jimmy were married until Jess was 15, but then later we find out Jimmy left when Jess was born. The show runners were like, eh, a kid having parents who divorce when he's 15 is pretty sucky, but it's not nearly tragic enough. *scribbles out script* How about his Dad left him after he was born after saying he was going out to buy diapers, his Mom is an alcoholic who drank while she was pregnant with him and racked up 4 more husbands including one who died and who will go on to have another child that is the light of her life? That'll do nicely. "I'm sure she put at least 5 or 6 minutes of thought into (her decision to leave Jess). You're being too generous Luke. I'm observing the groceries Luke bought home. Are you trying to put your nephew into a sugar coma? Two varieties of Rice Krispie treats, a pint of ice cream, Pop Tarts Pastries. And a bottle of Vitamins for balance. "He's been staying out late. Getting rowdy." Oh no. not Getting rowdy. What did he do, get wild at a 24 Hour Barnes and Noble? Baby is a socially anxious introvert. Dictionary defines rowdy as "noisy and disorderly." He is the most pathetic excuse for a juvenile delinquent. At the end of season 3 he goes to a wild keg party and talks to no one but Rory the whole time. I watched Jack Pearson die yesterday and Jess Mariano arrive today. Milo out, Milo in. Hehehehe.

I love that "This is Hell" begins to play as he takes in the town. You don't know the half of it yet kid.

Okay, okay, slow down a little on the cigarettes kiddo, look how many are on that ashtray...errr, paper plate? This meal is CHAOS. He has what looks to me to be a bowl of walnuts and the bowl looks like a hollowed out tree trunk? Plus, some dry cereal that looks like it's on a yellow heart shaped plate? No milk or spoon. And an empty can of either beer or ginger ale. Balanced Breakfast!

"You'll like Rory. She's like Lorelai, except she has a slighty tighter grasp on reality." LOL

Boy howdy, are you two about to board a rollercoaster ride. Buckle in.

With you Jess? Anytime. Let's go.

He's drinkin a beer! Watch out! This boy is out of control! Lorelai: "Dean would NEVER drink a beer!" Okay, I made that up but I'd throw money into the ring that she says it at some point. This is probably the nicest Lorelai will ever be to Jess from here on out so I may as well enjoy this.

Okay, Jess was a prick in that scene. But I have some sympathy for him and what he's been through, at least. I don't feel quite so bad when DEAN talks to Lorelai like that. And all she does to Dean is give him a pat on the head and a cupcake.

How many times has Lorelai boycotted Luke's because something happened to make things awkward with him?

1) As always I encourage all forms of theft from Taylor and 2) I encourage any sort of theft to take away money from repairing that god damn bridge because the town is run by a bunch of idiots who wouldn't know how to budget for such a minor thing to save their lives so screw em. That god damn bridge STILL isn't fixed well into the later seasons because I started my Twitter-Review journey at the end of season 5, and I remember fundraisers were still going on for it afterwards! Fuck the Stars Hollow Bridge!

I guess Liz also neglected Jess to the point that she never bought him new clothes when he had a growth spurt. I'm saying that sweater is TITE. I am convinced after this episode the wardrobe dept realized Milo was way too buff to look 17 years old and that was the end of the tights sweaters. Nothing but baggy clothes and big ugly coats from here on out. The only thing better than Jess is the banter between Jess and Luke. I absolutely buy that Jess is Luke's nephew. Perfect character. Perfect casting. Perfect chemistry between the two actors. But he's nothing like either of his "parents" though so go figure. Would have made more sense to cast him as Luke's son. I don't believe that Middle of Nowhere Stars Hell-ow would have anyone who could recite The Pledge in 6 different languages. That sounds wayyy more like a Chilton thing. I also don't think someone like Jess who likely went to diverse schools in New York City would think it was unsuual or something to complain about.

The bridge looks fine to me. What is The Bridge Repair Fund a front for, Taylor? "Nowhere in either Stars Hollow or it's surrounding counties can you get a decent cup of coffee." If you look closely, you may spot this can in Luke's in a few early episodes (in later episodes, it's a red plastic carton of Folgers coffee with the label peeled off). If you're not American, let me fill you in: Hills Brothers and Folgers are both dirt cheap brands of coffee you can find in Walmart or literally any other supermarket in the country. Head on down to the Stars Hollow Walmart, Lor. $7.84 for this can. I looked it up.

Lorelai is then seen pouring coffee into her machine from a small white bag that is probably way fancier than anything Luke serves. Also, Idk the first thing about coffee but do you really keep it in the fridge?

She's a FRAUD! And Luke's a FRAUD for serving supermarket coffee and acting like it's his special blend!

I noticed he stole a gnome, not a yacht.

How bad can he be? He does MAGIC TRICKS! Cammmonn.

If I were Rory, Dean would have been deleted from my memory at this point. Dean WHO?

[salmonthestoryteller]

A Wild Salmon Appears… with More Theories

I have to be honest, there were only a few moments that shocked me in 1x13.  The first watch through I felt like it maybe hadn't fully lived up to the hype, except for a few moments.  But now I think it was more that so much went on, I needed to digest it.  And rewatch it, because of course I did.  Which leads us where it's lead me all season - wildly speculating on unanswered questions.

Say, are you the kind of kind of kid that reads the last page of the mystery first? That sneaks downstairs to peak at his Christmas presents? No, of course you're not.  That's why I'm not gonna spoiler you…

Except I am if you keep reading. (And, yes, btw, all my strange spoiler warnings do come from old movies and TV shows that I’ve altered to fit.)

Let’s start with Maria’s necklace. I’m going to put it out there now - I think Maria is part alien.  I’m not sure if MImi is a survivor of the crash, or if the grandmother was.  Still deciding on that one.  Maria and her mother are the only representative we’ve seen of humans having powers - even the woman on the reservation that died when the Pod Squad emerged was an alien.  Also note, thanks to Jenna’s date rape drug detecting nail polish, that Liz never checked Maria’s cells.  Maria said her mother told her that the necklace protected them from evil.  That at her graduation “she took it off her neck and put it on me.” After that at some point would be when Mimi’s mind started deteriorating.  Which brings me to theory number two.

Jesse mentioned that Valenti wanted to shut down Caulfield.  (I am deeply relieved to hear that, as once again that puts Jim Valenti back on the good side.  I really like Valenti from everything we’ve heard.  I didn’t want him to be evil.)  I’m going to go back to my briefly mentioned theory about Valenti helping aliens escape Caulfield.  First, it would explain the detox bunker - yes, Rosa apparently used it, but it certainly was already around.   If he was helping aliens escape from Caulfield he would need a place for them to stay and recover - the bunker. It might explain a few of his “affairs” - they weren’t really affairs.  They were the aliens he was helping get away.  (Which would explain Mimi’s two very different remarks on him.  First saying “poor sweet Jimmy Valenti”, but quickly switching to disgust and saying he had affairs and someone should tell his wife as her mind switched between years.)

But Jim couldn’t have run such an operation alone.  He couldn’t be with the aliens all the time without raising suspicions. He would also need help - which is where I think Mimi comes in.  I think she was the one who was helping him sneak aliens out.  Remember she mentions “they’ve been living among us for years”, and - in her sane moments - does not seem to view aliens as a threat.  Admonishing Maria for “being a downer” when she says the aliens aren’t coming.  If Mimi’s necklace protected her from the powers of the aliens she was helping Jim Valenti get out, then if she continued after Maria’s graduation - after giving up the necklace - then one of the final rescued prisoner’s powers could have damaged her mind.

Going even further back, I actually have an even wilder theory.  Perhaps originally, and why they were good friends until later in their lives, Jesse was also on board with “rescue the aliens”.  It may have been something he and Jim originally did together, against their family’s work.  Mimi mentioned she knew the day he changed.  His aura grew dark.  If I remember right, among the photos Jesse first shows Kyle, is a picture of Kyle’s grandfather dead from an alien handprint.  Maybe they accidentally rescued the stow away, who promptly killed Valenti’s father.  Where Jim saw it as one bad egg, the incident turned Jesse’s beliefs around and that’s when he viewed the aliens as a threat.  Perhaps the stow away, like Noah, even spoke of this Alighting.  Of them coming.  Which is why Jesse believes so strongly in a coming alien invasion.  It still makes him an evil asshole, but it would explain so much about his whole obsession.

Alternatively, and in the whole other direction, maybe Valenti flat out didn’t find out about Caulfield til after Rosa’s death.  The moment he did, he started petitioning to have it shut down - which is when Jesse killed him.

Jesse has a prototype alien killing bomb.  Who here doesn’t think that’s going to come into play in second season?  While Flint doesn’t seem as evil as Jesse, he’s still dedicated to hunting aliens, and firmly believes they are a threat.

Okay, I am sticking by my theory about excess or negative energies affecting the alien Psyche.  Because after absorbing lightning and killing Noah, Max was acting way out of it.  From healing Michael’s hands despite his protest - that scene made me very uncomfortable, but I think it’s supposed to - to jumping into talking about raising Rosa from the dead.  Like, whoa, this was the guy who always wanted normal.  Suddenly he’s all about using his powers, talking about how they should try to expand what powers they have, and bringing the dead back to life.  This is not the Max we’re quite used to here.  Max has always been a bit overbearing, and I have plenty of conflicted feelings about his character, but I don’t think he’d have ever ignored Michael’s protests if in the right state of mind.  I don’t think he’d have tried to raise Rosa from the dead in the right mind either.  Noah mentioned killing made them feel like Gods - and in that moment Max was definitely living up to that assessment.  I won’t go into details again - please see the previous post for that - I just feel that it’s further proof of the theory.

It also plays into my final theories.  Max won’t stay dead.  (We all know that, but hey, just saying.)  The question for me, even more than how is he being brought back, is who is being brought back.  Is he going to go back to acting like Max?  Or is he going to still be high-on-power Max?  Noah said that they were Ophiuchus - he and Max.  Man and Snake as one.  That kind of scares me for what we’ll see out of Max. Are we heading toward a Max goes dark plot?  Is Noah riding shotgun in Max’s brain?  Or, will the release of power from resurrecting Rosa return him to normal but have consequences on his abilities and health moving forward?

It’s interesting to note where we end Season One at in regards to the Pod Squad’s ideas about their powers and alien heritage.  We start season one with both Max and Isobel set on living their lives normally, with no use of their powers.  Neither seem interested in finding out about where they came from or why they’re here.  On the reverse side, we see Michael use his powers left and right.  (He literally passes Liz vials with it in 1x09, and opens a drawer with it for Isobel in 1x10.  The drawer was right next to him.  Seriously, Michael?)  Michael is also obsessed with finding out who they are, and has been secretly reconstructing their spaceship.  In 1x09 Michael points out Max never wants to talk about their past or where they’re from.  As the season progresses, though, Max gets more and more invested in where they’re from and what his tattoo means.  Meanwhile, Isobel - who hasn’t used her powers in years - begins to use them more and more.  We end Season One with Max literally acting high and wanting them to use and explore their powers, and no longer seemingly concerned about secrecy (to the point of bringing the dead back to life), while Isobel is the first to decide she has to try expanding to a different power.  Meanwhile Michael, having discovered and lost his mother and learning their home is a war zone, has decided he wants to pursue a normal life in Roswell.  It’s basically a complete reversal of where we began.  I am interested in seeing how this develops in Season Two.