#either over a random kid who can't see their parent or over literally anyone of any age who is being bothered by someone

[bowithoutadaemon]

Uff I am so tired. 4 days of street faire and shows and parade. And sooo so many people. Prepandemic years it was about one million people. This year idk.

I was mostly at the kid's shows. It wasn't as full there and you also don't got random drunk people trying to talk to you. (Or if you do, then there is a horde of parents ready to pounce on that guy as soon as you look uncomfortable.)

[mino491]

I genuinely belive that the writers this season just forgot everything about this show,,,

here are just the examples of things that were really confusing this season:

>Klaus either can't conjure ghosts anymore or for some messed up reason would rather have a ghost possess him and have sex with his (the ghost's) wife rather than the lesser of two evils which would've been to just conjure him and let them do whatever they wanted.

The ghosts clearly aren't Klaus's puppets and can do what they please while corporeal (like when Ben tackles Klaus in s2) so why didn't he just let the ghost get nasty instead of letting him possess him, something that he himself says is super violating WHEN TALKING ABOUT HIS BROTHER WHO HE MUST TRUST and not even considering some random man possessing him.

>Quinn somehow just knows that Klaus has powers, can talk to ghosts, AND can be possessed ???

>Quinn doesn't freak the fuck out when he sees Klaus just floating

>Klaus, within 6 years, starts using and doesn't stop for 3 years until he gets sober and just randomly becomes a germaphobe?

I totally understand him being afraid of death from the get-go but why does it take 3 years (i assume because he's been sober for that long) for him to really understand that he can die? Does that mean that he was just really suicidal for 3 years and didn't care if he died until he found Allison and Claire? The writers touch on this when Klaus talks about being someone Claire likes but that all goes to shit when he gets his powers back and takes a complete 180 back to his old life. I just wish so bad that they could've had more time this season to let the characters breathe and react rather than just doing stuff for the sake of the storyline. I, and many others, would've loved to see the aftermath of Klaus lecturing his siblings because we see a side of Klaus that I personally loved but felt like was out of place when we see him in later episodes.

>Luther's ape body comes back because of the Marigold even though it has nothing to do with his powers'

>Five suddenly doesn't care about his family, doesn't care what happens to them, and FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIS BROTHERS WIFE AKA HIS SISTER-IN-LAW AND KINDA SORTA ACTUAL SISTER

>RAY LEFT ALLISON???? AND SHES NOT GOING CRAZY??? they literally mischaracterized the most hated character in s3 so badly that she's one of the best (main) characters in s4.

>Lila is bored of her life even though all she's ever wanted was a family. AND she's acting like her parents being alive is no big deal?

>Lila's family just accept that she's their daughter.

This confused me so bad and as I'm writing this I'm getting more confused. So if Lila's family just accepted that she, a random 30 year old, was their child, does that mean that Marigold children (Umbrellas, Sparrows, etc) never existed in this version of 2019 or were they born and then killed or were they born without powers? All of those options have issues like a) if they never existed, why did Lila's family let her in, b) how did like all 43 kids just die all over the world without gaining any attention and how were they born in the first place and why would Lila's family take her in if they thought she died?, and c) they were born because Reg gave their Mums each a bit of Marigold so how were they born without the Marigold or with the Marigold but were powerless

I have so many more points so if anyone's interested let me know <3

[wheeler-fan]

people are so weird. Mike is a character who went through a huge trauma at a young age (I hope I don't have to explain to you how traumatizing it is to lose someone important to u? look at nancy, joyce, hopper, etc.) many people question his trauma because "he only knew El for a few days so it couldn't be that serious " but apparently it was? apparently it was since he sat in the basement day after day for almost a year talking to himself out loud pretending that she heard it even though he knew full well that she was dead, the scenes of him calling her always ended up showing Mike who thinks that what he is doing is stupid but he still can't stop it, he feels like he is losing his mind but is afraid to ask for help. Even though he had known El for a few days, it was serious enough for him to fall into such a mental disorder - just look at him in s2: a 13-year-old kid, totally not paying attention to his appearance, wearing old dirty shoes (look at max in s4, she always paid attention to her shoes, well not in s4 and guess why?) in random clothes that he wouldn't wear on his own if he cared (a sweater that everyone loves ) he started to be mean to adults (teachers, parents) it was hard for him to find time for friends even though he had plenty of it, he just didn't have the strength or desire for it, he forgot that he had plans, he was doing worse at school and much more - do you think this is what a healthy person looks like? no, this is a person who literally begs for help but not with words because he can't find the right ones.

the way he behaves in s3-4 didn't come out of nowhere either. Listen, Eleven's return was literally a miracle for him, she was dead, right? and suddenly she's next to him, safe and sound, the problem is that he's not. Depression can't just go away, it's a mental illness, not a bad mood. But he did everything, literally everything he could, to make her believe that everything was ok, and honestly? he really wanted to believe it too, he wanted it to be like that, he wanted to have a normal, happy life and she did too, and besides, they both deserved it, right? and they almost succeeded, at the beginning of s3 we see that it led to the fact that they became very close to each other, it was difficult for them to function without each other, we literally have a scene where Mike (already late anyway) leaves El to go to his friends and she says that she wants to be with him (they spent the whole day together). well, they were 14 years old, in their first relationship and they really wanted everything to be perfect - and it was for them until they encountered an obstacle.

I won't describe the entire course of their relationship in s3 because that's not the point, I'm talking about Mike's behavior because many people don't understand his "obsession" with her in s3. I will explain it to you using the example of Lucas: imagine what hell he is going through his head right now bc of Max who's in a coma, okay, let's assume that it will last about a year (and it will literally destroy him mentally) and then suddenly a miracle will happen - a real miracle, because Max will not only wake up, but she will be 100% fine (she will be able to walk, see, etc.) Lucas will gain hope for a chance - a chance for them to have the happy normal life together that they deserve, and for some time it will be like that and then lucas will start reliving the old nightmare over and over again like in hell :every time Max will say "it's okay, don't worry, trust me, I can do it" and then every time something bad happens, she will be the first person to risk her life for others, and always, I repeat ALWAYS, when Lucas wants to explain to anyone that it is terribly stressful for him, that he does not like it, that he doesn't want his girlfriend to be a target, and the only thing that he wants is a plan that doesn't endanger her life - then everyone will say that Lucas is a sexist who only wants to control max like his little pet that can't decide for itself. Because this is literally Mike's story in s3 if u like it or not. He is traumatized and people are misunderstanding him.

now, very often I see people comment on his monologue saying "I understand that he's afraid of losing her, but that much? bffr, it's definitely about something other than feelings for her, he probably loves Will" but that's exactly what it's about, no, his character is not just about his love for her, it's about all the trauma that he hasn't escaped from, you may think he made it but the truth is that he still carries it inside because no one has ever helped him with that - every time he is happy with El something bad happens to their relationship and he has to relive this nightmare all over again, and it has gotten so intense that in s4 we hear something really terrible from him when he confess to Will - not only he is afraid that he will lose her because she will die, he is afraid that she is no longer interested in him, and they don't need any catastrophe or the end of the world for him to lose her AGAIN. This only confirms the fact that he is not in the best condition, in fact this kid is calling for help but in a way that no one can understand.

honestly, I don't care if u ship mileven or byler, but don't u dare tell me that if mileven will be endgame then mike is nothing more than a guy in love with a main female character because that is just not true.

[whatyourusherthinks]

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Review

What's The Movie About?

Lydia's grownup and has a punk kid of her own, and after her father dies she starts seeing Beetlejuice pop up again. Meanwhile, Beetlejuice's ex shows back up and starts hunting him down, causing him to become more desperate to marry Lydia, and Astrid (Lydia's daughter) meets a cute boy while dealing with the fact her mom can't see her dead dad.

What I Like.

Hoo man, I don't know where to start. Pretty much everything about this movie is great! The returning cast is excellent, Winona Ryder especially hasn't lost her touch. I like the expansion to the original story. I like how Lydia's daughter is all punk which bothers the goth Lydia the same way she bothered her parents in the first moment. There's some pretty nice moments between Lydia and Delia when Lydia is having trouble with Astrid, and I like the resolution at the end. Beetlejuice makes more of an appearance in this movie than he did in the first one, and he is slightly sanitized, but he's still pretty much the same character and Michael Keaton is super funny. He's just no longer groping women. (Which isn't a huge loss because those "jokes" weren't funny. That was the worst part of the first movie.) They actually go over his backstory in the movie, and it was hilarious. I wasn't expecting that scene to be as good as it was. Speaking of hilarity, the movie as a whole is extremely funny. They repeat a couple jokes from the first movie, mostly just physical gags, but the new characters and scenarios are hilarious. Willem Dafoe's character thinks he's in a noir and I loved him. Beetlejuice isn't the only thing they expand on, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice shows off more of the the afterlife and different types of ghosts. Plus, the movie looks super good. The effects are mostly practical, and show the 38 year time gap because they look so much better than the first movie. There's a point where they literally replace Willem Dafoe with a wax statue and I loved it. The story is nice, it has the same family reconnection story that the first one has but with biological family. I think it's nice. The finale is also a lot of fun, I like the song choice and watching everything collide with each other is entertaining. I did mention this movie is funny right? Because this movie is damn funny. There's a lot more background gags in this movie that I was constantly pointing out and laughing at. This movie is so good you guys.

What I Don't Like.

There's some inconsistencies between the sequel that get handwaved away for kinda dumb reasons, but it's all either to cover-up actors who don't return (for a good reason *cough cough*) or to set-up the new story elements that I like, so I didn't mind. Honestly, probably only noticed because I was looking for things to nitpick. I wish they didn't ignore what I thought was the funniest joke of the first movie, but it's fine. Also, much like the first movie, it's just stuff happening and it feels random until the various plot points domino into the finale. That's fine, and it is a comedy so the structure is based around telling jokes, but it still suffers compared to 90% of other movies. Also, Tim Burton directs the movie. It has a random racist moment in the movie. The second in inevitable with the first. I dunno, I feel like I'm hand waving a lot of the problems with this movie, but it's coming up on Halloween at time of writing. I was just feeling the spooky spirit and enjoying the laughs.

Final Summation.

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is damn good. It might be the second best movie that has come out this year. Maybe this doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who has been paying attention to reviews, but I was somewhat surprised on how much I liked it. I like it maybe slightly less than the first one, but it depends on when you catch me. My father, who's a big fan of the original, likes this one more, so take that as you will. Either way, I don't think you can go wrong with Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, check it out!

[n3onwraith]

RTC headcanons because I'm rotating them around in my brain constantly

Ocean

ooooo GIRL

Literally has headaches and toothaches and stomach aches all the time

has pulled muscles before

refuses to seek help for ANYTHING

Mild Autism. specifically bad at people skills but can usually mask really well (see What The World Needs for bad people skills)

parents are neglectful assholes usually

but her Mama does care a little when she's not high or drunk

she only kinda likes her Mama but hates both of them most of the time

the WORST period cramps, she misses school some days bcs of it

Constance's parents are essentially her parents

she has like all her stuff over there and Constance has a bunk bed 'from when she and her brother shared a room'

(that's a lie, she has it for her and Ocean. Ocean is the lower bunk and she makes forts)

^ enclosed dark spaces make Ocean feel safe

she hates her name and would name herself something else if she could, but she's grown on the name since she met the choir

always has tylenol, her inhaler, compression bandages and candy in her backpack (candy is for Penny's diabetes, bandages are for both her and Ricky, Tylenol is for everyone but mostly her)

Omni with a lean for women, Demigirl

Acts of service are her love language

She/Her

Penny

aa stated in Oceans, she has diabetes

has one of the ports that connect to the apps

^ literally everyone in the choir has the app and/or checks her phone (with permission) from time to time and makes sure she's on top of her blood sugar

everyone carries candy for her, but especially Ocean and Constance

Ocean Constance and Mischa are like siblings to her and they all hang out extremely often outside of school

^ usually in Mischa's basement

weird pet person 100%

has a red eyed tree frog named Pop Rocks that she loves dearly

got a summer job and does yard work for neighbors to give that frog the Best Life Possible.

Feral when with the choir or in private but chills out in public for fear of embarrassing her friends

eventually she unlearns this with time and just behaves how she always does/doesn't mask as much

Also Autistic™

She doesn't care about masking usually unless she has to (around Ocean + Mischa's parents or certain teachers)

neglectful parents, which is where the lion catchphrase comes from

her parents wanted a boy and pressured her to act like one up until her brother was born

when she was then dropped like a forgotten toy and only given the necessities

another kid who basically lives at Constance's house

Bisexual + Girlflux (usually leaning towards Agender or Demigirl)

had braces once and now she can't do anything with her teeth or she gets 'we didn't spend so much money for you to fuck it up' comments

Love language is physical touch

She/It

Mischa

more. neglectful. parents.

Mommy Issues™ GALORE after his Momma died

Doesn't see anyone's parents as his parents, but has deemed himself the Mom Friend

carries juice in water bottles for Penny and constantly checks on Ocean because of her tendency to neglect herself

he makes sure the whole gang is okay, but those two seem to need the most monitoring

a whole basement to himself. 2 bedrooms, bathroom and hang out room

Had a dog growing up

you would expect a German Shepherd but no

it was a Saint Bernard

he was too young to remember her name but the gentlest dog ever

now he has a Goldfish

he's named Bob Ross as a joke but everyone calls him the most random shit (Penny calls him ceiling fan. nobody knows why except her and Ricky it makes them giggle every time)

one of the bedrooms were his parents daughters but she went to college and he leaves it alone

is the other house that hosts the choir after practice/for sleepovers

^ it's either Constance or him :)

BPD, but he has meds that help manage it

tried to teach everyone Ukrainian from what he remembered and so everyone knows a little but not much

Bisexual + Transmasc

only the choir know he's trans and Constance will kill him if he wears Ace bandages

Loves everyone so much but refuses to say so

Love language is also acts of service or physical touch, also bullying affectionately

He/Him

Ricky

Has memorized all the lore and Easter Eggs and facts about all her favorite shows or media

Tell me she hasn't hyperfixated on almost every 80's media ever

oh wait

you can't

She knows every transformer comic and will sign the quotes to the choir randomly

loves all 14 of their cats, but especially loves a grey old scruffy cat named Megatron (adopted stray, most ragged cat ever)

Noel and Mischa and her have Boys Nights

where they do stupid shit (as long as it's inclusive for Ricky! so like licking random shit or making the worst drink combo ever) and have stupid conversations

Ricky knows how to french braid BCS of her Mom and WILL braid Mischa and Noel's hair on Boys Nights (changes name later, see later HC) or the Girls' whenever they have a event or just want it done

She can sign so fast that nobody except Noel and Constance can actually manage it

^ Constance because shes so fast with it somehow and Noel because he also talks fast so signing fast is just second nature after he learns it

taught everyone sign immediately after joining the choir

^ Noel and Penny picked it up fastest, then Constance, then Mischa and finally Ocean

her disability causes pain in their arms from using the crutches and sometimes it aggravates a old strained muscle that didn't heal properly so Ocean carries compression bandages for the both of them

Demi (both romantic and sexual) and transfem

she doesn't she's trans until later but then she uses the name Savannah (the one she's been saving up)

Loves everyone and says so often

love language is words of affirmation

She/They

Constance

ROAD RAGE

She can and WILL flip off people or roll her windows down and yell at ANYONE who swerves into her lane and puts her friends in danger

Somehow she got chosen as the designated driver??

she doesn't know how but she doesn't complain

taught everyone to bake and Penny and her do it to bond and help the bakery

^ Ocean HATES the feel of dough or flour on her hands so she doesn't help but she'll read the recipe to them or DJ on Girls Nights

Fastest signer in northern Saskatchewan besides Ricky Potts himself

the 'nicest girl in town' except if you fuck with the choir she'll fucking go OFF

Nobody is allowed to bully Noel or Ocean except the choir themselves, and if they do then Constance and Mischa go after them. Mischa just starts yelling but Constance WILL target insecurities

she's only mean when warranted

Loves everyone and expresses it through baked goods and quality time

holds sleepovers the most often (at least once a week)

B's in all her classes except Math.

has a family dog named Samson! he's a elderly yellow lab

everyone loves Samson

taught everyone how to do box braids and corn rows and just so many fun hairstyles and will sit for hours while everyone does her hair during sleepovers and especially before concerts

everyone gets to add their own little flair

^ Penny adds rainbow beads, Ocean weaves in some red and orange, Noel has this weirdly specific way of braiding that stands out, Mischa adds purple because he knows its her fav color and Ricky adds the letter beads in everyone's names or just funny words/abreviations

once she had 'hyebsbawsnbyghatsaygcsyfed?' which stood for "have you ever been slapped by a wet spaghetti noodle because your girlfriend has a twin sister and you got confused so you fucked 'er dad?'

everyone lost their minds and couldn't keep a straight face

you'd thing her hair'd look like a mess but surprisingly they all work together and it blends seemlessly?? it's so cool to her and she loves the quality time

her little brother joins sometimes during baking or sleepovers and everyone loves him

Lesbian, Ace and Demiromantic!

love languages are gift giving and quality time

She/They

Noel

Bullies everyone but always makes sure they know it's lighthearted

he and Ocean go back and forth with insults. it's practice for bullies but they make sure not to go too far with eachother

has a white family cat named after Marie from the Aristocats

speaking of Aristocats it's her FAVORITE movie

he can dish out insults but he can't take them as easily

loves both their parents but they both expect her to get straight A's

HATES Taco Bell and if she could he'd work at the Auntie Anne's across the mall or the authentic Mexican restaurants instead of fuckin Taco Bell

Hispanic 110%

Seasons her food really well and then jokes about it with Ocean

"sorry the foods really seasoned Ocean, i know your culture only uses salt and pepper so be careful of the oregano"

he never means it and Ocean makes flavorless jokes about her food too

Talks fast and signs fast

ADHD but she has meds and a diagnosis

he forgets his meds some days, like the performance that got them suspended

loves the choir but pretends she doesnt

their favorite song it Take Me to Church by Hozier BCS it seems like a Christian song but it's NOT

Love languages are bullying and gift giving

he gets them all stuff or she asks the other employees to let him serve his friends but pretends they don't care

Gay (canon!) and gender fluid (headcanon)

he/they/she

Sorry if anything was inaccurate!! please correct me if so!!

[diedbutterflies69]

Will you stay?- Bang Chan imagine.

Contains: friends to lovers au. , Divorce, smut, fluff, blindfolding, oral sex, explicit sexual stuff etc . Minors don't interact.

Never once on your life, you thought you could get your shit together and laugh genuinely at the worst in world. falling out of love is worse but it's even more worse if it's your it's not you who fell out of love. Married at 22 and the honeymoon phase hardly lasted for a year and by the age of 26 got yourself labelled as a woman who sabotaged her own marriage in thirst of money. Your ex husband was bitter about your success even before you got married. He thought as a woman, you just did bare minimum and got yourself a high positioned rank by sleeping with one of the rich rags. You tried hard enough to hold on to that rotten red string , but he had the scissors and just cut you off. You weren't willing to sacrifice your career just because of his Immature mindset, yes you loved him, but can't a women love her own hard achieved success more? That's the question you wished to ask everyone who pointed there fingers at you. After divorce you didn't feel pain just numbness. Your self-hatred coming more stronger than ever, even hating the job, you tried Saving since years, getting life on track seemed impossible and at the end just quitted. Moved out of the city just to move back to your home town, the root of your real pain. It wasn't really a town but rather a more flashy city, expensive shits which you were unable to afford in childhood but now it wasn't any big deal. Earth is round and sometimes precious people find you all by themselves. Your highschool friend, the only friend you had throughout your lifetime because of your anti social tactics.

Bang Chan, the social butterfly who almost knew every single student in whole school, he was the hottest guy you ever saw in your life and also the kindest. You had crush on him even before you both were friends, he was your senior,used to help you with those shitty math sums, crack jokes every now and then and scolded you whenever you procrastinated. He came to congratulate you even on your graduation day, even though there were many more students whom he met you were still glad atleast someone bought you a beautiful bouquet of tulips and bellflower. The last time you saw him was before you moved out in search of cheap collages without informing him, as you thought you were just one of many friends he had and won't ever notice someone like you existed.

But god, how much wrong you were.

You met Chan after almost 9 years in convince store and his reaction was almost priceless , like finding treasure. He was now more handsome, beautiful and god-like even after all this years his style of dressing didn't Changed much, he still looked like Kim Kardashian at 2021 met Gala. nevertheless his smile still had those healing properties with his Cresent moon eyes. He was absolutely stunning.

The first sentence he spoke after confirming your identity was 'I missed you' and then tons of lectures and questions . Knowing how narrow-minded you were he gasped dramatically. Cheesiest ways of saying how could I forget my best friend and so on. That day was probably the best day of your life and maybe even the day after years you really smiled. You both exchanged numbers and addresses and his home was just 10 minutes away from yours. Destiny indeed.

Now it's been over 7 months since you met Chan again and he never made you felt like you were just one of his 109 friends. Chan made you feel special, after knowing what kind of disaster you faced he was even more supporting of you, you both used to spend weekend together watching variety of shows and movies going to stargazing, best friend goals. After many years you knew even if Chan had many people to confide with he never really did. He was alone, just a night owl obsessed with work. You were happy. And he was happy too. Being just friends was enough for you, but not for him . He was slowly trying to find courage to confess his love to you. He liked you fuck from highschool days. He found you once randomly staring at him across the room and when you suddenly disappeared all his fantasies were scattered, he knew your dreams and was willing to help you with your every step. knowing how messed up your household was from your neighbours he felt guilty for not being able to give you happiness. He loved you, but was helded by his own insecurities.

Not anymore though, he wasn't the same coward who just stared at the love of his life from distance. Being the extra human he was, he bought you one of the most expensive restaurant of the whole country, man was loaded. After driving for almost 5 hours you both finally reached there .

Now a nervous Chan sitting infront of you. You being oblivious to the fact that he has a beautiful diamond ring and a confession to make. Chan handed you the menu card and every single dish had an extraordinary name, without much thought you placed the order.

"atleast tell me now, why are we here?" You asked the man infront of you who was behaving extra weird today, he looked sick and was occassionally asking you random questions.

"No reason, I was in mood for long drives and... You know have a nice meal" Chan said fidgeting with his fingers he was acting like a flustered high school guy it was clearly indicating that he was lying but you didn't really care, Chan was weird sometimes.

"Sounds fake, but okay. By the way you aren't sick right?" You asked Chan out of pure concern as he was sweating profusely even in an cold AC room.

"I am fine, just feeling a little hot. Don't worry", Chan said it was more like he was convincing himself that he was fine and shouldn't worry. He wasn't a teenager but a human with responsibilities who once again fell for someone out of his league, he used to think that and he still sees you as a literal goddess. While he was lost deep in his thoughts, the waiter came with food , and this was his opportunity to shoot his arrow. You both started eating and talked like being in paradise.

"did you liked anyone in highschool?", Chan asked you out of blue making you almost choke on food. The only person whom you liked throughout your highschool days was the guy sitting infront of you and you didn't really remembered much guys and the best answer was probably saying a lie with little truth.

"no one lol", you answered trying to sound chilled but since highschool crush topic was out you weren't able to keep your curiosity with yourself.

"What about you, liked someone?", You asked trying to sound nonchalant and not desperate and bitter.

This was the Exactly the conversation that Chan planned in his mind. And here started his way to either heaven or pit of rejection.

"I loved someone", Chan said and you this time you really choked from the depth of your heart, you thought Chan was anti romantic type of guy as he never talked about of his female friends with you or bragged about his non existent dating life. Trying again to not sound jealous or bitter you spoke again.

" Who was that lucky bit-- I mean girl yes girl? Who was she?", You asked, almost letting out the bitch loudly. You weren't sure but you saw Chan smiling cheekily, he was really getting old acting weird more and more everyday.

"Well... Someone from our school",Chan said and you swear you didn't made a disgusting face showing pure jealousy. The best human in your life and your first ever crush had crush on somebody, you didn't knew why you were feeling so fucking bitter but you weren't able to handle the curiosity anymore.

"Tell me her damn name", you asked Chan in a frustrating tone not being able to keep jealousy to yourself.

"Why you being angry", Chan asked followed by his small laugh.

"I am angry, just the food was a little spicy you answer me now, her name?", You answered Chan with your defenses up and still sticking with your previous question.

Chan in response got a little serious now,you thought he was being childish now, he wasn't a kid who was given a dare to name out his crush yet he was acting like one.

"You won't leave me right, I mean after I answer your question?", Chan asked you and you didn't knew what to say in response you were now a little sus about him.

"fine don't answer, keep secrets", you said and continued eating. The next thing Chan said made you now choke and die on food.

"I loved you and I still love you" Chan said looking down at the table head hanging down like his teenage self just confessed he watched porn infront of his parents. You were shocked, frozen and the your heartbeat 10x faster, you didn't knew how to react and tried to find humor in this extraordinary situation.

"Chan, you kidding right?", You asked Chan with a nervous smile on your face. Chan looked up at you , his eyes trying to find yours but you avoided the eye contact.

"I am serious, I liked you from HighSchool times, I saw you for the first time in library when you were looking at me, I swear you were so beautiful and even now after all this years after seeing you I can't, I can't help but fall for you all over again, sorry"

Chan confessed, his voice filled with sincerity and vulnerability his sentences were scattered here and there and incomplete explanation but still you understood everything he really poured his heart to you, you felt like crying even if you both weren't such stupid cowards back then, then today you won't have turned out a divorced women and Chan a guy who grew out lonely even if he had a world for him.

"What should I say Chan?", You asked Chan you were sounding like a girl whose bf told her to breakup even if the situation was exact opposite. Even if you love Chan , you didn't think about him reciprocating same feelings back to you. You were beyond insecure with your love emotions. One thing was sure you won't be able to love Chan without being a bundle on him. Your emotion Baggage was too big and you didn't want Chan to get his heart too with your stupid emotions.

"I love you and I will be really really good to you. Please try staying with me I will try really hard to earn space in your heart, please?" His confession was like literally begging. You weren't able to believe if he was real or not, if it was a dream that will end as soon as cruel morning comes, this felt like fantasy. Chan was a amazing man, he had everything money ,honour ,beauty a nice heart. He was like a character written by women so perfect so delicate yet strong, and he loves you this fact was enough for to lose your mind. but you thought you were a taint to his beauty, you were a character full of inferior complexes and a person too easy to dislike thats what illusion you made about yourself. A random extra in her own story.

"I will pay the bill, let's talk later", you said and walked away immediately to pay the bill leaving a clueless and disheartened human behind. Chan was able to see how you stopped yourself from saying love you too and throwing yourself in his arms. He wasn't same from HighSchool a guy who gets overwhelmed by his own emotions and gets unable to see others. He knew you had atleast a small space for him in your heart and to make a big room for himself he had to throw out all your insecurities and self hatred. He followed you like a lost puppy and he wanted to pay for food but you already did and now you were already out of restaurant searching for his car to get back.

Chan sitted beside you, without doing anything silence and awkward air surrounding you both.

"start the car", you said breaking down the silence, you were extremely worthless and trash as you made the only one person whom you love feel like nothing.

"Just answer me, will you try dating me please", Chan said his voice again passing draggers into your heart. Trying to form any logical explanation you spoke again.

"I am not looking for relationship right now, see Chan you are amazing, but I can't make you happy now and did you forgot that I am divorced, please understand" you said expressing your real insecurities and fear, fear of not being able to keep a man happy.

"you don't want relationship because you divorced that fucking trash of a man?", Chan asked he was getting frustrated you thought but he just wanted to make you happy and not deny what your heart wants.

"my mind isn't stable, I might just irritate you everytime with my mood, you will will get tired of me and leave me -- I don't want to be alone again I will die if you leave me", you confessed tears threatening to fall out of your eyes there wasn't any doubt that you loved Chan he filled the void in you in just months made you happy but you didn't wanted to just take and take and give nothing in return. Chan's hand found yours interlocking your fingers with so much delicateness that you might cry.

"you think so low of me, just stay by my side I will make you so happy that you will hardly get time to think about your past, trust me", Chan said his fingers slightly lifting your chin up to look into your eyes, you looked in his eyes filled with so much care and this was your last straw before breaking down in his arms.

"I love you, I love you so fuckin much, you were my first love my only friend, my everything, please-- please love me", you confessed tightening your arms around Chan, his scent making you feel safe and like home, his one caressing your hair and other wiping away the tears. Even though the scene was more like a dramatic clique scene whatever emotions you both felt was unexplainable.

"So you my girlfriend now hmm?"Chan asked you for first time in night his voice containing pure happiness and excitement.

"I have a sexy boyfriend", you said smiling from ear to ear against Chan's chest. The label boyfriend making your heart flutter, you didn't knew happiness like this can even exist.

"My love", Chan said his voice sweeter than honey, suddenly the night was more starry."now can we go home?" You asked Chan finally breaking the hug, reality hitted you now Home was 3- 4 hours away.

"I made a reservation in hotel, we gonna spend night there", Chan casually said making your heart jump out of your chest.

"pervert, you planned everything seriously", you said dramatically and giving him a playful digusting look.

"I booked two rooms", Chan said now starting the engine making you feel embarrassed. "Who is pervert now~" Chan said in air teasing you more.

The rest of the ride you both talked about anything and everything. Confessing how you used to find ways to always be in each others vision etc. Both of you finding a new thirsty side of each other. Nothing felt uncomfortable, it was happiness those inhumane laughs crazy tricks you both used to pull everything was heaven. After some time you both reached infront of a gaint hotel , it looked expensive af but regardless Chan knew how to waste money and you were tired of lecturing him about savings.

"let's go", Chan said removing your seatbelt and getting out of car to open the door for ya. He was being so cheesy gentleman and you were enjoying every minute.

"room 42 and 43" Chan said to the receptionist and she handed two keys to him. Thanking her then getting on elevator, you were a little disappointed that you weren't sharing room with Chan, yes you were pervert and total simp for Chan, he was too hot and your sexual drive was getting higher each passing second. The elevator doors opened and you got off. Chan handed you the room key and softly kissed your forehead, both you wished it was your lips.

"if you want anything, just knock okay?" Chan said in his lovely tone, I want you you internally screamed, nevertheless you gave him a nod and got inside that expensive room .

Starring at the ceiling while lying on the bed your mind was full of Chan, you knew he wasn't probably sleeping and was wasting time in watching random shit on internet and you were hungry, hungry for Chan, it wasn't your fault that Chan was so hot. Trying to fall asleep and fidgeting here to there you finally decided to knock on Chan's room door. A danger zone. You noticed how the door flunged open in less than few seconds.

"Hi" you said scratching back of your head and trying to think what next to say.

"Hi..?"Chan said being confused.

"there is cockroach in my room, let me stay with you" you said a clear white lie. Taking impulsive action were never good for you.Chan sighed before opening the door fully and signalling you to come. This was your happiest day ever.

"whY you lying", Chan asked you as you plopped yourself on sofa besides bed. He asked the sentence in a sarcastic way.

"Do you you wanna kiss me?", You asked Chan with a straight serious face catching him off-guard, you didn't wanted to waste more time, you wanted to do everything with Chan, yes fucking on first day of dating was a little too early but you fantasized about this gorgeous man since ages, in your eyes he looked total dom but his reaction to your question was making you doubt your thoughts.

"Are you sure", Chan asked you clearing his throat.

"Are you virgin?"you asked Chan, he was being too nervous.

"Obviously not"Chan answered you in duh tone, rolling his eyes. And it was getting awkward.

"The cockroach must have gone by now I should go, bye", you blabbered and got up ready to leave, you were about to open the door but Chan grabbed your hand and before you knew anything his hands were on your cheeks cupping them softly and his lips so close to yours, Chan's eyes were looking straight in your orbs , your heartbeat stronger than ever.

"Can I?", Chan asked your consent his thumb softly brushing against your lower lip. This man had totally made you insane, something stirred inside you. Chan was perfect he was everything you wished. You gave him a small nod and slowly his lips touched against yours, you wanted to cry, his lips felt so good, he didn't rushed his movements everything was happening in slow motion, he holded you with such a vulnerability like he was afraid that you will go, your hand reached his head, fingers moving through his soft locks. You felt his tongue inside your mouth , you felt a electricity run down your body when the kiss deepened.

We kiss again. The next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I’ve had in my life has been wrong.

Breaking the kiss Reluctantly in need of air, Chan rested his forehead against yours. He was hot almost like burning, sweating.

"Why are you so nervous, Chan?", You asked Chan hugging him tightly clinging like the last leaf to the tree.

"I am scared, I just love you", He said engulfing you in his arms. And you Finally felt, what real love feels like.

"Love you too", you replied softly.

"Do you wanna continue..?"Chan asked you his tone little less scared.

"Off course", you said looking at him with smile, something inside you told it was okay to let out your freaky side infront of Chan. Chan smiled back and suddenly turned you around , the large bed infront of you.

"Lie down there",Chan whispered in your ears , his low register sending shivers down your spine. This was exactly how you pictured Chan to be, your inner submissive almost died. You followed Chan's word and laid on your back on the bed, now you were feeling like a virgin. His eyes roaming through the room in search of something.

"Are you okay with being blindfolded?", Chan asked you as he came back with the tie he wore today and was rolling it slightly in his palms, and you swear you never saw a man so hot in your entire life. Getting blindfolded was one of your unfulfilled kinks.

"ye- yes", you replied your tone filled with thrill and excitement. Chan came back to you standing near you, his hand softly cupped your cheeks , before bringing the tie to use it in sinistrous way tonight. The cloth felt strange to your eyes, his cologne smell hitting you and Chan caught your shy smile, His heart felt so fluffy. Tieing a comfortable knot Chan sat on bed near your waist. His hands slowly crept near your stomach leaving a direct lingering touch on the sensitive skin, eventually going upwards while giving a little squeeze to add stimulation, his hands reached your boobs, you didn't wore bra, and he wasn't surprised maybe your nipples perked up enough to get noticed, his middle and index finger Rolling your sensitive bundle of nerves, the blindfold making his every touch more intense, your breath was heavy you let out a suprised moan when Chan gropped your right boob in an erotic way, this sole action increasing your wetness down there you were getting impatient. You moaned his name a little loudly when his lips came in contact with your sensitive neck, sucking in a painful way, inorder to leave a hickey.

"Should I touch you here", Chan asked you as his hand reached to your area where you needed him to the most, hands going directly inside your panties ,but not touching he was a teaser.

"yes please", you moaned almost breathlessly too tired of intense foreplay. You just wanted Chan to rip off your clothes and fuck you till sunrise. Getting satisfaction with your answer Chan finally removed every clothing of your lower body, leaving you completely bare, all at his mercy. His finger moved up and down on your opening , the wetness making Chan easily slip his one finger deep inside you.

" my baby is so wet, because of who?", Chan asked you as his finger was moving slowly inside of you and thumb rubbing circles on the bundle of nerves.

"because of.. you", you admitted without any hesitation trying to grind yourself on his hand, begging for more.

"Good", Chan said and without saying anything he added another finger inside you moving a little faster inside your cunt, rubbing your walls with a little pressure, scissoring them inside you painfully and making way for a third finger too and by then you were a complete moaning mess, his fingers were pleasure yet torture the blindfold making your senses weak. Mind full of whatever Cham was giving you. Your legs were shaking sign of your orgasm approaching you, by one hand Chan holded your thighs tightly to their place fingers now moving more faster to make you reach the peak of pleasure.

"Chan.. I--I-I-- wanna cum please", you moaned your little squeaks and begs almost making Chan's cock cum right inside boxers. With some final thrust of his fingers, you cummed the hardest you could imagine, squeaky sounds coming as Chan was fingering you through your orgasm, you almost crying from overstimulation. Moaning his name like a chant.

"you did well",Chan praised you finally removing his fingers from you leaving you empty, but it won't have last wrong. Chan removed your blindfold , the bright lights hurting your eyes, you adjusted your vision and the image of Chan sucking his wet fingers coated with your liquid came directly in front of your eyes. Letting out a helpless whine.

Chan plopped himself on knees on either side of your thighs, finally letting his cock out, leaking with precum, and he was big, thick , you didn't thought he could get even hotter.

"Ready baby?", Chan asked you as he fully undressed himself as well as removing your top, your mind hazey . The scene which you pictured since highschool finally happening.

"yes", you replied Chan, he came down to kiss you passionately and slowly entering inside you. You moaned painfully, tears pulling your vision, it was a painful pleasure. Chan kissed away your tears and hand interlocking with yours after finally being fully inside you he started to move at slow pace.

"you feel so good Chan", almost screaming from pleasure, your whines were fuel to Chan's ego and he increased the pace. Body slapping sound filling the room, his groans were most sexy thing you ever heard. Again and again his tip hitting your deepest spots.

"I am close", you moaned out breathlessly, pleasure becaming too much to handle .you released around his cock, reaching the peak second time at night.

After giving a few more thrusts Chan cummed at your stomach, he was still sane enough to not curse you with kids while being lost in pleasure."I love you", he said as he settled beside you hugging you tightly. This was heaven.

"love you too", you said , your voice a little hoarse.

"by the way I forgot that I bought a ring to propose you", Chan said, realisation hitting him, that he forgot to say the long ass paragraph that he was supposed to say while sitting on one knee. You smiled at his guilty face.

"don't worry, propose me after having shower", you said heart filled with pure joy and happiness . Happiness of knowing that You love someone who will always love you back.

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[kamorth]

TW for people who don't want to read a big downer rant that includes talking about the effects of child sexual abuse.

My youngest brother and his wife just announced that they're pregnant. It'll be my parents first biological grandchild (my stepson doesn't count because I got him at 16 and we live in Canada and they're in NZ so they never see him anyway and of course "it's different when it's a *biological* grandchild") and as a result my mum has gotten very emotional and weird. She sent me a message last night that said "I looked in the mirror and saw your face looking back at me and I realized I never told you how proud of you I am. Don't start crying or you'll set me off."

I wasn't going to start crying. I ended up getting really angry about it. Her parents abused her until she was 18. She was live in housekeeper, seamstress, cook, and nanny for one and a sex puppet for the other. When she left home, my dad had to bring the cops to get her because her parents literally had a gun to her head while they made her promise not to leave. When they had me, Mum decided her parents deserved to have a relationship with their grandkids and let them babysit me. Despite all of that, she thinks the things I remember them doing to me are just either me "blowing it out of proportion" or her sister putting words in my mouth.

A few weeks ago I was talking about my kid and during her expected deflection she said "yeah puberty is definitely when your whole attitude and personality went to shit" and started listing all the things that changed about me during my teens. I mean it couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the fact that I found out what my grandfather did to me every time we visited wasn't actually normal and was in fact a criminal offence. Couldn't possibly have been spending my early teens fighting to be believed while also maintaining my grades at the top of my school and dealing with a brother who regularly called me a slut and destroyed my things while my parents went "well you did go that one party last year you kind of deserve it". That couldn't possibly have been anything to do with it. Must've been puberty. Couldn't have been her telling boys they didn't want to date me because I was a lying slut (I had 4 people tell me she said that over a decade, none of them even knew the others existed).

I want to scream at her that she never said she was proud of me because she never was. I put the entire Pacific Ocean between us because I was so sick of never being good enough no matter what I did. I want to tell her she hasn't been proud of me since I stopped bringing certificates and awards home from school every other week. I want to point out all the things she doesn't count in my life, like my kid and my marriage and the fire (yeah, you guys and a bunch of random Neil Gaiman fans helped us recover from that more than anyone in my biological family did) and my QPR and my sexuality, because they're all just phases I'm going to grow out of one day.

I'm thirty fucking eight.

But just like every other time, I can't say anything to her because I'll just be jealous of the attention my brother is getting. It'll just be me trying to start shit again. All that'll happen is I'll get shut down and told it's not always about me.

If she'd just stop trying to create a bond with me everything would be fine. I have my life here, she has her perfect little family there, and we give each other updates every 6-8 weeks or so. I LIKE it that way. Can we just go back to that and leave all this emotional bonding shit in the 90s when it might have actually been useful please? It's just pissing me off now.

[punkscowardschampions]

Tommy & Ali

Chatting ‘bout Christmas, boy troubles, pregnancy AND THE FACT THE BABY IS TOTALLY NOT DREW’S LOLLOLLOL

Tommy: Oi! 😼 What you gettin da cos like even I feel cheeky considering socks for 2 years running Ali joined the chat 3 hours ago Tommy: I was gonna go full rivers of whiskey cept I'd probs drown myself in it before the bottle was in the bag 😂 Ali: So you should, elf on the shelf! Socks should only ever be an add-on prezzie, even if they're DEAD comical, like. Ali: Speaking of elf on the shelf, would you be willing to come round mine every day at the crack of dawn (aka JUST before the kiddos will arise like horrible demon krakkens from the depths) so I can arrange you in comical positions and situations? Ali: They love that shit. I on the other hand want to murder the CEO of whatever company/the high-key mum mafia that made this shit popular again. Ali: I've got me thinking cap on for the old man for ye...Hmm Ali: (and how rude to get cuffed for the season and not even get to the part where you get a bomb-ass present/someone to tout around the family functions...rude. You not actually at the bottom of a bottle quite yet though, yeah? Doing the obligatory welfare checkup here) Tommy: Excuse you miss money bags! 💰 just 'cause you're one of the rare artists who ain't starving like! some of us don't have boyfriends who cook or paying audiences Tommy: so yeah obvs! Gotta keep in shape just in case don't I? catch me pirouetting across your patio bitch Tommy: Green's my colour these days and red's always been signature Tommy: I'm alright (love you for asking!) how's you? Tommy: Genuinely Ali: Oh yeah, 'cos father will flip his shit if the price tag ain't AT LEAST three figs... 😏 Silly billy, and oi, oi! My student loan ain't kicked in yet ...I'm on a gap yaaaaaah though, darling, I've simply GOTTA act like a frivilous rich bitch. Deal with it, you're still the shady bitch of the fam, okay? 😘 Ali: Yaaasss, you're gonna have to drop a couple of pounds to fit in that teeny costume but a day in the life of a TRUE star init, babe? I believe in you Ali: Bet you didn't come here to be called fat, did you? How fucking cheeky is that forreal Ali: Colour of luck boy 🍀🍀🍀 Ali: Hmm, ngl I'm in a bit of a...situation, and I ain't talking I've forgot to order a turkey Tommy: Imagine...jog on old man just 'cause went for the quantity with the sprogs doesn't mean you'll get quality back soz Tommy: try it but good luck trying to get your little uns to deal with you being the spoilt one 😂 Tommy: well since I got the 🍀 its 🤞 Tommy: feckin hell has caleb forgotten kids are for life not just chrimbo again? Tommy: I'll deck his halls if he's being a prick Ali: That'll show him! That's what you get for bringing me into this world, whole lotta backchat and not an ounce of grattitude, take that! Ali: Join me 'cos I'm sure that's what mum feels I've got her Ali: We did Rio's first Xmas morning, and 2nd, at home! It really is Caleb's fams turn Ali: I can't help that its Junie's first, evidently I ain't planning this shit woman! Ali: #contraceptionwhomst? #pulloutnhopeforthebest #itswhatgodwouldwant Ali: And it ain't like we're not coming over for a second dinner, we fat as hell, get wid it and pass the gravy Ali: Catch me in the tesco throwing tantrums with Rio on the reg tbh #twocanplayatthatgamehoney #childrenraisingchildren Ali: Nah, although loving all the macho threats of violence when my honour is at stake as of late...Is my drama letting you live up to your full brotherly potential? Welcome... Ali: TMI, give a shit, but I'm late on and I've thrown up a few times, not from the mother's ruin, like Ali: hahahahahama'sgonnakillmeisn'tshe Ali: whatthefucklike Tommy: Who you kidding you're the blatant fave & lbr if the lord's got his specs on should be even more so for following her shining example like Tommy: honor thy father and mother and all that Tommy: who doesn't love a mini me Tommy: especially one who can sing every sperm is sacred with perf pitch Tommy: Amen! this aint 1850 pass the roasties gdi! Tommy: all we want for christmas is carbs Tommy: OH MY CHRIST NOT AGAIN Tommy: 😧 Tommy: I know you're on your gap year but no need to be so literal Ali: Ha, please! Not Tess Vickers' fave. Da's, obviously, as he is mine, (babe). You and Joe are the momma's boys, always have been, you needy little babbas. Ali: A woman who doesn't love herself...damn, too deep, reverse, reverse! Ali: You'd be surprised how annoying an all-singing-all-dancing constant reminder of all your best and worst bits is Ali: Usually the best, which is happy-making magic, but when its the worst...GOOD LORDT. Plus its a reminder of the same in your other half, and we all like to overlook that shit now, don't we? *sips tea* Ali: God I am gonna go HAM with my 'cravings' this Chrimbo...what timing! Maybe I did plan this after-all Ali: but no, I did not Ali: But yeah...this is a thing I'm processing, thought I'd drag you down with me 🤷 Tommy: I was gonna be all like not with him probs dead in a ditch and me one audition away from getting cosy in a cardboard box but I better swerve too dont wanna spend the season with the samaritans on speed dial Tommy: you and fraze are the success stories savor it Tommy: honey I've got a mirror Tommy: and near constant feedback from them in the know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: that's calebs chrimbo gift sorted then yeah? Ali: Lordy, I know we're Irish but there's no need to be that fuckin' maudlin, Tommo Ali: Oh, you wanted an idea for Da but that is SO Fraze's prezzie Ali: Just tell him that, all day. Money can't buy that kinda happiness Ali: The spirit of the Holidays Ali: Them in the know don't know shit Ali: I mean...gift or curse? Ali: We've only just got back on track, this is probably going to derail the whole damn caboose Tommy: everyone's a critic and there's only one shane macgowan I hear ya Tommy: I reckoned you meant a mirror for a sec I was like uh huh he's got that one covered love 😏 Tommy: Hey! That's mine covered 🙋 just repeat that back to me Tommy: those clueless cunts Tommy: Nah he'll be buzzing esp if he gets another girl Tommy: there's only one Rio but he's shameless ha Tommy: leave the cursing for ma she'll be doing plenty once she's done stuffing your stocking with contraceptives Ali: Mhmm, save it for the improptu karaoke when we're all feeling merry on the day, like Ali: Lmao, he'd live in a 360 degree view changing room if he could Ali: How millenial of us! Lets just gift each other with positive affirmations Ali: Maybe...Gah Ali: Whatever, whether he deals or doesn't, doesn't change the fact I am with child again and yeah, Caleb's reaction is the least of my worries Ali: I'm going to be going to Uni abroad with 3 kids...damn Ali: If I don't get locked away for my own good, of course Tommy: 😇 Will do Tommy: I reckon that's the goal when he 'makes it' Tommy: scrawl it on my personalised starbies cup and have done babe Tommy: You're grand it'll just be one hell of a plane ride Tommy: 🍀 & 🤞 Tommy: OH SHIT WAIT Tommy: the whole Caleb reaction thing has me thinking...not to be rude but Tommy: it is his yeah? Ali: It better be Ali: Aside from the Drew incident I didn't shag anyone else Ali: and we used a condom Ali: I mighta been several sheets to the wind but I hadn't lost my whole goddamn mind Tommy: thank christ for that Tommy: imagine trying to play happy families with that twat Ali: Amen Ali: Yeah that isn't the life I've signed up for Ali: Bitches forget I already got a ring on my finger, like Ali: Legal or otherwise Tommy: Beyonce is here for your union Tommy: good enough for me Tommy: low key proud of ya not to be an enabler but like Tommy: I'll happily hooray you getting Drew to put something on it too god knows where that fuckboy's been Ali: Thank you! I will take that hooray because I literally had to mum Ro's arse and tell her to do the same every time Ali: AND had to do it in such a way it didn't sound like I was saying as much, like, your boyf is a cheater and we all know it sweetie Tommy: ugh 😷 glad you did though I hear your next door nemesis had to get herself to the clinic sharpish & i don't reckon she'd spread gossip that'd make her out to be riddled Tommy: 🦀🐛 Ali: 🤢😤 Unsurprised on both their behalf there but low-key furious Ali: he knows how that bitch treats Ro, and always has done Ali: there's being a cheat with any random hoe and then there's that...is it me or is that next-level careless? Ali: To the point it looks like he's doing it to hurt her, I'm sure he's just ignorant but, like, what the fuck?!!? Tommy: RIGHT? Tommy: like I don't doubt she ain't telling him all the ins and outs of her childhood drama but still Tommy: even with more brains than biceps he's gotta have a clue or two Tommy: OOOPS ACCIDENTAL COMPLIMENT Tommy: I'm offended on my own behalf Tommy: almost as cringe as once thinking he was hot 🤓😳 kms Ali: Yeah but it ain't like he's not been here...and she's still a cunt to Ro now, so Ali: Tries to be to me but who's listening, Bitch I'm deaf all of a sudden??? Ali: Hahahahaha Ali: He's attractive, to the point its kinda fact more than opinion so I don't think you're alone on that score Ali: If the notches on his bedpost are anything to go by...and I fucked him so can't be judging, consider your sins absolved, no hail mary's needed, maybe a few bloodys when I next pin u down for an IRL debrief? Ali: Oh wait, a bitch can't...I'll make it a Virgin Mary...WHEY! Tommy: True and I know he ain't got a bitch muted 'cause I aint rn either 👀 & my specs are on when I'm scrolling Tommy: I see what I see Tommy: 😞 Tommy: Fuck it lets go dancing Tommy: bounce that bump while you still can Ali: 'Course not, gotta 'low the bitch to slide into dem dms on the reg, if for nothing else than the ego boost Ali: 😒 Ali: I need that, lets go lets go lets go, its been TIME since I got to go out and not take the bubs Ali: I'll have to see who can have 'em though... Ali: Can't be mum, really selling how responsible a parent I'm gonna be to 3 by throwing 2 at her and fucking off to partay Tommy: SAMSIES...not that I'm going out with 2 kids on the reg but y'know Tommy: we on it 💃 Tommy: Dial up their daddy Tommy: he'll step up while we step out I'm sure Ali: Sure, just the one, like #oosh! toosoonforbants? Ali: Can but try, I'll get back to you when he replies Ali: Ooh, what are we gonna wear Tommy: I've got my elf cossie if I can only squeeze in Tommy: you could pin a red letter on if you've got something that won't clash 🤔 own that guilt like a good catholic 📿 Ali: Ooh, festive AND appropriate for my situ, I like it. Tommy: A for advent sweeties 😘 Tommy: can you cut my hair though I looking like the grinch if he was a blonde blue eyed dreamboat Ali: And Awesome! And Ali! And Ass! 😎 Ali: Obvi, you never could rock the long hair look, remember that dark period in time 😂 Ali: Can I try something slightly new tho? 🤔 Tommy: why the feck not gotta at least look ready to mingle like Tommy: 💔😂 Ali: Dubo not gonna know what's hit it and ya mans gonna know what he missing when I'm done with you! Promise Tommy: I'll hold you to it Tommy: no pressure Tommy: oooh maybe we could go shopping 😀 Ali: You know I'm winning boys back like its my business Ali: well, boy singular but that's enough, right? #greedybisexual Ali: I am always down for killing time snapping up killer #lewks, lets do it man Tommy: yaaaaaaaaaaas Tommy: careful I might hold you to that too #tipsfrommybabysiskms Ali: baby be wise tho 💞 where u at i'll come get u Tommy: about a lot of things yeah 👍 nws I'll come at you I need the exercise #aintforgotyoucalledmeafattylike Ali: alright well, RUN FORREST RUN Tommy: 🏃

[myvelouri]

Update:

Well I have hsv-1

That's basically saying I have herpes. Um. I literally haven't been with anyone. The only girl I was with doesn't have it. I asked her back then and she had been tested and everything too.

Um. I kissed a random girl who's name I can't even remember WAY back then. I'm wondering if I got it from that.

So my parents are being retarded and saying oh it's not the "bad one" and oh everyone has it. NAH NIGGA, herpes is fucking herpes. It doesn't matter where .

I'm not totally sure that's the only problem. But maybe. I don't have it on my dick. I basically get these scabs in my nose. You can't always see it. But it's really painful. Sometimes I get a horrible painful fever. And yeah. It's been happening every month.

The doctor is down playing it. Acting like I'm not supposed to freak out. Like, first of all, this fucks up my future possible relationships, this fucks up just having fun, sure, that's all there. But the thing that's really fucking me up is how bad I'm affected when I get this shit coming back, the pain, the fever, being bed ridden. My body can't handle this well.

Apparently 90 percent of the population has hsv. Apparently all of you would test positive for this too.

The doc, a specialist was so unclear. Maybe a bit of a language barrier. I kept asking, so is it MRSA in my nose I keep getting, or herpes.

I'm so angry. When this first happenened, I went to the doctors and adamant about it being herpes. They kept saying it's not. Like hardcore about it not being herpes. They said what I have isn't what herpes does.

So to be fucking honest, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't FUCKING get it. I just have the bloodwork that says I have hsv-1. Even the doctor said he has that and he would also get a positive result from that. Like. Okay. He said he hasn't had a flare up in 30-49 years.

He's so old fashioned that he said to forget girls. (Lol yeah okay) and forget drinking, drugs and bad friends.

Like dude. I don't do any of that shit. But I'm so young. I'm not forgetting girls. Are you nuts.

He said focus on school and your degree. And get married. BRO I DONT WANT TO BE MARRIED

And for FUCKS sake, I AM focusing on school and working. What the fuck do you think I'm doing here? I'm here because I keep getting sick every month, because I keep getting so ill that I become bed ridden for 3 weeks. EVERY MONTH. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WORK AND STUDY WITH THAT SHIT HAPPENING. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

I haven't been sleeping around or anything to be honest. I've hit on girls but I do that so I can get to know them first. Like, I'm not trying to hit on girls just to fuck and go. I LIKE people, it's not, it's not like I'm trying to just fuckin be a hoe. I try to make friends, if we have sex, we have sex, big deal. But I won't just fuck anybody. And I'm devastated

I'm devastated. Literally everyone I know has sex constantly, new people every month, I swear all my friends are hooking up so much. None of them get any STI or STDs. Me? I was in a relationship for 3+ years, got out, kissed a girl and your telling me I got herpes? LOL.

KILL ME.

I'm such a clean freak too. So I feel disgusting having this. I also have that other virus... But that one will go away, it's not permanent.

I absolutely haven't been with anyone so I don't know how I got that virus either.

Also my back pain hasn't been properly addressed. I don't know what's going on... It's bad. Very bad.

I can't believe the specialist looked at my bloodwork and said everything looks good. Ffs it says I have hsv. He said I have no STDs. This is just fucking WORDS. I have an STI, right? You think I give a fuck if I have a DISEASE over an INFECTION? they're both as bad as one another to me. Ffs this is for life. Apparently the flare ups might stop after a while.

I'm not contagious. I don't have any flare up now. In fact, when I get the scabs, well, last time I had it, it went away in like ten days and it was a lot more mild than before. So I'm hoping it just never comes back again.

I told my family to get tested too. Cause I don't see how I got this. It's absolutely ridiculous and absurd. My luck can't be this bad. Are you kidding me.

Am I gross now?

I am really thinking about suicide and ways to kill myself. This was the last straw. After everything I've had to endure that a lot of people probably wouldn't have by now, with all the extreme bad luck, this? This was a fucking satirical joke I used to say to myself "lol bet I'd have all these sex problems, body problems, health problems, everything but I BET I'LL GET AN STD/STI WITH THE FIRST PERSON I'M WITH LOL" and now it's reality. Are you fucking kidding me.

And don't give me that shit, where I'm being told "well, people live with cancer" FUCK YOU, I've done that my whole life and with every single ailment I've had and CURRENTLY live WITH. I'M DONE GIVING A SHIT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT, OR HOW BAD THEY HAVE IT, I USED TO SAY THAT TO MYSELF. "Man, other people have it worse, I shouldn't complain, I can't." NAH, FUCK THAT. I'M HURTING AND I'M TIRED OF ACTING LIKE IT DOESN'T COUNT -JUST- CAUSE SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE HAS IT WORSE. As if I don't already know. It makes me feel WORSE knowing people are out there having a worse time than me. It does NOTHING to help me, it's just awful. Everything