#elliot 'she's the voice of reason in my head' stabler

[yoyok-era]

Look at us, you and I (back at it again) - chapter one

Elliot Stabler x Olivia Benson ♡ Law and Order: SVU ♡ 1.6k ♡ Ao3

[Series Masterlist]

 It's cold. It's so cold. The snow bites into her skin, turning her bones into aching icicles. 

She shouldn't complain. That's the whole reason she's out here, after all. Because she'd complained. Good girls don't complain. Good girls do as they're told.

She'd been bad.

He'd given her specific instructions to stay on the couch, no matter the circumstances, and she'd disobeyed. Her throat had been aching, phantom hands scratching the insides of her esophagus and crawling their way up to her mouth.

She'd moved slowly, legs trembling as she clutched onto tables and closets on her way to the kitchen. She wasn't allowed here, she was breaking the rules, but the punishment for puking on his floor was worse than the punishment for sneaking into the kitchen.

She'd managed to grab one of the cups on the counter, broken fingers screaming in agony as they curled around the glass. Her hands shook as she filled it with water, eyes glued to the liquid as it streamed from the faucet and into the cup, like it was a drug and she was an addict.

He'd come back just as she'd lifted the glass to her lips. The slam of his fist against the door rattled her, and she watched, horror stricken, as the glass slipped from her hand and landed on the floor, shattered.

"I thought I told you to stay put?"  His voice was low and growling, and it vibrated through her body. "I suppose I'm used to you breaking my rules, but breaking my things? That's new, Olivia."

Her heart raced and her head swam, nausea rising in her stomach as fear flooded her veins. She whimpered quietly, trying her hardest not to throw up.

"I was thirsty, I-"

There's a scoff, and she cuts herself off. "You know when you're allowed water, don't you Olivia?" He's standing in front of her now, staring down at her, waiting impatiently for an answer as she flounders for something coherent. There's a scowl etched on his face, and his expression makes her feel even smaller than she already does.

"When you let me."

"Exactly," He steps closer, if that's even possible, and she can smell the alcohol on his breath. "So why, pray tell, are you being an ungrateful bitch and disobeying me?" The word stings, like fire and acid. She knows what she did was wrong. Knows it was a mistake to break the rules, but that doesn't make the sting any less painful.

She licks her lips and says nothing.

His brows crease in frustration, confusion. Then he breaks into a smile. "I know exactly what your punishment will be for this little stunt of yours."

That's how she ended up here, tied to the tree in the garden, the bark digging into the skin of her back through the thin material of her shirt. He'd left her out overnight, wrists bound and mouth gagged as she sat through the blizzard that the news had been warning about for the last week. 

She looks up as the door to the house opens with a slam, blinking the snow out of her eyelashes. 

Lewis doesn't step outside. He stays in the doorway, smiling at her as he nurses a steaming mug between his hands.  "How's the weather out there, Livvie?." 

Olivia doesn't – can't – respond, humming weakly around the gag.

"The blizzard broke one of the window frames last night. I'll have to go to the store." He smiles, watching as her eyes fill with fear. "I can't take you with me, of course. But, to move you inside only to tie you up again is a bit of a hassle, don't you think?"

Her heart drops. The closest town is hours away, and she feels like she might freeze to death if she spends any more time outside. Of all the ways she thought she'd die, all the possibilities that had run through her head over the last few years, freezing hadn't been one of them. 

She watches helplessly as he closes the door, walks through to the front of the house, steps into his car, and drives away.  Her eyes follow him until the car fades from view, and then her gaze settles on her bound wrists, on the rope that digs into her skin, leaving red streaks in its wake.

If it wasn't so cold, if she wasn't gagged, she would scream. But there'd be no point to it; the cabin he's kept her in is isolated from the rest of society. No one comes here, and if they do, they don't leave alive.

There was a couple once, two hikers that had taken the wrong turn. Olivia had screamed, begged them to help her, to call the police, to do anything. Lewis shot them both, and she can still see the bodies as they crumpled and fell in front of her.

She's pulled out of the memory when something stabs into her leg, drawing crimson droplets to fall onto the snow. She maneuvers as well as she can, moving her hands to  the injury. There's a sharp pain in her thigh and she yanks, gasping as she tugs something out of the wound.

It hurts. God, it hurts so much. She stares at the bloodied shard of glass in her palm, tears burning as fresh blood drips from the open slice of skin. Must've blown over during the storm, she thinks.

She cries then, a sob wracking her body as her vision darkens slightly, threatening her with the darkness that's always lurked beneath her skin. She tries desperately to hold the bloody piece of glass between her shaking hands, moving it back and forth until the rope binding her wrists together breaks.

Her arms are stiff, frozen, as she moves them, the ropes around her chest biting deeply into her flesh as she tries to cut them off. She grits her teeth, harder and harder until it hurts. 

Blood. So much blood. It drips down her legs as she stands up, the ropes pooling beneath her feet. The only barrier between her and freedom, the only thing keeping her bound here, severed and laying at her ankles.

The realization almost makes her collapse. She can go. She can leave this place. She can get out and leave and go back to her family. Fin, Amanda, Noah. 

Elliot.

She moves as fast as she can, stumbling and staggering as the cold seeps deep into her bones and numbs them, slowing her down more than she already is. Her blood is trailing in the snow behind her, but she can't be bothered to care. 

It feels like hours until the lights from the town come into view. They shine bright enough that she knows where to go, knows which path to take and the quickest route to get there. She's free. She's escaping, and she's free.

She ducks into the first store she sees as she struggles for breath, each inhale painful against the ice in her lungs. She ignores everything around her and grabs at the nearest rack of clothes, clutching whatever item she can find. Anything to stop the numbness creeping up her limbs, the dizziness threatening to drag her down under the weight of it all. 

"Miss, you okay? We've had someone call an ambulance for you. Would you like to sit down?" There's an employee that's started approaching her, his hands stretched out in front of him, like he's trying not to scare her.

The world around her moves in a blur, her head spinning. She barely registers a voice shouting about a missing police captain, and another voice calling 911, and then there's nothing, only a darkness and a dull pain in the side of her head.

o0o0o0o0o

Saturday night means movie night in the Stabler household. It used to be Sunday, but then Noah moved in, and Elliot didn't want him going to bed late when he had school the next day.

Noah's recounting the story to Vincent as the two attempt to make a batch of cookies, though they're doing a better job of messing up the kitchen then they are of actually baking.

Elliot's watching from the couch as they do, Jet tucked against his side as she scrolls through their movie list. 

"We could do a Disney movie?" She suggests, raising an eyebrow at the rest of them.

Noah and Vincent break out into a fit of giggles. "After Dad cried during Frozen 2? No way." Noah laughs, throwing a handful of flour at his boyfriend in the process.

"It was a nice moment!" Elliot defends himself against his adopted son, glaring at Jet as she snickers beside him.

"Why don't you do something classic? Titanic or something?" The attention shifts to Joe, who's sitting on the other side of the couch with his arm draped around Kathleen's shoulders.

There's a series of boos around him as he finishes the suggestion, and he throws his hands up in surrender. 

Lizzie grabs the remote from her spot next to the coffee table, switching the TV onto her netflix account. "Since all of you are so indecisive, I'll pick."

They end up settling on the 2nd Hunger Games, a sequel to the film they watched last week, eating cookies and popcorn as one of them cracks a joke every few minutes.

Elliot's phone starts ringing an hour into the movie, and when the caller ID reads "Fin," his heart drops. Fin has no reason to be calling him at 9pm on a Saturday night; they haven't worked any cases together recently, and Fin's not known for initiating small talk this late into the evening.

He presses the green button, standing up and moving away from the laughter of the group. He freezes as the news leaves his speaker, tears springing into his eyes.

He's slow when he turns back to his kids, who've gone silent. 

It's Kathleen who speaks first. "Dad, you okay?"

"That was Fin." He pauses, his eyes searching for Noah's amongst the group of people. 

"They found her."

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 158

Achilles Castle part 60

Lemonade and lies Part 3

Olivia: pov In the interrogation room me and Kate are asking the lady questions she seems very sad. I ask her what her relationship with the victim was because she looks young. Tammy mentions he is her son, i ask her how old she is, Tammy is only 12 years older then him. Esposito is nice enough to look into her story and it turns out she had him when she was 12 from a sexual assault. The reason she came over to his place was to pick up his dog who she is babysitting. He was going on a trip soon, her story checks out. We are back to square one. She is not the killer.

Ayanna Bell: pov Elliot tells me our 2 detectives undercover might have just had their cover blown. They mentioned to him that some police officers were questioning them and the guys got suspicious. I can tell Elliot is angry since I left him in charge of this operation.

Elliot Stabler: pov I'm so angry right now, Bell is telling our 2 detectives undercover to lay low and stay out of sight for a bit. I so badly want to yell at the police officer who allowed this to happen. At the 12th precinct me and Ayanna arrive with Jet. Ayanna goes to talk with Captain Benson and Captain Beckett, she is the one who ruined our undercover operation.

Jet: pov Ayanna eventually comes out of Captain Beckett's office which Captain Benson is sharing with her for the case. Sergeant Esposito is showing me and Ayanna Bell around. Elliot wants to have a chat with Liv and Captain Beckett. While in the break room I hear Elliot screaming. How dare you compromise my investigation for a homicide, it's not like the victim is going to get any more dead. Do you even know how to do your job? Kate replies I'm the youngest woman in the history of the NYPD to become a detective.

Esposito: pov as soon as I hear the screaming I run into Kate's office to make sure she is okay. Elliot is still screaming at her, Liv steps in front of Elliot and tells him to stop. You can't act like this in front of Captain Beckett, or yell and raise your voice. She looks frightened by his outburst.

Liv: pov something isn't right here Ayanna finally gets Elliot to calm down, i'm asking Kate if she is okay. Esposito tells Ayanna that Elliot is banned from coming into this office. He is so shocked and angry that he starts to raise his voice again. Saying it's not fair, she ruined our investigation and put 2 of my fellow detectives at risk. She needs to stop investigating this until my case is solved. When she doesn't reply he slams his hands down hard on the table in anger startling Captain Beckett. I manage to get Elliot to calm down and stop his behavior.

Ayanna: pov I notice Captain Beckett is rubbing her chest. I finally take a few minutes to look around the room. Oh my the walls are covered with articles titled. Detective solves her mothers murder, senator bracken arrested for multiple counts of murder, fraud and other crimes, Detective gets shot at Captain's funeral, Detective might not make it after shooting, Detective fighting for her life after shooting, Detective suffers cardiac arrest after shooting, and might not survive. Detective back at work after suffering cardiac arrest due to a shooting, Detective celebrates first day back at work after recovering from a shooting, Detective survives being shot in the chest wholly crap. Captain Beckett looks a little frightened by what Elliot just did.

Joe: pov it's starting to get later in the morning me and Muncy are heading out to get food so we can keep working on the case. The place we are going to pick the food up from serves great Chinese food that is what Sergeant Esposito said to us. I made sure to grab some drinks with the food I was told to make sure Kate's food had no salt and nothing spicy on it. Lanie asked us to stop at the place next store and get a fruit bowl for Kate. She can't have grapefruit or pomegranate and pineapple is a no as of lately. Me and Muncy chat while we drive back to the 12th precinct.

Kate: pov Elliot is frightening me a little, I know he has anger issues because Liv told me before. I can feel my heart racing a little. It should be okay in a minute. It's just because he scared me. Esposito is making sure I'm okay while Liv is taking care of Elliot. The food should be here soon.

Liv: pov Ayanna is apologizing for Elliot's behavior, saying it won't happen again. Elliot really scared Kate, Ryan comes running in to check on Kate and says he heard screaming. Ayanna grabs Elliot's arm and points out the articles on the wall all of a sudden he says he is sorry and apologizes to Kate.

Esposito: pov Ayanna Bell updates us on her case. Kate and Liv update her on what we have learned so far and how the murder investigation is going so far.

Kate: pov the food arrives and looks amazing. I thank Muncy and Joe for the fruit. It looks like me and Elliot ordered the same stuff, Ayanna says it's because he is watching his figure, and has to stay in shape to catch all those criminals. Liv says it's because he is old, isn't that right detective. As soon as I start to eat my food I start to cough since my throat is irritated which gets Lanie's attention, she asks if I'm okay. I say while coughing the food went down wrong. Lanie knows Coughing kills my chest.

Muncy: pov Elliot says can't handle a little heat, Captain Beckett. It's not even that spicy, you must have some sensitive taste buds. Liv, who is sitting across from Elliot, kicks him under the table and tells him to shut up. Kate says her food isn't spicy, she can't have spicy food, and the food went down wrong. To be continued. ……….

[oneshotnewbie]

Second Chapter (Olivia Benson x Elliot Stabler x Reader)

A/N: I should say that I didn't let them fight because, for me, it didn't fit that Elliot would scream at Olivia's girl and overall another daughter of him even if not from blood. Hope that is still okay! :) --- "I..." he kept pausing, clinging to words and sentences for not knowing how she should justify those lost years. "I am sorry."

You clenched your hand into a fist so strong that your knuckles turned white as you looked over at your mother to study her. She, too, was visibly surprised by the sudden emergence of her former partner from nowhere. "It's funny how you think some shitty apology will make me change my mind about you and your absence."

"I know it won't make any difference, but.." again you mingled in his word, you were tired of listening to it all. You didn't come here for that.

"Did mom tell you? Did you heard about it?" you asked him and bit your inner lip; roughly as you noticed a sting and the iron taste of blood spread in your mouth.

While he looked at you questioningly, Olivia pushed herself from the wall and was also waiting eagerly for your answer, all sorts of images came back to your head from the days when your mother was held by Lewis and how much you wished he would be with you and offered you support or even saved your mother.

But he never came, not even a single message or call.

Nothing.

"Where were you when I was alone and worried about her life? When he held her captive, did bad things to her that I don't even want to start listing them?" You pointed at your mother and In the meantime you could no longer hold your pent-up emotions, they overflowed. You were strong all these years and suppressed everything but now it was no longer possible. You could say your opinion without him hiding. "Where have you been on nights when she woke up screaming from nightmares? Or when I came home and she pointed a gun at me because she panicked at the sound of something rumbling? When she turned herself in for a little girl and risking being killed for the second time?"

Shocked, he looked to Finn and the others before Elliot looked back in the direction of an also shocked Olivia. "What? What is she talking about?"

But instead of answering, you kept talking; with an indistinct, scratchy voice and tears that ran down your cheeks. "You weren't there.. why weren't you there? I needed you! I needed you! And you weren't there!" you shouted through the whole presidium and Amanda knew that she had to get you out of this situation now.

With a nod in the direction of her brunette best friend, she pulled her coat off the chair and grabbed you by your shoulder as she pulled you into her arms and went out with you.

Elliot stood motionless where he had been all along and didn't step an inch forward. Instead, he continued to look after you before you disappeared out of the entrance with the blonde; aghasted.

Olivia was now sitting on the small bench in front of her office, arms in front of her face, she paused for a moment and tried to understand what had just happened. This was not how she had imagined the first meeting with you two.

And certainly not that her story was thrown at her former partner's feet.

---

Amanda took you for a little walk to calm you down and be there for you. The way you were at it, she didn't even know you like that and she was surprised to see and at the same time pleased that you didn't just have one love side. She recognized herself in you.

And as of that, she knew that she couldn't force you to talk, otherwise you would shut down. Quietly and like a shadow of yourself, she walked next to you and watched your movements and the nervous play with your fingernails.

As if you were controlling the environment with your feelings, a strong wind with snow was blowing and a cold shower ran down your spine. While you both put your coats closer to your body almost at the same time, you looked at the grass underneath your combat boots and suppressed another tear. "I am a fool for believing he meant what he said."

"You're not, honey. Sometimes people change even though they never wanted to; thoughtless." she took you with one arm to her side and you leaned against her while she kept walking. Again and again she stroked your shoulder and offered you warmth. "He promised he wouldn't leave, and then he did."

Silent tears and a quiet sob alarmed Amanda and she stopped abruptly. She pulled you completely into her arms and put both arms protectively over your entire body. "Pschh, hey. It's all good. I am here."

"He left without saying goodbye!"

"Maybe he left you and Liv, and even if he had hurt you with it you have to understand him somewhere. He didn't do it to cause you pain, but for reasons you may not even know yet." Her chin was now resting on your head.

"What about me? Where was I in his decision? Mom, Elliot and me were supposed to be a team. We were it before he went away."

Suddenly a too familiar ringtone interrupted your conversation and she let go of you.

Your face was pulled up by her hands so she could look you in the eye while she smiled slightly. With her thumb she wiped away the individual tears as you started to take out your phone.

Your mother's name and a picture of her and you flickered on the screen, but you couldn't answer it now. You needed a break from everyone except Amanda. "It's mom, I don't want to answer it." with these words you declined, put your phone on mute and stuffed it back into your pocket.

You knew she wouldn't worry anyway, knowing that Amanda was with you and you were safe.

"Why?" the blond-haired asked and wiped some strands from her face that the wind had recently blown onto her face while she still stood like a shield in front of you.

"I'm too sober for this type of conversation I would have with her if I answered now."

She laughed out loud and her laugh infected you. You, too, smiled at her and she saw for the first time today that you were happy, at least this moment. "You don't even drink." she noted and grabbed her cell phone.

"Maybe I should start."

For these words you received a gentle punch on your shoulder that made you fall back a few steps. "Ouch! But great punch, damn." you said with another laugh and rubbed the pain off your shoulder.

She made you an offer to call your mother now and let her know that you would stay with her today and you answered with an 'yes' almost immediately.

With her you had peace and could rest from the event today without being reminded of it.

And you were grateful for that.

[rahleeyah]

Did somebody ask for Nick Amaro punching Elliot Stabler in the face?

It's nice to be back in New York. He wishes it was under different circumstances - Christ does he wish - but he missed the city. LA isn't the same. Zara's there, and Gil's in San Diego, and they have both grown so much in the last five years and he wouldn't have missed that for anything, but he does wish, sometimes, that they could have stayed at home. In New York. 

He's come to bury his mother and clean out her apartment. Before that gets started, though, he's got some faces he wants to see. He doesn't know for sure if they'll still be there, doesn't know what he'll find, but he knows he has to look, and in his heart he believes that as long as Liv is still alive and in possession of two good legs, she'll be at SVU. That place, it's more than just a job, to her. It's a calling. She's a goddamn crusader. 

For a minute he stands looking up at the station, weighing whether or not he wants to go in. Whether or not he wants to know what's happened to Barba, and Carisi, and Fin, and Rollins. Shit. Rollins. No way is she still there, he thinks. 

He could have called. Should have called. Friends for life, he and Liv had promised each other, and they are, and they will be, but not the kind of friends who call each other and gab on the phone on Saturday afternoons. The kind of friends who'll take a bullet for each other, who'll drop everything and fly to the other side of the country after five years of no contact, if that's what they need. But not Facebook friends. It's just not in their DNA. They're bound by blood now; they don't need a phone call. 

So he takes a deep breath and walks into the station, gets on the elevator behind some asshole in a flashy suit like the kind Barba used to wear, and the guy is talking on his phone but he's pressed the button for SVU so Nick can't escape him, just has to stand there and listen. 

"I'm not asking, I'm telling," the guy says. "why? 'Cause I'm your father, that's why." 

The guy's tone and the words coming out of his mouth remind Nick forcefully of his own father, and that makes him hate this man he doesn't even know. The door slides open and Nick goes to step out but the guy must not have registered he's there; the guy almost steps on him on his way out of the elevator and doesn't even apologize, just hangs up his phone and goes heading towards SVU and Nick is once again following him. His knee never healed right and Nick isn't as quick as he used to be, and the guy gets further and further ahead of him. 

"She here?" The guy calls to a young female detective sitting at one of the desks. The squad room looks completely different, now, and for a second Nick feels like all the breath has just been knocked out of him. The girl says yeah, go on back, and the suit heads for Liv's office. Must be the ADA, Nick thinks. And shit, this is weird. It's like walking into his childhood home and seeing another family living there. It's like finding out there's no such thing as home, really. Like whatever home is, one day you stop belonging there. 

"Help you?" The girl calls to him. 

"Yeah," he says. It's too late to pretend he's not here. There's no sign of Rollins, or Fin, or Liv, but he's gonna do what he came here to do. 

"Is Benson around?"

The girl gives him an appraising look.

"Who's asking?"

Before he can answer, a voice is calling out behind him. 

"Nick?"

He turns, and there she is. Amanda Rollins. Still blonde, still beautiful, and shit, Carisi is standing right beside her. 

"Amanda," he says, and in the next second she's running at him, flinging her arms around him. They hit so hard he could have picked her clean up and spun her around, if it weren't for his bad knee. As it is he nearly goes flying, but he catches himself, and holds on to her tight. He's missed her, more than he wants to admit. 

"Oh, my God," she says as she pulls back. "It's so good to see you. You look good."

"Yeah," he says. "So do you." 

And she does, and he wishes that didn't hurt. 

"Carisi," he says next, and holds his hand out for a shake. Carisi’s hair has gone grey, and his suit is too flash for a cop, but he’s still Carisi, and he bats Nick’s hand away, and pulls him in for a hug.

“If we’d known you were coming we’d have gotten a cake or something,” Carisi says as they part.

“I wasn’t sure you guys would even still be here,” Nick tells them. “Kinda wanted it to be a surprise. Is Liv around?” 

As if in answer to his question the door to the Captain’s office opens behind them, and she comes walking out, with the suit hot on her heels. 

She stops dead in her tracks when she sees him, and shit, he just about stops breathing. That woman; she’s like a sister to him. Better than a sister; he trusts her more than his own blood. A thousand memories flash through his mind. The angry Liv he’d first met, calling him Serpico and looking at him like she was certain he wouldn’t last a week. Remember when you asked me about my father, and I told you it was a long story? It’s not that long. Standing beside her on the porch at the beach house, her clothes ripped and burned, her body bruised, her eyes wild. Liv’s eyes in the rearview mirror, Lewis’s blood sprayed across her face. Liv’s hands on him, while the EMTs wheeled him away after Johnny D shot him. Friends for life, Nick Amaro. 

Her hair is longer, and her face is more lined, but she’s still so goddamn gorgeous. She covers her heart with her hand, and he grins, and they both start to move, then, not running, but walking straight towards each other, determined, no one else in the world but them, in that moment, and the next thing he knows he’s got his arms wrapped around her, and she’s holding him so tight it almost hurts.

“Nick,” she whispers his name shakily, and he laughs, because he can tell she’s about to cry and shit he is, too. 

“Good to see ya, Liv,” he manages to choke out, and when he pulls back she reaches up and touches his face, her dark eyes searching his. She doesn’t have to say it; he knows she’s wondering if he’s ok, and he hopes she finds the answer in his face. Truth is, he’s doing better now than he was five years ago. Better than ten years ago. He’s settled. He’s happy. He hopes she is, too. 

“You gonna introduce me to your friend?”

This from the suit. The sound of his voice shatters the moment, and Liv pulls away, and Nick is thinking he really, really hates this guy. This guy with his easy arrogance, this guy whose voice, whose posture, whose belligerent expression reveals a possessiveness towards Liv that Nick doesn’t like, not one bit. Liv laughs and steps back from him but Nick keeps his hand resting at the small of her back. There’s a petulant part of his heart that wants this guy, whoever he is, to see Nick touching her. To know that he’s allowed to, that she’ll let him, that whatever problem the suit may have Liv cares about Nick. 

“Yeah,” Liv says, and a little bit of Nick’s anger fades, because she sounds happy. 

“This is Nick Amaro, my old partner.” He can hear the grin in her voice. “Nick, this is Elliot Stabler.”

It’s not something he can control. It comes over him so suddenly, so viciously; he always thought that when people talking about seeing red they were just exaggerating. He always thought people had more control over themselves than that. But Liv says that name, and damn if he doesn’t see red.

“Elliot Stabler?” he says. 

“Yeah,” Stabler answers, taking a step forward, and maybe he’s about to ask Nick if he’s got a problem with that, but he never gets the chance.

Stabler. The one who left her. The one who was the reason she was so standoffish, with Nick. The reason she was so angry all the damn time, walking around nursing a broken heart and letting it get her into trouble. The one with the anger issues and the dinged up service record that nearly derailed her whole career. The one with the wife at home, while Liv was half in love with him - Nick isn’t supposed to know that part, but he does. And anybody who could do that to Liv, who could hurt her so bad, treat her like she was second class, disposable, anybody who could stand there and act like he had a right to be by her side after all the shit he put her through, anybody like that, they’re gonna get what’s coming to them, courtesy of Nick Amaro. It’s been ten years since Stabler walked out on her, but however he came back, whatever the reason is for him standing here right now, Nick doesn’t give a single shit. He knows Liv and he knows she would never tell this guy just how bad he hurt her, just how much she lost when he left, knows she’s got a good heart and she’ll forgive the people she loves. She won’t hold this asshole accountable.

Nick, on the other hand, has no qualms about it. 

“Ok,” Nick says, and then before anyone can so much as take a breath, he hauls off and punches that smug son of a bitch right in the mouth, as hard as he can. And shit, but it feels good. 

[orionares]

BTHB: Comatose

BTHB: Comatose 

Law and Order: SVU

@badthingshappenbingo​

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“Can I ask you something?”

He flinches at the small voice from across the room. Blue eyes similar to his eyes stare at him blankly beneath brown curly hair with the same tenacity and strength he'd worked side by side with for twelve years. 

Elliot nods slowly, prompting the ten year old to slide out of his chair and cross the room to stop inches from the foot of his mother's bed. Noah Benson rests his hand on the foot of the bed and eyes Elliot cautiously. "Did you do something to my mom?"

Elliot chokes on his breath and pushes himself from the huddled position in his chair to face Noah. He stifles a need to burst into tears and instead answers in a cracked voice, “What do you mean?”

“If you were the one that got her hurt,” Noah muses, “you’d be in jail. But- but you aren’t arrested and you have a badge. So you're a cop. Right?”

Elliot can feel his heart shatter as the boy eyes his mother, lying unconscious in one of Sanai’s hospital beds, hooked up to a handful of wires. He himself can’t bring himself to look at her- no, not after what had happened. The guilt alone-

“Do you work with my mom?” Noah’s question comes as he steps closer to Elliot, causing the older man to flinch. “I’ve never seen or heard about you before.”

“You're inquisitive,” Elliot stammers. Noah cocks his head to right and mutters, “What’s itiquative?”

“Inquisitive,” Elliot corrects. He scratches the back of his neck and sighs, “It means you ask a lot of questions. You also like to ask the right questions. Like your mom.”

“That’s what Uncle Fin says.” His face falls as he turns towards the bed and sniffles, “Is she going to be ok?” 

A knuckle raps on the door as Fin Tutola ducks his head into the door before stepping in. He pauses to stare at Olivia for a moment before shaking his head in disbelief. Even though he had dropped off Noah an hour earlier, he still finds himself shaken at seeing her in this state. “You ready to head out, Noah?”

Noah doesn’t peel his eyes from the bed. “Why hasn’t she woken up yet?” he answers softly. Behind him, Fin and Elliot exchange a worried look. 

“Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?” Fin asks. He walks to the side of the bed opposite Elliot and Noah. He places a hand on Olivia’s forehead and sighs as one of his closest friends doesn’t react to his touch. Noah nods slowly and furrows his brow as he recalls the day prior’s conversation. 

“She hit her head on the sidewalk when she and-” Noah quickly whips his head back to Elliot, “Detective Stabler was trying to leave the hospital. It’s a….it’s called a…”

“Cerebral edema,” Elliot finishes. “Brain swelling. They induced a coma to help the swelling go down. It’s going to take a few days for her to heal, buddy.” Using the word ‘buddy’ stings for Elliot- hell, he doesn’t deserve to use that term for the son of the woman whose heart he broke. 

 Noah shakes his head. “Oh, yeah. Can I stay a little longer? ‘Cause I want to be here when she wakes up.” 

“Well, Elliot will be here-”

Noah’s eyes widen and he turns once more to Elliot. He mirrors his mother’s investigative scan at his badge and face. “My mom says your name in her sleep. A lot.” 

Fin snorts unexpectedly at the boy’s comment. “Okay. Maybe this is a conversation for another time-”

 Elliot finally pulls himself out of his daze and holds up a hand in defense. “No, I-I can head out and-”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Noah counters. “Can I talk to Elliot, Uncle Fin?”

Elliot glances up to Fin, who’s staring at Noah with contemplation. Even after ten years, Elliot can recognize the planning in the sergeant’s eyes. After a minute, Fin looks down to Olivia and whispers to her, “It’s your kid and you know I can’t say that to that face. He’s going to ask a million questions unless we nip it in the butt.” 

“Fin-”

“Why don’t you take Noah down to the cafeteria?” Fin suggests, cutting Elliot off. He checks his cellphone to see 7:36 on the lock screen. “I think the cafeteria closes by 8 and he hasn’t had dinner yet.” 

“Wait, maybe-” 

Noah’s already moving towards the head of the bed where an empty chair sits close enough for him to climb onto the bed. He sits on his knees and begins chatting to his mother, “Mom, I’m going to be right back, ok?” 

“She heard you,” Fin says. “I’ll keep an eye on her.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the cafeteria, Noah slides into one of the cafeteria’s booths with a plate of a hotdog and French fries. Elliot stands next to the table and watches the boy slide off his jacket and begin eating hungrily without a word. The detective hesitates before easing down into the booth and sliding across to sit directly across from him. 

“How’s the food?” Elliot finally asks after a few minutes of silence. 

“Good.” 

“I’m glad.” Elliot rests his hands in his lap and asks, “So your question about if I did something to your mom….what made you think that?”

“I heard Auntie Amanda and Uncle Sonny talking about you when I stayed at Auntie Amanda’s apartment,” Noah answers. He takes a bite of his hot dog and continues, “They were talking about how her ex-partner came back and how someone….named Chief said that she should stay away from you. What’d you do?”

“I- '' Elliot inhales and exhales slowly, replaying the many ways he had predicted having a conversation with Olivia’s son. “I was her partner at work for twelve years. We were inseparable and then I left her….without saying goodbye.” 

“Why?”

Elliot pauses to formulate his answer. “Adult reasons.”

Noah moves onto his French fries and mumbles, “Adults always say that. It’s dumb.”

“Touché. I was married until a couple of months ago when my wife died,” Elliot explains. Saying the words ‘my wife died’ still stings. “When your mom and I were partners, I…..um…”

“You loved my mom?” Noah’s eyes widen before he shrugs his shoulders at Elliot’s sudden look of disbelief. “What? It happens in the movies all the time.”

“You are too smart for your own good,” Elliot chuckles. “I did but I was married. That’s a complicated line even for adults.”

“Then….why’d you leave?” 

“Because I was afraid. Things became complicated so I did what cowards do and ran, Noah.” He ignores the instinct to stop spilling his guts to a ten year old and pushes on. “ My family and I moved to Italy and I cut her out of my life.” 

Noah suddenly stops eating, pushes the plate towards Elliot and scowls at the man. “That’s stupid.”

“What?”

“I don’t get why adults do stupid stuff like that. My friend Phillip’s parents hated each other but they stayed married. Philip said they should have gotten a divorce  a long time ago but didn’t. He moved away last year with his grandparents,  I think. It’s dumb that you left.” 

Elliot settles back against the booth, speechless. The observations and opinions shared by everyone in Olivia’s life spilled out by her son in a ten minute conversation. “It was and will be one of the greatest regrets in my life.” 

Noah takes another fry off of his plate. His next question comes in a timid voice. “Do you still love my mom?”

Elliot swallows hard and feels tears forming in his eyes. “Why do you ask?” he chokes out. 

“Because you keep staying with her at the hospital. And you look like people do when people they love are hurt.” 

Elliot nods and chuckles. “You should be a detective when you grow up.”

“I want to be a dancer. Do you?”

Elliot smiles for the first time in days at Noah. “More than anything. More than anything.”

Noah takes another fry before stifling a yawn. “You should tell her...if she...if she…”

“Hey,” Elliot quickly slides out of his side of the boot and moves to sit next to a suddenly tear eyed Noah. Elliot rests a hand on his shoulder and says softly, “Your mom is the absolute strongest woman I ‘ve ever met. She’s going to be ok. You can’t give up hope, okay?”

Noah buries his head against Elliot’s shoulder and whimpers, “Okay.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"They're letting me stay the night," Elliot says softly as he settles back into his chair he had been sitting in for the past two days. After parting ways with Fin and Noah, he had returned to the hospital room to find a blanket , a pillow and a nurse giving a nod in approval. "I think they assume that we've..that we're…together, I guess."

Hw can't bring himself to look at her battered form in the bed. The moments of leaving the hospital after the Chief and IAB had dismissed Bell, Olivia and him to go home replays over and over every time his mind wanders.

"Elliot, I don't need protection!" Olivia growls as the three head towards the parking garage. 

"Wheatley got to Angela in a hospital! I'm not going to let him get near you!" Elliot counters. Behind him, Bell's eyes are occupied on her phone, brow furrowed at the information she's just received from Jet. 

“I know how to protect myself and my son. I’m a police captain,” she argues back. There’s an anger behind her statement that he can’t quite place but-

Bell suddenly holds up a hand and exclaims, “Hold up! Jet’s just sent me a-”

His sergeant doesn't finish as a concussive force slams into his body , propelling him and the two women across the pavement and into unconsciousness. 

Elliot shakes off the memory and continues to talk. “I think it’s because I’ve spent a total of six hours away from you since the explosion. Liv, I can’t- ever since I’ve come back, I’ve put you in danger, caused you stress and….got Kathy killed.”

In the back of his head, he imagines the Olivia of ten years ago, sitting next to him with a cup of coffee and a comforting hand on his shoulder, saying, “El, you can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control.”

“But I left you and that was in my control,” he answers the voice. He rubs a hand over his face in frustration. Another bit of memory- the briefest moment of consciousness after the explosion replays in his head. 

He’ll never forget opening his eyes to her lying unconscious a foot away from him on the pavement with blood running from her ear onto the ground. 

“I know I don’t deserve this but,” Elliot whispers, “but don’t leave me please. I didn’t deserve Kathy and I sure as hell don’t deserve you….but” he finally looks up to the bed and can’t stop the sob of guilt that comes. The tubes, cuts and her stillness break him. Elliot stands up and walks to her side, letting the tears fall. The tears don’t fall only for her, but for his wife, his kids, Noah and everyone he’s impacted since returning to New York. 

“I love you,” Elliot whispers. He rests his forehead against hers and repeats the words he hopes he can say one day again. “I love you.”

[electrictoes]

People Like Sunlight

For @dailysvu’s Sonny Carisi Appreciation Week

Day 7: Secrets (AKA another excuse for a “how the squad find out” fic)

Read on AO3

The Saturday morning trip to the zoo is long belated - Noah and Jesse have been asking to go for months but with one thing and another - Elliot Stabler crashing back into Liv’s life, Amanda’s father stumbling back into hers - they’re only now finding a day when they are both free from both professional and social obligations.

They meet at the entrance to the zoo, Noah calling out when he sees them approaching. Amanda’s got Jesse’s hand held tight in hers to keep her close by; Sonny has Billie on his shoulders already, and Amanda’s sure he’s going to regret telling Amanda not to bother with the stroller, that he’d carry Billie when she got tired, but Billie’s having the time of her life, shouting Noah’s name when she spots him from her vantage point above the heads of the crowd.

Liv greets Amanda first; a hug for Jesse and a wave to Billie, “I didn’t know you were joining us, Carisi.”

“Is that okay?” Sonny asks.

Liv smiles at him, “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t mean to crash your day, I’ve just been spendin’ a lot of time with Jesse an’ those animal books Noah gave her. I just wanted to-”

“I thought it’d be nice for the girls to have both their godparents here,” Amanda cut in when she spotted a question in Liv’s expression - most likely focusing on a lot of time. “And he’s carrying Billie, so I don’t have to.”

Liv nods, “It’s fine, Noah was already feeling a bit outnumbered.”

“I wasn’t,” Noah protests, but he’s grinning, “Hi Uncle Sonny!”

Sonny lets go of Billie’s right leg to give Noah a high five, then ducks his knees so that Billie can do the same - it’s endearing; Amanda loves the way Sonny is with the girls, but he’s been this way with Noah for just as long, and it’s always brought a warm feeling to her stomach, one she didn’t have a name for until recently.

By early afternoon Noah and Jesse are grumbling about their legs hurting - Billie is yet to walk anywhere so she’s doing just fine, although Sonny definitely looks like he could do with a break even if he won’t admit it - so they stop for a picnic. Jesse and Noah chase each other around the grass once they’d finished eating, Billie has dozed off with her head on Amanda’s leg and Amanda strokes a hand gently through her hair as she sleeps.

They chat quietly about their plans for the rest of the weekend, about their day so far, about the weather; it’s nice, spending time just relaxing together, the sounds of the children’s laughter making its way back to them.

After about fifteen minutes of chasing each other, Noah and Jesse return to their picnic blanket, Jesse crashing into Sonny and reaching for her water bottle while Noah sits next to Liv. Once they’ve caught their breath Noah looks over at Sonny, “Hey Uncle Sonny?”

Sonny turns to Noah, his hand on Jesse’s back, steading her as she takes a huge gulp of water, “Yeah?”

“Can you come to our house and make pancakes for my breakfast tomorrow?”

Sonny’s eyebrows knit together in confusion as Liv shakes her head at her son, “Noah, that’s not really something you can expect Uncle Sonny to do.”

“But he went over and made pancakes for Jesse this morning,” Noah protests.

Sonny resists the urge to look at Amanda as he stumbles out an excuse, “Well, only because we were-”

“He didn’t come over for pancakes, Noah,” Jesse says, turning onto her back and leaning against Sonny, feet digging into the picnic blanket.

“You said he made real pancakes not from a box.”

“He did!” Jesse yells, sitting upright and ignoring Amanda’s reminder that Billie is sleeping, “But Mommy and Uncle Sonny had a sleepover first,” she adds.

Noah’s eyes go wide and he turns to look at his mother, but Liv isn’t giving anything away.

“Hey,” Amanda says, “Why don’t you guys go over and see the sea lions again - let Billie finish up her nap.”

Jesse, who has no idea what she’s just revealed, jumps happily to her feet, but Noah - who at nine years old realises that this is kind of a big deal without understanding why - is reluctant. He wants to watch how this unfolds.

“Go on, Noah,” Liv says, “Jesse’s too little to go by herself.”

The three of them sit in silence as Jesse tugs Noah down the bank towards the sea lions - three pairs of eyes on the children and none of them on each other.

“I think spending time with Jesse and Billie is good for him,” Liv says, and then she turns to look at them both, “So, a sleepover?”

“Well, it got late an’-” Sonny starts, but Liv fixes him with a look.

“Don’t lie to me, Carisi,” she says, taking a sip from her bottle of water, her eyes drifting between the two of them.

“It’s still new,” Amanda admits, reaching over to place a hand on Sonny’s knee. “It’s not a secret, we’re just-”

“Not advertising it?” Liv nods, “Well, whatever the two of you do in private is your own business,” she says, “But if it gets serious, then-”

“It is,” Sonny interjects, resting his hand on top of Amanda’s, “It’s serious. And we will do whatever we need to, work-wise.”

“I’m really happy for you both,” Liv tells them.

Sunday morning is more chaotic than usual this week. They’re going out to Staten Island for their first official Carisi family gathering and Amanda is nervous enough without her children running rings around them both. The girls had chosen this morning to sleep until a reasonable hour for the first time in their lives - meaning that Amanda’s assertion they didn’t need to set an alarm was proved wrong - and she already feels like she’s two steps behind. Jesse has changed her outfit twice, and Amanda has given up trying to brush her hair; she leaves her in the girls’ bedroom choosing which jacket she’d like to take and seeks out her youngest who had slipped out of sight while Amanda was persuading Jesse not to select a third t-shirt - Sonny’s escaped the chaos by taking Frannie for her morning walk; no little shadows accompanying him today because no one is ready to leave the house.

She finds Billie in the living room, crouched down behind the couch and looking very suspicious.

“Billie? What are you- is that Uncle Sonny’s phone?” Billie has Sonny’s phone gripped in her sticky hands, she’s grinning down at and doesn’t look away until Amanda tries to take it from her.

“Billie’s,” she says, gripping the phone tighter.

“Give it to Momma, please,” Amanda tells her, a firm look on her face which actually works for once; Billie releases her hold on the phone just as Amanda sees the video filling the screen, “Oh- Chief, I-”

“Good morning Detective Rollins,” Garland says, smiling at her, seemingly unconcerned by having a conversation with her two-year-old at 10am on a Sunday.

“I’m so sorry,” Amanda said, “Did Billie call you? I don’t know where she-”

Before Amanda can finish her sentence, she hears a key in the lock, the sound of Frannie’s paws on the wooden floor, and Sonny’s voice sailing down the hallway towards her, “Hey, Rollins - do you remember me puttin’ my phone down last night?”

“It’s here,” she says, but before she can warn him that she’s got Garland on a video call right in front of them he’s pressing a kiss to her cheek as he reaches for the phone, his eyes going wide when he realises.

“Chief - I didn’t- everythin’ okay?” Amanda ducks away, leaving him with the phone in his hands; she picks up Billie before she can cause anymore chaos and carries her towards the bathroom to try and rid her of the sticky residue on her hands and face.

Sonny joins her in the girls’ bedroom a few minutes later; she’s brushing Jesse’s hair back while Billie runs in a circle around them. He gives her a reassuring smile, “He just wanted to check on somethin’ for the Dyer case, Billie must’ve answered it, probably didn’t even mean to,” he tells her. “And he, uh- he said not to worry about Billie, Abby used to be grabbin’ at phones and stuff all the time. He gets it.”

Amanda finishes tying Jesse’s hair back and turns to look at him, “And?”

“He didn’t say anything outright about, uh, us. He didn’t ask and I-” Sonny stops, looking down at the phone still in his hand, “Oh.”

“What?” Amanda asks, standing up and walking towards him, avoiding Billie’s invisible running track.

“Email from Garland,” he says, turning his phone towards her once he’s opened the email - the subject line is Disclosure Paperwork and there’s one file attached.

It has been the worst Friday night Amanda has worked in a long time - she had been ready to clock off at midnight; head home and slip into bed next to Sonny; he’d let her lie in a little in the morning, tell her to get some more sleep while he got up with the girls. But a call came it at 11:25 about a missing foster kid, and now it was nearing 3am, she was exhausted down to the bone and emotionally drained - and that was pretty good shape compared to Kat; equally worn down, but with a split lip, a black eye and shaking hands to go with it. Amanda had been two steps behind her walking into that room, and she’d been quick to take down the perp, but the shock of the violence combined with the sight that greeted them when they looked up - it was enough to bring the most seasoned detective to their knees.

As they grabbed their things at the precinct, Amanda found herself watching Kat, her stiff movements, her quiet, lost gaze. She knew that look, and she knew what came with it, “Where are you going now?” she asked.

“Home.”

Amanda frowned, “Is Celine still out of town?”

“Yeah,” Kat nodded as they walked towards the elevator together, “She’ll be back on Sunday night.”

“I don’t think you should be alone,” Amanda said, protectiveness coming over her.

“It’s fine,” Kat shrugged, “I’m not going to show up at my parents’ house in the middle of the night.”

“Come back to mine,” Amanda said - it wasn’t an offer. She’d worry about letting Kat into the spaces of her life, her relationship, that she’d been keeping quiet another time; her priority right now was keeping her partner, her friend safe - she hadn’t been quick enough to prevent the physical injuries, but she’d definitely sleep a little better knowing that Kat wasn’t at home on her own.

“You’ve got kids to worry about, I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” Amanda said firmly, her hand gently on Kat’s arm stopping her from walking away, “Look, we’ve got to look out for each other. You know how many times I made Carisi sleep on my couch when we were partners?”

Kat smiles at that; probably picturing Amanda forcing Carisi into her apartment after a tough shift. It was never that difficult with Carisi though - suggest dinner, time with the girls, and he’d always say yes.

“Alright, okay,” Kat gives in as the elevator arrives.

“It’ll be loud in the morning,” Amanda warns her, “But it’s better than being alone with your thoughts.”

She slips into bed later than planned; she’s set Kat up on the couch, told her to knock if she needs anything during the night. Sonny rolls over almost immediately when she touches a hand to his bare arm, and he gives her a sleepily smile, “You’re back.”

“Hey,” she whispers, “Keep you voice down; Kat’s here.”

He frowns in confusion, “Everythin’ okay?”

“Tough day - night,” Amanda tells him, and his arm comes around her in comfort, “Better she’s not alone.”

“Course,” Sonny says, pulling her little closer; he knows what that’s like. He glances up towards the door, “Do you want me to-”

“What? Sneak out the fire escape?” she shakes her head, smiling at his ridiculousness, “No, we’ve got a few hours before the girls are up, we can figure it out then.”

Amanda has slept maybe three hours when Jesse comes hurtling into the bedroom without knocking - they’re working on that - and rushes over to the bed, speaking at a volume far higher than necessary, “Mommy, Kat’s on our couch!”

“I know, baby,” Amanda says, reluctantly opening her eyes to see her five-year-old leaning in inches from her face, “She slept over. Don’t wake her up.”

“I wanna watch cartoons,” she protests. Sonny reaches for his phone on the nightstand and leans over Amanda, waving it sleepily at Jesse.

“You can watch on here,” he offers.

Jesse grins, “Can I get in bed with you?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, clambering over Amanda’s body to wiggle into the small space between her and Sonny.

“Just don’t call anyone,” Amanda says as Jesse takes Sonny’s phone.

Amanda doesn’t go back to sleep - the cheery cartoon sounds coming through the phone speaker keep her on the edge of wakefulness, but some time passes before she hears Sonny and Jesse whispering to each other.

“But the sun has been up for forever,” Jesse is saying, her negotiation head on. Too bad she’s trying to out manoeuvre a prosecutor.

“That’s because it’s summer,” Sonny tells her, “Mommy and Kat got back very late last night so we’ll let them sleep a little more first.”

“But I don’t wanna stay in bed.”

“Okay,” he says, and Amanda smiles to herself, knowing Jesse definitely thinks she’s winning this argument. “You can stay here and watch cartoons on my phone, or you can come with me to walk Frannie.”

The bed shifts beside her and Amanda opens one eye to see Jesse wrapping her arms around Sonny’s neck pleadingly, “But I want to watch TV in the-”

“Nice try,” Sonny says, tickling her sides until she lets go. “That wasn’t one of the choices.”

“Fine,” Jesse says, with no small amount of drama, “Let’s go for a stupid walk.”

“Jesse-”

“We don’t say stupid,” Jesse sighs, “Sorry Uncle Sonny.” She climbs over Amanda to get out of the bed, creeping out of the door in a way she probably thinks is quiet.

Sonny presses his lips to Amanda’s shoulder as he climbs out of bed, “I’ll make it a long walk. Want me to take Billie too?”

“If she’s awake,” Amanda says gratefully, leaning up for a proper kiss before he gets dressed.

The apartment is quiet, but Amanda still can’t get back to sleep - she heard the door go, Sonny and the girls leaving as quietly as he could get them to, but sunlight is streaming in through the curtains and she’s too awake now to drift off. She gives up after ten minutes and goes to take a shower. On her way back down the hall she hears the sound of her old coffeemaker coming to life, and walks into the kitchen to see that Kat’s awake; the bruise on her eye is purpling but her lip looks less swollen than the night before, “Good morning.”

“Hi I was just making a coffee-” Kat gestures to the machine, she looks a little uncertain, or maybe that’s just the tiredness seeping in.

“It’s fine, make yourself at home.”

“Thanks for letting me stay, it was good not to wake up in an empty apartment,” Kat says, taking a second coffee mug and holding it up to Amanda who nods.

“Any time,” Amanda assures her.

Once they’re both sat in the living room with their coffee mugs in their hands, Kat looks over at Amanda, a smile on her face, “So, I saw something interesting this morning.”

Amanda bites her lip, preparing for what comes next, “What was that?”

“Counsellor Carisi… creeping out of your bedroom,” Kat looks very pleased with herself as she takes a long sip of her coffee, waiting for Amanda’s response.

Amanda doesn’t see any sense in denying it, “Yeah, you probably did.”

“Don’t worry,” Kat says reassuringly, “I’m not going to say anything to the captain.”

“It’s fine,” Amanda waves Kat off, “She already knows - we disclosed two weeks ago, we’re just not advertising it.”

Kat’s eyes go wide at that, “Wait, what? I never- well, you two have always been kind of,” she shrugs, “At least since I’ve known you.”

“Yeah,” Amanda smiles, “We kind of have.”

Amanda knocks once on Sonny’s office door before pushing it open, “Hey Counsellor,” she says, a smile just for him as she slips into the office.

“Hey Detective Rollins,” Sonny says, a smirk on his own lips.

She crosses the room and perches on the end of his desk, “Work call,” she tells him, but she isn’t in any hurry to rush him along.

He leans back in his chair, closing the case file he has open and looking up at her, “What do you need?”

“A warrant for Delugo’s phone records,” Amanda tells him - it is the primary reason for her visit, although she probably could have asked him over the phone, waited until he dropped the warrant off to see him. She likes finding excuses to come over here though, to see him in Counsellor Carisi mode in his own office, even with the mismatched paint and dented filing cabinets. That isn’t new with the change of their relationship - she’s been looking for reasons to swing by the DA’s office ever since he left SVU.

Sonny knows that, knows full well that if it were any other ADA she’d have just phoned, “Alright,” he nods, leaning forward, his face much closer to hers, “but it’ll cost you.”

“Oh, is that so?” Amanda asks, fingers tracing up the tie she’d watched him put on earlier that day, “What’s the fee?”

“Hmm, I think we can negotiate something-” he says, leaning in until his lips are hair’s breadth from her own. She closes the gap without hesitating, taking his bottom lip between hers as she draws him close.

They’re interrupted by the door opening, and a familiar voice groaning at them, “Oh no. Not today.”

Amanda pulls back from the kiss, turning to look at her sergeant over her shoulder. “Fin,” she grumbles, “Don’t you knock?”

“Door’s open,” Fin says, “Didn’t realise it was getting all R-rated in here.”

Sonny rolls his eyes, leaning back into his chair, “It was just a kiss, Fin.”

“I didn’t see anything,” Fin says, hands up, “I don’t know anything.”

“Everyone else already knows,” Amanda says, enjoying the way his expression changes. She is kind of touched that he would have been willing to deny all knowledge if she and Sonny were carrying on a secret relationship though.

Fin frowns at being the last to know. “Since when?”

“Your wedding,” Amanda smiles, “Not wedding.”

“Damn,” Fin shakes his head, “You’re welcome.” He steps fully into the room, holding out a manila folder for Sonny to take. “Liv asked me to drop that off on my way to the courthouse.”

“Thanks Fin,” Sonny says with a nod.

As Fin backs out of the office Amanda stands up, moving around Sonny’s desk, “I better get back. I forgot Fin was in court today.”

“I’ll let you know once I’ve got that warrant,” Sonny says; he’s not keen to see her go but they’re balancing this personal/professional life thing pretty well on the whole - and it’s easier saying goodbye when you know you’re going to be going home together.

“I’ll owe you that fee,” Amanda says, enjoying the way his expression changes as she glances back at him over her shoulder. She knows he’s watching her go; he’ll keep his eyes on her until she’s out of sight and then he’ll pick up his pen and get back to work - a smile still lingering on his face.

Summer’s drawing to a close - afternoons like this one will fade away, replaced with the dim light and cool breeze of the Fall. It’s been the best summer Amanda has had in a long time - for a lot of reasons, but chief amongst them has been letting herself have something she’s longed for since she was a child - the genuine love of a man who she loves right back, her children’s laughter filling their daily lives, friends who have become family around them and there for them.

Before summer ends and Jesse, Noah and Abby go back to school, Garland and his wife have invited them all over for a backyard barbecue, and it’s the first time they’ve all been together outside of work since the not-wedding - the first time she gets to walk into a space filled with their friends, her fingers slotted neatly between Sonny’s.

Jesse and Billie raced ahead of them through the house and into the backyard, chasing the sound of Noah’s excited yells; Amanda and Sonny follow Lamai out to join them; the sun is warm, the scent of good food wafts across the yard, music’s playing softly in the background. The children are huddled together at the bottom of the yard, and from the looks of Billie’s face they’ve already managed to sneak some cake from somewhere.

Sonny releases her hand, a kiss to her cheek before moving to where Fin and Stabler are standing near the grill. Amanda takes an empty seat next to Liv, turning to greet her friends - they’ve all got stupid smiles on their faces and she laughs, shaking her head, “What?”

“Nothing,” Liv says, “It’s nice. Seeing you two like this.”

Amanda bites back a comment about Stabler’s presence - she knows Liv is genuine and she wants to embrace it - so she just nods, leaning back in her chair as the conversation returns to its earlier topics, her gaze moving between Sonny and the children - and then to Sonny and the children when he abandons his spot by the grill to check up on them; within seconds he’s on the floor, a pile of kids on top of him as he dramatically begs for mercy and Amanda has never been more in love with this ridiculous, wonderful man.

He catches her eye across the yard and gives her a wink; yeah, she’s definitely in love.

[an-svu-sideblog]

Carisi Week | Day 1 | Heartbeat

Read and comment on Ao3 or read below :)

Characters: Sonny Carisi, Elliot Stabler, mention of Olivia Benson

Word count: 986

“Bail is set at one million dollars. The defendant will surrender any and all passports,” the Judge spoke clearly.

Carisi barely let the the gavel hit the block before he protested ardently, “Your Honor, I beg that you reconsider. The defendant has access to private international travel-”

“Mr. Carisi, I’ve ruled,” she interrupted him in turn, playing her part as well as he was. “Call the next case.”

The stakes of his arraignment were high, but not for the usual reasons.

Carisi glanced over at the defendant. Izak Bekher barely reacted while his lawyer looked a little too self-satisfied. Good. Weiss’ ego would ensure their plan would work. Izak Bekher would make bail, Weiss would be assured his job was complete, it would seem that Bekher was a free man until trial, solidly back in the employ of Richard Wheatley. In truth, he worked for Elliot Stabler and his team.

Sonny huffed lowly and gathered his files and briefcase. As he retreated to the exit at the back of the courtroom, he briefly lowered the facade of frustration and threw a smirk toward his partner in technically-legal crime. Elliot rose to also vacate the faux tension of the room, letting a small smile of his own flit across his lips.

Outside the large wooden doors, Elliot and Sonny walked in step with each other, passing through the bustle of people on their way to or from the day’s legal proceedings.

“Good job, Counselor,” Stabler broke the silence.

“Weiss definitely bought it,” Carisi replied quietly. “He was quick to believe he won that one.”

“We’re lucky he has an ego; you were laying it on a little thick.”

The ADA snapped his head toward his companion, briefly shocked at the critique before he realized that the Detective was joking. Sonny let out a surprised and derisive huff. “Oh please, I had Weiss and everyone in that gallery convinced.”

“Maybe you missed your calling.”

This was the first time that Stabler seemed even remotely light to Sonny. He seemed a little more human. “Do you ever think all this isn’t your calling?” He asked the Detective as they walked together.

Elliot didn’t pause before answering, “No.”

“Me either,” Sonny said, and it was the truth. He and Elliot were alike in that way. They held an undying, and probably reckless need to help others.

The brief lightness in Elliot was gone as quickly as it had graced his harsh features. It was replaced by the magnetic resolve that was apparent to anyone who knew him. The blind and all-consuming desire for what he would call Justice, but to others might bare the name Vengeance.

They walked in silence for a long moment. Sonny reflected on the Detective’s quip. Elliot hadn’t been... funny around him yet. Since they’d met not so long ago, Elliot had been deathly serious and churning with turmoil though not without good reason.

Sonny remembered asking his former Captain about him, as they stood in the biting cold of New York City streets in the midst of their work to find a missing girl.

“How’s your friend Stabler doing?” He was asking both out of concern for his old boss, and to warn her of the office politics that she was now unwittingly embroiled in.

“I’ve talked to him a few times, but... you know.” Her words evaporated with the steam of her breath, dancing across the cold winter air.

“He’s had a rough road.”

“Yeah. I’m worried for him,” she replied, her genuine concern written on her face.

“I don’t know if it’s the healthiest thing for him to investigate his own wife’s murder.”

“Do you wanna tell him that?”

He looked knowingly at her.

“...What?”

“The Eight Floor’s been asking me what went on with him when he broke into your interrogation room.”

Elliot was pouring every single part of himself into this case - a practice that Sonny had slowly learned to abandon over the years - and he was doing it with little regard to the effect it was having on everyone around him. While Sonny had learned that getting too personally involved could cost you the justice that was the goal in the first place, he could scarcely imagine investigating a loved one’s murder. He did know that if he was in the same position, he would do anything - anything - to get justice. He imagined it was next to impossible for Elliot have faith in anything right now.

Sonny looked at the broken man beside him and felt strangely protective. “Do you really think Bekher will follow through? You can trust him?”

“Of course I don’t trust him, but it’s a step closer to taking Wheatley down.”

They stopped walking and Elliot met Sonny’s eyes. Sonny thought he saw the older man soften, just a bit. That softness grew more noticeable in Elliot’s voice than his demeanor as he spoke uncharacteristically softly, “I am glad I can trust you.”

Sonny could suddenly feel his heartbeat quicken, and he couldn’t quite understand why. “You can trust Olivia too,” Sonny deflected thickly. He suddenly felt so foolish. Where had the confidence and poise of the convincing actor ADA Carisi gone? He lowered his gaze, hoping that Elliot couldn’t see the flush of his cheeks, or hear the loud thumping in his chest.

The Detective placed a steady hand on Sonny’s shoulder. “I can see why she trusts you too. You’re good at your job.”

Sonny started walking again to further hide his boyish embarrassment. “I’m glad I could help. Can help,” he clarified quickly. “Because I can still help, you know, if you need any more help. It won’t be in my jurisdiction to try Wheatley when you get him, but if you need me to call the other DAs office, or-”

“Carisi,” Elliot interrupted the younger man’s rambling and gently grabbed his arm to halt his steps. “Thank you.”

Sonny forgot to feel embarrassed when he saw the genuine gratitude in Elliot’s eyes. He just nodded in place of speaking, as he slowly realized that he would do anything to help the man before him.

[captbenscn]

Continued from here. 

@irasciblesoul

“To you. Because you don’t like him.” Olivia retorts when he states that Brian is still the same asshole. Maybe he wasn’t the most softest of guys Olivia had ever met - the softest standing right in front of her - but there was difference between him now and who he was in high school. Or at least, Olivia thought she could see a difference. Or maybe it was just her need for companionship, to have something solid, to have something special. Though, if she were being honest, the most solid and special connection Olivia truly had was with Elliot. Her best friend for years - her best friend that she’s fallen in love with but for reasons could never act upon. At first, Olivia wasn’t sure if Elliot felt the same way about her, but the more she thought about it, the more she thought she could see signs of it. The way he was so protective over her, the way he would smile at her when she would laugh as a result of her own silly joke, or just when she would laugh in general like it was his favorite sound, the way he would come over late at night or meet her somewhere if she had to get away from home, never hesitating to come when she needed him. The way he would hold her after a fight with her mother and do everything in his power to make her smile again.

“You are clearly too good for him…”

The way he said that. With such conviction. Absolute. Cassidy may be her boyfriend, but there was no one who had her back like Elliot did. No one who respected her as much as he did, who put her high up on a pedestal even though she didn’t deserve to be there. But his belief in her, his support, always meant everything. Because there was no one who mattered more than he did. “Better people out there, El? Where? Because there’s only one that I..” She stops herself before she can even finish that sentence. She wouldn’t have dropped his name, but the way she was looking at him would’ve said something more and so she glances away for a brief moment, willing away the redness in her cheeks. Willing away the anxiety within her gut from nearly saying something that could’ve made things awkward between them. Because all the signs she thought she saw? They could merely just be what she wants to see. And nothing real to them. The thought of it hurts, but that isn’t very fair considering she’s with Cassidy, anyway, is it?

But then his voice softens and his hands are on her shoulders and he’s coming closer. She can feel the warmth radiating off of his body, completely encompassing her and it makes her heart start to race. The look in his eyes is genuine concern and it’s heartwarming, once again making it evident how much he cares about her... what he’s willing to do for her... even something he knows she would not want him to do. He’d gotten into a few fights in high school, one that had him suspended for a week or two, and Olivia went to bat like hell for him, stating that it wasn’t his fault, even if his anger was a big factor in it, but he had been provoked. And with his father at home, she just... didn’t want him getting into anymore trouble that would either have him kicked out of here or in trouble with him.

And god, did she hate that man. One of the reasons he’s slept over at her house a lot, otherwise he’d just keep in his room, sometimes on the phone with Olivia or she’d sneak over there for a bit. But at least now, he had somewhere else to stay. A place of his own here at the college while Olivia stayed at home still for reasons her mother, especially, worried about. But his place of stay didn’t stop them from still staying with one another now and then. From seeing each other every day, almost every night... they were practically tied at the hip. An invisible string keeping them both connected, one so unbreakable...

“And if he ever hurts you…”

“El... don’t...” Olivia pleads, voice barely above a whisper now. She knows where he’s going with this, what he’d vow to do, and she doesn’t want him to resort to that. He’d been doing so well and...

“…tell me cause I am not afraid to get my knuckles bloody for you.”

He’s holding her face now, holding it with the utmost care, and she’s sure she can feel his thumbs stroking her skin. Her heart is beating wildly and... the next thing happens without a second thought...

Her lips are suddenly on his and Olivia’s heart jumps into her throat. Butterflies fill her stomach and she’s not sure if they’re what make her feel so high or if it’s the feeling of Elliot’s lips on her own... no, she knows which one it is. Something familiar only in her dreams, something that’s only ever happened in her dreams, something that... is actually happening now.

The sound of a locker slamming closed behind them snaps Olivia’s eyes open, having completely lost herself in the kiss, and she’s pulling away. There’s a look of shock on her face as she stares at Elliot, her face warm, lips tingling, heart about to burst from her chest.

No. No. She did not just kiss him. Fuck!

She’s pulling away from him and shaking her head, hand on her mouth, tears in her eyes. She just kissed him. Elliot Stabler. Her best friend. Crossed that line. No, that wall. The one that shouldn’t be broken through between best friends, especially when feelings were possibly one sided.

She’s panicked. And it’s almost sad about how she’s worried more about the fact that she kissed her best friend over the fact that she just, essentially, cheated on her boyfriend.

Whom was making their way over now, oblivious.

[trueromantic1]

The Myth of Me and You Is Fiction Turned To Truth

Summary: After the events of both seasons (SVU 22x16 and OC 1x08), Olivia and Elliot find themselves in the unique position of knowing where there love story will end up, but having no idea what exactly will transpire to get them there. One thing they do know? Their love can only grow deeper, and that they’re bound to enjoy the journey.

Author’s Note: For the purposes of this story, SVU 22x16 ended on May 28 (canon) and OC 1x08 ended on June 4 (not canon). This picks up on June 7.

Title comes from Great Ones by Maren Morris. It’s definitely an EO song.

Rating: M, possibly Explicit eventually

ff.net: here

AO3: here

Her phone beeped, drawing her distracted gaze away from the paperwork in front of her. Seeing the text message notification lighting up the screen, Olivia took off her glasses and put her pen down, picked up the phone, and leaned back in her chair with a sigh as she unlocked it.

Can I buy you dinner? There’s news.

She frowned, trying to tell his mood from those few words. Realizing it would be impossible, she glanced out at the nearly empty squad room before hitting the call button instead.

“You didn’t have to call. I know you’re at work still Liv.” Judging by the voices she could hear in the background, he was still at work as well. She knew they’d been dealing with the lawyers and IAB ever since Morales turned out to be a mole and decided suicide by cop was the best way out.

“It’s fine El. I needed a break from the paperwork for a minute anyway. The one thing they never prepare you for is just how much paperwork you do when you’re in charge of a squad. So, what’s going on?”

He chuckled, and she could hear the creak as he leaned back in his own chair. “That’s what dinner is supposed to be for Liv. If I tell you now, what would be the point of dinner?”

She smiled, recognizing his tone as the slightly flirty one she’d been hearing more of ever since what was supposed to be Fin’s wedding. Neither one of them was ready to jump into a relationship, but they’d come to a silent understanding that night by the water. “I don’t know Elliot. We’ve never needed a reason for dinner before. Why don’t you just tell me the news now, and then you can come over to my place later and we’ll get Chinese. Noah’s taking advantage of it being summer vacation and is at a sleepover so his friend’s mom can take them to an early show of a ballet she worked on costumes for. Apparently, they allow friends and family to come for free on Tuesdays, but it’s normally during the school day.”

“Oh, I bet he’s excited. Sleepover during the week and going to a professional ballet performance?”

“Yes, he’s thrilled. It’s all he talked about all weekend. Now quit stalling Elliot. What’s going on?”

“I never could get one by you, could I? Okay. Well, Angela Wheatley woke up earlier today, and is expected to make a full recovery. Bell and Washburn went over to the hospital once they cleared her for visitors. And we’re finally supposed to be done dealing with IAB and the lawyers over this. We still have to wait for IAB’s official report, but I got the feeling none of us were going to get in trouble for what happened. They told Bell they’d already spoken to you as well, so you should be done with them for now too. And then on a more personal note, you remember I told you I was looking at apartments in the city? At Fin’s not-wedding and then that I had some more appointments the rest of that weekend? Well, I found one, and I went down and signed the lease today during lunch.”

“El, I’m glad things are working out with the case, and that IAB will be out of all of our hair. It’s still bothering me what exactly Richard Wheatley was planning with that fake text sending me to the hospital. But I guess we won’t know unless he decided to tell us. But way to bury the lead! El, that’s great! I can’t believe you found a place in just a week. You didn’t just settle for something did you? You need a good place for you and Eli to make a home.” She knew he’d been anxious about getting out of the one bedroom short-term he’d rented after Kathy’s death, so she hoped he’d taken his time to find something he really liked.

“It’s nice, knowing you worry about us. And thanks. Don’t worry, it’s actually a great place. Rent’s a little higher than I’d planned, but I can make it work. It’s about halfway between here and the one six actually. About two blocks from the school Eli will be going to, assuming they’re back to in person by then. And it’s a three bedroom two and a half bath, which I figure will come in handy if any of the kids decide to visit and don’t want to drive home ever. And it’s near a park, in case anyone else wanted to visit. I take possession this Sunday, and Bell gave me Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off so I can get some stuff moved in. I’ve got some furniture scheduled for delivery on Monday.” The calm she’d been hearing more and more in the last few weeks shone through, which she knew was at least in part because he’d finally started talking to someone. But she thought a lot of it had to do with settling back into the city, since he’d confided that as much as they’d been happy in Italy, the energy had just never been exactly right to him.

“I’ll always worry El, you know that. I’m glad though. Now you and Eli have all summer to get settled in. Hopefully he’ll meet some of his future classmates, so he won’t fell so new when school starts back up. And you know, it just so happens, I might know someone who could come help you get things set up. You know, if you were interested.” She made sure to infuse her voice with a hint of suggestion, upping the playful flirting they’d been indulging in just a bit. She mentally patted herself on the back when she heard the hitch in his breath followed him clearing his throat. His next words, voice lowered and with a hint of a growl, proved he hadn’t lost a step either, as she felt herself flush with arousal and a corresponding dampness between her thighs that she was fast becoming reacquainted with that caused her to cross her legs and shift in her seat to try to alleviate the pressure.

“Is that so? Well, far be it from me to turn down someone willing to work up a sweat with me. Why don’t we discuss it more over dinner? I should be able to be to your place by 7, if that works for you.”

She checked the time, then the stack of papers she needed to finish, then glanced into the squad room. Seeing her people were now at their desks, folders open in front of them, she quickly calculated it’d be at least another hour before she could even think of leaving, especially if she planned to take three days off next week. “Make it 8?”

“8 it is. Want me to pick up our usual on my way over, or are we having it delivered?”

“Hmm, better pick it up. You know how busy they get. If you call it in when you leave, it’ll probably be just about ready by the time you get there.”

“Sound good. I’ll let you go so you can finish up all that paperwork. See you in a few hours Liv.”

“Alright. Bye El.” Hanging up, she pressed the phone against her chest a moment, savoring the warm feeling she always seemed to get when she talked to Elliot these days, before standing up and walking out into the squad room.

“Anything you guys haven’t finished by 7, you can leave until tomorrow. Short of a new case, you can all clock out then, since we’re currently between cases.” She turned to head back to her office and the stack of paperwork, but turned back around when Amanda spoke.

“Are you clocking out then too Cap? I know Noah’s at that sleepover. You shouldn’t stay late finishing paperwork anymore if we aren’t.” Her detective’s voice was concerned, and she realized just how much her stress and worry over the last three months must have shown, despite how hard she tried to hide it.

“Yes, he’s already called me to say goodnight, because apparently they will be too busy the rest of the night with sleepover stuff to worry about me. But don’t worry, I’m clocking out then too. Even if that pile of paperwork is only going to grow when you all turn in your paperwork.” She turned again, hoping to make it into her office before anyone thought too hard about her clocking out when she didn’t have to, but Fin’s teasing voice told her she was too late.

“You? Clock out early when you don’t have Noah waiting at home? What’s up? You got yourself a hot date or something?”

She was a Captain. Had been a police officer for over twenty years. She’d had to keep her cool when being questioned on the stand by lawyers all the time. But she knew, she knew, that she couldn’t hide the hitch in her step or the slight wince as he asked his question. Even as she turned back around, her face carefully blank, she knew he’d caught her. “Date? No, I don’t have a date. Who would I even have a date with?” Internally, she winced again as she heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Elliot Stabler tell her that asking that many questions just made her sound defensive, and therefore all the more suspicious. Registering the varying degrees of shock on the three’s faces, she smirked to herself for surprising them at least.

“Oh, I don’t know. A certain Detective, maybe? I saw you two together at the ceremony, off in your own little world by the water. Almost like old times, ‘cept the flirting was a little too obvious.”

Trying to control the embarrassed flush she could feel, she internally cursed. She’d hoped everyone had been too preoccupied to pay attention to her and Elliot, but knew that had probably been too much to hope for. She knew the rumor mill had picked right back up when he’d returned, and people realized they were talking again. “Alright, yes, I’m meeting Elliot for dinner. But it’s not a date. We’re just going to do some catching up over Chinese. We haven’t really had much time to just talk since he came back.” She ignored the pointed look he shot her, and appreciated that Amanda and Kat at least pretended not to be interested, as she finally made it back into her office. She heard his footsteps though, saw him shut the door behind him as she sat down behind her desk.

“You sure about this? I just don’t want you getting hurt. Don’t forget, I was here when he left.” She could see the worry clouding his face, and resigned to give him the truth. After all, he’d been there for it all.

“I’m sure. We’re…Taking things slow. We’ve talked, and while neither one of us is ready to just jump straight into a relationship, we’ve discussed it, and have agreed that’s where we’re heading. So we flirt some, and we spend time together, and we talk. We’re not defining it yet. I know it sounds like dating, and maybe in a way it is. But what’s important to us is rekindling our friendship, first and foremost. We’ve already talked about why he left, how he left. And I’ve told him not only what it did to me, but I’ve told him what he missed. He was…Devastated. It turns out the whole family was in France at the time, and by the time the kids came back, it had already become old news. He swore he would have come back had he known, and I believe him. I’d always wondered if he’d just stopped caring, but if you’d seen how he looked, you’d have had to believe him too. So yes, I’m sure about this. We’re going to take things slow for now, but we know where we’re going to end up, even if we aren’t sure when that will happen. Speaking of Elliot though, I’m going to take a few personal days next week to help him get moved into his new place. He gets the keys on Sunday, and his furniture comes Monday.”

He still looked a little worried, but she could tell he would take her at her word. “If you say so. I have to say, I’m surprised you guys already talked about that. But I’m glad. You deserve to be happy Liv, and I think he’ll make you happy. And don’t worry, I’ll cover next week for you. And I’ll let the others know you’ll be taking some time, and make sure they don’t ask you any questions.” He turned and left the office, leaving the door open behind him as he went back to his desk, stopping to talk to Amanda and Kat on his way.

Putting her glasses on and picking up her pen, she smiled to herself as she went back to her paperwork. She still had a lot to work through before it was time to head out, though she was hoping the anticipation would make the time pass faster. Afterall, it wasn’t every day she got to head home to a hot meal and an even hotter man, not that she’d tell him that. His ego was already inflated enough.

[iamknicole]

Familiar Face (3)

SVU Fic

A month had flown by and Olivia had yet to have the talk Elliot wanted to have. The flurry of cases they both had made that even easier for her.

"Hey, Cap. You busy?" Peach asked knocking lightly on the door.

Olivia waved her in, waiting for her to close the door and have a seat. "What can I do for you, Peach?"

"Just wanted to check on you. You've seemed out of it the last couple of weeks. You okay?"

"You're very observant," Olivia chuckled, "I'm alright, I promise."

Peach smiled, "You're not but it's okay, I know you don't know me yet. Whatever it is that's bothering you will work out."

"What about you? How do you like being here? Settled in okay?"

"I like it, its different from what I'm used to but a good different." Peach explained nodding her head. "I'm still getting use to Rollins though."

Olivia pushed her glasses up on her face to look at her phone, "Rollins is not fond of change at all. Its not you, its that. She'll come around though."

"I'll remember that. I'll leave you to whatever or whoever is on your phone." Peach left the office going to her desk looking through some paperwork.

"Busy tonight Rollins?" Fin asked twisting in his chair.

She looked away from her computer and shook her head. "Besides hanging with my two at home, no. Why?"

"Dinner tonight to celebrate Peach's first month with us and Nick's first month at violent crimes. You in?"

"Nick's at violent crimes?" She asked giving him her full attention. "I didn't know that."

Fin shrugged smiling, "Either way, we're celebrating. You comin?"

Rollins nodded, "Yeah, I'll go celebrate with him. I just gotta let the babysitter know I'll be later."

Peach chuckled under her breath at Rollins choice of words. The other detective had been making little remarks and doing little things to piss Peach off but it hadn't worked thus far.

"Who's all coming?" Kat asked

"Us four of course, Nick, Phoebe and Carisi. It'll be like a family reunion." Fin joked before picking up his ringing desk phone.

Rollins went back to her computer and rolled her eyes, "A family reunion with extras."

"What was that, Amanda?" Peach asked smiling.

"Nothing, nothing, just talking to myself. I hope you don't feel any way that you have to share your celebratory dinner with our old coworker."

"Nope, I don't. I actually suggested that Nick and I have our dinners together. Wouldn't make sense to have two separate ones."

Rollins glanced at her, "You suggested to share a dinner with a stranger? Southern hospitality at its finest."

Peach chuckled shaking her head. "He's not a stranger. Me and Nick are friends and we used to be partners. We were undercover together as well."

"Huh, is that so? He never mentioned you while he was here."

"There was no need for him to mention me while he was at work. But trust me we're close friends."

Kat watched and listened to the conversation closely, she knew Peach and she knew when her friend started to get agitated and wanted to intervene when she noticed it was getting close to that moment. As much as Rollins worked Peach's nerves, Peach had never said anything out of the way to Rollins or about Rollins. However, Rollins complained about Peach whenever she could and to whoever she could.

----

Olivia stood in her kitchen fixing dinner for her and Noah. Her son came running from the back of the apartment from his room when he heard a knock at the door. Olivia laughed hearing his feet.

"Ask who it is before you open it, Noah."

"Who is it?" He yelled standing at the door.

"Elliot! Open up, Noah." He yelled with a hint of laughter in his voice.

Before she could stop him, Noah snatched the door open with a wide smile on his face. He launched himself at Elliot as soon as the older man stepped in, hugging him tight.

"Whats going on, buddy? I take it you missed me?" Elliot laughed hugging him back.

"Yeah! Mom said you've been busy with work."

Elliot nodded glancing over at Olivia, who still had her back to them. "Yeah, work's been busy but I'm here now. Why don't you go play for a bit while your mom and me talk."

Watching him run off, Elliot went to the kitchen area sitting on the stool at her breakfast bar. He let her move around in silence for a few minutes.

"I've been calling you, Liv."

"I know but between work and Noah I've been so busy. I'm sorry, El."

Elliot nodded rubbing his hands together. "At least turn around and look at me while you lie to me. You've been avoiding me."

Turning the stove down, Olivia moved to lean against the counter finally looking at Elliot. She couldn't help the small smile that started to spread on her face.

"You could've just not asked, El. We could've just let it be."

Elliot shrugged, "I could've but if we're really moving past everything then this needs to be discussed. So let's discuss."

"Not with Noah here."

"If we don't talk tonight, right now then you're gonna avoid me again," Elliot replied shaking his head, "You said it yourself when he's in his room playing he doesn't hear anything. Now let's talk."

Olivia sighed wiping a hand down her face. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Let's start with why you didn't tell me about Noah?"

"You left, El. It was three months before I even realized and how was I supposed to tell you?"

"That was something that was important to tell, Liv. It's not easy but you say it," he sighed. "The night that you and I spent together ... did you regret it?"

"No of course not. No." She replied immediately.

"Then you should've told me. I wanna hear you say it, tell me."

Olivia stared at him trying to make herself say it. She never said it out loud to anyone not even aloud to herself. And here she was having to say it to the very person that helped her into this situation.

----

"Well, well, look at what the wind blew in," Fin laughed standing up to greet Nick. "And with a beard at that."

Nick laughed hugging Fin then Phoebe. "Had to start looking my age. Got tired of everyone calling me choir boy."

"You'll always be chior boy to me, man," Fin replied sitting back down. "Everybody else said they're on their way. How's the job treating you?"

"Actually pretty good. Captain and me get along pretty well so do me and my partner so that's all I can ask for. You used to work with him, right? Stabler."

Fin nodded, "Sure did. For years. He can be an ass and a hot head but a good dude. Kinda like you."

Nick chuckled, "I'll take that as a compliment. How's Peach doing with you guys? Yall taking care of her?"

"She fits in pretty good, Rollins hadn't come around yet. Wait, why? You got a thing for your ex- partner?"

"No, not that. We're friends. We go back to my vice undercover days. What's Rollins deal with her?" Nick asked getting comfortable.

Fin shrugged. "You know Amanda, she's real finicky sometimes. I ain't figured out what the deal is but I'm sure she'll tell us eventually."

"Speak of the devil," Nick joked under his breath seeing Rollins walk in with Carisi behind her. He smiled, "Long time no see Amanda. What's going on, Carisi? You two a thing now? Finally."

Carisi shook his head quickly sitting across from the others. "No, not at all. We both just got here at the same time is all. Look at you with this beard, man."

Rollins shot Carisi a look then hugged Nick. "Well don't say it like it's such a bad thing. Hey, Nick. How ya doing?"

"I'm good, I'm good. What about your girls? How are they?"

She got comfortable in the seat beside Nick. "They're good, a handful but good. How's Zara and Maria?"

"Good," Nick nodded, "Zara's happy to be back in New York, wasn't too fond of LA."

"And Maria? She happy to be back?"

"I guess she would be if she was here," Nick shrugged with a small smile on his face. "So, Carisi, DA's office treating you good?"

Carisi laughed, "If good means giving me ulcers then yeah. I don't enjoy it everyday but I don't regret my decision."

"You wouldn't have ulcers if you stayed a cop." Rollins rolled her eyes trying to sound as playful as possible

Nick looked between the two of them, thankful he didn't have to deal with her snide remarks anymore. "He had to do what was best for him, Amanda. You can't fault him for that."

"I'm just saying," she shrugged, "He could've waited."

"Waited for what?" Carisi asked with a frown.

Before Rollins could respond, Kat and Peach approached the table laughing and talking loudly. Kat started to hug everyone.

"The second guest of honor is here so the celebrating can begin," Peach announced excitedly.

"I promise she hasn't started drinking yet," Kat joked sitting to the right of Carisi, "This is just how she talks off the clock and when she's excited."

Fin laughed pulling away from hugging Peach. "Loudest I've heard you talk this whole month."

"There was no reason to talk that loud at work," she responded playfully.

Smiling, Nick got up going around the table with his arms open wide. "Get over here and gimmie a hug, girl!" The two friends embraced tightly for a minute or so before letting go. "Haven't seen your mug in a while, munchkin."

Peach laughed pushing him playfully. "I told you about the name, Nick. And you act like you don't talk to me at least two or three times a week."

"So what? I can't miss your mean ass face?" Nick joked. "These people get to see it every day just about."

"Oh whatever, Nick. Move," she laughed going to sit to the left of Carisi, "Is this you dressing down?"

Nick went back to his seat laughing but noticed the look on Rollins face. He leaned in close to her to keep his voice down. "What's with your face?"

"Nothing, nothing. You and her close, huh?"

"Yeah we are. That's my friend."

Carisi laughed fixing his shirt, "I didn't wanna be overdressed in my suits but this was still a celebration. Does it not look nice?"

Peach raised a brow playfully. "No, no, it looks nice. You look good, Carisi."

"I see you dressed up as well. Showin' leg, huh?"

"I don't get to dress up that often so I figured I'd show out a little. Too much?" She asked looking over at him.

Carisi looked down then back at her face, "Na, not too much. You look beautiful. Did you drive?"

"Thank you," she shook her head, "Nope. Me and Kat wanted to drink tonight so we're gonna get a Uber."

"You know how I feel about that."

Peach shrugged playfully. "I know but we're gonna be together and we love in the same building." Carisi stared over at her making her roll her eyes. "Fine, fine. You can take us home, Dominic."

"Thank you very much, Bianca."

Rollins squinted at the two, "What's so funny you two?"

"Shhh," Peach laughed, "Yall hear that?"

Fin frowned a little and chuckled. "Hear what?"

"The sound of somebody minding my business again."

----

Olivia sighed softly fixing the three dinner plates, she had yet to say what Elliot wanted to hear. She knew she was going to have to say it before Noah came out to eat but she was buying time. Taking the plates over to the breakfast bar, Olivia sat them down then grabbed Elliot's hands.

"The night we spent together after that case with that boy Hunter was the night I got pregnant," Olivia explained softly, "I didn't find out until a few months later, by that time you were already gone. Cragen let me stay as long as I could then I went out on leave until Noah was about six months. I never told anybody but Fin and Cragen figured it out when they say him."

Elliot squeezed her hands smiling, "Thank you for finally telling me. Thank you."

"Wait," Noah called out, "You had a baby before me, Mom?"

Olivia and Elliot stared at each other then at Noah speechless.

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Law and order svu fanfiction

Freed is free

Captain Olivia Benson: pov today me and Fin are at the organized crime bureau, helping them finish a case. The girl was assaulted by a possible gang member, I had already talked with her about what happened to her. They had the guy arrested and were questioning him. Amanda is updating me about what is going on back at the station, mostly paperwork. Which she is making Joe do.

Elliot: pov one of the OC rookies is nice enough to make a donut run and get us some coffees and a tea for fin.

Captain Olivia Benson: pov my phone starts ringing that is when I notice it is the prison calling. I say Captain Benson speaking, the lady says her name is Linda at first I'm confused as to why she is calling me then it hits me the rest of her sentence is muffled together all I care about is the name she just said. Linda says Something to me about her having a medical episode. I motion for Fin to hand me a pen and paper. I write that Bronwyn had a medical episode. Linda says she was taken to the hospital where she must have escaped. the sounds in the background, the urgency in her voice, I can't believe she has escaped. I write on the paper she escaped at the ER. I can hear Fin curse under his breath. Call Amanda and tell her it's urgent.

Sargent Ayanna Bell: pov the Captain is on the phone and it does not sound good at all. Olivia writes something down on a piece of paper and it mentions a prisoner escaped just great. I wonder how dangerous this person is. She says she has to call the chief. Elliot asks Fin how dangerous this criminal is, and he says she, Bronwyn let out 3 serial rapists who kill. She was charged as an accessory to murder on the Yates case. Greg Yates is a serial killer. She slips contraband in baked goods and brings them into the prison causing the criminal of her choice to have a medical emergency.

Sargent Fin Tutuola: pov I have to tell them she let out Lewis. I can hear Liv screaming at the Chief saying no way am I getting a protective detail. Are you trying to say she's escaped because she thinks I killed him? You know I did not kill him. He killed himself and framed me. you do not get to turn this on me. And you have no right to use that against me. Fine you can put a protective detail on me.

Olivia: pov Wait till he finds out the last time I slipped the protective detail. Did I just speak out loud I hope not and Captain Benson before you go don't slip your protective detail like last time. Crap he knew about that. We talk a little bit more about her escape

Detective Elliot Stabler: pov Olivia comes out all angry saying her protective detail should arrive soon. Let's hope they don't follow me into the bathroom. Fin says why so you can slip them again. Olivia turns her head so fast to glare at him. All of a sudden Fin realizes his mistake and says sorry he did not mean to bring it up. I'm so confused about what they are talking about. She seems on edge. Olivia says with a sad and angry expression I have never seen before. She is the reason Lewis escaped from prison; she helped him escape. And 2 other serial rapists and killers. So her hating me Is an understatement. She thinks I killed him, so yeah she has a huge grudge against me. Can this get any worse?

Olivia: pov my protective detail arrived and Chief McGrath had given a press conference. I told all of the prisons to not allow anyone in, and keep an eye on their staff. My protective detail. Is hovering around me, one even went into the bathroom with me. Which is weird and awkward. My phone is ringing again and the number comes up as a payphone. Hmm who could be calling me. At first all I hear is a click then the hairs on my arm and back stand up. It's his voice on the phone. I just know it. Saying my name. I'm trying not to panic. I write on the paper his voice, Fin immediately sees the panic in my face and gets the reference. I nearly dropped the phone in my panic, it has to be her.

Sargent Ayanna Bell: pov it looks like Captain Benson just saw a ghost. whoever just called has her freaked out. She says while hyperventilating it was his voice I don't know how she did it. Fin is trying to comfort her, I can see she is trying to hold back the tears. What is worse than letting someone out is tormenting them with the voice of their dead captor. Fin asks if there is a private room he can use to calm her down. I said you can use my office.

Elliot: pov After a few minutes they walk back out and Liv looks much better Fin said he called her therapist so she could talk with him. Fin says they have to leave and head to the 16th precinct to work on the case. Me and Bell offer to help with the case. Olivia tells Fin to make sure all the case files for the Yates, Rudnick and Lewis cases are available. And only him or Amanda can handle or touch her file. Lewis has 8 files and Yates and Rudnick have 19 from the cases we worked on. But there is way more than that. Bronwyn Has a file of her own. She was a juror on 2 of the cases. I can tell Olivia is struggling with her PTSD. At the station Amanda hugs her. She tells Fin she filled Joe in on the case. Olivia and her protective detail head to her office. Fin says to leave her alone she needs to let her emotions out in private. To be continued. ……..

[thranduilsperkybutt]

Ruby red nights (Part 2)

|  Part 1  |  Part 3  |

Imagine:  Imagine Olivia and Elliot being turned into vampires and as their sire, you teach them how to live as creatures of the night. It gets hot and heavy one night as they give into their new urges and before long it turns into a threesome between you nightly.

Warnings:  Trigger warning: Blood, Vampire AU

Pairing:  Olivia Benson x Reader x Elliot Stabler

Word count:  1697 words

Universe:  Vampire AU, Law and Order SVU

Reader gender:  Female

Author:  Ilariya_Lavoro writes

The sun was high in the sky sapping you dry, you could not leave your bed even if you dared to want to. The daylight was forced back, hiding behind the thick specially designed curtains that covered the large bay windows on the far wall of your bedroom but yet you could still feel the effects of those hellish rays.

The waves of purple silk covering the bare lower half were cooling but simply not enough. You longed for the sweet embrace of the dead man’s slumber but yet it did not come. You could not find the way into the magical, thoughtless moment to get through the long hours of sunshine. It was out of your reach in this one moment.

All you were left with were your thoughts and a lifetime of memories as you tried to get comfort for the endless hours that lay ahead. The sun would hang in the sky, taunting you until it too found its slumber beneath the horizon. Your night was humanity’s daytime. This had been a simple truth that your progeny had struggled to come to terms with. Yet you had found a coven of witches albeit reluctant at first, who were able to help once you paid their steep price in order to make your children happy.

This was your price, to lose your ability to find peace in dark delight of sleep once a week. This had been your choice to sacrifice one night of strength in exchange for the creation of enchanted daylight emblems. Simple jewellery which housed the powerful spell to protect them from the deadly power of the sun.

A signet ring emblazoned with your personal coat of arms and necklace with a pendant bearing the same sign, that the bearers were your children. Each item, the witches had further blessed with another simpler spell to prevent them from breaking. Your price had been a heavy one but it was a price that you would willingly make again, in a heartbeat.

Beads of sweat quickly gathered, drenched your brow but the smile upon your lips could not completely mask your agony, your pain. “It’s worth the mind numbing agony” You whispered, your voice hoarse and strained as you spoke through gritted teeth.

Registration, the formal ceremony that all fledgling vampires must go through. It was seen as a symbolic rite of passage where they would be simply introduced the wider community, entering into the coven that made up the area. It was never quite that simplicistic. Your mind wandered back to that moment.

This was not your first bite of the cherry. It had only been a few nights since your children had been fully turned but they need to be registered. The elders would not forgive you a second time. Last time, you had been a younger more volatile vampire. Anger and hatred were your poison of choice, turning your victim out of spite. That particular childe never forgave you, they never let you forget the choice you had made that night over four centuries ago.

It had been a terrible mistake, born from your own self hatred. In that moment you had become the person you despised above all others, your own sire. It had brought you back down to reality, as you had tried to repair the damage with your first childe. The tie between the two of you wasn’t as strained and tentative as it could of have been, yet Emma still accepted your support and friendship. Something you highly doubted she would have three centuries ago.

This time was different, Olivia and Elliot had been on the brink, dangling over the hungry jaws of death. They had weakly called out as the darkness crept into their vision. They wanted to live and you had chosen to heed their calls, answer their pleas for aid and snatch death’s latest flesh coated prize. You could of easily hastened their deaths, draining them dry and relishing in the taste of the heavenly elixir that was the lifeblood of humanity.

The elder’s nest had always been a place you actively tried to avoid when possible. There was a perpetual dark cloud that lingered in the atmosphere over the den. The home was far from welcoming, a heavy oppressive weighted upon your chest each and every time you found yourself within these walls.

You stood as a still as statue, shadowed by Olivia and Elliot in the entrance hall waiting to be seen. “Tell me, why are we here in the middle of the night?” Elliot asked, frustration rolled off each word in waves. You shook your head, your hair danced as you moved lightly tickling the back of your neck.

“All newborn vampire must be presented before the Area’s elder, to be registered and accounted for. This is part of our law to prevent chaos and discovery,” there was only truth held within your words, you were repeating your own sire’s words spoken a lifetime ago to you. A boredom lingered as you spoke the well versed paraphrase. It was one of the few memories of your sire that was not tainted by a cold rage. A rage that you could not let go of.

“You are both part of this world. Dancing between the realms life and death to preserve the balance” You locked your gaze first with Olivia then turning your attention to Elliot, trying to read the emotion reflected within their eyes. Elliot was far easier to read out of your pair of children. The annoyance at the stiff and stuffy rigmarole grated at his already short nerves.

“Elder Cruz will see you now” Those few words were enough to make you ever so slightly nervous. Annalise Cruz had taken over control of Area 46 in the late 18th century after a turf war had render the previous elder obsolete and needing to be removed, piece by piece. They had ended up in several piece spread across the miles, Cruz had been judge, jury and executioner of Vampiric Law down to the letter. She was not to be messed with.

You lightly nodded, conveying respect as you began to move with Elliot and Olivia in tow. The last time that you had presented yourself before Elder Cruz had been over forty five years prior to this night. It had been a simple check in of sorts, updating your status within the area and play at the dalliance of court that the nest provided. You were a minor player that lingered in the back. You were of no real importance to the Elder or her inner circle but still you were expected to show face ever decade or two.

With your head held high, your feet quickly lead you down the winding corridor before passing through the open archway. Your gaze shifted right then left, taking in various vampires dotted about the room before you. You took in each individual in the vast space, some faces more familiar than others before you found the elder.

She stood in the center of the room, at first glance most would believe to her to nothing more than a child barely into her teenage years. Her youthful appearance was nothing short of a deception; she was well over eight hundred years old, turned only a handful of days after her twelfth birthday.

Olivia followed your gaze, shocked by the very sight of a child-like immortal but you cut in before she could voice her honest opinion. “There are more vampires like her, in days gone by, children were considered the easiest of preys. Our kin knew humanity would always continue to breed and in times of famine, war and chaos most would not notice a few children simply disappearing,” your words were matter of fact, you had only expressed a statement of truth on how some vampire chose their feeds.

“It is one of the reasons, the law evolved and changed to prevent such barbaric feeding frenzy for continuing,” you could feel the anger in Elliot rising once more and the disgust within Olivia.

You smiled softly at your children, brushing the back of your palm down his face trying your best to calm the rage. “History is there is teach us to be better than those who came before”

“Your sire speaks the truth, such distasteful turning are now explicitly forbidden in all areas of this great nation. It is punishable by death, youngling.”

Elder Cruz’s words that night had burnt into both of their memories, it had been a great relief to them both. The progressive nature of the ruling Elder calmed the tension that had begun to ralt at their moral compass. Their humanity would in theory remain intact for now at the very least with the knowledge that the old ways were no more within the very borders that they resided in.

You turned to face the older vampire before bowing your head in greeting, out of respect for the rules, “Good evening, Elder, these are my children, Olivia and Elliot.” You gestured your hand from one to the other. Your voice remained calm, methodical, showing prior experience from many years before, going through this with your last Childe.

Elder Cruz’s gaze took in each one carefully, examining them from head down to their toes before a smile broke across her lips, showing her childish glee briefly. “Indeed my friend, I welcome thee to the night. We are now kindred but be wary, I do not hold those who defy the sacred laws without contempt and punishment”  The threat was far from subtle, this was her way. She was not one to mince her words even in polite conversation.

Annalise Cruz’s attention and focus turned back to you. Her smile still remained but the warmth that been there moments before had now vanished, leaving a hollow, falseness behind in its place. “Walk with me my friend, we have much to catch up on. Your children will be fine without their sire for but a moment”

You quickly nodded, recognising the intent behind the words. This was no mere invitation, but a command to begin the final part of Olivia’s and Elliot’s registration.

To be continued

[rahleeyah]

Hey! I love your blog and all your posts popping up on my dash...You're so thoughtful in your responses and have made such a delightful and positive community on here for L&O fans. Plus I absolutely love your writing too.

I really enjoy your insight on things, so I was interested in knowing your view on a feeling I was having, especially since I'm a massive Liv fan and I know you adore her too. I'm really appreciating the EO content we've been getting, especially seeing Liv reaching out to him last night and their baby steps towards (hopefully) something more. But I can't help feeling sometimes that she's been pushed into a very 'supportive' role for Elliot without having any of her own views or hurt voiced? Over on OC, she's been supporting his family with many things, like the funeral, the intervention, now the pills...She's checking in with Elliot, asking 'what can I do to help' several times, and voicing her concern for his physical and mental well-being. That is all lovely to see, and I know he's been in a difficult place, but for me it is walking a fine line with showing a slightly stereotypical 'man pain' story line, where they've already fridged Kathy and Liv is in a supportive bystander role without them addressing her own opinions on the relationship between the two of them, separate from Stabler family drama.

Female characters rarely get to be angry and loud, and one of the reasons I love Olivia is that she does get vocal and angry when she needs to be. And on SVU I do think we've seen her be that way a bit more - slightly passive aggressive and hurt. But I don't think they've had a proper 'personal' conversation touching on her perspective since the reunion episode? I suppose what I'm saying is - I really need them to have more conversations about things other than Elliot's view or the Stabler family aha. There's ten years of ghosting, trauma and abandonment issues to unpack between the two of them also.

Did you pick up on that at all? Do you think she needs to be allowed to get angry/passionate and voice her own hurt still? Do you think she's more forgiving than we could ever be, so she's already made steps to move on and hence doesn't need a showdown? Am I over-thinking things? Sorry for rambling - I really love EO, but I love Olivia more if that makes sense, so my brain is whirring.

---

this was an anonymous submission, thank you friend!

so this is my biggest concern, right now. i won't go so far as to call it a complaint, bc i am hoping they are going to resolve this at some point (there are still. so many. episodes. left.) but it is something that i am desperately hoping they will address bc if they don't they are doing the characters a disservice.

eo has always been a balancing act; one stays steady while the other spins out. it's just we've never had one of them spinning out for quite this long; we have never had to watch just one of them carry the other for so many episodes in a row. and i gotta say i think this is down to svu.

liv is a supporting character on oc. they aren't gonna go into her motivations and feelings on oc; they should be doing that on her show. i have been disappointed with SVU's handling of olivia's feelings since elliot showed up. svu is not giving us anything to work with. they have made her, for the last several seasons, the shoulder everyone leans on, the one person who's carrying everyone else, and that is appropriate on a certain level bc of who she is and bc of her role as the boss, but it does a disservice to olivia. someone should carry her, too.

and that's the thing, right, is that elliot has been telling her how much he cares about her, but what has he been doing? how has he shown that care? are his declarations of care not, in their own way, still about him? last night was a massive moment as far as showing us where Liv's head is at, I think, bc we saw her go to him, we saw her initiate contact with him, we saw her telling him what she wants, that she wants her Elliot to come home. and that's huge! but the thing is, if he's really going to be her Elliot, he's gotta step up for her. he's gotta shoulder her burdens. he's gotta hear her out, he's gotta pick up her pieces, instead of her just continually cleaning up after him. there is still so much hurt that she's carrying, and i think in order for Elliot to fully complete his journey out of the hole he's dug for himself, he's gotta face it.

i completely agree with what you've said about her character; Liv is loud. Liv is angry. Liv has a smart mouth. Liv gets defensive. Liv has a nurturing heart, but Liv wasn't raised right and she's spent more than a quarter century as a cop; she has her rough edges. and we are seeing more of that this season than we did last, but she's still like the long suffering care giver. is that all they're gonna let her be?

i hope not.

[orionares]

BTHB: Comatose, Part 3

---------------------------------------------- The tears come easily. 

For the next hour or many, Elliot lets the tears fall for everything in the nine month battle against William Lewis. 

He cries for the pain- the cigarette burns, the days without sleep, food  or water, the trial, the damn Russian Roulette. His heart shatters at the dangerous possibility of Lewis inflicting the one trauma they had spent over a decade fighting against together. 

When he runs out of tears, Elliot lays his head on the edge of the bed and blocks out the cacophony of nurses, doctors and staff working busily in the hall. There’s a throbbing headache that builds with every passing second of the truly dark, guilt fueled thoughts itching to spill over. 

He’s already inches above the abyss; he can’t let this push him over.

“You know,” Elliot whispers, “I didn’t have any plans of how we’d discuss why I left. Writing the letter wasn't an impulse, but giving you the letter after Kathy’s death. Now, I- I wish I could rewrite it.”

He pauses to wipe the sudden heat from his face. “I- I would say that you shouldn’t forgive me. You shouldn’t, Liv. I don’t deserve- I…”

The stress induced twitch that Eli had identified during the failed intervention returns as Elliot twitches while pushing away the same dark thought that’s repeated in his mind since opening the file- This is on you.

A knock on the door breaks into his thoughts and he lifts his head to see Fin standing at the door, eyes flickering between Olivia and him. 

“She’s fine,” Elliot yells out. “I, uh, know about Lewis.”

“Damn,” Fin mutters under his breath. He shakes his head before closing the room door closed behind him. The sergeant’s fatigue is clear as he moves slowly to an open chair on the opposing side and lowers himself down slowly. “Rollins tell you?”

Elliot glances back to Olivia. “You didn’t tell me about it.” 

“Because it wasn’t something to say over the phone,” Fin shrugs, “and it wasn’t my story to tell. I wasn’t going to say You're alive and coming back? Great! By the way, Liv almost died while you were gone.” 

“I think I had created some imaginative world of where she moved on but was ok while I was overseas. And then I’d created another fantasy where things settled and I’d close the case on Kathy’s murder and we’d,” Elliot reach out and rests his hand on Olivia’s, “reconnect. I’d beg, plead and woo my way back in earning her trust. And now-”

“Elliot, you screwed up,” Fin states, maintaining his calm demeanor, “You have your reasons for going radio silence and I get that, but it doesn’t change the fact that you abandoned her. And with Lewis- blaming yourself for what happened isn’t going to change the fact that it happened.”  

Elliot opens his mouth to respond but Fin continues without missing a beat. “You think that you're the only one feeling guilty about that day? I was here, Stabler, and I still blame myself for what happened.”

Elliot nods weakly as Fin stands and circles the edge of the bed. The detective winces when Fin rests a hand on his shoulder and asks, “You are staying, right?” 

The answer catches in his throat, leaving him left with another weak nod. 

“Do you love her?” 

“Am I that obvious?” Elliot chuckles. Fin rolls his eyes and repeats his question, “You love her?”

“Yeah.” Every time he says it aloud, finally admitting  his love for Olivia, somehow brings a mixture of relief and guilt. 

“So fight for her,” Fin advises. He pats her shoulder and heads for the door, calling for his shoulder, “Start by going home, getting something to eat and see your kids. And if you can’t bring yourself to leave, at least go get something to eat. Alright?” 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

She dreams of life as ‘the other woman.’

In this possibility, she meets Kathy in a cafe while dropping off Eli; however, unlike the handful of times she had met Kathy with Eli in reality, the usually hidden tension between them is out on the surface. She still has Noah, now no older than two years old. He's sitting in her lap babbling happily as the two women sit across from each other in thick silence. 

Kathy fiddles with her coffee mug in her hands and avoids eye contact with Olivia. Her jaw is clenched, highlighting the tension across her face. 

"Eli had a great week with us," Olivia stammers to Kathy, who puts up a hand to cut her off. Every weekend starts like this, the two women in Elliot Stabler's life staring each other down. 

"You don't have to play nice, Olivia," Kathy retorts.  She glances over her shoulder towards the bathroom where seven year old Eli has run off to. "You can just drop the kids off and then leave with your son. You certainly don't need to do it for me."

"But Elliot-"

"Elliot's gone, Olivia!" Kathy snaps. She pushes the cup to her left and ignores the drips of coffee that spills over the edge. "My husband chose you and my God, this arrangement of having to see you every other week feels like a jab in my heart!"

A jab in her heart.

She'd scream those words back at Kathy and plead for an understanding to her allowing Elliot to ghost her if she had the chance.

But Kathy had never believed Elliot had completely locked her out of their lives. Reality or not, to Kathy, she will always be the other woman.

The sound of Noah’s happy babbling disappears under the sudden ringing in Olivia’s ear. She isn't shifting seamlessly between possible outcomes like she had before- no, as the ringing intensifies, Noah, Kathy and the patrons of the small café disappear into darkness.

And for her? Olivia drifts into the darkness, unaware if she'll end up back in another possibility or back on solid ground. 

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh My God.”

His eyes widen at his daughter’s voice from the doorway. Elliot sighs and lifts his forehead from the soft edge of the bed to see Kathleen staring mouth agape at Olivia. 

And also Eli.

 His youngest has his head low with his hair covering his eyes. Eli appears hesitant to be near him as he’s been so since the car accident and the failed intervention over a month earlier. Kathleen leads him into the room, fighting off the tears forming in her eyes at the sight of Olivia. 

“Dad, I’m so sorry,” Kathleen sniffles. She approaches his side slowly and scans him head to toe with the same uneasiness and concern Kathy once would. “Is she- will she wake up?”

“They’ve weaned her off some medication that was allowing the brain to heal,” Elliot replies. He runs a hand over his face and then looks past his daughter to Eli. “Hey, Buddy.”

“We wanted to come by,” Kathleen explains with a quick glance to Eli warning- We came to this conclusion together, right ? Right? 

“Yeah, I should have come home,” Elliot stammers. He stands up before his body rocks slightly with fatigue. Kathleen immediately grabs his arm and guides him back down in his seat. 

“Dad, when was the last time you slept or gotten something to eat?” She asks. Eli’s eyes flicker with worry but he doesn’t move from the door frame. The fatigue that’s been at bay since speaking with Fin comes in the form of a tension headache. 

“I’ll grab something from the cafeteria downstairs,” Kathleen exclaims without a further word from her father. She quickly pulls off her grey peacoat jacket and lays it on the foot of the bed. Kathleen quickly walks over to the door, whispers something in Eli’s ear and is out the door before Elliot’s rattled brain realizes it. 

Eli takes a step closer to the bed and tucks his hand in his pocket. Half expecting him to pull out his cellphone, Elliot straightens up in his chair when his son instead stairs directly at Olivia with trepidation. 

“Did Mom like her?” Eli asks in a small voice. It’s one of the few rare times that Elliot’s heard Eli ask about his Mom directly since the funeral. That’s on me, he thinks anxiously. 

“She-uhm- I...your Mom and Oliva had a unique relationship,” Elliot states as blankly as he can. The conversation about the ‘other woman’ has been one that he’d hope to have years from now. “They got along-”

“Why did she keep asking about Olivia?” 

Elliot watches his son avoid eye contact with him, instead choosing to stare at his father’s hand, once more resting on top of Olivia’s. “Because your mother didn’t believe that I cut her off. Your mother was so good at hiding things from you about what had happened in New York. We tried our absolute hardest to build a life for you in Rome outside of the life we had in New York.” 

Eli takes another step closer, leaving an inch between the foot of the bed and himself. He opens his mouth and then shuts it, scrunching his nose while rethinking his next words. “Did you and Olivia break up?” 

“What?” Elliot exclaims. He snorts out a laugh and then mutters, “No, Eli. Olivia and I were never together. She respected your Mom, your siblings and you.” 

Elliot watches his son’s brow furrow in concentration just as Noah had done the night before. “Everyone kept talking about Olivia behind your guys’ back. I thought she was a story or a secret that we weren’t allowed to talk about. And then we came home,” Eli admits shyly, “ You look at her different than Mom.” 

The detective fidgets with his wedding band with his thumb and index finger, replaying the bits and pieces of the failed intervention that he can remember. His kids had gravitated to Olivia like muscle memory, especially Kathleen and even Eli, from his memory, had appeared somewhat trusting of the strange woman in the apartment. 

“Dad?” Eli’s voice breaks into his thoughts with awe, “You like her.” 

Elliot looks over to his unconscious ex-partner and sighs as he takes in the half inch cuts on her chin and forehead. Admitting the truth he’s dodged for two decades to his youngest feels like a betrayal without Kathy by his side. 

How does one tell their child- I stayed with your Mom even though I shouldn’t have? 

He flinches when the presence of his son appears right next to him. The absence of an answer, a denial or an attempt at a misdirect is more than enough to admit what everyone around him already knows. 

“Did Mom know?” 

Elliot nods and chokes, “Yeah. She did. I’m sorry, Eli.” 

Elliot once more expects an outburst or a retreat from his son but instead he feels his son’s long hair and chin rest on his shoulder. 

It’s everything he needs at this moment. 

“..Sty…”

Elliot turns his head towards Eli and asks, “What?”

Eli jerks back, eyes wide from the sudden move. “ I didn’t say anything.” 

Elliot’s heart drops into his stomach and he freezes up. His ex-partner- the love of his life- may be waking and all he can feel is fear. Questions explode in his mind- what if she doesn’t remember what happened? What if there are lingering problems? What if she decides that she doesn’t want anything to do with me?

What if she never forgives me for Lewis?

“Dad, I think she’s waking up!”

What if I lose her? 

“Dad! Should I call the doctor?”

Breathe. 

Elliot finally brings himself out of his daze and finds himself looking directly into a pair of brown eyes. He’d cry in relief if he could. 

Instead, Elliot runs a hand down her cheek, whispering, “Hey, Liv. Welcome back.” 

A/N: One....ish chapter left. 

[notesfrome]

Wrote a thing for @thebarsondaily‘s Halloween Fic-a-Thon and it is weird as fuck. But..it has been written, so have at it, and don’t kill me too badly for this. 

one-shot; turn it all to ash pairing: rafael barba/olivia benson, past elliot stabler/olivia benson word count: 2482 words note: Complete AU and there’s nothing even remotely SVU-ish about this. What can I say, my brain = whacked. Also, I wrote this in between transits, flights and train rides (Melbourne-Kuala Lumpur-Kaohsiung-Taipei-Hong Kong-Melbourne - it was been batshit crazy the last two weeks) so I kinda want to blame that, too. Anyway, have at it.

Link to fic on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16485026

Olivia’s hands were shaking as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, trying to fasten a long, dangling earring. It took her three attempts before she could finally manage it. Placing her hands on her dressing table, she tried to even her breathing.

Hurry, Liv, hurry, she told herself. Time is ticking, time is running out.

She steadied her hand, and began to line her eyes with black eyeliner. Finishing her eye makeup, she then painted her lips a rich ruby red. Holding the final pièce de résistance – an elaborate mask fashioned with feathers, she took a deep breath, and placed the mask onto her face.

She would do anything for Rafael. Anything, and everything.

She stood outside the ritzy nightclub, clenching the front of her coat with one hand, seemingly unable to take that few steps forward. She stared at the heavy doors with eyes that were haunted, haunted with unwanted memories, of the person inside. And of what that was awaiting her, once she stepped through those doors.

But she had made her decision from the moment she retrieved the card and the mask from the hidden compartment in her drawer.

Squaring her shoulders, Olivia pushed the doors opened, and stepped into the club, fleetingly thinking that the lit interior of the establishment seeming even darker than the night beyond the doors.

She walked slowly, keeping her eyes trained ahead, scanning the room, trying to look past all the masks and costumes of the club’s patrons, trying to locate the one person that she had come to see. She caught the eye of a woman in a long red dress and a glittery gold mask, who smiled at her, head tilting suggestively. A shiver went down her spine, as she turned away, trying to calm herself, without much success.

She didn’t know how long she had been circling the room - it could be ten minutes, or it could be an hour – when she felt a hand on her bare arm. Turning around, she saw herself looking into unfamiliar blue eyes, staring at her behind a sinister yet elaborate werewolf mask.

“He’s waiting for you,” he said, nodding towards a heavy oak door, and she felt her heart sped up, skipping beats. Without acknowledging the stranger, she strode towards the door. Steeling herself to face what was about to come, she found herself involuntarily whispering a prayer, a forgotten phrase, and she nearly laughed at the absurdity of it.

She had no right to say any word of prayer.

Raising her hand, she was about to knock, and then she changed her mind. Dropping her hand, she pushed the doors opened, and walked into the room.

“Hello, Liv.”

He stood before her, leaning against his desk, a mocking smile on his lips. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Seeing him again, for the first time in almost seven years, had a certain effect on someone who had loved him before he strayed. He hadn’t changed much. He still looked the way he did, before he had left her. If there was any difference, it was his aura. He radiated a menacing darkness. A spiritual darkness. She knew that she was one of the few, that was not of them, who could sense it. Perhaps it was because she knew him too well. Or maybe it was because she had loved him once.

“Elliot,” Olivia managed to form his name, as he approached her, still smiling. He looked almost human, but they both knew he was no longer one. He raised his hand, and removed the mask from her face, resting the tips of his fingers against her cheek. She immediately flinched, almost as a reflex, and his eyes darkened considerably.

Dropping his hand, he spread out his arms in a mockery of welcoming gesture. “After seven years. Seven years without a word, Olivia. And here you are now.”

A shudder went through her. “You look well,” she said, trying to maintain eye contact. It was harder than she thought it would be, so much harder.

But she would do anything for Rafael.

“I’m very well indeed, Liv. As you can clearly see.” His lips curved again into another smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes, didn’t even come close. His eyes used to light up with his smiles.

He knew she was afraid of him, and she knew he hated it. They used to be so close. Even before they became lovers, they were best friends. And then Elliot changed, and that had been the end of everything. His straying onto the other path had been their undoing; she didn’t want what he called The Gift. It wasn’t a gift to her, it was a curse, an eternal curse and damnation. But to him, it was a gift. And she wanted no part of it, so she left him.

For a while, she lived in fear, thinking that he might pursue her. But perhaps some remnant of his love for her had remained, and he had let her go.

Elliot leaned back against his oak desk, still eyeing her. “What can I do for you?” He asked, almost politely.

This was it, this was the moment. “It’s…Rafael,” she said, and then faltered.

His eyes flickered again, a light of hatred shining through. “Rafael Barba,” he said, his voice bitter with resentment. However, his slight smile at his next words almost sickened her. “He’s going to die.”

She blanched at the word ‘die’, desperation and grief tearing through her, causing her next words to come tumbling out. “You can save him.”

Elliot let out a bark of laughter, looking amused as he lighted a cigarette and began smoking. “You want me to save him? Do you even realise what you’re asking of me?”

“I do,” she forced her voice to remain steady. She did realise it, of course. It was all that she had realised from the moment she put on the mask.

“You hated me after I converted. Would it be any different for Rafael if he is one of us?”

“I don’t hate…” she began, and then stopped. Did she hate him? No, she loved him. She never hated him, but she could never understand his reasons for being one of the Damned.

Elliot carried on speaking, smoking as he spoke. “I know what you are thinking, Liv. My gift can save him, and you wanted him to be saved.” He blew a puff of smoke into the air, and looked at her steadily. “But I offered it to you once, and you said no. It’s a non-transferable offer.”

“Elliot…”

He sniffed, lifting his hand to stop her from talking, and stabbed out his cigarette. “I can’t help you. But thanks for dropping by,” he said, his sarcasm evident.

“Please, Elliot.” She hated this, hated that she had to beg him, but there was no other choice, no other path she could take. Everything that could be done has been done. There was nothing else, but this.

Elliot’s expression softened, and for a moment, she saw a semblance of the old Elliot, the one she had loved, the one that had been her best friend. “Liv, you know that there is nothing I can do for him. In order to convert, one has to be willing. Barba hates me. He will never accept help from me.” He walked towards the door, and opened it. “Go to him, Liv,” he said, without a trace of mockery. “He doesn’t have much time left.”

“Rafa…” she said, not moving, holding her head high. “…will accept help from me.”

Elliot’s eyes widened as her words hung between them, in air that crackled with tension and electricity. She was painfully aware of what she was doing. Elliot could have her, she only wanted to save the man she loved.

Because she would do anything for Rafael.

What happened in that dark room was a blur, she would not ever want to remember it. It was something she didn’t want to dwell on, something that she knew that if she did, she would regret for the rest of her days.

She slipped into the hospital unnoticed, the night security simply did not notice her. The lift was empty when she stepped into it, and she felt her mouth curved into a smile when she saw her faded reflection on the mirrored walls. So she still had a reflection for now. That was nice to know.

The nurses ignored the shadow that flickered and streaked down the cold, sterile hospital corridors. She hurried silently to Rafael’s room. His room was cold, the atmosphere ominous and stifling, and it was as quiet as a morgue except for the occasional beep of machines hooked to him.

She stood by his bed, watching his pale but peaceful face. He looked different to her, somewhat. Elliot told her that things would seem different through the eyes of one of the Damned. This was the first time she had truly looked at anything since she left the club.

She leaned closer to the man she loved, hearing his steady breathing. Closing her eyes, she did what Elliot told her to, and she locked her mind with Rafael’s, her heart thudding furiously.

Rafa. Rafa, I love you.

He stirred, and one of the machines bleeped. She concentrated on building the link, willing for his life force to be strong enough. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, he answered.

Liv? Where are you? Where am I?

And so, she told him. She told him of all that happened – she told him why he was lying on that cold bed, what happened when that bus rammed into his Uber. She told him of her desperation at what the doctors said. She told him of her visit to Elliot, to the club, her deal with the devil, the exchange of her soul for immortality. She told him the death of her mortality and the ordeal of being reborn as one of the Damned. And she told him, again and again, how much she loved him.

There was a long silence after she was done, and she feared for his life force, as she held on to the link.

Liv…is this what you want? Is this what you truly want?

Her breath caught in her throat, tears swimming in her eyes as she looked at his pale, pale face. Paler than hers.

Yes. Yes, it is. I cannot lose you, Rafa. I can never, ever lose you.

He paused, and she felt his life force faltering, the link between them weakening.

Come with me, she begged. Come with me. She touched his cheek, and it was cold. As cold as her immortal skin. Time was running out.

He sighed, a resigned sound. So be it. Take me then, Olivia.

Relief swept over her as she heard his words, and she bent over him, fangs bared to his throat. Rafael would be saved. They would have to live a cursed life, but they would be together. They would be together, and as long as she had him, that would be enough.

And then something happened.

She couldn’t do it.

You have to hurry, Liv. I can’t hold on any longer.

She realised that she was no longer the Olivia he knew, not anymore. She would never be that person again.

But she still loved him. She would do anything for Rafael. Anything.

But this.

She backed away, tears spilling over, her breath coming out in ragged sobs. She didn’t know that vampires could cry, she though they were without emotions. But her tears kept coming.

“Rafa,” she whispered. “Rafa, I love you. I love you so much.”

With that, she severed the link between them, and watched as the machines started beeping faster and eventually stopped. She watched, hidden, as nurses ran into the room and started useless procedures of revival and finally covered his beautiful face with a white sheet. As they left the room, she approached Rafael’s cold body, and pulled back the sheet.

He looked peaceful in death. Peace was something that she would never know again. Something in her broke, shattered completely, and she would never, ever be the same again.

“Goodbye,” she whispered, pressing a kiss onto his cold lips. “We will never meet again. Not in this lifetime, not in the next, not in this world.” They were going completely different places. Where Rafael’s soul would go, was no longer a place Olivia could enter.

She turned, and fled the hospital room.

She stood at the ledge of the hospital roof, her gown fluttering in the wind, where she could see almost nothing but dots and speckles that represented cars, and other people. Those who still lived. She wasn’t planning to jump; she doubted that the plunge could kill her.

What happened in that instant she was about to make him what she was? She closed her eyes, trying to calm the surge of thoughts in her head.

In the end, she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t subject the one she loved to this dark world that she was now part of. She could condemn herself, condemn herself to hellfire and eternal damnation, but she could not condemn Rafael. She could not bring herself to save him from Death and in return, gave him a fate that was worse than Death.

In her moment of confusion and desperation, she had allowed herself to think that she could change the future. She thought that Elliot could save Rafael. And there could be a happily ever after them, even if they would never walk in the light again.

There was little cause to go back to her former existence. The elements that spurned the life force of the former Olivia Benson no longer existed. Her salvation, her beloved and her life.

Her condemnation was completed; she was a creature of the night, cursed to roam the nights, endless nights until time stopped. She would live with the knowledge that she could not be saved from the depths of eternal hell.

As she looked up the heavens and stars above, wondering if she still had the right to do so, her last tears spilled out of her eyes. After tonight, there would be no more reason for her to cry, or to feel any sort of emotion. She focused on the stars, and wonder if Rafael’s soul was among them, wondering if he could see her.

She hoped not.

She stood up, and her mask fell from her hand, tumbling down to the street below, and with it, the final vestige of who she was. There would be a new life for her. She was bound to Elliot, her Creator, who would teach her how to live her new life. One of the Damned.

Olivia Benson is dead.

[irishavengersassemble]

There Could Never Be A Father Who Loves His Daughter More Then I Love You

Hello lovlies!  This is my first time writing Elliot! I hope you like it! Sorry It’s a little longer then originally planned!

(Law and Order: SVU/Blue Bloods Crossover)

Elliot x Daughter Reader

Gif not mine!

“ Dad I was wondering if I can stop by later?” You asked placing the phone firmly up to your ear. “ Yeah of course.” “ Sweetheart is everything okay?” “ Yes everything’s fine Dad.” The words tumbled from your mouth a little faster then you’d expected.

“ So I’ll stop by at around eight.” “ I’ll bring dinner.” “ Alright kiddo.” “ I’ll see you then love you.” “ Love you too Dad.” You retorted before hanging up the phone.

  A weary sigh fell across your lips as you collapsed against the counter in your tiny apartment. Staring over at your retired military dog Captain you let out a groan. He raised his head sending a sympathetic glance in your direction.

  “ What?” “ Stop looking at me like that you’re making me nervous.” You exclaimed running a hand through your shoulder length honey colored locks. 

The large German Shepard let out a short bark as if to apologize.

  “ It’s fine.” You concluded staring the photo of you and your dad that was taken a few years prior at your high school graduation. He had a large smile on his face as you held up your diploma with a grin.

  Being the oldest daughter of an SVU detective for the NYPD had always come with its challenges but even with them you’d always maintained a close relationship with your father.

You’d always had a very decent head on your shoulders of course that probably came with having five younger siblings to keep an eye on.

You’d been a good kid not having any issues with underage drinking or drugs. Drinking had never interested after having seen what it could do to a person. Letting out another sigh you decided to clean your apartment to pass the time.

  “ Everything okay?” Olivia commented as Elliot set his phone down letting out a small sigh.

“ Yeah… That was Y/N.”  “She’s going to stop by later on tonight.” “ You seem pretty stressed El.” “ Is she okay?” “ She said that she wants to talk.” “ That’s all?”

  “ Yeah but she’s been acting off for the past few weeks.” Elliot retorted with a concerned expression. “ I’m sure everything’s fine.” “ Y/N’s a great kid.”

“ She’s only twenty-one and she’s had her own apartment since she was nineteen. Not to mention that she’s been going to school full time and working at the coffee shop across from her apartment.” The brunette confirmed placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

  “ We’re always so honest with each other.” “ I just can’t help but worry that she’s in trouble.” The dark haired man confessed his blue eyes shining with concern.

  Stumbling into your dad’s apartment later on that night you were surprised you managed  to balance all of the Chinese takeout you had without dropping anything.

  “ Dad?” You called setting all of the containers on the counter top in his kitchen.

  “ Hey Sweetheart.” “ Is that Mushu Palace?” The man asked padding into the kitchen and pressing a loving kiss to the side of your head.

  “ Would it be anything else Dad?” You chuckled handing him the things you’d ordered for him.

 “ Do you want a water or anything?” He asked as he opened the fridge. “ Sure thanks.” You retorted catching the water bottle he tossed to you with ease.

 “ Why don’t you go put on a movie?” “ I’ll be there in a second.” Your dad suggested.

  “ What did you put on?” He asked as he took a seat next to you on his tiny couch.

  “ Star Wars.” You confirmed softly.

“ Alright.” You both began eating your food taking in the comfortable silence as you did. Multiple thoughts were running through your head as you tried to figure out how to bring up such a large thing to your dad.

The two of you had always had an amazing trusting relationship as you’d grown up. While your sister Maureen  always had a harder time following rules she’d had her issues with your dad while growing up.

  Not to say you never had your issues but given your dad’s line of work. It was as though you’d been born with a more mature way of seeing the world. There was danger and a need of justice but in those dark things there was also beauty and good things as well.

  Your hands went to wipe at your jeans as you tried to ease the moisture that was building on your sweaty palms.

“ So…” Your dad started his piercing blue eyes that were an exact replica to your e/c glancing over at you. “ So.” You repeated setting down your food carton on the coffee table in front of you.

  “ What did you want to tell me?”

  Peaking over at your father you let out a shaky breath trying to figure out bringing up the reason you’d come over. He gently reached over taking one of your hands in his.

“ I just want you to know that whatever it is.” “ I’ll love and support you no matter what.” He confirmed his eyes shining with love and worry. “ I can tell you’ve been stressed lately Sweetheart.”

“ Wow… I’m that easy to read huh?” You teased.

  Your face suddenly went back to its concerned expression. “ You know how I’ve been going to school for language translations?” He just gave you a quick nod. His full attention was on you, waiting for you to continue.

  “ Well… I man there’s no easy way to say this!” “ Take your time.” He soothed giving your hand a comforting squeeze.

“ During one of my breaks about six months ago.”

  “ Officer Jamie Reagan came in.” “ He’s a usual at the coffee shop.”

“ I had just finished up his order when I saw it.” “ A shady looking man came out of nowhere tackling an old lady and snatching her purse. “ Without a second thought something came over me.”

“ Before I knew what was happening my instincts seemed to take over.” “ I’d leapt over the counter and jumped the guy keeping him pinned face first to the floor.”

“ Officer Reagan took over after that.” “ The lady was pretty banged up but otherwise unharmed.

     “ Reagan asked my boss if I could be given the rest of the day off.” “ My boss agreed and…”

“ Well we got to talking and he gave me his card in case I ever wanted or needed to talk.” “ He left with saying that I’d make a pretty good cop.” You retorted taking in a gulp of air as you continued with your story.

  “When I went to bed later on that night its like everything clicked for me dad. “ I’ve been unsure as to what to do my life.” “ I’ve always had a different perspective my own way of seeing the world.”

 “ I headed to work the next morning only to find Reagan waiting for me at his usual table with an extra coffee for me. “ “ He asked me to sit down.” “ I did and he asked if I’d made up my mind yet.” “ The funny thing is its like my heart knew what I was saying before my brain did.”

  “ What I’m trying to say Dad… Is that I’ve joined the police academy.”  “I already finished all of my college credits needed to join.”

“ I was able to get in pretty quickly thanks to some strings on Jamie’s part.” “ I’m almost done with the first part of my training.” “ I’m so sorry.”  “I should have told you from the very beginning but I was…” You retorted not meeting his eyes.

  “ Y/N” “ Sweetheart look at me please?” Your father asked his voice soft. Peaking up at him you found nothing but love and pride.

  “ From the moment you were born.” “ I vowed to do everything in my power to protect you and be the kind of father you needed me to be.” “ If you feel that being a cop is what you’re supposed to do then you do it.” “ Do you want to know why I know you’ll make a pretty damn good cop?”

“ Why?” You whispered feeling tears prick your eyes at your father’s words.

“ Because you always stay true to who you are.” “ You know what you believe and you stick with it.”  “Plus you’ve always had heart for helping people.”

“ I’m so proud of you.” “ I just wish you would have come to me sooner.” “ Thank you Daddy.” You choked out throwing your arms around him in a hug.

  “ You’re welcome Sweetheart.” He breathed holding you in a hug.  “Please know you don’t have to keep things from me.”

    “ I know Daddy.” “ I was just so worried.” “ I mean I know that being a cop can have its risks but…” “ Did you really expect to be the only Stabler in the field?”

  A grin found its way to your mouth as he let out a deep chuckle.

“ In all honesty no.”“ I figured this was going to happen sometime in the future but I figured it would be your brother.”

“ Are you saying just because I’m a woman I won’t make a good cop?” You questioned in mock surprise.

  “ Not at all.” “ I was going to say Aunt Liv wouldn’t let you live up to that one.” “ That is a very valid point.” He grinned when you pulled away letting your head land on his chest.

 “ I love you so much Daddy.” You whispered as he wrapped his arms around you keeping you close.

“ I love you too Sweetheart.”  “No matter how old you get you’ll always be my baby.” He confirmed placing a kiss along your head.

  The sound of your name being called snapped you from your bustling thoughts as you made your way across the stage. You heard tons of clapping as you finally made it over to the head of the academy.

Staring out into the crowd you were met with the smiling faces of Olivia, Fin, Munch the rest of the team, your siblings, and both of your parents.

Everyone clapped loudly as you were finally decorated as an official member of the NYPD. Jamie gave you a thumbs up as you stood there with the rest of your academy buddies waiting for the ceremony to be over.

As soon as the ceremony was finished you were engulfed into a massive hug and swept off the ground.

  “ I’m so proud of you.” Jamie exclaimed proudly. In the time that you’d known him the man had become like an older brother to you. You’d even started partaking in the Reagan family dinner’s on occasion.

  “ J-am-ie I c-can-t br-eathe.” You choked out as the man set you down on your feet.

“ Sorry kid.” “ Umm I’ll go bug Erin.” “ It looks like someone wants to see you.” The sandy haired man retorted before leaving you alone.

  “ Are you too old to give your old man a hug?” A warm voice questioned from behind you.

Without warning you leapt into his arms wrapping your legs around his waist in the process. “ I’ll never be too old for that Daddy.” “ Of course it might me more difficult to hug you like this when you’re in your eighties.” You concluded with a chuckle.

“ Ha ha very funny.” He breathed keeping a protective hold on you. “ I’m so proud of you Sweetheart.” “ Thank you Daddy.” You whispered placing a kiss on his cheek as he carefully set you down.

You kept your hold on him though earning a small laugh from him.

  “ Are you going to let me go?”

“ I will in a minute.” “ Thank you for never giving up on me and believing. I could do this.” “ I never doubted you couldn’t do whatever you put your mind too.”

Pulling away you peaked up at him your e/c gaze meeting his warm blue that were brimming with emotion. “ You know when I was little and people would automatically ask me who my favorite superhero was?”

“ Yeah?”

“ Well I always told people the same thing.” “ Its you.” “ No matter how old I get or how much changes in my life.” “ You’ll always be my hero.”

“ I just wanted you to know that if it wasn’t for you… I wouldn’t be standing here before you today.” You confirmed with tears in your eyes.

  Your dad let out a small noise before pulling you against his chest.

  “ There could never be a father who loves his daughter more then I love you.” He promised pressing a loving kiss to your forehead.

A watery smile founds its way to your lips.  As you enjoyed the beauty of this private moment the two of you would remember for the rest of your lives.