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[rk1kheadcanons]

Markus and Connor are secret dating b/c Connor doesn't wanna be out to the world yet. The Jericrew (-Connor) go drinking and Markus gets *drunk* and starts rambling about his boyf after he rebuffs an advance made by a lady at the bar super sappily, but no matter how hard the others press him, they just get "oh, his eyes are the color of warm chocolate..." answers as to who this boyf is

You would never know Markus was drunk.

He didn’t stutter or slur when he spoke, he didn’t sway or trip over his feet. He didn’t giggle goofily or speak overly loud. He was perfectly composed, as much the charismatic android sober as he was when he was intoxicated.

What he did do, however, was go on long monologues like a Shakespearian stage actor.

Which would be fine, if Markus’ favorite subject to wax poetic about wasn’t his mysterious boyfriend, whom he’d sworn not to reveal the identity of until they were ready. Which would also be fine, if that mysterious boyfriend wasn’t Connor, who was often sitting right next to him (and slowly but surely bluescreening his way into that big Windows XP wallpaper in the sky) as he sang and lathered compliment after compliment, steadily giving away clues that were so blatant that it was a miracle that no one had figured them out yet.

Markus never remembered what he’d done the next day, and whenever Connor mercilessly played back his memories, his poor lover was as embarrassed as he was apologetic. Connor could hardly begrudge him (frankly he didn’t know what sane person on this planet could ever begrudge Markus, but that was just Connor’s correct opinion). What could they even do about it? Should he demand Markus consciously control himself? It wasn’t like Connor was any better at it. Give the RK800 too many AMB’s (Adios Motherboards) and he would be on top of the nearest table and scream-singing his every professionally repressed emotion, regardless if it was a karaoke bar or not. Hence why he never imbibed more than he could handle when they were around their friends. The last thing he wanted to do was sloppily propose to Markus after a long and terrible rendition of K-Ci and JoJo.

And Connor wouldn’t dream of telling Markus to measure the contents of his drink like Connor did. Not when his breaks were so rare, and getting him to relax and let loose was like pulling teeth.

It was just in the cards that their big revelation as a couple would be in a random bar at 3AM, with Markus saying something along the lines of “my boyfriend’s name starts with a C and rhymes with Donner”, and Connor had made peace with that.

“Scarlet woman!” Markus cried, at some random bar at 3AM, surrounded by their drunken comrades. Ah, would this be the night? Connor thought, on the correct side of buzzed as he watched on from the table right next to them, a heady mix of dread and amusement running through his computer soul. “Jezebel! How d a r e you solicit my happily taken hand!”

The waitress, who looked like she regretted serving their table, let alone attempting to get the number from the happily taken hand, raised her hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry,” she said peaceably and with the calm air of someone who dealt with drunks as a job choice, “just trying to shoot my shot, ya know?”

Markus nodded at her magnanimously, because he was a kind and forgiving man even as a drunken buffoon. “Fret not. I pardon you of this most heinous slight, for if you knew the one to own my heart, you would understand that no other could compare.”

“Sure thing dude,” she said goodnaturedly, packing up and replacing drinks around their tables expertly, and parting with a “have a good night Romeo.”

“But who can no other compare to? WHOMST??” asked North, throwing her torso onto the table and looking up at Markus pleadingly.

“We’ve ruled out Jerry #451, Claudia, Baris from accounting, and Jerry #36,” Simon rattled off. He was looking down at a napkin that he had scribbled the names of all of their potential suspects. “I’ve got it. It’s Baris.”

North rolled her eyes. “We already said it wasn’t Baris.”

“Ohhh. Right, right.” Simon nodded his head and continued to not cross off the names of the people they had decided against, as he had been doing all night.

“How about you describe them a little?” Josh put in, reasonable, and therefore slightly less wasted than everyone else. “Hair color? Height? Eyes? Something?”

“Nay, I must not speak thusly!” Markus declared, back of his hand over his forehead and everything. “For if I were to tread down that forbidden road, I would surely not be able to stop myself from breaking our sacred oath of secrecy!”

“Oh my goOOOOOOOd I hate this fucking oaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaath,” North threw her head back and cried to heavens, which, considering her positon, was probably going to be hell on her neck come morning. “Come on! Break your oath! Be like Thor and wield oathbreaker goddamnit!”

“You might be thinking of Stormbreaker,” Connor added, the need to try and reason with alcoholics apparently embedded in his programming.

North narrowed her eyes at him, or rather his torso, since her chin was very resolutely still resting on the table. “If you think I’m thinking right now then you are drunker than I am.”

Connor lifted his barely touched glass to her in a toast because how dare she be lucid enough to clap back so quickly. A well deserved rebuttal fucking cheers.

“Glasses!” Josh exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “Do they wear glasses? That should narrow down some people.”

“That’s right! That’ll tell us if they’re an android or not. Androids don’t wear glasses! Our eyes are like...fucking...better and shit!”

“Unless….” Simon narrowed his eyes, pausing dramatically. “....they do.”

North gasped. Josh put his hands on either side of face, muttering; “holy fucking shit he’s right.”

Markus scoffed. “Their eyes do not hide behind paltry spectacles! His beautiful orbs, so soft and caring when his gaze lands upon my person, seeing into my very soul, are the warmest chocolate brown!”

‘Ah shit here we go,’ Connor thought, wishing not for the first time that he could just down his drink and join everyone else in blissful, idiotic cavorting. The soft, melodic piano and crooning words of All My Life playing over the speaker stayed his hand. Best not take any chances

“HE!” Simon burst out, tipping over in his chair. “He say he! Them is He!”

“Are we talkin’ Hershey’s or Dove?”

“Ghirardelli you fucking plebs!”

“Oi!” North banged her hand on the table so hard it left a handprint indented in the wood. It was one amongst many however, and not all of them left by their party. Such was the price for serving android drinks at a human bar - you either shelled out for sturdier furniture or the dents and chips became a charming aspect of your décor. “Don’t get spicy with us Sir Lancelot!”

“Apologies fair maiden,” Markus responded easily. He took her hand delicately and made a sweeping bow over it. “Alas, my passions got away from me.” He dropped her hand and whirled around, coat billowing with the movement and most assuredly by accident, placing both hands to his thirium pump. “Conjuring up the magnificent images that is the love of my life oft times sends my emotions into a tizzy! His hair; cloud like in my grasp as I run my fingers threw earthen chestnut tendrils - ”

‘Hhhhhhhhhhhhn so many adjectives Markus whyyyyyyyyyy,’ Connor wheezed internally. He didn’t bother trying to keep down his blush. Markus was nowhere near done laying on the compliments and he’d be subjecting himself to an endless loop of canceling the process. Besides, he could just blame it on the alcohol. Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol - wait no. What!? WHAT. Connor looked down at his drink and saw, to his mounting horror, that the glass was emptier than it had been a few minutes ago. Goddamn his automated rest mode cycle for transforming into fidgeting whenever he was nervous! He resolutely pushed the glass out of his immediate reach.

Nines, who was quietly sitting next to him, hunched over and taking notes on his own napkin, snapped his head up to attention when the glass brushed against his arm. His younger brother was looking from Connor to Markus, eyes narrowed suspiciously as Markus carried on. Connor didn’t like that look at all. It was always a risk inviting Nines to their little outings, the only thing Connor could bank on was Nines passing out - as his dear little bro was a notorious light weight - before his deductive skills could pierce through his drunken haze. Apparently Nines had chosen tonight of all nights, where Markus had never been more obvious about their relationship, to bloody pace himself.

If he could, Connor would be sweating bullets.

“ - a wit SO SHARP!!” Markus declared, foot now planted on his chair and shaking his fist to the ceiling as if it had insulted one of Carl’s paintings, “that neither an UNDEAD HOARD nor a POLITICIAN’S EGO could survive it’s precision strike!!”

“Brown hair, brown eyes, banger body, smarty pants, good at analyzing shit, likes animals” North listed off, holding a hand up and ticking a finger down. “Well that rules out all the Jerrys; they’re all redheads and they’re pretty aggressive about it - except for Jerry #86. Is your man-squeeze Jerry #86?”

“No no no last I heard Jerry #86 is dating Hatsume Miku’s bodyguard; Android Lucy Lawless.” said Simon.

“Tch. Lucky,” pouted North.

“Oh wow, she really kept that name huh?” Josh said, voice faint with wonder and disbelief. “That’s such a mouthful.”

“And who are you to question a Queen!?” snapped North.

“Huzzah and many blessings to the fortuitous couple!” Markus cheered, toasting a stein of frothy blue intoxication that looked as cartoonish as it did poisonous to the sky, knocking it back in several impressive gulps and slamming it back on the table. “BUT NEITHER OF THEM CAN COMPARE TO THE BEAUTY AND GRACE THAT IS MY LOVE!!” he boomed, louder and more British by the second. “WHO’S CURIOSITY AND INTELLECT A CHERISHED BOON TO I, BUT A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION TO HIS ENEMIES - !”

North slapped her hand on the table several times, the proverbial light bulb lighting up in her eyes - oh. No not proverbial. There was currently little lightbulb emojis pictured in her pupils. Yet another drunken download added to the bill. Connor was glad he’d drawn the long straw on ‘irresponsible buying duty’ tonight. No doubt there would be a lot of strange receipts to sort through in the morning. “Oh! I know I know! It’s Josh!”

So startled by this declaration/accusation, Josh jumped in his seat. “What!?”

“Brown hair, brown eyes, hot, obnoxious, smart - everything FITS!”

“...he didn’t say obnoxious,” Josh muttered, then physically shook sanity back into himself. “It can’t be me. I think I’d know if I was dating Markus!”

Simon leaned in closer towards Josh, arm on the table, determination in his mien. “But what if…” Without breaking eye contact with his friend, he smoothly cracked open his Thirium berry blast bahama mama banana punch wine cooler, and proceeded to pour it just two centimeters off from his glass, all over the table. “You don’t know.”

Josh was shook in the face of this evidence. North narrowed her eyes so hard that they were just closed at this point. “Highly suspicious.”

“No. Nooooo. No? No! Of course I’m not. Right Markus?”

Markus steepled his fingers together and cackled in a way that most people would find concerning, but Connor just found it adorable. He would saving that in his memory banks. “I’ll never tell~,” he sing songed.

“H i g h l y s u s p i c i o u s.”

“I know who it is,” Nines suddenly said, calm but with such confidence that he was easily heard amidst the ruckus. He had his elbows planted on the table, chin resting upon his entwined fingers. Steele grey eyes swept over the now quiet group, everyone waiting with baited breath.

“Grant us your wisdom ‘o soothsayer,” Markus whispered, eyes wide with anticipation and literally perched on the edge of his seat. Connor seriously measured the pros and cons of just throwing his portion of the tab on the table and yeeting himself out of the window.

“It’s Sixty.”

Immediately the room erupted into scoffs and hisses of disbelief. North gave him a thumbs down and cupped her hand to her mouth, letting a long, “Booooo!”

“Why are you booing me I’m right!”

“BoooOOooOOOOOoooooo!” Markus, Josh and Simon joined in.

Connor blinked, and suddenly felt all of his concerns about Nines’ being the lynch pin in solving this mystery evaporate. If Markus transformed into a C grade Shakespeare impersonator when drunk, and Connor subconsciously wanted to be recruited by America’s Got Talent, then Nines became a consummate dumbass.

“That’s it!” North exploded. “Ten dollars says it’s Jerry #92! I caught him in a wig once!” She stood up, her chair sliding back from the force, and slammed a note on the table.

Simon also stood up with equal intensity. “Twenty says it’s Josh!” He reached into his pocket and slammed its contents onto the table. When he removed his hand six lego pieces, a My Little Pony leg, and two actual diamonds were revealed. Connor hoped dearly that the bartender cut Simon off soon.

“It’s not me!” Josh said exasperated. He paused, then pointedly pulled out some money and threw it in the pot as well. “I put forty on Brenden.”

“Bull! Shit!” North declared. “Fitness guru Brenden!? No way!”

“He fits the criteria.”

“I doubt ‘How To Tell If An Android Has Welded on Parts from China vs Russia in their Selfies’ videos on his YouTube channel is the kind analysis Markus was talking about.”

“You don’t know that! He didn’t specify...”

As the two continued to argue, with Simon chiming in with some non sequitur, and Nines tutting about these ‘ignorant fools and their blindness to the evidence presented’, Connor looked over to Markus. He was quiet. He had his elbow perched precariously on the edge of the table, his cheek resting on his fist, a small hat (that was not there literally two minutes ago) was on his head, folded from one of the bar napkins.

And he was looking at Connor as if he hung the moon and stars.

‘How could the world not already know,’ Connor thought, soft and warm inside, happy merely to be in his line of sight, ‘When he looks at me like that?’

Connor picked up his glass and lifted it. “One hundred dollars on Sixty.”

Chaos erupted. Nines threw his arms up and hooted like he’d won the super bowl. Josh tried to explain to him how that was mathematically impossible. North shook her head and warned him that he would live on the streets with an answer like that. Simon pulled out a Yu-Gi-Oh! Card and said he would give him this Charizard if he agreed with him that Josh was Markus’ secret boyfriend. Connor withheld himself from trying to convince drunk people that this was not how betting worked.

Maybe Connor shouldn’t worry so much about their relationship being discovered after all. At this rate, no one would know about he and Markus being together until the wedding invites.

[asunachinadoll]

which of your fics...

I was tagged by the amazing @captainandors! Thank you so much for thinking of me! These are always super fun :)))

...did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got:

Honestly, I try not to have certain audience reaction expectations whenever I post something. There are loads of factors that go into people clicking on to a fic, and it just kinda varies from day-to-day.

With that being said, one fic that I hoped would get more attention is breathe in the stardust and feel yourself become whole. It’s the second fic in my Mando series, and at the time it seemed that a lot of people were going to read it, especially after my first Mando fic got so many hits/kind comments. But it didn’t quite get the attention I thought it would. It’s okay though, the people who did read it ended up really liking it, so that helped a lot :))

...is your funniest:

Uhh... okay, I’m not the funniest or the wittiest person, so I tend to have a hard time being funny in my writing. A lot of what I’ve written tends to be more of a cutesy-funny than a haha-funny, if that makes any sense lol. The only fic that I think could fit in this category is my first Detroit: Become Human fanfic titled Baby-talk that I wrote with the intention of silliness. You can also definitely tell it was early into my fanfic writing days LOL

...is your darkest/angstiest:

Lol I’ve written so much angst that it’s hard to gauge which is the angstiest. And on top of that, each fic is angsty in its own regard due to the situation/characters involved. BUT I have to go with sound the bugle now (play it just for me). It was an Iron Dad snippet I wrote down and decided to post because I felt like posting something haha. It’s full of delicious whump and then ends with an ambiguous ending that a few people have commented they want me to resolve. What’s worse is that I don’t think I ever will :))))))))

...is your absolute favorite:

I have to go with and even though we’re galaxies apart? darling, I’ll be there to catch you. That one is my pride and joy. It was my first fic that I think really established my current writing style, and I will forever love it for that. AND it led me to meeting lots of cool people on here <333

...is your least favorite:

I don’t exactly have a least favorite? What I mean is that I knew my mindset at the time of writing the fic, and with rereads I remember that mindset and the work that went into it. I DEFINITELY have things I would change, but I don’t really dislike a specific one. If anything I’m indifferent towards it while acknowledging that I’ve grown from it. 

...was the easiest to write:

Depends on the day for me lol. There are a few that I wrote pretty easily i.e. in an afternoon, but those were from prompt fills that I could write little ficlets for. Probably the last Rebelcaptain ask fic I posted titled in love with the one who can break my heart. I wrote and edited it in a few hours, and people’s reactions to it are priceless XDD

...was the hardest to write:

It’s definitely between breathe in the stardust and my love is not an illusion. Both took me months to write with lots and lots of editing in between. I love the end result of them though ^w^

...has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph (share it):

I mean... all a lot of the exchanges I write are completely self indulgent so I tend to like a ton of them. I’ll share my favs between these two fics:

my heart is with yours in another life

“Thank you,” she says, squeezing his hand before stepping back and breaking their circle of warmth. “For the dance.”

“Thank you, too,” he replies. “I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if you had said no.”

She smothers a laugh against her knuckles, biting her lip.

“I would never have said no.”

She flashes him a smile before walking back to the curtain. She parts it, before looking over her shoulder. He is still watching her.

She tells him, “Ask me again someday.”

He does not hesitate. “Okay.”

and i can’t remember life before your name

“Ready?” She asks aloud. She goes to move, but he seizes her arm.

“Wait,” he urges.

“What—”

He doesn’t hear the rest, pushing her back against the wall. A surprised noise escapes her throat as he captures her mouth with his. She’s caught off guard by the fierceness of him, his nose bumping hers and teeth against teeth. But she kisses him back in kind, bracing herself with a shift of her heels, parting her mouth beneath his.

He hears a scuffle off to his right. He does not pull away, and with a flick of his wrist, the threat is removed. Her lips curl into a proud smile, and he kisses that too.

...have you re-read the most:

I actually don’t know lol... I’ve reread all of them at least a handful of times. 

...would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time:

Probably and even though we’re galaxies apart?... Like I said, I love that one hehe

...are you most proud of:

If you couldn’t tell by now 😅😅

I tag: @amukmuk @plainrea @eatsleepandsing @sadieandor @woahpip @nikibogwater @oh-nostalgiaa @emiliaf25 @incognitajones @foxlace and whoever else wants to join in!! 💕💕💕

[bananabrianna77]

I’ve been tagged by @windyfiend! Thank you so much!!! :D

Question 1: Are you named after someone?

Nope! But my name does have somewhat of a funny story.

For the first 2 days of my life, my name was Marissa. That was the name my mom adored, and while my dad actually preferred the name Brianna, he relented. When my grandpa called my dad asking about me, he, for the life of him, could not understand what my name was. “Melissa?” “Merlissa?” “Marlissa?”

After attempt #4, my dad replied “No. Her name is Brianna.”

And that was that.

Question 2: When was the last time you cried?

2 weeks ago I think

Question 3: Do you have/want kids?

Duuude I love kiddos! I think much further down the line I’d like to, but I’d have to figure some things out first

Question 4: do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not as often or as well as my sister, but definitely. Making people laugh is one of my favorite things in the world

Question 5: What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Ooooh this one’s tricky, cuz I don’t really pay attention to how I do that. For lack of a better term, I think I focus on what “vibes” they give off and how those vibes make me feel. I know that term makes me sound like some hipster from the 80’s, but I think it’s people’s energy, their enthusiasm, that draws me in.

Question 6: What’s your eye color?

Grayish blue!

Question 7: Scary movie or happy ending?

Happy endings all the way. Scary movies just fill me with anxiety, haha. Though, I do tend to rate movies on how often they made me cry - especially with “I feel so good and happy and relieved everything is going to be okay” tears. Happy endings after hard times feel so rewarding.

Question 8: Any specific talents?

Uhhhhh I spend hours every day daydreaming about the little worlds in my head. Don’t think that necessarily counts, but I’ve become extremely acute to characterization, plot, and little writey tidbits. I’m the most annoying editor cuz I’ve got this weird eye for detail and will make 30 comments for a single paragraph, but I’m too scared to write my own ideas down haha.

Other “talents” include memorizing weird stuff (every country in the world/bones in the body/periodic table/50+ digits of pi) and video editing. I can also flip my tongue upside down!!!

Question 9: Where were you born?

I was born and raised in the state of cows and cheese: Wisconsin.

Question 10: what are your hobbies?

Daydreaming, graphic design, robotics, video editing, dungeons and dragons, reading, and endlessly scrolling tumblr

Question 11: do you have any pets?

YES!!! I have two beautiful cactus children named Rupert and Chloe and three pet rocks named George, Lenny, and Ralph, respectively.

Question 12: what sports do you play/have you played?

Ooof I used to play soccer in elementary school. It’s so weird to think about because I am not at all fluent in the Language of Sports-Ball now.

Question 13: how tall are you?

Five feet, five and a half inches. 5’5.5” hehe

Question 14: favorite subject in school?

A toss up between my engineering and graphic arts classes, I love both dearly

Question 15: dream job?

Ever since I was a wee smol I knew I wanted to be an engineer. Think I’ve narrowed it down to industrial engineering now

I shall tag @dahrissy, @cheeky-da-monkey, @emiliaf25, @evelinaonline, @conspiring-lizard, and anyone else who’s up for it!

[rk1kheadcanons]

I really like oblivious Connor and trying too hard Markus, like he's been flirting for months and poor Connor has no idea

This was it.

This was the last straw.

Markus had tried everything. EVERYTHING. No book lay unturned. No dating website went unsearched. No source of advice went unasked. He’d even talked to Leo. LEO of all people. The man who fucked a hot pocket right after putting it in the microwave! Who had Markus tell the nurses that his injury was the result of a freak lava accident. The sheer idiocy of it all had almost caused him to deviate.

That’s how desperate Markus was.

Compliments on Connor’s clothes and looks; met with a bemused smile.

Gifts; met with gifts in return, with a little post it note attached wishing Markus a happy “insert obscure holiday here”. Yes, getting a “Happy Sloth Appreciation Day” note along with a hoodie with the aforementioned animal printed in the center was adorable. Did it get Markus anywhere closer past that ever widening gap of friendship? Absolutely not.

Pick up lines. Oh. You can just forget about pick up lines. Leave them at home, locked away, never to be used or mentioned again.

“Hey Connor. My name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?”

Far from eliciting any kind of shy smile or flustered reaction, Connor immediately went on alert. All of the files he had been holding dropped to the ground as he took Markus by the shoulders. “What? You have a virus! How is that possible!? My scans aren’t detecting any malware!”

“U-uh,” Markus said, instead of I now see how this was a very stupid way to try and get your attention in a romantic fashion.

“Are you still crashing!? Talk to me Markus!”

An embarrassing visit to the android technician later and a now incorrect assumption that Markus was so old he ran on Windows Vista, and Markus was no closer to getting a date than he was since he started this venture.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, Markus thought as he brought his lighter closer to the array of fireworks at his feet. He was currently at the park that he knew Connor often took walks on. He had everything planned out. He was going to set off these here fireworks, see? Which would come perfectly into Connor’s view (because he’d timed everything perfectly). And Connor would see, in a beautiful display of colors and patterns, a message. That message would say: Connor (RK800-51), would you like to go on a date with me, Markus (RK200 aka revolution guy)? A romantic date, not a friendship date.

Clear, concise, and to the point. Much like the hard headed android of his affections was.

And he was about to set this perfect plan in motion when: 

“Hello Markus-”

“AH!” Markus jumped a foot in the air but thankfully kept hold of the lighter. He whirled around, and there was Connor, bedecked in a sweatpants and a yellow tank top that was just tight enough to accentuate his figure and the collar low enough that the cut of his collar bone was exposed and ready for uhhhh what was happing again????

“ -kus? Markus? Are you alright? You haven’t crashed again have you - ”

“NOPE! Nooo. No crashing. I’m - I’m just fine.”

“You’re sur - ”

“YUP! Everything is in...working order.” Markus sighed, running his hand over his head as embarrassment flooded his systems. He just haaaad to use the one pick up line that made him seem like a geriatric. Good job Markus you’re really killing it here.

Connor tilted his head in that adorable way of his, very clearly marking the vast amount of fireworks behind Markus, in the not so adorable this is probably illegal (in retrospect) to have in a public park kind of way. “So ah...what are you up to over here?”

“Nothing I...” Markus took a breath. He didn’t want to dig himself into another Microsoft hole again, so he thought it best to take the L and just not bother explaining this whole mess at all. Let it not be said that Markus didn’t learn from his past mistakes.

Instead, Markus dropped to one knee, took Connor’s hand in his, and said with all the sincerity he could must; “Connor, would you go on a date with me?”

“Yes.”

“As in - wait.” Markus did a double take. No. It couldn’t be that easy. “Did you say yes?”

Connor smiled beatifically. “I did.”

“As in...romantically, right?”

“Of course.” Connor’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Are there other kinds of dates?”

“Nope! NOOPE! This is it.” Markus felt a little bad about not explaining the intricacies of dating, but he was so happy that for once his words weren’t being misinterpreted there was no way in rA9 or Kamski’s hell they were going to backslide back into that territory. He’d tell Connor about the nuances later.

After all, a desperate man does not look a gift horse in the mouth, as they say.

[rk1kheadcanons]

smol hc: Being the only RK models, CyberLife used some of Markus's base code in Connor's program. Emotions & empathy for social integration, and also some caretaking protocols in case emergency repairs/first aid are needed on the job (IE reactivating the Traci at the Eden Club, or diagnosing & "treating" Hank's ethylic coma LOL). I love the idea of Con getting to take care of Markus for once if he gets injured doing Rebel Leader Things™

🥺 Anon. I love this HC so much. Connor having some caretaker protocols is...yes. Absolutely. The jury is out and they find the defendant correct.

___

When Markus limped into his office, practically hopping on one foot every other step, all he wanted to do was bulldoze through his paperwork so he could go home and forget today ever happened. He’d taken a pretty hard hit earlier when a counter protester at their rally thought it was just a capital idea to hurl a brick into the crowd. Much more surprising than the sudden brick to the knee, though, was the (almost terrifying in it’s rapidness) reaction from the crowd. The guy was immediately apprehended and cursed out by human supporters and androids alike. It was wild. His bodyguards barely had to do any work. Markus swore he heard a human yell that thirium shots were on them after this, amidst a chorus of responding cheers. Nothing brings people together like a communal ass whoopin’? Apparently??

God he really hoped that human didn’t drink any thirium. Markus still had nightmares about Leo accidentally mixing up his blue raspberry jello shot with his drink, nevermind the fact that thirium consumables smelled like laundry detergent and poison as purposeful deterrents.  

“Are you sure you don’t want to go see the technician?” said Simon who, as his designated babysitter while North and Josh handled the fallout of the rally, followed into his office after him. 

“Naaahh,” Markus drawled, waving the hand that was grasping a pen as if he could wave away the problem altogether. Not for the first time he wished the government would catch up with the rest of the world and just go paperless. Reading over and signing these tedious documents would be a lot less painful to do if they would just let him download it into his mind like a sensible person would. “I barely feel it, plus my Regenerative Program has already kicked in. By the time I get to the med bay it’ll probably be all fixed.”

“Uh huh,” Simon unconvinced at him. “How long till you’re repaired.”

Markus pulled up the damage report in his HUD. “About six…”  he stared at the readings for a moment longer and, much to Simon’s chagrin, went back to doing his paperwork.

“...six what?”

“Bahhh,” Markus waved his hand again unhelpfully. Truthfully, he didn’t know how to make this sound better. Hopefully, his innate charm would cover for his trash convincing. “Ya know…”

“No. I do not know. What is it? Six minutes?”

Markus grunted.

“Hours!?”

Markus slumped lower in his chair. “Mmmhumph.”

“....Markus,” Simon started in a low warning voice. “If it’s days so help me I’m going to take out your other knee - ”

The door slammed open, startling Simon out of his threat, which was definitely about to escalate to more than Markus’ other knee once he found out it was six weeks. 

“Connor!”

“Good morning Simon,” Connor greeted briskly, expression stormy as he made a beeline for Markus like the man possesses on a mission that he usually was. He was swinging a rather large, rather ominous looking tool box with a red medical cross painted on it. Markus didn’t even stop doing his paperwork. He knew the drill by now. “I heard about what happened and came as fast as I could.”

“Wow, the news has only been out for an hou - wait. Weren’t you in Ohio?”

“Yes. I would have been here sooner but traffic was heavier than usual and the family driving the Escalade was surprisingly insistent on going the speed limit. A majority of police officers won't cite drivers for going between 1-5 miles per hour over,” Connor rolled his eyes and scoffed, like he didn’t follow some laws down to the letter while blatantly disregarding others at any given time. 

“Wha - did you hitchhike all the way here!?”

“Oh no of course not! There is a 46% chance of violent or criminal conduct committed against people who hitchhike.”

“Then how - ”

“I was sitting on top of the aforementioned Escalade.”

Markus gave him his best ‘why are you like this’ stare while Simon gaped in perplexion. “You didn’t need to car surf just to come all the way down here, hon.”

“After hearing about the state you were in, with all my love in the world I violently disagree.”

Markus sighed like a man whose knee wasn’t sparking and twitching at this very moment. And...hm. Maybe it did ache. A teeny bit. Whatever. He was still of the opinion that rubbing some dirt on it and a little stretching was enough to get him through the rest of the day.

“Well, maybe you can help me convince him to go to the technician,” said Simon.

“No need.” Without preamble, Connor plopped the heavy med(?) box on the floor and gently lifted Markus’ leg, hiking up his pants up to the thigh. As he examined it, intense as any jeweler examining a rare diamond, he hooked the back of a nearby stool with his foot and pulled it over, resting the leg on it. Markus neither struggled nor visually reacted; just kept stringently doing his paperwork like nothing was going on.

When Connor pulled out a collapsible creeper seat and rolled under Markus’ leg as if he were a mechanic working on a car, Simon went from passive observer to concernedly going around the desk to see what all the RK800 was doing.

“H-hey wait a second! Connor - it’s a pretty serious wound, maybe we should let the professionals handle it!”

Connor rolled slightly from under Markus with a large drill in his hand and an unimpressed look on his face. Surprisingly, Simon was not reassured by this in the slightest. “I assure you Simon that I am fully equipped with the latest caretaking protocols now could you please pass me that monkey wrench.”

“What seriously- UHH! I mean...” Realizing how insulting that sounded, Simon hurried to hand Connor the tool, clearing his throat. “I didn’t realize you had such uh...versatile programing.”

“It’s the same base code used in mine, actually,” Markus added, using his free hand to pat Connor’s soothingly when he heard him grumbling things like “I can do more than kill things” and “No one has been irreparably maimed in my Knitting Circle”. Damn right honey, Markus thought, Greta and Patrica have had nothing but nice things to say about you’re wool socks.

“Oh riiiiiight. You two are from the same model line, I…” Markus could practically Jedi Sense Simon about to say ‘I forget that sometimes’, so he looked up at the PL600 and shook his head firmly with glaring eyes. Simon, sheepish, held up his hands placatingly and held his tongue.

“The code...has been streamlined to cater more towards field and emergency repairs,” Connor admitted reluctantly, but then quickly added, “but combined with my own personal research outside of my programming, it is no less effective.”

Eager to keep his foot out of his mouth, Simon merely nodded in agreement. He couldn’t, however, keep the growing alarm showing from his face as Connor pulled more and more absurd tools out of his box (the electric saw was particularly disconcerting), and started contorting around Markus so that he wasn’t interfering with his work in ways that at first, seemed normal, but were steadily becoming more on par with a cirque du soleil act. That alarm changed into bewilderment when he tilted Markus’ chair back, put a car jack under his desk so that it tilted forward at the perfect writing level, put a pillow behind his head and a fizzy thirium drink (complete with a fun crazy straw) in his mouth. His standard office setup now suddenly a mini spa. 

When Connor started working a polisher to his knee Markus practically melted back into the chair. Oh that sneaky bastard. He knew Markus wouldn’t be able to get anything done by administering the android equivalent of a deep tissue massage. 

Bewilderment now firmly settled on amusement, and thoroughly reassured that his friend/boss was in good hands, Simon started to take his leave. “Alright, I’ll leave you to it Connor. If you need back up to make sure this guy takes it easy we’re all on stand by.”

Connor nodded. “I will escort him home for further recuperation as soon as I have finalized his repairs.”

Markus, eyes closed as he happily sipped at his Particle-Colada, grunted in response to Simon’s farewell. He was a little annoyed that everyone was treating him like a toddler over his small injury, and a little more annoyed that Simon had felt the need to hover around Connor, as if he were bracing for the RK800 to do something violent, before trusting his good intentions. Granted, Markus (begrudgingly) could admit that Connor’s methods certainly weren’t...standard caretaker protocols, and that his bedside manner was well...much like the android himself; aggressive, confusing, and, most importantly, well-meaning.

“‘Can’t go home,” Markus murmured around his straw, very convincingly and not at all like he was about to ascend to a higher plane. “Still got work to do.”

“Hmm. Do you now?” With a fond, humoring, smile, Connor cranked up the power on the polisher. Markus swore his soul was straight vibin’.

Yea, actually. Maybe work could wait till tomorrow.