#en plan. be so serious rn

[patronsaintofposmodernity]

otra vez

otra vez la gente de twitter siendo subnormales profundos respecto al tema de las lenguas cooficiales

[marvelfansince08love]

Hey Neighbour! - Part 8

Word Count: 3k

Pairing: Ally Mayfair-Richards x Reader 

Warning: uhh some implications of sex 

A/N: Hi, a big big sorry to you all on the late updates to this. I have no self control and have far too many WIP rn and keep forgetting to update this one as I’ve almost finished it! Happy reading! Apologise for any grammar/spelling mistakes x

Tags: @waitingfortheendtocome @natasha-danvers @creepingwolfberry @coconutlipss @saucy-sapphic @minavenable @pearplate @r0an0ke @mssallymckenna @grilledcheeseandguavajelly @venablemayfairgoode @chewbacca0805 @pluied-ete @supremeinlilac @nyx-aira @witchxaf @black--widxw @fireflyglass @cordeliafoxxe @d14n4ol @bluevelvetbitxh @amethyst-bitch @lezzzbehonesthere @msvenablezcane @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog @mooreashes @violentwavesofem0tion @cordeliass  @women-am-i-right @paulsonpills @goodeday2u @sm0ke-and-m1rr0rs @daisybri7

Hey Neighbour! - Part 8 

You had avoided the Mayfair-Richards home for the past five days unable to face the woman you had fallen in love with. Old wounds and insecurities had opened up causing you to retreat from your neighbours, Amelia had also picked up on your change of mood which caused the guilt to amplify. The two young children still saw each other at school leading Amelia to mention how Oz had told her how sad his mother looked whenever she did the dishes at night, to anyone else they would have been bewildered by the statement but for you it was like a stab to the heart. Ally had tried to call and text you to ask if you were okay, your short texts back and actively declining calls must have given her the hint that you didn’t want to be contacted because after the first three days she stopped trying. You hated yourself for doing this to her but you couldn’t help but fall back into the familiar withdrawal habit whenever you felt this way, no matter who you hurt in the process. 

“Mama, I’m finished!” Amelia announces, smiling proudly at her empty plate. You’re startled out of your thoughts as you look towards her matching her wide smile with a forced one. Your brother sits next to her as his eyes stay fixated on your form, concern evident within his gaze. 

“Well done, Amelia-cakes! Why don’t you go wash your hands and brush your teeth for bed,” you instruct softly, watching as she nods and dashes out of the room. You quickly make eye contact with him as you lean forward keeping your voice low so to not alert Amelia of the intense situation..

“I wish you would stop looking at me like that,” you whisper harshly, he only shakes his head mutely before responding. 

“I just don’t understand why you’re making yourself and her miserable, you clearly like each other a lot. Don’t ruin this just because you’re allowing your negative thoughts to take over,” his voice soft and gentle causing you to falter, expecting a harsher response. Sighing you relax back before taking a sip from the wine glass. 

“Will you please help Amelia upstairs while I clean up here?” you ask instead, attempting to avoid the current topic of conversation. He sighs in defeat before dutifully leaving the room to find his niece. 

You stand from your chair and collect the empty plates before moving towards the sink, as you begin to clean the dishes you notice a slightly dimmed light across the way causing you to tense, slowly you look up from your task and towards the light. Ally stands at her kitchen counter, even from here you can see how tired she looks causing that familiar guilt to creep up into your chest once more. She looks down for a few moments before placing a large piece of paper into the window, words written in black ink for you to read. 

‘I think we need to talk’ The words cause you to gulp as you nod back before searching for some spare paper to write back on. 

‘Garden in ten?’ you try to smile hoping to ease the situation but falter when she doesn’t return it and only nods back in acknowledgment. 

Wiping your hands on a dry towel you hurriedly move upstairs to inform your brother of your plan, he reassures you that he’ll be fine with Amelia while you go to talk to Ally giving you an encouraging smile before shoving you back towards the staircase. Grabbing your thick jacket and shoes you make your way towards the front of Ally’s home, waiting patiently for her to let you in. Your breath catches in your throat as you take her in, the urge to reach out and hold her becoming stronger with each passing second, brown tired eyes scan your face before silently standing to the side allowing you to move in. You head straight for the kitchen and into the garden area sitting down in your usual spot, you wait for her to join you. A hot cocoa mug appears in front of your view causing you to smile sadly as you take it from her hands muttering a quick ‘thank you’. It’s quiet and dark out except for the porch light that glows above you, both sitting quietly as you take a sip of the hot drink.

“Ally I-” 

“Why weren’t you honest with me? If there was something wrong you should have told me instead of practically falling off the face of the earth,” her statement catches you off guard, causing you to falter as you stare at the mug in your hand. 

“After she left me and Amelia I was struggling for a while, I couldn’t cope with working and looking after a baby full time but I had this beautiful girl to look out for so she became my top priority over everything, my job, my friends. It took me years before I could trust others outside of my family to take care of her. I’m not good at having these healthy relationships that are good for me and I am so sorry that I’ve treated you this way, you deserve better than this,” you mutter, tears gathering within your blurred vision.

“I understand how hard it can be to trust people, I mean you know about Ivy and how she betrayed me, betrayed Oz. I get why you got scared when things were looking serious, I’ve had my moments with that too but Y/N I’m not like her and you aren’t like Ivy.” She pauses, collecting her thoughts before continuing. 

“We are good people and I don’t think it was a coincidence that it was you who so happened to move in next door… that night after the fair apart from Oz I’ve never been so certain about anything in my life, I want to be with you and I want this to go somewhere but I need you to speak to me and be honest with me,” Ally tilts her head as if seeking your gaze before reaching across and grabbing your hand. 

“I’m so so sorry, Ally. I should have spoken to you about my worries, I’m not used to someone caring. I just looked at how comfortable we all were in your kitchen that morning, how domestic it all was and my god I couldn’t have fallen further for you but my mind was screaming at me that if I allowed Amelia to become closer to you and you decided to leave… I can’t have another person walk out on her.. On me,” you stutter over your words as you feel your throat tighten, holding back a sob. Ally moves from her seat and crouches in front of you placing your mug onto the table she takes both your hands into her own, squeezing them with reassurance. 

“I love you y/n. This week has been tortuous the amount of times I thought about walking over and forcing you to speak to me, but I knew you needed time to collect your thoughts. I may not have been obvious with it but I could tell something had spooked you that morning but please come and talk to me whenever you feel trapped into a corner, okay?” her dark brows arch, as she waits for your response. As you nod Ally reaches upwards and captures your salty lips with her own, her warm comforting hands cupping your face in place. 

Tears continue to fall between you both as Ally presses gentle kisses along your jaw and cheeks seeking out that comforting touch, you realise that you were wrong. Ally isn’t like the rest of them, she’s kind and caring but most of all she understands you in a way that no one else can relate to. You quickly capture her lips, a heated kiss needing to feel her close. 

“Is Oz upstairs?” 

“No, he’s staying at a friends house,” she mumbles, against your lips. Pulling back you look into her slightly glazed eyes and demand the thing you need most. 

“Take me to bed, Ally.” 

With that, Ally grabs your hand and leads you back inside the house. The moonlight glows throughout the room giving you a clear view of Ally’s face as you allow her to look after you, whispering soft reassurances against your exposed skin leaving trails of wet kisses along your body, closing your eyes you surrender yourself to this woman finally allowing yourself to be loved without restrictions. 

***

Bright light beams through into the bedroom causing you to stir and groan at the invasive light cuddling into the softness of Ally’s chest enjoying her warmth and secure form wrapped around you. Lips graze against your hair as the brunette whispers a ‘Good Morning’ causing you to smile as you watch her fingers brush over your forearm that has stayed wrapped around her waist all night. 

“Good Morning, Honey. Did you sleep well?” your fake-innocence doesn’t pass Ally as she chuckles deeply, her hand moving to tilt your chin upwards causing your lips to brush against her swollen ones. 

“Deliciously actually,” her hoarse voice, makes you shiver before you capture her lips once more enjoying the sounds that escape her throat. 

The sound of the front door opening downstairs and quick footsteps making their way upstairs causes you to part suddenly, blindly reaching for your scattered clothes recognizing those footsteps from anywhere. 

“Mom!!” Oz’s voice shouts from the hallway, causing you to quickly cover up and head for the en-suite bathroom needing to freshen up before the poor boy sees you. Ally’s eyes follow after your retreating form in light amusement as she tucks on the woolly jumper and ties the string around her joggers. 

“Mom I’m home! We had such a cool night! Jeremy bought over his new racing car you know the one with the remote it was awesome!” Oz’s excited voice trails into the room as he runs straight for Ally’s legs hugging her tightly, she places her hands on top of his crazy blonde curls and smiles.

“Well it certainly sounds like you had fun! So where is Sam’s mom? You didn’t just run from her car without saying thank you did you?” Ally’s tone makes you smile as you peak through the gap of the bathroom door always infatuated with her motherly side. Oz tries to hide his expression but with one raised eyebrow from Ally the boy slumps and sighs before nodding. 

“It’s okay Ally! He was just excited to see you! Oz I’ve left your bag by the door okay,” Sam’s mom shouts from the staircase before the sound of the front door closing reaches your ears. Taking this as your cue you leave the bathroom just as the sound of screeching reaches your ears, a small body colliding with your own making you stumble. 

“Woah! Hey Buddy!” you greet with a groan, laughing as you place you cup your hand around his jaw cradling him close. A sense of guilt lingering within your chest, the realisation what your actions could have done to the poor boy being the same fear you have for Amelia. 

“I’ve missed you,” he mumbles into your stomach, you crouch to be eye level with him and give him the biggest smile you could muster. 

“I’m sorry for not being around much, silly adults and silly work has been keeping me busy. I promise to make it up to you,” you murmur, watching as he nods accepting your apology before turning to leave to grab his backpack from downstairs. You stand from your position and fold your arms across your chest, that unsettling feeling still present, Ally steps towards you and places her hands onto your cheeks before kissing your lips. 

“Stop, I can practically hear the gears turning in that beautiful head of yours. Now let’s go downstairs. I want to see my girl.” Her words cause you to raise a question eyebrow as your lips twitch into a half grin. 

“Oh?”

Ally grins wickedly, before stepping towards the door. “I meant Amelia silly.”

With that she winks and takes her leave leaving you agape. 

“Well I know my place then,” you grumble playfully before running after the mischievous Senator. 

As if on cue the sound of the front door stops you both in your tracks midway down the stairs, Ally moves to answer the door and beams when she sees Amelia stood with her Uncle who has a very dirty grin on his face as his eyes move from Ally to you wiggling his brows as Ally crouches down and fronds over Amelia who seems to be enjoying the attention from her favourite person. 

“Uncle Rupert said you guys had a sleepover without me, Ms. Ally!” she exclaims, a small pout forming onto her lips and you bite your own to stop your laughter. From the shakes coming from Ally’s shoulder the woman seems to be doing the same. 

“Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry, I promise we can have soon okay? Just me and your mom needed to have a grown-up sleepover to talk.” 

“Yeah I bet you did,” Rupert mumbles, amusement evident within his tone. You glare at him from your position as Oz comes running from the living room area, he instantly goes to hug his friend as he drags her further into the house telling her all about his sleepover. Rupert waits by the door as Ally gives him a shy hello before following the two leaving you to talk privately to the smug man.

“Not a word,” you demand, making sure to punctuate every word, it only seems to make him grin further. He shrugs putting his hands up in surrender as he steps through the door meeting you at the bottom of the staircase. 

“So are we back on then? Oh and no need to thank me for looking after the devil's spawn last night, I swear she just knows what to do to make me crumble. I didn’t even know you still owned a Nintendo Wii,” he rants, as you both walk towards the kitchen where Ally sits with the two children all drinking from their respective mugs. Rupert goes to sit next to Amelia as he steals her mug to take a sip as she glares at him. You shake your head at the two before clashing eyes with Ally who winks over her mug gesturing you over which you gladly do. Stood behind her you wrap your arms around her shoulders and listen as they all converse amongst themselves enjoying these rare moments that you will hold dearly, smiling you kiss Ally’s temple before relaxing joining in on the conversation. 

Now relaxed you allow the past to stay at the back of your mind as you look forward to the future, a secret plan up your sleeve you allow the details to rail off within your head excited to show Ally just how much she means to you and how do you do that?

By going official, of course.

[sankyeom]

BELLEEEEEEE MY BELOVED HOW HAVE YOU BEEN I HAVE MISSED U SO MUCH I AM NOT KIDDING I HAVE UPDATES W MY LIFE SO PLEASE UPDATE ME TOO <33

warning very long rant upcoming mentions mental health issues kissing relationships being high (jokig manner being high on adrenaline) eating and idk what else

1 mental health has been going down hill its so bad i have gone back to my old habits of studying for 4 hrs ish????? and crying for like a 6.3 out of 7 very very bad

2 im SEEING SOMEONE RN⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ HELLO AURI LOVER ERA SLAYYYYYY but yeah i like him 😿😿😿 a lot 😿 hes so nice super funny and makes me really happy he makes me forget ab my problems and those things are super important to me in a relationship ALSO HE LIKED ME FIRST???? like we were coming back from ene (i will explain later in the "update letter?? " what is ene) aND WE WERE 7 PEOPLE IN 1 CAR 😭😭😭 so there was 5 persons on the back thats like designed for 3 people😭 we left one friend at the school bc her mom was picking them up so we were 4 left in the back seats i sat beside him and because we were super high on adrenaline and a little 🤏 tight we moved a lot and so he kept putting his hand on my lower back??? AND WE ENDED UP HOLDING HANDS OUT OF NOWHERE and he carressed my hand a lot and did like patterns😿😿😿 SAOUR CUTE WTF bit we another friend and ( context we already dropped off the other two so its only 3 of us left plus the teacher even more context he is a year older than us im in 9th grade and hes in 10th but we were both born in 2007 if that makes sense??? ) ok so w that friend we were like anoying him like WHO DO U LIKE?? dont u trust us you dont like us anymore?? ( we were so high on adrenaline and also our relationship is like that extremly playful and not serious amongst friends) so we started are they from our class??? and he went yes?? maybe and then my friend lets call her rachel bc im tired of saying my friend, rachel went aura.... the other aura (there are 2 aura's in our class ) he went no???? rachel: this aura ( me) him :idk maybe AND W THAT SHE WAS SCREAMING I DIDN'T PROCESS SHIT AND HE WAS EMBARRASSED so rachel goes : aura did y process what just happened me: 😭no😭 so at this point we were in front of my house and i go: we are going to have this conversation tomorrow fast forward to today lmao my school is in the neighborhood i live in so i go home walking so we have a group of friends that live on the neighborhood and go home together me him and rachel are on that "group" but rachel didn't come home walking idk why and the two friends i told u ab last time (the one that i liked and my best friend update they are now dating and are aDORABLE i am the bridesmaid they both agreed on it) so we were walkinf home 4 of us plus my sister and another friend when we get to my house its the 4 of us plus my sister my 2 friends who are datinf buy icecream ( my family has a small ice cream bussiness the ice cream my mom makes is indeed bussing) and he my sister and i were left in my house so i go : you know we gotta talk and he goes : wdm🤨 i i say : mom im going outside for a bit and we go to the park in front of my house (like 4 meters from my house) and we sit on the bench and talk...... alot from 3:40 ish?? till 5:10 😭 we were holding handa hi put an arm around my waist put his head on my shoulder i put mine on his saour cute im telling u 😿 and the he had to leave for basketball practice and i had a road trip ( im on the car rn 😭) and he gave me a little kiss before he left ($? $! $? #;! $;$! #(_) () #) #/! _ WTF ⁉️⁉️⁉️ AAAA im dead my spirit is typing this but i friendzoned very had at the start of our friendship 😭 it was so bad so i felt kinda guilty but its all ok now

3 iM NOW WORKINF ON ENE ene is an experience of a whole weekend with students planning every thing its very magical and amazing so its a surprise so you first have to live ene and then you work ene ( you plan and make other people live the experience) its like scout?? but in chile its more much different you do dinamicas (dynamics??) so you stand in the center of a circle and you scream like a funny song w funny dance moves and the people in the circle repeat (its very weird explained) but im working ene and it gives me so much happiness its super super tiring but its so worth it

HOW DID UR INTERSHIP GO?? PLS TELL ME AB IT IM DYING TOKNOW JAYBAL🙏🙏

thanks for reading my rant belle

a very tired auri on a road trip

AURI OMG HI HI HOW ARE YOU 👋

i love very long rants omg i’m happy to listen please rant away any time 😌

i’m so sorry to hear that your mental health has been in a rough place recently!! i totally know what you mean, i was on that grind this summer and it was low-key unhealthy for a while. please take lots of breaks and take care of your beautiful brain and body too 🌸

OMG AURI YOU’RE LITERALLY IN YOUR ROMANCE ERA WHAAAAT I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! he sounds so cute and sweet i’m literally getting a cavity. ALSO IT HITS SO HARD WHEN HE LIKES YOU FIRST ASHFKGL I’M GIDDY FOR YOU 🥰🥰🥰🥰

"we were so high on adrenaline" girl valid lmaoooo loving this story so much

that job sounds so fun and exciting actually??? how long is this job, is it for the summer or are you doing it part-time for a while?

my internship went so well!! turns out i love academic research lmao it was a blast and it was so exciting and cool to study activism and successful allyship within academia, i love learning about how to be a good ally and finding out what makes people hesitate to be allies it’s literally so fascinating.

TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR BOYFIE THOUGH I NEED TO KNOW!!! you guys are so sweet the early stages of relationships are crazy cute omg you’re making me nostalgic for when i first started dating my boyfriend 🥹💗

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere Headcannons BNHA

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. This is not a good depiction of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

Uh no v serious warnings; Manipulation mentions, kidnapping mentions, and just this is a lot of heavily influenced trans reader headcanons because I’m having a lot of gender struggles rn and that’s where my headspace is atm and this is also after and or during when you’ve/re been/being kidnapped and conditioned,  a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already),

Bakugou Katsuki

This man loves you and you know it. 

If you meet him in middle school and don’t like his original persona he’s gonna adjust it around you to slowly lure you in

He wants to be yours no matter what he sacrifices and if giving up his pride is what it takes so be it

He only shows his affection through physical gifts and touch because words of affirmation are not really his specialty.

He loves the idea of you being submissive towards him even if you’re not a girl.

Loves holding your hips when you’re doing something, especially if you’re good at cooking and make him stuff once you’ve become more docile and have stopped fighting him on leaving

So if you are trans or otherwise in the LGBTQ+ community for gender stuff he will do the most to make you comfortable. Binder? You didn’t even have to tell him your measurements cause bby he already knows 

It’s who you are and he accepts that but it’s also a pride thing. 

It’s also a way he tries to gain your trust in the early stages of your kidnapping. 

He sees this as a way to prove he’s the only one out there who would take care of you and accept you so well, this also gives him more reason to tell you you belong there because of what happens to “your community”

If you think he doesn’t know before you come out to him then you’re wrong. He knows everything about you and nothing will get in the way from making you his.

He’ll only get you T-shots and other stuff like that if you promise to not talk to anyone else at the doctor’s about your relationship. 

But the best part about all this is how absolutely submissive you’ll be under his care while you recover after surgery

Izuku Midoryia 

There are a lot of things I see that headcanon Deku has a whole book on you but I feel like this boy has an entire series of books

He has taken notes on you since he met you and has a color coded system of books that detail on your beginning years too once he gets them out of your friends or family or even just you

If you met him before he had his quirk he would probably kidnap you once he got his quirk

He spent a lot of time writing how he would kidnap you if he had certain quirks

Anyways, he loves to lay his head on your stomach

He also likes it when you’re just writing or drawing and he can watch, writing things down is a very personal part of his life so when someone as special as you does it he gets all sappy and heart warmed

If you ever get the chance to look into one of his books about you and you complement him on it he will not be able to handle it

If you’re trans he will immediately start using your pronouns in the correct form

He wants to give you as much respect as you deserve so he just uses them naturally it’s just the way of things

He’s very nervous about getting you a binder, it’s just scary for him

He also goes back into his notebooks and changes your name and pronouns

He looks intensively into research about binders, T-shots, and surgery

He lets you get a binder after you say I love you the first time

Lets you get T-shots after your first year anniversary of being conditioned to be in love with him

Todoroki Shoto

So this boy is not very interested in talking to you when you first meet

It’s just he’s so scared that he’s going to mess you up and drag you into his own mess so he waits until he’s better or gets better to contact you

He loves to stare at you

Just while you’re doing nothing or asleep, especially when you’re talking though

He loves touching your hands and giving you things

He doesn’t really talk to you though and as much as he loves to watch you talk to people he just likes how quiet you are around him

He likes to make you food, even though he doesn’t know how to cook he’ll start learning for you

He’s def the big spoon no matter how tall you are around him just def the big spoon

If you are trans he’s just gonna nod it off then cuddle with you afterwards

He’s just super calm about everything

Top of the line binders and T-shots and check-ups by a special doctor that’s sworn to secrecy

Actually tracks down someone with a quirk that can modify your body permanently without surgery

But if he comes up fruitless in the en-devour (lmao) he will let you get surgery and will love how dependent and you get on him after 

You’re just so sleepy and quiet but you’re submissive and cute

Will cry if you call him babe when you ask for something and will beg you to do it more and will get you 2x whatever you’re asking for

Has to remind himself often of your pronouns in his head but never slips up when speaking to you

Kaminari Denki

Okay this man loves to touch you. Like no warning just loves to put his hands on you

Hips and thigh guy I don’t make the rules

For some reason he likes to grab and stroke up and down your bottom half of your rib cage.

Puts his legs around yours when you’re sleeping

Likes to scrub your back and take care of you in a bath, not even in a sexual way (besides bath sex and fondling turn him off because of his quirk)

grabs the little part of your hips and thigh where they connect to your but and just squishes it

Gets so flustered when you wear yellow

But loves to see you in a pastel yellow even if you don’t think you look good he’ll always say how amazing he thinks you look

Tons and tons of compliments

absolutely loves holding your hand 

Says I love you within the first couple minutes of kidnapping you

Power Bottom no matter your gender

If trans he will def go and get you a binder

Will make sure you don’t tell anyone about your relationship if you go get T-shots and stuff by holding your hand and giving you a little shock every time you get too close to saying something

Gets you tons of sex toys that help with dysphoria during sexy times (like thanks but ur a perv kami)

He doesn’t want to risk you if you get surgery so he will wait a couple years before he allows you to

Kirishima Eijiro

He actually saw you at the entrance exam for UA and he just immediately had hearts in his eyes

This boy is clingy af, if you even look away for 2 seconds he’ll start whining

Wants you to be the most comfortable person in the world

He likes the idea of you being the picture perfect little darling, cooking and cleaning and waiting for him to get home he wants you to depend on you

He needs you to depend on him! What is he good for otherwise? 

Touch starved tbh

He likes to cuddle you when you first get kidnapped, like if you don’t let him touch you he’ll start crying

If you keep rejecting him he’ll get delusional instead and will just hug you anyways

If you’re trans and you want to ask him for stuff to make you feel comfortable like a binder he’s gonna use this to his advantage

You wanna shop for a binder? Two how cuddle session and he’ll consider taking your measurements

It’s gonna be hard for him to think of the safest way to get you testosterone or other hormone injections and stuff

He’s just concerned

Will lowkey try to convince you to drop the idea but if he’s not already delusional enough to ignore your feelings and you start crying then he’s just gonna comfort you

It’s gonna take a year or two to convince him but if you become more submissive and obedient for him he might be persuaded

In the end he’ll get you surgery and other things like that but he’s gonna need to speak to 30 different professionals about this just to be 200% sure it’s the right move.

Iida Tenya

Tenya isn't the most aggressive when it comes to things but he’s very stern and patient so he’ll have a little more freedom with disciplining you

He likes to hug you from behind

He starts to slowly stop raising his hands and yelling cause he knows it disturbs you and makes you flinch, plus you listen better when he whispers

When you cuddle he puts his legs between yours cause he wants you hold you whole

He covers his engines when y’all sleep together so you don’t scratch yourself on them

Lets you paint and draw and write but only under super vision and he analysis your work after to see how you feel

Compliments you a ton

Stern in the bedroom, very daddy/dom nothing else will do

Likes to compliment you

Loves it when you smile at him

Wants you to be comfortable out of any other option

If you’re trans then he’ll be pretty much the same as Shoto

Top of the line products and binders

Will be the first out of both of you to suggest surgery

Wants to look for a doctor with many experiences before he even asks you tho

You gotta admit that he is very sweet throughout the whole process and very supportive

He will also give you a personal doctor, but he will also have to sit in on sessions and the like to make sure you’re not concocting a plan to escape or anything

Thank you for reading this! Have a lovely day and if you have any suggestions just ask! However I can’t guarantee I’ll do everything. Maybe I’ll do a part two?

[hobeymakar]

Unapologetically | C. Makar Part 2

Previous parts: Part 1

Chapter word count: 3,673 words

A/N: This chapter was so much fun to write! I will be working on the next one ASAP, but it may take me a little longer to write it! Please like and reblog if you enjoyed it as it lets me know that you enjoyed it. Any and all feedback is always greatly appreciated

Shoutouts: @pizzasloot​ @hockey-and-wine​ and @grenawitka​ for being my cheerleaders in the gc! I love you girls with all my heart

Warnings: explicit language

-

Taty wakes up on the morning of February 5th and feels the nerves start to hit her. Today, she'll be meeting Cale in person and interviewing him for the podcast. A part of her is afraid things will go wrong once they meet and he won't be interested in her anymore. While the other part of her knows that Cale is too nice of a person to ever break her heart like that. If things don't work out, he'll be nice and respectful about it. 

In preparation of meeting Cale, she self-isolated from her family for a couple days and got tested for COVID-19. She tested negative thankfully so she can go meet Cale without putting him in danger. 

She brushes her teeth and has breakfast as she prepares herself mentally for the podcast. She writes down her questions and her intro, so that she doesn't forget anything that she wants to say and ask. After breakfast she showers and changes into a comfy, warm outfit to withstand the cold of New England winter. She knows the high is only gonna be 37 and with the wind in the city of Boston, it's gonna be way worse.

She loads her car up with all her equipment and starts making the trip towards Boston. She decides to make a trip to her Aunt's apartment in Roxbury, which is on the outskirts of the city. She parks her car inside the community and makes her way into the apartment, since her Aunt always leaves her door open.

"'Cion Tia! (Blessings, Auntie)" she smiles, greeting her Aunt Leo who's in the kitchen making food.

"Dios te bendiga, mi'ja! Que haces aqui? (May God bless you, honey! What are you doing here?) " her aunt asks, as she stands in front of the stove.

"Voy hacer una entrevista con un jugador de hockey (I'm interviewing a hockey player)" she explains, not wanting to mention that she's sort of seeing that player.

"Que bueno mi'ja! ¡Me alegro! Yo se que todo va salir bien porque tu eres una mujer seria y muy inteligente! (That's amazing honey! I'm glad! I know that everything is gonna go great because you're a serious and intelligent woman!" her aunt cries out.

"Gracias Tia! Y Cola y Nine? Thank you Auntie! Where's Cola and Nine?" she asks, referring to another aunt and uncle.

"Nine está trabajando y Cola salió con Frank y Bernardo a ayudar alguien con un trabajito. (Nine's working and Cola went out with Frank and Bernardo to help someone out with a small job," her aunt explains.

"Bueno, yo vine aquí solamente para verte y saludarte. Me voy a quedar en un hotel esta noche y voy a regresar a casa mañana. (Well, I came here only to see you and greet you. I'm staying at a hotel tonight and I'm going back home tomorrow)" she explains.

"Quédate aquí por un rato más. Ya la comida está lista como en 15 minutos. (Stay here for a little longer. The food will be ready in like 15 minutes)" her aunt explains.

"Tengo planes con el jugador pero no diga nada a Mami por favor (I have plans with the player but don't say anything to Mami please)" she pleads.

"Oh ya veo. No le digo nada, mi'ja (Oh, now I see. I won't tell her anything, honey)" her aunt replies, nodding her head.

"Gracias Tia! Dale saludos a Cola, Nine, Frank y Bernardo. Ojala los veo mañana (Thank you, Auntie! Say hi to Cola, Nine, Frank and Bernardo. Hopefully I'll see them tomorrow)" she smiles, hugging her Aunt.

"Con dios, mi'ja. Tengas cuidado, pero lo disfrutas (Take care, honey. Be careful, but have fun)" her Aunt smiles back, kissing her cheek.

Taty leaves the apartment and gets back into her car to make the trip to a hotel right across the street from the TD Garden. During the drive, she hits some traffic because the city of Boston has awful traffic, but arrives at the hotel in 20 minutes. Workers help her get her stuff out of the car and she gets her car parked by the valet. She makes her way inside the hotel and checks in. The workers help her bring her stuff to her room on the 7th floor. She makes her way inside and unpacks her things, putting them out. She puts her recording equipment out on the table and then heads to the windows to take a picture of her view of the Bunker Hill Bridge and TD Garden. She sends the picture to Cale

To: Cale 🥰

Nice choice for the room. You remembered how I like my city view and bath tubs to take baths in

From: Cale 🥰

Of course I remembered! I remember every single thing you've told me

To: Cale 🥰

How quickly can you get your butt up to my room?

From: Cale 🥰

I'm in Mikko's room rn with the guys but I can make up an excuse and disappear

To: Cale 🥰

I want to order room service and then interview you

From: Cale 🥰

Alright I'll be there in a few

She looks at herself in the mirror, making sure she looks good. She realizes how dumb it is for her to stress over her looks when Cale has literally seen her looking gross with no makeup on and her hair looking a whole ass mess.

She goes on her phone and tries to calm down her nerves. After a few minutes, she hears a knock on her door. She goes up to the door and opens it, meeting Cale who's dressed in an Avs sweatshirt and sweatpants. She pulls him in and closes the door shut right away, so that no one can see.

He lifts her up for a hug and she wraps her legs around him, her tiny frame wrapping around him tightly. They embrace each other for a few moments before putting her back down.

"So you like the room I picked out for you?" he asks, as she leads him further inside the room.

"Yes! It's perfect! It's honestly way too big for just me," she smiles.

She gives him a quick tour of the room and bathroom and he sits down on the bed while she opens the room service menu.

"Do you want anything?" she asks him.

"No, I already had lunch with the team," he informs her. 

"Alright," she nods, looking back at the menu.

"Order anything you want regardless of price. It's on me," he informs her.

"Cale, I can't make you spend all this money on me. You're paying for my room and the valet parking, the least I can do is pay you back for the food," she protests.

"I appreciate your concern, but this is nothing to me. Let me treat you," he replies, trying to convince her to let him spoil her.

"You're lucky you're cute," she sighs, giving in.

She calls room service and places her order. As she waits for her order, she turns on the TV and gets on the bed, snuggling into Cale's side. She puts on NHL Network and they watch highlights from the night before, while talking about certain plays and players.

"You know I've never met a girl that I could talk about hockey with like this. Like you actually understand the sport and everything," he comments.

"Well I've been a fan for so long and I've always been obsessed with sports since I was a little kid. It's the reason why I was always one of the guys growing up," she explains.

"And I think it's the coolest thing about you! You're so passionate about sports and sports stats! You're passionate about diversity and inclusion in sports too!" he smiles, running his fingers through her hair.

She feels the heat rise in her cheeks and she wishes he would just kiss her already, but she's too shy to do it herself.

"Well thank you. For a long time, I was embarrassed about how nerdy it is. It's probably why guys never saw me as anything more than a tomboy," she explains sheepishly.

"Yeah well it's their loss. They never got to see how incredible you really are," he smiles, kissing her forehead.

If she could die in his arms right now, she wouldn't mind honestly. She's never felt this sort of warmth and such intense butterflies in her stomach. Her heart feels so full and she finally realizes that this is what falling in love feels like. She had never felt it before but she loves the feeling so much that she doesn't want it to end.

The room service arrives and she brings the tray full of food inside. She sits down on the bed and starts eating as they watch TV and make small talk.

"What did you and the boys do today?" she asks.

"Well we got here late last night, so none of us woke up til like 10am. We all got ready and had lunch in the restaurant. Then we went to Mikko's room to play video games. It's been pretty boring so far, but we're not doing much because of COVID. We can't be going out like we used to," he explains.

"Yeah this virus has really fucked things up here. The governor of Massachusetts still hasn't allowed any fans to attend Celtics or Bruins games at the Garden and I don't know if he will for the rest of the season. Maybe he will for playoffs but I don't expect him to," she explains.

"I get that though. We have to keep people safe as much as possible until we eliminate this virus," he adds.

They switch the subject after that and keep the light conversation flowing until she finishes eating. She then sets her empty tray outside the room and starts setting everything up for the podcast, handing Cale a mic. She grabs her mic and sets it up, hooking everything up to her laptop. She checks the audio, making sure it's all good before starting the recording on her laptop.

"Our next guest is the biggest we've had so far. He was born and raised in Calgary, Alberta and was named after a Flames player. He grew up a Flames fan and made a name for himself in the AJHL playing for the Brooks Bandits, where he was named AJHL player of the year. He quickly became a top prospect and was selected 4th overall by the Colorado Avalanche in 2017. He played two seasons at UMass Amherst with the Minutemen, setting school records. He won the 2019 Hobey Baker Award and led the Minutemen to the Frozen Four, where they lost to the Minnesota Duluth Bulldogs in the championship game. He signed with the Avalanche immediately after the loss, ending his collegiate career and made his debut in Game 4 of the 1st round of the Stanley Cup playoffs with Colorado in his hometown of Calgary. With family and friends in attendance, he scored his first ever goal in the game. He recently won the 2020 Calder Trophy given to the league's top rookie. Welcome to the Ace of Hockey podcast, Cale Makar," she introduces, absolutely nailing the intro.

"Wow, that has to be the longest intro I've ever gotten for an interview, so thank you," he smiles.

"Well you're a young superstar now, so I gotta have the intro reflect that," she replies.

"I don't know if I'm worthy of such an intro, but I appreciate it though," he smiles.

She starts asking him questions about his childhood and what it was like growing up in Alberta, how he ended up playing Junior A instead of Major Junior, what made him go to the college hockey route, as well as what his draft day experience was like. She also asks him what his experience was like at UMass Amherst, and what it was like playing in the National Championship game and winning the Hobey Baker. She then asks him about signing his ELC and what it was like making his debut in the playoffs in his hometown and scoring a goal in his debut. She then asks him about his rookie year and what it was like in his first full season in Colorado.

He also explains how Nate took him under his wing this season and really helped show him the ropes on how to be a pro. He also talks about how great of a captain Gabe is and who are the funniest guys on the team, as well as the pranksters. He also explains how it was like for him personally in the bubble. He also mentions everything players have said and done about social justice change and how important it is to listen and be an ally for minority groups.

They finish up the interview and he helps her clean everything up.

"So, I have a team dinner in like half an hour that I need to get ready for. I promise I will come back afterwards so we can hang out," he explains.

"That's fine, Cale. I'll probably just take a nice bath and relax, maybe listen to our interview. I'll send you the audio and if you want anything edited out, just let me know," she explains.

"Of course, love. I'm not concerned about that honestly," he assures her.

"Go get ready before you're late. Afterwards, you know where to find me," she smiles, pushing him lightly to the door.

"Alright fine. No need to kick me out," he teases, walking towards the door.

As soon as he gets to the door, he turns around and brings her in for a hug, lifting her from the ground. He sets her back down after a few moments.

"Bye Cale. Have fun at dinner," she smiles, kissing his cheek.

"Bye love," he smiles, walking out.

She shuts the door immediately and heads to the bathroom to take a nice relaxing bath in the tub. She turns on the water and gets undressed. Once the tub is filled, she stops the water and throws in a bath bomb. She gets in and immediately soaks in the warmth of the water. She sends a selfie of her in the bath and sends it to her sisters in their Ventura Rodriguez sisters group chat. 

From: Katie

Damn how tf did you get a sugar daddy?

From: Kiana

I thought you were interviewing a player today? Is the player your sugar daddy?

To: The Ventura Rodriguez sisters

I don't have a sugar daddy and yes I interviewed the player today. He was nice enough to book me a room at the hotel he's staying at

From: Katie

No way he booked you a hotel if it's just a  professional relationship. He definitely likes you

From: Kiana

So who's the player you're talking to

To: The Ventura Rodriguez Sisters

Nope not telling y'all. He's not my boyfriend so y'all don't got to know

She puts on some soft R&B and lets the music relax her. Before she knows it, she's been in there for an hour and gets out. She wraps her body in a towel and unplugs the drain. She dries herself off and changes into a faded URI basketball t-shirt and boyshorts. She dries her hair with a blowdryer and gets into bed, opening her laptop. 

She listens to the 40 minute long audio clip of the interview and loves the interview. The conversation just flows between them and she thinks that her listeners are going to really love it, even though they didn't talk so much about social activism, like she has with other guests on the podcast. Her stomach starts to grumble and she realizes she hasn't had dinner yet. She grabs the room service menu and starts looking, as she's about to call to place her order, she hears a knock on the door.

She gets up and goes to the door. Unfortunately because of her lack of height, she can't see through the peephole who it is. She opens the door and internally sighs in relief when she sees it's Cale dressed in a UMass sweatshirt and shorts. He walks in and hugs her, lifting her up again.

"Do you have a thing for lifting me up?" she asks, as she wraps her legs around him.

"You're just so tiny that it's hard for me not to do it," he teases, referring to her 4'9 height.

“No, I think you have a thing for lifting me up, bud,” she teases back, moving her hands up to his hair.

“Just for that I’m putting you back down,” he replies playfully, setting her back down.

“Well you’re just in time to watch me order dinner,” she informs him, leading him towards the bed.

“I wish I could take you out to a nice dinner for a date,” he sighs, wishing he didn’t have to deal with the league’s COVID restrictions that prevent him from leaving the hotel except for practice and the game.

“It’s okay. You’ll just make it up to me some other time. We can just watch TV while I eat. That sounds like a pretty nice date to me,” she explains, grabbing the phone to call room service.

She calls room service and places her order. She decides to get comfortable and get under the sheets.

“Are you gonna join me?” she asks, referring to the spot right beside her under the sheets.

He quickly gets under the sheets with her and she rests her head on his shoulder. He turns on the TV and puts on NBCSN to watch the Flames play the Sabres in Buffalo.

“Is it cool if we watch the game?” he asks.

“Of course! I love watching hockey even if it doesn’t involve teams I cheer for,” she smiles, resting her head on his chest.

He strokes her back up and down with his fingers, causing sparks of heat to roll up her spine from his touch.

“Who are you rooting for?” she asks him. 

“Calgary. I’m always gonna have a soft spot for my hometown team, even though they’re a conference rival,” he explains.

“I like Calgary. They have really sick players, like Monahan, Gaudreau, Lindholm and don’t even get me started on Tkachuk!: she gushes, causing him to stiffen up.

“I didn’t know you liked Tkachuk,” he replies, his voice getting deeper than it already is.

“I mean what’s there not to like? He’s a strong power forward with great hands! I mean that between-the-legs goal last year proved how skilled he is!” she gushes.

“Yeah he’s a great player but I didn’t think you liked him that much,” he replies, sounding bitter.

“No need to be jealous, babes! Tkachuk’s cool and all but he doesn’t compare to you,” she assures him, kissing his cheek.

The food arrives and she goes outside to pick it up. She brings the tray inside and starts eating, while watching the game.

“You want some?” she asks, referring to her pasta.

“No, I can’t eat that. The trainers will kill me,” he replies.

“Who cares! It’s just one bite,” she replies, bringing the forkful of pasta closer to his mouth

“Babe, I’m serious! I can’t eat that,” he groans, moving his face away further.

“Fine, more for me,” she scoffs, shrugging her shoulders. 

She finishes eating her pasta and Cale stares at her for a moment.

“You got a little something,” he trails off, pointing to her face.

Her eyes go wide and she takes a napkin, wiping her mouth. She removes the bit of sauce from her lip and puts the napkin down on the tray. He lowers down the volume on the TV and takes her hands in his.

“Can I tell you something?” he asks.

“You can tell me anything,” she replies, feeling her heartbeat start to accelerate.

“I really like you. For the past 5 months I’ve been getting to know you and I believe you’re the most intelligent, beautiful, and caring girl I’ve ever met. I know things aren’t easy with the season going on and you living in Rhode Island, but I wanna try and make things work between us. Will you officially be my girlfriend?” he asks, looking directly into her eyes.

“Yes!” she nods, feeling like her heart might just explode.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

“I’ve been wanting you to kiss me all day!” she replies, getting a little chuckle out of him in response.

He cups her face and presses his lips gently onto hers and Taty swears she feels those cliché sparks everyone always talks about. She kisses back almost immediately, not holding back. The kiss quickly becomes more passionate and she’s reciprocating each kiss enthusiastically. After a couple minutes, they break apart.

“You know how I told you I’ve never done this before? Well, I want us to take it slow and I hope that’s okay with you,” she says sheepishly, afraid of rejection.

“We can take it as slow as you want. You control how this goes. I will never push you to do anything you don’t want to do. I like you for you,” he assures her, kissing her knuckles.

She had never known what falling in love is like, but now she does because she’s definitely falling in love with Cale Douglas Makar. She never wants this feeling and she prays to God she never finds a way to fuck this up.

They spend a few more hours wrapped in each other’s arms before Cale announces he has to leave because it’s getting late and he has practice in the morning.

“Bye babe,” she smiles, leading him towards the door.

“Bye princess. Sweet dreams,” he kisses her.

He walks out the door and she shuts the door behind him. She pinches herself, thinking it might be a dream. She’s relieved to find out it isn’t a dream and she finally has a boyfriend for the first time in her life.

[fishproblem]

let’s just title this whole post “before”, yeah? this is where I am rn with all my tanks.

30 gallon aqueon frameless with a sunsun external canister filter and a finnex 24/7 planted. Very excited to be restarting from scratch the (loosely) amazon biotope I tried a while ago and lost steam on after making a lot of sideways choices. Branches for the hardscape are en route and I have to diy extend the brackets for the light. Thennnn I can plant and fill out the stocking.

5 gallon fluval chi, with built in light and filter. in the process of heavily planting this one with easy plants as a home for a pair of killies. when manzanita comes in for the 30 gal, I’ll be able to add a hardscape and plant more. not in a hurry, but looking forward to it.

2.5/3(?) gallon RCS tank. sponge filter, tetra led light. algae covered plants go here to recover. this is my little garbage tank but my girlfriend genuinely loves it so it gets a nice spot in the living room. almost alllll the females are berried now that I’ve been feeding more and doing more water changes so i’m hoping for a lot more shrimp soon!

Marineland portrait, built in light and filter. Tanks been running longer than any of my others and needs a serious reboot. Might do that this week. Home to a betta and three Amano shrimp.

5.5 gallon diy frameless with led light scavenged from a broken imagitarium 7 gallon frameless tank kit and a sponge filter. home to a betta and a mystery snail. I love this tank but have several regrets. needs better lighting and different filtration to start. beyond that, I’d honestly really like to change it out for a higher end all glass tank.

If you can’t tell, I’m at a place where I want to really improve the aesthetic of all my tanks, and upgrade my equipment. I do know that my fish are all happy, so it’s really things I want to do just for me. That means taking it one tank at a time, and going slow! The chi is my last new tank for quite some time (i do have a large bowl for extra shrimp tho...). Now the plan is to focus on the 30 gallon to get it in pristine shape, before taking on each smaller tank one by one. I think it’s gonna be fun!

[smolfangirl]

A little fresa story V

This is it. The last fresa part. It’s been taking ages to finish, but it’s here now, and I might be a bit emotional. I have lots of people to thank and credit tho, so I’ll save my breath :D

Thanks and/or credit go out to:

@huffletiika for the date night idea and the patience with my attempts at Spanish

My roommate for the actual, very true quote about answering a phone

@miris-xo for, well, everything

A gif from the TV show Bones that I can’t find rn even though I tagged it for this purpose :( but it was my inspo for the scene where Matteo comes home

Also @lutteoheart for the basic idea for the last scene with Aurora, I changed quite a bit, whoopsie

And, dear mortals and bots, one last time: @ac-ars and @sky-girls used the name Rory first. I used my own brain to end up with this name (also because of my roommate who is obsessed with Gilmore Girls and keeps trying to talk me into watching it), which is why I didn’t give them any credit.

Word count: 5.6k

///

“Can I say something weird?” Her voice is nothing more than a whisper. Luna leans against Matteo’s chest, so close to him that their conversation moves on quietly and calm. His hand softly ruffles through her hair while their favorite movie flickers over the TV screen. He ordered their favorite pizza and even lit some candles to set the mood for this special evening.

But somehow, Luna isn’t feeling any of it.

“Weirder than your comment last week? What was it?” Matteo pretends to think, the amused snort impossible to miss. “It’s strange when you pick up the phone and someone answers?” Her idiot fiancé chuckles and wiggles away from the finger she tries to poke him with. “Hey, you have to admit that was priceless. High-quality comedy, even.”

Luna grunts. Moves away a bit, until he pulls her back into his arms with a laugh as warm as her hands when she hides them in the sleeves of his hoodie. “Okay, okay, I’ll let it go. What did you want to say, little moon?”

With a sigh, she stares at the empty crib by the sofa. “I miss her.”

Glancing up at him, she discovers a sad smile on his face. “I miss her too.”

“Does this mean we’re a horrible couple or just good parents?”

Matteo rests his chin on her head, releasing a heavy breath. “I don’t know… but is it too bad if we drive to your parents and pick her up?”

She wants to answer immediately, she wants to grab her jacket and the car keys and walk out of the door. Her leg already twitches towards the ground, because she misses her little sunshine this much. She wants to hold her in her arms and cuddle with her until one of them falls asleep.

But something holds her back.

Something; the dreams, the ideas, the plans that added up for this night during the past days and weeks. It doesn’t matter that none of them received the luxury of turning into reality. As long as she can indulge in his voice when it drops as he’s almost breathing the words, as long as his touch fuels her heart, Luna is fine with whatever they do in those few sacred hours alone.

Or that’s what she thought.

Because in this moment, the house feels empty. Lifeless, almost. Every decision, every minute is about their daughter since she was born, she’s the fixpoint they both revolve around. However, now that she’s being spoiled by her grandparents tonight, Luna’s mind runs all over the place like a Ferris wheel on the loose.

“I don’t know,” she finally mumbles. “I miss her, but this is our first date night.”

“I don’t know either.” A pause. “You know what’s funny? Gastón was so sure we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves, but we haven’t even made out like lovesick teenagers yet.” His lips hover over her, way too pointed. He’s being dramatic, like he loves to be, but it makes Luna giggle, and when she catches a breath a minute later, her shoulders are less filled with tension.

“How about this, chico fresa? You can try to kiss me, and in an hour, we’ll see if we still want to give up and get her?”

Matteo raises an eyebrow, the hand in her hair frozen. “Try to kiss you? Are you planning to resist me?”

“Well, there’s some popcorn waiting in the kitchen…” Luna explains while she struggles to get up. However, his grip on her tightens and with his best smug grin, he leans in to press his mouth on hers, a slow, savoring kiss that says, ‘I know you’re not serious about resisting me’. The second one steals a sigh from her and by the third, she surrenders to the soft movements of his lips.

///

When Matteo lets go of her to finally prepare the popcorn, the last minutes of the movie play. Luna sits through the credits without seeing them. Her mouth tingles from kissing him endlessly, but also from smiling so much. It almost hurts – or maybe that’s just her stomach protesting for a snack or two… (Since when does she feel snacky only two hours after dinner?)

Eventually, she gives in and follows the sweet smell into the kitchen.

Wrapping her arms around Matteo’s waist, she asks him how much longer they have to wait to get the bag out of the microwave.

“Always so impatient, munchkin,” Matteo teases her, without giving her the satisfaction of an answer. She snuggles closer to him and grins, “Except when it comes to marrying you.”

He shakes his head. “Rude and uncalled for.”

“Aww, I’m sorry, my chico fresa. But see, I wanted to talk to you about that anyway, and you just gave me the perfect set-up.”

In a smooth twirl, he faces her to lift her on the counter, so they’re eye to eye. Luna hurries to send him a smile, because if she wants to avoid one thing, it’s any doubt in his mind about her love for him. “I was thinking, what if we, hypothetically I mean, hired a wedding planner? One of these fancy people with lots of connections and the weird talent to make literally anything happen, no matter how extraordinary. Like these tv shows? I mean, we could still focus on Rory without having to postpone the wedding again. It might strain our budget a bit but,” she says, although Matteo doesn’t let her finish.

“You know the budget is no problem,” he replies before he caresses her cheek.

The noise of the microwave cuts through the silence, mixes with the obnoxious pop song from the movie credits. Yet his gesture alone turns this moment into something precious, intimate. Like the popcorn or the DVD-player don’t matter. Don’t exist.

“If you think a wedding planner can help us, we’ll hire one,” he adds.

“Really?”

“Of course.”

This time it’s her who pulls him close for a kiss. And when the microwave gives off a little pling and he attempts to break apart, she waves him off, whispering the popcorn can wait.

Eventually, they stumble back to the couch. Too lost in each other, it’s a miracle already that they’re not dropping their snack left and right. Luna selects her favorite scene from the movie but looses track of it quickly when Matteo starts feeding her and rewarding her for every bite, with a peck on her hand, her shoulder, her neck. She pays him back by throwing a piece of popcorn up in the air for him to catch.

He throws one for her next. Back and forth, it soon turns into a competition filled with laughter until her stomach hurts and her lungs plea for more oxygen.

“Try one more time,” Matteo instructs her, barely breathing after her last failed attempt. The piece of popcorn he catapults into the air hits her nose and falls on her cheek from where she catches it with her tongue. “Not bad,” he presses out in between more hysterical giggles, and in revenge, Luna threatens to hide some sugared corn in his hair.

Shrieking, he ducks. “Mercy on me, please!” he begs, hands lifted in surrender. (Luckily for him, the bowl is almost empty anyway.)

“Hmmm…” Slowly, Luna moves closer to him until his breath tickles her skin. “What would I get for giving you peace?”

“Always so demanding, little moon.”

She rests her head on his chest again to glance up at him with her best puppy eyes. “That’s not an answer, Matteito.” For a moment, he returns her gaze, speechless. Then, a smile unfolds on his lips. “You know, I could show you the final cut of the music video. But only if you promise to not get any of this sticky stuff close to my hair.”

“Deal.”

///

Contigo todo cambió

Veo un mundo diferente

Dejé de sentirme solo

No cerraré mis ojos nunca mas

Estás siempre en mi mente

///

“What do you think?” His voice cracks from all the excitement. His left leg shakes a bit, and the way he looks at her, Luna can’t help but think of Simón’s dog when he watches his leash being taken off the shelf.

She chuckles. “Honestly?”

“Always.”

“I bet you my left skate that there’s at least one gossip magazine that thinks the sunrise after the moon means you dumped me for some other girl. But other than that, I absolutely love it. Your ass in those outfits will have the fangirls go crazy.”

Dumbfounded, Matteo stares at her. His face mirrors the turns and jumps his brain takes, and if Luna concentrates enough she can see smoke coming out of his ears.

A few seconds later, he catches himself and grins slightly. “That sounds like a safe win for you. And horrible news for Rory. Who would even be the one to tell her?”

Silence.

“Oh my god.”

“Did we really just forget about our daughter?”

Helpless, Luna throws a glance at the clock on the wall. 9pm. Way past bedtime for little Aurora, and almost two hours after their mini-breakdown as well. “I think we did,” she whispers.

Matteo looks like he bit into a lemon. “We’re such horrible parents.”

“Oh god, we might be,” Luna agrees, cheeks paler than a moment ago. Guilt takes over, she can’t believe she didn’t think of their chica fresa for one second while goofing around with Matteo, when usually not a second goes by without her daughter being in the back of her mind somehow.

But when her parents bring her over not even half an hour later, a part of her decides this has been the best date night in easily a year.

///

It’s not the right weekend to sit alone in a hotel room with an overpriced bucket of ice cream from the room service while crying to the rhythm of the rain on the window pane. There are other weekends, other days for Luna to sob into tissues until they cover half the floor.

This isn’t the weekend. This shouldn’t be it.

But here she is, lonely yet not entirely alone, while everyone important and famous in the skating community is celebrating in the lobby. If she takes a deep breath and remains silent for just a few seconds, she can hear them shouting and cheering from downstairs.

In a mindless gesture, her hand rests on her belly. Maybe her absence will cause rumors, a drop of gasoline in a flame that’s already smoking. No, it will definitely cause rumors. Since her planned break from the work as Argentina’s most promising skating trainer leaked to the press, they’ve been watching her every breath. Day for day she wakes up to new theories and emails begging for an interview, and the desperate need for a vacation and more time for her family are the nicest speculations the media had to offer.

And the ones closest to the truth.

Luna sighs. If Matteo was here, maybe she’d have a laugh over all the stupid gossip, or maybe she wouldn’t be so exhausted from crying. But he’s back home while she’s here, and there’s nothing she can do to stop the tears from rolling over her face.

Without wanting to, her mind jumps back in time to a competition years ago, the last test leading up to her first ever world championship, where she found herself in a situation painfully similar to her current one.

Back then, she sat in a hotel room just like now, crying on the floor. Back then, she doubted everyone and everything, and mostly herself. She leaned against the bed, sobbing and shaking until her eyes burned and throat dried out. Because of Matteo, because of a fight with him and the break they hastily agreed to take. She cried because she missed him, and because her skate at the final rehearsal for the most important sport event of her life went terrible. Catastrophic, even. Jumps she couldn’t stand, turns she began too late for the music, a fall.

Leaving the rink, she didn’t even know how to look her trainer in the eyes.

And then she cried because that just made her miss Matteo more.

(A week later, Luna had cried once again, tears of joy mixed with the sadness that he wasn’t with her for her victory and that he hadn’t even send a text.)

Now, it’s different. There’s been no fight, no competition and still… the result remains. Luna cries because she misses him, she misses her sunshine of a daughter, she misses all the little drama coming along with having a young family.

With her hormones all over the place, indulging in a distraction seems impossible. No colleague, no idol in the world could make her feel better now. This mood swing demands to be felt, so she’s staring at the hotel ceiling, trying to come up with a solid reason to call her husband during dinner time. Maybe he’s breaking the rule of no phones by the table to wait for her number to light up on the screen?

Luna still ponders over his opened contact when a call comes in.

Matteo.

“Chico fresa, hey, oh my god, what a surprise!” Her tongue almost trips over the letters, earning her an amused chuckle from the end of the line and another teardrop on her cheek. “Hi, my little moon, how are you?”

Her sniff ends in a deep breath ending in a sob, and she’s not sure she can speak. “It’s so nice to hear your voice, you have no idea how much I miss you and… and I…” She stops, blowing into a tissue.

“Luna, hey, are you okay? Hang on, are you crying right now?”

She pauses. Nods. “I miss you, chico fresa. I want to be home, with you. With…”

“Mommy?!” A high-pitched voice filled with excitement creaks through the speaker. Hurried little footsteps follow, and Luna wonders how a heart can both heal and break more at the same time. “Mommy! Mommy!”

“I’ll put you on speaker,” Matteo announces and a second later, Luna can hear their little chica fresa giggle. “Hello Aurora, darling!” She keeps her voice steady, tries to smile. Her baby girl doesn’t need to deal with her homesickness, besides, smiling is almost easy when she imagines Rory’s face beaming with happiness. “Is everything okay? Is daddy being nice to you?”

“NO,” Rory shouts at the top of her little yet powerful lungs, making Matteo wince. “Aurora, you're hurting my feelings here.” Then, her husband declares, “Just for the record, that is still her favorite word that’s not gibberish. She’s a liar.”

A hint of a laugh hushes over Luna’s mouth. Her mood already lifts, the weight on her chest fades and as her hand finds her belly again, gently stroking it, she thinks that perhaps she’s done crying for today.

Little Aurora, however, isn’t as happy anymore. “Coglio!” she yells at her dad, once, twice.

Luna frowns. She waits for a second, allowing her brain to catch up on the meaning, and when realization hits, it’s not so surprising anymore that Matteo remains silent.

“Matteo?”

“Yes, my love?” A casual tone, too casual in fact.

“Was that supposed to be an Italian curse word?”

Silence. Then, a groan. “I used it for Gastón once, okay? Once. He annoyed me so much with his stupid puns and it just kinda… slipped. But since then, she keeps repeating it, while ‘please’ is just too hard for her to say, I guess, since she only heard that one about a million times.”

“You’re…” she takes a breath to scold him, half-serious about the annoyance she’s intending to show. But he cuts her off with a smirk that she can hear all through the phone, which sounds dangerous enough all on its own. “No, no, no, don’t act like you’re all innocent here. I first thought I’d let it slip, you know, to be a nice husband, but now you asked for it, chica delivery. Would you mind explaining to me why your daughter keeps mumbling something that sounds suspiciously like baby talk for your favorite curse word, hm? Because I definitely don’t use it, so you better not give me shit right now.”

Speechless, Luna listens to his ramble.

Matteo has a point, of course, maybe she used cabrón one too many times in front of her baby girl. But to be fair, she never expected him to find out…

“Don’t you have anything to say to your defense?” her husband inquires, chuckling.

She clears her throat. “I mean, I can still blame Simón for teaching her naughty words. You’ve got nothing on me, chico fresa.”

“Ah, that’s where Rory has the whole lying thing from.”

“While it’s your fault she’s as dramatic as you are. If you could keep your dignity while throwing tantrums, you would never stop.”

By the time Matteo gasps in pretended offense, Luna’s grin deepens. The few days apart from him made her long for these silly banters more than she ever deemed possible. At home, not a day goes by without at least one teasing comment in the other’s direction, and over the years she grew as used to it as to the comfort of his touch. Since she arrived here at the conference, stepped into halls too crowded to get reasonable internet connection to chat with him, it becomes more and more obvious to her how much they both enjoy gently mocking each other.

When Matteo begins to argue he’s not that dramatic, therefore his daughter can’t be either, said little troublemaker cries out. He sighs. “Can you hold on for a minute? She’s ready for dinner now and…”

“She won’t eat unless you sing to her?” Luna finishes the sentence. “I told you, she learned from the best.”

“Aww, thanks, babe,” he giggles in a pitched voice, before he pauses and adds, “She is so damn extra. Hm, you tiny troublemaker? Insisting on your demands like the cute diva you are?” In a sing-song Matteo tells Aurora how soon she’ll outdo every spoiled starlet he ever met in the course of his career, but from the content babble that follows, Luna figures dinner won’t be a problem for today. Or for as long as Matteo sings, really.

The next time her husband takes a short break from feeding their chica fresa and complains about Rory’s eating habits, Luna suggests calling his best friend. “You could ask him about spoiled toddlers, I’m pretty sure he can tell you a weird habit or two about Felicia as well.”

“Hm, yeah… no. This is really weird. And I’m not talking about the singing.” He sounds horrified, which brings back pictures of one particular evening where Rory decided to be extremely picky.

And a bit gross.

“Oh boy, please don’t say she wants to eat her veggies with chocolate yoghurt again.” With a glare into the ice cream bucket in front of her, Luna notices her dessert melted and now resembles that yoghurt way too much.

She pushes the bucket away.

“Nope,” Matteo replies, to which Luna breathes in relief. Maybe she can still enjoy her sugar treat, after all. “Trust me, this is worse.” (Or maybe not.)

Taking the spoon out, she licks it, while she wonders what could be worse than veggies and chocolate yoghurt. Nothing comes to her mind, although she’s sure Matteo will explain whatever it is in great, disturbing detail.

Of course, he doesn’t let her down. “Remember when you were full of pride that our baby will be half Mexican and half Italian and said that it will be so cool?”

“Oh boy, please, just make it quick. What did she do?”

“She put spaghetti in a tortilla. Or, forced me to put spaghetti in a tortilla for her.”

“Ugh, what? Gross!” Luna gasps, quickly covering her mouth with her hand. It’s not that late, but she isn’t exactly keen on provoking any attention from other hotel guests, or worse, be heard by the paparazzi lurking outside. Sighing, she gets up to close the window.

Spaghetti in a tortilla, that must be the weirdest and most cliché combination Aurora has come up with so far.

“I know,” Matteo says. “It’s such a disgrace to the pasta.”

///

They stay talking on the phone for easily an hour more. Matteo puts her on speaker as he changes Aurora into her pajama and with a smile, Luna listens to the lullaby he puts her to sleep with.

However, as nice as being part of the nightly ritual is, his silence warns her the moment he closes the bedroom door behind him and walks back into the living room.

“Luna,” he whispers, her name as fragile in the air as a floating bubble. “Are you okay? I didn’t expect you to be crying when I called you.”

“Yes,” she mumbles back. “I just missed you and it got a bit too much.” Laying on the bed, her legs dangle from the edge, draw circles into the air that give her thoughts a calm rhythm to think to. It’s a bit embarrassing to look back on all the tissues she wasted with her crying, especially when the reason was so… not exactly meaningless, but simple.

“Aww, little moon, is the convention that bad? That you can’t be three days without your favorite fresa?”

Luna snorts, although it comes out weak towards the end. “Let your pregnant wife be emotional, okay?”

“But you’re having fun, right? Meeting some cool people who you can show off to with your medals and titles?”

He’s only half serious, but sometimes, Luna wonders if Matteo forgets that she’s not the center of the figure skating world. So far Luna felt like the others were the ones impressing her, not the other way around. She got introduced to people who won everything there was to win, who competed in three, if not four Olympics, who dedicated their whole life to this sport since they were little kids. And yes, she claimed the title as world champion for a few years, and she’s infinitely proud of her Olympic gold medals. But she’ll never be close to achieving legend status like the skaters around her, and that’s okay for her.

“I am having fun,” she admits, quickly smiling, yet carefully as to not let it slip into her voice. “You know, it’s actually nice to be more than just your wife for once. No one really cares about you here, or only very little.”

No reply, not even a snort. Just silence.

“Your ego can handle that, right?”

///

When Matteo unlocks the door, he swears he’s going to fall on the sofa and won’t move again until it’s time to go to bed. Interviews tend to be fun, but Jazmín didn’t interview him, no, she interrogated him. Squeezed him like an orange for breakfast juice, and now he feels drained of every last bit of energy. Not even blasting his favorite songs on the ride back home helped to forget her over-excited laugh or the never-ending questions, about the meaning of each new song, about Luna, about his family.

Just the thought of having to promote this episode next week makes him want to delete every single social media account he has.

With a sigh, he slips out of his jacket and loudly announces to Luna that he’s back. No answer, instead, silence greets him. Perhaps she’s napping somewhere, wouldn’t be the first time, although jealousy stings him at the mere thought. Not only can Luna spend more time with their chica fresa, she also manages to doze off before dinner, yet doesn’t struggle to fall asleep at night while Matteo can only dare to dream about day-time naps.

If you ask him, it’s not really fair. (But he chose this, after all.)

He trots into the living room. Knowing his sleeping beauty, he needs a solid plan to wake her up, but all ideas fall short as soon as he discovers her on the couch. The view in front of him surprises him, charms him, all while a warm fuzzy sensation lingers in his chest.

He might have expected his girls to be asleep, but he didn’t expect them to be asleep together. Luna’s hair is spread out over her shoulders, head supported on the cushions and her mouth opened just enough to give his wife a peaceful (and maybe a little bit dumb) expression. On one side of her, Matteo spots an open book, little Aurora’s favorite, a story full of tiny adorable animals and terrible rhymes. Too many times did they read it to her until her eyes slowly fluttered shut, too easily can he recall those lines. But it doesn’t quite matter, not when his daughter rests against Luna’s still growing bump, snoring gently.

It’s the cutest thing he has seen all week.

They neither wake up from his soft hello kisses nor from the picture he snaps for the next family collage. Only when dinner warms up in a pan and the delicious smell of risotto fills the room does Luna join him.

“I didn’t notice you were home,” she mumbles, hugging him from behind the exact moment the baby decides to kick. Right into his back. It doesn’t really hurt, but Matteo winces anyway. “Damn, this one’s definitely a troublemaker.” A short kiss for his wife and he leans down to gently follow their little one’s movements. “Hm, tiny peanut? Hello to you too.”

“You know it’s weird how you say peanut when it feels more like a watermelon.”

He chuckles and checks how much the risotto heated up. While he feeds her a spoonful, he replies, “I’m not gonna call our baby a watermelon just because it’s more accurate. You were the one who suggested to wait with the name and all. So, peanut it is.”

“But why peanut? Why don’t you say… I don’t know, raisin?”

“Because raisins are gross, duh. They’re the wrinkly grandmas of grapes, I’m not eating that.”

Luna chuckles as she shakes her head. “You’re not supposed to eat our baby.”

“Sometimes I get the feeling you think I’m stupid,” Matteo pouts, earning him a soft pat on his cheek. It’d be a cute gesture if it wasn’t for her answer. “Only sometimes?”  

“Haha, you’re so funny, Valente.”

She sticks out her tongue at him.

Matteo sighs in surrender, then changes his mind. “So, since we’re talking names now, what do you think about Violet Drizzle? Or Sven Olaf?”

“Sven Olaf? Like from Frozen?” With the nod he gives her, his wife seems to realize where this is going.

She pops her finger bones like she’s about to step in the ring.

“Sure. Why not Misery? Or what about Ben Jerry? Unicorna?” Rolling his eyes, Matteo tries to shake off the laughter. Fails. Coming up with ridiculous baby names isn’t hard, he knows too many celebrities and their children, but he didn’t expect Luna to play along so quickly. (And fairly, so brilliantly.)

Within the blink of an eye, he follows her suggestions with five more. In the span of three minutes, they’re bickering like it’s the most important competition of their lives. Ideas are traded back and forth, and so is their laughter.

But none of their names clearly outdoes the others, and they’re both too stubborn to surrender. Except when he’s about to suggest a draw, Luna makes him laugh so hard he almost burns dinner.

His wife snorts, although the huge grin on her face gives her away. “Jeez, chico fresa, if you’re as careful with Fresa Risotto as you are with our dinner I might have to raise my kid alone.” Snatching the spoon out of his hands, she shoves him towards the sofa. “Why don’t you just go and wake Aurora up? She asked about you all afternoon.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he salutes before he caresses her bump one last time and leaves the kitchen, grinning. His daughter already blinks her eyes open at him.

She’s tired. Still tired and clearly confused and not quite landed in reality yet. Once the last shreds of sleep let go of her, though, she squeals and claps her hands in excitement. Just like her momma, Matteo thinks as he picks her up to press a kiss on her forehead.

Aurora beams with joy.

“Hello, my sunshine, did you sleep well?” When she babbles something that he assumes to mean yes, he asks if she wants to be a little airplane. Of course, Rory nods – she’ll never say no to her favorite game after all.

When Luna calls him for dinner, he’s still whirling his baby girl around and around and around.

///

“Did you call Simón today?”

He’s sitting in front of the couch, Aurora on his lap. Since her favorite toy disappeared without a trace, she’s been whiny, but cuddling with him distracts her enough to give Luna time to find it.

His wife nods. “Yeah, he sounded really excited to be back on tour. Greetings from Pedro, by the way.”

“Thanks. Did you talk to him, too?”

“No,” she replies, and sighs when Rory’s little plush cat remains nowhere to be found. “We weren’t on the phone for long, Simón seemed kinda… busy.”

Matteo sends her a look. Usually, they ended up chatting for hours especially on a day like this, with no concert in the evening. “Huh?”

His chica fresa plants her hands all over his face. When he kisses her little sneaky fingers, she giggles. “Come on, Matteo,” Luna meanwhile groans at him. “I told you about Emma and him. You said he obviously had a type and all. Now, if I could just find this stupid kitty…” Before he gets a chance to remember Emma, Luna waddles out of the room.

Matteo prays she finds the plush toy quickly. He wants his intel, after all.

///

She’s clumsy. Not normally, all this training to become a world champion wasn’t for nothing. But her bump makes it hard to navigate her own body sometimes, and she can barely spot her feet. Can’t spot them at all, to be correct.

So, of course she stumbles over the bright red plastic car on the floor.

Matteo blinks at her confused, then breaks into laughter. She tries to catch the kitten in her hand, almost catches it. Accidently throws it up into the air again, reaches out again. Ultimately fails, because it’s keeping her balance or the plush toy.

Her husband still laughs. “Don’t bother,” he manages to get out once she tries to bow down enough to grab it. (Her belly. Naturally. She feels like a walrus.)

But it’s not Matteo who picks the kitty up or presses it against his chest with a cry of joy. It’s her daughter, who must have escaped her daddy’s grasp and now clutches her fingers around the worn out plush. Dragging her regained treasure along, she crawls back to Matteo before she sits down to stare at Luna.

A frown appears on her forehead.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?” Luna asks. “I’m sorry I couldn’t find Mr. Whiskers earlier.”

Rory stares. And frowns. And stares. The grin on Matteo’s face slowly dies.

“What are you planning, fresita?” he whispers, although too late. One last skeptical glance and their baby girl tosses her cat into the air and watches it fall down.

Matteo is rolling on the floor. “I can’t believe I have two Lunas now,” he pants before losing his breath from all the laughter.

Rory beams with pride and repeats it a second and a third and a tenth time.

///

He makes it up to her with a massage. Their little sunshine is dozing off in her bedroom, their favorite show flickers over the TV screen and he even prepared a hot chocolate for her.

“Didn’t you want to tell me something about Simón’s new blondie?” he asks so casual that she’ll probably figure he’s been thinking about it for at least an hour.

Rolling her eyes, Luna gently slaps his arm. “Rude, chico fresa. Emma might be blonde too, but she’s not like Ámbar.”

“You still meant to tell me.”

“You’re right, I was.”

He presses a kiss on her neck. Maybe she’ll scold him for setting her up on a distraction without letting her finish, but her skin is warm and soft and he’s just a man who loves his wife a bit too much. (To his surprise, she even robs backwards on the couch until she lays against his chest.) “So,” he whispers into her ear, “how do I know Emma?”

“She spent a few weeks in the Roller back during my last year of school, remember? I think they met up during the promo gigs or something.”

“And they’re good together?”

Luna tilts her head for their eyes to meet. She smiles. “I’m pretty sure they’ll marry each other one day.”

His hands wrap around her bump. Carefully traces the baby’s little kicks, while he thinks if Simón was half as happy as he feels, the guitarist would get incredibly lucky. “You believe he might overthink what he said about not wanting to get married ever?”

“Sure,” she smiles, again, and steals a kiss from his lips. “That was after Ámbar, after all. Emma is different. And you know him, he’s an old romantic.”

“Like me.”

“Nah, you’re just cheesy.”

Offended, he gasps. But in the totally not fake dramatic argument that follows, they both think how they wouldn’t trade this for anything else in the whole wide world, because as long as they’re together, everything will work out fine.

[jazzminte]

never mind, i'll just keep my whatsapp status writings as screenshots in my gallery lol let's talk about what's really going down rn: i'm listening to the ultimate sad hours playlist i made i think some time around last year...? or was it 2 years ago? but most the songs there are what i'd relate to my parents... which just made me realize how before i started grieving over this whole breakup shenanigan, i was always dealing with the turmoils that is the relationship between me, my mother, my dad, and both of them.

like, i'd really spent almost ALL my life focusing on this unresolved trauma solely, that i had zero to little time for anything outside of it. and in this case, namely anything related to romance. sure i've had my fair share of crushes before (only 2) and flings (just quick crushes that would last for 2 weeks max, these ones had been way too many i'd lost count 😭) but because i've never been seriously and romantically involved with anyone, i guess this is why listening to this playlist is kinda making me realize that my sole focus in life has always been different than what i've been focusing on lately. like. it's always been bigger than just a romantic relationship turning out bad, it's always been about the relationship i have with my parents.

IDK HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN THIS IN A WAY THAT SHOULD BE MORE COMPREHENSIBLE BUT. for almost all my life i'd been so focused on the pain caused by the very ones who'd brought me into this world, that the breakup pain is starting to feel a little insignificant now. it's like, if i could survive the pain of whatever it is i had got going on with my parents, who's to say i won't survive something as trivial as a breakup?

sure, breakups are so fucking difficult to get over, ESPECIALLY one where the relationship had zero to little flaws, especially when the partner in question had zero to little red flags, especially when the love that was nurtured was nothing short of genuine. tapi faham tak, selama ni my life has been revolving around the fact that my first heartbreak came from my mother, my dad and just both of them, that a heartbreak from a romantic relationship kinda feels like it falls short now.

WEH DIA CAM. aku ni survived getting my heart broken MULTIPLE TIMES by my parents tau. by my mom, by my dad. tetiba rasa cam apa lah sangat heartbreak from a romantic partner en? especially one where you just have a strong feeling that they'll come back when they're ready, that they really are made for you based on what your heart has been telling you to pray for, based on your gerakan hati, based on your faith in god and His plans.

SO DIA MACAM. YA ALLAH. god is truly the greatest. sebab en, up until just a few hours ago, i was still crying sebab duk rindu amyrull syafiq and how he was and how we were and how he now feels like a stranger TAPI BILA FIKIR BALIK aku ni survived through all these years weh. through my self harms, suicidal thoughts, depression, mental illnesses, MENTAL BREAKDOWNS...

my first heartbreak didn't even come from amyrull syafiq. it came from my own Mother. pastu nak cakap yang i ni wouldn't be strong enough to get over the breakup en. WEH AYUNNI JASMINE. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS. (you still need professional help and therapy but at least now we're getting there!! alhamdulillah!!! small steps!!!) BUT YEAH. AYUNNI JASMINE. YOU CAN SURVIVE THROUGH THIS ONE TOO. YOU SURVIVED THE EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, PHYSICAL TURMOIL CAUSED BY YOUR OWN PARENTS KOT, apa lah sangat the turmoil caused by your relationship with your kesayangan amyrull syafiq.

pape pun, if it's meant to be, it will be. the fact that you're still praying for him is a sign in and of itself too.

cuba tengok balik, you've never really prayed for your 2nd crush pun 😭 you just wrote about him, almost endlessly. tapi faham je la you had such strong feelings kot. tak ayunni jasmine la kalau dah fall for someone she'd fall Hard. and sure, you've prayed for your first ever serious crush on that hs senior all those years ago, but for the record you were 14 and you also prayed that if he wasn't meant for you, you'd lose feelings for him, kan? and you'd lost them sooo long ago, i think back in 2016? GOOD FOR YOU. for your cfs classmate pun dah lama lost feelings kan? ever since he got a gf in 2019 pun. sure the feelings Almost got rekindled earlier in jan this year, TAPI TU PUN SEBAB YOU WEREN'T SURE IF HE STILL HAD A GF, AND YOU WERE JUST LONELY KAN LOL

but mannn. oh mannnnnnn. meeting amyrull syafiq, getting to know him, falling in love with him, feeling loved by him, nurturing unconditional love for him, TRULY. AND I MEAN THIS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. TRULY IS MY BIGGEST BLESSING. biggest after my bestest friends weh... huge, HUGE blessing.

ya Allah, the Most Loving, the Most Merciful, the Most Generous, the Most Giving. i thank you, for letting Amyrull Syafiq, and all that encompasses him, (his friends etc) into my life. for giving me a chance to love him, to feel and receive his love, for allowing me to love him still after everything, i truly thank You.

[despovoador]

didn't shave my head as planned bc it's cold as hades but i did made a coherent presentation in my class of what i'll write about in my paper. the professor liked the idea and commented "well, since we're on the subject of a sociology of death, so to speak, there's this book that's very good and i recommend it for everyone etc etc" and another student said kinda jokingly but also seriously "yeah but you end up getting a little sad after reading it, no?" and people laughed (me included) but what i found really funny was that, like, hey! this is all i ever read about lmao! and it really hit me how strange it must be that this seems to be all i ever talk about and research and that i get tattoos of, etc. i'm actually a very silly person irl ("the meatspace....") so most people that know me just joke about it; last week when the university was real empty (the classes had been cancelled due to a gas crisis, the whole city was looking like a ghost town) a friend of mine said that the university had a climate of death but that "nico must be enjoying it!", and the other day my best friend's mother and grandmother were saying like "nico you're always welcome to our house but you can't take any of us away!" after her father said i was looking like the grim reaper with my all black clothes and hood on and after they saw i had tattooed 'death is always with us' (mais en français) in my arm. and like of course there's the inner teenage part of me that's like "lol cool" (i mean, i grew up on grindcore and post-punk...... u can not expect me not to play along with it at some level). but on a more serious tone, i take this as a sign that people can see that i'm serious about this and that i'm dealing with these sensitive issues in a good and respectful manner, and this reassures me bc these are very important issues to me for personal and political reasons and i don't want to be seen as That Guy who's way into morbid and creepy shit....... but anyways. today's been good so far and i'm headed to my ballet class rn (hell yeah.....) even tho i slept 2 hrs this night and am clearly on a depressive phase lmao just gotta keep this motion going now..........

[patronsaintofposmodernity]

no me puedo creer que el discourse de hoy de tw sea para cancelar a un grupo de kpop porque han sacado una canción que se llama eta (de estimated time of arrival) y tienen las menciones llenas de gente llamándolas terroristas yo os juro que no puedo más

[liberace19]

  No  people could be more surprised than I -re and I when the newspaper headlined: " Liberate To Marry. We had known eaih other for five years and had been dating teaddy, but quietly, for six moni when suddi-nly our romance Ix-eame front pase news. Overnight our "boy-meets-girl, boy-dates-girl" relationh;p was cnt for the gossip columnist's m.U. Even my doe friend began ca'lm me "Liberace's girlfr.end" and "Mrs. Libcrace-to be." tar the record, we are not rn-gased. And, If he ba propord, that' a srrrrt btwrea u. We bavra't evea told our families. Terhap after reading my story vou will be able to guess the b Z errrt. Thrush million rif women the wofld mer dol;?e Libera e and a frw thousand of them be has never en have propo-fd to him I ftidn't reron.ze him the first time I saw him. To me he was a handsome Mran- ;rp ho moved into the bouse across the street from mv home in North Hollywood, t was eighteen at th time and omcth.ng of a tomboy. Hut a tomboy that was interest ed in eligible bachelor. I wa sure he wa a bachelor because, except for In Mom, I didn't see any women about th place. At n 2ht I could hear hi music through my open windows. Even then I could sens h.s moods. When he wa tired, or perhaps un-bappy, he would play wrnVr, serious pieces, and when he was ih.irpy the piano would come alive , Hill' would seem to make the !rcct hrht d.mrf. J t yearned to meet him and I Mush now In think of the first jirlish ruse I used. BASER U.L IN THE STREETS A I a d. was something of a tomboy. I lean to play baseball n the street with mv youncer brother. Eddie Jr.. and his friends. f insisted on playing the outfield because that put me in front of Lee' house where I thought sure he would notice me. lie didn't or so I thought un-td recently. Finally, after some months. I was introduced to ixe at M Charles Church after Sunday-Mass. Our families are both Cath-nt e I knew by then that he was The Libcraee. My fathr, Eddie Rio. I West-era Reeional Director of AtiVA. th prrfrmr, union. II told Mom and me that our mysterious neighbor wa "Libcraee, a pianist who's coin; to h th y r V m m 71 Jnannr and I.ibrrar sit ch holding came while n a date at nightclub. hottest thing la show business in a year or two." I don't remember much nf our meeting at church except that Mom and Dad exchanged casual greetings with Lee and his Mom and I stammered l.ke a bobby-soxer when I was introduced. I rcmendier I was disappointed that he didn't ask me for a date. That was to come later, lour years later. Meanwhile, though I gave up bal'playing, I watched py newest crush from my windows. Sometimes I'd get a scolding from my Mom for "peeking through the cur-ta.ns". Rut I'm sure Mom was more amused than angry. I watched Lee when he was learning to drive a car. a fire engine red Oldsmobile. and I was envious when I saw him leave on dates with a tall, beautiful blonde. I learned later tbey were engaged for a time. Lee talked to me occasionally when he W3s taking his French poodle. Suette. for a walk. Cut I'm afraid I was so awestruck that all 1 could talk about was SuzeUe. HEARTBROKEN ' When Lee moved away I was heartbroken for all of a week. All teenagers have crushes, though I'm not the type to swoon, over screen idols. And I h3d plenty of high schoo' dates. I forgot about Libcraee until years later when I was dancing and sinsing in the choru of the Moulin Rouge on the Sunset Strip. I grew up in show business. My mother. Mildred La Salle, was a blues siuger in Chicago before she ' - I rrk to cheek and play a hand- Hollywood's famous Moulin Rou;e save up her career fo marry Dad Drddy, before he became a union representative was one of the dancing Rio Brothers. So I was sort of "brought up in a trunk." Mom and Dad gave me singing and dancing lessons and I did some stage work and had child parts in movies. I now have a seconl lead in B"V Cmn St it Your Ft ', T lumbia's T.ug!es Wake which will be released soon and I plan to tour with my own nightclub act that is until I marry. I took the chorus job at the Moulin Rouge because I wanted to work with Don Arden. the show's choreographer, who is tops. My family and friends were all at ringside for opening ni;hu Danny Thomas, the comedian, w ho bas know n me since I was 14, nearly stopped the show when he spotted me in th chorus line. It was a sexy number with the girl dancing and doing a modified bump and grind in negligees. . Danny jumped to his feet and shouted to my father: "It's the baby. Lookit the baby." It amazed him that I was 22 and quite grtwn up. Liberace saw the show. Jn fact he saw it six times and that vas how we met again. One of the routines called for the chorus girls to ring bells to the accompaniment of the orchestra. Lee, who always sat near the runway, would reach up and play the bells for one of the chorines. I tried to get the girl to change places w ith me but she said "Nothing doing. I'm a fan of his too." After the show I sent Lee a note. I guess be wanted to se who th fresh chorus g:rl was because he invited me to his table for a drink. He was flabbergasted when he recognized me as the little torn-bo; who ued to play baseball in front of his house. It was a wonderful night. Lee drove me home in his new Cadillac. He was charming as he always is. Lee's the type of a man who shares everything with you I.e makes you think you are a part of his success and enjoying it with him. And he makes yo-feel that you are the only girl in the world. When he dropped me off at my home he walked me to the door and shyly asked to see me again. Then he bowed and squeezed my hand. It was like a caress. When I walked into the living room my mother took one look at me and told Dad: "Our Joanne is falling in love." TOMORROW: Joanne tell of her first dates with Liberace and their first kiss.  October 21, 1954

[wearethegladiators]

ANSWERING RECENT HEADCANONS AND RADOTING

Sacha using his fists to defend himself before his wand is a big ass mood

Remember when the rebels rescued Lily in the Excidium verse and she head butted one of them

Like I said they’re actually super alike!! Sacha’s the alternative version of Lily that managed to stay on the right path :’)

HE’S PROBABLY AFRAID OF BLOOD THE BBY

Gnnn now I can see a Peeta/Johanna-like relationship between him and Lily?? Like the “we’re very familiar with each other’s screams” part. I’m not ok wbu

Sacha as a cook I’m 100% here for it

Lily too started getting tattoos when she was caught for the first time and sent to the Ministry around her “registration number”!!!!! The feels

EDAN SPENT 5 YEARS IN JAIL WTH HOW IS THIS MAN STILL ALIVE GIVE HIM A MEDAL

Sacha and Lily escaping all the time always <3 The deatheaters must be so mad hihihihi

How old is actually Edan?? Wait he must have known Wyn from Hogwarts + she was a prefect as well

Sacha completing a muggle degree made me so emotional like?? It’s like he felt he didn’t completely fit in and :’( :’(

I like these plots of people not completely fitting in tho (Sacha, the Auderic, the Blackbirds, etc.) JK Rowling always made it seem like tout allait bien dans le meilleur des mondes and hm?? Not buying it you’re not even a democracy oy

Also Lily contacted the Order pretty early on so that they could help her hide her family. So she probably met with Edan wayyyy before Sacha (or like, they probably knew each other from Hogwarts, but not so much?? Lily was too busy trying to save Slytherin souls you know :’))

All Gryffindors are assertive and arrogant let’s face it (Wynona is I am EVERYONE IS)

 The whole Edan plotline is :’(((((((( I have no idea how Wyn would react to that but she’d definitely be involved. Wyn has always been independent and has never relied on anyone (before the accident at least), but I feel like Edan could have been the one she was confiding to about the shit she was struggling with. Kids and Sacha could always confide to her and count on her support; but she was the mother, the big sister, it was all one-way, except maybe with Edan. So she would care a hell lot

Also she cares so much about Sacha and this is so terrible for him like

It’s Wynona tho so she may try to confront Edan mdr, so the explosion plot wouldn’t be so unlikely hihi

Or maybe she’d be surprisingly caring?? Like that would be the thing to reactivate her soft spot

Also caring for Edan would be her awkward way of showing Sacha she still fucking cares for him

Siblings relationships will be the end of me I swear to god

  Running away!! I can totally picture a scene in which Nathan and Lily would be quiet, and it would be weird because they’re rarely just the two of them now, and one of them goes like “maybe we should just run away/maybe we should have ran when we still could”

Nathan thinking he’s too weak is a big no tho

I also have had this scene in mind FOR AGES and I need this to be canon??? Nathan and Lily. Sitting on a roof. (This was Excidium’s era yo, remember how they lived on a mf roof??? MDR) It’s all quiet. And Lily grabs Nathan’s hand. “I’m proud of you. I’m proud of us.” BIIIITCH I NEED EPISODE 2 OF THIS NATHAN NEEDS EPISODE 2 OF THIS

The frequency to which I rely on capital letters is becoming concerning

Tbh I just miss the Nathalily banter. I just want my girl to go like “you’re my family BITCH”

Remember in Excidium (sorry hihi) when they found each other after MONTHS and one of the first things she said was “yo you look like shit”??? #MyNathalily

(Also I always forget how hot Nathan actually is. Mdr and Lily is just like “oy ugly”)

(And yes!!!! How he used to FAIRE DES PUTAINS DE LABYRINTHE A LA SORTIE DE SON DORM what a bitch I love him) (I miss them as kids :’(((((()

(Most of their les Ames Mortes friends must be dead btw. Bonne ambiance)

(Once I had a dream where Kira was somehow coming back??? Which was cool because he was sort of Lily’s psychologist and that would GREATLY help rn)

Gnnn Lily would be like “You CAN’T let the McMillan run this thing” but at the same time she would not do anything about it?? Placing all the burden on his shoulders. I’m sorry Wyn and Lily are such shitty friends atm but they’re… so far gone, in a way :’(

It will get better tho!! LOVE IS MORE POWERFUL REMEMBER

Actually Lily and Nathan are facing the exact same problems mdr so they should see it eventually

Lily’s not a leader, OR at least she never meant to be one. Pls just let her be Nathan’s bras droit once again, I feel like they both need it rn

OR MAYBE THEY NEED TO RUN AWAY

Sorry

I’m just thinking so much about how Aron’s death must have affected their relationship. Like Aron was Nathan’s brother too tbh

I also thought Nathan’s connection to both fire and water was so interesting yoooo, especially because Lily is so much the incarnation of water to me (even tho she’s also very earthly and she’s, in a way, full of fire)

NATHAN ON A DRAGON’S BACK IS BOTH TERRIFYING AND SEXY AF

Remember the part where Wynona now has two fully grown dragons?? Just sayin

Nathan was actually quite dark on Les Ames Mortes mdr, I remember this whole dark mark storyline and holy shit

“He’s been TAMED and you CAN’T tame him he’s a wild animal” *slow claps even tho this may not be a very reassuring perspective*

 I feel so sorry for Nathan and Sacha!! (And Wyn and Lily mdr)

 OK I’M HAVING SO MUCH WYNONATHAN FEELS ATM

As I was writing the Blackbird scene I was like “this reminds me of something hmmm” and then I remembered Nathan’s story and!!!!

These bitches have so much in common they must laugh it off to pretend like it’s not serious business

I can so much picture Wyn bringing Nathan to the Ranch and him seeing the Thestrals and casually saying “it’s been so since [he] was a kid” “oh me too” “hahahahaha how fun”

Wyn making fun of Nathan’s patronus “hahahaha you’re so in love with me right” (bonus if Nathan does not know her last name yet and she goes “do you know who the fuck I am”)

I LOVE Ydria and you know who else would LOVE her?? Wynona. Yes. If she ever meets her tbh she’s gonna stan (poor Nathan mdr)

(Rick Yaxley already???? Wtf I didn’t know about that what a bitch wtf wtf wtf)

(btw quite canon that Wyn’s family has also been executed by deatheaters because they were becoming too much of a threat/were too out of control/were non-white so no one could understand them mdr)

Btw. The parallel between both their families in terms of integration to the pureblood scene is EVERYTHING. They were such powerful families and the others were such racist pieces of crap

The Blackbirds have never been fine politicians. When Blackbird Père figured out it would be nice to have allies on the pureblood scene he probably rushed to the Lestrange because 1) they’re scary af and 2) Corvus oculum corvi non eruit. I swear to God

When they could have been allied with the Oderikos I’M SORRY BUT

Btw chapter 3 is Wynona at one such pureblood gathering :’) and SORRY AGAIN but don’t tell me the table for discussing politics was not organized by “family importance”. The Big Seven, then the other British families, than the… non-white people :’) Also just saying that if the table is organized alphabetically that means that WYNONA’S SEAT WILL BE NEXT TO NATHAN’S MDRRRRRRR

Is this really how they’re gonna meet (cause tbh I’m here for it) (I even mention it briefly at the end hihi you’ll see) (I’m a foreshadowing queen y’know)

Just saying that if the Oderikos and the Blackbirds could have seen their resemblances… “I have a son you have a daughter we’ll join our houses…..” In a parallel universe Nathan and Wynona could be married just saying hein

Sorry but the association of these two houses sounds terrifying I like it

But do you know who are the most terrifying people of these families?? YDRIA AND THE AMERICAN BRANCH. WHAT IF THEY COME. BOTH OF THEM.

Can Wyn somehow figure out that Nathan has Native American blood pls this just needs to be addressed

Can they teach other “unorthodox magic/ways of burning things”???

(YDRIA AS DESCENDANTS OF GREEK GODS I’M DYING!!!!!!!!!)

(ODERIKOS MEN BEING CURSED!!!!!)

100% agree that Nathan and Wyn could burn the world AND each other up

Not directly related but you know my original plan was to have Wynona die in a massive suicide-bomb attack. Just like casually leaving Nathan’s bed in the middle of the night to blow herself up. I mean I don’t know what this is doing here but I just needed to say it

Omg yes they’re such soulmates but I don’t think they’re good for each other. STAR-CROSSED LOVERS MUCH omg

Pretty sure Wyn knows that but… there’s not much she can do about it mdr

Like before the war she was confiding to Edan, but in the war she found someone so much like her, that can relate to the trauma she’s been through?? She craves it, she NEEDS it and she is always going to need it

(Gnnn she just needs someone to take care of her ok)

Plus if the kids have adopted Nathan, can you imagine

People being like “he’s good for you/you’re good for each other” WELL ACTUALLY

Maybe relationships which start with fights are not meant to end so well??? Maybe that’s just too much fire??

(Also huge need for an angsty RP where she’s just yelling at him “YOU LEFT ME AT MY LOWEST” and shit. Does Nathan need that? Probably not. But I do hihihi)

Anyway je radote ptn

 Et en attendant j’ai fait d’autres playlists just as messy as this post:

·         Lily : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl10O5TcXXte7AD8K7I46ARt

·         Evans siblings: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl2GyO486p5UjsMRHot_h-on

·         A bby one but well-needed for Cassiel: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl3ZNPaKs-7i56Gcsosu7xyQ

·         Nathalily: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl3RUhSkv0gTftnzcBJj7aaE (pls don’t hit me for the last one ok)

·         WYNONATHAN: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl3cyiZtCP-40U6Ze8SXYGy7

 Bye

[igothxmewcrk-blog]

Matt pitches H*omecoming Sequel Post 1

so today and most of this week I’ve had Crackle on my P*S4 just to watch a sorta nostalgic cartoon based around my muse’s adventures in high school (not the one prefaced with U/ltima*ate). that series is titled Spectacular, much like a run of his comics between the 70′s and 80′s.

and there are some issues, things better left unsaid or never explored in it that just ended up happening, but it took itself as seriously as it had to. just, no more serious than the movie franchise that had just ended a year prior to the show’s premiere.

in this show, every episode is only a half hour long, and it ran for two seasons (it had a buildup for things to come in a possible third season and onward, but then D*sn/ey bought M/arv*el and S/ony still owned most of everything S/pider-M*an, other medium adaptations included, and i guess somehow the writers and studio just decided to can the series on some major cliffhangers). Roughly about 26-30 episodes. again, every episode gave its little precursors to the next one, or one to follow later on, usually in an ending scene, or midway thru every few episodes. this gave the show depth that superhero dramas like Smallville and its CW successors of today express in their stories, but to hell with that, S/pectac*ular S*pid/ey did it best!

this show grounded Peter in realism, showed you his high school. Midtown was a magnet high school, and was addressed on letterman wear as M^3 (Midtown Manhattan Magnet, or for a science pun, M to the third power, or cubed, tee-hee). that’s right, MCU was not the first to show you Peter’s class of supporting civilian characters at his school, this animated series was. 

some things to note:

L/iz Al*len was Latina

G/wen S*tacy was, for better or worse, represented as P/eter’s equal, a nerdy girl in glasses, but by S2′s finale (spoilers from this point on) she ditched the eyewear, and I think either grew out her hair in an impressively short time, or otherwise it had been in ponytails or partially in a bun Idk the show just ran with it to give the unexpected ending some images to relate it even more so to comics

M/ary J*ane existed but only ever was P*ete/r’s fall fling date, and a close friend, nothing more

Fe/licia H*ardy was simply B/la*ck C/at in this, but she’s connected to P/ete as her father was B*en’s killer, and when that’s revealed, she’s never seen again

Ed/di*e B/ro*ck was around for most of the show both as a college student who assists P/ete, G*wen, and the C*onn/ors family in an ESU biochem/engineering lab; he gives off a sorta play cousin vibe, like he and P/ete go back a long way, and it’s nice to not see him as the jerk who eats Pe/ter’s dust in the Bugle

with that being said, he does bond with V*en/om in a unique way different than he has from past adaptations, or the original comic origin. in fact, he was obsessed with knowing how it ticks the moment he’s given Dr. C/onn*ors’ approval to help observe and give reports on the alien life form’s behavior(s). when S/pidey returns the symbiote to containment, and thinks chilling it to a frozen state will stop it from tacking onto anyone else, Ed/war*d heats it back up to its normal temp, unlocks containment, and WHAM! time to exact revenge on the enemies he just found out are one and the same.

anyways, B/rock and P/arker parents were lab partners, but what they did exactly wasn’t given much explanation. they just hint at this so as to make people aware that M*ay and B/en are not to be confused as P/ete’s parents (y’know, in case anyone would be S*pidey inept)

H/arry Os*born was Goblin first, but N*orm reveals it was part of his plan, so you get a gripping O/bo*rn family soap opera in a tv-y7 rated program. hellz to da yesss!

while L*iz in MCU has a father who’s a villain, that isn’t canon anywhere else; however, her brother becomes Molten Man, a self-destructive decoy to keep S/pid*ey off of G/oblin’s trail as he tries to create a criminal empire in Manhattan

everything else isn’t too noteworthy, id say watch or buy it if you’re interested

also, this show was simply, during its short run, kept within the world of S/pider-M*an, so there were no S/H/I/E/L/D, F*4, or other M/arv*el crossovers.

now, why do I say this mumbo jumbo about a show when i title this my personal pitch for a H*omecoming sequel? bc the existence of Br*ock and the Os*borns is still a very crucial thing to be hopefully adapted by MCU somewhere down the line along with the real MJ and maybe even JJ J*ameson and an Un*cle B/en flashback scene.

my pitch is as follows:

perhaps introduce Br/ock in a similar manner as the aforementioned show, but def adapt a believable Os/born family for H*ome/coming 2.

I at first liked the inclusion of H*arry in the TASM franchise, but I quickly got pissed that he was made the villain so soon.

so simply make him the rich kid he is in the above mentioned series, but like, give him the common role Fl/ash Th*ompson has had in the past. jock with a heart of gold, and maybe stretching himself a bit thin in multiple extracurricular programs to give him this lovable sense of ‘i can do anything.’ also, to further his rich boy stats, give him a car that puts Fl/ash’s dad’s wrecked sports car to shame. and maybe not let H*arry carry the goblin mantle, but have him disagree with F/lash on S/pider-M*an???? idk...

write in Ed/ward Br*ock as childhood friend of Pe/ter, but have him be riddled with mental instability, a ruined childhood, abandonment issues, and a similar passion for science like his friend, or at least give him some harmless hobby or subject he excels in prior to his likely ascension into villainy.

with Pet/er likely going to space for In*finity W/ar, establish that he’ll unknowingly bring home the symbiotic substance on his person.

perhaps make this a subtle suspenseful thriller with both Symb*iote S/pidey and V*enom, give it PG-13 teen horror vibes and a fall 2019 release????

explore the existence of the c-list rogues, non-powered thug villains, perhaps give them motivations to steal from OS/CORP, which can be represented as a new rival to S/tark Ind*ustries. this could provide buildup for Nor*man to want to become Goblin in a possible third installment.

most importantly tho, give us Mary Goddamn Jane Watson

[celestialallstars]

Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

________________________________________________________________

Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

________________________________________________________________

Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

________________________________________________________________

Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

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im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but  i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal.  I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

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As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

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i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

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Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

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So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

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Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!