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anthemofgvf · 1 year

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Endless Summer: Josh Kiszka x Reader Fanfiction

Part Two

description: you and sammy have been best friends since you were kids, and being around his family was the norm your entire life. when invited to a trip to their family lake house during the summer, you find yourself spending more time with his brother than your best friend. and, one thing has been clear your entire friendship: brothers are off limits.

warnings for this series: alcohol and marijuana usage, explicit content (18+, minors dni), angst, swearing

word count: 7k

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You squinted one eye open the next day as you heard your door squeak. You lifted your head just enough to see Sam creeping into your bedroom. When he noticed you were alert and awake, he gave you a soft smile, and made his way over to your bed without caring about his steps being too loud on the creaking wood floors.

He crawled into bed with you, resting his back on the headboard and inviting you into his arms as one laid above your head. You moved yourself over to his body and rested your head on his bare chest, humming in delight as you made yourself comfortable and shutting your eyes.

“Morning.” He croaked at you.

You titled your head up and met his eyes, then chose to rest back down as you felt your neck growing tired from craning it.

“Good morning to you, too, sunshine.” You smirked at your comment, feeling Sam’s chest rise as he huffed out a laugh.

“What was it like sleeping in here?”

“Blissful, until you decided to wake me up.” You shook your head against his chest. “What time is it?”

“Nearly nine.” He shifted his head towards the round clock that sat on the wall of the room. “Bright and early.”

“Too early,” you groaned, “are the boys awake?”

“I think Josh is, but I’m not sure. Didn’t check.” He shrugged.

You moved yourself off of his chest and chose to rest your back on the headboard as he did, sighing deeply as you let your eyes get used to the brightly-lit room.

“Do we have anything planned for the day?” You turned your head to him.

“I know they have something planned, but they won’t tell me because they want it to be a surprise for you.” He rolled his eyes and finally met your gaze.

“They know better not to tell you because you’d tell me anyways.” You gave him a playful smirk, watching as he grew slightly irritated at your truth. “You’re not good at keeping secrets.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever it is, I hope it’s good.”

You nodded and let your eyes rest on the mirror in front of you, watching through it as Sam picked himself off the bed and stood in silence, like he was waiting for you to turn your attention back to him.

“Breakfast?”

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You all grabbed food at a nearby diner, agreeing to go shopping to stock up on groceries to keep your going out to a minimum. Once you all arrived back home after eating, you entered the lake house again.

Jake mentioned that you would need your swimsuit for the day, but it wasn't necessarily required. You decided to throw it on underneath your clothing just in case and met the boys downstairs where they seemed to have gathered in a small circle and chatting casually.

You raised your eyebrows at them and waited for their attention to turn towards you, to which Josh clasped his hands together and motioned everyone to follow him. He grabbed a small, light-weight cooler on the way out with a few things he packed into it from the newly stocked fridge and pantry.

"Are you boys gonna tell us what we're doing?" You followed the twins and Sam down the familiar trail to the lake, except taking a slightly alternative route.

"You'll see when we get there." Jake flipped his head back to you, giving you a suspicious smile that only meant they were up to no good.

You looked up at Sam, who seemed to be set off and in an aggravated mood. He must've been told what you all were doing, or he simply figured it out on his own. You chose to keep your thoughts to yourself and look back forward and continued down the path.

As you four made it to the bottom of the trail, two kayaks laid at the bottom with four large paddles sitting inside of them. Jake and Josh must've set them up earlier when you and Sam were together in the morning, or when you two were occupied with changing.

"You didn't tell me what we were doing because we were going to go kayaking?" Sam huffed with a slight groan, popping his hip out with folded arms.

"Well, if we would've told you, we wouldn't have been able to drag you down here." Jake shrugged with a sly smirk slapped across his face, seemingly pleased that he was upsetting his brother. "It won't be like last time, I promise. Don't be a prick, Sam."

"Wait, why are you upset? I thought you liked kayaking?" You furrowed your brows, making your way to the kayak that was directly in front of you.

"That was until they pushed me into the water, and I had to get a new phone because my old one broke. And I lost my wallet." He spat, looking over to the twins who were failing to hide their laughter behind their ducked heads.

"God, it was hilarious, y/n. Sam was trying to find his wallet for like hours, and he eventually gave up. He ended up tugging his jeans on a few branches and came out of the lake a mess." Josh said in between laughs.

"It's not funny, man. Told you guys I didn't want to go kayaking with you again after that. Was fucking miserable all day. You know I nearly got an infection because I cut myself so deep?" He spat, challenging his brothers by taking a few steps closer.

"If you think we're going to do it again you're more than free to go sit in the house until we get back." Jake shrugged, flashing his eyes at you before meeting Sam's.

Sam turned his head over his shoulder, noticing you were eager to step into the kayak and waiting for him to join you.

Sam rolled his eyes, exhaling with a deep sigh and saying, "Alright, but I'm going with y/n. If any of you try something stupid, I'm pulling you down under with me." He pointed in their faces, giving them one more look of anger as he took harsh steps towards the back of yours and his's kayak,

Josh took his seat whilst you settled into yours, letting Sam push your kayak into the water and Jake pushing theirs. After getting deep enough into the water, Sam hopped in and grabbed his paddle to begin rowing.

While you helped paddle through the lake, you watched as Josh commanded Jake with quiet directions, snapping photos on his camera of the scenery around you. You had forgotten about how gorgeous the lake was: trees lining the deep blue, yet murky waters, branches that hung too close for comfort, and sparce leaves that rested on the surface of the lake.

Jake had begun talking about where you all were headed off to, explaining that there was a small creek ahead and that that would be your final destination. You listened to the twins tell you a story or two about a fond memory of swimming there, because as kids they always ran off and did things on their own. Sam stayed quiet for the most part, only exhaling quiet sighs as Josh dragged on a story about him and Jake.

Once you all made it to the creek, you and Sam "parked" your kayak off to the side by a few sturdy rocks and tying it to the bark of the tree that rested behind the rocks, letting you four stop for a few hours.

Josh had already cracked a bottle open of a Coors Light beer, sipping it gingerly as he continued to sit in the kayak, not stepping out of it just yet and letting it float in the calm waters. Jake had already made his way under a shaded area nearby, grabbing a sandwich from the cooler and sitting on the rocks as he took a few bites.

"Wasn't so bad, was it?" You stepped over to Sam, who cautiously grabbed a beer from the cooler that sat in front of Josh.

"That's because I warned them not to try anything stupid." He popped the tab of the can, letting the fizz simmer before taking a drink. "You were barely any help."

"Oh, I'm sorry my arms got a little tired." You titled your head to the side, glaring at him with a hint of playfulness. "I'll steer the entire way back if you'd like."

"You might make us crash." He bit back a smirk, dodging your flying hand with a chuckle.

Josh stepped out, pulling the kayak up the rocks until he felt comfortable it would stay, and joined you and Sam's conversation.

"You know, I don't mind taking y/n if you feel as though her paddling was unsatisfactory." He flicked his eyes at you with a warm smile before looking back up at his brother.

"Yeah, and then have Jake in my kayak? That's just a disaster waiting to happen." Sam said as he rested his hands on his hips.

"Not going to push you into the water, Sam." Jake spoke up from his seated position, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"I'll make you a deal, then. If Jake pushes you in the water, tips the kayak - any of that, you can push me in while I'm fully clothed. I can even have my phone in my pocket if it makes you feel better." He cocked his head with raised brows, waiting for his brother's response.

Sam looked over at Jake, who seemed to have spaced off by looking at something in the near distance, finishing his sandwich and setting his trash next to him as he sprawled his hands out behind him and leaning on them for balance.

"Why do you want y/n in your kayak so badly?" Sam furrowed his brows, looking back to Josh who had a confused look on his face.

Before you were able to speak to express your feelings about Sam's unnecessary attitude, Josh spoke.

"I was just offering because you were complaining about her not being helpful, Sam. She's a friend to us all, not just you."

Sam had always been protective over you, especially when it came to his older brothers. It spurred from jealously of never having something that his brother's didn't, and you were something that was his own. It wasn't a possessive thing in any means, it was a thing of being his own personal best friend. Although he did have Danny, he didn't know him for nearly as long as you two have known each other, and your guys' bond was inseparable just like Jake and Josh's. So, yeah, from time to time he did get jealous when you found one of Josh's jokes funnier than his or decided that you liked one of his older brother idea's better, but that came from him always feeling like he was competing with the twins. He never wanted to make you feel like he thought he owned you, but he did want it to feel like you preferred him over his siblings. He just didn't want to lose another thing to his brothers.

Being the youngest sibling didn't help always feeling like he got the short end of the stick, so when you and him became friends, he finally had something, someone that wasn't a product of his brothers. You were his best friend, and although you eventually became friends with Josh and Jake, you always chose him at the end of the day.

Sam huffed, flicking his eyes back over to Jake before starting to speak. "Fine, yeah. I'll go with Jake back." He threw his hand up and walked away with a tight fist, slumping into the rocks and drinking from his can.

You looked at Josh with wide eyes, seeing that he had already shrugged the situation off.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be," he placed his hand on your shoulder, "you know how he is. He'll shape up once we get back."

You nodded, turning your head in Sam's direction, who still had a sour expression on his face and averting his eyes from everyone as he stared at his feet.

"Did you guys push him last time you all were here?" You pressed your lips together.

"Yeah, two summers ago. Was our last time here before we went on tour again. He doesn't let us live it down." He chuckles, raising the lip of his bottle to his mouth.

"Did you apologize to him?"

"'Course we did. But you know Sam. Always holding a grudge." He shrugged with the bottle still at his mouth, taking another sip as he finished his sentence.

You were torn between continuing your conversation with Josh or joining Sam where he sat. You knew Sam always liked space when he was upset, but he also always appreciated your company, and you were able to easily pull him out of an upsetting mood whenever it called for it.

When Josh left you to sit beside Jake, you found yourself creeping over to Sam and sitting next to him with your eyes on the lake. He still had his head dipped down and caught in his own train of thought.

"Hey, you alright?" You spoke quietly, looking over to him.

"Fine." He said as he gave you a tight smile with his eyes still focused on the rocks. "Was just joking, by the way."

"I know you were." You nodded and placed a hand on his back.

Sam picked his head up, sharply inhaling as if the words he had to say were resting on his tongue, but he didn't know if he should speak. He turned his head to you, flicking between both of your eyes as you waited for him to say whatever he felt like he couldn't.

But you knew what he was upset about. It wasn't just the kayaking, which he eventually got over, it was about Josh. He knew you were close with his brothers, and that was fine, but it still bothered him. He felt as though if you ever got closer with them, you'd stop spending time with him and push him to the side. Because, as a matter of fact, that happened a lot to him when he was younger. You watched from the sidelines and would see his friends come and go and choose Jake and or Josh instead of him, or stop being friends with him all together for whatever reason. And you were one of the only people who never chose a side, and that's why you were so important to him.

"You know I love you, Sam. Right?" You let the corners of your lips rest into a smile, rubbing his back with affection.

"Yeah," he huffed a laugh, "I guess I was just being dramatic. I don't know, I was kind of set off already with the whole thing and when Josh said that it just pissed me off. I know he was just trying to be nice, but sometimes I just miss the actual intention behind things, ya know?" He swallowed, rubbing his lips together; a nervous tick he always did. He wasn't the best with his emotions, but when he was, he was fearful of whatever would come next or what would be said.

But you always knew what to say, thankfully because you've known him for so long.

"Yeah, I know. He was just trying to be helpful, despite him not knowing you were just messing with me. I think you owe him an apology, though." You watched as Sam cocked his brows at you. "Maybe not now, but you should at least do it after we get back."

Sam nodded, wrapping his arm around you and resting his head on top of yours. He squeezed you into his side and circled your back with his hand.

"Thanks." He muttered, raising his hand to your hair and massaging your scalp. "Sometimes I don't know how you deal with me."

"It's a thing called patience." You sighed.

You all went into the water for a bit, taking turns popping in and out of the lake and letting the sun soothe you into relaxation. It wasn't an extremely eventful day, but you didn't need much to be satisfied. You had your friends with you, and that was just enough.

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You hopped in Josh's kayak and let him push it into the lake, hopping in front and setting the cooler at the floor of the small boat. Jake and Sam followed shortly behind, but you and Josh had a small head-start.

You twisted your head back and realized Sam and Jake were actually far behind, more than you realized. You worked harder to paddle, probably because you didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of Josh.

"Do you think we should stop and wait for them?" You slowed your rowing and met Josh's eyes.

"Nah, they'll catch up." He titled his head up and motioned for you to continue.

You pressed your tongue to the roof of your mouth, hesitating to speak for a moment.

"Sam's feeling a little jealous." You admitted.

You heard Josh chuckle to himself. "When is he not?"

"Yeah, you're right." You shook your head as you laughed. "I just don't get it sometimes. I mean, we've known each other for so long and he still reverts to acting the same way he did when we were younger."

Josh clicked his tongue. "I'm not sure. He's just a jealous guy. Always has been, I suppose."

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You and Josh made it back to the lake house before his brothers did, and you both took the liberty of grabbing firewood for the firepit outside whilst waiting for their arrival.

You dusted your hands off on your shorts, taking a seat as Josh finished putting the last piece of fire in the pit.

With the sun just barely peaking its head over the grassy hills, the air became less aggressive and lightly sang through your hair and caving in to cool your body. The temperature change wasn’t by much, but it was enough to feel a difference.

Josh hopped in the seat next to you after pulling out one of the last bottles of beer in the small cooler, grabbing one in his other hand and lending it to you with a smile. You took it with gratitude, using the bottle opener and clicking off the metal lid with a loud “pop”.

“Shall we wait for them to get here to light the fire?” Josh looked over to you for approval. The way he asked you seemed like he was stating it rhetorically, but you still answered with a shake of your head.

“Sam isn’t the only pyromaniac in the Kiszka family.” Josh pointed his finger at you, causing you to giggle.

You took a sip from your bottle, waiting patiently for Josh to light the fire. He was blocking your view, standing directly in front of you and then turning around with a satisfied smile once he got the fire going with a few matches and newspaper.

He retook his seat next to you and rested his head on the back of it, fluttering his eyes shut and taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, again, about Sam earlier." You twisted your head and letting it rest on your shoulder.

Josh squinted one eye open and looked over to you, shaking his head with a smile.

"You don't have to apologize for him. You have no reason to be sorry." He gave you a shrug, lifting the lip of his bottle to his lips.

"Well, I just feel like someone should apologize. I don't know if he will, so." You pressed your lips together, watching as Josh returned to relaxing the back of his head on the chair, to which you followed and did the same.

Your ears tuned to the hushed sound of branches crunching under shoes, and quiet chatter floating through the air. You lifted your head to see Sam and Jake making their way up the trail with blank faces.

Jake ran off into the lake house, probably to go grab his guitar, and Sam stood in front of Josh with furrowed brows. Josh flicked his eyes at you, then to Sam, and quickly stood up from the seat with an "oh!".

"Was keeping your seat warm." He extended his arms towards the seat as Sammy hopped into the chair.

As Josh made the short walk over to the seat that became his, you decided to try your luck with talking to Sam again.

"I see you're completely dry. Jake didn't push you in?" You joked, letting your lips relax into a playful smirk.

Sam shook his head with an eyeroll, biting back a smile. "We didn't talk much on the way back."

"Probably because he didn't want to say the wrong thing. You look a bit tense."

His face was tight as if you insulted him, shaking his shoulders out and trying to prove to you that he hadn't let the situation earlier affect him still. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat, averting his eyes from you and standing up to make his way to the cooler.

Jake came out with his guitar case and plopped into the open seat next to Josh, flicking the latches open and pulling the acoustic out with a soft grunt. He rested the base on his knees, his fingers laying lightly on the neck and searching between the three of you with a parted mouth.

"Any suggestions?" He asked. With no reply, he turned his direction to you. "Y/n?"

"Oh, I don't care. Anything you play is great." You felt your cheeks flush, and you shook your head and nursed your bottle by your lips.

"C'mon, I'll play whatever you want." He dragged out the syllables and rested his mouth in a smile.

You took a deep breath and clicked your tongue, searching the ground for an answer, but coming up with nothing. It's not that you were shy, it's just that nothing came to mind. There was always the pressure of not picking a good song, but you shared common music taste with the boys.

But an idea sprung into your head. "How about one of your songs? Haven't gotten the chance to hear you guys live yet."

"But we play our stuff-"

"No, c'mon, let's play something for her." Josh cut Jake off while throwing his hand out to the guitar. He gave you a comical smirk, followed with a wink.

"Well, if that's what you want." He shrugged, tilting his head up for a moment in thought before letting his fingers pluck the chords.

You watched as Josh nodded his head to the melody, seeing him flutter his eyes shut once he began singing the first note. His vocal cords exuded a beautiful orchestra as he sang the song you've familiarized yourself with: "You're the One".

Through your peripheral, you noticed Sam's eyes rested on you, seemingly waiting for you to turn your attention to him. You whipped your head to him with a smile.

"Do you feel any better?" You whispered as you leaned your head towards your friend.

"A bit, yeah," he let his mouth rest parted, "I'm sorry, by the way, for being a dick earlier."

You flashed a smile at him, placing your hand on the back of his. "It's okay. I know you're a little selfish with me sometimes."

He tilted his head up, exhaling a laugh before slowly returning his eyes to you. "Just don't want to lose you to my brother, that's all."

You opened your mouth to reassure him that that wouldn't happen, but he turned his hand over and held yours, speaking up before you had the chance.

"I know I won't. I just worry too much sometimes. And, and it wasn't like it was a big deal anyways. It was a fucking kayak ride." He shook his head while he pressed his lips together. "I just, well, it's still hard sometimes to see you spend time with my brother and not me. It's selfish, I know - I'm well aware." He sighed, looking over to his brothers before returning to you. "I don't even know what was wrong this morning. Guess I just needed someone to blame for how I felt, and Josh was the first person to test me."

You pressed your tongue into your cheek and squeezed his hand, nodding to acknowledge his words and how he felt. You always appreciated it when he would be so vulnerable like this, and it was vital for him to know that you were listening and cared about what he had to say.

"Can I be honest with you?" You said hesitantly.

He nodded and waited for you to continue.

"Don't get upset when I say this," you warned, to which he scrunched up his face in confusion, "I think sometimes you can kind of be an asshole. Like, y'know, with me wanting to hang out with your brothers for a bit. I know how you feel - I do, I just wish you'd take a step back and realize I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be so protective over me because you think I'd stop being your friend if I spent more time with your brothers."

He tried to let the muscles in his face relax, exhaling deeply as his eyes scrunched shut. With his head tilted down, he collected his thoughts, and gave you a nod.

"Okay," was all he could say to you. You knew that was all you were going to get from him, because after all, he never liked admitting when he was in the wrong. He knew that you cared about your guy's friendship more than anything, but deep down, his gut told him a different story and that he should be cautious.

But he had no reason to be. Even if you had feelings for Josh, which you pushed deep into the back of your brain and heart, you wouldn't let that ruin your friendship with Sam. After all, he was the person that held you as you cried, the person you confided in, the person that would drop anything just to make sure you were okay.

Even when you two were in high school did it shock you how you were a main priority in his life. He usually came off to those around him as self-centered, but to his friends, he was beyond reliable. That's one of the reasons why you valued Sam so much; because even if his exterior said that he didn't care about others, it was far from the truth.

So, seeing him jealous time and time again was normal, and you grew to understand the motive behind his feelings. Even after all this time, you didn't fully grasp why he wouldn't just let some things go or be the bigger person. But, when remembering how he viewed you, it became easier to accept that that was the dynamic between you two, and it would never change. You were like his little sister, despite him being a month older than you. But he didn't consider his brothers in your extended family, it was more of if you were some sort of "long lost sister that was only related to him."

And in a strange way, it made sense. Especially considering you never saw the twins as family, but rather just as friends. But Sammy, Sammy was the brother you never had - the sibling you were never given. And that's why he was so protective over you.

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Once the fire finally died down and the night had seemed to come to an end, you all decided nonverbally to part ways and head back into the lake house.

As you brushed your teeth and got ready for bed, a few, quiet knocks tapped at your door. You probably wouldn’t have heard them if your sink was still running.

With a cocked brow, you walked over to your door, opening it and seeing Josh.

“Hey.” You titled your head to the side, looking at him quizzically.

“Hi,” he smiled at you sheepishly, “mind if I come in for a bit?”

You turned your head over to your bed, then meeting his eyes. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just not that tired. Preferred to bother you.” He nodded his head satisfactorily and pushed his way past you as he hopped onto your bed.

You huffed a laugh and returned to the sink in your bathroom as you began brushing through your hair.

"Your brothers weren't good enough options?" You huffed a laugh and flipped your hair over your shoulder once you made your way over to your bed.

He shrugged. "I get to see them all the time. You, on the other hand, not so much. Feel like we got a bit of catching up to do."

You nodded your head in agreement, sitting crisscross on the bed and facing towards the mirror. You noticed Josh fidgeting with his fingers in the mirror, keeping his head hung low and his eyes focused on his cuticles.

"Are you okay?" You turned your head to him, to which he immediately caught your gaze.

"Yeah, just a little bored. Usually just sit in my room for an hour, but I figured a little company would be nice." He gave you a single nod with a soft smile, returning his eyes to his fingers in a slow motion.

You pushed your tongue into your cheek, bouncing between asking him a question that you felt was too sensitive perhaps. Or, just flat-out stupid. But you knew Josh wasn't one to judge you or leave you feeling embarrassed for asking a question.

"Do you...do you get, or feel lonely sometimes?" You watched as he stopped picking at his nails, furrowing his brows together in thought and tilting his head up.

"Not really, no. I'm just a people person, I suppose. Although, I do like spending time by myself." He pointed at you before resuming picking at his nails. "Sometimes it sucks third or fourth wheeling on outings, but it's normal for me. I've become more comfortable with being alone." He met your eyes with a smile that told you that he was being truthful. That he didn't want you to worry about him.

"That's kind of sad." You looked at him with a frown, down turning your brows.

"I don't think so. Well, when you state it the way I just did, yeah it sounds sad," he chuckled to himself, "but I don't mind it." He gave you a reassuring smile, hesitating for a moment before he continued. "Do you?"

You laughed at the question, mainly because you could feel yourself getting uncomfortable with the height of vulnerability immediately rising. You never had an issue talking about emotions, let alone with Josh, but it wasn't something you liked thinking about.

You had your friends in college, and Sam and the twins, but that was pretty much it. Of course, family is always there, but there's some things you can't talk to family about that you can with your friends. You missed Sam more than anyone for the most part when he was gone, and it was the worst kind of feeling you'd get that rested in the pit of your stomach watching him leave Frankenmuth every time. It never got better, no matter how much time went on at an agonizingly slow pace.

And God did it hurt when Josh would leave. You'd even let your tears fall as you give them all hugs, and Josh would hold you in his arms a little longer because he knew that that's what you needed. You'd grasp onto that memory and feeling of being in his arms for as long as you could, until you couldn't remember, and it was just a distant memory that you oddly felt guilty about trying to recall, even though you shouldn't be ashamed of missing his touch.

"Sometimes, yeah. I've got a good number of friends in school, but I miss Sam a lot when he's gone." You watched as his face scrunched up. "And you and Jake, of course."

"Glad to know you don't forget about me when I'm gone." He rested his hand on your knee, rubbing his thumb up and down the bone.

You try to forget about him, but you know if you do, you'll feel worse when he comes back. You're practically guilt-ridden for missing Josh more than Sam sometimes. And that's one thing you'll never admit to anyone.

You two continued to talk about your schooling, and his upcoming tour and all the new songs they have recorded and ready to release. Watching his eyes light up as he tells you the premise of their album and what each song means to him with such passion made you realize what made you fall in love with him in the first place: how much he loves life and is beyond grateful for everything given to him. And how his eyes hold so much adoration, no matter where he looks or who he looks at. He's always wearing his heart on his sleeve and showing the next person the same appreciation as the last. It's one of the things you aspire to be like - more loving, that is.

But you don't try to let your emotions control you, especially because every time you look at Josh you just want to shove your lips on his and taste whatever stupid ChapStick he's wearing. And you've tricked yourself into believing that's selfish. Selfish because you know Sammy would be absolutely crushed that you did the one thing he told you not to do.

But you hadn't done anything wrong, at least not yet.

Then you realized why you hated talking to Josh sometimes. He brought out your emotions and easily unveiled the layers that hid your vulnerability and let them pour into his lap from your mouth. Okay, you didn't hate it, but you wished it wasn't so easy for you to open up to him. For him to make you feel like you were the only person that truly mattered.

And that was why you hated loving him. Because you couldn't. Because it was wrong. Because it was selfish of you to have feelings for someone that you shouldn't because Sammy had told you so long ago that that was the one thing, the one thing that he didn't want to happen in your friendship.

And it did, and it ate at you from the moment you woke up until you fell asleep. And sometimes, it invaded your dreams just to remind you how you should be ashamed.

And that was all you could think about when you and Josh talked. You tried keeping a bright smile on your face, nodding your head to show you were listening. But you were letting your thoughts travel through your ears instead of his words. It was the only time you didn't listen to Josh when he spoke.

"Do we have any plans for tomorrow?" You muttered as you tucked a stray hair behind your ear.

"Don't think so. Might go downtown or head to the beach at night. Jake and I just kind of decide what to do when we see each other in the morning."

"And leave Sam out of it?" You cocked your head to the side.

"He doesn't really care what we do. And, he never has any input. We always consider something if he brings it up, but he usually just tells us whatever we do is fine. Although, we are thinking about surprising him with going to one of his favorite restaurants tomorrow." He gestured with his hand as he spoke. "One of the only places in town with 'good vegan food'."

"I'd like that." You gave him a downturned smile.

"Did he convert you into a vegan?" His eyes widened, pretending to be shocked.

"That's one thing we don't have in common, Josh." You laughed at his face contorting back into a relaxed face of "relief".

"I'm glad some things don't change. Which, you didn't." He extended his pointer finger towards you.

"Is that a good thing?" You rested your hands on your knees and repositioned your body, still sitting crisscross.

"In your case, yeah. I think it is." He nodded, placing his hand on top of yours. "There hasn't been anything wrong with you to begin with." He circled the back of your hand with his thumb, holding your eyes. "Maybe not coming to any of our shows is where you went wrong."

You opened your mouth in defiance, still smiling, and Josh spoke before you had the chance.

"I'm sure you can make it up to me somehow. Like, I don't know, just a random thought, by coming on tour with us next year." He shrugged with a sly smirk, watching you as you rolled your eyes.

"I'll try, Josh. I think next year I'll finally be able to."

"Good! It's been long enough." He threw his hands up, keeping his mouth rested in a cheesy smile as you pushed his shoulder.

Josh let the laughter die down before he hopped out of your bed, letting his lips rest into a soft smile and saying goodnight. You returned the words and waited for him to close the door fully before relaxing under your covers.

You figured resting your eyes and letting your tired body sink into the mattress would lull you to sleep, but you couldn't help but wear your infamous downturned smile. It wasn't like you hadn't had conversations with Josh before, but after what seems like forever, you got to talk to him in an intimate setting again.

It wasn't easy getting one-on-one time with Josh when Sammy was around. Of course, you didn't mind it, but it wasn't a part of your usual routine that made it more exciting and made you crave the late-night talks more.

But you couldn't fight the guilty feeling of Sam sleeping in the room next to you as you and Josh talked. You were purposefully leaving him out of it to satisfy your own selfish desire of having Josh alone and fully attentive to you.

But it's not like anything was going to come from it, anyways. You would be doing the same thing for Sam had it been a better day on his end. You figured after the day he's had that leaving him alone would be best, even if you grew annoyed with the whole situation because it simply seemed childish to you.

But that was just Sam: protective over you in any way possible. Sometimes it came in handy, while other times it was just a little too intrusive. That was the only flaw in yours and his's friendship. But it was just a matter of him caring too much about you, and you shouldn't regard it as a flaw. Even if his intentions or words seemed over the top or outright dramatic, he meant well, for the most part.

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

And as the week went on, the routine of Josh coming to your bedroom nightly continued. Those talks were more intimate, in a platonic way, with you both talking about your lives and everything that's happened since you've two seen each other.

A part of you felt guilty for not discussing with Sam that you two were spending time together alone, since his freakout last week. But there was nothing going on other than a simple chat or a deep conversation that you could have with Sam, so it shouldn't poke at you with guilt that you couldn't get rid of. You thought about offering once or twice to Sam to join you and Josh, but it seemed like Josh preferred it when it was just you two or preferred that Sam didn't know.

Sam did eventually apologize to Josh for overreacting during the kayak trip. It took a day for him to work up the courage, because Sam has never been good with confrontation or admitting he was wrong. But, nonetheless, the gesture was appreciated, and it wasn't spoken of again.

As the days went on, and you all indulged in different activities, you noticed that more than half of your time was preoccupied with Josh. Sure, Sam was often by your side during most of your guys' conversations during the day or by the fire, but at night, it was a different story.

You evaluated your actions and decided that maybe spending so much time with Josh wasn't the best idea, considering how easily upset Sam got over small things that occurred between you and his brother. Even when you four were in the same room would Josh brush your arm or leg or make a joke that could be intended as flirty. But you knew him better to disregard that as Josh being himself, but Sam couldn't. Sam didn't care that it was in his brother's nature to be naturally flirty, because anyone can prevent their actions. And you noticed how aggravated Sammy would get, how his ears grew bright red at the sight of Josh landing his hand on your shoulder or knee. Or his lips would tighten into a sour expression.

You just hoped he didn't notice how your cheeks would flush from the innocent touches, or how your smile would reach your eyes anytime Josh said something to you. Or how you laughed a little more at one of his jokes than the rest of the group. You did all of these things without thought, but once you saw how tense Sam grew, you would beat yourself up in your head after the fact.

Were you making it too obvious you still had feelings for Josh? Or did Sam figure out how you felt about Josh instead of being oblivious to the fact?

Whatever it was, you couldn't let it keep you up at night or pick at your brain when the room was silent, since it practically became a routinely thing of worrying. Whether or not Sam was concerned, you knew it would be in your best, and his interest to not bring it up and leave it be.

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-part three-

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