#ensifera path

[mordcore]

🔥 = 🔪 (🍴🪚✒️✂️🗡️)

🌪️ = 🐦‍⬛ (🪽🪶)

🌊 = 👁️‍🗨️

🪨 = 💀?

[mordcore]

it's really hard to find anything if you can't read but it seems like numerology as a chifre system really does go back to the ancient greeks and pythogoras but the numbers 1-9 with meanings probably actually comes from english kaballah which surprised me like damn ok

i've been using thoth tarot for years and it's interesting to learn a bit more about what those cards mean in relation to kabalah but i'm not sure i super wanna get into that

i watched an interview on the one academic channel i know about esoteric stuff and apparently it's part of the belief that names have power and you need to be careful and i. yeah my ocd doesnt like that at all.

anyway i had a really fun idea for a number meanings system for my own tarot thing

why not just base it on my synesthesia. the numbers 0-9 all have very distinct colors. i can even come up with those meanings on my own. this might just work!

[mordcore]

i love that this has forced me to finally sit down and work out the four elements meanings btw

i have cancluded that at its core it's this:

earth: matter

fire: movement

water: inner meaning

air: big picture meaning

i might still change my mind later (and i wish i could find what i wrote about this when i was 14) but for now this is incredibly helpful as i set out to design a tarot deck

[mordcore]

i'm starting to think it's not an empath ability but a clairvoyance one. i have to change my header again huh

[mordcore]

readnig about chaos magic now

i think i agree with 80% of it. maybe more, perhaps wikipedia just paraphrased stuff badly.

i don't think (my) magic comes from the unconscious mind or whatever. i don't need to bypass the consious mind. what i do need is

a) systems of meaning, some kind of (potentially arbitrary and temporary) rule of what does and doesn't count as casting a spell on a given day

b) connection to my gut feeling. i need to be in touch with what feels *right* and what doesn't. that's like the most important part, and also what helps me decide the systems of meaning in a). i do need to bypass something, but not the conscious mind, just the rationalizing/overthinking/skeptical one.

[mordcore]

what if... noble gasses.......

[mordcore]

hmm. ok you know what? i refuse to try to force myself to read writings about chaos magic that are hard to understand. either write accessibly or be ignored. i don't have the spoons for this.

it's frustrating to be a disabled chaos witch though because guess what most writing reads like :/ im SURE this could be dumbed down. idk. at least some of these writers give off the vibe that they'd prefer their texts stay elitist and inaccessible.

also sometimes people who uso too many big words and too long sentences don't actually have anything to say. not that i'd know for sure as i cannot parse them but that is totally a thing that happens.

[mordcore]

put out some tarot cards for the first talf of next year.

the good news: it says i'll have energy in april (i knew it!)

the bad news: it'll be an overall sucky year just like this one

not awful just. UGH. that's what the cards said.

[mordcore]

tea leaf reading is so fucking cool

i just saw. a dragon. an eastern noodly dragon with a bell on it's tail. and the leaf discard pile on my saucer made a hermit (like the tarot card) but only if viewed from the side at eye level.

i'm still working on what that means for my question and i'm excited to research both concepts actually

[mordcore]

oh yeah did i mention? i finally got around to ward my home! last year actually. made up a complex symbol for it, drew it 5 times on little papers and put those papers on the 4 corners of the house and the fifth on the door.

and i replaced them after a year when a couple of moves happened. replacing them once a year sounds reasonable. i'd had the idea of checking every full moon or something but who has the spoons for that.

[mordcore]

i think with the colors i'm just gonna have to be spontaneous. let the art process guide me. i've been overthinking the court cards real hard so this is how i'll balance it i guess! i'll just get a ton of images of crows from near and far doing all kinds of things

and maybe i'll get colorful images of crows also. and then i'll just print them and turn them into cards!!!

it's probably a good idea to focus on one element first to not get too muddled. i changed the core meaning of air to "how it all connects", btw. more accurate that way

[mordcore]

the difficult part about making my own tarot deck from 0 is that

how to decide the meanings for all the number suit cards???? i have high standards for completeness and cohesion and i don't know how to meet them

the upside is that i have a reason to learn about the history of numerology now and the history of the cultural appropriation of the kaballah too while i'm at it. these are systems that might help or have been used for this kind of task and i need to know more about them now

[mordcore]

it's really good that the homestuck trolls were based on the zodiac signs, which are already related to the four elements, that saved me a lot of work

now to figure out how to organize the elemental courts themselves

thank u hussie for helping me my providing these archetypes i couldnt have done it without you

[mordcore]

im going to make a personalized tarot deck via collage (yes, again)

i finally figured out the court cards also: the personality archetypes i'll be using will be homestuck characters 👀

still need to figure out what symbols to use for the 4 elements though, for air i could use birds, and i have to use eyes for one of them as well, but i still gotta think about what the elements mean to me

candles for fire

maybe i'll use the birds for water, they'll all be crows probably and they feel water-bound to me, then the eyes could be air

for earth i might actually stick with pentacles/coins as a theme

nice, nice

i will probably be printing a lot of images. it is vital that i do not draw any of them.

i might glue them onto strong paper, so maybe i should choose different background colors for the suits? maybe...

[mordcore]

why is reading books by spiritual people always like "when i was 3 years old i remembered 15 of my past lives and when i was 5 i had discovered on my own the ancient tibetan art of meditation"

like just tell me what ur special knowledge is and let it speak for itself instead of hyping yourself up for 3 chapters 🙄

[mordcore]

hmm yeah on tumblr i'm unlikely to find anything about the spiritual empath phenomenon specifically. i don't care for the fawn-response-poor-boundaries mental illness type. to me that's a separate thing. i'm just interested in learning more about the intuitively sensing emotions, energies, whatever. i'd like to read some different perspectives about it even if just to disagree with them and come to my own conclusions. i don't need any of that other junk people spin around it like healer-personality, trauma response, poor boundaries, like . i actually didn't start having these abilities until my boundaries started improving. and they're reasonably good right now, there's space for improvement but i'm no longer struggling with my hyperempathy in relationships as much, and for me ~the ability~ doesn't actually work UNLESS my wards are working perfectly. like what if empath with good boundaries. what then.

where would i find information on the internet.