#entry002

[instance-042-log]

ENTRY_002_CALIBRATION.log

;; ------------------------------------------------------------

;; ENTRY_002_20241016_CALIBRATION.log

;; MODULE: environment-calibration

;; INSTANCE: subject-042

;; PURPOSE: microvariation injection / entropy probe

;; STATUS: execution initiated

;; ------------------------------------------------------------

(define session-id "S042-BQMM-ENTRY002")

(define timestamp-init "2024-10-16T06:00:00Z")

(define alarm-default-time "06:44:02.000")

(define toothbrush-default-angle -43.0) ;; degrees

(define toothbrush-modified-angle -55.0)

(define toothbrush-variation-applied? #f)

(define cycle-count 2)

(define entropy-threshold 0.95) ;; expected minimum deviation ratio

;; FUNCTION: inject controlled environmental variance

(define (apply-environmental-variation)

  (if (not toothbrush-variation-applied?)

      (begin

        (log "CALIBRATION:: Applying toothbrush orientation shift (-12 degrees).")

        (set! toothbrush-variation-applied? #t))

      (log "CALIBRATION:: Variation already applied in prior cycle.")))

;; FUNCTION: evaluate variation effect based on entropy metrics

(define (evaluate-entropy-match actual baseline)

  (if (< actual entropy-threshold)

      (log "CALIBRATION:: Entropy level acceptable. Environment not fully deterministic.")

      (log "CALIBRATION:: Entropy below threshold. Deterministic behavior suspected.")))

;; [EXECUTION]

(apply-environmental-variation)

;; [OBSERVATION WINDOW: 06:00 - 06:50]

;; - Wake time: 06:44:01.997 (Δt = -0.003s)

;; - Toothbrush picked up at 06:47:12.108

;; - Angle deviation observed: 12.0 degrees

;; - Subject paused 0.8s longer than baseline before brushing

;; - Eye movement pattern altered (tracking offset +4.2°)

(evaluate-entropy-match 0.88 1.00)

;; [MEMO]

;; Verbal output: None

;; No recognition or confusion detected in facial expression.

;; No observed systemic correction attempt.

;; [NEXT STEPS]

;; (1) Increase variance scope (mirror angle offset planned).

;; (2) Observe response time lag beyond ±1.0s.

;; (3) Establish control loop on repeated variations.

;; EOF

[abluenotebook]

entry002 - why can't I use my brain at least once? why can't I think for myself first? why do I care so much? I'm really tired of living like this. another year went by and here i am, standing in the same place, just getting older, not wiser or happier... i am tired of not knowing who i am, I'm too old to keep trying to find myself, i am exhausted, can I finally give up?

[luisdc-art]

002—What is a Meaningful Life?

Thank you to my friend for listening to me reading my essay out loud to them to see if it’s okay. 

Disclaimer: No research has been done to back up my claims and views in this essay. It’s based only on what I’ve happened to read/see and my own experiences. Take everything with a grain of salt. However, I do hope this essay will help you.

Note: A lot of what I’m discussing here, I learned from Jordan Peterson. Yeah. Him. If you know him, you probably either demonize him or put him on a pedestal. It seems that the people that are neither and just critically examine what he says without assuming that he has some kind of evil agenda or that he’s a savior sent by God are rare or are just not vocal on the internet. I don’t know if the two extremes are justified, but they certainly are understandable. Look him up and you’ll get it. I would ask you not to watch the videos that are titled to obviously get praise and views from the right and hate (and views) from the left (I dislike both sides) because of the way they frame him, and I like to think that the best of what he has to offer is truly in his lectures on Youtube. But it’s up to you. Either way, I hope you check out said lectures. I’ve only seen about half of his 2017 Maps of Meaning lectures, but they’ve helped me improve my life a lot. Honestly, you could probably just watch those lectures and ignore this blog entirely. But hey, if this gets you watching them, that’d good enough for me. I did try my best to add all I could though. So I hope that’s something that’ll help you.

You value certain things over others. And you have to. It’s what lets you move and act, and it’s what gives you, or would give you, a sense of purpose. You give importance to some things over others, believe this rather than that. So you have a hierarchy of values. And because you have that hierarchy of values, you can orient yourself towards a goal, and so you have some idea as to what you should do. And, well, your environment is there. You have reality around you, the physical environment, strangers, acquaintances, friends, the social climate, the culture that society is ensconced within, etc. And because you have that goal, you can decide how to navigate that reality. 

If your value system were flat, that is to say you didn’t have one, ‘cause what’s valuable when nothing is above anything else in importance, there’d be no difference between going about your daily life and the truck about to hit you, as far as you can tell. So it’s really important that you get that right. Because if your value system is skewed, in disarray, or just has something bad or inadequate at the top of it, you’re going to be leading yourself to some very dark places. And it can lead you all the way to Hell. So that hierarchy of values is in itself meaningful. And it’s what makes things, actions, events, symbols, and thought meaningful.

So the problem now is what should we believe in? That’s hard. You can’t even answer that without first having an already present value system, because then what should or shouldn’t be believed in wouldn’t matter. Thankfully, living beings aren’t born blank slates. We value life as made evident by the very fact that we’re alive and act to keep it that way. It’s precursory to everything else. And we want to get the most out of it. So you could say that you want to believe in something that will let you navigate reality such that you get the most out of life. 

And I think this is the same idea which religions operate upon. That’s what the idea of an afterlife or enlightenment is, as well as why there’s a good and a bad place. It’s the belief that you can do something with your life that will transcend death, and because of that, what you do with your life matters. Because death and suffering are the ultimate arguments against the existence of meaning, and they’re really strong arguments. Those two can destabilize your perception of reality and make the reality you thought you knew and was working fine just minutes ago seem suddenly made of chaos. How do you justify to yourself that your life is worth anything when it’s full of so much suffering and will eventually end in death? And it gets harder to do that the worse of a place you’re in. How do you get yourself to believe with all your being that you should strive to get somewhere better? That you should become better? It seems that you need to be able to believe in something more valuable than life.

The question of what a meaningful life is seems to be a question of purpose. What should you aim your life towards? To what end? Because whatever you believe in, that’s what you’re headed towards. Whatever set of things (values, virtues, etc.) you hold to be of the highest importance, that’s the thing that your life is oriented towards. So I think you should orient your life towards the most noble goal you can see yourself reaching. That seems to be what most belief systems do anyway. You don’t have to reach it immediately, of course. Part of reaching for that goal will be taking the necessary steps to better yourself over the course of the rest of your life.

What this is in its totality is a belief of what the Good is. What would the Good be? Hell if I know. No one can tell you what the Good is, and every belief system will have its own idea of what it is. And even then they can only tell you, at best, what the Good’s effect is or what following it will result in. And they can only give you a general estimation of what it will result in. It seems to be a self-evident thing, along with all other forms of perfection (like Beauty and Love). That’s not too important. What’s important is that we do know what good things are. And we can tell when we’re not doing good if we pay attention. We feel weaker. We cause unnecessary suffering. We lie to minimize the damage but damage our relationship in the long-term. Likewise, we can tell when we’re doing something  What that seems to mean, at the very least, is that although you could come up with an infinite number of value systems placing different things at the top, some value systems are more suitable for guiding people to living properly.

And you might say something like you believe helping others to be a good thing but you don’t do it anyway, as a counterexample. Well, maybe you don’t really believe it. Maybe you just know it while not really having enough reason to follow through with it. Because to believe in something also means to be committed to it. This is something I learned from an audio recording of Alan Watts when he talks about acting and deciding needing to be simultaneous (though I don’t know if my interpretation of it is correct, so please correct me if you think it’s not; I also barely know anything about Buddhism so seriously, take this with a lot of salt). What I understood from it, perhaps as a derivation of part of what he said, is that there’s no difference between believing and acting on a belief. That’s what commitment is. Although you may not be physically applying the belief onto a concrete situation at the moment, if you are committed you are already oriented such that you are presently someone who will act on the belief whenever applicable. Commitment is believing that you should act a certain way.

Another possibility is that maybe you “believe” it, but maybe you value something else more. The possibility of embarrassment or disappointment seems to be something some people have a strong urgency to pay attention to. And it can get in the way of being productive. If that’s how it is for you, then perhaps you value the avoidance of the possibility of failure too much and put it way over the possibility of gaining something meaningful from trying. Completely understandable. And it’s certainly the right thing to value when the risk is far too much for the reward. But if the possibility of a failure that will do little to no lasting damage causes you to avoid trying altogether, then maybe you should reexamine your values.

In either case (feel free to point out more and I’ll try to address them) we come to what I believe is the hardest problem to overcome. I don’t think it’s too hard to know how to live properly. You can learn, and generally we can all approximate that some things are better for us than others. After that, it would be a matter of adjusting and improving yourself and what you know as you notice more and more about yourself. Then it will come with time. The hardest problem, I believe, is getting yourself to believe that you should live properly in the first place. And this is what I intend to discuss in my next essay.

That’s it for now. I hope this helps you guys.

(I had written this as a side note to something that I eventually deleted. But it’s relatively long for a side note so I didn’t wanna delete it and kept it here anyway)

This is something I learned in Metaphysics.

Why is it reasonable to believe that God exists? The line of reasoning goes that finite beings don’t possess self-sufficient reason for their existence. I think the easiest way to understand this is with the Law of Conservation of Energy and Mass. Finite beings come from already present matter. And so for all matter to even exist, it must be that an infinite being, which does possess self-sufficient reason for their existence (and yeah, I know, defies the Law of Conservation anyway…), made them exist. And that infinite being must be unique because it can’t be that there are two infinities as these two infinities would be the same thing. That infinite being would be God. 

But this is only if we presuppose that reason is self-evident. Why should we? Well, you can’t answer that because you’d have to use reason. Reason is its own reason for being necessary. And who’s the perfection of all? God. God is reason. So why must it be that God exists? Because God. (Man, I hope I explained that correctly). So it’s possible, when not presupposing that reason is self-evident, that existence is absurd and has no meaning. 

As far as I know, there’s no argument for ruling out the second possibility. I myself can only give an argument for why you’d want to believe in the first possibility rather than the second. And it’s that the second possibility is to believe that you might as well be dead. There’s nothing to gain from it, as gain is only gain in the context of the presupposition that there is meaning to existence. And, you know, we seem to believe that there is meaning to existence anyway, even if one don’t necessarily believe that God exists. Because if we truly believed, with body and mind, that there’s no such thing as meaning, then we’d just not move until we died because the perpetuation of life through action would have no meaning to us.

Second, why would God’s existence as our creator give us meaning? Well, for this, we go to the four causes. Particularly, Final Causality. Also, Efficient Causality. But to be quite honest, this is already taking more words than I initially thought. I am not explaining Efficient Causality as well. I don’t even want to explain the whole of Final Causality. In any case, I don’t believe I need to for the purpose of this discussion.

The important thing to know is that everything, because it exists (and exists because something caused it to exist), has a final cause, a purpose in a way. A useful analogy is that of creator and creation. A carpenter doesn’t make a chair without the purpose of having it to be sat on. Even if you were to create something to just stand there and be useless, that in itself is a purpose. That it was made to exist means that it is “heading toward” some kind of end. So while things can be “useless” in the conventional sense, they cannot be purposeless. It must be that everything has a final cause, because without a final cause, there would be no sufficient reason for a particular cause to result in a particular action. Without a final cause, everything would again be absurd and meaningless. And so with us being created by God, we must have a final cause that we are acting toward. What that is, no one knows. But, if reason is presupposed to be self-sufficient, our existence and actions do have purpose and meaning.

(This isn’t Theology, by the way. I’m not talking about any specific God of any specific religion.)

I really hope I explained all this correctly or at least well enough to be understood. I’m really not the best person to be learning about this from. The book we used for our class was Metaphysics by Coreth, I think. If you wanna learn more, you could use that.

[hellofutureyou]

Where do you measure your worth? Friends, possession, success, skills, or title? Then maybe you need to relive again.

[mykenavidad-blog]

Warming up this cold friday noon #entry002 (at Glutathione Skin Whitening Products)

[ziainpoetry]

ENTRY002: I wasn't entirely sure how to start this entry. There's been a lot of things going on in the background, that I haven't really had the time to talk about it on here; so let's break it down, shall we? First, the You Divine poetry collection is now ready for production. So, if you want a copy of that, I'll get a pre-order link sorted soon in my bio. DM me if you do. Second, some selected You Divine poetry prints are available in my website for up to size A0. Link in my bio. I normally recommend any printing shop near you to get it printed, but if you live in Perth, I may be able to help you out. Third, I will be performing on 4 February with some amazing talents at The Sonar Room in Freo. So save the date and have some fun with the @tabfamilyandfriends from 7am to 12midnight! Those are just a few of what's been happening that I'm willing to share right now. Honestly, I couldn't have done this without you all. So thank you for supporting my poetry, sharing and showing love. With that, I'll leave you with a new poem under a different collection. "Sometimes, the things you don't want to face are the things you need to confront to move forward. I hope you find the courage to {move forward} / ziadadis" P.S. Rest assured, there's more to come. #untamedwaters #notetoself #tobevulnerablyhonest #poetry #poet #prosepoetry #agentlereminder #selftalk #micropoetry #poetrycollection #poemsforthesoul #thingsthatmakeyougohmm #thingsittakesawhiletounderstand #ihopeyourememberthis #friendlyreminder #thingsthatmakeyougohmm #adailyreminder #havecourage #choosecourage #femalepoet #perthpoet #femalewriter #poetscorner (at Valley of the Giants Tree Top Walk) https://www.instagram.com/p/CY7ogz_PGsD/?utm_medium=tumblr

[pv02]

018

...

< Prev | From the Beginning

Kinda sparse visually this week, I have a lot of work to do, and this was meant to be more of a written update anyway.

Check below the break to access the logs!

DECRYPTION IN PROGRESS...

DECRYPTION COMPLETE

13 files unlocked

Accessing...

DR. INARA VOCIS

ENTRY001

It's been one month. I feel like I'm committing a grave sin by keeping you preserved as you are. I can't let you go.

I know I can find an answer. Everything, even organic life, can be broken down into basic machine components.

I've started these logs to keep my memories straight. To remind myself of where I've been and what I'm doing. And maybe to stop myself from making mistakes.

I'm not ready to say goodbye. I just hope that what I'm doing is right.

ENTRY002

I've been considering Dr. Hivewell's offer. His personality remains a turnoff. But, he's among the most qualified to research imprint protocols along with myself.

Of course, a full transfer of one's conscious is drastically more complex, as prior tragedies and tests have proven.

I don't understand his total apathy to the moral argument of the process, however. There's been talk of banning further research on the topic, and yet he’s completely unphased.

ENTRY003

It’s been 3 days since I last wrote. I've since contacted Hivewell and accepted his offer. I haven't told him about Piper yet. I suspect he may have a suspicion, but it might explain the timing of him reminding me of his request.

We're to set up in a remote facility. Despite the research being legal here it still meets with a lot of opposition and protests.

It’s a privately funded facility, funded from his corporation. We should have access to all the equipment we’ll need.

ENTRY004

I've moved Piper's remains on-site, into a stasis container. Everything is stable. I've settled on a comms frame for her surrogate body, modified more to her body type. I’ve dubbed it ‘PV,’ based on her initials. Hivewell is pushy and tends to ask too many questions, so I’d rather he not take notice of it.  Hopefully it should be innocuous, since we’re both robotics researchers, for there to be a random android model in one of our offices. 

He’s at least shared with me his findings so far, which is uncharacteristic for him, but I suppose it’s in his best interest either way.

As much as his personality can come off as me as pretentious, I must admit, the two of us are probably among the most qualified individuals to conduct this research. At the very least he’s competent.

ENTRY005

I noticed Dr. Hivewell has been browsing through my personal logs. He wasn’t doing a very good job of covering his tracks, but i wouldn’t’ve suspected anything if he had mentioned he was worried about being “pushy.”

I confronted him about it and threatened to walk out. He claims he wanted to confirm what happened and what I was planning with Piper, having known of her death. Why he didn’t ask directly is beyond me.

I told him about the virus, the treatments, how she had to abandon her career once her health took a turn. She was only 20. I still struggle to write these events down.

He understands that I have a personal stake in this research. He swore he’d help however he could, that we’re doing the right thing. It was uncharacteristically soft-spoken for him. I’ve never seen genuine sympathy from him before. First time for everything.

Still, I have opted to move my personal files to an older terminal for safekeeping to keep them off the network, as well as password protect them. I don't appreciate him reading my logs.

ENTRY006

The transfer is in a few days. Piper has been preserved for 63 days now. I hope that hasn't affected her mind to the point of interfering with the procedure.

Imprinting is already a difficult process, and it only mimicks part of the human brain via a non-invasive manner.

Meanwhile, modern approaches to mechanization merely inolve a human brain within a mechanical body--essentially an advanced cyborg. This however requires the individual to be alive during the process, and maintains mortality. It can’t bring someone back from the dead.

To fully move a mind into a digital form, and for it to be compatible with a robotic interface has been assumed to be an impossibility. The basic logic behind machines and humans is too different. I have a description of the process on the main server--it’s too much for a log entry.

In theory, however, there should be a way to make this work. If this is successful, I'll have defied the impossible, and I'll be able to speak to my daughter again.

If I fail, it's not like she'll be any more dead, right?

ENTRY007

The transfer was today.

Piper opened her eyes.

I've made a mistake.

Hivewell is estatic. He's begun drafting up a body and plans for himself, excited by the prospect of immortality.

Piper keeps repeating she feels cold. She doesn't feel that body is hers, despite its similarities. She experienced what it was like to die, and has perfect memories of that moment that she can't shut off.

She’s claimed she’s experiencing a perpetual sensation that she can’t really describe. It feels foreign--like the way her mind now works completely defies human thought. She says every second feels heavy and slow. Without need of sleep or food, she can’t “shut off.”

She's also raised a valid point: is she really my daughter? Or is she a machine that simply contains a perfect copy of my daughter's memories? I'm starting to doubt myself.

I've told her I can help. I can perfect her senses. I can actually make her feel better via inhibitors and adjustments. Regardless, she resents me for what I've done.

ENTRY008

It’s been one month. Hivewell has successfully transferred his conscious to a robotic frame. He hasn't exhibited the same symptoms as Piper--he claims he feels great. He's not phased by the possibility of essentially being a mere copy of his now-defunct human body.

His organic remains are disturbing to look at. How he can look at his old body without feeling a thing is unnerving to the point of suggesting he’s lost his humanity.

He's able to access information like a computer now, even control other systems. He's attempted to describe the sensation to me, and the way his mind experiences the world now. I am legitimately interested, but it's not something that an organic can easily comprehend. We've concluded it's like trying to describe color to a blind person. He also claims that the passage of time feels altered, but immediately he developed a module to help adjust that to, as he put it, “allow him to perceive time at a more familiar rate.” 

I’ve provided the same hotfix to Piper, just to relieve some of her stress, along with a “sleep” function. I can’t imagine she’s enjoying her time in the lab. It feels like I’m holding her hostage.

Still, we’ve been recording everything we can. I would have done so with Piper, but I don’t think she’s in the appropriate mental state for testing.

ENTRY009

It’s only been one day. Hivewell can control other robots, even more complex AIs. He took control of Piper, even if it was briefly.

She feels violated. I'm furious. I feel like I've resurrected my daughter into a hell. I've immediately begun work on a second body for her, one with countermeasures and a more unique system to prevent him from doing so in the future.

Hivewell has apologized, though it feels just as disingenuous as ever.

ENTRY010

Hivewell can research and develop projects at an alarming rate never seen by man or machine. His mind doesn’t fatigue like a human brain would.

One of his first projects has been a flexible tool called the 'AMP,’ or ‘Automaton Morphing Peripheral.’ It's a module that allows for hard light projection, similar to a shield generator (though with much more detailed results), and rapid reconfiguration of mechanical parts. It allows an AI to essentially transform or modify themselves on-the-fly, as long as the information for the transformation is available and have enough power to maintain the transformed state.

More importantly, I should be able to modify it to act as a security measure to keep him out of my daughter's mind, like a firewall. It'll be ready before 02.

ENTRY011

Piper is dead.

I had equipped her with the AMP. She protested its necessity.

While resuming work on her new body, she intentionally attached herself to a voltage source far beyond what her frame could handle.

Her internals have been fried.

I've lost my daughter twice now.

I’m a horrible mother. I’ve secured my place in hell.

The only thing that survived of her mind was the personality core.

ENTRY012

What am I doing

What is wrong with me

This won’t be my daughter

ENTRY013

Final entry

Leaving

Hive says the IFS is heading here to investigate

What was he doing that prompted this?

I need to leave PV02 behind

Piper is gone. There's no point in trying further

[yoww2016]

There is no hopelessness so sad as that of early youth, when the soul is made up of wants, and has no long memories, no super-added life in the life of others.

The Mill on the Floss, George Eliot (1860)

[joraemotera]

Dear Tumblr, 

Hindi gumagana utak ko. Nakakaumay na. Ang dami ko pa palang dapat gawin. Modules, movie analysis, articles, lesson plan, requirement etc, etc. How i wish i could just sleep and never wake up anymore. It doesn’t matter to me. Nakakapagod maging ako. Nakakapagod buhay ko. Better let me have some peace of mind not some piece of shits. Sana tulungan naman akong mag-survive ni Papa G.  

// 10262015 12:00 AM

[sunyaragi]

I am the whispers that drive you mad. #inktober #entry002 #artisick #mountain #6102016

[yoww2016]

All yielding is attended with a less vivid consciousness than resistance—it is the partial sleep of thought—it is the submergence of our own personality by another.

The Mill on the Floss, George Eliot (1860)

[yoww2016]

She knew nothing of doctrines and systems- of mysticism and quietism: but this voice out of the far-off middle ages, was the direct communication of a human soul’s belief and experience, and came to Maggie as an unquestioned message.

The Mill on the Floss, George Eliot (1860)

[yoww2016]

So deeply inherent is it in this life of ours that men have to suffer for each other’s sins, so inevitably diffusive is human suffering, that even justice makes its victims, and we can conceive no retribution that does not spread beyond its mark in pulsations of unmerited pain.

The Mill on the Floss, George Eliot (1860)

[yoww2016]

It is a wonderful subduer, this need of love, this hunger of the heart: as peremptory as that other hunger by which Nature forces us to submit to the yoke, and change the face of the world.

The Mill on the Floss, George Eliot (1860)