#esme lee x reader

[zablife]

No Peace For You Ever

Requested by @runnning-outof-time for my 2K celebration An Evening at Arrow House.

Author's Note: A special ty to the amazing @shelbydelrey who helped me brainstorm this one!

Warnings: dark fic 💀, mention of the supernatural, suicide

Tommy sighed contentedly as he leaned back against the headboard of the bed, business papers in hand as you peacefully slumbered at his side. It was long past midnight, but his restless mind wouldn’t allow him sleep, not with thoughts of his family weighing on him.

As he lost himself within the jargon contained in the documents, he failed to notice the frigid breeze tinging the air or how the roaring fire had been reduced to smoldering ash. It wasn’t until you began to stir that he took note of a change in the room. Looking down at your shivering form, he asked, “What’s wrong, darling?”

“M so cold, Tommy,” you mumbled, half asleep and unable to find him in the large bed. 

Discarding his glasses on the bedside table, he turned out the light and slid under the covers. “C’mere,” he said, pulling you into his bare chest, full of warmth and gentle reassurance he hadn’t gone. His strong arms wrapped around you and you instantly felt his body heat radiating over you as you snuggled closer. A lazy smile tugged at the corners of your mouth as you felt his lips graze the top of your head. “Get some rest. We’ve got a big day tomorrow,” he reminded you, thumb grazing your shoulder gently. You wanted to voice your concern about the housewarming party, but too tired to protest, you only nodded against him. “Good girl,” he murmured as sweet slumber welcomed you once more.

———————————————-

“Frances, tell Mr. Shelby I’m taking a walk,” you said as you gathered your coat and hat. 

“Are you alright, ma’am? You didn’t eat any breakfast,” she asked, her kind blue eyes looking you over to be sure the stress of the last few weeks hadn’t made you overly anxious. She knew how much you wanted this evening’s party to be a success.

“I’ll have something later. I only need the fresh air now,” you said with a reassuring smile. You didn’t want her to know how your nerves were making your stomach churn into such a frenzy you felt you might be sick any moment. Was it your imagination or was Tommy retreating to his office more with every phone call from one of his disapproving relatives?

You had to stop the intrusive thoughts before they began so you set out toward the calming warmth of the morning sun, basking in the gentle heat upon your cheeks. You didn’t have any particular destination in mind when you set out from the house, passing the garage and the stables. You only knew you needed absolute quiet before the chaos of the evening began.

Soon you’d distanced yourself from anyone working near the house and the only sounds to be heard were the crows overhead and the distant rush of cool water from the river. As you inhaled a deep breath of fresh air, a frigid breeze stirred your hair and an unfamiliar scent came to you, something that shifted and changed as it swirled around you with the early morning fog. You began to sense you were not alone as you heard the snap of a twig from deep within the forest bordering your land. However, finding nothing but mist taunting your vision, you attempted to steady your breathing. 

Pulling your cloak around your shoulders protectively, you turned to leave. The chill in the air was unmistakable as it had been last night. However, this time the source would become known as an unnatural presence stalked from beyond the brush in stealthy movements until a figure appeared just beyond your left shoulder.

“Y/n Shelby” a low voice called to you. Hands trembling at your throat, your head snapped from left to right, waiting for the person to show themselves. Soon a woman emerged from the dense fog, wild brunette hair flowing freely and fierce hazel eyes narrowing at you. You could only watch in speechless fright as she closed the space between you, leaning on a crooked walking stick.

“You have no clue who I am, do you?” she questioned, voice dripping with condescension. However, you’d placed her by now from the family photos in Tommy’s study. She’d lost weight, cheeks sunken and wrinkles etched into her pale skin, but the resemblance was unmistakable.

“You’re John’s widow, Esme,” you answered, trying not to let your fear show. You’d heard about her hatred of Tommy and the curse she’d placed on him before her hasty departure years ago. 

“Don’t have to make it sound so harsh, love. I’m still a part of this family whether Tommy likes it or not,” she asserted firmly, a wild gleam in her eye. 

You swallowed harshly with a nod of your head. “If you need me to arrange a meeting with Tommy…”

“I don’t want to see him,” she spat as she continued to stalk toward you. 

You cocked your head, unsure of what else she might want. “Then is there something else?” you asked, feeling your breath coming hard and fast at the realization you were alone together and much further from the house than you would have liked.

Esme stopped suddenly, looking at you in distress as she made a mysterious confession, “There’s only one thing that could make it right.” She stared into the distance, a long silence stretching before you until she began speaking again, more to herself than you. “It’s been so long since I was back here living with John…” 

You shook your head slowly, wanting to offer her comfort, but unsure how to right the wrongs of the past you’d only just become acquainted with yourself. “If you want to come to Arrow House, we’ll do everything we can to help you and the children,” you offered. 

She spun around to face you, body tense and chest heaving. “Fuck you and your bloody mansion!” she spat at your feet, making you jump.

“Then why are you here?” you challenged her, your words coming out more forcefully than intended. 

“Cos Thomas Shelby has lived in peace far too long. I warned him there’d be a price to pay,” she said, forcing her staff into the ground for emphasis with a look of devilment in her eye.

You began to back away, feeling her gaze rest upon you like that of a hungry wolf locked onto it’s prey. The long grass swept along the backs of your legs as another gust of wind blew and your nerve endings ignited sending shivers coursing down your spine. Your legs trembled in anticipation, the urge to flee growing by the second. You glanced back toward the path home knowing the attempt would be futile. Slow acceptance washed over you as you winced, “Are you here to kill me?” You felt your mouth go dry as you uttered the unthinkable, a knot forming in your stomach as you awaited an answer. 

“I’m not armed,” she stated calmly, opening her jacket to prove it to you. 

You felt the hammering in your chest subside as you inhaled a shaky breath, but you were still wary of her. There was something unsettling about her presence which told you she didn’t need weapons to do harm. “You won’t hurt Tommy either?” you asked, tears gathering in your eyes as the unspoken plea for your husband’s life hung in the air between you.

“If that’s what you want,” she said with a crooked smile, amusement evident in her tone. “Perhaps there is something you can do for me.”

“Yes, anything,” you said nodding vigorously. Closing your eyes in relief, head tipped up to the heavens in grateful prayer, you didn’t see her dip into the satchel at her waist and remove a few seeds. She scattered them at your feet with a chuckle, the jarring sound of her laughter bringing you back to reality. 

As you inspected the small, brown shells at your feet, you furrowed your brow in confusion. Were they nuts? Seeds? You couldn’t be sure until they suddenly began to burrow into the ground with a speed that made you gasp. Roots formed before your very eyes, growing and twisting in gnarled patterns along the ground until they began to snake toward your toes. As in a nightmare, you found your feet growing heavy and uncooperative as a wayward root found it’s way up your leg, lacing elegantly back and forth like a snake until you were bound to the spot were you stood.

Esme stood back and watched you carefully, a look of satisfaction on her face as you began to feel a tightening in your chest. Your lungs felt as though they were being punctured by thorns and you began to cough. “What have you done?” you sputtered, feeling your body begin to shake. There was no answer as a violent fit overtook you, delicate petals spewing from your pink lips and falling to the ground. Your hands shot up to gather them, but you found jagged leaves in place of fingers, sprouts shooting from your fingertips. You wished to shout, but by now your voice had gone, only a rustling of leaves in it’s place as you stood trapped within the bark of a twisted blackthorn tree. A faint echo of the curse Esme had issued long ago whispered forth in the wind replacing your scream with her words, “No peace for you ever.”

————————

“Frances, where did Mrs. Shelby say she was going?” Tommy asked, looking down at his pocket watch. The hour had grown late and he was concerned you hadn’t returned for lunch.

“She said she was going for a walk, sir,” Frances replied. “She enjoys the path by the river.”

“Thank you,” Tommy replied, grabbing his coat and setting off to find you. However, his search that day would be fruitless and his agitation grew as his family arrived for dinner.

The moment Polly arrived he grasped her elbow, pulling his aunt into his office with harsh insistence. “It could only have been you. What have you done with her?” Tommy seethed.

Jerking her arm away, Polly’s brown eyes lit with fury to match her nephew’s. “What the bloody hell, Tommy!”

���Y/n, she went missing this afternoon,” he said, raking a hand through his hair and making his appearance even more untidy than before. Pacing like a caged animal, he shook his head. “Don’t try to deny it, Pol!” he pointed at her accusingly. “You warned me she wouldn’t last long in the family and I know what that means.”

Polly furrowed her brow in concern, eyes tracking Tommy’s impatient movement from one end of the room to the other. “Tommy, I’ll pretend you didn’t just accuse me of doing away with your wife. You obviously aren’t thinking clearly,” she stated, straightening her fur. She crossed to the bar to pour three fingers of whisky before handing it to him to calm his nerves.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she watched him pause long enough to gulp it down, hoping it might weigh him to the carpet for a moment as she reasoned with him. Using the low, soothing voice she reserved for moments of crisis she began, “Is it possible she’s left of her own accord. Gone back to France?”

Tommy's eyes glazed over as he allowed her words to penetrate his heart and just when he accepted the stab of betrayal, a sharp knock came upon the door. The noise pulled him from the depths of his despair, a hopeful look brightening his eyes as the stablehand held up Mrs. Shelby’s cloak. “We found this tangled in the blackthorn, Mr. Shelby.”

———————-

One year later…

Time and time again Tommy had returned to the tree where your belongings were found, praying for the first time in years that you might return. Despite his best efforts to learn if you’d been kidnapped or worse, there was no word from his men north or south and the lack of information was slowly driving him mad. His only consolation was found at the foot of the gnarled blackthorn tree where, for reasons unknown to him, he felt closer to you. However, he never allowed his family or staff to accompany him to the area he considered sacred ground. It had become far too personal.

On the anniversary of your disappearance, when a walk by the river failed to soothe him, Tommy began to loose all faith. He craved the softness of your touch, the sound of your laughter, the glimmer in your eye when he called your name. There hadn’t been enough time to savor it all before you’d gone and the thought he might never experience it again was ripping him apart. “I don’t know how much longer I can go on without you, Y/n,” he cried, dropping to his knees.

Looking up into the twisted branches, the snow-white blossoms overhead showered over him. The scent of the blooms surprised him as they smelled far sweeter than any he’d ever noticed before. In fact, it transported him to a happier time when he danced with you in Paris, holding you close to him and promising to love you forever. He whispered your name to the heavens and was rewarded with another sprinkling of flowers, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Within the confines of your thorny prison, you watched over your beloved husband. Instinctively you moved toward him, but the roots planted long ago had burrowed deep into the earth, holding you captive so you could do nothing more than bear witness to his suffering.

As his shoulders slumped forward, his large hand dipped beneath his woolen coat and your terror grew as you spied what he had been reaching for. Tommy’s eyes shut tight as his arm snapped to attention at his temple, the muscle memory of a soldier called to action. A hushed prayer fell from his lips just audible over the babbling brook. “In the bleak midwinter…”

You would have gasped if you still remained human or shouted a desperate plea for your husband’s life, but now it became nothing more than a silent prayer for someone or something to stop him in time. 

It was not to be. The crisp clear shot rang out into the air and you strained against your bonds in agony. Your efforts resulted in nothing more than a muffled rustling of leaves and an echo carried away on the wind, “No peace for you ever.”

--------------

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[amidst-wonderland]

[kingdom come]

pairing: nora + michael warnings: mentions of smoking, strong language, violence, substance abuse summary: michael didn't hate thomas for the events of the year prior, at least not as much as his wife wanted him to.

december, eighteenth

nineteen-twenty-six

     “christ,” she curses, spotting the man clad in black strolling up towards her from the driveway. “whit’d you want?”

     “my accountant’s office is empty–“

     “–try the papers, you’ll find someone desperate enough.“

     “nora,” he scolds.

     she’d hated the inevitability of a moment like this.

     the air was bitter – although, the clear sky above painted a largely different picture, an uninterrupted blanket of blue. the usual wintertime clouds were oddly out of sight, but far from out of mind.

     nora’d considered the outcome of this interaction quite a bit in the past handful of months. she’d thought of a rather aggressive reaction that involved a swift swing with some few choice words for the wretched in-law who’d decided it would be appropriate come anywhere near her family once again. she didn’t particularly enjoy the passive route, wouldn’t really send a warning the reaper’s way any more than a simple ‘fuck off’ would’ve but michael’d find it easier to side with.

     feeling the harsher cold blows against her skin, she crosses her arms slipping a small hiss. the knitted throw wasn’t enough to trap the heat, despite her boiling rage at the well-dressed man who stood before her.

     thomas hadn’t changed since she’d last seen him – poised in his everyday attire three-piece that consisted of fabrics only appropriate for funeral attendance.

     ‘bastard’s buried enough people’

     “listen, love.” he sighs, although there’s a sinister tension within the breath. “i’m trying to help you here, help the kids–“

     “–michael had a rope around his fucking neck, because of you.”

     his jaw clenches, thomas wasn’t looking for a fight.

     “go find michael, bring ‘im out ‘ere,” he motioned to the front door she’d been blocking. “saves you waking up the little ones.”

     “aye so ah will,” she snorts. “get oot ma sight shelby.”

     thomas resides for a moment, unsure of how to approach the hand he’d been dealt whilst taking in the new surroundings. it was strange and unfamiliar, the overwhelming hit of salty-air was quite nauseating. loud waves crashing below heightened cliffs, boisterous kids playing football on sand a handful of yards from the gray home.

     their cobblestoned cottage was picturesque – a far cry from arrow house – something you’d find on a postcard.

     he was getting considerably more from nora than from either of his brother’s wives – who didn’t even pick up the telephone. although, he didn’t bother to ring michael, just showed up at their door but he was growing impatient with this one.

     “nora if you don’t move, i’ll fucking make you.”

     “oi!”

     her feet cemented themselves in place, legs stiffening under thomas’ icy gaze and the warmth radiating off her husband cutting into the cold draft he’d brought opening their door.

     michael slips past nora, before tossing his snout into the gravel beneath them.

     thomas sneered at the sight of his younger cousin’s dishevelled appearance – fitted suits, dark eyes, and styled hair merely a distant memory, instead replaced with loose locks and his crumped pinstriped shirt that hung from his body as did his suspenders.

     he looked like shit, and probably smelt like it too.

     “come to beg for forgiveness?”

     thomas pursed his lips, ignoring the jab. “shelby company limited needs you michael. this legitamate business can’t–“

     “-whit’d ah jist tell you?” nora interjects pushing past her husband, the softer melted demeanour he’d arose standing between them, now dissipated.

     nora’s childishly feral attitude was far from a rare occurrence that thomas knew michael would generally diffuse for the benefit of the family, but a year separated he wasn’t entirely sure where his loyalties lay.

     “nonie”

     nora felt her heart sink, michael only called her–

     “yer ‘hinkin aboot it, in’t ye? i swear, if you get in that motor.”

     “just,” he pauses, gently pulling her towards him with slight wobble. “go back inside.”

     noting the moment of insecurity, thomas takes a dig at the couple. “michael, you really ought to think about sorting out that missus of yours.”

     he scowls at his cousin.

     “michael, look at me.”

     he couldn’t, he tried desperately not to. “nonie, please don’t start.”

     nora grips his arms, feeling her nails forcefully digging into his skin through the thin material in hopes to keep him from thomas, who he was yet to take his eyes off.

     she knew the prospect of returning to civilisation had always been enticing. strolling around busy cities, pints after work with isaiah and socialising with birmingham’s brightest without begrudgingly waking up to the same hysterical children every morning. wondering when he’d get his next hit, if ever.

     the band around his finger had already began weighing on him and settling down permanently had never been part of the plan, even after their son was born but polly insisted and michael struggled to say no.

     the stinging sensation in his biceps tear him from this thoughts as he looks to his wife.

     her heart ached, she could see it in him – he was spiralling, desperate to return with the despicable man standing before them, willing to give up everything they’d built together over the past year.

     he tries to shrug her off, to no avail but she reaches out to hold his face frantically caressing his rosy cheeks with her thumb, pushing back his tousled hair, and rambling sweet nothings, refusing to let tears fall.

     “y-you can’t go, ah canny lose you. no again.”

     he wasn’t listening, he was still peaking over the man clad in black.

     thomas pipes up, “pol’s in a bad way.”

     giving another attempt to get his full attention she presses her forehead to his, forcing him to see nothing but her. “whit if he’s too late? ah couldnae–“

     abrupt burning tears begin forming, sliding down her cheeks. “that isnae yer family. george, rosalin, me–“

     “–nonie, what about mum?“

     she ignores his protest, “family does’nae leave you to rot in a cell, does’nae ditch ye at death’s door.”

     “i know.” he reassures, resting his hands on hair waist, despite it feeling like an flat gesture. “but i can’t keep doing this, running from our problems isn’t what we do.”

     there was some vile sense of truth in his words, even nora could begrudgingly admit that. their marriage had begun cannibalising itself, one massacred bite after the other – every snort, scream and smash, it would take them down eventually but at the very least, out here they were no longer the shelby’s public display of misguided youth.

     “michael.” thomas interrupts, “i’ll be in the car.”

     the couple listen to him shuffle back to the bentley, nora flinching at the harsh slam of the door.

     hesitantly, nora’s grip on her husband loosens as she wipes a few tears away dreading the awaited judgement call. they stood close, nora’s ragged breath hitting at the bare skin where michael hadn’t buttoned his shirt.

     she’d done all she could, but his heart was set.

     “please–“

     “ –i’ll ring john to come get you and the kids if you’re not ready to drive.”

     the tightness in her chest quickly becomes suffocating, her blotchy cheeks return the burning sensation of minutes ago feeling like stretched leather against hot tears.

     she released a choked sob, hitting against his chest. “y-you promised.”

     noting her weakened frame, michael tightly pulls his wife back into him keeping her knees from buckling. “nonie,” he soothes into the crook of her neck as nora’s chest erratically fluxes against his. “a little space, it’ll be good for us, good for george and rosie to stop hearing us fight all the time.”

     nora jolts back from his grasp, disgusted.

     “stop it,” she cried. “stop treating me like a wean you can jist ‘shoo’ away whenever ye want tae take the easy way oot. an don’t you dare pretend this has ‘onything tae dae with them because if it wis, you would’nae even ‘hink aboot entertaining that rat-bastard.”

     “nora–“ he reaches for her.

     “–don’t,” she growls, “don’t fucking touch me.”

     “everything alright?”

     michael sleepily peers up from the tumbler of whisky he’d been swirling, noticing his older cousin standing in the ajar of his darkened office.

     “can’t say i’m a stranger to a picture like this and somehow i don’t think you are either.”

     he shrugs at thomas’ pathetic attempt at casual small talk once pushing back the glass, falling back into his chair. “office, pub, home – what’s it fucking matter?”

     “i’m not paying you to get pissed.”

     michael runs a hand through his now slicked back hair, unsure if his cousin had made an appearance simply to pick his brain or to make sure the pistol in his side drawer hadn’t been used to blow his brains out after a week without his co-dependant other-half.

     “it might not feel like it now, but you made the right decision. letting that girl of yours run amuck, she’s not–“

     “–tommy.” michael scorns, “i’m here with you, let’s just leave it at that, yeah?”

     the twenty-two-year-old knew neither his wife nor his cousin would ever see eye-to-eye. even before they wed, the older shelby brothers had made crude passing comments over drinks about the then teenage nora being a ‘belligerent fucking nuisance’ and an ‘unintelligible delinquent.’

     still, if thomas was so sure he’d made the right choice, then why didn’t it feel like it? why could he still hear his son’s cries ringing at the back of his mind like a broken record, all-the-fucking-time.

     thomas tips his head, strolling over to his cousin’s desk. he scowling at the mess then grabs the half-drunk bottle before michael could protest. “get that cleared by eight,” he waves to the unkept stack of documents. “give your missus a ring, then you can have the grouse back.”

     “cheers.”

     the shelby gives a final nod of acknowledgement, exiting the office.

     ‘give your missus a ring’ michael couldn’t help but scoff at the hollow instruction. he’d attempted to contact nora almost every day since he’d left their home on the coast usually ending up with a less than enthusiastic esme berating him for returning to the dragon’s keep and how she’d been up all night dealing with rosie’s colic.

     michael missed nora, he missed her so fucking much. he missed her tender touch when they’d wake up bare and entangled in one another as the sun shined through the sheer beige curtains highlighting her soft features. he missed her angelic voice or even the way she smelled after bathing one of the kids in sink – honey, on the odd occasion lavender. he especially missed just holding her close as she buried her head into his chest, knowing that there was always someone at home who truly cared about him.

     “–don’t think i didn’t fucking notice the snow.”

     the younger boy grimaces at the disgruntled call from down the vacant hallway, glancing down at the streaked powder stained across his desk, swiping at it.

     “you marry a man, bare both his weans, only fur him to run straight in-tae the arms of the same arsehole that sent him to hang.” nora groans taking a final sniff from the vial she'd nipped from michael's bedside drawer.

     laid back against the headboard atop the spare bed she’d been offered, she relaxed in to the plush maroon quilt. enjoying the small pleasure of a clean sheet without having to worry about aging stains from their children’s more messy nights. the kids couldn’t take all the blame though, the biggest mark on their mattress was michael’s doing – half a bottle of rum when they’d gotten a little too tipsy on esme’s birthday.

     beginning to feel lightheaded, she glimpses over to her son playing with his toy train rolling it back and fourth, “what’d you think georgie? is yer daddy a bit of a numpty?”

     the two-year-old blissfully ignores her as he whooshes the wooden train into the air.

     even with the curtains open, the room is a somber, cosy darkness the only source of light coming from a sole lit candle on the bedside table – more of a tactical choice on nora’s behalf as her husband nicked her own lighter.

     there’s some small movement as she feels her daughter shift. rosalin wasn’t used to her mother’s body temperature, which was significantly cooler than michael’s, who she claimed as her bed whenever the pair couldn’t get her to settle in the nursey.

     since the shelby’s only had one spare cot, it left nora tossing and turning, very aware that it wasn’t her husband resting next to her in the bed but in fact her baby boy.

     leaving her home last friday had been a horrifying wake-up call. esme had found nora curled-up on the kitchen floor, passed out with a limp bloodied hand curled around an open bottle of gin as george – who’d been crying himself – ran his tiny fingers through his mum’s hair.

     michael had no idea the mess he’d left her in.

     esme had been a blessing, taking on nora’s two on top of her own six – she was lucky to have her.

     the two had been close since they were their own kids age, their families regularly communing throughout their youth until the mcleod’s settled in glasgow’s east-end permanently.

     “mammy, ‘ook,” george giggles showing her the magic train, with its little doors open and half-chewed roof.

     weakly, she smiles at him, ruffling his golden hair before giving him a light ‘bop’ on the nose.

     there’s some soft knocking at the door, a quiet voice echoing into the bedroom, “aunt nora, can i come in?”

     nora chuckled at the politeness of john’s daughter, considering how long she’d known him – shamefully believing his boisterous behaviour would’ve rubbed-off on her. “’mon in hen.”

     katie scuffles into the room, esme following suit.

     “we wanted to see the cousins before bed, if that’s alright?”

     nora nods to the ten-year-old who’s making her way to sit opposite george.

     “how’s your hand?” esme asks, peaking down at her half-hearted attempt to bandage her the injury

     “nippy, but all’ll live. ah’m fuckin’ knackered though.”

     esme heads round to the other side of the bed, climbing under the duvet next to her friend.

     katie coos george, joining him with the train-game, but he’s more interested in tugging on her vibrant red hair that mirror’s his mother’s.

     “he his’nae called again, has he?”

     “not yet.”

     “dae you think he’ll stop?”

     “doubt it, not for that pungent guilt of his still lingering.”

     “did ye tell him aboot ma haun?”

     sensing nora’s regret, esme cautiously shook her head.

     “did john?”

     “…he did.”

     a hollow weight begins pressing into nora’s chest, a sense of suffering shame encapsulating her respiratory panic.

     “aunt nora?”

     she exhales deeply, smiling in brief recovery, “mmh?”

     “can i do your hair for christmas, esme won’t let me touch her’s.”

     “aye hen, that’d be lovely.”

     “just,” he laments, “tell her i love her.”

     ada shelby reluctantly hums in agreement, watching michael meticulously fiddling with the small weapon in his hand.

     he’d called her down to the cut. it was a nice, slower change of pace being able to escape his omnipresent boss and get some much-needed fresh air. although ada had a niggling feeling the choice of scenery had more to do with nora herself, than thomas.

     “anything else?”

     “only this,” he responds locking in the pistol’s cylinder, offering it to his cousin now that it was reloaded.

     ada takes the gun from him, carefully sliding it into the leather handbag.

     “give that to nora, yeah? don’t want her touching john’s kit ‘ve seen the state of it.”

     “has the poor girl even touched one of these?”

     there’s an amused smirk hidden on michael’s lips. “handful of times, an awful fucking shot – told me she’d be more useful battering someone with the blunt end.”

     ‘nae time tae ‘hink aboot where the bullets goin’ when ah can make it bash their heid in faster.’ he remembers nora whinging when she couldn’t pelt the cans.

     pursing her lips she glances back at him, now opening his cigarette tin and lighting a smoke with a lighter that had a rather feminine touch. “early christmas gift, is it?”

     michael notices her motion to the lighter.

     it’s a delicate little thing, detailed too but had noticeable age. the reflective silver covered in various scratches, fingerprint marks and minute rust. michael rolls his thumb over nora’s favourite detail – the encrusted ruby gemstone that mirrored the one on her wedding ring, rimmed with white diamonds.

     “nora’s. she’d have my neck if she knew i’d nicked it.” he admitted, “but its like having a piece of her with me.”

     ada rolls her eyes. michael’s honesty was pretentious horseshit as far as she was concerned, since it was coming from a man solely exacerbating his own problems.

     “having a cig down the cut isn’t going to make you feel enlightened michael. we’re all guilty of it – john, me, christ even tom. just a whiff from this place and we’ve all got that nagging sense of nostalgia that wishes to wallow in self-pity and reminisce about hormonal teenage activities.”

     michael smiles softly, “mum wouldn’t let me in on family meetings for ages. found other ways to entertain myself, which just happened to involved esme’s mate.”

     the cousins share a chuckle, before the mood returns. “you should be there michael, it’s christmas for pete’s sake! you’ve got two kids–“

     “tommy needs me ada – mum too. heading into the new year it’s all hands-on to push the legitmate–“

     “–my brother doesn’t need you michael, he wants everyone within earshot and you’re his sacrificial lamb benefiting from the cause. have a think, why reach out to his twenty-something cousin over his own brothers? there’s a reason he’s not gone to their doors.”

     “and you?”

     “learned to keep my distance. same fucking reason i didn’t sit behind bars repenting whilst my wife was at home, up the spout.”

     “listen, they’re safe outside the city, being in small heath only creates targets on their back, i appreciate your input but it’s none of your business.“

     “tom tells me you’re back on the snow michael? i won’t judge–“

     michael snorts at his ada’s disposition. “–that’s a half-arsed lie if i’ve heard one.”

     ‘even nora could do better than that and she struggled to hide cutting back the sugar in my tea.’

     “fine.” she huffs, “but don’t take this out on your kids alright? thank christ your missus has managed to sort herself out–“

     he lets out a venomous laugh this time, “that’s what she told you? fuck ada. never considered you having a piss-poor tolerance for bullshit – nora couldn’t tell her right tit from her left by teatime and at least she’s still coherent. give it a few hours and she’ll be passed out on that fucking beach until rosie screams loud enough for her mother to give a shit.”

     ada braces herself, the penny had dropped.

     this wasn’t about shelby company, tommy, hell it wasn’t even about polly’s sickness.

     “why the fuck do you think i sent her to john’s? terrified one night she’ll get further than the sand. twelve-times i’ve had to go out, find her kicking-off like a fucking entranced lunatic.”

     grief had become a fickle presence for the family, they’d all being fighting their own battles, but it appeared the gray’s had been losing theirs.

     “can’t stand the sight of each-other, reckon esme would sort her out.”

     she looks back at michael, throwing the snout into the water below and running a hand over his face for a refresh.

     “i needed a break, tommy granted me that.”

     “does he know?”

     “of course he fucking knows.”

     “how’s linda then arthur?” she warmly enquires, fidgeting in the seat whilst clumsily gripping at the telephone. which is followed by some positive mumbling about his wife.

     “an the wean?”

     arthur lets out an extended groan, “billy’s been crying non-stop for the past three months, every hour on the fucking hour.”

     she smiles empathetically, not that he could see.

     “had the same problem efter george was born and rosalin’s goin through it tae. ma said a wee bit of whisky on the gums never hurt anybody.”

     “heard that’s becoming a solution of a lot of your problem’s ain’t it?”

     “ach, you know how it goes” she shrugs, holding back a hurt chuckle. “point being, bit oan ‘is gums and that’ll see the wee-yin well”

     “linda won’t let me smoke near the lad, never mind giving him the scot’s bloody finest.”

     “wisnae that gud. ma had tae swally a boattle an a haulf afore ‘her arse wis in the air.”

     there’s a warm laugh from him. “love,” he teased. “it’s coming oot again.”

     nora can’t help but cringe at how unnatural her native language sounds coming from the englishman, though easily shrugging it off in her current intoxicated state.

     “aye mebbe. mebbe ah’ve been following in ma maw’s footsteps – marrying some arsehole that canny staun the slight ae his ain faimly, so she’s left drinkin’ tae she won awa efter poppin’ oot sum greetin’ faced weans.”

     arthur frowned, slowly trying to follow her words as they roll rapidly off her tongue.

     it wasn’t like nora to complain nor even discuss her upbringing around the shelby’s, especially not directly to them. passing comments and speculative teases between esme and nora at family gatherings weren’t unfamiliar but it never dove deeper than that.

     what arthur could remember, it seemed far removed from the anecdote nora was sprouting.

     something was off, and it wasn’t linda’s cooking.

     “how many ‘ave you had.”

     “ach only the two, but ah ‘hink it’ll be enough.”

     “i meant drinks.”

     nora takes a moment before the gas induced lump in her throat dissolves, “five-ish.”

     “and this doesn’t have anything to do with your michael being back in big-boys’s office?”

     she sheepishly looks down at her bare toes, wriggling them in a small delight. mentally rehearsing each word she’s about to say, “ach naw, it’s christmas and we’ve all had a very difficult year. a wee few drams didnae hurt a soul.”

     “love the last time you ‘ad a ‘wee few drams’ you shouted fucking ‘gardyloo’ every-time you went to take a piss.”

     “i wis only making folk aware they would be withoot ma presence.”

     arthur smiles.

     “well ah’ll let ye go, ‘hink that’s oor dinner oot noo anyway.”

     “hello lovely!” ada beams as nora opens the shelby’s front door. her eyes squinting trying to ignore the bright sun hitting against her like a hammer to a nail.

     ada takes the young girl into her arms, tightly squeezing her but recoiling as the pungent smell of alcohol burns at her nostrils.

     taking in the ginger’s appearance she notes some rather alarming features since the pair last met. bloodshot eyes and some red rashes, most likely from rubbing. though ada raises a brow at some faded bruising resting on nora’s collarbone, she picks on an injury far more sinister. “what the fuck happened to your hand?”

     giving her a stern glance, nora turns on her heel, making her way in the opposite direction.

     john and esme had already popped down to the local market trying to collect some last-minute supplies for their christmas dinner which left nora, ada and eight rambunctious children running wild.

     heading deeper into the home with her in-law hot on her tail, she travelled straight to the downstairs sitting room before shoving on the cardigan esme had left out for her.

     “cuppa?”

     taking off her fur coat, ada smiled back watching nora disappear into the kitchen.

     “i spoke with michael,” the shelby sister called, grabbing what appeared to be yesterday’s paper from the coffee-table. few headlines catch her interest, something about the new scarlet buses in london but nothing much else.

     nora bites her lip, glad the other woman couldn’t see her reaction – she wanted to pry but any sign of forgiveness would surely be right back to her husband, and she wasn’t looking to give him any satisfactory release.

     with the clinking and light banging of cabinets coming to a halt, ada knew she had her attention. “says he loves you, misses the kids.”

     nora scrunches her face in disgust pouring the water into the empty kettle, catching a glimpse of her wedding ring clinking against the metal.

     “michael misses having his fuckable other-hauf oan haun. it’s jist a bit guilt. gee it a couple o’ weeks and he’ll be the same auld miserable prick you lot like to pretend he’s no.” she bitterly muses, placing the kettle onto the burning stove.

     nora digs around for some loose teabags, unsure of where her in-law keep them. “who knows, mebbe this time the snow’ll fuck him over so much–”

     she grins finding two stashed behind a cracked teapot and the bread bin. “–i won’t have to.”

     ada thinks back to her encounter with michael yesterday morning. cut hand aside, nora seemed perfectly well kept for someone who ‘couldn’t tell her left tit from her right by teatime.’

     “what about you? still on the stuff yourself?”

     “telt ye before hen, no efter rosalin. gonnae be a proper mammy noo.”

     there’s a reluctance in her words, confirming it’s a fib yet, nothing in the girl’s behaviour seemed to prove michael claims.

     hearing the bubbling water, nora lifts the kettle and clasps two green teacups making her way back to the living-room, setting everything down on the table in the middle, letting ada sort herself out.

     straighten up, nora clocks a familiar piece of her home peeking out behind the red christmas sack. “why’ve you got michael’s gun?”

     “he gave it to me – to you. just in case.”

     “if he was that worried, he’d be at hame wae his weans an ‘is wife but he isnae, is he?”

     ada huffs at nora’s pessimism. michael was miles away ripping his hair out over this girl and she wouldn’t even give him the time of day. “he’s just trying to keep the peace, there’s no harm in that.”

     nora’s gasps, unable to contain the seething anger towards ada’s assumption wondering what her husband had told his cousin.

     stalking up to the woman clad in luxurious brands, shiny pumps, and a pressed blouse unfazed by her own appearance consisting of unkept hair, a flowy maroon tea-dress with ragged sleeves now covered by esme’s woolly brown shall.

     nora crosses her arms, getting in ada’s face equipped with a low, condescending tone. “aye, that’s easy fur ‘im in’t it ditch ‘es faimly the second he canny cope – thir aw the fuckin’ same. ma da, your da an his da. god fucking forbid–“

     an abrupt stinging sensation in her right cheek cuts nora’s vitriol short. “michael was right, you just don’t know when to quit, do you?”

     nora’s breath hitches in at her in-law’s brash reaction. “whit?”

     “you! you’re not ‘off it for the kids’ michael’s told me–“

     “–oh aye, michael gray, the-patron-fucking-saint. michael telt you whitever he wants tae get back tae his ma – that he’s still her good wee boy, jist his wummin ‘causin’ aw the trouble. whit’d he say? that ah’m an impotent looney oan the snow? tell ‘im to look in a fucking mirror.”

     “you still lied to me love.”

     “so? yer brothers lie tae ye, an clearly michael an’aw.”

     “i just look out for you is all. esme’s got ‘er head screwed on and you, you were just a kid dragged into all of this – up the duff and michael in prison after the lorne fire at what? eighteen-nineteen? if it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

     “oh come aff it ada. you saw yer replacement and fucked-off. esme didnae cut it, cause polly couldnae staun ‘er but when wee do-wally nora fae glesga started getting cosy wae ‘er boy, you knew you’d be set.”

     ada tilts her head in contempt, “john and esme will be back soon, anything else you want off your chest without the audience?”

     “aye. when ye head up the road, tell him ah‘ve nicked his ain stash and that he can shove that gun, up his fucking arse. i’m sure big brother tom will happily pull the trigger.”

     there’s a thick tension between the two women, though it’s cut short by a booming voice from down the hall, “oi, is that ada here?”

     “black hand. everybody will have got one,” john swallows, hard. “they’re coming for us all.”

     she stomps her foot in frustration, turning her face to hold back some tears whilst she stands protectively between the married couple.

     if they’d left one with arthur and john, they’d surely left one with michael. there was nowhere to hide.

     nora feels her heart pick up speed, her stomach tying itself in knots. once again confirming her assumption of purgatory. no rest for the wicked, nor their family. “h-how long do we have?”

     for the first time this week nora thought of her husband, she wanted him by her side. to cling to him and for him to reassure her that everything was going to be alright, that nothing would harm them. just as he did when he went to prison the first time, or when he’d killed that alfie's man after their fight or even when they’d sent him to hang, he’d promised it wouldn’t go as far as that, that’d he’d be back before their rosalin was born.

     sensing some inner tension, esme place a comforting hand on the young girl’s shoulders. feeling the heat from her hands calm her through the flimsy sheer material of the dress.

     “a day, month, maybe another year.” he lists attempting to contain his boiling temper.

     despite john’s arrogance, he knew he couldn’t fight what was heading his way alone. esme was adamant he could – or well, she could.

     getting the rest of the family involved wasn’t a bad idea but only on their terms, not tom’s. john wanted to ignore it, in hopes it would go away and changretta would forget the whole thing but their world was too cruel to grant them that. esme was happy to pretend, go on with festivities as normal. john just wished he could do the same.

     all this because he’d opened his big fucking mouth about lizzie.

     “whit noo?”

     esme grabs both nora’s shoulders, spinning her to show an encouraging smile. “nothing. we’re the family now, and this bastard isn’t going to ruin tomorrow for any of us.”

     she puts a hand under her chin, lifting it. “we’ll ask michael to pop round, won’t we? the kids’ll be over the moon.”

     “today, everyone in the family received on of these.” ada states, carefully handing her cousin the letter with one hand, her distraught aunt in a tight hold with the other.

     “what’s it mean?” michael questions, glancing down at the loose parchment wondering if there was one sitting in his own letterbox at home.

     without looking to upset the elder woman in her arms, she spares him the detailed explanation, cutting to the chase. “tommy’s called a family meeting, he wants you both to come.”

     ada tenderly guides her aunt over to the fire, helping her rest. hoping it will distract polly long enough for her to speak with michael.

     she motions for him to follow her to the darkened space behind the staircase. “it’s from luca changretta, angel’s older brother. he’s coming after us.”

     michael begins gnawing on his tongue. hoping to get some form of release to ease the feeling of disdain for himself.

     “tommy says he wants you to collect john tomorrow since he won’t pick up the phone.”

     he ponders for a moment, thinking of the danger he’d put nora and the kids in.

     ada had already informed him she’d refused to take the pistol – on account of her own fucking pride – so she’d be left with whatever john had lying about the house, which was abysmal.

     she takes his hands into her's, gripping them with a sense of urgency.

     “michael,” ada warns, “these men can and will kill your children. if john doesn’t want to come, fine.” she pauses, shocked at what’d she’s just blurted out but continues nonetheless. “don’t even think about leaving nora there. drag her into the car if you have to.”

     “you heard her ada. she doesn’t want to hear it from me.”

     “she still bloody loves you for godsake!” she exclaims, yanking the letter and skelping him with it. “nora’s hurting, struggling to cope with all this. you’ve dumped her at your cousin’s and she thinks you’ve washed your hands with her.”

     “michael.” polly calls, holding something neither of them could quite make out. “it’s tommy, he wants you to come to the phone.”

     “you here to see your missus then?” john joshers, lowering his weapon.

     “tommy wants everybody at charlie’s yard, now.”

     fiddling with the shotgun, john quickly ushers his dog inside then climbs down from the roof attempting to ignore michael’s proposal.

     it was ten in the morning, he’d hardly slept with his niece’s colic and his own kids were already up and running rampant with their new toys and full of pieces and sugar.

     inside, nora nestled into the couch with little rosalin giggling in her arms as she waved a staffed bear in front of her. george occasionally joining too but he was more preoccupied with his new bouncy-ball and race car.

     esme inspects from the window as the two men head towards the front door. she’s alerted john of the mysterious white vehicle pulling up on their property,

     “red,” she beckons, “michael’s at the door. doesn’t seem to be on his own accord.”

     nora carefully passes her daughter into the arms of katie shelby. praying the infant wouldn’t cause a fuss whilst she dealt with her father outside.

     giving esme once reassuring glance, nora storms towards the door unsure if her friend had followed behind.

     michael could try with all his might but she wouldn’t let him ruin a single moment for her, or their children.

     she could hear his muffled voice grow louder and clearer the closer to the outside she became, far quicker than her brain had been able to plan a course of action.

     “look john, we don’t have time for this alright? just come to the meeting.”

     john, obviously disinterested keeps ushering him to relax, “come in the house, have some food, see your–“

     he’d barely twisted the handle before nora swung it open. nearly pulling it off its hinges, causing him to jump back.

     “tell thomas shelby he can crawl back tae whitever fucking hole he came from!” she jeered, nearly pushing her husband off his balance.

     it was strange seeing him so tailored, quite unnerving actually.

     he lets out a huff, knowing this wouldn’t be easy. “look, tommy says that they could come for us today,” he explains, but she sneers in his face mimicking the similar argument that started it all. “george and rosie - now. nail me to a cross another time, alright? i’m not in the mood for your fucking attitude nora.”

     “jesus suffering-” she curses. “dae ye even listen tae yersel? or does he dae the ‘hinking fur ye noo tae?” nora taunted again, her voice cracking with the increased volume. she knew she had an audience but the brewing annoyance begged to be vented.

     “–look it’s the mafia, alright? the new york mafia we’re talking about.”

     john, trying to end their lovers-tiff cuts in, “and we’re the peaky fucking blinders.”

     “no, we’re not john. we’re not the peaky fucking blinders unless we’re together.”

     despite addressing his cousin, nora bites back. “that’s some fucking cheek michael, ‘cause ah can tell ye wan place ye wernae.”

     sometimes michael considered that nora’d be happier seeing them all hanged collectively than the foursome being saved.

     michael tries to ignore feeling her hot and heavy breaths hitting against his jaw. he glares back, calling on his cousin.

     “john, come to meeting. think about the kids–”

     nora’s eyes widened at michael’s bargaining. ‘think about the kids?! you’ve got two weans in there you’ve no seen all week.’

     “–if you want to leave, then fine.”

     michael turns his attention back to his wife, “car.”

     “it’s christmas michael, whit the fuck do you think is going to happen?” she croaks, though her words laced in venom.

     there’s some rustling and shuffling behind her with a faint click of a gun which she assumed was just down to john and the shotgun over his back but the change in her husband’s eyes say otherwise as his jaw clenches.

     “nonie.” it’s the last tangible sound she catches before michael roughly grabs her arms shoving her back to the main door. esme quickly slamming it shut.

     there’s a mixture of ringing in her ears and a collection of screams once they duck to the floor. she couldn’t hear the bullets simply the ringing at the back of her skull.

     “mum!” nora’s scream echoed down the bleak corridor as she attempted to get the attention of the lost woman who’d just arrived in the ward. george in her arms, nora’s trying to fight the tears for the sake of staying on her feet.

     she could barely make out the small group trailing behind polly, it was all just a blurry, black array moving towards her and george.

     polly takes nora and her grandson into a warm embrace as nora clings to her jacket, beginning to sob into her shoulder. “ah didnae know whit tae dae! he wis jist lyin' thir an' the blood– an' john– fuck!”   

     a questioning voice behind cuts between them, “where is he?”

     with her daughter-in-law still sniffling in her arms, polly turns to glare at her nephew.

     “the fuck you daein here?” nora growled.

     “love, don’t start this. where’s michael?”

     “don’t start?! don’t you fucking start when it’s your fault he’s bleedin’ oot.”

     polly gives nora a tight squeeze of reassurance before grabbing her hand, pulling the pair further away from thomas.

     “c’mon, let’s get you a tea and a seat.”

     “i want my husband. i just saw him fucking gunned down.” she exhaled throwing herself back into the chair. placing george on her lap and letting him snuggle into her chest whilst the in-laws loomed over them.

     “ma, want daddy.”

     nora sighs, relaxing at hearing his timid voice as george rubs some sleep from his eyes, “ah know baba, ah know.”

     “hey stranger.”

     nora smiled weakly at the familial greeting when stepping into the vacant room. believing it would be best to go in alone, just in case.

     “hey you."

michael could sense the hesitance in her slow movement as she scanned the various bandages and remaining blood stains from the bullet wounds.

     she takes a seat on the end of the bed, softly interlocking their hands but doesn’t look at him.

     “nonie.”

     nora begins shaking her head not looking to hear any excuses.

     “i’m sorry about–“

     “–doesnae matter.”

     “yes it does. i left you–“

     “you’re alive. that’s aw that matters.”

     michael purses his lips ready to change the subject, knowing nora’s stubbornness wouldn’t let him continue. “where’s the kids?”

     “george is oot there wae yer mammy, an ada’s got the wee-yin.”

     “–john?”

     bracing herself, nora takes a sharp inhale swallowing the lump in her throat. “there jist wisnae enough time.” she paused, “he didnae make it aff the drive.”

     “i want to see him.”

     “naw. michael, look at the state ae ye–“

     “he’s family nonie.”

     “an whit am i? the village eejit?” she sarcastically jabs, “ah’m no riskin’ loosing you again, aw’right? many bloody time dae ah need tae say it fir it to go through that thick heid ae yours.”

     his heart sinks in discontent but michael knew she was right – usually is.

     nora lets out a humours snort.

     “what you laughing at?”

     “heard yer mammy took the fags aff ye?”

     “she did, and now that you mention–“

     “christ,” she grins, rolling her eyes. “ye can forget it, call it karmic retribution for nicking ma lighter. wis havin’ tae light ma ain fags on a wee candle ‘cause ae you.”

     “that’s fair. we both know you’ll cave eventually.”

     “aye, ah wouldnae haud yer breath.” she replies as-a-matter-of-fact.

     “we’ll get through this won’t we?”

     “don’t see how we can’t.” she comforts rubbing her thumb over his bruised knuckles. “but first, there’s a wee boy out there desperate to show ye his christmas presents."

welcome back! this is my rewritten 'kingdom come' as though it was for nora.

i wrote the original on a whim back in 2018? '19? i had no internet for a week as we were changing providers and hadn't written anything that large for a very long time and it was also only the second piece i'd ever written for the fandom. it was the first thing i'd even just written in a year, so writing the reader-insert seemed like the way to go. but, as i got further in i really wanted to have my own spin on the character - which you can see in the original particularly in the phone call with arthur - so nora was born.

i'm going to keep the original up despite having many problems with it but if you want a new and improved experience that still has some overlap, then this has you covered!

[wosowrites]

Starting a New Streak (Leah Williamson x Reader)

warnings: ⚠️swearing⚠️

a/n: I don’t think ive ever written a fic so fast and so emotional. i decided to write this now because the issue of the hate Leah is getting is really making me emotional so I want to get this fic out while im all high up on my emotions and love for Leah. Based off this request here

prompt: in which the reader and Leah have been best friends since they were 15 and are both secretly hiding feelings for each other that get revealed after the australia v england game.

11 years of knowing Leah. 11. Nine of those years you were withholding your feelings for the blonde. You had tried dating other people, other footballers, just others. But no one was Leah. No one was her.

You were all riding high on the Finalissima win going into the Australian friendly, you felt light and happy. 30 game winning streak. Let’s go England.

But everyone makes mistakes… right? You had made a fair few yourself, and you were especially good at beating yourself up about them. An own goal in the first Euros game had you crying in the changing room, even though it all worked out. A complete giveaway during an Arsenal v Chelsea game that lead to Manu having to make a bad tackle and get a red. The gunners lost that game 3-2. You felt as though it was your fault… and it was… but your teammates were by your side. And Leah didn’t leave you along for a minute, didn’t leave you a second to think that you were anything else than… well… human.

The lineup was interesting, Esme starting in defence with you, Jess and Leah instead of Leah, Lucy and you. You felt weird about that, but wanted to be happy for the young defender.

From kickoff, the lionesses were dominating. You had gotten a few shots off and were making good plays, so the fact that nothing was coming out of them angered you to no end. That was the first problem. The team wasn’t connecting. And then, as she always does, Sam Kerr happened.

A good ball was made from the australian defence. And then, it was Sam versus Leah.

Leah got to it first, but it just wasn’t enough. She tried her best to get her head on the ball to secure it into Mary’s hands, and she did. But it was missing that extra power.

The australian striker was fast, and incredibly talented. Kerr just needed a little chip over Mary, and she delivered.

Leah threw her head back in annoyance as Mary watched the ball go in the net from her knees. Nothing to be done.

You jogged up to her, putting your hands on Leah’s shoulder. "Look at me, Lee. It’s okay. It happens I should have been there to support you more. Team mistake," you said to her.

She nodded absentmindedly and apologized to Mary who clapped her on the back and told her to keep going.

Bur it wasn’t a team mistake. It was a Leah mistake. But Leah was part of the team, she was your skipper, your best friend, your teammate, your world. And so it was a team mistake.

You kept going. As a defender, you shockingly got a few opportunities on net, but you weren’t able to conceive a goal. "FUCK!" you yelled, throwing your head back in anger and sighing loudly as the ball you had just shot grazed the outside of the post. "It’s all good! We got this!" Georgia said, tapping you on the back and letting you jog back to your defensive role.

The first half ended 1-0.

You all walked back into the changing room, Sarina telling you to think of the game as goalless to take the pressure off. "Let’s capitalize on our opportunities girls!" Sarina said, clapping her hands and sending all of you off.

You slung your arm around Leah, holding her a little to close for friends. "Brush it off, love. Brush it off," you told her, kissing her cheek gently before parting with her as you got into the view of the cameras.

Time was a blur, it was like it was non existent. It passed, but you didn’t notice. All you could think was that opportunity after opportunity was being missed, and wasted, and you wanted to yell at yourself more than anything.

And then the 66th minute came.

You didn’t even notice who shot the ball. All you noticed was the deflection off of Leah’s arm, and that Mary went right as the ball went left. You heard the scream of joy, the kind of scream that only happened when a player scored their first goal for their country. You knew it well. You had let out that scream three times. Once for U-15, another for U-17, and the loudest one of all, for the senior team.

Leah looked like she was on the verge of tears and then and there you wished for nothing more than to wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from the world. You were scared of what people would say.

You were scared of the bad fans. And you knew Leah was too.

The final whistle marked the end of an era. 30 games unbeaten. Gone.

Ouch.

"Leah!" you said, rushing up to her and trying to hug her as she walked into the tunnel. "Get away from me! I don’t need you telling me it’s not my fault, okay?! I don’t want you right now. Just let me be," she yelled.

You froze. Everyone heard. Lucy looked shocked. Keira looked uncomfortable. Sam looked hurt for you. And everyone else looked like they just wanted to run.

"Okay."

"Leah! I don’t want to do this but they want you for media," Sarina said. Leah looked broken at those words. "Tell them she’s not available. I’ll go," you said. "Wait- y/n. I’m-" Leah tried to apologize, her heart breaking as she processed the words she had said to you. "Don’t. Go," and with that, you walked away.

You shook hands with the interviewer and camera man. "Leah’s not available. I’ll be here instead. Can we do this quickly please?" you asked, not caring that you were already on live TV.

The crew nodded.

"How do you feel after this loss? Ending a streak, ending an era. What’s it like?" the woman asked. "I’m scared. Genuinely that’s the only feeling I can stomach right now. Obviously I’m aware that the disappointment and anger will settle in later but right now I’m just scared. Obviously mistakes were made. Yes, by Leah. The most obvious ones were but not only from her. From all of us. Um…" you sniffled, pinching your nose and biting your cheek. "Yeah. When you get to the level where everyone is watching you it’s great but it’s also scary. Loosing is scary because of what people say. I want to just… wrap Leah in bubble wrap because I’m so scared of what people will say about her online. She’s amazing and i’ve known her for forever. She’s led us to four trophies and a wonderful streak. But everything comes to an end. But i’m making it clear here and now that Leah’s talent is not ended. Our confidence hasn’t faltered," you admitted.

Never had you been so raw on love TV. There was no editing on live TV, no tweaking, no clipping, no editing. Just your words for everyone to hear.

"Is this a setback for the World Cup?" she asked.

"No. Not at all. I think this may be a blessing in disguise. Going into the world cup beaten humbles us. We understand that we are beatable. Tonight was easily my hardest night in an England shirt and I felt as though I wanted to scream the whole game but a setback? The Lionesses don’t have setbacks," you told her, and the world as a matter of fact. "One last thing. If you could say anything to the fans, what would it be?"

You took a second to think. "Thank you for standing with us through all our wins, all our trophies. The cups and awards and championships in our trophy cabinet are just as much yours as they are ours. I hope, that if you are a real fan, that you will stick by us through this loss. I hope you stand by us because we love you all very much. Also, any hate comments on my posts, and you’re blocked."

You took off your headphones, smiled gently at the interviewer and walked away.

The walk back to the changing room was silent other than the sound of your heart beating out of your chest. Had you said too much? Had your feelings for Leah taken over your words? Maybe. Probably.

You pushed open the door of the changing room and walked inside, finding the whole team sitting in silence, still in their kits.

They all looked up as you walked in, some of the younger girls who had played were red eye’d.

Their looks on you sent your heart into overdrive. You took a gasping, shaky breath as your throat closed and leaned your head against the wall, palms pressed to the cool tile as though if you pushed on the wall hard enough, it would take back the words you had said on live TV. "If you write hate comments i’ll block you? What the fuck was that." you thought.

Lucy and Mary were by your side quickly, concerned by your shaky sobs. "Shh. It’s okay. What is it?" Lucy said, gently grabbing you and letting your head rest on her shoulder as Mary rubbed your back. "The interview… I said too much. And Leah’s mad at me. And we- Im scared of what people will say about her. I’m in love with her," you said.

The last part was nothing but a whisper for only Mary and Lucy to hear. The two seniors looked into each others eyes, a silent demonstration of shock. "Where is Leah?" you asked, pulling away from Lucy and wiping your face with your sweaty, muddy, and grass covered jersey. "Washroom. Hasn’t come out in ten," Mary said.

You nodded and then walked deeper into the changing room towards the door connecting the guest locker room to the washroom.

You pushed open the door gently, seeing Leah sitting on the floor, her head in her hands, her body shaking with sobs.

"Leah…" you cried gently, tears steaming down your own cheeks again. She looked up quickly, her face more broke than you had ever seen it before. "I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t. I’m sorry," Leah cried, her voice trembling and getting caught in her throat. "It’s okay. It’s okay," you said, quickly heading over to her.

You let your body slip down the wall. You put your arms around Leah and she did the same to you. For the time your bodies pressed together, you didn’t care how the other stentched of sweat, and mud… and fear and pain and disappointment. You only cared about each other.

"Leah this couldn’t be worse timing but-"

"I’m in love with you," Leah said, cutting you off. Your eyes widened as you pulled away from her. "You cut me off," you said, not realizing you were in a little bit of shock. "What?" she said, sniffling. "You interrupted me! I was going to say. Leah. This couldn’t be worse timing but I am in love with you," you said.

It sunk in how stupid your words had been, considering Leah had just said the same thing. "Really?" she said. "Yes. And don’t watch the interview they made me do because it’s embarrassing and sad," you told her.

She let out a small laugh and leaned her forehead against yours. "30 games unbeaten streak broken," she said. Somehow, her breath smelled sweet. "Well we have another streak. 11 years of friendship. That’s a good streak. And I say we start another one," you told her. "Yeah?"

"Yeah? One minute of you being my girlfriend and… counting."

[evita-shelby]

hey!! could you possibly do a Tommy Shelby x sister reader ?? With “ you can talk to me about anything. you know that, right? “ prompt basically just him being there for his younger sister the rest is up to you :)) but if you don’t want to do this that’s totally okay :)

Its been a while since i got one of these

The back step

Cw: mentions of underage smoking, mental health issues, suicide and death

Gif by @necessarypretext

You never knew your mother nor your father.

You were barely two when she stepped into the cut after Finn's birth and dad’s abandonment made a wreck of whatever hadn’t been ruined by the pills and booze.

Just because you didn’t have her or our father didn’t mean you lacked parents.

Your brothers and sister and your aunt Polly made damn sure you never lacked the love of a parent.

But then your brothers enlisted and left for France and in 1917, John's wife ,Martha, died and you had to help with John’s little ones and Finn while Ada and Polly ran the shop.

You were fourteen when they came back.

It was odd, they were odd.

They had nightmares, they drank and smoked more, Tommy took up opium and John simply couldn’t handle being a single father.

You got used to it, learned to avoid getting stuck in a bad place and learned the hard way that you don’t wake them up from their nightmares.

And in the mean time, Ada taught you to be a lady.

Taught you how to do your hair like hers, how to put on eyeliner without smearing what little they have and turn you into a woman.

When you get bold enough to steal a kiss from a Lee boy, Polly is absolutely livid with you.

You think you’ve heard the end of it until you overhear Polly and Tommy talk about a marriage with the Lee family after their grenade nearly killed Finn.

You hear Arthur suggest you because it would be a while until it happens because you are only fourteen.

When Polly tells them about the boy you kissed, you know its over for you.

The next morning you cannot pretend to be okay, you avoid their eyes, you snap at the barmaid for not minding her own business and eventually Tommy’s letting you smoke a cigarette with him on the back step.

“You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?” he asked you softly, almost as if he was himself again.

The Tommy you knew was gone.

Sure he was there sometimes, but this Tommy Shelby didn’t laugh or dream or even dance anymore.

It was odd having your brother back. Made it all much worse, you think.

You get him back just as they’ll make you marry a boy you hardly know.

“I heard you want to marry me off to the boy I kissed.” You answer, looking at your feet in shame.

Shame because you are a girl and when the boys sleep around with women like Lizzie and Grace, they don’t get into trouble.

John wants to marry Lizzie, not because they love each other, but because she is the only one strong enough to raise his children and he brave enough to trust her.

“If you’d stuck around, kid, you would’ve heard me say John was the one we’re going to offer them.” Tommy said rubbing the cigarette on his lip before lighting it.

“Oh.” What else do you say? “Isn’t he engaged to Lizzie?”

“Not anymore, he needs a wife he can trust and raise his children to be as good as you and Finn. A wife people won’t laugh about in his face.” He explained as if you were as grown up as him.

Only one who didn’t treat you like a kid.

Maybe that was why he had been your favorite brother before the war.

“When will you tell him?” you ask hoping for an answer you won’t get.

“Day after tomorrow, and don’t think about telling him. If you tell him, he’ll run.” Your brother answered and somehow you agreed to it.

“I don’t want them to be hurt, Tommy.” You say hoping he will take his words back and tell John. “What if John hates me after?”

It’s his life after all.

“He won’t, you’ve met Esme Lee, she’s perfect for him. He’ll be too busy being happy with her to ever be mad at us, sweetheart.” Your brother says and you believe him.

And he is right, John tells you himself that he’s not angry at you for lying to him just as Ada goes into labor.

When Polly sends you to call the midwife because she and Esme aren’t enough, you find Grace calling the police.

When you tell Tommy, she tells him you’re lying.

And for a moment you think he believes her.

But he doesn’t. Not when the police come to arrest Freddie.

He is out drinking and smoking on the back step looking like hell.

It wasn’t his fault he fell in love with a rat and you can’t make him better, but you can do one thing.

“You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?” you ask as you sit down beside him.

[runnning-outof-time]

K’s Reading List — OCTOBER

Hey there! Thanks for stumbling upon this reading list! I figured that as a way to support the lovely writers within this fandom that I’d compile a reading list of all of the stories I read over each month.

October was a wonderful month filled with incredible stories. Below is the list of stories that I read. I hope you will find some that you like as well!

As always, please make sure you heed to the warnings on each fic!!

🧡 — denotes story written for my 3.5k celebration

@look-at-the-soul

All I Ask, part 1 - Tommy Shelby x Reader — 🧡

The Complaint - Tommy Shelby x Reader

@multifandomwriter56

“I Bet You Can’t Catch A Leaf” - Shelby!Sister & Shelby Family

@gypsy-girl-08

Alibi - Tommy Shelby x Reader (on-going series)

Solace - Tommy Shelby x Reader

In My Mind - Tommy Shelby x Reader

Blind Date - Modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader (on-going series) — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

Bruised Ego - Modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader

@loverhymeswith

Sweater Weather - Davin McDerby x Reader — from Sunburn (1999)

@call-sign-shark

Breathe With Me - Tommy Shelby x Reader — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

@jakeotter

Autumn Blurb - Tommy Shelby x Reader

@zablife

Disrupting Tommy’s Work Day - Tommy Shelby x Reader — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

Careless People - Tommy Shelby x Mrs Shelby (OC) x Reader — contains 🔞 NSFW and dark themes!

The Swimming Lesson - Finn Shelby x OC — contains dark themes!

No Peace For You Ever - Esme Lee-Shelby & reader with hint of Tommy in there — contains dark themes!

@hereforhalstead

Before a Night Out with Jay Would Include… - Jay Halstead Headcannons — from Chicago PD

@dearshelby

From His Tenderness - Modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

@evita-shelby

Torture - Tommy Shelby x Reader

@brummiereader

Third Time Lucky - Tommy Shelby x Reader — contains dark themes!

@there-goes-thefighter

Trick Or Treat - Modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader

@toms-cherry-trees

Don’t Hold My Hand (I’ll Break Your Heart) - Tommy Shelby x OC (on-going series)

@cillmequick

The Lockdown Sessions - Cillian Murphy x Reader (on-going series) — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

Tiny Little Fractures - Tommy Shelby x OC (on-going series) — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

@sunphyre

Morning’s Delight - Tommy Shelby x Reader — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

@halsteadlover

Night Struggles - Jay Halstead x Reader — from Chicago PD

I Need You - Jay Halstead x Reader — from Chicago PD

Stuck - Adam Ruzek x Reader — from Chicago PD

@forgottenpeakywriter

The Rose Garden - Tommy Shelby x Reader (posted on Ao3) — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

@noforkingclue

Hidden Secrets - Tommy Shelby x Reader

@simplyundeniable98

Look At Me - Tommy Shelby x Reader

@little-diable

Kinktober Day 4 - Tommy Shelby x Reader — contains 🔞 NSFW themes!

@raincoffeeandfandoms

Lost - Peaky Blinders dark blurb

The Brown Waistcoat - Alfie Solomons x OC

Sex on the Beach - Alfie Solomons x OC - can now be read on ao3

[esmestarz]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ INTRO ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

about me ─ ★

esme

she/her

infp

bisexual

i can play on the electric guitar and piano !!

i used to do ballet but now i do belly dancing

i love listening to music esp rap, metal (any type tbfr) and rock, my fav animal is a cat and I'm pretty sure that's it

stuff ─ ★

if you want me to write for a character that isn't on the list feel free to ask me and I'll write for them if possible <3

i will write smut, fem reader, gn reader, platonic and romantic relationships

i will not write rape, incest, gore, threesome, gang bang, male reader, character x character, character x oc, poly relationships, specified race reader

what and who i write for ─ 𐙚⋅˚₊‧

MOVIES ─ ★

black swan

- nina sayers

- lily

diary of a wimpy kid

- rodrick heffley

harry potter

- hermione granger

- harry potter

- draco malfoy

- luna lovegod

- ron weasley

- theodore nott

- tom riddle

scream

- tatum riley

- sidney prescott

- billy loomis

- stu marcher

- samantha carpenter

- tara carpenter

- amber freeman

- anika kayko

- ethan landry

- gale weathers

- jill roberts

- kirby reed

- chad meeks-martin

- mindy meeks-martin

life as a house

- sam monroe

awake

- clay beresford

casper

- casper mcfadden

fight club

- marla singer

- tyler durden

star wars

- anakin skywalker

- padmé amidala

narnia

- edmund pevensie

- peter pevensie

seasquatch squad

- jeremy sumpter

SERIES ─ ★

pretty little liars

- emily fields

- alison dilaurentis

- hanna marin

- spencer hastings

gossip girl

- blair waldorf

- serena van der woodsen

- georgina sparks

outerbanks

- rafe cameron

- sarah cameron

- jj maybanks

- kiara carrera

- pope heyward

- john b routledge

seaquest dsv

- lucas wolenczak

the babysitters club

- sam thomas

- kristy thomas

- stacey mcgill

- claudia kishi

- dawn schafer

shameless

- carl gallagher

- fiona gallagher

- debbie gallagher

malcolm in the middle

- malcolm wilkerson

- reese wilkerson

- francis wilkerson

my babysitters a vampire

- rory keaner

- ethan morgan

- sarah fox

ruby and the well

- sam price

- mina amani

- ruby o'reilly

KDRAMA ─ ★

all of us are dead

- choi nam-ra

- lee su-hyeok

- lee cheong-san

- lee na-yeon

- nam on-jo

sweet home

- yoon ji-su

- lee eun-yoo

- cha hyun-soo

KPOP ─ ★

aespa

- karina

- winter

- ningning

- giselle

twice

- nayeon

- chaeyoung

- momo

- mina

- sana

- jihyo

- dahyun

- jeongyeon

- tzuyu

le sserafim

- sakura

- yunjin

- chaewon

- kazuha

- eunchae

gidle

- soyeon

- minnie

- shuhua

- miyeon

- yuqi

nmixx

- sullyoon

- lily

- kyujin

- haewon

- jiwoo

- bae

new jeans

- danielle

- haerin

- minji

- hyein

- hanni

GAMES ─ ★

the last of us

- ellie williams

fatal frame

- yuri kozukata

- rui kagamiya

cry of fear

- simon henriksson

resident evil

- leon s kennedy

- jill valentine

- ada wong

- claire redfield

- bela dimitrescu

[zeldaspellmaniswife]

Peaky Blinders

This is my Peaky Blinders Masterlist, so feel free to ask for request for fanfics, or feel free to send me your submissions

Shelby Siblings

Arthur Shelby

Tommy Shelby

Tommy Shelby, Keep a Baby?

John Shelby

Ada Shelby

Finn Shelby

Shelby Family

Shelbys x Adopted Child Reader

Shelbys x Brother/Sister Reader

Shelbys x Reader

Grays

Polly Gray

Michael Gray

Gina Gray

Shelby Women

Ada Shelby

Lizzie Shelby

Esme Lee-Shelby

Other Women

May Charleton

Tatiana Petrovna

[amazingmaeve]

peaky blinders back to main masterlist

A MESSAGE —

🐚 currently I don’t write for any ships but when I do I’ll tell you guys which ships. some of these are older and they’re kinda bad since it’s been a while since I wrote them, so please don’t point it out.

🐚 also I do my best to write all the readers/ocs so that anyone can relate but if you want me to write a story with the reader being POC just tell me when you request!

🐚 Feel free to request any of these characters!

 🌧️ = angst | 🤍 = fluff | 💋 = smut | ♟️ = dark

THOMAS SHELBY ARTHUR SHELBY JOHN SHELBY ADA SHELBY MICHAEL GRAY FINN SHELBY ISAIAH JESUS BONNIE GOLD LUCA CHANGRETTA ALFIE SOLOMONS GRACE BURGESS LIZZIE STARK MAY CARLETON

[beautifultypewriter]

Goodbye Earl ~ Esme Shelby

Requested: No

Warnings: Death, murder, poison, disposal of a body, abusive husband (nothing graphic), injured reader, language

Word Count: 1,964

Pairing: Esme Shelby x platonic!fem!reader

Summary: Based on Goodbye Earl by The Chicks. Esme and Reader decide that something must be done about Reader’s abusive husband.

A/N: This is quite possibly the best song ever and I love Esme to death. I wish she was my best friend. Also I got the idea for this at like 2am, so maybe not my best decision, but it’s happening anyway. This is meant to be done in a more lighthearted way as the song is, so hopefully that all comes through.

You sat up in your hospital bed, trying to keep your right eye open (the left was swollen shut), but the exhaustion was catching up with you. There was a commotion in the hallway, and you could hear some yelling as a tray hit the floor. Looking towards the door, you sighed when you saw your best friend pushing the door open. She stopped when she saw you, the anger previously on her face melting away as she rushed to your bedside. You sucked in a breath as you looked away from her. She was having none of it though. She gently pressed her hand to your cheek and turned your head. Esme sighed as she looked over your swollen eye and cut lip. There was a bruise forming on your temple and you were sure she saw it. The fire returned to her eyes as she scowled, “Y/N, you don’t have to put up with this.” She tapped your cheek, trying to get you to look at her, “He has no right to treat you like his own personal punching bag.”

 You shook your head, “I shouldn’t have made him mad.”

 Esme stared into your eyes, her frown deepening, “Stop making excuses for him. You know he doesn’t deserve it.” You nodded as your attention turned to your lap once again. She was right. She always was. Esme sighed as she sat next to you on the bed, slinging her arm over your shoulder and pulling you close, “I can talk to John.”

 You pulled away from her, “So some peaky boys can rough him up and then he’ll take out his anger on me? No thank you.” Your eyes slipped shut as you tried to focus your breathing. Moving your hands, you grabbed the hospital sheet in your fist, counting down from ten in your head. Esme shook her head, leaning close to you again, her forehead pressing against your temple. Your hand moved up to your face, your index finger running slowly over your busted lip.

 Esme turned her head, so that she was looking towards the wall, “Something must be done.” Your eyes opened as you tilted your head. Yes. Something must be done. You turned to face Esme just as her eyes landed on you again. There was a twinkle in her eye that you were sure was mirrored in your own and you managed a small smile in response to hers. She lifted her hand, pressing her closed fist against her lips and holding her pinkie out. You nodded to each other as you moved your own hand forward, your pinkie locking with hers.

 You had been released from the hospital that afternoon and although you had returned to an empty house, you knew it wasn’t going to stay that way for long. You had played the good wife and started cooking dinner. You had even made his favorite. Parsnip and celery root stew. Your tongue poked out to run along your bottom lip, catching on the cut. Esme had yet to arrive and you were starting to get worried. If she didn’t make it here before him then your plan was never going to work.

 The kitchen door was thrown open, startling you to the point where you almost dropped the entire pot of stew. Spinning on your heels, you lifted your spoon high in the air. Esme stared at you and then the spoon and then you again. You sighed, lowering the spoon again, “Where have you been?” You rushed over to close the door as she moved into the kitchen, pulling something from her pocket as she moved towards the stove. You stepped up next to her, “He’ll be home any minute now.” Esme waved you off as she held up whatever she had pulled from her pocket. You squinted, “Well what is it?”

 Esme placed the plant in your hand, “Belladonna root.” She moved over to the cupboard and pulled your mortar and pestle out. She turned back to you, “Crush it up and put it in his stew.” Her hip jutted out as she placed her hand and stared at the root in your hand, “He won’t hit you again.”

 You twirled the plant between your fingers, “You’re sure?” Looking up at her, you smiled when you saw her smirk. She nodded as she passed you the mortar. You took it and quickly crushed the root. Esme stood over your shoulder, watching as you spooned a good amount of stew into a bowl. Then you grabbed her hand as you picked up the mortar. The two of you exchanged small smiles as you poured the crushed root into the stew. Esme squeezed your hand as she picked up a spoon and stirred the soup, the belladonna getting mixed in with the parsnip and celery. She smiled over at you as she tossed the spoon back to the counter, the clink of it echoing in the otherwise quiet room. You nodded once before flashing her your own smile.

 Then the front door slammed open and the two of you stared at each other with wide eyes. Loud footsteps echoed down the hall and you could hear your husband grumbling to himself as he moved towards the kitchen. You looked to the hall then back to her, your heart rate picking up as you thought of where she could hide. You pulled your hand from Esme’s, instead laying them on her shoulders and steering her towards the small kitchen closet. She should be able to fit. Esme threw the door open before she squeezed herself in. Right before you shut the door, she reached out and gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. You nodded to her, closed the door, and spun around just as your husband stepped into the room.

 He looked you up and down, sniffing as he did so, “Decided to finally come home then?” He moved over to the table, not waiting for any kind of response from you. He sat in the chair, his back to you and the closet, “Well, you gonna bring me my food?” Your eyes slid over to the bowl of stew with a special ingredient and you nodded. Oh yeah, you’d bring him his food.

 Stepping over to the counter, you spooned some more stew into another bowl, “I made your favorite.” Your husband sniffed again as he reached for the whisky you had set on the table earlier. He poured himself a generous amount as you moved over to the table, both bowls in your hands. You placed his bowl down first before you moved over to your own chair. You ate slowly, keeping your eyes on your husband. He had downed his entire glass of whisky in one go before picking up his spoon and digging into the stew. He ate quickly, slurping as he scooped more spoonfuls of stew without pause. You scrunched your nose as you watched him, smiling if he ever glanced over at you.

 The closet door opened slowly, and Esme peeked her head out. She looked over your husband before her eyes moved to you. She smiled and gave you a thumbs up. You nodded to her and she slipped back into the closet, pulling the door closed quietly.

 Your attention turned back to your husband as his spoon clattered against his half-eaten bowl of stew. You feigned concern as he swayed in his seat. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Aren’t you hungry?” You picked up your own spoon, taking a bite of your dinner. Your husband blinked rapidly, as if he were trying to clear his vision, and you could see sweat dripping down his face.

 He looked around the room, still swaying, “What’s…” he blinked, his hand pressing against his forehead, “what’s happening?” His eyes settled on you and you smirked.

 “I made it special for you.” You rested your elbows on the table, lacing your fingers together and placing your chin atop them. You tilted your head, your smirk widening. Your husband’s body started jerking and then he hit the floor with a thud. Leaning over to the side, you stared at him on the floor, his eyes wide open and his chest still.

 Esme pushed open the closet door once more, this time she stepped out and came to stand next to you. The two of you stood side by side, staring down at your husband. You nudged him with your foot and he barely moved. Esme leaned down and pressed her fingers to his neck. You waited with bated breath, your fingers gripping the skirt of your dress. Then she turned to you and smiled, shaking her head. You smiled back at her.

 The two of you had had some difficulty wrapping his body in the sheet, but you had managed. Esme was able to nick a cart from Charlie’s yard and the two of you were able to haul your husband up onto it. It was the middle of the night, so the streets were empty as the two of you pushed the cart under the cover of darkness.

 You made it to the cut in record time. Taking a deep breath, you moved over to grab his shoulders while Esme grabbed his feet. She looked up at you, “One, two, three.” The two of you lifted the body, shuffling to the side, holding him up maybe an inch from the ground. Esme slipped and you lost your grip on the sheet, dropping him in the dirt. Esme dropped her end with a shake of her head, “Let’s push him.” You nodded to her and both of you stepped to one side of him and started shoving him forward. You found it difficult to find purchase in the mud, but you managed to stay on your feet. Esme groaned, “This fucker is heavy.” You laughed as you pushed harder. Esme chuckled along with you, “Almost there.” And you were. He was on the edge now and one more good push would send him over into the water.

 There was a splash as he hit the water, sinking down to the bottom. You straightened up just as Esme wrapped her arm around your shoulders. You leaned your head against hers as you stared into the water, “So long, Earl.” You gave a half-hearted salute as Esme laughed and pulled you closer. Your arms wrapped around her waist as you smiled. You pulled Esme away, “Let’s get out of here.” You laughed as you hugged her tightly, moving back the way the two of you had come, stumbling over each other’s feet.

 The next morning, you were sat with Esme at her kitchen table, both of you enjoying a cup of tea. You hadn’t said anything about the previous night, but whenever you caught each other’s eye, you’d smile. John stepped into the kitchen, kissing Esme’s head before he turned his attention to you. His eyes lingered on your bruised eye, “Heard about your husband, Y/N.” You nodded and he returned it with a nod of his own, “Just say the word and we’ll have a chat with ‘im.” He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, clearly indicating his brothers, though they weren’t there.

 You nodded again, “Thanks for the offer, John, but,” you and Esme shared a look, smiles growing on your faces, “I don’t think I’ll be having any more problems with him.” You looked up at the Shelby man as Esme hid her laughter in her teacup. He looked between the pair of you before he shook his head, mumbling something about how he didn’t want to know before he slipped out the back door. As soon as he was gone, you and Esme knocked your hands together, still sipping your tea.

[theshelbyclan]

The Black Hand

Summary: After I lost my twin brother, John, a part of me died as well and I could never go back to how we Shelby’s were before

A/N: Yes, I am one of those people who still misses John, and I know I’m not the only one. @lovemissyhoneybee​ requested: Could you write another Shelby sis story please She is John’s twin and the the family have all just received the Black Hand cards from Changretta Unbeknown to Shelby sis the boys hatch a plan to fake John’s death and although John doesn’t want to keep his sister in the dark the boys all agree that it would be better if she doesn’t know what they have planned She feels that something is off but soon gets caught up in her own grief Lots of angst and painful grieving but when the boys reveal the truth she doesn’t know whether to be angry with John or hug him - maybe she gives him some grief or is angry with him for a while but eventually some make up fluff Thank you Thank you for requesting it and I hope this helps a little with missing John!

Words: 3040 ***

When we were kids, John tried to swim across the Cut once. I’m sure Tommy put him up to it, but he never said so. Confident as always, he’d jumped in, but halfway through, he’d gotten tired and fatigue had started pulling him down into the water. In the end, my other brother saved him. I wasn’t there, I only heard about it afterwards. All of this was happening while I was sitting in the kitchen with our Aunt Polly, peeling potatoes. But I swear to God, at that very moment, I couldn’t breathe for about a minute. 

After Tommy had made the family rich and powerful, we no longer lived together in the squalor of Watery Lane. I missed it, though I didn’t miss the poverty or the violence. But with our new-found position also came possibilities. Arrow House was the largest of them all, Arthur lived on a farm, but John chose the house with the most land, because of his wife. I liked Esme and knew she needed her space. Houses never did suit her. I was happy in my little cottage, with my garden and peaceful sceneries. I’d never been far away from my twin, which is why we chose houses close to each other, so that I could visit John, Esme and the kids whenever I wanted to. Most days, it was liked I lived with them. Always around, I became part of the chaos of that house, and I loved it. Me and John, we could finish each other’s sentences, which is why we hardly needed any words at all. We understood each other, we were one, just separated into two bodies. As I overlooked my garden, I relished in the silence. My brother was the loud one, the impulsive one and the one with the short temper. I’d always been the thinker, never one to show my emotions much and I certainly didn’t let my anger get the best of me. He sometimes told me to stand up for myself more or to have more fun, but I was content right where I was. Silence. *** On Christmas morning, I’d just gotten up and went out into my garden in my robes still. In the early light, I tended to the ground and decided everything looked ready for the snow that was predicted. Only the spinach was brave enough to weather what was to come. After I’d done my rounds, I got cold and headed back inside. That’s when I heard the telephone, and immediately sprinted inside, because I knew something was wrong. I heard the urgency in my twin’s voice on the other end, “Have you seen the post, Y/N?” He didn’t even say hello. “No?” I asked, “Has it come yet?” “Yesterday. I only just opened it today.” “Wait a second,” I told John, and I went out into my little hall and noticed the small pile of letters and cards on the mat. I picked them up and went through them, as I walked back to pick up the horn again. “Did you get one?” he asked. I frowned and flipped through the envelopes, “I’ve gotten a few cards… neighbours, friends…” “The one from America, Y/N,” he emphasized. And then I noticed the one envelope with the foreign stamp. Carefully, I opened it up and the black hand made my blood run cold. “What does it mean?” John sighed, “We got one as well. Arthur too. I can’t reach Tommy. It’s a warning, Y/N. From Fucking Changretta.” “But you spared her, John, right? You didn’t kill Mrs. Changretta, because of all she did for us as kids?” She’d been my favourite teacher back then and I could never bear the thought of her getting mixed up in any of this.

“It’s happening becauseI spared her.” I wanted to argue with him, but the thoughts got too loud in my head. Finally, John said, “Come to the house, Y/N. I don’t want you alone in that cottage.” And so, I forgot all about breakfast and went over to their house at once. *** For over a day, I’d stayed with them. John and Esme decided to get drunk, which didn’t surprise me in the slightest. I was a Shelby after all, just one that didn’t drink. But I did my duties as an auntie and checked on the kids every hour, even at night. It was for them I worried the most. We knew what the black hand meant, it was a warning and the announcement of a vendetta, but we had no idea what it would entail. And so, we waited and waited, until I nearly jumped out of my skin with anxiety. Michael showed up first. Apparently, Tommy had sent him. John told me something about speaking to Tommy, but I never heard of the details. I was still in the house, but I saw them talking on the patio outside. I heard John say, “And we’re the Peaky fucking Blinders!”  He had a gun over his shoulder and didn’t seem afraid in the slightest. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, a feeling of premonition settled, and I started calling for all the kids. “Katie!” I ordered, “Get the others. Go, get the boys and meet me in the hall.” The very next second, hell rained down on us. I heard gunshots and John’s voice, screaming out, “Esme, get inside!” His wife obeyed but shouted in panic and protest. I met John’s eye through the open garden doors and without a word, I knew what he wanted from me. So, I sprinted up the stairs to get the baby and with six kids in tow, I left through the other door. But just before we ran, I looked back at John, and I could see him fall, blood spraying in every direction. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe I did the wrong thing. But I took the kids and ran. In my mind, I shoved the image of my brother falling away and I protected those I knew he loved most. On our way, I kept counting them: John had too many kids. All six present, I hid with them in the bushes and, hands against our ears, we waited for the firing to stop. When it did, I felt a dull pain in four places on my chest. I realised at once John had been shot four times. But I didn’t go to him. I don’t know why I did it, but I stayed with the kids. Maybe I did the wrong thing. *** Do you know the feeling when you’re experiencing something, but it’s like you’re from the outside looking in? I felt as though I was sitting on the tree stump outside my cottage, and I was looking up at a big house. Late in the evening, I saw all the people I loved behind the windows. Some were getting undressed, some sat reading a book and some talked to their loved ones. I was watching their lives unfold and felt their happiness, but I wasn’t a part of it. I was outside, looking in. That’s how I felt when John died. I remember the screaming. Esme was howling and the sounds she made were that of a wounded animal. Hunched over John’s body, she wanted to protect him against anything and everything, even though she was too late. No one was allowed to touch him and even I couldn’t, because none of this could be real. At the hospital, people were moving about in slow-motion. Someone was being rushed into theatre, but the urgency and panic escaped me. I was looking at ghosts and only heard the sounds as muffled utters. Someone said to me, “They both got shot, but only one survived.” The words didn’t make sense to me and I don’t think I replied. What was there to say, really? This couldn’t be happening. And then I saw Polly in the corridors, fighting the doctors. She called out and cried, though I didn’t hear a sound. Then she slid down the wall and buried her face in between her knees, all the while pleading with someone invisible. They tried to take her away, but she refused. I wanted to tell them there was no point, to let her be, but no words came out of my mouth. Tommy tried lead me away, back to his house, but I was nailed to the ground. Surreal as everything felt, I knew I had to be there. He told me, “We have to go. Let the doctors do their work.” I asked him, finally finding my voice, “How is he?” Tommy told me, “He got shot four times, Y/N, two went straight through, one ricocheted and one already spent.” I was confused and asked him, “Michael?” But he looked at me intently and said, “No, John.”   When the doctor told me he’d died on the operating table, I laughed. There’s no explaining why I did, but I think I genuinely lost my sanity in that moment. I looked at Tommy for an explanation, but he refused to meet my eye when I tried. A loud, feral scream echoed through the sterile halls and only after some time I realised that it’d come from me. That second, my entire world collapsed. I was no longer whole and never would be again. Suddenly, I was back home. I can’t remember how I got there. When I looked down, I saw I was still in my clothes from the days before. Blood stained them and it was John’s, I knew. John’s dead, I told myself, over and over again. John is dead. I got up and started pacing, trying to think of a way to reverse all of this. When it sunk in that I couldn’t, I went into the kitchen and smashed every plate and cup I had. None of it helped. The shards in my heart were still sharper. Then I ran outside and took a spade. In anger, I dug up every inch of my beautiful garden. Nothing was allowed to grow there anymore. Not while he was dead. It turned to night and I screamed up to the sky for the stars to go out. How dare they twinkle like that. How dare they bring joy and beauty. The night had to be black and only black, mourning my beloved twin for all eternity. In the corner of an empty room I slept. Huddled and alone, I cried. I had no longer any idea of time or space. I only felt everything, and it hurt beyond imagine. Arthur and Tommy woke me up. But they weren’t the ones I wanted to see, so I closed my eyes again. “Y/N,” Arthur urged, “You have to come with us.” “I want to see the body,” I croaked, voice hoarse from screaming. “No,” Tommy said, “Y/N, you can’t.” “I want to see the body!” I repeated, louder. When they told me ‘no’ again, I shut them out. I had no place or love left for them now. They talked and talked, but I no longer listened. The rest of my grieving I did alone, but I have no idea for how long. *** I dreamed of John when I did sleep. In my dreams, I was talking to him and he told me to move on. Sometimes, I dreamed of us as kids running around Birmingham and sleeping together on the January. In my sleep, he visited me and told me to not grieve him. I tried to tell he didn’t understand. I said to him how I needed him, how I was broken now and only half a person, but he answered that we would always be together. One time, I dreamed that he was sitting next to me in the corner of the room where I slept now. He told me, “Go to Tommy. He’ll show you where I am.” I replied, “He won’t let me see the body.” And John nodded, “I know. He can’t. Just go to Tommy and you’ll find me.” I awoke from that dream, feeling even more exhausted than before I went to sleep, but decided to listen to my twin. So, I picked myself up and went over to Arrow House. Tommy led me to his library without saying a word. I’d never been close to him and now that John was gone, the one who tied me to Tommy, I had no place for him anymore. Arthur came up to me and hugged me. My big brother, the one who could soothe me, but not now. And then there he was: in the library, a ghost was waiting for me. I looked at John, but didn’t say anything. He wasn’t there, I knew he couldn’t be, but I had often seen him at my cottage after dreaming. Somehow, it was comforting to me to see him now. “It’s me, Y/N,” John said, like he could read my mind. I smiled at him, understanding it was him and that this was very real, even though we weren’t in the same place. But then he walked over and touched me. This had never happened before and I shrunk away under his touch. His hand had burned me, and he had startled me. “What are you?” I asked. He said, “I’m you, remember?” I shook my head and the world became fuzzy again, “I saw you get shot.” “Four times,” he nodded, “I know you felt them, but the hospital managed to patch me up.” “The doctor told me you were dead!” I heard my voice become louder, shriller. Tommy stepped forwards and explained carefully, “We had to, Y/N. We had to pretend John was dead, instead of Michael, to save him. No one could know.” I stared at John, dumbfounded. Then I reached a hand and touched his face. He closed his eyes and I felt his warmth. He was alive. Sudden anger made my blood boil and I spun around to face Tommy, “You knew?” “Yes.” And then towards Arthur, “And you knew!” Arthur looked away, which I interpreted as confirmation. “All of us brothers knew, Y/N,” Tommy’s voice sounded from far away, “But no one else could know.” John looked at me and his eyes were pleading, “I wanted to tell you. I told them you had to know, but Tommy said it was better this way.” I tried to process everything, but something in my mind just went error and then blank. And again, fury took over and I grabbed the stone paperweight off of Tommy’s desk and flung it at his head. Tommy ducked, just in time and it flew just passed his face. “You could have killed me,” he called out, surprised. But that was exactly what I had intended. John stepped forwards and tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. “You let me grieve you!” I spat, “I sat in that fucking house and cried and mourned you until there was nothing left of me. One more day and I would’ve blown my own brains out, because you chose a fucking strategyover your own twin sister?” “I’m sorry…” he whispered. “Don’t,” I warned, “Don’t you fucking dare. Don’t you fucking try and make excuses for this, John. I died with you.” John looked at me, opened his mouth and closed it again. Then he cried and the bitter tears streamed all over his face. And that’s when I realised he was truly sorry. So, I hugged him for a long time and refused to let go. Finally, I felt whole again. Tommy broke the silence and said, “Changretta thinks he’s dead, Y/N, so he’s safe for now.” “You shut up,” I bit, very uncharacteristically. He sighed and I heard him lighting up a cigarette, “It was the only way.” “No, Thomas, you chose not to tell me. You chose to visit me and leave me there in that corner to cry. But most of all, you chose this strategy and you chose not to share it.” “What can I do to make it up to you, eh?” And then he joked, “I’ve brought back your twin, isn’t that good enough?” I looked down and suddenly felt certain, “No.” John searched my face for clues and I knew my thoughts were his. “No,” I repeated, “It’s not good enough.” “Esme will agree,” John told me, meaningfully, “She needs to be on the road.” “So do we,” I whispered, “This life, it’s not good, John. Not healthy. Not us.”

“I know.”

I nodded and turned to Tommy, “We’re leaving.”

“You fucking what?”

“This was one step too far, Tommy,” you said calmly, “One strategy too many. I don’t want part of any of it anymore. I am done with you, with this business and this family. Me and John, we’re leaving.”

Tommy coughed a laugh, but saw I wasn’t joking. So, he asked John, “And you?”

“I let her die, Tommy. I lived, but she died. I’m going where she goes now.”

I saw Tommy blink a few times and then he waved an irritated hand, “Go fucking where, eh? You can’t just walk away from this family.”

“But you have, Tommy,” I said softly, “You gathered all this money and power and you sit in your big, fancy house, but none of it is us. This,” I pointed around the big room, “This isn’t us. You’ve forgotten who you are, Tommy. Who we are.”

From the corner of my eye, I watched Arthur and knew he agreed with me to some extent. It would be hard to leave him behind, but my mind was made up.

“Then fucking go!” Tommy called out, “Go and live on the fucking road, if you think that’s best. Go and raise chickens, eh? Just fucking go.”

And we went. Me and John, we walked out of that big, dark house and never looked back. Some part of me doubted I’d done the right thing. Maybe I’d done the wrong thing. But then I looked at John and took his hand. I was whole again. And then I was certain: together we were doing the right thing.

***

Masterlist

[rosesandcloves]

HENRY

~Michael Gray x OC

Chapter 5 : what makes a monster?

Warnings: SA threat, violence, derogatory language, guns, angst

Esther woke with a heavy head this particular morning. She made tea and read the paper as usual. She wore a dress that Tommy gave her. It was an old one of Lizzie's that he had had hemmed as Lizzie was much taller than Esther. Last week Lizzie had given her tips on how to act like a prostitute, but not be suspicious, 'the tips and tricks of the trade' she said. She also taught Esther where to hit a man if she was in trouble.

She walked down the stairs and out of the house.  She smiled at the old lady walking her yappy terrier. Today she was going to kill a man. Either by her own gun or by scaring him to death. Same result either way.

She arrived at the office at half past nine. Tommy was not yet there. Polly was trying to convince Esme to get back to work, but Esme was insisting that she needed regular breaks as "growing a baby was no small feet." To which Polly reminded her. "I bore two children while working full time Esme. See my husband worked in the coal trade, so I couldn't afford to sit on my arse while a fancy bookie ran around after me. John is far too soft on you Esme, it won't do you any good when the baby comes."

I walked past and smiled at Polly. She acknowledged me with a nod but didn't fully smile. The edge of her mouth twitched like she was going to but she thought better of it.

Lizzie walked out of Tommy's office. "Tommy said to go and get the name and address from Michael. Basically a guy lost out on a bet and he's not coughing up cause he says it was fixed. He's also threatening to go to the local authorities although what they would do god only knows. Would you like a cup of tea love?"  Lizzie smiles.

"I'm ok thank you, I get the feeling I won't be here long enough to drink it." I smirk and make my way to Michael's office.

I knock delicately on the door, three times.

"Come in!" A deep voice commands.

As I open the door I see him sat at his desk pouring over papers with a cigarette hung loosely from his lips. His hair is perfect and so is his suit but there is something messy about him I can't quite put my finger on.

"Tommy said you have the name and address." I stare at him, waiting for eye contact.

He looks up. "Alright, take a seat and I'll find it for you." He gets up out of his chair and goes over to a large filing cabinet. He flicks through files and pulls out a piece of paper. He takes it to his desk. Leaning over it to copy something down. He then holds out a small piece of paper for me to take.

"Thank you." I say monotonously, taking the paper from him and standing up. I turn to leave. Five steps across the room and my handle is on the door.

"Esther!" He calls out to get my attention.

I pause.

"Be safe." There is a softness in his voice that the concern shines through like a lighthouse through the mist.

I walk to Tommy's office. He hands me a revolver, some extra ammo, and a knife. I tuck the knife into my stocking. The revolver I hide in an inside pocket of my over coat, and the ammo I hide in my bra. "Good luck." Tommy smiles. "Don't take any prisoners."

I take a taxi to Mr Brown's place of work in the jewellery quarter. I find the shop he works at and hang around outside. I had been assured by Tommy that he frequently picks up women from street corners and that I would have no trouble in getting him to take me home. Eventually his shift ends. He comes out alone. Perfect. He's taller than I expected. Stocky built. Like he ate too much spinach and drank too much milk as a kid. He notices me, he has icy blue eyes like Jack Frost and small dark eyebrows that sit rather out of place, very low on his large forehead. "Hello, love." He says towering over me in an attempt to intimidate me. "6 shillings." I squeek out quietly. "You got the clap or something?" He says slapping my arse hard with a large rough hand. It makes me jump for a man to be so forward is something I am not accustomed to. I shake my head. "Good girl." His words drip like oil and grease. "Alright then I live just around the corner follow me." By follow he was serious, I trotted along behind him trying to keep up. Eventually we arrived at a small terraced house. He flung open the door, turned to me and pushed me inside. I sit down on a sofa in the front room. As soon as he has locked the door he starts taking off my coat, putting his hands in the pockets. He pulls out the gun and I wince. "Well well well, what is this then? You filthy fucking whore, you were planning to shoot me? Trying to have boundaries eh?-" he gets really close to my face "I'm paying for you, so I can do what I like." He grabs my face and forces me to kiss him. I feel a tear rolling down my face. When he notices he slaps me hard across the face. "Don't fucking cry he screams at me." I freeze. He grabs my chest and feels the ammunition. "Give it to me, his hand is outstretched." I give him the ammo and then reach for the knife.

I hold it to his throat. "Kindly take your hands off me" I didn't realise that he had the revolver in his back pocket. He pulls it out and points it at me. "If I have to fuck you with a gun to your head I will."

(Back at Watery Lane)

"Alright Mrs Canahan I understand I'll send someone over. Just stay inside we'll sort it." Tommy puts the phone down. Mr Brown's neighbour Mrs Canahan was a long standing friend of the Shelby family and had phoned up about a noise disturbance. Instantly Tommy knew something was wrong. He saunters our of the office to the board room where Esme has her feet up on the desk. "JOHN! ARTHUR! COME HERE!" Tommy yells. As if from no where the brothers appear. "Right, I've just gotten of the phone to sweet little Mrs Canahan and she's very worried about a disturbance next door. You see next door to her lives the gentleman that I sent Miss Charlestown to see this morning."

"Alright Tom, we'll go and fuck him up a bit." Arthur looks visibly excited.

"Careful there brother, there's a lot of ammunition in that house that I sent in with Esther, if it's got into the wrong hands you will need some heavy duty equipment." Tommy reaches under the table and slams two machine guns down onto the wood, which makes Esme jump.

Arthur and John march through the jewellery quarter with their guns slung over their shoulders. When they make it to Mr Brown's house they shoot the lock off and kick in the door. I jump at the sound. Mr Brown reaches for my gun and points it at them, cowering away from them he falls on the floor. Both brothers are pointing their machine guns at him at point blank range. I hear footsteps walking over the broken door and between them appears Michael. He has a revolver that he is holding with both hands. He walks past his cousins and towers over Mr Brown. He pushes his gun up to Mr Brown's forehead and pulls the trigger, shooting straight through his head. He gets up and kicks Mr Brown's lifeless body. He walks out, passing his shocked cousins. John walks over to me and helps me up. I collect my things and they take me home.

[weeo]

Peaky Season 6 Response Challenge: Masterlist - Episode 2

EPISODE 2 “BLACK SHIRT” •  6TH MAR

FIC - CANON CHARACTERS

• the unseen part 2 by @ganseybois

tommy x alfie // read ao3 & tumblr

• of lamps and men by @whatsmyline-pb​

tommy x alfie // read ao3 & tumblr

• by the window - torn paper by @doubleveil

read on ao3

• give to dust by @takingoffmyshoes​

tommy & lizzie // read on ao3

• gray man by @emjenwrites

 read on ao3

FIC - OC / READER

• esme x female!reader imagine by @sophieshelby

read on tumblr

• the woman on the boat by @runnning-outof-time​

tommy x reader // read on tumblr

ART

• tommy x alfie art - “can't even extinguish another man's cigarette” by @thatgurlsstuff​

• tommy shelby art - “and then your starlings, right, they will peck out your blue eyes, won't they?”  by @adriart​

IMAGE SET

• tommy & being hugged by @deadendtracks

Congrats to everyone, this episode was quite something and it wasn’t easy to create after such an emotional shock, and it seems to be worse at every episode... If some of you are late (like me), you can still send me your fic/art for episode 2 and I'll add it to the masterlist! If you loved the fanworks, please leave some love to the creators by liking, reblogging and commenting!

I've added image sets to the challenge, but I will only accept the ones which make parallels between scenes, with other artworks or quotes.

You’re curious and don’t know what this challenge is about ? Read the introduction post! You can also visit the ao3 collection.

[runnning-outof-time]

Birmingham | Tommy Shelby x Reader (Part 12)

Previous Part

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: (Y/N) joins the Shelbys at their family event, where she starts to feel like she actually belongs. Things take a sharp turn afterwards, when a surprise raid leaves a new baby without its father, and (Y/N) knows who may be behind it.

Warnings: language, smoking, mentions of drinking, vague descriptions of childbirth

Word Count: 3932

A/N: I’m a bit nervous for this one cuz I’m not sure about it…I hope it’s received well. As usual, the italicized dialogue is taken from the show. Enjoy! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message me if you’d like to be tagged in future parts!

"I'll allow you enough time to go home and come back here before the event starts," Tommy said to (Y/N) after he'd given the basic details of the event that was happening later that evening.

"Why is that necessary?" (Y/N) asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

"You'll need a nicer dress on," he answered her, taking that excuse to look her figure over. If she asked why he'd done that, he wouldn't admit to his secondary intentions.

She scoffed at him, the smile making its way onto her features showing that there was no actual harm in his words. "Mr. Shelby! I'm feeling quite insulted by your statement!" she playfully gasped, a hand over her heart for dramatic effect. Tommy chuckled and shook his head at her statement. "Exactly what type of an event am I attending?" she asked for more details then.

"It's a wedding."

"A wedding?" she asked, surprise now present in her voice.

"John's getting married," he answered nonchalantly, as if what he was going to say was obvious.

But it most certainly was not to (Y/N). "John's getting married?" Her eyes were wide now.

"Yeah," Tommy was still nonchalant.

"He found someone?" she asked yet another question. She couldn't recall John having a woman and wondered how much had happened over the month she'd been absent.

"I found him someone," he corrected her.

"Found? What is that supposed to mean? Does he even know this woman?" more questions escaped (Y/N)'s lips before she could slow them down.

"No," Tommy shook his head, continuing before she could jump on him - she certainly looked like she was ready to, "he needs someone to look after his kids...we need a way to settle the feud that's going on between us and the Lee's. This marriage will satisfy both. Esme's a good woman."

(Y/N) listened intently to his explanation, taking some time to let the pieces connect in her mind so that it'd, hopefully, make more sense. "Don't you think it's a little...backwards; medieval, maybe, to be marrying him off like this? You're treating him as if he's your daughter, which he most certainly is not," she pointed out.

"John will understand that this is what's best for the business," he answered her, dismissing her points without giving much thought to them.

(Y/N) pursed her lips and shook her head slightly. She had many thoughts about this major life decision that Tommy had made for his brother without even consulting him. She was sure that he had his reasons, as she's noticed by now that Tommy always does, but she couldn't help but wonder what John would think of the arrangement.

"(Y/N)?" Tommy's voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah?" she asked, focusing on him again.

"You didn't hear what I said, did you?" he asked her, the corner of his lips threatening to quirk upwards because he knew her answer already. She didn't give him a verbal one, but instead shook her head as a guilty smile formed on her face. "I'd said that you can go home now so that you'll be able to meet Pol back here...if you still want to go, that is," Tommy restated what he'd said before, then looking at her expectantly.

"No, yeah, I'll head home quickly and do that," (Y/N) nodded, grabbing the rag that she was using to clean down the bartop so that she could put it into the wash bucket.

"Grace, you'll stay here later tonight. Celebration might be in order after everything's finished," Tommy addressed the other woman, who had been wiping down the tables whilst the other two were talking.

"Ok, Tommy," Grace nodded, sending a smile in his direction before she resumed her task.

(Y/N) stuck around for a few more moments to see if there was anything else to be said to her. When silence rang out through the room, she walked out from behind the bar and made her way to the door of the tavern.

——

"Don't you think this is a little backwards, Pol?" (Y/N) asked the older woman as they walked down the streets to the section of Small Heath where the wedding was being held, "you know...Tommy choosing John's wife for him."

Polly pursed her lips as she heard (Y/N)'s statement. She thought about it for a moment before sharing her response, "John's got a lot on his plate with the children he's got running around at home, and this war between families needed to be settled," she kept her response vague, outlining the same points that Tommy had hit, "sometimes business and family intertwine," she added onto the end.

(Y/N) exhaled a slight sigh, still not really able to wrap her head around the situation in its entirety. She couldn’t help but think of the times that her family had done similar things. She really didn’t want to mix the two families, but it certainly was hard not to at the moment.

"This woman will be good for John," Polly told (Y/N). It was almost like she knew what the younger woman was thinking. "We need to make a stop first," she then announced, taking (Y/N)'s arm and leading her down another row of homes.

As they walked on, a familiar face was standing on the sidewalk just outside one of the larger buildings. A smile formed on (Y/N)'s face as she got closer and made out who this person was.

"Are you ready?" Polly asked her niece as she and (Y/N) came to a stop in front of her.

"Ready as I can be," Ada answered, with what seemed to be a faltering smile on her face.

"You look good, Ada," (Y/N) stated, smiling at the brown-haired woman.

"So do you," she returned the compliment, offering a real smile this time. "Shall we go?" she asked then, looking between the other two women. Both Polly and (Y/N) nodded their heads and the three set off to where the ceremony was being held.

—

John was already up at the altar with his bride-to-be when the three women arrived at the ceremony. Polly led them over to where Tommy was standing. She let Ada stay there before she tapped on (Y/N)'s elbow. A silent glance told (Y/N) that she should join her and let the siblings have their space, so the two moved over to the side of the aisle and watched on.

The ceremony was short and sweet, and ended with John and his new bride sharing a kiss to signify their new bond as cheers rang out from both of the families. The celebration started almost immediately after. A band began to play and an upbeat song was being sung.

"Care to share a dance with me, (Y/N)?" Arthur's voice came from over her shoulder, making her turn away from Polly to look at him. She smiled up at him before looking at his hand that was outstretched in her direction. "It won't hurt nothin'," he told her after a few moments had passed.

(Y/N) nodded and stood from her chair, glancing over her shoulder to see Tommy watching her, a cigarette perched between his lips. A part of her wished that it was Tommy who'd asked her to share a dance, but she didn't let herself get hung up on that. Instead, she rested her hand into Arthur's palm and allowed him to lead her out to the dance floor. They began dancing to the upbeat song, wide smiles on both of their faces.

Tommy's eyes stayed focused on (Y/N) as she moved about the makeshift dance floor. Polly and Zilpha were having a conversation next to him, but he was only half-listening to it, his mind focused elsewhere.

On the dance floor, (Y/N) danced with Arthur until Ada swooped in and took her as her partner. Arthur said nothing in response to this and instead just stood off to the side and watched the women dance. It was obvious that Ada had some to drink. She was laughing loudly and singing along to the song, not caring in the slightest that she was out of tune. (Y/N) was laughing along with her, truly enjoying herself for the first time in a while.

The two women danced like that for some time, and Ada's behavior only got more boisterous with each second that passed. When (Y/N) asked Ada the reason behind her desire to let herself loose like this, she quickly brought to attention the fact that she'd been cooped up in a dingy apartment away from everyone and everything, and that she was at her mind's end...she just wanted to have some fun. And fun they had.

Until Tommy came walking over to the dance floor. "Ahh look, (Y/N)!" Ada called out once she noticed that her brother was approaching, "he's coming over for a dance with you!"

(Y/N) froze in her spot and opened her mouth to speak, but was unable to because Tommy had already extended a hand to Ada and was addressing her: "Ada, come on. Have a rest, sit down," he began, speaking in a calm voice in hopes that a big spectacle wouldn't be made.

But, of course, Ada had other plans. "Come and look, Esme," she called to the woman sitting next to John as she stopped dancing and faced Tommy, "come and look at the family you've joined! Come and look at the man who runs it!"

"Ada..." (Y/N) said in a harsh whisper as she took a step closer to the brown-haired woman's side, hoping that she could goad her into stopping before things blew up any further. Ada didn't even bother to break her gaze from Tommy. She had her mind made up, and nothing was going to veer her off of her course.

"He chooses his brother's wives for them! He hunts his own sister down, like a rat, and he tries to kill his own brother-in-law!" she continued, pushing Tommy away as he tried to come closer to her, her volume and emotion rising with each word she spoke.

"Ada, that's enough," Polly said as she moved behind her, her eyes jumping between her niece and (Y/N), who was also trying to get Ada to relax.

"And now he won't even let me have a fucking dance! Not even at a fucking wedding!" she continued on. At this point, the party had come to a halt, and everyone's attention was on what was happening on the dance floor.

"Sit her down!" John chimed into the conversation, now standing behind Polly and (Y/N) with his new bride next to his side. He didn't seem to be happy that this was what his night had come to.

"Calm down, Ada," Polly continued with her attempts.

(Y/N) also joined in, finally able to put her hand on Ada's shoulder without having the other woman knock it away, "let's go and sit again, yeah? We'll take a little rest and come back to dancing again soon," she tried to get her to leave the situation.

Ada didn't say anything in response, but instead bent over and rested her hands on her knees, her breaths coming out in pants. Things got silent for a moment as Polly bent down with her. "Holy shit. Water. Right," she breathed out, her eyes wide as she stood up again.

This caused a different wave of emotion to sweep over the group that was now huddled together. "Not now, Ada," Arthur groaned, immediately knowing what his aunt was getting at, "bloody hell, you do pick your times."

Everyone started talking at once as (Y/N) and Polly managed to stand Ada upright again and spin her around so that they could leave the space. Tommy joined in behind them, placing a hand on his sister's back as they walked her over to where the family's car was parked.

"Go with Ada, (Y/N)," Tommy said from behind the group as they were approaching the car. She turned to look at him and nodded instead of verbally responding. She knew that she'd be going with her if he hadn't asked her to.

Ada had gone silent now, only letting out whimpers and groans as they walked. (Y/N) couldn't calm the adrenaline coursing through her as she walked...she never expected the night to turn out like this.

—

Polly had left the apartment, and only (Y/N) was left to watch over Ada, whose contractions had been coming at a steady pace since they'd left the wedding. Things were quiet until Esme came walking into the apartment. The three women stared at each other before Esme walked over to where the other two were sitting. Nothing could be said before Polly was calling up to them.

Her footsteps were heard rushing towards the room and there was a smile on her face when she came through the door. "Freddie'll be coming," she said, happiness evident in her words.

Ada exhaled a sigh that was a mixture of relief and happiness upon hearing these words, a tired smile forming on her face as she tried to steady her breathing. "I think...I think I need to push, Pol," she then panted out, making the three ladies come and circle around her.

"Alright, let's push," Polly said, and things took off from there.

(Y/N) tried to help the best she could, but it was obvious that she had little to no knowledge in the birthing department compared to these women. When Esme felt that the baby was facing the wrong way, (Y/N) immediately stepped into the support role, telling Ada that things would be fine and would work out in her favor. She helped hold her up as she moved to sit up on her knees, and the real pushing began. She hoped that it wouldn't last long, and hated seeing her friend in such pain.

"It's not much longer now, Ada. Alright, push," Polly talked her through the process, and soon enough, the sound of a child's cries were mixed in with Ada’s screams.

(Y/N) moved away from the other women to grab a smaller blanket so that Esme could wrap the baby up into it and get it cleaned off. "You did it," she said to Ada, who was taking deep breaths and trying to calm down from the experience she'd just gone through.

"Can you go see if the baby’s ok?" Ada asked (Y/N) in a shaky voice, and (Y/N) nodded, smiling before she stood up and moved over to where Esme was cleaning up the baby.

"How is the baby?" she asked as she got to the table.

"He's fine; healthy with no problems," Esme answered while working on wrapping the baby up with a fresh blanket.

"That's good to hear," (Y/N) replied, smiling down at the baby.

"Are you a Shelby as well?" Esme asked then, turning to look at (Y/N) once the baby had been swaddled.

"No, I'm not," (Y/N) answered, shaking her head. She was a bit taken back by the sudden question.

"Are you with one of the brothers?" Esme asked another question.

"No," (Y/N)'s answer was the same as before, though this one was said quicker than she'd have liked to.

"You seem pretty close to them," it still seemed as though things weren't making sense in Esme's mind.

"They've taken me in and made me feel safe here," (Y/N) gave her a short backstory of her history with the Shelby family. She figured that if there'd be a better time, she'd give the longer version, but now she just wanted to hand her friend her baby. Esme only nodded in response to (Y/N)'s answer, her eyes showing that she still had more questions on the matter, like (Y/N) had suspected she would.

Ada had moved over to the table after Polly was finished checking her, and took her baby into her arms after she'd sat down at one of the chairs. (Y/N) smiled as she watched Ada stare lovingly at the little bundle. Silence fell in the room then, and a calm washed over the women. No one spoke until Ada's name was being yelled from outside. Moments later, Freddie walked through the door of the apartment.

"It's a boy, Freddie," Ada announced, smiling at her husband as she turned to face him.

A wide smile appeared on Freddie's face as he moved over to sit by Ada. "It's a beautiful baby boy," he started as he reached out to touch the baby. Ada laughed softly as she leaned over at transfered the baby to his arms, "there you go. Welcome to the world, son," he said softly as he smiled down at the sleeping child.

The moment of reverie was broken by the sound of heavy knocking on the door. "Open up! Police!" could be heard from outside as the knocking continued. Everyone in the apartment froze. (Y/N) stayed in the corner as the police burst through the door and immediately went for Freddie. He tried to fight, but they overpowered him, and all that he could do was yell for Ada as they pulled him out of the apartment.

(Y/N) pulled Ada into a hug as she looked over at Polly, who was now looking like she wanted to rip someone's head off. "I need to go speak to Tommy," Polly said, looking briefly at the other women in the room before she moved to the door and exited the apartment.

The remaining women stayed frozen in their spots after Polly left, shocked and unsure of what to do next. "I...I think I need to go and make sure that Polly will be alright," (Y/N) broke the silence, and the other two women nodded their heads. She wanted to stay with Ada and Esme, but something was telling her to follow Polly to wherever she was going. So she rushed out of the apartment to catch up with Polly while the adrenaline coursed through her again...she never expected the night to turn out like this.

—

"Don't you dare look at me like that!" (Y/N) heard Polly scream from inside the Garrison as she rushed through its doors. As she entered the main bar room, she found Polly being held back by Arthur and John, and Tommy looking at her with a shock filled expression. A tense silence hung in the air as everyone waited for someone to say the next word. Polly broke it, spitting on the ground before saying "you liar," with venom dripping in her words. Tommy only blinked, probably still trying to process everything as Polly shook herself from her nephews' hold and stalked her way into the snug.

John and Arthur went to join her, shock also present on both of their faces. This left Tommy, Grace and (Y/N) standing in the main room. (Y/N) looked between the two, seeing an unreadable look on the other woman's face. Tommy's eyes found (Y/N)'s briefly before they dropped to the floor. He then turned and began walking to the back office.

(Y/N) stood still for a few moments before she also began walking to the backroom, something telling her that she should go speak with Tommy. "It's (Y/N)," she announced herself as she walked through the office's doorway.

Tommy had only made it halfway into the room before he had stopped and gripped onto his head with his hands. He was pushing his thumbs into his temples as he took deep breaths, trying to keep himself calm while also trying to figure out how this situation had come about. It was getting harder by the second to stop his mind from spiraling.

"Tommy..." she called out to him as she stepped closer to him, "what's going on?" she asked him once she was standing in front of him.

"I don't know," he breathed out, his hands still gripping at the ends of his hair, "I don't know what happened."

"With Freddie?" she hazarded a guess, her voice coming out soft so that he wouldn't think she was accusing him.

"Yes, with Freddie...with fucking everything," he answered, "I don't know what happened, but it wasn't me. I didn't send the coppers to Ada's."

"Who could it have been then?"

"I don't know...I don't know who," he answered her, his hands starting to shake against his head as his mind was still swarming with the possibilities of the scenarios that could have happened.

"Tommy..." (Y/N) trailed off when she noticed this shift, "hey, look at me," she said softly as she reached out and grabbed hold of his forearms so that she could pull his hands away from his face. He allowed her to, and she felt her heart drop the second she saw his wild, worried eyes.

"I don't know who it was, (Y/N)," he breathed again, shaking his head slightly as he exhaled shaky breaths, "but my family thinks it was me and I don't know how to change their mind."

(Y/N) nodded along as he conveyed what was going on in his mind, "hey, look at me, Tommy," she said, taking hold of his face and bringing him closer so that their foreheads were touching. Immediately she saw something change in his eyes, a bit of calmness washing over the worriedness the moment their skin touched. She stared at them for a few moments before she spoke again, "it wasn't you...I know it wasn't you." She didn't have concrete proof of this, but she believed him. She'd never seen him react like this before.

"Tom?! Tommy!" came from the hallway, breaking the silence in the room, "we found out who did it!" John was visible in the doorway seconds later.

(Y/N) and Tommy broke from each other, and Tommy was focused on his brother in a matter of seconds. "Who? Who was it?" he anxiously asked.

"It was that fucking Irish inspector, Chester Campbell. He and his coppers picked up Freddie...we got one of our men to tell us that he got an anonymous tip telling him where the apartment was," Arthur explained, walking into the room behind John.

Tommy swore to himself before he turned to look at (Y/N), who nodded her head, silently telling him to go with his brothers. He nodded back at her before the three rushed out of the office.

(Y/N) stood in the office, alone for a few moments. She needed a moment to think over everything that had happened over this short amount of time. As she pieced together the events of the night, something became evident to her. There was a voice screaming in her head, telling her that she knew exactly how this had happened. She knew of an Irishman named Chester, and of someone who could have provided that tip...and she honestly wouldn’t put it past that someone to provide that tip.

Sure, it could be a longshot, but right now she needed to talk to the woman who would have the answers. When she exited the office, she found the bar area empty, which meant that the person she wanted to talk to had left.

(Y/N) quickly left the Garrison for her apartment, hoping that she'd find the blonde-haired woman there. But after knocking a handful of times and coming up with nothing, she realized that having the conversation that night was a lost cause. So she returned to her apartment with her mind swirling from the possibilities and the adrenaline...she never expected the night to turn out like this.

Next Part

Tagged: @mgcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @l1-l4 @chlorrox @lostgirl219 @woofgocows @bdudette @mrkdvidal1989 @stephhevring @fictional-hooman @httyd-marauders @nataliewalker93 @rangerelik @thecraziestcrayon @lora21 @cilliansangel @shaddixlife

SERIES MASTERLIST

[byorder-fanfic]

Red Eyed Anger

Summary: There are two things your brothers hate the most: the cavalry, and the idea of you, their youngest sister, dating. When they decide to piss you off at Tommy’s wedding, you think it’s a good idea to hit two birds with one stone. Or, more likely, give John an aneurysm.

Word count: 2234

Warnings: Swearing, overprotective brothers and mentions of drugs

Authors Note: This is my first Peaky Blinders x reader imagine, so I hope you enjoy. Thanks for all the support and kind comments from my first post, it really gave me the confidence to carry on! xx

When Finn had grabbed your wrist and told you Tommy wanted to see you, this wasn't exactly what you expected. Walking into his needlessly large kitchen, you dodged a few busy waiters hurrying around (and maybe grabbing a snack off one of the plates), as you perched on the side. Looking around, the family was all there. Well, nearly. It was all the men and boys, in their dark suits that made your dark green dress stand out more. It was long sleeved and baggy, just as all your clothes were, lest you wanted to give Arthur a heart attack. Tommy was looking as disgruntled as always as he lit a cigarette, eyebrows furrowed as he watched Arthur and Michael clamber down the stairs, saying something about needing a map. It was true, you thought, as you compared the mansion you were sat in to the little house in Watery Lane.

"Tom, why the hell have you invited me to your boys club?" You snapped, only to be ignored, as usual.

"Alright boys, you're all here," he muttered as he raised his arms to look at you all. You tried to ignore the 'boys' comment, but you still felt yourself glaring at him as he started his speech. "Today it's my fucking wedding day."

"And you said there'd be no uniforms," John pointed out with a snarl. Upstairs, the red uniforms overwhelmed every corridor and floor.

"Nevertheless John, despite the bad blood, I'll have none of it on my carpet." Everyone shared disappointed glances. "Now, for Grace's sake, those bastard's out there are her family, and if any of you fuckers do anything to embarrass her, your kin, your cousins, your horses, your fucking kids, do anything to-"

He was almost shouting, you didn't hear Isaiah suddenly piping in, until Tommy suddenly turned to him to yell "What?"

"What about snow?" You raised your eyebrows over your brother's shoulder, causing Isaiah to return a little smirk, as John grabbed him in headlock.

"No cocaine," he pointed his finger in front of Isaiah. "No sports," directed at John. "No races, no fucking sucking the petrol out of their cars." He grabbed onto Finn's face, and this time you couldn't hide a laugh. Then Tommy turned to you, his blue eyes unusually angry. "As always Y/N, no drinking, smoking, and no dancing with any man not in this room."

Your mouth dropped in offence, as you looked round to your other brothers, all looking at you with teasing grins.

"Tom, this is a party! I thought I could have fun!" You tried your best to look angry at him too, only to get John snorting out a laugh.

"C'mon, Y/N, you're just a kid, have fun with Katie and my lot," he suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm sure Charlie's got some orange juice you can have," Arthur joined in with a gruff laugh. In a second, your fists were clenched as you moved up to hit them, only to have Tommy's grip on your shoulder, pushing you down.

"I'm the same age as Finn, you promised you'd let me have a bit of freedom!" 

"Well, we lied," Tommy said simply as he turned over to your Uncle Charlie, who was watching this with an interested cock of his eyebrows. "And, you, Charlie, stop spinning fucking yards about me, hey?" He turned around, letting out another huff of smoke.

"I'm just trying to sell you to them, Tom," Charlie protested as he too raised a cigarette in his hand. 

"And for the love of God, no fighting," Tommy was yelling again. You wondered if Grace could hear this. "NO FUCKING FIGHTING!"

You rolled your eyes as you quickly walked out, trying to ignore your Uncle's sympathetic pat on the shoulder as you marched past, a fury in your eyes and fists curled.

"I'm not a child, Esme," you groaned as you slumped next to your sister-in-law. She was giving a grin, evidently being told what Tommy's meeting was all about. "When will they start to treat me like Finn?"

"When you don't have tits," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Fucking sexists," you said under your breath, yet Isaiah still heard. He was by your side, eyes glazing over the woman on the dancefloor, yet commanded by Finn to play bodyguard. His laugh shook the cavalry shoulders standing behind you to jump suddenly, as they surveyed the three of you with curious eyes. You recognised one of them from the ceremony. He was younger than the two men, about your age, but still donned the same robin-red uniform. He was handsome, you thought, and had been giving you less than discreet looks as you stood opposite in the pews. Now, it was your turn to give him a grin. Luckily, neither Isaiah or Esme noticed your sudden change of attention. 

"I'm going to get some air," you said, and they both nodded as they watched you go, green dress standing out in the sea of red. As you'd hoped, there were a pair of footsteps behind you as you made it into one of the many corridors of Arrow House. 

"Miss Shelby," his accent was distinctly Irish and brought another smile on your face as you spun on your heels to turn to the cavalry soldier. 

"It's Y/N," you held out your hand, which he quickly took in his own, bringing himself closer to you. "And you are?"

"Conor Burgess." He let go of your hand, but he was still very close to you, his breath fanning on your skin.

"You're related to Grace?" Despite yourself, you took a step closer, your chest brushing against his.

"She's my dad's cousin."

You brought your hands up to smooth down the edges of the bright uniform he donned. Red, like the bad blood between them and your brothers. Red, like the anger you felt at them. Red, like the lipstick on your smile as an idea came to mind.

"You're a little young to be a soldier," you whispered, fingers brushing the golden button at his throat.

"It's a family thing," Conor had an exhausted sigh. "I kinda have to be."

"I know what that's like," you nodded as you thought of the ways your brothers had bent over backwards to keep you the child you no longer were. Shaking off the sadness, you gave him another mischievous grin. "How about we go disappoint both our families, Conor?"

"Sounds good to me, Y/N." He let you take your hand and drag him up the stairs.

There were a lot of guest bedrooms in Arrow House, so surely it was a good idea to hide in one. If anyone noticed you’d gone, they’d need a map to find you. When you took off Conor's scarlet uniform coat, removing all responsibilities of a soldier, you'd made it explicitly clear that that was the only piece of clothing being removed tonight. He'd agreed to it, eagerly, as he discarded the jacket with very little thought. In his undershirt, he sat next to you on the end of the bed, looking at each other awkwardly.

"Y'know, I've been watching you all day," he whispered as he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. The action made your face burn up, as you became all too conscious of the feeling of his knee against yours. 

"I've noticed," you tried to keep your confidence, despite a bashfulness at the thought of what was coming next. 

"You are the prettiest girl in the room, Y/N," he kept a hand against your neck, the other one on your hand. Conor held an intense look as he forced you to keep eye contact. "Can I kiss you?"

You didn't answer, just dove in to press your lips against his. It wasn't a smart idea, you realised a little too late, as you had no clue what to do next. Luckily, Conor did. He held onto your neck, keeping you close as he kissed you softly. It wasn't like the ways you'd seen Esme and John make out, or as disgusting as it looked when you saw Isaiah or Finn snogging girls in the Garrison. It was a nice, warm feeling that exhilarated you, although the sensation of his tongue in your mouth wasn't one you were used to. Suddenly, you grabbed onto his shoulders as you shifted yourself to sit on his lap, knees by his hips. In a second, he readjusted his grip to hold onto your own hips. You pulled away when you ran out of air, uncomfortably aware of the saliva at the corner of your lip. With a chuckle, Conor reached up to brush it away with his thumb, beaming up at you without a hint of disgust. His hands stayed on your hips, your dress was still on and he seemed contented by that. A softness in your heart suddenly formed for this boy you knew next to nothing about.

"That was nice," you whispered. 

"Your first time?" He asked with a smile that assured you he knew the answer.

"My brothers always told me boys only wanted one thing from me." You bit your lip as you looked into the empathetic look in his eyes. "But you're...different."

"Good different?"

"Very good different." You leaned down to place a chaste kiss on his lips. "Maybe we should do this again some time?"

His eyes lit up.

"I'd like that," he ascertained, but the sudden reminder of his accent made you frown.

"When are you going back to Galway?"

"I've got some soldier training in London, which I can probably extend to a year."

This time, it was your eyes that widened. A year? To go from a first kiss to get at your brothers, to a year with the kind, reluctant cavalry boy you were currently straddling. 

"Well then, I guess I'm going to be going up to see my sister a lot more." You smiled into another kiss. This time, he turned you to lie down on the bed as he rested on top, kissing you softly. As you heard the music blaring downstairs, you tried not to think how pissed your brothers will be. 

Right now though, all you could think of was Conor, and the kiss on your lips and his warmth over your body. It made the music and the sound of approaching footsteps all blur into nothing. That was, until you heard Arthur's hoarse scream.

"GET OFF MY SISTER!"

With wide eyes and blushing faces, the two of you jumped up to look at your three eldest brothers, all donning similar wrathful faces, none more angry than John. His face was redder than the scarlet jacket in his hand, which he immediately threw into Conor's chest. Fumbling with the buttons, he immediately shrugged the damned thing back on, looking at each of your brothers with fear evident. The two of you shuffled to sitting down, looking at each other like naughty schoolchildren.

"What the hell, Y/N?" John was disappointed, it was obvious, but you couldn't care less.

"Nice to meet you Mr Shelby, I'm Con-" He didn't get a chance to finish his unusually cheerful introduction as Arthur thrusted a finger forward.

"Shut it, you," he said with his usually gruff tone.

"What happened to no fighting?" You said, far too snarky for the situation.

"What happened to no boys?" Tommy snapped back, looking at you with pursed lips and an anger contained by icy blue eyes.

"Wasn't a rule," you said sweetly, as you began to mock his voice: "No drinking, smoking, and no dancing with any man not in this room, and NO FUCKING FIGHTING!"

Your giggle was met with three deadpan expressions. They weren't so easily amused, apparently.

"No boys is always a rule," Arthur seethed.

"And he's fucking cavalry," John immediately added on with as much venom as he could muster. You rolled your eyes, certain that even if he wasn't cavalry, your brother wouldn't be too happy about you sneaking off with a boy.

"Really?" You feigned innocence. "Couldn't tell- didn't have his coat on."

With a huff, John made a move forward, only for you to jump up to stand in front of him.

"No. Fucking. Fighting." You stressed each syllable, looking him down, confidence fuelled by rage. You weren't a baby, you weren't going to let your brothers rule your life.

"She didn't break any rules," Tommy conceded with a sigh, forcing the other two Shelby brothers to look at him with flabbergasted anger. But Tommy wasn't looking at them, just the red-faced boy you stood in front of, protectively. "Now, who the hell are you?"

"Conor Burgess," he said weakly. That seemed to please Tommy, as he perked up significantly, popping a new cigarette into his lips.

"Good, so I assume you're going back to Ireland with the rest of Grace's family next week, huh?" His eagerness relaxed the other two. Momentarily, of course.

With a smirk, you fell back onto the bed, giving a wink behind you. Conor was watching this all with wide eyes and the barest shadow of a smile.

"Actually, Conor's sticking around for a year." You shone your sunniest smile. "Cavalry training."

Like that, all hope and peace from your brother's eyes drained out of them like a light flickering off. You bit back a laugh, not fully trusting the still-raging look in Tommy's eye, nor Arthur's clenched fist.

"Fuckin' cavalry," John spat out under his breath.

Part 2 here

[amazingmaeve]

Hesitant - John Shelby

Peaky Blinders Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Summary: Tommy ask Y/N, Johns wife, to seduce someone he needs some information fore. At first she’s hesitant but agrees cause she trust Tommy. Then one of the worst things happen to her and Tommy doesn’t get there in time.

Request: Hey can you please do a John Shelby imagine where y/n is his wife and tommy asks her to seduce someone or something she is kinda on the fence but agrees anyway so she does cause she trusts tommy but he doesn’t get their in time and tommy tries to comfort her but then John finds out and gets mad at tommy then comforts her. Obviously it’s very sensitive subject so if your not comfortable doing it that’s fine.

Requested by: @13reasonswhystan

Pairing: John Shelby x Female!Reader

Warnings: Sexual Assault (if get triggered by this I’d suggest you to not read for you own well being. I don’t want people have flashbacks of their own sexual assaults or Rape), Angst, a bit of fluff towards the end

AN: Hope you liked it 😊. Idk how to feel about the tittle. Also I put lines where it gets dark at least dark for me so if you don’t want read it read past the lines.

Word Count: 1280

"So will you do it," Thomas Shelby asked Y/N

Y/N was married to his younger brother John. She has known John his whole life and married him when she was pregnant at 17. They named him William

By the time he went to war she was pregnant for the second time. Y/N was upset he was leaving couldn't do anything about it.

4 years later John comes and her daughter being almost 4 just meets her father.

When they came back Y/N was in tears when she hugged John with a smile on her face. She introduced John to their daughter Rebecca.

Now years later Y/N has had two more kids one boy, Henry and one girl, Daisy. She's just given birth a couple months ago with Daisy.

Now here with Tommy, he asked Y/N to seduce a rival for some information and so that Tommy and his men could go snooping around his office to see anything.

When Tommy first said that Y/N eyes widened at what Tommy said.

Y/N didn't know why Tommy would ask her to do this since they've been close as friends. John would often get jealous but she reassured that he was the only Shelby for her.

"Why would you ask me to do this Thomas," Y/N snapped as she took a drag from the cigarette in her hand. She was sat across from Tommy in his office.

Tommy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose letting out a huff of breath.

"Y/N love please consider it," Tommy argued with Y/N as he hoped the girl would do it. He didn't want her to do it but she was his last choice.

"What about Lizzie she always seems like she's up to please you," Y/N huffed putting out her cigarette.

"Already ask glared at me and slapped in the face," Tommy retorted taking a sip of his Whiskey.

"Atta girl," Y/N muttered under her breath with a smirk. Y/N felt happy that Lizzie finally stood up to Tommy. "The answer is still no and plus have you told my loving husband about it."

"No I haven't it would only be one night I wouldn't let anything happen to you. You know that darling," Tommy Elaborated lighting a cigarette.

"How long will this plan of yours take," Y/N murmured considering it for her brother in law.

"An hour at the longest," Tommy replied.

"Fine I'll do it but don't tell John I don't want him getting mad about it," Y/N agreed to doing it.

"Don't worry Y/N/N he won't know about."

Y/N sat next to the guy who she was 'flirting' with. She had a red dress on that was revealing in some areas.

She had arrived 20 minutes earlier and starting talking to the guy 15 minutes ago.

She was getting tired of flirting with this guy and playing the dumb girl. And she felt like she was cheating on John, she really hoped he didn't find because if she did she would feel so humiliated.

"Darling you ok," The guy Carlos asked as he saw that Y/N wasn't listening. Y/N eyes snapped to his feeling a bit uneasy. She looked at the time it had been half an hour already.

"Uh no I'm fine just a bit tired," Y/N giggled while twirling her between her fingers.

"Come on love," Carlos said while grabbing her wrist pulling her up along with him.

Y/N was shocked and a bit scared since she didn't know where she was going to take her.

He took Y/N to this back room with a couch on it. Y/N looked around not noticing him locking the door.

"Maybe I can make you big less tired," He whispered in her ear

—————

He pushed her on the couch and Y/N was shocked and was about to get before he came up climbing on top of her.

"Get off me you bastard," Y/N snapped at the guy pushing against him but wasn't strong enough since she was only 5'3 and this guy was about 6'0.

The guy rolled his eyes before shoving his hand on her mouth silencing her screams.

"Come on love you know you want it," The guy smiled creepily. He used his other hand to rip her dress then take off her panties.

Y/N was thrashing and trying to scream. She felt fear all over her body. Now she wished she had never agreed to do this.

As he was about to take his pants off she heard someone break the door down.

—————

Y/N sighed out of relief as she heard Thomas was here. But then she stared to cry as she realized what could of happened to her.

She sat up pulling her knees to her chest and let out tiny whimpers along with sobs.

She could hear Thomas beat the crap out of the guy before he called someone in here to take care of the guy and came over to Y/N

“Come on Y/N lets get you to polls," Thomas lifted her up when he noticed she wasn't moving. He felt incredibly guilty at what almost happened to her.

Now for Y/N she wished she had told John and she didn't know if he was going to be mad at her.

Y/N was now lying in one of Pollys guest rooms feeling numb.

She heard John yell at Tommy for what he told Y/N to do. But she couldn't bring herself to care.

Y/N heard Polly say that she'll take care of the kids and told John to go and see Y/N.

Y/N heard someone open the door but couldn't bring her self to look at John.

She knew she looked like a mess she hasn't changed since she was brought to Pollys house.

She felt someone come on the bed and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Come on darling look at me," Y/N heard John plead with her.

Y/N began to sob as tears stained the pillow case. John looked at his wife with sympathy. He really hate Tommy for making Y/N do this.

"C'mere love," John whispered turning her around and pulling her to his chest then started to stroke her hair trying to calm her down. She calmed a bit but tears were still coming out.

"I'm so sorry," Y/N whimpered while looking up at John with tears in her eyes.

"No no darling you have nothing to be sorry about," John consoled her while bringing his other hand to whip the tears away but they kept a coming.

“But-,” Y/N was about to argue but John interjected.

“No love this is not your fault it’s that assholes fault and Tommy’s,” John concluded while hugging her with a sad look on his face.

“It was my decision not Tommy’s,” Y/N whispered hoarsely her throat was hurting from the crying.

“Yeah but he’s my brother and supposed to protect you,” John explained as Y/N was starting to get drowsy and felt her eyes starting droop.

“Go to sleep darling,” John whispered.

“What about-,” Y/N was about to say but was cut off by John and herself yawning and John chuckled at how cute she looked.

“Don’t worry love I’ll be here,” John whispered while pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Y/N let her head rest on his chest and felt herself starting to fall asleep but hear John whisper something before falling asleep.

“I love you sweetheart.”

[murderousginger]

Written In The Streets

Peaky Blinders fic

Cops & Robbers Part 4

Warnings: Sex. Murder. Fluff. Angst. They're criminals guys, they do bad things.

Words: 3.8k

--Note: Happy Tuesday! I had a 3 day weekend and got excited during a rewatch of Peaky Blinders season 1. This is a little spicier and violent, but it very much is in the realm of the show. Enjoy!--

Tagging: @imagine-that-100 @blinder-secrets @rae-you-gotta-be-kidding-me @theshelbyclan @peakascum @sweatydragoncloudknight

It was midday and you were busy about the house when a knock came upon your door. You paused, listening hard before you moved toward it. You hadn't been expecting anyone. You paused at the door, staring hard at it before you finally unlocked it and opened it a crack. 

"Come with me," Tommy said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the sliver in your doorway.

"Tommy," you shrieked and fought back but his grip on your wrist was too strong. "at least let me lock the door."

He looked back at you and loosened his grip wordlessly. You turned and grabbed your purse from the hallway and locked the door, turning back to Tommy. He grabbed your hand again, this time with less strength, and led you to his car.

The ride was quiet and thoughts raced through your head. You stole a glance at Tommy, white knuckled and eyes locked on the road ahead of him. You had no way of knowing where he was taking you and you grew more worried the longer it was quiet. You itched to relieve the tension, but you feared it at the same time.

Tommy stopped the car at the side of a bridge over The Cut and got out of the car, rounding it to open your door. He held his hand out for you and you took it without hesitation, stepping out of the car and following him down a set of stairs to the canal. He stopped you a few steps from the bottom and sat you down, looking off at the water, his hand still holding yours. You watched him closely as he nodded out to the canal.

"This," Tommy said as he looked over the water, "is where I come to think sometimes. When it's quiet. When my mind won't be."

You sat quiet, watching his blue eyes scan the horizon. You looked out into the canal, surveying the waterway and the bend up ahead with fresh eyes to try to see what he saw.

"And this," Tommy rumbled, "here, here is how I found you and John." 

Your head snapped up to look at him, Tommy's gaze squinting over the water. You ripped your hand from his as if he burnt you. He pointed to the bank a few hundred feet down and nodded. 

"You came running into the water there," he said evenly. "Harping at John to turn his back as you threw off your dress." 

Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. Your head dipped when Tommy finally turned his attention to you.

"Nothing to see in the 2 a.m. black," he said softly before returning his attention to the riverbank and the story. "John turned, I'm guessing. Perhaps not. Your clothes went off, and that's when I realized you were the one occupying our John's nights."

"Our John," you repeated with mirth. "Your John. Esme's John. Not mine."

"He's as much yours as ours," he said. "There's few things he'd choose above you. More he'd fight."

"But he would choose above me," you said.

"Can't have that, can you?" Tommy teased dryly. "Our (Y/N)'s greedy."

"Business before me," you said stiffly. "Blood before me. Not a woman."

"Not a woman," Tommy said. "And when the business keeps the man from your bed? And coppers or Italians pull you from your door because they think they can leverage you from who you're fucking?"

"That life I know," you said softly. "As long as he's honest."

"If you want to work in my organization, you have to make sacrifices," he said. 

"All I've made is sacrifices," you retorted with a snort. "Who wants to date a Blinders girl, Tommy? There's always been rumors I'm either carrying a dick or being passed around by you lot. Any men that weren't deterred by that were sure as hell scared of you boys." 

"Well," he said with an amused look, "could always have left Polly's rule for search for a husband, if that's what you're after."

"I'm not after a husband, Tommy," you shot back. "My mother detests me I have no close kin, no husband, no love. Blinders are my life." 

Tommy reached for your hand again and slowly brushed his thumb along your knuckle. 

"You're family, (Y/N)," Tommy said quietly. 

"I'm not Shelby," you said. "You may be my boys but I don't belong."

"You'll always belong with us," Tommy said. "It's all about where you want to be."

"And where is it you want me to be, Tommy?" You asked softly.

Tommy let go of your hand with a pat and looked back out to the canal. All moments of softness hidden behind an air of business.

"I want to see what you're made of," he said. "I've paired you with John. Tomorrow you'll go with him to The Yard. Got a man named Wilks that works for us. Word is he's got loose lips on the whiskey. Find out who he told what to."

"You trust me with John?" You said with a raised brow.

"I trust that what's done might be done again," he said evenly. "But I trust he'll watch out for you more than anyone but me."

"Tommy--" you started.

"Go see him in the morning and do the job," Tommy cut you off. "To prove yourself."

"I've already proven myself," you argued. "Years ago."

"You proved yourself to Pol, not me," Tommy said cooly. "Pol's not running things anymore. And if you want to keep your place you'll need to keep up." 

"Fine, Tommy," you said with a sigh as you turned back to the canal. "I'll show you my worth."

"I've no doubt you will," he said as he looked over the water. 

----

The next morning you got ready in the twilight. You decided on a simple dress and boots and stuffed your pockets with a small knife each. You cursed yourself that you never got around to a gun, but you had never found a good way to conceal one and your shot needed work. 

When you were done, you slipped out of your apartment and headed toward John's home. You moved quickly through the streets as the sun rose and the birds started to sing their morning songs. After a few blocks, you looked up to John's house and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. 

A young girl opened the door and looked up at you expectantly. You nervously smiled. 

"'lo," you said, rubbing your sweaty hands along the front of your dress, "is John -- erhm your dad home?"

The girl eyed you shortly before opening the door the rest of the way and walking back to a seat next to a baby in a chair. Nothing was said as she went back to feeding the baby.

"John," you called, hesitating in the doorway before you walked in. "Where are you?"

Kids were all over the kitchen. One of the girls was perched on a stool cooking on the stove, two boys were wrestling on the floor yelling, and of course the baby being fed by the girl that let you in. None of them paid you much mind as you walked through the kitchen and into the other room. You saw a closed door, guessing it was a bedroom.

"John" you yelled and kicked the door with your boot. It gave way much easier than you expected and swung open to reveal the sight before you. 

Esme was on top of John, riding him like a prized racehorse. She barely stopped her rhythm as she wrapped the sheet around her more to hide her chest. John lay back grinning with his hands disappeared into the sheet. He laughed as she saw you in the doorway.

"Tommy finally get tired of interrupting us hisself?" Esme said in between breaths. 

Your eyes widened as you realized what you were witnessing. 

"Oh god--" you exclaimed and turned back around, walking back into the kitchen. 

You sat down on the other side of the table from the kids and waited, mouth shut as you tried to look anywhere but the doorway you came from. 

A sharp yell of passion erupted from the other room and you bit your lip nervously as you watched the girl at the stove. 

"You staying for breakfast?" The girl said, eyeing you as she stirred. You smiled nervously. 

"No thank you," you said quietly. "I'm just here to see your father."

Esme appeared in the doorway, still flushed but dressed in a navy flowy dress and shawl, and looked at you with an amused quirk of her lips. 

"Here to see John, eh?" She said over the scuffle on the floor as she wrapped the shawl around her shoulders tighter and sat next to the girl feeding the baby. 

"Boys, go wrestle elsewhere," Esme said sharply. 

They both sounded a "yes mum" as they got off the floor and pushed and shoved each other into the other room. 

"Yes," you said as the kitchen quieted. "Tommy sent me. I'm (Y/N). I'm s'pose to go with John to handle business at the dock."

"(Y/N)," Esme said as she looked at you. "His little friend from childhood? I've heard of you. Prettier than I expected, running with Shelby boys for so long."

You blushed and ducked your head with a murmur of thanks. 

"You're not one I should worry about, are you?" She said, leaning back in her chair and placing a hand on the table in front of her.

"No," you said with a laugh. "I'm not anyone's second priority. And you and the children are rightfully first." 

"Good," Esme said with a small smile. "I think I like you. It'd be a shame to kill you." 

"Knives or guns your specialty?" You asked with a grin. "You should have seen this man the other night when I threatened to cut off his balls."

You both laughed, equally relaxing in your seats.

"Is that my favorite girls getting along?" John said as he entered the kitchen while putting on his belt. 

John grinned at you as he put his arm around Esme, placing a kiss on her head. 

"Mornings are best when started with sex or breakfast," he laughed as he kissed Esme on the lips before turning to you. "When it's both it's better."

He nabbed a biscuit off the table and bit into it and winked at you.

"Shame you've been keeping us apart, John," you said with a look. "Esme and I could have been giving you a run for ages."

"Likely drive me mad," he said with a laugh. "Both of you on whiskey together would be more trouble than it's worth."

"Promise?" Esme said grinning. "We must have a night then, (Y/N)."

You nodded as John rolled his eyes. 

"Right, then," he said, ruffling his daughter's hair and giving Esme another kiss. "Let's be off before you can make more trouble in my kitchen."

You scoffed with a laugh as he shooed you to stand and pushed you out the door. 

"Nice to meet you!" You called behind you.

"You can't hide her anymore, John," Esme yelled as you both left. 

John guided you down to the car and opened the door for you. You smacked him as you climbed in. 

"What was that for?" He exclaimed and pushed your shoulder before he closed your door and made his way into the driver's seat. 

"I like her," you said. "And you're a dick." 

John chuckled and drove to the dock. 

----

John drove to The Yard and parked. You both got out of the car and made your way through the streets looking for the man named Wilks. 

"John boy!" A voice boomed. You both looked over to see a gruff older man with a big smile headed your way with open arms. 

"Uncle Charlie," John called back as he hugged the man. 

"I see you've got angel with you," Charlie said with a grin. 

You grinned back as Charlie let go of John to hug you. 

"Charlie," you said, "still up to no good?"

You both chuckled and John looked on at you quizzically. Charlie's arm hung around your shoulders as he faced John.

"Angel?" John asked. "You two know each other?"

"Your aunt Pol used to send this one down with orders," Charlie said, squeezing you in a side hug. "She refused to tell me her name for ages. Shy thing, she was. I told her angels had no names. So we all called her angel at the docks. Sweet thing she is, too sweet to run with you boys."

John's brows raised in shock. 

"Well aren't you full of surprises," he said as he grabbed a pick from his pocket and rolled it in his mouth. "You've got all kinds of names and secrets, it sounds like."

"And you're shortly learning them all," you grimaced. You turned your attention to Charlie. "We're looking for a man named Wilks, seen him?"

"Aye," Charlie said, watching you both closely before pointing. "He's down there by the dock."

"Right," John said. "We'll need to talk to him alone. Send the rest on break."

Charlie nodded and you all walked down, Charlie quietly sending the others away as he discreetly nodded to a pudgy man near the edge of the water. You both cornered the man, his eyes widened as he backed up and his heel teetered on the edge of the dock. You raised your hands to halt him. 

"We're only here to talk," you reassured with a smile. "Heard you might have gotten a little drunk at a pub. Told someone something you shouldn't."

"I didn't mean to," he said looking between you and John's stone faced expression. "Was just a drink or two and then he asked me a question I found odd." 

"Who?" You asked in a soothing voice, hands still up as you stepped forward. "Did you know the man?"

John watched you with sharp eyes as you got closer to Wilks as if walking to a scared horse. He chewed on his pick, letting you do the talking. 

"I didn't know them," he said, scared. "Just a man asking what it was like to work at docks. If we had any openings. If we moved anything odd. Anything to note."

"And what did you tell them?" John said, taking a step forward but still a good length behind you. You were nearly next to the man as his eyes darted between you both and behind him as he looked for an exit. 

"I told him we move the normal stuff," he said gruffly, "and sometimes we move what Shelby's ask. He perked up at the name. Said it must be exciting to work for criminals. Must see some crazy cargo. I shrugged. Just told him sometimes you have shipments. Anything from guns to medical rations. Told him a shipment went to Camden Town not too long ago."

"Shouldn't have done that, Wilks," John said darkly as he took another step forward. "We don't take kindly to business being passed around." 

"I didn't do nothin'," Wilks protested. "I've got a wife and kids to feed." 

"Should have thought of that before you went talking," John said. 

Wilks grabbed your wrist and swung your body around, his calloused hand gripping your throat and the other around your waist. John cut the distance in a stride and stopped as Wilks lifted you by the throat, pressing your back to his chest.

"I don't want no trouble," he said, eyes darting for an exit. "Let me go home."

Your hands flew to your throat and your feet kicked as he lifted you higher. You could barely breathe in through his grip.

"Shouldn't have done that," John said with a glint in his eye. He pulled out his pistol and aimed it at him.

"Shouldn't have brought a girl for a man's job," Wilks growled in your ear as he squeezed your throat tighter. 

John's eyes were dark as he tried to aim at the man behind you. His face cycled between fear and anger as you realized he wouldn't have a good shot with Wilks holding you so close.

You gritted your teeth and kicked again. You felt your heel connect with his shin and he squeezed your throat harder as he roared. You dropped a hand from your throat and elbowed his chest as you thrashed in his hands. You clumsily made way to your pockets and pulled out a knife as your eyesight started to blacken. John lowered his pistol as you pulled back and stabbed Wilks in the thigh, making the man drop you. 

You stepped out of his reach and John raged forward with his fist cocked back. John's fist connected with Wilks’ face with a crack and the man fell to the ground. John continued pummeling the man as he writhed on the ground, your knife still in his thigh. 

You touched your neck, feeling the bruising that was likely to occur. You breathed deep, feeling the oxygen rush through you as you tried to stay conscious. As oxygen came back you turned back to John beating the man and grabbed John's arm as he cocked it back to hit Wilk's face again. 

As you grabbed his arm, he twisted in your grip and was about to punch you when he realized who you were and stopped himself. Wilks was beneath his feet in a bloody pile, his face almost indistinguishable. John's eyes met yours as you held his arm and looked at the blood that had spattered on his face and the wild look in his blue eyes. 

"John," you said hoarsely. Your throat was scratchy from being choked. 

His eyes softened and he pulled you to his chest. 

"Don't fucking scare me like that, yeah?" He whispered into your hair as you clung to him.

"I'm fine," you said. "But we need him alive to ask, yeah?" 

John let out a sigh as he deflated. 

"Yeah," he said. 

You pulled away and looked at his blue eyes worrying over you. You patted his arm and stepped out of his embrace to lean over the half conscious man under his feet. 

"Wilks," you said with a low growl. "Who did you tell?"

Wilks cried out as John kicked his ribs, finally stepping to the side so he wasn't under his feet. 

"I don't know," he said, screaming as you grabbed your knife from his thigh and pulled it out. "I didn't know the man. He had longer hair maybe? An odd accent. I'd never seen him before, I swear." 

You scowled at him, wiping his blood off of your knife with his vest. You pressed the knife under his throat. 

"Are you sure?" You growled. 

"Sounds like it could have been an Italian," John said as he spit on the man. "Maybe a Jew."

"I don't know," he cried. "Please."

You pulled your knife away and hid it back into your pocket. You looked up at John as he glared down at Wilks. 

"Your call, Shelby," you said, voice still hoarse. 

"I'll kill him," he said, kicking the man again. 

"No," you said. 

John scowled down at you, his jaw ticked as he was about to talk. 

"I'll do it," you said, sounding stronger than you felt. "This is meant to be my proofing water." 

John started again to fight you, but you raised a hand while you fished your knife out. Wilks started to thrash beneath you and John stepped on his chest to hold him still. John's eyes looked conflicted as you pulled the knife out of your pocket again and ran a finger along the blade.

You had hurt men before, but you had never killed. Most of your experience was from self defense. Tommy wanted to prove yourself, so prove yourself you shall. 

"You don't have to," John said defeated. "I'll tell Tommy you did it. You don't have to."

"No, John," you said solemnly. "I do. You aren't saving me from it. This is mine." 

You turned to Wilks and cut his throat in a swift motion. Blood poured from his neck as the light left his eyes. You stood up and stepped back as John kicked Wilks into the water. You watched numbly, knife still at your side. 

"Hey," John said as he turned around and rested his hand on your cheek. "Is'aright. Come here." 

He pulled you into his chest and you teared up but fought the urge to cry. You gulped it down, feeling the pain in your neck again. 

"John," you whispered. 

He pulled back to look you in the eye, one hand on your cheek and the other on your waist. 

"Let's get you back to your wife, yeah?" You said as you tried to feign a smile. 

You rested your hand on his chest before gently pushing him away. 

"Yeah, (Y/N)," John sighed. "Okay."

The ride back was quiet. You looked straight ahead as John drove, even though you could feel his eyes on you from time to time. When he offered to drive you home, you declined, telling him you'd rather walk from his home. 

You hugged him goodbye when you arrived at his home, and breathed deep the smell of him. He always smelled of gunpowder and pine, and you breathed it in deeply to comfort yourself. You said your goodbyes despite his worried expression, and walked down the road in a daze. You weren't ready to go home just yet. 

You stopped at a local bakery and bought a small piece of bread and walked to The Cut. You sat on Tommy's thinking place stairs and looked out over the canal, thinking. You sat for hours in a daze, eating bread and trying to process your thoughts. As twilight began to tease the sky, you snapped out of your thoughts. You needed to get home. 

You walked to your apartment and at the last minute you were grabbed by your neighbor. Gail was an older neighbor that always treated you kindly. You often brought her teas when you found a new flavor she might like. 

"Men came through asking where you were," Gail said in hushed tones. "They claimed to be coppers. They're in your apartment waiting for you now." 

You thanked her and left quickly back into the streets. It was now dark and getting colder by the moment. There was only one place you could think to go, so you walked to Tommy's house. You snuck in to sit on his bed and waited for him to arrive home for the night.