#esp if they’d already gotten sick by then

[padfootastic]

I feel like I'm gonna combust.

James dies in fifth year.

What do his parents do? His father works in the DMLE and I have no idea if his mother has a job (can you tell me?). What is their course of action?

Are they going to sue the school for the loss of James or Snape personally? I feel like they have a pretty solid argument for sacking (punishing) dumbledore or sending Snape to Azkaban.

And I that which ever they choose, the would get easily.

Or do they have a big enough heart to forgive Snape, and Dumbledore? Ik Albus hasn't done much wrong, but if a dark curse has been made and used (killing a pureblood- even if it is a blood traitor), dumbledore will be blamed, or could be, right? And they (Potters) would have enough money and power to get their compensation, in whichever way they take it, wouldn't they?

I wonder about Sirius too, but I these are some, that, as far as I know, haven't been asked and it's intresting side for me. Like we know Sirius and lots quality from head to toe but all we know about his parents are that the are old, rich and loving. And that they have a big heart.

hello hello hello! can i just say,,,i love ur questions bc literally the same things go thru my mind lol it’s why i spend so long on worldbuilding (often the unnecessary kind too lol)

let’s take this one by one:

1. i…don’t know of flea was in the DMLE actually? 🤔 wasn’t he a potioneer? and no, i don’t think we have anything for effie but idk why, i like to think she’s a socialite with like. an enchanting business on the side? (v random ik lol but it’s fun) i’m also gonna plead the fifth on this one since i…might include it in the fic and i’ve got a few options i wanna go with there (depending on how i do the macro characterisation for the —are they ruthless, forgiving, more upset than angry etc etc)

2. definitely think they’ll take action against the school, tho, regardless of however they choose to deal w snape personally! they’re def the type to hold authorities responsible for their actions (and lack of) and i do think they’ll push for some outcome pretty hard. idk about getting dumbledore sacked bc,,,if he’s the only one who can keep the school safe during voldy’s rise… not sure that’ll happen.

3. i do err on the side of wealthy potters so i think they’ll have enough money for whichever route they take. i tend to think of them as like…new money types who’ve earned through inventing and travelling? so they earn a lot, and spend on fun things, and it’s a constant cycle. but they don’t have the kind of…historical prestige that the ‘old families’ do tho they enjoy a nice enough reputation.

i haven’t said a lot here, but i do think that a part of them will be diverted towards taking care of sirius as well, because i firmly believe they considered him a second son and they can see how much it’s affecting them and fhey’re the only other ones who get it, right, how devastating the loss of james potter can be. that being said, i find it very, very possible that they’ might ‘die of a broken heart’ and i don’t say that all that lightly. from what we get: james is a surprise child after years of trying to elderly parents. he enjoys a level of pampering and spoiling and unconditional adoration that’s far above the normal avg amount a child gets, imo, and i think after he was born, his parents poured everything of themselves into him. james was effie and flea’s entire world, and they never hesitated in showing it. i totally see them as the kind of overprotective, almost helicopter, parents who panic when their child gets even a scratch on their body—so for him to die? for them to bury their child they wished for so strongly and celebrated as much as they were able to? it’s the definition of heartbreaking. it’s so, so painful, and neither of them would be able to get out of the bed for days or even keep so much as a piece of toast down or do anything, really, for a while.

when they find out the news, effie lets out the most gut wrenching, grief-filled scream, falling to her knees. flea tries to hold onto her but he’s even weaker and both of them just. sink to the ground over their baby boy’s body. not one person had a dry eye around them. no one has seen such a level of shame on dumbledore or mcgonagall’s face before. it might be the first time snape realises the *magnitude* of his actions.

[ahundredtimesover]

youve probably maybe moved on from PLM since you're focusing on iwyts(which is also chefs kiss btw) but i was re reading a drabble from PLM which stated oc hiding her illness from jk all their lives. which also got me thinking how would oc and jk(or the story)be like if jk knew about ocs illness??

would jk and oc gotten together earlier? would they have been closer(esp during high school)? would jk treat oc better during their pre dating/couple days?would oc and jk still be endgame?

this was honestly just a late night thought since i miss PLM HAHAHA you dont need to answer this i just needed to get all the what ifs out of my chest since PLM couple really has an angsty love story coming from someone who generally avoids angsty stories🥹🥹🥹

Anon, I will never move on from PLM ok 😭 I think about them a lot hehe. So ok, I got a similar ask last year and my answer to this is that yes, they would’ve been closer. They’d get over the childhood crush quickly and be good friends, JK would be protective and they’d both be supportive of each other.

I said in the past ask that they probably wouldn’t end up together if he knew and I stand by that. They might date but more out of expectation. Jk especially would have a hard time drawing the line between friendship and love - is he protective bc she’s sick or is it bc he truly feels something for her? That confusion would just linger (and he’d yearn for another life) and they’d eventually break up so no, they wouldn’t be end game (and OC baby would be so heartbroken bc she’d be the one more in love). Like I said, he had to go through his reckless phase and OC had to go through her own relationships. They were meant to circle back to each other down the road.

In the story, jk already started developing feelings before he knew about her illness. This is important to note bc it proved to him and to her that he was sincere. And the thought that he could’ve lost her intensified everything.

OC hiding the truth is one of those core aspects of the story. Things would’ve been so different otherwise. If jk knew, it would probably be more angsty - OC would yearn for his love and he’d be forced to return it out of respect.

[queenerdloser]

i reread all of lotr and i’ve been rewatching the movies and i’m extremely curious about the choice to take out every single instance of frodo being brave. like. they had him scramble away from the troll instead of stabbing it in the foot like he does in the books. had him scramble away from the ringwraiths on the hilltop when he actually stabs them. i haven’t gotten to that part yet, but i feel like they probably also took away his steady confrontation with shelob where he basically stares her down. 

like their commitment to being true to the books is so strong - they lift so much of the dialogue directly from them! - that it baffles me they’d actively choose to take out all the moments where frodo shows his steel. did they just want to make him more vulnerable and more relatable? esp. since in the books, while the ring does make him tired, depressed, and sick, we don’t actually see that many moments of gollum-like behavior, whereas in the towers frodo’s already obsessing over it and snapping at sam (which i can’t actually recall a single instance of him doing in the books, aside from when sam offers to share bearing the ring with him in rotk). 

it’s not that i don’t think movie!frodo is interesting as a hero (i do!) but when people complain about frodo being entirely passive as a hero, it’s because they only got the movie version of him - in the books, he’s not at all passive! he’s not a fighter like merry or pippin (or even sam) but he does take direct action against the people trying to hurt him, he does stand up for himself, and he does show immense courage in the face of darkness and fighting. and idk, i feel like movie!frodo loses something but not having as clearly displayed that internal dignity that book!frodo has. 

[vonkarma2]

4 6 & 10 for rocio?

Thanks for sending these :) it took a while bc I felt like I didn’t have anything that interesting to say but I tried and I did come up with some things so it worked out

4. Do they have any scars or tattoos?

Tattoos no unfortunately that would be cool. But she definitely does have some scars from various sources

right away the obvious source she probably has a couple of magic related ones. in order to acquire most spells, you have to do like an elaborate ritual in order to kind of access the latent energy inside of whatever magic objects you’re sacrificing (after you do this, casting spells is still difficult but it’s much much easier comparatively). It’s not uncommon for these to involve drawing some of your blood, esp if it’s a spell you’re casting on yourself, so I think Rocio probably would have like a couple from this (from failed repeated attempts at the same ritual most likely, cause she hasn’t done that many different ones so probably only one would have involved this)

When she was younger she’d have to spend a lot of time outside because 1) although she always liked like staying inside and reading and etc she’s not going to be able to do that all day the internet hasn’t been invented yet so if you’re bored you have to go outside and experience the world 2) she’d like help out with chores and such especially if her mom was sick so she’d probably like accidentally cut herself with a kitchen knife, get stabbed by sticks or thorns or whatever, minor childhood injuries like that. She lived in a very rural area at the time so she spent a lot of time in nature fucking around lol. In like an emo way not an energetic kid way usually. Emo 8 year old. Not actually emo but like she’d be more inclined to just walk around and like stare at bugs or whatever rather than try to climb trees or catch fish or something like that

As a teenager she was pretty nervous/frequently on edge so she might have some scars from acne/skin picking and things like that

During the story at one point she has to fight a shit ton of demons at once, she is wildly overpowered so it works out like she lives but I feel like they’re going to get at least a few scratches in just through sheer numbers

6. Are they an oldest, middle, youngest or only child? 

They are an only child 😔 

I talked about their family in the most recent ask game I did with them so unfortunately I don’t really have anything else to say that I didn’t already cover there. But at one point in development they had a younger brother so in the interest of talking about something I’m going to say what it would have been like if that was still true

Originally I had it so they left home when he was a baby like 0-1 years old and then came back like 5-6 years later (this would be after the plot took place in like an epilogue thing) so he’d be like a little kid and not know them at all. This is in the universe where Rocio has bad parents now she has parents who are like pretty good but sadly died and were possessed by evil immortal wizards. But yeah in this timeline I think they’d feel bad abt having left him, they would have done so in pursuit of their goal of like transcendence or becoming a god or whatever which is like their #1 motivation yk like no matter how bad they feel abt it they have to do what they have to do. I think they would have tried to block out their memories of their family as much as possible, like they wouldn’t have forgotten about them or anything but they would have been ignoring any feelings towards them, so I feel like if they went back and saw him they’d immediately be hit by a tidal wave of guilt like ohhh shit I actually did that

Both in this and in the actual storyline they try to imagine like their entire childhood didn’t actually happen yk like they want to be as removed from it as possible. Especially because she absolutely could have done something like kidnapped him and gotten away with it a lot of the wizards have done terrible shit either purposefully or accidentally and completely gotten away with it bc the government covered it up. They like protect the wizards and their reputations a lot bc that’s what the country is most known for and they are like their #1 source of national defense + power, like their military is pitiful if the wizards turn on them they are fucked. Esp one of the older and more powerful ones could do a lot of damage. 

I got so off topic. Anyway this is post character development idk what they’d do they definitely wouldn’t want to like leave him alone with shitty parents but at the same time they don’t really know how bad their parents are because they don’t remember very well it’s all like hazy to them they just remember like a vague bad feeling. So they’d probably talk to the kid and ask him what he wants and how he’s doing. Depending on his answer they might like try to see if some of their extended family could take care of him instead 

I think regardless of what happened they’d want to get to know him because of how they feel guilty for leaving him in the first place. Rocio is not the type to play with little kids at all they’d feel incredibly awkward but they would like take them to get ice cream or whatever like they’d try to be nice. 

I don’t want to character build this kid who doesn’t really exist but I do think he’d be like unimpressed by Rocio being a wizard like he’d think it was cool at first as like a party trick but eventually get bored bc he doesn’t really care about status or anything. I don’t think he’d care abt her as family either like no more so than a distant cousin. But I think they could get closer over time. The first person ever that Rocio actually wants to like her lol

This is sad I feel bad this kid doesn’t exist now I want to re retcon him into existence. Maybe I will who knows 

10. What objects do they always carry around with them? 

good question I’ve actually never thought about this because I hate drawing bags but it doesn’t make sense for her to carry everything around in her pockets so I decided to hand wave that completely and never think about it at all. But it is good for character building so I’ll try

Probably money I suppose. She travels a lot so she’d need to pay for like transportation esp in unfamiliar places. I think they’d carry more than they need for like bribery and tipping people. Essentially they have access to as much money as they need to effectively do their job (although they are on kinda thin ice and might get their funds cut off for not being productive for the past 6 months. Their job is like the help the country and/or help with research, they’re allowed to work on their own projects but they have to write detailed reports on things they’re doing and make sure to keep in contact if they’re out of the country or just nowhere to be seen and Rocio hasn’t done either of those things so far. If the events of the story hadn’t happened they’d probably have sent someone to be like hey what’s going on 😐. I want to say it would have been Yiming because I like him and I think he would agree to do this because he personally knows Rocio + people using their magic for the right things is very important to him, but like he’s busy so they probably would send someone else 😔) . So they like tip people exorbitant amounts of money, like if they need them to keep something a secret. Or if they feel bad for not making small talk 

They have a really good memory, so I don’t think they’d usually need to write things down, but they do probably have like a notebook or something for like magic related things. Like ideas for spells theyre working on or like some facts noted down for reference. They also have a better memory for studying than they do for like their schedule and things they have to do so I think they’d have like a planner or something like that to make sure they don’t forget to show up to things. The most difficult part of becoming a wizard wasn’t the studying or the meditation (everything else was psychological torture for the most part) or the competition or the money (they had nepotism on their side) it was doing press and attending 800 bureaucratic meetings 

[imaginetonyandbucky]

(Give Me A) Reason To Live

Chapter 2

by @dracusfyre

“Do you know where they are planning to take him?” James asked as he headed for the stairs up to his room. Tony started to follow him then realized that James was going to drop his towel to get dressed and after a moment of temptation, stayed at the bottom of the stairs instead.

“SHIELD facility in New York,” Tony called up, trying very hard to concentrate on anything except what his imagination was currently trying to show him regarding a naked James next to a bed.

“SHIELD SHIELD, or Hydra SHIELD?” James said from above, voice slightly muffled.

“SHIELD SHIELD, as far as I can tell,” Tony said. “Fury himself is taking the lead, for now. But there’s always the question of what will happen after he wakes up, and I’m sure Hydra will be trying to weasel themselves into those plans.”

“True.” James jogged back down the stairs, his shirt clinging to damp skin and hair pulled away from his face. “So what do you think? Intercept before or after he wakes up?”

“After, I think.” Tony led him downstairs to the lab, where James had his own computer setup. He sat down at it and powered it on while Tony fired up the fancy coffee machine in the back of the room. “I mean, we have no idea how to thaw out someone safely, and no equipment to do so if we did.”

“True.” James pulled up the Hydra files and read the message that had sent Tony racing up the stairs, then started searching for the exact location of the Valkyrie and the NY SHIELD office to start planning. After a few weeks of fits and starts due to poor communication, they had finally settled into a good division of labor: Tony dug through the files for appropriate targets and when he had them, James would come up with the actual plan of attack. “The exfil will be a lot easier if he’s awake.”

Tony nodded and silence reigned for a long time, broken only by the sound of keyboards and James occasionally making notes. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep at his desk until James shook him awake and herded him to bed. He’d been having a dream about Captain America, some fuzzy half-remembered thing where the man was scolding him for something, then he had turned into Tony’s father and sent Tony to his room. You didn’t have to be a shrink to pick up on that symbolism, Tony thought as he fell into bed.

“You should get undressed,” James said and Tony froze, suddenly wide awake as his heart hammered. Did he really…?

“What?” He managed, rolling over to look up at James.

Who raised an eyebrow and pointed to Tony’s feet. “You’re still wearing the shoes we went hiking in,” he pointed out, and Tony let his head fall back against the pillows as his face got hot.

“Right,” he mumbled, and toed them off to fall on the floor. James was still standing there, looking expectant, so with a put-upon sigh Tony sat up and started peeling off the rest of his clothes as well.

“This is going to change everything, isn’t it?” he said as James started to leave. “This thing with Cap?”

James hesitated at the door, the hand on the door frame gleaming in the dim light from the computers in the next room. “Get some sleep, Tony,” he said after a moment. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

There was that sick feeling again. Tony tossed his clothes in the corner and fell back into bed, and recited the digits of pi until he fell asleep.

                                                 ~~~~~

By the time Tony woke up and stumbled up the stairs, James was awake and thankfully already making breakfast. He shuffled up to the kitchen table and muttered a thanks as James slid a cup of coffee across the table. James knew better than to attempt conversation before Tony was ready, so they sat and ate in silence until Tony was finally awake enough to say, “Any news?”

“Nothing much. They needed special equipment to break through the ice without destabilizing the plane and sending it to the bottom of the ocean,” James said between bites of pancake.

“So we’ve got time?”

“Little bit.”

“Got a plan?”  At that, James tilted his head back and forth in an eh, sort of motion. “What do you need?”

“More intel.”

Tony just grunted and finished off his coffee. If James still had questions they would be ready and waiting for Tony downstairs, and since they had time, Tony needed at least one more cup of coffee before dealing with that. He pushed away from the table and put his plate in the dishwasher, then refilled his coffee and sat back down while James kept eating. This was another good system that they’d figured out over the past year; James ate twice as much as Tony, at least, to power that supersoldier metabolism, which worked out because by the time James was done eating, Tony was finished with his second cup of coffee and they were both ready to start the day.  “Hey, where’s he going to sleep?” Tony blurted out without thinking, then cringed. “Nevermind, that’s a stupid question.”

James just shrugged as he used his last bite to sop up some maple syrup. “Dunno. One of us will have to double bunk with someone, or take the couch, or get another mattress. Does it matter?”

“No, of course not.”

But James was eyeing him thoughtfully. “Is that what you meant? Last night?”

“Huh?”

“You said this was going to change everything.”

“Oh.” Tony looked down at his coffee cup to avoid James’ eyes. “I, uh, I meant we’re not going to be able to fly under the radar anymore, you know? After stealing Captain America out from under SHIELD and Hydra’s noses.”

“True.” As James picked up his plate and put it in the dishwasher as well, he said, “You should call him Steve. We’re rescuing Steve Rogers, not Captain America.”

Right. Of course. Like Tony could forget that James and Cap- Steve had a past. “Yeah, sure, sorry,” Tony muttered, taking a sip of coffee against the sour taste in his mouth. “I’ll head downstairs and get started on that intel.”

Once downstairs, he could see why James had left these questions to him. Questions like finding the building plans for the SHIELD facility and learning which personnel were going to be assigned to Steve were going to take some hacking to find out. Fortunately, when it came to SHIELD, Hydra was already infested in their systems, and Tony had a backdoor to Hydra, so by lunch time he was jogging back up the stairs to tell James what he’d found and almost tripped over a Barret MK22.

“Careful,” James said, sitting at the center of what looked like an explosion in a firearms factory. “I thought you’d be down there for longer.”

“Packing for the trip?” Tony asked, stepping carefully around the sniper rifle and picking his way through the rest of James’ collection towards the kitchen.

“Planning. Trying to figure out what we might need to pick up before we go.”

“I got that info for you, if that helps your planning.” Tony took one of the many frozen meals out of the freezer and popped it in the microwave. “Looks like they are keeping this information pretty close to the chest, which is good for us. Not going to be a lot of attention on him when it comes time to do our thing.” James only made an absent noise, clearly still lost in thought as he stared at a stack of C4, so for a while there was only the humming of the microwave until Tony got impatient and opened the door early. “I’ll be downstairs,” he told James as he grabbed a fork and gingerly picked up his molten hot lasagna.

“I’m coming,” James said, getting to his feet with a smooth, easy motion that made Tony feel every one of his years. Tony settled down in his computer chair as James stood behind him, leaving Tony with a prickling awareness of how close he was. Tony took a deep breath to steady himself and pulled up the report he’d slapped together. First was the building plan, and after it got James’ nod of approval Tony sent it to the jumbo printer because he knew that James liked to work off of hard copies. Next was a series of internal shield memos proposing a variety of plans for what to do when Steve woke up, and James snorted derisively as he read them. “Not a single one of these people know anything about Steve, do they?”

“I mean, only what they learned from history books, I guess. What would you do?”

“You mean what am I going to do? I’m going to say, ‘Wake the fuck up, Steve, we gotta get out of here now follow me.’”

Tony laughed and saw James’ mouth curl up at the corners. “Simple and effective. I like it.” Since SHIELD was still trying to decide its plan of action, Tony dismissed the emails and started pulling up the personnel list.  Like he’d said, it wasn’t long; SHIELD was playing this one close to the vest for now.

“Wait.” Tony immediately stopped scrolling as James leaned over his shoulder, smelling like shower soap and gun oil. “I know her,” James said, frowning. He pointed at the redhead. “Who is she?”

“Well, her SHIELD ID says Natalie Rushman,” Tony said. “Is she Hydra?”

“No…” James said slowly, eyebrows drawing together as he tried to remember. Many of his memories had come back surprisingly quickly once they’d escaped Hydra, making for some really touch-and-go moments in the early months as James had often woken up screaming from nightmares and had wandered around the cabin hollow-eyed and haunted. Going into the woods had been his escape in those days, and he’d only told Tony what he was up to after Tony had gotten cabin fever and decided to go for a hike and figure out what all the hype was about with fresh air and nature. “I think I shot her once.”

“Think she’d know your face?”

“Maybe.” Tony could tell that James was still frustrated by the almost-there memory so he left the image up on the screen for him to stare at.

“That’ll be a complication, since she’s part of his reintegration team,” Tony mused. “Strangely enough, I guess that means between the two of us, I’ll be the one least likely to be recognized. Not something I ever thought I’d say.”

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”

“Um…” Tony squinted at James and realized that obviously James wouldn’t know much about Tony’s past, other than what he’d told him or what James would have seen in the Hydra files. Especially if it hadn’t occurred to James to look him up on the internet, which he guessed was possible. “I was, uh, kind of a celebrity.”

“What for? Were you a movie star or something?”

Tony made a face. He didn’t want to admit that he was mostly famous for a series of sex scandals to someone who had personally known Captain America. “Nothing good,” he said finally. “Stupid stuff.” No chance James wasn’t going to Google him now, but at least he wouldn’t have to explain to James’ face why there were so many pictures on the internet of him naked. Thankfully, James just shrugged, apparently willing to leave it at that, so Tony quickly went through the rest of the items on James’ list. There was also no further updates on the efforts to get Steve out of the ice, so they were officially in Tony’s least favorite part of any operation: the hurry up and wait part.

With nothing else to do in the lab, Tony set JARVIS to keep an eye on any further communication and followed James back up the stairs. Since the couch was the only part of the living room that wasn’t covered in some kind of weapon, Tony perched on it and turned on the TV while James organized his collection. Making sad noises at James got him his forgotten lasagna from downstairs with the low, low cost of grumbling and an eye roll, leaving Tony to have a pleasant couple of hours hanging out in companionable silence with James. At some point, James had changed position to lean against the couch while sitting on the floor, which had meant that his back was pressing against Tony’s leg, warm and solid and something Tony only thought about every 15 seconds or so for a solid hour.  

“I was thinking about what you said earlier,” James said after a while, sitting up and sadly moving away from Tony as he started to put away the weapons, sorting them into piles and returning some to their hiding places. “About this operation breaking our cover.”

“Yeah?”

“Your suit. Could you make it flashy?”

“Flashy?” Tony echoed in confusion. He had a couple of suit builds now, based on the various types of missions they went on, but all of them were matte black and had a rubberized exterior to reduce the noise and radar profile. “I mean, sure, that wouldn’t be hard. But why?”

“Our best bet might be for you to create a distraction, and I think you zooming down 5th Avenue would be a good distraction.”

Tony stared at him, stomach turning as his whole body went hot and cold with fear. “No,” he said shakily, turning away from James and sliding further into the couch, staring resolutely at the TV screen. “No fucking way.” Tony pulled the blanket tighter around himself, curling into a ball. Everything depended on him not being seen, on Hydra not knowing he was alive. Everything. How could James not know that? Was Tony supposed to jump at the chance to sacrifice himself for Steve? Because one look at the suit and Hydra would know, Stane would know, and then– then-

A sudden warm hand on his shoulder made him jump and lash out. When his hands only met hard muscle fight turned to flight and he scrambled away. But as he tried to get to his feet he tripped over a blanket and hit the floor hard, knocking the wind out of him. His heart was pounding in his ears but eventually he heard James talking to him, saying “Tony, fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize, just wait,” and that was like a bucket of water to the face. He realized he was sweating and his breathing was fast and shallow, and as he looked up at James he felt the hot crawl of humiliation.

“I’m fine,” he said shortly as he climbed to his feet. “I’m going to take a shower.” He could feel the pressure of James’ eyes and his silence against his back as he went to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He shook for a while, leaning against the bathroom door, before he finally managed to turn on the shower.

The awkwardness lasted until dinner, with James clearly wanting to say something but unsure how to bring it up, and Tony too embarrassed to meet his eye or give him an opening. Thankfully, JARVIS gave them an update halfway through dinner, and the tension eased as conversation turned towards their plan. Since James had cooked, Tony reluctantly got up to do the dishes, only to have James gently crowd him away from the sink. “You need to get ready for the mission,” James pointed out, which was a flimsy excuse because it didn’t take that long to get the suit ready to go now that Tony had figured out how to make it deploy from something the size of a suitcase, but Tony didn’t argue. He hated doing dishes.

It was also better than staying upstairs and risking that James would say something, so he went downstairs to prep the suit. Once down there, though, he slowed as he approached the Mark VII, remembering James’ suggestion earlier. Though the thought still make his limbs feel weak and his heart race, he forced himself to sit down and consider the idea instead of running from it. He knew what James had been trying to suggest; he could get the attention of the police and any SHIELD agents in the area and draw them away from James while he rescued Steve. He could even put a few holes in the building to cover their escape then disappear as soon as they were clear. It was smart, it was simple, and it was fucking terrifying.

Though there was no escaping the fact that Tony had put in a lot of effort making sure Hydra would think he was dead, and this was going to undo all of that work. “Fuck,” Tony groaned, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. It wasn’t like James wasn’t risking everything, too, but apparently he was willing to let Tony take the cowards way out even if it made their plan harder. “JARVIS,” he said finally, voice muffled behind his hands. “Warm up the machines, we’re modifying one of the suits. We’re changing up the armor.” What was an eye-catching color? Probably red, a bright red. All the better to wave himself in front of the metaphorical bull. But all red would look like shit. “Red and gold,” Tony said finally. “Make me a mockup of the armor in red and gold.”

[aletaevers]

( cisfemale ) haven’t seen ALETA 'PIXIE' EVERS around in a while. the FREYA MAVOR lookalike has been known to be (+) DRIVEN & (+) RESILIENT, but SHE can also be (-) VAIN & (-) UNRELENTING. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in NURSING. I believe they’re living in TERRA FIRMA, but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

i’m......so excited......................like i LOVE aleta and im so iskdjfg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pleathe give this a like if u’d like to plot w/ her !!! esp if u have a hendrix bb as they’d know her more ... obv

TW: child abuse, alcoholism, death, violence, grief. just some really tragic shit, man. self loathing.

a e s t h e t i c s

french-pane windows and ivy-coated bricks, silk pajama sets and champagne bubbles, wind through hair and constant, constant running; red cards and penalties, explosive words and hair-tugging, tear-soaked pillows and red eyes in empty bathrooms, the smell of roses and death, loose curls and sharp scissors, fairy tales and their endings -- how bittersweet, nails against desks, against backs, nails down a chalkboard, nails breaking skin. thrown fists and bruised knuckles, late night cereal-runs, getting lost in the woods, sleeping in fields. choking down insults, forced smiles, a wish for comfort.

general information !!

full name: aleta marit evers

nickname(s): pixie, tbd

b.o.d. - june 17th, grand ol’ gemini

label(s): the vixen, the amaranth, the hellcat, etc. etc.

height: 5′8″ tbh

hometown: giethoorn, netherlands

sexuality: bi as hell

pinterest

stats

biography !!

all aleta has ever wanted was to be happy. to just, for once--be content.

born to anton evers, a well-known neurosurgeon and eleanor evers (nee du pont), a talented actress appearing on several tv shows in her youth -- privilege is, essentially, her middle name

her parents met on the set of a hospital show, anton a consultant and eleanor a ‘patient’; it was the kind of love that was volatile and loud and known -- dangerous, in the end, maybe.

this was only possible because eleanor had always dreamed of being a star, instead of inheriting her families’ horse racing business; which thus resulted in her traveling across an entire ocean to pursue her dreams where there wasn’t already a name made for her.

lil fun facts about the evers: anton’s older brother is a partner with their father at evers & evers, and his younger brother is koninklijke marechaussee.

life was normal in the beginning; eleanor had her firstborn, rhys -- a son, which made anton happy. then, her second born, aleta -- a daughter, which made anton less happy. a few years after aleta came laurel, another daughter. and that was that.

it was supposed to be the three of them.

anton evers, in all his glory -- was nothing more than a no-good cheater with a bad temper and a lack of empathy. which, of course, led to his numerous affairs with one of his nurses. which -- in turn, led to the birth of one ramona evers, only to be discovered six years later. 

pre-ramona: when the kids got too much for eleanor, she’d let them fall into the hands of the nannies. plural, as there were many; not all willing to deal with three spoiled devils from the deepest pits of hell. she loved her children, but god, was she not built for motherhood. eleanor spent her days drinking wine and champagne, excessively, while the nannies chased after mud-coated children and faced their tantrums head-first.

their house was old and ~vintage~ and more like a mansion than anything else, a backyard leading into woods--countless woods. this is where aleta spent most of her time, when she got sick of rhys pulling her pigtails and him refusing to play knights and princes with her.

after a severe accident, ramona was suddenly left motherless and thus: custody went to anton. it came to a shock to the entire family, but eleanor the most -- she’d gone six years unknowing of the fact that her husband had another child.

it was like watching their mother turn into a completely different person overnight -- while never cruel to her own children, eleanor was relentless towards ramona. whether it were insults or nails dug into arms; more often than not a martini glass in her hand.

aleta had always loved her mother -- even with nannies looking after her more often than not. in her eyes, her mother and father had a marriage that fairy tales were based off of. anton worked often, but everyday he’d bring home flowers for eleanor; their home was essentially a garden; vases and vases of roses.

if her mother hated ramona then aleta hated ramona. rhys had begun closing up and laurel, out of fear than anything else, stayed clear of the soap opera that was now their life.

these were aleta’s nightmare child gone extreme years. unapologetically violent towards any other student who dared step in her way, she took what she wanted and was a typical bully throughout her school years. she was essentially just. a really angry brat. with dyslexia, which also made school Hard which in turn made her Hate School. 

more often than not, she was alone at home. more often than not, she was in the woods. they were her only source of peace. it was in the woods that she met vos. whether that was his real name, she didn’t know. she didn’t care. he’d gotten his foot stuck in a rabbit hole, and she’d gotten it out. and from that point, they were friends. it was like a fairy tale, which aleta had always been big on. she went by duif, going along with his shenanigans.

together they played knights and princes (aleta, always the knight. always. vos, the prince. always.) practically everyday until sundown, where they’d part ways.

throughout this all, eleanor had been getting worse. her alcoholism had taken an extreme turn for the worst.

when aleta was 12, she found her mother dead. she doesn’t remember much, just red wine mimicking blood and pearls strewn across the room, shattered glass and her own screaming sobs.

the day after the funeral, they moved.

aleta was, essentially, alone in the world after that. rhys had gone off with the bad sort of crowd and had no time for his mourning sister; he was grieving in his own way. laurel had befriended their neighbor, eva, and aleta had immediately taken a dislike towards her. she thought she looked like a rat. aleta told eva that much. and ramona was...off doing ramona things, avoiding her family by any means necessary.

time sort of...flew, after that. aleta channeled her anger through sports--and as she got older, into parties and general reckless activity involving alcohol and whatnot. grief still hung heavy in her throat, but she put on a mask of cynical coldness and became known as the resident bitch. it fit her. she didn’t care.

her moods calmed a bit as she entered university, but not by much tbh.

uuhhh hmmm. met tiago through her brother, and only pursued him because she had overheard ramona gushing to either laurel or eva or whomever the fuck about her little ~faraway crush~. so, like, obviously aleta fucked him? and somehow! they wound up dating! she’s very much in love with him, which terrifies her because she’s very scared of loving someone.

also...........uh......................may have gotten ramona expelled out of sheer pettiness. more on that later. :~)

personality !!

frank, rude, and spiteful -- at least she’s honest. even if her comments are riddled in backhanded compliments and eye-rolling. 

she’s not the....easiest person to befriend. has a habit of really only paying much attention to people she finds interesting; if you bore her then you’re out! thanks for playing!

despite how off-putting she can be, she’s pretty well-known. whether its because of her viciousness on the field in the many, many sports she has played for hendrix, or her presence at parties, or ‘cos she made your cousin or best friend or whomever cry in the bathroom, or y’know. her famous, dead mom.

doesn’t...seem to have a problem with her reputation? likes being seen as this tough, untouchable person.

is soft with very very few people, like, maybe three at the max? and she’s not even soft towards her siblings so difjgkh. one of these people is obv tiago.

she’s endlessly loyal, even if she does flirt with other people to make her bf jealous ?? like, she’d never actually cheat. not after what her father did to her mother. does it excuse her actions ?? fuck no. she’s still a bad person

hates her dad so yay !! daddy issues. p sure papa evers is part of a secret society but, y’know. just dad things.

she’s....very emotional. very prone to sudden spouts of just, anger. it doesn’t take a lot to piss her off, and she’s not a particularly friendly whirlpool.

cries a lot tbh. usually before she sleeps, or in the shower, or in one of the campus bathrooms. doesn’t let people see her cry but like...it’s also not surprising to catch her fixing her eyeliner in the bathroom after an episode.

she’s just in general p moody ?? petty ?? will talk shit to you in dutch, even if u fucking speak it. she doesn’t care. would probably spread a rumor about u just for funsies.

she’s gr8 at parties, usually ‘cos shes too crossed to be actively mean.

like, okay, i’ve made her out to be pretty Horrible but hbjnfdmgh she isn’t going to look at your character and just. start beating them down with words n fists and shit, y’know ?? she might be thinking it, but she’s not That impulsive

is apathetic at best towards most people otherwise, like, idk -- if she doesn’t have a reason, even if its a very small reason, she won’t bother with you. 

this VIDEO right fucking here. GOD. that’s an aleta vibe. it’s probably not something she’d say but just. the tone ?? awful. it gave me flashbacks to middle school when i watched that video.

has a sketchbook which is essentially anatomy notes and like, lil doodles n shit of fantasy scenery n shit

kinda...escapes into her mind sometimes ?? is still in love w the concept of fairy tales and perfect love and just. happiness. like she’s kind of obsessed with it ?? with the perfect image ?? which, hence, leads to her illustrating it. hence why she’s just so. in love. hence why she sabotages everything for herself too ‘cos ! she just sort of hates herself and knows nothing will ever be magical and perfect and shit.

so like, big secret fantasy nerd. probably has tried to sing with birds once when nobody was looking. she cant even sing. she shower sings and like maybe the bathroom acoustics make her sound not horrible but ?? she’s mediocre at best. it’s tragic, really.

there’s sm more, like, she’s just got a lot of feelings and contradicting personality points and she’s udfjighk she’s annoying. that’s what she is. aleta is CANCELED

ok ok ok but GOD is she good at sports ?? like genuinely just. she does like, track, hockey, lacrosse, tennis prolly idk, maybe other shit. and like granted she gets angry n then gets penalized for almost beating a girl down but isjkdfg she’s good at sports 

got the nickname ‘pixie’ on the field ‘cos shes fast and also has bitten a few people and is just very aggressive

EDIT: i forgot to mention that she !! stopped relying on her father for money (this does not include....stealing from him, which she most definitely does!!) and she’s kinda paying for things w/ savings and like...soon, she’ll get a job, i promise uhdfijfkg 

wanted connections !!

like...two close friends. pleathe, for her sanity.

uuuuuHHH god, just enemies of all sorts. ex-friends or never-friends or exes before tiago. people she’s talked shit about, or spread shit about

maybe she fucking poured her alcohol on ur muses’ head during a party

GOD i don’t know she drops people so much !!

other....friends, y’know, that she isn’t ~close~ to, but she gets along with fairly well

people she flirts with to make her bf jealous !! because she’s awful !!

temptations...b/c commitment is difficult for her b/c of y’know. her parents. not an actual affair but just...y’know. checking each other out, flirtatious banter, the whole ‘no i can’t ive got a boyfriend’ and shit like that.

teammates !!

dead parents club.

somebody who caught her crying in the bathroom hfdjgkh whether theyre concerned for some fucking reason or r straight up like ‘lmao...u deserve it’

ummm give me rhys ?? and laurel ?? or people who know them

rhys is a drug dealer so like.............she prolly knows a few ppl who get their drugs from him

friends of ramona’s before she uh . . . disappeared / got expelled

good influences who r like ‘stop being such a fucking dick aleta get ur shit together’

cousins !! she prolly has a ton

maybe......an online friend ?? who shes known for a while ??

bad influences who r like >:3 yes stay angry. stay bad. here, break this fucking window with this bat. yes, good.

literally i will take anything sjkfdg

people she’s tormented ??? has bullied ?? has embarrassed ???

[myriadism]

Cassandra/Jake/Ezekiel for the Domesticity Meme~

who cooks normally?: Jake likes to take care of people, esp his partners so he usually whips up some food before the other two have a chance to even think about it. Cassandra enjoys baking so often she’ll help him in the kitchen or Jake will let her lead. Ezekiel is insecure about his cooking skills so he’s happy to let the others take care of him or just order out his one true food love: pizza. But every so often he will make dessert foods(lemon squares, chocolate truffles, strawberry shortcake, baklava, etc) in secret as a surprise and Cass and Jake LOVE them.

how often do they fight?: All three of them have strong personalities and their own outlook so I imagine they disagree a lot about work stuff or other things but I think they are all by unspoken consensus very careful about starting a genuine interpersonal argument. I headcanon that they didn’t really start a relationship for a long time after they started working together even though there was attraction because nobody wanted to ruin what they had just as teammates and none of them have a history of romantic relationships going well. So they sort of tiptoed around eachother at first, taking things slow, trying not to push too hard, and then one day all three looked up and realized that they’d die without the others and they were in a very committed loving relationship that just sort of snuck up out of Nowhere. And the biggest thing that triggers a fight now is one of the three doing something dangerous or holding back something vital of themselves from the relationship.

what do they do when they’re away from each other?: None of them really like to be alone anymore, but sometimes they have things that they prefer to do on their own. Like Jacob still goes back to his hometown now and again to deal with family stuff. Ezekiel will still get up to somewhat extra-legal mischief by himself but he’s gotten a lot better at calling in for help or back up. Cassandra likes to go to science conferences all around the world and very quietly has started taking some college courses because she never had a chance to get a degree before when she was sick and she sort of misses academia sometimes. Jake and Ezekiel are very supportive and love to help her study, though ofc she barely needs to study. 

nicknames for each other?: Cass, Kid, or ‘Our Girl’ for Cassandra (Ezekiel calls her Kid and Jake calls her Cass, they both use Our Girl). Cowboy for Jake, ‘Zeke or a playful ‘Master Thief’ for Ezkeiel. Cassandra calls both of them Honey or ‘My Boys’.

who is more likely to pay for dinner?: Weirdly enough, Ezekiel. As much as he professes to be personally opposed to paying for anything at all usually as Jake (or more rarely Cassandra if she can convince Jake to let his polite southern gentleman act have a rest) goes to ask for the bill they find it’s already been covered beforehand through increasingly ridiculous manners of payment. From a slick credit card with apparently no limit, to a fresh crisp wad of cash bills, or electronic wire transfers, traveler’s checks, even old but apparently valid government bonds. No one can get a straight answer out of Jones about how much money he actually has or where it is.

who steals the covers at night?: The scale of least to most covers goes like this---> Jake who is a boiling sleep furnace needs only a sheet and even that is perfunctory to Cassandra who likes a soft fleece comforter with silky pajamas to Ezekiel who hibernates within a cocoon of blankets, pillows, or people, whatever is available.

what would they get each other for gifts?: I think Ezekiel likes gifting puzzles, riddle books for Jake and puzzle rings/boxes or stim fidgets for Cassandra. Also jewelry and clothes, ezekiel has a good sense for both of Cass and Jake’s fashion aesthetic. Jake likes to do things as a gift, he takes them out to a nice dinner or events they’d all be interested in. His most personal gifts are art he makes himself for one of the others, a drawing or little wood carving. He doesn’t think they’re very good but Cass and Ezekiel cherish them. Cassandra has a knack for just randomly finding things that the others will like, obscure electronics, choose your own adventure books, soft hoodies, t-shirts with funny sayings on them, nice leather gloves and such for Ezekiel. Drafting pencils, old monographs, handmade notebooks, flannel button downs, city planing maps and architectural drawings, original art from small-time artists around the world and such for Jacob. She just says “I saw this and I thought of you” and the other two are simply touched.

who remembers things?: Cassandra never ever forgets anything, not only does she know all the important dates and anniversaries, she knows their likes, dislikes, food allergies, places they’ve been to before, and even things they’ve mentioned in passing like one time and will use it to spoil her boys in the most unexpected ways. Jake and Ezekiel are smart and capable but they’re just trying to keep up with the unstoppable force of Cassandra’s sugary sweet goodwill.

who cusses more?: Ezekiel swears the most, especially when you count weird Australian slang curses, Jake prefers colorful epithets peppered with ‘dammit Hardison Ezekiel’, and every once in a great while Cassandra will drop a precision strike F-Bomb that makes everyone do a double take.

what would they do if the other one was hurt?: Pretty much freak the fuck out. Interspersed anger with worried hovering.

who kissed who first?: I think Ezekiel kissed Jake first as like a challenge thing, that got way too real for him way too quick. Mistletoe may have been involved.

who made the first move?: Ezekiel by kissing Jake. Cassandra was in the room and saw everything including how much each of them was into it even though they tried to hide it. (who do you think put up the mistletoe? lollololol) 

who started the relationship?: I think Cassandra is probably the bravest one that saw how good of a thing a three way relationship between them could be and was willing to broach the subject. I like to think she asks Flynn for some ‘hypothetical’ relationship advice and then because his rambling on the subject was relatively useless and incoherent she gets some better encouragement from Eve who tells her to trust her gut and that whatever happens the Library would give her support. That gives her courage to go for it. And everyone is very happy with the outcome. 

[trashylvania]

Great i got my EKG results back from my latest ER visit, and apparently i’ve developed left ventricular hypertrophy, which means that the left portion of the heart muscles responsible for pumping my blood are thickening/enlarging because my heart is working rly hard to beat for some reason 😭 it causes the exact symptoms that keep sending my ass to the ER (significant chest pain w/ a weird distinctive squeezing sensation when the heart beats, dizziness, difficulty breathing, faintness, getting rly tired even when i ain’t doin shit) which, when it worsens, strongly resembles a heart attack, esp bc the blood flow to my left arm gets reduced and causes weakness.

apparently i’m getting closer and closer to a heart attack as this progresses… my risk for stroke (my genes rly favor strokes more than any other infarction) as well as my risk for wild & scary shit like cardiac arrest 😓😓😓

i have none of the conventional risk factors that cause this condition; my blood pressure only ranges between low to optimal, i’m young, i’m not overweight, i don’t have sleep apnea… the only things left are genetics or a mystery medical condition causing it. while i smoke, smoking, in this context, is discouraged bc it can contribute to high blood pressure (which i don’t have.) so that’s not actually impacting this, and if it were truly an urgent/serious problem, my docs would scream at me to quit. but at my age, the damage caused is minimal, and smoking is the least of my problems… it’s acknowledged that while quitting would be great in general, i would still be just as sick as i am now.

now i need to get another echo done, esp bc i haven’t gotten one since i was put on my meds. i’m getting closer to ironically developing the heart failure my meds were created to treat… at 26 years old. the catheterization procedure my heart doc wanted to do wouldn’t solve this issue, my meds are losing control over my arrhythmia now so my heart is starting to speed up again, and somehow my heart is still straining to beat/ causing my heart muscles to thicken to keep up despite the fact that my heart rate WAS controlled very well until recently. even still, my heart rate doesn’t go that far past 130bpm in crisis scenarios, and is only grazing tachy state these days at 100-110bpm. b4 meds, the heart monitor i wore for a week as i went about my day showed that my heart was consistently RAGING at 150-170bpm… that is a CRITICAL, DANGEROUS heart rate in a clinical situation and is considered an emergency. i was just walking around like that, albeit barely. i could hardly breathe back then or even minimally exert myself without risking collapse. i was stuck in bed unless stubbornness led me to fight my way thru going out to run errands or whatever with family. i couldn’t go out alone bc i couldn’t manage and it was too risky to try, but i still made it to doctor appointments.

these days, i’m returning to feeling like death again, just not as debilitated as b4 thx to my meds. like, i’m legit lucky to be here… my heart doc was in shock when he got my monitor results and called me in asap; he wanted to go thru with the procedure right away, but i’m scared that i have V-EDS (as opposed to the less-horrible current dx of H-EDS) bc my family history shows a definite possibility thx to my own research. i’ve slept hard on getting the test bc any hope i have of receiving p much any kind of lifesaving surgery i could ever need is extinguished… i have a distinctly high risk of bleeding out, bc V-EDS already carries a bleed-out risk even with going about my daily life. the catheterization procedure is largely safe and minimally invasive for most ppl, but if i have vascular EDS, the risk of threading a catheter thru my ARTERY is kinda like poking a sleeping giant; nicking an artery could result in an unprecedented level of bleeding, possibly enough to rly fuck me up. i hesitate to go as far as to say ‘it could kill me lmao’ bc i rly don’t want to think about that shit, but it’s not impossible. V-EDS is rare wild shit 👀

also, my sick ass is going for 5000 medical tests on Wednesday; i’m getting a shit ton of blood drawn to test for everything causing my other (non-cardiac) symptoms, bc my heart isn’t a sufficient insult to my health on its own. a distinctly frightening, actual, not exaggerated by my anxiety possibility is that i have lymphoma. seriously. my primary doc warned me about this, using the word 'lymphoma,’ and consulted with an oncologist contact asking when is soonest i can be tested, since i was given prednisone last Wednesday when i was rushed to the ER from radiology bc i had an allergic reaction to the MRI contrast dye (that i’d tolerated in the past, but i guess my body wanted to suddenly complicate shit for no reason.) i’m frequently referred to as 'really sick,’ but it doesn’t fully register; i’m like constantly maintaining some low-level dissociation from it despite being so immersed in it. i tell myself shit like 'rly sick ppl can’t go to class like i am’ even tho i’ve had no choice but to drop this semester (there goes that sweet shred of denial i was clinging to!) and i barely dragged myself thru last semester. like, i can go out to accompany family with running errands (it’s sometimes the most 'going out’ i can manage, provided i sit in the car most of the time, which has become a source of fun for me, idc how 'sad’ it might sound) or take myself out to the doctor. sometimes i can tidy up a bit and do some organizing, but that’s far and few in between. washing my face and hair is forced, and if it’s accomplished, it’s a 'good day.’ crafting is only possible occasionally, when my brain isn’t super foggy, but my heart is kinda holding me up from it altogether lately 😣

yesterday, after another refreshing blast of radiation from the x-ray i got in the ER, i felt amazing. i found new jams to listen to, had a nice shower/washed my hair and face, made coherent 'to-do’ lists, helped my husband pack for his flight 2day, made him a mixtape of like 90 (mostly new) songs i found so he’d have something to listen to on the plane, managed to eat a substantial meal, and even put nice lotion on (which was admittedly a struggle thx to my heart, so i was kinda lightheaded and breathless the whole time, but i smell nice so it was worth it 😎😎😎)

2day, on the other hand, is full of hideous fatigue again, lots of time in bed, pain back at full force, the fun of only being either extremely overheated or covering myself in literally 5 or more blankets, and the lowkey growing disappointment that i might not accomplish anything (no matter how minor) on my relatively modest 'to-do’ list… even tho i have the spirit and mental motivation to do it. if my heart won’t cooperate, it makes everything either an agonizing struggle or turns most of my attempts to do something more worthwhile/fulfilling into almost instant defeat. even tho i’m extremely stubborn and push myself well past my limits just to maintain even a minimally recognizable version of my normal life.

like, it’s shocking how much of an effect the radiation has on me, bc it’s the only variable that’s changed from usual; if i get out of the ER without radiation, i’m even more exhausted the next day, so it’s not i’m invigorated by the 'peace of mind’ that i *didn’t* have a heart attack bc i still have new & unresolved heart shit regardless which certainly doesn’t bring me any sense of peace lmao. when i got spine scans, i felt so good that i actually 4got to take my pain meds for like 2 days afterward. that’s fuckin amazing. after that tho i promptly returned to my usual exhausted, complaining, pained state of seemingly perpetual walking death in which i feel like i’m going to collapse if i do anything requiring even minor physical exertion. it’s kinda weird, and i haven’t found much of anything expanding on this phenomenon in any medical journals or forums that concern my known illnesses. i’m supposing if this could be due to either of the disease groups on the table for me: autoimmune diseases & cancers. lymphoma is making an unfortunately strong case, but would it improve with the small burst of radiation from an x-ray? if so, it seems like it could be pretty treatable in my case, esp if i’m dealing with aggressive & fast-growing lymphoma, which is actually considered to be very curable. it would be the first and only condition of mine that’s actually curable.

the others that remain a possibility are sarcoidosis, which would be systemic for me but still usually affects the lungs to some degree, which is visible on a chest x-ray, which i’ve been receiving… i’d imagine the ER docs would’ve caught it. then again, ER docs are primarily concerned w/ shit that’s acutely life-threatening and tend to avoid dealing with chronic issues. considering the incredible chaos on the floor that night, i could easily see how they’d set that kind of thing to the side for a specialist to deal with.

weirdly, right b4 the ER doc told me that he got my x-ray and that there was no pulmonary embolism like we’d already figured, i could’ve SWORN i’d heard the x-ray guy hand over my x-ray to the ER doc, who spent a while appreciating something unusual on it in hushed voices with sum1 who sounded like my nurse… i could’ve sworn i’d heard the word 'sarcoidosis’ (which is kinda hard to mis-hear) but he could’ve been talking about anybody there i guess. ER docs who find sarcoidosis in patients’ xrays will disregard it if it’s asymptomatic, which about half of the cases are i think. i was there for my heart, but since cardiac sarcoidosis is v rare and a mess for anybody other than a specialist, i could imagine that being put aside for my team to handle in a clinical setting. ER docs are hesitant to bring up stuff like that bc if it’s incorrect (or in the many sarcoidosis cases, it’s asymptomatic and harmless,) it could greatly and unnecessarily alarm an already frightened patient, which would be detrimental. since sarcoidosis is chronic and progresses slowly, it’s realistically not rly gonna worsen much in the time it takes to reach a specialist within a week or so; it can wait for a specialist to take the time required to examine the possibility of the disease and any treatments required. so idk, maybe it was about me; if so, i won the bet jokingly made between me & my primary doc on what bizarre diagnosis i have while we’re waiting for all this bloodwork shit to move the differential forward lmao. i guess we’ll see 😓

but i think that’s p much everything i’m dealing with rn, i’m numb to so much of it tbh but it helps to write it out and put everything into context, and it’s a small accomplishment for the day.

sry 4 the long posts lately lmao 😧 i’m gonna get back to netflix as usual (i’m watchin 'monkey life’ rn, it’s rly cute and thankfully keeping me occupied lmao) 🐒💖

thx 4 reading any part of this massive wall of text lmao 💖💛💚💙💜

[heejinsgf]

get to know me tag?? i think

Tagged by @12moonas ♡ 

This is probably going to be wayyy too detailed… oops? Some more nsfw things will be under the cut (it’s also super long for this blog i’m very very sorry :< )

THE LAST:

Drink: water !!! stay hydrated, kids

Phone call: asking my mom to rescue me pick me up

Text message: replying to my close?? best?? friend after a rant about her day

Song you listened to: Sogyeokdong by Seotaiji, sung by IU ♡

Time you cried: last night because i felt really sick :(

Dated someone twice: two times zero is still zero !!!

Kissed someone and regretted it: what is kissing

Been cheated on: what are relationships

Lost someone special: my first dog, Percy. I miss you so much, bud.

Been depressed: this morning when i found out someone i knew had passed away this year…

Gotten drunk and thrown up: I Am Underage. Only adults can vomit, obviously.

(idk if the last five were supposed to be under “THE LAST” category but… i’m just rollin with it)

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: (surprise surprise i’m canadian yes i spell favourite colours with the u’s)

ORANGE 

Blue (my dog’s name too)

Yellowww

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made new friends: yep!

Fallen out of love: what is love

Laughed until you cried: probably lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: nope?

Met someone who changed you: ok i didn’t meet them, but i’ve become a big fan of the chinese women’s national volleyball team i’d say they (esp. certain fave players) have definitely changed me

Found out who your friends are: idk? what are friends

Kissed someone on your Facebook list: n o

GENERAL:

How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them :D don’t talk to strangers, kids

Do you have any pets: my lil pup, blue ♡

Do you want to change your name: no?? Candy is easy and memorable lol, although i can’t say the same for my last name…

What did you do for your last Birthday: uhh i was probably drowning in either physics or bio :/ my bday’s during exam season

What time did you wake up: i woke up multiple times (damn you, you weird illness thingy), but meant to wake up at 7AM to watch China play Russia in the FIVB Grand Prix Preliminaries 2017 :D (China won!!! the match was so close it was magnificent)

What were you doing at midnight last night: either trying to sleep or rewatching the previous day’s China vs. Italy volleyball match lol. i am a piece of trash, i know :<

Name something you can’t wait for: my two week break before school begins!!!! *cries*

When was the last time you saw your mom: two hours ago??

What are you listening right now: NCT’s Cherry Bomb :3 but Neon Bunny’s New Moon is next !!!

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: who is tom

Something that is getting on your nerves: that nakamoto yuta’s vocals are not appreciated fully ://

Most visited website: messenger.com ;)

Elementary school: too many to remember

High school: a self-paced school in ontario

College: i want to get into a health sci program at either the University of Toronto, or McMaster University :)

Hair colour: black woot woot

Long or short hair: ok well i have an undercut with long hair because it’s super thick, so i guess it’s sort of half and half lmao

Do you have a crush on someone: someone i know personally? n o. someone halfway across the globe? Yan Ni, Ding Xia, and Zheng Yixin currently :)

What do you like about yourself: I’d say i’m a good student, friendly, and um… i don’t give a shit about my appearance so that saves a lot of stress 

Piercings: I DON’T HAVE ANY BUT i really want to get some this summer (a single, !!uninfected!! helix ring or stud is my dream)

Blood type: idk :(

Nickname: is Candy not enough of a nickname already

Relationship status: been single for 16 years and 1 month!! (i was born in june 2001, do the math)

Pronouns: she/her

Favourite TV Show: ATLA !!!!!!

Tattoos: nah. too much commitment lmao

Right or left handed: right !!! 

Past surgeries: nonono 

Piercing: why is this here again

Do you play any sports: welp i used to do badminton, running, and long jump but nahhh

Vacation: i’ve never been on a vacation in my life :) !!! BUT I’M GOING TO MONTREAL THIS OCTOBER TO SEE THE ARTISTIC GYMNASTICS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS i am so blessed (kohei and kenzo and songsong pls stay healthy)

Pair of trainers: what does this even mean??? If it’s asking if i have a pair of running shoes, then yes i have multiple, but i have to get new ones and orthotics from a podiatrist soon, so :/ who knows

MORE GENERAL:

Eating: love it!!! buy me a roast duck, cherry tomatoes, and/or cheesecake, and i will love you forever

Drinking: i now see what they mean by “more general” now lmao. well i basically drink water 24/7

I’m about to: procrastinate on do hw :/

Waiting for: life to sort itself out ??

Want: stable income, a career i enjoy, health for me and the people i care about, healthy pets, fun experiences, a less… vile world, being able to safely come out

Get married: idk bud

Career: health profession

WHICH IS BETTER:

Hugs or kisses: idk i’ve done neither as far as i can remember

Lips or eyes: i think both are great and some can be very pretty, buuuttt it’s really hard for me to look people in the eyes so i’m gonna have to say lips lmao

Shorter or taller: doesn’t matter :)  (but i’m like 5 feet tall so they’d probably be taller anyways)

Older or younger: uhhhh

Nice arms or nice stomach: I Am Obsessed with hands, wrists, and forearms !!! is that a kink

the ~rest~ under the cut lol

Sensitive or loud: what

Hook up or relationship: idk but both sound great when done right lol

Troublemaker or hesitant: what

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: noooo

Drank hard liquor: noooo

Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes :< had to spend a day walking around in a blurry mess

Turned someone down: noooo

Sex in the first date: what

Broken someones heart: what

Had your heart broken: look i have had z e r o relationships o k aa ayy

Been arrested: noooo

Cried when someone died: once, for my dog Percy 

Fallen for a friend: for like 2 days ok

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: y-yes?

Miracles: idk

Love at first sight: i dkdkd kdk kk

Santa Claus: who is that

Kiss in the first date: that doesn’t sound too bad ??

Angels: what are those

OTHER:

Current best friend’s name: V******* aka vanilla bean

Eye colour: dark brown?? i srsly can’t even look myself in the eye in the mirror OTL

Favourite movie: i don’t watch movies?? do the last 4 episodes of ATLA count lmao

ok so idk who to tag, so whoever wants to have fun, just go with it!! also, if you read this entire thing… i am so sorry lmao