#esp not the professionals y’all are so bad at this shit

[oatmilkandvellichor]

ya i’m not like other girls. my therapist in high school use to tell me all the time how much better i was than her other teenage patients bc they were ‘just rich drunk kids’ and i had ✨poverty trauma✨ and was sober. of course, i went home and celebrated my metaphorical A+ in therapy by drinking lean and tequila alone in my bedroom, but obvs that’s just cos i’m quirky and different

[katierosefun]

dont feel bad about blabbing about your book it sounds interesting~ can we hear more if you wanna share?

aaaaaaaaaah, thank you anon!!! that means a lot, because i often feel a little self-conscious about talking about writing that,,,isn’t fic. but anyways, here’s a read more tab because just in case anyone’s not the biggest fan of reading about original stuff: 

so i’ve mentioned it a few times before, but this story is mostly about a girl who’s lost her memories of her parents. there’s been a few tweaks and turns here and there to the plotline (on my fourth draft...meaning the story is wildly different from what it started out as). anyways, she’s trying to find a way to get her memories back, but that’s kinda difficult when she’s also been framed for a murder she didn’t think she committed (again, gaps in memory makes for an unreliable witness/narrator, right?). just when she thinks she’s about to be sent off to prison/get the death sentence, someone comes along to help her clear her name. little does our protagonist know that this is actually someone who’s kind of like a family member from her forgotten past. 

um, that was all very disorganized, but that’s the gist of it. again, the storyline’s been tweaked a few times, because i really wanted this story to be accessible to everyone--it has its darker and grittier moments, but it’s also got a lot of softer and sweeter moments, esp. when we get into some of the other characters! 

basically, this story has a lot of found family things: 

there’s andrea (who’s the protagonist. her aesthetic is very much black turtlenecks + boyfriend jeans. she decides to steal a sandwich just to spite the owner of the convenience store she works in, and that’s why she thinks she’s being arrested at first. looks mean but is actually a really big softie inside who just kinda wants a hug.)

there’s galen (person from the past. his aesthetic is very much knitted scarves (that andrea’s actual parents gave him as a gift when he was like,,,16 :’)))) + cardigans. he has an ability to heal everyone except himself. literally. he can mend broken bones, bruises, all those ugly things, but he can never do it for himself because superpower logic. is a really big softie both inside and out. he met andrea when she was 8 and he was 16 at a talk andrea’s parents (professors on the origin of this kind of...superhero society for lack of better word that galen’s a part of).) 

** actually, andrea and galen are my favorite because like...there’s a kind of sad story between them, but they’re wonderful. andrea, of course, doesn’t remember him, despite the fact that they’ve shared five years together. (because...more sad things.) 

there’s hina (sunshine child. her aesthetic is very much long skirts + lots and lots of necklaces. she has the ability to just. look into other people’s heads, but this isn’t an ability she’s able to control, not really. she’s shut up in the society’s library as a result, because that seems to be the only place she can actually go about her day without being bombarded by everyone’s thoughts. she longs to one day actually step outside the walls of her home, but right now, she explores through books and stories from people who bother talking to her. i love her a lot because she’s the classic trope character of powerful and kind.) 

** i really love andrea and hina’s dynamic too. they’re definitely just...oh the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one. there’s this one h/c incident (because....in true caroline fashion, h/c abounds) where hina helps andrea up after this not-so-good fight, and andrea (who’s like,,,half out of it), mumbles “why are you being nice i just hurt your feelings :’((” and hina’s just like “we’ll talk about this later but right now just let me help you okay” (they’re so soft. they’re so soft you guys. andrea gives up her bed for hina at one point. they’re soft.)

there’s tori (certified wine aunt/mom friend. her aesthetic is just the ever-professional suit and tie. everyone sees her wear overalls one (1) time and loses their minds because tori wears informal clothes sometimes what-- she has the ability to...take away memories, so y’all can put two-and-two together. is hypercompotent and carries a lot of guilt around with her for what she had to do. also winds up being a mentor figure because we need more female mentor figures!!!) 

** i really love tori’s dynamic with everyone, i think? with andrea, she def. has this big-sister-to-slightly-younger sister banter going. (you know, the one where the younger sibling greets older sibling with “nerd” and the older sibling greets the younger sibling with “dork”. andrea grudgingly respects tori, and tori went from “andrea :((” to “andrea >:(” real quick because andrea is a little shit who loves making tori’s life difficult. but the two love each other a lot deep down. with hina, tori’s a lot softer (adsfsdf everyone’s soft with hina because hina’s. again. sunshine child). and with galen,,,let me just say that there’s a lot of complicated feelings with galen but like i’m just gonna say. lots of mutual pining and “hey i would love to actually have a romantic relationship with you but like right now both of us are kinda stuck saving the world and also your eyes are nice okay bye” 

(that being said, romance kinda takes a backburner in all these relationships. i guess if there is romance, it’s all very...subtle and also very open-ended in the end of the duology, because really, i want people to realize that it’s more about the platonic love in these stories than it is the romantic. not saying romantic is any less important than platonic, but i’d like to showcase platonic love a little more. if it makes anyone feel better, i truly do think that andrea wakes up every morning next to hina feeling like the luckiest gal in the world, and tori and galen do wind up getting that romantic walk together and maybe holding hands and being absolute blushing dorks about it.) 

(but really, i plan to end this series with. just the four of them. sitting on the roof of a car. stargazing. hina’s so excited to be...outside for once, and little does she know that andrea’s actually planning a cross-country roadtrip for them. tori passes everyone popcorn. andrea plays with galen’s scarf. hina winds up babbling about all these stories she’s read about aliens and stuff and whoa guys the world’s so big, and we’re so small, and and and--) 

(it ends with the four of them laughing. andrea thinks, “this is my family.”)

[herotheshiro]

i wanted to post this online somewhere but didn’t know where to put it (not really something to put on any of my IG accounts and if you stay w me for the rest of this post you’ll know why i didn’t put it on twitter) and i almost forgot tumblr existed and no one really uses it (i.e., my sibling doesn’t follow this account. was going to put this on my personal blog which my sibling also doesn’t follow but i feel like this blog is better in the end) so good place to put it and let me release my thoughts. [put it under cut bc it’s pretty long lol]

but basically one of the worst decisions i’ve made in the last half yr is become active on twitter. i made an account back in october to try to order some hipmaic merch from a proxy which ultimately failed and had unexpected personal blowbacks as well... that in itself should have already indicated the dumpster fire that twitter would become for me (from the bad vibes of that failure i mean) but unfortunately in the time before i knew the proxy was going to fail, i got absorbed into fandom twitter. for whatever reason i have this weird thing of wanting to become fandom famous or like fandom well-known, which i think is partially due to me wanting to be like my sibling who sort of became a recognizable name due to their fanworks in some of their fandoms in the past. i feel like i used to kind of have that kind of recognition back during the young deviantart days but since i don’t really produce/publish fanworks anymore, i’ve gotten to liveblogging/livetweeting as my attempts to fame. ik some ppl have succeeded off of that, based on some of the ppl i’ve followed for a number of fandoms in the past few years, so i thought i could do it too ... but alas as y’all know, the internet is a big place and it’s hard to get ppl to care abt your one voice. and ppl noticing you also sometimes happens in unwanted ways, like that whole thing i got stressed over re: a/3 which i think i blogged abt on this blog before ... i mean still not even 100% they were referring to me specifically w that vague tweetinig but i was stupidly anxious over dumb shit like that.

also, as everyone knows, once you really get into a fandom, there is always the absolute mess of “problematic” content/call-outs. sometimes it’s valid critiques of the series content, sometimes it’s over stupid ass petty inter-fan drama. and even if you’re not involved in the drama itself, it’s so tiring to have to witness all the passive aggressive (or sometimes outright aggressive) tweets ... esp in this current global pandemic situation where we’re already getting negative news re: our real lives. i’m writing up this post really in response to me reading through threads of ppl calling out the problematic ways hipmaic handles hip hop/black culture which is definitely valid and basically something i’ve always been aware of even when i first came into the fandom bc non-black iterations of hip hop culture (esp overseas) usually do not hit the mark .... even though i’ve been aware of all this shit, it’s so tiring to read through and then the guilt of still consuming the fandom even w its flaws (which is still something you can do as long as you acknowledge the flaws and problematic aspects. but it also depends on the series i suppose, like imo a/o/t is just shit that prob shouldn’t be consumed lol, which is also funny bc i used to consume it a long time ago but that was like way before the timeskip like when the anime first got released ... i mean this kind of opinion/perspective is fraught w so many asterisks so i’m not going to go into it further but hopefully you get what i mean even if you’re not hearing all of my personal footnotes)... like i don’t think i’m going to give up hipmaic yet, bc i still do enjoy some of its music and i do enjoy seeing character content, but adding twitter to my life was honestly a goddamn mistake. not only for that one case of anxiety re: a/3 but also just me purposely consuming fans’ content that i literally KNOW will piss me off but i still do anyways. it’s tiring to read some of the comments hipmaic fans say, and a few months ago i wanted to interact re: headcanons and stuff but now i’m like you know what. keep your frankly incorrect and inaccurate headcanons to yourself (partly sarcastic but you know when you read a thinkpiece and you respect them for voicing their opinion but it’s also “wrong” at the same time...).

like recently i’ve gotten to thinking to literally just blocking any twitter account that talks abt hyp mic and just restricting my twitter to non-fandom stuff or japanese twitter accounts where i don’t understand what stupid shit they’re saying (if any). and also let’s not get into what a time-suck scrolling through twitter has become for me ... i’m already depressed and completely unmotivated to do work, and twitter is just a major procrastination device to continue wrecking my academic and professional lives and productivity ... i don’t have the app, but i can still access it through safari so of course it’s still a stick in my wheel. i really need to follow what my sibling said and try to rarely go on it and if i do, just stick to my dash and don’t stray too far out (i.e., looking up shit in the search bar). tbh, IG and twitter are both huge time-wasters for me, and i seriously need to consider deleting social media in general or at least for a good chunk of time which is something i wanted to do literally 2 yrs ago but just never did ... ik some of my friends are relatively inactive on social media (they do have it but they just never post or anything) and i really really need to be like that. everything for me (like many ppl at this time i assume) is remote, and i know from past experience that i am VERY BAD at being productive when doing remote working. and having IG/twitter drains is definitely going to make that worse, especially since they’re already major distractors when i AM physically going to school/work. i feel like i’ve tried to cut cold-turkey before, but i usually never keep up the block for long ... it’s also due to a lack of motivation in general (this is a whole other monster of a topic that should be put on my personal blog LMAO) but i need to just try to cut things that i have some control over that could further contribute to my lack of productivity.

tl;dr

fandom twitter truly is a dumpster fire

twitter itself is helping ruin my life (not bc of anything happening on it but just its presence)

i am just purposely consuming bad news and shitty takes and making myself feel worse and i need to stop