#especially if ya didnt know you fuckin loved that person for years until it was too late

[monstersinthecosmos]

Do you have a theory why Armand's casting is so under wraps even though they have filmed footage? Apparently he's not book accurate and revealing the casting would be a huge spoiler. Do you have any theories how his character has been changed (at least physically)?

all right like tbh I never got to the bottom of where that rumor came from and I'm not sure if it's true, so ONE OPTION is that it's nonsense, it's bullshit, they didn't cast him at all yet bc he's not gonna be around until Season 2. And like, unless there's some MASSIVE thing that we didnt hear about, this production was leakier than the fuckin Titanic so I just don't know if they could've kept it under wraps this long. Like so far the most plausible conspiracy was the Alex Garfin sightings and he has THE LOOK but like, I'm not sure why they'd keep it a secret, especially because it doesn't feel like they're treasuring Armand as a character to prioritize in this universe.

But if the thing IS a spoiler, I think like, the only ways simply learning who he is could be a spoiler is if it's like someone they've cast as a red herring playing a different character (Rashid) or like, it's SO dramatically different that they want the reveal to be more exciting, like if he's been changed to a woman. Again like, at this point I don't think they're shy about not being book accurate so I don't know why it would be a secret if it's dramatically different. They've prided themselves on being dramatically different so far.

Either way I don't see him being book accurate; it's not an aesthetic issue as much as it's a storytelling issue. And even if he has the same backstory and personality and everything like, the entire timeline is so fucked up along with the other characters that he'd be serving a different narrative function. Like I'm curious to see what else will happen between Louis & Lestat but Lestat in this is sharing vampire information, has told Louis about his mortal life, and Louis has vampire powers! So even if he still heads to Europe on a quest for spiritual knowledge, it's not going to look the same in terms of Armand being a mentor figure. (Like I'm sure they could come up with another way for Armand to be a mentor or even just a breath of fresh air after Lestat's fucking nonsense so idk.) There's also just not enough time for Armand to have his relationships with Louis and Daniel in a truncated timeline, or least, it won't carry the same weight if you take a 70 year relationship and squash it into 20 or whatever.

Like, they're vampires, don't fuck me around with a 20 year relationship LOL humans can do that. Get serious!

As for theories, honestly I couldn't fuckin tell ya dude like this entire show is doing whatever the fuck it wants. 😂 I wouldn't be surprised if they aged him up since all the other characters have been aged up. 😂😂

(I almost started a side essay about why I think Armand's age is fucking important to who he is as a person and creates a really beautiful texture with regards to the theme of his lost innocence and barbaric personality but that's not what you asked, I will 🤐)

But even making predictions about the ways the show is navigating themes about age and things like that, I don't completely have a grasp on it yet so I can't be sure. If he doesn't show up this season I might have different feelings, having seen the whole season. Like, depending what the show is trying to tell us about teens & sexuality, maybe they WOULDN'T age him up, maybe they'll go there. I need to see more about how they handle Claudia. And depending on how they want to handle the main ship, who knows if they'll introduce Armand as a Loustat wedge, and it might really change how they present him if he is/isn't going to be a love interest.

I think like when more patterns start emerging about the style of storytelling and what they're trying to tell us we'll be able to guess stuff like this, but as of now I'm just in the fuckin dark haha.

[mosesins]

me: oh this fic looks nice

fic: #unrequited love

me: just kidding

[sharkmobster]

more funtime found family au stuff but this time focusing on funtime freddy and michael's relationship. it's incredibly rambly and turns into off-kilter dialogue but i gotta get this off my chest.

tw mentioned child abuse/death

• doesn't actually like michael (at first) even tho i draw them hanging around each other a lot

• bon bon is the only reason he does loaf around him. (bon bon and bonnet being the only ones who like Michael in the beginning.) They're attached to each other so it's inevitable that they would hang around mikey.

• ft freddy plays really mean spirited jokes on michael bc he's not allowed to harm him. he has to get real creative. (ft freddy has a lot of anger inside of him. people write him off as being dumb and goofy but really that's just a mask that he put up so he didn't scare people away. of course the funtimes know how he is, knows who he is right to his core bc they're all connected on a deeper/technological level.)

• (slaps funtime freddy. this bear can fit so much trauma and abandonment issues in him!)

• can be incredibly vindictive when he wants to be and takes out a lot of his agression on Michael. michael shares the afton name (bc he sure as hell doesn't look like william in my au lol) and that alone is enough for ft freddy to bully him.

• (the funtimes blame william for abandoning them so ft freddy takes it especially personal when his ankle biter comes around to "liberate" them. and on some deeper level freddy is just terrified that michael will abandon them all, just like willy did. he never voices this of course. opting to show his apprehension and fear in a more destructive way, pushing Michael further away.)

• canon ft freddy: sinister but still goofy and knows how to have a good time

my ft freddy: goofy and repressed anger issues, doesn't know how to enjoy himself without causing someone some kinda pain.

• michael gets fed up with being terrorized eventually and confronts him, and ft freddy drops the silly act for a bit just ready to blow up at him. (he can't even place why he's still so angry at michael when really he's been nothing but hospitable and accomodating to their wants and needs but fuck he's just so wound up he doesn't know what to do) michael compares him to william during the argument (cruel and vindictive just like william wanted) and ft freddy nearly rings his neck, absolutely seething but bon bon doesnt let that happen of course. (idk if this is confirmed canon but bon bon was designed to placate freddy. he raises his voice even slightly and bon bon's petting his face, stopping him from getting even more agressive)

• ft freddy shuts down after the confrontation ends (emotionally, anyway) and the blow out itself is completely anti climatic, nobody getting hurt. he ends up isolating himself from the others with bon bon hovering around like a concerned mother hen. Baby and the others give him space but michael (after he cools down anyways) won't leave him alone.

• See the thing is: Michael understands. Michael understands more than anyone what it's like to feel so deeply, what it's like to hate and hate and to keep hating until that rage is your whole life. It's suffocating. and he had to deal with that all on his own, choking on his own grief and rage without anyone to guide him. (his brother is dead bc of him and he carries that with him everywhere he goes, in everything he does.)

• They're living in the countryside of France at this point in time, far off from any wandering eyes, a thick forest surrounding their home. Freddy has a few hiding spots that he scouted out within the first few days of staying there. And that's where Michael finds him, hiding out in a small alcove by the a creek, throwing rocks at the trees (and sometimes wildlife).

• freddy doesn't aknowledge him, ignoring him like a child would and bon bon frets nervously between them, not wanting another fight to break out. Michael tells them that he's not here to fight anymore, he just wants to talk. you like to talk, don't you? and freddy doesn't say anything, running his fingers through the dirt, absentmindedly.

• michael asks bon bon to leave so that they can have a private convo and bon bon freaks out like absolutely not, he might hurt you and michael asks freddy directly like "are you going to hurt me?" freddy still isn't talkative, and he's rigid when he shakes his head no after a bit of silence. Bon Bon asks if he's alright with him leaving and freddy just shrugs, still staring at nothing in the distance. bon bon hesitates for a few moments before finally leaving, telling Michael to call out to him if he's in danger but michael rushes him along.

• it's just them now, nothing but the sounds of nature around them. michael asks how he's feeling and freddy shrugs again. Michael strikes up a one sided conversation, stepping closer and closer to him over time not really getting any kinda response out of him but eventually, during his rambling, freddy finally looks at him and says "Y-You just don't get-get it." and then goes back to the silent treatment.

• Michael's quiet, having made his way up to standing right next to freddy (he's only a tiny bit taller than him when he's just sitting like that). he nods his head, considering something for a while until finally he goes "Did I ever tell you about what it was like? Ya know. Being William Afton's golden child?" freddy doesn't say anything but he pauses from drawing circles in the dirt, tilts his head just a fraction to let mikey know he's listening.

• michael stares at the creek. "He wasn't the most outwardly loving father. Wasn't really the nicest one, either. But, I wanted his approval so bad, I'd do anything for it." Freddy slowly turns his head to watch him carefully. that's got his attention. "I did a bunch of stupid shit back then, all cause I wanted to be noticed by him. But all that attention went to my little-" and michael draws in a sudden breath, pained. stays silent for a moment, working up the courage to speak. "I did something awful to my brother. All for my father. And it's an awful thing to say but his death didn't matter. Pops didnt bat an eye and Mom was too far gone by that point after Elizabeth...." he looks back in the direction of the cottage. "Well.... you know what happened to Elizabeth." Freddy's stare is hard and unyielding. "He's gone now and I was the only one who cared enough. His fuckin' abuser cared more for his passing than his own father did."

• "He threw me into the basement. Did you know that?" Michael bounces from one foot to another, anxiety written into his very bones. he's lost in his rambling now, having never spoken these words out loud to anyone. "I killed his son and he locked me away in the dark for three years." Freddy fully turns to give Michael his undivided attention, stock still, hanging off of his every word. "I got out. Eventually. I ran away and lived on the streets for years until someone got a hold of me. Told me my old man was missing, presumed dead. Got a pretty penny from the fazbear business he co-owned with Mr. Emily. Things were going good, I guess. I was overwhelmed for the most part, didn't do anything other than bounce around from hotels every few days. In some way, I felt like he was still out there, watching me. I just kept running. And then i found out about you." He glances at freddy and looks away quickly when he finds an unblinking visage staring back. "Found out about all of you. Locked away in a storage facility for over 30 years. In the dark. All alone." an incredibly long silence stretches out between them, freddy fidgeting, hyperaware of every noise going on around them.

• "You think I don't get it. But I do. I think I understand you more than anyone could." Michael's staring back at him, raw emotion across his face, eyes soft with empathy and that's what makes Freddy turn away from him. Suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't want to fight with you. Not you. Not Ballora, or Foxy, or Eli-" He visibly winces, but regains his composure. "...I just... need you to understand that I want to help."

• Freddy's never been so quiet, and it's such an odd sight. Michael's not sure if he should say anything else or if he should leave the bear alone. the bear speaks up, finally "W-We could've kill-killed you."

• "That was always a possibility, yeah. I woulda deserved it." Freddy's not sure if he likes the way Michael talks about himself sometimes. "I needed to get you guys out of there, though. That was more important than whatever could've happened to me." Michael huffs. "Besides, if I hadn't bailed you guys out then I would've never gone to Paris. Ballora has good taste in real estate, I think." and despite everything, freddy lets out a sudden breath that could've been mistaken for a sensible chuckle. Michael smiles anyway.

• Things settle down afterwards, though there's no bite to Freddy's jokes now. They're not as close as Michael wants, Freddy still keeping his distance, keeping his walls up but it's something.

• Freddy starts watching horror movies with him late into the night and until dawn. Doesn't let Michael sleep in afterwards and he might just regret this but it makes Freddy happy. Things go back to normal in the cottage, as normal as things can be for a motley troupe like them anyways. Michael starts laughing at his jokes more.

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

[randomsevans]

a stab to the heart

Captain weekly challenge

@captain-a-rogerss​

@optimistic-dinosaur-nacho​

@donutloverxo​

RANSOM X READER 

a/n : i know i write quite abit of angst but i couldn't help myself , even tho i try to write soft Ransom because i dont think he gets much love , but i just had to write him as the true arsehole he is .

You should know this day would come , why on earth did you fall form him ? ,Trust him ? Believe he would change for YOU !

This wasn't how today was meant to be , it was meant to be your anniversary , A year you have put up with  his shit but you did it anyway because you stupidly fell for him. You've dealt with it all his  shit show of a family ,his drinking , partying. Your voices which you should of listen to from the beginning . After all you should know to trust you gut felling , but your heart just over powered.

Despite all the times he would leave and you wouldnt hear from him for days , or his constant partying with his friends , knowing fine well theyd be girls all around much like it was before you , You trusted him , believed him . After all who are you to call the man you love , who says he love you and to trust him , who are you to call him a liar . 

but that was what he was . 

after all he is Ransom FUCKIN Drysdale . 

you had woken up by a soft pair of lip touch your cheek ,but it wasn't gental or sweet , it was rushed 

“y/n ! im leaving right , ill see ya soon “ Ransom husky morning voice echoed through out your room . Ransom may have said in a harsh tone , but you must of thought because it was so early in the morning and he probably didn't want to leave . After all today is you anniversary . But at least it was an improvement , in the past he would just get up and leave 

“okay “ you grumbled as you rubbed your eyes turning on your back , pulling the sheets with you as you opened your eyes to see Ransom pulling his brown coat over  his shoulder sorting out the collar . A small smile placed on your lips , as you were mesmerised by how lucky you were to have someone as hansom as him . “why dont you say ?” you said softly 

“i cant !” he snapped back , not in such a bitter tone , like he use with most , he has always been kinder to you but it was still enough for you to be slightly offend 

“umm okay “ you nervously said sitting up , “where you going ?“

he let out a deep sigh as his eyes slighted towards you in announce “out ! “ he snapped once again , until a small smug smile place on his lips “iv got something to take care of “ 

you nodded being as naive and in love ,you didn't dare question him further until a wide smile placed on your lips as you remembered what today is “im still seeing you later ya !” you  asked all giddy 

“uhhhh .. it depends on how today goes “ he let out a dry chuckle 

“oh okay “ you though maybe he was trying to wind you up he might have a surprise for you like you do for him , He does remember what today is doesn't he ?

ransom turned the door nob and opened the door , not even glancing at you . “see ya !” it was cold , nothing sweet about it. but before you could answer you heard him bounce down the stair , and soon after heard the front door open and close . 

You sighed , dragging your self out of bed , but still feeling good about the day . He was probably only winding you up . 

so you got up and got ready for the day , 

***************************************************************************************

some time had past , and you were becoming more anxious ,to know if Ransom was actual going to come , of course he would , but what kept him from  not spending the day with you again . Especial today of all days . 

you tried to ignore the little voice in your head doubting him , where could he be ? who is he with ? what is he doing ? did he forget ?

you hide those thoughts in the back of your head , as you reminded your self of the plans you had for him . But you still could not help the gut feeling that something was off . So as you made your way up the stair you rang Ransoms phone , it rang through and went to voicemal by the time you got to the top of the stairs , You decided to try one more time , and as you did you heard a ringing noise coming from your bedroom . You lifted your brow in confustion and headed into your bedroom , The ringing contuined , you quickely glanced around , to see what it was , It was then you saw Ransom phone , was laying on the floor , inbetween the door and your dresser . 

You let out a little giggle , at Ransom for being foolish leaving his phone . It must of feel out of his coat pocket . 

You shook your head picking it up from the ground , you chucked it on the bed , along with your phone and made  your way in to your wardrobe to get ready for  when ransom gets back 

It didnt take you long to get ready , as you had gotten dress , applied little makeup (gift above )

you frowned releasing the time , once again , but you sighed , trying to remain , calm , and have a good day . But as you turned to grab your phone , yu quickly remembered you have Ransoms

you titled your head in curiosity , maybe you could find out what he was doing , or maybe call one of his friend to see where he was . As you grabbed his phone , you suddenly felt uneasy , and no it wasnt your lunch . You suddenly felt guilty for going through his phone it felt like you were invading his  privacy . You nibbled on your bottom lip . Surely it would be fine , its not like he has anything to hide , right ?

so you opened up his phone , and went to unlock it , when you released you needed to enter a password , that you didnt know . You stranded there for a minted thinking with one hand on your hip covered by you silk black robe .Ransom was a very forgetfully person   clearly . So you had to think of something , he wouldn't forget , and it was then you tried his birthday . NOPE didnt work . And then you remembered four number that were more important to Ransom his card pin BINGO you were in . 

But your heart suddenly began to beat fast , now you were in his phone , what were you going to do now , its not like anyone know where he is . So you decided to go on to message and see who it was that last text him , maybe there needed him and thats where he went ? Maybe ? 

so as you pressed the little green bubble at the bottom of the screen , you were met with a string of conventions . Your brows raised , as you saw , random numbers , and anitionals  with little side notes in brackets . The top one was just labelled as J.S? (good when told  ) . You decide to click on it , as a wave  of anxiety  hit you  , 

you saw a short line of blue and white message back a forth  as your eyes bluurd one the words as your eyes become glossed over . while your chest tightend and you colsaped onto the bed . You heart sank , and torn all at once while your head become dizzy . You read through the text to make sure , your eye wernt tricking you 

J.S : Ransom , baby where are you ? you promised       

                          R.D : ill be there soon iv just got to finish up over here first 

J.S :kk ill be waiting 😉😘

                          R.D : oh i know you will be ! 

you  shaking lifted your hand , and click on another , and another conversation , that were just as similair some that had when on longer others that were shorter . Some were similar , a thank you and telling him to call them back . 

A small tear trippled down your cheek ,as you read through the message , you were even be able to find your own somewhere between a 11 digets number and a ALICE ? (decent) 

And you , You were simple save as y/n (err okay ?)

you felt anger rage through you , as you shot up from your bed . 

***********************************************************************************

And thats where you found your self now , just finished collecting all off Ransom cloths and things that he has left over . Watching them burn in the sink , turn to ash as you add to the glowing  flames as you pour the vodka you were currently sipping on , over the fire .  You turned facing away the kitchen isle as you lifted your arm as rubbed your eyes over your silk rob smuging your mascara . 

you looked down towards the cake that you had brought . You honestly dont know why tho .But you couldnt help but star at its delicate white piping around the edge and the swirls . It was kind of funny how you saw your self  in a cake . You was kind of like it before Ransom , sweet , and elegant  and now you were this A girl crying over an arsehole burning his cloths , after finding out he had been cheating . But you were surprisingly okay with that 

But the temptation was to much , you held to much rage with in . That you couldnt help but ick up a knive and stab through the cake  imagining Ransom face . With a harsh bang crumes where flying everway .You could help but laugh at your self , as you  took out your frustrations at on a cake . 

your anger , mixed with vodka made your turn into a fit of gigles that echoed through the kitchen . It was until you heard the openoing of the front door , you stopped , your face dropped as you griped the knive harder . 

“ha babe , i left my ... what the fuck !”

[dazzledamazon]

Break Free 1/1

 Ella handed Hank his beer,”You are honestly telling me that you’ve never watched the original 1931 Dracula? Seriously?,” she asked him skeptically,

“Seriously,” he smirked, taking a swig of beer,

“I can lend you my dvd. There’s two versions. The Bela Lugiosi version and a Spanish version filmed at night on the exact sets after the other crew left. I’ve watched it. Pretty cool,” Ella grinned.

“You watched the Spanish version? Have you been teasing me the whole time saying you didnt speak Spanish?,” he asked suspiciously,

“Nope. Subtitles,” she grinned. “I’d never lie to yall,” she laughed, “You never did answer my question big guy. Ya wanna borrow my copy? Has special features and everything.”

“How about you bring it over and we do movie night at my place?,” Hank quietly asked.

He shyly looked at her. They had flirted but neither had done anything about it. She was really shy. Ella’s blond hair fell in front of her face, She looked at him from under her lashes, her smile lit up her face.

“Sounds like a plan. You just tell me the time and place.”

Before Hank could say anything, Riz yelled something at him and Ella’s cell rang. The smile quickly fell from her face after she answered it. 

“Hold on,” her normally soft voice became sharp,

Hank put his hand on hers, “El, you ok?”

She smiled at him,”Yeah, I have to take this real quick, Family bullshit, I’ll be right back,” she said, grabbing a beer, kissing his cheek and basically running out of the bar.

Hank joined Bishop, Riz and Taza at a table. They’d all watched their brother finally make a move on Ella only for this call to disturb the mood.All of them knew what it meant when Ella left taking a call from her family. She was related to Emily Galindo distantly, somehow. Like 5th or 6th cousin twice removed. 

“Think she’ll be ok?”, Taza asked.

“Hope so, El is so damn loyal to them. They treat her like a piece of fuckin shit. Yet they keep calling her,”Bishop sighed.

Ella had worked at the clubhouse as bartender for about 5 years. Every family holiday she spent alone. Always given excuses as to why she couldn;t be allowed to celebrate with them. One of the guys found out that Ella was the blacksheep of that family. Always had been. It was something about her father. No one really knew why especially her. She was the oldest of her siblings. 

“Your sister is getting married next week.”

Ella took a huge sip of her beer,”Why am I being told now?”

“There was no reason to tell you, Not until we got the RSVP’s back. And there was actually room.”

Ella had the speaker on, The woman screamed into the phone. Making sure she could hear every word, She sat as far away from the clubhouse as possible so the guys couldnt hear her. Never wanted them to know. 

“Mrs. Shear, I will try to be there. I have a job. I cant just take off at a moment;s notice.”

“Hmph. You mean a useless bartender can’t get a day off? Talk to them where they can understand. You should be with your own kind.”

Ella’s jaw set angrily. The guys were incredible people. Much better, no human. nothing like those plastic, unfeeling bastards where she was from. Only one thing had ever been taught to her, loyalty. Loyalty to family. The Mayans were the same. But what she never knew was there was a limit to that loyalty. 

“My own kind? As what? Galindo’s maid? or lower,” she mumbled.

“What did you say to me?”, her mother’s voice angrily boomed from the cell phone’s tiny speaker.

“I’ll try. Is there anything else Mrs Shears?”, Ella asked sweetly, wanting to vomit.

Her fingers tightening around the edge of the table so hard they were turning white. Angry tears started to fall. The phone clicked off. Ella sat at the table with her head in her hands. The phone rang again.

“Yes Mrs. Shears,?” she asked, 

“Watch your tone. If you don’t come, you’re disowned. Show up alone, you’re disowned. Doubt we will see you.’

Tears fell. Before she could say a word, Hank sat next to her. Hugging her, he leaned close to the phone.

“We will be there Ma’mm.”

“Hank...no,’ she said, quietly in shock,.

He shook his head,”Ella and I will be there. Send us the directions. Good day,” as he hung up.

“Hank... no,”

He looked at her,”I’m going with you. No arguments.”

“Hank no, They way she will treat you. You are too special to me. You dont deserve it. Please stay here,” she pleaded.

“I know all about them. I’m going.”

“Thank you but if you change your mind it’s ok.”

“I won’t,” Hank said, hugging her tightly.

Bishop, Riz and Taza watched them.

“Think this will end well for our girl?,” Riz asked.

Taza grinned,”Her family, hell no. Ella and Hank, maybe.”

“The minute they see him, they’ll disown her. He won’t be rich enough for them. Maybe that’s what our little sister needs,” Bishop replied.”She’s loyal to people who don’t love her. Maybe it’s about time Hank got off his ass and told how much he does,” he chuckled.

The day arrived. They got to the hotel next to the church. The hotel, due to the wedding and several other events in town, was sold out. Only room available was next to the boiler and one bed. But it was paid for as part of the wedding party, which shocked Ella. She’d been really quiet the whole day.

“El are you ok?”

She nodded,”Yeah. It’s just kinda weird to be back here after all this time.”

“How long?”

“Six years. The last Christmas before my Grandma died. After that I moved. Got a job bartending for a bunch of ruffians who are just a bunch of great guys,” she smiled.

“Don’t let it get around huh? Might ruin our image. Go and change. It’ll be ok,” he said giving her a tight hug.

“Thank you”

Ella walked out wearing a knee length, sleeveless cobalt blue dress. Her blonde hair in a loose braid. Hank was floored.

“You’re stunning.”

“Thank you Hank. You’re not so bad yourself handsome,” she said, admiring him in the black blazer and ensemble.

After the ceremony and purposely being seated in the very last pew, they got to the reception.

“Ella are you sure you want to stay,?” Hank asked, seeing the disapproving looks she’d gotten.

“Just a few minutes. Then I want to take my handsome date out,” she said, a blush appearing on her face.

“Dance with me,” he said, holding out his hand.

They slow danced until a throat loudly cleared behind them.

“Cinderella,you know never to dance with the help. It’s embarrassing to me,” her mother said.

“Mother, Hank is MY DATE and MY best friend.”

Hank took her hand in his tightly,pulling her as close to him as possible,”Mrs Spears, beautiful wedding.”

“How dare you bring him!”

“You don’t even know him you fucking bitch.”

Hank and her mother’s eyes both widened in shock. Ella could curse but it was rare. She’d never cursed at her mother before but treating Hank that way did it. She’d defend him and any of the Mayans. Her real family.

“You want respect you’ve never given. Love you don’t deserve. I’ve been loyal to this family because I was supposed to. Bitch it’s supposed to go both ways. Take these “family” heirlooms fake jewelry more like it, and shove em your ass. It’ll be the most action you’ve had in years,” she hissed,” taking the bracelet, necklace and ring off and throwing them into her slice of cake.

Unless you were up close like Hank was, you’d have thought they were just chatting happily.

“Just like your father. Running away with the first person who gives you attention,” she said with venom. Throwing her glass of champagne in Ella’s face ,” Leave you have no family”

“Yes she does. She’s got me,” Hank replied, pulling her close, before leading her out of the reception and to their room.

They walked into the room. Ella started to apologize when Hank put a finger to her lips.

“Don’t.”

“She shouldn’t have spo..”

Hank put a finger to her lips,”Id have come anyway. You have an actual family that loves you. We will always be there.”

“I know that now. I guess I was scared after them, that I’d be wrong. Bish, Taza,Riz, Creepie, Angel, Coco, Gilly,Chucky, EZ. And definitely you Hank.”

Hank kissed her,” I love you Ella. My Princesa.”

“I love you my Prince Charming in a cut. Always have.”

“Change beautiful. I want to show off my lioness. MY girl. Take you on a real date. Before we have to go back home,” he said kissing her forehead.

She beamed at him,”I wanna show off my man”

The next afternoon when they got back, after Hank told them about what happened with her mother, she hugged the guys.

“I missed my real familia, you knuckleheads, but I came back with my man,” she said kissing Hank, as the guys cheered and she flipped them off.

@everyhowlmarksthedead @chibsytelford

@basickassandra @elcococruz @samcrobae @mayans-mc @shameless-pope @arveeee @hermankopusortizorsumshite

[groundramon]

So curiouscat has stupid short reply lengths so i had to post this here

Tw for: bullying, fatphobia, discussion of sexual harassment (oh it feels good to have enough characters to write a proper tw)

So it might surprise ppl to know that my favorite frontier character is JP, the raging heterosexual. But like, to me...hes so much more than that. JP is a character that I saw so much of myself in. His social isolation from his peers, leading him to push away others to avoid getting hurt...its not that people outwardly bully him, its that no one sees behind his surface and nobody bothers to truly care about him. People only recognize him as the class clown - no one actually wants to hang out with him. And that...that hit me HARD as a kid. It was the experience i had growing up. I wasn't outright bullied, I just felt...excluded. Judged. I wanted friends but was too afraid of being judged or excluded. And sometimes it caused me to be dismissive of genuinely good people. And quite frankly, that's STILL a problem I have, not even a year after an exfriend of 7 years said that our interests were one of the things driving us apart. My intense fear of being ridiculed for my interests drove me as a kid, and sometimes even now as an adult, to completely stop caring what my peers thought about anything. For all intents and purposes, im a bit of a hipster - i hate on what's popular and i tote my more obscure interests. Because I feel like that's the only way. Obviously i have fairly mainstream interests but lemme tell ya, i went to a christian school in the late 2000s/early 2010s - goddamn pokemon was obscure/counter-culture in a setting like that. But despite my desperate attempts not to care, I DO care, just like JP. It fuckin stung. And now i have depression and social anxiety whoops. Honestly ngl, it got so bad that I genuinely projected that it was implied JP was isolated for being fat/not conventionally attracted, until i was like "wait a minute...frontier didnt go that hard"

But what makes JP such a tragic character to me now is that at the end of Frontier nowadays when i watch it, im left asking myself....DID JP make any friends?

I know JP is a raging heterosexual but quite frankly, he is dealt such a shitty, judgemental hand for an innocent crush. JP's most nsfw fantasy is marrying Zoe and holding her hand, like... And yet, despite this, he's accused time and time again of being a perv. JP is, well, a big fuckin guy. As such, he thinks "its probably a good idea to let all my friends climb up this latter before me, so i dont crush them all if i fall - plus ill look chivalrous too!" But he unfortunately forgets that Zoe has a skirt on and, y'know, not pants. I understand Zoe's hesitation completely - i wouldnt trust a man who kept hitting on me either. Her relationship with JP is completely justified. Like, its not like JP doesn't take no for an answer - he just still has a crush on her. Yes he should probably give it a rest but like, he's 13 and his most nsfw fantasy is to hold hands and marry and respect his crush. Inb4 you say "but its a kids show of course it is-" literally everything about Zoe is sexualized so no the fuck its not lol

What gets me the most though is the beach episode... again, not because of Zoe. She thinks someone has peeped on her (understandable but it was a digimon) and confronts them about it. But koji and takuya IMMEDIATELY suspect JP, and only believe his immediate denial when Tommy points out that JP was with them the whole time. Like first of all, YOU FORGOT HE WAS THERE??? it took the baby of the group pointing that out for you to remember???? Second of all, JP has never done anything to warrant not being believed - again for zoe id understand, a bitch has gotta be weary, but not for the guys? And thirdly, and perhaps most importantly of all, YOU GUYS CONSIDER SOMEONE YOU'D EASILY SUSPECT OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT YOUR "FRIEND"???? i would NEVER be friends with someone who i could see sexually harassing another one of my friends!! What the shit!! I realize they're kids but GEEZ. And i know its implied JP only cares about the perpetrator because he likes Zoe but idc, despite being persistent in his crush JP has literally NEVER done ANYTHING to disrespect women. And if the scene where takuya and jp run into Zoe's changing room to see whats wrong after she screams counts - well lol takuya was there too.

Zoe was dealt a terrible hand by the writers (worse than JP imo) so I understand people being weary of JP, but - in the dub at least - he literally did nothing wrong... dont confuse the writers sexualizing zoe and being misogynistic with JP sexualizing zoe and being misogynistic.

And im gonna say it - JP is only treated this way cuz hes fat lol. Its not a coincidence that the only MC in the digimon anime who's treated like a perv (despite the fact that they failed in writing one, cuz hes not a perv) is the fat guy. Japan LOVES the fat otaku stereotype (America, look what you did, you made it fatphobic) and in JP's case he's treated completely differently because he's fat. Takuya doesn't have an explicit crush on Zoe but just look at how he treats her vs JP. And which one is demonized lmao? Like, frontier has major problems in general, but to me this isnt a coincidence.

Also, I think JP's crush on zoe is initially just flirting/wanting to impress a girl to fill the void in his heart, but then he genuinely comes to respect her and like her for who she is. He likes that she's kind but stands up for herself and even though he's hopelessly infatuated with her, he just wants her to be happy, even if its not with him. He relates to her struggles to fit in despite not understanding how someone so beautiful and charismatic (in his eyes) could be disliked by her peers.

Hackers Memory discussion coming up, but the spoilers are minor/vague. Frank discussion of sexual harassment and...pedophilia i guess? But its like...ephebophilia, not literal children.

I realize the Story games and the anime are two different beasts entirely, and Cyber Sleuth especially is targeted at an older audience. BUT... compare how JP is treated in Frontier to how Chitose and even Keisuke are treated in HM. Chitose goes after countless women and isn't even reprimanded for going after someone he considers a CHILD. To clarify - Ryuji and Chitose both call Arata a child. Arata is canonically older than Yuuko. Chitose flirts with Yuuko. It is gross. Like he gets the physical embodiment of the cold shoulder and you get to insult him for it, but that's not proper reprimanding. In comparison, yes JP is older than Zoe...by a year/grade. But JP gets accused of SEXUAL HARASSMENT BY HIS "FRIENDS" and Chitose just gets "haha good ol chitose, hes a wild one." Plus i think Chitose and JP get the shit smacked out of each other an equal amount of times in the story, which like...one of these people is worse than the other!

Then there's Keisuke, the protagonist of HM, who's significantly better than Chitose but still gets dirty thoughts about Yuuko and is only reprimanded by Erika. And honestly I love Erika but HM plays up the tsundere heterosexual couple aspect. So imagine the only person who calls you out on your shit is your fucking love interest, who also beat the shit out of you with a plush toy for entering her room without knocking, not knowing anyone was in there (id say hes not a playboy but considering he befriends a stranger to practice "getting chicks" at chitose's recommendation, hes totally a playboy) and yet all she does when you start thinking weird shit about Yuuko is be like "hey. Stop that. Get some help"

Also Erika's best friend is chitose so like, someone save this poor girl PLEASE

But my point is that Chitose is conventionally attractive and...well they play up the idea that Keisuke isn't but hes not conventionally unattractive like JP is.

Gee, i wonder why they're treated differently? /s

TLDR: JP drinks respecting women juice and i kin him

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[rbbtrd]

I Love Healing

i wrote this when i was tryin to vent but i have no idea how to fuckin vent so instead i. tried to write out healings entire bg lmao a lot of brain stuff was goin on so it might not b. the best piece of literature uve ever read

some misc facts and other htings might b missing bc (points at how fucked my brain was and also how fuckin VAST healings character is and how much development he has)

//warnin theres kinda crass and sensitive language or whatever and there will b mentions of diff kinds of abuse in his story and other not good things under cut so my bad but i wasnt in a good state of mind and tryin to tag n warn u abt it all is skjncfdvav plus this was a vent post for me originally anyways lmao

//another warning lmao under the cut is a Wall Of Text there is a LOT of stuff under cut like 6000+ words so like. warned ya my pals

healing is my favorite fuckin oc and p much. why i fuckin stay alive sknfsef he means so so much to me and has so much meaning to me and is very very very very very very very important to me i fucking Love healing okay i project a lot (i.e All Of Myself) onto healing so he is p much almost quite literally me and vice versa but also not rlly??? its weird and complicated lmao i Love this man tho no one will ever love him more than i do i will fuckin Fight you hes so improtant to me

he is 57 yrs old, his birthday is march 17 but also dec 5th (its complicated) but mostly march 17, his favorite color is red not only bc im projecting but his first loves fav color was also red, he is 5″7 ft tall, hes very silly and kooky and tries his best to become happy and heal and learn and atone for what hes done and expereinced, he LOVES the sea and the ocean and anything relating them like the sea/ocean is very very very important to him for multiple reasons, also loves rabbits and goats and has 2 pet goats (i like to call em his service animals lol)

healing was born to both pure blood tiefling parents, his mother was a servant/slave that belonged on a ship and his father basically just knocked her up, he never met or knew anything about his father other than that he was a tiefling and misc stuff his mom/other servants had told him. his dad is mordecai ahkrah and hes chaotic evil and genuinely a very fucking awful person, his mom is ariarei kallies and is just?? kinda a chatoic neutral, maybe more of a lawful evil, but she has a very bad selfish personality and nasty. she holds no maternal feelings for healing and only sees him as a nuisance and only takes care of him (taking care of him means. The Bare Minimum. i.e- makin sure hes just Not Dead) bc she has to and kinda forcced to. healing does not see ariarei as his mother, but “as the woman who birthed me / brought me into this world” and stuff like that and therefore holds no feelings towards her like a child would w their mother, over the years, healing considers the ocean/sea as his mother more than ariarei and is more emotionally connected to the sea

 healings mom actually never named him, he was nameless/had no name up until the age of 27-28. both his mom and the owners of the ship and whoever hired him always only ever called him “boy”, “child”, “it”, “thing”, “errand boy”, “chore boy”, and names like that bc he never had a name and no one bothered to give him one. both his mom and the owners/ppl who hired him treated him very very poorly and did abuse him frequently in many different ways and manners (lmao projects myself onto my oc) so he has a lot of feelings and experiences w lots of kinds of traumas and abuse

he most specifically received a lot of physical abuse especially from ppl and verbal abuse, some but not too much emotional abuse, and also a handful of sexual abuse. at the time, he thought it was fine and normal and did not realized he was being abused bc “this is just how life is” bc he had literally. never heard of or experienced anything else other than a shit life.

he didnt rlly think anything of the poor treatment or the abuse bc this was all he ever knew, he grew up this way, so he thought it was normal and thought everyone didnt feel anything and if they did OF COURSE theyd b negative feelings, bc thats all u (healing at the time) r capable of feeling. he doesnt get out of this mentality until hes around 18-22

he receives a handful of scars and marks from his time as a servant, he got his first scar when he was a literal Baby bc he was cryin out and his ma got mad and upset abt and scratched his face thus resulting in his lip scar. when he was like 5-7 he met this other servant kid who had The Very Opposite mindset he had and was v bright and optimistic and he dragged healing along when he played and he broke smth and healing took the cover not bc he wanted to save this kid but bc it would be less troublesome bc then the current owner would only have to punish 1 child and the other kid was well liked on the ship unlike healing so then the morale of the servants wouldnt be affected. the owner beat him up p bad but it Wasnt Enough so he smashed healings face into the wooden boards so hard it Broke The Board and also broke his right horn, this also gave his scarring above his brow and stuff up to the broken horn. another prominent scar he has that holds memory to him is the scar on his chest above his heart, where he got that from a case where he was sexually abused and his abuser threatened to tear out his heart if he kept bein a brat. he has NO SCARS on his tail tho, but thats literally bc up until he was w morgan, he was just Lucky in not havin his tail injured. from the time he met morgan and beyond, he then started to actively protect his tail from harm and from ppl touchin it bc morgan said he rlly liked his tail and how it looked and how cool it was and from then on hes liek Oh

he constantly worked when he was of age to and started w small things and worked up to doin manual labor and other things, he only stayed w his mom up until the age of 11-12, after that they were separately sold to different ships and never saw eaqch other again. from that point on, he was switched around a few different ships and buyers, but was otherwise was still  just treated as cargo and property like he had been the past few years. 

the ship he was on at the age of 17 was stopped and liberated by a man named morgan wake (also can be written as morgain), a  human sailor captain (some kind of good, leanin on neutral or chaotic) who specializes in trade, cargo, and just transportation, but also will sell his abilities to fight/go into war or battle and liberates slave ships on his free time lol morgan becomes a Very Very Very important person to healing and is ESSENTIAL to shaping healing into who he is now. healing slowly falls in love with morgan over the years, but never tells morgan abt these feelins bc 1) he doesnt kno what the FUCk hes feelin lmao this boy has only experienced negative emotions and feelings up until he met morgan and 2) he thinks morgan will think hes weird or wrong or gross or smth. healing had absolutealy NO PLACE and NO ONE to go to after he was liberated so morgan saw this and was like Hey. You Should Come Work Under Me For MY Ship. morgan is a BIG BIG BIG guy on justice and equality and stuff for ALL PEOPLE and EVERYONE so this is also a reason why he let healing onto his ship of mostly humans and half-elves and halflings and also this part abt morgan rubs off on healing so healing also becomes a big guy on justice and equality and stuff

the ship morgan owns is a Lil prejudiced againt tieflings so they arent jumpin for joy when morgan makes healing his first mate at the age of 19 bc theyre. Gently Racist over tieflings but morgan kicks their ass and makes healing his first mate and right hand man anyways. at this point, healing is still nameless bc morgan tells him “i cant give you a name, a name is really important, its your identity and what makes you YOU, its ur soul and ur dreams and ur hopes, its YOU, you hear a name and u think of that person etc etc etc” and rlly cheesy stuff like that pertaining to names so morgan is Vehemently against naming healing and instead calls him “buddy”, “pal”, “friend”, “best friend”,  “first mate”, “mate”, and other various nicknames made over the years. he was very adamant on having healing name himself and refused to call him by a name that someone else gave him bc healing told him abt his mom and how he said that his mom wasnt rlly a mother in the first place

morgan knows Everything abt healing and healing w him vice versa bc when they first met and healing was still in his Uhm Nothing Matters Ill Tell You Everything mindset, he told morgan the story abt all his scars and what has happened to him up until that point and what people have done to him. morgan is truly very genuinely heartbroken over this?? bc healing was just Born into this world of shit and awful things that he didnt deserve and also the fact that healing just spoke of his abuse so freely and casually as if it meant nothing and didnt matter and healings view on his own life and life in general due to how he has lived so far and morgan makes it his personal mission to help healing grow out of this and start to become more Alive and less :| and :/ abt life 

morgan becomes very important for and to healing bc like. he literally taught healing Emotions and how amazing and happy and good life can be. morgan taught healing how to Be Alive and Want To Be Alive and how to Feel. before when he was a servant, he was literally just a Shell and genuinely thought life was Supposed to just be inherently shitty and ur suposed to always expereince bad htings and ALWAYS feel ONLY bad negative emotions and feelings.he thought that if he died, it wouldnt matter AT ALL bc he would easily b replaced by another servant and his life had literally no meaning and he genuinely thought he would die before the age of 20 and he was Okay with that he thought it was fine he thought it was okay to not expect to live past 20-25 and etc etc etc. 

when he saved healing, morgain was already quite old-ish?? he was 30 yrs old when healing (at the time, age 17) met him. healnig didnt rlly start to fall in love until around age 19 just some time b4 morgan made him first mate. over the years that healing is on morgans ship, he becomes who he is bc of morgan and  he learns things abt himself and who he is and builds himself bc of morgan and he becomes who healing is in these very moments that he spends with morgan and rightly falls in love because of it bc morgan Saved Him from so many things. morgan took an empty husk and shell of a man that had Began as empty and put smth in it. he had breathed life into an empty bag and made music, he had taken a broken branch and carved a nice ass figure. morgan took something with nothing and gave him Everything.  healing has such a strong connection and attachment to morgan yall cant even begin to understsand it. Runs So Deep in healing, this lov and feeling and attachment he has to morgan

morgan also rlly rlly rlly Rlly likes and appreciates healing and actually also loves healing in the same way, but doesnt tell healing for the same reasons why healing wont tell morgan. they spend the next 10 yrs basically unknowingly pining over each other bc theyre too fuckin afraid to tell each other bc they think the other is gonna b homophobic and its Awful. but also like. sailors back in the day were Rlly Gay so healing and morgan have had their fair share of mutual masturbation and Very Gay Activities w each other bu they were never in the context of romance or in a relationship beyond like. Rlly Rlly Good Best Friends lmao like sex friends but better??

bc healing. was never fuckin educated lmao he doesnt kno how to read or write. over the years he spends with morgan, he BARELY understand the alphabet tbh. he can like,,,,,, understand certain words but he doesnt recognize those words as words they register kinda like symbols in his head. numbers r even WORSE for healing lmao. like he understands map terms north, east, west, south, map, longitude/latitude, etc etc but he recognizes the words as like pictures or symbols in his head that relate to object or meaning or smth, kinda how u see a lil pic of a tree and u recognize it as a tree, thats him w words. healing was morgans first mate and co-captain for 10 years, he often went with morgan to negotiations and business meetings and trades and etc etc etc healing is VERY good w his words bc of this and is actually rlly smart and intelligent and wise. he just cant read or write lol. he has a +0 intelligence on his sheet but a +3 wisdom

healing lives the next 10 yrs of his life after being liberated at the age of 17 to 27 w morgan and his ship and his crew and hes enjoying himself and livin it to the fullest and hes happy and its so good and all is well, but also keep in mind that healing, through out all of these 10 yrs, has STILL not have a name for himself yet. BUT morgan HAS given healing a seashell necklace as well as his ear piercings. he wears these items everyday and they hold like. a lot of emotional important and support for him

but then morgan dies LMAO morgan dies at the age of 40 when healing is 27 and he dies from both sickness from old age (bc sailors back then. died p early skdjfnwsndv) and also from an injury wound he had gotten when in battle earlier that month. morgans death strikes his crew very harshly but without a doubt everyone on the ship agreed that healing was the MOST hurt and affected and shaken from morgans death. morgans last words and also his will states that he wanted healing to become the new captain of the ship. healing doesnt rlly become the new captain bc hes too busy mourning over his death for the next yr.

morgan and healing NEVER tell each other abt their feelings for one another, so morgan dies with this regret of never saying anything and healing lives with the regret of never saying anything before he died. this plays into how healing chose his name

after his mourning and grieving period he starts to slowly collect himself and in this period of time, this is where he finally chooses his name. he thinks abt how morgan was never able to call him by a proper name despite how important names were to morgan, so as hes starting to heal from his death, he picks his own name for himself. he debated on choosing his name as love, bc he loved morgan but never told him despite the fact that morgan quite literally taught him how to love. but he decides on the name healing bc he also thought abt how morgan said how he wanted to help healing start to mend and heal from all the trauma and abuse hes been through and healing sort of just shoved love into that process of healing, therefore That Is His Name Now. his name is now like. an important memoir of morgan as well as like. His Name. his name now holds a very hefty important weight and meaning to him now.

when morgan dies, he makes a lot of vows to himself like how hell never love someone again and how he would keep up morgans work and how he would keep morgans policy of justice and equality and how he would never treat people the way he was treated as a servant and how he would never hurt someone on purpose. after morgans death, he starts to like. hoard items he thinks morgan would have liked and then eventually this just turns from “hoarding for morgan” to “depression coping hoarding” and he just hoards things he thinks has some use or worth of value (which is like. Everything lmao so he never throws stuff away)

the ship crew are not All That Happy that healing is their new captain, but they really did intensely respect and appreciated morgan both as a captain and an individual so they abide by his will and last words and let healing be captain despite the fact that they thought hed b bad at it. but Surprise Surprise healing is actually rlly rlly good at being a captain bc he spent 10 yrs by morgans side and he knows how to do everything rlly well and the crew r kind of surprised and apologize for sterotypin him and for being so prejudiced and not trustin him and etc etc etc and healing is happy for another long while bc now he has like?? a family?? this crew was now his family and he loved everyone on this ship and they loved him?? he was Rlly Good at what he did bc he took over morgans work of trade and also liberating ships and sellin his time to fight for ppl and he was super close to his crew and they grew closer over the yrs and they give him a seashell bracelet similar to how morgan gave him the necklace and earrings so now healing has like. a physical object to associate his emotional relationship and feelings and shit to like he did for morgan w the necklace and earrings

but ofc knowin me its time to Fuck Him Over Again lmao over the yrs while hes in his 30s hes gets like. Rlly Rlly Rlly well known for his deeds and his work and actions so he gets super popular and he has. A Lotta Sex and is Very Well Known for sex and also his dick lol and also sometimes got into. not so hot relationships. at current time right now, age of 57, healing has 5 children he isnt aware of bc he left the other person before they even Knew they were pregnant. he was rlly good with not letting his partner get pregnant but accidents happen lmao sometimes he let the fame and popularity get to his head so he was kind of a Cocky Narcissistic Dick sometimes 

a total of 5 times during his 30s he got himself into. very bad toxic abusive manipulative relationships. these 5 people were all very similar in what they did to healing and how they did it to him. in each of these 5 cases, both healing and his crew reacted the same. when u hang out w manipulative bad ppl, u kinda become manipulative and bad urself, and thats what happened w healing and his crew. these 5 ppl preyed on the fact that healing was emotionally very weak and vulnerable to romantic affection and intimacy and how he had a Rlly Rlly Big Fear of losing people he loved or cared about. they made him care abt them and threatened to leave him if he didnt do what they wanted, as well as abuse him in other different manners physically, emotionally (BIG TIME emotional abuse), verbally, and mentally. during the itme he was in these relationships w these ppl, healing was very much not like his usual self, hes a chatoic neutral but when w theswe ppl he was like?? lawful evil?? true evil?? he became Rlly Bad and did Rlly Bad things that, now in current day time he regrets deeply and feels.

when he was in these relationships, they made him break a lot of the vows he took when morgan died or else theyd do smth to him or to themself ot to his crew or smth like that and it haunts him to this very day abt how he could have done those things to those people despite the fact that the same was done to him and how he NEVER wanted to do that to other people. it dredges bad things up in his memories and in his heart and he has nightmares abt both his traumas and abuse as well as the traumas and abuse hes made others go through.  these people hurt him very deeply in his 30s and scarred him emotionally and mentally more intensely than the people that mistreated him when he was a servant

his 30s was a. Rollercoaster tbh. he went thru very intense and frequent highs and lows bc the time when he was with these people they were his Very Very Low Lows and when he wasnt with them and just doing his job w his crew and livin life he was very happy and his life took on a Very Good High. as he got a lil older at the age of 37 he was doing good and it was a high during his lifetime and that point and when he was 37 he was actually on his ship hunting down a bandit/pirate ship bc someone had bought his ships and effort to help them track down this ship

he has a lot of adventures in his 30s and goes thru so many things and and thru so many situations and so many people and encountered just. A Lot Of Stuff in General. hes experienced probs like. 2 lifetime of experiences and shit by the age of 37 lmao but he wouldnt trade any of these experiences, good or bad, for ANYTHING in the world

but sadly (bc i love makin his life so full of angst) as hes chasing this ship, a Rlly Big Storm comes by and fuckin. WRECKS his ship. absolutely obliterates it. it catches fire and tons of his crew members r jumpin off and panicking and the ship is falling apart and hes so AAAAAAAAAAAAA rn. in the future, the imagery of a sunken or turned up or just in general not normal 100% functioning ship is very unsettling to him and triggers this rlly bad memory. also Rlly Rlly Rlly BIG BIG fires unsettle him very badly and makes him Extremely Uncomfortable but it doesnt rlly trigger this bad memory as much as broken ships do

healing is knocked from the ship and passed out and when he awakes hes on the shore with the remains of wood from his ship along the shore and he is. absolutely broken. he lost his Whole Family in one night and yet he was the one who didnt die?? he assumes everyone on his crew ship died (even tho some survived but he has yet to encounter them) and he was the only one who survived and at the moment he HATED this fact. he hated that he was left to live and he reverts back to his mindset that he had when he was younger how his life didnt matter and etc etc etc

hes also??????????? SUPER upset and heartbroken that the sea was the one who did this to him. the ocean, to which he was born and raised on (he has never lived on land in the past 37 yrs of his life, hes been on land and stayed overnight at inns or smth and stuff but hes never Lived anywhere on land and thinks houses r Weird bc hes lived on a boats and ships for 37 yrs kjefnvslefv), the ocean to which he considered his real mother, the ocean that granted him so much freedom from so much of the things that hes experienced, the ocean to which he was so deeply emotionally connected to and how much the sea had meant to him. he knows he cannot control the sea and accepts that the sea had sunken his ship but that doesnt mean hes not going to still feel sad and shitty abt it lol 

he Basically has a meltdown at this shore and cursin at how he should have been the one to die in this wreck and passes out bc. exhaustion and etc lmao. and then in comes Love Interest #2, noel, a neutral good wood elf monk who, just like morgan, is a very free spirit and very kind and reminds healing just enough of morgan to make his heart start to feel something again

noel sees this tieflin dude passed out on the beach and is like. Oh. Thats Not Good. and he goes to help him out and brings him back to his campsite to patch him up and heal his wounds and take care of him and nurture him back to health a bit until healing wakes up.

healing is like HWHA and is like uhhhh thnks but i gotta Go Now bc Yet Again in this mnoment he vows a bunch of other shit like how hell live a life of solitude and never involve himself w others bc he thinks of himself as a harbinger of bad things and chaos and doom and misfortune follows him and how everyone he loves or tells them abt his life/story dies

but noel is too friendly and caring to just Let Him Go and hes just rlly interested in healing just as an individual and just also wants a companion to travel w bc hes just like a wandering monk who weaves in and out of woods and forests and villages and stuff

fast forward- after a Lot of effort and A Lot of time and A Lot of trust and such, healing slowly Very Very Slowly opens up to noel about himself and his life and what hes gone though and all of the sort of bad and good things hes experienced and grows closer to him and they fall in llove with each other and its both mutual and healing is like “wow??? being in love is so nice?? this is such a good feeling?? i love noel and he loves me back and we can kiss and hug and do stuff and both of us know we are doing this out of mutual romantic attraction??????????” and this is like. A Brand New Feeling for healing bc his relationship and love for morgan was 100% unrequited

noel basically becomes healings teacher tbh since noel is a monk he teaches healing the way of bein a monk most specifically the way of the 4 elements. noel is a master of the way of the 4 elements, but is best w earth and air, healing has such a strong attachment to the water and a close relation with fire so hes naturally like. rlly good w those 2 lmao he catches on real quick despite the fact that. only noel is teaching him and neither of them belong to a temple or have a temple to go to lmao

as time goes on both healing and noel are like. kinda famous monks that travel through the land and are well known bc healing was already previously well known as a rlly rlly cool famous captain and now he kinda dropped off the face of the earth for like 5 yrs but now hes back w noel and he looks a lil diff now bc hes older and his hairs a lil longer but ppl are aware that hes healing

its all good and healing is enjoying life real nice rn and hes happy once again and hes in love with noel and noel is in love with healing and its so good and healing is traveling again but also like. up until he was 37 yrs old he was like livin at sea on a ship. so when he goes along w noel when they travel through the woods on land its kinda Weird for him bc hes like. Never Been On Land For This Long lmao

from the moment he was stranded on that beach to right now in his current time, healing ALWAYS has smth of the sea/ocean w him ALWAYS it is a must and he has to have it for multiple reasons and most of the reasons are for like. safety reasons?? theyre like his safety items it calms him down and soothes him in multiple ways like emotionally and mentally. he ALWAYS has at LEAST 1 (one) bottle or flask or SOMETHING filled w sea water he always has some sea water on him, he also just. collects a MASSIVE amount of shells and sea glass and any other things u could find on the beach or sea he always has some of this stuff on him for comfort and stuff

like with all of the deep and intimate and important and emotional relationships in his life, noel gives healing smth that he can attach noel to emotionally and etc etrc etc. noel gives healing tattoos that are like monk tattoos and symbolize what he does best on his back i.e fire and water and also a few like. just fun lil casual tattoos to make healing and himself happy like a boat and anchor on his wrist and stuff and healing is like Oh Gee Hope Nothing Bad Happens

but smth bad does happen lol. after 10 literal yrs (healing is now 47) theyre in the woods camping out and etc etc etc and its like the dead of night and theyre sleepin in their tents and its good and all but then some bandits or smth just pass by their site and decide “hey. lets fuckin loot this place and fuck shit up” and they do and engage in combat w noel and healing and its just a series of unfortunate events and bad luck and timing and long story short these bandits do lethal and fatal damage to noel but healing manages to fend em off and they go running and now healing is kneeling over the dying body of his lover

noel literally dies in healings arms and this event triggers all of his previous mental state and mindset from before abt how hes a harbinger of bad things and how everyone he loves does and he only brings misfortune and hes liike “y do the ppl around me die???? y cant *I* be the one to die for once??? wtf????” and he feels so many emotions and is so ANGRY at himself bc This Just Keeps happening and the people he loves just keep Getting Hurt and he cries and buries noel and makes a grave and does a lot of sentimental stuff and mourns and just stays where he is in the woods for like. weeks until his supplies runs out and he finally leaves the area of the forest hes in with a heavy… Everything slkdfnvsdkfs fvhesfdnviksfd hes RLLY intensely emotionally and mentally fucked now

he makes the same kinds of vows as before again plus some but now its even STRONGER. he Will Not EVER fall in love ever again, he will never tell anyone ANYTHING abt him thats not surface level info, he takes up his old vows like never hurt ppl on purpose and never treating him the way he was treated and how he will upkeep his code of justice and equality, and how he will NEVER EVER have any deep relationships and friendships and he will keep them very surface level and how he will keep everyone at like an arms distance and a half from him

and so he mourns over his lost loved ones and is just a fuckin angsty emotionally shut and locked up traveling tiefling monk and hes alone and just. travels bc he feels like if he stays in one place too long he might bring misfortune to the ppl around him and he just. BASICALLY keeps this up for ANOTHER 10 yrs dsfkjvnsenfvedv je travels around EVERYWHERE and the first few years he tried his best to avoid rlly thick wooded areas and the sea but eventually he grew and healed a bit more and allowed himself to get on boats again and go thru forests and woods

healing chose his name bc he wanted to heal and grown and change and become a better person and try his best to just be as happy as he could be and to atone for what hes done and just. try to get thru life at this point. and make sure he leaves people better than when he meets them and to make sure everyone he encounters have AT LEAST a Not Bad impression of him. so thats basically what his goal is after noel dies and he just travels on his own and in solitude and he nevers takes along a companion and is jsut by himself and quite literally isolates himself all the time. he keeps the people he talks to at an arm and a halfs distance, he never lets them know anything below surface level info abt him, he like?? basically puts on a front and all but he is still genuinely friendly and likes to talk to ppl he just. doesnt want them to know any like Substantial Info abt him or kno him beyond surface level and stuff

after some time tho he meets a man named elias aka MAN OF THE HOUR aka my datefriends oc and he jsut?? will NOT leave healing alone he just WILL NOT go away and he basically just. is forcibly at healings side as they travel and healing just CANNOT get rid of him and elias is just with him and hes trying to pry thru healings massive amounts of layers and walls and barriers and etc etc etc and ofc he does this respectfully hes not like. forcing his way into healings life and forcing healing to tell him abt his life he just. wants to kno more abt him and is very genuinely attracted to this man in many many ways 

healing realizes he cant force elias to go away and is just like (shrugs) ok w/e guess i cant get rid of u and tries to keep his walls and his front up but he just finds himself getting rlly comfortable w elias?? he finds his presence soothing and stuff bc hes been alone for the past previous yrs and now he has a companion again and its a rlly nice feeling and they grow a lil closer bit by bit over time

more time passes on and eventually, in the middle of a mental break/meltdown, healing just. Spills Everything to elias like. All Of His Life from the moment he was born until this current faction in time where hes sobbing into elias’ arm about his whole life and he feels kind of better and its okay for a while and he just passes out in elias’ arms but then he wakes up and has a panic attack and is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I TOLD THIS MAN MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW OR HELL DIE I RLLY LIKE HIM THO I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE and he faces the facts that he 1) likes elias 2) is very internally and mentally fukt 3) is internally rlly fuckin secretive and tries to hide everythin abt himself and 4) is Dyin Real Bad for multiple reasons

elias tries to reassure healing and tries to tell him everything will be fine and he wont die and etc etc etc and stuff and from this point on forward healing and elias are much closer and continue to get closer until theyre basically in a relationship and its difficult tbh bc healing rlly wants to leave elias out of his fear but elias stays w him and its a long proccess and journey for healing to learn how to properly cope w all of the things hes felt and experienced and grow and heal and etc et ect

eventually fast forward in time, at the age of 57, healing is MARRIED to elias :’’) and they r in love and everything is okay and healing has and is continuing to learn how to accept what hes done and how to properly cope and deal w things and have less walls and barriers and be better and elias is one of his MOST important relationships to him, on par w morgan and noel, and its all good and happy and healing lives the rest of his life out w elias and dies happy and etc etc etc and its all just GREAT and also their shipname is heelies bc its funny lmao 

i left out a lotta details but fuckin. whatever lmao

anyways i love healing thnk u and good night

[ughomgwhatever]

Why do people discredit Disney characters who search for a love interest as weak and incapable people?

1) Snow White sang about it but she was also living like a slave, wishing someone would whisk her away out of her prison. She’s also a princess who’s supposed to be married off (not that that’s any better) if met with prospective suitors. Anyone else is better than the Queen and she did prove herself a capable woman at home, finding her own way out of a fucking assassination attempt on her own life.

2) Cinderella was in the same boat. She used to have a good, comfortable life but then lived in terribly poor conditions in her own fucking home. Sweeping and cleaning furnitures she could never could never hope to use. Washing clothes she could never wear. Still, she grew up kind-hearted and resilient af. She never wished them ill or be hardened by fate. She went to the ball because she wanted to party for godsake as she would have done should her parents were still living. She didn’t even mean to steal the prince away from anyone. She didn’t introduce herself. The prince literally strode up to her and the rest is history.

3) Aurora, a princess, grew up in a cottage, in the middle of a forest, with no contact to the human world but two and a half old, dumb, and colorful fairies. She was also like 16 and probably had bedtime stories of gallant knights saving the day read to her as a child. She literally sings a song about how animals have their own mates but she would probably die alone if she doesn’t meet anyone. Now, think about this. She’s never met ANYONE. No friends, much less a lover. If you were a lonely peasant, you’d probably just wanna grow up living simple dreams with a simple domestic life. There wasn’t fucking CNN to tell her that the kingdom is in peril by another fucking fairy cursing the land so she’d know to buckle up and save everybody. She also NEVER met her parents and must wonder where SHE came from or she just romanticizes a normal relationship. Those fuckin fairies probably told her shit like “les filles sont nées dans les roses et les garçons dans les choux” idk. When she met Phillip then found out she was a princess betrothed to some stranger, WHO THE FUCK WOULDN’T CRY TOO BITCH?! She just found out that her life wasn’t simple anymore. The moment she met another human being she had interest in, she was to be sold away like cattle. BTW, SHE HAD 18 LINES IN THE WHOLE MOVIE AND THE PRODUCTION WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ARTISTIC AND SHIT SO YOU CAN’T SHIT ON HER WHEN NO ONE REALLY KNOWS HER.

4) Ariel, ARIEL, BOY THIS LITTLE MERMAID. LET ME TELL YA. SHE WAS A REBEL AT HEART. DON’T SIT THERE AND TELL ME SHE AIN’T STRONG WHEN SHE COLLECTED A WHOLE TROVE OF SEA CONTRABAND OUT OF SHEER CURIOSITY. She went to that ship to see the fireworks and get a close up on the humans. Lo and behold, she sees a beautiful fucking human. Now, would she have sold her voice to the witchy calamari if her father didn’t come in and destroy her secret treasures which bothered literally no one? She’s been in the ocean all this time, how had she not fallen in love with a merman yet if that’s all she cared about?? The backstory also revealed that her father literally banned music because his musical beloved died. And what did Ariel do? SHE FUCKING JOINS A SPEAKEASY/SECRET NIGHTCLUB TYPE OF SHIT THAT EVEN THE ROYAL CRAB IS A PART OF. She never followed the rules if they don’t make sense and sticks firmly to her beliefs. And the moment she knew she fucked up from having made a mistake, SHE ALWAYS PROVED TO GIVE HERSELF UP AND BE IN THE LINE OF FIRE WHEN THINGS GO TO SHIT JUST LIKE HER MOTHER. She saved royal crab bff from getting crushed to pieces by a deranged nanny. She grabbed the angry calamari’s hair for trying to blast her father into oblivion and proceeded to have her TRUE LOVE impaled her with a ship, ridding not just one but ONE OUT OF TWO evil witches of the sea. She also searched the seas herself when her daughter went missing because she decided to ABANDONED HER WHOLE OTHER LIFE AND PAST WHERE HER KINGDOM, FRIENDS, AND FAMILY ARE. SHE DID NOT GET TO SEE HER FATHER, HER SISTERS, SEBASTIAN, AND ESPECIALLY NOT FLOUNDER WHO HAD TONS OF KIDS WHILE SHE WAS AWAY PRETENDING SHE WAS BORN A HUMAN. ALL THE MOMENTS SHE COULDN’T CELEBRATE. ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE SHE COULDN’T SHARE WITH HER DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. EVEN JUST THINKING ABOUT ERIC, WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN THAT FUCKING BRAVE TO WANT SOMETHING AND ACTUALLY GO GET IT?

5) Belle was odd, smart, and strong-willed. ‘nuff said.

6) Jasmine had a pet tiger and tried to run away from an arranged marriage. She didn’t reveal herself and give up her newfound freedom until she saw Aladdin was about to fucking die. SHE ALSO KISSED THAT DISGUSTING SNAKE JAFAR TO BUY AL TIME LIKE GET JA*FAR* AWAY FROM HER K?

7) POCAHONTAS WAS BADASS AS FUCK. SHE DISSED A MAN SHE WAS STARTING TO LIKE RIGHT OFF WHEN HE INSULTED HER PEOPLE. SHE ALSO STOPPED A FUCKING WAR FROM HAPPENING WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT. ALSO, WHEN J. SMITH TURNED INTO AN ASS, SHE TOTALLY LEFT HIM FOR A BETTER MAN BECAUSE SHE KNEW WHAT WAS GOOD FOR HER K BYE.

8) MULAN? MULAN.

9) TIANA WAS TURNED INTO A FROG BY A MAN SHE HATED FROM THE START. SHE ALSO WORKED HER WAY TO SUCCESS EVEN IF SHE HAD NAVEEN’S HELP (WE DON’T KNOW THAT EITHER) BECAUSE SHE IS AN INDEPENDENT, BLACK WOMAN WHO DON’T NEED NO MAN. SHE WAS ALSO BUSY AS HELL WORKING HER ASS OFF SO NO, “A BLOKE” WAS NOT THE CENTER OF HER LIFE.

10) RAPUNZEL WAS MANIPULATED BY AN ABUSIVE FAKE MOM FOR YEARS. THE MAN WHO SHE CAME TO LOVE WAS FIRST A THIEF THEN HER FRIEND. SHE DIDNT WISH FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE HER. SHE JUST WANTED TO SEE THE FLOATING LIGHTS.

11) OK MERIDA. SHOW ME A FUCKING BOY SHE TRIED TO CHASE IN THAT MOVIE AND I’LL YIELD. THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR HER MOTHER ALSO COULDN’T BE ROMANTICIZED BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY *Anthony Ramos’s voice* THAT SHIT’S SICK.

12) ANNA CHASED A BOY BECAUSE SHE WAS TRAPPED AND LONELY AS FUCK. SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED OFF TO A PRINCE ONE DAY, ANYWAY (not that Elsa would like it or allow it unless completely necessary but she still has to listen to the people. No country is truly run by one person). HER OWN PERSONALITY IS KIND AND NAIVE BUT DON’T TELL ME SHE AIN’T BRAVE OR STRONG. AND ELSA? HRNNNNN.

RANT. OVER.

[rookiewithachance]

tag gameeee

i was tagged by the ever so lovely @theyugiohtrashcan <3 A- age: 19! B- birthplace: fukin Florida C- current time: 11:55 D- drink you had last: water bb! I had to take my meds this morning lol E- easiest person to talk to: back atcha @theyugiohtrashcan​ F- favorite song: kdsjsalkdsga fuckin idk man. I love music. Probably something from Be More Chill or Hamilton right now. I’ll put it as a tie between Michael in the Bathroom, Two Player Game, One Last Time, and Wait For It bc i cant decide  G- grossest memory: yikes uh...... idk I tend to block out most of the gross things but I remember all too vividly when I got my wisdom teeth removed they gave me a pain medication that had sulfur in it, which I was allergic to but didn’t know?? So Kat was over keeping me company while I whined about my mouth hurting when I got really sick. Like, throwing up then sitting on the bathroom floor with a cool washcloth on your forehead waiting for the next wave to hit you level of sick. She was htg a real trooper and a sweet heart, and stayed with me until the worst of it passed, and I couldn’t sleep, eat, or take any pain medication for the next... idk like twelve hours or so??? while we waited for the stuff to get out of my system H- horror yes or horror no: No but lowkey a little yes. I’ve been watching less of it recently which helps my mental health but I still get that little thrill from horror even though it gives me nightmares and only feeds into my anxiety????? its a mess lol J- jealous of people: Ya dude. I’ve had a jealousy problem for years, that I think stems from my anxiety K- killed someone: it was the summer of 1963........................... L- love at first sight or should i walk by again?: Kat seems to have stolen my views on this: No, but I can be drawn to someone at first sight, usually because of what they’re doing or what they’re saying that I happen to overhear but I’m not really attracted to... looks?? If that makes sense?? I mean I have a “type” bc literally every girl i’ve dated has been kinda similar (primarily short and chubby.............. ehehe), but I won’t date someone or be attracted to them just because of that?? If that makes sense?? M- middle name: Ann. boring i know N- number of siblings: none bb oNLY CHILD SWAG O- one wish: uh?? i guess to not have to worry about money. while it would be nice to magically become neurotypical, i don’t feel like??? I would be the same person??? not that my mental illnesses are part of my personality, but they’ve taught me a lot and those lessons are a huge part of who i am today so.... yeah, probably the money thing. either always having enough money for what i need or just. living in a post-currency society. either is good P- person you called last: the last person who called me was my mother, but the last person I myself called.....? I think it was my manager Q- question you’re always asked: does Kelli is gay? or just stuff about my sexuality in general, especially being a gray ace lesbian. that confuses a lot of people in the south.......... part of the reason i’m going to college somewhere a little less southern tbh R- reason to smile: FUCKIN LIFE DUDE. LISTEN OK IM A PHILOSOPHY MAJOR AND I GET H*CKED UP ABOUT HTIS. LIFE IS A GODDAMN ANOMALY AND THERES NO REASON THAT ANY OF US SHOULD BE OR ARE HERE AND YET W E F U C K I N A R E. THATS SHITTIN AWESOME DUDE. IM HERE HAVIN A GOOD TIME WITH A GOOD FRIEND CHILLIN OUT AND WERE BOTH HERE AND ALIVE AND WE EXIST EXACTLY THE WAY WE ARE THAT HTATS HELLA GUYS S- song you sang last: ksjafldkjalksgje it was probably something Hamilton, Kat’s right. was it Take a Break??? probablu T- top 3 fictional characters: i cant choose........................ uhhh i guess Michael Mell from Be More Chill (Jeremy and Christine are close seconds, but i need my Nerdy Depressed Anxious Chubby Son) probably tops the charts right now, Humbee from MINIBOSS (an excellent comic on dA, i suggest it to everyone), aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Nightcrawler/Kurt Wagner from X-Men! U- underwear color: //has to check// ok yeah i was right, they’re blue with bright yellow lacey trim V- vacation: uh..........................??? im not sure what this question means, but Kat answered it like her ideal vacation so... idk probably going to a big city like NYC or Seattle (which is on my bucket list to visit) with money to throw around and just. go see shows and explore. W- when’s your birthday: June 15! It just happened lol X- x-rays: uhhhhhhhhhhh. the last one I had was earlier this year when I was really really sick and I had to get checked for pneumonia??? i didnt have pneumonia but i had strep that i didn’t take care of properly which could have turned into pneumonia but turned into bronchitis instead Y- your favorite food: fuckin. idk man. i like food. Z- zodiac sign: im a mf gemini

and can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i’ll tag @ifyoujustbelieveinme, @sorry--imfangirling, @sonofdysonsphere, @kaiju-genital-thunderstorm, @fangirltothefullest, @fanofallthingsadorkable, and @consistant-screaming-to-the-void! Plus anyone else who wants to do this, if you’re looking for a reason to do one of these, this is it!! IM TAGGING YOU BITCH, just put me as the person who tagged you bc i wanna see it :3

[lhassinu]

I got tagged by @brewka like eons ago and for once this is not a meme that just got buried in my likes but i..i honestly had such a hard time choosing?? and im still not completely happy with it but oh well it was so interesting to think about it and so much fun to do tho! thank you very much for taggin me!!!! <333

Me in 3 characters:

Todd Chavez (Bojack Horseman) aka of fuckin course 

Miyako Inoue (Digimon Adventure 02) aka ‘are you still relating to frikin digimon from your childhood?!’ no! ..maybe.. ......yes....... yes i am.

Yvan (L’Art) aka the one for which holioc severs all ties with me because she shares one of the masterpieces of the French drama with me and i make it into a meme.......................... imsorry pls dont leave me

some explanation and honorable mentions under the cut cuz this is just ShameTM but before that i tag @ghostspies @holioc @imaginesharks @mouthface @serpuns-a-lot @trinuska @nomadicplanets @vanishshi @velvetbaguette @aseriesofgayevents and anyone who wants to! (((im sorry for tagging so many people you dont have to read/like my shitty post i just really love this meme and wanna see what people do with it! and make it more or less fandomy thrash as you feel it!!! you dont have to do it if ya dont want to obviously!)))

okay so lets get this trainwreck rolling! everyone managed to explain it in few lines, not me, i just want to share personal info with strangers on the internet! :D

>>>Todd oh my god Todd, this goofball was the first one i came up with and the only one who actually stayed there until the end. i didnt relate to him THAT much in the first two seasons, i mean i did but im Very against drugs so i didnt really think about it but the 3rd one oh myyy it all just clicked... 

ok so almost the same age and obviously the childish side, that goes without sayin -_-

i try my best to be upbeat and excited (i have way too much love in my heart and i just cant contain it like a frikin 5 year old gddamnt)

pretty friendly too? and tryin to avoid conflict so much im unable to decide anything

WELL MEANING but fuckin up in the end ah ha ha.. yea.. 

lazy slacker too (though not yet to the point of living on a stranger’s couch for 5+ years welp we never know what future brings right) and im more than able to fuck up all my progress just cuz i got addicted to tumblr a videogame haha another thing that totally didnt happen to me right

and!!! the asexual part!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve binge watched the last two BH seasons and i planned to do the same for the 3rd one.. and then todd acted like he did and it was just hitting so close to home (lmao bonus points for sad irl stuff happening that got me waaaay more sensitive to ace stuff n generally realizing im ace) and i just Related so much but at the same time?? why would he be actually ace lol kao dont be stupid they would either play it off for laughs or just forget to deal with it.. I literally had to stop watching for a few weeks because i was just so sure he wont be ace but i didnt want to be heartbroken by one of my fav shows. AND THEN THEY DIDNT FORGET AND PUT THAT BEAUTIFUL DIALOGUE IN THE *FINALE*  ALL RESPECTFUL AND NOT AT ALL JUST A JOKE just.. validation ;u; 

>>>welp that got emo although i tried not to, lets focus on not spilling every detail about my personal life in the next one~ Miyako! 

she is so!!!! Excite!!!!! :D and always ready to cheer up her friends (tho she cant actually deal with anything worse than “im feeling a little unmotivated today :c”) 

she cant hide her emotions AT ALL!!  and so expressive!! is she sad? you bet your ass she will complain! but also she is always okay with the others doing the same although she is pretty jealous of people who CAN pretend everything is okay (at this point i could start using the ‘I’ pronoun instead of she/her lmao) 

all these random english catchphrases lmaooo i’ve managed to chill now but i still use some french/english ones in the irl talk you can pry ‘bref’ from my dead cold hands

not the Worst Fashion Disaster but close.. especially when left to her own devices in the digital world................. oh and glasses!

when stressed she tends to overreact and do the opposite of what she should be doing 

her ideal future was eating lotta cake, if this isnt relatable! (okay there was some deeper meaning but shoosh)

crushes...on everyone.... so easily..... also Painfully obvious :’’’D

my digisona is also this Intense girl with a serious digimon keeping her outta trouble 

>>> and Yvan! again im so sorry to every French person (see? i used a capital F that shows i mean it!) reading this cuz im probably just horribly disrespecting everything about this play... 

but just the way he introduced himself i was like “if this isnt me” from the start!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

stressed desperately lookin for somethin he JUST HAD A SECOND AGO and “je suis un garçon.....uhmmmmmmm...sympatique?” 

Conclusion: Yvan is relatable

tbh i feel v much like 80% his lines (”Si cela lui fait plaisiiiiiiiir” or “Calme-toi est la pire chose que tu puisses dire à quelqu’un qui a perdu son calme” hONESTLY)

and his self esteem and the way he talks about himself :’)

trying his best to stay neutral and help calm both sides, failing miserably

white lies are good for your health (spoilers: they are not and we never learn)

generally has no idea how to deal with bullshit (press A to run away press B to try more useless talking) 

pls dont leave the decision on me pls i dont want to have an Opinion

he forgives every bad treatment in a span of going down the stairs

im worried ill relate to his professional situation :’D

oh and hypochondriac 

OversharesTM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cries all the time which is abnormal for a boy of his age

Honorable mention goes to!!! some more digimons because apparently i mostly relate to stuff im currently being hyped about

Emil Nekola (YOI) because of his ~~Czech~~ nationality, fondness of hugs, positive friendly attitude and the fact that this boy has not a single clue whats going on my dude he has not a slightest idea my guy he is just confused 24/7 (and doesnt understand there is drama going on or drama in general) 

Joe (Digimon Tri) lmao i wish, he is more like goals tbh but still, that dialogue with Mimi hit waaaaayyyy too close to home for comfort...

Gazimon (Digimon) because i, too, am a lazy furry who is hecka supportive of her friends and just wants to spend all her time sunbathing/ fucking on computer/eating

i had some more but i didnt write them down and forgot..