#especially since it’s her first job and i completely understand the existential crises that come with the first year of pr

[virgoevenus]

just discovered my purpose in my life (helping people my age just starting their “careers” feel okay with the pace they’re taking)

[talkingsong]

Playing Cards - My Secret Tarot Weapon + Card Meanings!

A lot of psychics tend to stick to only doing their readings with a simple deck of tarot cards. Some like using oracle decks to help them decipher the meanings of the readings too. Both of these methods of reading can be equally valid and accurate ways to get the message- but here’s something you might not have considered before. What if you used playing cards instead? 

Why use playing cards? The fuck?

I tend to use playing cards in the majority of my readings, and I find them extremely helpful and beneficial to helping make my tarot readings more accurate. The reason why they work for me is because usually with tarot and other oracle decks your main guidance throughout interpreting the meanings of the cards is your own intuition, getting messages using symbols and colors in the cards to help you. This can make the tarot meanings almost fluid and flexible, able to be applied to any situation- which is a good thing! However, playing cards aren’t usually as symbolic. With playing cards, their meanings are typically pretty clean-cut and specific, which can help guide your intuition on the right path. For me, it can help me understand more where the person’s energy is going to take them. Another way to explain it is this- say you pull the strength card in a reading. If you don’t know, the strength card in traditional tarot depicts a gentle woman holding a lion by the jaws, with flowers blooming in a crown around her head, and in most situations, this can symbolize taking control over your problems and finding strength in being non-violent (keep in mind there are multiple interpretations, so this is just an example.) If I pull the six of spades after that, then it can help me clarify that in this situation the strength card could represent getting out a bad situation, most likely a relationship, and having the strength internally to move on with your life, if that makes sense.  

Okay... How the hell do you use them, then?

Usually, it can help to do your own research on what the cards mean and their general interpretations, since we’ve already established that playing cards are way more literal than symbolic. When using playing cards, like any oracle or tarot decks, make sure to state your intentions before using them, and to cleanse their energy. Make sure to not use them for anything other than tarot readings. It can help to buy a whole new deck of cards so that this intention can be made very clear. Other than that, when using them, shuffle how you usually shuffle and keep your mind open to any messages you receive! 

Here’s something else to keep in mind- like in tarot, each suit has its meanings. Hearts represent emotions and relationships. Spades represent thinking and communication. Diamonds represent practical and material aspects of life. Clubs represent action or goals being met along with creativity. 

What the fuck are the card meanings in the first place?

Here’s a handy lil’ chart I made just for you- each card can have 2 or 3 literal interpretations depending, so apply what makes sense to you for your reading!

King Of Hearts - Represents being patient and able to see through others. Could represent having a strong protection and dedication over loved ones. Can represent being afraid of being manipulated.

Queen of Hearts - Represents coming across oblivious. Happy, Intelligent, Underestimated. Could represent taking things slow and loving the little things in life.

Jack of Hearts - Represents being the third wheel, being lonely and emotional. Could represent giving too much and not getting the same back.

Ace of Hearts -  Represents being hopeful, young, new, shy, and innocent. Represents new friendships and romances along with new oppertunities. Could also represent a fresh new start in terms of mindsets and emotions. 

Two of Hearts - Duality, balance of emotions, prosperity. Could also represent deepening of attractions.

Three of Hearts - Joy in company, friendships, celebrations.

Four of Hearts - Represents an established group or family. Stability of emotions. In some cases can represent a disapearence of some kind. 

Five of Hearts - Can represent being fiery, passionate, impulsive. Could represent a loss of some kind. In some cases can represent repressed anger or restlessness.

Six of Hearts - Represents childhood, nostalgia, and healing. Could represent the revival of an old relationship. Could represent a relationship with a female member of the family.

Seven of Hearts - Balance, satisfaction in life (or lackthereof). Thinking, daydreaming, brainstorming options and waiting.

Eight of Hearts - Could show either emotional detachment or making a choice (or both). Feeling stuck. Could also represent crowds and gossip.

Nine of Hearts - Shows ultimate independence, following your dreams, going solo. Going against what society says. Sex.

Ten of Hearts - Represents happiness and completion in an emotional stage or cycle in someone’s life. 

King of Spades - Represents determination and doing what you know is right. Making clear cut decisions and being quick and efficient when it comes to communication.

Queen of Spades - Represents being intelligent and aware, introspective and thoughtful. 

Jack of Spades - Represents losing sleep and being a loner. Also represents having spot on intuition and advice. Could also represent existential crises. 

Ace of Spades - Represents being able to see through deception and other people’s intentions. Also represents having new insights and changes in perspective about certain situations and people. 

Two of Spades - Partnership and mutual understanding. 

Three of Spades - Misunderstanding and overall miscommunication. 

Four of Spades - Represents old projects and situations being set in stone and finished. Recovery and contemplation. 

Five of Spades - Hollow victories or dishonor. Could also represent chaos caused by lack of communication. 

Six of Spades - Represents being quick to fall into a relationship. Could also represent travel or moving on. Mentally getting to a better place.

Seven of Spades - Lies or deception. Little things piling up into big things. Situations and things needing to be addressed. 

Eight of Spades - Needing change, things being too normal or set in stone. could also represent the illusion of feeling trapped or powerless. 

Nine of Spades - Doing what you know is right, following your moral compass. Could also represent someone being prompted by feelings of guilt or emptiness. 

Ten of Spades - Noise, a communication between two groups (or lackthereof). Victimization due to society in some way. Things needing to be completed. 

King of Diamonds - Represents being self-made and successful but still being unsatisfied or not confident. 

Queen of Diamonds - Represents feeling judged and alone. Music lover. Could also represent being hard on yourself. 

Jack of Diamonds - Rich, Joyful, Laughter. Represents being generally happy and content but having hidden depths. 

Ace of Diamonds - Represents fantasy or a particular dream or goal that someone has that is coming true. Could also represent moving.

Two of Diamonds - Represents waiting for results or juggling and balancing resources. 

Three of Diamonds - Things being constructed or physically made. Could also represent teamwork and improving skills. 

Four of Diamonds - Finding stability or results. Having something desired - or in some cases being too obsessed with control. 

Five of Diamonds - Loss of jobs or money. Could also represent a scandalous feminine energy (oooo gurl)

Six of Diamonds - Motherhood, parental instinct. Could also represent having to give up something physical for self improvement.

Seven of Diamonds - Mild satisfaction giving way to a turning point. 

Eight of Diamonds - Renewal or revival of something. Paying attention to detail and finding focus. 

Nine of Diamonds - Putting effort into the wrong thing, having to reevaluate something. Making mistakes. 

Ten of Diamonds - Finding a partner, working towards goals with physical resources. Completion. 

King of Clubs - Represents being noble and expreinced, being someone a lot of people look up to. Having interests in multiple different things. 

Queen of Clubs - Represents being proud of yourself, being dedicated (especially to love). Doesn’t rush. Can represent distraction getting in the way of your goals. 

Jack of Clubs - Getting advice from someone older and more expierenced than you. Admitting your own naive nature in a certain subject or aspect of life. Therapy.

Ace of Clubs - Finding new inspiration and creativity. Could also represent honesty and feeling whole. 

Two of Clubs - Being caught between two options or choices, especially considering your own personal future. Could also represent preparation and planning. 

Three of Clubs - Being a strong leader, usually in some sort of creative endeavour. Not being afraid to stand out or to take charge.

Four of Clubs - Not being where you think you are. Confusion. More often then not represents achieving a goal or rest. 

Five of Clubs - Finding the humor in any situation. Being skilled.

Six of Clubs - Represents victory and achievements. Could also represent music, singing, listening, or variety. 

Seven of Clubs - Could represent being uninspired. Defensive. 

Eight of Clubs - Fullfillment, charity. Finding satisfaction where you are or taking action to get to a better place. 

Nine of Clubs - Endurence, facing demons, finding the truth. Serving justice. Overall kicking ass. 

Ten of Clubs - Finding harmony and completion with society. Dream fitting it. Completion. 

Keep in mind that these are just general interpretations - feel free to make your own! 

With that, this post has been way too long and has taken me two hours to write. I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions <3 peace. 

[wallythayer]

How Stress Affects Your Sex Drive

I gave a talk at a conference recently — the kind of talk I give all the time, about how couples can sustain strong sexual connections over multiple decades. People came up to me afterward and told me how helpful it was, how normalizing, how practical. Then, later that evening, I sat around a table with a group of women who had attended the event. We were drinking chardonnay and talking about sex — of course — when the woman across the table from me suddenly leaned forward and said, “But let’s be real, Emily. Sometimes it’s just not there. You don’t want it. And nothing on Earth can make you want it.”

“True,” I said.

“It doesn’t matter how much you love your partner,” she said. “Sometimes it’s just not there.”

“Yup,” I agreed. “Sometimes.”

“So . . .” she hesitated, her eyes filling with tears. “Where does it go?”

“And how do you get it back?” asked someone else, so quietly I couldn’t tell who it was. Around the table, heads were nodding.

Loss of desire isn’t just loss of sex. When desire diminishes, people wonder if there’s something wrong with them, and they feel as if they’re losing themselves. Or that there’s something wrong with their partner, and they’re losing their partner. Or they worry about the relationship and losing the love that bound them to this person in the beginning. Loss of desire begins to feel like loss of connection.

Yet a bajillion things can interfere with sexual desire, and only rarely is it because there’s anything “wrong.” Almost always, it’s neither you nor your partner, nor is it the relationship. To find the problem, you have to zoom out and look for a factor in the larger context that’s standing between you and your own sexual well-being.

And the single most common factor?

Stress.

Which is the bad news. Because everyone has stress.

But here’s the good news: Everyone can do something about it. And when you do, your sexual desire can come roaring back to life.

I want to tell you what I told those women that night and what I tell everyone — regardless of gender — who asks me, so that you too can recognize when stress has hijacked your interest in sex, and know how to get the desire back.

The Mind Matters

The first thing to understand is how sex actually works in the brain.

The brain has a sexual accelerator, or “gas pedal” — technically called the sexual excitation system — designed to notice all the sexually relevant stimuli in the environment. Anytime you see, hear, smell, touch, taste, or (crucially) imagine something that your brain codes as associated with sex, it sends a “turn on” signal.

It’s happening right now. The fact that you’re reading about sex is, just a little, sexually relevant. The smell of your partner’s skin, fresh from the shower. The sensation of that person’s lips on your shoulder. The memory of that time that person did that lovely thing to you. These are all sexually relevant stimuli.

Your brain also has a sexual “brake” — the sexual inhibition system. It’s not inhibition as in shy; it’s inhibition as in slowing down. The brake, too, is scanning the environment for everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste, or imagine that it codes as a good reason not to be turned on. The kids are awake in the next room. You’re frustrated about work. You’re annoyed with your partner. You’re unhappy with your own body.

The standard advice for people struggling with sexual arousal, desire, or orgasm is to increase stimulation to the accelerator: add role-play, toys, erotica (which are great if you enjoy them). But when people are struggling, it’s rarely because there’s not enough stimulation to the accelerator. The problem is almost always that there’s too much stimulation to the brake.

All kinds of things can hit the brake: Relationship issues, trauma history, and body-image stuff are all key offenders. But the most common culprit — and the foundational condition the others activate — is stress. Stress from your job or family. Stress about your relationship. Stress about your own body. Stress from worrying about sex!

So, imagine you’re trying to drive a car . . . with the hand brake on. You might eventually get where you want to go, but you’ll take a lot longer, burn a lot more fuel, and maybe even damage the engine along the way.

Plus, in the accelerator–brake design of your sexuality, the frustration and judgment of Why is this taking so long?! Isn’t it supposed to be easier than this? adds even more pressure to the brake, so you slow down even more.

The first tip is this: Know that it’s completely normal for your sexual response to require more time and effort when you’re stressed, because stress is hitting your brake. You’re not broken; this is the sexual-response mechanism in your brain working appropriately in an inappropriate world.

Ironically, the more patient you are with yourself, the more readily your brake will release. The rest is about effectively offloading your stress.

“Sure, Emily,” you say. “I’ll manage my stress better. Piece of cake.”

Actually, it kind of is — once you know how stress works.

Understanding Stress

You’re probably familiar with the fight-or-flight stress response that involves adrenaline and cortisol and all the rest of it. What most people leave out, though, is that the stress response isn’t just a response; it’s a cycle. Like this:

Suppose you’re living in the African savanna, the environment where humans evolved many thousands of years ago. You’re there, minding your own business, when you spot a lion charging you. Instantly your body is flooded with stress hormones that prepare it for what happens next — which is, you run.

At this point, there are only two possible outcomes, right?

1) You could be eaten by the lion, in which case your sex life is no longer a problem.

2) Or you survive! Maybe you run back to the village, shouting for help, and everyone comes out and slaughters the lion, saving you. You and your loved ones enjoy a feast of roast lion. The next morning, hand in hand with people you love, you bury the parts of the carcass you won’t be using, giving thanks to the lion for its sacrifice.

That is the complete cycle: Alert! Action! Safety! Celebrate!

Fortunately, these days we are almost never chased by lions.

Unfortunately, however, our bodies respond to modern stressors more or less the same way they would if we were being chased by a lion. Horrible business meeting? Chased by a lion. Fight with your partner? Chased by a lion. Onslaught of toxic self-critical thoughts about your body when you try on a pair of jeans? Chased by a lion.

Since activation of the stress-response cycle is about survival, it makes perfect sense that all of these experiences hit the sexual brake. After all, suppose you’re in the process of running away from the lion, and your certain special someone says, “Hey, sweetie, would you like to have some sexytime tonight?”

Your response is probably something like, “Are you kidding me? How about you help me with this lion?!” Or, in 21st-century terms: “How about you help me with these kids/bills/dishes/social injustices/existential crises?!”

We are all in the middle of a lot of activated, incomplete stress-response cycles, and they’re keeping our brakes on. That’s the problem.

The solution is to get out of survival mode, complete the cycle, and release the sexual brake.

Complete the Stress Response

One approach that absolutely does not work to complete the cycle is telling yourself to calm down once the stressor is gone. Dealing with the stress is a separate process from dealing with the stressor; until you’ve dealt with the stress itself, your brain will keep the brake on. Your body needs you to do something.

Once upon a time, what we did to deal with the stressor also dealt with the stress — by design. We ran from the lion. This both saved us from being eaten and purged the stress hormones we released in response to the crisis.

These days, there is a fundamental disconnect between the behaviors that complete the stress-response cycle and those that effectively deal with the stressor. Let’s say, for example, that you’re stressed out by a toxic work colleague. Maybe you have a calm and productive meeting with your supervisor about strategies to work effectively with (and around) this difficult individual. That’s how you deal with the problem that is behind the stress.

But just because you’ve dealt with the problem doesn’t mean you’ve dealt with the stress itself.

You tell yourself you should feel good now that you’ve talked with your manager, to let it go, to stop thinking about it, and to stop feeling frustrated and annoyed.

But your body is still in being-chased-by-a-lion mode, and there’s nothing you can say that will convince it the lion is gone.

When you’re being chased by a lion, what do you do?

You run.

The same is true when you’re stressed out about work, family, life, or sex. Go for a run. Or a walk. Or head to Zumba, or practice yoga, or do whatever activity feels right for your body.

Movement is the most efficient way to complete the cycle, because it quickly cleans out the stress hormones. It tells your body you have escaped the threat and your body is once again a safe place to be.

Physical activity is just one of many ways to complete the cycle. Another is creative self-expression. I come from a family of musicians, so my people “sing it out.” My sister recently made up a little ditty called “Sometimes I Hate My Boss, But Then I Sing a Song About It.” It’s just those words, sung to a bouncy little tune, until she can laugh about it.

Maybe you knit or embroider. Maybe you cook. Maybe you draw; heck, maybe you color! Whatever mode of expression works to bring your body and mind into a place of calm and safety is the right one.

Dance is especially amazing for stress. If I were going to start a movement, it would be to teach everyone to partner dance. It involves physical activity, creative self-expression, and our third cycle-completion strategy — social connection.

The Power of Connection

Research shows that a little social connection can go a long way. Your pleasant interactions with the barista, the bank teller, or the bus driver all shift your body chemistry to a calmer state, as you’re reassured that you’re surrounded by people who aren’t enemies.

Even better, though, are the moments of laughter and play you experience with friends, family, kids, and partners. Warm, playful social interaction (whether rough-and-tumble or storytelling play) is a way to get back to the “village” and celebrate your survival. Your body knows it is safe now, because you are surrounded by your tribe.

Most powerful of all are the affectionate, intimate social connections with your partner. Marital therapist John Gottman, PhD, recommends the six-second kiss as one way to get and stay connected with your significant other. That’s one six-seconds-long kiss, not six one-second-long kisses.

Six seconds may not sound like much, but would you kiss someone you just met for that long? Would you kiss someone you were angry with for that long? A slow, deliberate kiss (rather than the hasty peck) requires that you notice that this person is there for you, that you like them, trust them, and enjoy feeling connected to them.

Another version of stress management through affection is the 30-second hug: an exercise many couples therapists use called “hugging till relaxed.” For this stress-response-cycle-completing hug, each person stands over their own center of balance and puts their arms around the other person, and they hold each other — yes, for 30 seconds, or even longer. Whatever it takes for your body to be convinced that you are home again, safe from the lion, in a place where you can celebrate.

The Magic Circle

This brings us to my favorite, and perhaps most revolutionary, strategy for completing the stress-response cycle: sex.

I don’t mean crazy, acrobatic sex or even the high romance of a movie scene. I mean you choose a time and place when everything else in your life gets set aside — work, kids, bills, everything — and you put your body in the bed. You let your skin touch your partner’s skin. You pay attention to the sensations.

Sometimes what will happen is one of your stressors will rise up like a demon between you and your partner. This creates a perfect opportunity to ask for support in dealing with it. You can also just notice and ask the demon to go watch a movie or something, because right now you’re busy enjoying your partner’s body and being touched.

More often what happens is your body wakes up and remembers, I really like this person! I really enjoy these sensations! And pleasure, so long restrained by your brake, is free to romp across the bed.

Here’s more good news: You don’t have to wait for “the mood.” Waiting for the mood is waiting for your life to be calm enough for you not to be stressed. Because many of us sustain a state of stress for years at a time, waiting for the mood usually means waiting indefinitely. And the more you wait, the more frustration, isolation, and worry builds up between you and your partner. Am I broken? Is my partner broken? Is our relationship doomed?

The mood comes when there’s enough stimulation on the accelerator and enough turning off the brake; that’s it. And a great way to help release the brake is to snuggle with and love your certain special someone.

This originally appeared as “Sex and Stress” in the July/August 2018 print issue of Experience Life.

Get the full story at https://experiencelife.com/article/how-stress-affects-your-sex-drive/

[hearticho]

i saw your post on the stressful class you had a while back, how did you deal with it? because i feel like giving up on my thesis right now and i'm panicking because deliberations are just around the corner and i haven't done anything significant. i'm having an existential crisis like, did i pick the right course? is this what i really want? if i'm subjecting myself to this kind of stress, is this degree worth it/right for me? why did i choose this? how did i end up in this mess? and it's

especially hurting because this is the second time i’m taking this class (i need to pass this to graduate), and i dropped this class last year for the same reason i have now (among other things too). it’s not that i’m a lazy student, i had excellent marks in other subjects and led groupworks for different classes, but this particular thesis class has me stumped. i want to give up and take some time to re-evaluate myself. but i’m afraid of what my parents, friends, classmates, peers, and profs would think of me if i delay graduation again. like i can already picture their “disappointed face” and i can’t take it. i just want to go away to someplace where nobody knows me, where nobody expects anything from me, and start over.

First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to write out your ask and for confiding in me. I never thought I would receive any asks when I made this tumblr a year ago, but every time I do, I’m so glad I get to connect with other people. 

Second of all, I’ve never been the best at giving advice, but I’m going to try my best. You can always send me another ask or an instant message if you feel comfortable with that. If what I’m about to say doesn’t help you at all, I’m always willing to just listen and/or talk through it with you!!!

I think I’ve written a few posts about my stressful class (because it’s been the bane of my existence this semester), but I’m going to assume you’re referring to my post about how anxious I was about writing for it? I can relate to a lot about what you said and it seems like something about my post resonated with you. But before I give my two cents, I’ll let you know my situation and then we can go from there. 

MY CURRENT SEMESTERSo I’m a senior right now and I’m trying to graduate in May. I’m only taking three classes (8 credit hours total) this semester because I’m doing an internship as well. In order to graduate with two degrees (I’m double majoring), I need to complete 158 credit hours. Since I’m only taking 8 credit hours, my grades this semester won’t significantly impact my GPA. My goal is to just pass all my classes and graduate. 

The stakes aren’t super high for me… But I’m still tremendously stressed out about my advanced comp class because I have to write a lot. (More than I’ve ever written for one class.) I have really bad writing anxiety, so I was about 6-7 weeks behind on writing (before I finally caught up somewhat). I was worried about ending up with an F by the end of the class and not being able to graduate with both degrees (I’d be able to graduate with at least one). I was able to finish a good chunk of the assignments the week after spring break. I’ll have to turn in two more assignments and then the class will be over. I’m still concerned about how things will turn out, but I think I’ll still be able to get the credit for my stressful class.

HOW DID I DEAL?I’m having a hard time answering your first question because I honestly DIDN’T deal with it for a long time. The anxiety got so bad that I couldn’t even make outlines or look at the assignments. I pushed it off for almost two months. Going home during spring break and being able to take a breather from the stress of the advanced comp class and everything else was something that I really needed. The break allowed me to re-calibrate and then do some more planning to make writing less daunting for me. In my head, I figured out step-by-step about what I needed to do to finish my writing assignments and knowing that I had a road map helped a lot. 

EXISTENTIAL CRISES This semester I didn’t really have any existential crises like you about whether or not I chose the right majors, but of course I have wondered about that from time to time and I think I’ll continue to wonder about that even after graduation. I think a lot of people wonder if what they’re pursuing is something they actually want. 

Whenever I’m stressing out about whether or not I really want something, I talk to a variety of people. I talk to people who are in the same field as me, people who are in different fields as me, my friends and roommate, my favorite professors, etc. The more I keep talking about it, the more I can visualize the future and realize how I truly feel about something. 

(I personally really like having one-on-one conversations, so this might be helpful for me but not for you.) 

Even though I’ve had doubts about my majors, I still have more positive feelings than negative feelings. If you have WAY more negative feelings than positive feelings then maybe stepping back from it or finding something else would be the right thing for you. Also, figuring out exactly which parts unsettle you could also be useful for re-directing yourself. 

For instance, if you’re an education major and you’re finding out that you don’t want to work in a traditional teacher role like in an elementary school or high school but you still like education, maybe you could look into teaching adults who never got their GEDs or immigrants or going abroad to teach English or going into education research. Some parts of your major, and not the whole major, might have drawn you in, so learning what those parts are might be beneficial to moving forward. 

But… it sounds like you’re doing well except for this one thesis class. Like, you’ve done all the work and you’re almost at the finish line except that there’s this one big obstacle before you can receive your medal. Question you can ask yourself: If this obstacle didn’t exist, would I still be ok with sticking with my major or would I still be displeased? 

(I don’t know all your circumstances or your relationship to your studies, so again, if you want to explain more about it or talk through it, you can always send a follow ask or instant message me!)

QUITTING AND DISAPPOINTING PEOPLETo answer your other concerns about dropping things and possibly disappointing people, I would say that your well-being ALWAYS comes first. 

If your academics are totally wrecking your emotional and mental health, then I honestly don’t think it’s worth it. You don’t have to love anything 100% of the time, but shouldn’t you enjoy what you’re doing most of the time? Is finishing your degree (at this time) worth losing your mind?

This was the first semester that I’ve dropped a class in college (and had to pick up an online 8-week class) because while I was growing up, I was told to always just stick it out even when it gets tough. Quitting is “shameful” and it’s “weak” to give up. Little did I know how satisfying and relieving it is to drop classes lmao 

It’s very upsetting to know that you’ve let down the people around you, but if they really care about you, they will understand that you either 1) need more time or 2) need to pursue something else. It might be tough to endure the disappointing faces and words and there might be some friction during any transitional periods, but people usually get over it once they see you 1) back on track at a later time or 2) happier in a different field. 

PEOPLE I KNOW WHO HAVE TAKEN THEIR TIMESince I like to have a lot of conversations with people (I can get pretty nosy), I’ve met some great people who got to their goals by taking the long way around. 

1. My older sister went to undergrad for 6 years. It took her a long time because she switched majors and took a year off because of her mental health. She graduated with an English degree. She’s now taking classes to be an ultrasound tech at a different school. 

2. My resident director who ran the dorm I lived in during my first year went to undergrad for about 7-8 years. He kept switching majors and couldn’t figure out what he really wanted. I don’t think his degree coincided with his res director job at all. He’s good at what he does and he loves his wife and two babies. 

3. One of the directors of my school’s LGBT resource center had to take a stats class to finish his degree and he took it five times because he really struggles with math. He was eventually able to graduate. He’s never had to think about stats since the end of that class. 

4. One of my community health professors took a chemistry class three times because he wanted to be pre-med. He could never get above a C-, so he chose to go into public health instead because he still wanted to pursue something health-related. It worked out really well for him. 

5. My roommate dropped one of her required classes because her schedule was too overwhelming. She won’t be able to graduate with me in May, but she’s going to take it again during the summer and then graduate in August. She’s so happy that she doesn’t have to take on everything in one semester. She can put all of her focus on her most difficult class without any distractions during the summer. 

DELAYING GRADUATIONA third of my friends are staying for an extra semester or year because they need more time. Going to undergrad for more than 4 years is becoming more normalized. Graduating “on time” is not the narrative of a huge percentage of students these days. If you can afford to pay for another semester or take out loans, then it can definitely be an option. If you can afford to take a break from school for a while to figure things out or get a job, that can also be an option. 

You don’t have to put a rush on things. You’re not going to “fall behind.” 

What’s waiting for you? A job? Grad school? Both will be there for you when you’re ready for it. Those opportunities are not going to suddenly disappear because you waited a little longer than you expected or didn’t graduate the same semester as your classmates.  

The only reason why I’m finishing in 4 years is because I got lucky. That’s it. Not because I was exceptionally bright or hard working or because I had to. It just kind of ended up that way. 

LAST WORDSIt can be tough to live up to any expectations. You want to make people happy and proud and be the person they want you to be. But the fact that they forced these types of expectations on you is pretty unfair! Shouldn’t your health and happiness be what they care about the most?

You’re not a little kid anymore and you should be able to form your own expectations and limits. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. You’re going to meet your current goals, modified goals, or new goals eventually, whether you finish on time or decide to take the scenic route. 

I’m assuming you’re in your early twenties like me. I have to remind myself all the time that I’m actually not that old. We still have SO much time to grow and learn. At this stage in our lives, we have the privilege of making mistakes and we have to take full advantage of it. 

P.S. I’m sorry for replying to this so late! Some friends are visiting this weekend and I also wanted to take my time with this. I’m also sorry this was so wordy! For someone who gets writing anxiety, I sure do like to write a lot for my asks lmao