#even in the hardest of times

[icaruspendragon]

something the women in my family are absolutely flabbergasted by every time it comes up is the fact that i don’t own a scale.

“how do you know how much you weigh??” they cry.

“i don’t.” i simply respond.

“you look thinner, have you lost weight?” they ask at christmas.

“i dunno.” i say as i check on the turkey.

“you look bigger, have you gained weight?” they probe, as if my weight rests on their shoulders.

“i’m not sure, but it’s fine if i have.” i respond with a casualness they cannot comprehend.

“don’t you want to know if you’ve lost or gained?” they inquire over cups of coffee and a plate of untouched cookies.

“i do.” i take a sip. “which is why i don’t need to know.”

“we don’t understand.” they say.

“i’ll drive myself mad if i know. it’s been a question i’ve been looking for the answer to since i was in the seventh grade and my weight was the topic of conversation for the first time; the stretch marks on my calves puberty brought being questioned and condemned. and so i started weighing myself once a day. then twice a day. i gained weight as i grew and was told to stop. i got depressed when i was 16 and the weight i gained was more concerning than the scars on my thighs. the critiques turned to compliments during my first year of college when i’d started skipping meals and my body had to feed itself because i wouldn’t. everyday i stepped on the scale and smiled as i watched that number get smaller and smaller. hunger felt like victory. i started doing drugs that took away my appetite and then my strength. and started feeling guilt when my stomach felt full. and suddenly every time i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw. the more weight i lost, the better i was supposed to feel. each remark on another part of my body lost felt like a slap to the face. i was told i looked good but i knew i wasn’t good enough. and so i tried harder. and then i started to get dizzy when i stood. and i ignored it like i’d learned to ignore my hunger. and then one day at work i dropped like the weight that was never enough after i bending at the waist to grab a milk cap from the floor. and when the darkness faded, i was surrounded by panic as an ambulance was called. and then i was tested and prodded and poked because they thought something was wrong with my heart. and the problem persisted but they never found out why. but i’d known all along. and then i left home and its scale behind. and moved into a new home that was mine. so i bought plates and sheets and art for the walls. but i didn’t buy a scale. then every time i walked down an aisle i’d see the them and pause. and i’d think about the hunger i now kept at bay. and even though i didn’t know how much i weighed, i didn’t notice my body had changed. and i’d think about how i hadn’t been dizzy for months. and how i hadn’t fainted for longer. and then i’d keep on walking. and now most days i like how i look.”

“but don’t you want to be skinny?” comes their quiet response.

“i want to be myself in whatever body i have.”

they stare in disbelief. so i shrug my shoulders, and grab a cookie. and i smile at them as i swallow the first bite.

[albaharu]

got his dad kidnapped, his friend kidnapped, mizora is waiting for him at camp and his favorite clown got killed. terrible day for the blade.

also he was made to be the perfect trickster hero lying to the baddies with that high charisma so i got him to do the talk

[obsob]

lady amber my beloved

[susielesbianism]

I love it when girls are in love!!!!

(Reblog, don’t repost)

[astragatwo]

[arthursfuckinghat]

"I got it.. beatin' a man.. to death.. for a few bucks"

[imminent-danger-came]

Not to me, not if it’s you.

[bisexualbuck]

After 356 years and seven lifetimes… I still lead with my heart.

[Description under Read More]

[Image description: three gifs from Star Trek Deep Space Nine focusing on Jadzia Dax

Gif 1: Close-up of Jadzia in a TOS uniform, the background is red. Jadzia Dax is written at the bottom in a stylized manner

Gif 2: Various gifs of Jadzia. On the left there's a gif of her in her red wedding dress. On the right, there are two small gifs of her, in the first one she looks upset, but she is laughing in the second one. Below is a close-up of her blue eyes. The last gif is at the bottom and shows her sitting on the Captain's chair of the Defiant during combat.

Gif 3: two merged gifs of Jadzia. On the left, she is standing and smiling. On the right, she has her gaze down but looks up as she listens to what's being said to her. At the bottom of the gif, the following quote is written in a stylized manner: "If you want to know who you are, it's important to know who you've been"

/end image description]

[idlesuperstar]

- As far back as I can remember, I had a passion for dressing up and playing games of 'Let's Pretend', which are, of course, the basic principles of acting, and if you are lucky enough, you get paid for so doing, hard work though it may be.

[alitteraladhdmess]

Aren’t they pretty? This took me 12 hours according to procreate.

I am LIVING for April’s dress rn

Leo never stood a chance with that suit

My song inspiration for this piece^

@beebopurr I blame you for the brain worms. YOURE INFECTING ME💀 /pos

[surskip]

the #1 rule of posting art on the internet is that there will always be a 14 year old with 50k followers creating things that you can only dream of, and while it's fine to privately feel discouraged or like you're behind, if you make this their problem or take it out on them you need to go outside and identify 4 species of birds before you sit back down at your computer

[bonefall]

im not sure you're into clangen, but i have a blog on here where im doing a spreadsheet for my fanclans with all the math for every prey listed including species selection for the modeled region. thanks for making me normal about ecology

I don't play Clangen but I support you. I included a little footnote in the tags that Clangen modders, enthusiasts, devs, or whatever are totally free to take the numbers and info and use them; I realized like halfway into it that it would make for REALLY good inputs for a simple calorie tracker.

(Though I'm not actually sure if Clangen currently generates individual prey items or if it even tracks hunger at all, the last build I played was like... a year ago or more and I don't remember a freshkill pile)

If asked for direct info that will be used (just so I'm not, like, crunching numbers for every species ever, y'know? My time's valuable) I can give better estimates. For example, salmonids are closer to a land animal value (x5 per gram) or maybe even a low avian value than a fish value.

Also for your purposes, here is a major chart I get information from, when it comes to small prey that is not easy to get estimates for. RE: Remember that it accounts for the whole animal, including organmeat.

[ardentlytess]

ROOMMATES OF POONGDUCK 304 (2022), episode 7

[soyalexnajera]

HOLY MOTHER FUCKING GOD

[astragatwo]

[sidetongue]

look at their tails hugging, i'm cryyy