#even those are barred to you if you commit the sin of harm reduction quitting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unopenablebox · 1 year

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new sources of guilt for today:

fell asleep on the couch last night, could not be woken up enough to move, slept on couch for most of night before eventually regaining consciousness and going to bed

because set alarm in context of above, did not remember that i was going to need to get up with or before 🌸 in order to buy milk; accordingly 🌸 bought milk

allowed my dad’s insane thing about vacations to actually come out of my stupid mouth, have probably defused but will maybe have to re-defuse again later, 🌸 took it gracefully but jesus fucking christ

it’s not like i needed another reason to add to the list of reasons that it’s intrinsically impossible for me to stop doing this job but i’m pretty sure i’m hanging on to 🌸’s parents’ tolerance primarily through an adequate display of aspiration to upward mobility and quitting my phd would really bring my, um, solidly middle-class doesn’t-know-about-financial-instruments uncouth jewish executive dysfunction qualities back into the foreground

#box opener #it's a shame that you. can't ever stop doing a phd. because you also secured unpausable funding #and have no other skills #and all the jobs you're networked for make way more sense for a person to pursue. with a phd in hand already. even if theyre not The Job #and if you just go try to do something like . idk. teach. temp work. something not insanity inducing #you are also going to have to find out what happens when you actually for real disagree with your girlfriend's parents about something.#and once you stop doing any of this for even a second. you cannot ever go back to doing it. even the lower-prestige bits that don't totally #miserably suck.#even those are barred to you if you commit the sin of harm reduction quitting #i guess i could make up. a reason i need medical leave. i could........... break a leg on purpose. except that severer physical disability #also seems like a trigger for the 🌸's parents subroutine. so who fucking knows jesus

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