#even though this is early in the book it's clear that they both feel loyalty towards e/o

[crabbarts]

going insane over Lucky Meas' and Joron's relationship (part 1/?)

[bairdthereader]

Charlie Spring, An Appreciation: Part 2, Friendship

Charlie is often described as nerdy, shy, and awkward, the dork who is lucky enough to catch the eye of the popular boy. But that characterization does Charlie a huge disservice; it overlooks the richness of his personal life and the complexity of his inner landscape.

It also ignores the fact that he has cultivated a solid and loving friend group that he cares for in so many ways, whose devotion he earns through his own dedication and fierce loyalty. He is by no means alone or isolated when he meets Nick, he is not "desperate" in the way some people (and the horrible Ben) characterize him.

Charlie's relationship with Tao is a longstanding one, but not without its challenges. Tao isn't the easiest person to be friends with, but Charlie sees through Tao's prickly defensiveness to appreciate and love the part of Tao that feels so intensely, the part that is vulnerable and lost. And he fights for that friendship again and again.

The most beautiful example of this is on the Pont de l'Archevêché when Tao confesses that he accidentally outed Charlie the year before. This could easily and justifiably end even a strong friendship. But you can see the moment that Charlie decides his relationship with Tao is more important, that it is worth all of the pain that accidental outing caused him. He forgives instantly and completely, with no lingering resentment at all. And if that wasn't heroic enough, he follows up with the most thorough reassurance speech ever given, tailored specifically to eradicate all of Tao's most deeply held insecurities. Charlie's empathy is astounding.

Elle explains to Darcy that Charlie was her friend first, followed by Tao, which tells us that Charlie's care for her began a long time ago, and that it's lasted through all the challenges she's faced during her transition. I wish there were more moments on screen where Elle and Charlie have one-on-one conversations; there are shockingly few. But the way they speak about each other when the other isn't there is just as revealing. Elle clearly loves and understands Charlie in a unique way, and she does all she can to smooth the ragged edges between him and Tao, and lovingly supports his relationship with Nick. She does this because Charlie does the same for her, and because she knows his friendship is deep and abiding and unconditional.

Though less outwardly demonstrative than his friendships with the others, Charlie is no less caring and protective of Isaac, the friend who, I think, is the mostly gently supportive of Charlie as he navigates the early stages of his relationship with Nick. Charlie is open with Isaac when he asks for advice, but doesn't pry into why Isaac is asking a question that's so out of character; he knows Isaac processes most things internally before speaking them aloud. At prom, Charlie reminds Isaac--in a moment where he clearly feels isolated and singled out--that he is important, both to Charlie personally and to their group as a whole. A quiet person like Isaac could easily end up on the fringes of a friend group, but Charlie pulls him back in.

Charlie is also more caring with Tori than I think he's given credit for (especially at this point in the timeline and without some of the supporting backstory from the later comics and other books). Even with the limited interactions we see on screen, he's always trying to include her, trying to make sure she's not alone, while still giving her the space she feels she needs. Their bond is deep and protective, and it goes both ways. Charlie may be the younger of the two, but he's taking care of her, in his own way, as much as she is of him.

Again, I could go on and on:

This idea that Charlie is the quiet, awkward wallflower just doesn't hold up when it's so clear that he's the lynchpin of his friend group. Charlie's endless capacity for loyalty, forgiveness, empathy, and inclusion make him a champion in the lives of everyone he loves.

[mar-ginalia]

Kushiel’s Dart, Kushiel’s Chosen and Kushiel’s Avatar by Jacqueline Carey. Ooof, that was a lot of pages. Spoilers ahoy for all three books in Phèdre’s trilogy.

It’s a damn shame I disregarded these books for such a long time, thinking they’re some kind of kitschy erotica with “rippling abs” and the like. Yup, there’s a lot of sex in it, some of it kinky, some of it downright disturbing. At its core, though, it’s an intricate, character-driven political fantasy with coherent worldbuilding, compelling characters, and a ton of feels.

The court drama/political intrigue/game of thrones was amazing! Carey clearly had a long game in mind, setting up players, grudges, and interests early on, often in a subtle, non-obvious was. Sure, sometimes I was a bit overwhelmed with the abundance of names thrown my way, having to check the dramatis personae often in the beginning, but my effort paid off in the end. Uncovering the layers of the story was really satisfying.

Oh, Phèdre, it took a while to like you, but once it clicked between us, I became your champion (at least when I was not siding with Joscelin and his common sense). I guess it was Carey’s intent to make the readers uncomfortable with her life choices and sexual preferences. But there’s so much more to Phèdre than what she does in the bedroom. She’s smart, empathetic and fiercely loyal. I also appreciated that the author never forced her to become a warrior. Her skills lie elsewhere and she knows her limitations. She proves time and time again that “That which yields is not always weak”.

As for the uncomfortable part… this book really challenged me. I consider myself an open-minded, sex-positive person, but reading about some of Phèdre’s assignments made me really, REALLY queasy. I tried to analyze these feelings afterwards and I figured the worst part for me was not the violence itself, but the humiliation Phèdre experienced – and welcomed. It was hard to read how her body betrayed her, reacting with arousement to things she considered degrading.

A BDSM courtesan spy and a celibate warrior priest? Ahhh, I knew I was going to love this pairing before they did, lol. The angst, the drama, the love, the fierce loyalty, the contradicting needs... Their story developed beautifully it all its dramatic, impossible glory across the three books.

Phèdre and Joscelin’s arc is a reminder that we can’t really change the core of who we are and what we like. Repressing one’s needs and renouncing one’s identity – for a partner or for society’s acceptance – will always end badly. As weird as it sounds, this over-the top, whimsical fantasy series shows pretty well what can happen in a relationship between two people with drastically different desires and identities.

Joscelin, my bby. He started out as a cliché paladin – haughty, judgmental and slut-shamey, with a giant stick up his bottom. It’s amazing what captivity among the Skaldi can do to a person, though. To me, a paladin-like character becomes interesting once he errs. And boy, did Joscelin err. One by one, he broke his oaths, except for the one that mattered the most – to protect and serve.

And protect and serve he did. Although he becomes the second most important character, he’s always one step behind  Phèdre – she leads and he follows. I loved their dynamic. They both knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and worked together well even when there was resentment between them.

Some people complain about the flowery, detail-oriented prose. I liked it once I got the hang of it. It reads like a memoir or a spoken account by Phèdre, years after the events in question. Sure, there are annoying  repetitions (“FOR I AM D’ANGELINE!”!!! Yes, Phèdre, you only mentioned it a million times already) and it’s clear the author spent some quality time with a thesaurus, but to me the language matches the over-the-topness of Terre d’Ange and the story itself.

The part I liked the least was the second half of book 3. I liked Hyacinthe well enough in book 1, when he actually appeared on page. Had he appeared in more than Phèdre’s memories later on, I would have cared more about the quest to save him. Freeing him after his prolonged absence from the story didn’t pack an emotional punch for me. And don’t even get me started on Phèdre’s willingness to choose him near the end. At this point I guess you have to be heartless not to weep over Phèdre and Joscelin’s impossible, harrowing journey (esp. their ordeal in Dursanga…). Seriously, am I supposed to believe that she would ditch him for her childhood friend after everything they went through – and everything the readers experienced alongside them, as opposed to Hyacinthe’s off-screen plight? Weird, especially in a book that seems so aware of people’s feelings and motivations.

Queen Ysandre was meh. I guess at this point in my life I just can’t enjoy court drama as much as I used to because I can’t see monarchy in a positive light anymore (too much class consciousness, lol). A “wise, just monarch” is a) a boring character; b) an impossible one. There simply can’t be justice in such a stratified society. I rolled my eyes hard when Ysandre presented Phèdre with the Companion’s Star, allowing her to “address her as equal in public”. These are empty, meaningless words. The power gap between them is unbridgeable. Ysandre may even imagine they are actual friends but it’s just impossible. Phèdre constantly worrying “what will Ysandre think” and “how will she react” sometimes made me more uncomfortable than the humiliation she endured at the hands of her patrons and captors, and that’s saying something.

There’s a lot more enjoyable things in these books (religion and the way it’s always present in the characters’ actions – after all, both Phèdre and Joscelin are deeply spiritual people in their own way; the richness of the world-building; secondary characters; and many, many more). If I were to list them all, this post would never end.

Sure, there were things I rolled my eyes at or actively disliked, plenty of “pRoBlEmAtIc” content (the purity police would have a collective stroke reading the series) etc. but I’m too old to focus on that. My favorite criterion these days when rating various media is “how much bad stuff am I willing to disregard” and it works like a charm. These books stayed with me for a long time after I was done. They gave me a ton of feels and things to ponder regarding sexuality, consent, social constructs, relationships and what is considered “the norm”. I didn’t expect the latter, but I’m grateful for it.

There’s two more trilogies in this world but I’m saving them for another time. This post is my personal closure for now. Love as thou wilt and peace out!

[multi-fan-dom-madness]

For the OC ship game, may I humbly ask for thoughts and/or thots on Ilani x Rex? 💕

Or! Ilani x Hunter? Whichever you're vibing with more 👀

deeja! love the way your mind works, friend. I couldn't choose (typical bi behavior, woops), so have HCs for both! everything below the cut.

Ilani x Rex

How they met: 

Through Anakin, as fate would have it. As the former Padawan of her best friend, Anakin considers Ilani like a big sister or an aunt and can’t wait to introduce her to his captain. “One of my best men,” he boasts, a proud smile on his face as Rex offers his hand for Ilani to shake. “One of the best men I’ve ever met, really.” 

Ilani raises an eyebrow at that. Not in surprise, but in interest. Anyone who earns the praise of Anakin Skywalker must be worth their salt. 

It’s not long after being introduced that they have a chance to fight together on the battlefield. Ilani immediately understands why Anakin praises Rex so highly; his strategy and care for his men is unparalleled among the GAR, and she respects him for it right off the bat. 

She honestly kind of fumbles the first battle, though. It’s still early enough in the war that she hasn’t yet adjusted to a bellicose existence, still preferring a negotiation over a firefight, and because of this she really only defends herself and the men. In this particular battle, she remains on the defensive until it is clear she must go on the offensive, and even then, it’s only after Rex has a close call that she is spurred into action. 

General HCs: 

Rex doesn’t begrudge Ilani for her actions in that battle, recognizing that the Jedi Order she was raised under instilled very different values from the soldier’s training he received on Kamino, but she’s not felt quite so embarrassed or inadequate in a long time as he tells her this. It makes her feel like a Padawan, and that more than anything forces her to reevaluate. 

In general, the two of them get along amicably. Partly this is because they spend most of their time together either strategizing, or in the heat of battle. Ilani initially shares some of Anakin’s wholly-positive praise of Rex. It’s only once Rex convinces her to spend time with him not thinking about the war that she realizes that she’s pedastalized him. Like the rest of the clones, he’s a whole human, with strengths, yes, but also deep flaws. 

Loyal to a dangerous fault, encouraged to think for himself but threatened with doing things by the book, the Rex that Ilani comes to know off the battlefield is frustrated, disillusioned, and short. She knows it’s not aimed at her; she’s not perfect, either, but together they work on themselves. 

They’re honestly platonic soulmates. They vibe well, they understand one another, and they help the other grow. Neither of them have had much romantic experience, so at some point Ilani confessed to him feeling something for him. They kissed, and immediately both decided, nope! This is weird, like kissing a family member. 

They’ve been close friends for years now, though.

Ilani x Hunter

How they met:

Through Cody. The Batch gets an assignment that requires a Jedi, and Cody can think of no one better than his general’s best friend. Cody rightly assumes that Ilani’s fierce loyalty and steadfast compassion will be exactly what the boys of Clone Force 99 need. 

This is, of course, the Bad Batch’s frat-era, and Hunter is as cocky as Ilani is stubborn. They butt heads nearly immediately. 

The tension between them nearly bungles the mission. Thankfully, some quick thinking by Tech and some truly impressive theatrics by Crosshair save the day. Ilani and Hunter spend the flight back to base in frustrated silence, sitting at opposite ends of the ship. But by the time they drop out of hyperspace, Ilani, having meditated on it, requests that Hunter remain so they can talk. The others dutifully file out and, once the ship is otherwise empty and the hatch shut, Ilani apologizes. 

Hunter is taken aback, but seems to believe her, and offers an apology of his own. “Truce?” “Truce.” In all honesty, they both realize that they disagreed so strongly because they’re highly similar: both are strong and competent leaders, both believe they know what’s best, and both want what’s best for their men. They just had very different ideas of how to fulfill all of those traits.

General HCs: 

From then on, whenever CF99 needs a Jedi, they (and by “they” I mean Hunter) request Ilani. She almost always obliges. The others aren’t stupid, they know that these two idiots have feelings for one another, but Crosshair makes sure that Tech and Wrecker don’t kark things up for their big brother. Hunter needs to come to the conclusion on his own. 

They’re constantly touching one another. Ilani rests her hand on Hunter’s back as she scoots past him in the Marauder; he bumps her with his elbow when he cracks a joke that she deadpans at. She casually brushes hair out of his eyes once and he nearly short-circuits. 

Hunter appreciates that Ilani doesn’t feel the need to fill every silence with chatter, unlike some Jedi (Skywalker). He often finds himself sitting near her when she meditates before and after missions. Studying her features, wondering what she’s meditating on, wondering if she can sense the way his heart leaps when he imagines just leaning over and— He gets up quickly, retreating before he does something stupid. 

They still argue, tempers flaring when they disagree on how best to complete a mission; these spats typically end with both of their chests heaving and funny feelings in their stomachs, like...butterflies? 

NSFW HCs: 

It’s actually after one such argument, about something pointless, that everything comes to a head. Hunter had gotten in her face, the pair of them nearly the same height, anger etched into every line on his face. Ilani had her teeth bared, but Hunter is closer to her than he’s ever been, and her eyes inadvertently drop to his lips for just a moment—but Hunter saw. And decided enough is enough. 

They are the most intensely passionate lovers on their own, and together every moment of intimacy is incredibly sensuous. Between his enhanced senses and her own (thanks to her montrals), they both learn the other’s body, reactions, and tells quickly. At some point, all it takes for her to work him up is a series of featherlight touches and one very pointed look, and then he can’t wait to pin her to the wall and fuck her senseless.

Their sexual relationship, like their emotional one, is rather give-and-take. More often than not, Ilani ends up on top, riding Hunter for all she’s worth—but when he feels like it, he can easily grab her hips and change the pace. It infuriates her as much as it makes her lose her mind, falling apart for him with little effort. 

It’s also not uncommon for their dalliances to oscillate between feverish, rushed fucking to slow and tender lovemaking, complete with eye contact and soft caresses of one another’s faces.

Ye Olde Ragu Liste: @the-hexfiles @thorsterstrudle @dystopicjumpsuit @clonemedickix @freesia-writes @littlemissmanga @wolffegirlsunite @anxiouspineapple99 @wings-and-beskar @sinfulsalutations @523rdrebel @sunshinesdaydream @moonlightwarriorqueen @sev-on-kamino @starrylothcat @deejadabbles @starqueensthings @mandos-mind-trick @idontgetanysleep @eyeluvmusic21 @wizardofrozz @mythical-illustrator @sleepycreativewriter @dreamie411 @bobaprint @imarvelatthestars @originalcollectionartistry @droids-you-are-looking-for @goblininawig @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @9902sgirl if your name has a strikethrough, I can't tag you so check your settings! (if you'd like to be added or removed, click here!)

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Was there any responses on the Theon survey that made you feel differently about a certain headcanon, fandom trend or ship?

Thank you for your patience. It is uncommon for people to ask about my opinions but it brought a smile to my face, and your politeness only added to it.

To answer your question, sadly not, but there were still some developments on my perceptions.

Fandomwise I was mostly proven right over things I suspected in the past both in things I find uplifting and things that I find upsetting (TCKs and colonialism children in the Theon corner preferring Dany over Sansa and usually disliking the Theon/Stark ships, Robb Stark being a gift as the prevalent perception among throbb shippers, most people not caring about Jeyne Poole, thramsays being unhinged but very respectful and careful about people's boundaries) but there were a few things that had a positive reaction in me and maybe prepared me for changes.

I think I've made clear how I don't like engaging with Theon/Stark ships and sadly when it came to the squid prince and the steel skinned princess this didn't change at all, on the contrary, but when it came to the squid prince and the wolf-headed boy I was confronted with smaller subsets of the fandom that I felt could actually get me into it.

I used to be a lot more open about the later ship but as time passed it was ruined for me due to many personal vexations involving interpretation, (dismissal or vilification of) characters, themes and the constant use of show-scenes and quotes, but some of the responses from throbb people came very close to things I would theoretically enjoy in them as a ship (and as a closer characterisation of how I perceive Robb, clearly not a villain or an evil-doer but not someone I'd want to spend time with).

Nothing fully changed my mind, I didn't always agree with their reasoning and I am still sceptical because this was only a minority, but I think to some extent it made me more curious and, admittedly, less judgemental.

Here are some examples I am allowed to quote:

On Throbb as a ship, by throbb people

I only mildly dabble in shipping in asoiaf at all, however Throbb Is nice as when its done well It tends to have a lot of what I like (kidfic, canon divergences with some political element and happening around the early ACOK node, very specific hurt comfort dynamics, role reversals (enjoy Robb Is the one who had to experience Ramsay AUs even) exploration of the cultural/identity issues through conflicing loyalty etc . It rigorously has to be by people who love Theon better than Robb though

I'm someone where I will take whatever I can get tbh. All of the above. I do really enjoy stories where Robb is a darker character though, and relishes in the power he holds over Theon. Also just like playing with the theme of the Starks being wolves? And how the Ironborn were called like sea wolves by those in the riverlands and westerlands. It's very fun. I also do indulge in modern AUs where Theon is an unofficial member of the Starks. It's just very comfy. I like it less-so in canon fics because I think it very much writes off Ironborn culture in place of Northern culture. I am picky with them though because some of them are very much in the lane of "the Starks can do no wrong" and nope, the Starks can and have.

I am truly here for literally any Theon ship and they all appeal to me in different ways for different reasons. Robb and Theon - Personally I think it's really interesting how Robb is upheld as this very honourable gentleman-type but he never calls out Theon on his horrible treatment of women or other uncouth behaviour and it's suggested he actually kind of admires him for it? It gives me the impression that Robb lives vicariously through Theon a little bit and I'm fascinated by the idea of them being devoted to each other but also jealous of each other? We never see Robb's POV in the books but I think he's interesting to view through a lens of a young guy with an immense amount of pressure and responsibility on his shoulders (even before Ned dies he has the responsibility of being heir and the pressure to live up to the Stark name). I imagine that Theon is one of the few people Robb felt he could be himself around without any pressure to be respectable or honourable. He probably craves the relative freedom Theon has whole Theon longs for the status and respect that Robb has. It's an interesting dynamic! Also there's the fact that Robb is literally the only person who likes Theon and trusts him when no one else does which makes it even more heartbreaking when he betrays him.

On whether Robb Stark is a gift or not, by throbb people

No. Lol. I mean, the thing is, Robb isn’t really a terrible person or anything – book!Robb especially is young and inexperienced and genuinely seems to be trying his best in a situation that is understandably overwhelming. That said, he’s careless, self-righteous, over-privileged, emotionally manipulative, a bit vainglorious and sometimes extremely selfish, and has a tendency to do things like blame the easiest, most vulnerable (as well as the one most likely to forgive him) target for his own mistakes. He’s somewhat emotionally constipated and fairly low on empathy. He's very loyal to his family (but as we see with Sansa, it’s far from unconditional) and I think he does try to do right by people, especially those he cares about, overall. However, in the context of his relationship with Theon (where this seems to be most prominent as a Concept) he fails rather significantly and the relationship is not nonredeemable or anything, but definitely toxic.

I've only got the impression that he is a gift by reading bran's, Jon's and Arya's chapters not by theon's. In book 1 he is such an asshole to him in that bran chapter... It's more fanon I think to make Robb a gift specifically to Theon and I understand it, the show gave to us a closer relationship and many liked it and projected to Robb a caring attitude we wanted someone to have towards Theon, at least that's how it worked for me idk. Also the potential for romance, angst and tragedy by making them closer is just *chefs kiss is Robb a gift? yes is he one to Theon? they definitely have love between them but I don't think he is one to Theon.

Robb Stark as a character can really be anything you want him to be. I think only seeing him through other POV characters (especially his family) was a stroke of genius on George's part, just as we first meet Stannis in person through Maester Cressen, and later experience him through Davos' eyes (two people who love him deeply). Robb was a 16 year old dealing with some incredibly high stakes situations and a number of traumatic losses. He's mostly just tragic to me.

I still think Robb's relationships to the women in his life (Cat, Jeyne, Sansa, Arya and Dacey) are more interesting to me since they are usually explored by fandom in a more ambiguous and, in my opinion, more canon-compliant light, but yeah these made me reconsider my negative feelings about Throbb.

To some extent this also happened with Theyne, a ship I do ship but always felt weird about and sometimes had this stupid and prideful type of wish to differentiate myself from the shippers who engaged with it in a more "wholesome" manner. I came to see a lot more interest in dubious and less-positive takes on the dynamic in some of the responses and it was oddly relieving, it made me less conscious about my self-perceived discredit of the text when adding romantic connotations to Theon and Jeyne's canon dynamic (although they are somewhat present in the text too. ?????weird situationship of mutual victimhood and hellish non-consensual polycule with their torturer acting as matchmaker, third wheel and sicko lurking on the window)

[...] If it happens, it will be later down the line, probably during a potential recovery arc or even at the very end of the books. I would like to see how that plays out and I think Jeyne as his co-survivor of torture would probably be the most interesting person to play that out with because there is a common history that will remain a can of worms between them, but Jeyne seems to be (just like Kyra who came to Theon with the keys even though she didn't have to do that for her rapist!) a genuinely caring, empathetic and kind person who seems to have already bonded with Theon, seemingly knowing that he just like her did not participate willingly in her rape even though he had been compliant to his torturer's demands out of fear. And all that probably holds true even if he is still in survival mode of "I have saved Lady Arya (do not take on your actual name because that will get us both thrown back to the Boltons, this charade ain't over yet, please keep this charade up for your and my safety)". Jeyne has been badly maimed and (not only, but predominantly sexually) tortured herself, of course, so I suspect that the bond they both share will be fraught with fears and pain and ugly memories that migth feel more pressing than just memories (hello, PTSD), but i can see a way forward for both of them that I cannot see for either Jeyne and anyone else or Theon and anyone else (apart from familial bonds that Theon still has. Jeyne has no-one but Theon now, her parents are both dead and any other relatives haven't stepped up when Littlefinger sex trafficked her and Ramsay ended up repeatedly raping, maiming and psychologically torturing her). They will probably at first feel not great with each other, but I truly believe that they can help each other heal as far as possible or at least manage the aftermath of such severe torture of all kings. If he (Theon) does end up in some capacity in a romantic or sexual re-exploration of identity through a relationship of some sort, I suspect that Jeyne, who was co-tortured sexually alongside and through him (not that he was a willing participant, just someone trying to survive, doing the least harmful thing for both himself and Jeyne by partaking in being forced to rape her for Ramsay while thus becoming a victim of rape himself; apart from his former strongly insinuated sexual abuse and possible genital mutilation), might be the only person able and willing to even entertain the idea of a romantic and/or sexual connection to him, even though I think that her own state after all the sexual and other abuse means that that will be very, very far into the future. Both will probably feel safer not engaging in anything sexual for a long while, if ever, and as for romance, I think it'll probably take on a very fragile, small-gestures-of-care type of form that's more reminiscent of familial love and care rather than passionate. Both will have struggles expressing their minds, their wants and needs freely, both will be scared of physical touch probably, but then there's that image of Jeyne, half-dead herself, extending empathy to Theon and stroking his cheek telling him "you saved me", so there's that part of caring about someone already that seems like some glimmer of hope for both of them. If Theon makes it out alive through the books, I can see him ending up on the Iron Islands and her married to him for protection's sake (seeing as she's got no-one else in the world, and he has proven himself to care for her by saving her from Bolton Winterfell; while nobody else will care enough about her, or him or even be remotely positive towards him to facilitate some other marriage. She's only a steward's daugther, but a minor noble house is still a noble house, so I don't see why in-world class issues would make this impossible. It would grant both of them a safe space to recover from the abuse through each other's now safe company, and maybe find a way to love and be loved despite being more or less dead to the rest of society for various reasons. [...]

Jeyne and Theon - I think their relationship is really interesting to explore as a kind of co-dependant comforting thing where no one else quite understands their shared trauma and neither of them quite trust anyone else any more. But also they have this really soft affection for each other and see things in each other that no one else does. I think they're both seen as kind of irredeemably broken and pathetic post-Ramsay but they see the strength and kindness and value in each other that no one else can.

theon jeyne: i generally prefer nonsexual interactions, however there are ways of doing sexuality that i can like: when it is initiated by and demanded by jeyne who seeks some form of reenactment or redress or nonviolent experience or corrective with theon that she considers safe/available for this and with a theon who is reluctant at best. i like intense dangerous codependency. i don't think regular romance is available to them or rather what they have is already past that.

Asides from those, not so many changes. I think the bigger and better outcome was just learning to be less judgemental and more open. I am honestly happy of having done the survey even if sometimes I wanted to stick my head in the oven.

[lakemichigans]

howdy hey, i was wondering what your thoughts on the new hunger games movie were? you made a post saying you were gonna see it, so idk if im too early and you havent yet, but was curious your thoughts on it :)

i really really liked it!!! i just got back from seeing it with my friends and we all agreed it was better than both mockingjay movies in our opinions! i hadn't read the book yet (i know i know i'm kicking myself too) so i was really worried they were going to try to portray snow as the type of person who had good intentions but was corrupted by the system, which would have been aggravating to watch considering the sheer number of children snow will murder throughout his life. i wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself if i knew they were trying to make me feel sorry for snow. instead, they make it clear that he always had his own interests in mind, and although he's fully capable of love, loyalty, and morality (and occasionally does act with those characteristics in mind), he chose to follow a darker path. i absolutely love that writing decision!

when my friend and i realized that snow and lucy gray were flirting we turned to each other and said "are they seriously doing this??" but i was soooo impressed with how they handled the romance and especially with where their relationship was when the movie ended. i mean, i really should have had faith because suzanne collins has never let me down in the "nuanced and uniquely fucked up romance" category before 😌 i honestly think part three (after the arena) was my favorite even though the vibe shifts so harshly it almost feels like it becomes a psychological thriller. i'm just so so relieved they were able to show the inherent humanity in snow WITHOUT being like "see? both sides are bad! all people can be monsters given the right circumstances! the genocidal maniac feels bad about his actions, but what could he have done to stop it? :(" you know what i mean? the narrative allows you to feel snow's emotions without ever using them as an excuse. most of the time his feelings are not even a reasoning for his actions – even when he feels bad about something he's done, he makes no attempt to change. in fact he seems to accept that he's gone too far, so it'll be easier to bury his emotions down deep so he can do even worse shit without feeling bad about it. god it was just so INTERESTING

from a technical standpoint it was less impressive tbh, the cinematography was nothing special (not ugly, just okay). lucy gray's actress was good but she really shined in the subtle facial expressions (such as her growing distrust for snow) and when she was performing on stage, but not so much in emotional outbursts. snow's actor was the opposite, he reallyyy shined during high emotion.

i'm not entirely sure how i feel about viola davis' or peter dinklage's characters. we've seen how superficial, ableist, and classist the capitol is, so i find it odd that two of the most powerful people are visibly disabled. it just doesn't track with who the capitol is. but then again, it also seems that in the early days of the capitol, everything is MUCH less flashy and ostentatious; people are still stuck up and classist, but it's a far cry from the absolute spectacle that the capitol and the games would become 60 years later. compare tigris in this movie to who she becomes later and the shifting culture becomes super obvious:

so if they were trying to show that the people in the capitol used to treat disabled people as equals but no longer do, as a sign of their decreasing sense of humanity and community, then i think it was effective. but i'm not sure if that was the intention, i'll have to look into it more

ANYWAY IT WAS REALLY GOOD!!! i wrote all of this as soon as i got home so i haven't had time to sit with it or anything. i'll post more if i think of anything else!

[aleesblog]

Extracts from These Spindrift Pages by Theodore Dalrymple Mirabeau Press 2023

Extract 1

I know of few greater pleasures than to receive a book through the post unexpectedly, though I am aware that some people might think that this goes to show the crabbed and limited nature of my life. I report only what is the case.

   Returning home from a three-day excursion to Wales, I found two books, neither of them expected, waiting for me. The first was Brainspotting: Adventures in Neurology by Professor Andrew Lees, one of the most eminent neurologists in the country, its greatest expert on Parkinson’s disease. He kindly inscribed his book for me.

   Many books that I read leave me with a feeling of shame, not very focussed or intense, but like a faint mist covering the landscape. I feel it because the author is my superior, either intellectually or morally, or both, and so it was with this short book, the autobiographical essays of a brilliant and humane neurologist.[i] I felt, and feel, his inferior both intellectually and morally because I have never been able to muster the intense concentration to master any field or make any positive scientific contribution, having too grasshoppery a mind to do so, being too readily distracted by the next thing that catches my interest or glitters on my mental horizon. Professor Lees has stuck to his medical last in order to bring far more comfort to his patients than I ever did; and, as if this were not all enough, he shows in this short book — shows, not displays — a literary erudition and sensibility into the bargain. He unites in himself the qualities of a scientist and an artist. He believes in, and has contributed to, medical advance, but does not lose sight of the persisting need for humanity in the doctor’s dealings with patients. There is a clear and present danger of the doctor becoming a mere technician or, worse still, bureaucrat.

   Lees strikes me as a member of a species long thought to be extinct, the Renaissance man. It is not merely that nothing human is alien to him, but rather than nothing is alien to him. His curiosity is universal but not, like mine, idle.

   In his book, he alludes without the stridency that comes naturally to me to the increasing managerialism of medicine as a human enterprise. This tendency seems to be like a natural force, as unstoppable as a volcanic eruption or tsunami, though more creeping and less dramatic, and though it comes about by human agency. Institutions with a distinguished, even glorious, history are closed down without a moment’s hesitation or backward glance, let alone regret, on the basis of a reduced and probably spurious utilitarian calculation, but really because such institutions engage the loyalty of staff, and staff loyal to an institution are more difficult to manage or manipulate than those who are merely birds of passage who happen to draw their salary in one place rather than another.

   In the book are clinical stories that remind me of my own little and much less distinguished career. Professor Lees had a patient, a Polish man in his early forties, who developed symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, unusual at such an age. Lees treated him in conventional fashion, and he improved as expected. But the man’s girlfriend told the patient to ask at the second consultation whether the Chinese herbal medicine that he was taking for stress and high blood pressure could have anything to do with his Parkinson’s disease. Further investigation established that it did, and the man thus narrowly missed being diagnosed with a chronic and deteriorating condition for which he would have had to take powerful medication with serious side-effects for the rest of his life.

   People are inclined to believe — some people, of course I mean — that herbal medicine, being ‘natural’, can do no harm, as if Nature were benevolently disposed to us. And I recall that once we had a patient who had heard that foxglove was good for the heart, who therefore made tea from a foxglove in her garden and promptly suffered from digitalis poisoning.

   Likewise, non-western medicine is often assumed to be harmless at worst, but we had a few patients who were poisoned with lead, and in one case arsenic, from supposedly Ayurvedic medicine.

   I think Lees would have liked our story of a man with lead poisoning whom we came to believe was poisoning himself with lead. He would come to hospital with a high level of lead in his blood which would then decline, but he would soon return with higher levels than ever. This alternation recurred over a prolonged period until we plucked up the courage to confront him with our conclusion. We did so, however, is such a way as to offer him an honourable way out. We told him that there were only three possible explanations of the pattern of his poisoning: that he was taking lead himself, that someone close to him was administering it to him, or that he was not drinking enough water.

   ‘Yes, that must be it,’ he said at once, though of course it was a completely bogus explanation. ‘I never drink much water.’

   A direct accusation would have been disastrous. Everyone needs an honourable way out at some time in his life.

   Lees is my ideal as a doctor: learned, scientific, educated, cultivated and humane. From an early age he was highly observant of everything around him (he has a proper appreciation of the genius of Conan Doyle), and he was a disciplined and appreciative bird-watcher. He writes in a disarmingly lapidary style:

     Before I went to the London Hospital Medical College in

     Whitechapel, I had never seen a corpse. Death was hidden in

     our family and was something that happened to birds and old

     people. 

Neurologists as a tribe used to be thought of as the cold fishes of clinical medicine, cerebral without feeling, perhaps because they diagnosed without much hope of therapy.

Extract 2

I returned in my mind to Professor Lees’ book the night after reading it, when for some reason or other I could not sleep for an hour or two.

   I was deeply impressed by one of the professor’s teaching methods: he would take his students on the London Underground’s Circle Line (which takes about an hour to complete) and tell them to observe the passengers with medical conditions, asking them to describe them in such a way that they could be identified by the person to whom they gave the description. This is a method reminiscent of that employed by Flaubert (the son of a doctor) in his teaching Maupassant to write. It sharpens the powers both of observation and description. ‘You see but you do not observe,’ said Holmes to Watson. ‘You speak but you do not describe,’ might be said of many of us.

   Lees taught his students never to stop observing, which is all too easy for doctors to do. Their observations are framed by their expectations, as it were: in the clinic, they see clinical signs, but not elsewhere, though they abound. I had a personal experience of this half a century ago. As a young doctor, I frequented endocrinologists in the course of my professional duties, but they did not notice that I was grossly myxoedematous, that is to say thyroid-deficient. When I look at photographs of myself from that period (not that I do so often), I see an absolutely textbook case: I could have been an illustration in a textbook dating from 1880, before there was treatment for the deficiency. No trace of thyroid hormone was detectable in my blood; if I had suffered a mild viral illness, I might have slipped into a coma from which I would not have emerged. When, quite by chance, my condition was diagnosed (I had volunteered for an experiment in which one of the measurements was of Thyroid Stimulating Hormone), the professor brought his students to observe the slow relaxation phase of my ankle jerk reflex, a classical sign of severe thyroid deficiency, now rarely seen, and never with such clarity. If mobile telephones had existed in those days, my ankle jerk might have been immortalised for teaching purposes. It was thought a great joke at the time that a doctor should be such excellent teaching material.

   If all the doctors around me had been taught by Professor Lees, my condition would have been diagnosed much the sooner.

   Another manifestation of Professor Lees’ independence of mind is his belief that the kind of clinical research now sanctioned by the medical establishment is too narrow and thereby misses possible advances. Double-blind trials are not, or ought not to be, the be-all and end-all of such research — though they have their place.

   As a person whose only positive contribution to medical science was the recognition of a previously undescribed side-effect of an antimalarial drug, I am perhaps not in a strong position to comment. But I once thought that I had recognised a new syndrome, and had I had the energy and drive to write up a series of cases, it might usefully have entered medical nosology.

   I noticed that certain persons in their late twenties or early- to mid-thirties would give up their work and withdraw from life. My first patient of this type (whose condition I recognised) was a high-flying banker who, over a matter of weeks or months, became increasingly silent and reclusive, until she holed herself up in her house and would very seldom leave. It was assumed by every doctor that she was severely depressed, but all the usual treatments for depression failed to work. She attended my clinic with her mother, who described a marked change in her daughter’s character and conduct. Normally extrovert, talkative, and notably self-confident, she had become introverted and taciturn.

   ‘And how does she spend her days?’ I asked.

   ‘She spends her days staring at the walls in a darkened room.’

   ‘How darkened?’

   ‘She draws the curtains in the middle of the day.’

   This piece of information, that the patient had never given me herself, was a kind of key to the lock of her mind. She drew the curtains because she felt that people were looking at her, laughing or talking about her. She was not hallucinated or deluded, however; she merely felt that they were looking or laughing at her. These were ideas of reference, but she was not fully psychotic. Despite the relative mildness of these symptoms, they were having a devastating effect upon her life.

   I prescribed a very tiny dose of anti-psychotic medication called trifluoperazine, very old-fashioned (and cheap), an excellent drug apart from one serious occasional side-effect, which fortunately my patient never experienced.  

   A week later, she was transformed: or rather, had returned to normal. She no longer hid herself away, was her outgoing self again and had resumed work. Her mother thanked me for not having written her off as a weak or worthless person. After all, doctors often blame failure on their patients.

   I subsequently saw quite a few such patients, more women than men. I had no explanation of the pattern, but they all did well with very little treatment — without which, however, their lives remained deeply circumscribed or impaired.

   I should have written the series up. If my observation was a true one, it was important. The pretext for my inertia was that medical journals these days are uninterested in case studies, fixated as they are on the double-blind study or vast epidemiological enquiries that require a vast statistical apparatus (that not one in a thousand doctors understands) for a meaning to be extracted from them. But still this was just a pretext that would not have deterred Professor Lees. My life has been one long lost opportunity.

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Well, it’s not quite a master’s thesis, but this is (the first of) a series of posts on why Catra and Adora are the best love story in the history of kids TV animation and maybe the greatest love story in the history of TV. This may in some ways be faint praise - romance on TV is generally not very good compared with books or movies. Often it’s just some will they/won’t they sexual tension that is defused by getting characters together and re-heightened by breaking them up. TV is full of nearly shark jumping pointless dramas like Sam and Diane (Cheers, holy fuck am I dating myself, though that was technically before my time), Ross and Rachel (Friends, which was no Cheers) etc, but also some less annoying couples like Ben and Leslie (Parks and Rec) or Amy and Jake (Bk99) who are mostly just kind of cute and fun. Other shows, like the X-Files, teased viewers for years with unresolved sexual tension. In kids shows most romances are, appropriate for their target viewers, mild, sweet relationships based more on self-conscious flirting and blushing than on complex and conflicted feelings or deep passions - which is pretty realistic when the characters are young teens or even mid-teens. Some of these relationships are really well done - Finn and Flame Princess, Dipper and Pacifica (yeah I ship them), the early stages of Katara and Aang (before the showrunners imbued this childhood crush with cosmic significance), Steven and Connie, etc. Catra and Adora, though, are different. Their love story is not a side plot or a sub plot, it’s the heart of the show. It isn’t a childhood crush, it’s a very messy and passionate relationship between two young adults. She-Ra is an emotionally complex lesbian romance just as much as it is a thrilling action/adventure show. Everything about their relationship is baked into the show’s plot, its themes, hell even its musical score. The dramatic tension between Catra and Adora is not the result of stretching out a flirtation for ratings, but a coherent dramatic arc that runs through the entire show. As Noelle said, he made Catradora so central that execs couldn’t take it out without ruining the show. And the show is better for it. In this series of posts I’m going to try to show why, as well as showing why She-Ra is such a fantastic love story.

First off, let’s talk about how Catra and Adora’s character arcs are foils for each other, and how they come together and apart through the series. This is actually a post that I’ve been working on for a while but I keep summarizing the show rather than cutting to the chase, so I’m not going to recite many plot points so much as sketch out what’s going on with the dramatic structure at the time. But also, let’s talk about what each character’s arc is saying, and how they are commenting on each other. Spoiler alert: Catra’s arc is a subversion and critique of stories of empowerment through ruthless self-assertion and revenge, while Adora’s arc is a subversion and critique of chosen one narratives and stories of self-denial and self-transcendence.

When the show starts, Adora and Catra are shown as rivals and friends - their first scene starts the recurring motif of them reaching out for each other as one of them dangles above an abyss, as well as establishing their flirtatious banter and easy camaraderie. We quickly learn that these two young women plan to conquer the world together. These scenes and later flashbacks show Catra and Adora as deeply enmeshed in each others lives, to the point where neither of them (but especially Catra) have clear identities outside of one another. There is so much genuine love on both sides before Adora leaves, but also resentment, envy and fear, especially on Catra’s side, as well as a protectiveness on Adora’s side that deprives Catra of her autonomy. They are both being abused by Shadow Weaver - Catra physically  and emotionally, Adora emotionally. It wouldn’t be too much to say that Shadow Weaver holds Catra hostage to control Adora (this is why critiques that Adora abandoned Catra to be abused are actually kind of messed up, since they accept Shadow Weaver’s premise that Adora is responsible for what Shadow Weaver does to Catra). In addition, Catra and Adora actually see the world incredibly differently. Adora already sees the world in terms of right, wrong and her destiny to right wrongs - this is why it’s important for her  to accept the Horde’s obvious lies - she couldn’t keep living if she didn’t. Catra, on the other hand, sees the world solely in terms of survival and personal loyalty - everything for her is about preserving herself and the person she cares about - Adora.

Then, when Adora finds the sword, she leaves because it’s the right thing to do. Catra doesn’t even have a concept of ‘the right thing to do’ being something she should care about, or perhaps, something she can care about as an irredeemably evil, awful fuck-up. So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part. This is the first turning point in their relationship. Adora chooses duty over what she desires, Catra chooses to protect herself (such as she sees it) and nurse her sense of betrayal and abandonment.

Their relationship until Promise is a kind of weird Frenemy thing that is fascinating to watch and sold me on the show. Neither one wants to fully admit to themselves that the other is now their enemy, neither one has given up on changing the other’s mind. Each is furious at the other, and desperate to see her again at the same time. There’s a lot of heartache and just as much sexual tension, especially at Princess Prom. Both of them come alive when they fight each other (more about that in a later post). But they’re already growing apart - Adora embracing her destiny as She-Ra, Catra rising in the ranks for the Horde. Adora now has the purpose she always wanted, plus other friends and a sense of being chosen to do something great, while Catra now has power - the means to protect herself from people like Shadow Weaver as well as the vindication she had always been denied, and even the opportunity to beat Shadow Weaver at her own game.

The next turning point is Promise. Holy fuck, this episode. It’s an episode that is even more heartbreaking after you’ve watched the show because you know just how much worse things are going to get, and yet, it’s a necessary part of both of their character arcs. Even through season 1 Catra and Adora had remained very much enmeshed in each others lives in an increasingly fucked up way as they grew apart but refused to turn away from each other. Even though they aren’t -exactly- a romantic couple (Adora doesn’t recognize and acknowledge her feelings until the last episode of Season 5), Season 1 of She-Ra is one of the worst breakups I have seen on TV. As I said in a couple of previous posts, this is the kind of shit that the Mountain Goats write songs about. Everything that was poisoning their love for each other even before episode 1 bubbles to the surface and combines with them fighting on opposite sides of the war to make a truly fucked up situation. In the end, it’s Catra that makes the choice to turn away from Adora. This isn’t a -good- decision. It’s spiteful, and destructive, and based on an outright deluded understanding of their relationship (inspired by Light Hope’s manipulations and her own issues), but it’s in some ways a necessary decision. Catra has been so wrapped up in Adora for so long that she isn’t going to be able to figure out who -she- is without cutting Adora out of her life. And the same is true of Adora.

But each of them do this in about the worst way possible. Catra embraces destruction, ambition, manipulation and outright cruelty, turning the tactics of her abusers against them and against everyone around her. She first triumphs over Shadow Weaver and manipulates Entrapta into trying to corrupt Etheria itself. Meanwhile Adora ‘lets go’ and commits herself to the self-denying mantle of She-Ra. Over the next several seasons, their respective paths will nearly lead both Catra and Adora to their deaths (in the Season 4 finale).

For the next season (counting season 2 and 3 as one) Catra and Adora are still closely linked, but as enemies. Still, there’s more than enough flirtation between them (that ‘Hey Catra’ in the first episode of Season 2 is something else), and especially on Adora’s side we see her hold back with Catra, and often take responsibility for the harm Catra inflicts, just like she had when they were kids. Yet they still drift apart - after facing off every other episode in Season 1, they spend less and less time on screen together through season 2 and 3. Catra continues her ascent to power and descent into villainy while Adora becomes more of a stressed out mess as she takes the fate of the world and the wellbeing of everyone she cares about on her admittedly broad shoulders. Catra’s one moment of vulnerability is rewarded by Shadow Weaver’s betrayal and her exile, then Catra triumphs in ruthless badass fashion through sheer desperation and aggression. In the Crimson Wastes, we see Catra at her most independent, and she almost seems happy. But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

This changes everything. Catra completely breaks with reality and tries to kill Adora, herself and the world rather than lose to Adora and Shadow Weaver (I do think it’s important to remember that she does that after Shadow Weaver nearly kills her). Catra betrays everyone around her when she exiles Entrapta, threatens Scopria and lies to Hordak. Then she flips the switch. When Adora tries to fix things, Catra fights to her own death to make sure that the world disintegrates with her. For her part, Adora fights first to understand what is wrong with the world and then to fix it. Finally she tells Catra that destroying the world is her choice and she has to live with it, decks her, and then sees her off with a death glare once the portal is closed. With this, Adora writes Catra off even if, as she says later, she never never hated her. By doing that, Adora casts off the guilt that had dogged her and takes responsibility for her own life rather than someone else’s - this is actually a huge step for her, and one that will become more important in Season 4.

Season 4 is in many ways the nadir of their relationship. They only see each other once during the entire season, in Fluterrina, when Adora tries to blast Catra, much to the latter’s shock. There’s a sense in that scene that Catra is trying to have the same flirtatious enmity she used to have with Adora, and Adora is having none of it. Catra almost seems hurt by this, which is an early hint at how isolated Catra is beginning to feel. Catra spends the rest of the season at her highest and lowest. On the one hand she spends most of 12 episodes winning by every standard she has ever claimed to care about, besting Hordak himself in single combat and making herself co-ruler of the Horde and coming within a day’s march of ending the Rebellion. In many ways it is the ultimate empowerment fantasy - the abused young woman has defeated her abusers, showed up everyone who doubted her and forced everyone to respect her. But I think it’s striking that the show starts with her and Adora dreaming of conquering the world together and in Season 4 Catra nearly succeeds in conquering it alone, almost like she was trying to live out her old shared fantasy while proving she didn’t need her former best friend. 

At the same time, Catra is clearly miserable. She’s always been unhappy, but in Season 4 we see her completely isolated and lying to herself and everyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to justify her actions. Turning the tactics of Hordak and Shadow Weaver against them to gain power and then against Scorpia and Entrapta to maintain it haven’t vindicated Catra, they’ve made her more and more alone as Entrapta is exiled and Scorpia drifts away. Meanwhile Catra reaches out to Double Trouble, and her interactions with them reek of a kind of desperate desire to have someone in her life (the feeling of their interaction is of an unhealthy casual relationship where one partner becomes emotionally invested and the other takes advantage of that while denying the other the closeness they desire). As people leave her, one after the other, it becomes clearer and clearer that Catra doesn’t want power at all - she wants connection, friendship, love, and power is a very poor replacement. As I said in my long Catra rant, Season 4 is both her ‘Walter White as a Catgirl’ season and the beginning of her redemption. Everything comes to head when Sparkles destroys everything Catra has tried to achieve, Double Trouble delivers those harsh truths and Horde Prime shows up and makes it all irrelevant, just highlighting how futile all her struggles and sacrifices and crimes have been.

Meanwhile Adora spends Season 4 becoming her own her and her own woman. After telling off Catra, she grows more and more disillusioned with Light Hope and critical of Glimmer (though the latter has more than a shade of her old habit of taking responsibility for others - Adora’s development is not linear). She’s gained the courage and confidence to strike out her own path, not just follow a destiny. At the season’s end she once again breaks with her best friend to do what is right, and discards the destiny that she was being prepared for. But in this case she isn’t chasing one packaged destiny for another, instead she’s making her own choice and literally shattering the thing that she thought gave her life purpose. It’s badass, and heartbreaking, and along with decking Catra and jumping after Catra into the abyss (see below) it’s the perfect Adora moment.

In many ways Season 5 starts with Catra and Adora farther apart than they have ever been. They aren’t even enemies anymore, they’re completely out of each other’s lives. And both Catra and Adora are lost at the beginning of Season 5 - Catra is useless and alone on Prime’s ship, completely defeated despite ostensibly being on the winning side, and she goes through the motions of her normal plotting without any particular conviction and none of her normal flair. Meanwhile Adora is even more miserable and self-destructive than usual, throwing herself at Horde Bots and working herself until she drops of exhaustion. In a very real way they both stay lost until they have a chance to help the other. Catra takes responsibility for what she’s done and what she can do, saves Glimmer (at least partly for Adora’s sake), apologizes to Adora, and sacrifices herself. Adora only seems to come alive when she decides to turn around, face Prime, and save the cat. And when she does, Catra and Adora’s arcs, which had separated so completely in season 4, come crashing back together to end the series.

Adora during Save the Cat is such a contrast with the uncertain, hesitant and self-destructive wreck we’ve seen so far in Season 5. This is possibly her craziest plan in 3 years of mostly cazy plans, but she never wavers or questions herself. Even when Chipped Catra appears and we see Adora’s heart break while we watch, Adora doesn’t back down or relent. She keeps at it even as the tears stream down her face. She fights better trying to save Catra without She-Ra’s powers than she fought at the Battle of Bright Moon with them. Catra’s just about as desperate - we see her cry and plead, and now is probably as good a time to any to point out how amazing a job both VAs did throughout the show, but especially in this episode, and how good a job the board artists did. 

Seeing each other for the first time in a year, and only the second time since Catra blew everything up, Catra and Adora are probably the rawest and least restrained we’ve ever seen them. There’s barely any banter, no bravado, and no pretense that they are anything other than two women who desperately need each other (Prime doesn’t help with ‘You broke my heart’.) Then Catra is flung to her death, Adora jumps after her, breaks both her legs in the fall (we see her crawl to Catra, as though she couldn’t walk) and becomes the real She-Ra. It’s such a triumphant and deeply queer moment seeing a woman transformed into a warrior goddess to protect the woman she loves, and it’s the reason that, as dark as it is, Save the Cat is my Comfort Food episode.

Let’s not sleep on Taking Control, though. This episode is like a microcosm of what this show does best, especially the A plot with Catra and Adora. Catra’s reversion to lashing out at everyone and her refusal to be open to Adora shows just how much of a struggle this whole ‘being good and trying to connect to people’ thing is. Catra’s outburst gives Adora a chance to stand up for herself and refuse to be Catra’s punching bag, while also not trying to control her. Adora’s ultimatum gives Catra a chance to reach out to Adora (quite literally), and allow herself to be vulnerable. In this episode, we see just how far Catra and Adora have come since the messed up stew of their relationship in Season 1. Adora lets Catra be responsible for her own actions; Catra lets herself be vulnerable to Adora and takes responsibility for her actions. They’re both better people and better friends and better partners than they were, and the show has shown this in a strikingly nuanced and realistic way. 

The important thing to note in the next few episodes of Season 5 isn’t just how much closer Catra and Adora get to each other and how much they flirt (So much. So much, y’all) but just how -happy- they are. We see both of them transformed in the other’s presence. Basically, since they’ve parted, both Catra and Adora have been defined in no small part by how miserable they often are. They have both had their triumphs and their lighter moments, but there’s been a sense of melancholy dogging both Catra and Adora since episode 1. And now that they’re together again, that lifts, somewhat. Catra’s verbal barbs have lost their venom, and she can openly show how much she cares for Adora and even Bow and Glimmer. She’s still herself - snarky, cynical, somewhat devious - but she’s not engaged in a self-destructive zero-sum struggle with everyone around her. Meanwhile Adora has spent 4 seasons being a neurotic and sometimes nearly joyless mess who takes responsibility for everything and often doesn’t let herself enjoy anything other than the odd BFS group hug (exceptions include trying to uh...impress Huntara and reveling with the butterfly ladies of Elberron in Flutterina).  Around Catra, though, she’s a cocky, swaggering jock who gives as good as she gets. It’s a side of Adora we’ve only seen hints of before, and one that’s so much more confident and joyful even as the world is ending around her. Apart, Catra had tried to protect and vindicate herself with power and conquest, while Adora had tried to forget herself in duty and sacrifice. Together, they can be themselves again. This dynamic is crucial to the show’s portrayal of Catra and Adora’s romance because it doesn’t just show how much they love each other, but how they’re -good- for each other now that they’ve grown as people, and that they are so much better than they were when they were apart.

Until Shadow Weaver shows up. Their old abuser reintroduces tensions but even then things are different than they were. Now Catra isn’t just resentful of how Shadow Weaver prefers Adora - she’s  protective of Adora, which is clearest in Failsafe when she calls Shadow Weaver out for being willing to sacrifice Adora. And while Adora takes the Failsafe, it isn’t to follow her destiny or because she has a death wish - it’s because she loves her friends, and she is the only one who has any hope of doing this and living (though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one). And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra. Before Catra leaves, she asks Adora ‘What do you want?” It’s a question that echoes Shadow Weaver’s speech in Episode 1: ‘isn’t this what you always wanted since you could want anything?’ As much as Adora has grown as a person, and defined herself and stood up for what she thinks is right, she still has never answered that question - it’s never been ‘what do I want’ but ‘what do I have to do?’ and that’s how Adora answers Catra’s question. This is Adora’s last gasp as a self-transcending hero, letting go of what she wants (not that she ever dared articulate what that was) in order to do what must be done. And it nearly kills her and dooms the universe, because Adora can’t be the hero that she needs to be by being anyone less than herself.

But it’s losing Catra that inspires Adora to tell off Shadow Weaver for good (not that she’d ever really warmed to her after season 1). And it’s love for Adora that inspires Catra to stand up to Shadow Weaver and demand that she do the right thing. In both cases, Catra and Adora aren’t just standing up to their abuser, but holding her to account for the harm she’s caused, and it’s the love that they have for each other that inspires them to do this. In Catra’s case in particular her refusal to let Shadow Weaver weasel out of finding Adora is a much greater triumph over Shadow Weaver than beating her up and breaking her mask in Season 1 - it’s proof not so much to Shadow Weaver but to Catra herself that Catra really is better than this and that she deserves better than this. It’s not turning her abuser’s tactics against her, but truly holding her to a moral standard and demanding that she do the right thing.

And then there’s Catra and Adora together at the heart. Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her). And Adora, who’s been avoiding answering the question for three fucking years, finally let’s herself want Catra when Catra finally confesses her love (breaking the last of her self-protective shields) and asks Adora to stay -for her-. And by admitting what she wants, Adora can truly be at peace with herself and be the hero she needs to be, lesbianism saves the universe, The End.

So anyway, that’s how Catra and Adora’s stories are woven together and how they compliment and comment on each other. Narrativiely, Adora and Catra start together, come apart, find something of themselves, and truly find themselves and each other when they are reunited. Thematically, they are critiquing seemingly opposing narrative tropes - empowerment narratives and narratives of self sacrifice. But by showing the flaws in both types of story and showing how neither self-seeking empowerment nor self-negating self sacrifice can actually make us happy, She-Ra asks and answers more profound questions than most prestige dramas for adults do. I’ll get into how the show sells the idea that the power of love can bring us happiness (and save the world) in a future post. But next up, I’m going to celebrate just how much Catra and Adora’s relationship revels in ambiguity, complexity and contradiction and so tells a grown up love story in a kid’s show.

[meteor752]

Dsmp Hogwarts AU, except it’s all the characters and I go into why they are what they are, please reblog this took a long ass time

Man, what a title Huh? Anyways, this will obviously go over the characters and not the content creators, because in some cases those are vastly different

Also, before we start, I will go over an important thing that I will mention probably a few times, and that is the difference between Hufflepuff Loyalty and Slytherin Loyalty.

Both of these houses value loyalty, but in very different ways. Take for example that you’re a spy who has their best friend as their partner, and you’re out on some super important mission. Let’s also say that your partner got shot and is close to death, and the only way to save them would be to abandon the mission entirely.

A Hufflepuff would try to complete the mission because it would be the best for all, while the Slytherin would abandon the mission despite the fact that it could result in countless deaths, just to save their friend.

See it as Selfish Loyalty vs Selfless loyalty. Both are great things to have, but are still different.

Anyways, on with the show

Tomathy Danger Kraken Careful Innit

I have seen people try to argue that this boy is a Hufflepuff because of his loyalty and such, but gosh darnit everyone this child is a god damn Gryffindor. I mean, one of his main character traits is that he’s brash and too brave for his own good. The reason he got fucking exiled is because he burned down George’s house without thinking of the consequences, and then just screamed at Dream without thinking of the consequences. The same goes for Ghostbur’s “death”, it was because he had no real plan except Stab Dream with an axe. So yeah, Gryffindor

Wilbur Soot

Slytherin, 100%. This man has created one and a half nation, one entirely out of spite, he was both a general and a president, he’s a smart lil fella, and he managed to hold his own against the god of the server. I don’t even thing you guys wanna argue with me here

Tuberculosis Underscore

This one is tricky, because it’s really between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for me. Like, he does possess the Hufflepuff loyalty™ plus he is very kind, but he’s also one of the more logical and observant characters we have in this server (The bar is very low let me tell ya). But I think I will have to go with Ravenclaw, just because like, the boy invented nukes. He built fucking nukes. So yeah, a very chaotic Ravenclaw that will spout bee facts at you, be prepared

Technoblade

My man is a Ravenclaw, no doubt about it. I mean, he started talking about an old greek myth in the middle of a war? Just Ravenclaw things amiright?

Philza Minecraft

I will have to go with Slytherin on this one, simply because of the large amount of Slytherin Loyalty, but also because of his cunningness and resourcefulness, but for real this was very tricky, simply because I don’t like to think about c!Phil too much because as some of you may know, I kinda hate him (Not the cc though, obvs, he’s awesome)

Ranboo My Beloved

Hufflepuff. This boy’s ideology is literally “Choose people, not sides”, he’s an honest and compassionate boy who works hard, and has a very open mind. He’s literally the by the book Hufflepuff

Eret

Honestly, Slytherin. I mean, they are ambitious as fuck, both shown by them betraying L’Manburg for the throne, but also by working hard towards their redemption arc. They are also a good leader of the smp, and in general a great role model to have

Nikki Nihachu

This one is actually difficult, simply because Nikki has gone through quite the character arc the past couple of months. She started out kind, sweet and loyal, a classic Hufflepuff. Then she joined the syndicate and straight up tried to kill a child, which is less Hufflepuff but who am I to judge. But in her core, as seen through her discussion with Jack about Tommy’s revival, she is still a good person that works hard for what she believes in, wants the best for everyone (Despite sometimes working in her best self interest) remains kind through it all. So yeah, Nikki is a Hufflepuff, just a bit of a sadistic one. But we can’t all be perfect ya know?

Fun Jonathan Michael Vincent Georgina James Sus Dy Soot

Ah, my favorite character, and also one of the best examples of a Ravenclaw. And I ain’t saying that just cuz I’m a Ravenclaw, Fundy is one of the most Ravenclaw characters out there. He’s creative, Clever, Spontaneous, Witty, Curious, Sharp, and a real trickster. The idea of Ravenclaws being the goody two shoes kids that always does their school work is just false, we never do our Homework and instead sit and read about things we find interesting, and Fundy is a good example of that. Also he was quite the eager learner during the Dreamon Hunters arc, which again is a good example of a Ravenclaw. So if Ranboo is the by the book Hufflepuff, then Fundy is the by the book Ravenclaw.

Dreamwastaken

I’m pretty sure it’s confirmed that Dream is actually a Slytherin, and I ain’t arguing with that. This boy is cunning, sly, a leader, traditional, Self-Preserving, and a master with words. There is not much more to say here, apart from the fact that Slytherins main colour is literally green, so it all checks out, this boy is a snake.

George Lore

Mr not found over here really is hard to pinpoint down, simply because his main character trait is his apathy, which isn’t really a trait for any of the houses. I was discussing this one with my girlfriend, and both of us were pretty clueless of what to do with him. I was thinking if Hufflepuff since they take the ones that don’t fit anywhere else, but then I was reminded of the most recent Dream XD stream, which showed us one thing, and that is that George is clever, observant, and Sharp Minded, all the traits of a Ravenclaw. Sure, he could also be Slytherin as he was both cunning and sly as well, but I think Ravenclaw fits him more personally.

Sappitus Nappitus Boyhalo

Finally we have another Gryffindor, there’s been a serious lack of them on the list. My man is a fighter, he’s bold, he’s brave, he’s passionate, he’s confident, and he doesn’t really think that much of the consequences of his actions (Cough the pet war cough), so yeah this boy a lion.

Punz

Ah, Punzie, the mercenary themself. Tbh, I know very little about them because Punz don’t get involved that much in lore unless they are hired for something. I mean, they were in the eggpire, but even then they were barely involved, which is sad cuz I like Punz. But what we have seen of Punz is that they are someone who does not care about you or what you want, as long as you pay them. They are power hungry and self preserving, which means that I have to put them in Slytherin.

Jack Thunder1408 TV Manifold

The boy who I can’t help but be sympathetic towards. Jack is also a hard character to pin point because of the reason that he’s gone through quite the development. Jackie boy is a very broken character that has literally been through hell, so it’s hard to properly sort him. He’s quite confident and clever, yet cunning and resourceful, so for me it’s either Slytherin or Gryffindor. But I do lean towards Gryffindor more, partly because of his stubbornness and gullibility, and part because of all the fire imagery that’s associated with him. I mean, the cc described him as burning inside, he’s been through the scape of fire and death, and he burnt his nation to the ground. In case you didn’t know, Fire is the element of Gryffindor, so yeah, another red and gold boy.

JSchlatt

Schlatt is as both charming, charismatic and calm in the early days, using subtle manipulation tactics to get his way and achieve ultimate power. He’s ambitious, narcissistic, cunning, and tyrannical, while still hiding it all behind a facade of smiles and waves. He could also be both cruel and irresponsible at times, aka the time he had an underage child drink during an event, but ya know, mistakes. So all in all, I think it’s pretty clear that he’s a Snakey boy.

QuackityHQ

As much as I love CC!Quackity, I also fucking hate him because of the many, many different directions he’s taken this character which makes it possible for him to fit in literally any of the houses. The duckie is both Chaotic and lawful, he’s both friendly and hostile, he’s a smart cookie and a fucking dumbass, so like bruh. But, I’m gonna have to go with how he is now, which is manipulative, power hungry, cruel, and strong willed. Aka, another Slytherin.

Karl Jacobs

Finally, a character that is not broken down to the point of barely making out a readable personality. Karl is a kind and funny person, who is very open to new people considering how often he gives tours to visitors and new people, and he is quite literally loosing himself traveling through time in an attempt to help people. Hufflepuff

Awesamdude

This one I know will be controversial, but I’m saying Hufflepuff on him. Sam is one of the best cases of the Hufflepuff loyalty, literally letting both Tommy and Ghostbur be stuck and ultimately die in the prison just so he wouldn’t risk Dream breaking out. Before that point he was very kind and gentle towards Tommy, literally building a robot to keep him safe and take care of him. Sam nook is a reflection of Sam’s feelings towards Tommy, and they are kind and gentle.

Dropsbyponk

Ughhhh, another tough one. Ponk is a chaotic being who is mostly neutral in conflicts, but is shown to be very open about their feelings towards those they care about, like Sam or Foolish. They seem to be have strong feelings in what they believe in, and can be a bit brash sometimes, not really caring about the consequences of their actions, which is what makes me say Gryffindor for them.

Badboyhalo

Our favorite muffin demon. I assume, I don’t know what life you live. Anyways, Bad is like the stereotypical Hufflepuff. The kindhearted, well meaning, sweet, responsible Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff that’s like in all of those incorrect quotes blogs and “Slytherin and Hufflepuff friendships uwu” posts. But for real, Bad is very Hufflepuff. He does however have Slytherin Loyalty, considering he pretty much sacrificed the entire server for Skeppy, but if you would try to convince me that Bad is a Slytherin I will just laugh at you

Skeppy

It was at this point I realized what I’ve gotten myself into with this post, which you know, not fun. Skeppy is both cocky and filled with energy, with a real ambition to cause chaos. He’s also shown to be willing to sacrifice himself for the person he loves, Bad, when he gave himself up to the egg. I’ve seen some people say Slytherin, but I’m kinda getting Gryffindor from the lad, so yeah, another lion.

Antfrost

Frosty here is a kind hearted person that for the most part seem to be along for the ride. He reminds me a bit of a parent of toddlers, with his patience and serenity towards the more chaotic people on the server, so of course my natural instinct is Hufflepuff. Buuuuut, then there’s again the issue with the egg and the Slytherin loyalty, this time towards his boyfriend Velvet who he was willing to join a cult for (relationship goals) but again, you can’t really say Ant is a Slytherin considering how wrecked he was about what he did while in the eggpire when he was released from it’s grasp. So yeah, Puffle boy

Captain Puffy

Oh captain my captain, you are such a Gryffindor. And some of you may disagree on that, stating that she’s a Hufflepuff or something (I did research before this to check what other people think, I know) but naaah, she a lion. Puffy is very motherly and protective towards other people on the server, especially the minors, but in the way that a Bear is protective towards its cub, which is gentle towards them but fierce towards others. Puffy also falls natural in the role of a leader as seen with Pro-Omelette, but that is kinda expected since she’s a past Pirate Captain. But she wasn’t the leader she was supposed to be, as she waited quite a while to act against the eggpire out of fear of hurting her friends, which lead to quite the damage towards the rest of the server. She’s also been shown to act on impulse, killing Antfrost and taking one of his lives after he killed her son. Idk if this is a good explanation of why I believe Puffy to be a Gryffindor, it sounds more like I’m claiming her to be a Slytherin or Hufflepuff, but she is a Gryffindor I promise!

Foolish Gamers

Foolish is a kind and friendly being, if not a bit naive and easily distracted. He’s also not the brightest person, in fact I’d go as far as to call the guy a Himbo, and he can be a bit skittish sometimes if he’s stressed or haven’t taken a break in a while. But despite it all, the guy is someone who’s creative and hard working, with a brilliant mind for his building. The man is an artist who can get grumpy if you suppress his creative aura, and put his heart and soul into his works. He also has a habit of getting wrapped up in big projects, and ignoring sleep or personal care until he’s finished them. This all leads me to say that Mr Gamers is a Ravenclaw, just not the smartest one. But hey, we can’t all be geniuses, can we.

Slimecicle

Slime is very naive and very trusting towards people around him, taking every word they say as a fact. He can also be a bit dark and ominous at times, but quickly shakes it off as nothing important. This all makes him quite childish, which is very hard to sort, so I’m gonna say Hufflepuff for his friendliness and move on.

Purpled Bedwars

I actually started loving this guy the minute I saw him, purely because Purple is my favorite colour, like my man has taste. Purpled, like Punz, is a guy who helps whoever pays him the most. He’s not interested in most things on the server, too busy looking out for number one (And Dogchamp of course). He’s very self reliant and resourceful, but still quite passive. He may not be the most ambitious guy, but Purpled is definitely a Slytherin (It also brings me and my girlfriend Serotonin knowing that the mercenary siblings are both in the same house, we love those two)

Hannahxxrose

I don’t watch Hannah that much, but god I love her voice, it makes my lesbian little heart happy. Hannah is a friendly person who is very naive about the conflicts on the server, thinking it all can can be solved by placing a rose (God I wish). She’s a good decorator and a good hearted person, who unfortunately fell victim to the egg’s influence. I’m going with Hufflepuff on her, but I’m honestly not entirely sure as I don’t know that much about her.

HBomb94

H is a very well meaning person that only really wants people to be friendly towards each other. He had a strict moral code and he keeps to it, as shown where Fundy tried to get his help with blowing shit up. He’s very helpful to those who ask and is willing to back up his friends when it’s needed, which makes me say that the friendly totally not dirty cat maid is a Hufflepuff.

Connoreatspants

I just want you all to know that I’m writing this before Connor’s lore stream that surely will just go against everything I say because fate hates me, just so ya know. Connor is not a person that does stuff on the server with lore and he for the most part keeps to himself, so this is a bit hard. Connor also has this thing where he likes to say things just to confuse him, and also making a bit of cursed lore, but he’s still a fairly humble person. He does lie and steal a bit, and has this habit of moving into other people’s houses, but I digress. I’m actually leaning towards Ravenclaw on him, for some reason, so that’s what I’m going with until I have more of an established character.

ItsAlyssa

I know she has left the server and stuff, but she was one of the original members so it would be a crime not to include her. Alyssa is a bit chaotic, often going on killing sprees, or burning down the trees outside of L’Manburg. So I’m placing Alyssa in Gryffindor, but to be honest I don’t really know at this point.

Callahan

How do you sort a person who does not speak, stream, or show like anything of his personality? The answer is, you don’t. Hufflepuff is the house of those who don’t fit in anywhere else, and that’s where I’m placing him.

Vikkstar123

Please log onto the server I’m begging you, I didn’t watch you as a kid and honestly know nothing about you. From what I’ve seen of Vik he’s a very humble person that tries to stay out of it all, instead forming a land together with his bro Lazar. Honestly my instincts say Ravenclaw and I trust my instincts, so I’m putting him in Ravenclaw

Lazarbeam

Lazar was actually a big part of the exile arc which I realized after already have written his, so now I gotta rewrite it. Lazar is fairly ambitious on the server, and has the goal to obtain the most powerful objects on the server just to rival the other strong members of the smp. He’s especially against Tommy, and aims to do a lot to be the opposite of him, aka well respected and not a war criminal that got exiled (Totally fair goal). Despite that, he was able to show some empathy to the British child, even going as far as to give him a disk during his exile. This all makes me say Slytherin on him.

Michaelmcchill

Newest boy. Michael is a very apathetic person, showing little to no empathy towards most people’s trauma on the server. The person he does feel empathy for however is Dream, who of course did nothing wrong and is locked up in the prison which is just horrible oh no. Michael just truly does not care about what you’ve been through (as of now) which is why I’m gonna say Slytherin, because he does have Slytherin loyalty towards Mr Was Taken.

TL;DR

Tommy-Lion

Wilbur-Snake

Tubbo-Eagle

Techno-Eagle

Philza-Snake

Ranboo-Badger

Eret-Snake

Nikki-Badger

Fundy-Eagle

Dream-Snake

George-Eagle

Sapnap-Lion

Punz-Snake

Jack-Lion

Schlatt-Snake

Quackity-Snake

Karl-Badger

Sam-Badger

Ponk-Lion

Bad-Badger

Skeppy-Lion

Antfrost-Badger

Puffy-Lion

Foolish-Eagle

Slime-Badger

Purpled-Snake

Hannah-Badger

HBomb-Badger

Connor-Eagle

Alyssa-Lion

Callahan-Badger

Vik-Eagle

Lazar-Snake

Michael-Snake

So all together we have Seven lions, Ten Snakes, Seven Eagles and Ten Badgers. I think that’s fair tbh

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Seconding the 'mob guys watching over Chris for Paul's suggestion!

CW: References to murder/mob organization stuff, references to parental death, grief, referenced past whump of a minor

Every Tuesday at 9 am, just like clockwork, Sean Malley lumbers into a coffeeshop nestled into the corner of a flat featureless strip mall. Contrasting to the pale concrete nothingness of its surrounding, the little coffeeshop is painted  a warm, rich brown along the exterior, with heavy platers spilling over with purple and yellow flowers every few feet until Sean reaches the door.

It’s a welcome bit of individuality along this ring of small strip malls and larger big-box stores kept out of the city proper by a pile of zoning laws too draconian to fight. He’s been coming here for ten years now, more or less, and has seen the little coffeshop through its earliest days struggling for business right to now, where he feels reasonably certain he’ll be dead long before they close this place for good. 

He moves inside, the light immediately warm and slightly dimmed. The scent in the air of freshly roasted coffee beans and baked goods. The cannolis they sell came from him, Sean’s proud of that - his wife had a favorite recipe and he’d given it to them after she passed, hoping for one batch for the service. They’d just kept making them, having one ready for him when he popped in, and... well, they’ve sold them ever since. Even call them Christa’s Cannolis, handwritten in cursive on a little placard. She’d have been tickled pink, he thinks sometimes, to see it. 

One of his knees comes and goes as it pleases these days, giving his step a bit of a shuffle-scrape. He’s smiling, though, and humming as he goes.

Life is good for Sean Malley, all things considered. 

Truth be told, he hadn't actually expected to live this long. Keeping close to Conor and his family had paid off in the early days - just as his instincts had kept him safe when the Garden erupted in in-fighting, too. When the Clean-Up happened, during the Garden’s most vicious in-fighting, Sean had seen half the men he’d watched start as snot-nosed dumbasses taken out one by one, clearing the way for Conor’s fucking grandson to make his play for power.

Those kids who’d run lookout gigs and then moved on to guard duty or work with the cargo coming in... one by one those kids-turned-adults, with families of their own, had been removed from the picture. Fifteen, all told, a bloodbath stretched out over six months - sixteen, of course, if you count how Paul’s murder went all wrong. 

The one comfort had been watching Conor’s grandson lay the groundwork for his own comeuppance the whole time - promising favors for loyalty and then killing the ones he’d promised those favors to. That’s no way to start yourself as leader, and... well.

Trash had been taken out, in the end. Riley Higgs had gotten rid of the poison - and the poison’s friends - and his crew’s a damn sight better than Conor’s grandson’s people had been. 

Riley, for one thing, understands that an organization like the Garden works, in the end, on trust. On being a family.

Don’t kill your family without a good damn reason, now do you? 

Now Riley... he had a good reason. And Sean had made sure Riley Higgs knew a few very important facts that kept him on the man’s good side, and very much alive when the dust settled.

Even if he had did have to live with a bum knee. And back. And his hip’s started twinging every time it rains...

"Morning, Mr. Malley!" His favorite barista calls out, giving him a wave from behind the counter. She's a pretty thing, just cute as a button. Probably in her late twenties but when you’re as old as Sean is, everyone looks like a child playing pretend. 

Still, it always brings a bit of sun in the old man's day to see her bright pink hair before he ever takes his seat. He always tells her she should move on from here, do something with her life other than serve old men their coffee and watch them while away the hours.

But I like it here, Melody always replies, giving a little shrug of her shoulders. I like our regulars, too. Besides, this place pays better than the job I’d get with my actual degree. 

"G'morning to you, Melody!" He calls back, moving to have a seat in his usual spot, sinking gratefully into the plush armchair by the bookshelf in the corner. His favorite coffee table book, a heavy thing full of photos of World War II, is already laid out on the side table next to it, bookmarked where he’d left off last week. "Busy day, today?"

Melody is already heading his way, coffee in hand just how he likes it, one of Christa’s Cannolis on a small plate in the other. Sean’s doctor has been on him about cutting out sugar, and he’s done it just about everywhere else, but he still has his cannoli on Tuesdays. Christa had been so proud of herself when she’d mastered that recipe... 

"Not really,” Melody says with a shrug, breaking into his thoughts. “Just the usual morning rush and a couple college kids, wandered outside but they left their drinks, I figure they’ll come back. One of 'em looks like he got mauled by a real weak bear."

Sean feigns surprise. "Oh, does he now?" He takes a sip of his coffee and sighs happily. "Not too hot. You had it out already, didn't you?"

"I saw your car pull into the lot," Melody says, giving a little it's nothing gesture. “I knew you’d be in, so I kept an eye out for you.”

"You're a doll, Melody, and this place would be lost without you." He presses the twenty-dollar bill into her hand, and when she protests, he shakes his head, adds another ten, and closes her hand firmly around the cash. "Take it, take it. I'm an old man on my own, who've I got to spend it on, huh?"

"You're not that old, Mr. Malley," Melody sighs, an old song and dance between them. “You’ve got grandkids who could use it, too, you know.”

"Ha! Trust that my grandkids never want for anything, Melody. Besides, live the life I've lived, and sixty feels like eighty-two. Go on, then. Cilly'll be along in a bit."

He sits back to drink his coffee as she heads back behind the counter, watching through the front window the cars that pass along the highway, the scattering of people getting in and out of their own vehicles in the parking lot. It's a perfect, and perfectly normal, Tuesday morning. Just like any other.

A perfectly normal Tuesday where one creature of habit makes it a point to get a quick look at another. 

A flash of red catches his eye, and he frowns, watching a bright red Northern cardinal alight on the bench placed outside the shop, preening one wing briefly and then seeming to look towards the lot.

Sean follows its gaze, silently chastising himself for being so utterly taken by a simple bird, but... Northern cardinals are more or less unheard of around here, especially in the city. This one seems to cock its head in his direction. 

"Someone," He mutters to himself, "is a bit lost."

There's a peal of laughter, as the door opens, the little bell on top chiming to announce them, and there they are.

Two young people walking inside, heads tilted together. One of them has thick, wavy black hair, one of those haircuts the younger people like so much now, shaved on the sides but long on top. The younger guys in the Family wear their hair like that now and then. 

Sean thinks he liked it better when everyone kept things neat and tidy, but times change, and the Garden can't stagnate just because an old timer's got opinions. Riley’s take is he’d rather is people look like they could be anybody anywhere, and Sean has to admit the kind of haircut he’d like to see would stick out like a sore thumb.

Both of them are wearing all black head to toe, the black-haired one in a tank top and baggy pants, a large yellow lightning bolt on a cord settled just below their collarbone. Honestly, if he gets past the hair thing, they’re cute as a button, too.

Really, though, he’s not here because of them.

He’s here to get a good look at the young man walking in beside them. 

It’s funny - it’s been nine - ten? - years since he last saw Paul Higgs alive, the day before he and his sweet Ronnie were gunned down in their own home in the night... but tears still prick at the corners of Sean’s eyes when he see the ghost of Paul in his son’s narrow face.

There’d been a joke when the little one first came into the world, that somehow Paul and Ronnie had put together a child where her genetics simply skipped out entirely. He’d been a little clone of Paulie from the start, and he’s different as a man than he’d been as a child lining toy cars up at their feet in the warehouse on Saturdays when Ronnie needed a break.

Sean pulls his phone out, idly scrolling - his daughter had helped him to get Facebook and a couple other things besides, including some kind of app that had his favorite card games. He pretends now to be fascinated by something he sees, but in truth he pulls his camera up and starts recording.

“It, it, it could change everything,” Paulie’s boy is saying, breathlessly excited, hands moving through the air in a blend of gesture and general happiness. “You see? Everything! Make it, it, it-it safer, make... make things better.”

“I know, I know,” The other one replies, deep voice warm and thick with love, and Sean sighs, missing his Christa now more than ever. He consoles himself with a bite of cannoli. “I already told you I’m in, Chris, okay? I’m going to help you. You don’t have to sell me on it.”

Tristan ducks his head with a shy smile, and boy if he isn’t Paul’s spitting image in that, too. Paulie hadn’t smiled much, not like his kid does - maybe that’s what he got from Ronnie - but in a smile like that, well... you could see where he got it from. If you’d known Paul, of course.

Which the kid didn’t, not anymore.

“It could, um, be dangerous though.” They’re barely audible now as they go back to where they left their still-steaming drinks, sitting down on a nearby couch. “Nat’s worried. And, and, and you know Jake-”

“Chris, you could walk across a crosswalk when the light starts blinking and Jake would still worry about you,” The other one teases. Sean knows their name, but right now it won’t quite come to mind, lingering on the tip of is tongue, never quite landing. “It’ll be public, yeah-”

“Telling everyone who... who, who I am.” Tristan starts tapping his fingers on his pants, a peculiar finger-twist-tap-tap-tap gesture that Sean once knew as well as anyone, when the boy was small. But it’s the words, with a hint of nervousness lining them, that get his attention. “The... the whole world’s going to, to, to to-to-... to... to know about Tristan Higgs.”

Now that gets Sean’s attention. He cuts the video, sends it to Riley, and starts a new one. It takes work not to sit up, or drop his cannoli, or in some other way give himself away. 

He knows, then?

How?

Sean looks down at his phone, looking over the scar on Paul’s boy’s forehead, the only remaining evidence of what had been much more visible the first couple times they’d seen him out after it happened. Sean and Cilly had figured maybe a fight - people get into them, really. Paul wasn’t exactly gentle as a lamb, and why would his boy be?

But now... he wondered. His instincts told him the two were related, and of course he knew from the time they’d worked with WRU pretty closely under the table that those memory things they did sometimes failed. Sean had done a fixer job once for someone whose pet had recovered memories too fast and killed a servant in a panic...

“Oh, Paul,” Sean murmurs. “What’d your boy do, hm?”

“I’m, I’m going to to to t-... to tell everyone who I am,” Paul’s boy is saying, leaning forward and taking the hands of the other one in his own, squeezing them tight. “I’m... will, will, will you come with me? When, when I... so someone’s there?”

“What? Holy shit, Chris, go to the Olympics? With you?” They inhale and exhale, blowing some hair from their eyes, and smile. “You should take someone who knows more than I do about all that stuff, Chris, take Jake, or-”

“Jake has has to stay here. To, to protect the house. But... will you come with me?”

Sean cuts the video, sends it to Riley, and this time adds a message.

Olympics are in Chicago this year. What’s Paul Jr. planning?

He feels eyes on him and glances up to find Tristan looking over at him, an expression of uncertainty on his face. Sean’s been watching him for years, popping up in places, the way you sometimes see the same faces at the corner store, the mom-and-pop, a coffeeshop like this one. Now, he watches Tristan look him over, knowing he’s familiar but not knowing why. Part of him, with a pinprick of an old, old grief, wishes Paul’s little boy would recognize him now. 

Most of him knows it’s better if he doesn’t.

Tristan looks away, and goes back to talking, but his voice lowers and now Sean can’t quite pick up what he’s saying beyond a few scattered words. He gets a couple photos of the lovebirds with their head together, sipping coffee, and sends those on to Riley, too.

Job done, he settles back to finish his cannoli and drink his coffee. Tristan and-... Laken, his name suddenly supplies, only an hour after he’d started trying to remember it - get up and leave, Tristan’s arm around Laken’s waist.

Good for the kid, Sean thinks, with a smile. By this age Paul had an elementary school son running around, but you know, it’s good to take your time on these things, and it’s nice to see that all the shit they’ve had to stand back and watch still wraps up nicely into Paul’s boy living a pretty nice life indeed.

His phone dings just as Cilly enters - right on time at 10, like clockwork - and he glances down to open the message from Riley.

I’ll get one of our guys to look into it. This might give us the out on the business I don’t want to be in I’ve been looking for. Kid looks good, looks like Paul. Family genes run deep.

Sean greets Cilly, even older than him but a sight more spry, and glances out the window. The bird’s gone from the bench, of course. The day is bright and shining.

-

In Laken’s car, they’re halfway back to the house Laken shares with their roommates when Chris suddenly sits straight up. “Mr. Malley,” He breathes out, green eyes widening.

Laken jumps - he’d been silent, preoccupied and in thought - and nearly jerks the car into a curb. “Damn, Chris! You scared me. What’d you say?”

“The old guy, in, in, in the the the the-the-... the coffeeshop, who kept looking at, at me.” Chris rocks forward, hands on the dashboard, his eyes staring ahead but not at the road, they’re looking far ahead... or behind himself, back in time and not space, when and not where. “His name’s Mr. Malley. I, I, I knew-... my dad knew, my, my, my dad, my dad-” 

He winces, the headache splitting him apart, and Laken hits their turn signal, pulling into the parking lot of a generic fast food place, swinging into a parking space and turning to look at him. 

“Chris? You okay?”

Chris’s face has gone pale, cold sweat breaking out. It still happens, sometimes, and when they lean over to touch his shoulder he flinches back from them, instinctively.

Laken exhales. “Okay. Ride it out, Chris. Let the memory go if it’s hurting, it’ll come back to you. They all come back now.”

“No! No, I, I, I want-... Mr. Malley knew my dad, I went to-... work, with, with him sometimes, his his his wife babysat me, I... I know him. I knew him. I knew-” He turns to look at them, and they fight the urge to try and touch him again.

Not yet.

“Do you... do you think, think, think he knew me?”

Laken swallows. “I don’t think so. Wouldn’t he have said something, if he recognized you? If he was your dad’s friend? Are you absolutely sure that-”

“Yes, I’m, I’m sure. I know it was him. I, I, I know, he, he, he gave me me me Dinotopia books... for Christmas one year...” Chris jerked in a breath and let it out again, hands going up over his head, folding himself in half until his forehead rested on the dashboard, pressed to the cool molded plastic. “He, he, he, he came to their funeral, he hugged me, he said, you’re too young to to to to have to lose so much, and everyone said-... everyone said stuff I hated but but but not him, he said, he said-”

“Chris, please, don’t hurt yourself doing this-”

“He said grief gets worse before it gets better, and and and and he said-... he said... he said don’t let anyone tell you that R-Ronnie’d want you to to to be strong, she’d want you to scream your head off if you want to, your dad’d be proud if if if if-if... if you told us all to go to hell, and... and and and and it felt like he was the only person who who who knew them at all that day, everyone said, said, said stupid things but not him, not-... not him and not Mr. Cilly, not-... not my Aunt Jo, not anybody, but he-”

Chris chokes on a sob and when Laken throws their arms around him he melts into it this time, crying against their shoulder, the two of them uncomfortably arched over the center console and the gear shift. 

“It’s okay,” Laken whispers, running their fingers over the slowly growing fuzz of his hair. “It’s okay. Let it ride, Chris. It’s okay.”

“He, he, he was my dad’s b-b-best friend-... Why d-didn’t he, if he saw me, why wouldn’t he-... I s-see him all th-the the the time, why doesn’t he know who I am?”

“Maybe he’s like Akio,” Laken says, and feels him trembling under their touch. “Maybe he’s always thought you were dead.”

“I w-was,” Chris whispers “When I, I, I was Baldur. When I was training. When... when I... was good. I was dead.”

“Chris-”

“I was dead,” Chris says, and they kiss his head, helpless to think of anything else to do. “When my p-parents died, I died, too. Mr. Malley made m-me feel like I I I wasn’t. Why didn’t he kn-know me? Why didn’t a-anyone know I was alive?”

“I don’t know, baby. I don’t know.”

“Hurts,” Chris whispers. “Why, why, why didn’t anyone help me before she she she-... before I was-... why didn’t anyone help me?”

Laken’s own eyes burn, and they draw circles on his scalp with their fingertips. “I can’t answer that,” They say, low and soft. “I’m sorry. But you know you have people who can and will help you now.”

For a while, Chris’s only sounds are sobs, and Laken can only make soft soothing nonsense noises and feel like shit that it’s not enough.

“Ev, everyone knew she-she hated me,” Chris whimpers, and sounds younger than he ever has, and Laken wants to throw a punch or scream and they can’t do either, only sit in the car and glare at people who look in as they walk past. “Everyone.”

“Chris-”

“Everyone knew, why, why, why why why didn’t they stop her?”

-

Back in the coffeeshop, Sean and Cilly are in the midst of an argument about a baseball game that happened 30 years ago when his phone rings. He holds up one finger and picks it up, lifting it to his ear.

“I have a job for you,” Riley says, with his cheerful hint of brogue. Funny, to remember that this part of the family only came here a few decades ago. “It’s a job I know you’ll enjoy.”

“Watching Paul’s boy is my retirement gig,” Sean says amicably. “You know I don’t do the dangerous stuff any longer, Mr. Higgs.”

There’s a silence. “I’m going to do some looking into what you sent me. But in the meantime I need to give you a job, and you’re going to do it.”

“And why is that, Mr. Higgs?”

“Because you’re going to want to do this.”

“What is it, then?”

Another pause.

“I want you to find Joanne Botham.”

Sean thinks of the dour, angry woman who had ignored Tristan in his funeral suit, gathering mourners around her while she sobbed over Ronnie’s loss, Ronnie’s own son alone on a couch staring off into space until Sean himself had sat down and told him, don’t let ‘em say your mom’d be proud of you bein’ stoic today, kiddo. Ronnie’d want you to scream if you felt the urge. 

The kid had looked at him like he’d been given water in the desert, a starving man offered a bowlful of broth. Mr. Malley?

People will say a lot of real stupid stuff to you today, Sean had said. His eyes had gone to Joanne Botham, and Ronnie’s sister’s icy glare when she looked at her own nephew had made his blood run cold with anger even then. Likely in the future, too. But you just remember Paul and Ronnie weren’t saints. And they’d never want you to be, either. I’m sorry for your loss, Tris. No one on God’s earth has loved their kid like yours loved you. Should’ve seen his face when he told us your mom was pregnant with you. Could’ve lit the world with all the sunshine there.

A clap on the back, a whispered thank you, and that had been the last day Sean Malley had ever seen Tristan Higgs alive.

Until, of course, Riley had told him there was a boy living in a pet liberation safehouse who looked remarkably like Paul. Until, of course, Riley had shared that he’d known Tristan Higgs was alive all along. Until, of course, Sean had been told he couldn’t make a move because WRU was protecting all the players who had stolen his friend’s kid. 

Until... now.

“Mr. Higgs?” His voice drops, and Cilly sits up, alarmed at the sudden change in tone. 

“You heard me. Find Joanne Botham. I have a feeling we are about to get the opportunity we’ve been waiting for.”

The phone goes dead on the other end, and Sean slowly sets it down, finishing his second cup of coffee in a gulp. Then he looks at Cilly, and starts to smile. 

“Riley’s got work for us,” He says, and when Cilly’s eyebrows raise he doesn’t wait for him to ask for more. “Don’t worry. You’re going to like it. Finally get to do what we should have done ten fucking years ago.”

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump  , @oops-its-whump  @cubeswhump ,  @whump-tr0pes  @downriver914 @vickytokio @whumpiary @orchidscript @moose-teeth @nonsensical-whump

[theinariakuma]

First One to Know

Rated: SFW (Rated T for language, mentions of mensural cycle, and Pregnancy symptoms)

Obey Me!

Polyship! Female MC

Includes: Datables, Diavolo, and Simeon

This is based off the idea of how Female MC would tell each boy she was pregnant. They’re all the ”first to know” concept. 

For precaution. All under the cut. 

Lucifer:

She sat in the bath, huffing a bit before she sank her chin under the water. How does one tell Lucifer they're pregnant. 

Lucifer was this... All powerful, all important person. While, yes, she could just tell him. It felt like she needed to do something else.

She had plans for everyone but him and Belphegor. They were the two more difficult brothers. 

Part of her wanted to bring Diavolo into the planning to tell him, but she knew it would likely end up as a few things. A party, a big thing... And she didn't want anyone but Lucifer to know first.

"One of your daddies is going to drive me crazy." She spoke in a quiet time, fingers brushing over her stomach, it was far too early for anything beyond knowing there was a baby, but talking to them comforted her. "He's impossible to surprise."

With her luck, he'd know before her anyways. 

So, she kept planning. Each idea fell flat in her mind. She'd been more focused on how to surprise Lucifer that she only half paid attention at RAD. 

"Long day?" Lucifer often walked her home, just like cooking was Beel's time and Naps were Belphie's. The walk home belonged to Lucifer. He'd made a claim to it early in the start of the relationship. 

"Mm something like that." She moved her arms around his neck, giving him a slow, happy kiss. 

His hands drifted to her hips, gently holding her as he returned the kiss. The affection she showered him and his brothers with often caused them to relax. Years of pent up tension lovingly eased away by her. 

It wasn't until half way home she noticed how his hand would occasionally drift up to her belly. She'd found herself unconsciously doing the same since she found out. 

"You know!" She turned to look at him. Eyes narrowed as she pointed in his face.

The smirk on his face and the light joy in his gaze said everything. 

"You knew! And I was going crazy trying to think of how to tell you!" She glared at him, but Lucifer just laughed. 

"You didn't hide the test as well as you thought. Asmo saw the box." 

Her cheeks went red and she began walking faster. Despite her annoyance, hearing his laughter made her smile. He was happy about the news. 

Mammon:

She sat on the edge of her bed, fingers pulling and smoothing her skirt down. 

"Alright, what's on ya mind? You keep doing that..." His hands began moving in a ringing motion, the way she was abusing the fabric of her skirt. 

"I'm trying to think of how to tell you. You're... Well. I wanted you to know first. You were my first man after all..." The soft memory made a smile appear on her face. 

Mammon quickly shut up as his cheeks began glowing red at the words. "Y-You bet your ass I am..." He muttered, eyes looking away. 

"I... Well." She bit into her lower lip. "I'm pregnant."

Out of everything Mammon expected, that was the last thing he could have thought of. It did make sense. She was being shared by seven powerful demons. It wasn't too surprising that her birth control failed... 

Mammon was hesitant, his fingers as gentle as possible, cupping her cheeks. "Say that again..." He was terrified. He was greedy and selfish, but oh how he wanted this. Wanted to be a dad, even if he didn't feel like he deserved to be one. 

"I'm pregnant... You and the others are gonna be dads... And you're the first to kno--oh!" Mammon kissed her deeply, his fingers cradling her face as he cut her off, kissing her slowly, deeply. She couldn't see them yet, but the man was crying, he was so happy. She made him so happy and made him feel so loved.

Leviathan:

Fingers stroked the back of the girl laying against him. Her face tucked into his neck as she quietly dozed off. She'd lost interest in the anime about two episodes ago. Not that Levi blamed her, it was boring, but he was always one to finish a series... Well at least the season, no matter how dull or trash it was. 

It was nice just being able to hold her.

His attention kept drifting to her, the woman was half curled up in his lap, her arms loosely wrapped around him, her breathing soft against his neck. 

"Oi, Levi. You got more shit from Akuzon." Mammon didn't even bother knocking as he brought in the package. 

"I didn't order anything." Levi's brow furrowed as he held his hand out. Mammon almost scoffed, but he wouldn't make him move. The dozing girl against him looked so peaceful. 

"What is it then?" Mammon, being the jealousy boy he was, did not leave, much to Levi's annoyance. Today was his day with her.

Levi began opening the box, only to pause at the items. A box that held a smaller version of his game controller, some other miniatures, and a plastic sealed shirt. The invoice settled in the package told him that it indeed was not his order, but the girl in his arms. 

"Why do you need a tiny controller?" Mammon asked, confused as he saw Levi looking at the box. There were more miniature size items inside the box that only furthered his confusion.

The soft giggles against his neck made Levi arch a brow. "I see you're awake. Want to explain?" 

"Look at the shirt." She smiled and nuzzled into him after waving to Mammon. 

Pulling up the white shirt wrapped in plastic, he saw the logo clear as day. 

Black clouded his vision, the last thing he remembered was hearing the two cry out at him.

"Oh my god, Levi!"

"The fuck, man!"

The woman held her hands over her mouth, not expecting that reaction.

"He fainted." Her voice turned to soft giggles, "Only you Levi." She moved to gently lift his head, pulling him to lean into her, stroking his hair. Her poor nervous Otaku couldn’t handle the news.

Mammon got a glimpse at the shirt before shaking his head. "Course Levi would pass out over news like this." Part of him was both annoyed and amused. “I’m gonna tell everyone.” The grin appeared on his face as he snapped a picture to send to the group chat. 

"Yeah. He would. He's so nervous like that." She chuckled, watching Mammon hold up the "Baby download in progress" shirt she bought to send a picture to it to the rest of the guys. 

"I'm glad. Ya know, to be here. Even though ya probably meant to do it alone with him." Her cheek leaned into Mammon's touch, the Avatar of Greed moved to stroke her cheek as he crouched down next to her, staying with her as she stroked Levi's hair, waiting on him to wake up from his unconscious state.

Satan:

Satan felt his temple pulse as he was growing steadily more annoyed and angry. 

Three times today alone she's avoided him. He was growing to detest sharing her with his siblings if this was how she was going to act. 

He loved the woman, she was his kitten, sweet and loving. Yet the past week or so she'd been acting off. That off act had soon turned to her avoiding him and he wanted to fucking know why. 

His eyes narrowed a bit as he glimpsed her and Lucifer talking. 

Somehow, some way. This was Lucifer's fault. 

He'd rather blame Lucifer then believe that she was willingly avoiding him. So he waited until she left off to who knows where again to go to Lucifer's study.

"What did you say to her that is making her avoid me?" The dark aura coming off the blond was dense, his wrath was dense and when Lucifer looked up from his desk he was surprised that the blond wasn't in his demon form with that much anger. 

"I haven't said anything, Satan." His eyes narrowed. Their little human and he had been working on a contract for her to allow her to stay as a contracted ambassador for Diavolo for the Human world... So she could stay. 

The past week she'd been insistent about getting this done as soon as possible. 

"You're lying!" That was all it took before his tail whipped out, lashing at the desk separating them once his demon form came out. Breathing heavy as the desk and all of its paperwork went everywhere. 

"She won't even look at me! She avoids me! And you're the only one who would tell her anything!"

The crash had startled her, she'd gone to grab some tea for her and Lucifer. 

A while ago she'd noticed she'd missed her period. For her it wasn't too unusual for it to be a little late, however when one week turned to three. She began worrying. 

Earlier in the week, she'd taken a pregnancy test and well... It came back positive. All of them did, actually. 

Anxiety had filled her to the point she started avoiding Satan because he could read her like an open book... And well, she was scared. What if he wasn't happy? What if the others weren't happy?

She wanted Satan to be the first to know out of the brothers. He'd quickly become someone she could always rely on and he was almost as patient as Asmo and Mammon with her--despite their quirks.

However, her stress began raising as she realized she was two months off from the end of the exchange program. She wanted everything to be settled for her to stay... She didn't want to stress any of them out more than what the first bit of news would do. 

The last thing she wanted was someone yelling at Diavolo And putting Lucifer in a bad place stuck between her, his brothers, and his loyalty to Diavolo. 

"Satan, stop!" She saw him pinning Lucifer up to the bookshelf, hissing low as his tail whipped around. 

She didn't dare go further in. Satan would never intentionally harm her, but she didn't want to risk it accidentally. 

"Why should I?" Blonde hair and vivid green eyes turned to her, pain and fury in his gaze. "Since you'd rather abandon me for him anyways! You've done nothing but avoid me! Something is wrong with you and you refuse to tell me!"

"Satan, you need to calm--"

"Oh, shut up, Lucifer!" His anger diverted back towards his elder brother. Surprisingly, Lucifer was not fighting back against his assault.

"Because I'm pregnant!"

Both demons were looking at her now, Satan's hands slipping from where they were once clenched in Lucifer's shirt. 

"What?" The breathless tone. Neither demon suddenly knowing what to do.

"I found out earlier this week. I wasn't avoiding you because I was upset at you. I was avoiding you because I was scared because I knew you'd ask what's wrong. I knew I never could... Never would  want to lie to you or the others... I needed to figure things out."

"That's why you've been so insistent about getting this contract done quickly." Lucifer's voice was just as awed and breathless. 

All seven of the brothers shared her. And a baby... Her getting pregnant was really the last thing any of them thought of. 

"I was going to finish this... Then tell you."

Satan's demon form almost melted away, hesitating as he went to her, fingers moving to cradle her face. "Tell me?"

"I was going to tell you first... Then the others... But I needed to be sure I could stay first. That... Diavolo wouldn't have to send me home. That you guys wouldn't put Lucifer in a bad spot... That he wouldn't be stuck in a bad spot, between his duty to Diavolo and me and you guys..." Tears were rolling down her cheeks. 

"You silly, amazing, foolish, stubborn human." His forehead pressed to hers, his shoulders beginning to tremble as a sob left him. 

Satan hadn't expected that. He didn't expect her to try and take on so much to give him such peace of mine. 

Lucifer didn't approach yet, he'd talk to her...let his own emotions out later. Right now, this was between her and Satan. 

"I'm going to be a dad." 

"You all are." She closed her eyes. "You all are fathers. And the first time I hear any of you arguing over who's the blood father of the baby, I'm going to be mad."

Arms pulled her close, awe was still flooding him, unsure of what to say or what to do... Just knowing that he loved her so much. 

"I'm sorry, Lucifer." His voice was low and it was only then that he approached the two. 

"It's alright, Satan. I understand why... Our little human tends to drive us all a bit crazy and quick to act without thinking." Lucifer moved to press a kiss to her knuckles, not pulling either out of their embrace. "You need your rest now. You can tell the others later, but right now, you need your rest. When I sort out..." Lucifer sighed as he looked to the destroyed desk, "That. I'll bring the paperwork to you and I'll contact Diavolo. We're not letting you leave.. I refuse to let you go as much as Satan and the others will."

Satan began gently ushering her out the door, energy zapped after such a cold splash of reality diffusing his anger. They'd both get some rest... He wasn't going to let her leave his arms for a while.

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus was nothing if not perceptive. While he did not always show it, he did make sure to always pay attention. So when his little darling was a bit easier to excite than usual, he noticed. 

Eyes softened as he saw her. Out of all the brothers, Asmo was the softest with her. He liked the soft touches, forehead kisses and hair stroking, things that were intimate but not so much sexual. 

He loved sex, he would never deny that, but him offing intimate affection outside of sex was both something he did for just anyone. 

"What's in the bag? Did you go shopping without me?" Lips moved into a pout at his darling as she just laughed and gave him a soft kiss. 

"I promise you'll like this gift and be less annoyed and pouty after you see it."

"I don't like when you shop without me." He huffed a bit, pulling her into the bed with him. She just laughed and snuggled back against him, letting him fuss with the sealed gift bag for a moment. 

Despite his general nature of liking to surprise people, Asmodeus hated surprises. 

Yet, when he tugged the tissue out of the bag and pulled out what he thought was a T shirt, his heart stopped. 

A soft pink onesie. It was tiny, made for a newborn sized infant. On it was careful handwriting stating, 'Of course I'm cute, look at my Daddy.'

"You..." Words, for once, escaped him. 

A squeak left the woman as she found herself pinned under the Avatar of Lust, kisses peppering all over her face. 

"You beautiful, amazing woman... I can't.." he was choked up, unable to form proper sentences as he pressed soft kisses over every inch of her face, the final one ending at her lips, drawing her into a slow, lingering kiss.

He never knew such happiness before.

Beelzebub:

Beelzebub loved cooking for his little human. His two greatest joys next to spending time with his brothers. It was a routine between them. On their days to cooks, they spent time together. He may have had to share her, but he would claim these moments happily and selfishly. 

However, recently he noticed how her face would go pale and she'd rush off. The smell of his cooking bad been making her sick. 

"I'm okay, I promise." Her words were soft, but he knew she wasn't feeling the best after getting sick. 

When it became a consistent issue, he began truly worrying. Not only was his sweet human sick but his cooking caused it. Had his his cooking gotten as bad as Solomon's?

"Are you sick? Do I need to get a doctor? Let me get Lucifer!"

"Beel, baby. I'm okay."

"You can't keep food down... Is my cooking bad?"

"Oh Beel, baby... No." Her hands reached up to touch his cheeks, he leaned down so she could touch him easier.  "This isn't your fault. I suspected it, but I didn't know until this morning." 

His eyes were lit up with confusion. Didn’t know what?

"I'm having a baby, Beel. You guys are going to be dads."

The awe on his face before he swept her up into his arms, laughing and nuzzling into her Affectionately making her laugh. He was both relieved and excited.

Belphegor:

Belphegor was currently snuggled up to his precious human. Despite being probably the laziest of the brothers, he was also one of the smartest. It was why he got along with Satan so much and why he also clashed with Lucifer... Well that and several reasons. 

He'd noticed it very quickly, probably before she did. She was usually full of life and energy. However the past couple of weeks she'd been exhausted, not quite to his level of sleep, but enough that people were worried. 

However, pressed into her for their naps, he noticed several things, her temperature was not up, so no fever. And areas of her body were more sensitive. 

"Come on. It's dinner time."  He nudged her after Beel texted him. "We can come back upstairs after eating. I know you're tired."

She almost whined in protest, "I'm not really hungry. My stomach has been pretty upset when I eat." She thought maybe it was just her period about to start. 

Belphie sat up and gazed at her, "Are you pregnant?"

Her lips parted before shutting again. A thoughtful look on her face. "What day is it today?" 

Arching a brow, "The tenth." 

He watched her face for a few more moments before looking at him, "I... Maybe?" She hesitated. She hadn't even thought about it. "I am late this month. I thought maybe it was stress? It wouldn’t have been the first time I was late because I was stressed out." 

Belphie sighed and drew her up into his arms, causing her to snuggle into him more. 

"Can we... Go after dinner to pick up a test? I don't wanna say anything to the others until we're sure." She snuggled against him, her mind warming with exhaustion again. She just wanted to stay here and go back to sleep.

"Yeah, of course." He dropped a kiss to her brow. "Any idea who the father would be?"

The question earned a smack to his chest. 

"What?" He saw her annoyed glare. 

"All of you. And if you ask that again, I'm going to yank your tail next time." Despite her annoyance, it made him smile to see her so protective of everyone, calling them all the fathers.

"Alright. You're right." He sighed and moved to get up, pulling her along. "Food then the run to the shop.... If it is, can we tell Lucifer last?" 

She rolled her eyes, taking the lead as she tugged him by his hand. 

Later that evening, when the three little tests all came back positive, she just gave Belphegor a look. "How the fuck--"

"You're exhausted, constantly. And sensitive. But you're not squirming like when you’re on your period,” She was almost always uncomfortable, and always wanted to munch on something. Not that he or Beel minded, “or running a fever.... And you haven't been really wanting to eat."

"I can't tell who's more observant, you or Lucifer at this point." Lucifer magically knew what they were doing so often she'd tease him about spying, yet it seemed Belphie was just as observant if not more so. 

"It's kinda funny. You knew before even I noticed." She laughed a bit, earning a smile from him.

Diavolo:

Diavolo was a special sort of person, and to say she was surprised he was willing to share her, was massively down playing it. 

The Prince had truly been a man with a golden heart and a fist of steel if pushed enough. 

"Barbados did mention I had a little bird in my office." His laugh was low, the large man moving to look at the girl who was currently leaning against his desk. "Lucifer was nearly panicking when someone mentioned you weren't home."

She blinked in surprise before pulling out her D.D.D. "Woops. I forgot to turn the sound back on." She was gonna get a lecture about that later, she just knew it. 

"Now, Princess, why are you waiting on me and not letting Lucifer know?" A large hand stroked her cheek, causing her to lean into his touch. 

"Cause he'd ask why and I wanted you to know first?" Bright, soft eyes gazing up at him as her hands moved to gently hold his hand. After a moment she moved his hand from her face to her abdomen. 

There was a moment, a pause before it clicked. Golden eyes seemed to grow brighter. "Are you sure?"

The way her smile grew only caused a massive one to spread across his face. Politics be damned, he was too happy about this.

He moved to pull the smaller woman into his arms, holding her close. 

Simeon:

Being an Angel meant a few things, even if Simeon knew he was on a path of damnation like Lucifer and his siblings had.

He loved the woman currently snuggled in his bed, his fingers ran through her hair as his gaze softened. 

A new life was blossoming. 

A new life that belonged to them. He didn't care about the lineage, it was still his child within her, whether he sired them or not. 

Fingers carefully caressed along her body, the touch was intimate and soft, just admiring her. Tonight she was with him in Purgatory Hall before she'd go back to the House of Lamentation. 

"Mmm... Morning, Simeon." Her voice was groggy and soft. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Very well, my feather." He whispered as he leaned down. "I love you." He nuzzled into her soft hair, earning a soft, happy noise. 

"You're so lovey this morning. Did I miss something?" She ran her fingers through his hair. 

"You're pregnant, love." His words were soft in her ear and just the honesty of it stole her breath. "It's a very new life, but I noticed this morning."

Fear flooded her first but then joy did. Because even if she was scared, even if she was nervous, she had Simeon and the others. "Are you happy? I”m a little scared...  but happy." 

"I am happy. Because this is ours... Yours, mine, and the others. And have no doubts they'll be as excited as I am. Even if they are a bit scared."

Simeon was as terrified as she was, he was an Angel that broke all the rules, teetering the edge of falling from grace. Lucifer was one that had already fallen and was now a demon... A powerful one. 

But he knew, no matter their fears, hers or theirs, they'd love her and their child. No matter what. And nothing would ever harm them.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Words: 1019

Rating: T

Summary: Beel’s loyalty is without question

Seven Days for Seven Brothers Series - AO3

“[Y/N]? What are you doing here?”

“Lucifer kicked me out.” You reply matter-of-factly. The look on Beel’s face was one of complete surprise for a moment, before morphing into anger, so you clarify. “Lord Diavolo needed him for some big, important meeting in the morning that he had to prepare for. It was last minute. So he was going to be at it all night. Since he couldn’t ‘entertain me’, as he put it, he decided to cut me loose early.” Which was why you were here. Getting a jump on Beel’s day. “Can I come in and put my stuff down?”

The redhead seems to realize you’re still holding your overnight bag & transient belongs, and snapped into action to take them from you. “Well, I’m glad you’re here.” He said after letting you pass the threshold and closing the door with his foot. “Belphie is going to be so excited too when he gets back! This will be a nice surprise.”

“He’s not here?” You ask curiously up at Beel’s smiling face. To which he shook his head.

“No. He had somethings to do today. I wanted to go with him, but he said no.”

That was unusual, you think. That Belphegor had to do things today, or that he wouldn’t let his twin come along. “Guess we’re both getting shut out today.”

Beelzebub looked up from putting your things in your designated corner, to be dealt with later, and tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“It’s nothing.” You tell him. Sitting on his bed in a loud ‘poof’ as you land on the mattress and comforter.

You should have known that that wasn’t going to be the end of it. Beel might not be as book smart as Satan or his twin, but he was probably the most emotionally intuitive out of the lot. Probably because he actually cared. He had a big heart like the rest of him. You should have known that he wouldn’t let a sullen declaration like that go unchecked, and you crumble under those concerned puppy dog eyes. “It just sucks that he always puts Lord Diavolo first. I get it he’s important, and Lucifer has a lot of responsibilities being his right hand, but it’s just every single time. Just once I’d like him to put me first when he has to pick between the two of us, you know?”

Beel listened and nodded along as he sat next to you. “I get that. For a real long time I felt that Lucifer loved Lord Diavolo more than us, his own brothers. It didn’t feel very good for him to always take someone else’s side. But, after you came, and we found out how much he’d done for us, Lucifer, and Lilith, I understand more now. I can’t really say I wouldn’t act the same.”

“Really?”

Beelzebub nodded again. “Yeah. Not to him though. Lord Diavolo is a nice guy and all, but I still can’t forgive him completely for what he did to Belphie. But I understand how Lucifer feels about him because I feel the same way about you.” His declaration was a bit of a surprise. A shock really. The look on your face must express that clearly, because the normally quiet demon continued to explain.

“You helped Belphegor when no one else would. You didn’t even know him, and didn’t have to help him. Honestly probably shouldn’t have. He’s not the nicest person some times when he wants his way.” You don’t know what’s shocked you more now. This continued confession or that Beel actually said something bad about Belphie. “But you did it anyway. You helped him, and went through all that work & trying to make pacts with all of us to keep your promise. You saved him.” His hand reached out to take ahold of yours. “So if it came down for me having to choose between you and someone else, or even Lucifer,” the implication being any of his brothers, “I’d choose you [Y/N]. No questions asked.”

You blush deeply at Beel’s long confession. You’d never thought that he’d felt this way. You both loved each other, of course. You’ve both said that many times. But this ‘forsake all others’ kind of confession was a little overwhelming at the moment. You felt like your heart was going to flutter out of your chest it was beating so fast.

The gluttonous demon seems to be wavering in his confidence. Clear on his face that perhaps he’d said too much. He squeezed your hand, which got you to look up, and leaned in to kiss you. Beelzebub was always better with action anyway. And he kissed in a way that both eased your mind from what you were talking about and made your heart beat all the more quickly, in a different way.

Your kissing, however, was broken up when the door opened. Belphegor surprised.

“[Y/N]? What are you doing here?” He asked, parroting Beel from earlier.

The unison of their brains making you giggle internally a little bit, before you tell him, “Lucifer kicked me out” as you had before.

It does not go over as well as it had with the larger twin, as Belphegor just stared for a moment before he turned back around on his heels and announced, “I’ll be back. I’m late for a stabbing.”

Both you and Beel jump up to go after him. He doesn’t make it very far. Aside from being slow, and his commitment to the endeavor lack luster at best, all Beel had to do was pick him up and put Belphie over his shoulder to get him back in the room. You don’t get much more alone time with Beel after that; for fear that if you turn away from Belphegor for a second, he might sneak away and resume his intent of violence for Lucifer’s slight. Only when he falls asleep for his fifth nap of the day do you get to be alone. Resuming kissing and being close to one another as the day goes on.

[mybg3notebook]

Hypothesis: Gale proposes you to “cheat"

Another one in the long list of the strangest statements I've read in this fandom. 

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in June 2021.

Let's proceed with the basics, because clearly, anyone saying that Gale proposes Tav to cheat has some faltering concept of the meaning of the word:

The definition of cheating depends on the terms that a couple or more members in a relationship mutually decide. In general, cheating is an act involving a third party that violates the standards or boundaries of a relationship between romantic partners. More specifically, it is a unilateral decision by one romantic partner to become involved (physically and/or emotionally) with an external party that is motivated by a perceived or real limitation in the romantic partnership. 

Now that this is clear, let's see the facts. 

To romance Gale, Tav needs to share the Weave, and this is a must. If Tav did not share it, there is no way to start a romance with Gale in EA. During the Weave there are 3 options that may lead to romance:

Imagine kissing him: We don't need to state that this is obviously romantic. 

Imagine holding hands: At first, we can't say if this is a romantic gesture, but immediately after the Weave, Gale will describe this option as: "Amid the madness that has befallen us, it seems almost out of place to think of a romantic walk". So, clearly, it is romantic. 

Imagine nothing: This is a friendship option, which in the Loss Scene unlocks a dialogue option for romancing Gale. 

During the Loss Scene, if Tav chose kissing or holding hands, an option appears in which Tav can bring the moment of the Weave into the conversation: "Come, you know I care about you. I showed you when we shared that spell/The Weave". This is a reassurance from Tav. After the end of the scene, Gale will bring this concept again in his line: "I often think of that moment we shared together – one under the Weave. I'm glad to know you think about it too. " This means that ever since the moment of the Weave, Gale has been frequently thinking about it, knowing its romantic potential/intention.

If Tav uses any of the other options which don't acknowledge the event of the Weave, by the end of the scene Gale will state: "I often think of that moment we shared together – one under the Weave. I hope you think about it too." This time it is Gale who implicitly reassures that the connection had happened and had an effect on him: “it promises things to come”. 

So, if Tav shared the Weave in romantic terms, the Loss scene will reinforce it. Gale and Tav are making a point that both are interested in what has transpired during the Weave. 

If Tav opted the friendship option during the Weave, a unique dialogue option appears in the Loss scene: *You sense a moment of unspoken affection. You want to know where it may lead.* 

Gale will subtly test the ground, carefully, to see if both of them are on the same page with the same intention. He will show somehow an “unspoken affection” that Tav can decide to pick up upon or not:

Gale: I consider myself very lucky to have found you. 

Among the options Tav has, we find:

"I think perhaps we could be more than friends". Again, we can see that this is the obvious romantic option.

"I consider myself lucky too." A complete friendship-based option, in which Gale recognizes Tav as a good friend.

"Don’t get carried away imagining feelings that aren’t there." And this option allows any player to completely remove the romantic option here. It is not clear if this option can prevent friendship as well in EA. 

As if this were not enough, after the Loss scene there is another confirmation of their romantic interest: the serendipity comment. 

Then, the Party Scene follows. If Tav talks with Gale after arranging a one-night stand with another character, Gale will accept the situation without any reaction beyond some jealous comments. These comments are always available, even with an unromanced Gale, so I'm not sure if this is the way this scene is meant to be or it's simply there because its in EA stage. One can speculate that these comments should appear only in the particular case when Gale was romanced and Tav picks another character to spend the night with. Despite this display of jealousy after being led on, Gale still encourages Tav to follow their whims and enjoy the night with the one they picked

If anything, this seems to show that Gale would accept (even though he doesn’t like it) Tav's one-night stand, assuming that this scene, being in EA, is not meant to be in another way and we are watching an unfinished work in progress. 

Once Tav sleeps with their new LI and talks with Gale about the bedtime story, Gale will propose to retake what had been left up in the air during the party. The player should remember that Gale has been explicitly informed that Tav had romantic interest in him. And if this happened in the Weave, that confirmation has been done several times. The player could have been clear with Gale and stop the romance during the party by choosing the option "Let me stop you right there. That's not something I'm interested in." But this option is sometimes not available depending if you speak with Gale first or later (again, the Party scene is very unpolished). 

So far, what Gale has understood of that situation is that Tav had a one-night stand, but the commitment connection mind-to-mind and the relationship—will be established with him. 

This is the reason why in the next day Gale says:

Gale: You spent the other night with someone else, and I hope it was all you wanted it to be, but…  [romantic weave+ romantic loss scene] we shared a romantic moment of the mind while clocked in the Weave, didn’t we? And I seem to recall a fond allusion to that moment afterwards.  [more than friends path] we had a moment, you and I, a moment in which we expressed the possibility of becoming more than friends.

Gale is accustomed to being only another name in a list of lovers.. He says it during the revelation when he explains that Mystra had many other lovers, and this fact did not intimidate him because, in his youth, "he thought himself favoured among others": he was the “special one”. So, from Gale's perspective, Tav has shown interest in a deep connection with him, so he clearly understands that the night with another companion is a simple, casual thing. There is enough context for Gale to think that he is “the special one” for Tav. 

As a person who respects privacy, Gale will not use the tadpole on Tav to know exactly the degree of commitment they have with that person. He is merely assuming. As he explicitly says afterward if Tav says they will remain with the other LI:

Tav: I’m sorry, but I won’t betray *companion* Gale: I… I see. She/He ‘s a lucky woman/man. Loyalty is such a… such a very rare commodity. Dev's notes: Hurt by the player’s refusal. The reference to loyalty foreshadows Mystra leaving him. Gale: Apologies, I really did think you and I… Dev's notes: Hurt by the player’s refusal. Gale: But no. Perhaps it’s for the better. In fact, I’ll let you be the judge of that. After all, I still have a story to tell. Dev's notes: Composes himself.

From his perspective, he and Tav had been actively pursuing "a romantic connection of the mind". This rejection immediately makes him remember Mystra, so he alludes to her in the line of loyalty: he has been led on once more, similar to what Mystra did. For more details about Mystra’s style check "Mystra and her Chosen ones". If we see the datamining information gathered by pjenn, it's explained in the dev's notes that his comment of loyalty is directed to his experience with Mystra. 

I don't understand people that claim that Gale wants Tav to cheat. Tav has been leading him on in many scenes and then, during the party scene, they changed their mind. Gale—like Wyll—needs a connection to engage into romance (and sex "intimacy); this means that if Tav never expressed their romantic interest towards him, Gale will not look for a romantic relationship. Considering his surprise during the Weave, we can speculate that this aspect of his life had been forgotten or at least, rejected, since he is stuck in the bad experience of Mystra and his folly with the “orb”.

For some unknown reason to me, these people love to spread the misinformation that Gale invites Tav to cheat for this situation. A plain lie. 

What they think the game shows: Gale is asking Tav to cheat on their significant one.

What the game is showing: Tav led Gale on to believe they were interested in a romantic relationship. There is an option available during the party to make Gale stop the romance, but it depends on the interaction order chosen by Tav. After Tav slept with another LI, Gale will inform them that he is fine with that casual night and will propose to spend the next night together. Some people state this is Gale inviting to cheat. With the exception of Gale and Wyll, the rest of the companions state that such night is a mere casual encounter for pleasure. Shadowheart may be more obscure on that matter, though. In any case, there was never any commitment with the other companions either, so all that speech of “cheating on your significant other” is very ill-intended. The closest to a negotiation/promise we have ingame with any companions are the constant reassurances that Gale and Tav have several times along the EA and the subtle meaning for commitment during the explanation of the book of Arm.

Gale: A stolen glance- that sudden heartbeat... Sometimes the little things are worth more than kingdoms. They promise things to come. 

Gale: I often think of that moment we shared together – one under the Weave. I hope you think about it too. /I'm glad to know you think about it too.

Gale: I'm not a big believer in fate, but I do believe in serendipity. Life is a tempest of events that sometimes we brace against and sometimes embrace. You're one such event that one day soon perhaps I'd like to embrace. 

Gale: There is a book that circulates in Amn, detailing the first thousand nights of a newly-wed king and queen. They turned everything they did into an art. The art of conversation. The art of taste, time honoured and newly acquired. The art of the body. The exploration and acceptance of the self and the other. The art of the night itself. I say we take a page from their book.

So, if anything (if we truly want to force this concept even when nobody is in a relationship still), Tav is the one "cheating" on Gale, violating the implicit mutual interest in a potential relationship. 

In conclusion, Gale seems to be very obvious in wanting a commitment that could prevent Tav from abandoning him like Mystra did. He has an immature idea that sleeping with Tav would increase his chances for acceptance (not by chance Gale talks about the book of Amn in the way he does. It's not mere poetry or euphemism in my opinion. He is indirectly saying he wants those many aspects that a married couple turned into art, he won't mind making this relationship a "prequel" of that book: one can interpret this line as a suggestion that Gale wants to end up in a deep commitment.)

When we analyse this aspect of Gale, we can see that words like promise, loyalty and abandon are a bit frequent in his speech, and it may be displaying the constant abandonment issues echoing in his mind. A final example of this can be seen during a non-romanced Gale who receives Tav’s proposition to spend the night together after arranging the same with another LI:

Gale: You are all too quick to abandon the one you promised yourself to. It’s not a quality I admire

Again, Gale’s character is strongly attached to the concepts of loyalty and abandonment. For more details, read the post about "Gale Hypotheses- Part 1", section: "Abandonment Issues"

This post was written in June 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

[wienerbarnes]

Much Ado About Nothing (2/6)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,368

Warnings: enemies to lovers, feelings talk

A/N: second part!

MAIN MASTERLIST | MUCH ADO MASTERLIST

Steve and Sam occupy the common room one early morning after a workout. They converse casually among themselves, Sam with a book in his hand and Steve with a newspaper in his. Out of the corner of his eye, Sam sees Bucky slip into the kitchen a few yards away.

Sam clears his throat casually to get Steve’s attention. He glances at Sam, watching as Sam flicks his eyes to the kitchen behind Steve, and Steve gives an understanding nod in return.

“So, Sam, what was it that you told me last night?” Steve says at a low volume, knowing that Bucky’s ears will pick it up from that distance.

“You told me that our very own Geeky is hot for Bucky?” Steve throws out.

Bucky’s entire body freezes at the sound of that. There’s no fucking way on God’s green earth that I heard that right.

“Yup,” Sam confirms, popping the ‘p’, “I never thought that woman would fall in love with any man, let alone Tin Man himself.”

Am I awake right now? Am I alive right now? There’s no way I’m hearing what I’m hearing. Me… and Geeky? And love? All in the same sentence as each other?

“I’m glad, though. I’m glad that she’s fallen in love with a guy as good as Buck.” Steve says, enjoying this knowing that Bucky’s probably on the verge of having a heart attack in the kitchen behind him.

“Well… Maybe she’s just pretending.” Sam argues.

“Could be.”

“But… Man, the way she spoke about Bucky, there’s no way anyone is that good at pretending.” Sam explains.

“Well, what is it that she says?” Steve allows Sam to fish the bait.

“Well, she always tells me that she feels confused about it all. You, know, falling in love with someone she thought to hate this whole time.” Sam begins before his brilliant idea strikes him.

“She says she starts these letters, confessing everything, before tearing them up and starting over. She’ll spend hours on ‘em.” Sam tells him, and Steve struggles to hold back any kind of smile or show of amusement.

Fucking love letters? Is he on another planet or something? Alternate universe? Geeky… His Geeky… Well, not his Geeky, but, his Geeky! In love with him! He’d think this was all a prank of some kind if it were just Sam or Tony, but Steve’s too shit of a liar to pull this off. He puts down the fruit containers he was going to use to make a smoothie, appetite now gone as he concentrates on listening to their conversation.

“She says that she knows he’ll make fun of her for it. And she cries and cries and cries, because she’s done the one thing she always swore she’ll never do - fall in love with a man.” Sam finishes. There’s no way the fish didn’t take that bait.

“And Bucky doesn’t know anything?” Steve emphasizes.

“Not a thing. She refuses to tell him and says she never will.”

“Well, someone should.”

“And what would that do? Knowing that buzzkill, he would make fun of her for it. He’d turn it into a joke and she’d never live it down.”

“Even I’d give him a talkin’ to if he did that.”

“And you’d be right for doing so. I mean, Geeky’s a pretty amazing woman. She’s beautiful, she’s funny,” Sam lists.

“And there’s no doubt she’s virtuous,” Steve adds.

“And she’s incredibly smart,” Sam continues.

“Except for the fact that she likes Bucky.” Steve jokes.

“That’s what I’m saying! Shit, if it were me, I’d marry that girl in a heartbeat.”

“I think I might mention it to Bucky, see what he has to say.” Steve suggests.

“I think she’d die; I mean, she’ll die before he finds out, she’ll die if he doesn’t love her back, and she’ll die if he does and she has to hold back one of her usual insults when he goes to woo her.” Sam explains.

A pause from Steve, “Yeah, you’re right. I should just let it be. She’ll get it over it sooner or later.”

It relieves Bucky that Steve mentioned that last part. All of this is a bit overwhelming; he’s been thinking back on just about every conversation he’s ever had with her now. Were her insults just flirting in disguise? Was he ever too mean to her? Has he been hiding his own feelings underneath these insults because he’s scared? Is she scared too? His mind is going a mile a minute, and only speeds up when Steve adds,

“Or her heart will break. Whichever comes first.”

Great, you punk.

“By the way, I’ve meaning to bring you up to speed on this mission coming up in a month or so, want to go to the conference room to talk about it?” Steve changes the subject, allowing an exit for the two of them.

“We should get Miss Geeky to tell Bucky to meet us there, too.” Sam whispers.

“If he doesn’t at least think about her differently after all that, I’ll never trust our intuitions again.” Steve whispers quietly back to Sam as they walk out of the common area.

Bucky hears them leave but doesn’t make to move from his spot leaning against the kitchen counter.

He’s always been afraid of relationships and commitment in general; a lot has changed socially since the way he was brought up and was taught about love. A lot has changed for him in general, too. He wouldn’t know where to start when it comes to a new relationship. And he knows you’re in a similar predicament.

You’ve never spoken about it, perhaps only to Nat or Sharon, but you’ve had some pretty horrible boyfriends in the past, some that have left some pretty nasty scars on your heart causing you to be the way you are now. Snarky, closed off to men, and overall very quick to shut a guy down.

Nothing of what Steve and Sam said was a lie, either. You are beautiful, very beautiful, actually. He’s always known that; he’s known that since he’s met you. But he supposes it never got in the way of your constant arguing - he can think you're pretty and make fun of you at the same time. And you are nice, maybe not to him, but you’ve shown your loyalty to not only the Avengers, but to the people who have now become your family. He can confidently say that you would do anything for your family. And, as much, as he’d hate to admit it, you’re very smart. Probably the smartest person he’s ever come across, besides maybe Shuri or Banner.

You’re an expert in anything that has to do with technology and hacking, having created the new software used by not only the Avengers, but countless other government agencies. You’ve caught countless things from international terrorists to hidden HYDRA bases to missing people, and more. You’re damn good at your job along with being smart.

Well, being smart, except loving him, apparently.

Why did I ever hate her in the first place? I suppose I hated her because she hated me, but, why does she hate me? I haven’t done anything to her, at least not that I can think of.

As though he dreamed her up, she pops her head into the kitchen, “Against my will, I’ve been asked to tell you to meet Sam and Steve in Conference Room A.” You tell him.

“Oh - Okay, thanks, Probie, for, uh, taking the time to tell me.” Bucky tells her, changing up the insults for once.

“It didn’t take any more time for me telling you than you thanking me. If it was going to take a lot of time, I wouldn’t have said yes to Cap. And, you know my probationary period ended, like, almost two years ago. You can’t call me Probie anymore.” You explain to him.

“So, you took pleasure in delivering this message to me?” Bucky teases and ignores her correction, unable to hold back.

“Ha! Just about as much pleasure as eating garbage straight from the dumpster. If you don’t want to go to the meeting, it’s not my problem.” You tell him before leaving the room.

Bucky smiles to himself, going over the conversation in his head. ‘It didn’t take any more time for me telling you than you thanking me’ is pretty much the same as ‘Anything I do for you is as easy as saying thank you’, in my opinion. Now, if I didn’t think that was sweet, I’d have a heart of stone. How couldn’t I like her? I can’t believe it’s been in front of me this whole time!

Bucky feels a lot better than he did before, heart a lot lighter, too, and he finally makes his way towards the conference room.

...

“Okay! Okay! He told her! He told her!” Nat quickly walks back over to where Sharon is standing waiting for her in the middle of the Avengers garden outside.

Sharon told Nat to find a way to get you out here in order to trick you into eavesdropping. So, Nat got Sam to tell you to look for them out here and that it was extremely important. Important, it is, alright, we’re taking over Cupid’s job, here.

“Okay, remember, we’re only gonna be talking about Bucky, you handle the praise and compliments and I’ll handle the whole he’s in love with her stuff.” Sharon reminds her of the plan.

They hear distant footsteps and begin casually walking down the paved pathway of the garden, making it seem as though they’ve been engaging in conversation this whole time. The both of them can tell by the quick footsteps that are all your own that you’ve now entered the garden and are looking for them.

Sharon and Nat can tell that you are separated from them by a thick shrub, and you should be able to hear them clear enough without them knowing you’re there.

“So you’re sure that Bucky loves her this much?” Nat begins.

“Said so by Sam and my future husband.” Sharon confirms.

“And they told you to tell Geeky?”

“Yes, but I told them I’d hold off on it. I also told them that they should tell Bucky to hold off, too.”

“But, why? Shouldn’t Bucky get a chance to woo and charm Geeky just as any other guy?” Nat asks.

“Sure, he deserves the chance, but it’s just… her. She’s grown to love herself so much; she’s grown so protective of herself that her heart is stronger and tougher than I’ve ever seen. I’m not even sure she’s all that capable of love.” Sharon explains.

“I guess you’re right… It would be horrible if Bucky confesses his love for her and she teases him for it.”

“Her wit is also a lot sometimes, especially when it comes to men. They’re always too tall, too short, too talkative, too quiet. There’s always something wrong.”

“So,” Sharon continues, “I think it’s best to hold off on Bucky telling her anything and save him the pain of getting mocked at.”

“I still think you should tell her and see what she has to say about all of this.”

You stand on the opposite side of the tall shrub, concealed by the leaves and branches as you overhear this conversation. But, you’re not all too sure what you’re hearing. Bucky, love, and you, all in the same sentence? They have to be joking; this can’t be a real thing they’re talking about. Did Bucky put them up to this?

“I always wondered why they’d butt heads all the time. I mean, Barnes is a friend, but he’s handsome, he’s smart, he’s funny. And although he’s been through a lot, he has a big heart. And I think she’s in the same position. Two people who have a lot of love to give, but don’t know how to go about showing it all. So they board their hearts up instead.” Sharon thinks aloud.

Maybe they’re not joking. You have never heard Sharon talk about neither you or Bucky like this; perhaps they really don’t know you’re here and they’re telling the truth. What reason would they have to lie, anyway? Or help Bucky follow through with a dumb prank?

But if they’re not joking, that means that Bucky has feelings for you. Good feelings. Warm feelings. Feelings of love. And affection. For you. From him.

That’s weird to think about.

Why have you never gotten along with Bucky? They’re not wrong in the way they describe him; he’s kind, to everyone except you at least, and it doesn’t take a genius to see that he’s very handsome. You’ve alway admired Bucky as a person, like Sharon said, he’s been through hell and back and still strives to be a functioning human in a world he was never meant to live in. He cares so deeply about his friends and is always trying to see where he can improve himself as a man. Except for in the aspect of relationships, apparently.

“Anyway, I wanted your help in picking some colors for my nail polish for the wedding. I don’t see Geeky anywhere so we can just tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. to tell her to meet us in my room.” The two women follow the rest of the path out of the garden and back into the building.

You linger among the bushes and flowers for a few moments longer.

Maybe you've been harsh on Bucky in the past. Were you using insults and fights as a defense mechanism for your own fear of relationships? Has Bucky been good all along?

Guilt starts to rise in your chest, feeling more and more awful the longer you think about every single thing you’ve ever said to Bucky. You’re not even sure what started your rivalry in the first place, you always told yourself that you were mean to him because he was mean to you, but neither of you ever did anything wrong to each other in the first place. Was there ever a reason for ill feelings besides the lies you’ve been telling yourself?

[dwellordream]

“...While on his travels Augustus would have continued to be preoccupied with the old issue of what would happen after his death. He had clearly demonstrated at the time of his departure that he could not manage without Marcus Agrippa, married at the time to Marcella, Octavia’s daughter. Agrippa now divorced her (her compensation was to be married to Iullus Antonius, the son of Antony and Fulvia), so as to be free in 21 to marry the widowed Julia. Plutarch says that this marriage came about through Octavia’s machinations and that she prevailed upon Augustus to accept the idea. It is not clear what her motives would have been.

If we are to believe Seneca we might see pure spite. He claimed that Octavia hated Livia after the death of Marcellus because the hopes of the imperial house passed now to Livia’s sons. This could well be no more than speculation, and Seneca does not even hint at any specific action by Octavia against her supposed rival. The whole story sounds typically Senecan in its denigration of dead individuals who are easy targets. Once again, we are told nothing about Livia’s reaction to the marriage. She might not have been able to object to the earlier marriage between Julia and Augustus’ nephew Marcellus, but in 21 the situation was different. Her older son, Tiberius, who was not yet married, had been passed over in favour of an outsider to the family. 

But whatever his sense of obligation to his wife, Augustus probably felt that he had little choice in the matter. Agrippa’s earlier reaction to having to take second place to Marcellus, a blood relative of Augustus, would have provided a good hint to Augustus of how his friend would have taken to playing second string to Tiberius. Agrippa was now a key figure in the governing of Rome. He was not a man to be provoked. If Livia had been entertaining hopes that this early stage of a preeminent role for either of her sons (and such a suggestion, while reasonable, is totally speculative), such hopes would have faded with the birth of two sons to Julia and Agrippa.

Gaius Caesar was born in 20 bc, and, as if to confirm the line, a second son, Lucius Caesar, arrived in 17. Augustus was delighted, and soon after Lucius’ birth signalled his ultimate intentions by adopting both boys. He thus might envisage himself as being ‘‘succeeded’’ by Agrippa, who would in turn be succeeded by either Gaius and Lucius, who were, in a sense, sons of both men. In late 16 bc Augustus set out on an extended trip to Gaul and Spain, where he established a number of veteran settlements. Livia may have accompanied him. Dio does report speculation that the emperor went away so as to be able to conduct his affair with Terentia, the wife of his close confidant Maecenas, in a place where it would not attract gossip. 

Even if the rumours were well founded, the implication need not necessarily follow that he had left Livia behind. Livia had a reputation as a femme complaisante, and Augustus may simply have wanted to get away from the prying eyes of the capital. Certainly at one stage Livia intervened with Augustus to argue for the grant of citizenship to a Gaul, and this trip provides the best context. Moreover, Seneca dates a famous incident to this trip, Livia’s plea on behalf of the accused Gaius Cornelius Cinna. It could well be that Seneca misdated the Cinna episode, but he at any rate clearly believed that Livia had been in Gaul with her husband at the relevant time.

…Agrippa lived to see the birth of two other children, his daughters Julia and Agrippina. The first (born about 19 bc) is the namesake of her mother, and, in the historical tradition, cut from the same cloth; the second was to be somewhat eclipsed in the same tradition by her own daughter and namesake, the mother of the last Julio-Claudian emperor, Nero. Agrippa thus became the natural father of four of Augustus’ grandchildren during his lifetime (a fifth would be born posthumously), and his stock rose higher with each event. He had served his princeps well, and could now take his final exit. In 13 he campaigned in the Balkans. At the end of the season he returned to Italy, where he fell ill, and in mid-March, 12 bc, he died. 

His body was brought to Rome, where it was given a magnificent burial, and the remains were deposited in the Mausoleum of Augustus, even though Agrippa had earlier booked himself another site in the Campus Martius. In the following year Octavia died. She is celebrated by the sources as a paragon of every human virtue, whose only possible failings had been the forgivable ones of excessive loyalty to an undeserving husband and excessive grief over the death of a possibly only marginally more deserving son. As noted earlier, we should be cautious about Seneca’s claim that Octavia nursed a hatred for Livia after the death of Marcellus. But there can be no doubt that her death was in a sense advantageous to Livia, for it removed one of the main contenders for the role of the premier woman in the state. Only Augustus’ daughter Julia might now lay claim to a precedence of sorts, but she in fact became an agent in furthering Livia’s ambitions, rather than an obstacle. Once her formal period of mourning was over, Julia would need another husband. Suetonius says that her father carefully considered several options, even from among the equestrians. 

Tiberius later claimed that Augustus pondered the idea of marrying her off to a political nonentity, someone noted for leading a retiring life and not involved in a political career. Among others he supposedly considered Gaius Proculeius, a close friend of the emperor and best known for the manner of his death rather than of his life: he committed suicide by what must have been a painful technique—swallowing gypsum. This drastic action was apparently not in response to the prospect of marriage to Julia but in despair over the unbearable pains in his stomach.

In 11 bc, the year of Octavia’s death, Augustus made his decision. He could hardly pass over one of Livia’s sons again. They were the only real choices, given the practical options open to him. Both were married, and Drusus’ wife was the daughter of Octavia, someone able already to produce offspring linked, at least indirectly, by blood to the princeps. Divorce in this case would not have been desirable. Augustus had already demonstrated his faith in Livia’s other son, Tiberius, by appointing him to replace Agrippa in the Balkans. He was the inevitable candidate for Julia’s next husband. In perhaps 20 or 19 Tiberius had married Agrippa’s daughter Vipsania, to whom he had long been betrothed. Their son Drusus was born in perhaps 14. In 11 Vipsania was pregnant for a second time, but Tiberius was obliged to divorce her, although he seems to have been genuinely attached to her. Reputedly when they met after the divorce he followed her with such a forlorn and tearful gaze that precautions were taken that their paths would never cross again. 

He was now free to marry Julia. This marriage marks a milestone in Tiberius’ career and in the ambitions that Livia would naturally have nursed for her son. Augustus was clearly prepared to place him in an advantageous position, and the process could be revoked only with difficulty. It is inevitable that there should be speculation among modern scholars that Livia might have played a role in arranging the marriage. Gardthausen claimed that she brought it off in the teeth of vigorous opposition. Perhaps, but the suggestion belongs totally to the realm of speculation. If Livia did play some part in winning over Augustus, she did it so skilfully and unobtrusively that she has left no traces, and the sources are silent about any specific interference on this occasion.

Nor can it be assumed that Augustus would have needed a great deal of persuading. No serious store should be placed in the claims in the sources that he held Tiberius in general contempt and was reduced to turning to him faut de mieux. Suetonius quotes passages from Augustus’ correspondence that provide concrete evidence that the emperor in fact held his adopted son in high regard. Suetonius chose the extracts to show his appreciation of Tiberius’ military and administrative skills, but his words clearly suggest a high degree of affection that seems to go beyond the merely formulaic. 

He addresses Tiberius as iucundissime, probably the equivalent in modern correspondence of ‘‘my very dear Tiberius.’’ He reveals that when he has a challenging problem or is feeling particularly annoyed at something, he yearns for his Tiberius (Tiberium meum desidero), and he notes that both he and Livia are tortured by the thought that her son might be overtaxing himself. Livia’s other son, Drusus, although arguably his brother’s match in military reputation and ability, seems to have been quite different from him in temperament. Where Tiberius was private, inhibited, uninterested in courting popularity, Drusus was affable, engaging, and well-liked, and there was a popular belief, probably naive, that he was committed to an eventual restoration of the republic. He had found a perfectly compatible wife in Antonia the Younger, a woman who commanded universal esteem and respect to the very end.

They produced two sons, both of whom would loom large on the stage of human events: Germanicus, who became the most loved man in the Roman empire and whose early death threatened to erode Livia’s popularity, and Claudius, whose physical limitations were an embarrassment to Livia and to other members of the imperial family, but who confounded them all by becoming an emperor of considerable acumen and ability. They also had a daughter, Livilla, who attained disrepute through her affair with the most loathed man in the early Roman empire, the notorious praetorian prefect Sejanus.

Drusus dominated the landscape in 9 bc. The year seemed to start auspiciously for Livia. In 13 bc the Senate had voted to consecrate the Ara Pacis, one of the great monuments of Augustus’ regime, as a memorial to his safe return from Spain and the pacification of Gaul. The dedication waited four years and finally took place in 9, on January 30, Livia’s birthday, perhaps her fiftieth. The honour was a profound one, but indirect and thus low-key, in keeping with Livia’s public persona. Her sons continued to achieve distinction on the battlefield. A decorated sword sheath of provincial workmanship has survived from this period.

It represents a frontal Livia with the nodus hairstyle, and shoulder locks carefully designed so as to flow along her shoulders above the drapery. She appears between two heads, almost certainly her sons, and the piece pictorially symbolises Livia at what must have been one of the most satisfying periods of her life. To cap her sense of well-being, Tiberius, after signal victories over the Dalmatians and Pannonians, returned to Rome to celebrate an ovation. Following the usual practice after a triumph or ovation, a dinner was given for the Senate in the Capitoline temple, and tables were set out for the people in front of private houses. 

A separate banquet was arranged for the women. Its sponsors were Livia and Julia. Private tensions may already have arisen between Tiberius and Julia, but at least at the public level they were sedulously maintaining an outward image of marital harmony, and Livia was making her own contribution towards promoting that image. Similar festivities were planned to celebrate Drusus’ victories. Presumably in his case Livia would have joined Antonia, Drusus’ wife, in preparing the banquet, as she had joined Tiberius’ wife on the earlier occasion.

While Tiberius had been engaged in operations in Pannonia, Drusus had conducted a highly acclaimed campaign in Germany. By 9 bc he had succeeded in taking Roman arms as far as the river Elbe. So awesome were his achievements that greater powers felt the need to intervene. He was visited by the apparition of a giant barbarian woman, who told him—she conveniently spoke Latin—not to push his successes further. Something was clearly amiss in the divine timing. Suetonius implies that Drusus heeded the warning, but calamity befell him anyhow. In a riding accident Drusus’ horse toppled over onto him and broke his thigh. He fell gravely ill. 

His deteriorating condition caused consternation throughout the Roman world, and it is even claimed that the enemy respected him so much that they declared a truce pending his recovery. (Similar claims were later made about his son Germanicus.) Tiberius had been campaigning in the Balkans at the time but had returned to Italy and was passing through Ticinum after the campaign when he heard that Drusus was sinking fast. Travelling the 290 km in a day and a night, a rate that Pliny thought impressive enough to record, he rushed to be with his brother. He reached him just before he died in September, 9 bc. Drusus was universally liked, and his death at the age of twenty-nine could not seriously be seen as benefitting anyone.

Nevertheless, it still managed to attract gossip and rumours. The death of a young prince of the imperial house would usually drag in the name of Livia as the prime suspect. In this instance such a scenario would have been totally implausible, and Augustus became the target of the innuendo instead. Tacitus reports that the tragedy evoked the same jaundiced reactions as would that of Germanicus, three decades later in the reign of Tiberius, that sons with ‘‘democratic’’ temperaments—civilia ingenia—did not please ruling fathers (Germanicus had been adopted by Tiberius). 

Suetonius has preserved a tradition that Augustus, suspecting Drusus of republicanism, recalled him from his province and, when he declined to obey, had him poisoned. Suetonius thought the suggestion nonsensical, and he is surely correct. Augustus had shown great affection for the young man and in the Senate had named him joint heir with Gaius and Lucius. He also delivered a warm eulogy after his death. Even Tiberius’ grief was portrayed as twofaced. To illustrate Tiberius’ hatred for the members of his own family, Suetonius claims that he had earlier produced a letter in which his younger brother discussed with him the possibility of compelling Augustus to restore the republic.

But events seem to belie completely the notion of any serious fraternal strife. Tiberius’ anguish was clearly genuine. His general deportment is of special interest, because of the light that it might throw on his and Livia’s conduct later, at the funeral of Germanicus. According to Seneca, the troops were deeply distressed over the death and demanded Drusus’ body. Tiberius maintained that discipline had to be observed in grieving as well as fighting, and that the funeral was to be conducted with the dignity demanded by the Roman tradition. He repressed his own tears and was able to dampen the enthusiasm for a vulgar show of public grief.

Tiberius now set out with the body for Rome. Augustus went to Ticinum (Pavia) to meet the cortege, and because Seneca says that Livia accompanied the procession to Rome, it is probably safe to assume that she went with her husband. As she travelled, she was struck by the pyres that burned throughout  the country and the crowds that came out to escort the funeral train. The event provides one of the few glimpses of Livia’s private emotions. She was crushed by the death and sought comfort from the philosopher Areus. On his advice, she uncharacteristically opened herself up to others. She put pictures of Drusus in public and private places and encouraged her acquaintances to talk about him.

But she maintained a respectable level of grief, which elicited the admiration of Seneca. Tiberius may well have learned from his mother the appropriateness of self-restraint in the face of private anguish. It was an attitude that was later to arouse considerable resentment against both of them. During the funeral in Rome, Tiberius delivered a eulogy in the Forum and Augustus another in the Circus Maximus, where the emperor expressed the hope that Gaius and Lucius would emulate Drusus. 

The body was taken to the Campus Martius for cremation by the equestrians, and the funeral bier was surrounded by images of the Julian and the Claudian families. The ashes were deposited in Augustus’ mausoleum. The title of Germanicus was posthumously bestowed on Drusus and his descendants, and he was given the further honour of statues, an arch, and a cenotaph on the banks of the Rhine. Augustus composed the verses that appeared on his tomb and also wrote a prose account of his life. No doubt less distinguished Romans, of varied literary talent, would have written their own contributions.

The anonymous Consolatio ad Liviam represents itself as just such a composition, intended to offer comfort to Livia on this very occasion, although it was probably composed somewhat later. Livia was indeed devastated, but as some form of compensation for her terrible private loss, she now, after some thirty years in the shadows, came into greater public prominence. The final chapter of Drusus’ life seems to have opened up a new one in his mother’s.”

- Anthony A. Barrett, “In the Shadows.” in Livia: First Lady of Imperial Rome

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Analysis: Alya Cesaire: Best friend or Plot Puppet?

Thank you to @cakercanart for commissioning this analysis.

For this we will be discussing Alya Cesaire

This is a LONG POST, so I am posting a read more. I would love to hear your thoughts on this analysis. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Did you want to include something? Let me know.

I think in order to organize this post I will be splitting it up as follows.

How to write a best friend.

Alya Cesaire the Best Friend

Alya Cesaire the Plot device

Canon vs Salt

Final thoughts

So lets get to it

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How to write a best friend.

In fiction, the best friend is best known as the main characters's closest non-romantic associate and confidante in the story. This role is very important when the show, book, game or other type of media needs a character to help express the main character’s motives and actions. Now writing a best friend always ends up coming off as trope heavy and this makes a character come off as less real and more of as a plot device. For a best friend character to be a good best friend character they must follow 3 important rules. First, they must have their own rules. Second, Give and Take, friendship is a two way street.  Lastly, they must be more than just the company they keep.

The Best friend must have their own rules. Now this is important because you need to establish what this character values. What does this character think is most important? Do they believe Loyalty is more important than honesty? Do they think stealing is wrong under all circumstances? It is important that we as a viewer understand what makes the best friend tick, we need to already have an idea of where they are going to go with something before the main character goes to talk to them. In a way, they. are more rigid than the main character, since we spend less time with them, we need to have their character more realized than the main character. Now this does not mean a character can't change over time, but there needs to be a solid reason on WHY the character’s opinion on something flipped, it needs to be something clear, like having them learn a lesson on screen. Think of the Best friend’s rules as Pillar in solid ground, they need to be strong and apparent so the Main character knows what side they are standing on in a situation.

Friendship is a two-way street. This is something that needs to be apparent in the relationship between the best friend and the main character. Do they spend time together, are they able to hold conversations outside of the main character’s problem of the day?  What has the main character done for them lately? Does the MC value their friendship? Are there rough patches? The relationship itself is important to the dynamic as the best friend, and really is it a friendship if only one person benefits?

The Best friend character needs to be more then just the best friend character to the protagonist. The BFF needs to have a life outside of that bubble, like real people, they need to have other priorities at times, but they will do what they can to help. If this character suddenly stopped being friends with main Protagonist, will this character be able to develop outside of that. They need to be something a kin to a friend you could have in real life. Do you know someone that could match this person? Do you feel that they could exist? 

These 3 are the main guidelines in writing convincing best friends and are crucial in establishing the best friend as something more then just ‘Plot device number 1. This criteria will be what we use as a gauge to measure Alya Cesaire. Now we move to the next section.

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Alya Cesaire the Best Friend

Alya Cesaire is the canonical best friend of Marinette Dupain Cheng. She is also the person that runs the Ladyblog, the source for all things Ladybug related. She is a headstrong, confident, can do gal that will do anything to get the scoop. She is Loyal and wants what’s best for her BFF. But the question is, based on the characteristics, how does Alya fair?

The best friend has their own rules. Alya cesaire believes in loyalty, good triumphing over evil, and the truth. As a fan of super heroes it would make sense that she would have a more paragon approach towards things. In that regard, Alya is rigid, but she is willing to bend the rules if it helps her get the truth. To be honest, Alya is a loyal friend, does seek the truth, and believes good should always triumph over evil, but the problem is that she is not consistent on what she values more. Depending on the episode’s need, Alya would be gunho, loyal BFF to the max, like in Befana, Startrain, Origins, but then other times, she puts having evidence and truth over her own best friend’s take, Like in Chameleon, Oni-chan, and Volpina. Its a bit of a mixed bag with her, though I do say that her loyalty and support of Marinette is more of her more common traits. But this constant shift on what she values more is concerning.

Friendship is a two way street. This is where I find Alya does shine brightest. Her relationship with Marinette is very consistent. The two hang out, talk, and enjoy each other’s company. Both have helped the other when needed, and they take time to listen to each other. Sapotis, Stormy weather and Ladybug are the best examples. I will say that Marinette and Alya do not have a one note friendship, Marinette and Alya do talk about things outside of Marionette’s relationship status, Alya and Marinette do debate about things, even going so far as to even tease and joke with the other. In terms of friendship being a two way street, Alya and Marinette have a pretty good friendship going.

Alya as her own character is a bit more solid then one would anticipate based on all the salt surrounding her. She does have a strong character, she has her own relationships, her own actions outside of Marinette. She does have a boyfriend, does have hobbies that don't always involve Marinette. Alya is more then willing to put her needs into view. She has a unique dynamic with her family, she has a developing relationship with her boy friend. She even is friendly to someone Marinette is not the biggest fan of, and still maintains her friendship with Marinette in spite of it. Alya could exist without being Marinette’s Best friend, but it is good that they are friends.

Overall, Alya has a very good dynamic with Marinette and has her own character outside of that friendship, her main flaw is that with inconsistent writing her standing as ‘The pillar’ is not very effective, she can appear to be at the whim of the writers at times because of this inconsistency. But to determine if she is really more Plot device then Person, we head to the next section

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Alya Cesaire the Plot device

The Concept of a Plot device is simply a literary device (a character, an outside force, etc) that helps move the plot along in some way shape or form. The problem with Best friend character’s is that  if they aren't the ones with the super powers, they are often put into the position of being the plot progression button in one of two tropes, the Plot voucher or the Quest giver. The plot voucher is the character that gives the lesson or solution early on and tells the MC that they should do something and often its what the character needs to do in order to solve the problem. Think Chekov’s gun. The Quest giver is the character that states what the character needs to do, often propelling the character into the situation. whether intentionally or not.  Alya cesaire is often criticized as being a plot device since she is often the one pushing marinette to do things. Now to be fair, characters in the show can still be their own character while being used as a plot device, but the problem occurs when Plot is prioritized over the character. In order to judge if a character is more of a plot device, I have come up with 3 solid criteria. In order for a character to be more plot device than character they must achieve all three of the following, contradict their own morals on more than one occasion, Formulaic role writing, and P.R.E.G.O.  These three criteria are crucial in judging one’s character.

To start off, contradictions in character. What this means is that the plot of an episode will do something that will make a character do something that would go against the core attributes of a character without explanation. Like having a vegetarian character eating meat. Now there are times when writers make a mistake and if it happens once then it is more like a mistake and not a constant trend. An example of Alya having a contradiction in character would be in Chameleon. (This is where a lot of the salt started so this is understandable), where Alya tells Marinette that she would need proof on her accusations. Now this is a case where additional dialogue would have made this NOT a contradiction. If Alya showed self awareness, like if she said, “I have learned my lesson about making accusations without solid proof.” That would have probably been fine and also a good moment of character development. But the expression (without that addition) comes off without context. Alya does show another moment of hypocrisy in Oni-chan, when she tells Marinette to ignore Lila when she was talking with Adrien, but at the end of the episode then questions why Marinette isn't spying on them. Now in the context of the episode, its to show how Marinette learns a lesson, but in this case (which I find as MORE egregious than Chameleon) this makes Alya look like a massive hypocrite. There are a few other times in season 3 where Alya has shown a few bits of hypocrisy which makes me say that Alya has matched this first criteria.

Formulaic role writing is a criteria that is less on the character of Alya, but on the show’s treatment of Alya. So to explain Formulaic role writing is where a character is put in a show to always do a specific thing for a character or for the plot. This is very common in episodic shows, like how in the original Power rangers, Zordon is the one that calls the rangers to fight a monster, he is basically the ‘Alert system’. In Alya’s case she is often regulated to 2 specific parts, Wingwoman and Lore finder. In her role as wing woman, she is basically trying to help Marinette out with Adrien, in whatever way she can. This results in plot progression and getting Marinette from point A to Point B. The second role is Lore finder, she is the one that goes searching to find out stuff regarding the heroes, because its for her blog. Now Alya has shown times when she is not in either of these roles, such as in Anaisi, heroes day, Stormy weather 2.0, Timetagger, just to name a few. It has Alya living her own life and existing outside of these roles. This helps because these examples are not in the character contradictions category, which helps us evaluate that Alya does not completely conform to this trait.

The final criteria is P.R.E.G,O or better known as Plot Relevant Exposition Given Only. What this means is that a character is only given lines that help further the plot, character development of the MC, help solve a problem, or cause a problem. P.R.E.G.O is the epitome of finding out how one-dimensional  a character is. If you can fit all of the dialogue into a category covered in P.R.E.G.O, then it is simple to determine if a character is simply a plot device for the author’s to utilize. To put it simply Alya does break out of the P.R.E.G.O model as she does develop as her own character and has moments where she is doing her own thing. Both in canon, and on the Instagram. Alya has a boyfriend, a strong relationship with her sisters, her own goals and hobbies, and even her own insecurities. Alya as a character, while not correctly utilized is not fitting of this criteria.

Overall, Alya is more then simply a plot device, but she has been used on occasion to further the plot in ways that would contradict her character. The writing for her can be vastly improved and while she does have her flaws, should not be dismissed as simply a mouth piece for the shows plot.

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Canon vs Salt

Alya cesaire is often found to be one of the few characters (ever since season 3) to be heavily criticized and bashed by a chunk of the fandom.  Now with how the fandom reacted to her, I was curious on what brought such unfettered hate onto her. It was sort of surprising to see how far the fandom went with not liking her. So after careful analysis, I managed to isolate the two main reasons on why she is so polarizing to the fandom. These reasons are, poor Writing and projection.

The writing on Alya has been inconsistent at times and in early season 3, with episodes such as Chameleon, Oni-chan,  Oblivio, and Reflekdoll. The salt for her really started to rise. The most common assertion by the salters is that Alya is completely inattentive to other people’s needs and will prioritize her own desires above all else. Like in Oblivio, when Alya posted the photo of Ladybug and Chat noir kissing when Ladybug stormed off after seeing it. Now in the context, it seems rude, and it kind of is. Sure Ladybug didn't tell Alya not to put it on the blog, and she wasn't even mad at alya who took the photo, so the argument could be that alya would have not posted it if Ladybug told her not to. But it is still something alya should have asked before posting. Not that all journalists and reporters ask for permission before posting things, its common curtousy. So in this regard, criticism towards Alya is warranted if one wants discuss terms of improvement. However, in alya salt, she is often depicted as someone that would throw marinette under the bus and dismiss her, that is something Alya has yet to do and would likely never do. Alya has disagreed with marinette at times, but she has never (while in control) insulted or dismissed her friend.  The salt/bashing of Alya’s character in that regard is inaccurate and is not warranted.

Projection is the action of placing issues onto another that are not applicable to one’s character. This is where all of the bashing of Alya’s character comes from. Alya is often projected as being one of Lila’s main enablers and the one that makes marinette feel awful. Alya is often portrayed as one of the worst people in salty au’s because she is the one closest to marinette. Her ‘Betrayal’ makes the pain Marinette feels much worse. Alya is being used by salters to place their own issues of broken friendships from the past onto her. From the few au’s and fics I have read with Alya salt, the betrayal that alya often does seems far more personal when described, as if the author was pulling from personal experience. Alya, according to the salt community, has become the perfect character to project the agony of betrayal because of the massive salt that has been piled on from chameleon onward. 

In conclusion, Alya is critiqued because of poor writing from the show, and is bashed because of fan projection. Alya is a character with faults and suffers from poor writing but she is not deserving of the unabashed hatred she has received.

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Final Thoughts

Alya Cesaire is a character that could use some better writing and could use some better establishment on her traits, but she is still good on her own merits and I conclude that she is more than a tool of the plot, she is a multifaceted character that will hopefully improve in season 4.