#every year I try not to care about the stupid song contest and then Moldova comes out and cures my depression

[artbyanca]

Soarele și luna Ne-or ține cununa.

(The sun and moon Shall hold our crown

-aka the sun and moon shall marry us; aka our love will be eternal/we'll pass into eternety together for those not versed in Romanian mythology and folklore)

This piece was inspired by Pasha Parfeni's song 'Soarele și luna' that's going to represent Moldova at Eurovision this year.

[eurotastic]

Eurovision reviews: Semi 2

These reviews are based on my personal opinions about the songs, and not their potential in the actual competition. Qualification predictions are coming up in a separate post.

San Marino: Senhit ft Flo Rida - Adrenalina

After a decade of giving us nothing but memes, San Marino have finally decided to get competitive for real, giving us possibly the biggest Eurovision meme of all time by featuring some rapper called Florida Man in their song. Let's be honest, Flo Rida isn't nearly as big as he was a decade ago, but he's still the most relevant global celebrity to show up to Eurovision for a really long time. I know fans are upset that an American is showing up to Eurovision with a song that he very obviously doesn't care about, but I disagree! San Marino has what, 50 inhabitants? A country that small has every right to recruit some help from abroad. This is a banger and a huge meme, what else could you possibly want?

9/10

Estonia: Uku Suviste - The Lucky One

Between this song and the song from last year, I'm starting to think that this Uku Suviste guy might be the most boring man on the planet.

2/10

Czech Republic: Benny Cristo - Omaga

Listen, I think this song is criminally underrated by the fandom, but from what I've seen so far the live vocals are rough. I'm obsessed with the official music video where Benny recreates Leonardo Dicaprio's iconic car door moment from The Wolf of Wall street, but I don't think the live performance will be anywhere near as great as the video.

7/10

Greece: Stefania - Last Dance

I think this song is trying way too hard. It's too fast and there's too many high notes, I'm getting exhausted just listening to it. The staging is looking stupid as fuck, which is fun. Whoever decided that Stefania should be surrounded by dismembered dancing gym shorts should win the Nobel peace prize.

6/10

Austria: Vincent Bueno - Amen

This is even more boring than the last song called Amen, which is remarkable.

2/10

Poland: RAFAŁ - The Ride

There's definitely a good song hiding in here somewhere, but honestly, it needed another singer. This geriatric boybander unironically wearing sunglasses indoors isn't doing it for me.

4/10

Moldova: Natalia Gordienko - SUGAR

The fact that we're not getting any cake-related murder on stage is a real letdown. I was expecting a fun mess on stage, but it looks like we're just getting a boring mess.

3/10

Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið - 10 Years

This band has the worst luck in the world. I think this song is great, but it's obviously weaker than Think about things, which was the kind of perfection that can't ever be recreated. The staging is looking fantastic, but I'm just so sad that they can't perform it live.

If Dadi should return for a third attempt at Eurovision, I fully expect a volcano eruption to prevent him from attending the contest.

8/10

Serbia: Hurricane - Loco Loco

I honestly find this song really forgettable, but at least these girls have a really great stage presence. I feel like I should have something interesting to say here but I can't come up with anything at all. It's probably a fan favorite for a reason but I'm just not having any feelings about this at all, positive or negative.

6/10

Georgia: Tornike Kipiani - You

After watching thousands of Eurovision rankings and recaps on youtube, I still can't remember a single note of this song. I really wish he would bring back the weird screaming about random nationalities from last year, because at least that was fun.

2/10

Albania: Anxhela Peristeri - Karma

I really feel like we have gotten this exact song from Albania 500 times in the last 10 years.

3/10

Portugal: The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side

I'm conflicted because on one hand I really enjoy this genre of music, but on the other hand this just feels like an album track.

4/10

Bulgaria: VICTORIA - Growing Up Is Getting Old

Victoria is basically just a Billie Eilish impersonator, but like a really expensive impersonator. This song might have the best staging of the year, and the song sounds fantastic, even if it's obviously very derivative.

8/10

Finland: Blind Channel - Dark Side

The year is 2008, I'm in 8th grade, me and my gang of nerds and emos are in recess listening to this song off someone's crappy flip phone. This is retro as fuck and I'm weirdly fascinated by the fact that the guys singing this are the same age as me and making this middle school throwback kind of music. Saatana perkele \m/

10/10

Latvia: Samanta Tīna - The Moon Is Rising

I mean, she's trying really, really hard to make something, but I have no idea what it is that she's trying to make. The whole "blood moon is rising" lyric really makes me think it's some kind of feminist statement about periods.

4/10

Switzerland: Gjon's Tears - Tout l'Univers

Super unpopular opinion but I absolutely love the staging where Gjon dances like a pretentious art school weirdo. I am reminded of Loic Nottet, and that's pretty music the highest compliment I could give any eurovision contestant.

9/10

Denmark: Fyr Og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden

I can't decide if this is endearing or repulsive. It's exactly like a Swedish, or I guess Danish dansband song from circa 1983 and I cannot for the life of me understand how this song ended up here. The danish language is the funniest shit in the world so it gets huge bonus points for making Europe endure 3 full minutes of guttural caveman noises.

7?/10