#everything screams Darkling

[aleksanderscult]

Friendly advice to all the Darkling and Darklina stans out there to go and watch the "Labyrinth" (1986). You can really see how Leigh Bardugo created the Darkling out of the Goblin King and the latter's dynamic with Sarah reminds me of Darklina SO much (more so than the show one 💀).

[caelesjjk]

entangled - jjk&kth - part two

⟶title: entangled ⟶pairing: spidey!jungkook x fem reader, venom!taehyung x fem reader ⟶au: marvel au ⟶ rating: 18+ ⟶ genre: romance, smut, love triangle ⟶ wc: 9k ⟶ warnings: mentions of blood and injuries, more infidelity type things, reader is confused af, two smut scenes because we take what they wanna give us: unprotected sex (don’t do this tho), dirty talk, kissing, fingering, couple position switches, it’s all pretty lovey dovey ⟶ summary: Kim Taehyung is Venom. A huge, terrifying symbiote monster that’s bonded with him and made a deal for a common goal. You don’t know what you’re doing. Your feelings are mixed and frazzled and confused. But you may not have the time to sort them out just yet if you can’t keep the two people you care about most from killing each other first. ⟶ authors note: hello darklings. You’ve all waited way too long for me to get this second part together and for that I apologize. I hope this makes up for the wait. The third and final part that follows this will be a bit of a wait too while I work on another fic, but I promise it will come. Big endless shoutout to @sailoryooons for listening to me whine about this for months and for beta reading the mess that it became. Also shouts to @tea4sykes for reading before it was even done to reassure me it was flowing okay. I love you guys.

Part One (if you missed it)

playlist if you want it: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5cg79N5KQBmZ9fOCtyD3A7?si=cQlAtRT7Roat33E60rzKtQ&pi=u-lMIH9SpZSD6X

You needed to run.

Everything was happening too quickly, your head couldn’t catch up with your feet that were scrambling across the floor in every direction trying to escape the monster Taehyung had just turned into. He had you completely trapped with nowhere to go.

Not to mention you were mostly naked with only a thin sheet barely clinging around you.

“Stop! Leave me alone! Please!” You beg and scream as it cuts you off again when you make a dash for the stairs.

“No. Leaving.” Venom roars and tries to make a move towards you, but stops when you accidentally back into the record player Taehyung has sitting on his side table.

The record scratches and squeaks at a high pitch and Venom groans in pain at the sound, his clawed hands grabbing at his head as he stumbles backwards. His black, crawling skin pulls away until you catch glimpses of Taehyung beneath the monster. 

“Run. Please…run,” he begs before Venom consumes him again. But before he can get too far, you push over the record player so that it makes a constant high pitched noise and Venom screams until he falls back against the railing and goes over the edge.

You don’t wait to see anything else. 

Grabbing the ends of the sheet you dash towards the bathroom and shove the door closed behind you, looking around frantically for a way to escape. Immediately your eyes see the fire escape outside the window. 

You see some discarded clothes on the floor and immediately throw on the T-shirt and basketball shorts before using all your strength to shove open the old window that has obviously not been used in years. The old white paint cracks and splinters to the floor as you climb up onto the sill.

A loud bang suddenly sounds from outside the bathroom door. Venom must’ve stopped the record player. 

“Where are you, girl?” You hear his menacing voice travel through the door. 

Your pulse picks up again as you shove yourself the rest of the way out the window and into the pouring rain. The metal of the fire escape creaks and brings an instant chill to your already shaking body. 

Looking back, you see the bathroom door shatter with the force the monster uses to break it open. You can barely hear yourself scream as you throw your weight onto the top of the window and close it behind you. You don’t look back again as you sprint down the stairs of the fire escape, but the sound of Venom crashing through the glass makes you move faster. 

Bricks from the warehouse crunch beneath his claws and feet, causing pieces to crumble and rain down over your head. As soon as your bare feet hit the pavement, you make a mad dash past the docks and towards the main road.

The rain pelts against your face as the clouds continue to block the sun that should be starting to come up now. There is barely any light for you to see where you are going while the world is still wrapped in a navy blue hue.

You can see headlights up ahead. Cars. People. A way out.

“Not so fast.” Venom suddenly drops in front of you, making you stumble and fall to your back against the cobblestones. Your elbows scrape across the ground as you try to move away but he’s too big and too fast.

“Please…just let me go. I won’t tell anyone about you. I swear.” You press flat to the ground as Venom looms over you, his face slowly maneuvering downwards until your nose almost touches him.

“We…want to keep you. Protect you.” 

“You’re scaring me, Taehyung. How can you say you want to protect me?” The crawling, black skin of Venom’s face peels away to reveal Taehyung once more.

“You’re in the middle of something that you shouldn’t be,” Taehyung says desperately. 

“What does that even mean?” 

“_____, please stay away from Jungkook. He-” Taehyung is cut off when Venom closes the skin back over his face. “He’s here,” he growls, moving to stand over top of you.

Before you can question him again, the bright light of a laser blast shoots past you, barely skimming Venom’s shoulder and blowing chunks of the ground all over you.

When you look back up, the red and gold suit of Ironman comes flying into your view. He tries to fly between you and Venom, but the monster is too fast, back handing Ironman and sending him flying into the side of one of the buildings.

“No!” You yell, trying to get to your feet but you can’t get your footing with all the rubble surrounding you.

“Stay. Back,” Venom whips around to tell you. That distraction is enough for Ironman to come flying back, hitting Venom in the stomach with his shoulder and throwing the two of them about ten feet away.

You don’t want Jin to hurt Taehyung. Venom is the monster. Taehyung is good. He’s gentle and kind. 

Your head hurts so badly and there’s blood dripping down your newly busted lip. You don’t know what you can do but you have to do something. 

Getting to your feet as the rain continues to pour from the thundering clouds overhead, you clamber through the rubble trying to get closer to where Jin has Venom pinned against the side of a dumpster. Just as you approach, Venom hits Jin’s hand away causing the laser blast to go off and almost hit you. You felt the heat of it skim past your face.

“Get out of here, _____! Now!” Jin yells, losing his balance when Venom pushes him off into the side of another building. You fall back on your ass, hitting the wet street once again.

Venom crawls over to you slowly. The sight of it freezing you in place as the slithering skin of his face once again pulls back to reveal Taehyung.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He says, bending to get closer to you. You can see Jin getting back up out of the corner of your eye.

“Run, Tae. Please just run away and hide. And don’t ever come looking for me again. They’ll kill you.” You touch his cheek and his eyes close. “Please go.”

Just as you take your hand away you hear someone from above you yell your name, your head whipping up at the familiar sound.

Venom’s face consumes Taehyung again as he steps in front of you defensively. Jungkook comes into view, swinging down from a web attached to the nearest warehouse. 

Jungkook moves so quickly you can barely register what’s happening before he’s kicking Venom hard enough to make him roar and fly across the other side of the road.

“Get her out of here, Jungkook!” Jin yells as he comes back into the fight.

“We have him where we want him! I’m not leaving!” Jungkook yells back, shooting a web at one of the big pieces of rubble and flinging it towards Venom.

It shouldn’t hurt to hear him say that.

It shouldn’t sting like a slap across the face when he doesn’t choose you again. But god, does it fucking ever.

“Now!” Jin screams the word at Jungkook, barely holding off Venom, who is scraping and clawing with all his might to get back to you.

Such an anomaly this turned out to be.

Jungkook shoots off a few more webs, catching them on one of Venom’s wrists and sticking to the ground so it’s harder for him to move. And then Jungkook is whirling around and scooping you into his arms.

You wrap your arms around his neck instinctively, looking over his shoulder to watch the fight between Jin and Venom for as long as you can before they’re just dots in the distance as Jungkook swings you back into the city.

You almost start to doze off from exhaustion when you feel the world stop moving and Jungkook standing you on your feet. You almost lose your balance at the loss of him so suddenly.

“What the fuck were you doing out there, ____?” Jungkook asks, his voice loud and full of an anger you’d never heard from him before.

“I…I was just going for a walk…” the lie falls from your mouth before you even have a chance to think about it. “I got lost…”

“How do you always do this? How are you always in the middle of some terrible shit?” Jungkook rips his mask off and throws it across your bedroom against the opposite wall before he starts to pace.

“I’m sorry…” you feel so small as you watch the anger radiate off of him.

“Sorry? You’re sorry? Do you have any idea what you’ve likely cost us tonight?” He comes into your space, backing you into your kitchen counter.

“Jungkook…” 

“Just…stay out of my way, Data.” His shoulders slump when he steps back from you and grabs his mask from the floor. Your body shakes and gives into your exhaustion, your knees hitting the floor as Jungkook bounds off your balcony.

The only light in your apartment is from the barely there sun, casting shadows of your furniture and the plants on the windowsill across the hardwood floor. It’s quiet, too quiet when there’s a busy city 10 floors down.

How could one person make you feel so loved and so alone at the same time? Were you the bad guy? You slept with Taehyung out of spite…didn’t you? That’s how it started at least…now you’re not sure how you feel.

You don’t understand Taehyung, and part of you wants to know more. Why is he allowing Venom to control him and use him? What does he get out of it? All questions you would love to ask him if he wasn’t an absolutely terrifying monster.

A monster that Jungkook could possibly be killing right now. That thought makes you nauseous immediately.

You crawl across the floor until you can press your back against the wall, pulling your knees to your chest and putting your head between them. You needed to block it all out for a moment…or several.

You don’t know how long you have been sitting there or when you fall asleep but eventually you lift your head and squint at the sun trickling in through your windows and balcony doors. A perfectly cool breeze moves your green curtains and gives you goosebumps.

When your back starts to hurt from sitting on the wood floor, you convince yourself to get up to close the door. You know you desperately need a shower as well.

As you reach the balcony door, you see Jungkook sitting on your stone railing, his head in his hands. You want to rush towards him and make sure he’s okay, but you stay put.

“How long have you been out here?” You ask quietly, hand gripping the door handle too tightly.

“A while.” Jungkook mutters, his hands coming up to his hair and pulling at the roots.

“You…you should go home, Jungkook.” You hate the sound of your own voice right now. Weak and scratchy.

“I shouldn’t have said those things to you earlier, Data.” He moves slowly, head coming up as he slides off the railing to stand.

“But you did. And I have a feeling you meant them.”

“No…I just don’t understand why we can’t catch this monster. And when I saw you there, I lost it.” He runs his hand through his mess of black waves.

“Did…did you catch him now?” You swallow thickly, not sure what answer you want to hear.

“No. Jin couldn’t hold him. He’s looking into asking Dr. Kim for help in building a trap.” He looks defeated and the guilt starts to crawl up your throat.

Dr. Kim Namjoon is a scientist that most people would know as the Hulk. He’s a brilliant mind and someone you very much look up to as far as the career path you hope to take one day. It scares you that he might get involved in capturing…or killing Taehyung.

“I’m sorry,” is all you can manage to whisper.

“Data…” He steps closer to you and you flinch a little. “Fuck…fuck I’m so sorry. You were scared and you’re…you’re fucking hurt and all I did was yell at you.” Jungkook stays where he is, but reaches out his hand towards you.

“I don’t…I can’t,” you whimper.

“It’s okay. Let me take care of you, baby. Please.” His hand stays out stretched and you know if you take it that the guilt will continue to eat away at you. That you can never tell him what you know. Because you care about Jungkook…but you care about Taehyung too, and you just hope he runs and doesn’t come back.

You take Jungkook’s hand and he gently steps towards you again until he’s close enough to cup your face in his hands, angling it in different ways to mentally take note of your injuries. He runs his thumb over the bump on your forehead and the cut on your lip that has you wincing. His lips press to your forehead when your arms finally wrap around his middle and fingers grip at his back.

“I’m just making trouble for you, JK.” Your lip trembles when you look up into his eyes, his brows scrunching in confusion.

“We knew when we started that this wasn’t going to be easy. But I…I have a responsibility, Data. And I’m doing my best to do that and keep you safe.” He swipes at your tears and lifts you onto the counter so he can stand between your thighs. “I’ll always keep you safe.”

You believe him. But at what cost? What will happen to him if he continues to worry about you instead of the danger he is so heroically protecting the city…maybe even the world from. He is your best friend and something so much more. 

Your hands slide into his hair, the damp strands sliding through your fingers in the most familiar way. Jungkook's hands stay on your cheeks as he pulls your mouth to his, swallowing the little whimpers that try to escape you.

His lips taste like his favorite minty chapstick and the cinnamon gum he had probably chewed on his way back to your apartment. He always chews it when he needs to think more clearly.

“You have every right to be angry with me,” you whisper between sweet pecks to your lips.

“Angry…maybe. But cruel? No. You mean more to me than that.” His mouth finds your jaw while his hands gently hold your shoulders. “How about a bath?”

Could you really be deserving of these moments with Jungkook when you were enjoying being face down on Taehyung’s bed just a day ago?

Fuck. You were so fucking selfish.

You nod your head ‘yes’, not trusting your voice when guilt is rising up your throat.

Jungkook picks you up from the counter, your arms around his neck and legs around his hips as he carries you towards your tiny apartment bathroom. Stopping once or twice to press your back against the wall and slip his tongue into your mouth. A tongue that you gladly suck between your teeth until he moans your name.

“Get these off.” Jungkook shoves into your bathroom, the space almost too small for you and his broad body. He makes quick but gentle work of your dirt and blood stained clothes, kicking them into the corner of the bathroom.

You help him slide the sleeves of his blue and red suit down his arms, slowly revealing all the beautiful ink tattooed into the skin of his right arm. Your hands follow the dips of muscle of his torso as more skin is revealed from beneath his suit.

After he’s naked and you’ve thoroughly touched as much of his bare body as you can, you slide your ass up onto your tiny marble vanity and open your legs for him to stand between. Jungkook stands back a moment, his eyes roaming and settling between your legs.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? You went through a lot tonight…” You don’t let him finish his sentence, wrapping your fingers around his semi-hard cock so you can stroke him.

“Let’s talk later. Right now I just need to feel you inside me. Remind me why I’m yours…please.” You could feel traitorous tears try to well in your eyes and Jungkook furrows his brows in confusion for a moment.

“Data…” He puts his hand over yours to stop your strokes.

“No. Please…I need you.” You meet his eyes and it only takes him a moment to tighten his hand on yours and help you move your fist up and down his cock again.

Jungkooks head rolls forward, a deep grumble in his chest sending shivers up your spine. He steps closer so his hips can widen your thighs and you can guide his cock to your entrance. You’re so wet that he easily pushes into you, your back arching off the vanity mirror at the stretch.

“You’ve always been my girl, Data.” His tattooed hand grips your hip and steadies you when he begins to shallow thrust, crude wet noises already coming from where your bodies meet. “Your pussy always remembers me so well.”

“Do the other Avengers know how filthy your mouth is?” You whisper, leaning forward to kiss him.

“My filthy mouth is only for you.” Jungkook kisses you back, sheathing himself completely inside you and holding himself there. He moves his swollen lips down your jaw and over your chest until he reaches your nipples, sucking and pulling until you’re a moaning mess.

“Please move, Jungkook.” You inch your ass forward until it’s perched right on the edge of the vanity. Jungkook groans against your breast, lifting his head to look where your bodies meet.

He holds both your hips in his hands as he begins a quick pace. But no matter how fast he pumps his hips against you, he never misses that spot inside you that makes stars dance across your eyelids.

“You feel so good. I don’t think I’m gonna last…” His distressed face meets yours and you reach up to touch his face and pull him closer.

“I’m so close, JK…please make me come.” He kisses you, hard and unyielding while his cock drills you against the mirror. You’re almost afraid it’ll break when he forgets how strong he is. But you don’t care, you want him to break you. You don’t deserve soft and sweet right now.

Jungkook lifts you off the vanity and faster than humanly possible has you on the floor of your hallway right outside your tiny bathroom. He throws your legs over his shoulders and hits a spot inside you that almost immediately has you crying out his name and coming all over his cock. Your pussy clenches around him so hard it makes him whimper above you, bringing him to his own orgasm. He fills you up as warmth spreads all over your body.

“Did I hurt you? I was too rough…” His hands are immediately on your face angling you to look at him.

“No, I’m okay. I promise.” You smile at him, hoping that it feels real. You’re too riddled with guilt.

“Let’s get in the bath.” He pulls out of you slowly, sitting up on his knees while he presses soft kisses to your fingers and palm.

The tub is far too small for the both of you, but it doesn’t matter. Water sloshes out onto the floor each time you move, but that doesn’t matter either. It feels good to have his warmth behind you when you lean back against his chest. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Jungkook asks after a while, his hands rubbing your arms while his lips kiss the top of your head.

You freeze, knowing that you should tell him the truth. That you know who the monster is that he’s searching for. But you can’t bring yourself to put Taehyung in danger. So you lie. Again.

“I went for drinks with friends last night…I got lost walking home. I don’t know how I ended up at the docks. It was so stupid of me…” You hate how easily the lie spilled out.

“You aren’t stupid, Data. You just seem to have a magnet for danger.” He laughs quietly, kissing your shoulder. “I shouldn’t have made you feel like it was your fault.”

“It was my fault. I messed things up for you and Jin,” you sigh, slumping against his wet chest.

“Don’t worry about that. It won’t be much longer before we have the monster.” 

“Have him?” You ask, goosebumps prickling your skin.

“Mr. Kim thinks the monster is a human. An experiment gone wrong. He wants to help him…or study him. As long as it isn’t running free in the city anymore.” Jungkook explains, his hands gathering some soap bubbles from the water and washing your arms and chest with gentle fingers.

“How would he help him?” If Jin can help Taehyung…then maybe he can get rid of Venom.

“I’m not sure. I think we would be better off getting rid of it altogether. It’s a menace.” You feel Jungkook’s muscles tense as he talks and you know you still can't tell him the truth about Venom.

You don’t say anything else, afraid that your voice will shake and give you away. He knows you too well. 

Jungkook makes sure you’re cleaned up and comfortable in bed before he leaves you again. In most cases you would feel hurt that he’s left, but you need time to think without your feelings being clouded by his presence.

What the fuck are you going to do?

Going about your normal day to day life felt wrong. You go to school. You study with your friends. You see Jungkook on occasion, and every time you do, the guilt burrows a little deeper inside you, whittling away at your ability to keep up the facade. 

What makes it worse was that Taehyung hasn’t been at school for two weeks. It makes you absolutely terrified that something has happened to him. That undeniable connection you felt with him makes it difficult not to worry.

Sleep almost completely evades you the last two weeks.

“You look terrible,” Hoseok pokes, sitting a fresh coffee down in front of you on the library study table.

“Charming,” you grumble, snatching the coffee and inhaling its heavenly caffeine-illed scent.

“It’s not even finals season, why aren’t you sleeping? Trouble with the boyfriend perhaps?” Hobi sits his backpack down and plops into the chair next to you.

“He isn’t my boyfriend.” You press your forehead to the table and gently hit it against the top a few times. “And I just…my upstairs neighbor has been noisy.” The lies start to come out easier and easier the more you make up.

“I told you to move in with me months ago. Way closer to campus.” He pops some cheese cracker snacks into his mouth.

You know it would be nice to live with Hoseok. Easy. But you can’t. Not with Spider-Man coming and going and a giant monster possibly looking for you now. You could never forgive yourself if something happened to your friend.

“I appreciate that offer, you know I do. I just…like my space.” You sigh, lifting your head to meet his eyes. He probably knows you’re lying, but if he does, he doesn’t let on.

“Offer continues to stand if you change your mind, ___.” The look on his face is serious for a moment before he points the bag of snacks towards you. “Crackers?”

You smile and take a handful, popping them into your mouth as you sit back in your chair and listen to Hoseok talk more about nothing and everything for as long as you can.

After Hobi leaves, you continue to study until you notice the daylight is starting to disappear outside the library windows. You stretch your arms over your head, groaning when your stiff muscles protest before packing up your things to finally head home for the night.

Pulling your phone from your bag, you see there’s been no messages from Jungkook since yesterday afternoon when he said he would stop by as soon as he could. It shouldn’t be disappointing, you should be used to it, but that little pang still makes you feel some type of way.

You sigh, shoving your phone into your back pocket as you exit the library and see that it’s raining again. It seems like there has been constant rain over the last two weeks, making everything dreary. A mirror to how you felt inside as well.

Not having an umbrella, you power walk down the street towards the train station to get home. It’s only a couple of blocks but you still hate to do it at night. Especially when you get a sudden chill at the back of your neck, as if someone is following you. But every time you turn around, no one is there.

“Relax, ____. You’re exhausted and delirious,” you say to yourself, trying to calm your nerves as you continue walking.

Something big moves at the corner of your eye, dashing down the alleyway to your right and making you halt your quick steps. The only way to your apartment is past that alleyway, so you convince yourself once more that the exhaustion is getting to you and you press forward down the sidewalk.

You hold your breath and close your eyes as you sprint past the alleyway, stopping after a few feet to catch your breath.

You make it. You’re in the clear. The home stretch.

A cold hand wraps around your wrist and yanks you backwards into the alley. Your brain tries to catch up with what’s happening but when you try to scream, another hand covers your mouth just as your back is pressed against the cold, wet bricks of the wall behind you.

“Pigeon.” Taehyung’s deep voice sounds hoarse but also relieved. Your fight or flight instincts immediately melt away when your eyes settle on his injured face.

A cut on his eyebrow, a bruise beneath his left eye, blood dripping from his forehead from beneath his mess of black hair. What the hell happened to him?

You gently wrap your hand around his wrist and slowly move his hand away from your mouth.

“I won’t scream. I promise,” you assure him, his shoulders visibly unwinding.

“I know you’re scared of me. I’m sorry…I put you in danger because I was being selfish.” Taehyung takes a step back from you, giving you space.

“I’m not scared of you.” You reach out and softly touch his cheek just beneath his eye where the bruise has blossomed and he shivers at your touch.

“I’m just glad that you’re safe.” Taehyung moves your palm to his lips and presses a kiss to your skin.

“What happened to you, Taehyung? Where have you been?” 

“All I’ve wanted since this started was to expose The Life Foundation. They’re testing on people and killing them. Not a single person has survived until…”

“You,” you say quietly, watching his shoulders slump before he nods in agreement. “How did this happen?”

“I went to the lab to interview a couple of the scientists for an assignment…I got a little too curious I guess and followed a scientist down into a part of the lab no one knows exists. That’s where I saw the people they’re testing on…in cages. The symbiotes like Venom need a host but it wasn’t working and no one was surviving.” Taehyung runs his hand through his hair before he continues. “I accidentally released Venom when I tried to save one of the people in the cages and he bonded with me and somehow I survived. Still not sure how…”

“What’s stopping you from exposing them?” 

“I wanted to have hard proof before I took the information somewhere else but I haven’t been able to get back inside the lab, not even with Venom.” 

“Because of Jungkook.”

“He doesn’t understand what he’s getting himself into. They have suspicions but they’re keeping me from shutting the place down.” Taehyung sighs. “Your boyfriend is a pain in my ass.”

“What if…what if we talk to him? Jungkook will listen. I know he…” Taehyung cuts you off with a laugh.

“They think I’m a monster…and they aren’t wrong. But all Venom wants is to save the other symbiotes and get back to their planet.” Taehyung’s words almost sound disappointed when he talks about Venom leaving.

“But he’s…he’s hurting you. Can’t Venom heal you?”

“He does…he has. This last round of injuries was…extensive. I’m just healing more slowly.” He slumps against the opposite wall of the alley.

“You need to rest.”

“No. No, we’re going back to the lab tonight to try again.”

“Taehyung, please. He’s going to get you killed. Jungkook and Jin…they’re powerful.”

“You think I haven’t noticed?” He raises his voice slightly, but chokes on his words, folding over when a pain shoots through his side.

“That’s it. I want to talk to Venom.” You can’t stand to see him like this.

“Absolutely not. I’m not putting you in danger.”

“You’ll be there, right? You won’t let him hurt me.”

“I can’t always control him. He doesn’t always listen.” His eyes search yours for any sign of fear but he doesn’t find it.

“Let him out.” You cross your arms over your chest and wait for Taehyung to release his monster.

“Five minutes. That’s all I’m giving.” He takes several steps away from you until there’s plenty of space between the two of you. You nod that you’re ready.

The black crawling skin of Venom consumes Taehyung in almost an instant, his handsome face disappearing beneath terrifying white eyes and razor sharp teeth. Deep, bass filled growls flow from between those teeth and rumble the ground beneath your feet.

“Creature.” He says, smiling widely.

“Monster.” You retort.

“Sorry for…chasing you.” He keeps his distance, but paces back and forth through the alley. “I was…hungry.”

“You chase people and destroy buildings when you’re hungry?” You half laugh in disbelief.

“Very hungry!” He growls, pushing against a dumpster.

“Fine. Forget about it. I want you to let Taehyung rest, you’re going to get him killed.”

“Taehyung is fine.”

“No he isn’t! He’s all beat up, and I don’t even want to know what’s wrong internally. He needs time to heal.” You take a few steps closer.

“I can heal him, Creature.”

“He needs to rest. You need him and he won’t be of any use if he’s dead.” You stop as Venom groans and shoves his fists into the ground beside you.

“Demanding little bug.” He half spits.

“How long can you live without your host?” You don’t flinch at his outburst.

Venom doesn’t answer right away, he goes back to pacing the alley before he starts talking to himself…or to Taehyung.

“Bad idea…she pisses me off…should eat her…” Venom grabs his head in pain when the last line leaves his mouth. “Fine. No eating.” He comes back to stand in front of you, looming several feet taller. 

You look up and hold your stance. You’ll never let this pain in the ass monster know that he absolutely terrifies you.

“Three days. Three days before your atmosphere kills me.” Venom says, not seeming pleased.

“Then leave him alone for three days. Go away and let him rest. I mean it.” Venom lowers his face to yours so that you’re standing eye to eye. 

You can see your reflection in the shiny white of his eyes and your heart picks up its pace. Not because of the monster in front of you, but because somewhere behind those eyes is a man that means more to you than you thought he ever could. The strange feeling of just knowing someone is meant to be in your life becomes slightly overwhelming.

Without a second thought, one of your hands comes up and touches the side of Venom's face. His symbiote skin is cold, strange and unfamiliar. But it only takes a moment before Venom is melting away and once again revealing the stunned face of Taehyung.

“You got him to listen.” He breathes, taking your face in his hands.

“He’s not so tough.” You smile when he laughs and presses his forehead against yours.

“You’re exquisite.” His nose skims yours. “And I missed you.”

“I was so worried about you,” you admit softly against his mouth that has gravitated to yours.

He kisses you softly for a moment, neither of you noticing as Venom slithers out and makes his exit down the alley. You’re too relieved to have Taehyung safely pressed against you again. And when he starts to deepen your kiss, as much as you want it to continue, you press your palm to his chest and gently push him back.

“What’s the matter?” He asks, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“I wasn’t joking about you getting rest. I got you three days with no Venom. Let’s get you home, okay?” You lace your fingers through his and start walking towards the street, but he stops you.

“I haven’t been able to go back to the warehouse. They’ve been watching it like hawks.” His shoulder slump when he rubs the back of his neck.

“Where have you been sleeping?” 

“Abandoned buildings mostly. Or just not at all.” He laughs half heartedly.

“Let’s go to my place.” You know it’s a bad idea. Jungkook could drop in at any moment and you aren’t sure how he would react to finding the man behind the monster he’s been so desperately trying to defeat. “You’ll be safe there.”

“Will I?” Taehyung asks, wary for the same reasons you are.

“Yes. Because I’ll protect you.” Taehyung smiles at your declaration.

“I have no doubts about that, Pigeon.”

You take as many back ways as you can think of until you reach your apartment building, releasing a long breath when you safely reach the elevator and unlock your door. 

It feels strange to have Taehyung here, but also very right. He looks like a weight has been lifted off of him as he takes in your green velvet couch and collection of coffee mugs with a boxy smile on his face.

“You’re adorable.” He says, picking up a tiny cactus from your bookshelf that could definitely use some water.

“It’s not much.” You shrug, feeling your cheeks heat.

“It’s perfect.” He comes back to stand in front of you, long fingers gently gripping your chin to make you look at him. “It’s you and I think that’s perfect.”

“Tae…” you sigh but give into the kiss he sweetly presses to your lips. 

“Thank you.” He whispers after a moment. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if anything had…” You cut him off with another kiss.

“I’m fine, I promise.” You take both of his hands in yours and start to lead him towards your bathroom. “You, however, need to take a shower.”

“Saying I stink, Pigeon?” He teases, following you to your tiny bathroom.

“Definitely,” you counter, smiling when he laughs. A real laugh that you aren’t sure you’ve heard yet. It makes your stomach twist and clench.

“Come in with me?” Taehyung asks quietly when you bend to turn on the hot water for him. His fingers find your spine and tease up the column slowly.

God you want to. But the sudden memory of Jungkook in this bathroom with you two weeks ago clouds your vision and your ability to have this too.

“I’m going to make you some tea, okay? Take your time.” You stand on your toes to kiss him quickly, ignoring the pang in your chest when he pouts his bottom lip.

You close the bathroom door and press your back against it. You listen as Taehyung opens the shower curtain and gets inside, the smell of your rose scented body wash wafting from under the door when he uses it. You must be insane.

Bringing him here is so risky, but you can’t leave him out there with nowhere else to go. He means too much. 

When the bathroom door opens twenty minutes later, you jump at the sound, almost dropping your cup of tea to the hardwood floor. It almost takes a tumble a second time when you look up and see Taehyung standing in your kitchen with just a towel around his waist.

“My clothes were in pretty bad shape…I don’t suppose you have something I can borrow?” He asks with a shy smile on his face and fingers in his wet curls.

“Um…y-yeah. Yes. I’ll find something.” A wave of heat rushes over your skin as you hastily move past him and into your bedroom at the end of the hallway. He follows you, leaning against the door frame to watch you.

“Are you worried he’ll come here?” Taehyung asks, the pretty smile on his face replaced by a frown.

“A bit.” You admit, kneeling inside your closet to look through some drawers for sleeping pants. “It’s really just a matter of when…”

“Is he what you want?” The question throws you off, making you pause.

“I don’t know.” It’s an honest answer, more complicated than it should be. Taehyung nods but doesn’t press for more information. You’re not sure you can come with anything else even if he wants you to.

You finally find a pair of green and navy blue plaid pajama pants, pulling them out of the drawer and bringing them to Taehyung. 

He drops the towel as soon as you’re in front of him, eyes holding you in place with nowhere to escape.

“Thanks, Pigeon.” He doesn’t look away from your eyes as he slips his long legs into the too short leg holes and settles them loosely on his narrow hips. Your breath shakes when he steps closer and closes the gap between you. 

“I made you tea,” you croak.

“I don’t want tea.” He practically moans against your neck when he nuzzles your jaw. “I want to show you why I’m what you want.”

Your entire being trembles at the words.

“You should rest, Taehyung.” You can’t stop your hands from finding the warm skin of his shoulders and chest.

“No rest for the wicked, Pigeon.” His mouth claims yours, swallowing down any other protest you may have tried to use.

He slowly leads you back until the back of your knees hit your bed and you both fall onto the mattress. He kisses you until you’re dizzy and desperate for air, your legs wrapping around his hips in a desperate attempt to bring him closer.

And then you remember that your stove is still turned on with tea likely boiling over all over the burners.

“Tae…” Yyou try to say before his lips close over yours again. “The tea…I need to go turn it off.”

“No.” He nips your lips and moves his kisses down your chin and over your jaw.

“I’ll be quick. Just wait here.” You playfully push him off of you, his head landing on your pillows with a smile on his face.

You look back over your shoulder when you reach the door, Taehyung winking as you round the corner into the hallway.

Luckily, the tea is where it should be, inside the kettle. You turn off the burner and move the kettle onto a potholder onto the counter top. Then quickly turn off the lights before stopping by the bathroom to make something of your mess of hair as quickly as possible.

Back in the bedroom, you barely make it inside the door before you hear the quiet snores coming from Taehyung. His arms above his head and his face buried in the pillows as he lays on his back against your mustard yellow sheets. His half dried curls a messy little halo around his head. 

He really is beautiful.

You make your way to the bed, pulling your comforter over his sleeping form and softly touching the bruises in his cheek. He doesn’t stir even a little. 

Over the next three days you, watch him.

You’ve never seen someone sleep so much in your life. It worries you at first, checking to see if he is breaking multiple times throughout the day. But he just continues to sleep, only moving to turn on his side or stomach and barely makes any noise at all.

You email your professors the first day and tell them that you won’t be in class but would follow along online. You move a chair into the corner of your bedroom so you can stay close to him. It keeps you busy while Taehyung sleeps.

You also keep busy with cleaning your apartment and thinking of ways to have a very hard and strange conversation with Jungkook. How did you tell your best friend…someone you love…that you may also have feelings for someone else? 

And how did you then tell your best friend that the other person you have feelings for is the monster he’s been trying to capture for months?

At night you curl up next to him in your bed, but always carefully so you don't disturb him. You want him to feel better as soon as possible.

It was mid morning on the third day, some very difficult calculus questions driving you crazy when you hear Taehyung groan and lift his head from the pillow. 

“Pigeon?” He croaks, his voice rough and dry.

“I’m here, it’s okay.” You toss your book aside, rushing over to the side table and handing him the glass of water you sat out every day in case he woke up needing it. “Drink this please.”

He doesn’t argue, taking the glass of water and downing all its contents in an instant. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hands, chest heaving.

“That may have been the best water I’ve had in my life.” You take the glass and sit down next to him on the bed. “How long was I out for?”

“Almost three days.” You move some black curls away from his forehead when he looks up at you.

“Really? I wasted the whole three days sleeping? Fuck.” He sighs in annoyance.

“It wasn’t a waste, Tae. You obviously needed it after what you’ve been through lately.” 

The way he looks at you makes your stomach flutter and twist. Like he’s never seen anyone like you or felt anything like your touch. It’s maddening.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” He squeezes your hand and jumps out of bed far too quickly, heading into your bathroom where you hear him using the extra toothbrush you had sat out for him. You can’t stop the smile that pulls at the corners of your mouth.

When he returns to the bed, he sits behind you and wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling your back against his chest so he can nuzzle his face into your neck.

“Thank you for watching over me,” he mumbles into your neck.

“How do you know I watched over you?” You ask, leaning back into his chest.

“There’s a chair surrounded by snacks, coffee cups and calculus books set up in the corner, Pigeon.” Taehyung kisses your neck and makes you shudder. “You’re too good for me.”

“It’s not that.” Your voice is a whisper when he moves your sweater off of your shoulder to kiss the heated skin there.

“What is it?” His mouth continues leaving warm, wet paths along your neck and shoulder.

“I care…about you.” Your head lulls back against his shoulder when his hands slide up your front beneath your shirt to cup your breasts in his hands.

“I’m still going to show you why I’m what you want…what you need. I didn’t forget.” He nips your earlobe and pinches both nipples with his long fingers at the same time.

You spin around, grabbing his face roughly and slam your mouth onto his in the next second. Taehyung’s hands immediately find your hips helping you straddle his thighs to settle on his lap. 

Any clothing creating an unwanted barrier between the two of you are quickly discarded without a care for where they land. Your skin feels like there’s millions of tiny embers just below the surface waiting to crack through and set the whole room on fire. 

Taehyung holds one arm tightly around your waist while the other maneuvers the two of you back farther on the bed so he can rest his back against the headboard. Your mouths never leave the others, tongues and teeth clashing in the most desperate way. 

“Are you okay…with this?” Taehyung suddenly asks. His hair is a mess and his lips swollen and chapped.

“I don’t know how to answer that question anymore. I wish I just knew what to do…” You feel emotion start to take over and Taehyung grips your chin to look at him.

“It doesn’t matter. Not right now, okay? Right now I just want you to be mine. Because I’m yours…I belong to you.” He says it so simply. And it should be simple. It shouldn’t be possible to love them both.

He pulls you back to him, kissing you so gently it makes you shiver. One hand glides to the back of your head and settles in your hair while the other lifts your ass to hold you above his cock that was standing tall with need between your legs.

No more words need to be spoken as you position him at your entrance, your pussy slick and sticky from the build up to what’s about to happen. He takes his hand from your hip and brings it to your throbbing clit, using his thumb to stroke it slowly while you lower yourself onto him.

The stretch of him mixed with the way his thumb strokes you is as close to heaven as you can imagine. You can feel yourself getting wetter that more you try and accommodate his size.

“Be good for me, Pigeon. Ride my cock.” He moans the words around one of your nipples when he leans forward to capture one with his lips.

Once fully seated, you slowly move your hips in a circular motion, causing his engorged cock to hit places inside that make fireworks pop behind your eyelids and your head to fall back when your back arches.

“Fuck…you feel so good,” you finally manage to say.

“I could come right now just watching you take me like this, angel. Like you were made to have my cock inside you.” Taehyung groans as his hands find your hips and help you start to move up and down.

You find a mind numbing rhythm, and orgasm on the brink of breaking through. You’re so close it almost hurts. 

“I need to come, Tae…please.” You wrap your arms around his neck, sweaty chests sliding against the other.

“Me too. Fuck, I can’t wait to come inside you.” He holds you steady, digging his heels into the mattress and thrusting upwards to meet your movements.

A silent scream has your mouth hanging open and eyes rolling to the back of your head when you finally get your release. Taehyung’s lips and tongue scorching the skin of your neck when he feels you clench around him.

“Good girl, Pigeon. Come all over my cock.” He holds you down, fully sheathing inside you when he finds his release as well. 

You slump against his chest, breathing hard as you start to come down for the incredible high he had just given you. 

Taehyung kisses your shoulder and up your neck, over your jaw and chin until he reaches your lips. Kissing your raw lips in the softest way.

“You okay?” You ask, still out of breath.

“Never better.” He smiles, moving sweaty hair from your face.

“I’ll get you some more water. Maybe snacks?” You move from his lap, the sudden empty feeling making you groan.

“Venom will be here soon. If he isn’t already.” His smile fades.

“I know. So let’s get you fed and hydrated before he makes his presence known, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Don’t be too long.” He holds your hand to help you off the bed while he readjusts against the headboard. You playfully roll your eyes, grabbing your t-shirt off the floor and quickly throwing it on before you slip out of your bedroom to the kitchen.

You fill up two more glasses of water and begin rummaging through your cabinets for any sort of edible snack when you hear tapping on the glass doors leading to your balcony. You nearly drop everything when you turn and see Jungkook standing there in his Spider-Man suit, his mask in his hand.

“Fuck.” You grumble, sitting down the snacks and water before going to unlock the door with pure fear coursing through your veins.

“Since when do you lock this door?” Jungkook asks as soon as you turn the lock.

“Just to be safe.” Your voice shakes and your eyes continuously flash towards the hallway where you know your bedroom door is wide open. Another man in your bed.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here in so long I just…” He pauses, a look you recognize crossing his face. He senses something.

Shit.

“Is everything okay?” You know the answer.

“He’s in here.” Jungkook immediately starts to push past you to look through your apartment.

“Who? What are you talking about Jungkook?” You try to grab his arm while he looks in your living room.

“The monster. I know that feeling anywhere. He’s here. What the fuck is he doing here?” You shove against his chest to stop him.

“There’s no monster here. I think you need to go.”

“What the fuck is going on, Data? Is someone else here?” His jaw ticks and your panic is starting to take over.

“I…um. Jungkook, please just listen.”

“Who? Who the fuck is it?” He pushes past you and you grab his arm to stop him before he freezes in place, looking at the doorway that leads to the hall.

Taehyung in all his shirtless glory stands leaning against the frame.

“Looking for me?” Taehyung smirks and you want to die.

“Who the fuck are you?” Jungkook practically seethes.

“Pretty sure you know the answer to that.” Taehyung takes a step towards you and Jungkook immediately blocks his path.

“You’re him? The monster from the lab?” Jungkook asks, moving into an even more protective stance.

“You don’t need to protect her from me.” Taehyung crosses his arms over his chest and walks over to the counter where you left the water and snacks, picking up a glass and taking a few drinks. “I’d never hurt her.”

“You mean the way your monster left her bruised and bleeding by the docks? Fuck you.” Jungkook takes your hand and pulls you towards the balcony door. “I don’t know what you’re doing with him, Data, but he’s fucking dangerous. Let’s go.”

“Jungkook, please. You don’t understand.”

“Don’t fight me on this. I’m getting you out of here.”

“Since when do you care about ___? She may as well be alone when she’s with you.” Taehyung moves to stand in front of the doors.

“Shut the fuck up. You’re lucky I don’t drag you to Mr. Kim this fucking second.”

“Is that so, spider boy?” Taehyung smiles and grabs Jungkook’s shoulder to stop him from dragging you any farther.

Jungkook lets go of your wrist and pushes Taehyung in the chest. But before he can make any other moves, Venom’s black crawling skin swallows Taehyung and replaces him with the huge looking monster.

Venom roars, shaking your entire apartment. He’s so big he takes almost half the room.

“Get the hell out of here, Data!” Jungkook yells, slipping his mask back over his face.

You want to rip your hair from your head. Scream at the top of your lungs. Stomp on the floor like a two year old throwing a tantrum. 

But you deserve this after what you’ve been doing.

“Stop.” You say, watching Jungkook shoot a web at Venom’s sharp clawed hand. “Stop it!” You practically scream, making the both of them pause to look at you.

“Go outside, Creature.” Venom growls.

“You’re both going to listen to me. Right fucking now.” You walk across the kitchen and stand between them. “You’re not about to destroy my apartment with your pointless fighting. So listen to what I have to say.”

Jungkook stays in his defensive position but nods towards you for you to continue.

“You’re going to listen too, monster. Understand?”

“Bossy little creature.” He groans, ripping Jungkook’s web off of his hand and giving you his attention.

“I realized the other day that you all want the same thing. You want to shut down that lab and stop the testing they’re doing on humans. Venom wants to save his friends and go home and Jungkook, I know you want to save everyone trapped inside there. So why don’t we all work together to make it happen?” You release a long breath after everything spills out. “And after we do that…then we can talk about…us.” You motion between the three of you.

“Data…I didn’t know that I…” Jungkook starts to say but you stop him by holding up a hand.

“We aren’t doing this now, okay? Right now, we need to go see Jin.” 

“Ironman.” Venom growls in distaste.

“He can help. I know he’ll know how to get you and the other symbiotes home.” you try to reason. 

Venom contemplates for a moment before answering. “Fine, Creature. But if he messes with me, I eat him.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Jungkook half laughs, taking off his mask as he approaches you. “You’re serious?”

“Yes. Now let’s go.” You walk out the balcony door and wait expectantly. “Well?” You tap your foot.

Jungkook and Venom stare at each other for a moment, silently telling the other that these conversations aren’t over but that they’re going to trust you on this.

Jungkook puts his mask back on once more and makes a beeline towards you, grabbing you around the waist and jumping off the balcony with you in his arms. Venom barks a laugh and quickly follows after.

And then you’re falling.

taglist: @hanversace @chaelvrx @moonchild1 @rkivewritersblog @ungodlyjoon @ricecakeslove @jeonsweetpea @screamertannie @tearyjjeon @kookrecs @bintificreads @minisugakoobies @sureconfused @boisenberry77@ts19009 @lorarri @looneybleus @joyouart @armyugh @kthsmoon @vminluvrs @ooooglymoooogly (i did my best with this, i may have missed people who asked)

series masterlist

[happyhauntt]

— march fic recs, brought to you by happyhauntt.

a wee fic rec post for a few of the fics i read in march that altered my brain chemistry!! i've put a lil comment next to each rec because honestly writers don't get praised enough for their work these days and i wanted to show my appreciation for these talented souls!!

grishaverse.

➡ kaz brekker.

what do you want from me by @rubysunnday. notes: literally perfect wtf.

dark days by rubysunnday. notes: i reread this literally constantly, it is so perfect, kaz's characterisation is perfect, i adore it.

bloody hands by rubysunnday. notes: i devoured this whole thing like a starving person it was sO good.

when am i gonna lose you? by @crowsmybeloveds. notes: this is so beautiful honestly i have no words.

the lost princess by @ellewritesalright. notes: look it's only part one but elle is a fucking wizard and i'm a sucker for an anastasia au.

you and me (a whole lot of history) by @heliads. notes: this was so cute and such a clever concept i fell in love!!!

schat by @amourology. notes: fully choked this is so adorable.

soulmate by @magpiencrow. notes: KAZ BREKKER SOULMATE AU didn't know i needed this but now i need 100 more!!!!

➡ nikolai lantsov.

nine long years series by @ellewritesalright. notes: i am actively fucking screaming over this fic. i will never stop. this might genuinely be the best thing i've read in a LONG while. everything about it has me sobbing i actively CANNOT COPE. and it's not even finished yet.

one of us by @songofpatrochilless. notes: literally had me sobbing you don't understand the domesticity of it all!!!!!.

come on back to me by @atlabeth. notes: there is a very strong chance that i'll literally never stop screaming about this fic.

dreams of you by @wh0refornikolailantsov. notes: every cell in my body is SCREAMING.

this love by @lantsovsupremacist. notes: did not, in fact, give you permission to hurt me like this do it again.

salt in the wound by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: brain goes brrrr this has everything i need to survive tbh.

wanting was enough by @rubysunnday. notes: beautiful stunning magnificent i want to eat it.

an exhausted smile by @writing-havoc. notes: think i had an aneurysm reading this it was that amazing.

run away with me by @sumsebien. notes: i am still sobbing over this.

in emerald hearts, emerald minds by @undiscovered-horizon. notes: love love love love love. there aren't enough words in any language to describe how much i love this.

➡ alina starkov.

alina starkov x reader by @heliads. notes: alina does not get nearly enough love and this was so fucking sad and cute and brilliant.

➡ nina zenik.

the ten steps to 'i love you' by @sophierequests. notes: this was SO HEARTWARMING AND SWEET i adored it!!!

➡ zoya nazyalensky.

forget-me-nots by @syllvane. notes: not enough zoya fics on this hellsite. but also this ripped my heart out and made me sob so RUDE. i feel devastated.

➡ inej ghafa.

inej ghafa x reader by @heliads. notes: INEJ MY SWEET BABY, this fic is everything to me. everything. and it's so beautifully written!!!

➡ the darkling.

the dark side of the moon series by @myhairpintrigger. notes: this fic is ASTOUNDING. i haven’t cried this much reading something in a long time. i was FULL-BODY SOBBING. i don’t even like the darkling. i am Not a darkling girlie. but i was intrigued by concept of this fic and i can safely say it has ruined my life. this is Emotional Damage Incarnate. i will never recover. author, i salute you.

911.

through the smoke by @borntobewondering. notes: spent twenty whole minutes sobbing after reading this. i felt undone i felt hollow i felt so utterly fucked. author is a genius and that's all there is to say.

not so one night stand by @shmaptainwrites. notes: this was so fuckin adorable i'm in love.

d.c. to l.a. by shmaptainwrites. notes: bobby my guy just doesn't get enough fucking credit and this is so fucking adorable.

criminal minds.

➡ spencer reid.

trouble almost all my life by @januaryembrs. notes: this series is. it's literally. everything. i love bugsy like she's my own child. sister relationships are everything to me. i spent an hour sobbing in my bed over parts 2 and 3. i want this tattooed on my forehead.

➡ aaron hotchner.

found by @benedictscanvas. notes: DADDY i mean what. all jokes aside this was so sweet and beautiful and i'm in love the writing!!!

doctor who.

rage rage (against the dying of the light) by @morganas-pendragons. notes: felt feral after reading this. kayla just gets me in my feels every time.

heartbeat by morganas-pendragons. notes: this was the most emotional devastating thing i've ever read and i fully needed 3-5 business days to recover. rude. i want 100 more.

untitled by morganas-pendragons. notes: PAIN i love this so much.

ache by morganas-pendragons. notes: just scoop my heart out of my fucking chest i don't want it anymore after reading this.

a mind full of blissful terrors by @magiccath. notes: simply fucking amazing.

light in the dark by @i-imagine-my-doctor. notes: screaming please i adore this so much.

baby talk by @kisstherainwriting. notes: THE ABSOLUTE CUTIEST EVER. there's not enough clara fics and this had me squealing and feeling all warm and fuzzy!!!

holding my hand by kisstherainwriting. notes: angst galore this was STUNNING.

in another's eyes by @cas-kingdom. notes: PERFECTION.

where do we go now series by @theetherealbloom. notes: literally so fucking amazing i don't have enough words.

marauders.

the winner takes it all by @ellecdc. notes: brb faye is having a STROKE--

come back, be here series by ellecdc. notes: i think i had a full on stroke while reading this series. the attention to detail is insane. the characterisation is perfect.

i don't know you anymore (maybe i never really did) by @thenyoumightaswellwrestleangels. notes: SCREECHING i'm in love you don't understand.

bridgerton.

➡ anthony bridgerton.

distractions by @peterpparkrr. notes: simply immaculate.

right person, all the wrong times by @wwinterwitch. notes: did you mean one of my favourite tropes bc this is it.

right in front of me by @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 & @thirteenisles. notes: i felt feral after reading this tbh.

➡ sibling!reader.

reluctant caretaker by @rubysunnday. notes: this fic hit my heart in all the right places okay sibling stuff means everything to me.

did she have a cookie by rubysunnday. notes: a joyous read from start to finish i CACKLED the whole way through.

moon knight.

come back to me by @mgparker. notes: still sobbing. immaculate.

the other sarcophagus by @starryevermore. notes: i literally reread this constantly i adore it so much!!

marc spector x reader by @softlyspector. notes: i had an aneurysm reading this and i haven't been the same since.

more marc spector x reader by softlyspector. notes: i am having an intense emotion hold on. anytime i see autistic stuff in canon content for any fandom i SQUEAK. and this is so well done honestly.

star wars.

heartless by @youvebeenlivingfictional. notes: i reread this constantly, it's so amazing and heartwrenching and beautiful and i want to eat it.

little talks by @light-yaers. notes: you simply do not understand how much i adore everything beff writes. i adore this fic more than i need oxygen to breathe.

right where you left me series by light-yaers. notes: personality-defining series. i LIVE for this fic. every update adds five years to my lifespan. if you're not reading this you are MISSING OUT.

a light, a song, a bluebird by @millllenniawrites. notes: made me SOB 10/10 would recommend if you like emotional trauma.

invisible string by @campingwiththecharmings. notes: pining!!! loneliness!!! i adore!!!

hard landings by @softlyspector. notes: no. no you don't understand. this fic doesn't just own my soul it is my soul. i want it tattooed on my face.

misc.

hopper x reader by @luveline. notes: you don't understand this might be the cutest shit i've ever read and jade is a fellow welsh person which automatically makes them brilliant in my book.

muña by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: alicent means fucking everything to me and this had me sobbing.

mistletoe magic by @writingsbychlo. notes: literally the cutest fucking thing ever, had me kicking my legs and squealing!!

[atlabeth]

come on back to me - nikolai lantsov

summary: five times you save nikolai and one time he saves you.

a/n: if you've seen my thoughts as i read through siege and storm and ruin and rising then you know that i am deeply in love with nikolai lantsov and since ive finally finished the trilogy i finally feel qualified to write about him lmao. i actually don’t think i’ve written a 5+1 which is crazy so here you go. i wrote this in like 2 days in a spurt of inspiration and im absolutely in love with it, so i hope you all are too!!

title from you’re the one by greta van fleet

wc: 7.3k

warning(s): fem!reader, canon typical violence, siege and storm & ruin and rising book spoilers (i have not watched the show), medical inaccuracies, nikolai's volcra era, hurt/comfort and a happy ending (as usual)

Os Alta

It all happened rather quickly. 

One moment, you were in the infirmary mending a poor soldier’s broken arm. The next, screams were erupting everywhere. 

You and the soldier locked eyes, and you did a final bit of healing on his arm before you nodded at each other and darted off. 

The soldier grabbed his gun and went further into the palace, no doubt to find the royal family, and you adjusted the collar of your kefta before you ran out into the fray. 

Nichevo’ya had surrounded everything, attacking anyone they could find, and their shadowy bodies were like a void’s blight on the land. You knew the sight would be forever burned into your mind.

You knew the Darkling was going to march on Os Alta, that he would have to do it directly to use his shadow soldiers, but this was so much earlier, so much worse than you’d expected. Enforcements were meant to come from Poliznaya. You guessed that was off the table. 

You were fine at fighting—alright with a pistol and better with a dagger—but you were a Healer. You spent more time dealing with the aftermaths of battles, more skilled at setting broken bones and mending bullet wounds than inflicting them. 

Times like these were the ones when you normally questioned your decision to not hone your abilities into a Heartrender, but now you would at least be a dead man either way. Nichevo’ya didn’t exactly have hearts to stop and organs to manipulate. 

You had to get to the other Grisha. You had to make sure the Sun Summoner made it through this attack, even if it meant you wouldn’t. 

You broke into a sprint, trying your best to ignore the crippled and broken bodies in the carnage. Your instincts tugged against you, but you knew there was nothing to be done. If you stopped to help a dead man, you would soon join them. 

You nearly battered into a group of people from your speed and lack of attention, and you reeled to the side seconds before a head-on collision. When you looked up, drawing in ragged breaths in the one second of rest you’d gotten, your eyes widened. 

You were face to face with the royal family. The King, the Queen, and Nikolai Lantsov. The absence was glaring. 

“Grisha,” Nikolai breathed, and he grabbed onto your shoulders like a madman as his fingers ran over the embroidery. He might as well have been one, the way wildfire flickered in his eyes. “You’re a Healer? One of Alina’s?”  

You nodded rapidly. “Are you—” 

“I’m getting them to safety on the Kingfisher,” he cut off, “and she wants me to get that old woman as well.”

“Baghra—?”

“You’re a Healer?” the King interrupted harshly. Your heart stuttered—you’d never been directly addressed by the King, but you supposed circumstances like these called for different standards. 

“Yes,” you nodded. “Are you hurt?” 

“My wife,” he said, and your attention turned to the Queen. Genya’s absence had taken a toll on her, and the shards of glass sticking out of her side weren’t doing her pallid frame any favors. 

“Madraya,” Nikolai whispered, his eyes wide, “I didn’t even notice.” 

“Alexander—” her voice was ragged, her entire appearance pallid— “we’ve much bigger concerns.” 

“Nonsense.” The King’s gaze bore into you. “We have time. Heal her.” 

You screwed your eyes shut, your hands closing into fists for a moment before both opened and you nodded. “Keep an eye out, moi tsarevich,” you huffed, and you moved to the Queen’s side. Nikolai’s head perked up for a moment at your words, but it disappeared just as quickly as he adjusted his grip on his pistol. 

“Of course,” he said wryly. “Not that I don’t trust your work, and not that I don’t trust my abilities, but it would be grand if you could do this quickly.” 

“Working as fast as I can,” you muttered, ignoring the noises the Queen made as you pulled the shards of glass out with little care. Your mentors would be rolling in their graves if they could see you. 

“Vasily is dead, by the way,” Nikolai said, attention focused on the nichevo’ya all around. Thankfully, you’d run into each other in a spot relatively hidden from view. Hopefully it extended to shadow creatures. “I know you were wondering.” 

Your hands faltered for a moment, but it was hardly noticeable as you continued to work. He wasn’t wrong. “I’m so sorry.” 

The Queen choked back a sob, and the King’s face betrayed the slightest bit of emotion. 

“An awful way to go,” Nikolai muttered, more to himself than anything. “But fitting that he brought about his own end.” 

His parents said nothing to your surprise, but you stood up from your knees and nodded at the King and Queen. “She’s healed enough. No internal bleeding, at least.” 

“Healed enough?” the King repeated. “That is not—” 

“It’s the best we can hope for,” Nikolai interrupted sharply. “We’ve already wasted too much time out here.” 

He then nodded, grasping your hands with fierce desperation. “The crown thanks you, darling.” You’d never seen him like this—you’d never seen him fear anything. The Darkling and his creations were a good start. “I thank you, truly.” 

“Just doing my duty,” you assured, and you pulled a small container out of the pocket of your kefta, leftover from your work in the infirmary before it all went to hell, and pressed it into his hand. “She should be alright, but I’ve been slightly rushed. Rub this salve on her wounds when you’re out of danger just to be sure.” 

Nikolai nodded again, slipping it into his own pocket. “Keep our Sun Summoner safe,” he said. “Or else this’ll have all been for nothing.” 

You nodded. “With my life.” 

Nikolai’s eyes met yours, and something unsaid passed between you. Then his hands slipped off of yours, and he continued to herd his parents away from the chaos. You muttered a quick prayer to any Saints that would listen for their safety, and then you head off on your own way. 

2. The Pelican 

You thought either the bones in your hands or the wood was going to crack with how tight you were holding onto the side of the ship. Your heart was still hammering away in your chest—the adrenaline from the battle and Nikolai Lantsov’s sudden appearance and being shot at a thousand different times by a thousand different militiamen still had you quite shaken. 

You knew the sort of chaos you were in for when you made the decision to travel with Alina Starkov rather than stay in the White Cathedral, but you think you hated being in the air like this even more than you hated being trapped underground with those zealots. 

Someone called your name, and you turned to see Adrik a while away with wide eyes. You huffed a sigh as you reluctantly let go and hastened your pace to catch up with him. If he was sent to fetch you, then someone needed healing, and you couldn’t exactly hold off on the one thing you were good at. 

Adrik led you over to a corner of the Pelican where a large portion of your group of Grisha were gathered. Tamar was kneeling next to whoever was injured, one hand splayed above their chest, and you took a deep breath as you forced calmness to wash over your mind. 

“What are we dealing with?” you asked Tamar, but it was clear enough when he spoke up. 

“I’m telling you, it’s fine,” he insisted. “Just a flesh wound.” 

“He was shot,” Tamar said dryly, “and he refuses to accept its severity.” 

“So we meet again,” you said placidly. 

Nikolai seemed to perk up when he saw you, any prior frustration absent from his face as he grinned at you and said your name. “If you’re the Healer here, then I guess I’m not so fine.” 

“Am I ever going to be around you when you’re doing important princely things,” you said as you crouched on the other side of him, Tamar continuing to keep his heart rate steady, “or only when you’re injured?” 

“This is a very important princely thing,” Nikolai said. “I’m showing my soon to be subjects that I’m just like them.” 

“You were shot and you thought you were fine?” You let out a loose sigh and shook your head—it wasn’t worth getting into it. “Keep it steady, Tamar.” 

She nodded, and you reached out to begin unbuttoning his outer coat. He wouldn’t stop shifting around, and it made it infinitely harder. 

“Will you sit still?” you snapped. 

“I am,” Nikolai said. 

“You are not,” you asserted, and you undid the final button on his coat after a struggle, “and you are making this much more difficult.” 

“My apologies,” he said. “Usually women that are taking off my clothes aren’t this angry with me.” 

You scowled, only making his smile grow. 

“You do it yourself if you want to be like that,” you said, letting your hands fall back to your side. “I’m sure the rest of your soldiers will listen to a Healer.” 

“Ah, but none of them bravely threw themselves into danger for you,” Nikolai remarked. “I’m sure that earns me a few points.” 

“Points that you’ve immediately lost by being this difficult with me.” You crossed your arms. “And you did not throw yourself into danger for me—you were in the battle and you got shot.” 

“We came to save you all, and you are a part of it,” Nikolai said. “I’d say I definitely threw myself into danger for you.” 

“You’re impossible.” 

He raised his eyebrows. “Will you not even allow a dying man some honor?”

“You are not dying,” you said, “but you will be if you continue talking. Now take off your clothes and stop being so difficult so I can fix this up before you do die.” 

He tutted as he shed his jacket and worked on the rest of his clothing. Princes were apparently fond of multiple layers. “For a Healer, your bedside manner is remarkably poor.”

“Don’t worry,” Nadia piped in, “she’s always been like this.” 

“I have very fond memories of you healing my broken ribs,” Alina said dryly. 

“All of you are still alive,” you said tartly with a glance back at your fellow Grisha, “aren’t you?” 

“I think you made me wish I wasn’t,” Harshaw mused. 

You scowled again and Nikolai laughed. “That bodes very well for me, considering how much I seem to irritate you.” 

“You’re going to be fine,” you grumbled. When you turned back to him, he’d gotten down to his undershirt and unbuttoned it. Blood had spread across the white fabric, but apart from being shot, the wound wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. It’d had the chance to fester for a bit, but with Tamar’s aid it hopefully wouldn’t be a problem.  

You took a deep breath as you placed your hands on his chest—lucky as always, you could sense the bullet missed all his major organs—but Nikolai grimaced before you could even do anything. 

“Are you alright?”

“Your hands are very cold,” he said and you just shook your head. 

“How no one has wrung you by the neck is beyond me.” 

“Many have tried.” He flashed that smile again. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t add your name to the list.” 

You ignored him, taking another deep breath before you closed your eyes. You felt your power within you, the tug you’d grown accustomed to over the years, and you focused it into a single point. 

You slowly worked on healing Nikolai, making sure you went from the inside out to stop any internal bleeding before you carefully wedged the bullet out with your knife. Surprisingly, he managed to keep his mouth shut for the most part. He watched you the entire time though, wholly unyielding, and it was unnerving. 

Nikolai covered up his pain remarkably well, but you still caught the slightest grimace when you practically stuck a dagger inside him.

“Do you always try to injure your patients more when you’re healing them?” he asked innocently. 

“You typically don’t make fun of the person fixing you up,” you said, and you held up the knife, “or the one holding the blade.”

“Surely you could’ve used David to get it out,” Zoya offered lazily. “Better than practically stabbing the King of Ravka.”

“I’m not the king,” Nikolai said. “Not yet, at least.” 

“And I’m not stabbing him.” You held up the bullet with your other hand, then let it fall to the floor. “I just didn’t feel like digging around inside him.” 

Nikolai picked up the bullet, and you frowned in question. He just shrugged. “To hold onto the fond memories of this battle and the kindest, prettiest Healer I’ve ever laid eyes on.” 

Someone snickered behind you, and you turned to see all of them just standing around—Zoya, Harshaw with Oncat perched on his shoulder, Adrik ignoring his sister to watch, even Alina and Mal were still there. At least Tamar had enough sense to stay quiet while she helped you. 

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” you snapped. “It’s hard to focus with you all watching me.”

Alina blinked, seeming to come back to her senses. You almost didn’t blame her—she had so much on her shoulders, it made sense to just want to stand and stare for a minute.

“Right,” she nodded, and she gestured at Zoya and the Squaller siblings as she started walking across the ship, “Adrik, Nadia, I need you all over…”

Alina's words trailed off as she got farther away, and the small crowd dissipated to find duties to carry out without their Sun Summoner to indulge their whims. 

“Thank you for your help, Tamar,” you mumbled. “I can take it from here.” 

She nodded and went off to join the others—the controlled state Nikolai had been in dissolved as she let go of the hold she had on his heart, and the slight daze in his eye went away. 

“Are you always this mean?” Nikolai asked. You turned back to find him with that same unshakable confidence, same lazy smile even in the face of it all. It was no wonder noble and commoner girls alike tripped over themselves when he returned to Ravka. 

It was no wonder Alina fell for his charms despite the tracker by her side—he always knew the right thing to say to make you feel like everything would be okay, and in the midst of Ravka’s endless war, that was a valuable quality indeed.

“I save it for irritating princes,” you remarked. With a final flourish, his wound was sewed up, and Nikolai raised his eyebrows as he touched the newly healed skin.

There was another slight wince, but he still smiled up at you. “Excellent job.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” you said.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to Grisha handiwork,” Nikolai said as he pulled himself up from the side of the ship. “Especially the healing kind.”

“It would do you good not to get used to it,” you said. “You may not be king yet, but Zoya is right. I’d appreciate it if you tried to stay out of my infirmary.”

“Do you not enjoy my company?” he asked. 

“I don’t enjoy bringing Ravka’s only heir back from the brink after every battle,” you corrected. “You’ve got a lot more weight on your shoulders now, moi tsarevich.”

His eyebrows furrowed slightly at your Ravkan. “Say that again.”

You frowned, wondering if you’d heard him correctly. Nikolai continued staring at you, so you sighed. “Moi tsarevich?”

He laughed, and that only soured your mood further. “What are you laughing about?” 

“I recognized it back during the attack but I didn’t fully think about it,” he said. “It comes out the most with your R’s. You’re not Ravkan, are you?”

You paused at his sudden subject change. “You were focusing on my accent when everyone was dying around us?” 

“Answer the question.” 

Your frown deepened. “I am in most senses of the word.”

Nikolai’s eyes narrowed. “You’re Kerch.”

Your lips twitched. “Yes, but I don’t—”

“You still haven’t lost the accent somehow,” he continued. “At least, in how you speak certain Ravkan words. Is it Ketterdam?”

“Don’t you have better things to do than quiz your Healer on her childhood?”

“Perhaps,” Nikolai said, eyes twinkling, “but if you’re really my Healer, as you said yourself, I’m surely allowed to ask as many questions as my heart desires.”

“Your heart desires no more,” you said wryly. “I have other injured to attend to. Call if you find yourself actively dying.”

To his credit, he didn’t try to fight it. Just offered that same smile that weakened knees from the Kaelish to the Shu. “I’ll be sure to ring before I’m dead and buried.”

“Put your clothes back on before you do,” you said.

“Ah, but isn’t this your reward for putting up with the irritating prince?” Nikolai asked with a slight gesture at his chest. “I’d imagine you’d want to keep an eye on your handiwork.”

That sparked a rare smile of your own, and you bowed your head. “Moi tsarevich,” you said before you walked off.

You felt Nikolai’s eyes on you even as you approached an injured First Army soldier, and after the first few preliminary questions you couldn’t help but look back. 

When you did, he was gone. 

3. Monastery of Sankt Demyan

You sat on the Spinning Wheel, off to the corner so you wouldn’t be disturbing anyone, staring at your hands as you tried to ignore the thousands of things bumping around in your mind. You’d been on the run with the Sun Summoner and a smattering of other Grisha for longer than you would have liked, but you had to accept that this was what life would be like until the Darkling was either defeated or destroyed you all. 

It was a damning sort of fate, knowing what awaited you unless the impossible was done. At least it would be quick if the nichevo’ya tore you apart. 

You grimaced. That was one thought that would do you no good—if you’d made it this far, from Os Alta under the Darkling’s control to Os Alta under Lantsov control to the White Cathedral and now to Fjerda of all places, what was one more piece of the puzzle? 

A very big piece of the puzzle, of course, and there was still the intrinsic distrust that some soldiers—and even Alina at moments, flickers of it you could see in her eyes against her will—had towards you. You, like the rest of the Grisha here that hailed from the Second Army, served the Darkling until you’d switched sides. You wanted nothing more than to see the Darkling to his grave, for Ravka to be restored and for all of this to be over. 

But you had switched sides in the first place, and you knew enough from the looks of those soldiers—they still believed that if you could betray the Darkling, you could always still betray the Sun Summoner if given enough cause. 

You didn’t try to dissuade their views through words; it wouldn’t do any good. You just hoped the long hours you spent holed up in the infirmary healing the injured would. You missed Maxim if only so you wouldn’t have to do it all alone. 

“Vlachka for your thoughts?” 

You looked up, surprised to see Nikolai Lantsov of all people. You hadn’t held a true conversation with him since you healed him after his bullet wound. He’d been busy with princely things like banishing his parents and saving Genya’s livelihood. 

You were thankful for that, at least. She’d suffered too much at the hands of the Darkling and the King. 

“You’d need a lot more than that,” you said. 

He smiled. “I’ve got quite a bit. Have you seen this place?” 

You chuckled and shrugged. “Just thinking. About our next move, about the Darkling, about what will be after this.” 

“You certainly aren’t the only one,” Nikolai said. “Lately it seems to be all anyone can think about.”

“I’m sure you’d much rather have them thinking of you,” you said wryly. 

“Oh, there’s plenty of that going on as well.” Nikolai smiled. “An even balance, I’d say.”

You chuckled again. “What brings you here, Nikolai?” 

He shrugged. “I wanted to get to know my Healer.” 

You huffed a sigh and looked away. “Why do you call me that?” 

He was awfully good at feigning innocence. “Call you what?” 

“My Healer,” you repeated. “Your Healer. I don’t understand it.” 

“I like the sound of it,” he said. “I’ll stop if you don’t like it.” 

You felt your cheeks heat and you felt his eyes on you. “It’s not that. It’s just—” 

“Because I can,” he continued. “Would you prefer lapushka? Milaya? Perhaps babya.”

You scowled as you turned back to him, and you hit him lightly on the shoulder. “You should stick to the seas and the throne, moi tsarevich. Comedy is not your strong suit.” 

“I like it when you call me that,” he mused. “I like your accent, your voice.” He sat down next to you, mildly unexpected, and you hoped you did better at hiding your surprise than it felt. “There’s something soothing about it.” 

“I am from Ketterdam,” you said after a moment. “You guessed right. Born and raised. When my abilities started showing, my parents put me on a ship to Ravka with a map, some vlachki, and the clothes on my back. I made my way to the Little Palace, pleaded my case to the Darkling, and I haven’t seen them since.”

Nikolai was silent, and you fully turned to look at him. “You wanted to know more about me. That’s who I am. A girl from Ketterdam in over her head.”

“Give yourself some credit,” Nikolai said. “You’re a woman from Ketterdam in over your head.” 

You huffed a laugh, and Nikolai’s expression softened a bit. “Why did they send you away? If that’s alright to ask, of course.” 

You shrugged. “Being a young girl in the Barrel is bad enough. If anyone figured out I was Grisha, I would either be dead in the streets, indentured before I could blink, or worse.”  

“They thought it would be safer in Ravka,” he guessed. “In the Second Army.” 

You nodded. “They couldn’t have known any of this would happen,” you said dryly. 

“Do you miss your parents?” he asked. 

“Every day,” you said quietly. “We sent letters when we could, but it was never enough. And those stopped after Alina left the Little Palace, obviously.” 

You didn’t need to recount the months of the Darkling’s madness as he searched for his Sun Summoner. Nikolai might have been Sturmhond at the time, but you didn’t doubt that he had contacts in the Little Palace. You didn’t exactly want to remember it either. 

“How about this?” Nikolai adjusted his position so he could look right at you, those smart hazel eyes enough to get lost in. You forced yourself not to. “On the slim chance that we make it through these next few weeks, when the dust has settled and I’m officially King, I’ll charter a ship for you back to Ketterdam.” 

Your head whirled back to look at him, eyes widening. There was no sign in his eyes of a false promise, only that soft smile, charming as ever. You had the sudden, misplaced urge to wind your fingers into those blonde curls and kiss him. 

“You’d do that for me?” 

He nodded. “Of course. Only the best for my Healer, right?” 

That got a laugh out of you, but the heat rose to your cheeks all the same. “That would be incredible, Nikolai. Thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

He looked—gazed— at you for a touch longer than usual before he spoke again. 

“There’s going to be a meteor shower later tonight,” Nikolai said. “One of my crew figured it out—he’s very fond of the sky, and he told me it would be… quite the sight.” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. Was he—

“I’d like to watch it with you,” Nikolai continued. “Of course, I have to put on a display with Alina, but after that,” he looked over at you, hazel eyes gleaming, “I’d like to spend the night with you.” 

It took a moment for your brain to fully process his words. “Moi tsarevich, are… you asking me on a— a date?” 

“Just Nikolai, please,” he said with a grin. “And yes, I am.” 

It seemed so trivial in the scheme of things. You were leading an impossible battle against the Darkling, and as a traitor to his throne, you would end up dead or worse if he caught you. The near entirety of the Second Army was dead, friends you’d grown up and honed your power alongside with ripped apart by nichevo’ya. Your chances for victory relied on the firebird, and no one knew a damn thing about it. 

It was trivial. It was frankly ridiculous, for the prince— the King of Ravka—to be asking you on a date, especially when it was imperative for him to present a certain image with Alina. 

But for all the triviality and ridiculousness and idiocy, you found that you’d never wanted to accept something so badly. 

So you did. You nodded, smiled, brighter than usual. Nikolai seemed to have that effect on you. 

“I’d love to.” 

“Wonderful.” Somehow, impossibly, his grin grew bigger. Nikolai took your hand and pressed a delicate kiss to it before he stood back up—you’d never been so thankful for his confidence, because you found yourself at a loss for words. “I’ll see you tonight, darling. Try not to get into too much trouble without me.” 

You nodded again, and you knew you looked like a dazed idiot. The better half of a decade spent training as a Grisha and all it took was a kiss to your hand for your brain to stop working. You really had been at war for far too long. 

Nikolai could tell every thought—or lack thereof—in your head by the overly pleased expression he wore as he walked away, and your entire face burned as you bit back your smile. 

He knew exactly what he did to you. 

4. The Bittern 

Sergei sold you out. 

That son of bitch had betrayed you all to the Darkling the first chance he got, and he’d been rewarded with a quicker death than any of you would get. 

You’d been left fighting for your lives against the Darkling’s oprichniki, Grisha, and nichevo’ya alike, and as usual, you were hopelessly outnumbered. You knelt over Adrik as Zoya, Nadia, Harshaw, and David kept the crowd of enemies back, doing your damnedest to keep him from bleeding out from his nichevo’ya bite. 

His arm hung at a bizarre angle, and you didn’t know how you would tell him and his sister you didn’t think you could save it. You were sure Genya’s whispered words were the only thing keeping him even slightly calm.

By the time the Bittern was in the air, precarious but afloat, you were about ready to collapse. It had all been too damn much, with the Darkling and Baghra and Nevsky, and now the poor schoolboy lying beneath you with an arm you couldn’t save. 

“He’ll be okay,” you murmured to nobody but yourself, wiping beads of sweat from your forehead as you laid against the side of the ship. As okay as any boy who lost his arm to a shadow monster and went through what he just did. 

Thank the Saints for Tolya keeping both Adrik’s and your heart steady during that ordeal, because you were sure your panic would have won over. 

Everyone in your motley crew was injured in some way or another, and you were the only Healer. Soon you were back on your feet, pushing the horrors of the night out of your mind as you mended lacerations and fixed up bullet wounds. 

Every so often, your eyes would drift over to Adrik. You’d healed him the best you could, but it wasn’t enough. 

And then your mind went to Nikolai. 

Nikolai. 

In the chaos of the battle and the subsequent healing haze, you hadn’t even realized he wasn’t with your group. The Pelican had taken off before you all got to the Bittern, but Nikolai wouldn’t have left Alina on her own after all he’d done to ensure her safety. 

You were almost too scared to ask, but you did anyway. 

“Alina,” you asked, slightly surprised at the sound of your voice in the silence of the night, “where’s Nikolai?” 

Her eyes were unfocused, arms crossed around her midsection for warmth despite the light that glowed beneath her skin. “The Darkling,” she murmured. 

“Wh— what did he do to him?” you continued. “What in the Saints’ name happened to him, Alina?” 

“He ruined him,” she whispered. “He turned him into a monster.” The look on Alina’s face broke you into even smaller pieces. “He turned him into a monster all because Nikolai dared to stand against him. He’s gone.” 

Your grip tightened on the side of the ship as she explained what she had to watch, and your knees threatened to buckle. 

Maybe it was stupid, but you hadn’t even realized you cared this much about the prince. The king, you had to keep reminding yourself. But the thought of him hurt—a hurt that you couldn’t heal—it tore your heart to shreds. 

Only last night you were laying on a blanket next to him, staring up at the meteor shower through the glass dome. He’d never looked more beautiful than he did then, with the streaks of light illuminating his handsome features and those hazel eyes you’d grown to appreciate. 

Few words had passed between the two of you, but once Nikolai had taken your hand in his, neither of you let go for the remainder of the night. That urge to kiss him came back in spades, but you never acted on it. 

Saints, you wished you had. 

“Do you think you can heal him?” Your voice sounded oddly foreign, but you didn’t even feel like you were in your body. Like you were watching it all happen from above, because this couldn’t have been happening. Not to Nikolai— to your Nikolai. 

You were his Healer, and he was your Nikolai. That was how it was supposed to be. 

“I don’t know,” Alina admitted, her tone strained. “My light might be able to help, but… but whenever I’ve used it against the nichevo’ya, against the volcra, I— it kills them.” 

Her voice broke on the last few words, and you wanted to hug her. Alina didn’t love him, you knew that much, but anyone could tell she’d grown close to Nikolai over the months. She was hurting just as much as you. 

You didn’t. You found that you couldn’t do much but stare into the night sky.

He was all alone. Forced into a monster, and now he was all alone. 

It felt like ages before the Bittern finally landed, everyone’s teeth stained rust-orange and bones run deep with exhaustion. Everyone was still alive when you woke up the next morning, and after another check-up on Adrik, you went off into the woods under the guise of searching for kindling. 

Really, you needed some time to yourself. After what had happened—Sergei’s betrayal, losing even more Grisha when you had little to start with, Baghra’s sacrifice, Adrik and his arm, and— and Nikolai—

It was too much. It was just too damn much. 

You’d never gotten close like this to anyone before, never moved further than some useless flirtations and a few stolen kisses with various Grisha when you were bored back at the Little Palace, and when you finally did, with the damned future King of Ravka, this is what happened. 

Guilt tore away at you as you plodded through the woods, and you let the tears you’d been holding back all night fall. You wished you’d been there for him. You wished you’d kissed him. You wished you were strong enough to take the Darkling down on your own for what he’d done. 

The hairs stood up on the back of your neck, and you heard the rustling of branches. You whirled around to the source of the sound, taking a few steps to peer through the trees, and that was when you saw it. 

Your eyes widened and your heart cracked all at once. 

“Nikolai,” you whispered. 

You’d have recognized him anywhere. Despite the shadowy veins splintering across his chest, the wings furled behind his back, claws and fangs in place of fingers and teeth—he was still your Nikolai. His blonde curls remained, his sharp cheekbones and strong jaw, even his clever eyes—even if they were black instead of hazel. 

The smear of blood around his mouth was a sharp contrast to it all. You wondered what—or who—had become his unlucky victim when he could no longer control his hunger. 

Nikolai didn’t move as you stepped closer. His dark gaze was unreadable and you wanted to sob for what the Darkling had done to him. 

“It’s me.” You continued to speak softly as you moved closer, saying your name in hopes of even a spark of recognition. “Your Healer.” 

His eyes followed your movements, his gaze falling down to your hands. He pointed at them with a clawed talon.

You held them up. “My hands?” 

You realized the blood around his mouth wasn’t the only bit of it on his body as your eyes trailed across his bare chest. There were cuts all across his arms and chest, most small but some deeper. He pointed at a thin scar near his abdomen, the only sign of the bullet wound you’d stitched up. 

He wanted you to heal him. He knew who you were. 

This time, a small sob escaped you, and your hand flew up almost on instinct to cover it. You brushed the tears brimming in your eyes as you moved closer to him, and you gently placed your hand on his arm. You felt his limb stiffen for a moment before they relaxed, and you couldn’t help your small smile. Your Nikolai was still there. 

The thin cut vanished as you healed it, and you continued to do the same for the myriad of other injuries on his body. You felt his gaze on you the entire time, and some part of it was comforting. Nikolai was still there—his humanity was still there. This was the least you could do to make him feel the part. 

Once you’d healed up the last of his wounds, you felt the glow of Grisha power inside of you. Nikolai grabbed onto your hand the moment you’d finished, and you looked up into his dark eyes as your fingers clasped around his talons.

“We’ll figure this out, Nikolai,” you whispered. “I promise.”

The corner of his lips curled up ever so slightly, the barest sign of the old smile you’d grown to love.

And then he let go of your hand, and he shot up into the air. It took only seconds for him to disappear, but your gaze remained stuck in place. 

All you could think of was Nikolai’s dark eyes and the shattered shadows beneath his skin, the feel of his taloned hand in yours.  

You would find a way to bring him back. You knew that much. 

5. The Shadow Fold 

“For Saint’s sake— catch him, Zoya!” 

“You screeching at me isn’t helping,” she snarled, her hands held out above her as she summoned wind to break Nikolai’s fall. 

It was almost laughable, how Alina ended it all with a bit of stabbing. First Mal, then the Darkling—now Soldat Sol and oprichniki alike were glowing like human lamps around the Fold. The nichevo’ya dissolved with the Darkling’s power, the same thing that created Nikolai’s monster—you screamed in general when you first saw him falling, and then you screamed at Zoya. It was a credit to her growth that she didn’t slap you first. 

Thankfully, the updraft did its job, and he only landed in the sand at concerning speeds rather than very concerning. 

You ran for him without thinking, not even feeling the jolt in your ankles as you lept from the skiff onto the sands. You no longer had to fear the Fold—the various Sun Soldiers that had gotten Alina’s powers had done away with the remainder in no time—and even if you did, you would brave a thousand volcra for Nikolai. 

He looked so small, so vulnerable laying there in the sand, only clad in torn pants and a myriad of bruises. The last of the shadows receded when you finally reached him, and you didn’t try to stop the tears as they flowed freely down your cheeks. 

“Nikolai,” you whispered, falling to your knees in the sand next to him, “Nikolai, can you hear me?” 

You cradled his head in your hands, tears splattering in the sand around you, and then his eyes opened. 

His beautiful hazel eyes opened and looked right at you, his lips tugging into a smirk as he said your name. 

“Would you say this is an important princely thing?” His voice was husky, damaged from whatever dark thing that had taken a hold of him, but the usual lilt was there. “Or just another injury?” 

You broke into full on sobs, unabashedly and unashamed as you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him into a hug. You felt his arms around you as well, and he rubbed circles on your back. 

“I had time to think,” Nikolai murmured, “and I think I’ll settle on lapushka.” 

Darling. 

You couldn’t help but laugh, and you moved away from him just so you could look at him, gaze at him, never forget his beautiful features. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” 

“I knew I would be,” he said, his eyes twinkling. “I had you looking out for me.” 

“Stop,” you said, your voice watery. “I can’t keep crying in front of you.” 

“I think you’ve more than earned it, lapushka.” 

You laughed again as you shook your head. “How do you feel? Can you still move all your limbs?” 

Nikolai took his hand in yours, fingers intertwining with yours. His gaze didn’t move from you. “Limbs are fine.” 

You let your smile shine unabashed as you squeezed his hand, thankful for the lack of talons. “Can you sit up?” 

Nikolai visibly winced at the effort, but he managed with your help. “My chest hurts quite a bit.” 

“You’ve definitely broken some ribs,” you murmured, “but it’s nothing I can’t fix up.” 

“There’s nothing you can’t fix,” Nikolai said. 

“Careful with all the praise. I might get used to it.” 

“Good.” 

You glanced over to see Tolya and Zoya moving across the sand towards you and you looked back at Nikolai. 

“We’re going to get you back on the skiff, Nikolai,” you said. “I’ll get you healed up and then we’ll get you some clothes. Alright?” 

“I told you,” Nikolai said, “this is your reward for putting up with the irritating prince.” 

“That was for the prince,” you said, running a hand through his blonde curls to untangle them. “My reward for putting up with irritating kings is to make sure they’re clothed and healed.” 

His smile shone brighter than anything Alina could conjure up. 

The Darkling’s Skiff 

You ended up below deck with Nikolai, Tolya, an unconscious Alina and Mal, and the Darkling’s body. It normally wouldn’t have been a cheery atmosphere, but you were just thankful to be alive after all you’d done. Thankful that Nikolai was alive and himself and that the Darkling was dead. 

A First Army uniform was folded next to Nikolai’s makeshift cot where you sat next to him, and Tolya’s companionable silence was appreciated as he stayed by Alina and Mal to ensure they stayed alive. 

“You broke a few ribs in your fall,” you murmured, your hands placed on his chest, “but overall, I’d say you made out pretty well.” 

“Yes,” Nikolai said wryly, looking at his hands. Faint black lines ran across each of his fingers, where claws had torn through his skin. Though the other shadowy marks had faded, these appeared to be permanent. “Pretty well.” 

“You know what I mean, Nikolai.” You moved your hand over his ribs and focused your power—by the slight grimace on his face, the itch that came along with Grisha healing, you knew they were mending back together. “You’re still alive. You’re you again. That means everything.” 

“And your hands are still freakishly cold,” he mused. You smiled. 

A moment passed before he spoke again. 

“You know,” Nikolai said, and you felt his eyes on you again, “I remember everything. Everything that I did when I was that… that thing.” 

Your throat bobbed, but you nodded, encouraging him on. 

“I went to you,” he said, “and… you helped me. You weren’t afraid—you understood what I meant, and you healed me.” 

“Of course I did,” you said softly. A smile tugged at your lips. “I am your Healer, after all.” 

Nikolai placed his hand over one of yours, and your power wavered for a moment as your heart stuttered. 

“One of your ribs is still broken, Nikolai,” you said. “I have to—” 

“I love you,” he interrupted. Your eyes snapped to him, and you thought you misheard him. 

“What?” 

“I love you,” he repeated, as if it came as easily to him as breathing. “Forgive me for the lack of ballads and sonnets on how to express it—I plan to remedy that as soon as we’re back in Os Alta. But I love you, and it’s the one thing I’m sure of at this moment.” 

You continued to stare at him, as if you’d suddenly forgotten how to speak. Nikolai was no Corporalnik, but you were sure he could hear how loudly your heart was beating. 

“It’s alright if you don’t feel the same,” Nikolai said, “or if you’re not ready. I’m a very patient man.” 

It was like your limbs had suddenly regained the ability to move, because something clicked in your mind. You took his face in your hands and you kissed him with a brazen fierceness you didn’t even know you had. 

For a man with two bruised ribs and one broken one, he kissed you back with the same intensity, if not more. You poured all your fear, all your anxiety, all your worries about him into the kiss, reveling in the warmth of his lips and his hands and—

Tolya cleared his throat. “We’re nearly out of the Fold.” 

You pulled away as quickly as it had started, Nikolai looking very pleased with himself as you fixed the collar of your kefta and looked over at him with eyes that were surely more pupil than iris. 

“Thank you, Tolya,” you said, and you cleared your throat as well. Good of him to ignore the two of you. Embarrassing of you to nearly forget about your surroundings when you looked at Nikolai. 

“Yes,” Nikolai said, mirth in his voice, “thank you, Tolya.”

You rolled your eyes as you turned back to him, your lips still burning from his kiss, and you settled your hands back on Nikolai’s chest. 

“No more interruptions,” you said. “I’ve got to get you healed and dressed before we’re off the sand.” 

His eyes twinkled. “Whatever you say, lapushka.” 

You had no idea what was next. The Sun Summoner died on the Fold, the Darkling’s reign of terror was finally over, and Nikolai was to be King. You didn’t know where you would fit in, though you were sure he would find a place. 

But you loved Nikolai, and by the Saints, Nikolai loved you. 

And for now, that was more than enough. 

[ellewritesalright]

Nine Long Years - Part 7

Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld!reader, Kaz Brekker x sister!Rietveld!reader (platonic)

Part 6 --- Masterlist

Synopsis: After watching your brothers die, you found yourself working on the Volkvolny. In the many years since then, you somehow became the queen of Ravka while your brother somehow survived firepox and life in the Barrel, rising through its ranks. In disguise during a diplomatic trip with your husband Nikolai, you meet Kaz Brekker for what you think is the first time, only to find out that he is your long-thought-dead little brother.

Author's Note: Well... long time no see. I'm happy to finally share this part. it's been several months in the works since I have been very busy with college. So thank you to all who have stuck around. This part takes place around the start of the Ruin and Rising book, and is a fair bit shorter than the last few parts have been (btw I can't believe I've written over 40k words for this series) but I hope you all like it. I went a bit easier with the angst than I expected by giving these two a slight break

Warnings: mentions of death, angst and fluff, mentions of sickness, injury, panic attacks, firepox. If I'm missing something pls lmk

Word Count: 3,570

……….

SIXTH YEAR

Genya's handiwork stung. Though she was fixing your injuries, the nature of her Corporalki abilities was that she had to undo your injuries in a similar process as their infliction. You tried not to complain as she treated your fractured and cut shoulder, but you were still swallowing back a scream. Tamar ran a soothing hand along your head as she and Tolya held you down.

"Hold still for me." You could vaguely hear Genya say.

You gave a slight nod, all you could manage at the moment. The pain was excruciating. There was fire all along your shoulder blade and up and over to the corner of your collarbone where the Darlking's nichevo'ya had clawed at you. Like sticking a red hot iron to flesh. You were biting down so hard on the handle of Tamar's axe that you thought you might break a tooth. The Tailor's hands hovered over your shoulder and your body jolted but Tolya tightened his grip.

Everything was dark. It never occurred to you how musty and dank an underground tunnel system would be. You'd never considered a place like this could even exist. But here you were, below ground, in the darkest, dankest little "room" you'd ever been in. And no amount of candles or incense trays staved your new fear of the dark.

When you closed your eyes, you could see Nikolai. The way his eyes frantically found yours across the room. How he screamed when his brother was torn apart by the Darkling's shadow creatures. The silent nod of understanding as you guarded Alina while he helped his parents escape.

You wondered where he was now. With any luck, Nikolai escaped on the Kingfisher. He was safe and sound and able to fight the war while Alina and the rest of you were all underground. He had to be safe. Saints above and below, by the grace of Ghezen, and on the holiness of even the Fjerdan god, he had to be safe.

Because if he wasn't, you simply wouldn't know what to do. 

You felt the pain end, and you glanced back at the trio of corporalki behind you.

"There," Genya spoke softly, easing her hands away from your shoulder. "This is about all I can do. The scarring doesn't go away completely."

Her eyes dropped in shame, one of the scars on her cheek pulling as she frowned slightly. Tamar and Tolya had released you, and you sat up. You gently took Genya's hand, giving her a grateful smile.

"You've healed me to full strength, and that's all that matters," you said kindly. "Thank you."

She smiled back at you.

……….

Time blurred together underground. You were still guarding Alina, and you'd constantly accompany her through the elaborate tunnels. You didn't trust the Apparat running this little underground cult. He had come to Alina's aid, that was true enough. But there was no doubt in your mind that the snivelly, power-hungry little man had some ulterior motive. Nikolai had told you about him many years ago while at sea.

"The religious counsel to my father is a weasel of a fellow. That man would bite the head off a live snake if it meant he would gain control of a single chapel, let alone the whole of Ravka," Nikolai said of the Apparat. 

You could only hope Alina wasn't the snake in this case.

You worried for your sun summoner. It was no wonder that you all looked worn after your fight with the Darkling, but most of you had healed up despite your weariness. Yet Alina didn't seem to recover. She had lost use of her summoning in the past few months. It was difficult to say if that was because you were so far away from the sun, or because of the strain from her last fight with the Darkling; either way, you'd never seen her look so pale and sickly. 

"It doesn't seem like anything helps her," Mal worriedly whispered to you one evening as you two ate off to the side of the usual huddle your group maintained. "Not water, or food, or any sort of activity."

"She probably just needs sun," you said, trying to ease his mind. "Once we figure out how to escape this place, we'll get her above ground and she'll be better."

"What if that's not all? When she fought the Darkling--"

"Don't think on it, Oretsev." You cut him off. "That's no way to be, with your worrying. We'll get her out, and she'll get better. That's it."

Mal let out a long sigh and went back to eating.

Your words had carried conviction. You had no idea how your group would escape, but you didn't mention that. It was all you could do to lift your friends' spirits, even though you were as unsettled as you'd felt since you were a girl in a Ketterdam harbour.

In the evenings, you roomed with Tamar and Tolya. Often sleeping between them, their breathing--and Tolya's snoring--reminded you that you were alive and somehow safe, no matter how temporary.

But even so, the dank underground smelled like death. It was like you were back on the cobbles of Ketterdam, seeing your brothers in every corner of every dark cavern in this place. They haunted you, even here. And, with no one to distract you from them, no one to hold you and reassure you that you weren't at fault for their sickness, their ghosts dogged you all hours of the day.

There were a few children underground, and sometimes when they'd cry you could just feel the sobs your baby brother cried against your shoulder when Da had passed away. You could taste the sick you emptied into the harbour after you lost your brothers. 

It occurred to you that maybe this was your lot in life; maybe you were just meant to be haunted. You were plagued, for lack of a better word.

You couldn't count how many times a day your mind strayed to Nikolai. Worries or memories would surface, and you were unable to stave them just as you couldn't stave thoughts of your family. Truthfully, you didn't want to keep them at bay anymore. If you could die tomorrow and join your brothers, you would rather die with Nikolai in your thoughts than with nothing but fear and grief dogging your brain.

The anger you'd harboured for Nikolai had vanished. Your grudge seemed so insignificant now that you were separated like this. Everything seemed insignificant when you were trapped in a tomb.

At night the only reprieve you had from all the ghosts was when you'd finally fall asleep, your fingers clutching Nikolai's ring on the chain around your neck. 

……….

When you and your friends finally surfaced again, it was a mad dash escape from that weasel and his cult. 

You were running through some forest with them. You had no idea where you surfaced, all you knew was that it wasn't just the Aparat's cult after you, but a sect of Vasily's old Grisha-hating First Army. The soldiers were hot on your tails as you dashed through the trees. Tolya and Tamar were on your right, Genya was to your left, and Alina and Mal were slightly ahead of you. Shots were being fired behind you, and you weaved and ducked to avoid bullets as you ran aimlessly. Some of the Grisha you were travelling with used their skills to take on those in pursuit of you, but there were too many of them. 

Just when it felt as though you would never make it out of this forest and away from the soldiers, you heard a familiar shouting of command. Repeat revolvers starting gunning from above, and you grabbed Genya and ducked to the side as the Kingfisher flew overhead, taking out your remaining foes. 

It was all a blur as the flying ship landed. Your mind was whirring as Genya helped you to your feet, guiding you to the ship. You watched the others climb aboard, then you took your turn as well. As you clutched the wooden rails, you remembered the last time you'd been on this vessel, how you fell asleep below deck, curled up against Nikolai.

Nikolai.

As soon as he reentered your mind, your head was whipping around to catch sight of him, for surely he was here. It didn't take you long to hone in on him. He was speaking with Mal, grim expressions on both of their faces. Alina was there too, guzzling down a water flask; she looked automatically healthier now that she was out of the dirt and into the sun, but still not at full strength. Your eyes went to Nikolai again, and he seemed to be glancing around as well. When his eyes locked on yours, you swore you almost started to cry. The tension in his brow loosened, his strong shoulders relaxing for a second before he quickly excused himself from Mal and Alina. He strode directly over to you, bracing you in a hug. You clutched him back, face bundled in his chest as he gripped you so tightly.

There was a long moment in his arms as you embraced, but you both needed it. You'd gone months without knowing if each other were alive, much less alright.

"Thank every Saint that ever was," Nikolai chuckled in relief as he held you. He leaned back, bracing your arms. He noticed the rip in your jacket where the nichevo’ya had cut up your shoulder in the chapel. While the cult was able to provide a new shirt and trousers for you, there'd been no replacement jacket for you underground. "That's no good. Here." 

He shed his military coat and slung it over you. He dusted off the sleeves as you just stood there watching him. You'd almost forgotten how warm his hazel eyes were.

"Are you alright?" He whispered, his hands still holding to your forearms almost as if reminding himself that you were really there in front of him.

There was no way to tell him about your time underground, about the scar on your shoulder and the feeling that maybe your whole life was just haunted. It took everything in you to reply with hope.

"Better now," you whispered back, nodding softly.

He smiled regretfully at you. You knew him well enough to know that he had something to say, but you weren't going to pressure it out of him. The last time you'd seen him you were still upset with him over his engagement–something that felt inconsequential now. Months away from him had turned your anger to dust, and now you just wanted to wipe clean and move on as best as you could--with or without him.

Nikolai looked at you for a moment, then hugged you again. He whispered something in Kerch, an old saying that you could remember your Ma and Da saying to one another when you were younger and your world was a farm and a family that was whole.

"My soul knows no richer than yours," he muttered into your ear, speaking your native tongue in his pretty lilt.

You teared up slightly. Your hand made a weak fist against his chest as you replied in Kerch. "You're infuriating."

"I know." 

He cupped your cheek, and you leaned into his palm, staring at his soft hazel eyes.

"Go below deck, and I'll join you in a moment, alright?" He whispered kindly.

You nodded and made your way below. It took Nikolai longer than expected to join. There were others below deck, a few injured Grisha and Nikolai's First Army soldiers being tended to. You watched bones being reset, blood being transferred, and breathing assisted. You flinched as one of the soldiers coughed up blood, making a hauntingly familiar noise. Just as you looked away for fear of nausea, a hand grabbed yours. Nikolai had sat down beside you, and he gave your hand a comforting squeeze.

He let you lean into his side as the two of you sat there in silence.

……….

The Kingfisher flew for nearly a half hour more, but Nikolai stayed with you below deck until they had to dock the flying ship. When you arrived at the Spinning Wheel, there were lots of Grisha-friendly First Army there to greet everyone. The rescued were all led to different rooms, and as someone approached you to get you settled, Nikolai murmured something to them. They nodded and helped you through the winding hallways. You were given a bedroom with an adjoining bathroom, and you wondered what you'd done to earn a private space like this. Surely many people at the Spinning Wheel had to share rooms. 

Once you were alone, you shed your dank, dirt-covered cult clothes and discarded them in the bedroom while you ran a bath for yourself. 

As you sank into the warm water you let your mind settle. It felt odd to feel safe again. After your time below ground, you didn’t know when you’d feel this way again, but you were grateful it was now.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door, and you heard Nikolai's voice.

“I took your clothes to the washers and brought you clean trousers and a shirt. I'll leave them just outside the door here for when you're finished your bath," he said kindly.

"Thank you," you called out, your voice slightly unsteady. 

The thought of Nikolai on the other side of the door made your heart race. There was something about the moment that felt distinctly like your first trip to West Ravka back when you began to know him more as Nikolai than Sturmhond. The separation by only a door felt as excruciating as it used to feel watching him get into bed beside you without being able to reach for him. Prudence and politeness governed you both so strictly back them, and it had taken reign once again.

You shut your eyes and tried to relax some more in the bath, but your peace had shattered at the thought of Nikolai being so near yet so out of your reach.

You huffed to yourself as you got out of the bath and dried off. You took the clothes Nikolai had left for you and dressed yourself. The layers of soft white linen were slightly thin, but certainly not unappreciated. After months in the same clothes that you were rarely allowed to wash, you were overdue for something clean and fresh. 

Without realizing it, your feet carried you to your bedroom door. It wasn't as though you knew where anything was in this place, but you twisted the knob and stepped into the hallway anyways. You made it two steps before you realized he was there, leaning against the wall beside your door.

"Hi," he said, blushing slightly.

You nodded at him. "Hi."

"Can we talk?" He asked, his eyes earnest.

You nodded again, stepping back into your room and letting him follow.

There were no other chairs or seating in the room, so you sat on the edge of your bed.

Nikolai sat a respectable distance beside you. "I wanted to tell you that--what's this?" 

His eyes were on your shirt's wide collar, where the edge of your shoulder scar peeked out. You hooked a finger into your collar, pulling it to show a bit more of the scar as you angled your back to him too.

"Oh… it's from the nichevo’ya. One just barely nicked my shoulder as we first escaped into the tunnels." You felt a slight sting as he gently grazed his thumb along it. You relished his touch and the reminder that he was alive and with you so much so that you didn't even mind the sting. "Genya says it's permanent."

"I should have been there," he murmured.

You shook your head, turning back to look at him. "No, I'm glad you weren't. You needed to be above ground."

"I should have been with you." His eyes had that earnest look crossed with slight guilt.

"You had to get your parents to safety and rally what was left of the First Army, Nikolai."

"I wanted to be with you." He said as he held your hand, interlocking your fingers. "You're the woman I love, and I thought of you every second of every day I wasn't with you. Saints, I need you more than I need air."

You leaned closer to him, pressing your forehead against his collarbone. It wasn't meant in any romantic way, more just as a silent way to express that you loved him too, that you cared deeply for him. He brought his one arm around your shoulder as the other still held your hand.

"That's why I'm not going through with it," he said, and you could feel the rumble of his words against your head.

"With what?" You whispered.

"The engagement with Alina."

You leaned back slightly to look in his eyes. "What?"

He thumbed along your cheek. "Once the war is won, Alina and I will not be getting married. She and I have spoken already."

"But what about the unification of Ravka and the first and second army?"

"That can happen some other way." He looked deeply into your eyes. "But once we've won this war, I only want one thing."

You sighed and gave him a sad smile. "Niko–"

"Will you marry me?"

Your breath caught in your chest.

There was a time you thought he would ask you this, before you landed in Ravka more permanently, before you got launched into this war against the Darkling. But you knew he still had his ambitions.

"Is it because your brother's dead? Because you're guaranteed to be king now?" You asked.

He sighed and shook his head. It was hard to tell if he'd expected any apprehension from you. "It's because I love you. More than anything else I could ever think of. When I first arrived at the Spinning Wheel, everyone else whined about the cold of the mountains or the fact that they missed tea service and their evening kvas, but all I missed was you." He gently squeezed your hand. "Every day I spent not knowing if you were safe, if you were alive… I could barely sleep, barely eat… You're all I could ever want."

The look in his eyes was reminiscent of his soft yet resolute stare when he’d placed that crown on your head. It felt like a lifetime ago that he whispered honey in your ears and you listened without a shred of apprehension. But right now this wasn’t honey. This was raw. This was real. This was Nikolai in a state of total resolve. And you knew you wouldn’t be made a fool if you accepted him.

"I am all you want?" you whispered in response, your lips curling upwards slightly.

"You are. I want to spend my life with you," he smiled. "Will you marry me?"

“Yes." You nodded, a full smile forming on your lips. “I'll marry you. Of course I will.”

Nikolai broke into a grin. He cupped your cheeks and kept grinning at you, his eyes locked with yours. “Saints, I love you more than anything.” He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead, then dipped down to capture your lips.

It was the first you’d kissed him in months and months. Truly, you hadn’t felt his lips on yours since before you’d crossed the fold. It ignited a forgotten hunger in you, and you kissed him back with a deep longing.

“I missed you,” he murmured as you pulled back for a moment. You noticed tears in his eyes. “I was so stupid, and I’m sorry for how I treated you. I never should have proposed to Alina, or made you feel like I only wanted you in secret. I want you, I’m proud to want you, and I never want my love for you to be a secret. I want you as my queen–my truest companion, as you have always been. I just… I want you.”

You kissed him again, wrapping your arms around him. You leaned so far against him that he rested his back against the headboard, bringing you with him. You missed the closeness with him, the intimacy of being pressed into his body as you kissed. Your fingers threaded into his golden hair as you sighed into his soft lips.

“Do you forgive me?” He whispered and you took in a breath.

Your fingers idly traced the skin right above his shirt collar. “I’ll forgive you once you get me a ring and make it official.”

“I gave you a ring years ago, my dear.” His finger went to the chain around your neck, and he pulled it loose from under your shirt, making his old silver ring dangle between you. “One could argue that we’ve been engaged all this time.”

“Then one could also argue that you were most definitely cheating on your fiance when you proposed to someone else,” you smirked at him.

“Ouch. I deserved that,” he chuckled.

He cupped your face again, his palms warm against your skin.

“I’ll get you a new ring. Something regal and fit for the most beautiful queen Ravka will ever know, moi tsaritsa.”

You smiled and leaned down to kiss him again. “Good.”

..........

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment on this new part--I really appreciate the feedback! If you want to be tagged in this series or to be added to the Nikolai taglist please comment on this part or send me an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Masterlist

Taglist: I will reblog this part with the tags because there's too many of you to tag and tumblr won't let me do it all at once :)

[mmgwritings]

UNKNOWN / NTH

Characters: Kaz Brekker / Sun Summoner ! Reader

Prompt: when alina starkov fails to destroy the fold, kaz brekker discovers the true power of the saints.

Warnings: angst, canon divergence, shadow and bone season 2, main character death, definitely didn't proof read, kaz suffering, fjerda sun summoner.

The nichevo'ya bore down upon us and Sankta Alina was struggling to wield her power while shielding the group from the volcras. Waves of terror swept over us when the screeches of the volcras echoed around in the dark. Beside me, Jesper whispered curses as he loaded more bullets into his pistols and Wylan knelt down to search for more gunpowder in the bag.

"Got everything we need, Wylan? We're not going to a picnic, you know" Jesper quipped, a nervous grim in his face. "We're definitely going to die"

Then, the nichevo'ya breached Alina's protection with the Darkling behind them. Inej, quick as lightning, drew her sword "neshyenyer" and sprang into action. With the blade gleaming in the dim light she enganged the shadow monsters in a fight which each swing of her sword was precise.

Y/N didn't wait and started shooting at the shadows. Jesper's pistols were also aimed and ready. He stood at the forefront of the remains of the First Army, with King Nikolai at his side, shooting and desperately trying to get a clear shot amidst the chaos of battle.

Nothing was working. It seems that don't matter how hard we fight the darkness didn't falter, and then, as if and overwhelming force had descedend upon us, Alina's light protection crumbled completely. We were now exposed to all the horrors of the Fold.

"Come on, run!" screamed Nina. She grabbed my hand and pushed me through a door in the fortress as the battalion scattered, desperately seeking refuge in other rooms. Jesper, Wylan, and Kaz ran close behind us, with Zoya supporting Nikolai's injured side and Mal dragging Alina.

We entered a training courtyard, with the remnants of the battle between the Darkling's Grisha and the First Army still visible. Volcra dragged the bodies of the fallen and descended from the skies in droves. The place was engulfed in chaos, and the sounds of combat reverberated all around. A volcra swooped over our group, seizing one of Nikolai's soldiers. His screams faded into the darkness.

"We're too exposed here!" Kaz shouted as he began striking his cane against the old door lock, which gave way without much effort. "Let's go, get inside!"

Kaz led us through a series of corridors, candles still burned and provided a faint glow to guide our way. The air was heavy with tension, and the sounds of death echoed from outside.

In a small, dimly lit room, we finally regrouped. Mal and Alina were gasping for breath, their faces pale, while Nikolai's wound was tended to by Zoya and Nina. Kaz was busy devising a plan, the gears of his mind turning even in the midst of chaos. Jesper and Wylan stood ready, pistols and bombs in hand, guarding the entrance.

Alina, even though visibly shaken, looked at each of us with fierce determination. "We may be cornered, but we're not done yet," she declared. "We fight, and we survive. This is not how our story ends."

"Well, whatever your plan is, Sanka, you'd better make it quick," Kaz said coldly. He had never believe in saints; this wouldn't be the moment. "You have amplifiers, don't you? Why aren't they working?"

Alina paled. "Mal... Mal is the third amplifier. Baghra told me that only with his death will I have enough power to destroy the Fold." A heavy silence settled in the room.

Alina would have to kill Mal, the man she loved. Y/N had always known that a Grisha's powers were cursed. She was born in a village in Fjerda, raised under the belief of Djel, but saw her world shattered when she discovered her powers. For her sins, for her curse, her family was murdered by the villagers. In a last desperate attempt, her sister handed her over to a Kaelish slave trader, which is how she ended up in the pleasure houses of Ketterdam.

Y/N had suppressed her powers since then, rarely using, and no one knew about them... no one except Kaz Brekker, the man who set her free. Kaz needed a spy, and she was perfect for the mission. Years later, Y/N was still working for Kaz — murdering for Kaz.

Kaz discovered Y/N's sun summoner powers by chance when a mission went awry, and they needed to escape. SHe had to blind two of their pursuers from the stadwatch and for the first time, she feared Kaz. She thought he might sell her, turn her over to Ravka, or auction her off to the Drüskelle.

But that day never came. He never spoke a word about Y/N being Grisha, never asked her to use her powers... and that was how she began to fall in love with Kaz.

Alina's eyes welled with tears as she looked at Mal, her voice trembling. "I know, but I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Mal reached out, gently wiping away her tears. "We've faced so much together, Alina. This is just one more sacrifice we must make for the greater good."

Kaz, still resolute, added, "We don't have much time. We have to make a plan"

Tears streamed down Alina's face as she nodded, knowing the weight of the decision they had to make.

That's not fair, i thought. And, as she was capable of reading my mind, Inej, who had been quietly listening, spoke softly, "Life isn't always fair, but the choices we make define us. We'll support you, Sankta Alina, no matter what you decide."

Zoya, her expression soft, added, "It's a hard choice, but it's one that could save countless lives. Or, maybe we can find a way... Nina, how fast can you cure him?"

Nina, her face filled with concern, replied, "I'll do my best, Zoya, but it might take time. We can't afford to wait too long."

The room was filled with a shared sense of determination as they began to explore every possibility, but we didn't have time. Outside a cry pierced the air. It was the Darkling, leading the charge of the dark forces.

It won't work. I realized this just by looking at the determined way Alina gazed at Mal – she would never sacrifice him to save the world. She's not capable, just like Nina isn't capable of healing him in time. Mal would have to die, and Alina couldn't be the one to kill him.

"Maybe there's another way" I whispered.

Inej, her eyes filled with hope, asked, "What do you have in mind?" at the same time that Kaz a loudly "No"

My voice gained a touch of determination as I responded, "We can't let Mal die, but we also can't let the Darkling win. We need to find a different source of amplification, something that doesn't involve taking a life."

Confusion hung heavy in the room as Kaz stepped forward, his face masked by controlled fury. "You're not going to," he said "I'll not allow it"

"It's not your decision to make, Kaz," I replied, my tone resolute.

Kaz's eyes bore into mine, a battle of wills silently raging between us. "You can't expect me to stand by while you kill yourself."

"Believe me, that's not my intention," I said with a sly smile. But smiles never fooled Kaz. He know me, perhaps the only person in the world who truly know me.

We're complicated people, each with our own traumas, but over the years, we've learned to share some of our past. Kaz told me about Jordie, the farm, the con and I told him about fjerda, the blood, the slavery.

Once, at the slat, on a rainy night, Kaz's expression softened slightly as he said "We've both carried our burdens, but it's made us who we are. It's what's kept us alive in this unforgiving world."

We became friends, confidants, and slowly, we tried to be something more. He can't stand being touched, and I can't stand being seen — two of the most broken people in the Barrel, trying to shed their armor.

In the quiet of that rainy night in the Slat's office, we dared to be vulnerable. Kaz's gloved hand hesitated, almost touching mine, as if testing the boundaries of his aversion to contact.

I whispered, "Kaz, it's okay. You can trust me."

He looked into my eyes, a storm of emotions flickering in his gaze, but he didn't pull away. His gloved hand met mine, the moment felt like a breakthrough, a chink in the armor we had built around ourselves.

In that fragile connection, we found solace in each other's company, knowing that we didn't have to be alone in the darkness of the world.

I let the memories fade away. Kaz was standing in front of me, shielding me from the eyes of the others.

"I have to do this, Kaz. You know that," I whispered, moving closer to him, my hand softly touching his fingers.

Kaz, his gaze unwavering, finally nodded in reluctant agreement. "I know, but it doesn't mean I have to let you go alone"

Dread coursed through my body when I realized that Kaz was going with me. If I couldn't make it, he would end up dying with me.

"No, you're staying here," I said, but Kaz simply turned his back and began giving orders to Jesper and Wylan to prepare reinforcements. "KAZ!" I shouted, panic-stricken. I ran over and stood in his way, and I did something I had never dared before – I held his face.

"You're not going alone, Y/N" he said, his eyes locked onto mine, "If you go, I'm going with you."

I removed my hands from Kaz's face when I noticed he was turning pale. Jesper, like everyone else, was confused, so he said "I'm not sure what's happening."

I couldn't explain further because, at that moment, a terrible noise descended upon us. Something was tearing the door apart. We all rushed towards the other exit leading to the hill. The Darkling's nichevo'ya circled the grass like vultures, destroying any form of life. Nikolai, Mal, and Jesper began firing their pistols.

Then, he appeared. The Darkling was still handsome, even with his face partially marred by the corruption of merzost. His eyes blazed with fury as he spoke to Alina.

"You can't escape me, Alina. Your powers belong to me, and you will give them willingly or by force."

Sankta Alina, her voice filled with defiance said "I'll never willingly give you anything, and you'll never control me again."

She then attempted to strike him with a beam of light, but it was strangely weak. When it hit the Darkling, he absorbed the light as if it were nothing.

A twisted smile appeared on the herege face. "You see, my little saint, you can't fight destiny. Your powers are mine to command."

Sankta Alina couldn't do anything to stop him. Y/N had to intervene while the Darkling believed he had everything in his grasp.

She looked at Kaz and whispered a "I'm sorry" with a small smile o her face, one that Kaz knew it was filled with sorrow.

Kaz expression hardened, he simply nodded and said, "Just make it count."

Y/N, being more experienced in sun summons than Alina, definitely didn't need an amplifier to perform the cut.

With confidence born of her expertise, Y/N channeled her power, a blinding ray of red sunlight cutting through the room and striking the Darkling. He let out a searing scream as the light consumed him, writhing in pain. It was a scream of pain and surprise. As the rest of the world, he believe that existed only one sun summoner.

The room was filled with a blinding radiance, and for a moment, it seemed like the Darkling's corruption might be purged. But as the light dimmed, his sinister form slowly re-emerged, and it became apparent that the battle was far from over.

"Alright, let's see how strong you are," Y/N said as she unleashed waves of light upon the nichevo'ya.

The nichevo'ya screeched in agony as they were engulfed by the brilliant light, their dark forms dissipating in its radiance. In the midst of the battle, the Grisha and first army all rallied behind her, recognizing that Y/N's power might just be the key to turning the tide against the Darkling's forces.

The sky crackled with energy as she fought the darkness. Y/N unleashed all her power, releasing every ounce of her strength, and gradually, with bursts of radiant lightning, the Fold dissipated. Volcras burned and plummeted from the skies.

Volcras and nichevo'ya fell one after the other, their malevolent forms vanquished by the searing light.

Y/N's power illuminated the battlefield, then, as a final blow, Y/N performed the cut, unlike the initial one which was merely to test the strength of the heretic. This one was hot, sharp, and incredibly potent.

But it wasn't enough. Remnants of the Darkling's cut hit her chest. She fell to the ground, struggling to breathe, her chest burning.

In her most haunting nightmares, Y/N is always alone when she die. Typically, it begins with a startling realization that her demise is finally upon her. She feel her heart struggling to keep beating, even under the weight of a perfectly aimed dagger. The cries of my family have faded into silence, and Y/N, like any other ordinary person, is capable of facing death.

But this time, everything feels too vivid, too different, as if a new nightmare is taking shape. She taste the metallic tang of blood in her mouth, choking and bringing tears to her eyes. Strangely, she don't experience any pain; in fact, she doesn't feel much of anything except an intense cold, even though the sun shines brightly above.

What makes this new nightmare the worst is his presence.

Kaz looms above Y/N, his brown eyes hidden behind unshed tears. His voice sounds muffled, as if speaking from beneath murky waters. He speaks in desperation, making threats and offering impossible promises... promises about love.

Y/N, gasping for breath, managed a weak smile. "Not... on your... watch."

Kaz, his usual mask of indifference cracking, held her hand tightly, his gloved fingers trembling. "You better not."

But Y/N wasn't feeling the warmth of his hands and breathing was becoming a difficult task. Blood coated her mouth, and her vision blurred as Kaz's face slowly faded from focus, Nina was by his side, trying to tend to the gaping wound in Y/N's chest.

Nothing seemed to work; there was some kind of dark poison, a residue of the Darkling's merzost, in her body preventing the wound from closing.

Y/N loved Kaz's eyes; often, they couldn't lie as convincingly as his words. It was through Kaz's eyes that she knew. Kaz couldn't hide the worry and helplessness in his gaze. For the first time, he wasn't able to find a solution to the problem at hand, and it weighed heavily on him.

It didn't hurt, it wasn't tumultuous at all.

Yet, it was bittersweet to know that someone who had never believed in saints, who had never begged, and who had never touched another person for fear of the dead, had done all of that for her.

For the first time that year, the sun shone in Ravka, but when Y/N opened her eyes, winter was closing in around her.

In the distance, an ash tree stood tall, beckoning like an invitation.

[maimingaffairs]

Grieving for the Living (Aleksander Morozova x fem!reader) Part 3

The entirety of a capricious and treacherous marriage between the Darkling and the Lantsov princess.

read previous parts here!! part 1 part 2

-

just wanted to say thank u to everyone sending me hate, me & my girlfriend get a giggle out of it. i also want to say thank u to all the cute messages and comments too!!! also i hope everyone that celebrates had an amazing christmas yesterday, and if u don’t celebrate, i hope u had a spectacular monday (do those exist? idk) SENDING LOVE!

word count: 9.7k

warnings: nothing going on here that isn’t necessarily canon. there’s like one part where puking is mentioned. again, i’d be remiss if i didn’t remind u that there are examples of an unhealthy relationship and to read at ur own discretion

taglist: @il0vebeingdelulu @mellowarcadefun @budugu @eir964 @arwensloanebarnes @marytvirgin

-

“Lots of different precious metals and crystals have different properties. Many cultures believe that precious stones can be healing, in many different ways, take quartz for example…” David, a Durast who was close to your husband, read to you from one of his books and spouted off little facts that he knew about… crystals? You weren’t entirely sure, you were only half listening. 

Your husband had left the two of you alone in his carriage while he got out with a handful of his other Grisha to track down whoever. At this point you weren’t sure. David could tell that you were nervous, and he began to read from his book, telling you that it often calmed him down when he read. The air inside the carriage was somewhat warm and you had shed the cloak your husband insisted you wear and instead had it laid out over your lap like a blanket. 

You peeked out the window every few seconds until you heard David clear his throat.

“Princess, if I may suggest something.” 

You looked up at David and blinked a few times, “Yeah, go ahead.” You mumbled and then lowered the small curtain on the window. 

“I just think that you shouldn’t keep looking out the window. Someone might see you, someone dangerous perhaps?” It sounded more like a question, and you gathered that David wasn’t very authoritative. 

“I’m just anxious, that’s all.” You mumbled and sat back in your seat, twisting your fingers in the fur along the edges of the cloak on your lap. 

And it was true, you were anxious. Anxious that someone was going to get in and hurt you and David, anxious that your husband was going to get hurt, anxious about being away from home, everything. 

“Nothing to worry about, Your Grace, The General wouldn’t let anything happen to you. We were briefed before we left, and The Darkling was very clear. We are to protect you at all costs.” David explained, “He also said-“

You wouldn’t get to hear what David was going to say, because he was cut off by an ear splitting explosion not far away. 

You let out a yelp, and David lunged toward you awkwardly to shield you with his kefta. When nothing else happened, he slowly pulled away from you and you stared up at him, your pulse racing.

“What was that?” You asked and yanked the curtain away from the window. You peered outside but your line of sight was poor due to the carriage’s position. People screamed and were scrambling around, and you could see a couple Grisha, but you couldn’t see your husband.  Panic swiftly gripped you and you stood up and let out a little grunt, pushing the door open. 

“Princess y/n!” David screamed after you, “y/n, don’t!” He called, but you ignored him and pushed through a small crowd of people. 

You scrambled through a few more small groups of people and you scanned the area for your husband, still unsure of what had just happened. There were no longer any Grisha in their brightly colored keftas remaining in the area and you took a step forward before arms wrapped around you from behind, yanking you backwards violently. You screamed and you tried to squirm away, but you were being easily dragged backwards. You tried to claw at your captor’s hands, but couldn’t with your gloves in the way, and you looked down to your waist to see a pair of purple clad arms. Relief washed over you in a thousand-foot waves when you realized it was only David and you stopped struggling. You allowed the awkward Durast to pull you back to the carriage and once both of you were inside, then slammed the door and he stood in front of it. Surely, he was trying to be menacing; authoritative, but he really just looked as startled as you. Authority and toughness seemed out of place on David. You let out a pent up sigh and you sunk down on one of the seats in the carriage. 

“He’s not out there. What if something terrible happened?” You asked nervously, wringing your gloved hands together. 

“He is fine, Princess. I guarantee it.“

“How can you be so sure?” You asked, laying your fidgeting hands in your lap, trying to calm yourself. 

“Because The General is a smart man, Your Grace, and a determined one at that. He will do anything to return to you.” David said, his voice serious. 

This did more to calm your nerves than his entire book of crystals and you found yourself leaning back against the wall, a long sigh escaping your lips. You were still worried, and that wasn’t going away anytime soon, but you were able to somewhat relax in the carriage. David didn’t begin reading from his book again, at least, not out loud. He flipped through it silently on his own, reading faster than you had ever seen anyone read before. You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the side of the wall, counting down from one hundred in your head to pass the time. Once you had gotten one hundred down, you started again, this time from one thousand. You were only about halfway through when you grew bored and opened your eyes again. 

You glanced over at David who was still leafing through his book and you reached down and grabbed your cloak off of the floor. You laid it back over your lap like a blanket and smoothed it out meticulously before clearing your throat. 

“So,” you began, tapping your fingers against your leg absentmindedly, “What exactly do you do, David?” You asked the boy, trying to pass the time with conversation. 

“I make things.” He replied, slowly tearing his attention away from his book, “I made your wedding rings, you know. The General didn’t want the ones the King and Queen were offering up. Said they were too gaudy.” 

You looked down at the little bump in your glove over your wedding ring and you hummed once, wiggling your finger a bit, “It’s very pretty.” You commented and David shot you a very small smile.

“Didn’t take me too long, just something easy.” He said bashfully, trying to play off his flattered smile as if the compliment wasn’t a big deal to him. 

You smiled too, “Will you read me some more of your book?” You asked and pointed to the book in his lap. 

The Durast gave you a nod and he looked back down at his book. He began to read from it in a quiet tone and you laid your head back against the wall. You weren’t really listening, but his voice was something to hear in the background while you tried to relax. You closed your eyes after a while and pulled the cloak up around your arms much like a blanket and you shifted a bit to get yourself comfortable. You felt drained and you tried to clear your mind as best as you could until David’s voice was only a faint hum in the back of your mind. 

You had hardly even noticed that you’d fallen asleep, but at some point David must have noticed because he stopped reading aloud. Your sleep wasn’t overly satisfying, but it was enough to keep you distracted from being worried about your husband. You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep, but the carriage around you had gotten a bit colder than it had been earlier in the night and you shivered, pulling your legs up onto the seat with you the best you could , garnering minimal relief. The relief didn’t last long, though, because the doors to the carriage swung open, startling you awake. 

“Oh! Hello!” 

Both you and David turned to see a man in a long coat wearing a hat standing outside the doors. David scrambled to his feet and he clumsily threw his book at the man before he grabbed you by your arms. By using his own weight as leverage, he tossed you towards the door and you let out a loud yelp, barreling through the doors on the opposite side of the carriage. You practically somersaulted down the one step into the carriage and rolled out onto the gravel with a loud oof. 

Your hands skidded across the gravel and you were thankful for the gloves your husband told you to wear. You’d landed awkwardly on your stomach and looked up just in time to see David stumble out of the carriage as well, only to be knocked in the head by a dark haired man with a cane. David fell to the ground unconscious and you gasped, scrambling to your knees. 

“David!” You cried, crawling over to the unconscious Durast on the ground. You gaped up at the man who had hit David and he stared back at you, dusting off his sleeve. 

“He threw a book at me!” The man from the other side of the carriage had crawled through the open doors that you had just fallen-no, been thrown- out of, and he tossed David’s book aside. As soon as he looked down at you, he snapped his fingers and pointed, “You’re- you’re the princess of Ravka!” He exclaimed, and the man next to him with the cane raised his eyebrows. 

You looked between the two of them before you let out a loud, forced peal of laughter, “Not me!” You exclaimed, clumsily rising to your feet, “I’m certainly no princess.” 

The man with the hat shook his head and he grabbed the man with the cane’s shoulder, “No, no. You are the princess. I saw you at the fete! In the courtyard!” He snapped his fingers again and shook the other man’s shoulders, “saints! With The Darkling! She’s his wife!” He practically shouted, shaking the other man still. 

The man with the cane reached up and brushed his hand off of his shoulder and he raised his eyebrows, “You’re sure?” He asked, his eyes scanning you as if looking for anything to confirm the accusations. 

He had dark hair that hung in his eyes and he was tall, not taller than your husband surely, but still quite tall. His lips were pressed together in a perpetual sneer and he leaned against his cane dependently. He wore a long coat that dangled around his ankles and thick leather gloves. 

“Yes! I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Kaz, that’s her!” The other man raved, and you wondered if he was going to start jumping for joy by the look on his boyish face. 

The man with the cane- or Kaz, as the other man called him- seemed to think for a moment while looking at you before he gave the other man a short nod, “Get her in the carriage, then. I have an idea.”

You took a large step backwards as the man with the hat nodded and you held your hands out, “No, really, you are mistaken, I’m no princess!” You insisted, backing up slowly as the two men took steps towards you. 

“Really? Because you aren’t Grisha. If you were, you’d be wearing a kefta. You aren’t a simple citizen, look at your clothes.” The man called Kaz reasoned, his voice low, bordering a whisper nearly. 

You watched them wildly as you backed up. David wasn’t able to help, and there were no other Grisha in the area, your husband was nowhere to be found, so you had to be smart about your escape. You had never been in a situation where you had to think like this, and in such short time, too, so you did the only thing that came to mind in that moment. 

You let out a scream that could’ve curdled the blood of anyone nearby and you took off running towards the nearest building, only stopping screaming when you had to breathe, and then you started back up again, hoping to grab the attention of anyone nearby. You heard footsteps behind you and you kept running, still screaming like you belonged in a madhouse. 

It was a pathetic idea, really, and probably one of the worst ones you could’ve come up with given your circumstances, but it seemed to do the trick. You rounded a corner and pressed yourself up against the wall of a stone building. You put a hand over your chest, struggling to catch your breath, and you leaned your head back against the wall. Your heart hammed against your rib cage and you very slowly peered around the corner. No one was chasing you, and in the distance, you could see the carriage was gone. The only thing left was the lump on the ground that could have only been David. You panted like an overheating dog  and you pushed yourself away from the wall and began to walk out towards David, when a hand caught your wrist and yanked you backwards. You let out the beginning of a scream, but a gloved hand clamped itself over your mouth, and you spun around to see your husband.

You shoved his hand away from your mouth and you threw yourself against his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if someone might try to pry you away from him. The thought of it only made you tighten your arms around him. You pressed your face against his chest and you let out a small cry of relief, shaking your head over and over again. He wrapped both of his arms around you protectively and he brought a hand up to hold the back of your head against his chest. 

“You’re safe, you’re completely safe now, little love.” He shushed you, soothingly petting your hair. 

He held you against his body so tightly that you thought the two of you might mold together, never to be separated again. He continued to shush you and whisper assurances of your safety into your ear, petting your hair softly. Your heart raced in your chest still and you struggled to catch your breath for a long time. You were thankful that he didn’t ask any questions while you chased desperately after your own breath, and finally, after some time, you had caught it once more. Your heart began to slow down and you began to feel less tense. 

“That’s right, darling. Just breathe. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.” He whispered, leaning down to press a few kisses against your hairline. 

You let out a long sigh and you held him tighter, acutely aware of the way your hands shook, as well as your arms and your legs. 

“Tell me what happened, my little y/n.” He instructed, sliding his fingers into your hair comfortingly. 

You nodded once and you grasped the collar of his kefta tightly, “Two men, they attacked David and I, and one of them recognized me from the fete and,” you paused to let out a sharp sigh and then you lifted your head away from his chest and looked up at him, “and then the other one, he said he had an idea, and told the one who recognized me to grab me and put me in the carriage and-“ 

Your husband reached up and cradled your face in his hands and he stared down into your eyes, “Are you hurt?” He asked. 

When he looked into your eyes, you still got butterflies, even though you’d stared into them countless times before, and you were not exempt from that sensation this time. 

“No, no I’m not hurt-“

“I heard you scream. I came as quickly as I could because I thought someone had hurt you.” He explained, swiping a gloved thumb across your cheek. 

“I screamed to get someone- anyone’s- attention.” 

“Clever girl.” He whispered and leaned down to press a kiss onto your lips. His lips were cold, as were yours, but that didn’t stop you from kissing him back as if it were the first time you’d seen him in years. He kissed you hungrily as if your lips could properly satiate a state of starvation and it stole the breath out of your lungs. 

Your husband broke away from the kiss and sucked in a well-needed breath, his hands still clutching your face. He leaned down again and he nuzzled his nose against yours, a small smile covering his lips. 

“I’m so glad you are safe.” He murmured, pulling away from you. 

You didn’t want him to let go of you and you gave him a frown as he moved back. He let out a chuckle and reached out to grab your hand, holding it tightly in his own, making you feel relieved. 

He squeezed your hand reassuringly and then he cleared his throat, “Come. We should go check on David with the others.” 

-

“And my brother, Nikolai, he climbed on that horse like it was no big deal. Vasily didn’t really have the same luck and he got his foot stuck in the stirrup, poor fool, and his horse panicked and began to run around and Vasily went flying. He was never quite gifted with the horses I’m afraid.” You recalled. 

You had been chatting with David as you, your husband, and two other Grisha, plus David, walked through the cold, snowy forest in search of Alina Starkov, and a boy that she had run away with named Mal. Your husband had seemed much too absorbed with his hunt to carry a conversation with you, so you had opted to talk with David, who you had taken quite the liking to. 

“Did he ever ride horses again?” David asked, brushing a few flakes of snow off of his arms. 

“Oh, he tried, but Nikolai and I always outshined him so he took up sword fighting, only to be outshined again by Nikolai.” You explained. 

You cozied up to your husband’s side as you walked hand in hand, and he glanced down at you, likely to make sure you weren’t freezing to death. Once he had deduced that you were fine, he leaned down and pressed an affectionate kiss to your forehead. You beamed at the show of affection and you giggled. The two of you had been joined at the hip ever since he had found you much earlier that morning after being chased by the men that stole his carriage. He’d not let you out of his sight even once, not even when he’d gone into town to question a few people about Alina’s whereabouts. 

Once he had figured out that Alina was in the forest hunting a stag, the six of you had set out into the forest, which quickly became covered in a thick blanket of snow. Aleksander had made sure that you put your cloak back on and he tugged the hood over your head, making sure that you were as bundled up as you possibly could be. 

David hummed next to you and he looked around the forest, “So you ride horses?”

“Magnificently. Or, so she says.” Your husband answered for you, letting out a little laugh. 

You looked up at him with a broad smile and instantly you were rendered breathless. Snowflakes laid on top of his head gracefully and the apples of his cheeks and the tip of his nose was adorably pink. In the light that had become bluish from the surrounding snow, his skin seemed to sparkle like marble and his eyes gleamed darkly.

He looked like a god. 

It was so hard for you to believe that he himself hadn’t been labeled a saint just as Alina had. 

He noticed your stare and he leaned down to press a quick, gentle kiss to your lips. 

“Staring is rude, Your Grace. Didn’t mommy and daddy teach you that?” He teased, pulling you closer to his side. 

“I’m not staring. I’m admiring.” You corrected. 

He chuckled and gave your hand a little squeeze as he continued walking through the snow with you, “Are you doing alright? Are your boots getting wet? Shall I carry you?” He asked and you wiggled your toes in your boots. 

Your feet were freezing, but nothing had managed to soak through your boots yet, thankfully. You shook your head and leaned against his arm, “I’m okay.”

He nodded and led you through the snow with him. The only sounds around you now was the snow crunching underneath your boots and the small humming sounds David made ever so often. After a few moments of only these noises, David cleared his throat and spoke up. 

“Sir,” he spoke, and your entire group stopped walking. Aleksander clutched your hand in his tightly and David continued speaking, “She is close by.” He stated. 

You looked around at the snow covered trees and then at the ground for any signs of footprints, but you saw nothing. Your husband took a few steps forward with you in tow, and he slowly dropped your hand, taking one step ahead of you. He nodded once and then looked back over his shoulder at David and the others. 

“Good. This is good. You all know what to do when we find them. We must act quickly.” He then turned to you and he gently grabbed your forearms and pulled you close to him, “as for you. You are to stay out of sight. Behind a tree, in a bush, I don’t care, but out of sight. Alina wouldn’t hurt you, that I know. But her little orphan friend… I don’t know him. I know little to nothing about him. I won’t risk it.” 

“Why don’t you just leave her with me, General? And we can stay back a bit.” 

You both turned around, and a Squaller by the name of Zoya took a step forward. 

“I can surely keep her safe.” She added, taking another step forward. 

“Or I can.” David interjected. 

“No, that won’t do,” he said, talking over the two of them, “Zoya, I need you with the rest of us, and David I’ll need you to extract the antlers on the stag.”

Both of them contemplated for a moment but eventually they both nodded and your husband looked down at you, “You will be perfectly safe, my love. I’m sure of that.” 

Perhaps he sensed your trepidation, and you figured he had, because he wrapped you in his arms and he tucked your head underneath his chin. 

“I’d take a thousand bullets before I let you get hurt, my dear.” He whispered and rocked you back and forth in his arms. 

“That’s what I worry about.” You whispered, hiding your cold face against his warm neck. 

“Oh, my little love, believe me when I say, I will always find my way back to you.” He promised, holding you closer. You nodded once and he pulled back to kiss your cold nose, “Come on, we must keep moving.” He said softly and grabbed your hand once more. 

He pulled you along and the rest of the group followed suit. You looked over your shoulder at David who gave you a tentative smile and a little wave. Zoya stood behind him and she looked as if it was paining her to not argue with your husband. You slowly turned to face forward again and your throat felt a bit tight. You had a feeling in the pit of your stomach that nothing good could come of this excursion. 

You had only walked for maybe half an hour more when suddenly your husband stopped you. He turned around slowly and nodded up ahead, beckoning the other Grisha forward. Something in the distance began to glow brightly, turning the forest blue from the way the light reflected on the snow. Your husband grabbed your waist and he pulled you off of the path towards a cluster of bushes. 

He gently pushed you down so that you were hidden behind them and he gave you a very small, tense smile. 

“Stay here. You will be safe.” He promised and patted the top of your head once before dashing off, the others following hot on his heels. 

For a moment, it was silent. You couldn’t even hear the snow crunching underneath the feet of the Grisha you had been traveling with anymore. 

You wrapped your arms around your knees as you sat in the snow behind the bushes and your teeth began to chatter mercilessly now that you weren’t moving, you weren’t staying very warm. 

The silence was pierced by a loud, animalistic bellowing, and you jumped slightly, scrambling up onto your knees to peer over the bush. You couldn’t see much now, because the light had gone out, but you could see the moon illuminating the outline of a large stag, flailing about. It tumbled to the snowy ground and you brought a hand up to your mouth in horror. You sunk back down so that you couldn’t see any longer, not wanting to see any longer. 

The distant sound of a gunshot made your stomach do a flip and you clapped your hands over your ears, feeling overwhelmed and nervous again. Someone cried out loudly and suddenly you could see bursts of light resonating all over the forest. It cast shadows through the trees and lit up the snow falling around you, giving it a shimmering effect as it floated down to the white ground. 

Alina’s power, you guessed, slowly pulling your hands away from your ears. 

Another surge of light was cast forth and you worriedly popped your head up over the bushes again, squinting to see in the distance. A large weblike dome of light was shimmering brightly in the clearing, and you could see the impossibly dark form of your husband standing near it. People were speaking, shouting, but you couldn’t make out coherent words. The dome of light tumbled down and faded away, and it became too dark for you to see anything. You slowly sunk back down behind the bush and you pulled your cloak around your shoulders tightly, just in time to hear a great crack echo in the forest around you and a sour taste filled your mouth. You hadn’t seen him do it more than once, only in demonstrations during trainings, but you were certain that your husband had just used the Cut, just by the sound alone. 

Whether it was on Alina, her soldier friend, or the large stag, didn’t really matter to you. Your stomach felt upset at the thought of any living thing being split in two by the powerful feat that your husband was capable of. 

You suddenly felt very out of place, much like someone who had just seen something that they weren’t supposed to see. An uneasiness spread through your veins slowly, and it seemed to make you colder and colder by each passing second. You longed to be back home in Os Alta, in your bedroom. The one in the Grand Palace. You wanted to have tea with your silly mother and cry in her arms over the fear you felt. 

Your eyes prickled with tears and it was perhaps the only warming sensation that you had at the moment. You just wanted to be home. Safe in your bed, warm, just… home. 

Heavy footsteps made the snow crack and crunch nearby, and you quickly wiped your eyes and rose to your feet just in time to see your husband come around the side of the bush. There was a coldness about the way he held himself and his eyes were perhaps icier than the snow that was falling all around. He held his hand out for you silently and you tentatively took it. He pulled you against his chest in one fluid movement and you shivered, wrapping your arms around his torso. He pulled the sides of his cloak around you, encircling you much like a cocoon, and you laid your cheek against the center of his chest, ignoring the cold metal on his kefta as it pressed against your cheek. 

“You’re freezing.” He commented, his voice almost completely devoid of the tenderness it contained just ten minutes before. 

You sniffled and you shook your head, tears finding their way out of the corners of your eyes, “Can we go home?” You asked quietly, your voice shaking. 

“There’s more to be done.”

“Then can you send me home?” You begged, holding onto him tighter. 

Your husband let out a long sigh and he pulled away from you and grabbed your chin with his bare, freezing hand. His eyes were locked with yours and his face was emotionless, save for the small smile that formed on his lips, that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“I am your home.”

-

“Here, one more, perhaps?” Zoya Nazyalensky suggested, wrapping you in your fourth blanket. You felt heavy underneath the blankets’ weight and you looked up at her, shaking your head. 

“Four will do, thank you, Zoya.” You mumbled, giving her an appreciative nod. 

You’d never been more thankful for a tent in your entire life. The walk through the forest was the hardest thing you’d ever done, especially at night. The snow and the wind had begun to bite at you and you were so cold that you felt like every movement was akin to the slice of a blade. At some point, your legs had practically given out and your husband had to carry you the rest of the way, but you were sure he didn’t mind all that much.

Now you sat on a cot in your husband’s expansive tent and Zoya was tending to you gingerly while your husband sat with David across the tent at a table. They spoke in hushed tones while David crafted something with the antlers of the stag, and every so often your husband would turn around to check on you. 

You had finally warmed up again now that you were wrapped in four layers of blankets plus another one of your husband’s thick cloaks, and you felt exhausted. The weight of the day was heavily sitting upon your shoulders and you pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on top of them, eyes drooping just slightly. 

“Zoya. You may go. I can tend to my wife now.” Your husband said from across the tent. 

The Squaller nodded once and gave your shoulder a little squeeze before she left the tent, leaving you alone with Aleksander and David. 

Your husband stood up from his chair and he walked to you. He sat down next to you on the cot and he reached up to smooth back your hair. Every trace of coldness from earlier in the forest was gone now, and he was staring at you with nothing but adoration in his gaze.

“My beautiful girl. You look so tired.” He commented softly, leaning in to press his lips against your temple. 

“I’m exhausted,” you admitted, leaning into his kiss, “and I’d love you to come lay with me. I want you to hold me.” You whispered. 

“And I’d love nothing more, little love. But David and I need to get Miss Starkov taken care of.” He murmured, tucking a bit of your hair back behind your ear, “Once we get this amplifier dealt with, you and I can get some sleep.”

You crinkled your brow confusedly, “Amplifier? What’s that?” You asked, looking up at him confusedly. 

“It’s like… a very powerful object that can amplify and strengthen a Grisha’s abilities. Some come from parts of powerful Grisha, some come from animals,” he explained, cupping your cheek with one hand, “this is what we needed the Stag’s antlers for.”

You stretched out a bit until you were almost lying down and you slowly directed your head down onto his lap, “Why give it to Alina? Why not keep it for yourself? If she’s so against helping you, won’t that make it so she can revolt on a much wider scale?” 

“Well, I am keeping it for myself. Part of it for me, part for her. It will give me, for lack of better word, control over her abilities. Theoretically.” He said, laying his hand down on the side of your head as you laid in his lap. 

You nodded once and then he leaned down to kiss the side of your head, “Why don’t you go sit over there with David, love? Ivan will be along with Alina shortly.”

“Do I have to be in here while this happens?” You asked nervously and your husband brushed his fingers across your cheekbone. 

“I’m not sending you out into the cold again, so this is preferable. Just sit and be quiet. The sooner we can get this over with, the sooner you and I can get some sleep. How does that sound?” He asked tenderly.

You nodded in response and he slowly helped you up out of the cot. He took your blankets away from your shoulders and he adjusted the heavy, black cloak around your shoulders. He nodded towards David who sat at a little table on the other side of the tent and you quickly walked over to him and sat down. 

“Hello, Princess.” David said warmly, not looking up from his work. 

You looked down at his project and you tipped your head to the side. It was almost as if he’d made a necklace out of the antlers. 

“Is that the amplifier? A necklace?” You asked, the word sounding strange in your mouth.

“A collar,” he hummed, glancing up at you, “You warmed up at all?” He asked before looking back down at the antlers. 

“Oh, yes.” You replied, blinking a few times in surprise. A collar?

David rose from the table and he took his work with him, setting it on a table in the middle of the tent instead. 

You stayed put in your chair and you watched as your husband stood across the tent and eyed David before turning away. You looked at David, too, who was wringing his hands together for the briefest of moments before he lowered his hands back to his sides. The air in the tent was tense and you folded your hands in your lap and looked down at the ground. 

The only thing that dragged your gaze upwards was the faint sound of a struggle coming closer and closer until Ivan entered the tent with Alina in tow. He pushed her down onto her knees in the middle of the space and she protested loudly. 

“Get your hands off of me, you brute!” She hissed, trying to squirm away from Ivan. 

But Ivan didn’t budge, managing to still hold her down with ease. 

You looked up as your husband and gave a nod to David and he stepped forward to grab the antler collar. The Durast grabbed it delicately and took a step towards Alina.

“What are you doing?” The girl demanded, struggling against Ivan once more. 

David awkwardly presented the collar to Alina and he blinked a few times, “I’m going to place this around your neck.” He answered, like it was the most obvious and casual thing in the world. 

“I meant why?” Alina asked, ceasing to struggle a bit. 

You flickered your gaze between Alina and David and you felt… off. Something felt wrong. You felt that consuming feeling again that you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been and you crossed your legs. You stuck your hands underneath your thighs to keep them from shaking and you looked down at Alina with a small, sympathetic frown. No one had really explained to you in detail why Alina was suddenly a threat, but you got the sense that there were a lot of sides to that story, and on the same note, you realized you’d probably never know the true one. 

“I didn’t kill the Stag, it’s not my amplifier. He killed it,” she remarked and jutted her chin in your husband’s direction, “he gets its power.”

“You asked for this yourself, when we met.” Your husband spoke up. 

Though you stared at him, he didn’t look at you once. You felt uneasy and homesick, though you tried not to be. The feeling would garner no sympathy from your husband.  

Your husband took a half step forward and he set his jaw tightly, “To transfer your gift to someone who could use it.”

“I can use it now!” Alina hissed back, leaning forward as if she was going to frighten Aleksander. 

Your husband moved closer to Alina and you watched the scene in front of you unfold uneasily. You pressed your lips together before biting down nervously on your bottom lip, an impending sense of doom shrouding your head. 

“You know… so little.” Your husband spoke, hands clasped in front of him, “You’ll learn.” He added with a slight nod. There wasn’t a single bit of kindness in his eyes. 

“I know things.” Alina protested, “General Kirigan, is it? Or is Aleksander a fake name too?” She spat and you straightened up. 

You wondered how long she had known his real name and in what way she found out. You deduced that she had to have known before you, because he hadn’t seen her since you found out that night in the courtyard from Baghra. This realization hit you almost painfully and you bit down on the tip of your tongue, willing yourself not to get up and walk out of the tent. 

“Careful with your words, Alina,” your husband warned, “consider whose life is in your hands.”

The girl on the floor looked fearful for just a moment before she grit her teeth and glared up at your husband, “You said you’d let him go.” 

You assumed she meant Malyen and you shrunk back a bit in the chair. Your husband was dangling someone’s life above Alina Starkov’s head, like a cruel cat teasing a mouse. 

Your husband smirked, “I said I would heal him. What happens next is up to you.” He breathed, tipping his head to the side slightly. 

Alina deflated a bit on the floor and she looked around the room wildly. Her eyes met yours for a brief second and you thought you could see tears on her bottom lash line. 

“None of this has been up to me!” She shouted.

Your husband now stood directly over Alina and he laid his hands at his sides. 

You watched as your husband crouched in front of Alina and he clasped his hands together, taking a moment to think before he finally spoke. 

“Do you know the only thing more powerful than you or me?” He asked. When she didn’t answer he pressed on, “The two of us. Together.”  

Bile rose in the back of your throat and you nearly jumped to your feet. This was getting out of hand. You miserably placed a hand on your temple and you leaned against your hand, feeling rather deflated yourself. You found yourself wishing in that moment that you were the Sun Summoner. You wished that it was you that could give Aleksander what he craved most, whatever power he sought after tirelessly. You were painfully aware of the fact that you were ungifted and completely ordinary when placed next to Alina Starkov. You blinked back tears that threatened to fall and you cursed yourself, not wanting to cry here. Not now. 

“Together, we can end all wars. We can protect our own. Is that not what you want?” He asked her, leaning a bit closer. 

You swallowed thickly. Protect our own. He meant Grisha. 

You didn’t fall under that category. 

“Are we destroying the Fold?” Alina asked sternly, looking defeated. 

Your husband hesitated and you looked over at him. His eyes darted to you for the briefest second before he let out a sigh. 

“We can do anything…” he said, holding his hands out to Alina, “Together.” 

You brought your hand up to your mouth to stop a cry and you closed your eyes tightly as the realization hit you. Your husband didn’t want to take the Fold down, he wanted to use it to strengthen his own claim to power. That’s why he seldom spoke of the subject with you, and that’s why Alina was fighting so hard against him. You felt foolish and you felt faint, as if your world had just crumbled at your feet. You stared at Alina with wide eyes that you were sure had tears shining in them, and the girl looked back at you. Her face showed sympathy and concern, and she took your husband’s hands and he pulled her to her feet, rising to his own in the process. 

“You need to let her go, Aleksander.” Alina whispered, “Don’t put an innocent girl through your tyranny.” She begged, but your husband simply shot her a venomous look and walked away from her, towards you. David stepped forward with the collar in his hands and he looked tense. 

Your husband stopped moving towards you mid step as if he had reevaluated his actions and he moved back towards David and Alina. You felt as if someone had torn your heart right out of your chest. 

David placed the antlers against Alina’s collarbones and she began to breathe heavily as David grabbed another object. Your husband held his hand out towards David.

“What… what’s happening?” Alina stuttered. 

David placed what looked like either bone or antler against the back of your husband’s outstretched hand and Alina looked at you, panicked. 

“Wait, I don’t understand. What-“ 

But Alina didn’t get to finish. Behind her, Ivan held his hands up and you watched her eyes droop tiredly. David reached out to touch your husband’s hand and Alina’s collar and he took a breath. 

You stood up from your chair as light began to emanate from Alina’s chest. The collar began to melt into her skin as if it were meant to be there and you felt nauseated. The fragment on your husband’s hand sunk into his skin the same way, and a bright light surrounded them. 

The sight was macabre at best and your stomach turned. A sour, bitter taste covered your tongue and you clapped a hand over your mouth. 

You wouldn’t know what happened next, because you dashed at full speed outside of the tent and your sock-clad feet had only barely touched the snow before you were emptying your stomach and its few contents out onto the white snow in front of you. You sunk down onto your knees in the snow and let out a sob, feeling empty. Betrayed. You felt like someone had completely maimed your insides and you pictured your heart looking like it felt. Visualizing a shredded internal organ only made you feel sick again, and you found yourself retching again. Tears spilled down your face and you reached up to wipe your mouth with the back of your sleeve. The snow soaked through your socks and it felt like you were standing on needles. 

A blinding light spilled out from the tent behind you and you shakily rose to your feet and glanced over your shoulder. You waited to make sure no one was going to come after you, and you began to tromp through the snow. Slowly at first, but then faster and faster until you were running as fast as you could away from the tent. Your throat burned harshly and there was a disgusting taste on your tongue, making you gag while you sprinted towards the forest beyond. You let out a wail as you barreled towards the forest, and you almost had time to feel relieved before you felt your chest tighten impossibly. You froze. It was impossible to breathe and you dropped to your knees, clawing at your throat. 

This has never happened to you before. Panic gripped you as you tried desperately to breathe, so consumed with trying to get a breath in that you didn’t even have time to react to the two hands that yanked you roughly to your feet. 

Suddenly, you could breathe again and you sucked in the biggest breath that you possibly could have. Your relief was short lived, though, because you were spun around to face Ivan the stone faced Heartrender. You shrunk back just a bit before he bent down and lifted you over his shoulder as if you weighed nothing. You pummeled his back with weak fists as he brought you back to the tent easily. 

Once he’d gotten you inside, he tossed you to the floor. You yelped as your head hit the ground and you closed your eyes and curled into a ball on the floor, feeling as if you’d been trampled by a stampede of elephants. 

“Careful with her!” Your husband barked, somewhere in the tent. 

You had assumed he meant Alina, but you were soon gathered up into your husband’s arms. You opened your eyes to see that he had knelt next to you on the floor and he pulled you into his lap, cradling you in his arms as if you were an infant. 

You knew you shouldn’t have enjoyed the way his arms felt around you, but the truth was, you did. You felt a bit of pride bubble up in your chest as he held you in front of Alina who was in hysterics on the ground on the other side of the tent. The pride was short lived though, because that sick feeling overtook your system again and you tried to sit up. 

“Little love, stay down.” He simpered, running his hand over your hair. 

“I want to go home!” You wailed, collapsing tiredly against Aleksander, “Please take me home, I don’t want to be a part of this.”

“Shh, hush, my little princess. Would I ever do anything that would put you in harm’s way?” He asked, his voice as soft as the snow outside, “Answer me, y/n. Would I? Have I ever done anything to put you in imminent danger?” 

You thought for a moment and then you shook your head, “N-no.” 

“See? Why would I-“

“That’s a lie!” Alina screamed from across the tent, “It’s a lie and you know it! You’re endangering her just by having her here. She is only a girl, Aleksander! An innocent girl!”

Your husband looked up at Ivan and gave him a nod, “You may take Miss Starkov to the other tent, Ivan. She is frightening my dear wife.” 

Ivan nodded and pulled Alina to her feet, dragging her out of the tent. She didn’t say another word the entire time. David remained where he stood, frozen in place. His eyes met yours from across the tent and they were full of regret. 

“Tell me, sweet girl, what worries you?” He asked, coaxing your head down against his chest, forcing you to tear your eyes away from David. Your husband ignored the Durast’s presence. 

You sniffled and you shook your head, “You don’t love me. You want me for power. Like you want Alina for power. Like you want the Fold for power.” You said shakily, though you allowed him to pull you closer. 

“The only thing in the world I want more than power is you, y/n,” he said seriously, leaning down to speak into your ear, “I do love you. More than I’ve loved anyone in my life. I want Alina for power, sure, and I’d like to control the Fold for the same reason, but I want you because I love you. Not because I can garner power from you. I want you to be my queen. I want you to join me, be my strongest ally. I want you to be by my side as we rebuild this country. For the better.” He whispered, kissing the shell of your ear, “Don’t you want that, my love?”

You craned your neck away from him and you shook your head. Of course you wanted the country to be better, Ravka needed serious reformation. But not like this. Not his way. 

“I want you to let go of me.” You whispered, placing your hands over his arms. 

“I can’t do that, y/n. In my five hundred years of life-“ 

You turned your head towards him and you held your hand up to silence him, “Five hundred? You told me you were one hundred twenty. How can you expect me to be your strongest ally if I can’t even trust the things you say?” You asked sharply.

He looked down into your eyes for a long time and then he let out a slow, bored sigh, “These outbursts-“

“Oh, spare me. They’ll continue.” You spat. 

“To what end, y/n? You cannot oppose me forever. It comes down to two options, and I’ll tell you how both will end and you can make your decision now. One, you can join me and stand by my side. You’ll have everything you ask for, you will be integral in the harmony between Grisha and otkazat'sya. You will live a life of free will and liberation as my wife, I’ll protect you always, you will be loved. Is that not what you’ve always wanted? To be loved? Not only by me, but by your entire country?” He looked down at you and he reached up to brush his thumb across your bottom lip, “Or, you can decline to join me and you will have nothing. I cannot offer you protection, and once I liberate Ravka, you will be labeled a traitor. You will live and die your life out in prison, and if not prison then exile. Oh, and until then? Your country will hate you. You will be cursed with the title of my wife for as long as you shall live. You’ll be treated no better than Grisha.”

Your jaw dropped and you looked up at Aleksander, “Even if I take your side, I won’t have free will. Not really. You’ll give me free rein of my pen but clip my wings so I can never get out of it. That isn’t free will, Aleksander.” You argued. 

He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to your nose and he let out a sigh, “I will give you a week to make up your mind. Think about what’s at stake, darling.” 

The side of your head hurt from where it hit the floor after Ivan had dropped you and your eyes felt heavy, but you refused to fall asleep in Aleksander’s arms. You crossed your own arms over your chest and you stared up at the ceiling of the tent. You watched your husband nod towards David in your periphery and then you heard shuffling near the opening of the tent, then silence. 

With a shallow sigh, your husband adjusted his arms around you and slowly rose to his feet, lifting you with him. He carried you off to the other side of the tent and laid you out on the cot before covering you with blankets. 

“Get some sleep, darling. We leave in the morning.” He said softly and reached down to smooth back your hair. 

And though you closed your eyes, you didn’t get a moment of sleep that night. 

-

Five days had gone by since the night your husband had given you his makeshift ultimatum, and for five days you’d done your very best to avoid him. You had spent four days on the road to the army encampment just near the Fold. For some parts of the day, you were holed up in a carriage with David, which you didn’t necessarily mind. He gave you space and only spoke to you when you initiated it first. Sometimes he’d silently pass his book to you and point at a passage. It was some sort of Grisha history book, you assumed, because the passages he’d shown you all pertained to Grisha magic, the Fold, amplifiers, or theories as to what had created the Fold. When you weren’t in the carriage with David, you were riding in front of your husband on his horse, and this is when you felt most miserable. 

Aleksander acted like nothing had happened. He was sweet to you and always fussing about keeping you warm. He’d give you little kisses often as well as frequent affectionate touches, and with each one, you felt more and more confused. 

There should have been no confusion, this situation was not a grey area. It was black and white, right and wrong. You wondered how he could claim to love you and then promise you a life of misery in the same breath. 

He was right, though. You wanted love. Just… not like this. 

You sat stiffly upon a plush chair and looked down at your dress, smoothing it out. You had been up since early in the morning, woken by Genya Saffin and your husband. Aleksander had left just after you awoke, but Genya stayed and got you dressed and ready, as if it was some kind of special occasion. As if crossing the Fold with your husband and Alina wasn’t some kind of fate worse than death. Your hair was piled on top of your head intricately and you had handfuls of fine jewelry hanging from your neck and wrists. You didn’t speak a word to Genya as she readied you, and you didn’t bid her farewell when she left. 

Someone cleared their throat behind you and you turned around slowly, dreading the idea of seeing Aleksander. 

You felt some semblance of relief when you saw it was only David standing at the opening of the tent holding a brown sack. 

“May I come inside?” He asked quietly, looking around the tent. Probably checking for your husband. 

“Sure, David.” You answered and he quickly walked inside, coming to stand next to where you sat. 

“I um,” he paused for a long moment and then he sighed, murmuring something under his breath before he spoke finally, “I am worried about you, and your wellbeing.” 

You shifted your eyes up towards his face and you raised your eyebrow, “I can hold my own. But I appreciate your concern.”

“Well no, I don’t think you can, Princess.” He said quickly, and you noticed how he pressed his nails into his palms nervously, “I don’t think you know the lengths that the Darkling will go to, to get what he wants.” 

“I think I’m starting to get a pretty good idea.” You replied, folding your hands in your lap. Your black gown was heavy and thick, and you began to sweat under it, feeling a bit queasy. 

David put the large sack he carried on your lap and he nodded at it once, “Inside of that, there are first army clothes. A hat, too. You don’t have long. The General is speaking to the Sun Summoner and then he will be on his way to fetch you.”

You were confused for a moment and you opened the bag, then you understood. David was trying to help you run away. You looked up at him with wide eyes and he clutched his hands together. 

“David, I don’t know what to say.” You whispered and slowly stood up from the chair. 

“Well, you don’t have to say anything. I just think you deserve a third option. The two that your husband gave you were… rather inhospitable. But I digress. I’ve already got a story worked out, I’ll blame your disappearance on Fjerdans, but if you want a shot at getting away from here, you need to take it now.” David said somberly, offering you a rather sad smile, “There are many places you can go. Or you can go home. It’s up to you. I’ve left a map and compass in the bag as well.”

There were loud voices outside the tent and David stiffened and he grasped your arm, “Whatever you do, though, just take care of yourself.” He whispered and then he was off, darting out of the tent, and likely putting as much distance between you and him as possible so that no one could place him there later for any reason. 

You waited for only a moment to ensure that no one was coming, and when no one came, you quickly shed your gaudy black gown. You took the jewelry off of your neck and your wrists and put it in the bag before you yanked out the other clothes. 

They weren’t cute and they were likely the least appealing pieces of clothing you had ever seen in your entire life. But you didn’t have the luxury of escaping in a glamorous ensemble. You shoved your legs into the pants and you pulled the shirt on rapidly before shrugging on the long coat that came with it. You sat down on the chair briefly to yank the tall boots onto your feet, not caring that they were two sizes too big. Wasting no time, you pulled your hair out of its twists and braids, yanked out the pins, and you pulled the hat on. 

You prayed you were unrecognizable as you wildly looked around the room for a weapon of some sort, one for self defense. The only thing you found was a small, almost decorative dagger sitting on Aleksander’s desk. You snatched it up and threw it in the pocket of your coat, heart hamming against your chest. You took a few long, deep breaths before you willed your feet to move, to carry you swiftly out of the tent. 

Once you were out, the cold air was an unwelcome slap in the face, and the unpleasant shiver you got was nearly enough to send you back into that tent. But you pushed on.

You weaved between tents and past other soldiers until you could finally see the horizon rather than just a fleet of tents. You stopped at the edge of the camp and looked over your shoulder. The Fold stood tall and unwavering behind you and everything before it looked tiny and breakable. Like toys in the hands of a destructive toddler. 

A group of soldiers rushed past you shouting something in Ravkan repeatedly, and after hearing it about three times, you understood what they were saying. 

The Princess has gone missing, find her immediately. Darkling’s orders. 

You swallowed thickly and you quickly turned away from facing the Fold and walked as briskly as your feet would allow you, moving faster and faster until you were sprinting at full speed into the forest beyond the camp, far away from the Fold, away from Sun Summoners and Shadow Summoners, away from Aleksander’s promised gold gilded cage and a life of captivity. 

Away from the darkness and into the light. 

[kasagia]

❄️️Warm my heart pt. 6❄️️

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/ The Darkling x fem! heartrender! reader Summary: Lots of things are happening. And you're going to learn something completely new about Aleksander… Warning(s): furious Aleksander and his shadows shed blood; Word Count: 3,6 k Taglist:@aoi-targaryen @budugu @flostvs1508 ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova’s Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 5 ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 7 ~•♤♤♤•~

Dressed in a nightgown, you were already going to bed when suddenly there was a knock on your chambers.

You frown, not knowing who it could be at this late in the night. Well... you couldn't say you didn't have some hopes about the identity of your late-night guest.

"Aleksander?" you ask, opening the door.

There is no one there. You frown and walk out of the safety of your chambers. You take a look around, searching for anyone in the quiet, dark corridor. You notice that the torches have been extinguished faster than usual, leaving only one in the middle of the passageway.

You listen to your surroundings and hear the two heartbeats, which probably came from the guards patrolling the corridors. It does not arouse any suspicions in you, so you shrug and decide to go back to your room and ignore this strange situation.

You suspect that these are some young Grishas playing instead of sleeping. The youngest summoners have already played various tricks and jokes on the inhabitants of the Little Palace several times.

You change your mind when suddenly a wet cloth is pressed to your nose and someone's arms wrap around you. You fight against your attacker, trying to scream, but all you manage to do is scratch him. You fall limply to the floor as the substance takes effect, and before you completely pass out, you're kicked in the stomach.

Aleksander rubbed his hand over his forehead as he read the latest reports from the fold. Another failed transport. More Grishas were killed. He shuddered, placing the paper on the desk. This wasn't supposed to be like this. The Volcra were supposed to attack the king's men, the Fjerdans... not his people.

With every day in the Little Palace, with every news of his men dying in the fold... every time you offered to move to West Ravka with the others to personally supervise the transfer, he felt the bile rising in his throat. He would correct his mistake. He will move the fold and widen it so that it serves him as it should. He just had to get that stag and the powers of the Sun Summoner.

"General." Ivan enters the war room with Fedyor and Inferni. "We have a problem."

"As always." He sighs and gets up from the desk. He goes to the bar to pour himself some whiskey. "What happened this time?"

"There was an attack on the eastern wing. Alina was the target." he freezes for a moment, pours himself a drink, and turns back to his men.

"Sun Summoner?"

"Alive and safe. But it is not everything. The rebels took hostages. They barricaded themselves in the training room. They have Fjerdans' technology, blocking our powers. And…"

"And?"

"We can't find Y/N." Fedyor takes Ivan's place by delivering the news. Aleksander's eyes are fixed blankly on the heartrender as he processes his words.

This one sentence makes him stop seeing or hearing anything. He feels his shadows slowly begin to take over the room as he allows his power to slip away for a slight moment when he creates a plan in his head.

"I want all of you on the east wing. Every single one of you who is usually coming to the mission with me, no inexperienced greenhorns."

Before they can answer him, he already leaves the room and storms to where the rebels are supposed to be.

Aleksander was not famous for his mercy, and he certainly would not show it to those who dared to enter HIS palace. They wanted to kill his Sun Summoner and deprive him of the source of power that was a key element of his plan. But what sealed their long, painful, slow death at his hands and shadows was that they dared to take HIS SECOND-IN-COMMAND from him.

HIS HEARTRENDER. HIS Y/N.

He practically ran to the east wing. He didn't notice anything around him. All Aleksander could think about was you. He has already figured out seven different plans for how to rescue you and get you back into his arms.

Involuntarily, he remembered the last time he tried to save someone from his enemies... someone who had not made it out alive.

No. He shook his head and passed the Grishas, who were beginning to gather outside the training room at his command. You weren't Luda. He promised himself that you wouldn't end up like her... even if he had to create a second fold to protect you.

He vaguely remembers nodding at Zoya. She summoned a wind that blew the door off its hinges, and he entered first with the cut already formed and his shadows filling the room. He controlled himself enough not to kill anyone in the room until he located exactly where you were.

But the problem was that you WEREN'T there.

His heart sinks as he imagines you with a deadly wound, blood pouring out of you, forming a pool beneath you somewhere on the grounds of the Little Palace, a place that he made—a place that was supposed to be free from the death of any Grishas. ESPECIALLY YOURS.

"Where is my heartrender?!"

His question receives no answer. In a fit of rage, he growls menacingly, his shadows wrapping around one of the attackers. He dies practically on the spot, only able to utter a few screams that satisfy Aleksander enough to regain full control over himself.

He takes a few intimidating steps towards the man who is trembling the most of all the rebels on the ground, held down by Ivan. The sound of his heavy boots bounces off the floor and spreads throughout the completely silent room.

"I'll ask one last time." one step further. "Where." next step. "Is." he stands directly above him and puts his foot on his chest, pinning him to the ground. A little harder, and he knows he'll break a few ribs. "MY SECOND-IN-COMMAND?"

"She… she escaped… with some of yours..." he hums at this answer, pride rising within him to hear that his little heartrender managed to get out. And judging by the few dead bodies, she did it in style.

He presses his boot with greater force against the man on the floor. Spurs begin to dig into his chest.

"Wait! WAIT! I can tell you more! Do not kill me!" the man struggles beneath him, trying to relieve the pressure of the spur on his chest.

"You broke into my palace and wanted to kill the Sun Summoner and my second-in-command. Do you really think I will fulfil your pathetic cries for life?" one lifts his hand, and a small turn of the fingers and shadows surround the terrified man at his command. "Besides, I've heard enough from you. Not your screams, though..."

And with that, desperate screams began to echo throughout the room as he and his men interrogated the attackers.

You were sitting in the healers' infirmary. You were eating a cupcake when Fedyor was screaming at you.

"You are completely irresponsible! They could have killed you!"

"But they didn't." you say, munching on a muffin. The healer managed to heal most of your wounds before Fedyor arrived, but the heartrender managed to see the effects of your escape.

"We were worried. You're lucky the general didn't see what they did to you. They're lucky. Although I doubt he'll show them any mercy, they're probably dying anyway for daring to attack the Little Palace and trying to kill you as well as others of ours."

"Please, we both know where the general is now and where his priorities are." you huff, reaching for another cupcake that some nice healer brought you. You don't recall his name, though.

"Where, supposedly?" he asks, raising an eyebrow at you.

"With Alina." you say, shrugging. Disbelief crosses your friend's face before he groans loudly in torment. You frown at him in confusion. "What? Am I wrong? After all, she was the target. He's probably wiping her tears away with his handkerchief or something."

"I have no strength against you. How many times do I have to tell you that he doesn't want Alina? And not. Don't start with your stupid nonsense about equals, more equals, fate, or opposites attracting. It doesn't work like that here between them. The sooner you get off your ass and do something, the shorter I will have to endure your outbursts of jealousy, and Ivan will have to endure the general's outbursts."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Please, who do you think tracked down who you were corresponding with and intercepted Mal's letter for him? Ivan didn't even have time to finish his report. He ran out of the war room as if he had been scalded, almost crumpling Ortsev's letter in his hand. I remember because I was walking Genio to the Grand Palace, and we almost stepped under his feet. It's good that he controls himself and doesn't summon his shadows in a fit of emotion, because every week, even every day, we would have to organise funerals for our people because our general created a second fold because of you."

You blush slightly and clear your throat before taking another muffin.

"And yet he's not here."

"Because I believe that right now he is disembowelling those who knocked you out as an act of his undying love for you." you roll your eyes at him. You both shut up as the healer returns with some vials for you.

"Here. Just in case the dizziness persists." you smile sweetly at him and thank him while taking the vials from him. The healer blushes slightly. Fedyor rolls his eyes at you and clears his throat.

“Let's go, Y/N. Before there are any more wounded… or dead.”

"I'll join you soon." you say, nodding at him to leave.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." he sighs in defeat and leaves the infirmary.

You turn around, giving your full attention to the healer. He was sweet. And after everything that happened, he was a nice break from your daily dramas. Plus, he had something you really liked.

"Is that a moonstone?" you ask with a kind smile, pointing to the bracelet he was wearing.

"Oh yes." he says sheepishly, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "A durasts friend did this to me. Some people believe that it can help attract love into one's life."

"Aww. That's really beautiful." you see how he becomes ashamed under your gaze.

"Umm…thank you. If I can help you in any way, you know where to find me." you nod and thank him once again before he disappears into the glove compartment, probably to restock medical supplies.

You sigh and jump to the ground from your seat in the medical chair. You take another cupcake. You are unwrapping the paper around it when suddenly the door to the infirmary opens with a loud bang.

You turn around, coming face-to-face with Aleksander. The tension on his face strangely disappears the moment his eyes meet yours. You see (and hear through his heartbeat) how he relaxes at the sight of you.

"Y/N." he sighs and walks over to you as his steps in his heavy shoes echo in the silence of the still-empty sall.

Before you can do anything, his hands tangle in your hair, bringing you close to him as his lips catch yours in a sudden kiss.

You gasp in shock, still holding a cupcake in your hand. You moan as you realise what he is doing and start to respond to his kiss.

At first, he gently brushes his lips against yours, testing the waters to see how far he can go with you. When he realises that you are willingly moving your lips and tongue against his, he makes it deeper.

You are pulled closer to him. His other hand is grabbing your waist and pressing you against him, making sure to feel every little inch of your body.

You tremble at the feeling of his hands all over you. And you want more. Much more than this.

When your tongue meets his, you feel like you are in heaven. He moans as he tastes the chocolate in the muffins you've been eating and kisses you with even more zeal.

You're lost to everything else; it is only you and him. His body against yours; his lips, stealing your breath and hands, holding you still on the ground.

His hand cups your cheek gently, his thumb caressing your skin tenderly with all the delicacy he has, which you are probably the only one witnessing. You feel his wandering hand finally land on your neck, right where your pulse is, which is now beating much faster because of him.

He presses his hand there, wanting, at all costs, to feel your heart palpitations. And as you try to process any thought in your brain that doesn't involve his lips on yours, you realise that right now you would do anything for him... in fact, you always have, and you would do anything for him. And it scares you just as much as it fills you with that strange, warm feeling. You know how it's called, but you were still too afraid to admit it to yourself.

So you decide to enjoy the moment. Your hands land in his hair, pulling him closer to you. Only his soft, breathtaking moan makes you realise where you are and that no one should definitely find you making out with the General... at least not until you're sure what you're feeling towards him.

Despite his tight grip on you, you manage to pull away just enough so that his lips don't capture yours again and take your mind off you with his silver tongue.

"Aleksander..." you whisper, your voice shaky and hoarse. And if you look the same as him, then you have red, slightly swollen lips, dishevelled hair, and wrinkled kefta.

"I thought… I thought they got you for a while…" he admits, resting his forehead against yours. You see all the dark thoughts come back to him again as he frowns and closes his eyes. You cup his cheek and stroke it with concern, trying to snap him out of all the bad scenarios he's prepared in his head. "When Fedyor said you were here… I thought the worst."

"I'm tougher than you think. And you really should listen to the end of what they have to say." you try to joke, but the look he gives you shows that he's not finding it funny in this situation at all.

"I don't want to find out. Ever." he says, pressing you to his chest in a tight embrace. "I need you to be safe… All of us need it…"

"Don't." you say, tilting your head to look at him. His dark eyes stare into yours as if hypnotized. "Just don't do this shitty talk. I... not after this."

"Maybe you've right... I think it's too late for us, isn't it?" he asks. You both know the answer, but you're not ready to say it out loud yet. This is enough for you for now. Being in the safety of each other's arms. "Let's get out of here. I believe you want to get back to your chambers."

"Not exactly." you say, shuddering at the memory of what happened to you a few hours ago.

"I should've made them pay worse for what they did…" he begins threateningly, thinking about these men, but he softens at the sight of your anxious state—a very rare sight that already makes his heart ache. "C'mon, milaya. I will take care of you." he takes your hand in his so gently and tenderly that you're sure you'd follow him to hell if he wanted.

But all he wants is to hold you as close to him as possible.

And you let him. Without any hesitations.

You were lying on his bed. Your kefta was folded and laid on the chair. He took his own off a long time ago since it was all covered in blood.

You were just cuddling. His face was nuzzled into your neck as you ran your fingers through his hair. You both needed this moment of closeness between you. To feel at least a little peace in the other's arms, tender touch, and lazy kisses placed on various parts of the body. The fact that he was shirtless only helped.

"Fjerdans found out that Sun Summoner was getting stronger. They sent some of their people here to kill her. They managed to get into Little Palace, just like it was a damn park. Also… Alina told me you were the one who rescued her."

"I did." you confirm, too busy with drawing patterns on his bare back (he insisted on taking off his shirt, even though you could see there wasn't any blood on the black material) to show much interest in talking about Alina.

"Why?"

"What why? Aren't you happy?"

"I am. But… Ivan told me that… she isn't your favourite person."

"You should stop asking other people about me. You are not at war with me; you do not need to find out about my weaknesses, preferences, tell others to keep an eye on me, and other things before confrontation. You just need to ask me. Besides, I like Alina. She is an amazing friend and sweet soul."

"But?"

"But… she just makes me… question my position at your side." you admit, ashamed. He grabs your chin softly and makes you look into his eyes as he grabs your hands in his.

"If I know something, I know that you belong here." he says, placing a kiss on your joined hands. "So never doubt in anything… there is… there is no one else like you. And I don't mean your powers. I mean you. My Y/N. The one who didn't turn her back at me. The one who can see through my façade and see the real me and who trusts my judgement without any questions… well, usually." he makes you laugh, at which he is smiling, admiring the sound he loved more than any music he has heard in the long centuries he has lived.

"You are my general." you say, shrugging your arms. As if it were enough of an answer to his words.

"Only?" he asks, with an almost teasing smile on his face.

"No... not anymore." you admit, making him blush a little.

He cleans his throat and wraps his arms tighter around you. He places a kiss on your temple and sighs.

"I have been waiting a long time for... for something like this." he whispers in your hair.

You prop yourself up on your elbow and kiss him sweetly and lovingly. He deepens the kiss, cupping your cheek into his hand and pulling you closer to him so you're underneath him. His hand wanders under your blouse when suddenly there's a knock on his door.

You both moan softly in unison and in disbelief. You reluctantly pull your lips away from him and he rests his forehead against yours.

He licks his lips, shifting his gaze from your eyes to the door. You laugh at how undecided he is looking right now. You can't help but kiss him softly.

"Go. I will wait here for you." you assure him with a true smile of utter happiness.

You see a disgruntled frown form on his forehead as he knits his eyebrows. He sighs heavily and reluctantly gets out of bed and goes to the closet. You roll onto your stomach and swing your legs as you watch him choose clothes from his closet.

"You'd better do it." he says, putting on his shirt. He smirks at you teasingly when he sees you staring at his chest.

He leans towards you and tangles his hand in your hair, pulling you in for a passionate kiss. You moan into his mouth as he bruises yours in a searing kiss, as if he's trying to make sure you won't forget the feeling and taste of his lips on yours.

"You really should go." you whisper, pulling away from him and laying back on the pillows.

"Are you that willing to kick me out of my own bed?" he asks, stroking his hand over your ankle and moving his hand higher to your knee. You curse the pants you're wearing now.

"Contrary. That's why you have to go now." he doesn't take your words to heart. He leans over you and tucks your hair behind your ear.

"Don't move from here." he whispers before pressing his lips hungrily onto yours one last time. You moan as his hand gently cups your neck, positioning you at a better angle for him to freely play with your tongue.

The bastard takes your breath away again and leaves you blushing on his bed. Before he leaves, he gives you one last long look and gives you such a wonderful smile that you can't help but watch him until he disappears out the door.

You sigh, laying back on the pillows and placing your hand over your mouth as you allow yourself to giggle with happiness like a stupid, lovestruck teenager. You completely forgot everything that happened today. All that mattered was him and how he felt pressed against you.

You hear a knock on his door. Without much thought, you get out of bed and walk over to them, fully convinced it's Aleksander.

"Did you forget something?" you ask, opening the door only to see the only person you didn't expect to see ever in your life again. "Baghra?"

[igotanidea]

Nikolai Lantsov x inferni!reader : Traitor

It was the same nightmare over and over again. Making her wake up in the middle of the night in tears with heart beating way to fast and ragged breath.

If only it was just a nightmare.

But it was more.

It was a memory.

Flahsback

“Here she is. My favorite Inferni.” Darkling smiled with his brightest smile, greeting Y/N as she entered his chambers.

“General Kirigan” she acknowledged him without any hesitation in the voice, and yet screaming inside. He was nice, too nice and she knew exactly why. He needed something from her. More precisely, he needed her.

While everyone at court were fooled by Kirigan’s charm and well put-on pretenses, Y/N was the only one to see right through him. The king, the queen, all the Grishas…. So silly when confronted with his bright smile and practiced speaking.

If only Nik was here…

But “the puppy prince” left few years prior, leaving her alone to deal with the potential enemy of the state and it hurt like hell. Firstly, because it seemed like Nik never cared about her at all, secondly because all the court and royal family believed her to be insane and mentally impaired the very second she even hinted at Darkling’s intention being dishonest. Y/N knew he was searching for the sun summoner and why was he doing this, but had to keep it a secret. It was like being torn into two opposite direction. She had to protect the royal family and Ravka she swore an oath to and that came with exposing Darkling, but at the same she had to protect herself and that meant getting into general’s good graces to avoid getting hanged for treason. And still protect the Lantsov, even that fool or a price Vasily.

Being some sort of double agent came with a heavy price.

Poor girl.

This was why she was called upon Kirigan every night and walked into his chambers. He always wanted something in return for keeping her secrets. Sometimes he needed her big brain and Inferni skills, sometimes it was .... more .... but it always, always left her with scars.

“Please Y/N. There is no need for formalities here.” He eyed her with those predatory eyes

“Why am I here tonight, general?” Y/N asked, still keeping her head high, back straight and gaze hardened.

“I….” he took a step closer and waved a hand towards the guards dismissively. The men bowed and left immediately “I have needs tonight.”

“Why… why don’t you ask Zoya?” she hissed “she’ll be more than happy to help you with those.”

“Oh, yes, Zoya…. You are not really in the good terms lately, are you?” he smirked, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer. “but then, you are not really anyone’s favorite Grisha, even in your own order, am I right?” his grip became unbearable “do not worry, dear. It’s a fair exchange. You give me that fire of yours and I keep you protected from anyone else” he muttered into her ear and she knew she was trapped for that night.

***

After everything she was left with pure hatred towards herself. She knew this was just a begging since intimacy was the first step. And after he made her a sobbing mess on his mercy, there were more …. practical tasks. Fires, strategies and plans she was always good at making.

But even with her help, Kirigan was slowly slipping. Slowly, yet consistently, and soon enough Grisha started seeing past his charm. Especially when he brought the sun summoner to the little palace. Y/N though herself to be smart enough to warn her about general’s purpose and tried to reach towards Alina.

Sadly, she was not.

And her attempt to warn miss Starkov ended up with the real, physical scars on her back. Those that could never properly heal even with Genya’s help.  The tailor was probably the only person in the palace who knew who did this to Y/N, but never said a thing. At least she was a bit of support.

However, the pain coming from the cuts was unbearable and was following her for days.

And so she made a decision to flee and search for Nikolai to bring him back to the country. She escaped during the night and when it was discovered the next morning she was quickly announced the wanted traitor.

***

She found Nikolai a few moments later, by accident, while walking the streets in some small village. She was exhausted and was slowly losing hope for the future when she heard noises coming from around the corner. A man and a woman, Shu, judging by the looks were laughing and bantering with each other and when Y/N raised her bloodshot eyes she saw the person she was so desperately looking for.

“Ni….” she started, but he was faster.

“Leave us.” He commanded his companions and only when they left he came towards her, wrapping arms around her. “Y/N” he whispered, breathing her in but quickly pulling away “you look terrible. And you could definitely use some cleaning.” He smirked “Why are you here?”

“Nik….” She sobbed desperately, tears falling from her eyes like a fountain she could not contain once they started “I….”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. Sh….” He hugged her tightly against his chest “you can tell me. Although I may have to warn you, no one here, except Tamar and Tolya knows my real identity. I’m Sturmhond.”

“The pirate?” she frowned, looking at him with surprise in the eyes

“Privateer….” He hissed “Now come on, whatever happened to you, you are safe now.”

He took her upon the ship and listened carefully to her story. She told him everything, except for the part how Darkling damaged her. It was not important, the country had to be put first. And it was, since they both created a plan to save it. First, get the sun summoner, secondly get Nik back to his prince-self and third, defeat the Darkling.

***

They were spending too much time together on the Volkvolny. There were to many jokes, silly fights and tension. And soon the crew started making ambiguous allusions to the character of their captain and the Inferni’s relationship. And Y/n soon had enough of it so gathering herself she confronted Nik about it.

“Captain, can I have a word with you?” she entered his cabin, not really caring what the answer would be.

“My favorite Inferni….” Unknowingly he used the same words as Darkling and it made her flinch “missed me that much?”

“With all those comments I hear all the time it feels like you are always with me” she rolled her eyes

“Is that why you are here? Came to make the rumors a reality?”

“Not exactly. I came to remind you I will never….” She never get to finish when with one long stride he was right in front of her, grabbing her waist and connecting their lips. At first she froze, shocked by the unexpected action but when he tried to pull away, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him back to her.

“You were saying….?” He muttered

“Oh, shut up…” Y/N locked her hands around his neck, wanting more and knowing he could give her that. She did not protest when he lifted her and walked her to the bed, laid her gently and slowly started to undress her. Saints, she wanted more and more and more, getting so greedy. “Nik….” Her little moan only spur him on.

“Tell me what you want…” Nikolai’s lips moved onto her neck, hands getting under her coat, caressing the skin on the sides and stomach.

“I want….” She panted and smiled lightly, teasingly “I want you to show me if you are truly as good as you are bragging to be.”

“Hm…” she smirked “not sure if you ready for this, love.”

***

As much as she hated to admit it, he was good. Really, really good and left her fully satisfied when she fell asleep in his loving embrace and woke up in them a couple hours later. Her back to his chest. 

“Where did you get those scars?” he muttered kissing along her neck and shoulder, avoiding the damaged skin.

“I…. I don’t really want to talk about it.” She sighed deeply “at least not yet.”

“That sentence just confirmed you see us together in the future. I mean, of course you do, you caught a prince, fireball. A big fish, am I not? ”

“You are unbelievable….” She turned to the other side to face him

“But you love me, don’t you? You admitted that quite a few times …”

“I hate you.” she punched his chest “what time is it? Isn’t your crew going to look for you?”

“Maybe. But those marks I left on you will be enough of the explanation.”

“Marks?” her eyes widened “oh my…..”

“Besides, I am also sure they heard you scream my name.”

“I’m going to kill you, Nik!”

“Come on, it was good, wasn’t it?” he caressed her shoulders “you can admit it, I won’t judge. After all, I am the one who lost his mind for you.”

“You lost your mind when you were a kid, and never found it since.”

“And all of it, because of a certain Inferni which I feel in love with.”

“What….?”

“I’m serious, Y/n.” he looked straight into her eyes “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Nik.”

“Great. Now that we got this covered, time to get up and get back to work!”

***

Besides that little unplanned thing, everything went smoothly. Soon, Alina and Mal joined the crusade and they all returned to Ravka happily, ready to stand against Kirigan. Sad part, old rumors did not die and soon, the prince heard about Y/N’s past and about her apparently being a traitor.

End of flashback

She was with Kirigan again. He was too close, causing her so much pain and she could not endure it all. Her skin aching, reddening and bruising. Again and again and again.

And that made her woke up. Sweaty, shaken and terrified, turning around and trying to reach to other side of bed but she found it empty. He was probably in the adherent room, listening to all his advisors and Grisha filling him in on the country situation.

“Nikolai?” she came thought the door and surprisingly found him alone, sitting on the chair, head hung low, running a hand through his hair. “What happened, my love?” in a second she was next to him grabbing his hand and caressing it gently.

“I… I’ve spoken to some people.” He started “about the country.”

“Is it that bad?”

„Were you conspiring with Darkling?” he said suddenly, his voice cold as ice and she could not recall any time in the past he was so indifferent towards her.

“What?” she gasped taking a step back, utterly terrified by that simple question. No,no, no, no. Oh, saint, please no.

“Answer me, Y/N. Were. You. Scheming. With him?” now his tone was angered, he was clenching his teeth to prevent himself from yelling.

“How could you even ask me that?” she stuttered, her heart breaking.

“I have every reason to suspect you have not been loyal. First of them being the fact you never told me about your past here. You were not ready to talk about it, huh? Now it would make sense why you have those marks on your back. This was punishment, wasn’t it?” he stood up, towering over her and suddenly she felt so small, so vulnerable against his rage. How could she ever explain it to him to make him understand?

“Nik…” poor girl trembled, hurt beyond any recognition “you don’t believe the rumors, do… do you?”

“Give me a reason not to.”

“You have no right to judge me! You don’t know what it was like! What is felt like to be forced to do things you don’t want to just to keep yourself alive!”

“Don’t I?” he looked straight into her eyes and that struck her with the force of lightning.

“You…. You really think what they say is true…. You….Oh my god, you think I am a traitor!” she cried and hid face in hands to avoid looking at him. He thought she betrayed the Lanstovs, so how come at this moment it felt like he was the one to do exactly the same to her.  

“I’m not accusing you of anything. “I just don’t….” he took a sharp breath and closed his eyes “I don’t want to see you right now. I need to think.“

“Nik….” She cried “Please, you have to listen to me…. It’s not what …..”

“What I have to is for you to leave.”

“Please!” she tried again, reaching for his hand, but he just turned around “Nik, I love you, I was nothing more than loyal, all my life and this is what I get in return?”

“Leave.” he commanded with his price voice

“No.” Y/N was not going to give up so easily

“Don’t make it any harder than it already is.” He warned coldly, but his eyes showed that it was painful for him as well.

“Let’s just talk about it, love, I’m begging you. Darkling, he….”

“I’m sorry Y/N….” his voice broke a bit “you leave me no choice….”

“So what, you are going to call your guards to escort me? Put me under lock and key until you clarify the situation?” she mocked “Don’t bother. I’ll make it easy for you. Might as well save any remnants of dignity I have left. “

 “I promise, you will get fair judgment if you cooperate.”

“Fair judgement? How…. How is this fair?” she sobbed “how is this fair that you believed them against me? I….. you know what? Fine. I’ll go.” Y/N angrily wiped away the tears and fixed her pants “You may not have Lantsov blood in your veins, moi tsar, but you surely act like one.” She turned around and walked away with the guards, missing that utterly broken and hurt expression on his face. But he had it coming.

***

He regretted treating her this way the moment she walked thought the door.

He was torn.

He was a king, he was supposed to be firm, unwavering and deliver objective justice by not being biased by personal likings and feelings.

But it was so damn hard.

He loved her, like no one before, with all his heart. Nik had already forgiven her for everything or at least desperately wanted to do so, but King Nikolai had duties, obligations and had to protect Ravka and put it first. He could not tolerate any symptom of not being loyal. Not under the current circumstances. 

But she was so broken…. So hurt and scarred. He was the reason tears showed in her eyes and that urge to just run after her, grab her, pull her close and kiss the pain away was overwhelming.

Nik would believe a single word of denial of those allegations coming from her mouth, but king Nikolai needed hard proof.

He had no idea what to do apart from running hands through his hair in despair.

As if that could help

***

“I don’t envy her. First she was used as a Darkling toy, now got into the black books of the prince”

 “She should have been more careful. Playing double with Lantsov and Kirigan couldn’t have ended well.”

“But still, in addition to those scars on the back she will have some mental damage. I pity her. Truly.”

“I don’t. She always had too big appetite and ambitions for her own good and…..”

“What are you talking about?” Nikolai peeked through the door, overhearing the guards chattering

“Moi tsar” they both saluted and bowed in respect

“What is this about?” he insisted, demanding explanation “Talk. Now.”

And that was how he learned the other side of the story.

And it left him heartbroken and full of unimaginable amount of guilt.

She was never going to forgive him for treating her this way, but he was ready to beg on his knees just to see even a glimpse of warm feelings from her.

***

While Nikolai was listening to the story and swimming in regret, Y/N was lying on her bed, back to the door, curled up, sobbing and shaking. It was just too much. It felt like she was accused of so many terrible things, since she was 15. First by Lantsovs, then by Kirigan, then by her fellow Grisha (give or take a few exceptions), and now by Nikolai. The last one hurt the most.

He should have believed her, not the gossip.

He should have listened.

He shouldn’t have ask her for explanation of the matter.

He broke her heart with the use of one little word.

Traitor.

How could he think she would ever betray him or his famliy. Even after everything the Lantsov did to her?

She got scars because she never lost hope he will return and put Ravka back together.

She was used, manipulated and laughed at, just because she saw more than anyone else.

And now….

Now he wouldn’t want to see her.

“Y/N…..”

“Genya?” Y/N propped herself on the elbow, meeting with the scarred face of her best friend. “What…. what happened to you?”

“nietchevo’ya……”she whispered looking down onto the floor, hiding her damaged face behind hair

“Oh, Genya!” the Inferni stood up and hugged the tailor, both of the girls started crying even more “I am so, so, so sorry. You did not deserve this. None of us ever deserved this.”

“I….” Genya stuttered “I should have taken your side. Back then….. But I chose to be silent and …..”

“Sh, sh….” Y/N caressed her hair “It’s in the past. We cannot dwell on that. We need to stick together now, that;s the only way….”

“Please, forgive me for everything …..”

“You did nothing wrong, my friend.” Y/n looked her straight into the eyes “you hear me? Nothing. We have to make hard choices sometimes and carry the results with us. But it doesn’t make us bad people. It does not make us monsters.” 

“Is that what you truly believe in?” a small, broken male voice came from behind and both girls turned around only to spot Nikolai, with disheveled hair and reddened face.

‘moi tsar” Genya try to bow, but Y/N stopped her from this

“not until the coronation.” He simply stated

“I will leave you two alone….”

“Y/N…”  Nik whispered taking a step forward trying to make her back away “I… I don’t even know how to begin expressing …..”

“Why are you here, Nik?” she fixed her gaze on the floor, not ready to look into his eyes

“I know everything now.”

“Which is?” now she raised head, single droplets falling down her cheeks “You know how I got the scars? Did they tell you how I was treated by everyone here? By Darkling? By your mother? By Apparat? Like no one.”

“I know….”

“Did your informer told you I created dozens of plans and strategies in case of any attack from Darling attack on your family and shared them with generals and they called me insane? Did they tell you I was a playtoy? Did you believe them only because you saw Genya damaged in similar way? Did they tell you…..” she broke and fell onto the ground, clutching her heart desperately. It was all coming back and she could not breathe, feeling the panic attack taking over her.    

“My love.” In a blink of an eye, Nikolai was next to her, embracing her, hoping she would not push him back. Luckily she clung to him tightly, searching for that safety and protection she always felt in his arms. He messed up. Really bad. And yet she wasn't figthing him. “Saints, I swear I never meant to cause you any harm.”

“I…. I…… I know….. I.... need to tell you the whole truth, you deserve it."

"You don't have to say a single word, darling."

"I want to..... I....." she took a sharp, shaking inhal ready to go on, but was stopped.

“No. Hush. I’m so sorry.” He kissed her head and pulled her closer “I can’t even tell you how, love. I was torn between being your Nikolai and the king everyone wants me to be. Guess I failed at both.”

 “No.” she shook her head and slightly moved away, but still staying in his arms “you… did not....”

“I did, my love, if it puts you in such state.”

“No.” she gulped “you, Nik, have the power to make Ravka a better place. To make everything better. I know it. And it comes with hard choices and  …..”

“And you should never be one of those. You are my priority and I;m sorry I was blinded.”

“Heavy is the head who wears the crown….” She quoted the poem they used to know and mock as children “guess we only understand the true meaning behind it now.”

“I love you….” he cupped her cheeks and wiped the tears away

“I love you too….”

“Can you forgive me?”

“As long as you promise to never doubt me in the future. And to talk to me if something bothers you. I will never cause you any harm.”

“Guess now you will have to.” He smirked “You’re gonna have to make us even.”

“Idiot.” She rolled her eyes “you are an idiot, moi tsarevich. Here, I just offended the head of the country. Is that enough for you?”

“That’s a start.” He smirked and captured her lips in his, slowly, gently, caressing her scared back at the same time. “I swear to you, everyone who ever hurt you will be punished. I will hit Kirigan with everything I have. And as for my mother.... mother of Ravka" he muttered "I should have known what my family was capable of. I am sorry, my love...."

"Just be better."

"I will do the best I can as long as you are by my side." she nodded" now, come on, we got job to do and I need you with me.”

“Ugh! After a kiss like that I was expecting a bit more of an apology..."

“I solemnly swear to continue once we are done. Is that worth waiting for?”

“Let’s hope you can live up to your promises, prince.”  

@bradleyroosterbradshawfr

@hauntedenthusiasttragedy

[the-sound-of-her-wings]

We Have the Past to Bury

❀ Premise: A traumatic figure from your past reappears, causing you to reveal yourself as an Inferni to the Crows for the first time. They try to comfort you after you win the fight. Based on this ask. ❀ Pairing: Fem!Inferni!Reader x Kaz Brekker ❀ Word Count: 2,211 ❀ Content Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Nightmare Sequence Involving Fire, Death by Fire, People being burned alive, Angst to Fluff

Everything is on fire. The floor, the ceilings, the walls. You are in the center of it, wailing, trying not to catch fire. You stumble to the floor. A flaming beam falls next to you and you scream. The fire begins to slowly encircle you, growing ever closer. You bury your head in your knees, too scared to move. Suddenly, there is a loud wooshing sound, followed by footsteps.

You hear some adults talking but you don’t recognize their voices.

“It’s okay, little one.” You hear.

You look up and see kind, dark eyes looking into yours. The man has crouched down to your level in order to make you feel comfortable. He holds out his hand to you, and you take it.

You gasp for breath as you awaken from the nightmare. Thankfully, the tent you share with Inej is already empty. You take a few deep breaths to slow down your heart rate before preparing yourself for the day ahead.

“You’re up rather late today, something keeping you awake at night?” Nina asks with a wink and a sly glance at Kaz.

“Just needed more rest,” You lie.

Kaz gives you a look, but you just shake your head. You'll talk about it another time.

“I saved you some breakfast,” Inej says, throwing you an apple.

“Thanks,” You reply, catching it.

“We’ve got one more day of travel until we reach the intercept point,” Kaz states, gesturing to a map laid out on a table in the center of camp.

“You know, it’s a little unfair that we have to travel on foot when Alina gets a horse and carriage,” Jesper comments.

“Horses aren’t good spies,” Matthias retorts without elaborating.

“She needs to be obvious. We don’t,” Nina adds.

“Doesn’t make it any less fair,” Jesper says.

“Wylan, is our path clear?” Kaz asks, ignoring the conversation.

“Kaz…” Wylan says, his binoculars showing the number of troops vastly outnumber their small team, “I think the Darkling’s army took a detour.” He did not pack enough explosives for this.

“He’s here?” You ask, your stomach dropping.

“Does anyone know how to defeat the Darkling without the sun summoner?” Jesper asks.

“We don’t need to defeat him. We just have to stall.” Kaz replies, taking the binoculars from Wylan and taking a look for himself.

“Can we ambush them?” Matthias asks.

“There’s too many,” Kaz says.

“Do they know we’re here?” Inej asks.

“The heartrenders do. There are at least two of them- they appear to be guarding the Darkling,” Nina says.

“Do we have to engage?” You question, swaying back and forth to try and quell your anxiety.

“We don’t have a choice,” Kaz states.

You grip the lighter in your pocket- the lighter they don’t know about- and release it, “Okay,”

It starts with an explosion. Wylan’s able to wipe out about a third of the Darkling’s forces before the battle even really begins. You, Inej, and Matthias all run in ahead of the others. You’re able to take out about ten people on your own with just your knives. Everyone tries to hold their own, but there are too many people.

The Darkling walks toward the group, leisurely. His two heart renders have a hold of the group, attempting to knock everyone unconscious to make them easier to kill.

“Pathetic,” He says.

The others aren’t sure what happens at first. There is a flash of light, so bright, so hot, they're not sure they saw anything at all. When it fades, the two heartrenders are lying on the ground, covered in black soot. You are standing in front of the Darkling, sleeves completely burnt off. You storm towards him, putting up a circle of fire around the perimeter, preventing him from leaving and any of your friends from getting in.

“Y/N!” Kaz yells after you. He backs away from the flames, knowing there’s no way to reach you now.

“Hello, y/n.”

“You do not get to speak to them like that.” You reply, dagger pointing towards him.

“Oh, get rid of that silly thing,” He rips it from your hand with his power. “You’re much more powerful without it.”

“Am I?” You retort, “Or am I just more useful to you like this.”

“You shouldn’t repress your nature. It’s unhealthy,” He says.

“Why are you doing this?”

“They have taken everything from us. They have abused us and used us, and hated us for far too long. The Otkazat'sya deserve nothing.”

“As if you have not used me. As if you did not use Genya. As if you have not sacrificed thousands of us in pursuit of your justice. Can you even call it that, with everything you’ve done?” You taunt, drawing out the lighter you keep in your pocket for emergencies.

“Freedom doesn’t come without sacrifice. Every choice I made was for the betterment of the Grisha.”

“Do not justify yourself to me,” You say, thumb pressed against the lighter, ready to light it at any second. “Do not think you can win me over with your words. Our people have suffered because of you.”

“They would have killed all of us,” The Darkling says. “This is the only way to show them we are stronger. That they should never dare to lay a finger on us.”

“You’ve lived so long and you are still trying to rule with fear. Grisha die every day. They are abused every day. And you think the solution is to make them hate us more?”

“They will hate us regardless.”

“You are a fool, Aleksander,” You say. The world around you erupts in an explosion of flames and darkness. When the dust clears, all that remains are the charred remains of the people you killed.

You put out the ring of fire, and see your friends still fighting. They are holding their own, those left behind being abandoned by their leader, but you don’t care.

The bullet Jesper had intended to kill the person he was fighting melts before it can hit them. The person is also gone, turned into ash. He stares after you when you walk past him, having never seen you do anything like that before.

The Grisha surrounding Nina aren’t as lucky. They erupt into flames, despite a tilemaker being among them. The air is too hot to hold any humidity. You have made the air hostile to water. The Grisha scream in agony, begging you to put out the fire as their flesh becomes rilled with burns- you ignore them.

“Y/N?” Nina calls.

Inej looks up, removing her knife from the last Grisha she had been fighting. She watches as a man tries to attack you, but you simply put up your hand- and then his head is gone. Matthias sees it too. He knows the power you are exhibiting is the reason his culture hates witches. Inej glances back at Nina, Jesper, and Wylan who are staring at you, concerned.

The knife in Kaz’s hand melts as it goes into the skull of the last standing Grisha. His glove catches fire slightly, but you put it out instantly. You do not put out the last Grisha.

“Please… please..” He pleads.

“You were made from dust. Return to it,” You hiss. His ashes float away in the wind.

You offer your hand to Kaz, who stumbled backward once the knife was melted. He takes it, and when he stands, he gets close to your face. You immediately drop his gloved hand and begin walking away. You give yourself a light one more time and scorch the earth behind you with the symbol of the crows.

“We’re done here,” You state, making your way back to camp. Tears begin to roll down your face as you walk.

XXXXX

You stare deeply into the fire, holding your knees to your chest. Inej and Nina sit on either side of you.

“You’ve done that before,” Matthias states, sitting on the opposite side of the fire. Nina shoots him a look.

“Many times.” You reply, “You never get used to the screams.” You feel Inej’s hand on your shoulder, but you are too tired to shrug off her affection. Nina tries to pick the ashes that still remain out of your hair.

“You don’t,” He agrees.

“Do you remember the first person you killed?” You ask.

He nods. They don’t say it, but Nina and Inej remember, too.

“Do you regret it?”

“No. Do you?”

You say nothing, just stare deeper into the fire.

“They would have killed us. It was self-defense.” Matthias replies, unsure of how to comfort you. No one’s really sure how to comfort you, but they are all trying their best.

“I know,” You say.

“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat? Jesper and Wylan made a soup for us,” Nina asks.

“It is edible,” Inej adds. It was distinctly not edible the last time they tried to make something, so you appreciate the addition.

“I’m fine, thank you.” You respond.

“Well, we all know that’s a lie.” Nina retorts. “Eating might make you feel better.”

“It won’t. But you’re right, I should eat.” You relent.

Nina gets up from her seat and pours you a bowl of soup. It is decent.

“Thank you,” You say, partially uncurling from your position to allow you to eat easier.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Inej asks.

“Not particularly.” You respond.

“Oh, are we wallowing in despair over here?” Jesper asks, mildly drunk, holding a mug of vodka in hand. Wesper is attached to him at the hip, considerably drunker. You reduce the size of the fire just in case one of them might hurt themselves.

“Maybe a little,” You state. “Thank you for the soup.”

“You melted one of my bullets. It was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” Jesper compliments.

“The wall of fire was pretty cool, too,” Wylan adds.

“Uh- thanks?” You reply.

“I think we should celebrate. You kicked ass today,” Jesper says.

Wylan nods in agreement.

“It wasn’t just me.” You say, reducing your own contributions.

“Then there’s even more reason to celebrate! We sent the Darkling running.” He cheers before taking a big swig.

“There’s always time for a little dancing, isn’t there?” Nina says, smirking at Matthias.

“A drink wouldn’t hurt,” Inej comments, trying to convince herself to participate.

“I think I’ll just get some rest. I’ll celebrate tomorrow,” You state, standing up. You place the bowl on the table and head to your tent, not paying attention to whatever’s going on behind you.

Kaz is waiting for you when you enter. He’s holding all the knives you left in people’s skulls on the battlefield- the one’s that he thought were your only weapon until you started turning people to ash.

“I’m sorry.” You say, reflexively. You’re not really sure what you are apologizing for. Sorry I didn’t tell you I was an inferni this entire time? Sorry I didn’t tell you that I know the Darkling? Sorry I burnt your glove and melted your knife?

“We all have our secrets.” He dismisses. “I wanted to make sure these got back to you.” He says, handing you the knives with the hilt pointed toward you.

“Thank you, Kaz.” You say, putting them in your pocket.

“You haven’t treated your wounds,” He states, noticing cuts and scrapes on your arms and the ash built up around your fingers.

“It’s nothing,” You reply, “Nina took care of the most severe one’s already.”

Kaz glances behind you outside of the tent to see the others dancing with no music. Nina is teaching Matthias how to Waltz, while Wylan and Jesper are taking turns twirling each other. Inej is swaying back and forth, supportively.

“They seem to be in a good mood,” He comments.

“I suppose they’re just happy to be alive.” You state.

You stand in silence, not really sure what you want to say to each other.

“I don’t like using the small sciences.” You say.

“I won’t make you use it,” Kaz replies, even though it’s the wrong option strategically. Everyone saw how powerful you were.

"The Darkling used to make me use them. He used to make me do all sorts of things I didn't want to do. He said they were necessary. He said-" You ramble.

"What he said doesn't matter. You're not under his control anymore. You're not his." Kaz retorts, making a fist.

"He said we were pathetic. And it made me so angry. I don't want to be that angry ever again." You vent, tears in your eyes. "I almost hurt you."

"You didn't." He states.

"But-"

"Y/N, you didn't hurt me. You didn't hurt any of us." Kaz interrupts. He takes both of your hands to try and calm you down.

“I’ll get you another dagger. To replace the one I melted,” You promise as he lets go. You wipe away the tears from your eyes with the back of your hand.

“You’ll need a new dress.” He responds. “You burned the sleeves off of this one.”

“Thank you,” You say.

Kaz nods and walks past you to leave.

“Kaz? Could you stay here tonight?” You ask. “I don’t… I don’t think I want to be alone.”

“Then you won’t be,” He replies.

[marvelmusing]

Keep Your Judgement

Chapter One

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Fem!Reader

Summary: When the Darkling and the Sun Summoner are supposed dead in the Fold, Ravka turns on Grisha, and you find yourself imprisoned by First Army soldiers. It’s then that you realise your power as a durast has been severely underutilised and perhaps you are meant for more.

Warnings: Grisha persecution, canon level violence and death, this entire series will take place during the events of season two so there will be spoilers

My Masterlist • Series Masterlist

The angry glow of torches casts a flicker of orange light over the metal bars that encage you.

At the sound of a glass bottle shattering against the ground, the lingering dazedness from sleep leaves your body, activating your fight or flight response. But the First Army soldiers that captured you wouldn’t allow you a fair fight against them, binding your hands at the first opportunity, and the locks keeping you confined cannot be opened by your power while the shackles around your wrists are in place.

Beyond the group of soldiers that drink around their fire, the Fold towers high above. Thunder booms in the distance and the bone chilling screams of the volcra send a spike of fear through you.

Everyone knows the Fold has been shifting, swallowing towns, and leaving destruction behind in its wake. It is only a matter of time before it will reach you and the rest of the Grisha in the cages that surround yours.

Every now and then, when the soldiers are feeling particularly spiteful or overconfident, they will drag a Grisha out of their cage and walk them up to the Fold, pushing them into the billowing darkness to face the volcra.

Tears fill your eyes as you remember yesterday evening, when Fedoyr had been taken. He was your oldest friend, the first you had ever made at the Little Palace. When the soldiers had kicked and shoved him through their makeshift camp, you had pleaded for them to take you instead.

One of the soldiers had opened your cell, stood barely an inch away from you as tears spilled down your cheeks. Then he had told you that you would be the last one to enter the Fold, that they will make you watch each and every Grisha suffer and die before you meet the same fate.

Over the last few days, you have been testing the scope of your power, trying to manipulate anything around you. Working for the war effort had limited your opportunities to fully explore your power, too busy creating corecloth for keftas or new weaponry for the First Army – the same people that now hunt down Grisha and kill them.

Anti-Grisha sentiments had been growing for years now, with Zlatan rallying his forces in the West and Drüskelle attacking along the northern frontlines. Even in Os Alta, the otkazat’sya, nobles and commoners alike, had looked down on you.

With the appearance of the sun summoner, you and your fellow Grisha had been given true hope for the first time – that they might see your power as something good. After all, if they viewed a summoner like her as a miracle, shouldn’t your power own power also be seen as something extraordinary?

Though you certainly don’t feel extraordinary as you feel the pins in your shackles shift minutely, barely noticeable. As the hours drag on, the metal moves slowly as you unlock your shackles. Most of the soldiers are asleep now, aside from the two guards that circle around the camp and the cages, taking the same route every night.  

Sweat beads over your brows, every muscle in your arms strains with exertion, but you continue. As you feel the lock twisting, a hairsbreadth away from freedom, you run over everything you are about to do. Luckily, you’re wearing your kefta and after weeks of being helpless you’re ready to make them pay.

Watching the guards carefully, you wait until the moment they are both out of your sight. The shackles slacken around your wrists allowing you to slip free. In just under a minute, you will be back in their peripherals, putting you at risk of being caught.

Clasping your hands together, you lift the lever inside the lock on your cage, it moves without a sound and you step out. Silently, you stick to the shadows cast by the firelight, avoiding the guards and praying they don’t notice your cage is empty.

A heartrender is the first you manage to free, with the intention for her to dispose of the guards quietly. She nods resolutely when you tell her the plan and she disappears into the shadows to handle them. Two durasts are in the next cage, and once they are free you tell them to work on freeing the rest of the Grisha.

It’s at that moment, one of the soldiers by the fire notices movement, the purple of your kefta doing little to camouflage yourself amongst the darkness. He calls out to his friends, nudging the one closest to him as he stands, grabbing his gun and loading it.

“Get down!” you cry out as the first shot rings out.

Ducking behind a barrel, you focus on the materials around you, searching for anything that could help you. Concentrating on the barrel of his gun, you begin to twist the material, rendering it useless. He swears loudly, but you don’t have time to celebrate your victory as the others begin shooting.

The heartrender runs with her body lowered as she reaches a pile of wooden crates opposite you. She exchanges a determined look with you, and she folds her hands together, flexing her fingers in a motion instantly recognisable to you.

The three nearest soldiers clutch their chests, dropping their guns as blood spurts from their mouths, which provides you the opportunity to rush forwards. Clapping your hands together, you focus your power on the shimmering brass buttons attached to their uniforms. Twisting your palms, you curl the fingers on your dominant hand before thrusting it towards them.

The buttons snap from the thin threads tying them down, burying the metal deep into their bodies, pressing through skin and flesh into their vital organs. A few of them collapse instantly, a few stumble as they clutch their sides.

Beside you, the heartrender picks off those that had roused from sleep, joining the fight late. As one of them fires his gun, you bring your hands together before you flick your fingers to one side, casting his bullets away from the heartrender.

As she swings a punch at one who had managed to get too close, someone seizes you from behind, pining your arms back as another loops a wire around your neck, tugging hard. Instantly, your breathing becomes laboured as you gasp and thrash violently.

As dark curls at your vision, you seek out the material that’s pressing against your throat, putting every ounce of effort you have left into breaking it. Tears run hot down your face as desperation claws at your chest, frightened by the lack of air in your lungs.  

There’s a snap and suddenly you’re falling.

Heaving in air, you push yourself forwards, stumbling away from the two soldiers who had fallen back due to the momentum caused by the wire snapping. Quickly, you press your hands together, searching frantically for metal on their clothing.

One of them cries out as the metal clasps of his breeches dig into his abdomen. Red seeps over his white shirt as he writhes on the ground. When the other one stands, charging towards you, the power inside you acts instinctively. Seizing the thin chain around his neck, you tighten it around his throat.

He falls, fingers clutching frantically at the metal, but you are relentless. Stepping closer, you watch as he collapses, heaving for breath, veins bulging. With a flick of your fingers, you yank hard on the necklace. There’s a sickening crack. Then he stills.

Eyes wide with horror, the other soldier backs away, hands pressed painfully against his bleeding sides from where you had buried the metal inside him. Somehow, he stumbles to his feet and begins to run away.

Stunned by your own ability, that you had been able to kill him so easily, prevents you from furthering your attack. He almost reaches the edge of the camp before you begin to pursue him. As your power reaches for the stray coins in his trouser pocket, intending on digging them into his thigh, you sense something different. Not on the man.

The energy you sense sends a shiver over you, encouraging you to peer out into the darkness of the night.

It’s then that you see the shadows move.

Screams are the first thing you process, as the soldier you had been chasing is lifted up by a billowing column of darkness. Claws rip through his skin and a great yawning mouth sinks into his already bloody side. Once the creature is done with him, it dissolves into the night, leaving the body a crumpled heap on the ground.

The heartrender appears at your side, staring wide eyed at what had just happened as the rest of the Grisha stretch their legs and arms, cautiously basking in their newfound freedom.

As a hooded figure steps out the darkness, prompting the two of you to clasp your hands together, readying your power for a defensive measure.

“That won’t be necessary,” the advancing silhouette states calmly. A man’s voice.

As your power reaches out, you sense the corecloth draped over his body. Black corecloth, with lines of gold that shimmer lightly under the firelight. The figure lifts his hood, revealing a familiar face, sporting unfamiliar dark scars over his features.

The General. The Darkling. He survived the Fold.

For a moment, his eyes lock on yours and he lifts his chin slightly.

“I have returned.”

-

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[readerinsertsaremyguiltypleasure]

Heyyy I was wondering if u could write like a moon summoner x darkling smut . She could be disguised as the queens lady in waiting when in reality she’s the kings personal bodyguard . Alexander could find out who she is when she appears to help save Alina when she’s attacked on the way to the little palace .

thank uuuu

Hi. Thanks for the prompt. I took a couple of liberties with this one, so I hope that's okay.

First of all, I went with a sun summoner reader. Whenever I read "moon summoner", I just picture the reader conjuring a mini moon and hurling it at their enemies like a Poké Ball, which I'm pretty sure is not what you had in mind. So, seeing as moonlight is just reflected sunlight anyway, sun summoner seemed the best compromise.

Secondly, I couldn't quite make the lady in waiting thing work, so I made it that she is just part of the King's Guard, but that is where she is hiding.

Everything else fits with your prompt. I think.

Anyways, I hope you like it.

_____________________________________

You had known something was going to go wrong on this trip. You had felt it as soon as the King had told you that you were to accompany General Kirigan to oversee the latest skiff’s maiden voyage. You were Grisha, yes, but you were also part of the King’s personal guard; not officially part of the second army. Guarding the General was not your job.

It wasn’t like he needed the extra help, anyway. And as far as everybody else was concerned, you were merely an Inferni. The strongest Inferni in Ravka, but an Inferni nonetheless. As far as they knew, your power was inconsequential to that of the Darkling.

They were wrong.

But that was how you liked it. If they knew the truth about you, they’d give you a responsibility that you knew you couldn’t live up to.

But knowledge of your true power or no, the King had still wanted you on this trip - just in case - and now you were in the middle of an ambush.

A scream caught your attention, and you turned to see your newest charge, Alina Starkov, being dragged into the woods by a fierce look Fjerdan. You ducked behind a tree as more bullets came your way, and then ran off after them.

It didn’t take long to find them. They were in the middle of a clearing, not far from the treeline. The Fjerdan had Alina pinned to the ground, axe above his head and ready to strike.

There was no way you could get across the clearing in time to save her. And they were too far away to pass off your powers as that of normal fire.

But you couldn’t let her die. She was like you.

She was a Sun Summoner.

Willing up as much power as you could, you brought your hands together and then sent a bolt of light across the clearing. Your aim was true, and you burnt a whole straight through the Fjerdan’s chest.

You hadn’t realised you weren’t the only one who had come to Alina’s rescue until it was too late. If you had known the Darkling was right behind you, you would have let him deal with it. The cut worked just as well with shadow as it did with light, after all.

‘You’re no Inferni,’ said General Kirigan, staring at you like you were a jewel he had long searched for.

And despite the fact that your secret was out and your life was now changed forever, you couldn’t help but preen under his gaze.

Genya had always warned you to be wary of powerful men… but you’d always had trouble listening to her advice.

----

When you got back to the Little Palace, Kirigan had passed Alina off onto Genya and had then all but dragged you to his private quarters. The echoing of the door closing behind you both made you nervous.

You tried distracting yourself by surveying the large map of Ravka on the table, but Kirigan didn’t let you remain distracted for long. ‘An interesting day,’ he said as he slowly walked towards you. ‘I started out with no Sun Summoner. Now I have two.’

The way he moved was almost predatory, and it made something inside you stir. Something you didn’t want to analyse too much.

‘Why did you hide?’ he asked.

‘I can’t tear down the Fold.’

You figured it was best to get straight to the point. You may not have been under his command, but you knew he was not one to purposefully anger.

‘I’m not powerful enough, and if I failed, I would no doubt be punished.’

Kirigan regarded you, now close enough to touch you if he so chose. ‘So, to hide, you turned your sun powers into that of just normal fire. Clever.’

He took a step back, and a moment later, the room was filled with his shadows. You couldn’t even see him anymore, though you knew he was still right in front of you.

‘Show me,’ his voice came from the darkness. A command if ever you’d heard one.

You knew it was no use defying him, so you brought your hands together and conjured the biggest ball of sunlight you could, sending it up above your head. It was enough to light the area between you and Kirigan, but nothing more.

But then he stepped forward and grabbed your wrist.

The power you felt flowing through you was like nothing you’d ever felt before, and without you even realising it, your small sun blazed into an inferno, lighting the whole room as if it were the middle of a cloudless day.

The look Kirigan gave at your display could not have been described as anything less than hungry.

‘You’re perfect,’ was all he said before his mouth was suddenly on yours, devouring you with a possessive kiss.

High on the power of his amplification and the fact that this handsome man wanted you, you returned the kiss eagerly, and you soon found yourself being lifted onto the table behind you.

The moment Kirigan’s hand left your skin, your sunlight faded, but that was okay. So had his shadows, and you could still see him quite clearly as he deftly undid your kefta.

‘To think I had you under my nose the entire time,’ he said between smaller kisses to your neck and jaw. You were sure you were going to have marks in the morning.

You didn’t care.

Once he had your kefta off, your hands scrambled at his own clothes, but he grabbed your wrists, stopping you. He didn’t say anything, but you got the point.

He was in control.

Satisfied that you were going to comply, he released your wrists and got back to undressing you. It felt like mere seconds before he had you in nothing but your underwear.

He stroked his hands over the skin of your thighs, making the power inside you ripple. If this was what just his hands on you felt like, you couldn’t wait to feel the rest of him.

‘Do you want this?’ he asked, voice little more than a growl.

You unconsciously licked your lips as you watched him slowly undo the buttons of his trousers.

‘Saints, yes,’ you breathed. In that moment, you didn’t care that your life was never going to be the same again. In fact, you revelled in it. It felt good to no longer have to hide. It felt freeing.

It also felt good to be fully appreciated. To be wanted.

Kirigan groaned and pushed the material of his trousers out of the way so he could fist himself. You eyes remained fixed on him, mesmerised by the sight.

He gave himself a few pumps before stepping forward and pulling your underwear aside with one finger. He lined himself up and then used his free hand to grab your chin, forcing you to look in his eyes.

The lust you saw in them made you whimper, as did the feel of his skin on yours.

‘You and I are going to do so much together,’ he said, and he pushed himself inside you with one solid thrust. You gasped and resisted the temptation to close your eyes in pleasure.

Kirigan’s gaze never left yours, even as his hips set a brutal pace, and his lips curled into a smile that was full of victory.

‘Now you’re mine.’

[juneisafantasyaddict]

The writers of the SaB show seem to be pulling the exact same shit that lb did in the books. because there’s no way they think ignoring everything the grisha have been forced to endure, pretending that the darkling is the beginning and end of their issues and ravka’s, making sure alina never understands what she’s actually fighting for, etc is going to do anything except make me root for the darkling even more.

The entire second season gives me flashbacks to that insane trilogy because somehow they managed to be even worse than the books. they have alina telling the darkling that he doesn’t understand sacrifice?? really??? a man who has spent centuries of his life fighting for the betterment of his people doesn’t understand sacrifice?? the person who literally made protecting grisha his life goal doesn’t understand sacrifice??? does alina realize that the only reason she wasn’t killed the moment she was discovered was because of him?? because of the work he has done??

They had time for baghra to tell stories about her crazy family and how she killed her sister, but there was no time for her to say “this is what life was like before my son decided he was going to make it better for our kind?” if anything, they just pissed me off more because how the fuck is it possible that they are pretending the biggest issue they have is the darkling?? not the monarchy that has exploited grisha and ravka, not the fjerdans who hunt and kill grisha, not shu han who experiments on them??

Sigh, I can’t even write out my thoughts coherently because I’m so irritated by pretty much everything that happened this season. I’m irritated that instead of telling a complex story, we got this dumbed down garbage that tells us nothing, accomplishes nothing beyond “guy in black is bad.” the narrative condemns him for using merzost because he was so desperate to save his people, he tried forbidden magic, but 20 seconds later the hero is using that same forbidden power to bring her boyfriend back to life??? With zero repercussions?? I want to scream!!

If the narrative is so sure they are right, if they are so sure the darkling is wrong about everything, then why are they so afraid to expose the hero to the suffering of her people?? Let her see what they have to deal with, let her truly understand then. She has been a grisha for less than a year, and somehow she knows what’s best for them?? She doesn’t even know them. The show writers literally spent this season making her chase Mal around. Look what happened when they were going after the seawhip, two people died because she didn’t want to kill it, but they moment it went after Mal, suddenly killing it was ok. Her side of the war got attacked and instead of checking to make sure everyone was ok, including her friend’s brother who was literally about to lose his arm, she was screaming about Mal. You want to tell me about sacrifice?? She only cared about one person, and he was perfectly fine at the end. What does she know about sacrifice?? Why oh why is this fucking story just so determined to make her make all the worst possible decisions??

Incase you haven’t noticed, I haven’t talked about the crows at all, because I hate their presence in this story. They are a distraction!!! The grisha are fighting for their right to exist, Ravka is in the middle of a civil war, I do not have the time to follow the shenanigans of a group of criminals from a different country. I still don’t understand their purpose in this story, except comic relief?? 🤦🏽‍♀️

I love Alina, I really do, but jfc you cannot girl boss your way out of real solutions. They have her basically serving the monarchy and the whole time I kept thinking, if I were grisha, I wouldn’t follow her. She’s the leader of the second army but she’s wearing a first army uniform, she’s more interested in protecting the Lanstov throne than she is in protecting her people. She’s so blinded by everyone saying “the darkling is bad, the fold needs to go” she’s not stopping to say “what happens when the fold is gone?” “What happens after the war?” Because surely, she isn’t naive enough to think the people who started killing grisha as soon as they thought the darkling was gone are going to live peacefully with them now?? It took 2 seconds after the darkling died for Fjerda to send an assassin on jurda parem into ravka. Now that there’s no fold to stop them, what will stop Fjerda or Shu Han from sending an army?? Ignoring everything else the crows did, Kaz was right when he said “when they stop looking at her with gratitude, they’ll start to wonder if she hasn’t overstayed her welcome.” Which is basically what Aleksander kept saying btw, they are not going to love you for long, they are going to hate you eventually because they are afraid of what they don’t understand.

I don’t even know what the point of this was, but yeah, I guess it was a rant about how Fucking ridiculous season 2 of shadow and bone was.

[ohbo-ohno]

I saw your conquer Ghost and I raise you. Viking Ghoap raiding a monastery. Like their on their ship and they spot a monastery in a hill and immediately go for it. They attack ruthlessly, hacking away at the people and they see you. A nun clutching her rosary and cross and she looks so scared and they just have to take you away.

Like yeah they got their gold, silver, and coin but you? Your their best spoil. A pretty little thing that still holds her rosary. Maybe they use it to tie you down or maybe if their sick enough they use the cross in your cunny. Can just imagine these big brutes even fucking her with her nun clothes still on a o it looks like she’s worshiping them when they have her on her knees.

Oh and they definitely use her to get into other monasteries. And then fuck her so good afterwards. Praising her for being such a good little nun and she just cries.

I’m totally okay…definitely not grasping the bars of my enclosure…

ok i am so in love with the idea of forcing someone to betray their people for you and being soooo sweet and praising them so well when they do <3

and the good cop/bad cop they could do with her omgggg

good cop ghost lets bad cop johnny fuck her, kneels right in front of her face and tells her over and over again i'll make him stop, just have to tell us where your little friends are. and johnny's taking yoru virginity and he's not nice about it, so so harsh and rough and bitey :( so she eventually gives in, hiccups and sobs and tells him where to find other monasteries

good cop johnny begs her to tell him the locations so bad cop simon can stop beating her :( his whip feels agonizing against her back, and johnny hates seeing her cry so much, please tell him? please tell him so ghost can stop making everything hurt so much? holds her real close when she finally does, praises her so so sweetly

ignoring all of that - they take her virginity but let her keep holding the rosary because it's comforting for her :( johnny goes to take it and she screams, so ghost chuckles a little darkling while he fucks into her and says let her have it, johnny. poor thing's going through a lot right now, she can keep her little necklace

them buying her all the finery she could ever imagine with the silver and gold they pillaged from her people :( and she's soooo sad and upset every time they give her a gift, she needs so much comforting after they bring her something new

[stromuprisahat]

"I didn’t know whether to laugh or scream."

Siege and Storm- Chapter 15

Oh nein! Mal has issues! With consequences of his actions he should be grateful for, and his girl not sharing every waking thought with him, when her worst worries spring from his most hated topics- the Darkling and her role in politics.

And Alina once again feels responsible for his feelings.

Yeah, this would have a bit more weight, if Alina didn't do it only for appearances' sake. Or if she granted the position due to merit, not random pick of what she views as the lowest low. Or if she didn't continue speaking as if she were a narrator of wildlife documentary, describing a new species of animal that just appeared.

Not necessarily, but it's one of Alina's less far-fetched deductions.

Aleksander could've been aware of David's fascination with Morozova's work. He could've picked the most skilled in bonework or the one most experienced in forging amplifiers- they're supposed to be rare, so not many Fabricators will have that.

*mumbles* And somehow we're to believe this pragmatic man chose to follow Alina, because... ? She's the good one, or whatever?!

*chants* Double agent Kaminsky, double agent Kaminsky!

Alina: Why would you want to kill this man! How horrible! At least question him first!

She would make a delightful morally flexible character, if she were acknowledged as such, and embracing that quality.

Says who? Zoya?

He KeEpS mE So BuSy!

Saints, Alina, you can't believe everything people say about themselves!

Alina: I'm not sure my three months of training are enough, but I can do like two things with my powers, so let's focus on increasing them further AND on the mythical forbidden art that created my goal no. 1 in the first place. I bet nothing can go wrong...

Only signing? Not reading to get into picture? And who prepares them?!

Bureaucracy, baby!

Welcome to responsibility!

I would sympathize with Alina much more, if she showed genuine interest in those she doesn't know. If her motivation weren't merely "Do the opposite of (what I think) the Darkling did". I she truly believed in her own philosophy.

Shocking!

People forced to sit next to half-strangers they're not used to interact with, create unpleasant atmosphere!

My work experience considered- you're lucky there's no visible enmity- you could've made the wrong people sit next to each other and tableware could've ended up in wrong bodyparts.

Also: How is Nadia sitting next to Marie? I thought breaking up already existing friend groups was a point of this whole exercise.

They're not gifts, Nikolai. They're just your father's property, but let's remember the Darkling didn't wait for the Queen to request a specific one's service, and turned it into a gesture of his own thoughtfulness. Fuck his strategems!

Alina's misplaced sensibilities are incredibly frustrating.

She wants to lead Second Army, but not order them, not assign them tasks directly, because that would somehow make her a bad person, instead of efficient leader.

What if no one will volunteer? What if weak, incompetent Squallers will? You don't look at special assignment and think- Yeah, whoever wants to do it... You PICK the most capable person with both sufficient skills AND suitable personality.

Awwww!

Poor granny deserves an Oscar!

[heliads]

Oh! maybe an alina starkov x fem!reader?? it doesn't have to be a big deal, just one where alina and reader enjoy an afternoon together after the end of ruin and rising, thinking about when they came to be together and how much it was all worth it. maybe reader is a healer so she can take care better of the orphanage kids

anything for my favorite saint

masterlist

When you close your eyes, you can still see the ghosts. Hear them, too. They scream more than they speak. Most of the friends you’ve ever had ended up dead before they really got a chance to live. Is that their fault for not trying hard enough to make it through the war, or is it your fault for surviving when they didn’t?

They’ll be gone when you wake up. You’re vaguely aware of this, but not enough to force yourself out of the nightmare now. After all, where else would you see all of the people you’ve lost? When you dream, you dream of how they died, but sometimes you see older memories too, back when everything was still a little bit alright and they could smile more than they didn’t.

The nightmare ends soon enough. Your eyes fly open, your heart beating fast in your chest as you look around. You force yourself to follow your normal nighttime routing before your panic grows uncontrollable. Look around you– familiar four walls, sturdy ceiling. This is not the Little Palace, this is not the duke’s orphanage at Keramzin. Not the old one, at least.

This is the place that has become your home once again. You are here because the war is over. Once the Darkling died and the Shadow Fold fell, Alina Starkov offered you a chance to rebuild, one place at a time. The orphanage was her first choice, and it was yours as well. She gave Mal Oretsev the same chance, but he hadn’t yet seen his fill of the world. You have no idea where he is now; Kerch, perhaps, or some other distant corner of Ravka or another nation, but he’s happy, at least, and you’ve long since learned that matters more than anything else.

The new orphanage is yours and Alina’s, then. That’s the way it was at the start. Alina showed up first, then you, then Mal. You left it first, though. Before the Grisha tester came around to Keramzin, before she saw something in you that she shouldn’t have, you had almost liked it there, as much as any orphan could love a cold hall that was never quite warm enough to be home.

All good things come to an end, though, even the times that are only half-good. Suddenly, you had gone from spending your days and nights attached to Alina by the hip to being completely separated from her. They took you away from Keramzin to learn the Grisha arts in Os Alta, and they say you did not stop weeping for the friend you lost for a month, at least.

Alina confessed to you later that she thought you would have forgotten her at the Little Palace. You were only at the orphanage at Keramzin for such a short time, and Os Alta had far more marvels than little girls in dark halls could ever offer you.

This, you have told her on several occasions, could not be further than the truth. You never lost sight of your best friend, not when they dressed you in Corporalnik red and trained you to be a Healer, not when the years flew by and people started thinking that you’d always been in Os Alta and never anywhere else.

You certainly didn’t forget her when she showed up years later, lost in rumors that she might be the Sun Saint come to save you all. You had flown into her arms the second you were able, and you saw it in her eyes even then, how the fear left her in a flash. Alina knew she would be safe so long as you were with her. No harm could come to either of you if you were together again.

This only ended up being half true. Harm and danger have gotten to know both of you quite well indeed, but you survived the war. Now, you’re back to the way it was again– Alina without her powers, you still with yours, and both of you returning to Keramzin to start the orphanage up again after the Darkling had razed it.

You had never intended to return. They told you that you were capable of amazing things, that you were destined for big crowds with shiny trappings. Miracles only come to the powerful, and a quiet afterlife isn’t encouraged in Os Alta. They had managed to persuade you that you were only so good as your gifts, and you believed them.

You believed them, then it destroyed you piece by piece, and the world took it upon itself to fix that. And so you find a girl, and you let her into your heart enough to convince you to leave your entire world behind. You learn what love is, you learn that love shouldn’t be dependent on what you can achieve as a Grisha but you, only you. You help her create an orphanage. You care for the children who wander your way. It is a life, and it is a good one. Sometimes, you think it’s better than you deserve. You let the girl assure you otherwise.

And now? Now, you’re happy. You watch the sun rise and fall over the hills, and you remember watching Alina summon the sunlight for the first time. It had been marvelous, and she had looked over her shoulder for you the second she did it. It was you and her, forever and always. Even when neither of you were Grisha. Even when you both were. Even now, when you are but she isn’t.

Alina says she doesn’t miss her powers, but you’ve seen the way she watches you when you’re healing kids in the medical wing. For someone who claims she’s perfectly happy to remain human, her eyes linger on how your hands flex and move whenever you use your Corporalnik abilities. At her sides, her fingers always twitch, as if remembering how to call forth a power that no longer answers to her.

You want to offer the use of your abilities, to see if you can heal her enough to potentially give her back the capacity of summoning sunlight again. You think she wants to ask too at times, but both of you are too afraid to imply that there is something broken in her that is fixed in you, and so the quiet ones stay silent for now, at least.

The ceiling over your head feels a little too low, too controlling, so you dress quickly, slipping out of your room under the dim light of dawn. Most of the kids won’t be awake for another few hours, so you won’t have to worry about disturbing them. They’re well behaved kids anyway. They know what it’s like to lose a home, so they’re not that inclined to mess up this one with a few bad choices.

You slip out the back door and into the stands of wild grass. Every time you walk into this meadow, you almost think it’s a dream. You saw it often enough whenever you closed your eyes back at the Little Palace that actually being able to return has never quite been able to seem like anything other than an impossibility.

It has changed since you were a child, obviously. Most of the grass burned away when the Darkling destroyed the orphanage, and it’s slow in coming back. The trees have been blighted, but they’re getting better. We are all getting better.

You take a few steps more then pause, cocking your head to the side as you register the sound of heartbeats emanating from the ground a few paces away. You follow the beating until you come to a stop in front of a young woman lying on her back in the grass. Her eyes are closed, but she still smiles when she says, “I knew you’d find me out here.”

You smile back and take a seat on the ground next to her. “It’s your favorite spot, Alina. Where else would I look?”

Alina cracks open her eyelids enough to glance up at you. “Consider me overly nostalgic, then. Can you blame me? It’s quiet out here.”

You chuckle softly. “I know. I remember it being louder, though. Maybe there were more birds or something.”

“Or maybe we weren’t out here at dawn. We slept in more often when we were small,” Alina retorts.

There’s a silent despair in those words. You could sleep more when you were little because you had far less to fear. The only people you had lost were your parents. Now you have buried far more than just two people, and your sleep suffers accordingly.

That time has passed, though. There will be no more conflict, not for either of you. Not if you have your way with it.

“Still,” you whisper, “it’s a nice place.”

Alina hums in agreement. “We used to come out here all the time, didn’t we? You and me and Mal.”

Obnoxiously, your mood sours at the mention of Mal. He was your friend too, but you always liked Alina more, and you always feared that she would in turn prefer his company. You certainly heard enough rumors of Alina’s boy back home when she first came to the Little Palace. You had assumed those rumors were false when she chose to live at the orphanage with you instead of him, but your insecurities always choose to argue that whenever you think of him.

You sigh. “Mal wasn’t the only one in that meadow, you know.”

Alina sits up on her elbows, tilting her head back so she can stare at the brightening sky. “I know. Sometimes it was just us.”

You keep your eyes focused on the grass in front of you. “To me, it was just us.”

“It was the same for me,” Alina replies. 

You risk a peek her way and realize that she’s smiling. It’s the same soft smile she always wears with you, the one that tells you that she’s finally let her guard down. She never quite had it with Mal, but she had it with you. Always with you. There’s a reason for that, you know. There’s a reason for that, if you care enough to look.

And when have you not cared enough about Alina? She was your sun to orbit ever since the very first day you arrived at Keramzin. You have needed her every day of your life, and now you have her now, you have her forever. If you do not use the time you have, it will be wasted, and you have lost enough years to blood and bone to frivolously use up any more.

“I love you,” you say suddenly.

Alina goes quiet. At last, she looks at you, and says, “I love you too. I always have.”

“I know,” you tell her, “I know.”

You do. You know everything about Alina. And, the reason you stayed with her, the reason you left the rest of the Grisha to come home with her, the knowledge that she loved you just as much as you loved her, even if neither of you had properly addressed it. There was no reason to say such an obvious truth, not then. Still, it’s nice to hear it now.

Alina reaches through the struggling grass to take your hand. She passes her thumb over your knuckles as if to say:  here are your hands, which have cost lives and given them back, which have fought in wars and won them, and I want them anyway. There is no part of you that Alina does not want, even the quiet voices and the dark, looming memories. All of it is beautiful to her. It could be naive, or it could just be the love of someone who has known you all your life and understands enough to want to keep you in hers.

You can hear the distant sounds of the children starting to wake, how the laughter and voices begin to trickle out of the windows and doors. The sun rises on a new day, a good day, and you breathe in the gentle heat of the morning. There is much to do, but that is not a bad thing. Not at all.

requested by @cassiecrown, i hope you enjoy!

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