#exam in the morning but they cut off our service state wide and NOTHING was working on my phone not data not wifi NOTHING

[luvrodite]

you guys. you will not believe the day i’ve had and it isn’t even mid afternoon

[cafecitowriter]

36 Part 3 (Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader)

A/N: Well here it is! This part was a lot longer than I was expecting it to be but I’m super excited for everyone to read it :) If you have any feedback or more requests, please let me know! :) I will try to get through more writing but with school picking up I make no promises, except to do my best :)

Part 1  Part 2 

Masterlist

After you had left, Lin looked at the time to see that it was barely 6:30am. Not knowing what else to do, he hopped in the shower to try and clear his foggy mind. A few hours ago he was certain that he had ruined everything. He had wanted to call you immediately and apologize, knowing that it would be more effective than running out after you and trying to find you by sheer will. It was then that he had noticed that you had left your phone behind, and there was no way to contact you. Lin panicked, and he prayed with everything he had that you wouldn’t get hurt. Well, more hurt than what he had already caused.

He mentally kicked himself for not realizing sooner what he was doing. Of course this musical was incredibly important to him, and Alex and Tommy were getting on his case now more than ever to finish writing, but he had let you slip through his fingers as a result. He had neglected you, and you had blamed yourself. He couldn’t help but remember your last words to him before you left.

“Well then please forgive me for wanting to be enough for my husband.”

In his eyes, you were more than enough. God you were everything. But his ignorance had made you believe that you weren’t as incredible as he knew you were.

…

You were pacing the floor in anticipation. Lin was watching from the couch.

“You know I think just one more hour of this and you’ll create a rut in the floor worthy of a Looney Tunes cartoon,” Lin mused.

“Lin this isn’t funny,” you sighed.

“Cariña, everything will be alright-” he started.

“What if it isn’t? If I don’t do well enough on these exams, then no matter how good I did in my practical I won’t be able to be a doctor!” You covered your face with your hands and all but screamed in frustration.

Lin got up from the couch and pulled you into his arms.

“I just wanna help people, Lin,” you muttered into his shoulder. “I’m so close but what if it doesn’t happen?”

“Hey, stop that. We both know you did fantastic. You know why? Because you worked your ass off and you learned everything, and even when you thought you knew it, you reviewed it. Hell, you even made some of those concepts simple enough for me to understand! You got this.”

You smiled into his shoulder and were about to reply when your phone went off. You quickly looked at it, then at Lin.

“The grades are posted. Oh my god the grades are posted. Oh my god this is it. Oh my god. Oh my god what do I do?”

Lin smiled softly at you. “Well, go ahead, look at them.”

You took a deep breath and gripped Lin’s hand as you used your other to open up your grades.

“Oh my god,” you whispered almost inaudibly.

“What?”

Lin looked like he was ready to burst with the anticipation.

“I did it. I get to be a doctor!,” you grinned.

“Yes! Yes I knew it!”

He began peppering your face with kisses and you laughed when he picked you up and spun you around. You took advantage of this new position and wrapped your legs around his waist, giggling as he kissed you gently over and over.

“Cariña, this calls for a celebration,” he stated as he began carrying you over to the bedroom.

You two celebrated all night.

…

He didn’t even want to think about when the last time you two had made love was. Too long, but again, he only had himself to blame. As he got out of the shower, he tried to think about how he had let it all get so bad.

…

“Tommy, I know the songs aren’t coming as fast as you want them to, but I just need more time.”

“I know Lin, but we’re at a point where we’re gonna need new material to rehearse soon.”

“Just give me more time,” he pleaded.

“Lin, I hate to be the bad guy, but we’re running out of time,” Tommy deadpanned.

…

Lin got dressed for the day, and he couldn’t help but long for the nights that he held you until you both fell asleep. It seemed like ages since you two had gone to bed together, and he wasn’t even thinking in the sexual sense anymore.

…

“You know if you keep staring at me like this, I’m gonna have to do something about it,” you teased him as you slipped on your pyjamas.

“You know depending on what it is I might be completely up for this punishment,” he smirked at you from where he was laying on the bed.

The next thing he knew, you had thrown your shirt at his face, causing him to laugh.

“If I didn’t have to work in five hours I would show you just what I would do to you,” you replied as you laid in bed beside him.

You smiled as he wrapped his arms around you to pull you close to him.

“Raincheck?”

“Definitely,” you murmured as you rested your head on his chest.

“For now you’ll just have to settle for this.”

“That’s more than enough.”

…

Lin froze as an idea hit him. He ran to the piano and started writing.

Forty-five minutes later he had tears in his eyes, smiling as he played the song the whole way through. It was perfect. He made sure to save the demo he had created, and took the liberty to attempt a very rough draft of sheet music - in case they liked it, and in case they wanted to start using it today. Lin then realized that it was time to head to rehearsal. Gently putting the papers in his bag along with his laptop, he made sure he hadn’t forgotten anything, and walked to the subway. There was a new spring in his step as he walked into the rehearsal hall. Lac, Tommy, and of course Scott, the stage manager, had all beat him there.

“Lin, how- shit you look like a mess,” Alex greeted him as he looked up upon his arrival.

“I know, but that doesn’t matter,” Lin promised. When the three men looked at him dubiously, Lin sighed.

“Okay, maybe it does, but it’s too much to explain. Anyway, I figured out what the issue is! - With Eliza I mean - You were right Tommy, she was missing something. This is what she was missing.”

Lin pulled out his laptop and set it down on the table. After he handed the copy of sheet music to Lac so he could take a look at what he had in mind, he clicked play. He carefully studied the three men as they listened to the demo. They had remained with neutral faces until the very end, where they all broke out into grins.

“Lin this is fantastic!” Lac praised him.

“He’s right. This is exactly what we needed,” Tommy agreed.

“You’ve really outdone yourself now,” Scott smiled.

Lin let out a relieved breath, smiling.

“Wait, is this why you look like you haven’t slept all night?” Tommy inquired.

Lin’s breath hitched but he was saved from having to answer with the arrival of Jasmine, Renée, and Pippa.

“Moooorning boys!” Renée greeted surprisingly cheerfully and musically for 9:30 in the morning.

“Good moooorning!” Jasmine harmonized.

“Morning to youuuu,” Pippa added her own vocals.

“I love it when they do that shit,” Oak said as he walked in, still half asleep and clutching his coffee like a lifeline.

The girls laughed.

“Our pleasure to be of service to you,” Jasmine winked.

Anthony walked in next, immediately finding his place next to Jasmine. Daveed and Leslie followed, Daveed looking about as awake as Oak.

It was then that Lin noticed Pippa was looking at him closely, as though she were analyzing him, and he came to the realization of where you had went the night before. With the commotion of more people arriving, they gave each other a knowing look and distanced themselves from the crowd.

“Thank you, for taking care of her last night,” Lin said gently.

Pippa nodded. “Have you talked?”

“I- no. She had to go into work. But I swear I’ll make things right tonight.”

“Good. Because I care about you Lin, but Y/N and I have been best friends since we were six, and I swear if you hurt her like that again-”

“I won’t,” he cut her off firmly.

“Good,” Pippa smiled. “And you know, despite the overprotective sister thing, I am rooting for you two.”

“Thanks Pippa,” Lin replied earnestly. “Oh! Also here’s something you might like,” he said as he grabbed the sheet music where Lac had left it on the table.

Pippa’s eyes lit up as Lin handed the papers to her.

“What is this?” She asked with curiosity.

“I wrote a song for Eliza,” he said with the most excitement she had heard from him since their first greeting this morning.

She looked through it and her smile slowly turned into a grin.

“Well played, Mr. Miranda.”

…

You groaned as you trudged your way up to your apartment. Twelve hour shifts were the worst. They were long, and today you just couldn’t catch a break. You were on your feet for nearly your entire shift, save the ten minutes you got to sit and eat a granola bar. Walking down the hall to your door, you wanted nothing more than to fall into bed, but you knew that you still had to talk things out with Lin. You didn’t even know what you could say anymore, but you hoped the words would come when the time came, which would be any minute now.

You opened the door and smiled as you smelt fresh cooking. You could hear a salsa song being played in the kitchen and you grinned widely, entering as quietly as possible. Leaving your bag and shoes by the doorway, you then walked toward the kitchen. The sight before you made your heart skip a beat. Lin was dancing around the kitchen while cooking, swaying his hips to the music. You watched him adoringly as he cooked intently. You hadn’t seen him like this is months.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” You mused.

Lin nearly tripped over himself as he spun around to look to where you were standing at the entrance to kitchen, leaning against the wall. You giggled as he tried to compose himself.

“Y/N, cariña, you’re home,” he smiled, though he looked slightly flustered at being caught dancing around, though it was definitely not the first time it had happened.

“You are too,” you noted, though your voice was gentle.

“Of course. God, of course. And I made dinner!” He beamed, looking proud of himself.

You grinned and made your way over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. Lin was taken aback, not expecting the sudden display of affection, but it was only a moment before he had wrapped his arms around you. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, just needing to be close to him again. You felt him place a kiss on your head, and you sighed contently, allowing your eyes to close. Pulling back after a few moments like that, you looked into his eyes, those beautiful eyes that had made you lose your breath when you first saw him.

You felt Lin lean in for a kiss, and you hesitated for a moment before you pulled away.

“Lin, wait. I- We need to talk first.”

“I - fuck, sorry, I know, I just - I got carried away and-”

“Shhhh,” you silenced him by cupping his face in your hands. “I understand. And it’s not because I don’t want to, god I want to… It’s because if I kiss you right now, I’m not going to want to stop,” you admitted.

Lin relaxed and nodded.

“Me too,” he said quietly.

He pulled away to take dinner off the stove and then looked at you when he was certain that everything was done and nothing would be left to burn.

“Before we talk,” he started, “can I show you something?”

You nodded, and then followed him to the piano. He pulled up a stool and motioned for you to sit. You did so that you were facing Lin, looking at his profile as he took a seat on the piano bench. He took a deep breath before playing the opening notes.

“Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now. Look around, look around.”

You recognized the words that your husband was singing. Those were sung by Eliza in the other song he had written months earlier. He said that to himself more times than you could remember. One day you jokingly said to him that it was a miracle he hadn’t put it in one of his musicals yet. When he played The Schuyler Sisters for you a month and a half later, you couldn’t help the way your heart fluttered at him taking your suggestion seriously.

However, the melody was slower this time, and there was vulnerability to it. You listened to him play a few bars and the sing the dialogue before singing the next “Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now.”

“Will you relish being a poor man’s wife? Unable to provide for your life.

I relish being your wife. Look around, look around.”

This little segment caught you off-guard. You swallowed hard as he began to sing the rest of the song, becoming emotional as he did so. The lyrics were gentle and vulnerable, but firm enough to make it seem like a point was trying to be made. Like Eliza was trying to get Alexander to understand something. Like Lin was trying to get you to understand something. He looked up briefly while singing about their soon-to-be-born son, and your heart ached.

…

“Oh my god I want one,” you said excitedly as you saw what was most likely the cutest baby ever pass by you and Lin in a stroller.

“Cariña, you say that every time you see a baby.”

“Not just babies, puppies and kitties too. So I mean, basically babies, but you get the point.”

You grinned as Lin rolled his eyes playfully.

“Yeah yeah. Either way, when we have our own baby, they will be the cutest baby ever.”

You looked at Lin hopefully.

“You really want kids with me?”

“God, of course, cariña.”

“Good. And the world better watch out because our kid will be the best.”

“Damn right,” he said before kissing you gently.

…

“I don’t pretend to know the challenges you’re facing, the worlds you keep erasing and creating in your mind.”

You really didn’t. Try as you might, you had lost touch with your husband’s world weeks ago.

“But I’m not afraid. I know who I married. So long as you come home at the end of the day, that would be enough.”

…

“Lin, where are you?” You asked your husband over the phone.

“I just had to take a walk after rehearsal to get some inspiration. And it wasn’t what I was expecting, but I think I almost got the final lyrics for You’ll Be Back down!”

“That’s incredible, Lin”

He managed to notice how your voice faltered ever so slightly.

“Cariña, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just thought you would be home for dinner tonight.”

“I-shit. Look, just let me finish writing this piece and I swear I’ll be home soon. Te amo.”

“Te amo.”

As you hung up, you sighed and started to pack away the food, so you could save it for later. A part of you wanted to wait, but you knew that it would be hours before he would come home, even if he said the word ‘soon’. You had only hoped that he would’ve remembered your plans, but hey, you couldn’t control when inspiration struck.

…

“We don’t need a legacy, we don’t need money.”

…

“What about our legacy?”

“I - our..?”

“Yes, Lin. Our legacy. I… We always talked about starting a family and well…”

…

“If I could grant you piece of mind, if you could let me inside your heart. Oh let me be a part of the narrative, in the story they will write someday. Let this moment be the first chapter, where you decide to stay.”

…

“Don’t.”

“No. No, you don’t get to cop out here.”

“Just wait until the musical is done, okay?”

“We’re talking about this now. Please.”

“And how do you think we’re gonna be able to take care of a kid with how our lives are right now?”

“Well maybe if you cared enough about me to spend more than-”

“This again? I can’t believe you. How can you be so selfish?”

…

“And I could be enough.”

…

“Well then please forgive me for wanting to be enough for my husband.”

…

“And we could be enough. That would be enough.”

At the end of the song, both you and Lin had tears streaming down your faces. He looked at you apprehensively and you sniffled.

“Lin… It’s beautiful… But… This- it’s Eliza singing to Alexander, yes?”

He nodded.

“I don’t understand… Is this what you want me to say to you?”

“No! God no. It’s what I’m saying to you. Cariña, come here.”

You moved to sit beside him on the piano bench and he held your hands tightly in his.

“Words cannot express how sorry I am for how I’ve been acting lately, nor can they excuse them. These words I just sang to you is what I wish you would understand. You are everything, and I am the one who doesn’t deserve you. Through everything you have been there, supporting me, forcing me to take breaks, even when I wouldn’t listen. You never made fun of the idea of writing a hip-hop/rap musical about a founding father. Hell, you’re the reason why most of these songs got written, because you have given me so much inspiration, and dedication and you paved the path when I felt lost. Somewhere along that path though, I lost you. I neglected you and pushed you away and words can’t describe how terrible that is, and how much I regret it. Nor can I ever reiterate how you are more than enough for me, more than you know. When my ambition began to take over me you reigned me in. You are truly the Eliza to my Alexander. This song is my love letter to you in this musical. This is what I want you to always remember - that I’m the one who’s helpless and will always be working toward being the best husband I can be to you, and because just as Eliza deserved to have a voice, you do too.”

You gave Lin a loving smile and hugged him closely to you. He held you tightly and stroked your hair.

“Te amo, Lin.”

You heard him let out a soft squeaky laugh and you held him tighter to you.

“Te amo, cariña.”