#except for auspistism

[thewertsearch]

GA: What Do You Want From Her Anyway CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangement CA: she wwill delivver it wwhen wwe meet in this game but i dont knoww wwhat the logistics are yet CA: im tryin to connoiter wwith her here but shes blowwin me off again fickle dirtscrapin landhag

There’s that bloodism again. CC didn’t display any prejudice, so I was starting to hope that Equius was a bit of an outlier in that regard. 

I guess CA’s already shown disdain for the land-dwellers, so I really shouldn’t be surprised. 

GA: What Is It CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin CA: ok wwell not that obvviously CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after

So he was the doomsday commissioner. 

Genocide feels like a bridge too far, even for the average troll. It’s too early to tell if he’s serious about it, since a lot of trolls are all bark and no bite. Either way, what’s this guy’s problem? 

GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable

So, what? You’re going to kill all land dwellers, but make an exception for the ‘good ones’?

I want to give the guy a chance, so I guess I’ll reserve judgement for now. After all, Vriska seemed cartoonishly evil before we knew her story. 

CA: yeah go ahead and kiss us off but therell be blood on your hands CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworks

Alright, things are getting a little clearer. 

In troll culture, there are situations where a blossoming kismesis relationship is a bad thing. CA is describing a particularly tumultuous, destructive blackrom, and implying that Kanaya should want to prevent this.

If I had to guess why this is undesirable, I’d point to CA’s colorful description of, essentially, collateral damage. An unhealthy rivalry can boil over, harming any bystanders unlucky enough to be nearby at the time - and it is the role of an auspistice to nip these rivalries in the bud.

I can see a huge problem with this system - and it comes down to simple mathematics. 

CA is being kind of crass here, but he’s getting at a very important point. Auspisticing requires emotional intelligence, and a calm disposition - traits that I think it’s reasonable to assume are pretty rare on Alternia. There can’t be that many trolls emotionally equipped to be auspistices - but unhealthy relationships are surely a dime a dozen. 

Kanaya might not be overstretching herself by choice. She’s one of the only trolls who can adequately perform this role, and she’s outnumbered a hundred to one by the rivalries she’s trying to prevent. 

[beforus-for-real-justice]

part 2  But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right. Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail. The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation. The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding. This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the sometimes, two companies are rivals and one adds new products to their line, the more dominant the genes. TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization. This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications. When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous sometimes, two companies are rivals and one adds new products to their line. Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity. The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa. In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities that.

[ghosthoodie]

hey i saw your tags on that post about people ignoring the ashen quadrant. troll relationships are defined by pitying and placating, the ashen quadrant is no exception. ashen relationships are born from the need to mediate between an existing relationship and make it go smoothly. for a species with incredibly violent instincts like trolls, it makes sense for them to have evolved an entire other relationship based on stopping two people from killing each other (or anyone else should their relationship go sour). auspistices are the keystone that keeps a relationship between two other trolls stable, and while that can be temporary like what we see with kanaya fluttering around auspisticing anyone she can find it also can be a permanent relationship. our sample size for what ashen relationships look like is just super small, and like abraxas-callibrator said the ashen quadrant got forgotten about in canon so theres not a lot of representation for what a long term one looks like

yessss i agree!!! it makes sense for it to exist but MAN it was so forgotten about that it just kind of made it a lil hard to read for me personally, i’d have loved to see it more explored and beyond just kanaya! it’s also confusing to me because of just how much she switched!!

sorry if i sounded overtly negative, i was being hella dramatic! lol! and also i haven’t read HS in a hot minute so i may have forgotten some things🙏

thanks for reaching out:D

[29pageshomestuckeveryday]

Homestuck, page 2,397

Examine ashen quadrant.

This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications. When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry. Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.

Author commentary: This diagram is kind of funny, because these three never even formalize a real auspisticeship. Kanaya just kind of moonlights as a wannabe auspistice, while the other two can't even make up their minds about whether they have a serious blackrom attraction that's in need of mediation or not. It's just used as an example because it's the closest we've come to seeing the real deal in canon so far. It's also worth noting the existence of this quadrant culturally arises from the need to suppress trolls' general inclination to devolve into blackrom sluts. Note there's no auspistice equivalent for red romance, implying that temptation toward red infidelity is nowhere near as big a problem in troll culture. This paints a pretty good picture of what average life is like for trolls with their quadrants filled.

[intermission-trash]

Just saw a Skulduggery Pleasant post and was forcibly reminded how I spades-ship Skulduggery and China Homestuck has permeated every aspect of my life I can't even remember if mom downloaded the SP audiobooks before or after I started reading HS But to be fair the quadrant system is just so fucking efficient

[autisticsupervillain]

New Ship Idea: Beta Polytrolls

All the beta trolls in one big polyamorous relationship.

Kanaya has five wives because it's what she deserves.

Tavros has five boyfriends because it's what he deserves.

Vriska has five girlfriends and three boyfriends (Karkat, Gamzee, Eridan). They help her become a better person. Somehow.

Not everyone is necessarily dating everyone. Kanaya isn't dating any of the boys because she just isn't attracted to them, but she recognizes that her girlfriends are. Tav isn't dating Vriska, but some of his boyfriends are. That sort of thing.

Lots of quadrant flipping. Karkat flips between pail and red with his partners so often he's practically invented a new quadrant and everyone is a kismesis with Vriska until they aren't.

Sollux tried to stay on brand with two girlfriends (Aradia, Feferi) and two boyfriends (Karkat, Gamzee) until he eventually couldn't. Damn Eridan and his punchable face. Fuck Tav and his puppy dog eyes. Dammit, why are boys so hot?

"Alright, I know I'm matesprites with both of you but right now I'm Auspistizing because you two really need to chill."

Karkat and Nepeta try and chart out who is dating who. Terezi and Vriska make things difficult by feeding them really bad info.

They all tried to share a bed together exactly once. After the Great Snuggle War of '87, they all vowed never again.

Karkat has the most partners, dating everyone except Kanaya. Tavros is right behind him, as he also excludes Vriska.

Equius gives his "if you dare hurt my new moirail you'll pay" speech to every one of her new partners without exception. It's hard to take him seriously when said partners are also dating Equius himself in some way.

Everyone is taking bets on how many partners the humans will get once trolls inevitably start flirting with them. The humans themselves are completely bewildered at the sight of the big ass clusterfuck of a relationship before them.

As soon as one of the humans starts dating one of the trolls, they get handed ass loads of paperwork detailing the nature of the polycule. Again, the humans are completely bewildered.

[zero-winters]

The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable. 

But we will do our best to understand regardless. 

Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol. 

<3 

Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols. 

Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT. 

Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE. 

RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative. 

On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards. 

There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes. 

The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time. 

Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold. 

When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans. 

This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along. 

When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry. 

For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right. 

Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail. 

The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation. 

The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding. 

This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes. 

TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization. 

This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.

When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry. 

Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity. 

The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa. 

In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.

This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance. 

An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on. 

Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though. 

This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose. 

Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful. 

It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor. 

But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them. 

God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist. 

Now see, what's going on here is... 

It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh... 

Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway. 

Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts. 

He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would. 

But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage. 

But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY. 

In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were... 

MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

[activatingaggro]

Hard mode: Riccin, Ptolem and tomie, three way ashen

ALRIGHT ,THIS GOT EATEN, LET’S TRY AGAIN. qnq

@thottrolls

Riccin isn’t into old dudes, and views everyone over the age of 25 as being one foot in the crypt, decreipt, their skin clinging to their bones through the dedication shared only by mold clinging to freshly bought cheese that you’re absolutely certain should not have mold yet, but shit, look at that, it’s got roots. So Tomie and Ptolem are, as they’d put it, fucking ancient. So.

Easiest way to do this is: Riccin is desperately searching for a new job that’ll keep Kindra with them, and that Kindra can perform as well. This counts out the IPC, but that doesn’t stop Tomie from getting curious when he hears about them nosing around. After all, he wants a new duckling to give him validation and affection and importance, and this is a lost young adult seeking out attention and assurance. Both of which he can give. Both of which he is great at giving.

So he decides to adopt them as a duckling, and this would be fine. Riccin approves of being adopted. They exist to be guided, and this is more comfortable than being on their own. Except! They still don’t want to be a part of the IPC. And in the meanwhile, Riccin is roaming around, poking their nose into everything, and the fact of the matter is: Riccin is fucking outstanding.

There’s plenty of powerful psionics. There are significantly less insanely powerful psionics that are capable of handling the sheer amount of energy that Riccin puts out to perform tasks successfully. There are only a very, very few that can handle that energy, persistently, casually, without burning the fuck out. But Riccin has ten years of training, and enough tech to make an MRI machine to walk out, specifically to ensure that. They are the 500k sportscar that’s idling with the doors unlocked and key in the ignition, asking people if they need to go to the grocery store.

And Ptolem’s a precog. Ptolem sees this, sees that it’d be as easy as slitting his palm and saying he serves the Messiahs to win Riccin over, and more importantly, he sees how incredibly fucking useful they’d be for the Cabal. So he starts talking to them! Offering advice! Being the shitty older brother figure they crave! And Tomie does not appreciate it, in the slightest bit, because is Tomie a mess? Yes. Is he a shady 29 year old in a trenchcoat and a Daft Punk mask, hanging out with the kids? No. Absolutely not. He objects to this on every fucking level, and what starts off as biting at Ptolem over IM rapidly escalates into an on-going feud. Because Tomie’s easy to wind up, Ptolem is easily amused, and if he wants Riccin on the Cabal’s side, well. Tomie’s gotta go, anyway.

And it’d probably work out that way, if Riccin doesn’t notice and/or get informed of the spat, and decide to intervene. Are they genuinely interested in auspisticing for these two chucklefucks? No. But goddamnit, their people will get along, and if that means they personally have to roll up their sleeves, then fine, WHATEVER.

[homeiswherethestuckis]

I had this davekat soulmate au that I thought about writing for a little bit, but honestly I probably won’t, so here’s a vague plot outline I had:

(Under the cut because as per usual, it got pretty long. Sorry mobile users)

When you turn thirteen, the name of your soulmate and your first impression of them when you see them IN PERSON is tattooed across your shoulders (this posed slight issues for people who already knew each other before the tattoo showed up and even more with photos and the internet becoming a thing).  Some people have no soulmate, some people have more than one.  Trolls, being trolls and having the whole quadrant system thing going, generally have somewhere between three to five names.  Matesprits are on the same place as human’s soulmates, Moirail’s wrap around the wrist of the dominant hand (the one that would generally be used to shoosh with) Kismesis on the ankle (to kick ass) and the names of the couple they auspistize for on either shoulder blade (for no reason, I just couldn’ t think of a big enough space).  The auspistice(? I don’t know how to spell) is the one that’s usually left off, so the majority of trolls end up with three names.  Now here’s where stuff happens:

Karkat has one name.  It’s tiny and it’s on his hip.  He has no real idea why he only has the one name but he’s honestly relieved to have one at all because at least he’s not that unlovable.  He spends a lot of his free time wondering what his soulmate’s like and why his first impression upon meeting them is summed up in a name and a single word.  Dave Strider: Douchebag.

Dave also has one name, scrawled right across his collarbone, and honestly he’s so glad when he realizes it’s a troll because that will make things so much easier on him.  Dave doesn’t want a soulmate, and he plans on getting his soulmate tattoo removed once he’s old enough and has the proper funds for it.  He  would rather be with someone who genuinely wants him in their life because he’s himself and not because “fate” or whatever forced him on this other person and now they feel obligated to deal with him for the rest of their life and then they both end up together but completely miserable and bitter like all those soulmates you hear about in the news or those murder documentaries (yeah there’s like five or six soulmate couples per one bad one that are totally happy and still love each other even in old age, but Dave’s not willing to take that risk).  He doesn’ t think he’d like his soulmate very much, anyway, especially not when his first impression is Karkat Vantas: Bitter Megaphone

Anyway they meet online through some mutual friends and they honestly despise each other.  Can’t have both of them in the same chat without it turning into an all out text war.  This whole time they never exchange names.  When they reach high school, Dave moves to the same town that John lives in (this is incidentally where Karkat lives) John makes Karkat come with him to meet Dave because they sort of know each other, and it’s not until John actually introduces them that they realize they’re soulmates (John hasn’t seen either of their tattoos, so he has no idea).  Cue freakout. 

Karkat still thinks he can make this whole soulmate thing work.  Sure, he doesn’t like Dave that much right now, but first impressions aren’t everything and he barely knows the guy.  Maybe he’ll like him better once they get to know each other and he learns more than just the fact that he’s kind of an asshole on the internet. This only strengthens Dave’s resolve against having a soulmate, even more so when he notices Karkat trying to get closer to him and trying not to show how annoyed Dave makes him.  He hates it and he just wants it to stop.  So after about a month, Dave finally gets up the courage to tell Karkat about how he doesn’t want a soulmate and that he plans on getting his tattoo removed as soon as he possibly can.  Before Karkat can say anything about it, Dave adds that Karkat should be totally fine with it, since he’s a troll and has two or three other soulmates.  It’s not like losing one is a big deal.  Karkat’s so used to lying about how many soulmates he has that he automatically agrees with what Dave says.  Dave’s satisfied that he’s gotten his point across, so he leaves.  Karkat just sits there, completely devastated and in shock over what just happened.  They both avoid being alone together or talking to each other for the remainder of high school.

Jump a couple years into the future!!!  Dave has a totally sick apartment but his dumbass roommate just up and left and Dave can’t afford to pay rent by himself.  He asks around and complains to his friends and finds out that Karkat got kicked out of a troll’s only complex for reasons he didn’t want to talk about.  Dave hasn’t been on good terms with Karkat, but he’s desperate so he contacts him.  Karkat, also desperate, agrees.  So they become roommates.

They try to stay out of each other’s business, and it works for a little while, but since they have the same friends who come over to visit, they end up hanging out together more often.  They get on each other’s nerves a lot at first, but after awhile it’s not as bad.  Dave realizes he doesn’t dislike Karkat as much as he thought he did the first time he accidentally makes him laugh, and Karkat lets go of his feelings of anger towards Dave rejecting him when he hears Dave give an in depth and well articulated reasoning as to why he’s against soulmates as a general concept.  They start getting along.  They do normal room mate stuff together, like buying groceries and watching movies together.  Basic stuff.  Everybody thinks it’s weird because all their friends know they’re soulmates, but neither of them really care.  They both date other people, but neither get anywhere farther than a fifth date.  (Dave’s just never really feeling it and Karkat keeps accidentally being involved with people meeting their soulmate while he’s on a date with them???  It’s so weird and a recurring theme for him and he hates it). 

Then the worst thing happens: they start falling in love.  It hits Dave first, it dawns on him slowly with every nice thing Karkat does for him just because he can, like making him food when he’s had a long day or leaving reminders where Dave will see them when he has important stuff to do or waking up after falling asleep on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him.  Then it all comes down on him at once when he actually talks to Karkat about the whole soulmate thing and he realizes their views aren’t so different, after all.  But the more he thinks about it, the less happy he is about this sudden realization because of what he did before and all of the time Karkat spent having to get over his soulmate just outright rejecting him.  It wouldn’t be fair to try and tell him that he loves him now.  It’s later for Karkat, but the way it happens is basically the same.  Dave is good to him, and he doesn’t give a damn about his blood color of the fact that he only has one name on his body and it’s in a place a name shouldn’t even be.  His movie commentary is hilarious and sometimes he picks up books at the library he thinks Karkat might like.  Dave brings him coffee on late nights when he’s trying to study or has to finish work and can’t seem to keep his eyes open for much longer.  They go out of ice cream whenever Karkat’s experience a particularly bad breakup and Dave always finds a way to lift his mood with a dumb story about something he did when he was younger.  Karkat acknowledges to himself that he would have realized he was in love with Dave sooner if it weren’t for the fact that he was in denial about it.  He tries to suppress it the best he can, but the more time he spends with Dave, the more futile this pursuit seems.  He starts looking for apartments.

Dave and Karkat try to act like normal, both of them trying their hardest not to let the other know how they feel about them.  It works but it makes every interaction extremely uncomfortable.  Dave keeps telling people that he has no feelings for Karkat and he still plans on getting his soulmate tattoo removed.  Everybody rolls their eyes, except Karkat, who believes him.  Nobody asks Karkat what his opinion is, because most people can tell just from how he looks at Dave when he’s not paying attention.  Their friends come over to the apartment less when they’re both there because it was funny before, but now it kind of hurts to watch.

Dave’s birthday rolls around, and there’s a big party.  It’s lots of fun, there’s cake and presents and everybody’s there.  When they all go home Karkat makes Dave sit on the couch next to him and gives him his present.  It’s a check for all the money Dave needs to get his tattoo removed.  Karkat explains that he knows how important that is to Dave and he’ s more than happy to help because really all he wants is for Dave to be happy.  He also tells him that he’ll move out so Dave doesn’t have to be held down by a soulmate he doesn’t want and hey, maybe he’ll find someone to be with easier. Finding someone shouldn’t be too hard for Dave because he’s such a great guy, he loves him so much, and anyway Karkat already has a place lined up so it doesn’t matter if Dave says no or not- Karkat doesn’t notice his own slip up, but Dave definitely does and makes an even worse slip up of his own while trying to figure out what to do.  He kisses Karkat.  Karkat doesn’t react the way Dave thought he would, he doesn’t kiss back or anything, he just freezes.  Dave pulls away, and Karkat leaves to go to his room down the hall.  Dave follows him, there’s a brief interaction in the hallway that’s both extremely awkward and charged with literal years of unspoken tension that leads to the most embarrassing and uncomfortable (slightly nsfw so I refuse to write it down) thing that’s ever happened to either of them.

In the Aftermath of this, everything is still awkward, but it’s a lot less tense than before.  They discuss their feelings and what this means for them now.  Karkat decides he’s not going to move out, and Dave is still getting his soulmate tattoo removed because even though Karkat is his soulmate, it’s not the reason he wants to be with him.  He’s really not sure if that makes sense.  Karkat shrugs and says even if it doesn’t, he sort of gets it.  Their first date consists of a game of laser tag, eating ice cream while walking around and holding hands, and then going home and watching lame movies together on Dave’s bed until they fall asleep.  A week after Dave gets his tattoo removed, they tell their friends that they’re a thing.  Everyone pretends to be surprised.  The End.

[gabevic]

HEY HIVESWAPS READ THIS YOU FUCKS ITS AB TROLL SHIT

The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable. But we will do our best to understand regardless. Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol. <3 Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols. Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT. Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE. RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative. On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards. There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes. The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time. Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold. When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans. This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along. When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry. For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right. Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail. The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation. The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding. This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes. TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization. This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications. When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry. Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity. The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa. In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities. This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance. An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on. Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though. This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose. Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful. It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor. But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them. God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist. Now see, what's going on here is... It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh... Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway. Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts. He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would. But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage. But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY. In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were... MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

[amicicidalgambler]

> Feelings™

afflatedcazadora

vriska

vriska i talked to lil about trying the ash thing im a fuckin dumbass X((

also i had the purrfect opurrtunity to use a leaf pun and what did i do???

i did THIS

amicicidalgambler

Oh my god.

To 8e fair, comedy lies in the su8version of expect8ions.

Did it go anywhere other than that?

afflatedcazadora

he agr33d we could try to find an auspistice

amicicidalgambler

Oooooooh.

How are you a dum8ass then.

afflatedcazadora

bc i dont like being vulnerable and i totally could have fucked it up

amicicidalgambler

8ut you diiiiiiiidn't.

afflatedcazadora

i dont know that yet!!

amicicidalgambler

Why not?

afflatedcazadora

hes like oh we cant do anything without a top leaf and doesnt do anything to FIND one so its down to me and im stress X((

amicicidalgambler

Asshole.

afflatedcazadora

i dont know???

i mean maybe he has looked but i havent s33n yet

amicicidalgambler

I would hope so.

amicicidalgambler

I don't even know how people normally a8out finding a topleaf so I'm not much help.

Mine just kind of happened after a dum8 l8 night convers8ion.

afflatedcazadora

yours???

amicicidalgambler

Mine ::::)

It's a secret, though, if the wrong people find out they'll pro8a8ly want to punch my head off.

afflatedcazadora

:OO !!!!

i wont tell i pawmise!!

am i allowed to ask who they are?? its ok if not

amicicidalgambler

You can, 8ut I'm kind of curious who you think it might 8e.

afflatedcazadora

i mean if its clawntroversial that makes me wonder if one of the leaves if your karkat but i dunno i dont think youd go fur a power imbalance like that...

wait are you top or side here

amicicidalgambler

Side. They're the top.

afflatedcazadora

so i gotta figure out the top AND the other side oh boy

.................its not your karkat is it

OH is the other side aradia maybe????

amicicidalgambler

There is no other side.

And no, Karkat has his own auspistice.

afflatedcazadora

theres no??

how does that work?????

amicicidalgambler

You know how sometimes people joke a8out "I'm auspisticing 8etween [x] and the universe".

afflatedcazadora

yyyyyeah i guess??

amicicidalgambler

That's actually accepted as a quadrant here. A topleaf that intervenes 8ecause the other person can't get along with any8ody.

afflatedcazadora

isnt that just like a moirail

amicicidalgambler

Not really.

It's still an auspistice. It's just that the other 8ottomleaf isn't permanent.

afflatedcazadora

huh

i mean it works but i nefur thought of like a floating sideleaf

amicicidalgambler

Close, it's called a floating topleaf here.

I think the only other timeline I know where it's a regular thing is on Prosperity. Cae and Arlequin are in one.

afflatedcazadora

:OO !!!!!!!!!!!!!

gotcha im writing down notes

not anything with your name dw just general stuff

amicicidalgambler

::::)

So, that 8eing said, is there any8ody you think is my topleaf.

afflatedcazadora

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

well i mean people were accusing you of being pale with nadaya but you said theres nothing there...

what did you say your thing with equius was again??

amicicidalgambler

There is no thing with Equius. He's just a friend.

8est friend. 8ut just a friend.

afflatedcazadora

oh good not worth it lol

or at least the one i know isnt haha

amicicidalgambler

He doesn't need any more authority over me than already has.

He is in on it, though.

afflatedcazadora

he knows the sneakret????

caes respawnsible is it him???

amicicidalgambler

Yeah. I mean he's practically my docterror, if anything happened I'd want him to know my emergency contacts or whatever.

And no, 8ut close.

afflatedcazadora

hmmm

someone in his clade?

amicicidalgambler

Yes ::::)

afflatedcazadora

hiiiiis moirail??

amicicidalgambler

Nope.

afflatedcazadora

fuck

i dont know a lot of his people this is unfair

amicicidalgambler

I know you know one.

::::)

afflatedcazadora

well yeah nadaya but i thought that wasnt anything

amicicidalgambler

Except it is something.

afflatedcazadora

oh my god

hes it????????????????

amicicidalgambler

Yeah.

afflatedcazadora

yoooooo :OO

how long has that b33n????

amicicidalgambler

He's my topleaf. Has 8een for most of a sweep.

afflatedcazadora

thats so sw33t!!!!

does he have his own???

beclaws i mean hes great and efurrything ofc but......

amicicidalgambler

No.

I mean, we've flipped once or twice 8ut not really.

afflatedcazadora

huh

amicicidalgambler

I don't think he needs it, though. He's reasona8le with most people.

afflatedcazadora

i was thinking more with existing itself beclaws hes VERY high energy

amicicidalgambler

That's why he has two moirails.

afflatedcazadora

but then i guess if you were ash with reality that WOULD be a moirail

yeah omg

amicicidalgambler

What's funny is that floating topleaves aren't even a thing in his timeline, 8ut it was kind of his idea.

afflatedcazadora

omfg

amicicidalgambler

I say his idea, I mean he never actually asked me out and just assumed that was what was happening after two dum8 convers8ions.

afflatedcazadora

and it worked???

amicicidalgamble

rAnd it worked!

afflatedcazadora

:DD

amicicidalgambler

I mean that was 8asically what I was asking him I just wasn't 8eing outright a8out it.

afflatedcazadora

ah the good old vague

my fafurite

amicicidalgambler

It was vague while he was also extremely drunk.

afflatedcazadora

a good clawmbination really

amicicidalgambler

I thought he might not remem8er any of it.

8ut then he did.

afflatedcazadora

oh boy

amicicidalgambler

And then there was trying to figure out what that even was and now we're d8ing.

afflatedcazadora

im so glad it worked out fur you :DD

amicicidalgambler

It did and it's terri8le.

afflatedcazadora

i dont think its terrible :OO

amicicidalgambler

It's the most terri8le. How am I supposed to keep my 8itter image when I'm in love with him.

afflatedcazadora

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

amicicidalgambler

I know, it's like a cosmic event or something.

afflatedcazadora

thats so unbelievably sw33t i may die

amicicidalgambler

8e dead with me.

afflatedcazadora

im already there

amicicidalgambler

Having a perfect topleaf is a plague on your emotions and I hope you find yours.

afflatedcazadora

does he know you think hes purrfect? :33c

amicicidalgambler

Pfth8f8thfhth8.

Yes, pro8a8ly.

afflatedcazadora

cute!!!!!

amicicidalgambler

I can't 8elieve you'd turn the ta8les on me like this.

afflatedcazadora

of COURSE i would i live fur romance what did you expect

amicicidalgambler

I never get to talk a8out him, though.

You're killing me, Nepeta.

Again.

afflatedcazadora

you can talk to me about him!!!! :DD

amicicidalgambler

........I made our quad rings.

afflatedcazadora

you have quad rings?????????

amicicidalgambler

Yes.

afflatedcazadora

aaaaa!!!!

amicicidalgambler

I didn't make the rings themselves 8ut I modified them.

afflatedcazadora

thats so lovely ajkhsjghdfh

amicicidalgambler

They 8oth have pieces cut out so when you put them together they make a clu8 sym8ol.

afflatedcazadora

oh my god????? oh my god

amicicidalgambler

Yeah.

amicicidalgambler

I showed Nadaya part of this since I told him you found out and he wanted to know how and now he's dead too. I hope you're happy.

afflatedcazadora

omfg im sorry nadaya

amicicidalgambler

I can't 8elieve you murdered 8oth of us.