#excuse any and all mistakes this is 100% from memory and I gotta get back to school stuff now oops!!

[copper-skulls]

rotating Smok Signals, anyways, I thought about it a little more:

Gaster is bulky but spiky. his wings came in after the barrier came up and he's garbage at flying but he does love smacking things with them.

Papyrus is Long Oval shaped in general, much more lightweight, and while he never reaches Gaster in height, he ends up Longer. his wings also (eventually) are actually good for flying so there's that

watch the way I draw them stretch in weird shapes like taffy for a while, but these are likely the cornerstones I'll be sticking to.

in other news, hnngh dragon fambly.

[laukora1030]

Captain America: The First Avenger pt. 2

First off, spoilers if you’ve never seen the movies and you want to. And, english IS NOT my first language, so excuse me if I make mistakes.

Y’all, this specific scene reminds me of that scene where Elastigirl is trapped in all those doors and she kicks the guys’ asses. Like, tell me you saw Steve hitting this guy’s head with the door and your mind didn’t immediately take you to Elastigirl. Or was it only me? Just me? Ok, let’s keep on going.

Nvm, I found out why it reminds me so much of that scene. They’re dressed the same way!

Can we acknowledge how awkward Steve’s interaction with the imprisoned soldiers is? Who told him it was a good idea to say “I’m Captain America” to these people? Although fair, he did get them out rather quickly and he is technically Captain America, but I don’t know, it’s weird. Steeb, you liar, you haven’t knocked Hitler out at all.

I love Steve’s loyalty to Bucky. It gets annoying in the next movies, but in this movie it just shows me how alone Steve was and how important Bucky was to him, because when you have very little people who care for you, your instincts will always be to protect them. 

I love the soldiers just wrecking havoc outside. It’s a fun scene seeing them fight back and use HYDRA’s weapons. How much property do you think they destroyed? Because I keep on wondering, did this act of rebellion from Steeb help turn the tide just a little bit?

There is a similarity between Red Skull and future Steve, and that is that, when they believe there is something more important than anything else, they are willing to sacrifice everyone and everything else for that. In this case, Schmidt was ready to destroy the entire base when he realized he was not going to win, just to save the studies, and future Steve was ready to endanger thousands of people to end HYDRA (CATWS), and to save Bucky (CACW). 

I feel sad for Bucky. He was tortured back in the 40s, then for 70 years, and then he died and came back to life, how does one survive that? He is one strong man, but I just, his entire life saddens me.

I wonder what Bucky thought after he heard Red Skull call Steve Captain America. I would find it hilarious, even in that situation, but that’s just my weird ass talking. Why did Schmidt think he was Erskine’s greatest success when he looks red and Steve looks like this:

America, explain.

Another note to self: Schmidt is a bitch, but I love his car and I would go back in time to the 40s to steal it. 

Bucky is so brave, though. He was tortured, experimented on, completely weak, and still, he put on a brave face and crossed that thing (I have no idea what they’re called) at a steady face, knowing that it could have fallen way before it did. Thanks to the Russo’s I had forgotten how much I loved Bucky Barnes. He is a great character. 

Let’s talk about how pure of heart, dumb of ass Steve is. He had no idea he was gonna survive his little stunt jump, yet he did it with little hesitation because “I have to get my friend out of here”. Pure of heart, dumb of ass. 

I can’t begin to imagine Peggy’s pain when she heard Phillips say that Steve was dead. Especially because if he was dead it would most definitely mean she would have no protection against whatever punishment Phillips saw fit for her actions. And yet she just won’t back down, because she knew she did the right thing. 

The scene where Steve gets back with the 107th is such a great scene, because it shows exactly what Steve is made of. He has a strong mindset, he will fight for what he believes in, and he would do anything for others. It’s a powerful scene.

I wonder if Steve unconsciously wanted the praise he got at that moment. He was the small guy his entire life, the one who was beat and punched on a daily basis, and for once in his life he was being praised for something he thought he deserved. I think that deep down this is exactly what he wanted: recognition.

I wonder if Bucky’s face when Steve stopped looking at him was because he thought he lost his friend, because he was jealous, or because he thought he wasn’t needed anymore. Bucky and Steve grew up together, and when you see a friend you’ve always helped become something better when you’re not with them, I think that can seriously mess you up, especially if you feel like they don’t need you anymore, because, after all, they thrived after you left. I don’t believe he was that jealous, though. Yeah, he used to be the strong guy girls would look at, and now he wasn’t, but I’m inclined to believe it’s my third option. He was so used to going around saving Steve from his death wish (that’s what I call it, because I’m still surprised he survived all those years getting punched), that now he sees Steve save him and save everyone else, and he knows that, were Steve asked to go alone to a fight, he would not be able to do anything. 

Steeb, you lil’ bitch, I know you don’t like cameras and stages, but that’s a medal of valour, I think it’s very important. 

Can we talk about how hot Steve Rogers looks with his army suit? Because he does. Also, as I’ve said before, he ain’t dumb, so, if everything got enhaced with the serum, he must definitely had his intelligence amplified, and I like to believe that he has photographic memory, that’s why he could remember the map he saw when he saved Bucky. 

I’m sorry, but what the fuck Steve? Who gave you permission to look like this?

(You’re welcome)

I like his team. Steve was always a good leader (I’m not even gonna touch CACW), he knew who to trust and who to take with him. Besides, like I said before, he is a great strategist. I think that’s what makes him such a great leader. 

I guess I get why y’all ship Stucky. I don’t ship them, I love their friendship (once again, I’m not even gonna touch CACW with a ten miles pole), and I think they’re sweet, so  I guess I can understand the ship.

Peggy Carter in a red dress is all I never knew I needed. She looks like a queen that will definitely punch you in the face if you deserve it. 

I love the bar scene. The music is lovely, Bucky’s awkwardness is hilarious, Steeb and Peggy flirting is sweet as heck, and Bucky’s “I’m invisible. I’m turning into you, it’s like a horrible dream” it’s the perfect dialogue. 

Okay, how did Howard get all of that glass on his face and didn’t get more than one single cut? Is he stronger than he looks or is it just movie magic? I guess we’ll never know. 

Awkward Steeb is lovely as heck. But I don’t like the blonde. I guess it’s because I am not a fan of stolen kisses, I feel they would make someone uncomfortable. 

Note to self: finally, a movie in sepia tones that isn’t situated in Mexico!

Coming back to the movie: the whole scene with the blonde woman is so freaking awkward. It was totally unnecessary. Like yeah, I get it was to show a jealous Peggy, but ugh, I hate it. Steeb looks son out of his element, it gives me that je ne sais quoi.

Note to self, again: if I ever want to date a woman, make sure not to talk to them the way Steeb did when talking about Peggy and Stark. Steeb, you idiot. 

Gotta go back on track. 

Stark said

The scene where Peggy shoots Steve’s shield used to make me laugh so hard when I was younger. Now it makes me irrationally angry. Peggy more so than anyone should know that bullets ricochet, she was lucky she that the bullets didn’t hit someone else after hitting the shield and just fell to the floor. 

Three things about the different scenes after this last one, the one where Steve and the Howling Commandos raid all HYDRA and Nazi bases they can: Steve looks so cool on his suit, I love Red Skull’s car, and the Howling Commandos are amazing. 

This is still sweet:

Bucky Barnes with a rifle could kill me any day, thank you. Also, I love this scene, it’s such an emblematic CA scene:

Oh oh, the train scene’s coming up next. What do I do now? Do I watch it, do I cry, do I suffer in silence (evidently no)? I was not prepared for this. I regret all my decisions up till this moment.

I’m never gonna get tired of saying that Steve is an amazing strategist. Just so y’all know, if it was me over the train, I would’ve already fallen to my inevitable death. Is it already clear enough that I love James Barnes more than I probably should? No? Then excuse me while I scream into the void aout how much I love this man. Also, him with short hair? 100/10 would recommend again. 

I love how battered (I think I used the right word) Steve’s shield is. It’s a representation of his battles and it’s, I don’t know, it’s calling me. I guess I love when something shows everything they’ve gone through.

Ahhhhhh, THAT part is coming and I’m not ready!!!!! James Barnes, if you read this, I love you. It’s a painful scene to watch, if I’m being honest. Steve loves this man, in my opinion, as a brother, and seeing him at death’s door, you can see the pain on their expressions, one knows they’re gonna die, and the other one knows they’re gonna lose their brother. I don’t think I’d be the same person if that happened to me. And Steve’s cries, bitch, my heart.

That killed me, sorry. 

I still admire Zola’s intelligence, and his sneakiness with the whole SHIELDRA thing. Like, I hate that bitch and I hope he died a very painful death, but he is a great character and I enjoy his scenes. 

Who eats steak with milk? I just wanna know, find me behind the Denny’s. 

I like the whole Zola and phillips scene, it makes sense, because of course he’d want to live. But tell me how you look at someone in the eyes and expect them to believe some bullshit about gods and infinite power? At least Phillip took the whole “his goal is everything” comment, because I sure as hell wouldn’t’ve. 

Red Skull’s little speech about the Valkyrie is okay, I guess, but he mentions something that reminded me strongly of CATWS. He said “If they shoot down one plane, hundreds more will rain fire upon them.” I’m just thinking about the Helicarriers that were supposed to just, ya know, kill everyone that posed a threat to HYDRA. I think it’s a good parallel. 

Note to self, again: I’m not gonna get tired of asking who was the idiot who decided to name this division HYDRA, made their slogan “if they cut off one head, two more shall take its place” then had their logo be an octopus without two extremities. Who do I have to fight?

I love the scene where everyone is screaming Hail HYDRA, because it shows you that, like Steve, Schmidt has presence, and a powerful voice, and he knows how to make people share his ideals. I enjoy it very much.

I feel sorry for Steve. I, listening to him talk to Peggy when he clearly has been crying, telling her that he cannot get drunk, which means that he’s tried it already, it’s a painful scene to watch. Chris Evans is such an amazing actor. He can emulate feelings so easily. Seeing him cry and suffer, God, it pains my heart. I honestly didn’t remember this scene, and to watch it without warning, well, it made me sadder than Bucky’s actual death.

“I’m not gonna stop until ol of HYDRA is dead or captured.” Brings a new light to CATWS for me, what about you?

I will leave it here, mostly because this shit is getting longer than I expected it to be. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did. See you tomorrow.

[thestarshiphope]

The Ultimate Mission

May I have everyone’s attention please?

It’s time we begin the preparations for our mission.

It’s about time.

So what’s the plan?

First, we need to collect the remaining members of the designated group.

The only ones here are me, Tsumugi-chan, and Ouma-kun, right?

Shuichi’s still at home, so that’s five out of sixteen. 

We going on our own Ultimate Hunt?

You...could say that, I suppose.

So we get the kids back together, then what? We just get back them all back to Project Gofer?

What if they don’t wanna come with us?

Then we do everything in our power to convince them to join us. We can’t let them all give up. 

I promised I wouldn’t, no matter how hard things might get.

M-me too. I’m with Kaede.

And I’ll do whatever it takes to help convince everyone too.

We can also be sure that the path there wouldn’t be wide open. There’ll be a lot of winding narrow routes we have to take.

I wouldn’t usually suggest this, but maybe we should split up? We can cover more ground and we could get the kids back faster.

Hmm. We’d have to exercise extreme caution and stick together in small groups, but it might be worth considering.

I can go with them whenever necessary.

Uhh...excuse me? I think you’re all forgetting something here.

Erika, what’re you-

Kaede, shut up. First, don’t talk about us like we’re not here and we don’t have a say in the matter. I hate that.

Second, I think you’re forgetting some of the biggest problems with this whole thing. My idiot sister and her friends decided to give up their talents after they left. I don’t think they’re gonna be much use as “hopes for humanity” in the first place, but as Commons they’re even more useless.

Third, even if we do somehow get them back to that institute place, there’s the little issue that Red Rain is still running around this shithole of a country looking for them. And getting a whole bunch of ultimates and former ultimates together is just gonna draw a big target on all of our backs!

Anyone got any plans for that? Anyone at all?

Soooo....who’re you exactly?

This is my twin sister, Erika.

Erika! Dear, sweet, mouthy Erika. You make a lot of good points, I gotta say. 

It’s true that Red Rain activity has only gotten worse over most of the Greater Tokyo Area, and that people are being slaughtered by the hundreds every day. Going through that with an ensemble of Ultimates would be a terrible mistake.

But I do have some ideas in mind for that.

What kind of plan?

Well, for example...

*Junko pulls out a knife*

If we killed you all, that would throw them off our trail, wouldn’t it?

What?!

K-k-kill us?!

B-boss, get behind me! I won’t let her hurt you!

Huh?! But...you-!

Upupupupupupu! Kidding! Kidding! Sorry, sorry, I just had to see the looks on your faces!

*Mukuro yanks one of her pigtails*

Oww!! Ow! 

Sorry about that. My sister has a sick sense of humor.

I was only half-joking though.

Red Rain just needs to think you’re all dead. Then we get you all to the Institute to get your talents back and to Project Gofer nice and easy.

While I don’t agree with the presentation, that may be our best bet.

That’s...a lot to get done.

And only a week to do it.

I looked into the future and I saw that we all make it there safe!

Really? Y-you’re the former Ultimate Clairvoyant, right? That’s great news!

His predictions are also off 70% of the time.

And th-that’s not great news!

Still better than wrong 100% of the time!

Can we focus, please?!

Anyway, you can leave the fake death thing to me. I’ve got some ideas in mind.

I’ll trust you with that.

And what role will Nevermind-san have in this?

Two things: she and her family will be providing us with support and, if necessary, transportation to other parts of Japan if necessary.

And once the rocket has left the planet, she can take us somewhere we may be safer.

Wait, you’re not all coming with us?

...

...

...

From what we understand, the ship only has just enough room for you all.

We ain’t gonna take that from you kids.

But...but you can’t just-! Grandma! Uncle Leon!

Sweetheart, it’s okay. Really.

I’ll be happy knowing that you’re alive and okay out there.

It’s alright. I’ve had a good run. I’m happy with how my life turned out.

And if I’m not gonna make it, might as well make my last days on Earth mean somethin’.

I’ve never been afraid of death.

If it’s to protect you all, I will gladly lay down my life.

You all have a bright future ahead of you, I’m certain of it.

I’m a Yakuza boss. I ain’t scared of shit.

With Fuyuhiko, my life has been full of nothing but purpose.

I became prime minister and restored my family’s honor. That was enough for me.

I did some good shit with my life and helped build things. The best damn houses anyone could want.

And I think...I’m about ready to see my brother again.

Hell’s gonna be under new management after I show up! Someone has to show ‘em how it’s done!

There’s a lot in my life I regret. Things I can’t change or undo.

But being here, seeing you all again, it’s been the best experience I’ve had in a long time.

I still remember when I came to Hope’s Peak Academy. Back then, I was just a regular guy. I feel like the only reason I got in was thanks to the lucky student lottery.

But being there, meeting you all, the time we’ve all shared together, all the memories and experiences we’ve had along the way, I wouldn’t trade those for anything. 

And most importantly, no matter what, even in the face of something like this, as long as we have hope, we never give up. That’s not just you kids, but it’s us too. We’re all the hope for mankind’s future. And I know that nothing- nothing- is gonna stop us!

*Both at the same time* Makoto, I love you so much.

Ha! Jynx!

That never gets old.

Kaede, Erika, no matter what happens, I love you both. I’ve always loved you both and I’ve always been proud of you. And I’ll be happy knowing that you’re okay up there.

We came together because we couldn’t let you all sacrifice everything when you still have so much ahead of you.

We’ve lived happy lives ourselves.

You’re really all laying down your lives for us? You hardly even know most of us.

Why would that matter?

I...

No, forget it. Never mind.

You all...

I promise, no matter what, I won’t give up anymore. And I’ll do whatever it takes to help the others. We’ll survive.

...

Kaede?

Y-yeah?

*(Kaede notices something in Erika’s eyes. Anger? Resentment? Guilt? It’s gone before she can really tell)*

This whole journey, I’ve got your back.

Just...count on me.

Thank you, Erika.

Erika....

Erik...a....

Eri...k...a...

Er...i...k...a...

E...r...i...k...a...

.........

........

.......

......

.....

....

...

..

.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Gasp*

*Back in the present, Kaede(?) wakes up in an empty room somewhere aboard the ship*

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 5.1

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time at the end of trial 4 after losing our precious gentleman friend, Kokichi switched from the huge lie with a grain of truth to it he’d been telling before the execution to a different huge lie with a grain of truth to it while still dodging all responsibility for murdering anyone, Kaito’s worst fear came true, almost, but he desperately tried to paper over it and insist it wasn’t really true at all, Shuichi tried to reach out and help him even more obviously and literally and Kaito could not let that happen, and Kokichi was still thoroughly lying to himself about everything (as opposed to Kaito, whose lies are mostly just to everyone else).

Now it’s time to move from my favourite chapter to my other favourite chapter!

Voyage Without Passion or Purpose

This chapter title is about SPACE. Mostly the in-universe story in which they left the ruined Earth while none of them really wanted to, a voyage which then ended up with even less passion or purpose once they were brought back to Earth and started killing each other anyway. But it’s also relevant to the one person who actually does end up going to space in this chapter, who, in contrast to the intended point of his “voyage”, will still manage to have passion and purpose while doing so.

And on that note, let’s skip this chapter’s terrible excuse for an opening stinger (some meaningless Monokuma nonsense about his dead cubs) and get to the real opening stinger of the chapter, which is, of course, Kaito being totally fine, what else?

Shuichi:  (Even in such a dark time, one of us was still bright, trying to cheer us all up…)

That’s exactly why Kaito’s going to be acting this way! It’s not for his own sake – it’s to keep everyone else’s spirits up, because right now they need that more than ever, and Kaito is better at doing that than anyone. If even Kaito was acting down and gloomy right now, things really would seem hopeless, and he can’t let that happen.

(Also I love how Shuichi’s metaphor describes Kaito as “bright”. He’s a luminary!)

Kaito:  “Geez, don’t be stupid, guys. There’s no way I’d die, y’know? Cuz I’m Kaito Momota! Luminary of the Stars!”

Obviously. Because he’s the Luminary of the Stars. He’s an invincible hero, right? The notion that he could be weak and dying is just stupid.

Tsumugi:  “Are you really okay…?”

People Not Convinced: 1/5.

Kaito:  “I’m telling you! I’m just fine! I wasn’t feeling great yesterday, but after a good night’s sleep I’m all better. I’m 100% better now!”

Yes, because what everyone saw last night is definitely something that can be completely fixed with one night of sleep. If he tried to claim he’s still not at 100% but was at least feeling better enough that they don’t need to worry about him, it might be more believable, but this?

Himiko:  “But… there’s no way you’d get better so quickly after coughing up that much bloo—”

People Not Convinced: 2/5.

Kaito:  “I told you, didn’t I? I just coughed too much and cut my throat a little, that’s all.”

Nobody believed you then, Kaito; they shouldn’t believe you now. But maybe now that a night has passed, he’s hoping people might have slightly forgotten just how much blood there was, or might be able to be convinced that their memories are exaggerating it due to the shock of seeing any blood at all.

Or maybe he’s just hoping that if he stubbornly insists this enough times, people will start to think it might somehow be true anyway because surely he wouldn’t keep telling such an obvious lie.

Keebo:  “Are you sure you’re not pushing yourself too hard? Or suffering from a chronic illness—”

People Not Convinced: 3/5.

(Kaito is absolutely pushing himself too hard right now and is never going to stop.)

Kaito:  “Don’t be stupid! If I had a chronic illness, I wouldn’t stand a chance in astronaut training!”

This… works somewhat well as an excuse. Kaito himself has no idea why the hell he’s so sick, because it doesn’t make any sense for him to have had this beforehand considering he’s supposed to be completely healthy to be an astronaut. So at least he can use his own confusion about this to help convince everyone else that it therefore can’t be happening at all!

Kind of a tangential point: on my first time through I thought Kaito’s illness was a terminal illness that he’d had and known about his whole life. It would have made a lot of sense! Of course he’d be so determined to live life to the fullest, if he’d always known he was dying! It would have explained why he risked everything to get into astronaut training early, if he knew he wouldn’t live long enough to make it into space if he waited to do it the normal way!

…But what didn’t occur to me was Kaito’s point here that he would never have actually got into astronaut training if he’d been sick at the time. They obviously do medical exams as part of the screening, and they’d pick up on an illness like this.

It also wouldn’t have made complete sense for Kaito to have been terminally ill his whole life, since the way he deals with realising he’s dying during the story is… pretty terrible, suggesting that he was not at all mentally prepared for suddenly facing his imminent mortality. And in the end, it’s even more fun that way.

Kaito:  “Seriously, you guys are worrying too much. Just cuz you all love me and can’t help yours—”

Of course they care about you and are therefore worried about you, you moron! You’re the one who made yourself so important to everyone! Stop acting like the fact that everyone cares about you is something to be brushed off as a joke!

Kaito’s determination to be an inspirational figure to others is delightfully incompatible with his insistence on not having anybody worry about him. Or at least it would be if there was something wrong with him, so good thing that’s not the case and he’s totally fine, right?

Maki:  “…Of course we’d be worried.”

People Not Convinced: 4/5.

Kaito:  “… My bad… But I’m serious. You don’t need to worry about me anymore…”

And of course, of all things, it would be Maki saying she’s worried – which isn’t just anyone being worried about him, it’s his sidekick – that’d be the thing to make Kaito drop the forced cheeriness and be slightly more real about things. Only in terms of how he feels bad about making people worry, though, of course. Not in terms of him feeling bad for himself.

Kaito:  “I shoulda told you guys I wasn’t feeling well. I made you worry for nothing.”

Looks like he’s somewhat regretting pretending to be so Completely Fine last chapter. If he’d been just more honest that he was at least sick, then they wouldn’t have been so shocked at suddenly seeing the full extent of his illness out of nowhere and it might have been easier for him to brush over exactly how bad it was.

…Buuuut despite that, he is still insisting that he’s completely 100% better now and making that mistake all over again. Gotta be the most invincible hero he can possibly be!

(Either way, that wouldn’t remotely fix the problem of how they’re going to deal with you dying when it happens, Kaito.)

Maki:  “…”

Kaito:  “O-Okay… don’t glare at me like that.”

Maki is Not Amused at him being an idiot in a way that hurts himself and makes everyone worry about him more. She’s so caring, in her very distinctly Maki-like way.

Kaito:  “If I do start to feel bad again, I’ll have you guys help me, okay?”

Kaito, you gigantic fucking liar. You’re feeling bad and need their help right now and you’re not asking for it.

This right here is honestly one of the worst lies Kaito ever tells, because he’s doing more than just stating something untrue. He’s actively asking them to trust him that if he does feel bad he wouldn’t hide it, while utterly breaking that trust even as he’s saying it. It’s bad enough that I think Kaito has to be less okay with this than the kind of lie he usually tells. It probably hurts him on some level to be saying this, and this just goes to show how desperate he is to convince them that he’s fine and stop them worrying about him no matter what it takes.

Kaito:  “Now that that’s outta the way, let’s eat! Yeah, c’mon guys! Let’s all eat!”

(Kaito spoke cheerily, then left to go get his meal.)

And here’s a conspicuous subject change immediately after that, like he’s hoping people won’t think too hard about how awful he would have just been if he really is still sick and lying to them. All of this awful lying and desperately trying to convince them of something horrendously untrue – all that’s definitely “out of the way” now, because he says so. They’re convinced and it’s over and he doesn’t have to worry or think about it any more, right? Right.

Also, there’s no way Kaito is able to keep any reasonable amount of food down at this point. He’s going to have to force himself to eat at a normal pace in order to not worry anyone further, which is only going to cause him even more suffering later when he’s on his own.

Shuichi:  (…Is there really nothing wrong? With what I saw yesterday… how can I act like nothing’s wrong…?)

People Not Convinced: 5/5.

Literally nobody is buying that Kaito’s okay. His display this morning has quite clearly been over-the-top forced cheeriness and pointed insistence cutting people off the moment they question him, and everybody can see through it.

…Partly.

Keebo:  “Despite Kaito’s remarks, he should probably receive medical attention just in case…”

Tsumugi:  “Now we’ve got another reason why we need to get out of here.”

Maki:  “And on top of that, we need to do it fast.”

Because while they are suggesting this, nobody seems to be acknowledging just how completely necessary it is to get Kaito medical attention as soon as possible. So while, evidently, everyone still believes that he’s sick, he has managed to successfully convince them that at least he’s probably not dying. I imagine they’re thinking that if he really did know he was dying, that’s something big enough and serious enough that surely, surely he wouldn’t be so stupid as to not let them know that.

…But, no, he… really is entirely that stupid. Guys, you are massively underestimating how incredibly idiotically selfless Kaito is.

(Well, Tsumugi does know he’s dying, but of course she’s not going to do anything that might save his life and is just going to continue to act vague and oblivious while he continues to die because of her.)

When Kaito comes back, everyone’s moved on to speculating about the outside world that Gonta saw and despaired over.

Kaito:  “We can’t figure that out just thinking about it, so there’s no point wasting your brainpower.”

Keebo:  “But we can’t simply not think about—”

Kaito:  “Sure, there’s a chance the outside world is messed up because of Monokuma. But making us worry about it is what Monokuma wants. He’s using it to put pressure on us.”

Kaito is still really good? He’s been lying through his teeth, but that’s all for the sake of keeping everyone’s spirits high and stopping them worrying, and now he’s continuing to do that in a way that doesn’t require any lying, too. Wondering what could be out there without having any way to know for sure is just going to make everyone anxious for no real reason, which is exactly the kind of thing Kaito’s always working to try and prevent.

(I wonder if it’s occurred to him that his own illness might also be something Monokuma did to put pressure on everyone by making them worry. Because that isn’t actually too far from the truth.)

Kaito:  “Kokichi and Gonta just snapped under that pressure.”

It’s really interesting and notable that Kaito includes Kokichi as having snapped under the pressure of what he saw! Given that Kaito obviously has no way of knowing that Kokichi realised the outside world was a lie, this is a reasonable thing to think. (And he did kind of snap when he saw it anyway, just for a different reason.) Evidently Kaito never quite bought Kokichi’s claim that he did everything purely for sadistic glee. I would hope that Kaito is also sensible enough to realise that Kokichi didn’t truly want the mercy kill either, since he actively pointed out that he sabotaged it himself. So I’m not sure exactly what Kaito’s mental idea of Kokichi is right now, but it does seem to involve him having snapped and lashed out as a result of seeing the outside world, making him messed up and pitiable rather than just inhumanly evil. If anyone was going to see through Kokichi and realise something fairly close to the truth about him, of course it would be Kaito.

Kaito:  “The outside world is probably fine.”

Himiko:  “You’re such an optometrist… Can you prescribe some rose-colored glasses for me too?”

Himiko’s line here is so freaking clever. It sounds like she’s just mispronouncing “optimist”… and then she goes and makes the sentence actually make sense for the word “optometrist” while still being about optimism. I love it. …It’s honestly a little too clever to be really befitting of Himiko, but still, good one, localisers.

Keebo:  “…As a detective, what are your thoughts on this, Shuichi?”

Gotta ask Shuichi about this, of course. If anyone’s figured this out, it would definitely be him, right?

Shuichi:  “I-I’ve considered a few theories, but I can’t say for sure…”

Himiko:  “Well, that’s understandable. There are barely any clues.”

…But, yes, funnily enough, Shuichi has not magically figured it out when he has basically nothing to go on. I wouldn’t be surprised if the possibility of an apocalypse has crossed his mind given what they know about the meteorites, but there’s no way he’s going to claim that and make everybody freak out unless he has concrete proof of it.

Kaito:  “…”

Shuichi:  (Since the incident yesterday, Kaito won’t look me in the eyes.)

It’s appropriate that the first moment Shuichi is brought into the conversation, which draws our attention to what’s going on with Kaito here, is when people asked for Shuichi’s help because they assume he can figure out everything. Even though they’re assuming that wrongly in this case, the simple fact that everyone clearly looks up to and relies on Shuichi so much still really bothers Kaito, and after last night’s trial, his jealousy is worse than ever.

And the thing is, Kaito still shouldn’t even be jealous of Shuichi! Everyone is relying on Shuichi’s detective skills, but everyone has also been relying on Kaito’s luminary skills to keep their spirits up and stop them worrying throughout this very conversation. He’s just as important to the group as Shuichi is, just in a different way. But… Kaito can’t see that, because his façade doesn’t change how weak and helpless he feels beneath it. Recall that he’s in constant pain by this point – he can literally feel the extent to which his words aren’t true. He’s convinced that all of the effect he’s having on everyone right now is built entirely on lies and would completely fall apart if they realised that. (In reality, that is very definitely not the case; after all, everyone already knows it’s at least partly a façade.)

Shuichi:  (He must still be angry.)

No, Shuichi. He’s not.

It never made any rational sense for Kaito to be angry at Shuichi even during the trial; any moments of him acting that way were him deflecting his pain and not the real point of how he felt. It makes even less sense for him to be angry now that he’s had a whole night to sleep it off and calm down from the irrational lashing out he did and realise what was really bothering him. It also makes no sense when you think about the fact that Kaito’s way of expressing anger at someone would never be to passive-aggressively ignore them like this – he would just come out and tell them how he feels. He’s not doing this because he’s angry.

I mentioned Kaito’s jealousy of Shuichi a moment ago, and while that’s contributing, that’s also not the main point. If he was simply jealous, that wouldn’t stop him from engaging with Shuichi like he normally does – Kaito was also jealous of Shuichi throughout case 4, but even as it was starting to get to him more and more, it didn’t change that he was still trying to to help and support his sidekick like always.

The problem is that Kaito doesn’t feel like he can help and support Shuichi any more, not after having shown himself to be so obviously and undeniably weaker than Shuichi in running away from the truth. He did everything he could to cover that up during the trial not out of jealousy so much as out of his irrational conviction that he needs to be strong and invincible in order for Shuichi to look up to him and be inspired by him. Throughout the last chapter, Kaito stressed again and again how much he wanted to help Shuichi, how he would always be there for him to support him and carry his burdens. By proving himself to be so much weaker than Shuichi in the trial, and by making things even harder for Shuichi by lashing out the way he did, Kaito is convinced that he’s failed every word of those promises he was so desperate to make.

The guilt and shame of his perceived failure hurts Kaito so much that he can’t deal with it, so he’s… not. He’s just pathetically trying to pretend Shuichi isn’t there and that the problem doesn’t exist.

And it’s not just about his own perception of having failed, either. If Kaito thought that Shuichi even possibly hasn’t noticed his weakness yet and there was even the slightest chance that Kaito could still support him even a little by continuing to act heroic and inspiring at him, by god would he keep trying, even though he’d feel it was a desperately fragile façade. (Just like he’s still trying to do that for everyone else despite them having seen his illness.) But since he’s not even attempting to engage with Shuichi right now, he has to believe not only that he’s utterly failed Shuichi far more than he has anyone else, but also that Shuichi knows it and there’s no point in trying to pretend otherwise. That “aren’t you my sidekick? Was that just a lie?” from yesterday’s trial that suggested the idea that Shuichi knew he didn’t need Kaito? Kaito still believes that.

Shuichi:  (But… I had no choice… I had no other options… My deduction… wasn’t wrong. If I hadn’t identified Gonta as the culprit, we would all be dead. For the rest of us to survive, Gonta had to be sacrificed… There was nothing I could do…)

Shuichi is only assuming that Kaito is angry at him because of his own anxiety and tendency to blame himself. On the surface of his thoughts here, Shuichi is being somewhat sensible and rational about it – he’s able to assert that what he did wasn’t wrong and was necessary for everyone to survive. But still, the way he’s wording these thoughts here give the sense that, even if he’s not quite consciously blaming himself, he still feels like he failed Gonta for not having been able to do anything to stop him being executed. Despite knowing he wasn’t in the wrong, Shuichi still feels like the bad guy – and because of that, it makes sense to him that Kaito could be blaming him too, so he gets stuck on that rather than thinking about other reasons Kaito might be acting this way.

But no, Shuichi. There really was nothing else you could have done, and so it’s not your fault. Kokichi and Monokuma (and the mastermind) are the ones who killed Gonta, not you. Kaito knows this just as much as everyone in this room except you.

(For the duration of this bit of Shuichi’s inner monologue, we’re forced to look at a flashback image of Gonta being impaled during his execution, which I do not appreciate at all. But I understand why it’s there, because Shuichi would have that horrifying image burned into his mind to the point that he’d recall it every time he thinks about Gonta’s death, so this serves to show us how Shuichi is still haunted by that.)

Kaito:  “I’m glad we’re talking about how to escape, but…”

Kaito, do you know why everyone got onto the topic of trying to escape? It’s because they were thinking about how to help you. If you told them the truth, they’d be even more desperate to escape in order to save you, so much so that they might actually manage it!

If Kaito realised this, it might actually be enough for him to be willing to bite the bullet and tell them he’s dying. Unlike a certain few people last chapter, Kaito would do anything if he believed it could help everyone to escape. So I genuinely don’t think this has or ever will occur to him – apparently his mind just won’t even entertain trains of thought involving everyone worrying about him, or everyone risking themselves for him and not the other way around, long enough for him to realise that this’d be what would happen. The notion of having himself be prioritised above everybody else really is just that unthinkable to Kaito.

Kaito:  “…where’d *he* go? Kokichi…”

Shuichi:  (The instant Kaito spoke his name, a nervous energy shot through us.)

Apparently Kokichi’s name is having something of a Voldemort effect on everyone right now. Except of course for Kaito, who freely said his name – because Kaito doesn’t quite buy that he’s the evil sadist he claimed to be.

Tsumugi:  “We can’t just let… that person… be. He’s… a little too dangerous. No… not just a little… Because he… He enjoys watching us suffer. His face just screams that he’s having fun whenever he sees us suffer.”

Tsumugi, of course, also knows that’s not true, but she’s the one most stressing that and talking about it like it’s definitely true. I guess she’s figured that if Kokichi is going to paint himself as a massive villain, she might as well play along with that, since it’s a good story.

Maki:  “If we weren’t in this killing game, I would’ve assassinated him already.”

Maki’s still stuck in that mindset that killing people is the best method of solving problems that don’t seem to have an easy solution. Her directing this mindset towards Kokichi is specifically because he’s apparently a dangerous monster who’s made himself seem like he needs to be stopped before he hurts anyone else. She always kind of hated him on a personal level, but she wouldn’t have said this about him last chapter.

Maki:  “Ironic… The rules of this killing game actually make it harder to kill.”

Kaito:  “Maki Roll… that’s not good. Playing this killing game is just what Monokuma wants us to do.”

Maki:  “…I know.”

And this is why Maki does try and kill Kokichi later this chapter – because she’s going to believe he’s the mastermind and therefore that killing him won’t be “playing the game”. Given that, in her eyes, there’s no reason for her not to. Kaito’s argument here is valid, but he’s also forgetting to make the wider argument that, killing game or not, murder isn’t the right way to solve problems, even really big ones like this, and she should try and find something better.

Himiko:  “Nyeh? Is Maki Roll a nickname for Maki? That’s a good nickname.”

I appreciate this build-up to the fact that Himiko is indeed going to start calling her Maki Roll eventually, but… how did you not notice this until now, Himiko? Kaito’s been calling her that for a chapter and a half.

Shuichi:  “Kokichi told us his objective was to win the killing game. He wouldn’t risk a murder that would so obviously implicate him.”

You’re thinking too narrowly, Shuichi. Kokichi has redefined “winning” to mean something other than getting away with being the blackened. His new win condition definitely could (and will) involve a murder which obviously implicates him.

Monokuma shows up to hand out the “prizes”.

Monokuma:  “I can’t refuse you all, not when I’m all alone and outnumbered.”

Kaito:  “…Outnumbered?”

And here’s Kaito realising that there’s no Exisals anymore, meaning that fighting back is finally a viable option. Monokuma mentioned that suspiciously readily, so I wonder if he prompted that train of thought out of Kaito on purpose so that this chapter’s story would hopefully take some interesting turns.

Monokuma:  “But I’m used to being alone. Back in the day, I was alone from start to finish…”

Yes, and all of us preferred it that way, thanks.

Maki:  “…What do you want to do, Kaito?”

Kaito:  “I’m worried about Kokichi, but… There’s no point worrying about him all the time. Alright! Our first priority is to solve the mystery of this academy!”

Look at Maki turning to Kaito for leadership! And Kaito is genuinely being a pretty good leader – everyone else was leaning towards just worrying about Kokichi, but if they do that all day they’re never going to get anywhere and discover anything new. Kaito’s always about spurring everyone to take action.

Kaito:  “Let’s investigate!”

Shuichi:  “Alright… Ah, I’ll hold onto that…”

Kaito:  “Oh… that’s right…”

Shuichi:  (Without meeting my eyes, Kaito placed the key into my palm.)

Apparently Monokuma specifically gave the keys to Kaito, leading to this delightfully awkward exchange, made even more so by the fact that giving the job to Shuichi has everything to do with why Kaito’s so upset. I love the irony that it was Kaito who first decided that Shuichi should be the one to take the stuff and solve the puzzles back in chapter 2. What started out as a gesture from Kaito to help boost Shuichi’s confidence when he needed it by making him feel useful has turned into a reminder of the fact that Shuichi is by far the most useful and reliable person here and doesn’t appear to need Kaito’s help at all.

And the thing is, this job still doesn’t need Shuichi! Less than ever before, this time, since the items are literally keys and therefore there’s no puzzle involved. Kaito could respond to Shuichi here by going, “Nah, it’s fine. They’re just keys, right? Let me handle it this time.” – but he doesn’t. Even though Kaito is jealous of Shuichi and hates how Shuichi is supposedly so much more of a hero than him (which isn’t entirely the case – Maki just turned to Kaito to lead them, after all), he doesn’t try and act like Shuichi’s superiority is anything but the truth or try and take the spotlight away from him. Kaito believes that he genuinely is inferior to Shuichi and doesn’t deserve to be taking any of the credit that rightfully belongs to someone as awesome as him.

(And that’s painfully self-deprecating but also actually pretty admirable of him. Kaito is jealous of Shuichi, but it’s not a malicious kind of jealousy that makes him want to take away what Shuichi has that he doesn’t. Kaito is never that kind of person, even at his lowest.)

Keebo:  “Kaito? Shuichi? What’s the matter? You both seem different today.”

Maki:  “…Read the mood, Keebo. It’s fine, so let’s go already.”

Since Keebo is the worst at reading the room out of everyone here, we can assume from this that everybody else has very much noticed the awkwardness between Kaito and Shuichi and has decided to just completely ignore that elephant in the room. If only they weren’t doing that. They’re all probably assuming Kaito is just angry at Shuichi and therefore that asking what the problem is and trying to get them to talk about it would only ever make things worse… but oh boy are they wrong.

---

[Next post]

[dr-m-r-ma]

The Design in Her Mind

Part 3/?

Genre: drama, romance Rating: PG-13 Group: Monsta X

Summary: Sooyeon meets Monsta X by chance on the streets when they try to help her and her friends shake off creepers, but the meeting ends on a sour note. Some time later, Sooyeon meets the boys again, but at Starship’s headquarters. Although they act cold to each other, Shownu becomes more and more curious about her.

Disclaimer: This is 100% fictional and my own story. It is unrelated to the actual events and real persons of Monsta X and Starship. In regards to this particular fic, I’ve created new K-Pop groups and Sooyeon Kim is my original character. Parts will be written in Korean with English translations. I did not major/study in English/Korean, nor was I ever strong in English/Korean grammar, so there will be grammatical mistakes. This fanfic is written in third person and past-tense for ease of writing.

November 24 I don’t want to go to the drinking party. I don’t want to go to the drinking party. I don’t want to go to the drinking party. I don’t want to go to the drinking party. I don’t want to go to the drinking party. Aren’t they just using my welcome party as an excuse to get wasted?

*Clink* *Clink*

“건배!!” (Translation: “Cheers!!”)

The tiny glasses of soju were tapped against each other for the fifth time. It was only the first second round, but Sooyeon could feel herself getting drunk fast. She usually could hold up longer, but the nervousness she had during her orientation and training came crashing down as she chugged each shot.

Glancing at her director, a classic middle-aged man who would rather drink and party with his coworkers than go home to a tired wife, Sooyeon could tell that there were more rounds of drinking to come that night. Before she could get any tipsier than she was, with her best acting face on, she gasped loudly. “어떡하지!! 집열쇠를 사무실에 놓고 왔네요…” (Translation: “Oh no!! I left my house key at the office…”)

She paused and looked around. No one seemed to really pay attention to her, ironically, even though it was her welcome party. As she started to pack up, quietly said, “버��� 패스도 놓고왔네… 아이쿠… 빨리 택시 잡아야되서…. 그럼 다들 다음주에 뵐게요!” (Translation: “Oof… I even left my bus pass… guess I gotta quickly hail a taxi… so I’ll see you all next week!”) In the last moment, a couple of hands maybe tried to grab her, but Sooyeon dodged them and wobbled out the door.

As she got into a taxi, she looked down into her purse and sighed. Well… I really did forget my bus pass at the office…. After directing the taxi driver to headquarters, Sooyeon sat back in her seat, rolled down the window and watched the street lamps blur into each other. The cool breeze soothed the alcohol sloshing around in her stomach, and soon she was lost in thought.

The work wasn’t all too hard and she wasn’t the only new-hire on the team, but it was definitely not an environment she was used to. She had heard the stories from her cousins and watched them in dramas, but she didn’t expect it to be so similar. Her experience at tech start-ups in the States played a stark contrast against her current position at the agency in Korea. Still, it wasn’t the worst like she was expecting, and… well, she was working strictly with the global business team and marketing team.

After that night, she never saw Monsta X again. Even though they shared the same building, chances were that Monsta X had lessons at a different building or their practice time coincided with her late hours in her cubicle. They never crossed paths even in the hallways, and frankly, that’s how she wanted it to be. She was forever grateful for her cousin’s friend who made sure she worked with a good number of women and the artists she was in charge of were all female.

In the back of her mind, she could hold onto the memory of Shownu gazing at her with obvious interest. It sent shivers down her back, and she wasn’t  sure if it was because the air had gotten chilly, or if the memory scared her, or… if she….

“--기요? 저기요! 아가씨! 다 왔는데…” (Translation: “--me? Excuse me! Miss! We’re here…”)

Sooyeon snapped out of her daze instantly when she heard the taxi driver call out to her. “앗, 넵…” (Translation: “Oops, yup…”) She handed the cash to him and thanked him for the ride before climbing out of the car.

She somehow managed to sober up a bit more, but she was definitely still tipsy. Even though her mind was clear and her eyes had a straightforward path, Sooyeon could feel her feet flopping all over the place. Her mind was soon to be loopy if she didn’t find her bus pass soon and if she didn’t go home to crash in bed. Ah bed… bed sounds like a really nice idea right now….

As she swung open the door, her thoughts were filled with laying down on her soft bed and sleeping, so she didn’t see the person coming out of the same door.

“악--!” (Translation: “Ack--!”)

Sooyeon yelped, “앗-- 죄송합니다!” (Translation: “Oops-- I’m sorry!”) She wobbled around the person, but stopped when a hand pulled at her sleeve.

“어….. 저기… 괜찮아요?” (Translation: “Uh…… um… are you okay?”)

Suddenly, she was shaken out of her stupor and even though she was still very tipsy, she could recognize the voice. Her eyes shifted up from the hand on her sleeve to the face and she sighed. Son. Hyun. Woo. Sooyeon nodded and pulled her sleeve out of his grasp. “네, 괜찮아요.” (Translation: “Yes, I’m fine.”)

However, she rocked back and forth on her heels, like a toy swaying on springs, and Shownu couldn’t help but stare at her with worry. When she could see the blatant concern on his face, Sooyeon held out her palms. “진짜! 괜찮아요!” (Translation: “I’m! Really okay!”) Turning to the side, she squinted at the elevators and pointed in the direction. “그럼! 전 올라가서 버스패스 찾아야해서… 또 만나요!” (Translation: “Then! Since I need to go look for my bus pass upstairs… see you around!”)

Shownu was caught off guard by her friendly tone and the last few words. Maybe she was really drunk and she wasn’t aware of what she was saying, but her guard was definitely lower and she seemed way more approachable. He learned her name was Sooyeon through the other employees, but it was only then that they were really talking… even though she didn’t seem all that present in the moment.

As she walked towards the elevators, Shownu ran up to her side.

Sooyeon looked at him in confusion. “어디... 가는 길 아니었어요?” (Translation: “Weren’t you... going somewhere?”) Pointing at the elevators once more, she asked, “여긴...왜….?” (Translation: “Why… here….?”)

For a moment, he contemplated telling her he was worried. But for fear that she would recoil at his words, Shownu smiled and mumbled, “저도 뭘 놓고 왔어요.” (Translation: “I also left something behind.”)

“위에서요…?” (Translation: “Upstairs…?”) Sooyeon asked incredulously. The boys never had to go upstairs where all the offices were, but she simply shrugged it off. Her mind was buzzing from the alcohol and she just wanted to go home and crash into her bed.

There was an awkward air between them as they waited for the elevator to arrive, and tipsy Sooyeon couldn’t take the silence anymore. Looking at his blurry figure on the elevator door reflection, Sooyeon asked, “요즘엔 먹방 안 하시나봐요?” (Translation: “Are you not doing mukbang [eating broadcasts] these days?”)

She could see his eyes widen, as if he couldn’t believe she just spoke to him. In that moment, Sooyeon didn’t understand, but to Shownu it was like someone had just led him to a surprise birthday party. The fact that she spoke to him first and so casually stunned him, but her confused stare made him chuckle. How could she not know how different she was each time he met her?

“아, 네, 요즘 좀 바빠서 매주 못하고 있어요…” (Translation: “Ah, yes, I’ve been busy lately so I haven’t been able to do it every week…”) Shownu smiled widely as he rubbed the back of his neck shyly. It looked as though he was shy from the sudden interest coming from Sooyeon, and his reaction caught her off guard.

That’s cute. Wait. Shit. No. She shook her head to shake off the thoughts, but accidentally shook too hard. The alcohol in her system simmered and it felt like her head was rocked from side to side.

*Ding*

The elevator arrived right when Sooyeon got dizzy spells, and as she followed Shownu in, she tripped over absolutely nothing and nearly ran straight into the other side of the elevator.

“워!” (Translation: “Whoa!”)

Shownu instinctively grabbed her shoulders firmly and pulled her away before she could run her face into the wall. The force of his pull, however, caused her to wobble around the elevator. Feeling more tipsy, more dizzy and more drowsy, Sooyeon clutched his arm for leverage, and the doors closed just like that.

As the ride started to head to the third floor, Sooyeon squinted her eyes slightly to hold down the headache that was starting to form. Not realizing she was still holding onto Shownu’s arm, she continued to hold tightly with both of her hands. Her body weight was slightly leaning against his body, and Shownu stiffened up immediately.

He, on the other hand, didn’t know what to make of the situation. His heart beat faster and faster every second, and he could feel the heat flaring up from his back up to his neck and ears. He held his breath, hoping Sooyeon didn’t notice how nervous he was, but he had to constantly remind himself to exhale so it seemed more natural. But maybe it wasn’t all that natural like he hoped to be, because Sooyeon slowly turned to him.

His arms still around her shoulder and her hands still holding onto his other arm. Their faces inches apart. Their eyes staring at each other. For that moment, all was silent but both of their hearts were bursting. Both of their minds were racing, but both tried to stay calm in hopes of not being too obvious to the other.

For some reason, Sooyeon’s heart felt full. Something about the moment… huh? The minute she started delving deeper, she stopped herself. Looking down at her hands and looking back up at him, she could instantly feel herself becoming sober. What… was that?

“웁스… 죄송합니다…” (Translation: “Oops… sorry…”) She let go of his arm and shifted her eyes down. In the corner of her eyes, she could maybe see disappointment, but it may have been relief. Who knows. She could never tell what people were actually thinking, and Shownu was especially difficult since he never seemed to show as many different expressions as his other members did.

It was only when the doors finally opened that Sooyeon sobered up completely. She walked out and swiveled on her heels to face Shownu. There was an unreadable expression on his face, but she simply said, “같이 올라와줘서 고마워요. 그럼… 다음주에 만나요!” (Translation: “Thanks for coming up with me. Then… see you around next week!”)

With that, she half-pranced over to her desk and Shownu took a mental note of where she sat in the office space. As the doors closed on him, he looked down at the arm that was in her clutches. He placed his fingertips on the area that touched her directly, and he couldn’t help but smile when heat electrified him from his arm to his fingertips.

*** TBC ***

A/n: hiya i wrote this half sleepy so bear with me if it sucks (lol) also... i really don’t know what to do about the conflict... what i have planned seems kind of cliche/trivial? ugh -_- work is really ruining my creative juices (ㅠㅠ) 

[somecrazylads-a-blog]

Taemin!! 10, 15👀, 28, 39, 57, 59, 69, 74, 78, 94, 97, 100

— 100 random character development questions | @busanbunnie

---

Hana’s HUSBAND, coming thru-

-. Taemin/Papillon

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?No, he doesn’t. Before meeting Hana, he didn’t believe in love at all, but even now, he can’t say the ‘love at first sight’ concept sounds really sound to him. He believes that the only thing you can gauge from a person at ‘first sight’ is their looks and maybe what kind of person they are upon first encounters, but he doesn’t think there’s really enough there in a ‘first sight’ to make the heart grow fond to such an extent.

15. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?Taemin usually tries to stay away from conflict, either by defusing it right away or by walking away. But in the instances there seems to be no way out or he’s too angered to walk away, he definitely goes for ‘tongue’ over ‘fists’: he’s not a fighter, he doesn’t condone violence for whatever reason, and doesn’t have either the experience nor the technique to really fight his way out of an argument anyway. On the other hand, he has a lot of experience verbally standing his ground, getting out of situations, or getting others to back off. So, tongue it is.

28. What makes them laugh out loud?Well, for one, Taemin is more likely amused by visual comedy than a good pun. He likes it when he can see the punchline and when the joke is delivered without the need for a line of dialogue from someone to deliver it. So, that’s more or less his preferred comedy. As for his sense of humour, it varies of course.And one thing that definitely makes Taemin laugh out loud is Hana when she has Pouting moments that are just too adorable for him to resist.

39. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?Rob them of all sense of dignity while they’re unaware of it. This can both go through physical as mental means, but he thinks being robbed of all dignity without even having been given the luxury to at least know it’s happening, it’s the absolute worst. I would also go into details about physical things with, of course, mental repercussions, but that would mean walking into a very sensitive topic, which I should probably avoid speaking of too lightly.

57. Has your character ever killed anyone?Absolutely not! He’s never been forced into a situation where means of self-defence would need to be applied and/or then lead to someone’s demise, on top of that he’s also extremely against using violence for any reason whatsoever, so really. There is no blood on his hands.

59. List several phrases your character is fond of uttering. Where did they pick them up? “That’s absolutely none of your business.” - Taemin does neither like to be involved in other people’s business nor does he want anyone in his own. He’s a private person, used from a young age to be alone and have to fend for himself, so anyone butting in now (this, before Hana and Minhwan too) would just make him think ‘now I don’t need it anymore. It generated from that.“Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, to survive.” - Taemin doesn’t have a real slang to speak of, he doesn’t speak any dialects and has dropped whatever accent he might have had, but this one, the way he says it, is characterised by the slang of the people who live in the neighbourhood he used to live in when he was a child: he picked it up from homeless people sitting on pavements, a prostitute he often spoke to, even store owners. And he feels the sentence every time he says it, he used to live by it, before Hana, resigned to it even.“When life gives you lemons...” - This is picked up from pop culture, to be honest, but it’s always uttered sarcastically in moments where troubles seem to arrive at his door all at the same time.“I mind my own business and that’s how I like it.” - Tying back to the first one, this is something he started saying at a very young age, with quite a superior air to it to the point where adults who’d hear him oh so proudly declare that would usually ruffle his hair or laugh at him, but he still mumbles it to himself sometimes when being asked for his opinion on conflicts too close for him to state anything in regards to. He still says it with an almost child-like nature to it.“Well, what else did you expect from an escort? A halo? A choir of angels?” - This is directly pulled from his hidden real opinion on his lifestyle (prior to Hana, since he’s now dropping most of the physical part of the job and/or starting as Minhwan’s mentee), and he’d often say it to clients when they’d react with any kind of surprise in relations to anything he might say or do for his job. He also used to excuse/justify some of his past behaviour with this line.

69. What about your character is heroic?He’s brave, diligent. He always works hard, even if he hates the work he does. He never goes back on his word and he is both trustworthy and reliable, in and outside of his job. They don’t come out often, but he has hidden leader qualities that he never got to exhibit. And he never gives up. Never.

74. What is your character’s favourite game?Now, you know, prior to Hana he didn’t know about video games at all beyond ads in TV or posters hanging somewhere. He never played them before, he never cared to figure out what they were. But if he had to pick one now that Hana has taugh him some, well... I would say, he finds particular enjoyment in any game from the Zelda franchise. Don’t ask me why. Chances are, he’s just wild to beat a Crash Bandicoot.

78. How emotionally stable is your character?Now, much more than he was before.He used to swallow his emotions, keep them away, all his self-doubts and self-loathing and insecurities, he’d all wrap them under the ‘Taemin’ label, and hide them away, because before meeting Hana, he had to be Papillon much more than he wanted to be Taemin. So it’s kind of like... him trying to become the Papillon persona more and more, frivolous, elegant, cocky, confident with who he is and what he wants, because it was easier than looking at Taemin and seeing everything his childhood had made of him and how much pain he still had to work through.But now, thanks to Hana, he’s learnt how to look at everything he is and everything he feels and acknowledge it. It’s still hard, and there are plenty of vaults he hasn’t opened yet, but he now at least acknowledges their existence and allows himself weaknesses and mistakes that Papillon never would have.

94. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to know.First up, cooking. He might as well be considered a chef now- well, I don’t want to exaggerate, but his kitchen is almost his sanctum sanctorum, he has a recipe book he himself put together, a combination of recipes he knew, recipes he modified, and even recipes of him throwing together things and liking the result. He’s truly passionate and truly skilled.Second, driving. He doesn’t have a driver’s license (yet), but in the neighbourhood he grew up in, he had some opportunities to get behind a wheel and get impromptu driving lessons from the prostitute who had almost, kind of, not really, maybe taking him under his wing.Third, climbing. He was a pick-pocketer, a near-homeless child, his best friend was a prostitute ten years older than him, and the occasional stray dog he’d pet on his walk through the neighbourhood. Often, he would pick-pocket the wrong people, shop-lift from the wrong store, pet the wrong dog, and get dragged into a cliché chase scene he could often get away from through climbing into the next open second or third story window he’d find... hoping no one else was in there, of course.

97. How well do they adapt to change?Fairly well, but it depends entirely on the change. He’s good at dealing with sudden inconveniences, settling for less, or having to get by with less of what he’d need (no matter the situation). But he’s not so good at getting used to new environments he has to stay in (forever or for a while). He was homeless for quite a while and usually just camped out in abandoned apartments or the occasional living room. He always feels uncomfortable staying in places that are richer than that. Even now, with his own apartment being more than decent, he still doesn’t feel comfortable staying anywhere ‘common’ people are: he always feels out of place. He does adapt well, though, he just gets stressed about it.

100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?He does dream, but not very often. When he does dream, it’s usually an abstract representation of current worries or wishes, only rarely does he dream about memories. He can avoid nightmares that way.He definitely dreams about Hana

[shedeservesthebest]

Thoughts on Infinity War

So, I’ve though a lot about Thanos deleting half the universe… Cause Thanos said himself that he wasn’t killing people, but that with a snap of his fingers, people would “cease to exist.” Aka they won’t die, but they will stop existing.

Now, I might be reading too much into the wording, but to me, “Cease to exist” means that all memories and thus also people’s effect on the world would cease to exist as well. If they just died, their memories and legacies would remain, but “cease to exist” feels more like they never existed in the first place.  

For example; if Tony disappeared, then Stark Industries would be different. Stane would probably still be alive and running it, and they would still be producing weapons, which would affect the wars around the world. On the other hand, no Tony, who was the main developer, means no high-tech weapons (seeing as they didn’t find someone else to do it.)

If this deletion was the case, that means all memories tied to the person would also disappear. In this case, that means that Aunt May wouldn’t grieve the loss of her nephew, because to her, she never had one. This would also change the course of Ben’s death, so maybe he’d still be alive, as him being shot is tied to Peter being Spider-Man.

Now, I’m 100% aware that this is not the case, but, please imagine the plot we could have gotten if it was:

So, Thanos deleted half the universe like the dumb fuck he is (cue this post: http://recklessravager.tumblr.com/post/173655588130/thanos-a-philosophy-and-economics-double-major) and with them, all memories about them and their legacies. Now, there’s been about a million and one different theories as to what happened to the people who disappeared, so let’s go with the “they’re all trapped in the soul stone” one. And since all memories are deleted from the left-over people, no one notices that people are missing. As the “dead” peoples’ impact on the world are also reversed, there aren’t any gaps in reality to make people think. At least not at first.

Those who survived the battle, Steve, Tony, Shuri, and all the others, are all aware that they lost, but they’re not sure what they lost as they cannot remember the casualties. They don’t want to look the gift horse in the mouth and shrug it off. Then the “fake” universe starts to crack. Cause they Thanos could remove the physical mental memories of a person, but not the subconscious connections between people. This meaning that the more important a person was, the bigger the impact of their loss will have on the people around them.

Let’s look at Shuri first. After her father’s death (which might not be a thing that happens, seeing as his death is tied to the meeting in Vienna which happens due to actions done by avengers who technically never existed), Shuri becomes Queen of Wakanda and the Black Panther. But there’s something in the back of her mind that tells her that this is not her place. There are gaps in her education on how to run a country, things that a crown princess should be taught from birth. She has a desperate longing to spend her time in the royal labs instead of sitting in council meetings, but she knows that she would never have been able to develop her skills there as her entire life has been focused on some time running the country. And thus, Shuri’s new reality cracks up around her. She knows there’s something very important missing, because she keeps looking over to catch the eyes of someone who’s never there. She knows something is wrong, but what?

Then let’s look at Tony. Tony who’d become pretty close with Peter before the Snap, who now no longer knows why he always keeps the sound on loud on his phone, or why he keeps checking a screen titled “Vitals” with a big blinking “Error” message flashing. He also keeps working on drawings for a new suit, unlike anything he’s ever made before, it’s smaller than his are, and they have this weird web-like design. He has no clue why. And this is where Tony Stark’s reality starts cracking.

May notices very quickly that something’s missing. She knows something is off when she feels an immense amount of grief while looking at her husband, and a sense of “wrong”, as if he’s not supposed to be there. Then she keeps doing weird things in the mornings. She has a morning routine that seems to revolve around a person that doesn’t exist. Thanos’ snap could delete the memories, but he couldn’t delete years’ worth of muscle memories.

Now we have Steve. He’s already lived in a reality where James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was dead, but he’s never lived in a reality where he never existed. And since Bucky is Steve’s childhood friend. The one friend who’s been through thick and thin, who’s helped him through an endless line of illnesses, who was there when his mother died, Steve’s the one that notices the faults in this new reality first. Not because his life now is lacking something, but because there’s holes in his memory that are too big, to massive to be filled with excuses of memory loss due to the ice. When you lose the memory of the person that’s been the only constant person in your life, you will notice when that person disappears.

Shortly said, the more important the person was to you, the sooner you’ll notice the gaps in reality.

Then, what about the people who are inside the soul stone? This is where we hit a major angst point, cause those who disappeared kept their memory. Meaning that we now have Bucky, Peter, T’Challa, and all the others who disappeared all stuck inside the stone. They, however, did not lose their memories and are all kind of miserable. T’Challa worries about Shuri, Nakia, and Wakanda, Peter’s thinking about May and Tony, and Bucky is angsting over loosing Steve, again. Now, this is all very sad in itself, but seeing as these people still have their memories, they think that their loved ones will do the utmost to help them back into the world. This, obviously, will take a lot of time as no one’s aware that something is wrong.

Cue to our trapped friends deciding that they have to figure out how to break out from the inside. They can’t afford to sit around and wait forever. This is, of course, not as easy as it sounds, and it doesn’t sound easy to begin with. But they have loads of smart people, and Doctor Strange probably has some ideas surrounding this.

But still, slowly but surely the ones on the outside realise that something is wrong, that the universe and reality is wrong. They all meet up, put two and two together and realise “shiiiit we’re missing half the universe’s population, gotta fix that somehow.” And thus, they start working from the outside. This speeds things up a little, but they hit a few bumps in the road where they have to convince people that half the population is indeed missing. For example, Tony struggling to believe he’s basically become a dad, and refusing to acknowledge that the “something” he’s missing might be a kid because “Holy fuck I would be Howard Stark 2.0, no kid needs that shit show.”

But then, with Tony convinced and working with Shuri, and maybe also Thor has something to add, they eventually find a solution. Maybe they meet Strange from the inside, in an amazing act of coordination and cooperation without communication.

Now, everyone who got deleted gets back to the real world somehow. I can’t say how exactly, but they did it, but, while it brought people back, it didn’t reverse Thanos’ snap completely. So, people are back, physically, but memories and their impact on the world are somehow lagging behind.

Then, let’s say that people’s impacts follow quicker than memories, because people who are brought back can come in and correct mistakes that have been made. But memories are still lagging behind.

Which brings us to angst point 2. People who got deleted now have to deal with parents, family, friends, and lovers having next to no clue who they are. Also, it is unclear how long people who was brought back to life as a result of the events of their deaths being changed due to the Snap will stay alive. Like Uncle Ben, will he stay alive, as the solution didn’t reverse the snap, or will he slowly fade away and die (again) as the universe rights itself?

This memory problem will of course have to right itself at some point, cause we can’t have a universe where half of the population have no recollection of the other half, as this will cause some major issue at some point. But the events of the memory losses will be traumatic nonetheless.

Think young baby Peter Parker, an emotionally unstable 15-year-old who’s parental figures have all forgotten him. May might still keep to the old routines he’s used to, but that does not immediately mean she knows how to deal with Peter’s nightmares or remembers how to best deal with his emotional outbursts.

(Peter tossed and turned in bed, quiet whimpers escaping his mouth as sweat ran down his scrunched-up forehead. May heard him from her seat in the living room, and she rubbed her temples in desperate frustration. She felt the tears press forward as she stood up and walked to Peter’s door. She opened it and took in the sight of the distressed teenager she knew was hers but couldn’t remember.

She crept over the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed. She placed a soft hand on Peter’s shoulder and shook him gently.

“Peter, Peter, sweetheart, wake up”

May did not remember that a terrified Peter was a Peter unable to control his strength. She had forgotten that he was terrified of the dark, enclosed spaces, and that people invading his personal space while he was in a fit worsened his claustrophobia.

Peter would never forget the painfilled groan that escaped his aunt as he pushed her away.

May would never forget the horrified cry and the desperate tears that escaped her nephew as he escaped out the window.)

When Peter meets Tony, Tony knows that this is His Kid. But he can’t say how or why. He just knows that he has to protect Peter, no matter the costs.

(Mr. Stark was awake that night, monitoring the screen whose title now made sense. As soon as the notification reached him he flew off to find the scared teenager. Mr. Stark reacted on instinct. He didn’t remember Peter’s fears either.)

Or worse, Bucky, who’s clung to the knowledge that everything would be okay as long as he could reach Steve. Steve would help, Steve would know. But it turns out, Steve doesn’t know. This, of course, leads to a whole new set of nightmares.

(“Steve! Steve, it’s me, I’m back. Whatever Strange did worked!”

“What?”

“Steve, come on, stop dicking around. You know what happened. It’s Bucky, I’m back”

“Who the hell is Bucky?”)

Now, this leads to angst point number 3. Cause things like that has got to leave some heavy emotional damage. So, let’s say that people eventually get their memories back, but Peter Parker will now forever live with the memories of his aunt’s face void of any form of recollection. (A painfilled whimper and a flinch keeps taking up his nightmares.)

Bucky as well will be affected, Steve’s been his safety net for so long, ever since he was free from Hydra. Steve’s always been that one constant that he knew he could count on, even when he couldn’t count on himself. Now his one safety crutch is tainted by Steve’s clueless face. (“Who the hell is Bucky” is a sentence that will be echoing in his ears to the day he dies.)

So, while the world eventually recovers from having had half their population deleted from existed, it will forever be scarred by the event.

And those are my thoughts…

[ieechans]

If It Is You | Oneshot

Summary: I don’t think I can let go of you. Word Count: 1,192 Genre: angst Member: Kim Mingyu TW: none i can think of! tell me if you need anything tagged

A/N: me writing angst w/ 100% of my consciousness at literally any other time: this is.. fine. i guess. could b better. me writing angst not even half awake at 3 am: YEEHAW that aside, jinwoo and seongri got eliminated too soon bye

Mingyu was doing fine, really. At least he thought he was. It had been a while since he went out, and he genuinely thought that the fresh air was all he needed in order to feel better. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in the cool night air. In that moment, he completely forgot about his troubles. In that moment, he forgot about you.

He opened his eyes and began the walk back home, the convenience store bag filled with junk food seemingly lighter than it was before. Despite his intuition telling him not to, he then foolishly tried to recall the last time he had left his apartment. It was the day of the break up. The second the memory came to mind, his heart felt heavier.

He noticed you weren’t feeling well throughout the week. You avoided him constantly, and when you were forced to talk to him, you only responded with a couple of words. He didn’t know why you were acting that way, there wasn’t an argument or anything between you. Figuring you just needed some time alone, he quietly said he was going to the convenience store.

However upon his return, he noticed your duffel bag placed beside the front door. The bag filled with your favorite treats immediately slipped from his fingers, the sound of it hitting the ground louder than he anticipated. Everything else was a blur from there, the only thing he could remember vividly being the words “I’m sorry” coming from your mouth.

His steps slowed to a stop and it was then when he realized he had started to cry. He pulled the sleeve of his jacket over the heel of his hands and quickly wiped the tears from his face. He took in another breath and lifted his chin up. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a mistake, too.

He saw a familiar figure coming down the street, and he felt his chest tighten as they got closer. Everything in him told him to turn around and to run, but no matter how hard he tried, he could only stand there and watch. It was only until they were a few steps away from him when they looked up and froze, their eyes widening.

“Mingyu?”

He forced a smile despite how tense his posture was. “Hey, Y/N. Funny seeing you here.”

“Y-yeah, it is,” you breathed, a smile slowly breaking out on your face. Little did you know, that smile only killed Mingyu more. “How are you?”

I feel like dying.

“I’m doing great,” he lied. “Picked up a couple of hobbies. Cooking is one of them. And you?”

You let out a giggle that felt more like a knife being dug deeper into his chest. “Oh god, I never would have imagined you in the kitchen! I bet anyone would be lucky to have you.”

But I wasn’t lucky enough to keep you.

Mingyu did everything he could to maintain his countenance. “I actually… I don’t plan on getting a significant other any time soon.”

“Why not?” you asked, taken aback. “I’m sure you’d find one easily.”

Because I’m still not over you.

“I guess you could just say that dating isn’t really my forte,” Mingyu responded, forcing himself to look you in the eyes. “What are you doing back in Anyang? Didn’t you move to Seoul?”

“Oh, my boyfriend wanted to come back here,” you replied. “Seoul wasn’t really his cup of tea.”

You told me Seoul wasn’t your cup of tea.

“Right. Your boyfriend. He seems like a catch.”

You rolled your eyes. “Please, he’s like the biggest dork.”

That’s what you called me.

“You seem happy, though.”

You grinned at him. “You do, too.” Your phone then vibrated and you excused yourself to check on it. After a quick glance at the screen, you slipped the device back into your pocket. “I gotta go, he’s wondering where I am.”

Of course he is.

“Oh, sorry to distract you,” he said sheepishly.

“No worries!” you chirped. “Message me more often, Mingyu. I miss talking to you!”

What he assumed was something he said in his head ended up slipping out of his mouth instead.

“But I miss you.”

What was a cheerful expression on your face just moments ago immediately contorted into confusion. A silence ensued and you both stood there, staring at each other. Mingyu didn’t dare say anything else, but he couldn’t walk away either. The staring stopped when you spoke again.

“Mingyu –”

The look on your face brought back that single painful moment that he tried so hard to suppress. It only took you saying his name in the same, pitiful tone for the floodgates to open. He no longer had a filter. He could no longer process what he was saying in his head and what he was saying out loud.

“I miss you so much,” he began, his voice wavering. “Every day is a struggle to wake up. I cook to waste my time, but at the end of the day, it all ends up in the trash because I can’t swallow. I can’t even sleep without seeing you or some form of you.”

His voice was no longer shaky, but his volume rose. He ignored the tears that began to well up in his eyes as he continued, “My heart constantly feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m afraid of everything. It hurts me so much to see you posting so freely on social media, but don’t you ever wonder how I’m doing? Do you even know that I’m becoming even more of a ruin looking at you?”

He looked up to the night sky, both to avoid your gaze and so that the tears wouldn’t fall. His frustration began to die out as he released the emotional baggage he had been holding onto for so long. “I know there’s no way you’ll come back to me; I know you’re out there smiling at someone else, but I still pretend like I don’t,” he said quietly. “I don’t think I can ever let go of you.”

He didn’t know why he didn’t just leave then and there so he that could have the last word, but he stood there with the wild expectation that you’d say something back. And you did. And it only made Mingyu regret his actions even more.

Your gaze fell to the ground and you walked past him briskly, the words coming out of your mouth being the final nail in his coffin.

“I’m sorry.”

[rainbowderpturtle]

ive had a successful poop and now im back for round 2

i looked at the actual post part of that mcelroy post again and that “ppl say it helped w/ their depression so if u talk shit ill never forgive u” just really jfdkhgfkj hit me right in my memory centers and i was teleported thru time back to late june 2015 when markiplier made that 8 million subscriber milestone video??

where he was watching a fan-made thank you video that over a thousand fans appeared in. and he just like started sobbing his eyes out so hard he couldnt breathe, and he admitted he gets emails and pms and comments every single day from kids telling him that they were considering suicide, but the fact that his videos made them smile and that he says all the time that he loves and cares about every single fan was what inspired them to keep going and seek help and find something to live for.

and he gets emails all the time from parents of kids with cancer, saying their kids relate to mark because he’s had tumors removed and his dad died of cancer, and his videos made them laugh for the first time in months while they were going through awful painful treatments. or his videos made their last few days happier and full of laughter. or that they beat cancer or some other terrible illness, and mark showing off his surgery scars and saying “scars just mean you survived, they’re medals of honor proving you were tougher than whatever tried to hurt you” helped them feel less ashamed of their own scars or disabilities.

anyway. idk what kind of point im trying to make here ?? i dont think i really have a point, just observations. ive seen a lot of ppl who everything they know about mark they learned secondhand from The Pewdiepie Debacle and they slap a Problematic sticker on him and consider it job done. and its like, yeah, i also think mark could have handled that better, and probably should have, but uhhhh all things are inherently complex and contain multitudes, so like dont be surprised when truly good and innocent kids have solid reasons for loving and feeling dedicated to mark, and they say having to see ppl calling him “worthless trash” every day really hurts them and negatively affects their mental health fjkdhjkdh

like.....i hate that im thinking about this again bc i was Done hearing about pewdiepie like three years ago, and i just cant bring myself to care, but the thing is mark never really Defended anything stupid pewdiepie ever did. he was just kind of saying hey, this is my close personal friend and i know he makes mistakes but i believe he is trying his best, so maybe dont send him death threats and be terribly disrespectful of him in front of us or our fans, because that’s only going to create more unnecessary animosity between us all when it’s clear everyone involved is only trying to make the world a better place?

i still 100% dont believe that was The Best Time For That, and yea maybe he was being insensitive for speaking out against hurt fans instead of his friend, but like. his position......is entirely understandable. i dont believe the punishment for just plain old offensive stuff should ever be death threats... public humiliation, perhaps, if they try making excuses, and maybe pewpewboy earned a taste of his own medicine w/ the exact nature of the garbage he done did.

but i don’t believe the punishment for thinking death threats are never acceptable under any circumstances should be harassment? and i don’t believe the punishment for being the girlfriend of the person who did the dumb shit should be harassment? and i don’t believe the punishment for being the friend of the person doing dumb shit and refusing to cut all ties with them should be harassment? and i don’t believe the punishment for saying hey, i care about this person, and i wont stand for several thousand people wishing death upon them, should be harassment??? and i don’t believe the punishment for saying this person really helped me out and means a lot to me so i’m going to give them a second chance and have a little more empathy when they make mistakes should be harassment ?????????

obviously there are ppl who are gonna be like “fucc yea!!! nazis!!!!” in response, n thats Garbage, but i think those ppl will always be around and sucking up any reason to feel justified, like old ppl in the grocery store ranting about how technology will be the downfall of mankind bc the power went out and now they gotta wait 10 minutes for the register to reboot so they can buy their prune juice

anyway All Things Are Inherently Complex There Are No “Sides” Communities Are Made Of Individuals And Everyone And Everything Has Both Good And Bad Inside Them Simultaneously now im gonna go eat some cereal