#exploiting its momentum and slipstream
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feminerds · 9 months ago
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The thesis is: Desire I Want to Turn Into You (DIWTTITY) is an exploration of the many forms our relationships to billionaires take.
So I saw that advert (the amazon one - with Bunny is a Rider and the cat) last week, and I can no longer abstain from posting about it.
*club-horn blaring* Never Post Podcast Mentioned *bhrmmm bhrmm bhrmr*
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My family and friends will no longer tolerate the Pepe Silvia timbre of my yelling about CARO POLO (Caroline Polachek). So I simply must turn to outlet of the desperate - making posts - and talking to strangers on the internet about my little obsessions.
(I joined r/Caroline Polachek and they are all disappointingly normal about her(!) it's nice and fun there. But c'mon now I wanna talk to the people who are being little freaks about her - I know they're out there - it cannot possibly just be me!)
I am making a slow series (there's like 2) of tikt*ks about the subject - and I've been posting Grenade Journals about it for quite some time!
CAROLINE POLACHEK's diwttity IS OBSESSED WITH BILLIONAIRES!
As you well know.
06 May 2024
Addendum: I don’t truck with billionaires - obvs, and this is by no means an endorsement of them. I just think it’s interesting that we all kinda have to - because of the *gestures broadly* circumstances - think about them so often. And because we have to think about them so much, I maybe feel it's important to notice how we conceive of this relationship "we have with them" and interrogate it's forms, functions and limitations!
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mellanmir · 2 years ago
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So my magpie brain had once again a new fanfic idea. On October 10th right after Minato sealed the Kyuubi, Kumo and Iwa decide to make a surprise visit and invade. It goes as expected. In its wake follows death & destruction, and the surviving Konoha-nin scatter all over Fire Country trying to survive. Featuring a really pissed off Haruno clan with a very confused time traveling Sakura, a surprising amount of seals and a Kakashi who has an even a worse time than in canon. Not to mention many other people making guest appearances. Timeline may be wobbly. I have a few scenes I want to write, but this does not make a story. So if you like this and want to send me prompts or questions to hopefully keep my brain on track (and the serotonin high) it's much appreciated.
Have a very long snippet of Kakashi being bamf under the cut. Ps. this will most likely end up being Kakasaku if this is not your cup of tea, sorry (not sorry).
Ino takes a step back, easily twisting out of the path of the incoming shuriken, only losing a few strands of her hair to their sharp blades. Shikaku is so damnably proud of her. It steals his breath — or it’s the knowledge that the little girl he raised was about to die in front of his eyes, and he is helpless to do nothing but watch. Her plan is working. Every time she evades his attacks with just a swish of her hips, his form gets worse, his openings more obvious, too enraged by her apparent casual dismissal of his prowess.
Ino has seen the aftermath of being left alone with that monster. She will never allow herself to be one of his playthings, and if there is even a chance she can drag him to the shinigami with her, she will to do everything in her power to make it happen.
The rest of the Iwa and Kuma shinobi are too entertained, too secure in their numbers and supremacy to see death coming to one of their own. Shikaku prays they won’t see the trap until it’s too late for Ginjo to escape it.
With a mocking laugh and a flip of her hair, Ino dances out of the way of a few more shuriken. Ginjo gives an enraged snarl, his teeth bared, and lunges forward with a kunai in hand, furious that she denies him the satisfaction to see her bleed. Shikaku can see at least five easily exploited openings that even a genin couldn’t miss and he sees the glimmer of deep pleasure in Ino’s eyes. She subtly slides her foot back, about to fall into a bastardized Hyuuga stance, when the ground under her foot gives away. It takes him a fraction of a second to realize that she will never recover fast enough to avoid getting skewered. Maybe she could have salvaged if the ground behind her would have been flat, twisting herself backwards and attacking from a low position even if she would have to sacrifice a broken ankle for it. But there is a tree behind her and twisting around that will take a few more seconds than she has. She will be completely open, with no way to deflect the kunai.
Time slows down. Everything feels muted as he watches death reaching for his daughter.
The whistling of a high-speed projectile pierces through the quiet in his mind. Ino’s back hits the tree and then, with a deceptively soft thumb, a kunai buries itself in the bark next to Ino’s head and everything in Shikaku’s head screeches to a standstill. He has less than a second to take in the ofuda tied to the ring at the end, fluttering in its own slipstream. He can make out its royal blue color, the edges lined in silver. In the center, a vertical white bar with three black dots.
Then Ginjo is an arm’s length away from Ino, weapon’s arm drawn back and then swinging forward for extra momentum. In the next second, a person appears from one heartbeat to the next from nowhere, already in motion. He can make out a haori in the same blue as the ofuda, a white three-by-three square with a corner pointing downwards and a circle surrounding the square. There are few points in his life where Shikaku could feel his brain stuttering to a stop, unable to grasp what he is seeing. This is such a moment.
He knows this symbol (the circle is new), once upon a time this belonged to one of the most respected clans in Konoha (oh by the great tree he misses his home).
It can’t be. It’s impossible. He has been dead for years.
“Sakumo?”
Shikaku hasn’t even finished the first syllable, before the there is a flash of white, the cackling of lightning and the sound of a sword cutting through air. With one arm the figure grasps Ino by her waist, draws her in, effortlessly lifting her out of harm’s way and using the same momentum to behead Ginjo with the sword in the other hand in one fluent movement.
Fugaku makes an odd strangled choking sound.
The white silvery hair is definitely a Hatake trait, but while he can only see the side of the face while the figure carefully lowers Ino down so she can sit against the tree, it looks too young to be not-dead-Sakumo. There is only one other Hatake in recent history who he could be, but they also believed Kakashi to be dead for years, although they never could recover his body for a final confirmation.
Possibly-not-dead-Kakashi’s entrance and his irrelevance to the enemies around them leads to mixed reactions. Some of the Iwa shinobi, notably the older generation, are slowly backing up, spreading themself further apart. The younger generation, especially from Kumo, are strutting forward, too used to certain victory with their superior numbers against the alaways on the run Konoha-nin.
Shikaku can feel his heart hammering in his chest — dum dum dum — like a war drum. He can’t help it. His gaze keeps flickering back to the kunai with the ofuda repeatedly, like it had a magnetic pull.
It’s impossible. There is just no way this is what his mind tries to tell him. They look completely different.
It can’t be.
But there is a gleeful voice in his brain that keeps whispers
But…
But…
But, what if?
Appearing entirely unbothered by the whole situation, probably-not-Sakumo-but-Kakashi rises to his feet and faces them, and that is enough for all remaining uncertainties regarding his person to disappear. He is missing the trademark mask of his youth, but the Sharingan spinning lazily in his left eye leaves no doubt about his identity.
And finally, like trying to make up for missing time, Shikaku’s brain jumps into overdrive. Trying to make sense out of the ghost before him. The teen that he had last seen, who was feral, suicidal, and barely holding onto his sanity due to his grief, is now absent. Instead, there is a young man who looks comfortable in his skin and well fed. There is no gauntness to him, a not uncommon affliction for those who still call themself Konoha shinobi. His clothing is of excellent make and not the civilian kind that offers no protection, especially the hoari with the modified clan insignia. And this, this is something, this is a crucial piece of the puzzle before him, he can feel it. This is not something one does at a whim.
For all that Kakashi looks relaxed, even slightly slouched, there is a glimmer in his eyes that sends an icy shiver down Shikaku’s spine. He feels like he is standing in front of a monster, a predator about to lunge and tear him to shreds.
He feels Suzume-san wriggling next to him, breaking him out of his contemplation. She is trying to twist herself so she can get a glance at Kakashi. Keeping her voice to a whisper, she asks, “What is going on? Sakumo? Sakumo, what? You can’t be serious!?” Only to be interrupted by Fugaku’s muttered, “This doesn’t look good. I really hope he has a plan.”
Jerking his head around, he can see what Fugal already noticed. Some of their more intelligent enemies are creeping to the side, trying to flank him, but more importantly, it would disrupt the flow of the battlefield. Currently, Shikaku and all the other hostages are in a self-contained sphere. Until now, the Kumo-nin and Iwa-nin were more content enough to leave them alone and watch them from afar. If they breach the invisible line separating the hostages from the rest, it will be so much harder for Kakashi to protect them and keep them alive.
In response, Kakashi just pulls the kunai from the tree with his free hand and spins it around his index finger. He smiles lazily at the approaching shinobi, flashing a glimpse of sharp canine.
Fugaku’s voice contains dread when he addresses him. “Shikaku, where are his weapons?” And wasn’t that the question? Besides, the sword in his one hand and the kunai in the other Shikaku couldn’t see anything else on his person, not even ninja wire. Honestly, the whole thing looked more and more like some strange suicide rush, maybe-Hiraishin-kunai or not. Even Shikaku’s fabled mind drew a blank how Kakashi could keep them safe and still kill or at least make the Kumo and Iwa shinobi retreat. One Hiraishin kunai would not be enough that would have even been outside of Minato’s scope of abilities.
This is also an observation shared by Iwa and Kumo, and mocking laughter ripples through the ranks.
“Oy little leaf, you sure you wanna take us all on, with you puny little kunai?” More laughter echoes through the field, then another voice pipes up. “And while you fling that thing around, who keeps your precious comrades safe, that’s all the rage for you leaf eaters, isn’t it?” This time, the laughter is cruel.
Like hell they were going to lie down and just die. All around him he could see his fellow hostages reading themself for battle as futile as it was, bound and drugged as they were. Kakashi made a thoughtful humming sound. “That’s a problem, isn’t it?” He still sounds as if he couldn’t be bothered and Shikaku wants to close his eyes. Instead, he is distracted by the bloodthirsty grin — baring of teeth — Kakashi throws them. Sharp fangs on full display, but what keeps his focus are the little flashes of lighting sparking between the teeth.
There is some choked off laughter to his side. “By the Shodaime, he is still a little dramatic shit.” Shikaku agrees. Still, he would feel better knowing there was some kind of plan going on here. Kakashi takes another step forward and Ino is crouched in the background in a defensive stance, but Shikaku can see how she doesn’t put any weight on her ankle. His attention snaps back to Kakashi when Fugaku becomes taut like a stretched ninja wire.
“What.” Shikaku doesn’t think he’s ever heard the other man so confused.
The mastery of Kakashi’s lightning nature no longer distracts him from noticing that his Sharingan spins faster than normal and Kakashi states, “Let’s change that, shall we?” In a mock thoughtful tone and with that, the three tomoe of his Sharingan morph into an unfamiliar windmill pattern. Fugaku sounds like someone punched the air out of him. Clearly, he has a better idea about what is going to happen, even if he is still in disbelieve about it. Shikaku is cautiously optimistic. Honestly, at this point, everything can only be better than their original fate.
Kakashi utters just one word, “Susanoo.”
For a moment, nothing happens. Shikaku is pretty sure Fugaku has stopped breathing. Then, a gigantic, humanoid head, followed by arms and a ribcage rises from the earth, half skeletal, half armoured, like a vengeful spirit. The Iwa-nin and Kumo-nin have the common sense to fall back rapidly and try to pierce it with long distance attacks.
“Impossible.” It’s more a croak than a word that escapes Fugaku’s lips.
It’s truly monstrous. It’s so big the ribcage surrounds them like a wall. For all that it’s partial see-through and shimmering silver-white, it acts as an impenetrable barrier; nothing goes through. Shikaku agrees, the chakra consumption of that giant must be enormous, to span such a wide area, safely encasing every Konoha-nin. He can’t fathom it.
Abruptly, Kakashi stops spinning the kunai around his index finger. He gives them a fake crinkled eye smile. “Thank you for not running away.”
With a twist of his wrist, he flicks the kunai towards the gathered shinobi. It passes through the construct without a problem and Shikaku wonders if it’s because it’s from the inside or because it’s Kakashi’s kunai. Anticipation curls in his stomach, wondering if he is really going to see the Hiraishin in action again. The Kumo and Iwa-nin are already scrambling out of the path of the kunai and Shikaku fears Kakashi will run out of chakra before he can deal with all the enemy shinobi.
An amused twitch of his lips is the only warning they get. Kakashi makes the Earth Release seal in front of his chest. His tone is vicious, a glacial fury. “Tajū Kunai Kage Bunshin no Jutsu.” In an instant, that lonely kunai transforms into a hailstorm, raining death upon the unsuspecting shinobi.
“Oh no. Oh, no no no no. Please, no.” Fugaku sacks into himself like he has no power anymore to keep sitting on his own strength. “How could you… This is not… What did you do?”
For Shikaku there is only hysterical laughter bubbling in his chest, that of all the hand seals Kakashi used, he used Earth Release a seal that is not even a standard hand seal for justu much less a derivation of the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu.
It is also better known as the Seal of Confrontation.
Kakashi disappears with the crackling of electricity, the smell of ozone and a white flash. Hesitant, relieved laughter ripples through the crowd of the captured Konoha-nin.
There is no escape. It is a massacre.
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Kudos to Uchiha Fugaku-sama who successfully looked underneath the underneath. Also, there is technically an in universe reason for Kakashi being able to do all that.
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