#talzir

[feminerds]

12 April 2023

Page 1:

I <3 the Saturn Emoji

Jupiter has very cute rings too. (Though I think I drew them the wrong way)

WHY MAKE ART?!?

Because of the Visions! The visions are what you believe in!

What are my visions?

It's that unity↔duality thing, at least at the moment.

"All the time -- now"

I'm making things to save this little part of me, in a page, in a post, in a painting, so that I can collaborate with myself. Argue with me, agree with me. It lets me see how many things I can hold, and how many I've let go.

Sometimes, I think all artists are driven by some obsessive infatuation with all the beauty in the world OR by all its ugliness. The desire to capture it OR to correct it. We're compelled by beauty

[YOUR BRAIN ON BEAUTY]

The sky's a mirror [co-star app]

Page 2:

♺

It's so weird that they're gonna make a Cat Person movie. Other Cat Person thoughts from me. Ghost World already exists and it's perfect.

Sterope, Taygeta, Maia, Calaeno, Pleione, Alcyone, Atlas, Electra & Merope - Pleiades. The Sever Sisters.

[God is a Circle - Yves Tumor] Now Playing - Tally Tunes

Pipes, Plumbing, Dumb Plumbing!

Anemic Maiden in reply to the Iron Maiden, Lack of Blood, There Won't Be Blood.

[OK]

Polaroids are a very cool lil bit of chemistry and physics - a site where the negative is fused to the positive (print) Private and Singular.

Like a memory -

When it is a sad memory, at least it has passed. When it is a happy memory, alas it is in the past.

I just want to watch Cabaret!

[thealmightykiwi]

I love dnd and I love dming but ever since I started I haven't really written anything bcs all my creative energy goes into my campaign and I get instant validation from my players enjoying the campaign. And the desire to create weird little ppl goes into characters I play in other campaigns and I get to share those characters with ppl through that and I love it

but also I'm sad that my novel is just laying there unfinished, untouched for years

[knight-in-sour-armor]

[askdragonbladetalon]

Azir/Talon :3

How many dates do they go on before they have sex?

Tons – okay, look, Azir is not comfortable with his birb body, Talon has no sex drive so has no need to try to get Azir comfortable enough with it for sex, they can literally just date forever without ever having sex. If they did have sex, it would be after years and years and YEARS of dates.Who is the more dominant one? Who is the more submissive one? Do they switch?

Tough question. Azir’s an Emperor but Talon’s not used to being submissive. At all. Switch, maybe?

Do they use toys? If so, who is the one to suggest it? Also if so, what kind of toys do they use?

Maybe Azir wearing his claws to scratch Talon up if he doesn’t want to do it with his actual talons. Otherwise, no.

What is their favorite position?

… My brain is breaking trying to figure out how a human has sex with a giant birb. I guess lying on their sides, facing each other?

What is the craziest position they’ve done?

I guess Azir riding Talon, or trying to? This is really awkward because I don’t actually KNOW what Azir has under his armor and feathers, so I’m trying to figure out stuff that works if Azir has a dick, if Azir has a cloaca or if Azir has both. Or neither!

Have either one of them gotten hurt doing above mentioned crazy position?

Anon, this is hurting my brain. XD But let’s say yes, I can’t imagine how they’d do it without some trial and error involved.

Which one is more likely to send nude pictures to the other via text or email?

Talon, because Azir is geared to find humans attractive but Talon isn’t geared to be turned on by birds. That said, if Azir did send nudes, Talon would send back compliments on Azir’s fluffiness, how soft his feathers look, how much Talon would like to be there right now to pet him, etc. He knows Azir has problems with his bird body and accepting it, so figures that complimenting it might help.

If suggested, would they be interested in a threesome? And if so, who suggested it first and who is the third person they’d add?

Noooo. Azir is way too insecure about his body to allow anyone else in and Talon’s got no interest in bedding anyone else, especially when it’d hurt Azir.

Who teases the other in public? (Like under the table/hands in their pants/up skirt kind of teasing)

Talon. He likes stealthing so he can give Azir quick sneaky kisses on the cheek or beak. Nothing more than that, just little affectionate reminders that he’s loved.@sandsandsorrows

[chromosomexpodcast]

Episode 001 of Chromosome X Podcast

Rebecca and I talk Schumer’s Trainwreck, Jessica Jones and clapping on podcasts.

Content notes - discussion of sexual assault and abusive relationships. 

[novembart]

Day Twelve - Who you see yourself as vs. Who you want to be.  

[feminerds]

12 July 2023

Page 1 TEETH THEET THETE TEETH +

I got that mouth sadness ------ We all got mouth sadness. IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND?

Stay golden you stupid fuckin' gob!

I want visible dental work - [AU]RGH

Page 2 ROT ROT ROT ROT ROT ROT ROT ROT It's just that I feel I [ROT] create my whole self through my mouth. It's where the talking, [ROT] eating, sex - so much of the self happens in the my mouth. ROT ROT I MAKE MYSELF [ROT] THROUGH MY MOUTH ROT ROT ROTTED ROTTED ROTTED ROTTED ROTTED ROTTED ROTTED

and when dental work is happening or immanent, I feel existential dread like real bone-pain* existential dread.

VISIBLE MENDING

Stones Corner Dental - from last year when I had a gold crown installed. I got it because I think visible mending is cool. And because I like the phrase "a rat with a gold tooth". And because if it's gonna cost 2K, I reckon it should look expensive. And because so much dental work gets done, and hidden, it has become such an enormous class signifier. Quiet Luxury, is people never noticing your teeth.

And because of Garden State and New Slang - The Shins Gold Teeth and a Curse for this Town. Were all in my mouth.

*Bone-Pain is a term I heard when a student dentist was removing my wisdom teeth. I was awake in the chair, they were using a bone saw to remove the root of the tooth from my jaw bone, and their supervising professor lent across my open maw and looking into my face said: "I know you're still feeling pain, I can see it in your face. Unfortunately we've already given you three blocks (anesthetic) and that's all we can give in this clinic. Not that it would help all that much because what you're feeling is "bone-pain", all I can say is - it'll be over soon".

I tell this story all the time, because I'll never forget. Teeth are a monster. Teeth are a blight! TEETH TEETH TEETH TEETH.

[feminerds]

The thesis is: Desire I Want to Turn Into You (DIWTTITY) is an exploration of the many forms our relationships to billionaires take.

So I saw that advert (the amazon one - with Bunny is a Rider and the cat) last week, and I can no longer abstain from posting about it.

*club-horn blaring* Never Post Podcast Mentioned *bhrmmm bhrmm bhrmr*

My family and friends will no longer tolerate the Pepe Silvia timbre of my yelling about CARO POLO (Caroline Polachek). So I simply must turn to outlet of the desperate - making posts - and talking to strangers on the internet about my little obsessions.

(I joined r/Caroline Polachek and they are all disappointingly normal about her(!) it's nice and fun there. But c'mon now I wanna talk to the people who are being little freaks about her - I know they're out there - it cannot possibly just be me!)

I am making a slow series (there's like 2) of tikt*ks about the subject - and I've been posting Grenade Journals about it for quite some time!

CAROLINE POLACHEK's diwttity IS OBSESSED WITH BILLIONAIRES!

As you well know.

06 May 2024

Addendum: I don’t truck with billionaires - obvs, and this is by no means an endorsement of them. I just think it’s interesting that we all kinda have to - because of the *gestures broadly* circumstances - think about them so often. And because we have to think about them so much, I maybe feel it's important to notice how we concieve of this relationship "we have with them" and interrogate it's forms, functions and limitations!

[feminerds]

07 April 2024

26.6% of the Year

Creature

Frottage - Verbatim Floppy Disc (HD) labelled: TROUBLE! ok. OK!

I always feel like I'm overstating my progress, but like it really was May 1st 2019 when I wrote my dangerfield resignation letter.

Every time I leave a situation frustrated and filled with the spirit of the stairs, I have to remind myself (over and over and over) - No Grit. No Pearl.

I came here looking for trouble, because that's when you learn and... I can't seem to find anything else!

Never Post - Never Post Podcast. (Australia Maria Island TAS 10c Postage Stamp)

[feminerds]

17 FEB 2024

The MCR that exists inside the minds of obsessives (me) is kind of like the holy mother (Mary) -- it's not the thing or even a representation of that thing anymore. It's not even a simulacra (? I might be pushing it with this - because upon reflection I think I might be describing a simulacra quite accurately actually - haha)

it no longer bears a likeness, really at all. An idol is what the k-pop darlings call it, and that makes sense to me. I feel it's closest to an effigy. An item that has had so much projected upon it, it becomes holy*.

Wholly unrecognisable

GIMME ALL THAT PAIN

That Gucci Scent - The Last Day of Summer

*Holy - to the holder, and item of ultimate projection. Like close reading. Like for what you really collect is always yourself**. Like all fan art, is just art, is just a reflection of self and now. A light bent through the body.

**Baudrillard, The System of Objects

I also saw this 30 day song challenge, the other day and I'm thinking I might do it.

God help me, do I have an artists' practice at all? Or is my artists practice just hanging out and participating in the goofy little teenage challenges and what-not. Is my artist practice just being a very online teenager for ever?!

[feminerds]

April 2024 (Iodine)

Getting a lil bit tired of being treated like a mug for trying to remain open hearted. Do people not imagine what tenacity and discipline is required to keep a song in your heart. in. this. world?!

Listening on Hecate - Hope - Vampire Weekend.

Weather Forecast: Cloudy with a chance of cynicism

Stay Tender

[feminerds]

Couple of pages, one from about this time last year and two from last week-ish.

Page 1. 17 Nov 2022 - Flower on Head Bunny.

Soft Sweet Naive Tender Bunny.

She's a Rider - Caroline Polachek "Bunny is a Rider"

of Montreal "Bunny Ain't No Kind of Rider"

Listening on OGION (my computer, all my towers have been named after famous fictional wizards, which I kinda didn't realise until I got this new one last year and was like I gotta name it!)

Page 2. 06 Dec 2023 - Billions and Billionaires.

I've been thinking about Caroline Polachek's Desire I Want to Turn Into You (DIWTTIY) a LOT, I can tell because Kits has started calling her "Caro Polo" in a funny singsong voice that implies we're talking about the -thing- again. I will try to write all the loosely assembled thoughts down a in a continue reading jump. Maybe. I dunno.

Erstwhile indie darling, goose screamer, k*yne scooper and acclaimed quirked-up vocalist Caro Polo has stopped explaining, intellectualising, labeling, making sense! I'm sure there's theory or a name for this idea or reoccurring expression(ism) ;) because of course there's always a framework, context and philosophy that one must know of and employ effectively to place their work in the culture - but good pop music doesn't make sense, or have a basis in theory, and it will not explain itself!

I think PONY by Ginuwine is the most clear example, to mind, like you get it... you get what he's on about, the vibe could not be more legible, tbh, but the song lyrics themselves are not in clear support of the thesis, nor is the odd farting bass, but nonetheless you vibe!

It’s giving C'mon stop trying to hit me and hit me. Morpheus in the Matrix, who was of course shitting on the mother toilet when he said that.

I dunno for sure, really the intentionality of it or her work generally, and it is beside the point — to be encoded or decoded merely makes it a signal, not a sign, not a message, not a meaning. Is this all in there or are you projecting? It doesn't matter so much, as it is a successful attempt at unfocussing that third mythic eye*, feeling that intangible gestalt enough that she's tuning into the desperate leitmotifs of the current moment and amplifying/refracting them through this soaring album.

OSTENSION. DéTOURNEMENT. RECUPERATION.

Par Avion

Re: The Billion____s and The Billionaires

Page 3. 06 Dec 2023 - Année du Lapin (2023) Year of Bunny

Low Pixel

Certified Top 0.1% fan of Caroline Polachek in 2023

Bunny is Hustle Culture?

Bunny is the girls on Epst*in's Private Island? This has legs but is grim and requires more thoughtful elaboration than the general rambling I’m currently on.

Is DIWTTIY about the weird, real and unreal relationship we all have with billionaires because of their inescapable influence over lives?

Is that what the Grimes feat. is about? Is that why Caro Polo did the Harambe song? I've got a Hyper-Chain-Link-Fence of Theories.

That Trace Dominguez video - You Love Billionaires?

Why Bunny?

and What makes her a Rider?

*Probbo I know!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Any ways here's my Tally Tunes playlist for 2023.

[feminerds]

Tiny Amphora

|-Actual Size-|

I went to the museum of Ancient Glass and saw loys of tiny glassware!

Fertile Earth

Cherries Chesnuts Pommegranites Figs Raspberries roses Hazelnuts Olives Oranges Cabbages Corn Blackberries Lemons Grapes

and the wine dark sea

Croatia | Oct 2023 | Tornado? Zadar

[feminerds]

Memory Disk

27 June 2023

“Whatever you now find weird, ugly, uncomfortable and nasty about a new medium will surely become its signature. CD distortion, the jitteriness of digital video, the crap sound of 8-bit - all of these will be cherished and emulated as soon as they can be avoided. It’s the sound of failure: so much modern art is the sound of things going out of control, of a medium pushing to its limits and breaking apart. The distorted guitar sound is the sound of something too loud for the medium supposed to carry it. The blues singer with the cracked voice is the sound of an emotional cry too powerful for the throat that releases it. The excitement of grainy film, of bleached-out black and white, is the excitement of witnessing events too momentous for the medium assigned to record them.”

― Brian Eno, 1996, A Year With Swollen Appendices

My Planet

Brunswick 2023

[feminerds]

Page from Jan 2022

This page is from the when I was kind of realising I wanted to do the “opposite of bullet journaling”.

When the fight is a collab, how do we survive it?

We must survive it.

Babe - You've simply got to fix ur heart and carry on as if anything is ever simple

It feels to me like a return to the origins of the journal, maybe the journal has always been a grenade? Waiting to explode.

An item, which in the wrong hands, will destroy.

Again Against

Against Method

Is hand grenade journalling against method? in opposition to the aspirational mentality of bullet journals.

Journaling to become less productive

Journaling to confuse myself

Journaling to forget

Sticker - Flash Forward Podcast. One of the best futurist podcasts to ever do it!

[feminerds]

Page 1:

25 March 2023

First quarter of the year is about to draw to a close.

Same old bad brain, well if it isn't me breaking my own heaart. I wish I just didn't feel or process things, I do [sic] the way I do.

Always thinking 'About Adam'

"Hey Bird! I know the true name of god."

Without really thinking about it, I have started yelling this at wild animals that look at me. I think I say it because it's what I hear or feel when animals look at me. I'm curious if this is something I've seen in a film or picked up from somewhere, if feels affected, but I honestly cannot place it, or at least I cannot place it, to a place outside of me?

Mangawhai, Aotearoa

Do you suppose birds know about negative space and gaps and silences in the text? (This is kind of a joke about the QLD English syllabus in 2004)

Page 2:

21 March 2023

Solving <Laceration Gravity?

Solving Wobbly Stars

Gravity vs Yearning

An icon for the growing plurality of voices and perspectives? in STEM? In the world?

Lens and Light

This is kind of the main ideaa I've been noodling with for a[nother] zine I want to eventually make about the star as symbol. Like it's definitely cool and interesting that stars are one of the constants in all representational art. Like celestial bodies are one of the first things we record, as culture, as people, we see them and we want to draw them! Currently there is a trend or movement or feature of a lot of indie art in the late 2010/early 2020s to include twinkles or sparkling ornamentation in illustrations. Ornamentation, of course, is hardly new, and neither are stars in art (the seven sisters babyyyyyyy), but the twinkle style is kind of evolving at the moment. With what I recognise as a recent spike in representing the star/twinkle as irregular or wobbly. This is also an evolving aesthetic in many areas of contemporary life, I see it especially clearly in jewelry design right now. Previously stars were represented as point lights, and then regular radial point lights, not exclusively but predominantly. I think that the transition from point lights to regular radial point lights is related to increased access to lenses and viewing apparatus. The anime style four point twinkle, made enormously famous by shows like Sailor Moon, rose to its huge cultural status in lockstep with the deluge of space images from the Hubble Space Telescope (and other contemporary terrestrial telescopes which also featured photographic artifacts or diffraction patterns derived from the four struts used to support the primary mirror), which of course impacted contemporary artists. We are already beginning to see the impact of the James Webb Space Telescope in contemporary art/fashion/popular aesthetic. However I place the emergence of the "wobbly star"TM not solely on the shoulders of JWST, but on the subsequent realisation that the change in the star pattern from HST to JWST, broke the spell of the four point star as a given, the four point diffraction pattern for the first time since We started receiving space photographs was recognised as an artifact not a natural aspect of stars. Astronomers and Physicists stayed knowing this, of course, but we needed the images to change to know this - maybe that's true for them too?

Any way, this change in the image then supposes a new series of questions for us.

Where is the image constructed?

The Star itself? The collisions that create the photons? The distance the light traverses? The atmosphere it then travels through? The increasing molecular density that filters it? The lens that refocuses it? And then the lens that refocuses that? The housing of that lens, its shape, form and material? The sensor/s that captures the light? The codex used to record the data? Or the codex that in turn decodes this data into an image? The screen that projects it? The printer that produces it? The eye that captures that reflection? Or the mind that understands it?

How many lens known and unknown does light pass through before we recognise it as an image?

The wobbly or irregular star, in some ways implicates the 'suture lines' of the optical nerve, that to each person create a unique diffraction pattern, in each eye separately. It implicates the messiness of receiving an image, the unusually unique circumstances of receiving an image. I like to think of it as a sign or symbol of the beginning of understanding the necessity and value of diversity in STEM (maybe, at least I hope it is) and maybestars more broadly just in people. I think the wobbly star comes very specifically out of this moment, from modernity and identity politics and anime and space telescopes and instagram and printers and physicists, and that's all very exciting. I like when society sublimates a thing happening in many places into an aesthetic and a symbol. That stars can be so many things to so many people, points, like a star in many directions. To our diversity, but also to our sameness. That we all look up.