#fake dev patel stans

[nsewell]

my most obscure artist rn is the guy who did the green knight soundtrack wdym you guys aren't still bumping to blome swete lilie flour

[medusasbush]

read april 2024

Beyoncé Knowles-Carter and the flip-flop, flippy flip flop and ass bitches.

Unlikable Women Like Me: On Being a “Bitch”

How therapy-speak ‘processed’ its way into pop-music

This is not a COWBOY CARTER review

Elon Musk Didn’t Want His Latest Deposition Released. Here It Is.

Which Kirsten Dunst movie are you?

Who needs state surveillance when we're willingly surveilling each other?

When Everyone's the Main Character, We're All Alone.

Optimization Will Not Save You

Terror & Mundanity In A Makeup Bag: On beauty products, local politics, and Palestine.

I Have My Father’s Eyes and His Temper Too: A Personal Commentary on Mainstream Media’s Portrayal of Father-Daughter Relationships

Why Women Pay the Price for Caring for and Understanding Men

Wife Sentences: Lisa Selin Davis’s confused history of homemakers

Sex Positivity Was Fake, But We'll Miss It When It's Gone

The Myth of Writer's Block: and the importance of shutting the fuck up

The Tyranny of Stans

Exposed Bra Straps Exposed: Post-feminism, Mean Girls the Musical and the lore of visible bra straps.

what can we expect from friendship?

On Finding the Freedom to Rage Against Our Fathers

Don’t Call it Girlhood

Romance & Rivalry By Proxy: When vicarious experiences deliver the dollars.

Is It Ok To Dislike Children?

What Does Your Bookshelf Say About You?

‘Monkey Man’: Welcome to the Action-Movie Pantheon, Dev Patel

The problem with fan studies: Are we entrenching stan culture instead of dissecting it?

maybe we should all call our friends more

Ambiguity & Delusion: Lessons Learned From Pop Culture Worship

An Academic F*ck You to Chip Wilson's Fatphobia

Just call it jihad

[sqbr]

A lazy Dracula fancast

Inspired by discussions on tumblr and having read the first half of the book. Everyone is de-aged/resurrected from the dead as necessary, and the adaptation would naturally involve a lot of queer poly makeouts and noone I like too much would die.

Dracula: Romanian, can suddenly switch from affable to homoerotically terrifying.

Sebastian Stan. Yes, he is the only Romanian actor I've heard of (sorry Romania I'm sure the others are great too) but also he would legitimately be great at it.

Renfield: English, quietly unhinged and more threatening than he appears. Kinda like the idea of him being short.

My brain said TOM HOLLAND but Jamie Bell would probably be better. Someone like Michael Sheen with a different sort of harmless air could also work.

Johnathon Harker: English, polite, woobie with a core of hidden strength.

Dev Patel, no contest.

Mina Murray: English, competent and non-nonsense but kind and affectionate.

Hannah John-Kamen. Even though I've only seen her in Killjoys, playing a very different character, I feel like she could give off the right energy. And if the adaptation decided to go for more of a "Mina Murray, Badass Vampire Hunter" approach she could do that too :D

Lucy Westenra: English, bubbly and sweet with a sense of humour.

Carey Mulligan.

Arthur Holmwood: English, earnest, sweet, and manly.

Let's say...Daniel Radcliffe.

Jack Seward: English, kinda creepy awkward scientist.

I thought Richard E Grant was well cast in the 2008 movie, even if he was hamming it up, so let's stick with that and just direct him to tone it down a little.

Quincy P Morris: American, self aware folksiness, good naturedly pansexual.

Lil' Nas X if he was cool playing a bi dude, otherwise Owen Wilson. (This thought is what inspired the rest of the fancast)

Van Helsing: Dutch, a grandfatherly academic with a steel core.

So the obvious choice here is Rutger Hauer but he's a bit too obvious. I, uh, don't recognise any other Dutch actors, so I'm tempted to suggest Stellan Skarsgård (SORRY, I KNOW NOT ALL EUROPEAN COUNTRIES ARE THE SAME) but based purely on her imdb image I'm going to suggest Nina Foch and just genderswap the role, which could be pretty fun, have a whole Jessica Fletcher vibe. BUT WAIT now I remember my cracky Hakuoki/Dracula crossover idea where Van Helsing is actually the fake name of the heroine of Hakuoki, Chizuru, who is Japanese but grew up reading Dutch medical journals and used that knowledge to research vampires, and in one ending goes to Europe to learn more. Looking at the various actors who've played Chizuru, I like the look of Sakiho Motonishi.

Dracula's Roommates: European, sexily evil, includes a twinky dude.

I have no strong feelings but let's arbitrarily pick Eva Green, Mila Kunis, and... Timothee Chalemet? Turns out he's just an American with a French name but I can't think of anyone better, so... MAYBE HE WAS VISITING HIS FAMILY IN EUROPE AND GOT BIT, IDK. We don't know their backgrounds so they could technically be from anywhere but it felt to me like Dracula had only started expanding his reach as far as England pretty recently.

No descriptions since they are just headshots of the actors. And yes, I do need to watch more European media >.> Especially because then this might not all be skinny, able-bodied, largely white cis people. Ah well, I did say it was lazy!

[philtstone]

Made up movie meme cast The Third (no this was not intentional): Sebastian Stan, John Boyega and/or Dev Patel

so just to be clear kaadhu sends the most iconic and also funniest casts of all time

also shoutout to That Post wherever it is. what a banger

Title: The Argentinian Single Man Tax

Song: Mr. Moustafa (Alexander Desplat, instrumental)

It's a stylized and fictitious version of 1972 New York, and three bachelors live in equal bachelor-esque frugality on the top floor of a small South Queens walkup.

Ranjit (Patel) is the son of recent Punjabi immigrants who has finally scraped together enough money to move away from home and invest his time into his true passion, poetry. Arnold (Boyega) is earnestly going to school to secure a position as an accountant despite his sister's conviction that he'll do much better becoming an anti-capitalist activist. And Matthias (Stan) is a Romanian carpenter who builds very sturdy wooden chairs, would like to continue building very sturdy wooden chairs, and can manage maybe five sentences of English in total.

The building's tenancy has always been a little dicey, but it has maintained a steady stream of single drifters searching for affordable housing and independence. In addition to this, of course, there are its regulars: Mrs. Merkowitz the fortune teller on the first floor, a pair of elderly and bespectacled French twins, and Agatha, the Puerto Rican school teacher.

Things become problematic when the landlord, an Argentinian fruit seller named Senor Lopez, decides that in order to improve the building's value, he should encourage his tenants to be respectable families with children, rather than the hoodlums that seem to have gravitated toward the place. He comes up with one of his more hairbrained schemes: at the end of his three month notice, he'll raise the rent for any unmarried man still residing in the place, with the compassionate stipulation that if the boy has proposed to his sweetheart and been rejected, the humiliation would undoubtedly build character, and earn him his place in the building.

Naturally, the tenants protest -- none more so than Ranjit, Arnold, and Matthias, who between the three of them (Arnold does the math) haven't got more than a hundred bucks to stretch through the summer. None of them qualify for the exemption: Matthias was in a long term relationship but got dumped before he could propose; Arnold has terribly bad luck getting dates; and Ranjit's parents know any number of nice girls he could propose to, only he'd likely be accepted.

Inspiration strikes when the men realize that the only real proof Senor Lopez needs is the public rejection; and can't that be faked?

Desperate, they approach Agatha From Downstairs and offer a deal: could she pretend to date each of them and reject them in turn when they propose? When Agatha demands a sizeable payment so that she can fulfill her own dream of visiting her dying grandmother in San Juan, the plan must be workshopped, and quickly becomes an entangled net of poor business ventures, faked relationships, miscommunicated yearning, and really, really bad poetry -- all under the nose of Senor Lopez, who is likely to evict them all if they're found out.

[smthscoming]

hi !! i’ve just cleared out my following and old threads and would love to get some new things going. below the cut is a list of all my muses and the specific genre i want for them. as this is primarily a horror blog, most of the genres will be some variation of horror. if you're interested in any of these, drop a like and i'll contact you as soon as i can :) an overview of my muses is linked in the source

(updated 25/10/2021)

lucas royal: mutual crushes / colleagues / single dad * (m/nb only)

harley royal: rivals / underground fighter

gwynne royal: celebrity-fan / rivals * / hollywood * (f/nb only)

ronan royal: fantasy horror / dark academia * / southern gothic

lene marszałek: slasher / dark academia

edmund marszałek: small town horror

lucia hall: fantasy horror / road trip / small town horror / spn

gang chae-won: eldritch horror ** / southern gothic

emery st. john: mythology / southern gothic *

jupiter ts'ai: sci-fi horror *

junhe delany: sci-fi horror * / mutant * / mcu

sunny landon: spn / exes / apocalyptic *

jensen jones: mystery / mcu

hawke: mutant / mystery / sci-fi horror

novak: mutant / mystery / sci-fi horror

clara aldridge-west: colleagues / rivals / boss-employee / cyberpunk / crime

dae kyung-tae: bodyguard / fake marriage

francesca snow: mystery / crime / supernatural horror / wedding planner (f/nb only)

charlotte snow: crime / apocalypse / mystery

bree finch: slasher * / crime

harry dietrich: slasher * / crime

beckett keener: slasher * / hollywood

andromeda mercier: mentor-mentee / rivals / secret agent

cha hyun-jun: exes / secret agent

cal wilder: small town horror / southern gothic

lainey waltzer: dark academia * / murder mystery

avia beverly-grant: dark academia * / small town horror

ilse glass: folk horror * / southern gothic / superhero

beau poindexter: slasher

seo dal: sci-fi horror / apocalyptic / blackmail

august bartosz: dark academia / small town horror / folk horror

leong zien: small town horror / folk horror

bonus points if you bring me any of these fcs: riz ahmed, hayley atwell, haley bennett, andy biersack, freddy carter, henry cavill, cody christian, charlie cox, elizabeth debicki, winston duke, rebecca ferguson, megan fox, jake gyllenhaal, oscar isaac, dakota johnson, anthony mackie, richard madden, justin h. min, max minghella, lupita nyong’o, elizabeth olsen, teyonah parris, dev patel, sebastian stan, aaron taylor-johnson, sophie turner, deborah ann woll

[amosbarot]

( cismale ) haven’t seen AMOS BAROT around in a while. the DEV PATEL lookalike has been known to be (+) INSOUCIANT & (+) KEEN, but HE can also be (-) TROUBLED & (-) DERISIVE. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in COMPUTER ENGINEERING. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

hello !! here is my other baby, who is...somehow, more of a mess than naeva !! no dilly dally, let’s jump right into it !!

TW: drug addiction/abuse, car accident. mental illness. 

a e s t h e t i c s ( except i am a sham of a person and sorta very much forgot to save my aesthetics so ! winging it ! )

floral suits and a light air of mock-arrogance, charming smiles and a mischievous glint, easy sarcasm and raised eyebrows. rolling joints resembling cigars, smoke drifting towards ceilings as conspiratorial rambles escape intoxicated lips,  wild gestures and toppled book stacks, four expresso shots at the stroke of midnight and equations leading off whiteboards. heavy eye bags and warm smiles, dismissive words and excuses. sleepwalking to the middle of the quad for the third time that week, donning white boxers littered with red hearts...again. secret glances and barely contained excitement, distractions from the obvious.

general info !!

full name: amos ronak barot

nickname(s): n/a !!

b.o.d. - january 17th, 24 yrs old, capricorn

label(s): the academic, the ebullient, the fallen, the icarcian.

height: 6′2″

hometown: london, uk ooo fancy

sexuality: wildly. chaotically. bisexual.

his stats can be found HERE

and his pinterest can be found HERE !

biography

introducing...another one of indira’s cousins !!!! 

born to olena barot, member of the american embassy in london/future U.S. ambassador to the UK and ronak barot, CEO of his very own computer company. needless to say, he and his younger sister alya were born into a certain wealth

they hopped between the US and the UK and wherever else they desired to go on vacation to with ease; UK for school and US for breaks, rome or paris or wherever else, simply whenever.

despite this though !! olena and ronak had always wanted their children to find their own success, to be financially stable without their assistance once they got older. therefore, it was a known fact in their household that they’d be cut off financially by the time they were 21.

luckily, neither of them really minded this? both children had always had an extreme thirst for knowledge and a wonder for things. even so--their childhood wasn’t quite typical, as their competitive natures led to them trying to one-up each other?

alya and amos grew up extremely close to each other, being so close in age it really didn’t feel as if she was the younger sibling; they were more like twins than anything. obviously, amos still gloated about being the eldest, but their bond was tight.

there were moments in their childhood where if anybody, and i mean anybody--spoke ill of alya, amos would get into physical alterations. he’s much more peaceful now, but the history is still there.

by the time amos entered sixth form, his studies were--while still very important to him--less frequent. he’d go out nearly every night, gone whole weekends, partying or being a general hooligan. 

alya, however, did not partake in these activities. this is where they differed--amos had always been an extrovert, fond of crowds and people and being in the center of it all. causing ruckus. wrecking havoc. alya’s always been...reserved, in the best way possible. few knew just what a gem she was, but she really was to be treasured. even so--the less time amos seemed to spend at home, the more distant alya became towards him.

but, surprise: despite being literally, incredibly smart, amos got BIG DUMBASS ENERGY and was very very oblivious to the why and how of this. which really, really did not help.

unfortunately, there wasn’t any time to dwell about this.

around the same time, tragedy struck the barot family.

after one of his lil’ runabouts, amos came home to find furniture being escorted out of their house, police--his sister crying, his mother ashamed, his father nowhere to be found. 

and soon after, amos found out that his father was arrested for a scandal that sent many into a tizzy. essentially: the company fucked over their own customers via stealing their info, committing some fraud, y’know, credit cards and social security numbers, sellin’ it. just. some nasty white collar crime.

it also wound up fucking up olena’s newly acquired position as the US ambassador for the UK. she was released from the embassy during ronak’s trials.

he ultimately wound up in prison, and olena moved their family back to the U.S.

and amos--being the big dumb baby he is, figured the best thing to do was to pretend it hadn’t bothered him one bit! so he did exactly that!

i imagine that they moved close to indira’s family, and amos spent a lot of time with her from there then.

however, in between pretending things were fine and dandy, and home life, and the drag and pull of parties, anxiety weighed down amos’ bones like...constantly. his family was now, essentially, poor with a mass debt thanks to their father. the expectations for amos to do good, to be better--the fall of amos’ biggest role model.

it was all too much. anxiety attacks became frequent, provoked by the slightest thing--he could only lay awake at night, sleep infrequent. he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and insomnia, and treated for both--some days it still doesn’t feel like enough.

getting a scholarship to lockwood is probably the best thing to happen to him in a long time. it was a new look into a potential future.

got into the uh...career, of sorts, of doing people’s assignments for them for a hefty payment, alongside his normal job. just to make sure he had spending money and whatnot.

involving tatiana: their friendship bloomed after he did a few assignments for her, y’see--then came the midnight adventures, and whatnot. i wouldn’t have called them close by any means, but they had fun together when they weren’t arguing. their friendship ended after a pretty bad car accident--neither were fatally hurt, but the car was wrecked and it was amos’ fault and it just. sorta was the end of that.

he’s got a...reliability on his sleeping pills, if you will. it’s not healthy in the slightest, but he’s convinced it’s nothing serious. it’s pretty serious.

his eyesight is also getting worse--expected to become legally blind by the time he’s forty.

more on those l8r

personality

there’s a lot of words you can use to describe amos! pretentious, sarcastic, provoking, hardly ever serious, immature, petty, Just Like That, full of himself, smartass, big dumbass energy. y’know. just an infinite amount.

he can be so dramatic! everything he does is exaggerated. he rolls cigar-sized joints at every party. goes around with a horrible ‘20s mobster voice, voicing his lil’ conspiracies.

it’s both hard and very easy to forget that amos graduated as valedictorian of his high school (stealing it, from somebody else--i should mention, as he came in halfway thru the year and kinda just. snatched the title.) because he can be a real idiot sometimes.

because he tries to hard to mask his insecurities, he overcompensates with just. being childish. he’s fun to be around but sometimes he can just be. exhausting.

so like, he went into computer engineering because that was just sorta what he always wanted to do? besides programming? he really wanted to take after his father--but with him being in jail and whatnot, kinda puts a damper to that dream. still, he can’t stop.

so he’s just. really good with computers tbh?? built his own, programmed his own firewall. his dream is to open his own cybersecurity company.

VERY STRESSED LIKE CONSTANTLY like catch him in the library with six empty coffee cups surrounding his work, it’s 2am--he hasn’t slept, in fact his eyes are likely taped opened. he works a lot.

but parties...a lot more! he tries rly hard to not mix his medication with anything so that leads to him...not always taking it, or overcompensating when he misses. it’s a mess. he’s a mess. he thinks he knows what he’s doing but he’s NOT.

i think...i’d consider him lovable. he’s a lil eccentric, a lil high energy.

LOVES HIS FAMILY. like, listen. he still loves his dad. would protect his cousins and sister and mother with his mf life.

alya and him aren’t on the...best terms rn. so that Hurts.

he can be really petty tbh ?? like he can’t take arguments seriously so he just becomes this fucking manchild. he will mimic u. he’ll mock u. he can be hurtful.

god...i don’t even know what else to say. just take him TAKE HIM

wanted connections

as always, i am a big slut for every connection.

give him his Lads. his buds. his pals. his broskis. his bromances.

ride or die(s)

people he tutors !! people whose work he does for them !!

somebody who goes to him b/c of computer troubles n he’s just like...r u going to pay me or nah

high school friends??

party pals??

his sister may become a WC in the future but idk quite yet, we do stan her though !!

drug dealer pls n thank

ex friends ?? fake friends ?? toxic friends ??

bad influences ?? good influences ??

hook ups ?? like a lot of ‘em ??

confidante ?? just somebody he can. rant to.

academic rival just b/c i really love intense study-offs

enemies for whatever reason ??

exes ??

particularly this one ex he was really, really in love w/ but life just got really stressful and idk it affected their relationship and they sorta just. ended it. idk who ended it w/ who but it probably wasn’t mutual and he’s probably really still hung up about it. 

i mean i’ll take...anything...did they run into each other once and now just see each other everywhere??

unrequited things??

really cute close friendships??

[realtalk-princeton]

i don't use tiktok :( do i start romanticizing my TA's LOL knowing that i will never be able to make a move but still ukwim. i genuinely am crushless for the first time this is so sad hahahaha

I mean I can’t tell you not to romanticize your preceptors because that would make me a hypocrite.... u can also pick a celebrity or fictional character to become completely obsessed with for several months like I did from the ages of 8-16 (my past obsessions in order: Susan Pevensie, Cedric Diggory, boy from my middle school, other boy from my middle school, my middle school best friend, Taylor Swift, EmRata, Chris Evans, my high school best friend, Robert Downey Jr., my high school debate coach, my high school girlfriend (now ex), Emma Watson, Tom Holland, Zendaya, high school football captain, Chris Evans (again), Dev Patel, Henry Cavill).  

Clearly, I have some unresolved issues.  Or u can just obsess in an unhealthy amount over a piece of media... I was an Annoying Hamilton Kid in 2016... then an Annoying Avengers Stan... this is why I can’t attach my name even my fake RTP name

also fanfiction has never let me down. let it be known that archiveofourown > fanfiction.net > wattpad. i WILL die on this hill.