#families dealing with suicide

[fictionadventurer]

My sister just mentioned the story our bishop told, about a woman who went to St. John Vianney after her husband committed suicide by jumping from a bridge, and she was beside herself because she knew he had to be in hell, and John Vianney told her, "Between the bridge and the water is the mercy of God."

[zeb-z]

“Even if it’s not my fault, it’s still my accident, it’s still my mess. It’s still something that - exists, because I do” oh. and he just doesn’t know another way to help, either, because all his life has been screwing up without helpful direction in order to meet impossible standards, and so there is no other way than to bleed himself dry. for the cause, for a friend in need, for anyone he doesn’t know. especially for the problems that he himself creates, because to him his pure existence has always been the problem, because the elders were fucked as hell and traumatized him to no end - so even causing problems is a sin. a single mistake is a sin. it always has been. and it’s rough trying to learn anything other than that mindset - but Jay and Chip won’t let him struggle alone.

and it’s like - that’s what comes with being raised the way he was. punished for imperfection, but there’s no guidebook, no definition of perfect. and so perfect is never good enough anyway. it’s a trap and there is no winning, so there’s nothing else to do but take the blame and bear it, and internalize it. and it makes actual failure and actual mistakes that much more painful. of course responsibility needs to be taken for your actions - but when you’ve been taking responsibility for everything, up to and including the literal fate of the world, all of your life, every outcome is your fault. and guilt only builds, and resentment only festers. of course he hates the elders for how they treated him. of course he hates himself.

he’s grabbing his own destiny and making his own choices - but the thing about making your own choices is that there are so many of them. there’s no destiny to blame anymore. and all you can do is the best you can. and it’s not always going to be good enough. he’s learned plenty about failure, but with Jay and Chip around, maybe he’ll learn about second chances, and self forgiveness. maybe he’ll learn that accidents aren’t always met with extremes. and that he’s not the only one left to deal with a mess if he slips up and breaks something.

[yellobb]

Ended up calling 988 last night. Talked with them for half an hour and it kind of helped, but only temporarily.

I’m still kicking, but barely. I know I need to take my medication but I don’t care enough to. It’s just not worth the effort, even though it’s within arms reach.

I missed a meeting with my manager at work. Today is one of the few days I need to be in person and I’m not there because I just…. Can’t make myself move.

I want to call someone and just have them talk to me because I don’t think I can speak. I want someone to force me to take my meds and go sit outside for a moment so that I can get the fresh air and stop rotting in my bed. Maybe that would be enough to force me to get dressed and go to work. Maybe it would heal me, just a little bit.

But I don’t have anyone I can call. My sister is in class. My mom is at work and I know she’d start watching me more closely again. My grandma has already probably noticed that my location hasn’t changed, but it would just be easier to lie to her and say I worked from home today than deal with the lecture. I haven’t actually talked to any of my friends, irl or online, in ages, either. Not in the way friends should, because I’m too self-absorbed to check in with the people I love.

I’m sorry y’all have to keep seeing me post about my bullshit. I know it’s selfish, especially when I haven’t reached out to anyone one-on-one in so long. I haven’t even made anything since inktober ended, so I can’t even offer something vaguely worthwhile.

I know people care, logically. But emotionally it feels like no one does. And I’d deserve it if no one did. I’ve been a leech for years. Even before the depression, I was too busy to be a good friend. I’ve been selfish for years. I think the only time I was worth something was back when I was in early elementary school. At least back then I was happy and energetic and earnest and kind.

I don’t know where that version of Macey went. I wish y’all had gotten to meet her, because she’s the version of me y’all actually deserve. Not this absolute wreck I’ve become.

[mimbotomy]

I'm sorry to hear that planning has been stressful, but best wishes this Saturday!!! I'm so excited for you and your wedding and your marriage and wish you every happiness 💕.

Thank you! I am very excited too! Mostly because I get to marry the love of my life 🩷🩷🩷 but also because there are only four days left and judging from my track record this last month that means I will probably have to deal with🤞🏼only🤞🏼four more things going wrong! 🎉 And then I’ll be married to my favorite person and the stress will probably be gone! ✨

(Please send good vibes my way it’s been a very weird hectic month 😂)

[elvenmoans]

My main Tav (my icon) got snatched by the nautiloid on their way home from an asylum they'd just spent six months at. Which sounds unfortunate but their perspective on it is "at least it didn't get me on the way there"

Especially since they're all caught up on Faerun's cutting edge therapy techniques and boy does that come handy when dealing with a camp full of traumatized weirdos

[sincerelyveronica]

Victoria.

I wish I could turn back the clocks. I’m sorry your pain was too great to handle. You were so beautiful. I was rooting for you every moment I could. I knew this battle was long for you. I know you were tired. I know how much your family tried to make it better. I know how much they loved you. Oh, how I saw them move every mountain possible. I hope you can finally rest. I hope you find peace and tranquility. We will all love you forever. We will miss you always.

Victoria E. Rojas 🕊️🤍

[regallibellbright]

“Ilyan was right,” muttered Galeni.

“Not… necessarily,” said Ivan. “After about the twenty-fifth time you see this, you stop getting excited about it. It’s just… something he does. If he were going to kill himself, he’d have done it years ago.”

“You’ve seen him like this before?”

“Well… maybe not quite like this…” Ivan’s strained face occluded the plaster again. He waved a hand in front of Miles’s eyes.

We see a lot more of Miles’s manic episodes than we do the depressive ones, all told, but damn is Ivan’s total “yeah this full-on depressive catatonia is only SOMEWHAT more worrying to me than the episodes I’ve seen before, and they have happened enough I’m used to it” a statement. Up there with Ivan and Elli thinking something was up in Brothers in Arms but failing to recognize Miles had been replaced with a clone because “we’ve seen you manic, we’ve seen you depressed, but we’ve never seen you neutral to compare it to.”

(That would be the blatant-but-marginally-less-textual-in-that-it’s-not-formally-named ADHD I’d assume, too. Miles isn’t always in full on ‘hasn’t slept in three days but he has a job for them to pay off the spaceship he’s bought for his new pilot friend and also help employ his new friend the Barrayaran deserter and here’s all the supplies we’d need and our profit margins’ mode, but he is always one bout of boredom away from wondering if the goldfish are Cetagandan spy technology.)

[ruthlesslistener]

Not to medicalize or religiousize my transgenderism or anything, but I'm convinced that the proof that God did not intend me to be female is the absurd fucking rock-and-a-hard place they stuck me in reguarding uterine health and estrogen processing. I don't believe that the divine have any plans for us other than to live with the conditions we were given but there's no fucking way what's going on right now isn't some sort of cosmic oopsie

[deviantartidentitydisorder]

advertising specifically interests me because it is using art specifically to manipulate and appeal, with purpose, but you aren't meant to acknowledge the art, youre supposed to think this inherent feeling youre getting is from the product itself, not the ad you're being forced to consume. its like art on kids toy boxes, SOMEONE drew that. Someone made that! and in 10 years itll be completely destroyed off the face of the earth unless its preserved by some sort of toy collector. But think about how much art is on garbage dollarstore toys and packaging. No ones saving that. No ones recording the 4th alternate version of a doll commercial. No ones cutting out the collages on cereal boxes. But someone made all of that art at one point or another and its still ART even if its just the art version of capitalistic shovelware.

[carpathxanridge]

my sister just told my mom and i that she wants to join the military. i’m devastated i don’t even know what to do i need to talk to her but she’s not answering the phone. i know that she’s doing this because she wants a sense of purpose and hates her body and thinks the military will get her in shape and give her that purpose. i also know that she has endured so much early childhood trauma, emotional and verbal abuse from our father, and sexual trauma from being groomed as a young teen, and she probably is seeking a way to play out her traumas in an externalized way. i know her therapist is not trauma informed, is not and never has been equipped to help her, and probably hasn’t questioned her on her motivations behind this decision considering she told us immediately after coming out of a therapy session yesterday, as if her decision was made and she was being affirmed by her therapist to tell us. i don’t know how any mental health professional could encourage a currently minor child (though not for long, and that terrifies me, than in less than two months we have no control over her decisions, no way of protecting her…) to make such an irrevocable decision knowing all of their past trauma and history of suicidal ideation and self harm. and finally, i don’t know who my sister is if she’s someone who truly feels that the us military aligns with her morals. i hope she hasn’t put much thought behind it, because i can understand ignorance and susceptibility to propaganda, i won’t be able to understand it if she tells me that the military is an organization she wholly supports and aligns her values to.

[armafidelium]

i'm just going to preface this with a cw of suicide. if you are not in a headspace to read about any of that please feel free to wander elsewhere. for preface i am safe. this is just a post in case i am more off than i have been.

so now that the warning has been shared i'll get into it. the end of last month--the 29th to be exact--i was told about how a family friend very close to us had her common-law husband just up and go missing. it got to where law enforcement did get involved because it was so sudden and without warning. today her husband was found. he'd gone to a wooded area and took his life. while i wasn't so familiar with her husband i was familiar with the friend. she's a very lovely lady and i just can't help but worry a lot over her. she also struggles a lot with depression and mental health stuff which kinda might be why when i met her we kinda could get an easy ground basis. but yeah. that's just . . . real heavy news. and presently i'm kinda in a weird fog mentally since it's one thing after another and i just don't know really what to do. i'll probably be fine but i just worry a lot over the family friend. she's quite obviously taking time off of work but with such a big blow like that i can't help but feel extra concerned. a good thing is her sons have been staying with her since he went missing because that means she has people around her. it's just kinda wild. i just wanna give her the biggest of hugs because i can't even begin to fathom how that would feel. just yeah. so just kinda intense news and with it being someone close to my family that i know as well just kinda yeah.

[proserpine-in-phases]

Family drama under the cut lol.

My brother and sister got into a huge fight on Christmas, and somehow I keep getting dragged into it even though I wasnt even there!

And now my sister is sharing the texts? Like

Like what the fuck?? For context, my sister said he wasnt a combat veteran because he was never deployed, and he called her daughter a bitch. Like. They're both shitty things to do but again, I wasnt there and I havent been involved in any of this??

So what the fuck did I do to deserve having my education called useless 🤣 that dumb bitchass dropped out of three different colleges himself. At least I fucking graduated, even if my degree has been useless (but not my education ffs that's separate from the piece of paper I got at the end)

Also we work in the same place and literally have the same career right now?

Goddamn being the middle child somehow always means I get dragged in the middle of this shit

But also like.

Fucking. Really.

[thebestoftragedy]

no struggle greater than when you finish reading a crazy book and then you’re like ohhhhh I’m the only person I know who has read this. I can’t even properly rant about it.

[nagitoedit]

you don't have to read this is for screaming in the void

[eclecticdragon]

when you're dva and dive over the subway immediately towards the point to just locate the turret and pull the enemies back so teammates can shoot them, but the mercy follows you before you return back to the team, gets killed, then goes after you in chat cause we're not physic or in a vc group, therefore i obviously suck and don't get proper support from them 0uo

[softly-mossy]

life really fucking sucks right now