#feed with utterly annoying garbage

[pendulouspuppyudders]

listen i think if you look at it there are genuine things "ai" (just gonna skate right parts how i hate these arguments flattening the realities of generative models, llms, etc.) has contributed to the worsening of and yea those things already existed and like... its tangibly bad, its a tool that can do a lot of bad things and we should maybe prepare our moral systems to even comprehend those things... and yet people's best arguments against it is misunderstood trivia, IP law, and some christian bullshit. and their solution is to blow it up forevers, like i personally really don't wanna use ai for much but these arguments are not swaying me at all. do yall know "ai" has been part of making your gpu drivers for years or are we all stupid here, this is so philosophically dire that we don't even know what we're talking about and a person pointing out inconsistencies in your beliefs gets painted as "pro-ai" like if you think that there's even a meaningful definition of ai there's still no way to necessarily be pro or anti, it's a thing that exists and people use. form a single opinion that isn't completely annoyingly totalizing

[gaykarstaagforever]

YouTube has this thing now called YouTube Playables (great name as usual, guys; it's not a children's snack pack), that are basically in-app "Flash games"-style things that are just enough game to keep you watching ads.

The ones of these that aren't direct ripoffs of owned IP (very specifically Zuma) are barebones exercises in that bog-standard FTP addictive mobile gaming loop we all know and hate but also LOVE, minus the in-app purchases (for the time being). Like, shallow systems that are fun for exactly 30 minutes, then get stupidly hard so you'll pay to win, though you can't do that yet, so...kind of pointless.

...I still spent FOUR HOURS playing these, because they tapped into my primitive lizard brain's desire to try and master an utterly meaningless task and then feel undooly smug about it.

I didn't get any ads, because I'm a stooge that pays real money to Google every month for this, because once you go adless, you CANNOT go back. Which kind of negates the whole point of these, as addictive time-wasters that keep you glued to the platform and its commercials? But I already pay for YouTube and STILL got caught in these, so I suppose everything is going according to YouTube's plan either way, and I need meaningful human relationships.

But THAT isn't going to happen any time soon! So let me waste another evening on these by reviewing some crap garbage games for idiots that no one cares about, on Tumblr dot com!

1. Totemia: Cursed Marbles

It's Zuma. That's it. With a couple minor tweaks that make it harder and more annoying.

Just license Zuma, YouTube. I think you can afford the, what, $25 that would cost atm?

2. Sword Play

An on-rails sword slashing game (you don't control the movement, just the slashing), and you kill plastic doll guys before they kill you.

At some point they get projectiles that move really fast, that you can only destroy via specific directional QTEs that don't register properly half the time, because this is all relative finger smearing across the screen.

It was fun before that. The guys fall apart specific to how you slash them. That's something.

3. Dessert DIY

This one sucks. You're just picking from very limited options, then doing specific motions to trigger animations that create desserts that don't even look much like the promo art. People request different things, but early game all they ask for is "whatever you want to make" and "do one out of poop with bugs on it to make someone I hate throw up."

And then there's an animation of someone accepting what is obviously poop with bugs on it from their sworn enemy, they eat it anyway, then vomit.

The only fun part about this is the shameless inclusion of NPCs that look like celebrities, specifically Billie Eilish, Kanye West, and Donald Trump.

If you want to make a poop ice cream cone with bugs on it and feed it to Trump until he vomits all over his desk, this is the game for you. Otherwise, this is meh even for one of these meh games.

4. Bowmasters

Dueling Angry Birds, but you have no control of the camera and it focuses on you so you have to trial-and-error the degree of angle and throwing force to figure out how to hit and kill your opponent before they hit and kill you.

There are many colorful pop culture-inspired combatants to unlock, with a huge variety of projectiles of different weights, sizes, and behaviors. This is the most "very nearly a real, good game" one of these.

...Except that the level progression forces you to do Bonus Rounds, and one of those is "knock fruit off the head of an opponent without hitting them, and you have to do this like 5 times in a row, and we move you further away from them another 30 yards every round, and you have to use a wildly different unique projectile every round, and you get 3 chances, and that includes if you miss entirely."

It is basically impossible to do this, because your ever-changing location makes calculating arcs and force, with the ever-changing projectiles, impossible, in this limited amount of attempts. It turns into grinding it out until RNG randomly makes you win.

Which is a shame, because otherwise, this is fun. But you WILL get stuck on a stupid fruit round and stop playing this.

5. Mob Control

You have a cannon that launches blue guys. The NPC opponent does red. You both are trying to bumrush the other's base, taking advantage of buttons and switches and bonus gates that speed you up or slow you down and multiply your number of guys. Guys annihilate each-other when they run into each-other, so you need to overwhelm Red before they overwhelm you.

It's fun until it gets so fast that it becomes a chore to manage where precisely to launch guys specifically to annihilate other guys.

6. Merge Master

This goddamn game. This was 3.5 hours of my 4 hour playtime.

You have a grid board, with you at the bottom and an opponent at the top. You both have an army of warriors and dinosaurs, and a team HP bar. You click go, the warriors fire projectiles and the dinosaurs melee the nearest enemy, and last man standing wins.

Before each round, you can arrange the placement of your army, and use money you won from the last rounds to buy more warriors and dinosaurs. But the kicker is, you can combine like warriors and dinosaurs to make more powerful units, which you keep at the end of every round. They don't gain XP or anything, but as you make more money, you can buy more 1st-level units (that's all you can buy), and gradually combine them and then combine the combinations, and on and on and on, making incredibly powerful new units. And you need a mix of low-level and high-level units to have enough melee dinosaurs and projectile-throwers to overwhelm high-level enemy units, or draw fire away from your own, against the ever-changing enemy army each round.

It's a process of slowly adding more units and combining them to make stronger and stronger units, and as many of them as you can get, accounting for the limited board space. Also the price of units rises exponentially each round, so you may have 1 trillion gold, but at this point a new 1st-level dinosaur costs 245 billion.

I couldn't stop with this. It just got me. I wanted to see new exciting high-level warriors and dinosaurs, and see how fast I could take the other army down. There's more than zero strategy at work here, and battles can vary substantially from round to round, depending on what mix of units the enemy brings to the board.

It's still a rudimentary Flash-esque game, and very much akin to those shitty mobile boss rush games that raid our shadow legends. But it's not PTW yet, and the graphics are a charming and distorted replica of early 2000s 3D games, like Age of Mythology or GTA 3. It felt like something, for awhile.

It isn't, and I wasted valuable battery charge on this stupid shit. But I was having fun. And sometimes, that's enough.

...And posting about it here. It's something to talk about that isn't the world eating itself.

And we all need that sometimes.

[drakainaea]

                                       @aegisregalis​  /  @cookignis​

𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏! 𝐆𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐃 top after enough force does in the can of beer.  in fact, the surface has become home to many cans, ashtrays, poker chips & a scattered deck of cards —— improvised blackjack table. aranea sips her drink, leaving 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒙𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒅. she sits among a group of hardened mercs huddled around the table with either a cigarette or alcohol in hand, all-smiles, laughing, exchanging crass jokes, jabs, passing lines & parlor tricks mid-game.  some are already drunk ; some are sober & on the EXPEDIENT PATH of inebriation ; all are in good spirits. she pulls a chip from her hoard & let it dance over her knuckles, betting the value of 50gil.  the dealer of the crew moves to shuffle deck as the other players begin 𝚆𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶 of their own, making the pot a solid 500gil in total. following 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒖𝒍 of pertinent resources ( medicine & nonperishable goods ) this last assignment garnered, her men could use the reprieve.  

❛ say goodbye to your shore leave money, ❜ says a bald mercenary.  ❛ ——i dunno man, a lot’s riding on me for this one, i promised your mom i’d take her out—— ❜ retorts another, his perpetually reddened face aglow with a grin which reaps 𝒂 𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓 around the table,  ❛ hey, fuck you, telum! ❜ the bald mercenary huffs as his ears become as rosy as telum’s visage.  it’s infectious to the point that it even elicits a laugh from their 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁 who soaks up such festivities & sheer gaiety of their card game with a rather sunny disposition.  she, in the meantime chooses to play a neutral game ; calm & safe in opposition to the recklessness & drunken competitiveness of her fellow players.   ( for the house always grinds everyone down.  nevertheless, it never stops the hardcore blackjack players of the bunch !! )  

they couldn’t lose.  splits, doubles.  doesn’t matter.  or so they thought.  the next few rounds were close ; a froth of 19s, 20s, blackjacks & leide lagers.  telum emptying his stash in a 𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶𝙻𝙴 𝙱𝚄𝚂𝚃, saoirse, rex & others wiping out in two hits & 𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒂’𝒔 50𝒈𝒊𝒍 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒅 & she keeps cashing in red for subsequent WIRE TRANSFERS.  hears a few curses, hisses or dejected arm tosses whenever she pulled a four or a five on her 16s.  the feeding frenzy continued for two & a half to three hours until...

a set of hurried steps heard making a beeline toward her with an utterance of an abrupt ‘lady a’.  being the most alert & 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒛𝒛𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒑, her head of 𝙲𝙴𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙰𝙻 𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙴𝙻 instantly whips in the direction of ceaselessly objective wedge looking to steal her away.  ( she knows the dour look quite well enough to know when he, THE RETICENT SORT, opens his mouth, it is of great importance. )  & he does.  the dragoon excuses herself from the table for them to resume without her.

in the comms center of the ship she is led to by wedge, biggs is seated with a pair of headphones hanging loosely around his neck, finishing 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒓 they scavenged in storage. the storage bin that smelled faintly OF MOTHBALLS. once in view, he swivels around in his chair & makes eye contact with wedge, then to her, which he offers a nod.   ❛ good.  you’re here.  i was checking comms for any survivor radio transmissions as we usually do & i came across an interesting one.  here, have a listen... ❜ he retracts a tiny module & turns a dial so the needled meter can sift the channels.  static.  more static.  then a low voice resonated amidst the crinkling sounds that he makes adjustments to assuage the audio obstruction:  𝚂𝙲𝙰𝚁𝙻𝙴𝚃 𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙴𝙽𝙸𝚇 𝚃𝙾 𝚃𝚄𝙼𝚄𝙻𝚃𝚄𝙰𝚁𝙸 𝙱𝙰𝚂𝙴. 𝙶𝙻𝙰𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙱𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝙿𝙻𝙾𝚈𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝙰𝚇’𝚂 𝚂𝙾𝚄𝚅𝙴𝙽𝙸𝚁 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝙿 𝙸𝙽 𝙾𝙻𝙳 𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙻𝙻𝚄𝙼 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽 𝚉𝙴𝚁𝙾 𝚃𝚆𝙴𝙻𝚅𝙴 𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙳𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂. 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙵𝙸𝚁𝙼𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝚄𝙿𝙿𝙻𝚈 𝙷𝙾𝚃𝚂𝙿𝙾𝚃. 𝙸 𝚁𝙴𝙿𝙴𝙰𝚃. 𝙶𝙻𝙰𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙱𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝙿𝙻𝙾𝚈𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝙰𝚇’𝚂 𝚂𝙾𝚄𝚅𝙴𝙽𝙴𝙸𝚁 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝙿 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽 𝚉𝙴𝚁𝙾 𝚃𝚆𝙴𝙻𝚅𝙴 𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙳𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂.

she pauses at that, staring down the console as the realization dawns on her.  in the recent months, cor’s men have had countless 𝙵𝚁𝚄𝙸𝚃𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚂 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂 when in sought of resources.  mission reports always ranged from “picked clean”, “utterly inaccessible” or “unusable”.  & the previous weightless theory of possible sabotage became the 𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒔.  at the very least she can pin a name to a happenstance.  the MOTIVE remains unclear.  as a silver lining, this transmission can certainly serve as the spark needed to establish a proper investigation.  ❛ funny thing is that it’s been on a continuous loop for the past twenty minutes or so, ❜ says biggs, ❛ thought it might mean something to you. ❜ adds wedge.

❝ i know someone who’d make great use of this info.  let’s head to lestallum.  double time it. ❞ she pats the back of biggs’ chair for emphasis & is exchanged with a ‘roger that’.

aranea reached lestallum’s makeshift landing pad two hours later at three-forty-five.  & by four o’clock, she’s coursing past its gates & leaving the logistics to biggs & wedge for discussion with dustin.  since it is a ferociously hot climate even with the endless night, she paces herself while sweating.  this annoys her to no end.  she’s athletic, but the 𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙿𝙸𝙲𝙰𝙻 𝙷𝚄𝙼𝙸𝙳𝙸𝚃𝚈 the sea brings with it 𝒘𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒆.  a few lefts & a right beyond a narrow alleyway littered with garbage & spooked roaches skittering away from her feet in passing & into the safety of a cardboard box in askew.  the clearing of a PSEUDO-LABYRINTH presents the picturesque yet fading awning of the leville hotel.  a pair of hooded young men bearing quiet, blank stares sit at the stairs leading to the entrance sharing a 𝒕𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒖𝒃𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 remanating tails of smoke that reeked of a piquant plant.  escapism.  that is the life.

they pay her no mind nor attention as she jogs up the space adjacent to them to access the building, its doors with bold, swanky-purposed font in gold on its glass ; splendor lost in time. she doesn’t need much context beyond asking them if ‘a gladio’ stayed there & is 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒅 & a one-worded answer to which suite.  the ex-commodore ducked her head in & becomes extremely over-enchanted by the interior 𝙳𝙴𝚂𝙿𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙰𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙶 & imagined what it once looked like in its heyday.  once in front of door two-oh-five, she quietly stares at the covered-up peephole, speculating whether or not she’s chasing a ghost.  

❝ hey! you home?! ❞ she yells into the slat.

she raps on the door with the stiff metal gloves, causing the slab to shake on its hinges. & she raps hard.

[there-and-always-back-again]

Captain’s Biggest Weakness - Levi Ackerman’s Love Story, Part 2

“Where is she?” growled Eren, furiously pacing back and forth. “It’s been all day!”

“She’ll be alright, you shouldn’t worry about her,” comforted him Armin, who was concerned about his friend not eating all day long.

Mikasa was sitting with the others at the table. They were all having a joyful conversation, but her focus was elsewhere.

“Would you two knock it off? She’s a big girl, she can handle herself. Eren, come and have something for dinner, please!” she begged.

Eren gave up looking through the window with the hopes of catching a glance of Vee and sat in front of the huge table, filled with various dishes. They were all prepared in celebration of the first day of the trainees’ program, yet he couldn’t find any of them appetizing. Captain Levi had made Vee do six hundred push-ups which Eren knew were an impossible task for her. She wouldn’t be able to do more than one hundred before she crashed onto the ground. While Eren couldn’t eat a single bite, the captain was peacefully sipping his tea at the other side of the table, not minding anyone’s presence, except his own thoughts.

Suddenly, Eren heard someone calling his name. He almost thought it was inside his own head, but then he noticed that others heard it, too.

###

“Eren! Eren, can you hear me? Could you open the door, please? I don’t think my hands are working,” I yelled from the other side.

I had successfully entered the mansion and I gotta tell you, those huge doors seemed heavier to push than ever. Maybe it was because I had entirely lost the strength of my arms. I felt my muscles burning, yet I could barely move them. It took me more than 6 hours to complete the task. I had taken breaks between them and although I had been training for so long, I knew that six hundred push-ups was something even a well-trained guy would find difficult achieving. And yet, I had done all of them. S-i-x-h-u-n-d-r-e-d.

The door to the kitchen, however, was impossible to push. Not because it was any heavier than the previous ones, it’s just that my hands had given up on me.

I heard Eren’s footsteps. He rushed me inside the kitchen.

“Well, well, well. Look who’s here. Have you completed the task I gave you?” asked captain Levi. That dark smirk was on his face again.

“Yes, sir,” I responded. My voice was shaking and I could sense Eren’s grip tightening around me. I knew he was getting mad.

I realized captain Levi hadn’t looked me in the eyes since I first met him outside the mansion. He wasn’t even looking at me now! He was blankly staring at his cup of tea with steam coming out of it.

“Hm, good. Sit down, have something to eat,” he said, in a surprisingly calm way.

Eren sat me down next to him.

“Here, let me feed you. Your hands must be shaking,” he said and stuffed a huge spoon with rice inside my mouth. He wasn’t wrong. I really couldn’t move them. 

Although I was finally inside where everything was warm and my arms were resting, I couldn’t help myself but wonder - was I that repulsive to him that he couldn’t even look me in the eyes and acknowledge my existence?

###

“WAKEY, WAKEY, SLEEPY HEADS! TIME TO FIND OUT HOW TO KICK SOME TITAN ASS!” I heard Connie yelling outside in the hallway while knocking on each and every bedroom door.

He was a sweet guy - Connie. I barely knew him since I’d only met him several days ago, but I knew he had a kind heart. However, I wanted to kill him for waking us up so early.

The past week had been terrible. I cannot explain what captain Levi had put me through. While everyone else had been given tasks such as running a mile, doing a hundred sit-ups, carrying weights and fitting gear, the second day I had been made to run all day long, the third I had to carry everyone’s bags (which were even heavier than the weights others were given) and the thing I hated the most - I had to hold a long stick with two buckets filled with sand on each side. 

And on top of that, I had to do it while standing on a lever IN THE MIDDLE OF A LAKE. Of course, I couldn’t do it, I’d fail every time and fall into the lake.

I have no idea why he hated me so much. Was he that petty? Making me do so many unnecessary things just to punish me for one sentence? I hated him, yet I have to admit - I enjoyed looking at him.

Even though he put me through such useless labor just to teach me a lesson, I found myself staring at him every moment possible. The way his hair was occasionally covering his blue eyes, his slim and fit physique with a shirt showing the perfect form of his muscles.

And the mystery - maybe this was the most attractive thing about him. You could never figure out what he was thinking. He’d always look a bit bored, a bit annoyed and that made you want to prove yourself to him.

I could leave the training camp at any moment. Nobody was forcing me to do any of this. Yet, I wanted to prove myself to him. Show the captain that I was worthy.

Many days had passed and most of them repeated themselves - others doing normal tasks, me - doing practically the impossible.

It was the middle of the night and I couldn’t fall asleep. I barely slept at the camp because I was too worried about the following day. I decided to go to the kitchen and make myself some tea.

I was wearing nothing but my night gown, which (to be exact) wasn’t the most appropriate wear, yet I didn’t think much of it, because it was way past everyone’s bedtime. Nobody could possible be awake at this early hour. The following day we would have been trying the vertical maneuvering equipment, so nobody wanted to be tired for that.

As I was making tea, I thought I heard footsteps behind me. I cannot explain how terrified I was of the idea of someone seeing me like this. It could have been Connie, Marco or even Eren. Gosh, I really wished it wasn’t Eren, I would have been so embar-

“What... are you doing?” asked captain Levi completely startled.

I wanted to die. I tried covering myself with my hands, but that did nothing. He was standing several steps away from me, entirely still. He didn’t move a muscle and for the first time ever I could see something other than boredom or annoyance in his eyes. He looked absolutely shocked.

“I’m so sorry, Captain, I never even thought that someone would be awake at this early hour, I-”

Captain Levi took off the jacket he was wearing and threw it at me.

“Please, put this on,” he said. The moment I covered myself his face went back to normal... He was annoyed again. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I don’t usually sleep well. Tea helps!” I said jokingly, trying to cheer both of us up a little. His expression didn’t change. He sat at the table and opened up a book, as if nothing happened.

Suddenly, I got extremely mad. He had been torturing me for weeks, treating me like garbage and now entirely disregarding the situation. He could’ve said that it was at least okay, that I shouldn’t worry.

My anxiety was piling up. I couldn’t contain my tears.

“Captain,” I started sobbing. I hated myself for being so emotional and weak. “Can I ask you... Why do you treat me so badly?”

I felt utterly scared. I couldn’t believe I had asked him this. I was so screwed. I knew he’d kick me out of the camp the following morning.

Yet, for my surprise, he didn’t even look at me. Was I interesting to him only when I wasn’t wearing much clothing?

Anger started building up inside me once again.

“LEVI, AM I THAT DISGUSTING TO YOU? AM I THAT WEAK AND PATHETIC?”

 The captain instantly stood up and started walking towards me. Was he... going to hit me? I expected everything from him. Instead, he pushed me against the wall and hit its bricks as hard as he could right next to my face. He looked fierce.

“Pathetic? Disgusting?” he asked with a cold voice. “Haven’t you learned anything?”

I could feel his breath on my skin. I was shaking. I felt so terrified of him, yet I wanted to... kiss Levi? What was I even thinking, what is wrong with me? He’s a lot older than I am and he’s our future captain, but still I had never felt more drawn to another human being.

His eyes were piercing. He was leaning towards me and our faces were almost touching.

“I’m sorry, I really am,” I sighed. “I never wanted to make you mad.”

“Don’t you understand... Everything I’ve done, I did it to make you stronger... I... I can’t explain it,” he said.

I felt confused. What was he saying?

“The minute I saw you I knew I had to protect you. I had to teach you everything I knew, and my whole life all I’ve known is... pain. I learned from it, it taught me. And it made me stronger.”

He was panting, I could feel the heat coming out of his body.

“But why me? I’m nothing more than anyone else,” I asked quietly.

“I think I feel something for you that I haven’t felt for a long time before.”

My heart started racing. Captain Levi had feelings for me? I was going crazy.

“Kiss me, then.”

I can’t believe I said something like this. Goodbye, training camp.

And yet, he leaned even closer - our lips were almost touching and I could sense the smell of his skin when he suddenly pulled back.

“No,” he responded.

I was absolutely confused and even more embarrassed.

“But, but... Why?” I asked.

“I can’t let myself. I’ve too many enemies that always manage to find my weaknesses. And unfortunately, you’ve become one of them.”

[officialferdinand]

idk if u got my last ask but top 5 supports for fe!!!

I DID I'm just dumb and keep forgetting to screenshot when I'm feeding the cats in the game but I WILL answer it

Ok I'm gonna do individual supports and support chains separately bc I can

Individual supports:

5. Lorenz/Marianne B: I'm sorry for liking Lorenz he's just my trash garbage son 😔 but when Marianne's like everybody always tries to change me and Lorenz is like I think you're wonderful just the way you are it warmed my heart

4. Raphael/Bernadetta C: honestly I just love this one for the hidden bernadetta lore that she plays the goddamn trumpet

3. Ferdinand/Marianne A: maybe I'm just a sucker for Marianne getting the love and support she deserves? But anyway when Ferdinand is like "I like you and someday I hope you can like you, too" we respect one (1) man who chugs his respect women juice every damn day

2. Leonie/Bernadetta C: is there anything funnier than leonie saying "I guess I better take this shirt off now huh?" And Bernadetta having a gay panic? No

1. Ferdinand/Hubert A+: I love these two so much they're both so bad at feelings and emotions. I love the fact that Hubert utterly refuses to admit he got a gift for Ferdinand until Ferdinand admits he has a crush on him. I love that Hubert tries to act like he didn't get his gift for Ferdinand in the first place until Ferdinand tries to be a gentleman about it. They're trying so hard. Bless their hearts. Also will forever be annoyed at how intsys changed the meaning in the English translation bc in japanese and french Hubert asks if the coffee is for "the person at the center of ferdinands heart" to which Ferdinand replies "yes that person is you" which just. Ugh. Gonna go cry for a minute

Honorable mentions: Edelgard/Byleth C+, Dorothea/Ingrid B, Mercedes/Ingrid B

Support chains

5. Sylvain/Mercedes: there is nothing funnier than Sylvain just wanting to tap that and every support Mercedes is like no bitch we're going to therapy. Also the end of their B support is absolutely adorable

4. Caspar/Ashe: what if 🤫🤔 we adopted a cat together 🐅🐈 and we're both boys 😳 ok but seriously is there anything funnier than in their A when Caspar is like "I beat up an old guy fair and square for this!" And Ashe is like "you did WHAT" big "you spilled lipstick in my Valentino bag" vine vibes

3. Dorothea/Ingrid: WHERE IS THEIR A??????? WHERE IS THEIR A??????????? Anyway Dorothea was Ingrid's gay awakening and Ingrid is a butch lesbian send tweet

2. Mercedes/fByleth: Mercedes is my favorite character I love her so much I love how she is no thoughts head empty on purpose and also that she's not forced to change from that throughout the game. I love she.

1. Ferdinand/Hubert: what can I say I'm a sucker for the yearning. It's about the repression. It's about the hate to love. It's about the fact that ferdinand only fucks in cf. These are all facts. They're both so bad at emotions and I love them so much. Also will never forgive intsys for changing their ending card to Edelgard being jealous of their fame from Edelgard being jealous of their "shared intimacy". I think they are gay together which is fine

Honorable mentions: Edelgard/Dorothea, Bernadetta/Hubert, Bernadetta/Ferdinand, Ferdinand/Marianne, Mercedes/Annette, Jeritza/Byleth, Jeritza/Bernadetta, Raphael/Marianne, Lorenz/Claude (ok SORRY I'm done I just love every support)

[nekojitachan]

/Stupid holiday. Stupid fat fools with their candy and their masks, as if they’d ever seen a real ghost,/ Mary muttered as Neil made his way through the grocery store, intent on getting what he needed for the week then leaving as quickly as possible. Lately his mother’s mood had fluctuated drastically between amused and annoyed, which meant he never knew if she’d reach out to stroke his hair or give it a harsh tug.

He had a feeling he was moments away from one of those harsh tugs, especially since she’d just knocked over a large display containing bags of candy in their wake.

/Fattening up their stupid children, feeding them that garbage,/ she continued as he headed toward the laundry aisle so he could get a bottle of detergent, the last item on his list. /Fattening them up on sugar and lies. I never did that to you, never kept the real world hidden from you, Abram,/ she hissed as she yanked on his hair hard enough to bring tears to his eyes. /You always knew the truth, knew about ghosts and how cruel life is, about people wanting to use and hurt you./

“Yes, mum,” he whispered as he blinked back the tears and grabbed the first suitable bottle of detergent he could find; she’d never hidden anything from him, had forced her own memories on him or made him touch items belonging to his father or the man’s associates until he understood the danger they faced, understood just how easily people could lie to him, could use and hurt him, could see him as nothing but an object to be torn apart or sold off or utterly destroyed.

People were indeed cruel.

*******

*waves*

New chapter is up at last. Uhm... just one or two important things happen here.

[unclerippuascension]

So to feed my Ingo simpery I finally got PLA, and I can say that PLA’s story/themes and its gameplay are incredibly juxtaposed. Mainly in how utterly boring the combat mechanics are. I am SHOCKED, but not too shocked, that the fandom basically lied to me on how innovative the gameplay is compared to the ‘stale’ old Pokemon battle formula.

First of all, you never really need to battle unless its to fill out a mission in a Pokemon’s dex entry, with enough sneaking around and clever item throwing you can catch a lot of Pokemon without ever needing to throw out a Pokemon of your own. The only time I did it was to meet a requirement in a dex entry, or because Johnny Shitsnack from Bumblefuck Hills wouldn’t leave me alone.

Second of all, moves and move effects have been stripped back like hell. Even though you can get ganged up on by multiple wild Pokemon, there are no moves that hit multiple enemies. I have a Rhyhorn that knows Bulldoze, a move that hits multiple enemies, but in battles with two enemies it only hits one. Same for other moves, why? What does that add to the combat system? Nothing, in fact it takes away from the combat and makes it frustrating because I’m getting gang raped by a bunch of Staravias and I can’t do shit about it until my turn. Status effects like Sleep and Frozen have also been nerfed but also made overpowered, with sleep not actually putting the Pokemon to sleep, and ‘Frozen’ becoming ‘Frostbite’ which is literally just another version of poison. There aren’t any trainer battles either (well there are but they’re nowhere as abundant as other games, and for good reason narratively) or online multiplayer, so its not like I even have a reason to strategize in battles. I literally just go to strong style on my strongest move and hope the opponent dies.

Thirdly, there are no abilities. I don’t care what Bulbapedia says, I have eyes and when I look at my Pokemon’s summaries they do not have abilities. Now this is annoying from both a gameplay standpoint and a narrative standpoint, because this game is about learning about Pokemon and the various quirks they have, wouldn’t it make sense for them to still have abilities to encourage catching them more and getting to know them more? Like seriously they could replace the fucking “catch a heavy specimen” missions with “catch all abilities” mission and it’d make more sense.

As for what PLA adds to combat, the ‘Styles’ and ‘Grit’, it barely works as a bandaid for the problems combat has. All ‘Strong/Agile’ style does is have you move sooner or later than your opponent in exchange for your move hitting harder or softer. I’ll admit that the grit items make EV training less tedious though, but it doesn’t make combat any less shallow compared to every generation after Gen3. Battling has little to no strategy beyond the most basic of type advantages, and that makes combat a chore that I’d rather avoid, meaning that my Pokemon are only ever used as a back-up for when I get spotted by a wild Pokemon or for when I need to gather items. There isn’t a new spin on Pokemon Camp either, so I never feel like I’m bonding with my Pokemon in a time period where most people fear them.

You know what my Pokemon are in PLA? Tools. What seperates me from any of the evil teams from previous generations? Aside from my lacking urge to take over the world, not much. I feel the most arbitrary connection to my Pokemon, and that feels so fucking wrong. There’s a part of the game where Iridia expresses her dislike for Pokeballs and how she fears the player is using their Pokemon like an object and not a living breathing creature, and when you beat her in a piss easy battle she retracts that statement and tells us how we’ve bonded with our Pokemon; but I don’t agree with her. Aside from the fact that I like the species of Pokemon that my team is made up of, I don’t feel a strong bond like I did in past games. Even Sword and Shield, for as garbage as that game was, made me feel connected to my Pokemon.

Monster Hunter Stories 2 does everything this game does but better, I’m still going to play PLA to its conclusion, but only to really satiate my curiosity and maybe find some new characters to enjoy. (spoiler alert: so far the only character I like is Laventon, and that’s only because he’s a total dope of a man. Ingo doesn’t count because he’s existed since BW) Everything from the gameplay, to the story (which PLA is literally stealing from, the ‘frenzied pokemon’ are just the ‘rage rayed’ monsters), to the bonds I create with my collectible creatures is done so much better in MHS2. Yes PLA is a better game than SwSh so far (from a programming and visual standpoint and nothing else), but compared to previous generations its just as if not more limiting in what it does. I literally don’t know what the fandom is hemming and hawwing about over this game, like was SwSh that bad to where we think this is an “Innovative step in the right direction for the franchise”? I don’t hate the game, I just don’t think a game that’s sixty bucks should be congratulated for doing the bare minimum half of the time.

[recentanimenews]

The 9 Must-Watch Episodes of Heybot!

Heybot is a special show. Take the pop culture knowledge of Animaniacs, combine it with the toilet humor of gross ‘90s Nicktoons, then throw in utterly unlikable protagonists and shameless merchandising on par with your average Gundam series, and you’ll get a rough approximation of Heybot. As a trash addict, I have difficulty thinking of another recent anime so thoroughly brain-melting. Not Love Rice, not Gakuen Handsome, not Forest Fairy Five. Only Teekyu surpasses Heybot in nonsense density, but at a minute and a half per episode it can’t really be compared to Heybot’s full-length absurdity.

What sets Heybot apart from similarly pointless shows is that its stupidity is actually clever in a screwed-up sort of way. Heybot understands filmmaking conventions better than many anime - shot continuity, economy of storytelling, consistent character writing - and deliberately sidesteps them all. Forget week-to-week continuity, this is a Sunday morning cartoon! Continuity doesn’t matter, except when it does, like when Heybot and Nejiru get arrested for being terrible main characters and remain in prison through the next episode. Or the complicated sci-fi plot that builds up in bits and pieces over the course of 50 episodes to culminate in a Gurren Lagann-esque final arc involving parallel timelines, time loops, and universe-breaking farts.

50 episodes is a lot, though. Spread over a year, it’s not too hefty a time commitment, but if you were to try to experience Heybot now, you’d have a heck of a time getting to the good stuff. (Besides, I don’t think it’s healthy to watch more than a few episodes at a time. Please don’t try it at home, kids - but if you do, I’m not liable for any brain damage you may or may not incur.) So in the interest of getting the Heybot-uninitiated into this one-of-a-kind show, let’s run down some of the best one-off episodes.

Episode 11: “Mystery! The Cursed Screw Island!”

Heybot is good. Exhibit A:

I rest my case.

Episode 15: “The Screw Island Chronicle Scroll!”

Remember Cool Japan? Heybot does. In this episode, the show’s lizard Haruki Murakami lookalike goes to Screw Island to investigate its seemingly unending happiness. The answer: the cult of Cool Japan. New Year’s on Screw Island becomes a tournament of giant robots, extreme badminton, off-brand Mr. Potatohead, and fart-themed karuta, and neither not-Murakami nor the viewers can make heads or tails of it all. It’s like Chihayafuru, but dumber. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Episode 17: “Where There’s a Screw, There’s a Bonehead”

Heybot faces the awful truth that he is, in fact, a mass-produced toy and probably not born from an egg. As if this bit of existential horror weren’t enough, the episode goes on to introduce the cheap version of the Heybot toy, whose diabolical plan is to murder and replace Heybot. You know, a kids’ show! For kids! Heybot manages to balance that disturbing plot with just enough cheeky self-awareness and fart-punctuated scene transitions to be entertaining and not traumatizing in any way whatsoever.

Episode 22: “Riscrewsing Sun”

Unsatisfied with repeatedly breaking the fourth wall, Heybot spends an episode with the scrapped characters who want nothing more than to be in the show proper. When Nejiru and Heybot visit an island inhabited by discarded character designs, they get roped into a pyramid scheme where the incentive is to become a main character of the show. There, they learn about the dangers of unchecked capitalism. Or something. It’s unclear if Heybot and Nejiru ever retain any of the lessons they learn. Have I mentioned they’re awful characters? They’re awful characters. That’s why it’s so much fun to watch everyone else try to boot them off the show.

Episode 34: “Screwed Away”

The annoying flying butt screw has the shocking revelation that it isn’t as special as it claims to be. What follows is a Cast Away parody where Awesome Fine Screw expresses its sorrow through song - if you can call it song, anyway. It takes guts to dedicate an entire episode to showcasing nonexistent musical talent, but Heybot has never been a show to shy away from conceptual challenges. The result is an anime musical about a down-on-its-luck screw learning to recognize its innate value by using its butt of prophecy to save an island from disaster. Who knew Cursed Image: The Anime could tell genuinely moving stories?

Episode 37: “Do Cyber-Rats Dream of Loser Vocabots?”

Because every cartoon for children must be educational at one point or another, Heybot gives an information security PSA. Sort of. When a gal declares her online paramour missing, the geeky mouse screw uses its expert hacking skills to help her find him in the cyber. In tracking the mysterious casanova, we learn the following important points:

1) Passwords should include both letters and numbers. That said:

2) It’s dangerous! To use your birthday! As your password!

3) Photos you post online stay there. Forever.

4) People on the internet aren’t necessarily who they say they are. For all you know, they could be an undercover agent, an international criminal, or, worst of all, a boring nerd. Truly a relevant lesson to the youth of the 21st century.

There’s also a Blade Runner segment that’s vaguely plot-relevant, but nobody cares about that.

Episode 38: “When All Twelve are Together, Things Get Serious!”

The one thing all the characters of Heybot can ever agree on is that the protagonists, Heybot and Nejiru, are the worst people in existence. They’re consumerism gone mad: Nejiru will sacrifice just about anything to justify his screw fetish, while Heybot himself is the world’s most addicted buyer of a snack called Imochin, which is definitely made of real potatoes and not corn flour. It all comes to a head when the background characters gang up and attempt to hijack the show from its ostensible protagonists. Naturally, it’s a tournament episode featuring such conventional events like scrub brush standup, beach ballet, and macaroni standoffs. You know, the usual.

Episode 44: “The Movie! Wait, What?”

Already full of pop culture references that nobody in its target audience will catch, Heybot takes the homages above and beyond in Heybot: The Movie. For starters, it’s a shot-for-shot your name. parody where the comet is a screw and the girl is Heybot in a wig. It’s also Jurassic Park, Ferris Bueller, an ‘80s horror B-movie, and a massive dunk on every bland, half-baked film to come out of Hollywood. All this sets up the ultimate debate: are bad movies actually good? Is Heybot any good? What even is reality?

Episode 50: “The World of Sunday”

After a year of melting our brains, Heybot finally stops to consider a world without Heybot. What if the media watchdogs calling for Wholesome Edutainment got their way? What happens if we stop subjecting ourselves to brain-melting nonsense? Boredom. Boredom happens. When all’s said and done, there’s an audience out there that craves animated garbage. Heybot exists to cater to that crowd. Besides, kids deserve to be exposed to cartoons that’ll permanently warp their sense of humor! How else do we make sense of a nonsensical reality but with bad puns, after all?

Bless this anime.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[mylittledragonhoard]

Fic: A Sign of Trust

WinterFRE2017 Prompt 94: Mer!Fili

Digital prizes please.

AO3 Link

It's a rather humbling experience when you gain the trust of a previously wounded animal, and Kili will do anything to make sure that trust is never broken.

The sun hadn't been up long when Kili parked his car in front of the large cement structure where he spent most of his time. The moment he opened the door and stepped out he could smell the salty water from the ocean not too far away and hear the seagulls as they fought over food on the beach.

Kili had been working for the Erebor Aquarium in the city it took its name from for a couple of years and he lived for his job and what he did. They housed all different kinds of marine life from the really small to fairly large, though thankfully they hadn't been needed to tend to an orca as long so Kili had been employed there.

The aquarium didn't keep animals to make profit from, but instead tried rehabilitate those that were injured and needed to heal before being released back into the ocean. Visitors could come inside the aquarium for a small donation to its cause and learn more about the species inhabiting the oceans, but it was never a big show and the animals didn't perform on demand.

Some people left unsatisfied, but Kili was never unhappy to see them go. Some people just didn't see animals the way the team there did and the sooner they left the better in Kili's opinion. The wildlife belonged in the wild, and it was part of Kili's job to ensure that as many of their residents as possible would be returned back to the wild. Sadly the aquarium did have a few permanent residents that would never be fit to be released, like a manatee that had been hit by a boat and would only swim counter clockwise because half her body had been paralyzed. On her own she'd either starve to death because she couldn't reach her food or she'd be hit by another boat. There was also a sea turtle that’d been injured by garbage, and a whitetip reef shark whose dorsal fin had been almost completely cut off.

But that was okay, Kili and the rest of the staff working there made sure that they lived happily and remained healthy.

At least they did their best. Some of the more difficult residents were impossible to please. Kili had been assigned to one such resident a couple of months ago, and he'd spent every day and a many nights since then trying to gain the creature's trust.

The resident in question was a mermaid and a rather rare sight nowadays thanks to overfishing, polluted waters, and human greed. Kili had never actually seen one in person before he'd met this one, and he hadn't known what to expect.

The species was known to be secretive and rather shy, keeping far away from land where humans dwelled. There were of course those myths about them being able to lure sailors to their deaths with their beauty and their song, but Kili had yet to observe any kind of singing so far.  Most were known to be unpredictably moody, though the younger ones seemed to have a curious streak as they were the ones more often spotted or caught. Kili had read too many articles about the high price a tail fin could go for if sold to the right buyer, or how another mer had died in captivity after someone had taken it home and had been unable to provide it the proper care it had needed. Unable to, or didn’t care.

It was enough to make him sick.

It was with that thought in mind that Kili stepped onto the observation deck and made his way to the familiar tank. The mer in question had been brought to them after being found on a beach barely alive. Nobody could say what had truly happened to him, but Oin, the establishment's veterinarian, had discovered that among many other lacerations and injuries, certain fins along the tail had been sliced off, and he could only guess that the mermaid had somehow managed to escape before whoever had caught him could finish the job. This mer’s tail had a colouring blend of gold and black that would shine when the sun hit it. It seemed to be a sought after colour as it was unique and eye catching.

He had been lucky to survive, and even after having been brought to the aquarium it had been touch and go for many days since the forlorn creature had refused to eat or even move away from a corner of the tank. Dead fish weren't appetizing and he couldn't move fast enough to catch live ones. Oin had tried force feeding him once out of desperation, but that had only traumatised him further and ingrained a deep mistrust for the vet and most of the other staff members. Once freed back into his tank, the mermaid had retreated to the bottom where his body grew thinner and thinner as the days passed and the colour of his tail dulled to brown and grey.

Everyone had given up on him surviving except Kili, and it was only by accident that Kili had dropped some of the grapes he'd had in his lunch into the water. Suffice it to say, apparently mermaids really liked grapes. At least this one did.

From there Kili had tried all kinds of fruit and found that the creature would eat practically anything. The only exception seemed to be apples. Those would only be thrown back at Kili along with an annoyed splash. Yes, mermaids were very moody, but a deep bond formed between them regardless of how many apples Kili tossed into the tank. And because of Kili's dedication, the skeletal like mer had filled out more and grew stronger with each passing day.

But no matter how strong he grew, he could never gain back the speed his fins had provided him with, and because he wasn't fast enough to catch food on his own or flee from danger, he'd been deemed a permanent resident. But Kili had hope that he'd be able to adapt so that one day he'd be strong enough to leave. It was a high hope, but the creature was intelligent and deserved to be back with his family even if that meant Kili never seeing him again.

Knowing that that wouldn't happen for years if it happened at all, Kili was just enjoying the time he got to spend with the amazing creature. They were both teaching each other and it was an experience Kili wouldn’t trade for anything.

Humming to a song he'd heard on the radio on his drive over, he shouldered the backpack he always carried a little higher as he spotted a redheaded woman already standing by the railing of his tank, leaning over it and peering into the water.

"Hey T!" He called out but barely got a twitch in response. He frowned in confusion before the sudden thought that something was wrong entered his brain.

Before he could panic and race toward the tank, his friend turned back to look at him with a grin on her face. "Come slowly." She whispered and motioned him forward.

Still confused but less panicked, Kili did as he was told, approaching the railing slowly and coming to stand beside her before peering into the water. He let out a sigh of relief and immediately relaxed when he realized nothing was wrong, though the scene wasn't something he expected to see. "How did that happen?" He wondered as he crossed his arms on the metal railing, smiling fondly at the mer in the tank.

"Ori forgot to lock the penguin enclosure after feeding them last night. I'm pretty sure they've been here most of the night." Tauriel tried to sound annoyed, but it was clear that she was enjoying the sight by the smile on her face.

Kili certainly enjoyed watching as the two small Humboldt penguins that had come to them after getting caught in an oil slick zipped and darted around the mermaid floating in the middle of the tank. He had no hope of catching them, but that wasn't the goal of their play apparently. The goal was to climb up onto the mermaid's tail that was floating along the surface and jump off into the water only to zip around the tank once before climbing up and doing it all over again.

It thrilled Kili to see that tail on full display as it was usually hidden beneath the water.

The mer seemed to be enjoying himself too as he kept himself afloat so that his new friends could play while he made a clicking noise every few moments that Kili recognised meant that the mer was pleased. They didn’t normally mix species in the same tank, though it wasn’t like they had another mer to socialize with. The only interaction the mer truly got and actually enjoyed was with Kili. All the interactions with Oin and the medical staff were forced and stressful.

Kili hadn't been noticed yet since he was behind the mer, so he took that moment to observe the relaxed and almost carefree behaviour. Now that the mer was healthier, it wasn't hard to see why mermaids were said to be able to cast spells on human sailors and lead them to their doom. Kili had long accepted the fact that he was utterly enchanted by this creature.

Long blond hair spread out in the water around his head like the tentacles of an octopus and the gold and even black scales of his tail caught the sun and shined in places now that it was healthy again. The mermaid was a beautiful sight to behold despite the scars that littered his torso and his tail, and Kili couldn't help but stare in awe of him. He could only imagine what that tail would look like if it had all its fins.

By the scarring Oin had been able to tell that the mer had originally had pectoral fins that had been located just under the hips on both sides and a long dorsal fin that had spanned almost all the way down the back of his tail. There were also markings to indicate that he'd once had pelvic fins on either side closer to the bottom of the tail. The fin on the fluke itself had once been almost feather like, but it too had gotten damaged somehow. Whether it was from the humans who cut the fins or from the struggle to shore, nobody could say for sure.

There were other scars, but on sea creatures they were a common sight. It was an eat or be eaten world and everything had to struggle to survive, so Kili didn’t think twice about the few marks of lighter skin along the creature’s shoulders or his chest. The one that was highly noticeable, and usually kept hidden from sight, was the long jagged mark that ran from the bottom of his ribs on his right side to the joint in the tail that allowed it to bend, about where the human knee would be. That had been still freshly bleeding when their rescue van had finally brought him in. It had later gotten infected, which had thrown Oin into action.

A sudden squeal that was followed by a loud clicking sound brought Kili out of his musings and he realized he'd been spotted. Kili had easily become the mermaid's favourite human and he was always greeted enthusiastically on the good days, which were becoming more and more frequent.

"Hi Fili." Kili waved to him before kneeling down and opening his backpack. He hadn't been the one to name the mer, but the staff had insisted on it because he was Kili’s mer and the name had stuck. The mermaid seemed to like it if only because it was so similar to Kili's name.

Tauriel chuckled, "I'll grab Ori and we'll round up the penguins." She said as she pushed away from the railing. "I wish my boyfriend would greet me like that." She teased.

Kili rolled his eyes as he set his bag down, "He's a mermaid, not my boyfriend." It was a familiar argument that Kili had resigned himself to.

"He's a boy mermaid." Tauriel pointed out, "Which still applies. He's your merboy."

Kili scowled at her as he drew a smaller waterproof pouch from his backpack that he clipped to the side of his waist. "He's not even human and wouldn't understand things like that."

"Bullshit. Everybody else thinks it; I'm just saying it. Even Oin mentioned his mating behaviour when you're around. He gave you his frog, Kili." She was talking about one of the bath toys they'd dumped into the tank to give Fili something to do. For whatever reason, Fili had decided that a neon green rubber frog that spit water when squeezed was his favourite. He'd carried it around since that day and had refused to be parted with it. Admittedly it had been easier to get him to cooperate for Oin if he could cling to the toy, and they'd only had one incident where he'd sunk his sharp teeth into another staff member when the man tried to take the toy away so they could get x-rays.

Everyone in the facility knew that that toy had become Fili's, and they risked life and limb by attempted to take it away.

And yet he'd given it to Kili about two weeks and had become distraught when Kili had tried to give it back. Now it sat in the bottom of Kili's bag and he found himself carrying it around with him.

Mermaids were said to give a gift to a potential mate. Normally it would be a rock or a shell that they could weave into their hair, though sometimes it was a fish or some other type of favourite food, but Fili's tank was devoid of any rocks or fish, so he'd given what he could. And out of all the toys in the collection, he’d made sure to give Kili his favourite.

"Yeah he did." Kili sighed and looked up at her. Everyone also knew that Kili had grown attached to the mer. He'd been afraid it would be considered wrong or unhealthy and that he'd be fired, but he honestly couldn't help it. Forming an attachment to any of the animals was a given, but mermaids were on a whole other level. He was relieved to know that he wasn't the first of his kind to form such an attachment either.

"Mermaids are different from the other creatures we bring in." Thorin, the man running this whole operation had told him when Kili had first brought it up, "I don't even feel right calling them animals. They're people, just different from us. It doesn't happen as often now since they're rarely spotted, but do a quick Internet search and you'll see that you're not the first." Kili had been under the impression that Fili wasn't the first mermaid that Thorin had ever encountered before, but he hadn't been brave enough to ask.

"Everybody knows that mermaids choose one mate in their lives, and this one has chosen you. You know he'd be displaying his fins for you if he could." Tauriel was smirking, "And from what we've pieced together, they'd be pretty magnificent."

Kili hated thinking about the fins Fili had lost. They weren’t only to help a mermaid swim and manoeuver in the water, but the fins were a way to attract a mate. Even if Fili were able to be released one day, he was pretty much condemned to a life of solitude. "Could you just go get Ori and get those penguins out? It's hard to teach Fili when he's distracted." Kili muttered as he got up and moved to a ladder that would take him to a large smooth ledge a few inches under the water. The water of the tank itself was a few feet down from the observation deck where Tauriel was still standing for safety precautions so that any animal inside it couldn't climb out and hurt themselves.

"Oh please." Tauriel rolled her eyes, "As if he ever pays attention to anything else when you're around. Stop denying it Kili." She huffed but did as she said she would and left to go find Ori.

“I’m not denying anything.” Kili mumbled as he turned back to the three figures staring at him. The two penguins had already climbed out of the water and were standing near the edge of the ledge. Fili was between them, leaning on his arms so that he was half way out of the water and his tail was still beneath the surface. He was rather protective of it and rarely let even Kili touch it. Kili couldn't blame him and didn't take it personally.

"Hey you." Kili smiled at his friend before kneeling down in front of the three of them. The two penguins got greetings of their own as they crowded either side of him looking for fish. "You two know I don't carry fish, and I'm not giving you the grapes I have." He told them as if they understood.

The penguins might not have understood, but Fili understood the word 'grapes' very well and his blue eyes lit up in excitement. He reached across the short distance and tugged on Kili’s shorts, giving the man a pleading look.

"You know the deal. You'll get your treats when we learn something today." Kili laughed as he pried that hand from his clothing. He didn't let go of it though, and Fili clung onto him too. His hand was cool from being in the water, but it warmed quickly within Kili's grasp.

During one of his many talks with Thorin regarding the mermaid and mermaids in general, Kili had learned that there were records of older mermaids learning to speak the human language. While Fili was considered young for a mer, Kili had decided that he was going to try to teach Fili to speak. If the mer was going to be a permanent resident, then Kili didn't see the harm in trying to better communication with him for both their sakes. Besides, Fili grew bored easily and this gave him something to do, and of course it meant more time with Kili and getting his favourite treat every time he learned a new word.

So far he'd learned to say 'hi', 'food', 'yes', 'no', and they'd been working on Kili's name, though the L sound was giving him a little trouble. They'd only just started, so Kili thought it was great progress.

The hand disappeared quite suddenly as Fili slipped back under the water and the penguins suddenly started chittering loudly as Tauriel returned with Ori. Ori was their favourite because he always gave them fish, but Ori had also been one of those that had helped in Fili's forced feeding so he wasn't trusted, and every time he was near Fili would hide under the surface.

"I hope they didn't cause too many problems." Ori smiled sheepishly as he knelt down to receive one of the penguins that Kili picked up and handed over.

"Nah." Kili shook his head, grinning widely as he remembered the fun his mer had been having. “I don’t think anybody would complain if they happened to get out again." He said cryptically.

Ori understood his meaning and winked down at the brunet. "Oh, knowing these two I'm sure it'll happen again." He promised as Kili handed the second penguin to Tauriel. "We'll leave you and your merboy alone now." Ori laughed.

"Damn it Tauriel." Kili groaned as he watched them walk away laughing. By noon the rest of the facility would be using that term and Kili knew he'd be in for a lot of teasing. Oh well, it was all in good fun, and he supposed it was kind of true.

He glanced back and was greeted with nothing but the calm surface of the water. "Are you planning on hiding the entire time?" He asked but there was no response. He sighed dramatically even as he walked to the edge and sat down with his legs dangling over the cement ledge. The water quickly soaked the shorts he was wearing and made him shiver, but he seemed to spent more of his time in the water than out of it and was used to the cold temperature. He patted the surface of the water to get Fili's attention.

"Alright, looks like I'll have to eat these grapes all by myself then." He dug into the bag he carried and pulled out a couple of green grapes. Those were the favourite choice. Red just didn't cut it.

Before he could even pretend to pop one into his mouth, a wave hit him from the front as Fili surfaced right between his legs and he suddenly had his arms full of chirping mermaid. He laughed happily as arms circled around his neck and a wet nose nuzzled against his chin. "I was only gone for eight hours and you act like you haven’t seen me in forever!" He snickered once the chirping had died down.

Fili didn't care how long Kili had been gone for and he always hated having to watch the human leave. Kili was told that he'd usually sulk in the bottom of his tank most of the night afterward, and while Kili felt guilty for causing the distress, he couldn't very well live at the aquarium, even if he wished he could.

"Hihihi." Fili greeted him, looking pleased with himself as the words were clear though slurred together. His voice was a little rough sounding as he wasn't used to speaking yet, but Kili enjoyed hearing it all the same.

A hand reached down to grab at the pouch on Kili's waist.

"Hey, hey! You know the rules." Kili wiggled a little to get away from the grabby hand. "New word first." He insisted, grinning when the mer pouted at him. "I'm glad to see that that isn't just a human trait." He snickered before holding up the grape he held in his hand. "Say my name and you get this and a special treat."

Curious as to what this special treat entailed, blue eyes regarded him for a moment before he opened his mouth. "Keeeee." He began.

"Now try the last part." Kili encouraged before showing Fili how to make the L sound by pressing the tip of his tongue against the back of his front teeth. "Leeee." He prolonged the vowel a little.

Fili had no sense of personal space and got right up close to Kili's face so he could watch the movements of the human's tongue as it preformed the action. He smelled a little stronger than the sea, but it was a scent Kili was well acquainted with and actually enjoyed.

"Lllll..." He opened his mouth, showing Kili his sharpened teeth as he pressed the tip of his rough tongue against the backs of them just as Kili had shown him.

"Now it just sounds like you're growling." Kili teased, leaning back on his hands so Fili didn't just drag him into the water by the weight of his tail. The mer was happy enough to rest against him.

"No." Fili pouted again, eyes narrowing at the teasing. Kili recognised that he should lay off the teasing a little as a real growl escaped his friend's throat. Some days Fili was receptive to it, others he wasn't. Moody creatures indeed.

"Okay, okay. I won't tease you today." Kili promised before bringing one hand forward and poking Fili's nose.

Those blue eyes crossed to watch the finger and the mer shook his head when his vision went funny. Apparently he wasn't having that behaviour today either because he opened his mouth and had Kili's finger between his teeth faster than Kili could register the movement.

He frowned when he felt the sharp pinch of teeth close around his skin. It wasn't enough to really hurt or do any damage, but the warning was clear. "Hey now. We've talked about this. You bite me and I take the grapes and go eat them myself, and I will make sure you can see it." Kili threatened and since he'd done it before, Fili knew it wasn't an empty one.

The teeth tightened but Kili wasn't worried. He knew Fili just had to take a moment to make his decision. He'd been bitten before, mostly at the beginning when they were still building trust between them, but there had been a couple of times like today when the mer was extra moody or having a bad day.

Deciding that grapes were better than being a brat, Kili's finger was released and most of the upper body weight of the mer was pressed down on the man. There were soft chirps and clicks of apology as Fili cuddled into Kili's chest.

"I know you didn't mean it." Kili promised, using his now free hand to run through Fili's hair. It was tangled and wet, but Kili was careful not to pull on any snags. "Were you up all night playing with the penguins?" He suddenly wondered. That would explain the grumpiness.

"...yes." Fili sounded reluctant to admit it, like a child being chided by his mother for staying up too late on a school night.

"You're such a silly thing." Kili laughing softly. "If we can make it through a quick lesson without any blood shed or loss of fingers, we'll go easy the rest of the day. How does that sound?" He moved his head back enough so that he could peer into Fili's face.

The mer looked tired now that Kili was looking, and he couldn't help but smile softly at the cute sight a sleepy Fili made as he nuzzled against Kili's shirt. He made a rather displeased sound, but relented and sat up so they could continue.

"Lee." Kili prompted and they spent the next little while struggling with the L until finally, Fili grew frustrated and took a deep breath.

"Lee!" He shouted to release some of that frustration, but instead startled himself into silence. He stared at Kili with wide eyes before sinking back into the water with a squeak.

Kili laughed, the comical behaviour once more reminding him of a child who'd just done something wrong. It was quite the opposite though, and Kili clapped in pride, "You did it!" He cheered. "Don't hide, you did it!" He held his arms out, knowing Fili knew it meant Kili wanted a hug.

A wave soaked his shirt completely as Fili surged forward, wrapping his arms around Kili's waist, squeaking and clicking happily even as his swishing tail churned the water around them.

"Okay, now say it together." Kili pulled back a little, hands going up to gently cup Fili's cheeks. "We'll go slowly, okay? Kee."

Fili was grinning widely, his whole body wiggling in excitement. "Kee." He repeated.

"Lee." Kili was excited for him.

"Lllleeee." The mer forced out again. "Keelee." He wrinkled his nose and frowned because it wasn’t quite right.

"You almost got it." Kili would have been happy with that, but Fili didn't seem satisfied. "Just say it a little faster. Kili."

"Kili." Fili breathed out.

"That's it!" Kili gasped, utterly bursting with pride at Fili's accomplishment. He’d make sure to leave a big message on the whiteboard in the staffroom about this.

"Kili!" This time the name was followed by a series of clicks and squeals that Kili had learned was an equivalent to laughter. "Kili. Kili. Kili."

"I wish you knew what a nerd was, because you're being one." Kili shook his head in amusement as he pulled three more grapes out of his pouch. "Alright, that was amazing Fili. Here's your treat." He held the grapes out where they were snatched up quickly as though he might change his mind any second.

Fili lounged against him as he consumed his well-earned reward as though he were a large dog who still believed itself to be a lapdog, but Kili didn't mind the extra weight and waited patiently for Fili to finish.

When he had, those blue eyes focused on Kili again. "Kili." This was clearly going to be Fili's new favourite word. Maybe they'd work on Fili's name next.

"What?" The brunet asked with a grin on his face, a surprised yelp escaping him as questing hands were shoved into his shirt. "Hey!" He giggled, "What are you doing?" He tried to shift away from sharp nails but Fili was basically pinning him to his spot.

The mer whined, unable to communicate what it was he was looking for. He reached for the pouch again and wiggled it, though surprised Kili by not just pulling it and retreated to the bottom of the tank. That had happened before.

"I already gave you your treats." Kili said brows furrowed for only a few seconds before it dawned on him. "Oh! You want your special treat?"

"Yes!" Fili attempted to crawl into Kili's shirt again, hunting for whatever else the human might have brought with him.

Kili couldn't help the giggles falling from his mouth, "It's not food, so you might be disappointed."

That caused Fili to pause and look at Kili in confusion. "Food? No?" He tilted his head adorably as he stared at the human.

"No food." Kili shook his head before smiling down at his mer. "I don't even know if mers do this." He admitted before he took a breath, leaned forward, and then planted a kiss right on the tip of Fili's nose.

The mer stilled completely as he stared at Kili like a deer caught in headlights once the man had pulled back to see his face, even his tail had stopped shifting.

Kili grew a little worried. Did mers have offensive gestures? Had Kili just crossed a line?

But then his worry melted away as the shocked expression on Fili's face turned into one of pure delight, and before Kili knew what was happening, hands gripped his wrists and he was being pulled into the tank.

"Hey!" He managed to cry out before he went completely under. He didn't panic as he was an expert swimmer, and he really should have been used to being yanked into the water by the mer.

He surfaced in the middle of the tank and brushed his hair out of his face so that he could spot the dark shape swimming in celebratory circles around him. He chuckled at the dramatic display and certainly wasn't going to put a damper on the mer's happiness. Besides, Fili's excitement over something small was ridiculously cute. "Are you done yet?" He laughed, treading water as he watched the dark colour of Fili's tail move by him again. Instead of going around for another lap, the mer changed course under the water and came right up beside Kili and floated along on his back.

"Are you done with your little dance now?" Kili teased, sensing that it was okay to do so this time. His respond was to get a tail shoved against his side. "Wait, what-" He knew touching Fili's tail would usually end in one way: with a harsh slap and the mer hiding along the bottom of his tank for a few hours, but this seemed to be like an offering of some sort.

He watched the mer, careful to keep his hands away from the shimmering scales. Fili didn't seem disturbed by having Kili so close at all and made an encouraging little purring sound as they both bobbed in the waves he'd created.

"I can touch?"

"Kili. Yes." Fili promised as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, seemingly not having a care in the world.

Apparently Kili was getting a special treat of his own today. It was the ultimate sign of trust as far as Kili was concerned, especially considering the harsh abuse Fili had already endured at the hands of other humans. He was not taking this offer lightly.

Carefully, and with more than a little caution in case Fili changed his mind as mermaids were known to do, Kili placed the tips of his fingers along the large scar along Fili’s ribs. The mer didn’t even twitch as he soaked up the sun that was beaming down into this part of the tank. Deciding it was safe, Kili trailed his fingers down marvelling at the change in texture as skin almost like his own turned rougher and darkened with scales. They were mostly smooth as long as he kept his hand going in the direction toward the fluke, but very rough if he moved back toward Fili’s head.

He paused when he reached one of the smooth scars where a pectoral fin used to be and ran his thumb gently over it. It saddened him, but he tried not to think about it. As much as he wanted Fili to be able to return to the wild and to his home, the chances of that were slim. He’d never survive, and now that he’d chosen a mate, the likelihood of him leaving was almost nonexistent. But like the other creatures at the aquarium, he’d be given the proper care and attention so that he would live a good and happy life.

Kili would personally make sure of it.

Just a note: Fili’s tail originally looked like #7, though different colours.

[duaneodavila]

Journalist, Heal Thyself

Maggie Haberman is an excellent reporter, a big player in the big leagues of journalism as the White House correspondent for the New York Times. And like many in her position, and indeed like many who aren’t in her position but have just had enough of the constant onslaught of idiocy, she’s decided to take a twitter hiatus.

That’s cool. Many others have, and many of us take the occasional week or month off from the never-ending reminder that the average IQ is 100, and half of all twitter users are below that. But Haberman didn’t just log off. She wrote an op-ed.

The evening before, I had complained to a close friend that I hated being on Twitter. It was distorting discourse, I said. I couldn’t turn off the noise. She asked what was the worst that could happen if I stepped away from it.

There was nothing I could think of. And so just after 6 p.m. last Sunday, I did.

In the early days of twitter, it was fairly benign. People posted pics of dinner and made jokes, most anodyne but some that would become problematic years later as the warring tribes searched for reasons to attack. But the tenor has changed markedly since Trump, and Maggie being all Trump, all the time, was a natural target.

After nearly nine years and 187,000 tweets, I have used Twitter enough to know that it no longer works well for me.

That’s a lot of twits. I’ve been on twitter for ten years, and have about half as many. It may be because she’s used twitter as a delivery mechanism for breaking news, or felt compelled to engage with others, some worth her time and others just idiots of either the useful or annoying types.

Twitter has stopped being a place where I could learn things I didn’t know, glean information that was free from errors about a breaking news story or engage in a discussion and be reasonably confident that people’s criticisms were in good faith.

This is where Haberman’s rationale starts to break down. Twitter, like any medium, is merely a forum, a platform where there will be smart and dumb, honest and dishonest, good faith and bad. There are remarkably good things, funny jokes, interesting asides and fascinating discussions. And there’s tons of garbage. This was always the case. Even when it was less offensive, it was still largely dumb. After all, the twits come from people, and people aren’t nearly as fabulous as we should be. Not you, of course. You are totally fab. Other people.

The viciousness, toxic partisan anger, intellectual dishonesty, motive-questioning and sexism are at all-time highs, with no end in sight. It is a place where people who are understandably upset about any number of things go to feed their anger, where the underbelly of free speech is at its most bilious.

And here is where Maggie goes rouge. Viciousness? Check. Toxic partisan anger? Beyond belief. Intellectual dishonesty? Oh yeah. Motive-questioning? It’s become an art form in the hands of trolls. Sexism? Wait, how did that get into the same list as the others? Why not racism? Is Haberman a racist, or homophobe, or, god forbid, a xenophobe? See the problem?

Whether it’s at an all-time high may be debatable, as the shameless use of hyperbole is taken for granted, but it’s bad. And so what? If the pain of seeing the toxic combination of ignorance and outrage becomes too much, blink, shrug, scroll. But for Maggie, in particular, to complain about the ugliness and stupidity of people seems, well, disingenuous.

More recently, instead of engaging in thoughtful debates, I found myself spending an increasing amount of time explaining an errant word or a poorly phrased tweet, and coming off defensive as I did it. At other times, I watched as an offhand comment became tinder for a divisive national conversation.

On Twitter, everything is shrunk down to the same size, making it harder to discern what is a big deal and what is not. Tone often overshadows the actual news. All outrages appear equal. And that makes it harder for significant events — like Mr. Trump’s extraordinarily pliant performance with President Vladimir Putin of Russia — to break through.

Having read the New York Times for decades, including the past two years, this complaint cannot go unnoticed. There hasn’t been a day since Trump was the Republican candidate that the New York Times, the Paper of Record, hasn’t had at least two, if not more, editorials or op-eds that didn’t proclaim him “literally Hitler,” bringing the Apocalypse upon us, destroying everything that was good and holy.

Your paper, Maggie, gave it’s precious real estate to some of the most ridiculous, outrageous, baseless, and yes, utterly false, claims of the end of times. I’ve discussed a few of them here from time to time, but it could be a career vetting the inane op-eds. Have you ever read Michelle Goldberg’s columns? Poor Charles Blow has lost his mind. Or my favorite muse, Roxane Gay?

While I appreciate that as a reporter, you’re given assignments in your role as White House correspondent, but who has done more to elevate every burp and fart of this administration to prominence than you, Maggie?

On Twitter, everything is shrunk down to the same size, making it harder to discern what is a big deal and what is not. Tone often overshadows the actual news. All outrages appear equal. And that makes it harder for significant events — like Mr. Trump’s extraordinarily pliant performance with President Vladimir Putin of Russia — to break through.

As of this moment, you have over 880,000 followers on twitter. Have you ever twitted that something Trump did, said, twitted, was dumb but insignificant? The vast majority of things that have come from the White House fits that characterization, dumb but insignificant. Have you used your clout on twitter to calm down the outrage, to focus on things that truly matter and distinguish the wheat from the chafe? Or have you broadcast them all the same, feeding the outrage machine even as you hold yourself aloof from the vicious animals and the flaming nutjobs?

You want off twitter? So get off twitter. Log out and don’t look back, just like mere mortals might do. But you and your paper are integral to this cesspool. to feeding red meat to the starving mob. You bear responsibility for this disease of twitter, and yet you blame twitter and want to walk away from the mess you were integral in making?

You don’t owe anyone twits. You can twit or not, as you choose. You owe no one your twits. But since you chose to “explain” yourself, at least be honest about what you’re walking away from and your complicity in making it the cesspool it is.

Journalist, Heal Thyself republished via Simple Justice