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mitch-the-silly · 6 months

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Totally love your works. I have an angst idea 😆 so fem!reader and Vox have been in a long term relationship, like during the time Alastor was gone. Now that he's back, he's become his obsession and starts to neglect reader and brushes any affection she's trying to give and receive off. When she finally tries to talk to him about how he's focusing all his energy on the radio demon, he basically goes off on her and says how it's the only thing that matters. She, feeling unimportant, leaves and it's not until he sees her things gone from their shared place that he realizes he fucked up.

Can lead to him groveling like a simp and end in fluff comfort and makeouts. Or can end there if you wanted to leave your readers in suspense if you want to do it in two parts 😈 muaha I'm evil.

RAHHHHHH!!!!

I took some time with this one because I had to cook it up with care. When I tell you Alastor and Vox's dynamic is what I BREATHE FOR-

Now add someone else to the mix on Vox's side- This is something I've been waiting to write for WEEKS-

RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I was going feral writing this- Anyway, enjoy your angst >:DDD

This is a two parter!!!

Vox x fem!reader

Angst!!!

"Can't Seem to Hold Me, Can't Seem to Let Him Go" Pt.1

Part 2

It was a privilege to receive affection from Vox. Not even that, but it seemed that if it wasn’t for you, his life was boring and mundane. Nothing truly got him all excited and manic anymore, and he was starting to hate his life a little bit. He was already at the top of the game, he and the rest of the Vees were the most powerful overlords. What else was there to do around here?

But, well, all was not bad, he had you. While the power he held had a kick to it, there was nothing like the drug of rivalry. But with Alastor gone, he had to settle for the next best thing, love. Oh, it ought to be an adventure. And that drug had such a kick, oh he was obsessed with it.

And that’s where you came into the picture, he met you at a nightclub. So pretty and talented, just the kind of people he loved to surround himself by, just what he wanted, just what he craved… And you kept him as entertained as he needed to be. To the point that he felt like perhaps he was sort of falling in love with you. Oh, how the bliss of forgetting his fights of the past with a pretty woman. He’d allowed his heart the validation it needed and he figured if someone loved him as deeply as you did, truly everyone loved him.

Of course, he still had to balance Velvette and Valentino, but that was the mundane part of his power-hungry scheme. The mixture, of your attention and doting intertwined with his total control of the population… oh he was living the life… truly. Or at least that was what he tried to tell himself. Ever since Alastor disappeared, he felt a hole in his heart. Something that couldn’t quite be quenched by all the power the world had to offer or the women this land had to throw at him.

It was the pure thrill of obsession that he missed, that he craved, but no one was a worthy opponent to him anymore. Alastor was gone. Alastor… his one and only obsession… what was he to do now? He could not fathom being this bored and empty all eternity. But what could he do about it? Nothing but sit and sulk, truly. But to himself, of course, he knew that telling you this would just leave you confused about your position in his eyes. And he truly did care about you, but… you were the only interesting thing in his life, and his one fatal flaw was always wanting for more.

You had your arm linked with Vox’s, ascending from his TV surveillance room onto the upper floors. You tapped his shoulder, catching his attention. “You’ve got a little somethin’.” You chuckled, pointing at the corner of his mouth. “Let me get it.” You giggled, gesturing for him to lean down. He obliged and you wiped the edge of his lips with your thumb.

“Forgot to get that spot. It’s hard to get all of them, you know? You should start cleaning up your own mess.~” He teased.

“It’s not my fault someone wanted to make out down there…” You huffed jokingly, linking arms with him again. You two stood still, smiling like cardboard cutouts as you waited for the elevator doors to open. The second they did, a crowd surrounded you two. Asking both of you all sorts of questions. It was always this way, an everyday routine since Vox was a celebrity, and by dating him, so were you. Every public area you were in was nothing but camera flashes and microphones. It was a bit much at times, but Vox enjoyed it so much, that you didn’t seem to mind too much. Once their questions were answered, and Vox shooed them away, you two went to your destination freely. And you continued to do this for days and days after that. You loved your routine, and found peace in the sort of monotony you two had.

But oh no, no good thing lasts forever. An unlucky morning, you found yourself in Vox’s surveillance room, sitting on his lap, enjoying each other’s company. It was a day like no other, truly.

“Look at that!” He shouted, pointing at one of his monitors, “What does it feel like to be with someone so rich and fucking powerful, baby? Just look at how easily they flock to me~” He chuckled, caressing your face.

“Oh~ You’re just the perfect mastermind~ I’m the luckiest sinner in hell~” You cooed, kissing the bottom corner of his screen, leaving behind a red lipstick kiss stain.

“Why don’t you kiss a bit higher?~ You missed my mouth entirely~?” He cooed back, fake pouting at you as to request you kiss his lips.

You obliged, leaning closer to him, but just before you planted your kiss, his face blared with an incoming call screen. His ringtone was so stupid, but it was charming nonetheless. You saw who was calling him: Velvette. She was either calling to annoy him (which you totally respected; annoying Vox was your favorite pastime after making out with him), or because she needed something important. So you sat back down in his lap as Vox answered the phone, passing the call from his face to a television.

“Hello there, Velvette! How are you this… hellish morning?~” Vox chuckled, picking up his coffee mug and taking a sip from it, after which he pecked your lips. He was a huge fan of flaunting you to his fellow Vees.

“Oh cut the shit Vox. I need you up here. Now.” Velvette demanded, side-eyeing you slightly, but then smiling when you looked at her.

Vox, continued to tenderly touch you, caressing your cheek, not even looking at Velvette anymore, just admiring your precious face. “Whatever could be the problem, dear?”

“Well, your little boy-toy, is wrecking my department while I’m trying to pull together a show! And-” She paused, to turn behind her, Valentino could be heard in the background as flying body parts flew behind Velvette. It was most definitely another Valentino tantrum. Vox had no choice but to turn to her now… “So get your ass here! Now. And don’t bring your girlfriend, it’s NOT going to make Valentino feel any better, you know how he’s always bitching about her.” Velvette yelled, after which she turned around to yell at Valentino, immediately hanging up afterward.

Vox sighed, the adoring smile he gave you morphing into an annoyed frown. “Stay here, doll. I have to stop another tantrum…” He picked you up and placed you on his chair. Then he walked away, muttering under his breath about how tedious having to check on Val was and how he hated his life.

A bit of pity overcame you, but you figured it was simply the burden power came with. You frowned at being left out of the situation, but you smiled at the realization that you didn’t have to sit there and wonder what came of this whole fiasco. Vox’s cameras! Oh, they were all over the place, and you knew how to work the surveillance room perfectly.

So you began to observe him, watching him talk to some paparazzi, announcing a new product or line, perhaps, then leaving towards Velvette’s department. And ‘in shambles’ was an understatement when it came to describing what you saw in there. Models running around, Velvette yelling at some designers, Valentino had definitely thrown the place off course, but you knew Velvette had it under control. She was always on top of things.

You observed how she spoke to Vox, shooing him up to Valentino’s tower… You hated that place. You would have started off there if it wasn’t for Vox seeing you first. And oh the stories you’ve heard about it… You didn’t talk to Valentino much, but the very few times you did he was very passive-aggressive. You didn’t like him much, but you understood that the porn industry was something Vox needed to have control over in order to have the power he desired. You weren’t too fond of… his history with Vox, and you didn’t even wanna know if they still had something going on. You preferred to stay in the shadows about it. If anything was still happening, you were sure it was because Vox needed him in check. And Valentino was a tricky one for sure, but you’d rather not think about the subject.

You observed Vox enter Valentino’s quarters, his room was full of that red smoke he always had around him. You knew it was a drug of sorts… it made you sick to your stomach to think that maybe Vox was under it too… But, again, not something you liked to think about. Vox approached him and the second Valentino saw him, he got up, smashed his cocktail glass on the floor in pure rage.

You weren’t one to criticize people’s maturity (it’s not like your Vox wasn’t quite the man-child at times), but you hated the way Valentino tended to pounce at first signs of anything. His short temperament sort of pissed you off. Or maybe it wasn’t his temperament that ticked you, it was probably the attention Vox gave it. You proceeded to listen to their conversation, Valentino complaining about another one of his employees… Typical of him. It didn’t surprise you it was Angel Dust who he was bitching about. He always bitched about his star employee.

And you could tell Vox was uninterested, observing him text on his phone as Val ranted. Funny enough he was texting you. You found it so cute how perfect his grammar was over text. He loved to portray himself as refined and superior in every aspect.

Val’s rambling again

What do you wanna get for dinner?

I was thinking, maybe… Chinese?

What do you think, Doll?

After which, a phrase Val said caught his attention and he indulged him with a response. Response which was met with more screams and whines from Valentino. And just as you were about to text Vox back with the answer to his question, you saw how Val took Vox’s phone and smashed it into the wall. You sighed in annoyance. You were about to switch off their conversation until you heard Valentino say where Angel Dust was…

He was living with Lucifer’s daughter? Angel Dust living with Princess Charlie? This only meant he could be in one place, that hotel you heard her announce. Valentino rambled about going there and killing everyone there, which Vox immediately shut down. It was his perpetual situation. He always had to put Valentino in his place, reminding him that his delusions were not to be acted upon.

He always talked to Valentino like he was a child. He did the same to you too, but it was more loving… You were sure. When he spoke to Valentino that way, it was more condescending. You liked to hear that even Vox thought this was stupid. Either that, or he was using his TV Show Host Voice to get through to him. You huffed at the sight of Vox lighting a cigarette for Val, listening to what they were talking about again. Since you’d zoned out while mentally criticizing Val.

“You know…~ Angel isn’t the only one spending time at this ratty hotel with the devil’s Princesa~...” Valentino cooed, turning back to Vox who was messing around with some of Vaelintino’s things.

“Oh? Who else is in there? Someone who… owes you money?” Vox replied, as uninterested as before, but still attempting to put up a facade for his fellow Vee.

Valentino laughed at his response, “Someone who owes us much more than money~...” He chuckled, shaking the ashes off his cig.

Vox lifted a brow, pretending to care. But he was about to care about what Valentino had to say, very soon.

“The Radio Demon is there…~” Valentino cooed.

Vox’s demeanor switched in a millisecond. The mere name sent shivers down his spine, his hypnotic eye bulging on his screen as he dug his claws into the nearest piece of furniture. He began to crackle with electricity, his voice was low and extremely reverbed. "W̵h̵a̷t̸ ̴d̴i̵d̸ ̷y̶o̷u̷ ̷j̵u̵s̶t̶ ̷s̴a̴y̷.̵.̷.̵?̶ ” He muttered, turning slowly to Valentino.

You could see something in him change. It was a bit scary in all honestly, you knew Vox to be one to put up masks, but this one… it was one you didn't even know he had up.

“Oh, you heard me~.” Valentino replied, grinning back at him.

“Alastor… came back and he is with Lucifer’s d̶a̸u̶g̸h̴t̴e̵r̶ … and that wasn’t the F̷I̷R̷S̴T̴ ̵ F̷̺̕Ủ̷̺C̵͕̕K̵̟̚Ị̵̉N̸̺̂G̸͖̍ ̵͔̽T̷͍͊H̸̫͘I̸͇̒N̴̪͘G̵͙̿ ̸̦͠Y̵̜̎Ọ̴̍U̶̫̎ ̸̪͘T̴͓̕O̸̙̎L̵̼̓D̴̛̥ ̶͊͜M̷̮̆Ē̷̫?̴̧̆!̶͎̕ ” Vox roared, grabbing Valentino by the collar.

The taller demon brushed this gesture off, walking away from him, “Hey~ Killing Alastor is your kink~!” Val chuckled, sitting on a countertop near some monitors.

Without wasting a second, Vox zapped towards the little surveillance Valentino had in his room. You could barely see what was on that screen, but it was enough for you to be able to tell that The Radio Demon was in that footage. You watched the way Vox observed him. It was obsessive, so attentive and careful. It… it made you a tiny bit jealous, in all honesty. For the past seven years, he’d only looked at you that way, or rather, he’d never looked at you that way and to that extent at all.

You observed Vox mutter about Alastor, (ignoring Valentino’s complaints about Angel Dust) he was buzzing and crackling like crazy. Was he livid? Excited? You just couldn’t tell. But you didn’t have much time to think, because, in the blink of an eye, Vox wrapped his conversation up with Val and zapped his way out of his tower.

After which, you heard the doors to the room you were in open up. You got up, seeing Vox approach you. You tried to speak to him, but he shoved you to the side. “Not now Y/n. Go upstairs.” He commanded.

Sitting in his chair, he pressed a button, connecting himself to the machine before him. He was getting ready to broadcast.

His behavior took you aback. You couldn’t believe he’d done this to you. But what else could you do? He’d ignored you.

So you went up the elevator, observing his display via television.

He was losing his fucking mind. Spiraling. You’d never seen Vox like this. And yet, one would think he’d be pissed by this new discovery… but he was… genuinely smiling… you’d never seen him this happy.

Shit got interesting when Alastor responded, however, beginning his radio broadcast. Of course, Vox broadcasted this on the channel too with the intention of beating Alastor on air. A mistake he was sure to pay for. You watched Alastor tear him to bits, hearing even that Vox had asked Alastor to be a Vee and him rejecting the offer as the reason for their rivalry.

And then it clicked… Vox saw Alastor as his main priority. And if what Alastor said was true… Vox’s approach to this refusal was “If I can’t have him, I must destroy him.” Of course, you weren’t allowed to ponder on this much, since Vox began to glitch.

He was losing his patience, spiraling more and more, threatening Alastor until he caused a blackout and ending his broadcast.

Over the darkness of the room you were in, in the distance, you could hear the ominously menacing voice of Alastor as he warned Vox that the time of his reign was over… you could imagine what this made Vox feel. He’d essentially lost the argument by losing his composure.

Alas, you were sure you could try to find him downstairs. He confided in you, you were sure about this. So after a huge blow to his ego such as this, you had to go to him and console him. So you made your way back to his surveillance/broadcast room. You opened the doors to see him crouched down over a screen. He swiped through the footage of everyone in the Bee district speaking. “Where is he? Where is he broadcasting from?” he cried out, switching from screen to screen, checking every camera on every sector on the Pentagram. “He put a fucking tower in that hotel?!” he raged.

“Vox…” You mumbled softly, approaching him.

“Not now.” He blurted bluntly. “Ughh… I need to meet with the other two… Alastor’s return brings in a new set of problems.” He chuckled. And while he tried to sound as annoyed as possible, you couldn’t help but see that light in his eyes. One you didn’t even know was missing. He was obviously enjoying himself, but why? Why was he this excited?

“Don’t overexert yourself, ok?” You suggested, trying to look out for him.

“Don’t overexert myself? Alastor is fucking back! I’m not sleeping until this fucker is taken down!” He spat back, walking off.

You let him be, it seemed to be important. But as days went by, he began to spend less time with you to the point in which he began to ignore you. He’d shove you to the side to spend his day obsessing over sabotaging Alastor. Days passed and he shut you out, completely cutting you off in order to spend more time feeding his obsession. You couldn’t stand this, you had to tell him to turn your way.

So you went to his broadcast/surveillance room, observing the way he peered over his screens. Spreading rumors and lies about Alastor in order to smear his image. He muttered as if he was spiraling, speaking things that sounded like gibberish when paired with the sound of his revered and staticized voice.

“Vox…” You spoke, trying to catch his attention.

“W̶̥͗H̸̠͒A̵̳̓T̵̩̏?̷̲̕!̵͎̓” Box yelled, turning to you in annoyance.

“I need to talk to you.” You spoke, a bit taken aback by his reaction to you speaking to him.

“I’m too busy for that. Another day, sweetheart.” He spoke, shrugging you off.

“No, another day will not do. I want to speak now.” You demanded.

“Now’s not the time to be a brat. I’m busy and that’s final.” Vox huffed, attempting to get you to leave.

“Why are you ignoring me?! Ever since Alastor came back, you haven’t even said more than three sentences to me! Am I not important to you?” You cried out, getting all up in his face. If he refused to acknowledge you, you were going to make it impossible for him to do so.

“Hey hey hey! I’m busy! Go bother someone else, this is important!” He protested, pushing you away from him.

“You’re not listening to me!! Am I not important!?” You screamed, shoving his arms away from you.

“Alastor is important to me right now! Does that answer your question?!” He yelled back, turning away from you to do as he had before.

You stood there in shock, he’d essentially told you that you weren’t important to him. What was truly important to him was Alastor and the sabotage of his power. So you walked off, running away from him.

Vox did not realize what he’d done. He was too obsessed and preoccupied with his own obsessions that he didn’t seem to notice that he’d driven you away…

#rahhhhh #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel vox #vox #vox x reader #hazbin alastor #valentino hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanfiction #vox hazbin #vox hazbin hotel #i had so much fun

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yanderestarangel · 6 months

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hihi, i really love your writings so i'm deciding to request. could you do miguel o'hara with an ftm reader- maybe some size kink, possessiveness, breeding, and degradation? thank you and have a great day/night!

𝐔𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐎 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀 𝐌𝐈́. | MIGUEL O'HARA X MALE READER

A/N: thanks for liking my work anon, I hope you like this one too.

🕸️ 》 TW: degradation, size kink, breeding, sex without a condom, ftm reader, male pronouns, biting, possessive sex, dark smut, porn plot, some phrases in spanish, power play.

Miguel was a different spider man and perhaps the most complicated person to deal with in the entire spider society... However, he was a totally different man with you, always praising you for small victories and missions ── in an extremely possessive and strange way , after all, what differentiated you from others?... But for him, you were perfection in person, perhaps, the only variation in the entire multiverse that he felt connected enough to care about and it was that fucking unilateral connection that made you made him be in that submissive and compromising position.

You were leaning over the hard, cold technology panels of his office, the color orange standing out against your skin, as you watched the older man's thick, pulsing cock slide in and out of your pussy, making the sweetest, sweetest noises. dirty things a man could do... You were doing that moment.

Miguel grunted like a hungry animal, one of Spider-Man's hands was on your neck, his claws slightly went in and out due to the strength and emotions of anger he felt at that moment ── he saw the way you smiled at another spider variant, how you blushed when you flirted with someone else, how he could lose you if he didn't mark his territory on your body, like a sinful sanctuary.

"You can't escape me. I've been patient long enough. It's time for you to learn your place, beneath me... Mi Angelito... Always teasing me with those bright eyes and sweet ways..." He accelerated his movements, tearing off the rest of your uniform with his free hand, your breasts jumped free as he groaned as he saw them bounce with each thrust he gave into your wetness.

O'Hara's red eyes glowed as he saw you so small and fragile compared to his tall stature, he could break you, he could fuck you until you were a trembling, aching mess ── his cock barely entered your pussy whole, Your velvety walls hugged him back as if your life depended on it... And maybe it did.

"You're a fucking whore, begging for my cock, aren't you?" he taunted, his gaze met his, as he continued to gradually speed up, a white path of semen formed at the base of his cock and painted your pussy like a beautiful halo. "Look at yourself, such a naughty boy, taking my dick so well like an insatiable slut-! I'm going to breed your little pussy, mi guapo, and you'll never have any choice but to stay by my side forever... Isn't that right? You're going to be the fucking father of my children... It's a canonical event ...You cannot run away from your destiny."

Miguel moaned each word, each letter came out like a growl, an order, you were his regardless of whether it was what you wanted before or not ── however, the feeling of being so eagerly filled, the fat tip of his cock hitting your womb , and the heavy balls hitting your ass, were the most addictive narcotic drug you had tasted in years, you wanted to get out of there, but the moans, the possession phrases and the good sex he was offering you was enough to make you moan like a cheap whore, drooling on his cock, making your boss smile and show his fangs, biting your neck hard and marking you as his.

"I've wanted you for so long, ever since you joined the spider society. It took everything in me to hold back, to just be a good spider leader. But I couldn't stop myself from fantasizing about you." His words were sickening, but they made you wetter for some reason, maybe your brain rotted from the pleasure that coursed through your veins, but knowing that he had wanted you for a while made you moan and cling to him insistently.

"That's better," he grabbed your hips while supporting you even more on his control screens, not caring about the mess or damage it would cause later, everything was forgotten there, only your pussy mattered to the older man. "You finally understand your place... I knew you'd be mine, you will be mine forever." You rolled your eyes and felt your orgasm come after a few more stimulations that Miguel made with his cock in your body or with his mouth ── biting your breasts and nipples, kissing you as if nothing else existed in the world ── you felt your fingers your feet curled so hard that for seconds you swore you were going to break them, a loud moan echoed from your throat to the holographic walls, returning to O'Hara's ears, as he filled you with a hot and thick load of his cum ensuring you would take everything like a good boy.

"That's my favorite spider boy... But we're not done yet... I'm going to fuck you until you're full..." Miguel puts one of his thick fingers on your stomach. "Filled up to here, with my cum, you can handle it, right.. mi niño bonito, vas a manejar esto como un niño grande, ¿verdad?"

♡⁠˖ 》 my janitor a.i pfp

♡⁠˖ 》 my character a.i pfp

♡⁠˖ 》 my AO3 pfp

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snyderside · 4 months

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I am not exactly sure if this classifies as an Au or headcanons since Trolls Band Together was kinda short and for the life of me I kinda hate when movies are rushed and we get the cut scenes afterward only as a storyboard(I also tend to like the concept art more than the official art)

But enough of me ranting and more into me getting into what I think/want to happen to Brozone when the band split up

(I choose to call it their solo career)

John Dory(19):

Seeing John Dory's entrance attitude and smugness truly made me think yeah this guy is definitely full of himself and in major denial about some things and what really confirmed my suspicion was when he said "I was the oldest I had no choice but to lead!"

So for his solo career, I thought maybe he did some odd job like bounty hunting, or perhaps he played hero with a small town with a small population of trolls or some other anthropomorphic species. Of course, anyone he would save or any group of bounty hunters he'd join didn't like him because he enjoyed taking control of the situation so much or bossing everyone around. He never liked being alone but he kept driving people away, so eventually he knew solitude was his best option, therefore living in Ronda alone in a forest. He did feel regret for driving his brothers away but only because he knew he was more familiar with bossing them around than some random strangers he'd just met. He kept the mindset of "Why should I feel bad when they're the ungrateful ones!" and "All I've ever done was look out for them, and I stepped up when Mom and Dad died!" after those thoughts he couldn't help but think "What are you doing John Dory?"

Spruce/Bruce(17):

I thought it would be funny if almost everyone at his little restaurant on Vacay Island or should I say Brandy's restaurant...well her dads knew who "Bruce' really was except Brandy. I like to think Bruce went to vacay island because either his therapist or himself thought he should relax more so he went on a "vacation". He chilled out, gained a little bit of weight making him lose his six-pack, and most importantly tried to win the heart of Brandy because she seemed to be the only one not falling for his charm. Brandy played a tsundere type of approach when it came to all his advances on her, but then it all came to a game of volleyball as Bruce's way of showing his dedication to her, of course some of the other players used his small stature against him and he was getting his butt handed to him. He was only able to score a single point (IDEK how volleyball works) and the way he leapt into the air had Brandy star struck, the that that was holding his hair back snapped and he used nothing but shear will power to spike the ball. I mean sure Bruce lost but did he really? He got the girl in the end so it's all that counts right?

Clay(16):

(So I don't really have much for clay because I used most of my ADHD superpowers on the other guys and there's not too much I can go on from the movie)

Now Clay just looked around for jobs, it was retail, then tried working at some corporate building but it all didn't exactly work out because none of his co-workers took him seriously. Feeling out of options Clay walked aimlessly eventually finding Viva and the Putt-putt trolls, at the time imagined them looking more post-apocalyptic and slightly barbaric and frankly chaotic, Viva needed drastic help because she was just a little kid like Clay. Clay offered to help her mainly because he has a tiny bit of OCD (Saying this because of how grumpy he looked when John Dory went off and did his own thing and him practicing and worrying before Brozone performance.) and Viva thought/thinks so highly of him and thought of him as serious which is all Clay ever wanted so he just felt at home...and may or may not have developed feelings for her in the long run. Still, hey I've already got into a Romance segment.

I'm going to leave this here and not do Floyd because I'll talk about his little solo career journey in an OC ramble. (I have no shame.)

Thanks for reading have a lovely day!

#trolls 3 #trolls #trolls band together #brozone #trolls clay #john dory #trolls bruce #trolls spruce #Bro-zone solo career #trolls art

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hyuckmov · 2 years

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haechan — gold-skinned, eager baby pt.2 read the first part here!

haechan x fem reader wc: 11k genre: fluff, smut 18+ minors dni warnings: chest/boobs/nipples fixation, dirty talk, fingering, oral (f recieving), unprotected sex, choking, finger sucking, blowjobs, handjobs, mirror sex, overstimulation, a little bit of dacryphilia (crying), hair pulling, dom/sub dynamics (haechan doing both), tittyfucking, thigh riding, this list is making me feel embarrassed minors dni i am so serious, breeding kink, a bit of saliva play i guess, aftercare , haechan is a mastermind male manipulator (in a cute way), me using mark as a plot device or: in which haechan is competitive (read: eager to please), and determined to find out what about him makes you lose all control

a/n: where do i even begin. writing this was so exhausting but also so rewarding at times but also i feel like i'm going to take a break from writing smut after this, i've literally written almost everything i could think of for this fic. i think what we liked from part 1 was haechan being needy and subby so i did add in scenes for that dw <3 i know i describe a lot of what they are thinking in this fic so hopefully it doesn't bore you... if it does... please sugarcoat it for me in your review (just kidding but also like...please don't be mean) anywayy... do send me an ask/reply if you liked this, as per tradition, i hope this is at least a little bit hot :) happy valentine's day!

haechan would say that his standard of living had increased exponentially since your second anniversary.

the two of you had become more open with each other, communicating your frustrations and needs more easily. there was also a faint buzz of something in the air, moments when you would look over at him and he would feel a blush spread across his cheeks, burn low in his stomach. it felt a little like he was falling in love with you for the first time — it had been a while since he had felt so vulnerable and loved by you.

"what are you thinking about?"

but perhaps the most significant improvement made to his life was the way he could now reflect on your loving and healthy relationship with his face nuzzled against your boobs.

"love you so much," he mumbles against your skin, placing a small kiss on your cleavage. "that's what i'm thinking about."

he feels your hand come down to stroke his hair gently, and he closes his eyes at the feeling. sunday mornings with you in bed: you scrolling through your phone while he's given the freedom to love on his favorite parts of you, have become just another routine that started ever since your second anniversary.

focusing on freckling kisses on your warm skin, he's then completely unprepared for when you card your fingers through a handful of his hair only to give it a light, but still significant, tug.

the sensation sends a feeling shooting down his spine, a slight shudder to his body as he lets out a small gasp muffled against your chest. feeling something stirring in the pit of his stomach, his legs twitching on the bed, he nuzzles his face into your chest.

"again, please," he mumbles.

he feels the giggles you let out at that right from where his face is pressed up against your chest. kicking his feet, he whines lightly in protest.

"what's so funny?"

"found something else you like," he hears you muse. "you're so sensitive, baby."

frowning, he sits up. the visual is slightly amusing — his hair mussed up, his lips swollen.

"it's not fair," he states. you reach out a consoling hand to him, and even as he continues to grumble, he still intertwines your fingers gently, a contrast between his unhappy tone and his tender actions. "you have too much power over me."

"what are you talking about?" you laugh, and he scowls.

"you know." he mumbles. "you can just flash your tits at me and i'd do anything you ask-"

"i can?"

"and now you know i like it when you pull at my hair," he whines, a permanent pout forming on his features. "it's like there's nothing i can do that makes you go crazy."

"that's because i love all of you," you soothe. "all of you makes me feel crazy."

"do you have any kinks you're keeping from me?"

"you're my kink," you tease, but your smile drops when he scowls. "sorry."

there's a pause. haechan looks at you, hard. scanning your face, his gaze doing a slow drag down and up your body, his expression darkening. something had shifted in the air, and suddenly you're a little scared to breathe too hard.

"haechan?"

"i'm going to find it," he breathes.

"what?"

"i'm going to find it, and then i'm going to make you beg for me to fuck your brains out."

"what the fuck?"

but haechan shakes his head, and when he next refocuses his eyes on you, his eyes have the familiar twinkle in them. moving over to you, he cups your face in his hands and plants a kiss on your cheek.

"love all of you too," he beams. "i'm going to go make breakfast, okay?"

and with that, he all but skips out of the room, leaving you sitting on the bed, feeling unsettled and also just a little bit excited.

the first time he tries it, it's a complete disaster.

it's not that haechan isn't good at observing you and what you like. when you go shopping together, he doubles back when you're not looking to take photos of items you've picked up to examine, making mental notes of their price and when he could get them for you. point something out to him, and haechan runs back to the store if you leave him alone for just a second, the bag hanging from his arm when he returns as he tries to hide how fast his heart is beating from sprinting. make an off-handed comment about how good a dish looks on instagram, and he's looking up the recipe before the video ends, and you can bet on the fact that you're having it for dinner the next day.

it's just that when it comes to him, he has no clue how to begin. you had laid out the perfect plan for him because you knew exactly what he wanted — meanwhile, he was starting from scratch.

so in the end his brain goes to the one thing you've told him you enjoyed. after all, considering how many times he's seen you fall apart on it, you must like his cock, right?

"y/n?"

"yeah?"

"why are you so far away…" he whines, exaggerating his tone a little. you're seated on the other end of the couch, head against the arm rest, your laptop perched on your lap as you work on something. at his words, you lower the screen a bit, peeking over the top of your knees with your eyebrows raised.

"what's wrong?" you frown. "are you okay?"

"come here and sit on my lap," he says quickly, before the embarrassment can get to him. "i missed you," he adds, patting his thighs for emphasis.

that evening, he had chosen to put on a pair of gray sweatpants that usually left little to the imagination. he didn't wear them often for that exact reason, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable in any way. however, that was kind of at the top of his agenda right now.

shrugging, you make your way over to him, settling down in his lap with your back pressed against his chest. his chin rests on your shoulder as you open up your laptop again, typing in a few extra words on your document as mumble to yourself under your breath.

and then nothing.

haechan doesn't really know where to go from here. his plan had actually only involved one step: putting on the sweatpants. asking you to sit on his lap was already improvisation on his part, hoping that by getting you close he could hopefully get you to react. but here you were, sitting peacefully, happy in your boyfriend's warm touch.

unsure what to do, he figures he might as well get comfortable, bringing his arms around to hold your waist. feeling like this was turning out to be a complete bust, haechan sighs and buries his face in your neck, huffing a little as he wonders if he should just give up and spend a nice evening cuddling with you.

but then suddenly, haechan jolts. troubled by your slow progress at your work, you’ve started to absentmindedly fidget, wiggling your hips uneasily and even bouncing a little in his hold as you shift around some more. his arms reflexively tighten around you, his breath catching in his throat as he feels something stirring in his navel.

"y/n…"

"sorry." you whisper sheepishly, trying to keep still as you continue your work. but behind you, haechan is grinning as if christmas had come early.

"don't be," he murmurs, voice dropping an octave. gripping your hips again, he begins to move you on his lap so that you're grinding down on him. "keep going, sweetheart."

you bite your lip. you really wanted to pay attention to haechan, the sinful way he began to rut against you and the feeling of him slowly getting hard creating a soothing haze in your mind. "i can’t. my work…" you mumble.

haechan freezes, thinking to himself. you weren't giving in yet. he wanted you to beg him, but so far he had initiated almost everything. "okay," he breathes, settling back down and removing his arms from your sides, even though he could feel himself getting hard. "okay, i'll stop. focus on your work, baby."

confused, and a little worried — because when haechan wanted something he usually never stopped to get it, — you try to snap out of it. "maybe i'll go work in the bedroom…" you suggest reluctantly.

"sure," he replies, easily. crossing his fingers and hoping you didn't truly mean it.

but before he knows it, you're standing up, the absence of your weight on him making him feel doubly empty as you begin to walk unsteadily back to your room. a slightly sad expression on your pretty features, the tension in the air making it difficult for you to look at him.

it's the look on your face that makes haechan forget all about his mission.

"y/n wait-" his voice is high-pitched and breathy. he was more affected than he realized he was.

at the sound of his voice, you turn around. immediately putting your laptop down on the dining table, you all but run back to your eager boyfriend, skidding slightly on the floor. clambering back into his lap, this time straddling his waist, you smile as he leans in to kiss you, frustration making his movements a little rougher than usual.

punching him lightly on the shoulder, you glare at him for playing with your feelings. "did you really want me to go…?" nervously, you fiddle with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

"no," he says firmly, kissing you again and pressing you closer. "never."

you beam at him, happy you had such a sensitive and caring boyfriend. anyone else would have found your reaction laughable, but haechan just got you. it warmed your heart to no end.

"y/n…" pulling you back to the current situation, haechan gently thrusts up, reminding you he was still hard. "can i…?"

"yes," you say, excitement making your reply come out rushed and flustered. "please."

smiling to himself, he pulls your sleep shorts to the side, pressing his fingers hesitantly to the seat of your panties before he falters.

"you're so wet," he breathes, tugging your panties to the side too so he can stroke your folds with his long fingers. rubbing quick circles into your clit, he pulls you down by your shirt so he can kiss you heatedly.

holding on to him, you feel your thighs start to tremble, unable to hold yourself up with the feeling of his hand between your legs. as he runs a finger along your slit, rough fingertips sending jolts of pleasure up your spine, you lean your weight almost entirely on him. "please, -" you gasp, not sure what you were asking for, but somehow he's even more desperate than you.

a groan rumbles from his chest as he impatiently lifts you off his lap, maneuvering you so you take a seat on the couch. scrambling to kneel on the floor between your legs, he pulls you to the edge and pushes your legs upwards, practically folding your body. your feet planted on the couch, your breathing grows heavier and heavier as he tugs off your shorts and panties, leaving you completely exposed to him. the sight makes him moan out again, and he pauses.

"can i lick you?" breathlessly, and almost in a trance, he presses a kiss to your thigh, arms coming up to hook around your thighs and keep them open. "pussy's so pretty baby…" he murmurs, blowing air on your clit and making you tilt your hips towards his mouth. "i just know it'll taste sweet."

"don't tease," you plead. haechan's only ever done this a few times and on special occasions, usually more for you than for him. but when you look at the way his eyes are glazing over, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips hesitantly, you know he wants this just as much as you do.

"wouldn't dream of it." and with that he dives in, his tongue flat and wide as he licks up your arousal. alternating between flicking at your clit and lapping at your entrance, his moans fall from his open mouth freely, muscles in his arms flexing as he presses you further in the couch and tries to keep your hips from bucking up into him.

when you feel him dip his tongue into your tight entrance, your hands fly to his hair, curling on his strands around your fingers. the feeling going straight to his cock, he whimpers as he loosens a hand to ease a finger into you, his mouth suckling on your clit.

"haechan-"

"cum for me," his mouth detaches from you sloppily, and you swallow as you see his chin dripping with your juices, his lips wet with saliva. "wanna feel you cum on my fingers so bad…" dipping his head back down, he flicks at your clit harshly, his fingers pressing against your walls. you feel your back arch off the sofa as your thighs clamp down around his head, his tongue still working on you as you cum, hard.

your hips buck against his face and his nose bumps against your clit as he kitten licks at your folds, lightly overstimulating you as you ride out your high. pushing his head away gently, you’re just beginning to put down your legs when you're startled by his hand, shooting out to prevent them from closing entirely. grasping your thigh.

"please?" haechan's eyes are blown out and wide as he rises up on his knees, his hands trembling slightly as they move higher up your thighs. "i'm so hard…" you take in the way his hips absentmindedly move against the edge of the sofa seat. fully hard in those sweatpants, looking absolutely sinful the way he chases any form of friction.

"of course," you breathe, lying back on the couch as he enthusiastically tugs down his sweatpants, his cock slapping up against his navel, the tip red and leaking precum. propping himself up with a hand, the other gripping onto your waist, he closes his eyes as he slides in, the two of you letting out moans as you shiver from the sensitivity. before you know it, he's fucking you into the couch, whines falling from his lips freely, rising in pitch as his eyes screw tightly shut. you close your eyes too, reaching out to grab onto his shoulders, the feeling of him stretching you out pushing you close to your climax again.

haechan has completely lost all grip on reality. he feels your walls sucking him in, wrapping around him so tightly he can't even pull out properly. the rhythm of his thrusts jagged and needy, his hips rutting into you in a frenzy, he's only able to last a few more seconds before he's cumming, his hips stuttering as he feels you tighten around him again. his throat is hoarse, and he wonders if he was screaming instead of moaning. under him, you're also coming down from your high, smiling as you see how winded he is.

"you okay?" tapping him gently on the cheek, you give him a small kiss on his cheek as he blinks dazedly at you. "haechan?" you give him another kiss.

"yeah-" he mumbles. "fuck." he realises he's still pressed on you, so he gets up, giving you more space to sit up and breathe. as he collapses on the other side of the couch, he takes your hand in his and presses a kiss to his knuckles, lips still sticky. "was i too rough?" he murmurs, worriedly. "i'm sorry, i just really lost control at the end-"

"it was perfect," you assure him, crawling over so you can hold him. "i liked it," you smile.

his expression clears, and his eyes crinkle into a smile that mirrors yours as he kisses you sweetly on the tip of your nose. "you were perfect," his eyes sappy with love, he feels sleepiness overcome his body. "i'll run a bath and we can relax after, okay?"

it's only after the bath, and after the impromptu supper he makes for you, when the two of you are in bed, when he realizes that he's completely lost the plot. today's attempt had told him nothing, except maybe he was going to get addicted to the feeling of eating you out.

looking at your sleeping form in bed, a light smile ghosting on your lips and the glow of being taken care of by your boyfriend shining on your face, he shakes his head and decides that for now it doesn't matter. he'll figure it out eventually, he knew he would.

the second time haechan tries it, he starts out slow.

"your fingers are so pretty."

you're out running errands with him, and as the two of you stroll back to the car, his fingers brush yours and he takes your palm in his. now, holding up your clasped hands to examine his fingers, you smile sweetly at him. "i think you have really pretty finger joints."

"yeah?" it's a small compliment, but haechan always liked being praised, even for the smallest things. "thank you, baby."

he doesn't want to build any expectations for himself, or expect any reaction from you immediately. he's sure that that's what went wrong with the first attempt. did he really expect you to fall to his feet when you saw him in those sweatpants? it was silly. it was childish. haechan could do better than that.

he starts out by not taking off his rings when he's around the house, hoping that the sight of them on his pretty finger joints could stir something in you. so far, nothing. (although you did ask him if you could get another set of couple rings together. he said yes.)

he starts picking up activities which show off his fingers more. asking you if you wanted to watch him play the piano, or the guitar. still mostly nothing, although the activities did bring you closer together, his cheeks burning as you praised him for his talent.

happy that your boyfriend was sharing his interests with you, you asked him to help you with your baking, wanting to reciprocate with your own creative date-night ideas. he was nothing but sweet to you when you brought up the idea, accompanying you to the store for ingredients and helping you set up the kitchen. sure, he seemed to want to hold your hand throughout almost the whole thing, following you around the kitchen like a lost puppy, but once you assigned him to the task of melting the chocolate the two of you fell into a nice rhythm, his soft humming filling the kitchen as he busies himself with the hot water.

"is the chocolate ready?"

"yeah," he mumbles, lips pouting with concentration. he looks up to see you smiling at him, tilting your head in curiosity as you watch him stir the melted chocolate a few times.

and suddenly, he knows exactly what to do.

dipping two fingers in the chocolate, he holds it up to your lips. "wanna taste?" he asks, as casually as he can.

flustered, you swat his hand away gently. "i can do that myself," you try, shyly.

"come on," he urges you. his eyes, which have been zeroed in on your lips, flicker up to your eyes and you can see them glint. "just a taste," he says, softly.

inside, his heart is beating hard against his chest. although it was only the two of you in the kitchen, he could tell from the way you looked at his fingers that you were flustered, hesitating over the idea of sucking on his fingers so boldly. if he could just get you to do this…

he watches with bated breath as you swallow, inching forwards. grabbing his wrist to keep his hand steady, you stick out your tongue to lick at his fingers cautiously. you're just able to taste a hint of the chocolate, when haechan pushes forward and his fingers are enveloped in the warmth of your mouth.

"now come on," he breathes, a thrill running down his spine as he sees your eyes widen. gently but firmly, he continues to hold your gaze. "suck."

this was it. a smile spreads across his face as you begin to suck on his fingers obediently, looking up at him through your lashes. he'd won. except…he wasn't really sure anymore, what with the way your tongue was now swirling around his fingers as you continued to lick them clean. the feeling of it foreign yet familiar, making his breath catch in his throat as he’s reminded of the fact that it had been a while since you’ve sucked him off.

but while he was still struggling to figure out who had the upper hand, you already released his fingers with a pop, looking at him knowingly as you went back to measuring ingredients.

a pause.

shaking his head a few times to steady himself, he tried to stay confident, putting on his cockiest smile as he sidled up to you.

"y/n?"

"hmm?"

"did you like that?"

"like what?"

"you know what," he wraps a hand around your wrist to halt your movements, pushing your measuring scale and various other bowls to the side so you focus on him. "did you like sucking on my fingers?"

"haechan…"

"i felt what you were doing with your tongue, baby." he relishes the way you can't look him in the eyes. "i know you liked my fingers, but i didn't know you liked them that much…" he muses, voice low. a heavy hand snakes up to rub your waist. "wonder if you would like my hands somewhere else…" a flicker of need courses through his body as the words leave his mouth, his hands wandering up to your chest to palm your boobs. "or…" he trails off, biting his lip to try to keep his thoughts to himself.

confused as to why he had gone silent, you finally look up at him, feeling your eyes widen in surprise to see that haechan's demeanor had done a total shift entirely on his own. rather than the usual hard stare and stony expression that accompanies his low tones and rough touches, his lashes flutter with need, teeth tugging mindlessly on his lip as he is completely and wholly distracted by the soft feeling of your chest in his palm.

"haechan?" you prompt him.

"fuck, sorry-" he blurts out, unsure of what he was apologizing for. "it's just…", breathily, he scrabbles at your bra, tugging it down so he can touch your nipples. "they fit perfectly in my palms…" and there it is: the familiar pitch of his voice that tells you he's going to start whining soon.

you can't help but laugh at him, amused as much as you are in awe of him. "did you really just dirty talk yourself into this state?"

"yes. wait, i mean, no-" troubled, he furrows his brow as you begin to take off your shirt. "uh…"

"we can discuss this later," you soothe, leading him out of the kitchen, the idea of baking long forgotten.

1.12 am, haechan: don't get distracted by boobs. 1.12am, haechan: don’t look at boobs. 1.13am, haechan: don't touch boobs. 1.13am, mark: what the fuck ?????

“you taste good,” you murmur, touching his cheeks lightly as you lean in to kiss him again in the darkness.

eagerly, haechan sits up. you’re startled by the sudden movement, blinking at him blearily, but soon you’re being tugged up and into his lap, him rearranging your legs haphazardly so you’re straddling him as he leans against the headboard.

“what-?”

but haechan kisses you before you can finish your sentence, his remarkably soft and pillowy lips moving against yours with a soft fervor.

“feel good?” he asks, expectantly.

“yeah…” you mumble, a little dazed.

“used a lip scrub,” he states, proudly, kissing you again to punctuate the point. “and i’ve been using a lip sleeping mask for the past 2 days.”

“you taste like strawberry,” you point out, weakly.

“lip balm,” he breathes, almost buzzing with excitement. “you like?”

“yes,” you smile at him, endeared by how happy he was. you lean in, kissing him again, sucking gently on his bottom lip and making him sigh into your mouth. pulling away, you fail to notice the way his eyes light up in anticipation, only to flicker with confusion as you dip your head to snuggle into his hold. burying your face in his chest, you give him a gentle pat as you close your eyes, ready to return to the peaceful state of dozing off you were at when he had first kissed you goodnight. “sleep well, baby.”

his puffy lips, his puffy sweet strawberry-scented smooth lips, pucker slightly into a pout. “y/n?”

“hm?”

“you don’t wanna kiss me more?” he whispers, the words a little pathetic in the silence of the room.

“tomorrow, baby.” you assure him, stifling a yawn as you feel yourself drop off. “sweet dreams.”

sighing, he pats you gently on the back as if you were a baby, lulling you to sleep. this really wasn’t as easy as he thought it was going to be.

sweet dreams he thinks bitterly to himself, closing his eyes too.

all the thinking was taking a toll on haechan's brain.

he was good at games, he was good at strategy. but the thing was, this felt less like a game and more like an experiment: the observation required, the long-term planning, introducing new variables, and analyzing your reactions to see if his actions had the desired outcome.

he tried revisiting the hand thing.

"look at how pretty my fingers look around your neck."

he slides his fingers out from between your legs slowly, smearing your arousal on your thighs before coming up to steer your chin back towards the mirror. the image is so lewd that you want to look away again — you, wearing only his shirt. haechan's chest pressed up against your back, you sitting between his spread legs, your thighs propped apart by his own. one of his hands squeezes lightly on your throat as the other trails back down, two fingers stretching you out as much as he can.

choked moans fall from your lips as you shake in his hold when you cum, his rings digging into your throat. he releases you almost at once, letting you come down from your high as air floods back into your lungs, murmuring praises into your hair as he cleans you up, while you were too tired and hoarse to speak.

but that was that. you never brought it up with him or requested he do it again, although he knows that if he asked you wouldn't deny him. so he filed it away for next time.

he tried thinking of things he loved about you. he loved to kiss your neck — so he tried wearing necklaces, tilting his head back more to showcase his jawline, encouraging you to kiss him there. but the most you'd done was ask him if his neck felt sore.

it was a friday, and haechan decided to leave work early, to see if he could get a headstart on a new lead he had. you had stared a lot at his legs the other night when he had taken you out for dinner, saying they looked pretty in the skinny jeans he was wearing. if that wasn't a directive, he didn't know what was.

and so he made a short detour on his way home, stopping by the mall to pick out a pair of ripped skinny jeans. he liked the way they hugged his thighs, the slivers of soft skin that showed underneath.

that's how you find him, when you arrive home. standing in front of the bedroom mirror, scrutinizing his appearance in the mirror.

"i'm home…" you call out, before stopping. in the mirror, haechan can see your eyes widen and his heartbeat quickens with excitement. you're clearly distracted, unable to tear your eyes away from his legs. was this it?

meanwhile, you can't stop staring at your boyfriend. usually in sweatpants or baggy jeans, you haven't seen him dressed like this in a while. there are so many rips in the jeans he practically didn't have to wear them, and yet somehow they're positioned in a way that made you want to suck bruises onto his smooth skin.

your eyes flicker up to his, narrowing slightly when you see the expression of pure unadulterated glee that takes over his features. the corner of his lips quirked up smugly, his eyebrows raised in a challenge.

and it just flips a switch in you.

"did you dress like this for me?" you ask, softly. walking over to him, you tug him closer by the belt loops of his jeans, leaning in so your lips brush his. "did you want my attention that badly?"

haechan falters. this was not how it was supposed to go.

"can't think of an answer?" you mock. trailing your fingers down to his thighs, you scrape at the exposed skin there with your fingernails, making him jolt. "you were so confident just now, baby…" you pinch him, and he sucks in a breath. "what happened?"

"i…" at the sight of you tugging your shirt off, his splutters out in alarm. "wait! don't-" feeling stupid, but panic overtaking his brain, he squeezes his eyes shut. "don't take off your shirt."

you burst out into genuine laughter. getting more and more flustered by the second, he slowly opens his eyes, peeping a few times to make sure your shirt remains on. "don't make fun of me," he mumbles. "it's just that, i get really distracted if i see them, and-"

"oh i know," you assure him, kissing his cheek. "i mean, i was going to let you fuck them, but i'll just suck you off instead."

"what?"

he protests the entire time as you push him to take a seat on the edge of the bed, babbling on and on about how this was supposed to be about you. however, the moment you take your position, kneeling between his legs as you reach out to palm him through his jeans, he falls silent.

"these are new…" he mumbles, weakly. he can't help the way his hips begin to squirm under your touch.

"aww…" you squeeze him tighter over the denim and he whimpers. "bought them just for me?"

"yeah…" he admits, swallowing hard. "y/n…can you…"

you finish his thought by undoing the buttons on his jeans, tugging down the zipper as he lifts his hips obediently, tugging the material down to free his hard on. when he starts to remove his jeans entirely, you place a hand on his to stop him. grinning at him, you place a light kiss on his thigh.

"i really like these jeans," you explain.

you can feel haechan's eyes on you as if he were in a trance. looking up at him, you coo at the sight: his mouth hanging slightly open, drool spilling around his mouth from how he's been licking and tugging at his bottom lip from just the feeling of you touching him over his jeans. reaching a hand up, you wipe his saliva off with your fingers as if he were a baby, his tongue darting out to lick at your fingers. indulging him, you push them into his mouth: full, heart-shaped lips, wrapping around your knuckles as he sucks obediently.

extracting your fingers from his mouth, you comfort him with a pat on the cheek as slowly, and with a light touch, you start to rub at the pink tip of his cock with your wet fingers. the stimulation makes his legs jump, and he lets out a cry, hands scrabbling and twisting at the sheets. neediness seeping out from all the pores in his body, your hand becoming slick with his precum as you pick up the pace, giving him longer strokes along his shaft.

you look up at him, and his face is contorted with pleasure, eyebrows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut. his head thrown back, you can see his adam's apple bobbing as he gasps for air.

"do you like your reward, baby?" you tease, taking your hands off his cock to dig your nails into his thigh instead. the feeling makes him wail, eyes opening to focus on you, blinking away the spots in his vision.

he nods, still gasping for breath. "don't stop," he manages. "please, don't stop."

"i'll take care of you, baby, i promise" you ease, hands going back to stroke him, although at a much gentler pace. "keep your eyes on me, okay? i want you to think of this every time you see these jeans…" you take his tip into your mouth, pressing your tongue into his slit. and without any warning, his hips buck into your face and he's cumming messily, all over your mouth and chin.

"sorry," he moans, unable to control himself. "fuck, i'm sorry,-" his words are twisted into a loud cry at the sudden feeling of both of your hands on him. cum makes the slide easier as you twist your wrists in opposite directions, watching as haechan's whole body spasms — his movements jerky, grabbing at your arms to push you away while his hips continue to thrust forward into the pleasure. you feel a sense of excitement rush through you too as you survey how his thighs shake, muscles in his legs spasming.

"thought you told me not to stop," you bite your lip, putting on a confused expression. "i promised i'd take care of you."

haechan is too far gone to respond. tears begin to run down his cheeks as he cums again, globs of cum oozing from his slit. finally stopping your movements for good, you climb up onto the bed next to him, letting him reach for you and pull you close. his tears stain the shirt on your shoulder, and you run your hands through his hair to soothe him.

finally, his breathing evens out and he plants a soft kiss on your shoulder.

feeling a little guilty, you brush the hair out of his eyes as you try to read his expression. "are you okay?" you ask, softly.

he gives you a dopey smile. "yeah," he kisses you again, letting the feeling of your lips moving against his ground him. his hands ghost over your thighs, and he starts to pull you into his lap. "you want me to return the favor…?"

"no, it's okay." smiling at him, you cup his face in your hands before you realize that your palms are still filthy with drool and cum. "we should probably get cleaned up…" you murmur.

"i'm never wearing any other pair of jeans," he sighs, contentedly, letting you guide him towards the bathroom.

later that night, haechan is lying in bed, reflecting on what just happened. sure, he hadn't gotten you needy and desperate, and in fact he'd done all of the begging, but this was definitely a step in the right direction. it was the biggest reaction he'd gotten from you yet, one that was entirely initiated by you, his cheeks warming at the memory.

"haechan?"

"yes?"

"can we talk?"

"of course, baby." clearing his head of his thoughts, he pulls you in closer to him, heart warming at the feeling of you snuggling up to him. "is everything okay?"

"yeah," you say in a small voice. "but i wanted to ask you if you're okay."

hearing the soft concern in your voice, he tries to remember if he said anything to you about feeling upset, or unhappy, but nothing comes to mind.

"yeah i'm fine," he frowns. you look up at him with skeptical eyes, and he lifts a hand from where it's wrapped around you to stroke your hair, hoping to comfort you. "what's wrong?"

"it's just this whole…" you sigh. "you trying to find ways to make me feel good."

"is it too much?" panic starts to seep into his brain as he runs through the things he's done with you, and to you, these past few weeks. he's sure he made sure you were comfortable with everything, but there was always the possibility that you were appeasing him. maybe he'd gone a little too far with the choking. "i can stop if you want, i didn't think-"

"no, that's not it-" you interrupt, placing a hand on his chest. "i'm okay, everything's okay." moving up a little bit on the bed, you press a soft, close-lipped kiss against his lips. it takes a few seconds, his body still frozen with uncertainty, before he relaxes and kisses you back, deepening the kiss and holding on to you tightly.

"i just hope you know that i love you, so much," you say when he pulls away. "and, you don't have to do anything special to make me feel crazy about you."

"y/n…"

"i meant what i said that day," you insist. "i know i've mostly been in control recently, and you think i have so much control over you now…but i want you to know that even before our second anniversary i've been just as obsessed with you."

shyly, haechan bites his lip in thought, your words making him feel more flustered than he would have expected.

"see?" you continue. "i think you look so pretty when you bite your lip. and i love your hands…" you reach for his palms and place a soft kiss to his knuckles. "love your fingers, no matter what you're doing with them. love your legs, love your moles…"

"okay, okay." he buries his face into his pillow, a warm glow spreading through his body at your praise. "you can stop now," he murmurs.

"love all of you." you finish, burying your face in his chest again. "love everything you do, so don't worry, okay?" you mumble, sleep slowly taking over your body as a weight is lifted off your chest. watching haechan observe your reactions extra carefully has been endearing, and being on the receiving end of his constant affection has you dizzy in more ways than you show. you just hoped that his relentless attempts to please you and read your mind didn't mean he felt unconfident about how much you loved him.

but haechan doesn't respond. a sense of disappointment blooms in his chest, and he can't for the life of him figure out why he felt so forlorn. it had seemed so simple: he wanted to find out how he could have you needy and eager for him, just as he was with you. just like you had tested out his obsession with your boobs — and at the thought, his hand guiltily strays downwards to palm you over your shirt, needing at least some form of comfort on this confusing night, — he had tested you. and while you responded eagerly to whatever he did, there was no denying that you didn't usually initiate it, and he doesn't know if he would classify your behavior as needy in the way he wanted you to be.

maybe he just needed to tease you a little more. or maybe he needed to deny you pleasure just as you were about to cum. maybe, if he initiated it, and then suddenly left to do something else-

"you're thinking so loud, baby," he snaps out of it with a jolt, feeling you shift in his hold, your eyes opening groggily and a pretty pout settling on your lips. "go to sleep, please," you groan.

haechan lets out a groan of his own. "i'm confused…" he mumbles.

"about?"

but he shakes his head. you've already reassured him, and honestly he thinks he'll go crazy if he hears you profess your love to him again.

drumming your fingers on his chest, you hum lightly, thinking to yourself. "will you feel better if i let you fuck my tits?"

"yes please," haechan sighs, sitting up and shaking the sleepiness from his body before clambering over to straddle you, practiced hands pushing your shirt up.

and as he lets out a soft wail — feeling you licking at his tip when he thrusts all the way up your cleavage, his hands scrabbling for purchase on your soft breasts, — he almost believes he's okay with giving up this game he set for himself.

almost.

haechan spins the controller in his hand and waits for his next game to load.

he had let the whole thing fall from his mind. he'd gotten some pretty good sex out of it, and he felt closer to you than ever before, and that was all that really mattered in the end. now, he could actually focus on his favorite past-times without wondering what you were doing, could wake up each day and not stress over what he should wear. he was sure he would get over the disappointment, pushing the uneasiness from his mind completely as he slumps further down in his gaming chair and starts to think about how to get past his opponent instead.

faintly, he can hear the door push open behind him. you must have entered the room. "hey," he calls out. "i just started another round but i can come spend time with you after i'm done, okay?"

no response. weird, but maybe you were distracted with your phone.

"i was thinking," he continues. "do you want me to cook dinner or should we order in? i've been craving pasta but i need to know if you prefer mine or-" but he cuts himself off when he notices you hovering next to his computer, a large oversized shirt hanging from your frame. it's the look on your face that makes him forget everything about dinner or pasta or cooking.

"y/n?" he blinks. "what's wrong?"

"i need you," your soft voice whiny.

"um…" surprised, he's taken aback as you sit yourself down on his lap, straddling one of his thighs. he drops his controller clumsily, arms coming around to hold you as the game goes on ignored behind your back. "are you hurt? or is it…do you-" he sucks in a sharp breath when he feels your wet core moving on his bare thigh. you're not wearing anything except for the shirt.

you start moving, rolling your hips onto his firm muscle as if it were second nature, your eyes locking with his and he gulps at the desperation in them, pleading with your expression for him to help you.

"fuck, baby, what's gotten into you?" what should he do? panicked, he sits up in his seat, the movement making his thigh muscle tense and you let out a whine, your swollen clit extra sensitive at the feeling. "baby, not here," he coaxes, alarm in his tone as he wonders if you're going to cum right then and there. his hands going to your waist, he feels you press down harder on him, your moans increasing in pitch as you ride his thigh without a care in the world, egged on by the feeling of his skin on yours.

"baby, wait, get off for a moment, let's get on the bed," he tries to move again and it jostles you, and you roll your hips even faster.

"don't care," you whine. "need you now. wanna cum now…" tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. you're so frustrated that it hurts, you needed him so badly but it's like he'd forgotten how to touch you entirely. "haechan," you groan. "i need your fingers, anything…" the hot friction on your clit making you fall forwards, burying your face in his neck.

still flustered, haechan tries his best to help you out, wracking his brain of what to do. tensing his thigh muscles, he bounces you gently on his leg, one hand steadying you and the other scraping lightly across your nipples, just the way you like it. gasping at the sudden stimulation, you whimper in his ear to let him know you were close, your arms grabbing haechan's hands and guiding him to move your hips for you.

you cum just like that, a high whine and your body shuddering, haechan continuing to bounce you on his thigh to help you ride it out. as you recover, he realizes that he's winded and breathless too, the reality of what just happened sweeping over him.

but what exactly just happened?

"if you don't mind me asking…" he panted.

you nodded, still in your head. "yeah?"

blinking up at you politely, he licks his lips nervously before asking, "what did i do? and, how do i do it again?"

shaking your head you hug him before clambering off his lap. "like i said," you reassure him with a kiss on his cheek before you stumble off to clean yourself up. "i love all of you."

"you guys need to leave me out of your sex life," mark grumbles, the moment the call connects. "i want the best for you, dude, but i'm not that invested in your personal happiness, okay?"

haechan scoffs at that. "firstly, it's not like i'm not privy to your sex life. been a good boy for mommy recently?"

"i was just-!"

"and secondly," continues haechan, ignoring mark's splutters and protests, "you owe me."

"i owe you?"

"haechan's fucking obsessed with your tits…" he mocks in a clumsy voice, scowling at the memory. "you gave her an unfair advantage-"

"i don't sound like that-"

"so you owe me. now help me figure this out." before mark can think of some other way of protesting, haechan begins to ramble on and on about his feelings for you, and the dynamic in the relationship as of late. he analyses your reactions to him, the varied success in his attempts to get you riled up, your conversation together when you convinced him to drop the matter.

"but then, this morning i swear i'm just doing nothing-" he cuts himself off, feeling his breath hitch as the vivid memory hits him with full force. remembering how it sounded when you begged for him. the feeling of you moving on his thigh, of you guiding his hand to your core.

everything he ever wanted, and he had no idea how he got it in the first place.

mark is staring at him blankly. "this morning…?" he prompts.

"nothing," haechan shakes his head quickly. "basically, she kind of jumped me, and i'm still trying to figure out why."

"jumped you like in a bad way…or-"

"in a really good way," haechan mumbles, suddenly feeling a little shy. not wanting to describe exactly how it felt for you to use his body like that, when he wasn't even trying.

"okay, uh, cool." mark nods a few times, frowning slightly to himself. "you sure you were doing nothing?"

"i was playing a game in my room."

"could've been the gaming?" mark suggests, half-heartedly.

"but i do that all the time," haechan sighed. "she doesn't do that with me every time." if only it were that easy, he would have you figured out in 3 seconds flat.

"what were you wearing?"

"just some shorts and a shirt."

"could've been your thighs…?" mark tries. "she told me she loved your thighs."

"could be…" distracted, haechan blinks. "wait. my thighs?"

"yep," mark winces. "i won't quote exactly what she said, because i don't want to hear myself saying that to you, but just take my word for it."

haechan thinks about it, hard. but then he shakes his head. "fuck, i think i did it wrong. i mean i tried legs and it didn't work, and i thought thighs were included in legs for obvious reasons, but-"

"or maybe it just had nothing to do with you," mark shrugs, reaching for his drink to take a sip. "maybe she's just ovulating or something."

"she's just what?" haechan balks.

"um…ovulating." mark freezes, immediately wishing he hadn't brought it up. to hell with haechan's sex life. "it affects the hormones and it might results in a higher sex drive for her or-" he cuts himself off when he notices that haechan is staring at him, stock-still in his seat. "um…it's part of her menstrual cycle…?" mark tries.

haechan looks at him blankly.

"basically, it's like when her ovaries-" mark winces. "dude, i'm not about to explain your girlfriend's ovaries to you."

"but i can't ask her," haechan finally speaks up.

flustered, mark runs his hand through his hair a couple of times before deciding to just rip the band-aid off. haechan could be very persistent if he wanted to be, and he didn't want his phone blowing up with texts about this.

"basically, in the days leading up to her…um…her period, her hormones levels are messed up because her body's preparingforababy," mark rushes through the sentence, hoping to god his girlfriend wasn't currently standing outside his room, listening to him poorly explain what a woman's menstrual cycle was.

thankfully, haechan gets it on the first listen. "so she might be extra…"

"yeah," mark cuts in, feeling his face burn. somehow, haechan seems to be taking in this information extremely calmly, as if he were sitting in a life sciences class. "um, so, can i go now?"

"sure," haechan says, absentmindedly. "thanks mark-" but the call ends before he can finish the words.

slowly shutting the screen of the laptop, haechan stares at the empty wall before him and just thinks. could it really be that your neediness this morning wasn't a result of his doing at all? he tries to think back to previous months, because if mark was correct, this wouldn't be the first time this has happened: but for some reason, he can't recall a thing. he's always too lost in the feeling of you to ever notice things like what day it was happening on or whether it mirrored your behavior from previous months. scheming and plotting was truly not his style.

what exactly was he trying to do with this experiment? was he really trying to find a way to get to you just as you had to him? but he did have you just the way he wanted. this morning had proven that.

so what if he couldn't figure out if it was his hands or his thighs? you had promised all of you to him. said you loved all of him just the same.

so maybe it was time to make good on that promise.

haechan has been on his phone the whole day.

normally, you wouldn't really mind. he was so loving and attentive all of the time, that a little bit of absent-mindedness didn't bother you. it's just that today, you wish he were paying a bit more attention to you, especially because you can't seem to get him out of your mind - what with it being your peak day of ovulation.

the thing is, haechan was always somehow so attuned to you that he never left you feeling restless and needy. you rarely had to ask him for anything, because he would always deliver of his own accord — wanting you as much as you wanted him. it had been fun, in the weeks leading up to your second anniversary, seeing how riled up you could get him, and exactly how far he would go. even while he claimed to be doing the same to you, he was still the one to initiate everything, leaving you more than satiated afterwards, each time. and although his efforts had unsettled you, you'd eventually told him, hoping that it wasn't some underlying miscommunication or problem in your relationship causing the sudden eagerness to take you anywhere and everywhere.

and ever since, nothing. chaste kisses on cheeks, arms around your waist while you cuddled. somehow, subtly, control had shifted back to him as you waited on his next move, waited for the next time he would approach you to try something. you suspected he didn't even know that he had control, skipping around the apartment, unaware that you were practically begging for him to make a move.

this morning, you couldn't take it anymore. your dreams the previous night punctuated by visuals of haechan eating you out, of him letting you ride his thighs, of him playing with your chest. the moment you heard him in the next room, raspy voice ordering his teammates around, and the moment you caught sight of him in his shorts, you had decided to indulge in your own needs, to hell with waiting for your boyfriend to take care of you.

but almost an entire afternoon had passed since then, and you could feel the space between your legs getting wet again, your brain flitting back to the scenes from your dream. shuffling into your bedroom, you see haechan lounging on the bed, disappointment flickering at the back of your mind when you release he had put on some sweatpants instead. still on his phone, he barely looked up at you when you approached him.

"haechan?"

raising his head to look at you, he raises his eyebrows. you falter as you see his closed off expression.

"yes?" he responds, softly.

swallowing, you press on, sitting down opposite him. "can you…can you please…" you take a deep breath, fiddling with the edge of your shirt before you realize that yes, that was the perfect way to get him to notice you. removing your shirt quickly, you see him look up from his phone, his eyes flickering down to look at your bare chest, lingering slightly before moving back up to your face.

"can i please…?" he repeats, face devoid of expression.

you balk. haechan never acted like this with you. embarrassment, and a little bit of indignance, rises up in you, and you have to stop yourself from whining. "you know," you bite your lip, imploring him to understand.

he sighs. "speak in full sentences, baby." going back to his phone, he clicks on a new tab. "i can't read your mind."

"i need you," you blurt out, feeling delight rush through your body as he looks up at you. finally.

but he makes no effort to move. "why?"

confused, you make an impatient sound. "what do you mean, why?"

"why are you suddenly so needy?" he asks, voice steady and calm. his eyes stare at you, gaze unwavering. "was it something i did? or did something happen to you?"

"i don't know what you mean…" you hesitate, but your answer doesn't mean anything because he's not really listening. setting his phone down, he pushes you onto your back with a slight roughness, crawling over to you.

"thought i was doing it for you, baby-" he confesses, quietly. "trying to figure out if you liked my fingers, or my thighs…seeing if you liked it when i use you…" towering over you, he takes in the tension in your body, your shaky breaths as his fingers trail up your stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

"but i was wrong," he muses. you hang onto his every word, mind attuned to the syllables falling from his lips, body sparking at his slightest touch.

"haechan…"

"was doing it for me," he breathes. "i wanted to see you this fucked out before i even touch you." his hand caresses your upper thigh, tutting lowly under his breath. "messy baby, dripping all over the sheets…"

unable to take it anymore, you try to sit up and move towards him, pushing your body up on your elbows, but haechan's hand whips out and he shoves you back down onto your back with a firm palm.

"don't move." he soothes, but there's a warning in his tone. slowly, he eases your legs apart to settle down in between them, and you whimper slightly from how he manages to make you feel so exposed.

"when was the last time you'd been good for me, hm?" his thumb traces soft circles on your soft skin. "i give you a little bit of power and it goes to your head…doesn't it, pretty?" his face leans closer, his lips almost brushing yours as he speaks.

"it doesn't-" your voice trembles, as his palms press down firmly on your thighs, spreading you open wider.

"have me touching your tits, stroking you all the time," he breathes. "does it feel that good?"

"i-"

"thought you were letting me use you, but all this time you were using me," he ignores you. "all i wanted was for you to sit on my lap and beg for me…" suddenly, his hand moves, and you feel a sharp sting as he flicks at your clit with his thumb and forefinger over your panties. a loud whimper leaves your mouth as you feel your thighs jerk, and embarrassingly more of your arousal seeps out onto the sheets. your hand reaches out, trying to hold on to his wrist so he stops teasing you, but gently, and almost lazily, his other hand manages to grasp both your wrists in his hand.

"but no matter what i tried…" he continues, and you can tell he's saying it for himself more than you. his hand moving as if on instinct, his fingers beginning to stroke your folds over the fabric, paying no attention to the way you trembled and squirmed at his touch. "you would still sit there on the couch, waiting for me to come take you…"

"i'm sorry-" you sob, your throat closing up.

"you're so spoiled." and for the first time this evening, he kisses you lightly on the corner of your lips. you tilt your head, trying to catch his lips with yours, mouth open and ready, but already he's pulling away, smiling to himself. "spoiled." he repeats.

"haechan please-" you try to free your hands so you can do something — touch him, or even touch yourself. "i need-"

"you need me to fuck you?" he tilts his head, the harshness of his words contrasting with the gentle, and almost mocking way he says it. "is that what you want to say?"

shame burns low in your stomach, and you nod imperceptibly. mirroring you, haechan nods too, his eyebrows raised.

"say it," he insists. "say you need me to fuck you."

"i…"

at your hesitation, he backs away slowly, the warmth of his body leaving yours as he starts to slacken his hold on your wrists. immediately, your hands shoot free and you pull at the hem of his shirt pathetically, trying to keep him close to you.

"i need you to fuck me," you whine, trying to hold your gaze with him even as his eyes go dark. "please, don't go-"

"how long were you going to make me wait?" he seethes, flicking at your clit again, fingers roughly pulling at your panties and making them snap against your skin.

you can't think of anything to say. you whine his name, and he scoffs at how wrecked you sound.

"why didn't you tell me your body wanted a baby, hm?"

you freeze. what? "you m-mean…" you stutter, as haechan begins to tug your panties down your legs.

"needy baby fucks herself on my thigh because she wants a baby in her, is that right?" his voice thick.

"yes," you hear yourself say. there was no point in denying it, you needed him so badly. and the idea of him putting a baby in you, of fucking you so full of him until you were swollen and full…

"then prove it." sitting back up against the headboard, you follow him eagerly, no longer caring about how you acted around him, your skin burning hot from the way he was speaking to you. he let you strip him of his sweatpants, your mouth going dry at how hard he was. maybe you could suck him off first, and in return he could finger you-

a rough hand shoots out to grab your chin, forcing you to look up at him. "focus," he demands. "i want you to ride me."

hurriedly, you start to straddle him, lining his cock up to your entrance before you hesitate. he hadn't really prepped you yet, and although you wanted it so badly…

you cry out as he shoves two fingers into you, sighing at the way you fall forward into his chest at the feeling. curling his fingers in you, finding your soft spot effortlessly, he murmurs close to your ear. "tell me if i'm being too rough, okay?" if possible, his words make you even more needy, and you nod, hips chasing his hand. "don't wanna hurt you," he mumbles, before stilling his fingers and pushing you back.

"why am i doing the work here?" he muses, condescendingly. "i thought you wanted this."

nodding vigorously, you begin to grind on his fingers, whimpering when your clit bumps the heel of his hand. a hand on his chest to steady yourself, you move the other downward and try to shove a third finger into you, wiggling your hips as he relents and starts curling three of his fingers against your walls.

"cumming," you gasp, feeling something tighten in your core. his thumb comes up to stroke your clit, and you're about to tumble over the edge, when suddenly he yanks his hand away, leaving you throbbing and empty. a sob rips out from your chest, the built up pressure of having him act differently around you, of needing him for the whole day, washing over you like a tidal wave.

"crybaby," he coos, wiping your tears away with the hand still slick with your arousal.

"please," you choke out. "cum, i wanna…let me…" pawing at his chest, you try to lift his hand back up and guide it in between your legs, but he grabs onto your wrist instead, forcing you to stay still.

"just want you to cum on my cock, that's all," he soothes. "don't you want me to fill you up?"

gulping, your breathing slows as the words seem to calm you. "yes," you mumble.

"good girl." grabbing your hips, he eases you down onto his cock, groaning as your walls spasm around him, your entrance fluttering uncontrollably. "fuck," he muses. "did you just cum?"

feeling humiliated, you nod reluctantly. "was sensitive…" you mumble. he laughs, stroking your cheek as you take all of him. he gives you time to recover, stroking your back tenderly as you get used to the feeling of him in you.

"ready?" he urges, thrusting his hips gently.

you nod, placing your hands on his shoulders as you begin to bounce in his lap, your thighs still shaking from your previous climax but the feeling of him too good to ignore. trying to pick up the pace, you stare at where your bodies are connected, the wet sounds of you sliding on him embarrassingly loud in the room. you only realise you've been letting out a steady series of moans when he brings a hand up to squeeze your throat.

"tired?" he pouts at you. you nod, begging him with your eyes to take over. "thought you said you wanted my baby," he mocks. your hips continue to circle even as you lose the strength to lift yourself up and down. feeling his tip brush against a spot inside you, you wail as you feel yourself clench hard around his thick length.

"please help me," you gasp. "wanna feel you cum inside me, want you to fill me up-" and haechan, tired of waiting, finally gives in.

he pushes you back onto the bed again, his arms pushing your legs up so they brush his shoulders, hips tilted towards him as he rams himself back into you. letting out a low moan, he begins to thrust hard into you, snapping his hips such that the blunt head of his cock repeatedly brushes your g-spot.

"you gonna cum?" he mocks, sarcastically. "or do i have to do that for you too?"

your hands find your clit, rubbing circles on it frantically as it immediately brings you to your high.

the feeling of you cumming around his cock, your warm and tight walls milking him, pushes him closer and closer to his own climax.

"where should i come?" he breathes unsteadily.

you don't respond, still too lost in your own pleasure. a hand comes down to pinch at your nipple, and you whine incoherently.

"where should i come?" he demands again.

he can see you struggle to piece together the words in your head. he hadn't asked you this in a long time — ever since your first anniversary, when you went on birth control and he celebrated by finishing inside you, the feeling of you raw making him come undone faster than he would have liked.

"w-where?" you make a sound of confusion.

"should i come on your tits," he pinches your nipple again,

"on your face," a light slap across your cheek,

"or inside?"

"inside," you moan, beginning to thrust your hips upwards to meet his movements, desperate for him to finish.

"good girl," he breathes, and with a final stroke he's cumming, pushing deep inside you as you feel his warmth fill you up inside, seeping out where your bodies connected.

the two of you stay like that for a while, him stroking your hair and peppering kisses on your face. you holding on to him for comfort, whimpering whenever he made an attempt to leave, burying your face in his chest. it's after you've mostly recovered when you finally let him go get something to clean you up with, and after you drank the glass of water he insisted you have, when you finally get a hold on what just happened. and a question comes flitting into your mind.

"haechan?"

"yes, baby?" you open your eyes, and squint at the angelic expression on his face. "tell me…mark didn't have anything to do with this, did he?"

tags: @91qowngus, @joonpantheress, @sundhaelatte, @jaemboi64, @sassy-author, @krazy-kpoppy, @9900z, @kosmoreads, @matchahyuck, @donghyeok-okie, @bbh-kji, @isearchedtheyooniverse, @bettyschwallocksyee, @babyjenono, @prdshobi

#haechan smut #haechan imagine #haechan au #haechan scenario #hyuck smut #fic: gold skinned eager baby pt.2

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nepherit · 7 months

Text

Justice for Raphael

I'm very new to Tumblr, I created an account here a few months ago after I discovered all the amazing Bg3-related art content that this place has to offer. Since then, I've never posted a single thing and barely left any comments, I'm not a very social person...but today I was scrolling my favorite bg3-related feed, when I stumbled upon a post of someone who received a rather rude ask from an anon whose sole purpose was to mock their works and insult their (possibly) favorite character Raphael, who was referred to by that anon as a "100% canon two pump chump bottom cringe clown".

It is saddening to get yet another confirmation that some people out there aren't capable of respecting others' likes, not even in a fictional/virtual environment...but I guess that's to be expected. Besides the obvious, what made me decide to write this wall of text as my very first post is that Raphael happens to be my favorite too, the one and only fictional character I've ever felt invested in, and probably the reason why Bg3 will leave a life-long lasting impression on me.

So here I am, trying my best to point out some facts that (apparently) are easy to go amiss for some people out here: First of all, there's nothing canon regarding what Haarlep says of Raphael, as a character's opinion about another isn't a fact to begin with. Especially if said character is (proved by facts) very unreliable as a source: him being an incubus whose standards are undoubtedly different from any mortals' and the fact that he hates Raphael are but the most obvious. Not to mention that "Speak with the dead" isn't 100% reliable either by D&D 5e rules ("the corpse is under no compulsion to offer a truthful answer if you are hostile to it or it recognizes you as an enemy"). Besides that, even if everything Haarlep says is to be considered true, the mocking words the players can say to Raphael before the fight are NOT, as Haarlep never gives such info to the player (he only responds with a "no" if asked about the matter). That line we can say before the fight is but the player's guess/ childish mockery, certainly it's not a fact.

From a purely objective perspective, the only info Haarlep gives to the player that isn't merely his opinion is Raphael's obvious selfishness and narcissism (the HoH is covered with images of him) and the fact that he likely only sleeps with himself (he has his incubus wearing his shape, even his name). By no means does that make Raphael a "cringe clown", nor would it even in the case where Haarlep spoke entirely the truth. Honestly, it never ceases to baffle me how some people can be so shortsighted and shallow. But perhaps those people are yet to grow up and come to learn that there can be much hidden beneath someone's (fictional or not) behavior. There's nothing to mock about the "Raphael only wants to sleep with himself and only loves himself" statement.

How could it be otherwise? How, when the only person who ever loved Raphael, the only one he could trust and rely on since his birth, was himself? How could he crave someone's affection and so, be seen as weak? How could he care for another or their feelings when he never got that care or respect, to begin with? Despite his theatrics and his facade, Raphael was born Cambion, a half-breed never to be considered more than the lesser of the devils in the hierarchy of the Hells. Cambions cannot rank up, no matter their blood ties, yet Raphael managed to achieve all that he has...his palace, his many souls, and his power. None of that was gifted to him, he fought hard and earned every last bit of it with his claws, his wits, and his determination. I admire Raphael for that, for striving to become something greater than what he was supposed to be...something better than his father's "half-devil" son.

To reduce Raphael, who's most certainly one of the deepest and most complex characters we can encounter in the game, to a "100% canon two pump chump bottom cringe clown" is beyond low, very immature, and a rather shallow view, more so if it comes from someone who hasn't even had the guts to show their name...

Well, that's all. I doubt someone will make it this far, as I wrote a veeeeery long paragraph. But for once, I wanted to have my say ^^

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 raphael #raphael bg3 #baldur's gate 3 raphael #raphael the cambion #first post #fuck the haters

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asnowdriftsomewhere · 4 months

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Daylight pt4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Cassian x F!reader

AN: Thank you to everyone for reading this series and enjoying it! Part 1 now has over 100 notes, which makes me very happy! I hope you continue to like what i have to say!

Summary: Helion comes to check on you in the Night Court. You have feelings about it and Cassian is shirtless.

Warnings: talking about death and expectations and pressures

Word count: 1596

You sat perfectly still in the seat across from Rhysand. Everything in your body begged you to run, to flee this room where the walls pushed in. Suffocating you, trapping you. But your spin was a pillar of steel and your eyes belied none of your discomfort. As far as anyone in the room was concerned you were perfectly calm as you kept your gaze on the High Lord before you.

“Y/N?” The voice came from the seat next to you. A warm, familiar tone that once wrapped around your bones and soothed your anxious heart. Now it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and a muscle in your jaw tic.

“My research is slow moving,” you spoke to Rhysand, your fingers interlaced over your crossed knees, “but it is progressing.”

Violet eyes flicked from you to the male beside you and back again, “Do you require anything to aid you? The resources of the Night Court are at your disposal.”

“A most generous offer, High Lord-”

“Y/N-”

“Perhaps you can spare your Shadowsinger for a few questions,” you continued as if not hearing him speak. “I think he would have some most illuminating things to say.”

Rhysand nodded once, “When Azriel gets back from the continent, I'll send him to you.”

You bowed your head in thanks as you got to your feet, “Until then, I shall return to the library.” You started to leave but paused, “Males aren't allowed down there unless given permission, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Y/N-”

“Good to know,” you turned and left without another word to either male. The door slamming in your wake.

Rhysand turned to Helion, who slumped into his chair and raised an eyebrow. “Well…” he started, and the High Lord of Day let out a low groan. “You've certainly managed to piss her off. What did you do?”

“I brought her here,” Helion sighed as he stood to cross the room to the window. The golden rays of the sun seemed to shine even brighter in his presence. “The Grand Library was her home, and I sent her away.”

Rhysand hummed softly, “Why did you bring her here, old friend?”

Helion's amber eyes closed briefly, a shiver of what almost seemed like regret running through his powerful body, “Y/N had a sister. My father's chief advisor and a brilliant researcher. She died defending the library from being looted again just before Amarantha fell.”

“Ah.”

“Y/N hasn't been the same since,” he continued, slipping his hands into his pockets. “It's as if, because she survived, she feels she needs to live up to her sister's legacy. That she needs to be as good or better than her. But Y/N already was those things, just in a smaller way.”

Rhysand tipped his head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“Her sister made miracles, feats of magic that we never could have dreamed possible. Y/N…” he trailed off, turning back to the Night Lord. “Her research was about philosophy. The very concepts of Life and Death. She dove into the essence of Religion and Mythology and the laws of the universe itself. She sought answers to questions no one else in my court would have ever bothered with because they did not affect or change our day to day. And I believe she felt like she had the freedom to do so because her sister's accomplishments shielded her from the competition my father fostered among his Advisors.”

Rhysand steepled his fingers in front of him, “And with her sister dead, her own lack of answers is weighing on her.”

Helion nodded once, “She feels that if she can't provide results, then the wrong sister died.”

“Do you know what she's looking into now?”

“I don't,” he admitted with a sigh, “I've not been privy to her research since coming back from under the mountain. She hides it from everyone.”

Rhysand seemed to ponder something for a moment, “She asked Cassian if he's ever heard a swan song. Are you familiar with the concept?”

Helion turned back to him, “I am.”

“And now she's asking to speak with Azriel,” the corners of his mouth ticked down.

Helion raised an eyebrow, “What are you thinking?”

“I'm thinking about death…” he trailed off before meeting his friend's amber gaze. “I'll need to speak to Clotho to verify but…” the two males fell into conversation quietly as Rhysand relayed his theory to Helion. Too engrossed in the debate to notice the slip of daylight that slithered under the door and into the hall.

***

You found yourself not in the library as you had intended after winnowing back to the House of Wind, but instead in the training right above it. You don't know why you ended up here. What force drew you to this place you'd not yet had need of in the two months since coming here. But once you were staring into the wide open sky above, you let out a scream that nearly shook the mountain before collapsing into the middle of the training pit.

Your breath was coming in shaky, uneven gasps as if your lungs were being held in a vice, so you buried your hands up to your wrists into the gravel. Focusing on the cool stones against your skin helped sooth and smother your roiling anger. The burning you felt in your soul dissipating into the mountain below until slowly your breathing evened out and your body stopped shaking.

Your rage was still there. It never left entirely. Like a ball of fire, it squatted in your chest, waiting to be unleashed. Some days, it was the only thing that got you out of bed. Others you had to lock yourself in your room to keep from lashing out indiscriminately. Regardless, it was always there, always prepared for however you would wield it.

“Are you okay?”

The voice came from behind you, and your head snapped up in response. Cassian stood at the edge of the pit. Shirtless and sweaty, he'd clearly been in the middle of training when you'd stomped through the space like a viper ready to strike.

He'd know better than to intercept you. A female with that look on her face was more dangerous than entire armies, and Cassian wasn't stupid enough to think his presence would improve the situation. Especially after he heard the scream that came out of your small frame. Pain and rage and sorrow- he knew that scream. Knew how deep the hurt had to run to be able to produce a cry like that. He'd heard every single one of his family members make that scream and knew what caused it. A wounding of the soul itself.

He'd been about to slip back into the House, intent on giving you your privacy when he saw you collapse into the training pit and bury your hands in the stones. It confused him enough that he lingered in the threshold and baffled him entirely as he WATCHED the anger leak out of your body.

Cassian approached then, not only to make sure you were okay but also because some central part of him wondered at what you had done. How you had leashed your rage.

“Are you okay?”

Your head snapped up to face him, your expression turning weary. He held up his hands to show you he had no weapons and your shoulders eased some.

“Why are you always sneaking up on me?” Your voice was heavy and held none of the bite he imagined you intended your words to carry.

“In my defense” he shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest, “I was here first this time. You just didn't see me.”

You let out a hard breath, eyes falling back to the stones, “Indeed.”

“Y/N,” he said your name so softly, so sweetly, something in your chest cracked in response, “Are you okay?”

You looked up at him again, your gaze crashing into his, and your vision blurred. “No,” you admitted, something straining in your voice, “But I will be. I must be.”

“What does that-”

“Thank you, General,” you silenced him as you stood up from the gravel. Wiping the dust from your hands as you did. “For caring enough to check, but please, let's not fool ourselves into thinking this is anything more than court politics.”

He frowned at that, “Court polit- Y/N-”

“I am a member of the Day Court, your High Lord's closest ally. I was sent here to be kept from breaking under the weight of my role,” you said simply, studying the dirt now crusted under your nails. “I know this, you know this. Your kindness, while appreciated, is not needed or wanted. I will fix myself. I will not break.”

Cassian was at a loss for words, “Y/N-”

“I will not break,” you said again, your eyes flicking to meet his, and he felt his world shift out from under him. He was not in Prythian. He was not in the Night Court or Velaris or standing atop the House of Wind. He was standing on a sunbeam, walking on the wind, fingers trailing through the clouds. And across from him, there you were. Glowing and graceful, a star made just for him.

Cassian blinked, and the vision was gone. He was back in the training pit, his gaze locked with yours. Only you were fading, like the edges of your body were fraying into the wind as you disappeared before his eyes. He blinked again, and you were gone.

Part 5

#fanfiction #acotar #acotar fanfiction #cassian x reader #cassian #cassian x y/n #cassian x you #helion acotar #cassian acotar #rhysand #helion

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tnbc-thoughtsandheadcanons · 3 months

Text

Conversations with Jack Skellington

From Disney Dreamlight Valley

"How's the Halloween business going?"

JS: I've been ruminating on our traditional Halloween themes...scary skeletons, jack o' lanterns, tell me -- do you have a favorite?

"Skeletons."

JS: How delightful! Or are you flattering me? You don't need to do that, you know. But I do love a good bone rattle. And no one can grin like a skeleton can.

"What are you up to?"

JS: I am practicing my Shakespeare. Would you like to hear a bit?

'Sure!"

JS: 'I recite chilling lines from various plays. Ahem -- let me begin... 'I could a tale unfold whose lightest word, Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood, make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres Thy knotted and combined locks to part, And each particular hair to stand an end, Like quills upon the fretful porpentine!"

"Keep going!"

JS: 'Double, double toil and trouble, Fire burn and cauldron bubble, Fillet of a fenny snake, In the cauldron boil and bake. Eye of newt and toe of frog, Wool of bat and tongue of dog, Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, Lizard leg and owlet's wing!"

"More!"

JS: 'Deep night, dark night, and the silent of the night, the time when screech-owls cry and ban-dogs howl, and spirits walk and ghosts break up their graves!"

"I love it"

JS: And now I shall customize one for our dear Valley... 'Alas, poor Mickey! I knew him: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Alas! Alas!

'That was wonderful!"

JS: Thank you! You were a lovely audience.

JS: Would you like to join me in some screaming practice?

"Let's do it."

JS: Marvelous! Now we'll start easy. A basic yelp.

"Yip!"

JS: Close! But that's a yip, not a yelp. Try another scream, but longer this time.

"AhhhhHHHHHH"

JS: Oh, I like the ululation - a terrifying touch! Now higher! A proper curdling scream!

JS: That sent shivers down my spine - exquisitely done!

JS: Have you ever felt stuck wearily in the same routine? Where everything seems dull and repetitive? What do you do?

"I change things up!"

JS: Of course! Sometimes you need something new, don't you? To give you novel ideas and a fresh perspective! Though.. Ah... it is good to be prudent about what new things you take on.

"You seem preoccupied."

JS: Friend, I'm sure you've heard that I once tried my hand at running Christmas. Alas, it was quite the disaster. I made so many mistakes, but I'm wondering if there was one fundamental flaw...A central confusion. A core to all the calamity.

"Maybe you let your excitement run away from you."

JS: I certainly did. Enthusiasm is quite powerful. And usually it's good! It animates my frights! Keeps me inspired. But it can sometimes... have a life of its own.

"Does that mean you've learned your lesson?"

JS: Of course. Hmm... but say I hadn't learned my lesson. Would that SCARE you?

"Yes!"

JS: Well then, perhaps...I've learned nothing at all. Ha-ha-ha!

"What are you up to, Jack?"

JS: I've been considering recruiting new fright-makers for Halloween. Do any of our Valley friends strike you as particularly scary?

"Definitely Ursula."

JS: A witch? That's perfect! And she had such a majestic presence. Oh... she'll likely want something in exchange for working with us.

"True, I guess you'd want someone who's in it for the joy of scaring people."

JS: Exactly!

"What's going on?"

JS: My search for new Halloween fright-makers continues! Do you have any suggestions for me?"

"Scar would be great."

"Penny for thoughts, Jack?"

JS: Now that has real potential to be terrifying! If only he weren't so cruel about it... Halloween is about scaring people, not hurting their feelings!

JS: I need your help thinking up some new ideas for Halloween. You know, fresh insights. Topical terrors. Contemporary creepiness.

"Vampires."

JS: You're right! Vampires have been experiencing a sort of renaissance. Which is charming, as many of them were around for the renaissance! But I do have colleagues back in Halloween Town who are vampires. SO I feel that territory is well-covered.

#the nightmare before christmas #jack skellington #nightmare before christmas #tim burton #disney #disney dreamlight valley #halloween #october #henry selick #scar #ursula #fall #quotes #ddlv #tnbc

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thrandilf · 2 months

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okay. for the first time in my life I'm using the #tdp critical tag because I have some things to get off my chest about s6 and I desperately need to focus on an exam for tomorrow and can't and idk I feel slightly out of my mind/wondering if this really is just a me problem but like

this season felt kind of sparse to me regarding character interactions outside of duos they wanted to focus on/letting characters present react to situations. stuff like Amaya not having a comment about Callum not being at her wedding or the Celestial Elves really not having much to say about Aaravos himself despite the Elder theoretically having been around in the days pre imprisonment like

I don't mind that Viren died but I do feel out of my MIND that he and Ezran didn't actually get a conversation, and beyond that that Viren didn't try to pass along any Aaravos information to anyone, and that even if Soren and Viren's relationship was just Maxed Out that we didn't get Opeli and Ezran talking about what to do with him (could've even had Soren walk in and do a Callum S4 moment of 'you ever walk into a room and everyone goes quiet and you know they were talking about you' moment), Opeli reacting/checking on Soren while Viren was imprisoned even if he didn't want to talk to her, there being any verdict about Viren at all and we're never getting anything else out of him again which is why no Ezran and by extension Callum/Rayla/ect feels sort of disappointing to me, as he hasn't interacted with Callum since S1

It's a really good moment, don't get me wrong, but we traded the suspense of thinking Viren had perhaps killed Soren for us getting any last words or gesture from him to Soren face to face

the Celestial Elves gave us info on Startouch Elves in general but not on Aaravos specifically even though the Elder I thought would know more? They aren't surprised at the idea of trying to kill a Great One/Aaravos but there wasn't even a word of warning about if he does get loose or anything Specific about the last time it happened or, if they didn't know anything, confusion about why a Great One is imprisoned like idk

no one had any concern either when getting access to the stars which again, idk, I thought Callum might've been more worried about Aaravos being at the Starscraper and the prison (when he thought he had it) being surrounded by Aaravos's main connection but idk, it didn't matter but I thought it could have

ALSO THE STAVES. HELLO. AT THE STARSCRAPER I JUST

No Aaravos and Callum interaction is also smth I've made my peace about but after the trailer, especially the choice to use that thumbnail for it/as a promo image, idk, I am kind of sad I have to wait until S7 for any of that and now I wonder how significant it can really be/why hes gonna need callum as a puppet now if he's Out and as powerful as he seems to be. we just raised the stakes but had three entire seasons of building towards it, so how can s7 handle getting callum to do dark magic again, theoretical possession/aaravos use, coming back from that, ect, all within 9 eps?

tbh no one really had grief about sir sparklepuff being gone which I guess he wasn't a full Person in anyone's eyes and the focus was all on Claudia/her state which was fine, like we did get some of that nonverbally with Terry at least but we kinda moved right past it. like even one line in ep 9 from terry like "look what he had you do to his most recent child" would have made me go yeah exactly that Mattered but it wasn't there

in addition to no Callum at the wedding Ezran also just sat on Viren being back like idk I guess I wish he'd talked to Amaya more. like I loved him and Aanya I just feel there was room for Both

Listen I'm not one of the people only watching the show for Aaravos and I am delighted with the two episodes we got of him but that he was in more episodes in S3 than in S6 does have me like. cries. really. s4 and s5 i didn't mind in part because I figured stars would be big and it Was but im like oh my god. i got to ep 7 and was like is he REALLY not gonna get out which thankfully he did but only at the end

and the end was like. the biggest cliffhanger we've ever had and i get going for the suspense but it's KILLING ME MAN

I know Aaravos's motivation/goal but not exactly how his actions are leading to that whatsoever as he seems to play every side and doesn't even favor humans if he's willing to torch katolis. unbridled chaos i guess? is that it? I don't even know what to be afraid of next season with him except I'd presume he's going to Xadia next and will Somehow be getting back at the Cosmic Order but idk what the past thousand years have truly been for unless it's waiting around for the stars to align and throwing a fit while doing so

Runaan is out and he and Callum didn't get so much as a sentence between them and that and the Aaravos out but also no conversation double whammy just has me like

PLEASE

at the end of this all this was a more dramatic/cinematic season but it didn't have a lot of the smaller character reaction moments/balance the prior seasons all seemed to give me tbh and it took all season to lead up to highly anticipated events aka letting Runaan and Aaravos out but I didn't get any of the Payoff of that characterwise except for Runaan and Rayla and idk I do feel both like S6 had some of the best moments of the show and also really disappointed in places where it feels like it could have been so easy to have had just a Bit more cohesion and characters plugged into their overarching circumstances/dynamics more

like I think we had the time for it

and going into this expecting a penultimate season and then learning theres a third arc planned, it makes the pacing and lack of aaravos sort of make sense but also has me like, we may not even get that and now I feel like s7 will make or break the Entire show for me which is terrifying

like we got a lot of new info but it was largely not what I was expecting without touching on a lot of stuff I was hoping for and I AGH. i didnt expect this season to continue the build up train and I'm having a hard time accepting that it's the first time tdp has ever like. idk. thrown me such a curveball that it's gotten me honest to god upset which is on me and not the show, and i keep hoping i feel better but so much rides on s7 now

#tdp critical #tdp spoilers #tdp s6 spoilers

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scavengerflight · 14 days

Text

《 Infinity 》

I recently finished a book that has a spotlight on turkey vultures. This book was fantastic, and I highly recommend it. Vulture by Katie Fallon is both informative and whimsical, but this post isn't a book review.

In the last chapter before the afterward, Fallon brings up a topic that I'm pretty passionate about, which has promted me to finally talk about it. Vultures are symbols of many things for me, such as representing how I want to live life and my spirituality, but one of the greatest comforts they provide me with is that they remind me that life ends, but also lives on forever.

I've had anxiety my entire life, and it got incredibly bad in my teens. I've gotten medication and therapy since then, and it's paid tremendous dividends. I would always be scrutinizing over my every move or thought. I had to be perfect at everything, art, school, and literally everything else I was doing. When I discovered paganism and found my own beliefs, I felt a great comfort in the fact that I will no longer exist one day. There will come a day where no one remembers me. There will come a day where nothing I will do or have done will matter. All of that will simply fade into the universe. Vultures remind me of this. They remind me that I don't have to worry, that I can make mistakes and learn along the way, that I can do my best without hurting myself. I can exist how I want to, regardless of how others think of me. One day, there will be no one left to remember me. Vultures are the witnesses of many stories of many creatures, including themselves, and any story must come to an end at some point.

On a completely opposite note, vultures also remind me that I will live on in the veins of Mother Earth after life. All of my chemical components will be broken down and spread to places beyond my current reach. I will be one with Mother Earth in perhaps the most powerful way possible after death. That means so much to me. I don't want to be embalmed or preserved, I want to be in a completely biodegradable coffin/casket, wearing a simple 100% cotton gown, so all that I am can dissolve and dissipate throughout the planet, my nutrients going whenever they are needed- where I'm needed. Where she needs me. Vultures remind me that I have an immortal place in death. Just like the carcasses they consume, I will re-enter the cycle of life. My corporeal components will enter this system more intimately than I ever could in life. I will live on the soil, the plants, the fungus, the insects, and so on, forever being recycled through the veins of the great Mother.

I realize these are pretty different ideas, but together, they bring me a great deal of comfort mentally and spiritually. Being a vulture makes me feel whole, like my story is worth sharing.

#birdkin #alterhuman #nonhuman #otherkin #therian #therianthropy #theriotype #vulturekin

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bubuslutty · 10 months

Note

MIKE WITH A PISS KINK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

tbh I've never really wrote for piss kink before the other post. but I'm exploring and dipping my toes very slowly into stuff (am I being slow? idk? anyway. who fucking cares.)

Mike is a nasty little freak and nobody can convince me otherwise. he likes having some power over at least certain aspects of his life, he likes being in control of things he chooses to control. not like paying the bills and going to work. cuz he has to? to live?

but he can have control over his gf. her body. her bladder. Just because he can.

so when he first was plagued with the image of his gf just pissing on him, his brain chemistry changed and he kind of wanted to make it a reality, trying without freaking his gf out and also without really telling her.

maybe it was him convincing her to let him fuck her when he knew she drank a bit too much water today and felt like going on the middle of him fucking her. maybe he'll let her go, maybe not, maybe he'll ask her to hold it in until he's done, she can wait, right? She can do it, she's a big girl <3

and maybe he'll hold onto her waist, dig his fingers super close to her belly button, press down a bit where her bladder should be in guise of him just holding her up, but really, he just loves her little squeals of panic and flinches, and not once does she tells him to stop, just whines and whines and moans while getting rocked on his cock.

And as soon as he's done and at this point, his baby is shaking and overwhelmed, he'll help her to the toilet, and help her sit and relieve herself while she's still. panting. and he's there, standing over her with a hand on her shoulder, so she wouldn't somehow slip and fall?

he's just a good bf after all, he has to make sure his gf is safe and taken care of <3

and then obviously Mike will take care of her, hop in the shower, wash her body for her and all, dress her up in some comfy clothes and lounge in their bed together <3

perhaps this keeps happening for a long time, his gf needs to go, but he needs her more than she needs to go, and how can she say no to those eyes??? and the cycle repeats until she realises that maybe he really, really, want her to let go.

So it happens then, for the first time, while in the shower, because its the perfect place to make a mess, and it starts off pretty innocent, just showering in silence, together, then washing each other's hair, giggling and slowly getting touchy until her back is to the wall and he's moaning in her neck with the sound of his hips snapping against hers echo in the shower.

And she doesn't tell him she needs to go, she just holds him tighter, wraps her arms around his neck and presses herself closer, he moans, and then he feels something, he's confused at first, terrified that he somehow hurt her because why the fuck is something hot dripping down her thighs, and when the smell hits his nose he absolutely loses it.

"Hah- Had to go, hm? Couldn't hold it in? Hm, baby? Fucked you so good you just-- Pissed yourself? Fuuuuuuuuuccckkk... Yeah. Yeah, you're mine. And I'm yours, yeah?"

his eyes almost roll to the back of his headand his rythm stutters and he snaps them harder, tries to get himself deeper, closer, all the while making the most debauched and pathetic noises he's ever made, he's so unbelievably horny he cums in no time.

and from that day on, everything changes.

#bubuslutty ask #bubuslutty writes #mike schimdt x reader #mike schimdt smut #mike scmidt fnaf #mike schmidt smut #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x you #mike schmidt x y/n #mike schmidt x fem!reader smut #mike schmidt x fem!reader

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eldritch-spouse · 10 months

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/eldritch-spouse/735096206281293824/httpswwwtumblrcomeldritch-spouse734909452093?source=share

(I snorted this like cocaine)

I'm glad I was able to flatter you for the first and last time. Just as I know your name, I also know what your deepest desire is: to be loved by your perfect match. I felt bad for you at first because you can't choose who your perfect match is, so I didn't send you back to the hole you came from. I thought I'd try to be nice, but you don't deserve that, do you?

Instead of kidnapping me, raping me, and torturing me, you could've manipulated the situation and made Obie the bad guy in my eyes. I would've come running to you, thinking that if I were your perfect match, you must have my best interests at heart. Imagine, I would've cried in your arms and told you everything you wanted to hear. Perhaps I might have even lifted the protection I put over him. I don't know if you're stupid or impatient, but if it were my love you wished for, you could've taken a much smarter route. Because then, despite everything being a lie, I would've truly loved you. Now that I know what your really like, I won't ever make the mistake of trusting anything you say.

Despite what you may think, I already won. I made sure the love of my life is safe, and I made sure I can torture until one of us dies.

The love you most desire, I've taken from you; the life we could've had, I've taken too; and your cruelty has been my stepping stone throughout all of it. You will use your influence on me, and although my body might desire you, my heart never will. You will force my mind into Stockholm syndrom, break me, buy love potion upon love potion, erase my memories, and make deal after deal. But, you know, I will never truly love you. And even if, by some slim chance, I feel anything similar to true love, I will rip my heart out, and you will bring me back as an undead. Or will you? Will you do the smart thing and cut your losses? I wonder, and I hope you do so.

Are you sure I'm worth all this trouble?

So, Noph'ae, I order you to cut out my tongue and seal our fates. An endless punishment of you torturing me physically and me torturing you psychologically—isn't our love beautiful?

Anon, you are still in that bedroom.

If you think he's going to let you speak for even a fraction of a second or write anything any time soon, you're very mistaken.

You lost your most tangible and worthy weapon against Santi, communication. These words will never come out of your mouth. Or get transcribed into paper, you can't even claw them on the floor... He won't let you.

You've already fucked up by being the least bit merciful, don't expect a demon to extend you the courtesy of talking back to them when you already hold far too much power over their being.

Your love will be beautiful, after Santi's done putting out that nasty little "know it all" attitude.

Sit and stew for now, he's patient. And hey, he's still not violating any of your orders- Obie's alive and well.

#Santi oc

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radioactivewisdom · 3 months

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How do you deal during the times when you have to be around people and have no choice in it? I'm only really around people at work, I don't socialize at all. I used to be very insecure and envious of the friend groups and cliques among my coworkers. A lot of FOMO and wanting the validation of being included in something, when it seemed like I was automatically excluded. I had a few friends growing up, as a child I was very confident, outgoing and friendly. But even then the friendships always seemed to go wrong and the little girls I was friends with seemed insensitive, and even tyrannical in a way. As a young adult I had a lot of social anxiety and always worried about what others thought of me even though I never actually liked them. I've gotten over wanting to be accepted or liked by these people, I know that they aren't shit. I feel like I have a much better read on them, which lessens my anxiety. But as my anxiety lessens I ironically feel even more intolerant of them, more annoyed, irritable, etc because I see through them and their fakeness aggravates me. I feel fake sometimes too because I still have to play nice on the surface to avoid drama. I want to be in my own bubble, emotionally separate from people even when I have to be around them. And in a way I am, but they still manage to influence my mood and make me question myself, make me sad, angry, etc. How do you prevent others from ruining your mood and stay separated from them?

I have complete faith in my beliefs, which makes it easy for me to disconnect. I no longer feel much of anything except empathy for those who are still stuck. The potential for true connection still exists, and I always remain polite, even to those who I disagree with. Perhaps I’m also lucky to have always preferred spending time with myself. I’m able to retreat and find comfort within my own mind no matter the circumstances.

It’s not uncommon to want to connect, and I truly sympathize with your past feelings of exclusion. Groups present the most trouble though, and it’s better to make even one genuine connection in this life than to get caught up in larger dynamics. The little is the big, and you’ll see the same power plays that are attributed to larger societal structures playing out in those crowds.

I once felt irritated with others, and even outright disdain. I suggest you feel all of this, as I think the only way out is through. Suppressing feelings, even if negative leads them to bubbling back up later on. After some time, you’ll come out of it and positive feelings will emerge in place. My past anger was actually super important to reaching new understanding and arriving at newfound happiness.

I suggest that you lean into one of your gifts and spend more time with yourself emotionally. Some people find mantras to be silly, but they actually helped me a lot on my journey. We internalize so much from the outside world, and even with new insight, making these changes permanent can take time. Especially when feeling overwhelmed, I would repeat to them to myself. “I am above this and it does not serve me,” “My happiness comes from within me,” and “what is meant for me will come.” I don’t believe this requires any metaphysical or spiritual beliefs to work either, you’re positively reinforcing your brain which leads to changed behavior.

Patience is key as the process isn’t always quick, nor easy. I once hit rock bottom and truly believed I’d never come out of it because I was overcome with despair about this world. It took a few years, but I am genuinely the happiest I have ever been in my life. I wake up excited even knowing I have a boring day ahead, and the right connections have found me. I hope anything I’ve said can be of help to you. You’ve arrived at so many right conclusions and have heaps of potential. You can make this life work for you, and even have fun despite the circumstances :)

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the-knucklesverse · 7 months

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Boom Blows

One of the first bits I wrote on the server for the Knucklesverse. Something something the other Knuckleses are concerned by how they observe Boom's friends treating him and try to talk to him about it.

It doesn't go well.

All drawings are by the fantastically wonderful @quazart

~~ Qwerty

~~~

"They're really not that bad, guys."

Boom tried to shrug it off. Tried to let it go. Sure, his friends could be kinda dismissive. Sure, they could ignore anything he says. But honestly, he's kind of a moron on his world. Why wouldn't they? But deep down, he knows they care. He's sure of it.

Dread shook his head with a sigh. "Lad, those so-called 'friends' of yers treat ye like ye're beneath them. I've seen it with me own eyes. They be treatin' ye worse than trash."

"That's not true. They hang out with me all the time! We just goof off, that's all."

Boom's voice wasn't as strong that time. Wasn't as sure.

"As much as I hate, and I mean really hate agreeing with this guy," Renegade said, stepping forward and hooking at thumb at Dread. "He's right. With friends like those, who needs enemies."

"Are you sure they care about you?" Wachowski crossed his arms. "I have been fooled in the past by someone I thought was my friend, only to have him trick me and leave me for dead when it suited him. Perhaps that is what's going on here."

Boom turned away with a dismissive wave of his hand. "That's not what's going on. I've known them for years. Tails taught me how to ride a bike! Or tried to, anyway. They would've tricked me by now, right?"

His brow twitched. A seed of doubt had been planted. But he was sure, positive that his friends were truly his friends. They wouldn't trick him.

Right?

"Are ye sure, lad?" Dread asked, stepping forward. "Are ye really sure?"

"They are disrespectful," Gawain said, shaking his head. "They do not hold you in the same regard they hold each other."

Boom turned away, trying to avoid the eyes of the others. The same eyes as his, but now looked at him with pity. With sadness.

"That's not true." The tone of his voice changed. No longer light. No longer joking. He didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"Do any of them seem to care that you have no home?" Sinbad asked, crossing his arms. "Do any of them make sure you're all right when it's cold? Or raining?"

"I like being a nomad. I can take care of myself."

Something was flickering inside him. Something foreign, but strong. He'd felt something similar to this a few times, mostly when Eggman was being a real pain, but never this much. It was something he wasn't overly familiar with, but it felt like a hot snake in his belly.

"Ye deserve more than what they give ye," Dread said, his muzzle pulled into a scowl. "They don't see ye as we do. Ye're just a punching bag to them. Something t' make themselves feel better by abusin'. Ye deserve better."

That snake in Boom's belly was moving, writhing in a way he'd never felt before. It rose into his chest, and suddenly he was . . . angry. The most angry he'd ever felt in his life.

How dare they. How dare these people he thought were his family, his tribe say these things about his friends. Sure, they weren't perfect, no one was, but they were there for him. They did care about him. They did.

Boom turned, his muzzle pulled into a fierce snarl, his teeth bared. He was tense, quills bristling and every muscle thrumming with strength and power, and he clenched his fists as he stared at the other echidna. Glared at them. The fire in his chest was in his eyes now, and he was the epitome of absolute fury.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" he shouted, and Little Z, who'd been hovering nearby as he always did, scuttled off to hide behind the twins. "Those are my friends! They've been by my side for as long as I can remember! They help me and I help them, because that's what friends do!"

A collective gasp moved through the group at Boom's sudden change. No one had ever seen him angry. They tensed at his fury, at the fact that it was directed at them.

"What do you all know about friends anyway?" he sneered, looking over the other echidna one-by-one. He shot daggers at Dread. "You double cross anyone who gets in your way." He flicked his gaze to Modern and X. "All you care about is watching over that rock on your floating islands." Turned to Wachowski. "You were the most dangerous warrior in the galaxy. So what right do any of you have to tell me that my friends aren't good enough?"

"Yes, I was the most dangerous warrior in the galaxy," Wachowski said, stepping forward. "But that was the past. I have a family now. And I—"

"I DON'T HAVE THAT!" Boom thundered, his voice echoing over the group. "I never had anyone! My friends are my family! And hearing you talk bad about them hurts me!"

Silence settled over the group then, and Boom took a few steps forward. The twins took defensive positions in front of Little Z, while Dread and Renegade moved to block Gnarly. Sinbad and Gawain moved closer, their hands hovering over the hilts of their swords.

Wachowski stepped in front of Boom, his hand out in front of him, palm out.

"Be calm, my friend. We are not your enemy."

Boom stopped, breathing hard and snarling at each Knuckles in turn. A soft growl pushed out of his throat.

"No. You're not my enemy. But you're not my friends, either. You're not my tribe."

Without another word, the large echidna turned and left the Sanctuary, leaving a bunch of very confused, very shocked Knuckles behind.

~X~X~X~

Boom stormed back into the village, the anger within him still churning.

How dare they. How dare they. They were supposed to be his tribe. His family. They were all him for crying out loud, how could they gang up on him like that and act like his friends were treating him like garbage?

Well, sure, Sonic and others sometimes disregarded him. But it was okay, they didn't mean anything by it. And yeah, they sometimes said kinda mean things. But he usually got them back with an equally snide comment. Sometimes.

He grunted as he stalked past Meh Burger. Those stupid echidna. They put ideas in his head. Doubts. The anger swirled in his chest, and now he didn't know what to think.

"Hey, Knux!" Sonic called from their usual table. "How was your visit to Knuckles-land?"

Boom didn't stop. Didn't look up. He wasn't in the mood for Sonic's sarcasm right now.

“Uh oh,” the hedgehog snickered. “Trouble in echidna paradise, I see.”

That made Boom stop. He turned and pegged Sonic with a sharp look, his eyes still full of that fire from before. He was angry, he was furious and he didn’t know how to get rid of this feeling before it leapt off his tongue.

“Not cool, Sonic!” he bellowed, and everyone at Meh Burger stopped to stare at him. He didn’t care. He was the town idiot anyway. They couldn’t exactly think less of him, could they? “I’m always a joke to you, right? Everything’s always so funny because I’m so stupid, right?”

Sonic looked at him with a shocked expression. “Hey, I was just kidding with ya Knux, ease off.”

Boom pulled his lips tight. He wanted to say more, to let loose this feeling inside him, cast out this anger at those who may or may not be making fun of him.

But the doubt in his heart grew. These were his friends. (Right?) They joked with him because they loved him. (Right?)

Without another word, Boom turned and stormed off. He needed to blow off steam, and the best way to do so is physical exertion.

He was going to go bust some boulders at the quarry until this horrible, hot feeling in his chest went away.

~X~X~X~

Meanwhile, back at the Sanctuary, the other Knuckleses were starting to unravel.

“This is your fault, Dread!” Renegade growled, pointing at the pirate. “If you hadn’t brought up that stuff about his friends, he wouldn’t o’ blown his stack like that.”

Dread sneered at Renegade, his lip curled to reveal his gold tooth. “I called it like I seen it, bucko. I didn’t know he would react like that! I’m going after him.”

Gawain and Sinbad moved as one to block Dread’s path.

“I think that would be a very bad idea,” the knight said, his arms crossed. “You’ve done enough. You’re staying put.”

Dread narrowed his eyes. “Are ye threatening me?”

“Not yet,” Sinbad said, hand on his sword hilt. “But the day’s still young.”

The pirate pulled his lip into a fierce snarl, a growl slipping through his throat. Renegade gave him a shove. “Knock it off. Do you really think Boom’s gonna wanna see you right now?”

“He be me best friend out of all o’ ye. I will not let him think the worst of us.” He paused. “Of me, anyway.”

“Not happenin’. You’re stayin’.”

As the group quarreled, X moved closer to Boom’s portal. Little Z and Gnarly noticed him, and moved quickly to intercept.

“You’re going after him.” It wasn’t a question, and Gnarly glanced over his shoulder at the others. “I’m coming, too.”

“Me, too,” Little Z said, sliding up next to Gnarly. He rubbed shoulders with the slightly taller echidna. The little zombie liked that warmth and comfort from physical touch.

“I don’t know how receptive Boom will be,” X said, keeping his eyes on the others. “But I figure I may have a better chance at getting through to him. I know how he feels.”

“Then let’s go before they notice,” Gnarly said, letting Little Z climb onto his back. Dread was still putting up a fight, so now was as good a time as any to slip out without notice.

With a silent nod, X, Little Z, and Gnarly slipped through Boom’s portal.

~X~X~X~

The boulder was the size of a small house. Boom pulled his fist back, and with a loud yell, brought it forward with as much force as he could. He didn’t often use all his strength—Eggman’s robots weren’t exactly a big challenge to destroy—but he dug deep within himself now and pulled out everything he could.

There was a feeling, a surge of power he felt when he was at the Sanctuary. He’d asked Modern about it once, and the boy had said it was the chaos energy given off by the Master Emerald. Boom hadn’t understood what that meant at the time. But now, it seemed to give him a boost of power.

His fist connected a loud smack, and the rock exploded into dust and tiny pebbles. Boom stepped back, watching as the cloud cleared.

He was running out of boulders. And that feeling in his chest hadn’t gone away.

He didn’t like it. Didn’t like feeling angry. Didn’t like being angry at his friends. At any of his friends—hedgehog, fox, badger . . . or echidna. He felt terrible and selfish and guilty for the things he’d said, but at the same time, behind that anger was another emotion.

Hurt.

After everything he’d done for those other echidna, all the help he’d offered with no expectation of any kind of reward, this is how they respond. By telling him his friends aren’t really his friends. That they actually treat him really badly, but he was apparently too stupid to see it.

He snarled. Stupid. He hated that word. But even now, when he was back on his world and the influence of the Master Emerald was weaker, his mind felt clouded. Jumbled. Messy. He couldn’t remember the details of what they’d said, but he remembered how their words made him feel. And he didn’t like it.

Boom grunted and stomped on the ground, kicking some of the rocks he’d created when he destroyed the boulder. He felt like screaming. And crying. And breaking things. And just laying down and not getting back up again. All these emotions, all these feelings, all jumbled up in his chest, in his head, in his stomach. He felt like he was going crazy.

With another yell, Boom brought his fist up and turned, lashing out at whatever was nearby.

His arm came to a jarring stop, and he blinked.

His fist was stopped dead by X’s open palm.

The snarl was back on Boom's lips.

"You here to tell me how horrible my friends are, too?" he asked, pulling his fist back. He turned away, walking toward one of the few boulders left. "Save your breath. I'm not listening. Go away."

X said nothing, but Little Z hurried forward. "Big Boom?" he called, his voice soft and shaky. "Are you mad at me, too?"

Boom stopped, lowering his head. His arms dropped, his large hands clenching and unclenching as he thought. The little zombie Knuckles hadn't done anything. But there was so much in Boom's head right now. It was hard to separate his feelings for the boy from all the rest of them.

"Why are you here?" Boom's voice was even, but there was so much emotion in it, X and Gnarly exchanged a glance. "Leave me alone."

"Big Boom?" Little Z called again, and Gnarly moved forward to place a hand on the boy's shoulder. X moved around to Boom's side, trying to get his attention.

"The others are just worried about you," X said, his voice soft. "We all care about you, you know that. They don't want you to be hurt. That's all."

Boom turned, his brow furrowed. There was still anger in his eyes, but a sorrow joined it.

"They hurt me. They think my friends treat me bad, like I'm stupid. They treated me just the same."

X didn't say anything for a long moment. Then a small smile curled his lips.

"I know how you feel, because I was treated the same way."

Boom didn't expect that. He turned, the furrow in his brow changing from hurt and anger, to confusion. "What do you mean?"

X smiled a little wider, shrugging. "I'm the same as you. I trust too much, I let my friends take advantage of me. They took my Master Emerald to power a spaceship, and I forgave them. I know what you're going through."

Boom seemed to think about this for a moment, before turning to X fully. “Is it . . . is it bad that we don’t hate people for the way they treat us? Even if they can be a little thoughtless, or mean? Does that mean we really are . . . stupid?”

X pulled his lips tight. He never thought of himself as stupid per se. Maybe a little too trusting. A little too quick to forgive, and see the good in everyone, even those who try to do him harm. But those aren’t necessarily bad traits, were they? Aren’t those better than going through life with a cynical, mistrusting outlook?

Before X could reply, Gnarly spoke up.

"When I was growing up in Boscage Maze, I could hear the trees. I could see colors the others couldn't. They all said I was crazy. That what I was hearing and seeing wasn't really there. But I knew. I knew they were. Just because the others couldn't see them didn't mean they weren't there. And yeah, I did question myself sometimes. But deep down, I knew there was something different about me. They just couldn't see it. They couldn't hear or see what I did, because they didn't really hear or see me.

"That didn't mean they were bad friends. Just because they thought I was crazy didn't mean they didn't care about me. They just didn't understand me. Heck, I didn't understand me either, for the longest time. Until I was pulled into the Sanctuary for the first time. Then everything was quiet. Everything made sense. I figured out who I was."

"Our friends may not treat us the best all the time," X said, moving closer to Boom. "They may not understand us all the time. But that doesn't mean they're not our friends. And that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us. If someone treats us badly, either intentionally or unintentionally, it shows what kind of person they are. The best thing we can do, is just keep being who we are.

“That's how we stay true to ourselves. Yeah, it may mean we're hurt. Or sad. Or tricked. But the times when we're helping someone, or protecting someone, or doing good are much more important."

Boom's face cleared, the anger fading. His brow relaxed, and the tension in his shoulders disappeared. He looked between the three other Knuckles, the anger and hurt he'd felt just a moment ago dissipating like fog on a warm day.

The tall echidna pulled in a long breath, and let it out in a slow exhale. He rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a soft chuckle.

"Guess I went a little nuts back there, huh? Ugh. I said such horrible things. They're never gonna forgive me."

Boom dragged a hand down his face, when he felt a small hand grip the fingers of his free hand. He looked down and found Little Z, looking up at him with his big eyes.

"You're not mad?"

Boom smiled down at the boy, shaking his head. "Nah, I'm not mad, Little Z." He reached down to pull the boy up and perch him on his shoulders. "I just . . . had a little hissy fit, I guess."

"So," he said, looking over at X and Gnarly. "How mad are the others at me?"

Before either could respond, a loud shout split the air.

"YE'LL NEVER CATCH ME! I BE ON AN IMPORTANT MISSION!!"

The group turned and watched as Dread came running from the trees nearby, following closely by Renegade, Sinbad, and Gawain. The three bringing up the rear did not look pleased.

"THERE YE BE!" Dread shouted, screeching to a halt before Boom. "Now ye listen here, Boom. Ye be me best mate, and I ain’t gonna allow ye t’ feel such anger towards the fools what hurt you! We be just tryin' t' keep ye from gettin' hurt, and—"

Gnarly moved near him and clocked Dread upside the head.

"It's over. We talked. He's good."

Dread shot a scowl at Gnarly, before looking back at Boom. "This be true?"

Boom nodded. "It be."

Dread seemed to consider this for a moment.

"Well, I woulda got it done faster!"

#knucklesverse #knuckles the echidna #knuckles the dread #sonic prime #qwerty writing #knucklesverse writing #renegade knucks #gnarly knuckles #boom knuckles #sonic x #sinbad knuckles #gawain knuckles #zombie knuckles

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cherrylng · 3 months

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Matt Bellamy 2001 Interview [CROSSBEAT Muse Special Book]

"My parents divorced when I was 15, and that's when I got interested in music like I am now, and I became more sensitive to music."

Interview in 2001 with Matthew Bellamy on his upbringing. Interview by Akiko Mima

2001 Interview

Your father was the guitarist in the UK Top 10 hit band The Tornados. What musical legacy do you think you inherited from your father? 「My father never wrote down a song. He learnt all his music by ear and played it by ear. He used to play with me all kinds of stuff from when I was little. I don't remember what it was like, but he would just make me give him my opinion. If I didn't understand it correctly, my father didn't care. It was my interpretation. That's a legacy, I guess.」

You knew you wanted to be a musician from a young age because of your father's influence, but you also knew the harshness of the music industry from watching him, didn't you? Why did you still decide to pursue a career in music? 「I've been playing music for as long as I can remember, and I think it was because my father was in the band that I accepted music as a normal part of life. It was a natural progression for me to want to be a musician. However, I didn't have a clear idea of what genre I wanted to play. Even when I started playing piano and guitar, I also got into flamenco and classical guitar.」

"I was 14 when Dominic and I started. The only goal was to make noise and get girls, right? (laughs)"

On the other hand, your mother was a medium or something, wasn't she? 「Yes, she did. Not as a business, just in the house. She got into it when I was 12 or 13. One time I couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs and was surprised to see my parents doing spooky things (laughs).」

Perhaps because of this, you no longer have a fear of death. 「Yeah, I don't want to be in pain when I die, but I didn't have any fear. In other words, the body is just a collection of things that have evolved on this tiny little planet. I'm trying to conceptualise it on a bigger level so that this little aggregate doesn't feel so important.」

I think it's fair to say that your way of thinking is completely different from that of most kids your age, but did it ever make you feel alienated? 「I certainly felt alienated as a child. But as I got older, I met more and more like-minded people.」

Does this childhood alienation give you the power to write songs? 「Yes. Especially on some of the more negative songs. But I've also started to meet people who can relate to me, and some of them are quite young. When I think about it, I feel like the whole world is going to change a lot, maybe in another 50 years.」

You've never been afraid to talk about spiritual matters in that way. Maybe that's why the British media seems to be trying to present you as an eccentric character, but doesn't that bother you? 「Basically, I try not to pay too much attention to it, or rather, the media changes what it says in the first place. One week I'm written off as a crazy nerd, the next week I'm a boring, silent intellectual (laughs). It's like that, I can't be bothered with every single one of them.」

So you don't believe in the paranormal or anything like that, but in human potential? 「Basically, I think the paranormal is a figment of the human imagination to keep us from getting lonely. Spirituality is a collective consciousness that helps us to move in a positive direction, if you like. In any case, I'm not that obsessed with 'spiritual' or 'death'. It's just something I was aware of as a child.」

I see. So what was your vision when you formed Muse in 1993? 「I was 15 or 16 years old. I was 14 when Dominic and I started. The only goal was to make noise and get girls, right? (laughs). Of course, as I got older, I had more of a vision.」

What did you do in the six years between then and your first CD in 1999? 「First of all, my parents divorced when I was 15, and that's when I became interested in the kind of music I'm into now. Before that, I liked classical music more. I didn't really take lessons. When my father left home, I became more sensitive to music. From the time I was 15 until I was around 20 when I released my CD, I guess I was listening to intense avant-garde music like Sonic Youth. I did a lot of live shows. I played for friends and at university. I played to about 10 people in a pub in my home town of Devon. I just did it for fun. It didn't pay, and I went to college. But school wasn't interesting and I dropped out. Most of my friends went off to university and we drifted apart. It was a bit of a difficult time. But for some reason, I still wanted to keep playing in the band. There were a few years when I ran out of money, so I did all sorts of part-time jobs.」

Painting, was it? 「Yes. I used to paint the walls of my house. It was fun and easy (laughs). Then, when I was 19, someone offered me free use of his studio, so I recorded a demo there, saved up some money and released my first EP. That's how I got signed.」

You cite a lot of American guitar rock influences, such as Nirvana and Rage Against The Machine, but at your age, there was a Britpop boom at an impressionable time, wasn't there? 「Strangely enough, I've never been interested in Britpop. But I did like some of the older British bands, like the Police and Queen. And Cream and Led Zeppelin. The first British bands I got myself into were Wedding Present, Ned's Atomic Dustbin and Senseless Things. But I don't know why I don't like Oasis and stuff like that.」

I guess there's no sense of belonging in the UK rock scene. When you look around, are there any bands you identify with? 「No, not really. I feel quite isolated. We're definitely a British band, but we don't really feel that we have much in common musically with other bands. I don't think there are that many British bands that are into heavy rock to begin with. I can't think of any bands that sound British without sounding like Limp Bizkit.」

You released your first album 'Showbiz' and the results were great, weren't they? 「It was only exciting for two weeks though (laughs).」

Ehh, that's not true. Looking back on that first album, how do you feel about it? 「It was a surprise. I didn't think it would sell worldwide. It was the first one, and I felt that if it got a good fanbase in the UK, that would be enough. Well, it was only 'good', it wasn't like 'stupid', but my friend Travis, for example, went on to sell a million copies in one go. I'm afraid that I'm going to get worried about whether I'm going to be good enough before I start to get better at it.」

So you feel like you've got it just about right? 「Yes. We've had a lot of people listen to our music, and we've been able to expand outside the country. And yet it hasn't sold well enough to make me feel insecure. I still feel like I have the potential to grow as a musician. Because if the sales method is too extreme, people will likely change their minds due to the money. It's going to be a world where you live in a hotel for a year (laughs).」

How was it touring with the likes of Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Foo Fighters? How did you feel about America? 「It was good. We did about 14 shows, mainly in the middle of the country, where most UK bands don't go, and the crowds were great. But the music industry there seems to be difficult. It's quite closed off, only accepting a certain type of music at a time. Nowadays, the radio is all about stuff like Limp Bizkit. Of course, I'd like to do more work in the US, but it's such a big country, I don't know where to start. I'm sure it'll work, but it's going to take a lot of time.」

There's a rumour these days that you're getting total rejection from equipment rental companies in Europe. Because you'll break every piece of equipment. 「I know, right? (bitter smile)」

What do you feel like when you do that? Do you lose control of your emotions? 「Well, that's what it's like. At least it's not planned (laughs). It's not like I break it every time, but sometimes I get emotional. I guess it's beyond what I can play. I don't mean to be catastrophic. I broke it the other day, but the implication is that I wanted to take the sound to a physical dimension, or something silly like that (laughs). But still, I failed in Germany. That's when the rental shop turned me down. I thought the amp belonged to me. That's true (laughs). So I messed it up. That happened in Germany and a couple of surrounding countries, and I was banned from rental shops for life.」

Hahaha. Did you have a part of you that yearned for the classic rock band behaviour of, for example, "sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll"? 「Not really. But I think there are things that are allowed in rock 'n' roll that wouldn't be allowed in other professions.」

Now, you once said that when you write a song you are 'just shaping the spiritual voice through the medium of yourself, but what does it feel like when you hear that voice? 「Oh, I think I said that, as a possibility. Now I see it a bit differently, I feel like I'm building ideas from all the elements in the world. For me, music is a way of bringing all those elements together and giving them meaning. So bits and pieces of music are constantly coming into me. One of those ideas that I've accumulated comes out little by little when I sit down at the piano or guitar to write a song. It just keeps bubbling up, depending on how I'm feeling at the time.」

So what inspired the songs on 'Origin of Symmetry'? 「Well, I don't know (laughs). First of all, there are a couple of songs that are kind of dedicated to God. I'm trying to find answers to a lot of questions. Overall, I wrote it to bring order to the chaos of the world. Then there's the theme that it's great that humanity is moving out of the earth's sphere, but at the same time we might lose a lot of things. Some of the songs are about the break-up of long-lasting relationships, and others are about imagining and writing about the occasional thoughts and feelings of family members. It's only recently that I've come to understand my family better. I've come to see them as people rather than parents, and I feel like I have the same feelings as my parents did when I was younger.」

When did you start exploring your inner self in this way? 「Since I was quite young. We live in a so-called three-dimensional space, so it's difficult to talk about the concept of time, but anyway, ever since I can remember, I used to think deeply, not meditate, but think a lot. The frequency of my thinking was once a week, or sometimes months apart, but each time I tried to be aware of the connection with the time I was thinking about. Then I can get a fuller picture of the time. It's in these moments that the inspiration for the music comes. I think it's because I have a sense of being connected to everything in the past, and I can also see into the future.」

Yeah, yeah. I hear that you used cow bones as instruments on this album, but does this have some kind of spiritual meaning? It doesn't seem like it produces a particularly good sound…… 「It's not about that, it's more about psychological hearing. What I mean is that, for example, if you listen to a sample sound of a church organ and then listen to a real organ. It sounds exactly the same, but if you ask them, they will always be able to tell you the real one. In other words, I feel that the real one sounds better. I want to value the feeling of psychologically hearing the sound correctly. Nowadays, all bands are going for technology, but I want to make music that is 90% made of real instruments. Especially sounds like church organs and percussion should be authentic. I want the listener to feel the real sound in their heart. It takes a lot of work to get a good sound with real instruments, but I think it's worth the challenge.」

"I feel isolated in the UK scene, I don't feel I have anything in common with other bands, I don't like Oasis and stuff for some reason."

You've always said that you want to encourage listeners to face themselves through music, but do you still think music should be an important, life-altering experience, rather than just entertainment? 「I think it should be. It's not the quality of the individual listener that is important, it's the attitude of trying to understand. So even if there are only four people listening, I'd be happy if they all perceive something deeper than entertainment.」

Yes. So what does "success" mean to Muse? 「Well, I don't really have an end goal. I feel like the end goal is the same as 'completion' for me, but I feel like once I'm done, I'm closed off to new ideas. I want to be more open. I want to keep learning and absorbing new things. So the end is when I die. Then I can at least say, 'I've done everything I can do'. But 'success' gives me confidence and meaning in life.」

Translator's Note: You know, the very first thing that caught my attention with this interview was Matt claiming that his parents divorced when he was 15. And I was rightfully confused by it because I've read Muse's autobiography book before, and even long time fans know that Matt's parents separated when he was 13. So I assumed that given that this was Matt back in 2001, he was probably fudging the numbers.

On the other hand, legally speaking, separation and divorce are two different meanings. In simple terms, the difference between a separation and a divorce is that the separation leaves the marriage intact while a divorce ends it.

And since the autobiography explicitly stated that Matt's parents separated when he was 13 but never stated when they divorced, then this interview... might have actually been truthful and Matt revealed when his parents actually divorced?

How do I live with this information???? Neither MuseWiki nor the band's autobiography ever had this particular information before.

#Matt Bellamy #Dom Howard #Chris Wolstenholme #Muse #Origin of Symmetry era #my scan #translation #interview #CROSSBEAT #CROSSBEAT Special Book #CROSSBEAT November 2009 #Muse band

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